#the fact that I had a draft on this but deleted it because I'm a coward will always haunt me

[concerningwolves]

Not only is this allowed but it's something i encourage all writers of any kind to play with! :D

The idea that all writers know what to say all the time and just splash fully-formed drafts out one word after the other is false. There are some who can do it, but i think most of us... can't. Which is why we need tricks like square bracket notes! They're not cheats or lazy writing or some other flavour of Not Allowed, but instead really really important tools that we should use as much as we need to.

Some of the most helpful tricks I've collected over the years are:

make some notes in square brackets – e.g., I had to write a scene on a sailboat, but I know nothing about sailing so i literally just had notes like [boat part] and [how to do X thing?]. If you use square brackets as punctuation anyway, use something else like [[double square brackets]] or a unique letter combination like XY at the start of the note; the point is to pick something you can search for easily later on.

(You can also style inline comments in a different font/colour. Scrivener has an inline annotation feature; if you use Word, you can make a specific Style to make notes stand out at a glance, etc.)

bullet-point your way through any tricky parts – this can be pure stream-of-consciousness vague ideas. it only needs to make sense to me later. much more helpful than just leaving big blank gaps that Future Me has to work out how to fill, but also better than dwelling on a piece of writing forever.

use comment tools – mostly do this if I have ideas for alternate events and/or phrasing, or if I want to check something for continuity purposes.

write out of order – Best advice i ever got for academic writing is to know or even write your conclusion first and your introduction last, which your main argument in between. Similar principles apply in fiction, or any kind of creative writing. If there's a part of the essay that I can visualise clearly or a part of the story that is particularly exciting or important, I might write that first, then figure out how it fits/how everything fits around it.

keep a loose scenes and/or "outtakes" folder – anything that i write out of order goes here, along with any notes for how I think I want to incorporate it into the full text. In the same vein, if I delete something but don't know for sure it will never be relevent ever again, it gets cut and pasted into an outtakes folder.

Basic rule though is that you do not have to get your writing perfect on the first try. This is where drafts come in. The way I see it is to treat each draft as a fresh start – I create/open a new document (well, new Scrivener file) and start over as if from scratch. Each draft gets a narrower focus than the last. This is my process, as an example:

first draft is the word vomit. You do whatever you need to do to get it onto the page, and it can be terrible. In fact, it probably should be terrible. You can fix everything later. it's fine.

The second draft is a half-hearted cleanup attempt. I'll re-type everything because everything is subject to change, from the characters' personalities to the pacing to the order of events. It's all primordial goop, basically. i'm just poking and prodding and making a few adjustments, but mostly trying to create a more stable version of the first draft. All shortcut tricks continue to be my best friend.

By draft three I'll let myself copy-paste between documents if I'm particularly happy with a passage, but try not to get hung up on anything specific. I'll still make liberal use of square brackets etc. as I need to, but try to address as many from the previous draft as I can. This is where I get more brutal with making decisions and trying to fix parts of the story in place.

Draft four is usually my final draft, but there's literally no rules about how many drafts you're allowed to write. It's at this point that I try to keep square brackets etc. to a minimum (unless i've diverged significantly from the plot of a previous draft and having to rewrite large chunks), and make sure to address all the notes and problems encountered in previous drafts.

This is when I move on to revisions. Revisions are the "final do-overs", for me. I start them when I'm satisfied with all the large-scale aspects: plot and chronology; characters' personalities, motivations and arcs; large-scale pacing (so the over-arcing pace, rather than the pacing in individual scenes); backstories; and worldbuilding. I'll copy the last draft's document instead of starting with a blank one. First I run through those large scale things one more time and tweak until I'm happy, not just satisfied. Then I shrink my focus to in-scene pacing, dialogue, and the quality of the writing itself.

I'll also rewrite my plot outline between each draft, too. The act of actually re-writing stuff is very helpful for making your brain think about it.

Drafting like this isn't for everyone, but realising that you can just bullshit your way through chunks of text was a massive game-changer for me. Some people will do a draft, then work on something else, then come back and do another draft, work on something else, etc. Some people's drafting process will look more like what I consider to be revisions. Do whatever works for you. Just remember that from the moment you first decide you Want to Write a Thing to the moment you hit "post" or "publish" or give your manuscript over to a publisher, you can keep making as many changes as you like in any way you like. (And if you go the querying to traditional publishing route, you'll probably get suggestions for, and have space/time to make, changes to the manuscript quite far into the process).

favourite things about first drafts:

square brackets with notes to self mid-line like [does this make sense with worldbuilding?]

ah yes, Main Character and their closest friends, Unnamed Character A and Unnamed Character B.

bullshitting your way through something that you probably definitely need to research later

also square brackets to link up scenes. [scene transition idk] my beloved

the total freedom of word vomits

"I'll fix that later"

the moment when the world and characters start to gain a life of their own

pieces falling into place as you write that you were uncertain about before you started

the accomplishment of Made A Thing

[rottiens]

I have to admit that (cliché, perhaps) there's something about wolf gojo x bunny reader that scratches something in my brain every time

[its-not-a-pen]

bro did boeing design this spaceship why is EVERYTHING broken??? fanart OFFICIAL COVER ART for time to orbit: unknown by @derinthescarletpescatarian

god the attention to detail and creativity put into the futuristic technology is astounding. my favourite detail is how the ship creates artificial gravity through centrifugal force. (get inside the Giant Washing Machine future space colonists! it's perfectly safe and very functional!) design notes:

I'm only on chapter 6 rn but this is what aspen looks like in my head.

the vibe im going for is borderline cosmic horror. aspen greaves' face opens up to reveal Spaceship Guts inside. i decided to combine aspen with the s.s. courageous to make them one organism (Courageous-Aspen) to symbolise how the colonists' survival are totally dependant on their malfunctioning ship. it's also a cool way to show the weight of loneliness and responsibility weighing on aspen e.g. the ship is constantly on their mind, even as they're barely holding themself together.

mini!aspen is on a spacewalk looking at big!aspen. something something, existential angst about realising how vulnerable and insignificant you are in the vast uncaring void of space.

Wips:

not a lot of revisions between draft and lineart. my only big change was making the aspen's eyelines match up, so they are looking at themselves. oh fun fact! the plain black background was actually a merging error, i originally had stars but the layers got deleted and i ended up keeping it like that because it looks SO cool and bleak.

[lyrefromthesea]

Male Hashira x Reader - Livin' on the Farm

author's note: this was a request, but i've managed to accidentally delete my whole inbox. as a result, i can only work on the requests i still have in mind or in my drafts, apologies.

request: how would the hashira react as livestock on a cow hybrid farm with a new farmer!reader? (i was mildly surprised when i read they get milked by their cocks. it made me laugh without a doubt.)

pairing: Tengen x reader, Obanai x reader, Rengoku x reader, Sanemi x reader, Giyuu x reader, Gyomei x reader

content warning: nsfw, probably cum as milk alternative?

Tengen:

• Obanai and him were the first to spot you. they initially thought you were another cow hybrid that got transported to the farm.

• he'll quickly realize that you're, in fact, just a human, who had been given the duty to watch after the livestock here.

• he's one of the biggest cow hybrids you'll find, only smaller than Gyomei, but much more territorial. he has no problem seeing you with the other cow hybrids unless he wants you alone, it'll instantly get his mind to sync with his more animalistic instincts.

• how they behave when it's time for milking: he won't walk to the machine alone, you have to bring him there every time it's his turn. has no problem letting you put the pump on his cock, but gets whiney when near the end.

• "it's enough, i can't make more milk.. take it off, how am i able to produce more like this?" luckily for him, you listen to his whines. truthfully, he could probably get milked one or two times more, but you still take pity on him.

Obanai:

• like i mentioned earlier, Tengen and him were the first to spot you, confusing you for another cow hybrid at first.

• it took him a minute or two to realize you were just a normal human. his tail had already started swaying slowly by then, leaving the impression on his mind that you were fragile and needed protection.

• he was really silent at first. he's not the most social person and it's seldom someone new arrives at the farm. it doesn't take him long to warm up to you, seeing how you quietly sneak him treats, because he tends to eat less than the others.

• how they behave when it's time for milking: while Tengen only lets himself get milked when it's necessary, Obanai finds the building pressure uncomfortable at some point. he'll quietly approach you by then, giving you a glance that has you realize what's wrong.

"i'm sorry, Obanai! How long did you stand there? You could've said something." you had been working around the farm, it took you a while to notice others during that timeframe.

"not long.. can you..?" he's shy to ask, but never disappointed when you immediately agree and guide him to the milking machine.

Rengoku:

• Gyomei and him met you last. you were supposed to check on the livestock, having walked towards him because you spotted Gyomei near.

• Rengoku sat up, head poking out of the hay to get a sight of the new farmer. he immediately liked you, you looked like a nice person with a big heart, albeit a bit shy.

• he has a habit of exploring, often forcing you to search for him. somehow you'll always find him sitting somewhere on the meadow, doing whatever seems fit to him.

• how they behave when it's time for milking: he's up for it, often already waiting near the milk machine so you have an easier job. it's the least he could do. he doesn't complain about the machine, but a few words and a laugh always signaled when he was nearly out of milk.

"i think that's ha- i thinks that's enough.." it doesn't take long for him to be freed of the pump. he tries to keep himself from whining, overplaying it with one of his laughs, but the sight always makes you quietly laugh.

Sanemi:

• you met him a few minutes before Giyuu. he is truly one of the more tiring cow hybrids. he takes pride in his being and presents himself as a strong bull if you were to ask.

• he had ignored you at the start because, why should he give you attention? you were a mere human - fragile and weak. and-

• and when you pulled on his tail, making him yelp and turn around with wide eyes, you suddenly looked much stronger in his eyes. it was milking time and he had ignored you, that was your revenge.

• how they behave when it's time for milking: he'll trot after you like you're about to give him a punishment. you swear he doesn't stop complaining about the pump, but it's surprisingly easy to put it on him.

"this stupid thing should be thrown away. there's no need to-" will give you a glare and a groan, you turned the pump on without a warning.

Giyuu:

• he had spotted you before you had spotted him. he had watched your first interaction with Sanemi, not surprised when the other male walked away after a few minutes.

• he just didn't expect you to see him a moment later, walking towards him with a smile. he wasn't a social man, but he quickly became smitten with you when he learned who you were

• nice and beautiful. smart as well and you treated him so kindly - almost as nice as a mate. he'll quietly stay near you from time to time, ready to help but too silent to say anything. the day you asked him for help just made him more fond of you.

• how they behave when it's time for milking: he doesn't complain and lets you guide him towards the machine calmly. he tries to stay silent until the pump has finished, but his small moans and grunts signal that he's near the end with his production.

"are.. are we finished..?" he almost looked disappointed when you took the pump off his cock, he could do more for you! but you know it's enough from the way his eyes almost looked a bit clouded over, ears twitching when he grew overstimulated by the pump.

Gyomei:

• if it hadn't been for his size, you would've met him last. he was more silent than the other hybrids on the farm, but his presence seemingly was enough to establish some kind of respect for him.

• you knew that he was blind from the information that was stored about the different cows, but you nearly wouldn't have been able to tell by his confident stance.

• he probably spent a long time on the farm, now knowing it like the back of his hand. in addition, he liked following you around, carrying heavy objects for you, because he knew you weren't as strong as the hybrids on the farm.

• how they behave when it's time for milking: he's probably the calmest out of them all. he know what's about to happen and doesn't see a problem, you're doing your job and you do it good for them all. he doesn't complain either, only small shudders indicating that he has had enough time on the pump.

"you're good, Gyomei! you can go back to the others now." you smile, seeing the man slowly stand up. if you hadn't known him so good, you wouldn't have noticed that he's a bit slower after milking sessions.

"do you need help?" you were almost surprised by his offer, but seeing the tall hybrid tower over you made you smile. you wouldn't mind help when it was from someone like him.

