#the fast and emotionless
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Alright, I'm just going to say it:
I think Disney listened when every critic under the sun made fun of the unnecessary CGI Lion King remake for all of the characters having about as much expression as a stale piece of toast. And then they proceeded to completely overcompensate with this even more unnecessary Mufasa sequel
If the animation in the movie is as bad as the trailer made it look...
#cgi from fifteen years ago looked better holy fuck#everything is too bouncy and fast-paced#granted that could just be from editing for the trailer#but we've crossed right over from being too emotionless to way over the top#and THIS is why this style of animation doesn't fucking work - especially if there are no humans to balance it out#2D or even the artistic 3D animation lends itself better to over-animated emotions and characters#because the visual style suspends our disbelief enough that it doesn't look uncanny#this hyper realistic style just makes everything so unnatural when you see lions smiling like people#and this also just rubs in the fact that they COULD have animated this more like the original lion king#or even used their disney animation 3D art style#and the product would have looked 1000x better#but they're still desperate to keep 'live action' movies alive so they did it this way#(also i'm pretty sure cgi artists aren't unionized the way other animators are so it's cheaper to do it this way)#i really hate these fucking movies if that wasn't made clear
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Something I really really really wish customers would understand is like. How much really dumb pointless shit matters to corporate. How if you liked your service please don't leave a review with anything other than 100% across the board because giving us an 80% or a 70% just makes our review score stay the same or drops it. It's never good enough and they're always barking at us to do better no matter how good we do it doesn't amount to anything unless we're at 90-100% . Please if you do surveys only ever leave 100% if your happy with your service please I beg you
#having my manager be like 'oh make sure to greet people make sure to ask for emails' i do#god damn i do i bust my ass and she still has to like 'talk' to me abt my rating going down its not my fault if customers just dont coopera#i could get on my knees and lick thier boots and theyd still give our store a 70% rating . not my problem#if you shop somewhere frequently and they want you to sign up for whatever just make a dummy account or whatever because they#judge us based on how many of those we get . its so annoying#people wonder why cashiers are so dead and emotionless everywhere#its because no matter how good we are its never enough its hard not to become defeated and jist give up#your reward for digging fast is a bigger shovel or whatever
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oh just heard that cover of fast car by Tracy Chapman by a male country artist whose name escapes me and it is BAD bad
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I’m making this very clear right now:
If you think AI stealing real artists artwork is excusable, unfollow me this instant. AI Generated Images is theft.
#personal*#jess talks#if you think it’s okay to steal the hard work of someone practiced and skilled enough to creat it themselves#then you can get fucked and unfollow me#I don’t want anyone with that mentality around my blog#I’ve just seen a bunch of people on insta flood the comments of some of my fave artists saying they’re in the wrong from being against AI#yeh we fuckin know it’s not going anywhere and that’s a problem in of itself because it’ll eventually replace more creative jobs#AI generators harvest artworks from websites MADE MY REAL ARTISTS to create an emotionless/cold varient based off of key words#it’s absurd and fucked up#and don’t start with the copyright bullshit#fundamentally if an AI is going to use other real artists work as its base - then it needs to ASK PERMISSION and compensate#artwork belongs to the artist. period.#my dream job is to be concept artist#at this fucking rate a computer will have the job before I ever get the chance to apply#companies are already firing artists in place of using AI because it’s ‘faster and less expensive’#congratulations you just openly admitted you’d rather fast mass produce content and products than pay a talented employ to create something#that’s original and potentially groundbreaking#like legit get fucked#anyway rant over#I’ll be reblogging this
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im really like a sponge sometimes huh
#river.txt#its only really been the past. year-ish? maybe less?#because before i was probably less in touch with my own emotions and definitely still had the habit of bottling shit up#and not to mention before that i was on this hardcore emotions/feelings diet lmao idk what else to call it#but i basically refused to acknowledge anything ever i was just straight up emotionless feelingless#but ever since therapy and opening up about stuff there and etc etc#i generally became more. sensitive to the inner workings of myself#And. the point of this post: to other people#so back to my sponge point#lately i really feel like a sponge because#i can be having an okay brain day and then one of my friends says they are upset or something happens or whatever#and im instantly feeling so fucking shit im all like oh ok nvm life bad actually life is so shit im so sad and/or angry#idk i cant explain it i just absord it so fast and it can instantly impact and change my own mood#like today i was in the mountains right. nice cozy autumnal time. felt chilled.#but then i was on the train back home and i started talking to a friend and we talked about all this. hmm.#shitty server stuff. just bad vibes. he is upset because of the same stuff as me too. we were both hurt by someone. etc#so we started discussing that but then it got more personal and he said how he is really not doing well and how hurt he is#and i just had a nice mountain time i was feeling ok but after this i was immediately just#so fucking down
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atp i’m literally only reading demon slayer to avoid the spoilers. i don’t even enjoy reading manga that much and i’m content with just watching anime but it’s fucking impossible avoiding people spoiling it
#shsssjsjs it’s so annoying!#several plot points and deaths spoiled#I’ve maybe only read five manga to completion?Idk I just really struggle to give characters a voice in comics/manga#plus I read fast so everything just sort of blurs together as one emotionless blob#im trying to pace myself when reading it and take it slow but it’s still my least fave way to consume a story
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Golden Boy - G.S.
Synopsis. Falling right back in love with the cult leader you’re supposed to kíll? Happens more often than you’d think.
Pairing. Geto Suguru x Reader
Content. MDNI, fem! reader, friends/lovers to enemies to lovers, oral (fem receiving), facesítting, creampíe, slight Gojo x Reader, running away from it, Suguru is so SOOO in love still, unprotected, spítting, kinda angsty, hurt/comfort, mentions of bIood and kníves, pet names, swearing.
Word count. 4.4k
A/N. I was listening to fantasmas while writing this so take that how you will LMAO.
The difficult part, surprisingly, wasn’t infiltrating Geto Suguru’s Time Vessel Association. No, a few faux tears, a decoy curse, and you were in - stepping through his grandiose hideout. The difficult part was convincing yourself that you were here to kill him.
Something that utterly foolish little part of yourself still had trouble believing - even when you had a knife to his throat.
“Any last words?” you spit, muffled through your mask, thankful for the way it covers up just how much your voice shakes. Maybe because of the way his lips curl into a familiar smile, maybe from his cool dagger pressing against the back of your neck.
Seconds away from a bloodbath.
You don’t know if you’re breathing - or if he is either. Eyes locked on the way Sugur- your target only raises his hand up, up, up - getting ready to strike. To kill. Only you’d get him first and-
Snip!
You’re not dead. But you might as well have been, because your mask falls onto the tatami mat with a deafening clatter.
“You’re as beautiful as the day I lost you.”
It’s hard not to remember.
“You don’t have any right to say that.” your knees tighten around where you had him straddled to the ground. Your hand pinning one of his down, blade digging deeper into Suguru’s pale neck - eyeing the slow, steady drop of blood that beads down it. “Didn’t think you’d remember me, either.”
With your mask now no longer on your face, you could traitorously take in that relaxed grin - as if your life wasn’t in his hands right now. As if he didn’t care.
Suguru’s hair was much longer now, splayed out across the floor inkily. Circling around his broad shoulders, around the eyes that were just a bit harder than they were ten years ago. And yet, you catch the way they flicker briefly with something so raw as he whispers gently, “How could I ever forget my first love?”
So quiet that you could’ve blamed it on your imagination - and you wish you did.
It’s so unfair.
Unfair how you let out a gasp, despite yourself. Unfair how you were the best sword wielder that Jujutsu had to offer, yet your fingers tremble on your knife. Heart stuttering at the mere sight of the way his eyes crinkle with the beginnings of a smile. Pleading, like all he could see was you from what felt like a thousand lifetimes ago.
Those golden years. Back when rare Susanoomon cards were what you’d fight over, and the only stains he’d wipe off were from the grassy grounds of Jujutsu High, still faint underneath the encrusted blood on that uniform nestled away deep in his wardrobe.
You manage to grit out, “Shut up. You left me- us.”
“I did.”
Like it was all he wanted to see.
“You never loved me.”
“I do.”
Your voice is shrill at this point, words stumbling over each other. “You’ve massacred more people than you’ve saved.”
Suguru wastes no time denying - or in any niceties. Looking right into your absolutely crazed eyes as he answers, “I have.” And his answer rings so hollow and emotionless in your ears, cold-blooded. Absolutely nothing like the boy you remembered. The one that would laugh and steal you away to take you around campus on his bicycle, all because the next class was “too far”.
“I- fuck.” You place both hands on the hilt of your blade, distantly registering the way that Suguru lets his own drop onto the floor. “I should kill you- I should kill you right now.”
Just one flick of your wrist. Fast and simple.
In and out - exactly like you’d been ordered to.
“And to die by your hand would be a death that someone like me doesn’t deserve.”
You both jolt when your knife hits the ground - as if neither of you were expecting it. And before you can stop yourself, you’re fisting his thick robes, pulling Suguru’s face up closer to yours. Mere inches away.
“Then- then I’ll-” you choke, a hand coming up to dig into the sides of his milky neck, leaving neat, red indents on his skin. “I’ll kill you with my own hands, Suguru.”
And he’s known you for years - would never admit it, but was by your side for only half as long as he’d watched over you.
Saw - only from a distance - those big fat tears you cried at graduation, the curve of your lips as you pulled a very reluctant Nanami into a hug outside his new office building. The steely look in your eyes meeting Satoru’s much softer one, telling him first how you’re going into teaching. And the smile on your face when you thought of who else might have, too. If he’d gotten the chance.
Always hidden.
Never so close to this frenzied glint in your gaze, a tiny sob threatening to escape your lips. Never like this - and yet, he never thinks you’ve looked so beautiful.
But what would someone like him know about beauty, anyway?
You flinch as Suguru reaches a hand up to thumb away the furrow between your brows, catching on the single, stray tear sitting at your cheekbone. Whispering - so low that you involuntarily crane your head closer to hear - “Still such a crybaby.”
“And you’re still going to be the death of me.”
Soft - Suguru’s lips are as soft as you imagined. And it’s not exactly the tender, picture-perfectly romantic first kiss his teenage self dreamt up with you, but fuck if he wasn’t going to remember this like it was.
Perfect.
Pretty lips smothering yours, all slow and sensual. Drinking in those deliciously breathless gasps of yours as he sucks on your candied lips.
You gasp, “Suguru.” and it comes out teary. Making you finally register the wetness rolling down your cheeks, glistening against the dim lighting. You tighten your grip around his neck, “This won’t fix-”
“I know.” Fuck, does he know better than anyone else.
A hand slides up your forearm, the other cupping your face to pull you closer. He’s running his hot tongue along your cheek, pooling your salty tears on his lips. “But let me make you forget - if just for tonight. Please.”
The only answer Suguru gets is your fingers leaving his neck, dancing feather-light across his sculpted shoulders to slide under his robe. Feeling the smooth plane of his pecs underneath your palm, that traitorously thundering heartbeat he wishes he could slow down. “Kiss me.”
“Fuck.” he pants into your open mouth. The sight of your glossy, slightly puffy lips having him surge forward to reattach his with yours with a pained grunt. “God- jus’ a bit more, my love.”
Again. And again and again- like he was addicted.
He’d always been, with you, anyway.
You let out a sinful sound of his name when Suguru kisses down your neck, lips slotting over your racing pulse. Throbbing and so real under his lips, remembering how he used to feel this song under his arms long before.
“Oh- shit.” you moan, when his now rougher - larger - hands sneak underneath your crumpled shirt, deftly unbuttoning. Unbuckling. Impatient. “Sugu-”
A hoarse groan leaves him, only spurring him to all but rip the rest of your uniform off your body faster.
And at the first sight of you clad in nothing but your panties, Suguru’s kiss-bitten lips are falling slack. Brows shooting up into the dark strands of hair sticking to his forehead now, “Been missing out, hm?” He’s dipping a hand down to run the back of his index along your clothed, puffy folds. Up and down. “Really been-” Heart clenching when he remembers the way Satoru now looks at you with a familiar glint. One he knew all too well. “-missing out, my love.”
You’re only trailing your fingers along his cheek - his neck, grazing over that little mark from your blade. He groans - maybe from your touch, probably from the way you’re dragging your cunt across that massive bulge underneath you. “Please, Suguru. Wan’ you.”
And if Geto Suguru has spent ten years denying himself, surely he could sacrifice it for the way he lifts your stuttering, sloppy hips up so easily. All the way up until they were hovering over his mouth, hot breath hitting your clothed cunt.
“Wanna taste you.” he groans, spying on the way your slick beads through your panties. “Wan’ see if you’re as hah- sweet as I imagined. Please.”
And he’s obsessed with the way you’re sinking yourself down so gently, cock jumping at the thought of you afraid you’d suffocate him - as if you didn’t have your blade at his throat just minutes ago.
“Fuuuck, don’t worry, pretty.” he groans, soft darting to lick at the juices smeared across your inner thighs. “Some more now. Put it all on me, I can take it- fuck-”
Your syrupy sweet cunt has Geto losing whatever’s left of his fucking restraint, dark eyes rolling to the back of his head because you were so sweet. So pretty looking down at him with your glassy eyes. So addictive. He moans, chest heaving as he breathes in your essence. “What happened to that feist from earlier? Gonna hafta do a lil’ more than that now.”
“B-but-”
It’s at this moment you realize that at any given moment Suguru could’ve easily taken the upper hand. A hand of his pulls down your hesitant hips, swollen lips against your covered ones in such a filthy kiss.
He hums into your folds, bunching your panties between them. “Mmm. Shit- jus’ like I imagined.” Hot tongue dipping just underneath the flimsy fabric to feel out your sloppy entrance, “Better, even. Jus’ look how well you’re taking me, pretty.”
But you don’t - too scared to find out that you’d like the sight more than you should. How you wished you could go back to the golden days where it didn’t matter - wasn’t a matter of life and death. And something else entirely.
And this dilemma has Suguru’s brows furrowing, sharp canines lightly nipping at one of your swollen folds. Wanting to see how it’s him - despite everything, it’s still him making you feel this way. “None of that now.”
RIP!
With this you have to look down, a desperate whine leaving your stupid mouth at the fucking sinful sight down below. Your panties now a tattered excuse in between Suguru’s teeth, baring them with such a devilish grin right up at you.
“See?” he spits out the fabric onto the floor beside him, half-lidded eyes peering up at you so sultry. Looking right at you as his tongue lolls out, spreading your bare, needy folds shamefully. “Isn’t this much better?”
