#the gist is there is so much cool shit here they could have done with pagans

[pikachu78109]

Pokémon Champion HC’s that came across my mind for some damn reason PT. 1

Blue

Despite his cool attitude, Blue’s quite the nerd. He studies pretty extensively though he’s a bit insecure about it given he tries to put up a badass persona 24/7. Over time, he eventually embraces his nerdiness and doesn’t mind flexing his noggin to others, though at times may be condescending. He’s working on that though.

Doesn’t have much contact with his parents since he’s been staying with his eldest sister, Daisy, for a long time. Blue couldn’t figure out why his parents aren’t in the picture and neither does Daisy nor Oak. There’s an unclear explanation as to why Blue’s parents up and left him to his eldest sister, which does bother Blue. Every time he sees Red with his mother, jealousy does spring up here and there and it does manifest within him negatively. However, unbeknownst to Blue, Red doesn’t have the greatest relationship with his mother though he never brings it up.

After losing to Red, Blue has done a lot of soul-searching by working alongside Oak. It genuinely gave him a lot of time to reflect on his behavior on how he treats others and his Pokémon team. There’s still a bit of arrogance but it’s not too extreme where Blue is hurting others with his cocky attitude. He understands that he’s a competitive Trainer but recognizes that despite being very skilled, remaining humble should always be key, whether he wins or loses.

Very particular with his wardrobe. The guy knows how to dress and can coordinate an outfit that’s both comfortable and stylish. Red and Green have been victims of Blue’s critiques on their fashion, but it’s mostly just for fun. He likes to stand out so he tries to keep up his appearance while out in public.

I imagine Blue being a coffee kind of guy. Blue seems to be the type of person who would lounge around a café somewhere and enjoy a fresh hot cup of coffee and a slice of cake with his Pokémon after a long busy day.

Still the Viridian Gym Leader, though he does teach young trainers on the side. It’s more voluntary but Blue doesn’t mind educating a new generation of Pokémon trainers about basic principles like battling and type matchups and Pokémon care.

Accompanies Red almost all the time. Their relationship has gotten a lot better over the years, so Blue enjoys tagging along with Red to practically anywhere in the world.

Red

Let’s get one thing straight: Red is capable of talking, however chooses to not engage in conversation. He’s not shy. He’s focused and direct and would rather get shit done than waste time conversing. I suppose he’s adopted to selective mutism as he barely has any dialogue. However, I see Red as like Ferb. He only talks when it’s important. Still, Red has a way of conveying via emotion and gesture. Blue understands this perfectly and can get the gist of what Red is laying down. For others, it’s a painful game of charades.

As mentioned prior, Red doesn’t have the closest relationship with his mother. That’s not to say that there isn’t love; there is, but it’s quite sparse. Red doesn’t have any memories of his father and his mother has always tried to be there for him. But, lack of communication has always been a present problem in the household as Red never understood what his mother wanted from him/wanted him to do. It’s always reading each other’s mind, which frustrates Red. When he left on his journey, he didn’t feel sad but relieved that he could finally experience some human connection that would acknowledge his presence at last. He does visit, but there wouldn’t be much that he and his mother would do to spend time together.

Red never felt satisfied in becoming Champion. Yes, he did feel accomplished but he never quite fitted in with the League and couldn’t really see himself getting used to the new responsibility. The moment he entered into the Hall of Fame and got inducted, Red felt a ton of pressure immediately and it only increased day by day. To alleviate this, he stepped down a few months afterward, giving up the position to Lance.

Doesn’t like to sit still. Red hates being in one place for an extended period of time, so he’s constantly on the move. He loves adventuring and discovering new things, so he yearns to travel everywhere in the world as it gives him the exciting thrill of new challenges.

Very close with Blue and enjoys having him as a travel buddy. Blue is literally the only person he likes to be around (you can read this as platonic or romantic; thou chooseth what thou will)

Lance

Growing up in Blackthorn City, in an area that’s pretty isolated, Lance hasn’t had a lot of connection outside of the mountaintop village. Blackthorn City, I would imagine, is rooted in tradition much like Ecruteak albeit tucked away in the furthest corner in Johto. The only other person, or people for that matter, that Lance is close to would be his cousin, Clair, and the Dragon Clan. Venturing outside the village can be dangerous due to the mountainous terrain, not to mention that the Ice Path can bring in bitter cold temperatures. So, for most of his childhood, Lance stayed put in Blackthorn until he was old and skilled enough to leave on his own.

Connecting with the first point, once Lance got a taste of the outside world beyond Blackthorn, he experienced some culture shock to say the least. It made him feel quite small and felt as if all eyes are on him, judging him. Of course, everyone in Johto knew about Blackthorn but to see someone, like Lance, descend the mountain to enter into their urbanized environment, it’s nothing short of a spectacle. It made Lance feel uncomfortable and his social skills weren’t stellar since, again, he grew up in an isolated area. He’s polite, but painfully shy when around those whom he cannot connect with well, so this was a lonely time for the young Dragon Tamer.

Over time, Lance has adjusted to the rustle and bustle. It was still a struggle, but he has encountered a lot of friendly faces who helped him break out of his shell. With this encouragement, Lance started to get a bit more confident and opened up a bit more as a result.

Despite being a stoic person on the outside, Lance is a total dork. I mean, if the cape is anything to go by, it’s clear that Lance perceives himself as some sort of superhero. I mean, he’s still serious but he looks so goofy in the cape that he owns the hero image and wears it proudly. Critics be damned.

Can handle Clair’s outbursts like a pro. The man has dealt with Clair’s poor sore loser attitude for years and knows how to calm her down or shut her up. Lance is a humble, patient guy and doesn’t tolerate any kind of sore loser behavior, so he usually allows Clair get whatever grievance out of her system before talking her down.

Lance is aware that his team isn’t all Dragon types, but if Lance says that Areodactyl looks like a Dragon, then that’s what he’ll continue to preach. He will not be swayed!

[hopefullywritingahit]

Hey! :D So I had this idea for an request, but I was not sure who to send it to, so I asked @heroes-villains-side-blog for help, and they recommended you✨

Here is the request, if you are interested :3

So, Hero has been kidnapped by Supervillain (who is known for being big and scary) and so since know one else seems willing to do anything about it, Villain decides to save Hero themself.

Only, plot twist!

After sneaking into Supervillain’s base and being caught. Supervillain is revealed to have taken Hero to save them from Superhero’s abuse. Revealing that Supervillain is actually a scary looking softie, who just did not want to see Hero hurt any more.

First off - I would love to say thank you so much!! Way too flattered at all of this. Oh my goodness. Secondly - I am SO Sorry that it took so long for me to crank this out! I can't believe it's been 3 months. I have been in a mean slump and (as what happens more often than I'd like to admit) I would have all the ideas when I was out and about or working and as soon as I sat down to write it was gone. BUT! With no more explanations or excuses I hope this is what you were looking for and you enjoy :)

Villain stared at the 7 o’clock news with frustration. Hero was kidnapped. By Supervillain. On LIVE TV! Three days ago. And no one’s done anything about it. Villain bolted up and stormed to the back room. If no one was going to do anything about it, they’d rescue Hero themselves. 

Supervillain was notorious for his ruthlessness, ability to get anything from anyone, and his specialization with weapons and gadgets. Villain could see the scars on him well enough that he didn’t doubt that Supervillain knew the best ways to draw out tortures. Two days was more than enough time for the Hero Association to get their shit together and bring back Hero. Three days was ridiculous. Everyone knew where Supervillian’s lair was - it was their worst kept secret because no one would be stupid enough to break in or storm the place. No one could actually take down Supervillain - but sneaking in to rescue an abandoned Hero? Now that could be done. 

–

That apparently could not be done.

Villain hung in the air, sufficiently bound from one of Supervillain’s trips. They definitely should have planned better. They knew the gist of the layout. Was certain Hero would probably be in a lower level. Did not expect the window they tried sneak in through to be booby trapped!

One limb through and in less than two seconds, they had been hurled through the air and coles wrapped around their body so tight they couldn’t move their arms or legs an inch. It was humiliating. 

Villain didn’t have long before the door burst open as guards poured in. Supervillain followed with a casual stroll. At 6’4” Supervillain was practically at eye level with Villain as he hung upside down, suspended from the ceiling. Villain couldn’t bring himself to say anything. He knew he was caught and there was no way out of it. Maybe if Supervillain took him and captured him, he could find Hero and get them out of there. 

Supervillain grabbed Villain by the ropes and swung them closer. Villain could feel their heart racing, their breath hitched feeling the cool mint breath on his face. Supervillain unleashed a horrifying smile, and with that look in their eye it could only spell trouble for Villain.

“Well, well, well.” Supervillain chuckled as he pulled Villain closer. “And what do we have here? A little mouse in a trap?” Villain refused to say anything. Everything they thought of at their apartment was left on the other side of that window. Supervillain looked disappointed. “Nothing to say, mousey?”

Villain still refused to say anything. Supervillain let go of the ropes around Villain and let them swing. “That’s fine. We can just let you swing here.” Supervillain turned to go, leaving Villain swinging in the room.

“Well you didn’t really ask me a question, did you?” Villain said, quirking their eyebrow. They had no idea how they were getting out of here in one piece. 

Supervillain chuckled - Villain hoped that meant something good. “So what are you doing here, Villain.” That definitely wasn’t good. How did Supervillain know their name? They were a mid-ranking nobody who definitely should not have been on their radar. 

Villain had at least stopped swinging but now they were starting to spin which honestly felt worse. “You’ve got something I want and I’m here to take it.”

That definitely made Supervillain and his henchmen laugh. “And how do you think you’re going to do that?”

Villain tried to feel in their pocket, but it was no use. There was no way getting out of these knots or this trap. “I’ll figure that out.”

Villain had finally turned back to face Supervillain who was looking extremely amused. Villain rolled their eyes. Movement caught their eye just past Supervillain. They couldn’t believe their eyes - there was Hero! Not locked up. Not in chains. Not being tortured or beaten. But roaming free and eating an apple and looking at Villain, strung up and spinning in this mostly empty room. 

Villains eyes went wide - “Hero!”

Hero froze mid-bite. Supervillain looked panicked and spun around. “Hero!” If Villain didn’t know any better, they could have sworn there was a hitch in Supervillain’s voice. “Didn’t you hear the alarms? You really should be in your room.”

“You’re room?!” Villain exclaimed. They started spinning faster in their panic. “Hero! Are you fucking crashing here? I have been worried fucking sick about you and you’re just meadering around here with your own room! I cannot beli-” They crashed to the ground as the rope was released and dropped them from the ceiling. 

Everything hurt. They were absolutely furious and everything hurt. They looked over to see Hero standing on the side of the room, having pulled the leaver, still chewing their apple. “Really?!” Villain glared at Hero.

Hero grinned and shrugged at them. “What are you doing here Villain?” Villain was flabbergasted. “We barely even know one another. I honestly didn’t think you’d notice.”

Villain sat up at that as best they could. “Didn’t think I’d notice? Really Hero? I’ve known you for the past two years. We may not have had a lot of heart-to-heart. We may fight 90% of the times that we see one another. But did you really think I wouldn’t notice or care that you were kidnapped?” Villain looked around trying to hold in their tears. “I have been waiting for your shitty little association to tell us that they rescued you from Supervillain and that you were back home safe and sound. And every day that there was no news and every day that it seemed like no one was going to do anything about it I’ve been worried fucking sick.”

Hero was taken aback. They would have never expected their fond nemesis would have cared enough to notice they were “missing” much less come try and rescue them. They didn’t know what to say. 

Villain continued, “I thought we’d been honest with each other. I’ve told you shit about me that I haven’t told anyone. I -” The tears could no longer be contained as they trailed down Villain’s cheeks. They took a deep breath in an attempt to stop their trembling and tried looking anywhere but Hero. At Supervillain who looked genuinely confused and at a loss. At their henchmen who at least had the decency to look uncomfortable. At the boxes on the metal shelving they barely had a chance to notice when they first moved through the window. “I guess it doesn’t matter. Supervillain - do whatever. I’m done.”

“You two know each other?” Supervillain asked Hero in a quiet tone. Hero looked down and around, trying to avoid the other’s eye. “Everyone out.”

A sense of relief filled the room as Supervillain’s henchmen fled the room and closed the door. 

“I never…” Hero started, but couldn’t bring themselves to finish. 

Supervillain looked between Hero and Villain and sighed. He started untying Villain. “Here’s what’s going to happen,” Supervillain said. Villain opened their mouth to say something, but was instantly silenced with a look from Supervillain. “We are going to sit down and see what the hell you are doing here,” he leaned in close, peppermint wafting over Villain’s face, and whispered, “I think we both know who you were here for.” Louder, so Hero could hear, he continued “Then, you’re going to tell me what you know about what’s been going on.” Supervillain turned to Hero, “And then, you two are going to tell me what your relationship is and we’ll go from there.” 

Villain looked somewhat guilty. “Yeah, I came to rescue Hero. I saw you kidnap them on the news.” Villain looked to Hero who also had the decency to look guilty. “What was that about Hero? Why’d you make everyone think that Supervillain kidnapped you? They caught it on Live TV, or was that all part of the ruse?”

Hero looked down, playing with the applecore. “No, Villain. No ruse.” they spoke so quiet Villain almost didn’t catch it. 

Supervillain put their hand on Hero’s shoulder. Villain never thought they’d see this side of Supervillain. Didn’t realize he even had this side. “You don’t have to tell them if you don’t want to.” Villain felt very lost. Sitting in Supervillain’s base with Hero looking so guilty and Supervillain…comforting Hero? 

Villain stood up. “Hero, as long as you’re okay it’s all that matters. I’ll just…get going.” They turned and headed to the door. 

Hero sighed, “Villain, please stay. I didn’t realize…but I’m okay with telling you.” Villain turned to Hero. Supervillain leaned against the wall behind Hero as some silent statue. Villain nodded in an attempt to encourage Hero to continue without pushing them.

“Supervillain did technically kidnap me. They saw my uh…training with Superhero and got me out of there.”

Villain looked at Supervillain and back to Hero. “Training? What kind of training?” They could see Supervillain tense and clench their fists behind Hero. 

Hero looked down, shaking his head and shrugged. “It was…you know…just training for fights.” Hero crossed their arms and sighed. They couldn’t bring themselves to look at Villain. To look at them while admitting what happened would absolutely make them burst into tears and they just couldn’t do that. “It got pretty bad a few days back and Supervillain saw it and got me out. As for why no one’s come from the Agency for me I can only imagine they’re hoping that Supervillain does me in cause they know they can’t beat him. And maybe they’re hoping that he broke into the agency for me for who knows what.”  Villain stood there absolutely taken aback. They suppose they shouldn’t have been too surprised. Superhero definitely wasn’t known for their leniency, but they doubted there wasn’t anyone in the city that would have thought they would take things out on their own. Villain looked at Supervillain who nodded. “Hero. Stop me if you want,” Villain said as they closed the distance between themselves and Hero and embraced them. Hero froze at first before relaxing and returning the hug. Villain whispered to them, “I am so sorry.” Those words was all it took for Hero to break down into tears. Supervillain slipped out once it was clear that Villain wasn’t a threat, closing the door behind himself as quiet as he could.

[fereldanwench]

WIP Wednesday

I was tagged by @wanderingaldecaldo to share some stuff I'm working on so AU rambling it is!

(Also I just realized that I am once again so behind on keeping up with my mentions and asks. I need more hours in the day. 😭)

So as some of y'all know, I am a long-time Tomb Raider super fan, and facets of OG Lara Croft almost always influence my OCs because she is just goals. Valerie was no exception here--Her canon street style and effortlessly cool and tough yet elegant vibes were very much inspired by the one and only Lady Croft.

When I realized that across these three mods (one, two, three) I could make a Tomb Raider Underworld-inspired outfit for Valerie, that just became my sole reason for living for like six hours.

Initially, I wasn't planning on delving into a story or anything with the shots--I just wanted to play with some Tomb Raider-esque settings to get a little break from the high-tech/low-life urban setting to refresh the muse--But then I realized this could actually be the perfect setting to explore another idea I had been sitting on for a while.

I had wanted to play with a Yakuza!Goro AU for some time now (turning to a life of organized crime if Arasaka hadn't picked him up has always seemed like something that could have been in the realm of possibility based on the little bit he shares about his childhood), and Lara does get tangled up with some Yakuza shenanigans in some storylines so 💡💡💡 Treasure Hunter/Yakuza AU: I Only Play for Sport (based on Lara's iconic one-liner in the intro of the 1996 game) was officially born!

Work has been nuts the past few weeks, and I didn't really feel like trying to figure out how to mod tats on Goro myself, so I asked the wonderful @86maylin if she was up for a private commission. Luckily, she was. 🙏🙏🙏 (Thank you again, May!)

This has also been another journey into building with AMM--I have a few very specific scenes in mind, and I wanted them to be in totally original settings created specifically for this AU instead of defaulting to my usual locations (like Hanako's estate).

To kick that off, I decided I wanted to make a little living space for Goro. I got a lot of good practice building a stage, essentially, when I did the little villainess shoot a little while ago, so I felt pretty confident that I could put together something loosely inspired by the Tokyo penthouse Lara visits in Tomb Raider Legend.

That game is almost 20 years old now, though, so the assets there were obviously very limited, and I wanted to make something a little more complete and cozy for Goro's home base, as it were. I'm still not finished with it (maybe like 75% of the way there), but I'm pretty happy with the progress:

And another huge thank you to @bnbc and @arasakas-ronin for y'all's prop packs because they have done a lot to add some of that cool-artifact-treasure-hunting goodness to the scene. (I've used a lot but I think this toy set and this decor set were most prominently used.)

And as for the story itself?

Well, no one's here for the plot, right? 😅

I am slowly working on a couple of photostories inspired by some scenes in the Tomb Raider movies and games, and I have a general gist of the premise: Valerie is a wealthy heiress with a fondness for adventure and recovering lost artifacts with presumed supernatural abilities, and Goro is the right-hand man of a Yakuza boss who has a similar interest in such artifacts. They end up having their sights set on the same artifact (currently unknown to me, lmao, although I am very aware of the issues with the genre when it comes to, yanno, glorifying white Westerners stealing shit from other cultures so I want to be mindful that I don't fall into that same pitfall) and sexy rival treasure hunter shenanigans ensue.

So this is what I've been working on! It's a total pet project, I'm so excited about it, and I figured the time between now and Phantom Liberty coming out would be the best time to just go ham with photomode and mods and create a totally self-indulgent crossover that combines my great video game loves.

And one last thing before I shut up, because I wanna share how Tomb Raider has always been a part of Valerie's background: her surname, Powell, was inspired by Manfred Powell, the antagonist in the 2001 Tomb Raider movie. Bonus fact: I used the name "Nishimura" in this photo story, which is also the name of two characters in the Tomb Raider universe (Lara's friend Toru Nishimura in Legend and her girlfriend Sam Nishimura in the 2013 reboot.)