[cakemoney]

i don't want to die on any hills but i sometimes feel like I'm the only person who read the last scene of romeo and juliet

paris stands between romeo and juliet's tomb. he is not part of the audience; he has no idea juliet and romeo had secretly fallen in love and gotten married; he is not privy to the plot of the story. all he knows is that tensions between capulets and montagues are at an all-time high, and now a banished criminal is breaking into the capulet mausoleum. he does what anyone with the information that he has would think is honorable. romeo approaches, rambles at him unhinged and doesn't explain anything, and calls him a boy; a youth, the same way everyone else talks about romeo throughout the play. in fact, he does it again after he's killed him and come closer to see who it is:

this isn't meant to be a defense of paris, really; i think paris's character very much varies based on how his lines are performed, and depending on the production he could be anywhere between outright sleazy to obliviously presumptuous. it's certainly true that many of his lines are possessive of juliet, and that he is incredibly pushy about pursuing marriage, but no, he is not way older and definitely an adult. and i think that detail matters, because i think the real thesis of the play is unveiled when we reach the end and check the tally and realize that all five people who died—mercutio, tybalt, paris, romeo, and at last juliet—were all explicitly or implicitly referred to as young at some point.*

i see the point in the original post! the enforcing of patriarchy is absolutely a part of romeo and juliet, but it's woven into the greater premise; the social order and power that maintains the rivalry between the two houses is the same social order and power that disregards the opinions and agency of all the women in the play, starting from the very beginning when both ladies capulet and montague fail to deescalate the brawl. montague doesn't show up again until the end, but we see a lot of capulet, arguably responsible for setting most of the wheels in motion. in act 1 scene 2, he's in a good mood; he says outright that it's time to put the rivalry to rest, and tells paris that if he wants to marry juliet, "my will to her consent is but a part", that it matters whether or not juliet likes him. it's clear in his initial resistance to the marriage that he cares for her. but then tragedy strikes, he's reeling and upset, and though he was hesitant, he decides that the best course of action is for juliet to marry paris; and, having decided that, he flies off the handle when juliet disagrees. he had promised juliet to someone, so if juliet doesn't follow through, it will reflect poorly on him, and that's the last thing that he needs right now. his behavior is inconsistent; sometimes he's jovial and chill, but sometimes he's overtaken with fury and lashes out at people he has power over. his wife, just as before, is powerless and falls in line quickly; the nurse attempts to defend juliet, but once they are alone, she counsels juliet to accept her father's decision as the best outcome she can hope for. they live in a patriarchal society, and in this specific society, the patriarchy manifests in the form of a rivalry based on nothing but pride.

the patriarchs themselves are fully grown adults. they know that the rivalry is frivolous and perhaps even in bad faith. capulet is able to threaten violence (over some random servants crossing paths on a public street?) during the day and then dismiss romeo montague crashing a party in his house as not a big deal that very night (tybalt tells capulet about romeo's presence, and capulet tells tybalt to take no note of it). montague's first lines on first appearance are "let me at him!!!" but then once the crowd has dispersed, he has to ask benvolio what happened and who even started it; he was starting a fight for no reason, and he knows that. but the young men in the play have grown up in the shadow of this nebulous hatred; they take it seriously, because they don't know any better, because they don't have the life experience and context to understand that they shouldn't. they take their cues from the leaders of their society—men who, instead of controlling their anger, blow up at random things and then call it honor. in act 1 scene 1, the first time tybalt picks a fight, he's saying dramatic shit like "turn thee, benvolio, look upon thy death"; more grandstanding than combat. he brandishes his sword because it's what his uncle capulet does, so it's the honorable thing to do, so he tries to do it again at the party that night and is so confused when his uncle berates him and calls him a "saucy boy". he's belittled and dismissed, and he doesn't understand why, so in act 3 scene 1, desperate to prove himself, he's now talking completely differently. he ignores benvolio who he had claimed to hate, does not rise to mercutio's taunts and even says "peace be with you"; he states his challenge to romeo plainly, uses formal language and frames it as defending the honor of his house, and does not even draw his sword until mercutio did it first.

romeo is repeatedly described as sensitive and well-mannered by other characters; he tries to keep his cool, keep the peace, he resists tybalt's challenge. but then tragedy strikes; his love is no match for the expectations of hatred and violence that surround them. o sweet juliet, thy beauty hath made me effeminate, he says, and kills tybalt, because that is what masculine honor demands. he's devastated, grieving, angry for how unfairly tybalt had targeted him, horrified at what he's done, terrified of what this means for his future and the life he had wanted with juliet, and he doesn't know how to process any of this except as hatred, for others and for himself; he spends the rest of the story desperate to die, threatening to kill himself when his execution is converted to banishment, because violence, as always, is the only honorable path open to him. his love for juliet was the only thing that stopped him, and then again his love isn't enough, because juliet is dead. in the last scene of the play, in a graveyard, paris calls romeo a villain and challenges him, exactly the way tybalt did, and romeo sees him for what he is: just another boy playing at being a man, in a neverending cycle. do not urge me to fury, he says. i'm a man, i've killed before, and i cannot control what i will do.

that's what the play is about. if you raise your children in a hateful environment, they will destroy themselves. the future of the noble houses, even the prince's, is ruined, because this society is unsustainable, because the men (the boys) that it creates don't know how to function as adults; they don't know how to mediate and resolve conflicts and compromise, they don't know how to express emotion and assert their personhood except through violence, and even when there is no longer anyone around to inflict violence upon, they turn it upon themselves. when the carnage is discovered in the morning, both capulet and montague vow to personally make amends, because both of them know intimately that the tragic, wild, seemingly unpredictable actions of these children were their fault.

*mercutio is the only one for whom i can't recall any lines regarding age. his behavior and friendship with romeo seem to indicate that they are peers, but mercutio and benvolio also have the air of older guy friends (boyfriends?) who are dragging their depressed younger cousin with them on outings because romeo's mom asked them to cheer him up. relatedly, i think there is a viable interpretation (although i'm not married to it) that when mercutio is killed and curses both houses, it's because he's flabbergasted that his goading on of tybalt and romeo's fight led to real consequences. like "wtf, did you just kill me for real, i thought we were playing around"

It’s always so funny to me when people push the “Romeo was grooming Juliet” theory, especially when Paris is right there.

Romeo is around Juliet’s age and we can tell by his lines that Paris is way older and definitely an adult. Like. Look at R + J’s banter, it’s two total equals having fun with each other. They kiss and then Juliet asks for another kiss!! They match each other’s weird vibe!! Romeo says shit like “I wish I was your pet bird” and Juliet responds that she would literally crush it to death because she’d love it too much. Weirdos!!! They match each other’s freak!!!

Compare that with how Juliet interacts with Paris. He’s predatory and possessive over her, and it’s pretty obvious she’s uncomfortable. He pushes her dad to let him marry her even though he knows she’s too young!! Instead of playful banter we get Juliet being quiet and subdued, the complete opposite of her fiery, weird self she is with Romeo!!

“Oh, Juliet should’ve just married Romeo” No! If she did she would have ended up just like her mother, forced to marry an adult man and have a baby way too young, rendering her unable to connect with her child, and then the cycle would continue!

The theme of men preying on young girls and the patriarchy leading to destruction is there!! But Romeo is not the problem!!! He’s actually the opposite of the problem !!!!

[leclercss]

Paris, je t'aime (Charles Leclerc), Part 3

Masterlist

plot: it's almost three years since your tumultuous relationships with Lewis and Charles came crashing down. but you find your self in a new city with new beginnings and new ways to fuck up your love life. that's no thanks to a cheeky frenchman who's set you up on a double date with someone oh so familiar.

pairings: charles leclerc x fem!reader

warnings: (+18) mentions of smut, cheating, violence and some swearing

authors note: part trois, enjoy. i have been awol, i'm sorry. i literally wrote this and accidentally deleted my draft. fml. this chapter is going to focus on Charles' perspective of the break up. it may explain a lot of his feelings, i hope you enjoy

word count: 5.2k

taglist: @toppersjeep @janeholt3, @princess-siba, @nichmeddar, @tremendousandsonorouswords, @cmleitora, @victoriaholland, @amalialeclerc, @queensofshinigamis, @tempo-rary-fix, @starmanv, @happylittlereader, @trouble-sistar, @lightdragonrayne, @persephonemv1, @dreamingofautopia

*Charles POV*

As the sun peaks through the curtains and hits my face, I find myself rolling over in bed. It's been three years since we've shared a bed, but it's almost instinct for arm to reach out to [Y/N] and for me to wrap around her body. Only this time, my arm finds itself falling onto the mattress.

Confused, I open my eyes to find that the space in the bed beside me is no longer occupied. She's no longer in the bed and all that Charles is left with is the scent of her perfume that has lingered onto the sheets and a small piece of paper with some writing.

I pick up the note in my hand, feeling dread that [Y/N] found yesterday all a little bit too much and she's decided that she doesn't want to see me any more.

’ I promise I’m not running away this time, I just think that we both deserve the chance for a clear head in the morning.

I’m so grateful that I got the chance to see you again.

Amour xxx ’

A small sense of reliefs courses its way through my body but I don't feel any better at the fact that she's no longer in the bed beside me. I don't want a clear head because how is that possible? Because as I fell asleep, last night, with [Y/N] in my arms, all I could think about is how much of the last three years of my life had been a lie. But it wasn't a lie, because the last time I saw her almost feels like yesterday, and I remember it so well.

*3 years ago*

“Lewis is moving to New York," [Y/N] blurts out.

"He's moving to New York?" I ask. My eyebrows furrow at her comment, it wasn't what I was expecting [Y/N] to say, after all I had just suggested that maybe we find our own place in the near future. But hey, if Lewis wants to move to another continent, this was even better in my eyes. Hell, I'd even be willing to drive him to the airport if it meant that he could get out of our lives quicker.

No more hidden moments, no more sneaking around. We could just be us. We're good together and sure, it's been an unconventional journey, but I know that [Y/N] is worth it.

I'm still staring down at [Y/N] as she looks up at me before nodding. I can't help but smile down at her and take her hand in mine. We've had many intimate moments together, but what we've just shared has felt the most raw yet.

Fuck, I wanted her to choke me, I've never felt this crazy in love with a woman before. I'd cut my heart open for her.

"That's good, right?"

I notice [Y/N] gulp before she answers, "He's moving in a few weeks".

I nod. That's not too bad. It's not ideal for her living situation but we can and will figure this out.

"Okay, well if you need somewhere to stay, you can always stay here. We'll figure it out, okay? We'll get somewhere of our own if you want? But the important thing is, we can be together".

'Charles..."

"What’s wrong, amour?"

I try to ignore the shiver that runs through by body, ignoring all the red flags being waves, as [Y/N] lets out a sigh before closing her eyes. Okay, maybe moving in together is a little bit too much to ask but shouldn't she be happier that she's finally ending her sham of a marriage?

I'm still looking down at [Y/N] as I'm trying to figure out what's going on her head. Her hand is still in mine but it's now limp, lifeless. I thought she would be happier than this but maybe the ending of her marriage is much more complex than I thought. Maybe she's actually going to miss this guy? Is she sad that it's ending? Surely not, right?

"I... I ... Lewis is going to New York and he wants me to go with him".

Silence falls between the two of us as I've tried to process what [Y/N] just told me. My ears begin to ring and I'm questioning if what I've heard is actually real.

"And you told him no, right?" I ask. I almost feel stupid asking her this because to me, the answer is so obvious. But a few moments have now passed and the longer that she lays there, her limp hand in mine, the more nervous I become. I notice her chest to begin rising and falling. Rising and falling. It's getting quicker by each second and I'm not so sure about anything any more.

She looks guilty and nervous. Why hasn't she answered me yet?

"Amour, you told him no, right?" Charles asks again, this time there's a desperate tone to my voice. "I mean, you're not wearing your rings?"

But there's nothing that is coming from [Y/N]'s mouth and I almost feel like I'm having an outer body experience. She's seriously going to go? After everything?

I think I'm going to throw up.

But I love her, how could she...

No fuck this. Fuck this entirely. Fuck him and you know what, fuck her!