“Hngh- fuck, yes-” you slide your fingers through his now-messy hair, falling out of that half-bun. Jolting on top with each push of his tongue past that feeble ring of resistance, the lewd squelches leaving you with each graze of the wet muscle against your walls. “Shit- Suguru it feels too good. So deep ngh-”
He swats a hand against your ass, making you sit your slutty hips down deeper, all the way till Suguru’s jaw was grinding so greedily against your cunt. Tongue bullying past your folds in and out in and out in and-
“God- hah-” he’s pulling away to gasp deep lungfuls of air - secondary, to the way he was back immediately to making out so hotly with your tight pussy. “Mmm fuck. This cute lil cunt is so needy. S’like you’re trynna suck my tongue off.” Thumb reaching up to draw slow, languid circles that have you throwing your head back. “So perfect.”
Your delirious mouth is dropping open, body moving before your mind as you strain to reach your hand behind. Trembling. Shaky when you manage to cup Suguru’s aching erection.
“G-guess m’not the only one ah- needy, hm?” you smirk, having him bucking and spitting out harsh little profanities with each rub of your palm down his drenched length.
Suguru doesn’t give you a response - because his fingers are speaking on his behalf. Dipping into your sloppy hole, locating your g-spot, as if on instinct. He’s milking your pretty cunt while he roams for those sweet spots. Lips muffling around your throbbing clit, “You’re always right, my love. You always were.”
And his words are so gentle - mouth so sloppy. Squelches so obscene.
Nose pressing up at the top of your abdomen, cheeks hollowing wetly around the sensitive nub. Letting your juices drip all the way down his chin, his jaw, dangerously close to that cut on his neck.
The hand sliding back and forth across the swollen outline of his cock had Suguru get more frenzied. Faster. Like it was his personal mission to make you cum on his tongue before he fucking passed out.
Penetrating your gummy hole with both his fingers and his tongue, spreading it open more. And it’s all you can do to keen, “Oh- oh my god.” Riding Suguru’s pretty face harder. “Shit- m’close, Suguru.”
“Always right.” he gasps, swiping his tongue faster across your clit. “Always perfect” Alternating between squeezing back into your hole, your sweet spots. Stretching out your gummy walls as far as they’d go. “Always made f’me.” Assaulting it with both his fingers and his tongue. Again. And again and again and- “Jus’ wish I got to have you sooner.”
His words make you snap your eyes up from his mean mouth to meet his gaze, devouring you as greedily and depraved as his tongue. They make your thighs burn with the effort to drag your sloppy pussy faster.
They make you cum - shaking, crying out little mewls of “Ngh- fuck. M’cumming m’cumming m’cumming.”
The way your voice is breaking at the end of each moan has Suguru’s cock straining so painfully against his trousers. One hand firmly on your waist, arching you deeper to tongue you through your high in ways he’s only ever dared to imagine.
Ways he’s selfishly hoped only he could - even after all these years, the sight of any other man looking at you wrong having his irritation flaring.
“S’right.” his voice is sending stars bursting behind your lids, tongue even worse. Having you pleading and so sensitive. “I got you, my love. Give it t’me.” Messy - not as forgiving as he’d like to be. “Give it alllll to me.”
And you do - all but smothering Suguru’s eager tongue with all your sweet juices. Ones he’s lapping up happily, tilting his head back as far as it’d go on the floor, letting your heady slick fill up his throat. His pussydrunk lips let out a hiss, both at the burn of that cut on his neck, and the way you’re desperately pulling your hips back.
Too overstimulated. Too fucking sensitive. Too much - but it would never be enough for Suguru.
“Please, Suguru.” you sob at the way your limp hips are being pulled back by a needy Suguru. “M’too sensitive. I- fuck-” He’s only lapping at your quivering cunt leisurely, smirk prominent against your swollen folds.
And it’s all you can do to deliriously slip a hand underneath his robes, a desperate attempt to keep whatever shred of sanity you have left. Fingers feeling down his unfairly toned abs, the tufts of hair at his pelvis, reaching-
“Oh fuck!” Your heavy eyes admire the way Suguru arches into your touch in surprise - like he couldn’t help himself. Eyes flying open, glossy, plump lips curling into a disbelieving grin, “Ya really are made f’me, huh?”
That’s all it takes for Suguru to head to your lewd whims, bruising fingers on your hips finally loosening to let you sit your sloppy cunt back down on his lap - except, this time, you were seated directly on his rock-hard cock. Pussy lips spreading around his length to just soak him.
“Oh, my love.” He sits up, splaying you out so prettily on his lap. “How I’ve missed you.”
You don’t even register the way you’re raising your head up to meet Suguru’s - not until he spits. Once. Twice. Straight onto your awaiting tongue that you didn’t even realize you were sticking out, saccharine sweet saliva making such a mess when he’s crashing his lips into yours.
“Yeahh, like that. Kiss me like that.” he slurs against your mouth, drunk off both sets of your sweet lips. Getting out through wet, sloppy pecks. “How I wish I had you sooner.”
You can feel your heart thumping so wildly against your ribcage, matching the needy, needy staccato of Suguru’s cock throbbing between your puffy folds. And, well, you really can’t be blamed for the way you break the kiss to look down and oh-
Oh Suguru notices that furrow between your brows, kissing away the nervous little wobble in your lower lips as he grunts, “God, you’re killin’ me.”
Fuck. Killing him?
You were the one sent in for the kill, but it seems you won’t be making it out here alive.
Because Suguru was so big, girth rubbing up against your thighs. So angry and heavy, smearing hot precum over his abs, your cunt, adding to add to the absolute mess. Long enough that you knew you wouldn’t be able to walk out of here - which, honestly, Suguru would’ve preferred. To keep you with him forever.
To have you always mewling so prettily when he’s dragging his fat head down your sensitive slit. To have his name - and only his name - leave your bruised lips when he’s asking, “Who’s got you this wet?”
You’re so cockdrunk already that you’re groaning mindlessly, “You- Suguru-”
“No, that’s not what you call me.”
And it takes you a few, long seconds to understand what he’s saying, all the while trying to focus with the leaky tip being pressed past your swollen folds. Slow. Torturous. Hitting you so violently at the same time he slips past that first, slutty ring of muscle.
“Sugu!”
A blinding grin splits across Suguru’s absolutely fucked-out face, brows furrowing together in ecstasy. “That’s more hah- like it.” Not having heard that familiar little nickname - one of your many - fall from your lips since high school - one that makes a heart he forgot he had grow five sizes too large. “Now, just take me-” Hips bucking up, so strong and ruthless. “-like I know you can, okay?”
Over and over.
You can’t let out anything but barely-lucid whines at this point, letting Suguru sink in inch by fucking inch. Your walls stretched out so perfectly to take his sheer size. But the stretch- oh, the stretch.
Fuck, it has you clawing at Suguru’s exposed shoulders, fingers leaving angry, red marks down the muscles. An obscene ah! ah! ah! leaving your lips with each time he reels his hips back, only to bully his aching cock inside until he physically couldn’t.
“Hngh- Sugu, s’too big-” You buck your hips down in shallow, tentative grinds to meet his filthy method of fitting in. “Too- much. Didn’t expect you to be so mean-”
“The sorcerer that hah- held a knife to the infamous Geto Suguru’s neck-” he groans, hands groping your ass to move you further down his massive cock. To watch the way your sloppy entrance was stretching out so much to suck him up. “-can take this too, right? I know you can.” He reaches a deft thumb around to toy with your pretty clit, making your cunt relax like the good girl she is. Fucking up deeper, just a bit more mean. “You- can-”
Several things happen at the tail end of Suguru’s sentence - he’s finally fitting in all in one go. With a calculated, harsh thrust up into your poor cunt, your ass is kissing his heavy balls, pussy rubbing against the hair at his hilt. So full and so much.
And Suguru knows he just might not see heaven - but shit, does he feel like he’s there right now. The feeling so good that both of you letting out mingling gasps of pleasure.
Your back falling onto the now soiled mats like such animals, the other not far behind.
“You alright, my love?” Suguru hums against your throat when you’re managing to adjust somewhat to the stretch, aware enough to kiss the palm resting protectively underneath your head - making sure you don’t hurt yourself.
You bat your teary lashes, “Never been better, Sugu.”
And something about that makes him remember.
Remember the way you’d tell him the exact same thing when you fought with curses too strong for you - coming back to the dorms all battered and bruised, but alive. Flashing him that addictive grin, and a crooked thumbs up, “Never been better, Sugu. Gold, actually.”
His golden girl.
Shaking away the tightness at his throat, Suguru instead focuses on wrapping your trembling legs around his toned waist. Tight.
“Sh-shit- you’re milkin’ me so good, fuck-”
Abs burning as he just drags his cock along your plushy walls, keeping your legs held wide open for him. So tight - like you were sucking the fucking soul out of him. Making sure to angle his hips in just the way that’ll have your eyes tearing at the way he was massaging all your sweet spots.
And sure enough - “O-oh my god-” you breathe, and shit, it was so hard to speak. Suguru’s cock too big, too depraved. Speeding up with every ram of his hips into a steady, mean pace. “Jus’ like that, fuck-”
“Mhm?”
You paw at his free hand settled by the side of your neck, trailing it down, down, down - rings and all - to the part of your stomach you could feel his thick tip hitting. A slight bulge, abusing your cervix over and over, “Here-”
“-s’where I belong.”
Your brows raise at his interjection, and you swipe away the long locks of hair partially covering Suguru’s face, legs tightening around his hips as you take a long, hard look. He repeats, “S’where I belong. Where ngh- you belong.”
Like some deep, dark part of him was trying to fuck out any and every doubt about this out of you - as if you’d have any - Suguru’s rolling his hips harder into yours. All the way until it almost hurt - until the sting of his twitching balls against your ass felt permanent, fingerpads pressing down so hard on your stomach.
Lips searing against yours, punctuating each word with a jagged, rough thrust. “Because you sh-shouldn’t be ah- here. You shouldn’t be-” He drags you deeper onto his dick like some ragdoll, fingers frenzying on your clit. “-with me.”
Words slurring and as sloppy as his hips now.
“Wh-why fuck- why wouldn’t I be?”
“Heh, you forgot?” Suguru spits out a chuckle, pushing you further and further up the mat with how bruising his hips were hitting yours. Alternating between marking your cervix - your g-spot - your gummy walls. “Forgot how I told ya to live a better life than this?” Everything and anything. Hips smacking so loud, echoing in symphony with those melancholy words he parted with so long ago. “How I told you to hngh- find a-another? Live a long life? To be happy?”
Now that Suguru was talking, it was like he couldn’t stop. Like a damn had been broken - both with his words and his movements. The curve of his dick drives you wild, veins molding your cunt into their shape.
Gritting his teeth to hold back the way his drenched balls squeeze so painfully, biting down on your lower lip. “You’re s-supposed to kill me.” A drop of sweat splashing down on your cheek, “To kill me and maybe you’ll be hah- fuck mine in another universe. But not this one.” It’s like he’s out of control now, “Never this one. You can have anybody else.”
And suddenly you’re having a flashback to just a week prior, to an uncharacteristically solemn Satoru telling you words you should’ve been happy to hear. Quiet, and unassuming. Ones you knew that had you heard them before knowing Suguru, you’d have jumped into his arms - exactly how he hoped you would, the day of his departure.
Chuckling at you being such a “crybaby” about him leaving. After all, this was just meant to be, right?
But no.
Instead, you’re here. Bunching Suguru’s beautiful, glossy hair curtaining the sides of your head, into a ponytail. Difficult - with how he was getting faster. Harder. Just ravaging your hole until you were gaping and breathless.
And yet, arms trembling and limp, you still manage to reveal the boy you fell in love with - the one you could never forget. From the flush on his pretty face, to the twisted, sad curve of his mouth. And the eyes that bore into yours like they were searching for the same thing. Smiling, for the first time since you entered this place, “How could I ever want anyone else, Sugu?”
The hand on your stomach is cupping your adorable face so softly - and it’s hard to believe those hands have killed. Betrayed.
Like they were capable of doing anything but as Suguru swipes the single tear glistening down your cheek, “Still a crybaby, huh, my love?”
And then you cum - and Suguru isn’t too far behind.
It’s just a flash of hot white, tingles running down your spine - all the way to the thick, creamy base soon forming around his wildly twitching cock.
And it’s so good. Too good that all you can do it scream out his name, letting him do anything - and you were glad all he did was fuck you so mercilessly through your high. So violent. Addictive.
Vision blurry, mouth sagging open for Suguru to press intimate little kisses along the corners of your mouth. Whispering sweet praises as your cunt sucks him up so good. So sinfully milking him for everything he’s worth.
Taking in rope after rope of thick cum that warms your gummy walls from the inside, overfilling just enough for it to dribble down into the mat below in an obscene little pool. Smearing down your thighs, his balls. Heavenly.
His heaven.
And in the haze of it all, Suguru imagines that you’ll reach for your knife again, press it back against the curve of his exposed neck. He imagines you’ll laugh in his face, tell him what a great whim this was but you had to get back to your job, turning your back on him as he has done before. He imagines.
But what he gets is your strained, fucked-out little voice, “I missed you, my golden boy.”
A/N. Yes, That Line was inspired by HTTYD. If I had to be hurt, y’all do, too.
Plagiarism not authorized.
#geto x reader#geto smut#geto x you#jjk x reader#jjk smut#jjk x you#geto suguru x reader#geto suguru smut#gojo satoru x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen x you#jjk#jjk fic#jujutsu kaisen#geto suguru#gojo x reader#tonywrites
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i feel like i need an anime bracket/tier thats like “you could have been so good if you didnt pull out a handgun and shoot your nuts off for no reason”
#after reading the whole manga this shit got so ass so fast#there was ofc the general problem of power creep that naturally got worse near the end#but the worst problem is that every character fell in love with one another and that was the primary influence for their actions#literally everyone i'm not even kidding#and the main romance (meliodas and liz) is so gross cus#meliodas was cursed to live forever and if he died his original power and memories would come back#but at the cost of his emotions cus he's a demon#liz tho was cursed with reincarnation#and the reincarnation we currently follow is only 16#and meliodas knew her since she was a BABY#AND WOULD CONSTANTLY GROPE BEFORE SHE REMEMBERED HIM#EDIT: Just remembered. everytime liz reincarnates she has NO MEMORIES#which makes meliodas' random groping even worse#and then ban (tall guy in red). his girlfriend is a fairy and the problem THERE was#fairy girl looked like a 10 yr old but ofc she lived for 'a million bajillion years'#and diane (giant girl) and king (small guy flying) suffered from the same problem basically#but king HAS an adult form that he BARELY uses and then near the end he gets a NEW ONE#BUT HIS SISTER DOESNT????? SO#this anime lures you in with action/adventure and then quickly delves into nothing but romance#and the romance is fucking atrocious cus half the cast look like children...#and then don't even try to watch the anime. obviously the same problems are there but then the animation is BAD#LIKE... SOMEHOW WORSE THAN DRAGONBALL SUPER#BAD#the only person that's safe is gowther (the tall-ish person with the pink hair)#he's queer coded but the biggest downside is that he's not the real gowther#he was a doll created by the original#and he eventually gets emotions and learns to love but afaik he never gets a romantic interest#which thank GOD#he's one of the better characters in the show. but expect his cadence to be emotionless#and expect him to be purely analytical
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Them seeing you in a lingerie after they come home.
characters: Neuvillette, Clorinde, Arlecchino, Furina, Wriothesley x fem!reader (bonus focalors)
(nsfw) warnings: teasing, dragon in heat, handcuffing, fingering, spanking, fucking against window, etc.