Okay, if you read all of this, you're now legally obligated to share something you've been working on, too. 💙

[bonesandthebees]

YOOOOO that's so cool :00

My first dnd character was a cleric, but that one was premade for me, so the first one i properly played was actually a wood elf ranger lmaooo twinning

And then my 3rd character for a campaign I made was a human college of swords bard

My fav character I made tho (as a guest character) is a water genasi wild magic sorc :))) wild magic is SO MUCH FUN also i just love water vibes sooo rahhhs

I love all my characters tho

(Tho only the cleric campaign ever finished 😭😭 the other two got demolished from covid big rip, one day I'll get back into dnd... one day)

BUT YOOO THATS COOL!! I think i remember u mentioning smth abou the discord rp in an old ask. Feel free to ramble about ur character here !!! I'd love to learn more, that's so cool :000

going through older asks time anyway hi again icy

omg twinning with the elf rangers!!

oooo human college of swords bard sounds like a fun time. I think I technically started making another dnd character at one point for a different campaign that never turned out, but I think she was going to be a tiefling monk? oh well lost ideas...

ooooo a water genasi with wild magic sounds SO fun. I don't know the details of wild magic mechanics that well but from the little I do know it sounds like that would be a lot of fun

ok well. the discord rp thing I was a part of was technically a fandom thing but the people running it very quickly took the plot in their own direction and by the end it was pretty unrecognizable what media it was originally inspired by. but um that's just a disclaimer in case anyone recognizes the format. pls don't snitch. anyway I'm gonna ramble about it under the cut so it will be long I am sorry

anyway! the gist of the game was that all our characters were thrown into a discord server and told we had to participate in trials run by a godlike beings (entities) who liked tormenting people for entertainment and all that jazz. we would have to submit videos of us completing tasks given to us in order to stay alive, and later on could also participate in puzzle games in giant vc calls if we wanted to basically just get extra kudos with the entities.

the rp was mostly done through in character texting, but again we could also film videos for tasks, and could participate in ic vcs. the rp itself was improv, but there was a team of admins who played the entities running the game, while also having characters of their own that participated in the trials as well. these characters had their own larger plot going on, but along with that the admins would work with individual player characters and give each of us our own plotline that connected to the larger story. so actually very similar to how the qsmp works right now, and somewhat similar to how dsmp worked

also fun fact, we had a 3 lives system! and this was july 2020, so, like, we did it before dsmp lol.

every participant was assigned a number, and was only allowed to be referred to by that number in the in game discord server. so while most of our characters technically shared our actual ooc names, I think of my character by her number.

my girl's number was 28. technically this rp game was a sequel to a similar one we'd done way back in 2018, so 28 was a continuation of my character from that. 28 was known as a peacemaker in the group who tried to keep everyone else grounded, but wouldn't take shit from others. she was definitely one of the nicest people in the group, but would call out bullshit if she saw it. when us participants started trying to find ways to plot against the entities running the games, 28 ended up becoming more of a leader-figure in the group along with a few others and tried to keep things between the other participants stable as these death games just got more and more stressful.

these games spanned over the course of nearly 9 months in real time so it's impossible for me to talk about everything that happened, but some highlights include 28 falling in love with another participant (22) and the two of them continuing to date even when 22 started working directly for one of the entities running the tournament while 28 herself was one of the leaders of the rebellion against the entities. communication goes a long way LMAO

later on in the rp a rival entity organization basically hijacked the games and forced all the og entities running it to either hide or become participants themselves. with this rival organization one of the new entities (known as the quarterman) picked out 28 and basically forced her into working for him as a hitman. the change happened over the course of like a month with 28 hearing dimes whisper to her all the time, until her soul got ripped out of her body and put into a dime that she had to keep on her at all times. after this though she could teleport, which was pretty cool!

I loved 28 as a character bc she tried so hard to be kind and keep everyone together but it was such a stressful situation and people got so harsh and bitchy with each other (all in character of course. we'd all have a huge argument and then hop into the ooc server to meme about it). the conflict she had between wanting to help the rebellion while her own gf worked with the 'enemy' was sooo much fun to rp. and of course my lovely friend lisa who played 22 was an amazing rp partner to have. lisa if you're reading this I miss our girls :(

it was just such a fun experience overall. I once had to order some really weird stuff off amazon once to build a fake radiation detector for a task video and my mom straight up thought I was building a bomb 😭 We did in character vcs both for plot but also sometimes we'd just drink and chat ic. the admins I worked with were so lovely and I'm so glad I had that experience bc it taught me so much about how rp games like that work and what style of improv rp I like. fun times :,)

[andmyvape]

Talking to the shrinks I have has me really supporting the idea that label diagnosis has an unfortunate backfire in the way that the way we tend to view boxes and labels causes people to misunderstand that being under a certain umbrella does not at all lead to homogeneity

My new therapist doesn't like to approach care from the perspective of "treating bpd", not because he doesn't believe in it or thinks it's bad or dumb shit like that but specifically because of the people that come to him terrified that they'll be diagnosed with "bad person disorder"

Let's leave aside for a moment the sheer absurdity of people somehow being "diagnosable" as "bad people" when that's not even what these diagnoses MEAN because I'll get Distracted

Also he doesn't actually DO diagnoses he's not here to judge you he literally just wants you to be happy and safe like everyone deserves

My therapist won't focus on these young adults with bpd in that specific label, he does what he can to give the patients he sees resources and methods of coping with things like emotional regulation, impulse control, and ptsd causing them to have a hard time forming stable attachments. The thing is that these are not "bpd only symptoms" this is shit you'll find all over the human condition and for so many different reasons. These patients aren't "bad people trying to be good" they're PEOPLE trying to get through a crazy ass world with their own baggage and reactions

Or take adhd and bipolar for example. I got misdiagnosed with the latter, the former label has symptoms that much better fit my specific pathology. Bipolar medication never helped anywhere near as much as the adhd medication. But it's not like the bipolar medication didn't do anything at all, and while in part I think being on not quite the right meds so long did things to my brain, it's not like there's some bipolar or adhd virus that you can test positive for and take a medication that specifically targets bipolar or adhd cells. The medications regularly prescribed for a specific "diagnosis" are given because they have a tendency of helping people with their own tendencies. That's at least part of why there's so many medications for one "diagnosis", the treatment of symptoms and not the thing causing the symptoms itself. So if a medication calms a person down that needs calming down, even if it's not "the right medication" or "the right diagnosis". It's never that cut and dry, what I've found works best is identifying a specific issue I'm having, trying things that tend to help people that tend toward similar traits or issues, as long as they don't negatively affect whatever equilibrium I've got going on

And this goes beyond psychiatric conditions that the mainstream focuses on, or even psychological conditions at all. If someone has pain in their joints and arthritis stretches help, then it's worth identifying if arthritis is the cause to see what can be done, but maybe it isn't arthritis, that doesn't mean you can't do the stress. One person could have the approximate same back injury as another person and go through a different set of symptoms, struggles, recovery efforts, and so on. The misconception that all conditions can be treated in neatly divided and specific ways seems to lead to "Well I have this condition that's like yours and I did this and I'm fine so it's your fault". I understand the logic if you think that your blown ACL is the exact same as my blown ACL, but just because heat worked miracles on yours doesn't mean mine isn't also blown for being exacerbated by heat and eased by cooling packs instead

There's so many examples to be listed but the gist of what I'm seeing in advancing medical care, both physical and psychiatric, is that if you can't make the cause of the symptoms stop being an issue, there is no one right way to have or handle various conditions that plague humankind. All that matters is that you alleviate the pain in the way that does the least damage to you and to the people around you. And I think that's a beautiful component of human nature, that we can do that for each other! I like that I'm seeing things go from "how can we make you fit under the umbrella?" to "how can we make you as an individual have a more fulfilling existence?" There's no one right way to do anything or be anything or not be anything, and I like that I'm seeing people trending more toward that effort in making life worth living instead of living a life deemed worth living

Find a way to cope for now, help those around you do the same, life can be so much less horrible, you can HAVE that, a remedy can come from surprising sources and that's the sheer beauty of life

[zeninsama-moved]

NAOYA ANON IS HERE WHAT HAPPENED WHAT ARE YOU THINKING

I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT MY ANSWER TO THIS ALL DAY (AND EVER SINCE U FIRST RECOMMENDED THE FIC TO ME TBH) AND I JUST... first of all, i haven't finished it yet, i stopped at chapter 11 because i had to sleep so these are my thoughts so far. i may have missed a thing or two but this is the gist.

be warned there will be jjk manga spoilers/fic spoilers also this post is so fucking long i'm sorry

so i made note of the scenes/lines that had me screaming my head off and i will share them/discuss them under the cut <3

starting lighthearted with gojo things i found absolutely hilarious

"damn. by virtue of that, that means that technically-ish, gojo would be the semi leader of the zen'in clan. holy shit. shit's wild, son."

"maybe later he could trot over to lawson's and get himself a nice juice box, then a chocolate coolish ice cream pouch. yeah, that's the shit right there."

"behind you, he could hear your mother speaking with one of the servants in the hallway and he hopes to god she doesn't join in on the conversation. why the hell does she have to be here? fuckin' kris jenner with her bullshit, couldn't she leave her daughter to make her own decisions for herself? what's next, a sex tape to keep you in the zen'in family? shit. caught in 4k, filmed by gojo (and starring gojo)."

"should he pick you up and shot-put you into the distance so that you're like one twinkling star as you orbit? he doesn't know. if you were a dude, he'd definitely do that to you. fine. equal opportunity, it's the twenty-first century, he'll shot-put you."

"he looks nice like this, you think, in a thin white linen button-down short sleeve with cream shorts and... you do your best not to grimace. fucking assistant to the regional manager over here with the birkenstock kicks. at least he's not wearing white socks with them. you'll make sure you don't look anywhere past his kneecaps."

"'you wanna kiss me that bad?' he slaps his palm down onto the table as he chews and swallows. 'i knew it, you can touch me anytime, anywhere you want, babe–'"

GOJO IS A FUCKING MENACE IN THIS FIC! I LOVE THAT HE'S SO EMBARRASSING, IT FEELS LIKE REAL GOJO <3 his dynamic with the reader is so funny too, how she (for the most part) wants absolutely nothing to do with him. how things can be normal and sweet between them and then he says something so painfully cringe that it snaps us back to reality. what a fucking man.

"sometimes, he would dream that your thumb was a sausage and give it a bite. usually you would wake up and give him a bite back on his black, pointy ear."

NOW THIS LINE IS NOT GOJO OR NAOYA RELATED BUT IT'S ONE I ENJOYED NONETHELESS... i love kimi so much <3 the concept of him alone is so cool, being part-shikigami, part-demon or whatever, and how he can morph into different weapons for us to wield <3 also the scene where his paw emerged from the shadows to pester gojo for some salmon LMAO

okay.............. onto the main event i think...... onto naoya......

a lil tw for misogyny/death even though i know naoya anon will be the only one reading this

"a boy, he wanted a boy. he must have a boy. at least two or three. then you could have a girl, he'd gift you with one, he had told you before as you stared up at him with that dumb, fucked out expression. he'd gift you a baby girl after you had done your duty to him as his wife. a baby girl, as a treat. a reward if you're a good little wife."

WHY DID THIS HAVE ME FUCKING SCREAMING!!!

"for now, you would make do with expensive designer items as gifts until you managed to bear him a son. no little girl yet. but you'd work on that, he'd work on that – he'd make sure to work his fat dick into you as often as he possibly could to achieve that goal. he'd tell you he's such a good husband, making sure you get your own little treat."

DECEASED. I AM DECEASED.

"yeah, don't bother. this is too much for yer pretty little head. just go be pretty and dumb elsewhere, lil' baby. go on now, shoo."

"my pretty little girl. right? that's right. yer my baby girl, all mine? tell me, baby girl, who do you belong to?"

"stayed up all night waitin' for me, eh? what a good wife y'are. c'mere'n let me see yer cute face."

JUST... THE WAY NAOYA SPEAKS... THE THINGS HE SAYS TO US. it reminds me very much of touya because it's affectionate for a guy like him but still teasing and playful. these lines had me blushing so hard and kicking my feet and giggling. the use of petnames like "lil' baby" and "baby girl" and him telling you to "c'mere'n let me see yer cute face" ohhhhh my god.......

not to mention, i love his accent very much. country boyyy i love youuuuu.

"'c'mon now,' he mutters, turning his head to the side so he can press a kiss to your temple. 'why didn'tcha say somethin' earlier if it bothered you that much, you dumb baby.'"

this scene really changed everything for me... i will expand on this more later but the connection they have... their loyalty to each other... or moreso their desire to just have each other.

"a man, the man who had humiliated maki's mother many times, spoke hideous things about her children within earshot, is straining to call one of his other cousins because fuck fuck fuck why aren't you answering. his eyes soften and he's not exactly sure if it's because of the sweat in his eyes or the picture that you had just sent two minutes ago, a picture of you and the new lipstick you're trying on. you look so pretty. fuck. he's gonna cry."

I SAVED THIS ONE BEFORE THE SECOND POV CHAPTER THAT WENT MORE IN-DEPTH ON NAOYA'S FEELINGS AND THAT ONE – I WAS ALREADY DYING BUT THAT FINISHED ME OFF! this fic is so well-written that i felt grief for this fucking man. grief for naoya fucking zen'in of all people. it left a hole in my chest and i haven't felt this grief since [REDACTED REDACTED] in csm.

especially later, when reader was remembering her honeymoon in amalfi coast, when they were driving in the convertible and lost her scarf. for some reason that flashback made me so sad.

"'that girl will be your downfall,' is what his father tells him later on that day. naoya wants to believe that. maybe you'll be the one to drag him to hell. that would be nice. he'd be back home. he'll always come home. if that's where you're at, he'll always come home."

WAILING

OKAY... we are almost to the end of it <3

"'wait. oh my god, wait. wait. no way. you... you loved him? you actually loved naoya? naoya? zen'in naoya?'

your eyes sting hot, and you're not sure if it's because he's speaking ill of your very dead husband or because you're taking it personally for having loved the horrible man.

there's something about how you feel when it comes to naoya. defensive, even. you're certain that although love and family had been a difficult, complicated subject for the man, he fucked you like he loved you. like you had been a very fragile thing that he needed to care for – and he did. he always did; had always cared for you in ways that no one else would. or at least, he cared for you in ways that no one else would or could within a fifty-mile radius.

'babe, really?'

for all of his acid and harsh angles and sharp tongue, naoya was someone who took care of you and protected you. he made you feel wanted and safe and cherished and by the gods even if he didn't actually say it, he made you feel loved. that's what mattered to you. now, at least. maybe too much, even."

THIS WAS A FUCKING INSANE MOMENT TO ME reader wondering a few chapters ago whether or not she loved naoya and admitting now that she did, so very much so.

this really resonated with me in particular, not to get all wah-wah pity party but i've dealt with a lot of relationship trauma and all i've got to show for it is a crippling fear of abandonment. this type of love is therapeutic to me. when your person loves you and only you, there's nobody to compete with because they don't give half a shit about anyone else. you're the only one that sees that soft part of them, dare i say the real them.

THERE ARE A LOT OF THINGS I FORGOT TO WRITE DOWN BUT THIS FIC HAS CHANGED MY LIFE IN WAYS THAT I CANNOT COMPREHEND AND I AM NOT EVEN HALFWAY DONE.

another thing that made me very happy was seeing a lot of similarities in how the author characterizes naoya & how i've been characterizing him for the menthol prequel. fucking daddy issues central. naoya being a contradiction of himself because he's everything a zen'in should be, and yet he has these haunting moments of clarity where he realizes that's the last thing he wants to be... and yet nothing changes. he will be this way until he dies, and he was this way until he died. not that this man deserves tenderness because he's evil, but like... the care in which the author handles his character. it's everything to me.

trying my hardest but like oh my god it's going to be hard to let myself fall for gojo because the man the author wrote naoya to be. the husband he was. the deep, profound love he had that's even more special because it's all the love he has and it's all for you.

I'M EXCITED TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS WITH HIM COMING BACK AS A CURSE... I WILL KEEP READING TONIGHT BUT I FEAR I WILL SOB MY EYES OUT WHEN I FINISH IT <3

[lemonade-sky]

my thoguhts on. alkaloid trip album

BLACK OUT SEE SAW: 11/10 it's beautiful it's glorious. when i listened to the preview for the very first time i thought it sounded kind of off but the more i listened to the preview on loop the more i absolutely loved it and the full version does NOT disappoint. it';s very different from everything else alkaloid has done but they KILLED it. absolutely slayed. i loveee the higher register and the instrumental fucks and it's just sooo fucking catchy another alkaloid day another alkaloid slay excited for the mv soon... i hope they do something cool with it i cant imagine this just having like. a normal mv

UNDYING HOLY LOVE: i actually already heard the full version of this like a week ago b/c it dropped on youtube early and then was takne down but i had the foresight to download it so. hehe :3 it's really good obviously i like the full version esp the glitch effect on hiiro at that one part... i already think i posted my thoguhts on it when the event dropped but i can reiterate. somehow, they managed to make "disco halloween" work PERFECTLY. i will say for a climax song it's disappointing since they definitely shafted the climax aspects of it to make it the holiday song and alkaloid deserved a climax as amazing as crazy anthem but like. i absolutely loveeee undying holy love as a holiday song

SOLID SOUL: hooollyyyy shit hoyl fucking hell holy fucking shit. as the world's number one hiiro-p i had high hopes and holy FUCKKKK this blew everything out of the WATER the SAX have you guys heard the SAXXXX. i never saw the sax coming until the preview and even then i did not expect it to be such a huge element. i love the sax. my beautiful son i am so fucking proud of him. the lyrics too i only read a google translated version of them so far but all 4 of the alka solos have lyrics perfectly suiting the character and their character arcs and goddd i love alkaloid so much man. once actual translations drop i'm going to analyze the fuck out of them. anyway i love gakuto kajiwara's vocals so much. my prediction for hiiro's solo was essentially "just another alkaloid song (positive)" but hiiro's solo definitely has its own distinct identity and i am a HUGE fan of it. in conclusion, OH YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I LOVE "LOVE": yep, this is an aira solo alright (POSTIVE). there is nothing else this could have been titled. there is nothing else this could have sounded like. it is exactly what i expected and this is a good thing. it's absolutely adorable and so so sweet and it's just, perfectly aira. it's cute but not OVERLY cutesy, you know? it still comes off as super sincere. my man just loves idols so much and i am so so so so proud of him for coming this far... sniffles...... he really thought he could never be as good of an idol as everyone else..... yet here he is now with a solo that blows every over unit out of the water.... my lovely rabu-han....

RAISE THE VELVET: holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck my beautiful wonderful wife mayoi ayase holy shit...... real int he flesh.... an entire song with JUST mayoi vocals..... seriously Chiharu Shigematsu is SO talented like he can do this voice SO WELL for someone who's normal voice does not sound anything like this. anyway mayoi absolutely kills it as always. the song goes SO hard before the previews i wasn't sure what to expect from mayoi's solo at all but goddd it's so good. it's so good. and the lyricssss... mayoi is so scared but she will do it scared. (yes i she/her mayoi this is because i am a genius) step into the light... a stage just for her... overall COULD use more than 0 phantom of the opera references but the theater references with you know. velvet curtains and "my stage" and all are plenty thank god. i am sooo fucking proud of mayoi ayase my beautiful wife. raise that velvet girl.