She still hasn't had the balls to answer me, sitting there, looking all innocent and shell shocked. She's just let me make love to her, let me bare my soul and show her my most intimate desires only to tell me that she's not only ending things with me but she's moving. Moving to New York of all places and with him? The man who has not only attempted to humiliate me on many ocassions, but has humiliated her for years.

The longer I look at her, the more I feel my heart breaking but also, the angrier I become. How could she do this to me, to us?

She's probably seeing every expression on my face that I'm experiencing. I'm not trying to hide it. Anger, confusion, heartbreak, regret, despair. But she's not reacting to any of it.

Surely this is a joke or else I'm the fucking joke? How could I have been so stupid?

My brain can't keep up with my body because before I can even realise it, I throw myself out from under the duvet cover. A couple of her discarded clothes lay in a pool by my feet as I swing them out of the bed. Picking them up, I throw them towards her on the bed behind me.

She still says nothing.

"You've got some fucking nerve, you know that right?" I spit as I begin to charge around the room, finding any of her belongings that I can and throwing them in her direction.

"Excuse me?"

My head snaps around in the direction of the bed, almost instinctively, as I try not to laugh at the surprise in her voice. Our eyes make contact and she flinches at the anger so prominent on my face.

"You're kidding me, right?"

But she's not joking. No, she still has this innocent look on her face, like a deer caught in headlights.

“I don’t understand," she mutters.

I scoff as I continue to pace around the room, not being able to listen to this any more.

"I get it, [Y/N]," he growls. [Y/N] flinches at my tone, cowering further under the duvet. "You got your wish. You finally got your husband to notice that you exist and for him to pretend like he even cares about you. He's finally going to stop fucking other girls for you. Congratulations. I'm really happy for you."

"No, you've misunderstood," [Y/N] pleads but I dismiss her.

"You know, if you wanted me to just fuck you once as revenge for your husband, I would have been more than happy to. But this sick game you've played, making me fall in love with you. I don't know how you can look at yourself in the mirror," I continue, spit almost spraying out of my mouth from the anger.

I didn't even notice [Y/N] climb out of the bed until I feel her hand gently on my arm.

"Charles, it's not like that. I'm not," she begins but she stops once I pull my arm away from her.

"Get off me," I mumble but she ignores me. Her hand finds it's way onto my arm once again.

"Charles, listen to me," she squeals but it's no use, I have no capacity for her excuses or lies any more.

"I said get off me," I growl, this time a little louder and she takes the blatant hint but she won't stop talking.

"Charles, you've got it all wrong".

I turn around to face her as my eyes bore through her skin with nothing but anger and hatred. Venom is brewing inside of me as she looks up at me with tearful eyes. A couple have spilled over onto her cheeks. Looking at her like this, it breaks me. It fucking hurts but all I can think about is what she's put me through and I have to push my sympathy aside.

"No, [Y/N], the only thing I've gotten wrong is trusting you. You know what, you and Lewis are made for each other. Users, liars and cheaters, that's what you are".

I think I've gone too far. Shit, that was too far but as I watch her burst into tears and try to grab onto me, pleading with me to stop and that it's all a big mistake, I know I can't take it back now.

I don't want to do this what I do next, but I can't stop myself.

"My friends were right about you," it's the first time since she's broken the news that she's moving to New York where there hasn't been anger in my voice. I almost find myself wincing at the look on [Y/N]'s face as my words cut her deeply. I've hit an insecurity of hers. My friends never trusted her. How could I ever trust someone so open to cheating on their husband? They thought I was a moron. They'd always questioned her story, was this entire story of Lewis being a cheating asshole even real? Was it just her excuse for me to so willingly sleep with her?

Honestly, I don't know. I don't even know what's really any more.

She sniffles, tears still streaming down her cheeks. "You really think that, Charles?"

No, I don't.

"I think... I think you should leave".

It takes her a moment before she nods. Picking the clothes up from the bed, that I'd thrown at her, she begins to put them onto her body which is now trembling.

Part of me is telling me that I'm being stupid, that it's all a mistake. I can't bare to watch her get ready and leave, almost accepting defeat.

I take one last look at her before leaving my bedroom and making my way to the living room. I won't watch her walk out of that door, because if I do, I think I'll try to stop her.

As I wait on the sofa, staring at the wall opposite me, I feel like I can hear my heart breaking into pieces, one by one. And it's only when I heard the front door close, that they all finally shatter at once.

*Present Day*

I can't tell you how many times I had thought about this day over the last three years. At least once a day. No word of a lie. My final moments with [Y/N] infiltrated every part of my life. Every time I went to bed, I had thought about her and her betrayal. Almost every day that I woke up, I felt the weight on my chest from the memory of her tears on that very day. She even appeared in my dreams, where that day never happened and went on to live our happily ever after. And more often than that, she appeared in my nightmares.

My mind was constantly taunting me and it didn't help that my best friends kept reminding me of my many mistakes and my poor errors in judgement but worst of all, how shitty of a person they had thought [Y/N] was. And while I wanted to agree with them, deep down I felt like this all had to be a lie. Because after everything that we had gone through, surely she couldn't have been faking it.

But when one day, a few months later, when Joris came home from a date with Whitney, he almost couldn't wipe the smile off his face. He had news to share.

"You don't have to worry about her any more," he told me, "she's gone now."

I tried to ignore the pain that I felt in my chest. I couldn't show Joris any more how badly this affected me. He'd been going ballistic at me for weeks already. "She moved then?"

"Yeah, Whitney said she went last Friday," Joris could hardly contain his happiness. "It's about time. Now you can move on and forget about her."

I nod as if I'm I'm agreeing with the idea of moving on. And I try, but it's just not enough because everything in London reminds me of her. I feel suffocated here and so I spend a few weeks back home in Monaco, but my mother senses that something is wrong and wants to get to the bottom of my moodiness and so I decide that maybe being back in Monaco won't give me the peace that I need right now.

But then, out of the blue, an old childhood friend on mine, Pierre, messages to say he'll be in Monaco that weekend and we meet up. Pierre felt like a guardian angel at the time, not that I would ever tell him that, but spending a weekend in Monaco with him felt refreshing to spend some time with someone who wasn't his family, wasn't his friends back in London or anyone who had some sort of connection to [Y/N].

And after not seeing each other for years, Pierre and I kept in touch, which ultimately led me to move to Paris. I thought it would help you know, make me forget about her.

In some ways it helped, I no longer had nightmares about her. I still often fell asleep to the thought of her, and I still woke up thinking about her. My chest began to feel less heavy as time passed. And it almost began to feel like she wasn't real any more because she was no longer in the same country or even on the same continent.

She was gone, and she was never coming back to me.

The only time she had ever felt real was when I was sleeping with other girls. I went on some kind of sex rampage when I moved to Paris, finding any girl possible to occupy my mind and body with but clearly it wasn't working. As I fucked them, I sometimes imagined that they were her, and that it was her that was in my arms again, it was her that was trembling and moaning beneath me. But it wasn't her, it was never her.

Until now.

I've never really believed in fate, but I'm finally starting to believe that it's a funny thing. I will never forget the feeling I had felt when Pierre had shown me her picture. Out of all the three billion women in the world, he'd set me up with my ex, if I could even call her that.

And it felt like my time had come, for redemption, for revenge and for some answers. Because now, after all this time, she's real again. She's in Paris and she's here. It was time.

But now, after last night, I'm beginning to question everything, because every part of my life for the last three years has been a total lie.

[Y/N] had never betrayed me and I don't know how to feel about it all.

My running thoughts are interrupted by my phone pinging on the beside table. I take a moment to stretch out before rolling over to see the message that's on my phone.

"So did you fuck or not?'

I can't help but laugh at Pierre's message.

"Morning to you too"

"Morning, did you fuck or not?'

'I don't kiss and tell, Pierre".

'Liar! So you fucked then. Congratulations'

Before I can even respond, Pierre texts again.

'Jokes aside, what do you think? Do you want to see her again?'

[writingquestionsanswered]

I find doing research pretty exhausting; so much reading, so much fact checking. Unfortunately, a good amount of my stories require research. How do I amend this?

Taking the "Overwhelm" Out of Research

When I wrote my third novel, I went into this exhaustive research mode. I bought books about my setting's inspiration locations, I sent away for travel guides and brochures from those locations (this was back before the internet is what it is now), I spent hours researching how to do things my character did for two sentences in the story. I even had an extensive list of trees and plants that grew around my protagonist's home, and the various uses of these plants.

At the end of the day, very little of that hard work actually went into my story. I didn't need to know everything there was to know about my inspiration locations in order to base my setting off of them. I didn't need to know all seventeen steps of a thing my character did two steps of in the story. I didn't need to know the medicinal uses of forty-two different plants and trees when my character only needed to use one...

My point is, if the research you're doing for your stories is exhausting you, you are almost certainly doing way, way more research than you need to. This is why I'm actually a huge proponent of doing only superficial research ahead of the first draft, then doing deeper research once the first draft is done. At the very, very least, waiting to do research until you have outlined each scene and know specifically what elements will actually make it into the story. That way you can focus your research on things that actually matter rather than pouring hours and hours of research into things that won't ultimately matter.

And with the exception of things that are plot-critical, you can generally save your fact-checking until after the first draft is written, or even until later revisions, because by the time you get there that fact may not even be in your story anymore.

If you still find yourself with an overwhelming amount of research, try breaking your research up into smaller, more relevant subjects. Like, instead of researching Victorian era botany because your character spends time in a plant-filled conservatory, try researching "Victorian era conservatories" to get a rundown of what they looked like, what plants were typically grown in them, etc. Or, instead of researching Victorian era medicine, research "Victorian era treatments for viral infections." This way you're boiling your research down to the thing that's relevant to your story rather than trying to learn everything about the broader subject.

I hope that helps!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

♦ Questions that violate my ask policies will be deleted! ♦ Please see my master list of top posts before asking ♦ Learn more about WQA here

[swan2swan]

Closing thoughts on the Chaos Theory Season 1 Novelisation:

It was, by far, the most insightful of all six books. Not because "oh it provided so much information that wasn't in the show", but because it had a lot of differences from the final version that made it to our screens. Some of which weren't just things like summarized dialogue, a cut line or two, or omitted scenes (though there were two whole adventures that we didn't see in the book, which ran at 140 pages to the second season's 144)...there were some actual story beats that changed.

Most notable was Darius apparently receiving Brooklynn's final message in the early drafts (though he does seem to see it for the first time at its proper moment, which probably suggests that they went back and forth on how to do it). Even in the message itself, Brooklynn calls out for Darius before the Allosaurus shows up, thinking she's hearing him. That's a more minor change, but it makes a difference.

The book also, notably, does not reveal Brooklynn at the end. There is no final scene with her and Ronnie. Part of me suspects that they actually didn't include the scene in the initial first season scripts, in order to keep it Fully Hush Hush (in the same way she was kept out of all the marketing and toy lines), but regardless, it's something impressive.

There are a few additional dinosaurs in scenes, and the Suchomimus on the docks of Louisiana was originally a Baryonyx (they probably got the Sucho model up and running in time to use it, and took her for a test drive on the docks). There are a few potential early-draft spoilers* included (Ben saying his girlfriend is Italian, Brooklynn freezing as she sees something besides the Allosaurus on the camera, Sammy connecting her falling out to the ranch) , and Ben's paranoia is pretty much nonexistent in the entire book, so overall, it very much feels like the first season was in production almost up until the deadline.

Which makes sense--the second season's book came out long after the show itself (*points again to the moratorium on Brooklynn's survival*), so it's quite probable that they've actually been working with a good schedule. All of this, I might add, is speculation, outside of whatever I'm citing. But the beautiful abstract picture you get from the lines that connect a show to its adaptation do paint a very beautiful picture here.

I will also note that the book is very solidly written: it feels much, much more like the Lost World novelization I read fifty times as a kid, or the Godzilla 1998 one. Those ruled, because they had to be adaptations that could keep people hooked on your product without YouTube clips or online picture galleries. Both Chaos Theory novelizations feel like those.