Neuvillette
Poor guy gets flustered and hard fast! You really like to tease him, don‘t you? You, laying in the bed with a lingerie on, looking at your husband with a innocent smile as he looks back at you. Stepping closer, he unzips his pants, throbbing cock hitting his stomach.
“f-fuck— baby..i need you inside me..please...“
He crawls between your legs, pulling down your underwear while pumping his hard cock with his free hand. Your husband was never this clingy before (unless mating), now hes right between your legs, at your mercy. Neuvillette grips both of your thighs to spread them more apart with his strong hands, guiding his cock right infront of your wet cunt. You wrap his arms around his neck, smiling. Your man could be in heat right now, and you have to take care of him.
”My hydro dragon is so submissive.“
Clorinde
You weren‘t expecting the champion duelist to come home so early, seeing you in your bed in such clothes. Clorinde takes a step closer to you and looks you up and down, taking a look at your outfit.
“M—my love, what are you..“
You grin at the sight of Clorinde with a flustered face. She always looked so emotionless, but not today. You‘ve been waiting for this moment, but the duelist just wanted to take a break. She crawls onto the bed and hugs your warm body, burying her face into the crook of your neck. ”Clorinde, how was work?“ Are you seriously asking such innocent questions while in underwear only? Clorinde slides her hands lower until meeting your ass cheeks, giving them a slight squeeze. You let out a small gasp, smile turning into a smirk. You know that Clorinde can‘t resist you.
Arlecchino
It is a dangerous idea to show yourself to a strong harbinger like that, but you won‘t mind if she gives you a punishment. Waiting for her to come home, you‘ve been laying in your bed with a bored expression until the door opens, revealing the Knave. Her eyes narrow at the little of clothing you have on, black hand gripping the door handle firmly.
”Just what are you wearing?“
You smile nervously and crawl further into the bed, the scary looking woman stepping closer to you and quickly pulling you up by your leg. ”A-ah— A-arle! Its just so hot in here, you know?“
Excuses never work with Arlecchino. She pushes you back onto the bed on your stomach, slicing the lingerie panties in half with her sharp nails before delivering a harsh smack on your ass. You let out a yelp, trying to crawl away, but the Knave climbs on top of you and buries your head onto the pillow to keep you quiet. ”Do you know how much you‘re acting like a slut right now?“
She slowly slides her hand right to your entrance, before slipping three slender fingers in. The sudden move made you groan loudly. ”I-im sorry, Knave!“
”Be quiet and take this like a good girl, la mia troia.“
Furina
You did not tease her much as she needed had to have some time for herself after all the stuff that had happened in Fontaine lately. But living in a house now, she‘s happy that she did not have to continue acting as a god. Now that you know her true self, you decided to tease her today to see her reaction.
You‘re laying in her bed in your lingerie, two glasses of wine on the desk next to the bed. Furina comes home with bags of grocery and puts them on the kitchen table before walking to her bedroom with a tired face. Her eyes widen to see you half naked.
”w-wha- uh- what..wh— hey..um..“ hundreds of stutters come out of her mouth as she stares at you with a red face. ”p-please— um- put on some clothes..i..ah..wait don‘t..“
Furinas lips turn into a slight smile as she takes off her jacket and jumps onto the bed on top of you, cupping your cheeks, giving you a hungry kiss that caught you off guard. You kiss her back, soft arms wrapped around her neck, fingers tangled in her short hair from behind as she unbuttons your bra, slowly sliding it down before throwing it onto the ground. “Mon bébé, you wouldn‘t mind, right? I need you so badly. Right now.“
You nod with a pant as you crash your soft lips firmly against hers once again, her hand finding your panties, seductively taking them off, skillful fingers rubbing against your cunt.
“i need you..“
Wriothesley
That man has been pretty busy in the Fortress lately, barely coming home. You message him on your phone several times, and he only reads them. Eventually, he came home with a hum and opens the door, smirking at the sight of you in a lingerie, checking you out.
”Wow..someones extra playful today.“
You chuckle at his words and stand up, seductively touching his chest. ”Of course, love. I‘ve been waiting for you.“ He scoffs playfully and gives you a quick kiss before taking out his fancy handcuffs, putting your hands behind your back, handcuffing them.
”A woman like this has to be put in their place, yes?“
A blush appears on your face as he picks you up with one arm, bringing you to the kitchen before bending you over the kitchen table. ”This,“ He slowly slides down your underwear, ”has to be gone.“ your panties are quickly taken off as he works on unbuttoning your bra. ”And this too.“
A gasp escapes your mouth as you feel one of his hands grabbing your bare tit, his other hand working on unzipping his pants, revealing a bulge inside his boxers. ”Be a good prisoner, will you? I know you will. Great, now lets begin the punishment.“
Bonus - Focalors
That woman had always been a teasing one to you, and you wanted to tease her back. She came home with a yawn as she opens the bedroom door, revealing you in HER lingerie. The archon lets out a little shocked gasp before licking her lips seductively with a smirk, walking towards you.
”Oh..tch..so cute, so sexy. So vulnerable wearning my beautiful lingerie.“
She pulls you by your arm and picks you up easily before pinning you against the glass window, breasts pressed against it, seeing views of Fontaine.
”Is this girl so desperate for a punishment?“ she licks your earlobe.
Focalors whispers seductively into your ear, using her hydro powers to create a water cock between her legs. You look behind you, only to get your head pressed back against the window. People could see you like this! Legs spread open and breasts pressed against the window. She quickly takes the lingerie off of you, laughing softly at the beautiful view of you fully naked. She holds both of your hips before pushing in, feeling the cock slowly stretching you open. ”F-focalors— f-fuck- ah!“
”My pretty girl is gonna be so messy after this. So pretty. I can fuck you against this window and people would see your precious little face.“ Before you could talk back, she takes one hand away from your hip and stuffs two slender fingers inside your mouth.
”Shhh, we don‘t want others to see you, right? Good.“
#furina x reader#genshin impact x reader#genshin x reader#focalors x reader#focalors smut#genshin impact#furina smut#genshin smut#fontaine#neuvillette x reader#neuvillette smut#wriothesley x reader#wriothesley smut#clorinde x reader#clorinde smut#arlecchino x reader#arlecchino smut
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MOONLESS
astrology observations
Lilith (h12) aspecting the Sun or Moon both can represent issues with their relatives/family members, can be a generational trauma involving the family life as well
Aries Venus/Mars is very true that natives with these placements tend to be loyal to their partners/family/friends and can risk everything for them
Venus in the 1st house can be critical about their beauty, Venus in the 1st house is a good house but not the best for Venus to feel like home, you should always appreciate yourself
Pluto - Moon aspects in a chart can make the person to seem "emotionless" and cold even invisible to others, yet they feel the most and are not able to tell anyone about it
Lilith - Pluto aspects can indicate being abused for power/being seen as a threat. Natives with these aspects can be manipulated by others but aslo to manipulate at their own
Neptune in the 4th house can feel so confused when it comes to their desires about family, they may not be as interested about creating their own
Mercury in the 10th house can use communication a lot at their jobs/these can also be used to talking more than 1 language and can have jobs which can require that
Mercury at 6,18 or in virgo can be so critical if they are not developed, talking bad about other people, judging, etc. They are good at expressing themselves tho
Saturn at 4,16,28 degrees can often lack that "comfort" feeling, can also lack the feeling of love, compassion, not because they want to but mostly happens because of their family
Jupiter in the 2nd or 8th house natives know how to make money fast, they can also manifest money if they truly want that, but they are also good at spending them
Leo Moons would be good to play in any emotional - drama show tbh, they have that dramatic energy we all need, plus they also like to make dramatic stories
Pluto or Lilith in the 5th house (Mars too) can show bad experiences in childhood, bullying, agression, fights/arguments, is a placement that has a lot of power and also a lot of damage
Aquarius Uranus generstion can be more on the humanitarian side of the society while Pisces Uranus on the emotional state of the society
Scorpio Saturn is indeed a heavy place for Saturn just like the 8th house because it indicates lots of challenges and rebirths in the natives life. Also points out that the native evolves overtime ending in their best version of themselves
Capricorn/Saturn in the 12th house, deep asf placement because they put pressure on the subconscious, can be more pessimistic and feels drained by others
Mars aspecting Saturn can show anger issues in a person's chart. The native eventually grew up with parents or family with the same issues
Saturn aspecting the North Node is so heavy. Makes you so confused on which path life to go, getting a karmic life influenced by the environment/the place they grew up
Pisces North Node has the life lesson to embrace their spirtual side, can be used as a form of healing as well. Keep your intuition high
Chiron aspecting the NN (north node) can indicate you need a balance in life. Because there can be something in your life that you are aware of yet you choose to ignore it.
Venus in Libra or at 7° 19° degrees shows that you need to be inspired in life in order to create something, can be based on anything
Idk if you guys observed this but natives with Sag Placements always set up hopes for something. They will hope for a thing until it happens
Reminder for Moon - Venus aspects to not fall for every nice person they see because not all people have good intentions
If you have Lilith in Gemini or 3rd house you can often experience ppl talking about you,in good or bad ways but it will still happen. We cannot shut the world's mouth
Sagittarius Mars cannot stay in one place. They need either to move or travel because otherwise their inner core feels overwhelmed (also Mars in the 9th house or at 9° 21° too)
Something funny about Libra or Capricorn Mercuries is that they will always bring some logical subject even in the most weirdest conversations and expecting you to know about it
Having Pluto or Neptune in the 12th house can make you tired about life ( in all topics or general). Can happen to most of us. World is a draining place
Always check your TRANSITS!! If you have a bad day, check them and see how it will manifest! Because they are tied together with us
🖤 Hope you all have a good monday!!
🖤Harmoonix🖤
#astrology#october#dark#after dark#astro observations#birth chart#astro notes#astrology observations#placements#astro community#horoscope#ascendant#venus#mars#dark astrology#dark aura#darkness#dark art
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i promise i won't hurt you again
synopsis: your boyfriend Sukuna accidentally hit you
you immediately realized something was wrong when the door to your apartment slammed shut with a sharp sound and an uncomfortably loud silence echoed throughout the entire apartment. instead of the usual “woman, i’m home” you were greeted by heavy and fast steps past your room. you heard Sukuna walk into the kitchen, swearing loudly and throwing his things on the couch
you slowly opened the door and walked into the kitchen where Sukuna stood with his back to you in the dim light of the kitchen lamps. the dim light alighted his large figure, permeating under his unbuttoned shirt, through which the curves of his toned body were visible. his shoulders were rising at an unusually rapid pace, his breathing was heavy, causing the air to narrow around you, bringing you anxiety. it felt like the heavy air was going to crush you, you were ready to literally suffocate, not knowing where to start
“Sukuna?” you asked quietly, moving closer to him, but he murmuring something under his breath, hitting the wall. his unpredictable action made you flinch and stop a few meters away from him. you realized that he was far from reality and the level of his anger was uncontrollable. but you decided to try again, reaching for his hand, gently touching his fingers. but he suddenly grabs your hand, squeezes it with a burning pain and and forcefully pushes you aside
you fall to the floor, holding your hand. a bright red mark instantly appears from his action. the mark begins to acquire more saturated and varied shades with bloody stains. all you could do was hold your hand and look at Sukuna with confusing eyes that were slowly gathering tears
“don't you see i'm in a bad mood? stupid woman” Sukuna says, looking at you over his shoulder with his blood-crimson eyes, burning with a fiery fire and rage towards all living things. he takes his jacket and walks past you, walking out of the apartment and onto the street, leaving you alone
about 30 minutes had passed since Sukuna had left the apartment. you had time to revive, get the medicine and start treating the bruise. holding a cold compress on the hand, you heard the front door open again. it was Sukuna. he looked calmer than before. his breathing had evened out, and the hostile look had disappeared from his face, replacing it with his usual frowning and emotionless expression
he looked at you standing by the kitchen unit with the medicine on it and walked over. he grabbed your sore wrist, looking at the extent of the damage he had done to you. he decided to take care of the rest of the bruise himself, his thoughtful expression screaming too loudly that he felt too guilty
an unfamiliar feeling arose inside his chest, stemming from guilt. something was tormenting him deeply and he found he was mad at himself. feelings he was pushing into the background were beyond his control. he couldn't control his anger, he couldn't protect you from himself, hurting you
“…i promise i won't hurt you again” Sukuna said huskily, breaking the silence between you two and he makes sure to keep his promise because you are the most precious thing he has.
#꒰ঌᐢ.ˬ.ᐢ໒꒱tkuna#sukuna x reader#sukuna x you#sukuna x y/n#ryomen sukuna x reader#ryomen sukuna x you#ryomen sukuna x y/n#sukuna#ryomen sukuna#jujutsu kaisen#anime
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PARACOSM OF THE GODS.
PAIRING: gojo satoru x f!reader, geto suguru x f!reader | 11.5k words
SUMMARY: ok here we go, canon au, angst, fluff, best friends being in love, stsg being whipped but unable to express it, reader is clueless as usual, timeskips, canon compliant deaths, bittersweet, longing, mutual pining, emotionally stunted teens, dad!gojo makes an appearance, hopefully that’s it i'm tired of typing
RHEYA'S NOTE: highkey lowkey stressed posting bc this has been sitting in my wips for 4 years now. i honestly didn't have to add much to it i basically just proofread. but yeah when you maladaptive daydream and create a plot where you're a character in jjk and you're also in love with gojo and geto this is what happens. a little sad to let this go but it's time !! plus i can add more parts later. but anyways pls lmk what you think, i'm super curious to know <33
i. the unknown
satoru's first impression of you is anything but kind.
his words come casually, free into the wind without care, and they aren't meant for you to hear. instead, they fall only to suguru's ears, evoking a deep chuckle and a slight shake of his head. his bangs swish a little with the movement, but satoru is too busy eyeing you over the frame of his shades to notice.
you're lucky to have not heard it, because the intent with which it was said would have probably made your brow tick with frustration. he says it without a thought, as if he hasn't the slightest bit of interest in you as hints of arrogance fill his tone.