STARLIGHT OF FAITH: in the wise words of both himerus, "kazehaya tatsumi kazehaya tatsumi kazehaya tatsumi kazehaya tatsumi kazehaya tatsumi kaze-" you get the gist. this song is absolutely perfect for him it's amazing. his vocals are gorgeous but that's to be expected same as the others. the lyricsss again i only have a google translated version right now im sure it's missing a lot but it's about love. IT'S ABOUT LOVEEE. and being a falling star..... and being "hurt by weakness" hmm reimei reference much? anyway this song is so so catchy and gorgeous and it's very tatsumi and hngng..,,,.,, alkaloid.,,

CLOSING THOUGHTS: alkaloid best unit nobody does it like them. cannot WAIT to have real translated versions of the lyrics because i will explode forever into viscera. these are the only songs i will be listening to for at least a week. second solos when

alka solos 11/10 perfect no notes life changing amazing nobody does it like alkaloid i heard they're not making any more music after this because music has peaked

[kawaiijohn]

prompt: Jazz vibing with Quizz and chatting about their younger siblings

OKAY NGL I WENT 👀 AT THIS ONE. They'd be friends so here we go.

CW: mentions of death, death of a child, mention of misgendering? kinda??

"Does it ever get easier?"

Quizz hums in response, his mug floating down and landing with a small clink. "Y'gotta specify- does what get easier?"

Jazz looks away, nervously chewing on her nails- a habit that not even bitter polish could break. Quizz waits patiently for her to speak; the few false starts makes a shiver of anxiety race through his Core, especially paired with her grim expression.

"Does it get easier? Knowing you could have been there for him- er, them in your case- like, knowing they'd died- and yeah! They got better! But the mere concept that they went through that sort of trauma and kept going? Without any sort of help from anyone?!? Without parents or adults?!? Without..."

'Without you' remained unspoken, but they both get the gist.

"It doesn't sit with me right, and I feel selfish for wanting to have known earlier. I deal with it every day, and then there's the lying to our parents thing, and-"

Quizz puts his hand up, stopping Jazz in her spiraling tracks. "First things first, you gotta breathe, kid. Okay? Ya good? Cool! Now, second thing second- you're doin' great with the boy, you're a tried and true ally for him and it's what he needs. You're doin' whatchya can to keep him kickin', and that's all ya can do as a big sister, trust me."

Jazz finally sets her mug to rest with the other. She takes a few minutes to think it through before speaking again. "Was it the same for you and Stuffie then? The anxiety, the secrets?"

"Hell no! Stuffie passed in a house fire when they were younger than Danny! It's similar but not the same, y'know?"

"Oh uh... I'm sorry for- I never asked how I guess?" Jazz backtracks.

Quizz scoffs and offers her a smile. "No, you did the right thing in not askin'. Ghosts don't like talkin' about it- their death or death in general, but you're practically a younger sister to me through your dork of a brother, so it's all good.

"I think I was like, your age-ish when it happened, and I don't remember the full of it, but ever since I found the blog I kept while I was still alive I can pretty much taste the guilt from how angsty my teenaged ass got. And sister, what you have is kinda similar to mine- but mine? It ate me away for years. Even now it kinda eats at me, but I promised to never let someone I care about down like that again.

"S'why I do what I can for Stuffie now that we're both miraculously too stubborn to pass on. Like, what I went through? It was a different beast of burden and guilt 'n shit compared to yours. And again- I've done the whole 'guilty big sister' thing enough for one lifetime, s'why my afterlife is 'protective big bro' hours all day, every day."

"So... it might get easier?" Jazz finally speaks up, eyes sad and full of hope.

"Well, yeah! You gotta repeat the mantra that the past is the past n' you can't really change it... unless you got powers or some shit? But like- you didn't do anything malicious. You're a kid, and it ain't your responsibility to parent your little bro, even if your parents make you feel it sometimes. You're doing what you, at your current age and ability, can handle emotionally n' financially. Just be there for Danny so you won't miss anything else."

Quizz crosses his arms and huffs in accomplishment. He was never the best at giving pep talks, but with Jazz's happy tears he feels a bit accomplished.

He's about to grab his coffee when wiry arms wrap around his waist and squeeze.

"Thank you- it just gets hard when there's no real adults that can help us."

"Not a problem kiddo, just don't try to be Atlas with your bother's issues, you got a wicked tight-knight support group, after all."

Quizz hugs the girl tight, wishing he could have spared more of her pain, but growing up is never easy. Neither is having an undead younger sibling who loves to cause chaos.

Jazz pulls away, wiping a stray tear from her eye with a smile. Quizz watches as her expression changes to her standard 'baby psychologist' one and smiles back nervously. "So... big sister, huh?"

"Listen, as someone who transed their gender after death, I can only be described as the omni sibling- both brother n' sister at the same time. Quizz, the blue hair n' pronouns ghost, as your bro calls me when he wants to piss me off!" they laugh heartily.

"It don't bother me to talk about my pre transition shit, hell my body was buried in a dress since I wasn't out yet- which is HILARIOUS to me, since this is what I look like now. Got them with my transgender genjutsu so hard I didn't even remember what I looked like before. So go on, Jazz- let those gears in your head run wild, I can talk gender bullshit until Danny gets here."

[irradiatedsnakes]

[ID: 7 drawings of monster!mechanisms designs. they are as follows: 1. a colored drawing of ivy alexandria that has been partially passed through the deep dream generator neural network, giving parts of the image a swirling, surreal appearance, often resembling eyes. 2. a digtal sketch of nastya as a ghost. her eyes are obscured by her glasses shine and she is covered in blue wisps, and dripping blue from her mouth and hands.  3. a digital sketch of drumbot brian as a centaur sitting down. his horse half is also mechanical and resembles a clydesdale. he also has horse-ish ears. 4. a sketchy bust of vampire marius. he looks smug, and looks to the side with a fanged smile. 5. digital sketch of partially-transformed werewolf gunpowder tim with doglike ears, claws, and a tail. he says "ok why did getting turned into that somehow give you a pitchfork." with a quizzical expression. 6. digital sketch of jonny d'ville as a devil or demon, with horns, pointy ears, cartoony wings, and a thin tail with a heart-shaped tip. he's holding a hellish pitchfork, looking confused and says "what? i already owned this.” 7. a traditional sketch of harpy/siren raphaella. she holds here feathery winged arms out, while her mechanical bat wings are unfurled behind her. her lower half is that of a bird. end ID]

ok ill post a couuuple. self indulgence machine go brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

ok so u know like back in the gravity falls fandom there was that really popular au called monster falls where everybody got turned into some sort of monster/mythological creature? i fucking love that scenario and have been making my own little “everybody gets cursed by a witch or something so now i get to draw these fun designs” aus for like everything i like (never did it w tma oddly enough? good inspo just never struck.) so here.......is..........this. not everybodys pictured here but go under the cut for a list of what everybody is plus some extra notes and stuff

lets just goooooo alphabetical order

ashes - OKAY HONESTLY STILL NOT 100% ON ASHES im THINKING half-dragon. yes i know i already went dragon for them in the furry au its just a good fit and also looks Cool, but also waiting out to see if i can think of anything better

brian - CENTAURRRR also again. yes. i know i went 4 horse for him in the furry au. its just good and has fun brian vibes. wanting to draw centaur brian was the thing that led to this au happening

ivy - ELDRITCH SOMETHIN OR OTHER...idk what youd call that exactly. but you get the gist. cosmic horror, eyes, unfathomable patterns and things. doing the deep dream stuff for her in that picture was very fun and im very happy w how it came out...definitely something to revisit in the future. not sure how i wanna draw her when...not doing a whole colored digital thing, but well cross that bridge when i can draw again

jonny - he’s. he’s a devil? a little demon guy? like. yeah. of course. this guy was fucking meant to have little wings horns and a cute little demon heart tail. he has somehow become MORE bastardly

marius - VAMPIRE MARIUS ONCE AGAIN HES JUST FUN. hes just fun and the aesthetic suits him. i cant wait to draw him in a fun little cape with one of those big dramatic collars you know the ones. vampire marius is of course @ alientoastt’s idea!!

nastya - BANSHEE...or ghost in general but there some banshee stuff i feel could be fun to integrate. apparently in some tellings banshees can turn into crows? i love that very much. but anyways hmm..some notes abt the design in thsi post shes not quite where i want her to be. this was done on that collab canvas the other day and like...was mostly noodling things out having fun, those flamey looking bits are a very nice motion very fun to do but NOT wwhat i want for ghostya. i want her to be more. drippy. very drowned person vibes. fire and upward-floating motif not what i want. but it was fun to draw. also i think theres some potential comedy in there with “person who predicts deaths” among crew who habitually murder each other

raphaella - SOMEWHERE BTWN HARPY & SIREN (the bird kind not the mermaid kind) very excited abt her. lots of fun potential poses here. doing her design was a bit tricky- sirens tend to be just like- big birds with human heads? but i didt wanna do just that that takes away too much of her design recognizbility yknow to Just have her head. so she has a people torso, bird from the waist down, plus her arms are wings. which means she has Two pairs of wings. which i for one think is incredibly fun like you remember in httyd2 valka’s dragon w the four wings? yeah. also avent figured what bird in particular shell be based on- for the ufrry au i went w african grey parrot but dont feel like that here. ill think on it

tim - WEREWOLF TIM DUH. DUH. also i think werewolves are especially funny in scenarios like thse cus like- okay everybody suddenly ahhh cursed ahh monster whatever. but then tims just there like. i mean i feel fine lol and u get to have the fun surprise of Oh Suddenly Werewolf. also the question of how exactly werewolves who change based on the moon function in a. spaceship. i like to think its entirely fucking random i think thats funny

TS - ANIMATED SUIT OF ARMOR!! I DONT HAVE MUCH MORE TO SAY ON THSI BUT I LOVE . THIS IDEA. and i will never draw it. because fuck drawing and designing armor oh my god

anyways i think thats??? all i have to say on this??? agdvjdkb. if you wanna talk about this at all (or if u wanna see more doodles...) im totally open to that. ill be real i get weirdly embarrassed about specifically this kind of au (like. monster stuff in general especially werewolf/vampire stuff i could not fucking tell you why. gotten better abt it over time though hey im actually postin this shit!) so im just happy i posted it afhcgvjdkvdg .

as for story type things like how. this happens. frankly i dont know thats not my forte. but the little bit of whatever ive got going on my head has the Terrific Trio of ivy marius & raphaella doing Research Science Whatever down on a planet somewhere get into contact with a Cursed Artifact or whatever the fuck and eventually get back to the aurora like. oh. uh. it happened to you guys too, huh. but thats like whatever honestly im not in it for the writing im here to draw fun centaur man etc.

if you made it to the bottom of this winding fucking ramble know that i love you. mwah. that was fun to write out i like thought barfing about stuff like maybe 3 people will care about

[hoaqins-funk-house]

Springtrap

Yandere

Male Reader

Part 1

Sitting in the black swivel chair, you spin once or twice before coming to a stop, grimacing at the feeling of sticky floors beneath your shoes. This place is brand new, how the hell are the floors sticky? 

Actually, on that note, how is everything so covered in dust?

Sighing, your mindless fidgeting comes to a stop as the phone, just as dinky as the walls around you, begins to ring. You pick it up but put it back on the table, eyes drifting to the laptop and swing-out tablet. When you flip the former open, you note the four buttons, each relating to something you would have to reset when it comes time to. The latter has cameras that are scattered around, including a separate tab for vents. There’s an option to block off vents, which sends a chill up your spine as you glance to the big ass one at your side.

You decide to block that one off for now.

Humming, you familiarize yourself with the layout of the place, deciding to ignore the shadows that crept through your vision.

Your unenthused eyes scan and take in everything. The replicas (you had seen the originals, and they were permanently stained with both the smell and color of pizza sauce and lawsuits) that were in and around the office, as well as the little bobbleheads that sat on your desk of the animatronics, which were, for some reason, human? You boop the one who you assume to be Freddy, hearing the familiar squeak. 

A small smile comes to your lips.

It was at this time that you realized you had completely ignored the man on the phone, but you couldn't really bring yourself to care. 

The little drawings that were put up were authentic; not just anyone could recreate what a child's mind spits out and decides to draw. 

That Freddy looks a bit fucked up.

The posters were cutely designed, and after getting the gist of what everything was and how everything works, you were on your phone the rest of the night.

When six strikes, you casually leave, giving the building a quick once over as you leave the doors, locking them behind you.

If every night is going to be like that, this is going to get boring.

-

He’s stuck.

This suit traps him like a rabid dog, eager to stay gripped onto his neck.

Still, things would be changing soon.

He can feel it.

He can feel it as a fresh breeze, the first in many years, hits his nostrils, sending a wave of euphoria through his system. The bloodied musk that hung in the dank room was not a pleasant one.

He can feel it as his body accepts this new host, more and more, until soon, quite soon, he will become one with his vessel. 

Just as the animatronics before him did.

He ponders. 

Why was he being freed from this prison of his own design?

Is he being taken somewhere?

…

Will there be a night guard to terrorize?

A grin takes to his broken lips as he ignores the pain and blood that comes from them. Oh, a night guard! Truly, that will be a sight!

He can't wait. 

For now, however, he must play dead.

My, that voice that shouts with excitement from behind him…

It sounds so familiar.

"Bring the truck around!" He calls. "I found one, a real one! It's got the rips, the weird colors, and what I am going to assume is pizza sauce! Ohohoh man, I hit the jackpot with this one! Fazbear's Fright needed something, and here it is!" 

His congratulatory tone made the man within the suit want to throw up. Finding him was nothing to be happy about; he is despicable, incapable of redemption, and an awful being. 

And you know what? 

That's just the way he likes it.

So to have someone happy to find him, especially for their own purposes?

He won't let it stand. 

Yeah, if this place has a nightguard, he'll kill them without mercy before burning the entire thing to the ground.

Might as well make it fun for himself.

As light peeks through, clearly originating from a flashlight, he feels his pupils shrink, resisting the urge to let out a groan as his weak eyes ache from their decades of being in the dark.

"Whoahoh! This one looks gnarly!" The same man as before speaks, probably referencing the organs and tendons that were showing. "C'mon, let's get it up!"

His grin only grows as two people lift him onto a dolly, beginning the move.

Goodbye, saferoom.

And hello, Fazbear's Fright.

-

Humming, you walk into the building, skimming over the decorations once more before noticing something.

The papers that had fallen onto the ground from before, they had dirt on them. Not surprising on its own, but when they were in the shape of tire tracks? 

You decide to follow them, using your memory of the cameras to guide you through the building, which was already rather linear anyway.

Entering the last area, you could see a rather dilapidated animatronic suit, with organs visible and its fur matted with blood. Real blood. The old Springbonnie suit was nearly green from how old and dirty it was.

Your eyebrows raise. "Is that guy just stupid or did he knowingly bring in a suit that has a dead body in it?"

Honestly, you didn't care. "Eh, whatever. It'll probably start moving when I start my shift… I've heard those rumors about the other locations." You turn, stretching, unaware of the eyes that followed you or the head that turned your way.

Damn, does he want to kill this one?

Well, he can think it over more soon. After the merge.

He grins again, feeling his uneven, gouged skin begin to flare with pain.

You exit the room fully, making your way back to the office with all the urgency of an ADHD-riddled person doing laundry.

Which is to say… not much.

You fall into the chair, cursing as the thin mesh cushion does nothing to protect your tailbone from the metal frame of the chair. The phone rings not a moment later, you picking it up and laying it on the table again, eager to ignore it just as you had done before. You stretch again, arms raising above your head as you begin to flip through cameras, finding the rabbit in the same spot it was in before. 

You yawn.

Hopefully it starts moving soon, or else the entire reason you took this job would be unfulfilled. 

You were bored, and you remembered this place from the times you had gone with your younger brother, who was now in his early twenties. You, however, were 28 years of age, with nothing better to do than 'investigate' the Fazbear's Fright that opened up. Still, if that rabbit has a corpse in it, it should make things more fun.

As you lazily flip through your cameras, you set it down and look to the side, seeing a rather dirty looking man with an eyepatch and fox ears. To his confusion, before he could lunge at you, you reach out and swipe a hand through his chest. You continue to swipe forwards and backwards, the incorporeal man stuck standing there until you leaned back.

"So, you're a ghost."

His mouth opens as if to retort, but he just gives up and leaps at you, you not even looking at him anymore. He closes his mouth halfway through the jump, and with an unsatisfied sigh, he disappears.

You continue flipping through the cameras, checking in on the rabbit a couple of times before shoving the tablet out of the way, opening the laptop to have it ready and sitting back in your chair.

You glance towards a shifting figure in front of the window, the hat and bear ears telling of who it is. He limps along, eventually falling beneath your view before seemingly phasing through the wall and leaping at you. You stare passively as he does so, him not completing the jump to instead stand in front of you, confused. 

For shits and giggles, you wave your hand through his chest once or twice.

"Why… aren't you… scared?" He croaks, voice ruined from years of no use.

"Oh, was I supposed to be scared?" You genuinely ask. "Uh, sorry. If you do it again I promise I'll hyperventilate."

"Don't try to… lessen your survival chances…"

"Okay. My bad." 

He sighs, and after annoyedly rubbing his face, he disappears.

You flip out your cameras once more, finding the screen obscured by static and a small error in the center. Lazily, you reset cams.

When your screen clears, you check the rabbit. He looks… strange. Like his body is evolving in front of your eyes. 

To be honest, you don't give enough of a shit to watch a potentially world-changing discovery if it looks that gross. You aren't paid enough to, anyway.

At this pay grade, you even coming into the damn building is volunteer work.

You check your phone for the time, seeing a cool time of one in the morning. 

"Aside from that science experiment gone wrong happening in the back room, it's still really damn boring."

However, it's still not boring enough to watch that transformation or whatever. That corpse (well, at this point, you kinda doubt it's dead) can do whatever the hell he wants with that suit. It's his body, not your business.

After another fifteen minutes of staring at a wall, you check the cameras to the sound of loud clicks and pops, now seeing a heavily scarred man with 1.5 rabbit ears in place of the suit. He takes one step out from his original spot, body heaving forward before he lifts himself up, looking up at the camera with a grin.

"Huh. That's new." You say, watching him jolt forward, continuing to take steps before relearning how to walk smoothly.

It only takes him a moment to rocket off.

"I doubt that's good." You mumble, beginning to flip through the cameras to follow him before playing a sound in the room behind him, making him pause. He turns, walking back with a confused expression.

Continuing to flip through cameras, you watch as the man, who you'll dub Rabbit Guy, wanders, seemingly having lost his focus. Hearing a sound to your left, you pay no heed to whoever it is, instead waggling your hand in what you would assume to be their torso.

"You're strange…" They say.

"Uh-huh. If you'd excuse me, I am currently working on keeping Rabbit Guy the hell away from me." Your voice is monotonous but sincere; you aren't trying to be sarcastic or mean, just trying to tell them the facts.