BONUS FACT: The novelization of The Lost World includes the deleted scenes of Ludlow's board meeting, Roland Tembo being recruited by Ajay (minus the sexual harassment and brownface), and the scene where Ludlow breaks the baby T. rex's leg (with more surprise and less alcohol). It's another window into how things change.

The first book does feel stronger than the second one, though, on account of the fact that it takes its time to describe some of the dinosaurs and scenes: the second book just says that a Suchomimus appears, while the first one leads off with Becklespinax's sail, colors, and fearsome appearance before introducing her by name.

They're good reads, if you can find them and pick them up. Just remember that the process is presumably just that Steve Behling was sent a bunch of scripts for the first season and had to adapt them, so you're not going to get a WHOLE new experience from it (though he does have some fun).

[an-intronerd]

y'all know what i noticed the other day as i rewatched season 3 of voltron?

well. remember that moment when shiro is back (except it's not shiro it's a clone) and he finally cuts his hair and shaves his face and comes out to join everyone else looking weird and not shiro-like?

and then something happens and voltron is needed he just. interrupts keith. as keith begins telling his team what they should do.

(okay well, technically 'shiro' didn't interrpt, they both talk at the same time but that's not important)

and then keith just goes, 'i'm sorry. go ahead shiro.'

and is so fucking nice and understanding because like, shiro's always been the leader. and he's finally back, and keith is so beyond happy and just. yeah.

but 'shiro' just. doesn't say anything? like not even a 'thanks, keith'? doesn't even acknowledge that Keith is the leader, now, and that maybe he should let the a younger paladin speak. instead, he just starts talking, as if he's the leader? when he's not?

and it's like this moment where the first time i watched it, i was like, wtf this isn't something shiro would do, and the whole interaction felt so off? and now, as I'm rewatching with the confirmed knowledge that that was, in fact, not shiro, i'm just.

there's all these thoughts like, yeah, this is supposed to be as close to the real shiro as possible, but was this done on purpose? did haggae purposely program the clone so that shiro's relationship with keith wouldn't be as important? because we see these instances later on in the season as well as in season 4.

that moment when keith comes back from a mission with the blade and all the members (with 'shiro' in the forefront) are glaring at him with varying levels of anger and disappointment, but 'shiro's expression is by far the most??? unforgiving??? angry???

like, i'm lowkey dying. it was as if shiro was a totally different person in those seasons, like the way he treated keith was just so wrong compared to how i was used to shiro treating him.

and it was something i couldn't quite understand, because while i suspected that 'shiro' was a clone, like many others in the fandom, i wasn't totally sure. there were other possibilities too, like he was under galran control, or he'd been tortured during his disappearance and that changed him, but now, knowing it was a clone, oh man.

i'm watching the show with a whole new perspective and it's one of the things i absolutely love about voltron. they add these elements in later seasons that make you re-evaluate previous moments and it's just. so exciting???

----

ok, so i was clearing my drafts and noticed this dusty little gem and it just reminded me how much i had loved the show while it was airing. i think around the season 3-5 timeline, i was the MOST excited and reading my rambles from that time are making me super nostalgic.

i didn't have the heart to just, delete this out of existence, so i figured i'd post it.

and maybe rewatch the show, sometime soon.

[karizard-ao3]

Read the deleted scenes from the one million words livestream!

Hello everyone! I received a request to post the deleted scenes I read during my one million words live stream on Tumblr, which is an excellent idea and so here they are! They are available below the break.

(Please note this is just the text of the deleted scenes. In the livestream I gave a quick little background explanation for each scene and also had fun facts about my fics and the writing process on a slideshow that ran while I read. You don't need that info to enjoy these scenes, but just to let you know that there is more in the video if it is of interest to you.)

Feel free to ask me questions about the deleted scenes as well! Keep in mind they are copy-pasted directly from my drafts and might have weird formatting or other errors because they were not edited.

Here we go!

Clueless Teens

Connie’s birthday party, Eren gives Armin romantic advice

Armin sat between Eren and Mikasa, wringing his hands as he watched Annie and Sandra chatting together, even going so far as to  share a plate of chips.

"I can't believe they know each other," Armin groaned.

"What's wrong with that?" asked Eren. 

Armin sighed. "I'm afraid I'm going to break up their friendship."

Eren cocked his head. "Why?"

"Because if they start fighting over me," said Armin fretfully.

"Oh," said Mikasa, rubbing his back. "I think you're giving yourself too much credit."

Armin gave her a wounded look. "Why is it so hard to believe two girls might fight over me?"

"Because Annie doesn't want a boyfriend and Sandra only just met you," said Mikasa, soothingly. "I'm sure you could have a very ugly love triangle under different circumstances."

"Thanks," said Armin.

"You should just tell Sandra you used to like Annie," said Mikasa. 

"But what would I say?" asked Armin.

"I don't know," said Mikasa.

"'Hey, Sandra. I just wanted to let you know that I used to be so in love with Annie that I almost broke my friend's nose at Outback Steakhouse just for a chance to get rejected by her," suggested Eren.

Armin glared at him. "Stop bringing that up."

Eren shrugged. "Okay, then just be like, 'I just wanted to let you know that I used to have a bit of a thing for Annie, but it's over now. I didn't want you to find out from someone else.'"

Armin gawped at him. 

"What?" said Eren, bristling. "What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing," said Armin, sounding shocked. "That's actually really good."

"Don't look so surprised," grumbled Eren. "I'm not completely useless."

Mikasa makes a scene in history

Like, one time in History class a guy had said that women didn’t make it into the history books because they didn’t do anything worth remembering. Mikasa had stood up and chucked her textbook right at his head. 

“Ow, what the fuck, you crazy bitch?” he’d demanded, jumping out of his chair to face off against her. Eren had stood up also, ready to jump in if she needed backup. 

“Just forget about it,” Mikasa snapped. “After all, I’m only a woman. Just like Joan of Arc or Marie Curie or Mary Shelley or Cleopatra or Harriet Tubman. We’re all just a bunch of boring women who haven’t done anything worth remembering, right?”

“Shut up,” said the guy, rubbing his head. “They don’t count.”

“You don’t count,” Mikasa had hissed. “You fucking nobody.”

Mr. Smith put a hand on her arm. “I appreciate your passion but you are going to have to go see the dean now, Miss Ackerman.”

She’d flounced out of the room, and the only reason she didn’t get suspended or moved to a different class was because the principal, for some reason, had intervened.

Deleted Relationship Reveal Scene

“So are Eren and Mikasa going out now?” asked Connie, sitting next to Sasha and eating a croissant sandwich. 

“I’m not sure,” said Sasha, eyeing Connie’s breakfast lustfully. “She changed her relationship status, but he didn’t.”

“Maybe she got with Porco after all,” said Connie, taking a sip of chocolate milk.

“Who got with Porco?” asked Annie, striding up with a coffee in one hand and a bagel in the other. Sasha licked her lips, pointedly staring at the bagel, but Annie just scooted away and sat on the other side of Connie. 

“Mikasa,” said Connie. “She changed her relationship status but Eren didn’t.”

Annie frowned as she considered this. “Where is Mikasa? Isn’t she usually here already?”

“Yeah,” said Sasha. “Eren, too.”

“And Armin,” said Connie, helpfully.

Annie winced at the sound of his name and pulled her phone out of her pocket, dialing Mikasa’s number. “Hey,” she said, when Mikasa picked up. “Where are you?”

“I’m almost at school,” said Mikasa.

“Is Eren with her?” asked Connie.

“Is Eren with you?” asked Annie, rolling her eyes. 

“I’m with my boyfriend,” Mikasa said, cheerfully and unhelpfully. 

“That wasn’t what I asked,” said Annie.

“Oh, we’re at the gates. See you soon!” said Mikasa, hanging up.

“Well?” said Sasha.

“She said she’s with her boyfriend,” said Annie, dryly. 

“Ooooooooh!” said Connie. 

“If it’s not Eren he’s going to be pissed when he finds out,” said Sasha. 

“Maybe that’s why he’s not at school today,” said Connie. “Oh! Maybe her new boyfriend is Armin so Eren stayed home to cry about it.”

“That’s impossible,” snapped Annie, stopping herself just before she revealed that Armin was seeing a different girl. That wasn’t her business to spread around. “Armin and Mikasa are just friends.” Connie pouted at her, pretending to be wounded by her tone. She sighed. She’d been in a bad mood since talking to Armin the night before. “Sorry, Connie,” she said. 

“That’s alright,” said Connie, shrugging.

“Hi, guys!” said Mikasa, smugly. The three friends turned to see who the mysterious boyfriend was and were not at all surprised to see Eren standing next to her with his arm around her shoulder and a shit-eating grin on his face. Annie could already tell they were going to be insufferable together. 

“Eren!” said Sasha, devilishly. “We thought Mikasa got back together with Porco because she updated her relationship status and you didn’t.”

Eren grimaced. “Is there, like, a registry I’m supposed to call or something?” he asked.

“She just means on Myspace,” whispered Mikasa. Eren’s face cleared. 

“Oh, I’ll do that this afternoon,” he said, leaning over to kiss her on the cheek. 

I don’t remember what this was for

“Eren, are you alright in there?" Carla called through his door, her voice heavy with concern. "You sound like an injured pygmy goat."

"That's really specific, Mom," Eren said, opening the door to show her that he was physically fine.

"You were too little to remember, but one time I took you to the petting zoo and-"

"Is the goat okay now?" Eren sighed. He didn't want to know what he had done to it.

"It's probably dead," said Carla. "This was thirteen years ago."

Eren looked at her as though he was about to join the goat in death if she didn't answer his fucking question.

"He had to wear a little cast. It was so cute they put it in the news."

"Oh my god, Mom! I broke a pygmy goat’s leg?”

Carla looked at him like she had never seen him before in her life. "Of course not. We were just there when it happened. I think it tripped in a hole?"

"It wasn't me?" asked Eren. 

"No!" said Carla. 

"Oh thank god," Eren sighed.

"My question was, why are you bleating like that poor little goat in there?"

Bonfire

Up in the mountains, Annie, Sasha, and Mikasa were standing on the shore of the lake in their bathing suits, looking at the water. Icy slush floated on the gently lapping surface near their feet, larger chunks bobbing out in the middle of the water. Connie was sitting on the hood of Sasha's car, bundled against the chilly mountain breeze in a hoodie, jeans, and a beanie. He had his camcorder in hand.

"I'm still recording!" he called out. "Have been for, like, three minutes."

"On the count of three," said Annie, looking around at the other girls. "Winner gets bragging rights."

Sasha and Mikasa nodded, squaring their shoulders.

"One!" shouted Annie.

The girls got into position.

"Two!” shouted Annie, bracing herself. Mikasa gritted her teeth in determination. Sasha looked over her shoulder at Connie, grimacing briefly before turning back to the lake.

"Three!" Annie screamed. The girls ran into the water, splashing and squealing.

"Nope, fuck this!" said Sasha, turning around and running back out. She shivered as she grabbed her towel off of a rock and sped over to the car to change back into her clothes. 

When she joined Connie on the hood of the car, she saw that Annie and Mikasa had both waded out to shoulder depth. Mikasa had had to go farther out than their petite friend and was staring stonily at nothing. Annie was frowning, her brows knit. She snuck a glance at Mikasa, then frowned even harder.

"She looks like she's getting cold," said Sasha. "I think she's trembling."

"You're going to have to go in and get her if she passes out from hypothermia," said Connie. "Does hypothermia make you faint?"

"Why do I have to do it?" complained Sasha. 

"Because you are bigger than me," said Connie, pitifully. "The cold would cut right through my tiny bones."

Sasha snickered and patted him on the head. "You're right, my little potato. You are much too delicate," she cooed, facetiously.

Connie grinned, then looked back out at their friends. "Ah. Looks like Annie is giving up. You're off the hook." 

Sasha looked, too. Annie was scowling as she stalked out of the water, her fists clenched at her sides, her entire body shaking from the cold. Sasha hopped up and ran down to meet her, grabbing Annie's towel and wrapping it around her. Annie's teeth chattered as Sasha dried her off. 