"who's the rookie?"
satoru and suguru sit outside against the patio railings of the classroom they had chosen for the day. it overlooks the grounds of the school, where they have a clear view of who approaches the main entrance. suguru absentmindedly clicks his lighter—shoko had gone to get another pack of cigarettes.
it is from this higher point that they have a clear view of you. you're so obviously new to this, satoru thinks as he watches how you awkwardly stand in front of yaga sensei.
he already wants to label you as a side character. it's mean, he realizes—cruel even, but he can barely bring himself to care.
"yaga sensei mentioned that there'd be a new student joining us this week," suguru says, fingering the bangs hanging in front of his eyes. they roam over you with only slight interest before uttering your full name, just as his teacher had said it.
satoru repeats it with a hum. "not a big name or anything. a small-sized family of sorcerers i think." he shrugs carelessly. "but honestly i never really paid attention to all those stupid clan and jujutsu family lessons."
suguru only responds with a good-natured chuckle, tearing his eyes away from the scene to look at his friend. "no shit."
the two sit in quiet silence, watching yaga's lips move in structured, emotionless greetings as he shakes your hand. satoru is especially focused on the hunching of your shoulders and the way your eyes nervously dart around.
suguru is the first to interrupt the peace.
"maybe she's strong?"
"are you kidding?" satoru scoffs as he stands up straight, shoving his fists into his pockets. he turns his nose up slightly. "that's not the attitude of someone who's confident in their abilities."
ii. routine
"can i ask you guys a question?"
a cool breeze tickles your skin, goosebumps rising in its wake, and you suppress a shiver. the smell of the air tells you winter is fast approaching.
"you just did," satoru hums, his snowy hair splayed out against stems of green grass. suguru's chuckle reverberates deep in his chest, and you have to push back an exasperated smile.
"another one then," you press, leaning over satoru's face to force yourself into his view. his blue eyes pierce through yours over the dark-rimmed frames of his glasses, and even after seeing them so many times, they still feel as dominating as the first. he hums again, and you take that as your cue.
"what did you first think of me when we met all those months ago?"
satoru sits up quickly, and you can already feel your shoulders dropping when you catch a glimpse of the teasing smirk on his lips. he shifts so that he's directly facing you, leaning close so that the two of you are barely a palm's distance from one another.
"thought you were an annoying little rookie~" he sings and you immediately shove at his shoulder.
"'m not a rookie anymore," you huff, and satoru laughs joyously. suguru only grins, his eyes darting between the two of you happily. satoru moves himself into a proper sitting position, digging his long fingers into your bag of chips and popping one into his mouth. you swat at his hand, even though you don't mean it, because though you complain about gojo satoru all the time, you would give him the whole world if you could.
you and satoru take turns reaching into the bag. you wonder if the sound of crunching disturbs suguru. he's not asleep—he's just doing that thing where he keeps his eyes closed and escapes to his own land of tranquility. you'd like to give him as much peace as you can, so you stay quiet. satoru does too, but you think that's just because you aren't talking to him.
the quiet is nice when you're with them. sometimes silence makes you feel alone—paranoid. it feels like there is some impending doom hovering over your shoulder, and all you can do is wait for it to come. but with them it is different. you know that any danger in the quiet will be caught by the two of them. maybe that's why it's so easy to let your guard down around them. you trust that they won't let you die.
"i thought you were weak," satoru pipes up after a few minutes of silence. "you didn't seem like you were confident in your abilities, and that's a sign of weakness."
after spending so much time with satoru and suguru, the word weak has permeated almost every one of your conversations. later you learned how much more significant it was for them to label someone as strong. you chase after the word—crave it.
"and turns out that wasn't true." suguru adds with a smile, his head leaning back against the trunk of the tree. his eyes are still closed serenely and you wonder if he can feel the way you're gazing at him.
"yeah and now you act like some big hotshot," satoru grumbles, as though he doesn't want to admit to his old mistake, but you can hear his smile. it annoys you, the way his once degrading little nickname has now somewhat turned into a term of endearment. you would rather die than admit that you like hearing him say it.
"well, I'm glad that i was able to prove you both wrong."
the conversation ends there.
shoko returns a few minutes later, tossing you a can of soda and suguru a pack of cigarettes. as soon as she sits down in her spot under the tree you're forcing your head into her lap and kicking your feet onto satoru's legs. you ignore his complaints, because you know that in just a little bit he'll quiet down and his hand will rest over your ankle, fingers soft but firm. they'll occasionally drum some rhythmic tune, or draw nonsensical patterns against your skin.
shoko's fingers thread through your hair, just like they always do, and you know that in a few minutes you'll doze off in her lap, just like you always do. it's clockwork, this thing that you have with them. they make the days keep going—time doesn't stop for you.
a part of you wishes you could freeze time at that moment.
but you can't.
iii. halcyon
"hey suguru?"
"hm?"
"how come you always do your hair the same way?"
suguru glances up from his book. he's seated at your desk, and for a minute, the breeze pushes your curtains so that they block your view of him. satoru groans lightly from your left, turning on his side to snuggle deeper into your pillow, and slumber overtakes him once more. him and shoko remain quiet, faces free of worry as they dream in a land that is so unlike the real world you live in.
"what do you mean?" suguru asks in response to your question. he has an amused smile on his face as he places his book on your desk, though his thumb and pointer finger keep his page.
"well…" you suddenly feel stupid for asking, but he's looking at you so intently now. "you have such nice hair. you could style it in so many different ways."
"are you saying you don't like my hair the way it is?" he frowns.
"no no!" you scramble, shaking your head emphatically. quite the opposite actually you think he's so so attractive—how on earth did you screw this up so badly? "that's not it i just—"
he laughs, tilting his head fondly. "i'm just messing with you, hotshot."
you blanch, before crossing your arms with a huff. "asshole…"
he chuckles, before lifting a calloused hand up to finger the tie that holds his hair in a bun. he glances back at you, before a michevious smile settles on his face. he gives the tie one sharp tug, and the bun falls away. black hair drops, resting on his shoulders, and you stare at him—oddly parched. wind brushes through the open window, tickling your curtains, tickling his now open hair. you had seen his hair down before, of course. in the few seconds after a sparring session when the bun had gotten loose, or when too many strands escaped the tie and fell in front of his face (he always pushed them away with an agitated huff). but now he looks different—good, you realize. he looks good.
"how should i style it then, hotshot?"
his question shakes you out of your daze. you hum in contemplation. "i don't know."
he laughs quietly, as to not wake the other two. "didn't you just say there were so many ways to style it? enlighten me then," he teases, reaching over to grab a small scrap of paper from your desk. he slots it where his fingers are holding place, and then closes the book. he swivels in the chair to face you completely, rolling over so that he's right in front of you.
"well…" you start, biting your lip in thought. "a ponytail maybe?"
suguru bunches his hair into his fist, holding it up against his head. "and? how do i look?"
you grin, eyeing the new style with a stifled laugh. "fantastic."
he laughs again, louder this time, before dropping his hand.
"it looked good though!" you laugh and he rolls his eyes fondly.
"yeah yeah," he dismisses with a wave of his hand. he looks back at you, eyes tracing over your hair before he grins wide.
"i like yours."
you blink. "mine?"
"the way you did your hair today," he points to the half up-half down style you've thrown together. a dark blue ribbon holds the hair in place—satoru had said it matched nicely with your uniform. suguru's eyes gleam as he appraises it. "it's nice. it looks really pretty on you."
something in your chest feels like it fell off a cliff.
"oh—" you stumble, before smiling at him because that's all you can do when he makes you feel like this. "thanks suguru."
"do mine like that," he says quickly.
once again, you blink owlishly and all you can manage is a stupid "huh?"
"do my hair like that," he repeats, getting up from the chair to sit at your feet, back towards you. he crosses his legs and puts his hands in his lap, patiently waiting.
"you can't do it yourself?" you tease, scooting closer to the edge of the bed.
"i can," he replies and you can hear the easy smile in his voice. "but i want you to do it for me."
"okay then!" you laugh before gently parting sections of his hair out. and then you work in silence, putting more effort into his hair than you've ever done with your own.
iv. fragility
"lady riko does not have any relations. when she was young, her family was involved in an accident…since then, i've been her caretaker. so please let her at least spend time with her fr—"
"—so that makes you her family then."
suguru's words seem to stun kuroi, the weight of riko's situation finally making itself clear as her face crumbles.
"…yes."
you listen to the way her voice wobbles, and try to suppress the poisonous lump forming in your throat.
"then we do everything we can to make her happy," you say solemnly, leaving no room for argument. suguru seems to agree and says nothing—some deeper part of you feels something more than thankful towards him.
"you're awfully sensitive for a jujustu sorcerer, you know that?" satoru comments offhandedly. you turn to look at him, meeting his piercing gaze over dark rims.
"maybe," you concur. "is that considered weak?"
satoru seems to ponder his answer, before shrugging, a light smile on his face. "to some people, maybe."
you manage to smile back, and he takes in the expression with an odd look on his face. "say what you want, satoru. but you agree with me, don't you?"
he looks away, eyes gazing out to the distance where you know riko is currently in class with her friends, trying to live the life she wants, and something in them softens considerably.
"we'll do things the way she wants us to."
it's one sentence, said without a smile or laugh, but hearing it fall from satoru's lips makes you beam at him.
that's just your kindness, isn't it, satoru?
your heart leaps when you notice the tips of his ears tinge with rouge.
v. longing
riko's hand is warm against the coolness of your fingers. your body feels hyperaware of your surroundings, toes deep in hot sand and salty air sticking to your skin. for some odd reason, you can't seem to relax. unconsciously, you tighten your grip around the young girl's palm. she glances up at you, but when you look down at her, she's wearing the biggest smile you've ever seen.
satoru's presence makes itself known behind you—his shadow looms over yours in the sand. "it'll be fine," he says.
you can't see his face, nor can you see suguru who stands at his side, but your shoulders drop slightly, and you find yourself smiling back at riko.
"i'm getting in the water!" she squeals eagerly, before dragging a helpless kuroi with her. satoru laughs—a clear, pristine sound—and follows after her. you watch the three of them with a fond smile, something akin to content settling deep within you.
"and what are you planning on doing?" suguru asks. you turn to look at him, watching the way his heavy eyes stay focused on you.
"hmm," you quirk a brow mischievously. "build sandcastles with me?"
suguru blinks owlishly before he breaks out into a good-natured laugh.
"deal." he walks closer to the water's edge, where the sand is damper, and crouches down. he turns to look at you over his shoulder. "don't make me do all the work, hotshot."
you stand there, taking him in—really taking him in. he's just as clear as the sky behind him, and the sun shining on his face makes his smile glow. you want him to continue smiling at you like that well into the future. the waves crash onto the shore, as though the ocean is chasing his radiance, and an overwhelming feeling of unfiltered affection swells in your chest.
your feet carry you forward, and you think that they might always lead you back to him.
the sun rises as time passes, and occasionally you spare a glance at satoru and riko, who are screaming as they splash water at one another. and then you catch a glimpse of kuroi, who stands with her feet in the water, a soft smile on her face.
and in that moment, nothing can be ruined.
"what's wrong?" suguru's voice calls out, and you tear your gaze away from the others to look back at him. he stands behind you with two strawberry ice cream cones in his hands.
"nothing," you hum, a serene smile on your face. "everything's perfect."
his eyes trace your face, stopping to linger on your smile, and they soften. "it is, isn't it?"
he turns to the ocean, watching satoru and riko, and his eyes sparkle. "i hope it stays like this always."
"me too."
he bends down to take his place at your side before he hands you a cone. you take it from him. suguru's eyes drift away from you to look down at his castle.
"i think it looks great," he expresses, before taking a lick of his ice cream.
you roll your eyes with a huff. "yeah, because you made it look so nice. you're unnecessarily good at this, suguru."
he laughs, waving his hand dismissively. "no no, we did it together! and yours is nice too!"
"maybe," you grin, looking at his castle. "but yours is extra pretty."
he smiles back, before pointing at a small hole in his sand tower. "see this room? it's yours."
"mine?" you chuckle.
"yeah, all yours," he hums softly. "this is my castle and you get your own room."
"oh? and why's that?"
suguru's gaze lingers on you, and his dark eyes soften considerably. "because you'll always have a place in my home."
you stare at him, speechless—something hammers away at the inner crevices of your chest.
"and this one—" he points to another hole a few inches away from the first. "—is my room."
"well in that case, that room is mine too!" you declare.
"what?" he barks out a laugh. "how does that work?"
"well…" you grin at him, the sun burning into your cheeks. "because my home is wherever you are!"
suguru's cheeky smile fades and his eyes widen. he looks at you, mouth agape, and you're about to say something else before sticky coolness trickles down your wrist.
"ack!" you hurry to wipe away the strawberry ice cream dripping down your skin and you completely miss the red that creeps up his neck and seeps into his ears.
vi. ice bath
shoko's fingers are unbelievably soft. you're grateful that you were unconscious through most of her procedures on your battered body—you don't think you would've handled the pain too well. she's quiet as she works over the large wound that now covers almost half of your torso. the man with the scar on his lip had done quite the number on you, and you don't think you'll ever forget the searing ache of his blade slicing through your flesh. he had left you in a bloodied pile, isolated, and you hadn't seen what had happened to suguru after the man shot riko. you could only lay there, vision swimming as a bitter taste filled your mouth—a reminder of the life you failed to protect.
the pain had been the only thing you could focus on, until satoru was on his knees at your side and tightly gripping your shoulders. your hazy focus was drawn to his lips as he spewed curses and insults at you.
"why didn't you run away, you little shit," he had shouted, a feral look in his eyes. there was something different about him—a change in his very being that you could see even in the throes of death. "shoko's coming, do you hear me? for fuck's sake, keep your eyes open, hotshot!"
you swore you saw his eyes shine behind that look of uncontrolled anger. he had been talking a mile a minute and your focus had waned until you could only see his lips move, no sound reaching your ears.
you've never thought satoru looked more godly than he did at that moment.
suguru eventually found his way into your field of vision—knelt at satoru's side. his large hand had squeezed your limp fingers in a death grip. he was sweating, and his eyes were darting back and forth between your pale face and bloodied torso, something akin to guilt swimming in them. you wished that you had the strength in you to squeeze his hand in return. the last thing you remember seeing is his dark hair falling in front of his face as he turned to shout at whoever was approaching.
now you're awake. disoriented and bleary, but awake, and all you can look at is the way shoko's bangs fall over her furrowed brows. she's taken care of the bleeding, and now all that's left is a dull throbbing, reminding you of how close you had toed the line with death. you don't know this yet, but the scar will remain for the rest of your life, and that dull throbbing will be a permanent reminder of your narrow escape.
shoko hasn't said a word since she noticed your eyelids flutter open. you want to ask her so many things. important things that cannot wait:
where's satoru? how about suguru? i saw them both. satoru's alive, right? and suguru, too? the man—with the scar. where did he go? he said that satoru—riko….where is riko? and—and kuroi…i—i..couldn't save riko. when did you get here, shoko? and why am i the only one who's being taken care of by you?
you want to ask her. but she's making a very odd expression as her hands ghost over your body. you've never seen it before, this odd quirking of her lips. her teeth sink into the bottom one, and she chews and bites and nibbles like it's some kind of nervous tell.