Glancing to the side, you see that it was a child, so you were waving your hand in his collar. "Oh, my bad. Does that… make you guys uncomfortable?" You ask, retracting your hand.

"No, we can't feel it." 

"Huh." You blandly respond, playing the sounds to lead Rabbit Guy back to where he started, before resetting sounds as you weren't able to play them anymore.

It seems like Rabbit Guy is getting progressively more and more annoyed at being led back, if his attempts to move fast enough to avoid the sounds or block out his ears meant anything. 

His body was responding to the sounds, not him.

It was then that he disappeared, so you check vents, finding him in one that led directly to the room beside your office.

You block it off, much to his annoyance, before yawning and sitting back as any thumps you hear from inside the vents come to a stop. 

You find him standing in the room where he had entered the vent, irritated as he glares at the camera. Preemptively, you reset all, thankfully right as cams and sound go out. 

Sighing, you lazily check through cameras, brows slightly furrowing as you look for him. He was completely gone, not in vents or in rooms. It really is unfortunate how many blind spots and shadowed areas there are.

When you hear the thumping of the vents, you search through them, only finding a stupid knick-knack laying on its side halfway in your sight.

Looking to your side, you peek into the vent, leaning down to see if anything was there. Your gaze meets Rabbit Guy's. 

"Shit." You say, quickly switching cams over to this one and holding down the seal button. 

Your eyes shift back to him, finding him way too close for comfort. As you lift your finger to let the gate close on the vent, the man (who was crouch walking) catches it, forcing it back up. You hear something grind that definitely shouldn't be grinding, and you have a feeling that that vent cover just might be broken.

Getting out of the vent, he stands over you, waiting for some sort of plea or… literally any response at all.

"So, you, uh… come here often?" You ask, leaving him genuinely at a loss. 

"Wh- was that a pickup line?" His rough, baritone voice catches you slightly off-guard. 

You weren't expecting something that was pretty much a zombie to have such a good voice, or a slight british accent for that matter. "Was it? Shit, more people've flirted with me than I thought."

"Really? That's all you can come up with before your death? I'd hate for those to be your final words." He lightly teases, leaning against the wall with a mean grin. 

You look up at the ceiling with a vague smile, his eyes widening momentarily. "To be honest, of any place to die, I'd much rather have it be in a place where I know I'll reach the front pages than in some random alley."

His grin falls into a frown as he watches you turn to him, the smile still on your face. It feels strange.

He feels strange. 

Why does a random night guard make him feel so…

So… comfortable?

You were calm, collected, not making any sudden moves or even attempting to exit the chair. Theoretically, the perfect prey, but not a satisfying kill. 

If he even wants to kill you, that is.

“What’s your name?” He asks, watching as you spin to face him in your chair. You would be taller if you stood, but he would still have a few inches on you.

“Y/N. You?” 

“I’m��� William. Or, rather, I was, when I was well and truly human.”

“And now?” You ask.

“I don’t exactly have a name.”

“Can I still call you William, then? Well, if I live long enough to do so?” You ask, eyes moving up to meet his. Looking up at him like that… He wishes the hot feeling in the pit of his stomach would go away.

“...Fine.”

“I mean… are you going to kill me?” You ask, face not shifting as he glares down at you. 

“I won’t kill you on the first night, you need to give me more entertainment.” At least, that’s what he told himself.

“Oh, so we’re both here for the same reason.” You blankly say, his face contorting from a glare to confusion once more.

“You’re here… for entertainment?” He slowly asks, answered by your nod.

“I’m certainly not here for the pay. This place gives like half of minimum wage but I can’t complain about it because the other part is supposed to come from tips. Somehow.”

“How do you even live?” 

“Well, right now I’m on an paid leave due to some unfortunate deaths in my family. To be honest, I never really cared for any of them, but hey. I’ll take any chance for a break I can. Then I got bored.”

He huffs out a laugh. “So you went to another job on your break?”

“Listen, getting a month off leaves a man with little to do when capitalism has left me with no hobbies. Besides, this gives me a great excuse to continue avoiding people.”

His lips curl into an amused grin as he leans forward, lowering his head to be eye level with yours. "Well, you won't be avoiding me." He practically purrs, you averting your eyes at the tone he uses. 

Why would he say it like that?! 

His golden eyes follow you as you close the laptop's screen, enjoying your reaction. You…

He'll keep you around. 

You're entertaining and friendly. Open, and… warm.

He wonders. 

You're human, and fully alive. He's a revived corpse who merged with his vessel. You probably are very warm compared to him.

When he comes back to his senses, he notices you slowly raising out of your seat, hand outstretched towards him. 

Well, might as well take the chance.

He grabs your wrist, looking down at you unimpressed. You quietly huff, falling back into your chair and forcing him to move away from the wall in order to not dislocate your wrist.

Well, his hypothesis is correct. You are very warm. 

He feels the tightening in his gut, not wanting to let go but knowing that he will have to.

You, however, don't actually care either way. You begin your attempt again, this time with your left hand. Slowly raising out of your seat, you actually manage to stand fully up before he notices again, grabbing your other wrist. 

"What are you even trying to do?" He asks, a light sneer on his lips.

"Well... uh, I was trying to… boop your nose? If you're bonded with one of the original suits, then I figured either you or Fredbear would have the sound effect."

He lets out a few short laughs, his sneer replaced with the same amused grin as before.

"I'm afraid neither of us have the sound effect. That only came about with the second and third generations of animatronics."

You hum, interested.

His eyes quickly scan over you, taking in your form. This position, practically holding you hostage… Needless to say, he didn't dislike it.

Still, he releases you as he catches you glancing at what he assumes to be a phone. Things have advanced quite far since he was trapped. 

You turn it on quickly, checking the time. “Well, we have around an hour and a half before my shift ends, so…” Pausing, you check the time again. An hour and a half?

He steps closer, you glancing back up at him before leaning back as he leans forward, looming over you. “Tomorrow, you best make this more fun for me. I’ll greet you, but then I’ll head to the back. Try and stop me from getting in.”

“Uh, sure. Are you still planning on making the punishment for loss, uh, death?”

His eyes narrow in coordination with a widening grin. “That’s for me to know. You either figure it out, or you don’t. It all depends how well you play.” His gruff voice slightly echoes in the mostly empty building, you nodding in response. 

“Oh, cool. Can I tell my brother about you?” You ask suddenly, him quirking a brow as he stares down at you, easily at least half a foot taller than you. He was always tall, but now that he’s in this new form, he grew to be somewhere from 6’6 to 6’8. You sit down once more, exacerbating the height difference.

“Feel free to. Just know that if he ever comes around here, he won’t be alive for very long.”

“I doubt he will. He’s always preferred Foxy the most because he has taste, but-”

“Taste? For liking that liability-strewn fox? You like him as well?”

“To be honest, I never really liked any of them more than the other. I was in my emo phase when I went to see them, so it was practically illegal for me to like anything. But Foxy had sharp teeth and a wicked lookin’ hook, so… I guess I did.”

He hums, clearly slightly annoyed.

“Are you jealous that I liked the fox more than the rabbit that isn’t even the same generation as you?”

“I really should kill you.” His irritated expression shows the truth to your statement.

“It’s okay, I’m willing to call Springbonnie my favorite.”

Now, William was confused. Your tone… you weren’t joking. You were being genuine about something as stupid as this? What is with you?

“You’re very confusing. I think you joke, and then I listen to your tone and you’re genuine. But still, I wouldn’t mind if you did so.”

“It’s not nearly as confusing as how time passes in this place. It’s been like ten minutes since I met you but the clock says like three or four hours have passed.”

“What? Really?” His brows furrow as he steps closer, finding another excuse to close the distance between you both as he leans over the chair, seeing you pointing to the screen. “How strange…”

“Yeah. It doesn’t seem like tomorrow’s hunt will last for six hours, then. Thankfully.” You sigh.

“What, do you not want to feel like my prey for six hours straight?” He grins, leaning over further until his arm rests on your shoulder.

You shiver. “Why do you have to say it like that?”

“Because it makes you react, obviously. It’s entertaining to watch you squirm from something as simple as... the tone of my voice.” Of course, in order to prove his point, he does exactly what he did before, lowering his voice a few pitches and upping the growliness of it.

In covering your eyes, you also cover your cheeks, which have gained a slight flush. “William, I am begging you. Please, please, please, stop talking like that.”

And, naturally progressing, he was left somewhat stunned by the sound of your pleading tone. There’s just something about it, especially as you say his name, that makes him want to…

...makes him want to chase, and capture, and possess forever.

You as his prized prey, and him as the hunter.

“I’ll use it when necessary.” He vaguely answers, watching your head droop.

“I’ll take what I can get.” You concede breathily. 

He chuckles, hearing the chime of a bell, signifying 6 in the morning. "Well, I suppose I'll see you tomorrow, then. Don't keep me waiting."

"Asshole. I won't." You turn your head away from him, hiding the flush on your face, and stand up, stretching. "See ya, William."

He hums, eyes tracing your form as you stretch. It was a nice view, watching the button up shirt crease around your back as you stretch, clearly hinting at the muscle beneath. His eyes did drift lower once or twice, and that's how he figures out that damn, you have a really nice ass!

You begin to walk out, and he follows you with his eyes, watching you turn past the replica Freddy husk and unlock the door, exiting into the fresh morning. His eyelids droop, gaze slipping up as his lips curl into a wide grin.

“Y/N… I won’t kill you. Especially not when I’m presented with such an ample opportunity to make this into something so entertaining.” 

Well…

Is that the only reason?

Of course, he knows it isn’t.

His grin falls, leaving him coldly leering at the aged panels above him before his sight shifts back to the room around him. As he exits the office, he glances at the stained and shaded glass of the door, not allowing much, if any, light in. He turns away, heading back to where he was originally.

As he walks, he lets his form shift, feeling his body grow to his previous monster rabbit self, the creaks of his metal joints loud in the silent building. 

He ignores any shadows that creep in the edges of his vision, the specters traversing without sound. 

“This is going to be… boring.” His voice, far rougher than before, comes out unfeeling and croaky. As he returns to his previous position, slouching over once more, he decides to use his old tactic to pass time; inflicting enough pain on himself to fall unconscious. It doesn’t matter if his dreams are infested with darkness, nor how much he suffers in them. 

It was better than the boredom of sitting in one position with an unchanging environment.

He begins forcing his muscles to flex and strain within the suit and pull against the beams they have welded to, making him grit his teeth before the searing pain fades away, along with his vision.

Goodnight, Y/N.

-

“Yo.” You greet your brother, the man tiredly yawning as he ruffles his hair.

“Heya, Y/N. What’re you up so early for?” 

“Well, I got bored and got a night shift job at this dinky little horror attraction opening up next week. I decided to tell you about what happened there before I head off to sleep.”

“You got bored during a break from your job so you… got another job?”

“Y’know, William said the same thing.” You say, your brother narrowing his eyes at you.

“A coworker?” He asks. 

“Eh, not quite… he is the reason I stayed up to talk to you, though.”

He hums, walking around the couch you were splayed on with your shirt half unbuttoned. 

“So, to begin my tale, you remember Freddy’s? The pizzeria with the animatronics?” You question.

“Yeah?”

“Well the horror place I went to is based off of that; it’s filled with replicas and a few actual things from the pizzerias of the past, but something came in tonight that was… different.”

“Which was?”

“An animatronic. One of the originals, Springbonnie. Granted, the suit was ripped to shit and covered in enough dirt to be green, but it was authentic. It even has the dead body! Well - not so dead body, but still visible.”

“Did you call the cops?” He asks, worried.

“Hell no! I’m not paid enough to give a shit about what could-or-could-not-be a dead body. Either way, he transformed into a human, which was rather odd, but-”

“Just to be clear, this rabbit had a dead body inside and transformed into a human, and you don’t question it?”

“No. Continuing on, he got into my office and then we talked for a bit, I learned that his name is William, time passed really weirdly, and then we struck a deal where I have to keep him out of my office or I'll maybe die.”

“You’re still going back there?! And ‘maybe die?!’”

“Yeah, he said the knowledge about whether or not I die from losing the hunt was ‘for him to know.’ I didn’t question it further.” 

“You know, Y/N, sometimes it feels like I’m the older sibling. You’re fucking stupid.”

“I’m well aware.”

He leans over the couch, glaring down at you. “Then wisen up and quit that damn job.”

“I’m good. William is good company.”

“He threatened to kill you!”

“And? He hasn’t. Yet.”

“You infuriate me, gayboy.” He says, stepping away from the couch.

“Cool. I’ll sleep here for now, when you get back from work I’ll definitely be up.”

“Whatever.” He waves his hand at you, ignoring the middle finger pointing his direction from behind the couch’s back.

---

Part 2

also a lot of the stuff i write from now on may be male reader inserts lol

heres my springtrap design

here's the updated design lol

[another-tmnt-writer]

Truth or Dare?

Raphael x Reader

Author: Admin Mo

Summary: When Mikey needs another actor for his film project, Raph gets roped into it. He didn’t, however, expect for his costar to be so cool.

Note: There are not NEARLY enough college au fics for the bayverse boys, so have this as my first contribution. <3

Warnings: Swears, mentions of drinking, plenty of fluff

Word Count: 3.9k

“Raph, PLEEEEEAAAASE!!!” Mikey folded his hands together, pleading. “We need actors for our project and our group members can’t be in it.”

Mikey, as part of his endeavor to explore every creative program at the university the turtles were currently attending, was taking a filmmaking class. And, as a part of that class, he and his fellow classmates were required to make short projects in order to learn the basics of filmmaking, from writing to directing to using the equipment to editing. As an added bonus because his professor was so especially cruel, none of the people in his group could appear in his project, and while they had managed to recruit some of their classmates to fill in the smaller roles, one of the main roles was still unclaimed.

Raph scoffed. “Mikey, you know I can’t act for shit.”

“You don’t have to actually be good at it!” He pleaded. “You should see some of the other projects. No one in the program is good at acting.”

Raph was quiet for a second, his large arms crossed in front of him, thinking. “How long is it gonna take?”

“Few hours.” Mikey shrugged. He raised an eyebrow. “And your costar is really, really hot.”

Raph sighed, disgruntled. “When?”

“YES! DUDE THANK YOU SO MUCH! YOU WON’T REGRET IT!” Mikey ran and returned with a script and a schedule, shoving it into his older brother’s hands. “We film tomorrow!”

Raph’s eyes widened. “TOMORROW?!”

***

Raph went with Mikey to where the rest of his group was meeting to film their project. He hadn’t really had time to look at the script and Mikey assured him that they’d be filming in small enough chunks that he wouldn’t need to have very much memorized at a time. He also didn’t really know what kind of movie it was and he didn’t care; he just couldn’t wait until it was over.

A few minutes after they arrived, so did his costar. And god, he couldn’t stop staring. Mikey was right. God, why was Mikey always right?

“I am so sorry I’m late. The bus almost hit a pedestrian and it was a whole thing.” You apologized.

“Don’t worry about it!” Mikey waved off your concern. “This is my brother, Raph.”

“Nice to meet you, Raph. I’m (Y/N).” You introduced, a warm smile on your face.

Raph didn’t miss the way your eyes lingered on him, but instead of the looks disdain he usually got, instead it seemed to be curiosity. Awe, even? Weird, he decided, but not unwelcome.

It was a long, awkward moment before he realized he’d better respond. “Oh, uh, nice to meet you too.”

“Um, you guys can get to know each other a little better. We’ve gotta get the equipment set up.” Mikey said, leaving the two of you on your own.

The filming location was a place you were very familiar with: the library. Particularly, in front of the cozy little coffee shop in the library.

“I didn’t really, uh, look at the script, but I’m guessing they needed a monster for a horror movie or something…” Raph flipped through the pages, skimming.

“It’s a rom com.” You corrected quietly. “I’m the main character. You’re the love interest.”

If Raph could physically blush, he was sure his cheeks would rival the color of his mask. “…Oh.”

“Is that alright?” You asked.

“Oh! Yeah, yeah it’s fine, I just…” He chuckled to himself. “I ain’t ever acted in anything before, let alone anything romantic.”

“It’s not too much, I don’t think.” You reassured him. “I’m pretty sure the most they’ll have us do is awkwardly brush hands. It’s a coffee shop meet-cute.”

“Gotcha.” And while he was relieved, he was also a little…disappointed? Huh. Weird. “So, uh, what’s yer major?”

“I’m a film major. I’m in Mikey’s class and they needed actors, so I’m paying it forward in case I need someone in my project. What’s yours?”

“I’m undecided. Just, uh, taking some time to figure things out, you know. I never really had any…school experience before this.”

“That’s a lot to adjust to.”

“Yeah, it is. I’m getting used to it, though.”

“That’s good! If you need any help with anything, let me know. I’ve picked up a bunch of good tips and tricks.”

He chuckled. “I will, thanks.”

“Do you have snapchat?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“One second.” You fished your phone out of your bag and unlocked it, opening the app to your snapcode, which he scanned and added you. “There you go.”

“Thanks.”

“Of course.”

Raph took some more time reading over the script to get the gist of the scene and you were right. Indeed, it was a rom com. Not his preferred genre, by any means, but maybe he’d warm up to it a bit over the course of the day.

“Hey (Y/N)?” Mikey called from over where they had the camera set up on the tripod. “Do you know how to white-balance this thing? Everything is orange for some reason. Which is a great color, but I’m sure Smith will dock us points for it.”

“Oh, I’ve got you.” You nodded. You looked up at Raph, your purse in hand. “Will you hold this for a second?”

“Uh, yeah. Sure.” He nodded, holding out a giant three-fingered hand to take the bag from you. He watched you walk over to where the rest of the group was standing, crowded around the camera. You worked your magic, shuffling through the menu and helping adjust the camera correctly. Raph couldn’t stop staring. You looked so focused. So passionate. He could tell you really liked film and everything it entailed and he wished he could just find something he cared about as much as you cared about your major.

“Awesome.” He heard Mikey say, his eyes fixed on the camera’s screen. “Thanks!”

“Of course!” You walked back over to where Raph was and he handed you your bag back. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, no problem.” He opened his mouth to say something else, but Mikey walked over to the two of you.

“You guys ready? I think we’re good to start now.”

“All set.” You confirmed, giving him a thumbs-up, and Raph nodded.

***

Raph might have to reconsider his stance on this acting thing. Did he think he was all that good at it? No. But so long as he had you as a costar, he’d act willingly in any project Mikey (or you) needed him for. And at the end of the shoot, he ended up having a really good time. So much so that when you guys were all done, he was…sad. Like, really sad about it.

You parted ways. You weren’t in any of his classes, so Raph wasn’t really sure if he’d see you around that much. And he didn’t see you around…until a few weeks later.

He was at the library studying with his brothers at their favorite table when suddenly, his phone buzzed, a message from snapchat coming in. He looked at the notification, doing a double-take when he read your name there. And when he reached to answer it, he moved too fast and knocked his shell-shaped cell phone off of the table.

Shit.