"Are you okay?" asked Mikasa, coming up behind Annie with a look of concern. She was barely shivering and hadn't even bothered to grab her towel yet.

"Ha!" said Annie, her air of bravado somewhat demeaned by her purple lips and goose bumps. "Too cold for you in there?"

"No," said Mikasa, finally going and grabbing her towel but not using it. "Ackermans are very hardy. It just seemed pointless to stay out there when I'd already won."

"Bitch," muttered Annie with no malice whatsoever as Mikasa draped her in her towel.

While the two girls changed into their clothes, Connie and Sasha perched next to each other on a log, peacefully texting their significant others and eating Fritos. 

"What's Mina doing today?" asked Sasha. "Why didn't she come?" 

"Her family went to the aquarium for her cousin's birthday," said Connie. "She said she's going to bring me a souvenir."

"I like her," said Sasha with great feeling. 

"Me, too," said Connie, happily. “Did I tell you she had three cats? And she wants to get a kitten.”

“She collects cats like my parents collect foster kids,” said Sasha with a laugh. “Kaya’s going back home to her Mom, though. Did I tell you?”

“Is her Mom doing better then?” asked Connie. 

“She’s out of the hospital. She has to do some physical therapy for her legs but she can get around okay with her crutches,” said Sasha, smiling wistfully. “I’m going to miss that kid but I’m glad she gets to be with her Mom again.”

The car door slammed and Annie and Mikasa emerged, dressed more appropriately for the chilly mountain air. They came to perch on the log next to Connie and Sasha.

“So what now?” asked Annie. 

"We should have a bonfire," said Connie, tucking his phone in his pocket, gesturing to a fire pit a previous visitor had dug and ringed with stones. "You always have a lighter, right, Annie?"

She withdrew the item in question from her pocket and held it up. 

"Sweet," said Connie, hopping down from the hood and beginning to collect fallen twigs and branches. Mikasa moved to join him but was interrupted by the ringing of her phone.

She looked at the screen. "Oh, it's Eren," she said, blushing as she answered it.

"See if he wants to come for the bonfire," said Connie.

Mikasa nodded as she wandered a short distance away with the phone, twirling her hair around her finger as she talked.

“Hi, Eren,” she said. 

“Hi, Mikasa.”

“Are you and Armin lost?”

“Yeah,” said Eren sheepishly. 

The rest of the kids continued prepping for the bonfire, Annie and Connie collecting the wood while Sasha laid the sticks out, ready to be lit.

Mikasa was smiling dreamily when she hung up the phone and came over to help her friends try to roll a fallen log over to the fire pit. 

"So is your boyfriend coming?" asked Sasha, digging her heels into the soft mulch of the forest floor and managing to shift the log slightly.

"He's not my boyfriend!" said Mikasa, her recently vacated cheeks filling back up with blood. Then she paused and grinned impishly. "Yet, anyways.

Connie hooted.

"He's with Armin," Mikasa said, leaning into the log with her friends. "They're going to try to find a ride." 

"So how was your date?" Sasha asked. "I've been waiting for you to bring it up yourself but you're being too classy." 

"It was good!" said Mikasa, emphatically. 

Her friends waited expectantly but she didn't add anything. 

"Did you guys have your first kiss?" Sasha probed.

"No," said Mikasa, truthfully. 

“He’s such a wimp,” scoffed Sasha. 

“Come on Mikasa, what the hell?” said Annie. “After all that whining about how much you like him you didn’t even try to kiss him?”

"We did kiss though," said Mikasa, a shade too innocently.

Her friends stared at her blankly. Improbably, Connie was the first one to get it. He hooted again, jumping around with glee.

"I knew it! I knew it!" he screeched. "I knew you guys had already hooked up! I said it months ago and I was right! I said, ‘Eren has definitely touched Mikasa’s butt’ and nobody believed me but I was right, wasn’t I? Wasn’t I?"

"How could you tell?" asked Mikasa, her eyes wide. 

"What???" shrieked Sasha, her mouth falling open. 

“Mikasa, you fucking skank!” said Annie, grinning widely. 

Mikasa shrugged, looking smug as she put her shoulder back into the log. Now that she knew Eren liked her back, she didn’t mind staking her claim a little bit. 

Anamnesis

Yumihisu New year’s Eve deleted scene

Historia smacked her lips together, inspecting her lipstick in the mirror. 

“You look good,” said Ymir, sprawled out on Historia’s bed, lazily buttoning her shirt back up. 

“Thank you!” said Historia, flipping her hair and turning to smile dazzlingly at Ymir. “Thank you for coming to this dumb gala with me.”

“I don’t know. It sounds kind of fun,” said Ymir. “Hobnobbing with the governor and all his rich friends? Eating caviar? It’s going to be the glitziest New Year’s Eve I’ve ever had.”

“Yeah, I felt the same way when I went to my first Reiss event,” said Historia, perching on the edge of her bed. “But you find out pretty quick that money is nice, but the people who have it aren’t. You’ll see when you meet my ‘family’.” Historia rolled her eyes with a weary sigh. 

“That bad, huh?” said Ymir.

“Well, Frieda’s okay,” Historia conceded. “She’s just kind of out of touch because, you know, she’s never wondered if there were enough cans of baked beans in the cupboard to keep her full until payday. Not that I’ve had to do that in a while. It just… you know. Perspective.”

“Yeah,” said Ymir. “It’s like the more I learn about film and TV production, the more I notice the technical details when I watch something. Like, there’s all this background info in my head that the average television enjoyer doesn’t have. And, like, it changes the way you see things.”

Eren at the coffee shop, two versions

"I don't fucking care!" said Eren. "Caramel! Fancy! Those are the only two requirements."

The barista began tapping grimly on the register, bitterly composing the most expensive custom drink he possibly could. "Okay, fifteen dollars."

"And an Americano for me," said Eren, pulling out his wallet and handing the barista a twenty, then catching his eye and glaring at him intensely. "If my date doesn't cry tears of joy because I got her the best caramel coffee she's ever tasted, I will find out what time you're off and come back here every single day to order the most obnoxious, complicated drink I possibly can right before the end of your shift. And then when you bring it to me, I'm going to say you made it wrong. And then you're going to have to do it all over again. You will never be on time for class again."

The barista pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'll put whipped cream on it."

"Thanks," said Eren, flouncing away.

The barista watched him go, his eyebrows set in a straight line across his forehead. He fucking hated his life, and, more importantly, he hated Eren. 

"I don't think the barista likes you," Mikasa commented as Eren sat back down across from her. The young man was bustling around, blending coffee and squirting caramel and looking over his shoulder to glare daggers at her date.

"Yeah, no. Somewhere along the line we became sworn enemies," said Eren, unbothered. "I fucking hate him, too."

"Why?" said Mikasa.

Eren shrugged. "I just do."

"An Americano and a caramel bitch drink for the dumbfuck in the green shirt," called the barista, looking bored.

Eren clenched his fists. 

"I'll go grab them and then let's go for a walk," said Mikasa, standing up. 

"Yeah, okay," said Eren. "Tell me what you think of your coffee. If you don't like it, I'll make him pay."

***

"The usual?" asked the barista, looking annoyed as Eren approached the counter. 

"No, I'm going to buy something today," said Eren, studying the menu. "What's your fanciest caramel drink?"

"Hot or iced?"

"What's sexier?" said Eren.

The barista looked at him. 

"Well?" said Eren. "It's iced coffee, right? Because the cups are see-through?"

"Uh, sure," said the barista. "I guess maybe an iced caramel latte?"

"No, no. I'm trying to impress someone," said Eren, tapping his foot. "It needs to be fancier."

"I don't know what you want me to do. This isn't that kind of coffee shop," said the barista. "We have three flavors of syrup and we don't even have oat milk."

"Fuck," said Eren. "Well, make a caramel latte and zazz it up, then, I guess. Fuck." He rubbed his eyes. "She's never going to fall for me now. I'm going to die alone."

The barista pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'll put whipped cream on it."

Eren drooped with relief. "Thanks man. And an Americano for me." He pulled out his wallet and handed the barista a twenty, turning around to smile at Mikasa as he waited for his change.

Downton Abbey

"What show are we watching?"

"I want to try Downton Abbey. I heard it's good."

"Okay," said Eren, letting her steer the conversation towards less troubled waters. "I could go for some old timey etiquette and shit."

Mikasa extracted herself from him and set the timer for the enchiladas, then turned to smile at Eren. He crooked his elbow and offered it to her. "My lady? May I escort you to the viewing parlor or whatever you want to call it?"

Mikasa beamed, linking her arm through his. "You are most kind," she said, her assumed British accent melting in Eren's ears like pound cake on his tongue. 

"You do that really good," he said.

"Oh, well. I suppose one tends to hone the skill when they have a passion for the stage," she said, peering at him coyly from the corner of her eyes.

He plopped down on the couch, pulling her into his lap. "It's sexy," he said, with a crooked grin, brushing a kiss across her jaw.

"My lord!" she gasped, letting her hand flutter to her bosom. "We are unwed! What will the servants think?"

“Let them think whatever they want,” he said, gamely playing along.

“This is most improper,” said Mikasa, playing with the collar of Eren’s shirt,

Eren growled, nipping at her throat. 

Mikasa giggled. "Do you like accents?" she asked in her normal voice.

"I like when you do accents," Eren said, his tongue drawing little hearts and curlicues over her pulse. She drew in a shaky breath as his large hands encircled her waist, then crept beneath her top and unfurled across her back.

"Shall I continue then?" she asked, the posh London accent inflating her vowels and cushioning her consonants. 

"Please do," he said, his voice vibrating against her skin as he let his lips travel over her skin, leaving blossoms of heat in their wake. 

Single Parents AU

Adri clothes shopping

She bit her lip, debating for a moment before she asked, "If I ever see something Adri might like, can I buy it for her?"

Eren didn't know why the request delighted him so much. "Yeah, of course," he said. "I can pay you back if you keep the receipts."

"That won't be necessary," said Mikasa, smiling to herself and moving to another rack. Adri watched her with greedy anticipation. She hated Makaka but she loved clothes. She hoped she would buy her some today.

"C'mon, bug. Let's get you some new leggings while we're here," said Eren, steering the cart away from Mikasa. "You've got holes in most of yours."

Adri was released from the shopping cart to assist in the legging selection. "You can pick six," said Eren, holding up the corresponding number of fingers. "That's 1-2-3-4-5-6."

"Otay," said Adri, squatting in front of the display shelf and evaluating her options.

When Mikasa joined them, she was empty handed besides her cup of iced tea. "I need to grab Mason some socks," she murmured. "I'll be right back."

"Okay," said Eren, watching her go with a soft pang of loneliness. He shook his head to chase the feeling away. He was just being a little dramatic because of how long it had been since he'd seen her, he was sure. It was as if she'd taken part of him with her when she disappeared and, now that she'd brought it back, he felt more like himself than he had in years. He didn't have long to ponder on the reason for that. She was back almost right away with a package of socks and a couple t-shirts.

"Are dose for me?" asked Adri, standing up with her armful of leggings and peering at Mikasa's purchases. 

"These are for Mason," said Mikasa, patting the shirts she had draped over her arm. "I don't know what kind of clothes you like yet. I want to buy you something you'll wear."

Adri's nose twitched. 

"Maybe you can do a fashion show for me the next time I'm at your house," Mikasa offered, well aware that she was trying to suck up to a three-year-old while also putting out feelers to see if Eren would even want to see her again. 

"That sounds fun!" said Eren, jumping for the bait. "You can be a model, peanut."

Christmas shopping

“Do you want to get a picture with Santa?” Eren asked, bumping Mikasa with her shoulder. 

“Oh, god no,” she said, glancing at the long line snaking around the mall’s North Pole Village. “Even when I was a little kid I had no interest in waiting around to sit on some old guy’s lap.”

“You didn’t want to meet Santa?” asked Eren. 

“That’s not Santa,” said Mikasa, stopping in front of a candle store. “Should I get Porco Galliard a candle?” she wondered. 

“Why should you get him anything?” asked Eren, bristling. 