"shoko?"
it's all you can manage to say—all you dare. your voice is dry, shaky, and sounds almost foreign to your ears. you're going to ask more, at least one of those thousand questions you had asked in your head earlier, but you don't get to because she speaks before you.
"shut up," she spits, and the wobble in her voice has you pinching your lips shut and feeling closer to death than you did before.
vii. acid rain
the sound of clapping is deafening. you don't think you've ever heard a sound so horrid in your life before, and you feel as though your ears are bleeding heavily. you can faintly make out the conversation between satoru and suguru, your ears struggling to pick out the tones of their voices.
"no…" you hear suguru say quietly. "it doesn't matter if I'm fine…"
you can feel satoru's eyes roam over your motionless body, watching the way you gaze out into the crowd impassively.
"let's get out of here, guys."
your feet carry you numbly, and you aren't aware of anything except the way riko's arm is swinging in front of you lifelessly. there are no mirrors around—no way of catching the track of tears cutting over your cheeks. the places where the salt touches burn like acid. you say nothing.
satoru's gaze feels intrusive. he doesn't need to ask you anything—he just knows. it's like your body is radiating the emotions tumbling around in your gut.
you're awfully sensitive for a jujutsu sorcerer, you know that?
"do you want to…kill them all?"
the question stuns you, and for the first time, you can shake yourself out of your daze to look at satoru directly. blood is smeared over the left side of his face, cerulean eyes dimmed, as though something had pulled the shine out of them. red seeps into the fine hairs of his restless eyebrows.
"right now, i probably wouldn't even feel anything," he continues, staring at you listlessly.
you think satoru might be feeling just as numb as you are. you don't know what happened to him yet. the last you had heard, gojo satoru had been killed by the man with the scar. he had boasted about it to you before he attempted to kill you too. but then satoru was at your side again, completely alive as he ran your battered body to shoko like a crazed man.
you'll find out later who the man with the scar on his lip was, and what kind of legacy he had left behind. but for right now, all you see is a teenager with the weight of the world on his shoulders, and you know your answer.
satoru could help the pain go away; he'd be able to make the clapping stop—maybe then your ears wouldn't bleed anymore. but you couldn't ask that of him.
"forget it. it's pointless," suguru mutters, and you're glad he's on the same page as you. not because any of these people deserve pity, but because satoru deserves a break—one less burden for him to carry.
you hear suguru say more, but you can't focus. you continue to listen to the sound of the clapping, and once again lose yourself as you stare at riko's bloodied fingertips.
"pointless, huh?" satoru mumbles in response to suguru's answer. "does there need to be a reason?"
"of course. it's important," suguru's voice doesn't carry the same pleasant tone it always does. instead, it sounds strained, and tired beyond belief. unsure. "especially as jujutsu sorcerers."
satoru doesn't respond, but you know that he's measuring the weight of his friend's words. that's how it was with the two of them. they both balance each other out—their moral compasses influenced by one another. but then you feel satoru look up from riko's body and turn to you. suguru follows suit, and before you can wonder why, it hits you: satoru had asked you both.
you suck a deep breath in, feeling unusually breathless. the flesh of your stomach tingles with a painful reminder of what might've been, and you make up your mind.
"killing them won't change anything," you say, breaking your silence. the tears on your cheeks have dried, but they leave a rigid trail in their wake—a trail that still stings. "let's just leave it at that."
viii. fever dreams
satoru lies next to you.
a few nights have passed since riko's death, and you've chosen to stay holed up in your room. you're not sure why—death has always played a big role in your life. you don't understand why it's different this time.
tonight is different as well. while you've maintained a distance from everyone since that day, save for classes and passing by people on school grounds, today you've decided to let someone in. satoru's the lucky one, mostly because he would've pestered you until you opened your door for him anyway.
it's strange though. he had knocked over and over, and when you finally opened up with a snappy jab at his annoying personality, he had brushed straight past you and laid across your bed. he hadn't said a word since then, and you've found yourself lying next to him in silence for quite a while.
his hand stretches out in the darkness and you can feel his fingertips brush over the skin of your arm. it's delicate, like he's testing his limits, but you understand. it's just to ground himself—to know that you're still here, with him. to be sure that you're still alive.
you think the scar that goes down your body bothers him a lot more than it bothers you.
"'m here," you mumble sleepily. your fingers reach up to bump against his knuckles, and you hear him inhale deeply. his voice is throaty when he replies.
"i know."
ix. doubt
satoru learns that you've never been kissed before and he teases you for it.
not in a mean way, but in a way that has your cheeks heating and your eyes avoiding his. suddenly it feels like the gap between ages 16 and 17 is huge. he's barely even a year older than you and you're in the same year, but it feels as though he knows so much more about the world than you do. you want to ask suguru if it's bad that you've never had a kiss, but you don't. suguru rarely talks these days. sometimes he'll have conversations with you but won't look in your eyes when he speaks.
"hey listen, hotshot. if you don't get a kiss by…" satoru hums, an eager smile on his face as he swings an arm around your shoulders and contemplates his words. "…let's say 27, then i'll give one to you!"
there's an odd note of glee in his voice.
"shut up, toru," you groan, heat flooding your cheeks. "quit joking around."
he laughs loudly, pulling your cheek teasingly. "aw, i'm just playing. it's not a bad thing i promise!"
your shoulders relax slightly as the snowy-haired sorcerer continues to speak.
"i just thought that you would've kissed someone by now," he shrugs. "wasn't there that one guy you went on a few dates with? the one you met when we went to yokohama?"
there's an almost sour expression on his face as he speaks, but you're too frustrated to care. "just because i went on a couple of dates with him doesn't mean i kissed him!"
a broad teasing smile appears on satoru's face. "is that so?"
"ugh, i'm only 16!" you hiss, shoving him away from you. "besides i'm saving it for someone special!"
"good," you hear suguru speak up, and you turn to look at him. his fingers are interlocked, elbows resting on his knees, and he's staring down at his hands like they hold the answers to some deep questions he has. "it is something irreplaceable after all."
x. shadow
satoru's grin is proud as he stands before the three of you, his loose shirt billowing in the summer breeze.
you stare at him, heart thumping as shoko lets out a confused gasp. "huh? what the hell was that?"
"did it automatically choose the target for your technique?" suguru asks.
"yep!" satoru stresses the word, spinning the pencil suguru had thrown as he explains. "though i am the target. i've pretty much automated what i used to have to do manually."
your head is spinning.
"now i can tell an object's danger levels based the strength of its cursed energy, its speed, mass, velocity, shape—whatever. i want to be able to discern poisons too but that's pretty hard right now." satoru's voice is even when he explains, though you can make out the hints of pride that permeate his tones. you think his voice has gotten a little deeper too. "basically this is gonna allow me to keep my limitless technique active all the time!"
"that's gonna fry your brain!" shoko interjects, shaking her hair out of her eyes.
"yeah but i can do it while i continuously generate energy on my own. that way my brain stays fresh."
you can't help but let out an amused scoff. "what brain?"
satoru chucks the eraser at you, and you laugh as it bounces off your shoulder harmlessly.
"i've been working on shortening my hand signals so i can activate red and blue simultaneously." he continues, lips twitching upward as he gives you an exaggerated glare. "after this the only things i need to work on are domain expansion and long-distance teleportation. which i should be able to do if we set up some training courses here at school."
you think if someone examined you closely, they would see the stars in your eyes when you look at satoru.
"shoko~" he calls out, grinning eagerly. "think you could get me some lab rats?"
shoko groans as satoru bounds over to pester her more emphatically. you watch him, thinking you've never seen a person quite so magnificent.
god personified into a 17-year-old body. and yet it is a body that stays so close to you—well within your reach. maybe there's nothing so godly about that at all.
"don't you get tired of getting stronger and stronger, jeez?" you complain, crossing your arms as you raise a brow at him. satoru wets his lips as he throws you a smug smile.
"don't worry hotshot, you'll catch up to me someday!" he gives you an exaggerated wink over the frames of his glasses, and you shake your head somewhat fondly.
"no way! i never want to be at your level," you huff. "i'm very comfortable living in your shadow, thank you very much!"
a strange look passes over his face, almost puzzled, but the dip in his brows melts away as he approaches you. "well—" he slings an arm over your shoulder. "if my shadow makes you happy then you're more than welcome to stay there."
you don't have time to reply. pale lashes flutter at you—a backdrop of cerulean. you think white and blue may be the prettiest combination of colors in the world.
"suguru?" satoru's voice is casual, yet the amusement has dropped from it. his arm is heavy around your shoulders. "have you lost weight? are you okay?"
you look up, seeing tired eyes behind dark stands of hair. suguru's cheekbones are prominent, and you have the sudden urge to reach out and trace your fingers over them.
his lips twitch upward weakly. "it's just the summer heat…"
his lavender eyes drift to your face as he says it, and he tilts his head as he scrutinizes your worried expression. "…i'll be fine."
xi. hellfire
you hear suguru before you see him.
his breaths come loud as he pushes the door to the morgue open, the metal clanging heavily. his eyes bore into your back, taking in your clenched fists and raised shoulders that seem to tremble.
you wonder who told suguru you'd be here. maybe nanami, who was here not long ago, and had sent you a text that merely said: the mission went badly.
or maybe it was satoru, who had been chatting with you near the entrance of campus when he saw the myriad of emotions pass over your face as you read the text. he had probably called suguru as soon as you left.
it doesn't matter—you can't bring yourself to care.
you can only think about the way haibara had smiled at you before he left that morning.
now that smile is covered by a dirty white sheet, and you can't tear your eyes away from it. the taste of blood and vomit is heavy on your tongue.
suguru says your name quietly. you can't even look at him—you're scared that you'll cry if you do.
you don't ever want to cry in front of him. or satoru—so weak in front of those who are so strong.
"he asked if i wanted to go with them and i said no because i was lazy," you hiss, teeth clenched as you spit out the words with venom. "if i had just stopped thinking about myself for a second—"
your fingers dig into the flesh of your palms—deep, deep, deeper.
you hear suguru click his tongue, and his hands wrap around yours. he yanks your fingers apart fiercely, thumbs smoothing over the bloodied indents you've made in your own skin. you tear your eyes away from the body to finally look at him.
"don't—" his breath catches as his thumbs still over your flesh, eyes going hard as he takes in the blood.
he blurs in and out of focus. his head whips up when he hears you sniffle, and his lips slant ruefully. "you—"
"i'm fine," you interrupt, blinking pointedly and taking a deep breath. "it's fine—i mean it's not fine—but i c—"
"stop." suguru grabs your shoulders, giving you an even stare. you don't know how you didn't notice it before, but he looks thinner, older. there are dark circles under his eyes—poison seeping into his skin. "you need to rest."
you stare back at him silently, but you don't feel like you agree. something about this is making you feel restless, like there is so much you need to make up for. his grip tightens, before he's wordlessly leading you to take a seat—he finds his place next to you.
"satoru took over the mission." he stares at the lifeless body on the table as he speaks. you lower your gaze.
"and nanami?" your throat feels like it's closing. suguru inhales deeply.
"he went back to the dorms."
"okay."
you try to figure out if there is any meaning in having this conversation. despite everything, weren't you expected to wake up tomorrow morning and head out on a mission once more? and when you return, you're sure that there'll be another faceless body taking haibara's place.
the cycle continues—clockwork. it scares you, just how replaceable you are.
haibara, nanami, you, another, nameless—interchangeable.
not like satoru. not like suguru. not like the strong.
you lean your head against suguru's shoulder, fingering the hem of your uniform skirt. the fabric is cool to the touch—it seems darker, heavier. heat radiates from the body next to you, and there's something about him that's making your stomach churn with nerves. "suguru?"
his voice sounds far away. "hm?"
"are you okay?"
he stiffens and you suddenly fear you've said too much—nosy, intruding, out of place. you stumble. "it's just, we haven't talked much lately."
"i'm fine," he answers, and you can hear a smile in his voice—whether it's real or fake you can't tell. "just a little tired."
you know there is truth to this. but it scares you, how this tiredness of his has lingered for months. you don't know how to tell him that.
"okay…" your voice is barely a whisper, heavy with unspoken words that you don't know how to formulate. somehow you find that silence has always been your only option.
but like usual, silence with suguru has never once been uncomfortable.
haibara's smile burns behind your eyelids.
"it should be a relatively simple mission. if you're not doing anything today senpai, would you like to come with us?"
his voice tickles your ears.
"that's alright! i'll get going then! oh right, today's mission is a little farther than usual, so we'll probably be back late! what would you like me to bring back for you?"
hypoxia crushes your lungs, your blood burns. selfish selfish selfish. you've only ever cared about yourself.
suguru's arm curls around your shoulder before you even realize you're crying. his palm is warm as it smooths over your hair, and all you can worry about tainting him with your ridiculous tears.
you don't ever want to burden him—just want to quietly live in his shadow.
"i don't—" you internally cringe at the throaty rasp of your voice, swiping a hand at your nose. "i shouldn't be so sensitive about—"
"it's not your fault." he quietly hushes you, grip tightening imperceptibly. through your tears you can see him adam's apple bob, and for some reason that makes you feel worse. you're too scared to look at his expression, even though his voice is resolute. "none of this is our fault."
something has changed in the way he speaks now. something has settled, a confirmation of some idea that has been brewing for a long time now.
you don't say another word, but somehow he manages to sear himself into your very being. he's warm, and fuzzy, and he smells like sandalwood and incense.
you don't know how long suguru let's you pathetically sob into his shoulder.
but you think you're embarrassed that he has taken pity on a wounded animal's cries.
xii. split
he looks different, but also the same. you've seen him wear that sweater before. it's plain black, no patterns, and you know that there's a loose string on the inside of the left sleeve that he was always too lazy to cut. you've always liked that sweater—always liked the way he looked in it.
you liked it so much that you've even stolen it a few times yourself.
but now it looks different. older and dirtier—as though soiled by some unknown curse.
that's what everything came down to, right? curses.
suguru stands in front of you, almost no trace of emotion on his handsome face, and his expression makes you want to turn and run. you miss the calm serenity that normally graced his features, wishing that you had some kind of cursed technique that could turn back time. but you aren't blessed like that—you wonder what sin you might've committed in a past life that made you so unlucky in this one.