He bent down to pick it up and when he opened the snapchat, he was surprised to see…the back of his shell? It was captioned: “I spy with my little eye…Something red and green 😉”

Immediately, he whipped around, and sure enough, nestled in a table by the windows was you, looking at him over the top of your laptop screen. You giggled when he spotted you, waving.

Raph nudged Mikey, who was sitting across from him and Mikey traced Raph’s eyeline to where you were, his face immediately lighting up.

“Oh! Hey (Y/N)!” Mikey waved. “You wanna sit with us?”

“Is that alright?”

“Hell yeah!” Mikey motioned you over. “The more the merrier! We can pull up a chair over here on the end.”

So, you gathered your stuff while the guys rearranged some things, putting you on the end of the table, right between Mikey and Raph. When you got over there, you noticed they were sitting with the other two giant mutated turtles on campus, who you had heard of, but hadn’t met yet.

“(Y/N), these are our brothers. Leo’s over there in the blue, our fearless leader. And this is Donatello, the one we go to for homework help.”

“Not tonight you aren’t. This paper is due at midnight and it is…” Donnie glanced down at the clock on his laptop and as soon as he did, he started typing impossibly faster. “Eleven thirty-seven. Do not look at me or breathe in my direction.”

“Noted.” Mikey nodded, a trace of fear in his eyes.

“Nice to meet you, (Y/N). You’re in one of Mikey’s classes, right?”

“Yep! I’m in his film class.” You smiled, taking a sip of your iced coffee. “I got the pleasure of costarring with this one.” You nudged Raph lightly, causing him to smile the most genuine smile Mikey had ever seen on his older brother’s face.

Huh. Mikey took note, something devious stirring in the back of his mind. Interesting…

“What did you get on that, by the way?” You asked.

“We got an A! Well, Minus. But you know how Smith is.”

“Dude that’s awesome!” You bumped your fist against his. “Good job. I’m pretty sure my group got a B, but we’re not mad about it. C’s get degrees, as they say.”

“Cheers to that.” Leo chuckled.

“What are you working on today, Raph?” You asked, tilting your head in a way that sent his heart racing in a way he could not explain.

“I have a paper for my Writing 150 class.”

“Oof that sucks. Who do you have?”

“Trainor.”

“Ouch. She hated me.” You grimaced, shaking your head. “She found out I was bi and it was all over for me.”

“Did you report her? I’m pretty sure you can report her for that sort of thing.” Raph asked, trying not to get heated over it. He was pretty sure she didn’t like him very much either, but it was probably due to the fact that he was a giant green turtle. “That’s bullshit.”

“I’m in the process of that right now.” You nodded. “She’s a bitch. I don’t know if they’ll actually do anything about it though.”

“Keep me posted. I might file something too if she doesn’t stop glaring at me during class.” Raph grumbled. “It’s annoying.”

“That would be annoying. Her beady little eyes glaring at you for two agonizing hours of ‘This is how to correctly use a comma’.”

He chuckled. “Yeah. It is.”

You glanced at your phone, which buzzed with a text from one of your roommates. “Oh! Uh, do you guys have any plans this weekend?”

“Nope. Why?” Mikey asked, curiosity seeping into his voice.

“My roommate is throwing a party, if you guys wanna come. It’ll be pretty chill. Drinks, pizza, some music.”

“Oh hell yes.” Mikey nodded. He looked at Leo. “Leo, can we?”

“I don’t see why not.” Leo shrugged. “Sounds like a good time.”

“Is there a dress code?” Mikey asked. Now that he was finally allowed to socialize, he didn’t want to fuck it up.

“Nope. Just casual. Come as you are.”

“Do you need us to bring anything?”

“If you guys have a drink of choice, bring that, I guess, but otherwise, my roommate’s boyfriend works at a pizza place, so we get a pretty good discount and we have literally so much wine.”

“That’s amazing.” Mikey nodded, making a mental note to look into jobs at a pizza place later.

“We’ll bring a veggie tray.” Donnie said, his fingers flying across the keyboard of his laptop until finally, he stopped. “I finished, by the way.”

“Good job, dude!” Mikey gave him a thumbs up. “You wanna write mine next?”

“Ha.” Donnie stared at him. “Funny.”

“What’s your paper on, Raph? Maybe I can help.”

Raph turned his laptop towards you. “We have to write it about like growing up. You can, uh, read it if you want. I don’t mind. I’m kinda stuck right now anyway.”

“Okay.” You agreed, switching his laptop for yours. You winked. “Trade ya.”

“What are you writing about?” He asked, scrolling to the top of your document.

“Women in Film.” You shot finger guns at him. “I’m about to make some Film Bois REALLLL mad.”

“Roast ‘em, (Y/N).” Mikey laughed, knowing all too well exactly which film boys you were talking about. He was not a fan.

“That’s the plan.” You chuckled and then started reading over Raph’s paper. You had known before meeting them that they hadn’t exactly had the best childhood, but…wow was it eye-opening reading the experience from his eyes. “Holy shit.”

“That bad?” He joked, trying to read your expression.

“No, it’s…Raph, this is really good, but wow. You guys went through a lot, huh?”

“Yeah…” He shrugged. “It wasn’t all bad, but it sure wasn’t normal by any means.”

“Mmm…” You nodded, looking up at him. “I mean, normal is kinda overrated.”

He chuckled. “I’m glad ya think so. Not many people do.”

You shrugged, smiling softly. “Well, it’s a good thing I’m not like many people.”

***

“(Y/N), this place is as clean as it’s gonna get. It’s a party. It’ll be messed up in,” your roommate, Haley, glanced down at her watch, “like twenty minutes.”

“I know, I just…I’m nervous. These guys are basically superheroes. I want to make a good impression.”

“Fair point.”

You swept the kitchen floor and got out the cutest paper plates you had in the cupboard as well as some solo cups and plastic wine glasses. If you could avoid broken glass today, that was probably the move.

The doorbell buzzed and your heart raced, but it was just your other roommate’s boyfriend with the pizza.

“Is Darcy here?” He asked.

“She’s upstairs getting ready, you explained, helping him get the pizza and breadsticks and everything set up on the counter. He’d also brought a few two-liters of Pepsi, which was good. You put it next to the giant jug of fruit punch you’d bought at the grocery store. It was important to make sure your non-drinking friends had something to drink, too.

A few minutes after, guests started arriving. Darcy came downstairs and started up her iconic party playlist. Your neighbors popped in. It was easier to invite them and let them have a good time with you than have them call security on you guys for throwing a party, even if it was the weekend and it was only nine.

You turned off the lamps in the living room and instead set your strip lights to party mode, causing them to cycle through a bunch of colors in time with the music. It was then that the doorbell rang again and you rushed to the mirror to check yourself once more. You adjusted your hair, straightened out your top, and checked your teeth for food. Nope, you were good.

So, with the rest of the hosts distracted, you opened the door. On the other side of it were four tall, green gentlemen, one of them carrying a veggie tray.

“Hey guys, come on in!”

You moved out of the way so they could step inside.

Mikey’s eyes widened, looking into the living room full of dancing college kids. “Woahhhhh this is awesome!”

“Glad you think so.” You laughed. “There’s food and drinks in here, the bathroom is in the hallway, and everyone else seems to be either in the living room or the back yard.”

“Where do you want this veggie tray?” Donnie asked.

“Thank you so much for bringing this, by the way! You can set it over by the pizza boxes. I can get a spoon for the dip.” You said, walking towards the silverware drawer and producing a spoon while Donnie popped the lid off of the plastic serving tray and opened up the dip. You handed him the spoon.

The guys were each sporting their signature color, but they were wearing clothes you hadn’t seen them in before. Usually, Raph liked to wear a large gray hoodie, but today, he was sporting a black t-shirt and an impossibly large red flannel with some jeans. It looked good on him. Like, really good.

Apparently, he was thinking the same thing, because as soon as you were free, he walked up to you and nudged you gently. “You look really good.”

Your cheeks flushed with warmth and you wished you could blame it on wine, but you hadn’t even had a sip yet. “Thanks. You clean up pretty nice yourself.”

Had you worn a red top on purpose? Yes, absolutely. Would you admit to it, though? No, definitely not.

But Mikey noticed. Oh, Mikey noticed everything. And he couldn’t help but think that you and his older brother would make quite the couple. Maybe there was something he could do to just…give it a little push.

***

The time came later, when the party was finally starting to wind down. Some people had left. Your neighbors had gone home, and you’d switched the strip lights to a light, warm color. You’d also switched the upbeat party playlist for something chill to play in the background. The remaining partygoers were all settled in a circle in the living room, eating whatever pizza was left, sipping on box wine, and playing a game of truth or dare.

“Haley, truth or dare?” Darcy challenged.

“Truth.”

“Okay…Fuck, Marry, Kill: Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth and…..Chris Pine.”

“DAMN.” She cursed. “You can’t do that to me. Shit. Uh…Fuck Chris…Hemsworth. Marry Chris…Pine? And—”

“Don’t you do it!” You warned.

“Kill Chris Evans.”

“Noooooooooo!” You whined, taking a sip of your drink. The rest of the group laughed. “Poor Captain America.”

“Rest in pieces, Cap.” She agreed, shaking her head. “Okay…Mikey, truth or dare.”

“Dare.” Mikey answered quickly. He always picked dare, so in the fifth round of the game, it wasn’t much of a surprise.

“I dare you…to take a shot of straight lemon juice.”

“Easy peasy.” Mikey scoffed, pouring himself a shot and downing it.

You watched as his face contorted at the sour, sour taste. You couldn’t help but giggle a little at that.

“Good job, Mikey.” Donnie laughed, dipping a piece of broccoli in dip before popping it into his mouth.

“Taking it like a champ.” Leo added, nodding.

“Alright, my turn?” Mikey asked, looking around the circle for his victim, pretending he hadn’t been planning this since round one. “(Y/N). Truth or dare?”

You thought about it for a second. How easy it would be to just choose truth again, but for some reason, you were feeling a little brave, so instead, you picked, “Dare.”

“Oooooooh,” the circle said, all of them a little surprised by that choice.

“Okay. Alright.” Mikey rubbed his hands together mischievously. All according to plan. “I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room.”

“OOOOOOOHHHH!” The circle all stared at you and you thought for a second, a smirk settling on your features.

“Oh that’s easy.” You got up and crossed the circle until you were standing in front of Raph. Even sitting down, he was almost your height. “Think I could get a kiss?”

Raph stared up at you, shocked, waiting for you to say Sike! HAHA! Did you actually think I thought you were hot?! Loser!

But you never did, instead looking down at him with sincerity, patience. Were you a little…nervous, even?

“Why me?” He whispered, his eyes fixed on you. There were plenty of good-looking human guys still there, and yet you were certain. Unwavering. Then, louder, he asked, his heart absolutely fighting to get out of his chest, “Are you sure?”

“Positive.” You nodded, starting to lean closer. Once you were most of the way in, you let him meet you in the middle, your soft human lips meeting his, which were, you had to admit, way softer than you thought they would be.

Raphael kissed you like you were made of glass, like if he moved too fast, you would shatter. It was his first kiss, after all, and he didn’t want to fuck it up.

When it finally ended, you walked back to your seat in the circle, your cheeks rosy, heart racing. Haley gave you a nudge and you giggled, your stomach filled with butterflies. The rest of the game went along with little fanfare, and once everyone was tired enough, the apartment cleared out even more, leaving just your roommates, Darcy’s boyfriend, and the turtles, who insisted on helping clean everything up. Well, it had been Leo’s idea, but the rest had agreed to stick around to help.

You volunteered to go out into the backyard to pick up all of the stray solo cups and White Claw cans. You hated litter. You worked out there alone for a bit. As you bent down to pick up the last can you heard the signature screech of the sliding door opening.

Raph squeezed through the narrow doorway, cursing his shell for making him so damn wide.

“Hey,” you said softly, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. Your voice was almost swallowed up by the sounds of the choir of crickets outside.

“Hey.” He closed the sliding door. “Can we talk?”

“Yeah, of course.” You nodded, tying off the trash bag you were using to collect garbage. “How was your first college party?”

“It was great. Really, really great.” He said, taking slow steps through the grass towards you. “Um…I…did you mean what you said? Earlier.”

“What do you mean?”

“When you…was I really…” he laughed at the absurdity of it. “You think I’m hot?”

“I do.” You nodded. “Of course I do.”

“I’m sorry if I find that a little hard to believe.” He shook his head, stopping right in front of you. When he was standing in front of you like this, he was remined of just how big he was compared to you, just how much he towered over you. Just how different you were. “I’m just used to the opposite reaction.”

“Believe it.” You reached forward and took his hand in yours, gripping one of his giant green fingers.

“I’m trying to.” He chuckled and fiddled with your little hand, nervous. “You know, uh…that was my first kiss in there. I wasn’t too awful, was I?”

“I didn’t mean to steal your first one.” You laughed softly. “Sorry. But to answer your question, I thought it was perfect.”

“That’s a relief.” He was quiet for a moment, thinking. “Uh…If it’s alright with ya…I’d like to give you my second kiss, too.”

Instead of answering, you took another step closer, looking up, up, up into his piercing green eyes. “You’re gonna have to come down here; I can’t reach.”

He laughed. “Right.” Raph craned his neck down, one of his large hands tilting your face up towards his so he could meet you in the middle for another perfect kiss.

***

“What are you doing?” Leo asked Mikey, who was peering through the blinds into the back yard of the apartment.

Mikey only grinned proudly, nodding to himself. “Works every time…”

[kopikokun]

Tell Me What You Want Me to Do to You༄ mark l.

↳ On an awfully planned trip with your best friend Mark, the place you end up spending the night in is not what you had in mind. Oh well, at least Mark’s there to keep you company. And apparently, he’s a pretty great kisser too.

pairing: bestfriend!mark x f!reader

genre: fluff, suggestive, friends to lovers, college!au

wordcount: 1.8k words

author’s note: i’m so sorry that i can’t add the ‘keep reading’ thing. i’ve tried, but every time i do it, the whole post gets wonky and i can’t edit it on mobile anymore. i’ve even tried desktop tumblr but the same thing happens :(

Request 32: Mark + “I need a hug.” (42) + “Stop being so cute.” (67) + “Put me down!” (153) + “There’s only one bed...” (154) [F2L + Suggestive]

— 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝.

In hindsight, a trip with your best friend sounded like a more than sound idea. The two of you had combined what limited knowledge you had about general adulting, scrounged up most that you could considering your financial situations as two college kids, and, in essence, had made things worked.

Or at the very least, you think, eyes scanning the room, taking in the general gist of the next addition to your mountain of already existing issues, made things happen.

And to answer a question; yes, there is a significant difference between work and happen.

Mark sighs wearily. It’s most likely due to the ridiculously lengthy car ride the two of you had been subjected to just to get here (and the back-and-forth bickering over whose bright idea it was to decide to go on holiday when the travelling industry is at its peak—it had been Mark’s, by the way, something about promotions and discount prices) and the even more absurd hike—or as the cheery staff liked to call it—expedition to your room.

“I can’t believe you convinced me to take a trip to the middle of nowhere, Mark.”

“Excuse me, this is not ‘the middle of nowhere’. According to the website, this is a ‘refined establishment which offers a fresh look into life alongside Mother Nature’,” defends Mark, letting the duffel bag stuffed with clothing he has slung over his shoulder slip to the ground with not an ounce of care.

“Well, that’s marketing for you.” You roll your eyes. “Just admit, you screwed up.”

Mark scoffs, unwilling to admit his defeat. “Not my fault that you’re a city girl.”

“This has nothing to do with me being a ‘city girl’. And you say that like you’re not a city boy.” Mark is tempted to say something petty in response but bites back his words. “And we have a bigger problem at hand right now, Mark.”

“I wouldn’t say it’s a big problem…”

“Dude,” you deadpan. “It’s a big problem. There’s only one bed.”

Mark clicks his tongue. “We can come up with something… I, uh, I could sleep on the floor?”

“In this weather? You’ll be dead of hypothermia by morning. So, no.”

“Christ, alright then I guess we’ll just have to sleep on the same bed,” says Mark casually, falling onto the linen sheets. The bed creaks under his weight.

You shoot him an incredulous look. “Together? On the same bed?”

“Yeah, why not? We’ve done it before when we were kids.” Mark stares blankly up at the ceiling. “What’s so different about back then to now?”

You laugh wryly. “What’s different? We did it when we were kids, Mark. Kids.” Your face warms as you give Mark a once-over, taking it how much he’s grown into his good looks over the years. “I can list off plenty of things that have changed since we were literal children.”

Mark flips onto his side to face you head-on, an elbow propping him up. “Why? What’s wrong? You got a crush on me now?”

You roll your eyes, but your cheeks pool with even more blistering heat. “Ugh, as if.”

“Damn, alright then, Cher Horowitz,” jeers Mark.

You stick your tongue out at Mark. “Whatever. Pass me a pillow. I’ll take the floor.”

Mark jolts upright like a meerkat on the lookout. “What? No, you take the bed. I’ll take the floor.”

“No, I’m good. You can have the bed to yourself. I don’t mind, honestly.” You jerk your thumb towards yourself, pushing your chest out proudly. “This ‘city girl’ can handle a little bit of cold.”

There’s the muffled rustling of sheets and the padding of feet against the floor before a pair of arms coil themselves around your waist from behind you, which by the way, doesn’t help your cheeks which only grow hotter by the second. You turn to face Mark who stares at you with nothing but genuine concern.

“No way. This ‘city girl’ is taking the bed.” His arms curl tighter around you, pulling you even closer to him. “Come on. I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“No, Mark it’s—”

Your refusal is cut short when you feel your body grow weightless as your feet are lifted off of the ground.

“Oh my God! Holy shit, Mark.” Like a hapless ragdoll, you’re almost effortlessly thrown over Mark’s shoulder. You’d be impressed by how surprisingly strong he is given his skinny-looking exterior, but you find that this isn’t quite the right time to be complimenting his physical abilities just yet. Mark grunts when you writhe in his hold. “Put me down!”

“With pleasure.”

You yelp, startled when Mark nonchalantly drops you onto the bed, following suit not too long after, his face inches from yours. His arms cage in your face and you feel your head grow dizzy, intoxicated by his scent. Your heart lurches when the bed groans with all the brute force being heaved onto it.

Mark grins cheekily at you, an airy laugh leaving his lips. “Jesus, you should’ve seen your face! It was priceless.”

You stare up at him, subconsciously drinking in his beautiful features; from the hairs of his eyebrows to the flutter of his eyelashes to the rosy apples of his cheeks and right down to the dip of his cupid’s bow, you gawk at him in silence for a moment or two. You realise that it’s actually been a moment or two too long since you’ve said something by the way Mark’s smile falters and his eyes begin to roam your face with just as much intrigue.

You clear your throat, averting his keen gaze. “Yeah, alright. Haha, very funny, Mark.”

For once, Mark doesn’t have any witty comeback for you in response. In fact, the room is drop dead silent save for the mechanical whirring of the ceiling fan. Mark’s adam’s apple bobs up and down in apprehension as his eyes scan your face once more. You can’t look away from him. Your eyes are glued to his as your heart hammers in your chest, its vibrations ringing in your ears.