Mikasa looked over her shoulder at him. “Because I always get a gift for Mason’s teachers at Christmas.”

“Oh,” said Eren. “Then I guess you could.”

Mikasa pursed her lips, considering. “I don’t know,” she said. “It probably wouldn’t hurt to get a few just in case.”

“Just in case of what?” asked Eren, picturing a city-wide power outage, but confident that was not what she was planning for. 

“In case someone unexpectedly gives me a present, so I have something to give back,” said Mikasa, walking through the entryway. They were assaulted by a wall of fragrance. “God,” she said, picking up a candle and giving it a quick sniff. “Let’s move quick. Do they have any winter ones?”

“Uh…” said Eren, looking around. Christmas shopping hadn’t been what he would have picked for their second date, but Ryu had finals and was working extra shifts at the restaurant to take advantage of holiday generosity and get as many tips as possible. This was the only night he’d been free to watch Mason and she needed to use it to buy gifts, so they’d had to make do. “I think they have some over there,” he said, pointing at a table laden with wax-filled glass jars. 

Mikasa hurried over, read the sign advertising the shop’s current sale pricing, and grabbed five at random, carrying the armful over to the queue. Eren followed behind her, weaving between the crowds of shoppers until he came to a stop at her side. “You didn’t want a basket?” he said, taking three of the candles from her. 

“That would have been smart,” she said. “I wasn’t thinking about it. I’m more worried about getting out of here fast to avoid the smell.” She touched one of the remaining two candles to her temple. Oh, that’s right, thought Eren. Mikasa had actually worked here once as a teenager, for a single day. She’d come in for her first day of training and ended up quitting and leaving part way through because the overabundance of scents had triggered a migraine. She’d told him about it during their next tutoring session and he’d retaliated against the store by shoplifting a backpack full of votives, which he had then given to Historia because he didn’t give a shit about scented candles and he wanted to annoy her. 

His disdain for candles still intact, Eren plucked the last two from Mikasa’s hands. 

“Get out of here, you nut,” he said. 

“Huh?” she said. 

“You heard me,” he said. “I’ll get the candles, you go wait for me where it’s safe.”

“Are you sure?” she asked. 

Eren frowned at her. “Why the hell would I let you stand here and give yourself a headache when I’m right here and impervious to the fumes?” 

Mikasa took a half step towards the exit, doubtful. “It’s not too much trouble?” she asked.

“Of course not! Go!” he ordered, nudging her with his toe. 

They reconvened outside the candle shop about twenty minutes later, which wasn’t too bad given the Christmas crowds. Mikasa was waiting for Eren on a bench near the store entrance, rolling her neck absent-mindedly. Eren plopped down next to her, setting the bag of candles between his feet, spreading his legs so that his knee brushed against hers. "We got you out in time, right? Your head feels fine?" he asked. 

Mikasa nodded, lacing her fingers through his. He tensed for a flustered moment before he relaxed into her touch, settling their joined hands on his thigh and grinning down at her. "Thank you," she said, tossing her head to get her bangs out of her eyes. "I feel bad for making you do that."

Eren furrowed his brow at her, his lips twisting into an incredulous smile. "You didn't make me do anything. I offered."

"But you had to stand in line for me," persisted Mikasa.

"So?" said Eren. "Don't you think I'd rather do that than let you get a migraine?"

"Still, it could have been avoided. I didn't have to get candles," fretted Mikasa, tugging on her hair. "Or I could have ordered them online."

Eren grabbed her chin. "Mikasa, stop. Not only are we friends, we're dating." He paused. They were dating, right? Like, it was only their second date, but it was reasonable to assume they'd go on more, wasn't it? They’d been sneaking a lot of kisses when the kids weren’t looking. "Are we dating or did I get ahead of myself?" he said, holding his breath.

"We’re dating," said Mikasa. 

Eren exhaled. "Then we should be doing stuff for each other," he concluded.

Doubt sprouted across Mikasa’s face. "But…"

"Let me clarify," said Eren, leaning towards her so their noses were almost touching, her chin still caught between his fingers. "I want to do things for you. I'm looking for a partner, not a personal assistant."

He pressed a small, soft kiss to her lips, then released her with a grin, his point made and the matter resolved. 

Or, that’s what he thought until unexpected tears welled up in her eyes. 

Eren’s face went white. “Mikasa…” he said, but she was already standing up and dragging him, stumbling, behind her. He hooked the bag of candles, nearly abandoned, with his foot and sent it sliding up the glossy tile floor ahead of them, then swiped it up from the ground on his way past as he regained his footing and began trotting after her, pouring apologies and hoping she had noticed that pretty sweet bit of footwork he’d just pulled off. He hadn’t played soccer in years but he still had it. Maybe she would be so impressed by his prowess that she would forget about whatever he’d done to fuck up. 

“Mikasa, did I say something wrong?” he asked.

She didn’t answer. Instead, she yanked him into an alcove that once housed payphones and now gave shelter to nothing, then turned around to face him, her eyebrows drawn together in a firm line, her eyes wet, glimmering, and boiling hot. She grabbed his sweatshirt, clenching it in her fists. Oh, shit. He was in trouble.

“I’m so sorry if I – mmmmfff,” he said, his fiftieth apology abruptly aborted when she yanked him down to her and crushed her lips against his. 

It took Eren a second to switch gears from groveling to making out, but as soon as he did, he grabbed her hips and pushed her back against the wall, pinning her to it with his weight as their tongues tangled together. 

“I thought you were mad at me,” he said, breathless. 

“God, no,” she said, kissing him again. “That was so hot.”

Eren grabbed her face, brushing his thumbs over the ridge of her cheekbones. They came away wet and he pulled back just enough to look at her, showing her the liquid glistening on the pads of his thumbs, raising his eyebrows. “And yet..” he said. 

Mikasa shook her head in disagreement, her eyes welling up again. 

“Mikasa!” he said. 

“Sorry,” she muttered, wiping away her tears. “You just don’t know how nice that was to hear.” 

“Which part?” said Eren. 

“All of it,” said Mikasa, tugging on his sweatshirt and lifting her chin. 

“Works for me,” said Eren, ducking his head and meeting her lips, planting his hands on the wall on either side of her. She slid her hands around his ribs and up his back, clutching him closer as they kissed in the dim alcove, which maintenance no longer bothered furnishing with light bulbs. The holiday shoppers washed past in tides, the burble of their voices drowning out the Christmas carols being piped from the mall’s speakers and eroding the illusion of privacy Eren and Mikasa had wrapped themselves in.

“We should keep shopping,” Eren said, taking a regretful step back.

Mikasa glanced around to make sure no one had seen them. “You’re right,” she said, resting her hand on his chest for a moment, then straightening her sweater and securing her purse over her shoulder. “Oh, good. You remembered the candles,” she said, reaching for the bag. Eren snatched it up before she could take it. So she hadn’t noticed his sweet soccer-remnant move, which sucked, but it had been because she was so horny for his mouth, so… Yeah. Overall, he was going to class that one as a win, he decided.

Mother’s Day Deleted Scenes

Eren and Isabella

Eren was fed up with Isabella’s shit and also terrified that he was looking at his future. Was Adri going to grow up and judge him this hard? Would she also make fun of his hair and mock him for saying thanks when she told him his shoes were “fucking mint”? He was 32 years old with a job and a girlfriend and kids. He had better things to do than keep on top of youthful vernacular. 

He was in a foul mood by the time they finally settled on what to get for Yelena (a gift card), paid for it, and got in the minivan. 

“It looks like your Mom and Adri are already back at my house, Mase,” Eren said, checking his phone. “We missed out on our guy time. Sorry about that.”

“That’s okay!” chirped Mason. “I liked playing with all the testers.” He held up his arms, which were covered in blotches of lipstick and eyeshadow and scented with every single perfume in the store. “Do you think my mom will think I look like a rainbow dragon?” He pointed at the clusters of multicolored swatches. “See? Because they look like scales?”

Eren chuckled. “Maybe! But, Mason. We’re going to need to put you in the bath right after you show her. You smell like a million bucks but Adri doesn’t do good with perfume. It can trigger her asthma and then she’ll need an extra breathing treatment.”

“Oh!” said Mason. “Sorry!”

“It’s okay, buddy. Although, I’m thinking maybe we should stop by your house on the way home and get you a change of clothes,” Eren mused. 

“Ha! Who’s going to let you in if Mikasa is at your house?” Isabella sneered.

“I have a key,” said Eren, rolling his eyes.

Isabella began to sputter. Eren turned on the radio to drown her out, singing along with a pop song he had disdained when he was seventeen but that tickled his nostalgia today. Behind him, Mason had also started singing along. Eren grinned over his shoulder at him, then looked back at the road, dancing his shoulders along to the beat. 

“You are such a dweeb, Uncle Eren!” Isabella burst out. “I can’t believe Mikasa would go out with an old guy like you, who has, like, negative rizz!”

“I don’t know what that means,” said Eren. “But I’m younger than she is, so ha.” 

‘You don’t know what rizz is?” Isabella scoffed.

“No,” said Eren. “And I also don’t care.”

Isabella started sputtering again.

Eren started singing along with the radio again, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.

“Wait, this isn’t the way to your house,” said Isabella.

Eren’s brow furrowed. “I know. I’m bringing you home.”

“What?” said Isabella.

“Where else would I take you?” said Eren.

Everyone at home after

“I thought Armin and Annie were here,” said Eren.

“They went in the backyard. Alexander isn’t allowed to watch TV,” said Mikasa.

“Oh,” said Eren. “That’s, um… Yeah, okay.”

“I think babies should be allowed to watch TV!” Mason piped up, scooting towards the door into the garage. Now that they were in the house, it occurred to Eren that they could have gone through the garage directly to spare themselves any unnecessary subterfuge. “If I ever have a baby, I'm going to let him watch whatever he wants unless it's too scary.”

“Good plan,” said Mikasa, fiddling with the remote control and glancing at the television. 

“Okay, Eren! I'm ready!” Mason said, hovering in the doorway to the garage. “Can you help me?”

“Yeah, one second, Mase,” said Eren, leaning over to kiss Mikasa on the forehead. “How was Adri?”

“She was so cute at the salon. She was trying to act very mature and glamorous the whole time but at the end the UV lamp scared her because she thought it was an oven.” 

“Aw,” Eren chuckled. 

“She also fell down but I think she wants to tell you about it herself, so I'm just letting you know she has some scrapes but she's fine,” Mikasa added. “How was Mason?”

“An absolute saint compared to Isabella,” said Eren. “He had a great time with all the makeup testers. Mase, show your mom your arm.”

Mason hid the lip balms behind his back and came forward so Mikasa could see the kaleidoscope of color swatches painted on his skin. 

Mikasa chuckled. “You remind me of a Gustav Klimt painting, for some reason.”

“Eren said I could wash it off at home,” he said. 

“Let me take a picture first,” said Mikasa, getting out her phone and repositioning so she could better angle, motioning for Mason to do a couple different poses. “There! Go ahead and wash it off whenever.”

“I have to do something in the garage first…” said Mason, all shifty-eyed.

“That’s fine,” said Mikasa, carefully not looking at the lip balms that had crept out from their hiding place. “I’m going to finish my show.”

“Where’s my mom, by the way?” Eren asked, going with Mason to the garage.

“She filled up on snacks and went to her room. I think she might be having a nap, too,” said Mikasa.

“I’m going to get the ribs started after I help Mason,” said Eren. “If you feel like keeping me company.”

Mikasa’s eyes lit up. “You’re making ribs?”

“Eren! It was supposed to be a surprise!” Mason complained.

“Ah, shoot!” said Eren. “Sorry!”

“That’s okay!” said Mason, his lips stretching into a smug smile. “I kept it a secret longer, so that means I win!”

“That’s true! Good job!” said Eren. 

“Do I get a cash prize?” Mason asked, bouncing on his toes.

Eren was reaching for his wallet to see if he had any small bills when Mikasa cut in and said, “No. Just bragging rights.”

“Aw, man,” said Mason.