"you look confused," he comments. you reel at how casually he speaks to you, like it's just another afternoon sitting under that stupid tree. like he's leaning his head back against the trunk and watching you and satoru bicker with that fond look in his eye.
"suguru," you speak, an odd strain in your voice. you struggle to comprehend this odd turn of events. you've had time to understand that he's now a different person than the one you once knew. you know that he's responsible for killing 112 innocents, including his own parents. you know that he's now an enemy to jujutsu society and you know that you should kill him right at this moment.
but he looks so much like suguru, like your suguru, that you can only manage to stand there, frozen in place. his eyes drift over your body, taking in your pajamas, the bath towel in your hands, and the small drops that trickle from your hair, and you can see the familiarity settle in his expression.
"why are you here?" you choke out. you feel an overwhelming sense of danger in your gut, knowing that your family is just a few rooms over from where he stands now.
"at your family home, you mean?" he asks casually. a small, almost amused smirk appears on his face. "you said i was always welcome."
you did say that. sometime last year or the year before, when you had invited satoru, suguru, and shoko over to visit during one of your quick holidays. suguru had sat across from you at your dinner table. he complimented the food and your father smiled one of his rare smiles. you had chewed quietly to hide your grin.
you don't know what to say to him now.
"everything they said about you," you whisper, taking a step toward him. he remains rooted in place, but his eyes follow your movements. they shift when he catches your fingers gripping your towel tighter. "is it true?"
"do you think it is?" he asks, and you gulp. it feels like he's baiting you into some kind of trap.
"i don't want to believe that it is," you answer, voice shaking. "that you would ever do something so…"
the sentence hangs in the air, and he tilts his head imperceptibly. something in his eyes changes as he focuses on the drops falling over your shoulders.
"well i'm sorry to squash your hope," he raises his arms in a shrug. "but everything you heard is completely true."
your head aches, but you're not surprised by his confirmation. "why would you…?"
suguru hums, a dark look falling over his face. "do you remember the conversation we had after haibara's funeral? do you remember what i told you when he died?"
anger flares in your gut at the mention of haibara, and the bath towel crumples in your hold. "don't say his name," you hiss through gritted teeth. "don't act like he's the reason—just…don't bring him into this. please."
suguru licks his lips, eyes going soft before he tries again.
"everything used to make sense back then," he sighs. "back when the strong existed to protect the weak. but it's not true."
"suguru—"
"the reason why we suffer is because of them," he interjects evenly, though frustration is clearly evident in the curve of his brows and the volume of his voice. "we clean up their messes. they create problems and we die for it."
you're stunned into silence, at the way he's raising his voice at you, at the way he's speaking so firmly about this horrible topic, at everything. he seems to realize the effect of his speech, and he quells his anger to speak quieter. "that's why i'm doing this. i'm going to create a world without non-sorcerers, so that sorcerers like you and i can live peacefully."
a lump forms in your throat because god, he's right. he's so right. your life would be a thousand times better without curses. non-sorcerers were the reason curses existed. but the way he's going about this…
"suguru," your voice shakes, but you press on. "i get it. i really do—"
"i know you do," he interrupts. "you always have. even back then…"
he takes a step closer to you, reaching out to finger the towel in your hands. "but you don't agree with the way i'm doing it, right?"
you bite your lip, and he smiles at the sadness in your expression. "you're so easy to read, hotshot."
you ignore the way the nickname stings. "i just—how could you kill innocent people like that? your own parents, suguru."
he looks away from you, steely resolve in his eyes. "if i made exceptions for my parents, that would kinda make me a hypocrite, wouldn't it?"
you don't know what to say to that. he doesn't seem to have anything else to add either.
he looks around your old bedroom, eyes sparkling as they catch a picture of the four of you from your first year. satoru's arm is slung around shoko. the dark-haired female has her elbow resting on your shoulder, her tongue sticking out playfully. you're clinging to suguru's arm, and satoru's free hand is squishing your cheeks together. the four of you are laughing.
nobody has laughed in a while now.
you tear your gaze away from the picture frame to look at him. he's so unbelievably close, and he's gazing down at you with this foreign look in his eyes, the picture forgotten behind him.
he slips his fingers into your hair. his palm is large enough that it can brush the side of your face, and you wonder why your body doesn't flinch away from those bloodstained hands.
"it's okay," he mumbles, a faraway look in his eyes. they remain trained on your hair, but it feels like he's looking straight through you. like you're nothing more than a ghost he wants to erase. he's so close—you can count his dark lashes as they brush against his cheeks. "it's difficult. i don't expect you to understand."
his words incite a sudden flare of anger in your gut. it burns something fierce, and in that moment you hate him.
"no, i don't," you reply indignantly. he pauses, now really looking at you, and his brows quirk upward in what seems to be surprise, because—well, he's never seen you make such an expression at him before. "you never tried to help me understand. you just left."
a strained silence follows. his fingers twitch against your cheek.
"this doesn't concern you," he says finally. "i don't need you to understand my actions."
you recoil, as though he's physically hurt you, and your expression falls so hard that it almost makes him regret saying it. almost.
"if it doesn't concern me, then why are you here?" you ask again, and you see suguru's shoulders drop. "you know that i have orders to kill you. i might not be able to because you've always been stronger than me. but you know that i'll…"
go down fighting you, is what you want to say, but the words leave a nasty taste in your mouth. but suguru seems to know what you're implying because a wry smile appears on his lips. his fingers twirl a strand of your wet hair.
"i'm here to say goodbye," he says finally. another tense silence fills the space between you both, and suguru can see the way your fingers shake between the folds of your towel.
"you're a little bit late for that, aren't you?" you choke out, a strange tilt to your voice as you break eye contact with him. "you left school weeks ago, and you didn't say a word to me then."
"better late than never, right?"
the softness in his tone makes you turn to look at him again, and you desperately want to ingrain the features of his face into your head. the gentle slope of his eyes and sweetness of his smile. he almost looks like the suguru you once knew, and you suddenly have the urge to mourn his death.
his face becomes blurry, the edges becoming less pronounced, and you can see the way his expression falls.
"i didn't come all the way here to make you cry." his hand drops from your face and he takes a step back. your fingers hurry to wipe at your waterline, and you shake your head.
"'m not crying."
suguru smiles ruefully, and his eyes suddenly look devoid of life. he takes another step back—your heart plummets.
he says your name once, quietly, and it hangs in the air as you wait for him to say more.
he doesn't.
"you know that I'm not supposed to let you leave alive, right?" you mumble, fingers toying with the towel in your hand. "but i can't—i mean—"
"hm," he chuckles. "still as sensitive as ever, huh? s'okay…"
he moves toward you again and his hand gently cups the back of your neck. "i think it's your best quality. makes you better than most people in our world."
he presses his lips to your forehead tenderly, and you feel your eyes widen behind your tears.
you probably could've stopped him, because you're aware that he's now suddenly behind you, and that he's raising his hand. you can stop him, but a part of you thinks that if it's death at suguru's hands, maybe it's not such a bad way to go.
you accept your fate then and there.
you'll find out later that suguru never had the intention to kill you then. perhaps he was waiting for a more opportune time, waiting for there to be a meaning behind it. you're not sure. but when you wake up tucked in your bed cozily, you'll feel the remnants of him lingering around you.
he was warm, and fuzzy, and he smelled like sandalwood and incense.
xiii. sanctify
satoru's at your door again.
you've memorized his knock patterns. he always knocks three times, then leaves a pause, then twice more. for someone so erratic, he can be quite predictable.
"what's up, satoru?" you call out, not looking up from your busy hands. there are a couple of empty cardboard boxes open on your bed, and you've been placing things into them all morning. things that should've been put away a long time ago. you pause on one of your old test papers, and in suguru's dark, blocky handwriting you read:
YOU GOTTA STUDY MORE DUMBASS.
underneath it, satoru had scrawled:
hotshot failing class now huh? :P
and shoko had added:
both of you stfu you're failing too
you had drawn a heart next to her name.
"whatcha doin'?" a familiar voice chirps. "spring cleaning?"
satoru stands directly behind you, peering over your shoulder. you can practically feel his aura shift when he notices the items you're putting away.
"cleaning of some sort," you sigh, before turning to look over your shoulder. "i've been…putting it off."
he doesn't move—just continues to stare down at the paper in your hands. you think maybe you shouldn't have let him in. sometimes you forget that satoru might have his own sensitivities—you've always viewed him as the strongest.
a few strands of his hair tickle your cheek, and you scrunch your nose in response. he then turns to you, eyes blinding as he studies you over the frames of his shades.
"want help?"
"please." you don't intend to sound so needy, but the way you whisper the word has him immediately grabbing your wrist and sitting you down next to him on the bed.
"how are we sorting this stuff?" he asks, his voice oddly calm. he hasn't let go of your arm yet, and some quiet part of you is grateful.
"i was putting our old school stuff in that box. books, papers…" you answer softly, and satoru nods in understanding. "and in the other box…"
you inhale deeply through your nose. satoru waits, strangely patient. you're not sure if you're imagining it, but you think he squeezes your wrist.
"…are all of suguru's things."
there's a moment of silence—a quick mourning for what is no longer there.
"it's stupid stuff that he left behind, you know?" you chuckle, even though nothing is funny. "some old shirts from when you two would sleep over, his old textbooks, a few pictures from our holidays—shit like that."
satoru hums. he's not looking at you—instead he's staring at the box, a frown on his face.
"i guess he didn't really need those things for where he was going. or for wherever he is now," you mumble.
"guess not."
you're not sure what's going through his head. satoru's reaction to suguru leaving had been chaotic at best. it was so hard to tell how he felt about it. you knew he was angry, confused, betrayed. but he never showed things like that. you think it might have to do with being the strongest. you're not sure though—you never were strong like him.
you wish there was a way to tell him that he could share his feelings with you, but you can't think of a way that won't be awkward.
a ticklish sensation crawls up your wrist and you look down to watch satoru's first two fingers tap against the inside of your palm. his thumb brushes against yours as he lets out a heavy exhale.
"let's get started then, hotshot."
he looks down at you as he says the words, and you think you might cry. but you want to be strong, like him, so you offer him a smile. he gives you one in return. you realize there isn't that much warmth in it, not like it used to have—you're sure that yours isn't that warm either.
but it's enough for the two of you.
"you look tired, toru," you chuckle wryly, reaching up to brush a few strands of hair from his face. his eyes flutter at the touch, and you honestly think this might be the most vulnerable you've ever seen him.
"so do you."
"i am," you admit honestly.
"'s okay," he mumbles. his fingers tap against your palm once more. "'m here."
"i know," you answer. you always are.
nothing more is said as satoru stands up. he makes his way over to your desk and pulls one of suguru's old sweaters from your chair. you watch him fold it neatly, smoothing out the creases with care, before placing it into the box—you smile once more.
you think the scent of sandalwood tickles your nose, but it's gone in an instant.
both of you work in relative silence, sorting through the things in your room quickly. you're surprised at how bare it looks as you're nearing the end, as though there's nothing more to your life than old high school recollections.
you finish putting the last few polaroids into the box when satoru speaks up.
"hey."
you look up and find him staring at you, so you turn to face him completely, giving him your full attention.
"zenin toji—" the name sends a painful tingle up your body. "—left something behind."
you frown. "what are you talking about?"
"a kid. he's got a kid. and i was gonna go meet him today," satoru shrugs. you try to read his emotions, but as usual, he's giving you nothing. "the old man said something about the zenin clan buying up his kid before i killed him. i was gonna go see if there's something i could do about that."
you sigh before raising a brow, an amused lilt to your voice. "and why have you kept this a secret?"
satoru's trademark smirk appears, and he walks over to sling an arm around your shoulders. "who knows?" he quips nonchalantly. "guess i was waiting until we were bored. we need something to do now, don't we?"
you glance at the packed boxes on your bed, and then look around your empty room. everything is always changing, but satoru is constant.
"i guess so," you grin. his eyes shine, and for a second you see a familiar teenager at the beach, and then a familiar teenager under an old tree. you think you hear waves, and the crinkling of a bag of chips.
"good," he chirps, walking you to the door, the arm around your shoulder secure. "his name's megumi, and we're gonna make sure he gets strong."
xiv. idyll
it takes you a little over four months to get used to megumi's eyes. they aren't unsettling or invading, like a certain snowy haired sorcerer, but they do give you chills when you first notice them. chills and a fleeting feeling of metal slicing up and down through your flesh. you just have to steady your breathing and remind yourself that the son is not the father.
tsumiki is an angel. you didn't think that kids that age could be so emotionally competent, but she's a pleasant surprise. she had been awfully protective over megumi, fidgeting with a firm hand on his shoulder as you and satoru invaded their space and upturned their lives. even after they had settled into the humble apartment satoru had purchased, tsumiki was still so overly cautious. it was obvious she still didn't trust either of you, but you thought it was admirable of her, and you relay this thought to satoru one day.
"think they hate us?" he asks, squishing his cheeks between his lithe fingers as he eyes the different milk cartons over the rims of his glasses.
"i'm pretty sure they just don't trust us that much," you reply, placing a few packs of instant ramen into the cart. "can you blame them? we're just random strangers who came up and basically kidnapped them."
"i'd like to say adopted!" he points out with a grin, before he sighs. "but we've already proved we're just doing this to help them. but they still barely talk at all."
"they're just being careful. megumi's still a little young and he looks like he doesn't give a shit about most stuff anyway," you chuckle as you remember the expression on the first grader's face as he spoke to your cocky friend. "and tsumiki's being cautious for both of them."
"she doesn't need to be cautious of us!" satoru dramatically whines, pulling out a carton of whole milk and placing it into the cart. you shiver as the cold air hits your skin, eyeing the sorcerer with an exasperated smile. he shuts the door with a huff. "i've been such a good dad!"
you roll your eyes, shoving his arm as he starts pushing the cart down the aisle. "she definitely should be cautious of you, you creep."
satoru looks down over his shoulder, appalled, though his eyes sparkle with mirth. "and why do you say that?"
"have you seen yourself? crazy 19 year old man that kidnaps kids," you mutter somewhat sarcastically, falling into step with him like it's normal. satoru grins at that—amused.
"i think it's pretty cool of her to be that responsible though," you continue, voice going softer as you think about them, and satoru hums in what you think might be agreement. you suddenly grab his arm, stopping him in his tracks and he turns to look at you.