He makes a move to get off of you but freezes when he feels your hand wrap around his bicep, urging for him to stay as he is. Mark watches you with interest, waiting for something more, but all you can do is continue gaping at him. You pull your bottom lip between your teeth, blinking up at him. You wait with baited breath as Mark licks his lips.

“What?” he whispers. “What is it you want from me?”

You inhale sharply.

Mark’s voice drops several octaves, turning almost gravelly, which is so out of character for him you nearly blanch. “Come on, I want to know. Tell me what you want me to do to you.”

You mumble your words incoherently, your mind too clouded over to formulate an actual sentence.

“Speak up, pretty girl. I can’t hear you.” Mark leans into your ear, his hot breath making your hairs stand on end.

“Want you to kiss me, Mark.”

“God, you’re so cute. Stop being so cute. Say it again.”

You huff, growing impatient. “Please, Mark. Just kiss me already.”

“Holy shit.” He tucks a strand of your hair behind your ear. “That's really hot.”

Mark kisses you tenderly. His lips press softly against yours, testing the waters and gauging your reaction. He tastes of the spearmint gum you gave him on the ride here and he smells like the fabric softener you always use when you go over to his place.

His hand cups your cheek, and at your hum of appreciation, he finally decides to kiss you with a little more fervour.

You’re not sure how, but you soon find yourself in Mark’s lap as he rests his back against the headboard. You chase after his lips when he pulls away and he giggles, the sound so bizarre considering the atmosphere. You don’t stay displeased for too long though, as Mark begins kissing down your jaw, which tickles, if you're being frank.

Mark’s grip on you turns bruising when you scratch at his nape, savouring the way his breath hitches. As things progress, you can’t help but wonder how this exactly happened. Sure, you’ve had those moments where the idea of being more than friends with Mark excited you, but it’s not like you dwelled on the thought often. All throughout your friendship, you’d never had any moments like this, but you’re surprised you two hadn’t done this sooner, because God, this feels amazing. Thinking back on it, there have been moments where you’d caught Mark staring a little too intensely at you and vice-versa, but you brushed it off as a common occurrence, being friends with a guy. But, you suppose, given the fact that you and Mark are making out right now, probably means that those stares meant a little more than you had first surmised.

You pull away when Mark grips the back of your neck. He pauses, his gaze finding yours.

He swallows dryly. “You okay?"

You exhale shakily, a whirlwind of thoughts consuming you. “Wait- I- Can we,” you take a breath, “can we stop?”

Immediately, Mark’s expression melts into one of distress. “Yeah, of course we can.”

“Thanks.” You nod timidly, climbing off his lap and sinking into the spot beside him. You chew on the flesh of your inner cheek, guilt washing over you. “I- I’m sorry.”

Mark’s head swivels to face you. “What? No, don’t be sorry. It’s fine.” He fiddles with his fingers. “Are you okay? Did I do something wrong? I didn’t hurt you did I?”

“What? No, no, you didn’t.” You laugh reassuringly. “I just- I don’t know- I just—”

“No, it’s okay. If you want to stop, I'll stop. No explanation required.” Mark smiles at you. “But… we’re still cool, right?”

“Of course we are, dude.”

Mark snickers. “Wow, I can’t believe you just called me dude after we made out. You’re really something else, huh?”

“Hey! You should take that as a compliment.” You shove him playfully. “I don’t call just anyone dude.”

“Well then, it’s an honour. Dude.”

Your conversation dwindles into silence. You feel anxiety begin to make its way up your spine as it latches onto you, sinking its gnarly teeth into your back. What now? Can you two really go back to being just friends if that’s what you ultimately decided? The faint spinning of the fan is the only thing that nulls your worries. Cautiously, you reach for Mark’s hand beside you and thankfully, he reciprocates the gesture. You sigh happily, finding solace in the warmth radiating from his fingertips.

“Can I—no I mean—can we cuddle?” You await a response from Mark, only to be greeted by nothing. “Uh, I’m sorry. That was dumb of me. Pretend I didn’t say anything.”

You attempt to pry your fingers from Mark’s but he refuses to let you slip away. Instead, he brings your hand to his lips, placing a chaste kiss on the back of your palm. “Hey, no. Let’s cuddle. I’m down for that. I need a hug, anyway.”

It’s astounding how easy it is to get into a spooning position with Mark. And as corny as it sounds, you feel like you fit perfectly in his arms, snug against his chest. You allow yourself to relax in his embrace until you feel something digging into your thigh.

“Is that—”

“Yeah, sorry,” says Mark sheepishly. He shifts in his position, but to no avail. He just hisses in discomfort. You smother a giggle. “I’m still, uh, a little… excited?”

“My bad.”

Mark pokes your waist, fishing that repressed giggle out of you. “Dumbass.”

And as you lay there with Mark, your laughter fading as the moon rises, you can’t deny the sparks of attraction that have ignited. You’re not quite sure exactly how you feel, but you think, whatever the outcome, the two of you will be alright.

[silverlightqueen]

Her 🦋

‘I could go up out to outer space with her, all I need is one more day with her.’

Phases - Hwang Hyunjin X Chase Atlantic

Rating: M (heavy angst and suggestive content)

Warnings: discussion of suicidal thoughts and severe depression, childhood trauma (absent father, daddy issues), discussion of sex, discussion and use of drugs, substance abuse/addiction and alcoholism, extremely toxic relationship, emotional manipulation and verbal abuse, fwb, sexting and sending nudes

Word Count: 4.6k+

a/n: and here is the second part of phases, my hhjxchaseatlantic series! please proceed with caution bc this fic is very heavy and touches on some very sensitive and serious topics. I really hope you guys enjoy this, lmk what you think and hmu if you wanna be on the taglist! the biggest thank you to the loml @silverlightprincess for proofreading this and bigging it up so much lmao I love you sis! x

taglist 🦋: @diue​ @shesfuckedinthehead​ @danyxthirstae01​ @linours​ @titleisyettobemade​ @jikooksgirl19​ @silverlightprincess​

A loud ping from Hyunjin’s phone resonates in the hazy room, the other boys exchanging knowing glances, and he ignores the way his hands itch to reach into his pocket and see if it’s her. ‘Aren’t you gonna check that?’ Changbin asks, fingers fumbling as he tries to roll yet another joint. Hyunjin’s surprised the other boy can even see straight, let alone roll a joint, but he manages it. It’s not his best work, but it’ll do.

They’re sat in the private bar on the top floor of Changbin’s dad’s hotel on the outskirts of the city, surrounded by windows that overlook the skyline. None of them have particularly well-paying jobs – they have more than enough to live, but they splash it all on drugs and drink and fast cars and pretty girls who want Fendi bags, but thanks to Changbin’s dad, lavish nights filled with the oldest alcohol and the best weed are a regular. Changbin’s dad helps fund this lifestyle and they can’t be grateful enough towards him for it.

‘It won’t be urgent,’ Hyunjin says offhandedly, but he feels his skin lighting up with energy. It’s like nothing else is allowed to exist in his mind or body when he thinks of her – she pushes away everything else, even the marijuana mist that hangs in a heavy cloud over his mind. He’s already beginning to sober up, his senses alert and tuned into her. She’s not even here, and she’s all he can feel.

‘What if it’s your girl?’ Chan teases, dimples denting his cheeks as he hands Changbin the lighter. ‘She’s not my girl,’ Hyunjin replies mildly, the boys all looking amused. ‘Then why’d you go running whenever she texts you?’ Minho asks, gentle laughter running around the room, and Hyunjin pushes down the shame, rolling his eyes and curling his lips at the corners, trying to seem nonchalant.

‘He doesn’t go running. He leaves her waiting like a dick,’ Jeongin says, Hyunjin flipping him off half-heartedly. ‘As he should. She ain’t shit,’ Jisung says with a grin. ‘You say that, but you’d go running if it was you she was texting,’ Seungmin grins at Jisung, the latter nodding instantly. ‘Of course I would. I’m not a fucking idiot. I just feel sorry for him. They’ve been fucking around for years and she still hasn’t caught feelings like all other girls do. If there aren’t any feelings involved, it gets boring,’ Jisung says, not realising how his words feel like weapons to Hyunjin.

‘Are you fucking crazy? It’s way better without feelings. It gets messy with feelings,’ Minho says as Chan passes him the joint, fresh smoke already beginning to blur the room, and Hyunjin nods. ‘Exactly. The only reason we’ve been fucking around for so long is because there aren’t any feelings. That’s why we work so well,’ Hyunjin lies, his phone pinging again.

‘Well, I admire you. I’d have caught feelings for her by now,’ Felix says candidly, the other boys bursting into laughter. ‘Don’t laugh! You lot would’ve caught feelings for her too!’ he says defensively, raising his voice over the laughter. ‘Yeah, I definitely would have. I think I’d have wifed her by now,’ Changbin grins, and Hyunjin feels the jealously bubbling up inside him. He hates it when they talk about her. She might not be his, but she’s more his than she is theirs. They have no right to talk about her like that.

‘Yeah, but how do you wife a girl that doesn’t wanna be wifed?’ Chan asks, all of the boys letting out noises of agreement. ‘True. She’s actually living the life. Always decked out in designer, dick from Mr Handsome, free drugs from his friends, boujee apartment in the city, sexy group of friends and an easy ass ‘working from home’ job,’ Jisung says, sounding jealous, and all the boys start laughing again. ‘She really is. I’d swap lives with her, no hesitation,’ Seungmin says, more laughing filling the room.

‘Check your phone then, Mr Handsome,’ Felix nudges Hyunjin, and the boy lets out a little sigh, taking his time as he gets his phone out of his pocket. Her name is on the screen, no emojis and pet names or anything. Just her name. She’s sent him two texts, and he tries to hide his eagerness as he unlocks his phone to see them.

come see me when you’re done with the boys

give them my love and bring me some molly pls xo

‘Wow. Not her trying to emotionally manipulate the guys into giving her molly,’ Felix laughs quietly, looking at Hyunjin’s screen, and Hyunjin can’t help but laugh too. She’s one of a kind. ‘She sends her love to you guys,’ Hyunjin says, knowing he won’t even have to ask for the molly. They’ll offer it, like they always do. She’s got them all wrapped around her finger.

‘She’s cute. We should link soon,’ Chan says, handing the joint to Jisung and punching him gently when he nearly drops it. ‘Yeah, the same thing happens every time we link. We get a booth in a club, last for about ten minutes before they kick us out for doing lines, and then those two disappear to fuck and abandon the rest of us,’ Minho says drily, motioning to Hyunjin, who’s busy trying to formulate a laidback reply.

‘Tell her… only if she’s good,’ Felix says under his breath, knowing Hyunjin’s situation better than anybody else (Hyunjin’s never told him, but Felix is wise beyond his years, and very observant), and Hyunjin types up the response. Only a few seconds later do the three little dots appear, and Hyunjin imagines her in his head, lying on her bed and typing with that cute little smile on her face.

I’m always good

I love being good

for you

Hyunjin feels his blood heat up more and more with each text she sends, Felix chuckling amusedly as Hyunjin’s fingers ghost over the keyboard. He never knows what to say, never knows how to be cool and collected around her. ‘You’re on your own, bro. She’s too good at this,’ Felix murmurs, and Hyunjin nods in agreement, desperately wracking his brains for a response, ignoring the current conversation the boys are having.

Before he even begins typing, another text from her comes through, and it’s a picture. His heart speeds up as he waits for it to load, itching to see what she’s sent. He has a folder on his phone dedicated to all the pictures she’s ever sent, and he visits that folder more often than he’d ever admit. When the picture finally loads, he feels his heart stop for a second, Felix so startled that he begins choking, and Hyunjin hits him on the back, eyes still locked onto his phone.

She’s in her bedroom, the lights all off, and she’s stood in front of her mirror, her body illuminated by the flash from her phone and the city lights streaming in from her window. She’s dressed in her completely sheer Dior robe. And nothing else.

‘Fucking hell,’ Felix says when he finally gets his breath back. The boys are all distracted from their conversation, looking over at Hyunjin and Felix with curiosity. ‘What’s going on?’ Jeongin asks, and Felix and Hyunjin are both silent for a moment. ‘She sent me a picture.’ ‘Let us see!’ Changbin says instantly, all of them looking at him with disgust. ‘No, you fucking creep.’ ‘You showed Felix!’ ‘I didn’t show him.’ ‘Yeah, I looked at the screen just as the picture loaded,’ Felix says, the boys all raising their eyebrows at him. ‘What a coincidence,’ Jisung says drily, Felix beginning to defend himself.

Hyunjin quickly becomes distracted with the picture again, unable to believe how lucky he is that a vision of beauty sends him pictures like this. He still isn’t used to the feeling of having someone so… perfect trust him enough to bare herself to him. And he doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to it. How do you get used to something so… extraordinary?

‘The picture must be good. He can’t look away from his phone,’ Seungmin laughs, all the boys looking over at Hyunjin again. ‘At least… describe it to us,’ Changbin says, Hyunjin shooting him another dirty look. ‘Bro, just go watch some porn or something,’ Chan says, everyone bursting into laughter as Changbin shoves Chan. ‘I don’t want details. Just the gist of it,’ Changbin says, like a dog with a bone, and Hyunjin rolls his eyes.

‘It’s a mirror picture, and she’s wearing a robe.’ ‘Oh. That’s it? Bro, you’re down bad if you’re getting horny over that,’ Jisung says, and Felix bursts into laughter, Hyunjin unable to hold back his own chuckles. ‘You guys haven’t seen it, though.’ ‘If she’s fully clothed, it can’t be that sexy,’ Minho says, and Hyunjin and Felix laugh again. ‘The robe’s see-through,’ Hyunjin admits. When it comes to her, his pride and jealousy regularly battle, and leave him torn between showing her off and keeping her to himself.

‘It’s see-through? Like totally see-through?’ Jisung asks with wide eyes, and Hyunjin nods smugly. ‘And is she wearing anything else?’ Changbin asks, Hyunjin shaking his head with a grin, the boys all looking shocked. ‘Wow, she must really trust you, to send you a picture like that,’ Chan says disbelievingly, Hyunjin feeling smugger by the second.

‘What the fuck are you waiting for? Go to her, stupid,’ Jeongin urges, Hyunjin chuckling. ‘There’s no rush. She likes the long game,’ Hyunjin replies mildly, the others all shaking their heads in disbelief. ‘You’ve got it so good,’ Seungmin says, voice laced with envy, and Hyunjin can’t help but grin in response.

aren’t you gonna tell me I look good?

did I make you hard in front of your friends, jinnie?

are they all jealous bc your girl is so hot?

I bet they wanna fuck me like you do

only you get to fuck me though, jin

I only want you

only wanna be good for you

He stays with the boys for another hour, but his mind is elsewhere completely. The texts she sends him every few minutes fry his brain, and he feels himself getting needier with each one. He needs her. So many addictions in his life, but he’d give them all up for her. Fuck Mary Jane and Molly; she’s his favourite.

I’m thinking of you, jinnie

always thinking of you

And those texts are the ones that push him over the edge. Not the ones about how much she wants him, how good his dick is, how wet she is for him, but the ones that make him think she cares.

‘I’m heading off,’ Hyunjin says, getting up from his seat, and the boys all laugh and cheer. ‘Coming back after?’ Jeongin asks, and Hyunjin shrugs. ‘Probably,’ he says, pulling his jacket on. ‘Here, bro. I’ve got her favourites,’ Changbin says, holding a little plastic packet out to Hyunjin. The boy takes it, and he wants nothing more than to crush the pills into tiny little pieces. But he puts them in his pocket instead, their weight on his heart like bricks.

Hyunjin doesn’t waste any more time, driving like a madman to her apartment in the city centre, praying he doesn’t get a ticket but knowing that it’s worth it for her. He has a pass for her apartment block’s car park, and thankfully his usual space, the one beside her space, is empty. She has Hyunjin to drive her around most of the time, so her barely driven black Audi A5 with its D&G interior is in pristine condition. Hyunjin has a keycard to get into her apartment and he taps his foot impatiently as he scans it, the lift slowly moving upwards. He practically leaps through the doors when they open, stepping straight into her living room.

The lights are off, allowing a clear view through the floor to ceiling windows that look out over the city, but Hyunjin doesn’t care about that view. The view on his mind isn’t in here, and he exerts the last of his self-control as he heads towards her bedroom. When he reaches the open door of her room and she comes into his eyeline, his breath catches in his throat. She’s sat on her windowsill, looking out over the skyline with a wineglass in her hand, and he knows it isn’t wine that she’s drinking. It’s never something as weak as wine.

She looks like an angel, face serene and thrown into dim light from the city, and she’s not wearing the robe anymore. She’s in underwear, just a plain black Agent Provocateur set, but she looks like the most beautiful girl in the world to him. Practically everything in her room is Louis V, but she’s worth more than it all. He walks towards her slowly, and she knows he’s there but doesn’t look over at him. As he gets closer, he sees the black lines of mascara across her cheeks, her eyes red and swollen, and he isn’t sure whether it’s because she’s higher than a kite, or she’s lower than she’s ever been before.

‘Are you high?’ he asks her softly, and she lets out a gentle laugh. ‘No.’ ‘So you’ve been crying?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘You gonna tell me why?’ ‘No,’ she replies, voice like silk, and Hyunjin lets out a gentle sigh. ‘You can’t keep it all bottled up.’ ‘I can, and I will. I wanted you to come here to fuck me, not to be my therapist,’ she says tiredly, Hyunjin silent.

‘Did you bring my molly?’ she asks, and he just stares at her, waiting for her to look back at him. To actually look at him for once. ‘Hyunjin?’ Silence continues to fill the room, and after what feels like an eternity, she looks at him, her eyes shining with tears. ‘No.’ ‘You didn’t?’ ‘No. I brought you enough for a week on Tuesday. It’s Friday today.’ ‘I know what day it is. My health isn’t your problem.’ ‘I know it isn’t. But you should still have some left.’ ‘That’s not your concern. If I ask you to bring me something, you should bring it.’ ‘Stop being a fucking brat.’ ‘Stop being a fucking dick.’

He wants to scream at her, grab the glass from her hand and smash it against the wall, flush the pills in his pocket down the toilet. But he doesn’t. He just stands there, staring at her, and she stares back at him.

‘When was the last time you were sober?’ ‘For fuck’s sake, Jin, I can’t-’ ‘Answer the fucking question,’ he says angrily, and she flinches at his tone. ‘I… I’m sober now.’ ‘You’ve been drinking. When was the last time you were properly sober – no drugs or drink?’ She’s completely silent, and Hyunjin remains silent too, waiting for her response.

‘On Wednesday.’ ‘I’m not fucking stupid, stop lying to me.’ ‘I’m not lying!’ ‘I swear to God, I’m walking out of here if you don’t tell me the truth.’ ‘Then leave.’ ‘Don’t tell me to leave when that’s the last thing you want,’ he murmurs, and she just stares at him, eyes shining with tears.

‘Last week.’ ‘Stop lying!’ ‘I don’t fucking know, Jin! Maybe last week, maybe last month, maybe last year, maybe longer! I can’t fucking remember! I can’t even fucking see straight most days! You think I can remember when I was last sober? I’m never fucking sober!’ she screams, her voice shattering the silence, and Hyunjin feels his heart ache at the tears spilling down her face.