Adri’s bedroom door cracked open. “Daddy?” she croaked, rubbing her eyes.

“Hi, peanut!” said Eren. “Let me see your nails.”

Adri dragged herself over and put out her hands and one foot, tottering in place as Eren inspected her mani-pedi. 

“Very pretty!” he said. 

“Look,” said Adri, showing him the scabs on her knees and the heels of her little hands, her face drooping with sorrow.

“Ouch!” said Eren. “Do you need a kiss to fix you up?”

“Missy did it,” Adri said, her lips pursing together into a serious line. “So I’m already all better.”

Eren’s eyebrows popped up then drifted back down as a slow, pleased smile spread over his face. “Then how about just a kiss because I’m happy you’re home?” he said.

“Otay!” said Adri, lifting her face so he could give her a smooch on the cheek. 

Lady’s Liaison

They must have been thirteen at the time, and Jean fourteen. Eren was in the awkward beginning stages of manhood. His upper lip now required shaving every morning and his voice cracked when he spoke with too much passion. Mikasa had been sent to the dressmaker to have her bodices altered to accommodate her own adolescent changes, and Eren had been sent along to help the footman carry the piles of gowns. 

Lady Kirschtein had indulgently allowed him to ride in the coach with them, and, as they always did during lessons, Eren and Mikasa had spent the ride with their heads together, whispering and snickering. Eren had been too preoccupied to notice the frown burgeoning across Lady Kirschtein’s face as she watched them together. 

When they had arrived in town and stopped the coach to disembark, Eren had leapt out and joined the footman on the walkway, his hands behind his back and his spine straight. Lady Kirschtein had exited first, taking the footman’s proffered hand delicately as she stepped down. Mikasa had come next. 

“Eren!” she had called, haughtily, reaching for him. He had grinned and raised his hand to her. Their difference in status had become a joke between them. It had seemed too ridiculous when they felt so alike. They’d made a game of it and she often played the snob, ordering him to do the most inane things, while he dramatically acquiesced, nearly falling over himself in his servitude. Now he raised his hand to her. “My Lady,” he said, gripping her fingers tightly when she rested them in his palm and helping her as she flounced down from the coach. He did not let go when she was safely on the ground, instead bowing obsequiously over her hand. “Are you able to walk on your own?” he had asked, his voice drawling and impassioned. “Or must I carry you?”

A sharp intake of breath drew his attention and he looked up to see Lady Kirschtein, her face twisted with shock at his impertinence. He had flinched back, releasing Mikasa’s hand. 

“I apologize,” he said, quickly. “I forgot myself.”

“Indeed,” said Lady Kirschtein, coldly, taking Mikasa by the arm and sweeping away with her. Eren’s stomach lurched and he glanced at the footman, who raised an eyebrow at him and shook his head. 

“You may take lessons together but you would do well to remember that Lady Ackerman is not your friend,” the footman whispered as they trailed the ladies, the dresses to be altered piled in their arms.

Eren swallowed and nodded. 

It was after that incident that Mikasa was withdrawn from tutoring and given over to a governess. In truth, she was far more classically educated than a woman should be, but Lord Kirschtein had been loathe to hire a governess when the tutor was perfectly capable of teaching all the children he had collected.

Neighbors AU

After Eren gives her the tree

 "So it's kind of like our trees will be a little family," he said. 

"Ooooh, yes," said Mikasa. "And we'll be baking their babies into pies."

Eren looked at her, horrified. "I didn't think of it that way!" he said. 

"Life is cruel," said Mikasa with a bright smile. "But if we don't eat them, the birds and squirrels will."

"Jesus, Mikasa," said Eren, putting his forehead in his hand with an admiring huff. "Every time I think I've got you figured out…"

"Sorry," said Mikasa, wincing. 

"That wasn't a complaint," said Eren, offering her his elbow. She took it and he escorted her to her car. 

Her eyes were sparkling when she got behind the wheel. 

When I thought they might ditch the party to go bowling

They decided to go bowling, so Mikasa headed back into town, grumbling about the waste of gas and Historia's obvious disregard for the environment, while Eren listened and admired her ability to twist a small, personal matter into a much greater issue on the global scale. By the time they arrived at the bowling alley, Mikasa had effectively pinned responsibility for all of global warming on Historia Reiss, because she drove an SUV and didn't turn off her lights when she went out and didn't drink fair trade coffee. 

"She should be in jail," Eren said, with great feeling, even though he had no idea where his coffee came from. He was going to start paying attention from now on, so he was within his rights to pass judgment. 

Mikasa sighed, parking her car. "We'll be friends again tomorrow," she said. 

"I guess that's good," said Eren, who was confident he had made an enemy for life. 

They got out of the car and went into the bowling alley which was, improbably, packed. "Is bowling cool again?" said Mikasa.

"Was there a point when it stopped being cool?" said Eren, heading towards the counter.

"There's a waiting list if you don't have a reservation," said the harried teenager. He pulled a clipboard from beneath the desk. "It's at least an hour wait, but probably more like two," he said. 

"Well, shoot," said Mikasa. "What would we do until then?" 

"There's a bar," offered the kid. He lowered his voice. "I'm allowed to walk through it after closing." He blinked at them both, waiting to see if they were impressed by his maturity.

They didn't even notice. "Would you like a drink, Eren?" Mikasa asked. 

"We're already here," he shrugged. "Might as well." 

"Can we put our names on the list then?" Mikasa asked the teenager, pointing at the clipboard. The kid handed it to her and she filled it out while Eren wandered over to peek through the door into the bar. 

"What happens if I don't hear my phone ring?" Mikasa asked as she jotted down her phone number on the sheet. "Should I note that we'll still be on the premises?" 

"We'll make an announcement on the overhead, too," the kid said. "Do you always get dressed up to go bowling?"

Mikasa looked down at her brand new cocktail dress. "Sometimes," she said.

"Oh," said the kid, taking back the clipboard just as Eren returned from his reconnaissance mission, a disgruntled expression on his face. 

"They don't have a pool table," he grumbled. 

"Do you want to go somewhere else?" said Mikasa.

"No, no," said Eren, grabbing her arm and looping it through his. "Here is fine."

"Thank you!" Mikasa called to the kid as Eren escorted her to the bar.

It was dim inside and smelled faintly of sweat and feet. "Do they serve food?" said Mikasa, thinking with regret of the top notch hors d'oeuvres Historia had no doubt catered for her party. There'd been this spinach and cheese puff pastry concoction Mikasa had tried last time and she'd been hoping she'd get to taste it again. And then there was the country club' signature gelato. She'd really wanted Eren to try the gelato. Perhaps she had been too hasty in storming out of there. She just didn't like Historia talking all that shit about Eren. He was a good guy and didn't deserve to have Historia drunkenly ragging on him all night. She sighed, looking around for a menu.

"Here," said Eren, coming right up behind her and reaching around her shoulder to tap on a sheet of paper taped to the bar top. It was covered in clip art and a list of deep fried foods. 

Mikasa scanned it, digging around in her purse for her wallet. "Do you want some mozzarella sticks?" she asked. "My treat."

"Huh?" he said, blinking. 

"Do you want to split some mozzarella sticks? Oh! And they have tater tots!" Mikasa did an excited wiggle as she located her wallet and withdrew it from her bag. Eren frowned, grabbing her wrist to stop her as she tried to take out her credit card. 

"Tonight's on me," he said. 

"But, Eren…" said Mikasa. 

“But what?” he said, locking gazes with her. Some of his long, dark hair had escaped from his bun and hung in strands around his face, framing his eyes as they bored into her. She nearly swooned. "I said I'd be your date tonight, didn't I?" he said.

"Well, yes," said Mikasa. "But that was for the party and now we're not at the party. So I wasn't sure if…"

"This is still a date," said Eren.

“Okay,” she squeaked, trying to tuck her hair behind her ear. It fell across her eyes. 

Eren plucked her wallet from her hand and tucked it back into her purse. "I'm paying," he said. 

“Okay,” said Mikasa, patting her cheeks, stomach fluttering. 

“Okay,” said Eren, pulling out his own wallet. “So don’t go running off with any other guys.”

“I won’t,” said Mikasa, her eyes wide. “I promise.”

Eren sucked in a breath and looked up at the ceiling. It had taken every ounce of self esteem he had to fuel that little interaction. He was so relieved it had worked. “Good,” he said. “What do you want to drink?”

“Just a diet Coke,” she said. “I’m driving.”

“Two Cokes and whatever else it was you said,” said Eren. He cleared his throat. “What did you want again?”

“Mozzarella sticks,” said Mikasa. 

“Wasn’t there another thing?” said Eren. 

“Tater tots,” said Mikasa, pressing her fingers to her lips and blushing. 

[far-side-skies]

What country do you think each terra represents?

I started this at work the day I got this ask, and then the tumblr app said "fuck you" and deleted the draft. Thanks tumblr.

Anyway this was a fairly easy question to answer, I've had headcanons for this for a while :3

Terra Rex: Pretty obviously based on England, specifically the rich fancy parts like Edwardian-era London. There doesn't appear to be any royal family ruling the Terra, but since 'Rex' means 'king', I wouldn't be surprised if there was a king or queen hiding in the lore we never got to see. 'The Terra of Kings' should have a monarchy, right? Or maybe these fictional Brits did what us irl lot never could and tossed the royal family into the Wastelands.

Terra Atmos: I was never sure about this one, there were no context clues that implied it was based on any particular culture, old or new. Since I recall it was described as "the centre of the known atmos" by Piper in Home Movie Night, I headcanon it to have started off as a major international trade hub. As a result its people have a very random mix of cultural backgrounds. Many of them come from the families of traders or travelling workers.

Terra Mesa: Another one I'm not 100% certain of in terms of canon, but ever since @todayis-snowy drew Starling in a cowboy outfit I have been a firm believer in Mesa having a Wild West feel based on America in the 1800s. Proper Red Dead Redemption style terrain.

Terra Glockencheime: I think this has a German steampunk basis to it? Sadly the most we see of any irl influence seems to be the accents of the keepers of the time pulse, which struck me as German, so Terra Germany it is I guess.

Terra Gale: So far every Canadian in the Storm Hawks discord is adamant that Gale is based on the Quebec region of Canada, and I'm inclined to believe them. The frenchmen are actually french-canadian!

Terra Saharr: Deserts and their sky knights have australian accents. This is Terra Australia. I wish we'd seen more of it.

Terra Blizaris: Another, slightly more obvious Canada-based Terra, though I can't remember off the top of my head which region the Canadians in the server said it reminded them of. I think it was northwest Canada? Eh?

Terra Bogaton: Another one I'm not sure of. It's lizard culture. Probably based on some tribal cannibal stereotype if I'm being honest with myself, it was typical of the 2000s and it's not the only terra whose people are walking stereotypes.

Terra Vapos: Based on the architecture, Ancient Greece. Based on the fact that it's an ancient terra lost to myth? Vapos is probably the Atmos equivalent of Atlantis. Not a real country, but still based in irl mythos.

Terra Deep: I am doing a big leap in logic for this one, but this might be a reference to the Bermuda Triangle? With the ships going missing? I don't think that's what the writers were actually going for though.

Terra Amazonia: This Terra reminds me of the Amazon rainforest, particularly the regions in Peru.

Terra Nostrus: The same as Amazonia.

Terra Zartacla: Not a country, but the name is literally Alcatraz spelt backwards. A pretty obvious parallel.

Terra Xoam/The Forbidden City: This Terra has a lot of ancient mezoamerican influences in my opinion. Not much else to say since we never got to see any actual culture besides the buildings and traps.

Terra Neon: Vegas, baby!

Terra Wallop: Junko is seen wearing a kilt as part of traditional Wallop garb, so I'd say Wallop has a lot of Scottish influences.

Terra Cyclonia: With no real culture to speak of besides "capital of an Empire", I couldn't tell you which country this one might have canonically been based on. Me personally, I use a number of Greek influences for the history, clothing and mythology of the Terra, and base everything else off of in-universe lore I've come up with for it. With a bit of Russian for the language and alphabet, because ever since I discovered the delight that is Russian cursive, I have forever headcanon'd that Dark Ace's handwriting is just like that, and nobody but other Cyclonians can read it.