"you think we should get another carton of milk?" you question, tilting your head at him. "megumi's been drinking it every day after he comes back from school and tsumiki said she wanted to try making milkshakes."
satoru blinks at you, eyes widening before an amused chuckle escapes his lips. you're about to ask what is so funny but he gestures back down the aisle. "go get some."
he waits for you as you go grab another carton, leaning against the cart easily. when you make it back and place the extra milk in the cart, satoru slings an arm around your shoulders. you raise a brow, but he just continues to push the cart with his free hand and says nothing.
so you don't say anything either.
the two of you continue shopping, trying to remember the things you've noticed the kids enjoying because you know they'll be too uncomfortable to outrightly request them. for every sweet snack satoru puts into the cart, you add something that can pass as somewhat healthy, and he hides a teasing grin behind his fist each time.
when you're almost done, satoru motions to the shelves of snacks, raising a brow at you. "what do you need, hotshot?"
you look up from where you're analyzing the contents of the cart. "hm? oh i don't wanna buy anything for myself. i'm good with the stuff i have back at the dorm."
"great," he shrugs with a subtle shake of his head. "except you're not buying anything this time, i am. so pick something."
"what?" you frown, walking over to him. "we're supposed to split groceries for the kids."
"we can split next time." satoru rolls his eyes at you, as though annoyed by your insistence. "i just got paid yesterday and i wanna waste money. pick something."
you groan. "but there really isn't anything i want. if you're gonna pay yourself then let's just go. i think this is good enough."
satoru looks unamused, his eyes boring into yours—bright, dominating, mesmerizing. "oh really? nothing you want?"
you stare at him in confusion as he walks over to the frozen section and opens the door. after a few seconds of rummaging, he pulls out a box. "not even this?"
your shoulders drop. he's holding a tub of strawberry ice cream.
he casually places it into the cart, eyes trained on your expression as he bends down. "it's your favorite, isn't it?"
your voice comes out throaty, and you wet your lips nervously—his eyes follow the movement at lightning speed. "how'd you know?"
satoru scoffs out a haughty chuckle, reaching up to knock a knuckle at your forehead—it's cold. "i know everything about you, hotshot."
he moves to grip at the cart's handle, standing close enough that you can feel the energy radiating off of him. the side of his hand touches yours, still cold. "now we can go."
he sticks by your side, pushing the cart towards the counters as he casually looks around the store. you briefly realize that his shadow doesn't cover you when you're at his side like this. the thought both scares you and pleases you in a way you didn't think was possible.
"thanks toru," you mumble before you can stop yourself. his gives you a sidelong glance—assessing.
his lips twitch. "it's just ice cream."
"no, it's a lot more than that." you're not really sure why you say it so tragically, and satoru inhales sharply. you notice that his knuckles have turned white as he grips the cart's handles. once again, his eyes dart rapidly over your face—between your eyes and then further down.
then he lets out a hushed laugh, nudging your shoulder with his. "as long as you share with me, hotshot."
everything is always changing, but satoru is constant.
you can't help but smile. "always."
you two don't say much as you head to the counter, taking turns placing all the items on the belt. you quietly watch satoru dig into his wallet, feeling oddly content doing so. you think the stars in your eyes will never disappear.
the clerk eyes you both, and suppresses a fond grin. with your close proximity, shared cart, and satoru's easy going smile, you realize that she's probably misunderstanding, but you don't really know how to correct her. satoru says nothing—he just continues smiling, oddly pleased.
he smiles all the way to the car. you catch yourself doing the same in the rear view mirror.
xv. retribution
the first thing you notice when you kneel in front of suguru is that he's bleeding all over the place. you have the strongest urge to scramble and grip his fingers tightly, just as he had done for you so many years ago—but you don't dare. you're too scared that touching him will ruin you completely.
he says your name quietly, and yet it's the loudest thing in the universe to you—crashing over your ears until you've lost all sense of self.
and then he leans forward, his gaze heavy, and his hand comes up to tangle in your hair. his palm rests on the side of your face just like it did when he visited you at your family home. the last time you saw your geto suguru.
except this time he moves further—crosses a line. presses his lips to yours.
he tastes like blood. you don't pull away.
the feeling of his lips shocks you though, and you stay permanently frozen in place as you feel your eyes glaze over with something you can't put into words.
suguru kisses you slowly, deeply, like he's been waiting but wants to savor it. maybe you've been waiting too. you're not sure. you're so confused.
you don't even process the way his tongue slips past your lips, tasting almost eagerly like your mouth is some kind of conquest he's trying to claim.
it's intrusive, but not unwelcome. slow, but not gentle.
you whimper quietly, feeling acid sting down your cheek as he pulls away and his eyes flutter open. he takes in your expression, and a million emotions pass over his face.
a quiet chuckle. "that bad, huh?"
you shake yourself out of it and try to push away the flush creeping up your neck. "w-what?"
"you're crying," he announces, his furrowed eyebrows paired with a sweet smile that makes him look so unbelievably tragic. "the kiss was that bad?"
your face burns, and you raise a shaking hand up to your cheek—it's wet.
"it wasn't—i didn't—" you struggle. "i mean—"
he smiles ruefully. "i'm sorry. you were saving it for someone special, right?"
there's a charged silence that follows as you scour your brain for the conversation he's referencing. when you find it, your heart sinks.
"you've always been special to me, suguru." your voice comes out quiet, but he hears it all the same. his eyes widen fractionally and you can see a light pink dust his cheeks before he laughs. it's soft, hushed, and looks like it's painful, but he lets it run its course.
it reminds you of a laugh from so long ago, at a beach, with childish screams echoing against the sound of waves. you think you can feel strawberry ice cream dripping down your wrist.
his laughs die down and he's left smiling softly at you. his lavender eyes sparkle with mirth as he tilts his head. "i'm glad. that you were the one i gave a room to."
you can hear waves in your ears, crashing crashing drowning. sand is in your hands, in between your toes, in your eyes.
he coughs, and his palm shakes against your cheek. you wonder why he doesn't just let go already dammit suguru.
you inhale sharply, trying so hard to breathe because what is that stupid thing that's clogging your throat and preventing you from speaking? there's so much you have to say to him. so many questions. so many things left unsaid. your words are failing you.
but silence with suguru has never once been uncomfortable, right?
you raise a shaky hand to press against his where it lays against your neck. "do you regret it?"
he licks his lips, smiling faintly, as though he's enjoying the new taste of you on them. "no."
"why not?" you whisper. your body unconsciously shuffles closer to him, chasing his warmth because gods is he warm. he's always been so warm, even now, in the throes of death.
"my feelings are still the same. i still hate the monkeys for everything they've done, all the crap they cause." he shuts his eyes, smiling that serene smile. you wish he was leaning against a tree trunk. "i still have no resentment to those at jujutsu tech. and you, i still…"
he doesn't continue. you don't think you want him to. there's a flush crawling up his neck, the faint pink a stark contrast to the red of blood. it makes you nauseous.
another deep inhale, and his thumb slides over your jawbone, before brushing under your bottom lip. he stares at the flesh heavily, letting his finger press into it. his tongue swipes over his own lips, eyes darkening further.
and then something shifts in his face, and he smiles mirthlessly. his hand drops from your face—broken contact.
he doesn't tear his gaze away from you, committing your face to memory. it's almost like he wants to say something, but decides against it at the last minute as he slumps further into the wall behind him and shuts his eyes.
when he speaks again, you know that it is all over.
"you're late, satoru."
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Astro Observations (Beauty indicators)- 27
Degrees in the 5th degree: known as a big sex appeal placement. These people naturally draw attention to themselves effortlessly especially on the asc. They could be wearing a bag and will have ppl still staring and asking for their number. They can get famous for their beauty.
Neptune in the 1st house: they kinda look like their wearing a filter naturally.. like their appearance is abnormally smooth and glossy, they have a very otherworldly look to them that will make others turn back for a second look. They all look like angels. They can have very dreamy personalities as well they know how to mirror other’s desires back to them which can create an almost hypnotic effect on others. (Marilyn Monroe had this)
Venus in 1st house: they give that conventional insta baddie look usually. But no seriously these people can easily become famous for their beauty fast on social media. They have such friendly charming personalities and genuinely enjoy being around others which adds to the charm. They normally put a lot of effort into looking good.
Libra Rising: I think this one is pretty self explanatory lol. These people are really easy to spot they normally have amazing fashion sense, regardless of their aesthetic they pull of whatever they wear so nicely. They dress like story book characters. Just a main character placement
Lilith conjunct asc: these people are also so angelic to look at. I feel like many ppl expect these people to be covered in tattoos and piercings and dark makeup (however they definitely could) but I mostly see that they have such an innocent beautiful appearance normally, the edginess is more through the vibe they give off which causes a lot of people to become obsessed with them. They look so sweet & innocent yet you can sense how much power these people hold within themselves. This can make them very intimidating but insanely attractive!
Libra Venus: they never usually have a hard time finding a partner due to their refined nature. These are people truly in love with love, their willingness to find love in others can be really attractive to the opposite sex (or same sex) which will cause them to have a lot of suitors normally. Their appearance is always so put together and they have such a perfect face for makeup! They tend to have very beautiful smiles as well.
Capricorn rising: talk about face card, these people normally look like models. They have amazing bone structure and are very petite themselves. This can give more an edgy dark beauty. They remind me of a sculpted Greek statue very emotionless and still yet so beautiful to look at.
Venus in 2nd house: giving princess vibes. These people are the definition of pretty privilege. Men will just buy them things for looking cute. Usually has an amazing fashion sense. They have very wealthy personalities, even if they weren’t raised rich they talk like they came from a lot of uk what I mean. Their power is really in their voice they have the most seductive voices my lord, this is what can attract so much wealthy partners. Amazing sweet talkers.
Venus in Taurus: give such a natural beauty. These people give coconut girl aesthetic with the natural tanned faces, effortlessly messy beach wave hair. These people just radiate beauty. The most beautiful thing about these people is their feminine qualities and their ability to know what they want for themselves. This can make them ideal wife’s to many. They are usually into classical feminine activities such as clothes making, cooking/baking, knitting, making jewelry. They give perfect conventional wife vibes.
Aphrodite in the 1st and 7th house: I feel like the first house is pretty self explanatory but these natives are usually known for their beauty like Venus in the 1st house. Many famous models have this placement (Adriana Lima) they have the most symmetrical features, these were the kids that never had an ugly/awkward phase. The 7th house makes you attractive to others around you. You can be seen as extremely charming and likable in your social engagements with others you can become very popular fast. However this attracts a lot of enemies and jealousy from others because of how liked you are by others. People almost worship you like a goddess. When I think of Aphrodite in the 7th I think of “the birth of Venus” painting where she’s emerging out of the claim and everyone around her is in awe, that’s what this placement is like.
Venus in 7th house: usually have such beautiful personalities. Even if they aren’t physically attractive they have such charming personalities that they are still seen as very attractive. These people are also really funny and good at engaging the opposite sex (or the same whatever you’re into) they attract so much attention from others romantically even if they are the least attractive in the room. They can pull some pretty attractive partners as well! And if they do happen to be physically attractive then they probably steal all the men😂 lowkey a little jealous of this placement! You guys are just so cool.
Pisces moons: they get known for their beauty pretty often. I feel like everyone has a crush on them ESPECIALLY the men with this placement. The men with this placement tend to sweep women away like a fictional character, they’re usually amazing with sweet talk. They also tend to look otherworldly too and others can get really obsessed with them. (Bjorn Anderson was a Pisces moon).
Cancer moons: they are all so pretty and feminine 🥺 they usually have a very doll-like appearance and a very warm aura. They know how to make others feel at home which is really attractive. They usually have soft feminine features and have a natural glow to them like the moon! They have such a motherly energy to them you just want them to mother you. Also very emotionally intelligent. These are amazing people to go to when you just need to vent, they’re the best listeners and comforters. Their softness attracts so many people to them.
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wait would you u want to explain the context of multi 21?
MULTI-21: A HISTORY LESSON
MODERN ASSUMPTIONS:
it has been over a decade since the 2013 malaysian grand prix. as the years have gone on, people have forgotten, or smoothed out, the minutiae of it.
when people talk about multi-21 nowadays, it tends to fall under three headings:
• evil supervillain seb was addicted to winning and didn’t care about his team. selfish emotionless robot. got booed for a year and deserved it
• cunty brat seb was a disobedient child and refused to listen to his team and faced no consequences ever because he was red bulls special little boytoy
• poor mark webber was betrayed by his team as he had been for five years. the win was his and seb stole it
but of course, nothing is ever so simple
BACKGROUND
by 2013, sebastian and mark had been teammates for 5 years, and part of the extended red bull “family” for 7.
when they became teammates in 2009, mark was the older, more experienced head. seb was the young wunderkind who already had a race win under his belt, more than mark had.