‘You’re slowly killing yourself.’ ‘You think I don’t know that? I’m not a fucking idiot, Jin! I haven’t got any delusions about my health!’ ‘If you know you’re dying, why don’t you stop?’ ‘You’re not an idiot either. You don’t need me to explain that to you,’ she says tiredly, as though all of her energy has suddenly flooded away.

Hyunjin’s eyes fill with tears at the realisation. She’s doing it on purpose because she wants to die.

‘Why? ‘What?’ ‘Why do you want to die?’ he asks softly, and she laughs humourlessly. ‘I told you; I don’t want a therapy session. That’s not why you’re here.’ ‘You’re insane if you think I’m gonna fuck you now,’ he says, the girl just staring at him.

‘This isn’t a film, Hyunjin, or a book. I’m not gonna magically decide to open up to you and cry on your shoulder and you hold me whilst I sleep and then you take me to DAA tomorrow and help me get sober. That’s not how this works. That’s not who I am, or who you are. You fuck me, or you leave.’ ‘I’m not gonna fuck you when you’re like this. I’m not a fucking monster,’ Hyunjin says harshly. ‘I might have to disagree with that,’ she murmurs before taking a sip from her drink.

‘You’ve had enough for tonight,’ Hyunjin says, the girl raising an eyebrow at him as she continues to drink. ‘I said that that’s enough,’ he spits angrily, and she flinches again, taking the glass from her lips a moment later. He holds out a hand to take it, and she hesitates before handing it to him, Hyunjin celebrating internally. It’s a step forward. It might be a small one, but it’s something.

He puts the glass down on her bedside table before taking a seat beside her on the windowsill. ‘You can leave.’ ‘I know,’ he says softly, and she doesn’t reply, looking back out over the city with tears streaming down her face. They sit in silence, looking at two different views, and Hyunjin feels like he could live in this moment. Her walls are up, but she’s letting him in, even if it is just for a little while.

‘You should go.’ ‘No.’ ‘Hyunjin-’ ‘I’m not leaving.’ ‘But why?’ she whispers, so much loneliness in her voice that his heart drops. ‘What do you mean?’ ‘Why are you staying? We’re not having sex, and we’re not in a relationship. You don’t have any obligations to stay,’ she murmurs, lips quivering as she speaks. ‘I know I don’t have any obligations, but I won’t leave you – not while you’re like this.’

They fall into silence again and it’s so heavy, weighing down both of their hearts. ‘No one ever stays,’ she says miserably, and he tilts his head questioningly. ‘My ex-boyfriends always left. My friends always leave. You always leave. My dad even left. So why are you staying now?’ she asks, and he’s devastated at her words. This is more than she’s ever told him, and he never expected to hear that this is her trauma. She’s got daddy issues, and that’s why she is the way she is. She’s a drug addict, an alcoholic, ridden with mental health illness, all because of her dad.

‘I’m all you have left, other than drugs and money.’ ‘That’s all I need.’ ‘If you’ve got what you need, why do you wanna die?’ ‘It’s all I need to survive. Not to live.’ ‘Don’t you want to live?’ ‘Of course I do. But not like this, not… haunted. Not weighed down. Not numb and empty, all the fucking time. I can’t escape. It’s all I am… when I’m sober. If I stay drunk, and high, I can forget it all. The second I start coming down, it all comes back, and it hurts so much. I just wanna feel… not even happy. Just… alive. For once. Without the help of alcohol and drugs and designer clothes. But they fill the emptiness inside me like nothing else does.’ ‘There’s so much more to life. Love, friendship, memories, nature, achievements.’ ‘I know, but my brain doesn’t work in that way. I could be… stood on top of the world, and I’d still feel like I want to die.’ ‘Let me help you,’ he replies, and she laughs.

‘You do help me. You help me fill the void my dad left behind. You’re an asshole. You might call me a good girl and praise me and baby me and treat me like a princess sometimes, but you’re emotionally unavailable, and you shout at me and get angry with me, and you’re never here when it matters which is good because I’d get attached if you were, and you’re horrible to me when we fuck, and you make me feel like I’m not good enough for you when you text other girls in front of me and check out every girl that passes us when we’re on a night out, and you never respond to the nudes I send you which makes me feel like I’m fucking ugly, but that’s okay because you’ll come and fuck me and I feel the validation that I need, and you never stay the night which makes me feel like you only ever want me for sex, but it’s okay because at least you like me enough to fuck me in the first place. You told me once that you won’t call me yours, but it’s okay because I’d rather my body be yours than none of me at all.’

She’s sobbing by the time she finishes speaking, struggling to breathe properly, and Hyunjin’s frozen in shock. He’s an asshole? No. He’s a guy who’s in love with her and doesn’t want her to know it, because she’s always told him that she doesn’t want his love, she wants his dick and his drugs. But maybe if he’d ignored her wishes, and openly loved her, she wouldn’t be so fucked up. She wouldn’t crave his worthless validation. She wouldn’t be so lonely that she wants to die.

‘But I’m-’ ‘No. Don’t you dare deny it and say some stupid fucking shit to try and manipulate me into thinking you care. You don’t have to. I know you couldn’t give a shit about me, and I’ve known for so long, and it doesn’t matter,’ she says, furiously wiping away her tears, and Hyunjin shakes his head, taking her trembling hands into his. ‘No, you don’t understand. I’m only like this because you pushed me away. We were so good at first, I used to openly adore you, but you pushed me away and told me that you didn’t want that from me.’ ‘Yeah, because I’m fucked up! I turned you into an asshole, and then fell in love with you! More fool fucking me! Can you just leave now?’ she asks, pulling her hands from his and looking away. His heart sings at her confession that she does love him, that this isn’t one-sided, but it quickly quietens when he sees the look on her face.

‘I’m literally trying to tell you that I’m in love with you too. I want to be with you, and do the things we’ve never done. Restaurant dates, and staying the night and laying with you, and shopping trips that don’t end up with us fucking in the Chanel back room – not that I’m complaining about that, obviously. But I just want to be with you. We could be so good together – just give us a chance. Things don’t have to be this way.’ ‘They are.’ ‘But they don’t have to be! Just give me a day. A day to be more than your dick appointment and your dealer. All I need is one day with you, and I can make the pain better.’

‘No, Hyunjin. Just go,’ she says quietly, the tears gone and her voice calm. She’s shutting herself off again, pushing him back out, and it makes him panic. ‘Don’t do this. This is your chance to be happy, for us to be happy together.’ ‘No. Leave, like you always do,’ she murmurs, and he can see the city lights reflected in her eyes, the galaxy held between her lashes.

‘I only left because you wanted me to.’ ‘I still want you to.’ ‘But you love me.’ ‘They don’t cancel each other out.’ ‘That doesn’t-’ ‘Make any sense? I know. I don’t make any sense. I want love, but I’m scared of it. I hate my dad for abandoning me, but I only ever want guys that abandon me so if you stay, I’ll fall out of love with you, or I’ll push you away like I did when we first started fucking so that I can carry on loving you. I was never treated right, but I only ever want guys that treat me badly, so if you treat me right, I’ll get bored of you. I never got love from my dad, so I’ve been running from it my whole life, and that isn’t gonna change. I’ve driven myself insane for years, trying so hard to understand why I’m like this, but I am, and you should just accept that instead of trying work me out.’

Hyunjin just blinks, trying to process her words. Where does he win? The only way he can have her is carrying on being the asshole he’s been for the past few years, but there’s only so long he can keep that up when he’s falling more and more in love with her by the day. But if he openly loves her, she won’t want him anymore. Hyunjin makes a vow that if, by chance, he ever encounters her dad, he’s gonna beat the shit out of him. And he also makes a vow that he’s gonna help her, get her to therapy or DAA, because there’s no other way he can see a positive outcome.

‘You should just leave.’ ‘How can I leave you like this?’ ‘Because I can’t love you if you stay. I don’t love people who stay, and I never have. So… go. Please,’ she says, no emotion, no nothing in her voice, or on her face. She looks like one of those ancient marble statues, passive and cold but beautiful. And Hyunjin knows that he doesn’t want to live a life without her in it, so he does the only thing he can tonight, the only thing that won’t push her away.

‘Fine. I’ll fucking leave, since you keep fucking telling me to,’ he says harshly, the girl flinching at the suddenness of him pushing himself off the windowsill, feet landing heavily on the floor. ‘Came here to fuck you, and you’re fucking crying instead. You’re such a fucking mess. I should have brought your fucking molly. At least you keep your fucking mouth shut when you’re rolling. Never tell me to come over if you’re in your feels again, ‘cause I don’t wanna sit here and listen to you whine about your shitty dad,’ he mutters angrily, loathing himself for the words he’s using against her, the kind of words he’s subjected her to for so long, the words that made her fall in love with him.

Despite his brain screaming at him to not look back before leaving, he does it anyway, and when he sees her reaching for her glass again, eyes filled with tears and lips curled up into a sad smile, he feels his heart break into a million little pieces. He should knock the glass out of her hand. He should tell her how much he loves her, and how he’s not gonna give up on them. He should force her to get into his car, take her to rehab, and tell her that he won’t stand by and watch her slowly kill herself. But he squares his shoulders, ignoring the clink of her glass against her Cartier rings, and leaves her bedroom with the weight of the world on his shoulders and her face in his mind.

[abarbaricyalp]

Idk if you are still taking prompts, but you know the vine two dudes chilling in a hot tub 5 feet apart cause they're not gay, and a girl quoting it in a park about two girls in the distance and one of them hearing and going "Actually I am gay" Like that scenario, only involving them fixing the boat? Maybe Sarah quoting it to give Sam shit when she thinks Bucky cant hear and Bucky goes "Wait, no I'm gay" or something, or just the general gist of that. Sorry if this us too specific, I've never sent anyone a prompt before :P

Hello Friend! Thank you so much for sending anything in at all! I know the vine you're talking about, but I couldn't find it on Youtube. (I did find a two day rabbit hole of old compilations though) This was also my first foray into writing Sarah as a fully fleshed character! I was excited to get the practice 'cause I had an idea bouncing around in my head about her and Bucky talking after he wakes up in the Wilson house. I kept her a little more like she had been in my other fics pre-show here. I so wish we got a little more of her!

Feel free, anyone, to send me Sambucky prompts!

The North American Superhero in a Domestic Situation

Sarah Wilson loved her brother deeply. The kind of soul crushing love that could only be formed through family, loss, and approximately four thousand brawls around the living room throughout their life. She looked up to her brother more than she could ever imagine looking up to anyone. Even when they were fighting or picking on each other, she couldn’t help but feel a swell in her chest when he came into her line of sight.

That didn’t mean she understood him. In fact, from the age of eight, watching her brother interact with the world had become her go-to pastime. Why did he have to roll every pea around the plate individually before eating them? Why did he and his friends spend seven years socking each other in the arm to prove friendship? Why did he talk to himself in the mirror, even when he knew Sarah or someone else was standing in the doorway?

Sam Wilson was just deeply weird. She had no idea how he had tricked the Avengers, a plethora of bad guys, and half of the media world into thinking he was remotely cool. She saw a news story once that had King T’Challa standing on a platform with Sam and the newscasters talked about how impressive Sam’s suit was. It was unnatural, the effect he had on people.

And in all her years, she never thought she’d see anyone weirder than Sam. But then James Barnes had showed up. It was like a complete reversal of Sam. Sarah was taken in for approximately three hours by his charm and face before she realized he too was deeply, deeply weird.

She justified sitting on the edge of the Paul and Darlene, watching her brother and James Barnes spar off about some dumb trivia fact, by deciding it was an anthropological expedition. The North American Superhero in a Domestic Situation. She watched Sam watch Barnes take a long pull off his beer. She watched Barnes kick his feet up near Sam’s legs and then draw them back quickly when a current jolted the boat. She watched Barnes’ fingers tap-tap-tap against the edge of the boat, inching closer to Sam’s shoulder before he chickened out and brought his hand back to his own lap. She watched Sam suggest Bucky take his jacket off, ‘unless you plan on sun blinding me with the robocop arm.’ She watched Sam look away when Barnes did shrug his jacket off.

When she was seventeen and Sam was fifteen, she had found Sam crying in his room, pillow pressed to his face to muffle the noise. They were at the age where going into each other’s rooms uninvited started international conflicts, but Sarah, who watched her brother intently, felt like she knew what was going on. So she let herself in through their Jack-and-Jill bathroom and shut the door behind her.

Sam didn’t stop crying, not even to yell at her to get out, so she sat on the end of his bed and rolled a baseball under her foot for a while. Finally, she’d said, “You don’t have to tell Mom and Dad, y’know.”

Sam had just about wailed and bit the corner of his pillow to stop himself.

“That’s gross, stop it,” Sarah ordered and pushed Sam’s shoulder back enough to yank his pillow free and then reached over to wipe the tears from his cheeks. “I should make you do the laundry this week so I know I’m not touching your snot germs,” she teased softly.

“How did you know?” Sam hiccuped out. Tears were still brimming at his eyes, but they didn’t fall.

“I’m your older sister. I made you. Like a doll. You think there’s something about you that I don’t know?” she joked. And when the tears did spill over his long lashes, she sighed and pulled him closer to her side. “I just know the way you interact with that boy from the basketball team ain’t just friendly.”

“Jesus, do you think he can tell?” Sam asked and she could hear the mortification in his voice.

“Sam, he’s a freshman in high school. The only thing he knows is that he’s scared of everything too. No one’s paying that much attention to you.”

“Screw you,” Sam muttered.

“What’re all these tears for you if you didn’t make a move and get shot down?”

“God, Sarah, can you not say things like that?”

“Watch your mouth,” Sarah warned with no heat in her voice. “Come on, tell me what’s wrong. I’m not leaving until you do.”

“I just…” Sam sat up and worked his jaw for a while. His chin dimpled and his eyes watered but he managed to control himself. “I’m scared, Sarah. I’m scared of never being in love. Of having to leave if I am. I’m scared to say something and I’m scared not to say something. I’m so scared of...losing any of it.”

“Sam,” Sarah sighed and pulled Sam into another hug. “You’re fifteen. You’re not supposed to be in love yet. You don’t have to think about any of that. You just have to focus on passing Geometry, alright? Mom’ll whoop your ass more for failing than anything else.”

“I have a B+, that’s not failing!” Sam snapped. He kept his face against her shoulder for a second long before he sat up and wiped his tears away. “Please don’t tell anyone.”

“Who am I gonna tell? I told you, my friends don’t like you as much as you think they do.”

“Your friends like me more than they like you,” Sam shot back and he almost sounded normal.

Sarah smiled softly and patted Sam’s cheek. “I won’t tell Mom or Dad. Of course not. That’s for you to do. But--”

“I’m always going to tell them when you sneak out the window.”

“No! Sam! You can’t! You owe me now!”

“Going to field parties is not the same thing!” Sam said in a shriek as Sarah leaned over to pinch his sides. They grappled for a second before Sam managed to push Sarah off the bed.

“You owe me,” she reminded him as she walked back to the bathroom.

Sam wiped his eyes again and nodded. “Sure, Sarah. I do.”

Sam almost had the same look on his face now. Like there was something he wanted to reach for that he thought was too impossible to hold. The Older Sister Instinct to Antagonize into a Solution kicked in.

“Two bros, chilling on a boat, five feet apart ‘cause they’re not gay,” she sing-songed. Sam looked mortified again but masked his face into something more irritated with a roll of his eyes when Barnes looked over at him.

“Ignore her. It’s this old video--” Sam started.

But Bucky interrupted to say, “Actually I am gay,” as he looked back over at Sarah. “Sorry if I got your hopes up,” he added with a grin that really did get the hopes up.

“What?” Sam asked and Sarah, ever watchful, could see the beer bottle shaking in his hand.

“What?” Bucky repeated innocently.

“He said he’s gay,” Sarah clarified.

“Thank you, Sarah,” Sam ground out. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Bucky snorted. “When would I have said anything? ‘Sorry for ripping your wings off and kicking you off of a hellicarrier, by the way I’m gay.’?”

“You did what?” Sarah asked.

“‘Sorry for claiming I didn’t bomb the UN only to be reverted back to the assassin who would have done that and then fighting you again. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘Thanks for saving my life. Sorry about the giant undersea prison. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘There’s an imminent battle with weird ass space dogs that want to eat our faces. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘Sorry about Tony Stark, whose life I kind of ruined. Lovely funeral. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘I’m in the middle of being pissed at you about the Shield. By the way I’m gay.’ ‘Maybe don’t take me rolling through a field of flowers. It does things to me ‘cause I’m gay.’ ‘John Walker’s fucking insane. I’m gay, but definitely not for this bullshit.’ I mean, come on, Sam.”

“Flowers?” Sarah asked.

“Besides, why would you care? I don’t make it a habit of telling straight guys I’m into guys.”

“You don’t seem to make a habit of telling many people that,” Sarah pointed out. “I googled you. Nothing suggesting that came up.”

Bucky shrugged. “I’m a guy from the 30s. It was trained out of me.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Sarah said quickly. “Back up away from that because we’re not gonna try to Oppression Olympics our way through our histories. Did you just say Sam was straight?”

“Sarah!” Sam hissed.

“Sure. I mean, I saw him with Romanov. Hill. He has Tinder on his phone.”

“Samuel Thomas, you better not,” Sarah warned lightly. “You’re better than that.”

“He’s a lady-killer.”

Sarah snorted and had to bring her hand up to her face. “He definitely is not. There has been no lady-killing on his end for a long time.”

“Sarah!” Sam tried again.

“You explain it to him then. Mr. 30s is gonna need the long way round explanation.”

Sam sighed and dragged his hand over his face. “Dammit. Fine. I’m not straight either, alright? I’m...bi, or something. It’s been a while since I’ve had to think about it.”

“What?” Bucky asked, not unlike Sam had.

“He said he’s bisexual. Interested in both parties. Swings either way. Hit a homerun and then hasn’t really swung since.”

“Sarah, Jesus Christ,” Sam groaned.

“What?” Bucky asked again.

“I was engaged. To a man,” Sam said.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Bucky asked, clearly missing the irony.

“Oh, it was inconvenient for you but I had plenty of opportunities, huh?” Sam asked. “Ms. Tell-It-All over there wasn’t joking. I haven’t swung any direction in a while. Not since before I met Steve. My fiance died. And then it never came up.”

Bucky blinked at Sam. He kept bringing the bottle halfway up his body and then setting it back on his leg without ever taking a drink. “Fuck, Sam, I’m sorry,” Bucky said, which was not what Sarah was expecting and it clearly wasn’t what Sam was expecting because Sam finally moved closer to Bucky on the bench.

“What for? You didn’t do anything. This time.”

“Yeah, but if I’d known you were into me too, I woulda kissed you in Germany.”

“Oh, I am so not into you,” Sam denied. “And I wouldn’t have our first kiss ruined by immediately running into the government’s roving show monkey.”

“That’s the worst,” Bucky agreed and also finally moved over on the bench until they were pressed thigh to thigh. “Tell me how much you don’t like me again,” he challenged.