(ironically, mark won his first race in germany in 2009. seb wouldn’t win his home GP until 2013. seb has since called mark’s 2009 german gp win as one of the most impressive drives he’s ever seen.)
anyway. let’s go back in time. it’s japan. it’s 2007. and it is raining. it’s lap 45, under the safety car after alonso crashed out. the rain is TORRENTIAL, and mark (red bull) is running in 2nd. he’s so sick that he’s vomiting in his helmet. seb (toro rosso baby. 20 years old) was 3rd. hamilton was leading, and braked quite dangerously. seb was caught out by this, and crashed into the back of mark. both of them had been running in the podium places, and both had to retire. mark called seb a kid without experience fucking it up. seb cried in his garage. this is the first time they crash. mark later referred to it as the first time they made love on track because he’s a freak
fast forward to turkey 2010. they are teammates now, and have been for over a year. fuji 2007 had largely been forgotten. water under the bridge. they are fighting for the championship against ferrari and mclaren. mark got pole, but around lap 40 seb had caught up to him as mark had to save fuel. they “merged towards each other” (generous). mark didn’t give seb enough space, seb was too over-eager. people will have different opinions. unless you’re helmut marko, who will always back seb, since seb is a product of the red bull academy whereas mark wasn’t. mark went on to finish on the podium, seb had to retire. seb was PISSED! (sexy). this is seen as the start of the “rivalry” by many.
britain 2010. aka the mark-webber-slams-water-on-desk moment. seb was given the new front wing from marks car for qualifying because he was a better qualifier because his had broken in fp3. he would ultimately get a puncture in the race, whilst webber with the old wing came first, and graced us with the “not bad for a no.2 driver” radio message.
so, where are we by summer 2010 and spring 2011? fuji was no one’s fault really, turkey was six of one half a dozen of the other, but mark felt the team favoured seb. britain made that feeling CONCRETE in marks mind. then seb won the title in 2010 after not leading until the final race of the season. in the press conference before abu dhabi 2010, seb kept getting asked if he’d let mark past it if would win mark the championship, and he kept evading the answer. see, mark had been ahead in the championship, but he qualified 7th while seb got pole and won. so, come 2011, webber was convinced the team favoured seb. however, seb was by far and away the better driver.
so. britain 2011. an underrated moment of the vettel webber rivalry. mark qualified on pole, with seb p2. seb quickly took the lead in the race. later on in the race after some botched pit stops and drama, mark was close to seb. red bull told mark NOT to pass seb.
mark ignored this team order. he tried to pass his teammate, but ultimately failed to do so. it’s often forgetting in vettel/webber rivalry lore that mark was the first of them to ignore a direct team order. the difference was he just wasn’t able to make the overtake. here are two interesting quotes from just after the race:
and now. brazil 2012. another forgotten multi-21 backstory. it was the last race of the season, and seb was fighting for his third straight championship, only alonso could possibly beat him. mark qualified 3rd, seb 4th, and alonso 8th. seb had a rocky start to the race, which resulted in him being hit from the back & spun around. he pulled off the mother of all recovery drives to win the championship. alls well that ends well right? wrong. horner admitted a few years ago that seb felt that mark was to blame for the rocky start by forcing seb into the wall. horner even went as far as to say that this lack of teamwork was directly in sebs mind when malaysia 2013 came around. that that was seb’s revenge.
conspiracy theorists will say that mark forced seb towards the wall because he wanted his mate alonso to win the championship over his teammate. definitely possible but not confirmed.
so. here we are. malaysia 2013. it’s been 5 years of crashes, ignored team orders (mark), favouritism (seb) and finally an almost championship-ruining shove towards a wall.
seb qualified on pole, mark 5th. but mark took the lead after the first round of pitstops. around lap 46, seb was gaining on mark, who was on old hard tyres. team orders came through for seb not to fight mark. multi 21 literally means that car no 2 should stay in position ahead of car no 1. just as mark ignored team orders in britain 2011, seb ignored them here. the only difference was seb actually got past. mark was furious (“yep that’s good teamwork!”) seb, a bad liar, was hilarious (“i was really scared… all of a sudden he was moving… i had to…”) horner was regretting most of his life choices (“this is silly seb come on.”)
seb won the race. the most awkward of all cool down rooms ensued (“multi 21 seb. yeah? multi 21”) seb chugged an entire bottle of water. poor lewis hamilton just trying to disappear into thin air. underrated moment is you can see a clip of seb trying to explain something to mark and neither of them are having a good time. on the podium interviews after mark said “seb will have protection from the team as always” - harkening back to his long-felt belief that the team favoured seb, yet ignoring his own history of ignoring team orders, and ignoring brazil 2012.
seb would later apologise.
…
three days later seb would rescind that apology.
(“i was racing i was faster i passed him i won.”)
at this stage, seb had been the dominant driver for four years running and some crowds had grown annoyed at him, so used this as an excuse to boo him at basically every race for the summer swing of the season. seb spoke at the end of 2013 about how hard this was for him, and how he was thankful for the support of his family and girlfriend during the hard times. it’s important to remember that seb was only in his mid 20s when all this booing and controversy was happening. it’s a lot to shoulder, especially when you’re only doing what you’ve always done, what you’re being paid to do: winning.
mark would retire at the end of the 2013 season, though apparently he had already made up his mind before malaysia.
seb would stay at red bull for one more year before moving to ferrari.
when asked in 2022, seb said he wouldn’t change what he did in malaysia 2013. and in my opinion, he’s right.
unlike the mclaren clusterfuck of hungary 24, there was YEARS of history between vettel and webber before multi-21. grudges, crashes, hurts, pride, friendship, rivalry, championships lost and won. this was the cumulation of their entire careers to date, all of their mistakes and their motivations for better or for worse.
basically, it was never so simple as “seb ignored team orders because he was an arrogant brat” or “poor mark the team never liked him” it’s… well it’s all of the above. cheers for reading. fuck me i went on a bit
#TA DA!!!!!!!!#if i’ve got anything wrong or forgot anything please tell me#a lot of this was just at the top of my memory#seb#sebastian vettel#mark webber#multi 21
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Hey, I was wondering how to write nightmares, or sleep paralysis for my next story.
How to Write Nightmares and Sleep Paralysis
Causes of Sleep Paralysis:
Insomnia
PTSD
Anxiety disorders
Panic disorders
Disrupted sleep patterns (ex: jet lag)
Family history
Symptoms of Sleep Paralysis:
Paralysis (duh)
Feeling outside of your body
Chest pressure (as if someone is standing on your chest)
Sense of suffocating or breathlessness
Feeling like there is something dangerous in the room
Nightmares vs Night Terrors:
When having a nightmare, you are likely to wake up during it and will possibly be able to recall the dream or parts of the dream.
When having a night terror, you will not wake up and you won’t be able to recall the dream in the morning.
Symptoms of Nightmares:
Fast heart rate
Shortness of breath
Sweat
Anxiety
Struggling to go back to sleep
Writing Prompts
-> feel free to edit and adjust pronouns as you see fit
She felt like she couldn’t breathe. Her eyes darted around the room, quick as lightning. She could see the nightlight she kept in the corner, casting the far wall of her bedroom in a blue light. Then she saw it. It watched her with a thin smile. She tried to sit up, to scream, anything, but she was frozen. The thing noticed her distress, and it stalked towards her, limbs elongated and as dark as the shadows of her room.
He sat bolt upright in bed. His heart was pounding so hard he felt like it was going to break through his chest. He grasped at his shirt, gripping the fabric as tight as he could. His skin was slick with sweat, and he had to peel his clothing off.
They stared up into the eyes of something. It was standing on their chest, looming over them with an emotionless gaze. They couldn't move, their limbs stiff and refusing to listen to their mind pleading with them to run. And so they stared. And the thing stared back.
She woke up screaming.
He tossed and he turned, but no matter what he did or however many times he flipped his pillow over, he could not fall asleep. He was too afraid. Afraid of that same, damn, nightmare.
They ran a stressed hand through their hair as they tried to control their breathing. It was quick, and they felt more and more lightheaded with each passing second. There was nothing they wanted more than to go back to sleep, but every time they closed their eyes it was like they were transported back to that awful dream. They slowly pulled themselves from the bed and stalked to the shower. They knew there was no way they would be able to sleep again tonight, so they might as well start their day.
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Tomura Shigaraki X reader
“Stupid Questions.”
You were sitting on the bed, your back rested on the backboard. Tomura laid in between your tights as he played his most rageful games.
"Tomu..." you softly spoke as you twirled and played with his soft puffy hair.
He groaned as he felt your gentle fingers play with his locks, but he didn't dare move. In his mind he was more focused on the game, and he did not want to lose.
"..What..?"
"Can I ask you a question?..." you almost whispered as you looked down on him.
He grumbled under his breath as you questioned him mid-game. He felt annoyed, but he decided to answer in the end.
"What."
"What do you like about me?.." you spoke out as your heart thumped patiently waiting to hear what he had to say.
The question surprised him as he paused his game, giving you a side-eye glance.
He remained silent for a few seconds as if thinking, before he finally spoke.
'...Why do you ask...?"
He tried to maintain his usual emotionless demeanor, but the fact he paused the game spoke volumes on his genuine curiosity.
"just wondering..." your took a strand of his hair as you twirled it letting it go to turn into a somewhat curly spiral
He watched you play with his hair, your soft touch feeling nice on his head, and his usual stoic expression softened a bit.
"...Don't ask me stupid questions when I'm in the middle of a game."
He grumbled, his focus shifting to the game as he un-paused and continued playing.
"Oh..." your heart stopped thumping fast as your lips quivered,
"right..." you replied as you looked up to see him play to distract your mind instead.
He could feel your disappointment, and a tinge of guilt tugged at him. He was never one for sweet words, but he hated the thought of disappointing you in any way.
He took a sidelong glance at you, noticing your sad expression, which made him feel even more guilty. He grumbled under his breath, hesitating before he finally spoke again.
"I like... how gentle you are with me."
Your face quickly lid up , You tried to hide your happiness at his response as you looked down at him waiting to hear what else he had to say.
He felt a subtle blush creeping across his cheeks, uncharacteristic for him. He was clearly not used to this but continued nonetheless, trying to keep up his indifferent appearance.
"You... You know how to deal with me when I'm angry, you... don't push me too hard, and you..."
He stumbled over his words for a moment, searching for what to say next.
“..You know how to deal with me and you... tolerate my bullshit."
He muttered, his usual stoic veneer cracking a bit. He hated being vulnerable like this, but he also hated not giving you what you wanted.
He kept his eye on the game, avoiding your gaze.
If it was anymore possible your lips widen at his words, it felt nice being told that he liked about you...it was rare to see this side of Tomura... and you love it.
He could feel your eyes on him, and it was driving him insane. He hated being scrutinized like this, it made him feel vulnerable and exposed.
He wanted to look at you, but at the same time he didn't. He was torn between his usual grumpy indifference and wanting to give you the attention you wanted.
He grumbled under his breath, his grip on the game controller tightening.
'..Stop looking at me like that."
"Can't help it..."
His breath hitched at your response. He tried to maintain his composure, but he could feel his heart racing as he heard the playful tone in your voice.
He kept his focus on the game, but he was starting to lose his concentration. He was now more focused on how you were looking at him, and it was making him feel all sorts of things he didn't expect.
'..You're such a pain in the ass."
He grumbled, his hands feeling slightly sweaty against the controller.
"You wanna know what I like about you?"
You hummed as you took your eyes off him and watched him play.
He huffed in annoyance, but he was still paying attention to your words. He continued playing, albeit more distracted now due to your question.
He didn't respond, but he gave a small nod, indicating for you to continue.
"I like your protective...." You hummed with a smile plastered on you as you cupped his cheeks softly enough to not distract him.
His shoulders tensed slightly as you cupped his cheeks, but he leaned into your touch all the same. His heart thudded in his chest at your words, and he had to force himself to keep his focus on the game.
He grumbled under his breath, his cheeks feeling warm against your hand.
'Keep going."
You softly giggled at his words but even so you continued.
"I like it when although you're mad you still tell me to be careful or to take care when you have to go and never let me sleep upset..." your thumbs rubbed softly at his cheeks.
He tried to act nonchalant, but he couldn't stop himself from blushing. His face was turning redder by the second as you continued to praise him, and he could feel his heart beating faster and faster.
He grumbled under his breath, trying to disguise his growing embarrassment as irritation.
"...Shut up."
He muttered as he tried to concentrate on the game, but his fingers were starting to slip on the controller.
He was getting more and more flustered as you continued to praise him, and he couldn't help but feel a mix of annoyance and affection towards you. He knew he should pretend like he didn't care, but deep down he was loving every second of this.
"I love it when you act like you don't care if I'm upset or disappointed... but you still do little acts to cheer me up..." you giggled at the thought.
Tomura's heart thumped wildly in his chest at your words. He loved and hated the fact that you knew him so well. He tried to act like your praise meant nothing to him, but it was clear that it was affecting him greatly.
He tried to keep his focus on the game, but his fingers were now trembling slightly, and he was having a hard time controlling his character.
He grumbled under his breath, blushing even harder now.
'..Don't make me sound soft."
"Oh-!..I also love how cute you look while sleeping...when you pull me in to be closer...your face resting in between my chest."
You laughed as you continued rubbing on his cheeks looking down at his focused eyes on the game.
His face felt like it was on fire. No one had ever seen him like this before, and he was starting to feel overwhelmed.
He was struggling to retain his usual calm composure as you described how he acted when he was vulnerable, and it was making it all the harder to concentrate on the game.
He grumbled again, his voice betraying a hint of embarrassment.
'..Knock it off. I'm trying to play a damn game here."
As you fell silent, he finally had the chance to regain his focus. He took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heartbeat. He was slowly starting to regain control of the game, but he couldn't completely ignore your presence next to him.
He could still feel your eyes on him, and he knew you were probably still smiling.
It was both annoying and endearing, and he wasn't sure how to feel about it.
He continued playing, but he was more aware of you than he was of the game itself.
"I love you.." you whispered softly as you watched him play
Tomura's fingers froze on the controller at your words. He wasn't used to hearing those words, and it always caught him off guard. He grumbled under his breath, feeling his cheeks heating up again.
He tried to act unfazed and continued playing the game, but his heart was racing.
He wanted to say the same, but the words just wouldn't come out. He was too embarrassed and too stubborn to admit it out loud. Instead, he just grumbled under his breath again and focused on the game, silently hoping you knew how he felt.
He continued playing the game, his mind preoccupied with your words. Your confession had left him feeling a mix of emotions, and he was having a hard time processing it all.
He kept his eyes fixated on the screen, but he was no longer really focused on the game. Instead, he was more aware of your presence next to him, the feel of your hands on his cheeks, and the sound of your voice.
He was so deep in thought that he didn't notice his character dying on the screen until it was too late.
"God damn it..." he cursed as the game over screen appeared. He grumbled under his breath and tossed the controller aside in annoyance, turning his attention back to you.
He looked up at you, his expression a mixture of annoyance and embarrassment.
You leaned down and nuzzled your nose with his,
"it's okay..." you whispered before pressing your lips against his to calm his frustrations
Tomura's heart nearly skipped a beat as your nose nuzzled against his. He was about to say something snarky, but your quick action shut him up instantly.
He froze for a moment, his mind going blank as he felt the softness of your lips against his. The shock of it all caught him off guard, and he couldn't even react at first.
He was still in a daze from your unexpected kiss, but he instinctively leaned into your touch as you played with his hair. The soothing feeling of your fingers against his scalp was calming, and he found himself relaxing against your thighs.
He closed his eyes, a subtle hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.
He tried to stay grumpy and act like this didn't affect him, but deep down, he was secretly loving every minute of it.
He lay there, letting you play with his hair and enjoying the feeling of your fingers caressing his scalp. He was tempted to say something snarky, but he didn't want to ruin the moment.
Instead, he just lay there in silence, his heart racing and his mind swirling with conflicting emotions. On one hand, he was annoyed at how easily you had disarmed him. On the other hand, he was grateful for the comfort and attention you were giving him.
"I love you..." you repeated your words,
Tomura's eyes opened at the sound of your voice, his heart skipping a beat as you repeated those three words. He hated how hearing those words from you made him feel so vulnerable, but at the same time, he couldn't deny that he loved it.
He grumbled under his breath, but this time, his usual bite wasn't there.
"...! love you too..." he muttered quietly, his voice barely audible.
#bnha#my hero x reader#x reader#18+ mdni#my hero academia#fluff#hotcheetos22#mha writing#tomura x y/n#tomura x you#tomura x reader#mha tomura#tomura shigiraki x reader#tomura shiragaki#tomurashigaraki#shigaraki tomura#bnha tomura#shigaraki headcanons#shigaraki x reader#reader insert
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