“I can’t stand you,” Sam answered and brought his hand up to Bucky’s jaw.

Sarah couldn’t fight down the grin that came to her face and turned to prop her feet on the pier, back to Sam and Bucky. Just this once, she didn’t need to watch her brother to understand him.

Read on AO3 here!

[thejudgingtrash]

Can you explain to me how Rachel was annoying in the series?

Well, I’ll try to keep myself short for this one (lol no, this took an hour to write). Also, let’s not forget that they’re all kids, but I’m basing this off from when I read the series as a fourteen year old because my opinions haven’t changed much (for better or for worse).

I’m not the biggest fan of Rachel. I have to admit that portrayals of her by Simi, Kit, Logan, Apollo and all the others helped to shape her into something cooler than what she had been in my foggy memories but I actually went back to take a look in the books (well, TTC + BOTL so far) to refreshen my mind about events that have happened.

Also, you should browse through @blackjacktheboss's blog as she’s a) hilarious and b) says whatever I say in like a single sentence lol. But your ask is about me and my opinions so here we go:

What I didn’t like about Rachel was that she’s rude and bold (DON’T GET ME WRONG, I love that in female characters!!!), but she doesn’t have Annabeth’s excuse of survival of the fittest (literally running off as a traumatized seven year old) and introducing us into the world of the Riordanverse.

Percy was on his way, had shit to deal with and Rachel pretty much interrupted him from the get-go and thought getting her answers was more important than letting Percy just rush forward. Yes, this is Rachel’s entrance into the series and the net Riordan threw into the sea, to make us little fish adapt to her. But it still didn’t sit right with me, probably because I would never interact that way.

I get why she did that, but it’s the way how she did it that’s just making me go ???

Even if I was seeing weird things, I wouldn’t set out to distract/interrupt someone who is incredibly busy to get my way. Rachel’s dick move seems like a Karen boomer type of thing to pull off, but guess that’s up to you.

If I were her, I’d either film/try to photograph the monsters via phone (if that’s possible) or internet stalk enough to find the other person (note: despite Riordan’s stupid rule of not being able to use phones, demigods still can use computers/the internet, I guess). Percy was national news like a year or two ago in the timeline, so it shouldn’t be that difficult to find more stuff out about him, even in like 2008 or so. Let him have a spot on Perez Hilton's shitty gossip blog, for the OGs reading this.

Annabeth was used as a tool of exposition to introduce us to CHB, the demigod life and how things roll around there. She barged into Percy’s mission as a nuisance first but a necessity second in TLT.

However, in comparison to Rachel, Annabeth was transformed into a fully-fledged protagonist within a span of a chapter or two. Rachel needed another separate book after her first appearance, so we don’t just know Annabeth better, we know that she’s an important constant throughout the story as of Rachel seems… almost random? Is she truly necessary as a character?

This doesn’t come from a shipper perspective, this is coming from a character design perspective and adds to the feeling that the way she has been introduced to me as a reader just seems off.

Yes, BOTL makes sense with her as a reborn Ariadne, but technically Sally could’ve done the job as she’s a clear-sighted mortal as well lol. Then again, Sally is an adult, went to college, had a job, was unfortunately probably working it up with Paul, did the cha cha slide with him and had overall better shit to do.

Then Rachel as the oracle, which is just super weird in general. Wasn’t Apollo himself responsible for issuing prophecies in the OG myths? Or did he both, have the oracle of Delphi as his spokesperson and issue important stuff to Team Olympus? Am I mixing things up? I’m getting sidetracked, my bad.

Either way, this oracle gig might be the only time I’d say Rachel might be important in the future (badum tzz), but Riordan fumbled the bag in the follow ups series so there’s that. Did she even appear in HOO? Can’t remember and also don’t care.

Rachel is used as one out of three choices in regard to his love life that Percy can make. Calypso literally got introduced into BOTL and was admittedly Percy’s biggest what if… But the general gist doesn’t sit right with me. We have three possible routes with Percy and the others:

Rachel: somewhat normality in the mortal realm

Annabeth: the danger and thrill of the demigod life

Calypso: ambrosia and nectar. a hint of immortality

(On one hand, literally why but on the other hand, mad props for Percy who has literally three romantic leads in the same book.) I’d cancel one of them at least out and since Annabeth isn’t going anywhere, I’m taking Rachel. Sally could literally been Percy’s anchor to a normal mortal life as she had intended until it didn’t work out anymore when he became twelve and his monster alerting scent grew stronger.

Calypso and Annabeth would’ve been the perfect opposites where each of them had a strong case. The demigod life within the realms or mortal or the demigod life ascending to Olympus/immortality. Sounds cooler and is way simpler. Three people is way too much, this truly feels like a shonen anime harem thing and it’s defo not my cup of tea (and while some Annabeth sideships aren’t my thing (Lukabeth go cry in the corner, no one likes you, WTF, Connabeth you fugly), it’s super unfair that Annabeth solely has Percy (fuck off Luke) to rely on in regards of romantic endeavors).

Rachel almost feels redundant? The option to walk away from all of that… which isn’t really true as Rachel really tries to push and insert herself into the story the very first time we meet her? But that’s just me, I’m certain that others are saying they’d kill off Annabeth or kick Calypso (I mean yeah) into the curb.

Big ALSO:

Why does Percy need another white and uber-rich love interest?

I semi-joked on Dez’ post (@sawasawako) with this response about Annabeth needing to keep up with powerful Rachel, but the core still stands.

We already have an affluent Annabeth (granted, we don’t know exactly how the Chase’s riches are divided, whereas it’s clear that Rachel can just make anyone drop dead by saying who she is. Annabeth needed that weird lotus casino credit card to make that happen, so Miss Harvard Legacy doesn’t wield that Dare schmoney. Also don’t think Annabeth can just up papa’s money and go…? Idk).

Why do we need another person needing to upstage this?

Like Rachel has to triumph in regards to standard and prestige as if it were a badly written Jane Austen AU. For what reason…? Why not make Percy friends and acquaintances with someone who comes from a normal household for once, not super rich brats (Piper, Annabeth, Rachel, technically the Graces with their TV starlet mother amongst others).

Moreover…

Important question: why should Percy actually be impressed/attracted to that? He’s dirt poor and has been sent to (boarding) schools filled with stupid rich people since he’s been twelve, probably even younger than that. As if that’s the very first thing Percy would look out for or be wowed or something. He’s used to rich douchebags. I think he’s more surprised that someone used their money for his benefit for once and not to crash daddy’s new Mercedes again.

Like seriously… Rachel did that weird art project thing in BOTL with her covered in gold and posing like it’s a super normal thing to do? Even for rich snobbish kids standards? That sounds weird to me. I don’t know, maybe Riordan’s been streaming the new Gossip Girl reboot on HBO Max on repeat and thought this girl is on fiyah (performed by Alicia Keys).

Rachel trying to separate herself from her money just comes off as super hypocritical when she’s using the very same funds to finance her lifestyle. I get it, trying to make amends and make a difference with the damage you have done but... your father still doesn't give a shit about the environment or YOU, sweetie. Kick him in the balls for once! Then you can go out about your art projects.

The concept of Percy having friends in the mortal realm is cool, but why does Rachel almost have to compete with Annabeth with her wealth and art stuff?

No seriously, the comparisons are constantly there, out and about. Roaming freely on the finest grass, needing to be feed delicious locally sourced carrots and stuff.

Annabeth is Athena’s kid. Athena is the goddess of wisdom, weaving, justice, warfare yada yada and arts and crafts. So definitely something which would affect Rachel, right (someone write that Athena messing with Rachel because she can AU and tag me please!)?

Annabeth wants to become an architect which translates to fancy building designer who is driving engineers like Leonardo Eugenio Valdez Cortes insane irl because the maths and physics don't work like that in the working field trust me I'm an engineer, which could/should be considered an art form.

They even shared some common ground while talking about architecture and design in BOTL!

Furthermore, they both share broken homes with absent parents (granted that all demigods go through that). Wealthy families at that as well. Shitty fathers that don’t care about their daughters well-being. Rachel however, is super powerful and influential in an unseen level in the mortal world. She isn’t like Matt Sloan (?) who truly messes up by destroying shit to get his father's attention, but she’s still in that circle and can easily demonstrate that. Making deals with her father and what not. We rarely see Annabeth doing that. Did y’all forget the fucking helicopter Rachel brought along in TLO?

Pan saying Rachel is just as important as her father has multiple meanings to me…

(Sidenote: I do think it’s hilarious that Annabeth is jealous/annoyed of Rachel that her remarks were she’s cute right and Percy went??? Or when Tyson said Rachel’s pretty? Or that time when Annabeth actually defended Luke and his weird behavior (because Kronos was slowly taking over, don’t forget that kids!), because f that rich artist nepotism kid that Rachel seems to be, right?)

Another note: Percy thinks Rachel is annoying in BOTL for a while and it took a while for him to admit that and he spent way more time being annoyed/jealous (for once, Lordy) at Luke for him to even notice lol.

I guess it’s really hard for me to exactly pinpoint what’s bothering me. I believe Rachel's persona just doesn’t seem to hit right, because it feels like a knock-off Annabeth who just simply isn’t a demigod, yet has two cool powers, but in even richer who still needs to be part of the story for exactly what reason?

The jumping around from the richest in the series to the poorest in the series is kinda bothering me as if the middle class doesn’t exist, like I’ve stated earlier. Why didn’t Riordan mix it up with Rachel, giving her more nuance the minute they met, not towards the end? Have her be Percy’s platonic friend from the get go. No weird oh wait she is kinda cute in the middle bullshit.

This kinda drifted more into a Perachel vs Percabeth essay, which really wasn’t my intention. Don’t worry kids, I’m criticizing Annabeth (and her stans) enough already.

And I do think that others in the fandom have softened my views on Rachel as a person like I’ve stated in the beginning. So friendship!Perachel is popping! But I do think that there are some valid points that I’ve made.

Also not gonna lie, Rachel issuing the new prophecy in TLO kinda dampened the end of PJO series but that’s more Riordan’s fault than hers.

TLDR: I’m just not a huge fan of this overbearing, uber-rich, excessively flaunting being that Rachel sometimes displays. She’s flawed, she’s broken at times, has a semi-interesting background story (although it has been done over and over again throughout the series and should be changed up for once) which is great, but it is still annoying.

We don’t need an anti-Annabeth who feels like a weird caricature of the real Annabeth.

Also if this seems super incoherent, repetitive, or whatever, I'm sorry, massive headaches + mental health going down the goo lagoon does this to ya, I hope I made somewhat sense!

[spidersfanfics]

Late Night Revelations

Josuke x Okuyasu CW: Coming out, would probably be rated “Teen” on A03

Happy pride month! I’m finally posting again! I’ve been doing nothing but long form fics for a while now so Tumblr has been getting neglected. But now, for the first time ever you guys are getting a fic *before* it gets posted over on Wattpad. Now, onto the description.

Okuyasu tries to explain why girls are a big deal to a very confused Josuke. Things go nowhere until they realize two things. One, Josuke is very gay. And two, Josuke is more of a hands-on learner.

Okuyasu collapsed onto the bed with a groan. “Man, I still can’t believe Koichi already had plans tonight. And with Yukako no less.”

“Yeah,” Josuke agreed, flopping down next to him. “I mean we probably should have known he might be busy but still. Kinda sucks that he blew us off for a girl.”

“What? No way, dude,” Okuyasu said quickly as he propped himself up on his elbows. “He’s the lucky one here. I wish I could hurry up and get a date already.”

Josuke raised an eyebrow at him, “You know I really don’t get it when you go on about stuff like that. What’s so great about dating girls anyway?”

“Bro, what’s not great about girls?” Okuyasu gaped at him, “They’re so pretty and cute. And when a girl likes you and compliments you. Man, that's the best feeling in the world.”

Josuke sat up and scrunched up his face. “I dunno dude, compliments are cool no matter who they come from. You say nice things about my hair all the time.”

Okuyasu flushed slightly and glanced away. “Sure, but when you like someone and they like you back, it’s just different.”

He moved to a seated position and cleared his throat, “Trust me.”

“Oh yeah?” Josuke asked, narrowing his eyes dramatically, “Give me an example.”

Okuyasu thought about it for a moment. “You can’t just put me on the spot like that,” he joked before side-eyeing Josuke, “I’m not really into anyone at the moment…” He trailed off for a moment then grinned mischievously, “But your mom’s pretty hot.”

Josuke laughed and shoved Okuyasu playfully, “Shut up dude, even I know that’s weird to think about.”

“Okay okay,” Okuyasu said, joining in on Josuke’s laughter. “What about that Sugimoto girl? She’s pretty, right?”

“The ghost?” Josuke asked, reaching over to whack Okuyasu with a pillow. “Koichi said she was nice but she’s also dead. What would even be the point?”

Okuyasu huffed and gave Josuke a pointed look, “I guess I just have a thing for people I don’t actually have a chance with.”

Josuke ignored the comment and stuck his tongue out, “I dunno dude, sounds fake. How do you even know when you like a girl?”

“You just kinda do, I guess,” Okuyasu said with a shrug. “You get really excited to see them and being really close to her gives you all these fluttery feelings.” He made a face and looked to gauge Josuke’s reaction. “It’s hard to explain but that’s basically the gist of it.”

Josuke frowned, “That’s what crushes are like? But even just with my friends sometimes I-” He cut himself off abruptly as his face flushed red.

“Your friends what?” Okuyasu asked, “Why’d you stop talking?” There was a long pause before a hint of suspicion crept over his face. “Wait, do you have a crush on someone? But you don’t really have any female friends. Except for Yukako I guess but she’s dating Koichi. Are you hiding somebody from me?”

Josuke shook his head wordlessly.

Okuyasu scrunched up his face in concentration. “Well if that’s not the case, then that leaves only the guys,” he said, closing his eyes as he walked himself through his thought process. “Which means…”

His eyes snapped open and he jabbed an accusatory finger at Josuke, “You must be gay!”

When Josuke looked away almost imperceptibly, Okuyasu’s eyes widened. “No way, am I right?”

Another long pause and when Josuke did not answer, realization dawned on him. “Wait, you didn’t know either, did you? You figured it out at the same time as I did.” Okuyasu grinned smugly, “Never thought I’d outsmart Josuke Higashikata but here we are.”

“I’m not- I don’t think. I mean,” Josuke stammered, not meeting Okuyasu’s gaze.

Okuyasu hurried to reassure his friend, “No wait it’s fine, I’m bi dude. I like girls, sure, but I like guys too. It’s no big deal.” He leaned forward and put a hand on Josuke’s knee, causing him to jump.

“Dude you’re sweating,” Okuyasu said with concern in his voice.

Josuke laughed nervously and rubbed the back of his neck. He brushed off Okuyasu’s hand and sat back a little. “I’m fine, it’s fine. I mean, maybe I am gay. That makes sense, I think. Probably. It’s fine, right? Why wouldn’t it be?”

He took a shaky breath and tried to calm himself down.

Even Okuyasu could tell that Josuke was more than a little shaken by the sudden realization that his disinterest in women might have a reason. “Hey, of course it’s fine bro. I certainly don’t care.”

“Yeah, of course,” Josuke nodded. He bit his lip nervously and looked down, “But like if it was kind of a big deal, how would I know? For sure. That I was you know... Gay.”

Okuyasu gave him a playful grin and a shrug. “I don’t know, maybe you could kiss me,” he teased, pointing at his own mouth.

Josuke flushed red and spluttered nonsense as Okuyasu laughed, “I’m only joking dude. Loosen up. I know you probably wouldn’t want to do that. I’m your best friend after all, it might be weird right?”

“Yeah,” Josuke said, nodding. “But what if, uhh, I didn’t think it was that weird?”

“Really?” Okuyasu said, sounding a little choked, his confidence visibly wavering. “You’d actually want to kiss me?”

Josuke shifted awkwardly, “I don’t know. Maybe?”

“Okay,” Okuyasu cleared his throat stiffly and moved himself a little closer to Josuke. “If you’re sure you’re okay with it.”

Josuke nodded quickly and leaned in as well. His breathing quickened and he could feel his heart pounding in his chest. “I am, are you?”

Okuyasu hesitated. After a long while he looked down, “I’ve never actually done this before. With a guy or a girl.”

“That’s okay,” Josuke said, reaching out a tentative hand to his friend, “Me neither. Although I guess that’s probably obvious.” He laughed nervously before taking a shaky breath and closing his eyes.

The two embraced, slowly at first. Tentative and hesitant. But as their confidence grew, the kiss quickly turned heated. Okuyasu took the lead, pushing his tongue past Josuke’s teeth. In turn, Josuke pushed himself into the kiss hungrily, pressing himself desperately against Okuyasu’s muscular chest.

Suddenly, the moment was broken as Josuke lost his balance and fell forward, knocking Okuyasu to the bed.

They broke apart panting, both staring at the other in slight disbelief. The fact that Josuke was propped up over Okuyasu as he lay breathless on the bed suddenly hit them both and Josuke felt his face heat up. “Sorry Oku, are you alright?”

Okuyasu let his head fall back as he laughed, his eyes closed in amusement. “I’m fine,” he said as he finally caught his breath. “What about you? Did you like that?”

Josuke nodded, not quite trusting himself to speak. “Yeah, I liked that,” he managed.

His eyes grew unfocused for a moment as he suddenly realized something. His head dropped in embarrassment, ducking his chin in towards his chest. “Shit,” he swore softly, “I think I like you.”

“Well I would hope so after that amazing first kiss,” Okuyasu said lightly.

“You hope so?” Josuke’s head snapped up at this, staring down at Okuyasu once more. “You mean you like me too?”

Okuyasu nodded as best he could while looking up at his best friend and longtime crush. “I’ve liked you for a while dude. I just didn’t think I had much of a chance. You were probably straight and even if you weren’t. Well you’re just so amazing bro. Why would you ever like me?”

Josuke pouted slightly, “How are you so chill about this? Usually I’m the one that has it all figured out before you do.”

“Hey I’ve gotta have the upper hand on something, right?” Okuyasu laughed, “I may not be the brightest but I know who I am.”

He reached up to give Josuke a friendly punch in the arm. But what he didn’t account for was how on edge Josuke was.

The moment his fist made contact, despite how gentle he’d been, Josuke flinched, pushing himself off balance. With a dull thud, Josuke collapsed forward onto Okuyasu, knocking the breath from both of them.

“Sorry!” They both exclaimed at the same time before making eye contact and bursting out laughing.

“So it’s okay that I like you then?” Josuke asked as their laughter died down.

“More than okay,” Okuyasu reassured him.

Josuke nodded thoughtfully, “What does this make us?”

Okuyasu considered it for a moment, “Boyfriends I guess, if you want.”

“I think I’d like that,” Josuke said, rolling off of Okuyasu. “If you would.”

“Of course I would,” Okuyasu said quickly, moving to lie on his side. “You’re my best bro, I’d like that more than anything in the world.”

Josuke blushed at how earnest Okuyasu’s words were and mirrored his position. “Well in that case, can I kiss you again?”

“You don’t even have to ask,” Okuyasu laughed, already leaning in.