And that's all the Terras I can list off in my head. I know not all of them are based on actual countries, but some of them were so specific that I had to scale down from full countries.

[chaos-in-deepspace]

Hi, I'm really sorry if i am troubling you with this, but you’re the only person who had made detailed posts about ai writing and plagiarism and i've had so many thoughts ever since I read them.

I'm sorry for using anon. actually i wasn't sure who i should talk to this about, but i hope you can understand me.

i don't know/not sure if what i did is wrong, but i think there might have been some wrong turns I took while writing. but I'm not sure, so that's why I'm asking for your opinion.

i really love reading and i really really want to get into writing, and I'm hoping one day i can write my own book when i am good at it and confident in my skill. But for now, my grammar and language skills are very limited, so I'm trying to write fanfics, not just because it's fun but because it helps me with learning.

I've only ever posted one story, and I will admit that i used chat gpt when writing it. but not in the way you think, but I'm sure it is still wrong. I don't know lot of words, and sometimes I don't know how to write some phrases. While I have all these ideas and plots about a wonderful story, it's still hard for me to convert them into beautiful sentences. so I often use google translate, translating the sentences from my language and then use chat gpt to correct the grammar and rewrite if it's wrong.

I didn't realise it was wrong then. But now I do. And I'm sorry.

I know plagiarism is bad, and I have never supported it and I will never ever steal from another creator's work, but until I read your post about ai, I didn't know I have been doing that myself. And I'm really sorry for that. because I never thought of it that way, and thought 'I'm just translating, it's still my ideas and all' but it's still wrong

I have deleted the story now. and I am trying to write every story without a translator as much as possible, and absolutely no ai. I'm trying to improve (even though my now story drafts look like gibberish lol) but yeah.

I just also wanted to say, you're doing a great job, thank you for speaking up for authors and their hard work. I know some people disagree with you, but you've been an eye opener for me. thank you for spending your time reading this, i hope I didn't take much of your time. Have a nice day ♡

Alright so here's my two cents on this situation: What you did wasn't wrong at all. In fact, if someone is going to use AI for writing, this is how it should be used.

I have never believed that AI is the most terrible thing in the world. It can be rather helpful in certain aspects, and if someone wants to use it in order to help them, then so be it. I'm adding a cut here because this post is rather long, so feel free to continue reading if you want to hear my explanation about why using tools like this isn't inherently bad.

I assume English isn't your first language from what you've told me. You're trying to write an entire story in a language that can be rather difficult with finessing the right words and phrases to get your thoughts across. Using something like google translate to write in your language and then converting it into English isn't bad. People use google translate all the time on websites in order to read the things.

Putting it into ChatGPT to help with the phrasing also isn't an inherently bad thing. You were the one who wrote those words in your language, had to translate it, then realized perhaps you needed a little extra help and had ChatGPT clarify it, because google translate is very rough when it comes to getting words across and it often is broken English in a sense.

You were using tools accessible for you in order to get your ideas across in a language that takes even Native English speakers years to write and understand perfectly. I'm still learning new things about grammar all the time and I've been writing since I was 13. I've been writing for 13 years and I still make mistakes with my grammar and have to learn new things.

If you were using ChatGPT to write the fic itself, then that's bad. That's not a good thing to do. You were writing it yourself and just needed some help making it right. It's the same as using a tool like grammarly to check your work for typos or grammatical errors. It's not writing for you, it's assisting in areas a lot of people lack in. People have been using editors for centuries to go over their writing, and now and days we just happen to have software for it.

My issue and what I'm fighting against is the use of Generative AI. To make it simple, I'm just showing how my brain works with different AI uses for writing. I'm sure there's proper technical names for them, but this is simple for me to understand it:

Grammatical AI: Things like Grammarly who's sole purpose is to go through a document and correct grammar, and even suggesting better ways to write a sentence. This is a great tool, and while it can't compare to having a human editor, it definitely can help make things clearer. Translation AI: These are things like Google Translate or other translator APPs. It takes things from one language and converts it to another. Most of the time when this is used it does things word-for-word without much mind to how grammatically something would be set up. We all know every language has it's own ways of speaking and writing in a grammatical sense, and often times translator apps don't take into account of these nuances. The entire purpose is to simply translate, and yes, sometimes it doesn't get things across correctly. Idea AI: Things like ChatGPT can actually be used to help get ideas. If you have writer's block you can ask ChatGPT to perhaps give you some prompts to help you write. This is one of the ways I agree AI can be used for creativity. While a lot of them are very generic, it's up to you to actually make it into a reality and add your own spin to it. Generative AI: This is the form of AI I have issues with. All AI programs have to take learning from somewhere, that's just how AI works. Grammarly, Google Translate, and ChatGPT all take information from the internet in order to generate things. Something like Chatbots, however, really takes the cake. I say Chatbots are more like toys. They're fun to playa round with when bored, but that should be the end of it. It can generative entire stories and conversations, dialogues, etc by ripping things from say: Tumblr, AO3, alongside other platforms where people post their writing.

When I say using Generative AI is bad, I mean it. Those words are not your own, you're allowing AI to completely write everything. It's not "helping" you, it's doing the work for you. It does this by stealing from other people who did put in the effort to write things.

While using ChatGPT to reword sentences is a form of Generative AI, it's a lesser version. You're feeding it information that you wrote and asking it for help. Again, you still wrote it. If you ran your entire fic through google translate and then asked ChatGPT to help clarify things and fix grammatical errors, it's still your writing in a sense. While it's definitely not good to do this, it's not nearly as bad as having a Chatbot write everything for you. Again, you had put in the work and needed assistance.

If you'd like a good example of Generative AI that does all the work, and what many people are doing (although they might be RPing with it, so about a quarter of the writing is done by a human), then check out this post. My friend Atty did a phenomenal job in showing in real time how a fanfic can be made simply by using a Chatbot. It's giving a bot the most simple instructions and writing entire paragraphs that, if he wasn't an honest guy, could've copy/pasted and then posted to tumblr while claiming he wrote it.

That's the AI I don't like. The ones where people don't put in any effort to get their fic "written" and then have the audacity to claim it as their own. What you did wasn't bad, but if I can make a suggestion for moving forward:

Make friends who are willing to help you. There's so many writer communities out there who are more than willing to help others. Not only can they read your fics before you post them and let you know how amazing they are, they can also:

Help you reword things that don't sound correct.

Explain why they would do something in order to help you grow as a writer.

I know I've helped a friend out who learned English on her own. I went through her entire fic and wrote notes as to why I would change something, why I do things grammatically, amongst other things. You'll learn a lot more and improve as a writer if you have help from others. People are willing to help, trust me.

I hope you're not kicking yourself over what you did, though. I'd say go and repost the fic, and all you have to do is add a little disclaimer of:

"Hey, English is a second language and I'm still learning. I had to use Google Translate and ChatGPT in some sentences to help me structure it better. All writing was done by me, and the idea is my own."

Or something along those lines. Honesty is always the best policy. I hope you have an absolutely wonderful day, and I wish you the best of luck on your writing journey!

-------

Apologies for typos. I am absolutely exhausted today and did not go back to reread anything to make corrections.

[sunflowersunite]

I've been meaning to ask this for some time now, since I've realised as we're working on a fic together that you tend to make little headcanons about the characters here and there.

So I would love to hear some about your fic "to live". I tell you it's a masterpiece and it'd be a crime if you DO have hcs or side notes and you've kept them all to yourself

ohh?? Thank you so much for asking me this, swordslinger!! I maybe kind of have a few, actually...

to anyone interested, the fic is to live, an aot villain AU where Levi never left the Underground and Hange followed a different path. Assassin Levi x torturer Hange (she's a torturer for the Military Police). This post will contain spoilers for the fic.

The first person Levi killed when he became an assassin was the pimp who left his sick mother to die without providing her with any healthcare.

when Levi pushed Hange against that wall, (this is what I'm talking about) he was genuinely impatient and wanted to intimidate her. However Hange's feelings were a little... different. Danger has always exhilarated her and I have to admit that she did think about kissing him right then and there. She knew she'd end up with a knife at her throat but oh well, all the better.

Chapter 5:

“Say you’re sorry.” A pause, during which she imagines his lips pursing into a thin line. “What does it matter if I do?” It does, for the sake of their weird, twisted friendship. Because however little kindness he's got left, he spared some for her. “Just say it, midget.” “Tsk. Dumbass shitty-glasses.” “Stuck-up clean freak.”

this was inspired by Six of Crows and it according to the note I'd initially made, it would go like this: (context, Levi is bedridden, injured and they're bickering because Hange wants to go do murder stuff)

"midget" "shitty-glasses" "clean freak" "Hange. Don't go."

4. I found a fanart that reminded me of the fic and kept it in my notes. torture buddies Levihan here!

5. When Levi adopted Mikasa after her parents died, he really had to be a parent to her. She'd wake up by nightmares and he'd have to?? calm her down?? who, Levi Ackerman??

He was better at it than he expected, though. He wanted her to throw that stupid scarf away because he claimed it provided a grip for any attackers, but she refused (because it's Eren's. Mikasa still remembers Eren as the boy who taught her kindness still exists).

6. In an earlier draft, while hazy from some attack (idk which), Hange was supposed tell Levi that she liked it when he called her by her name, because initially he only referred to her by the infamous nicknames.

Later, Levi would find himself in the same predicament (hazy from an attack) and this would happen

She comes closer and he sees her, worried and bloodstained. “Levi? Are you okay?” “I’m okay.” He wraps a tendril of her hair around his finger. Holds it like a lifeline. “Hange.” “What is it?” “Nothing. You like it when I say your name.” That fact might have been a memory or a dream, but he doesn’t bother trying to figure that out. He's tired. “Don’t fall asleep!” she urges him. “If you keep shouting like this, I can’t,” he mutters.

(well, this might make it into the fic eventually. I don't know 😅)

7. Another deleted scene which I liked very much. They've found themselves in some abandoned village and sleep side by side.

Hange inches closer to him, her hands press against his chest. He finds it rough and calloused from holding hammers and buzzsaws, not swords or scalpels. From creating, not destroying. Levi wishes for the first time that he could do something useful for the kids like the one he used to be, frail and weak and alone. Without being sure why, he snakes an arm around her waist and pulls her closer. Her breath fans over his face and he’s only millimetres away from pressing their foreheads together. It’s a tenderness he feels like they’re stealing from another kinder world. This world is cruel, though, and they know that they’ll be each other’s demise or die trying. I’ll kill you, her kind smile says. The inquisitiveness with which her eye roams his face, the way her hands press on his beating heart. I’ll kill you, I’ll kill you, I’ll kill you. A twisted lullaby. //  She studies his stormy eyes, the smooth bridge of his nose, the line of his mouth. She drinks in every little detail, tries to read his expression. He gives her nothing.

this scene. ohhh I forgot how much I liked it. I got goosebumps. 😄

7. deleted scene #3679 (context: Hange would return to the Scouts here and Levi rode his horse next to her until the camp. It happened a bit differently in the final product)

“Is this goodbye, then?” she asks. “I guess.” She looks like she wants to say something and Levi finds himself once more awaiting her next words with a knot in his stomach. “I never liked goodbyes, you know. Us Scouts never say goodbye, only good luck. So, good luck, Levi. Kick their asses.” The first rays of the morning sun dance around her hair and she looks more like a painting than a person, a painting with soot smudged on her cheeks and a stiff back and an eye the colour of soil and life. Bright and hopeful and alive, that’s what she is. That’s what she deserves to be. Hange’s horse starts to trudge towards the camp, and Levi calls out for her before he can regret it. “Hange!” She stops and looks back. Her name rolls off his tongue as if he’s said it countless times before. It’s familiar, it feels right. And if it takes never saying it again for her to live, maybe it’s okay. “Good luck.”

heyyy I liked this scene too, would you look at that.

8. Levi likes to kiss Hange's neck (I headcanon that for canon as well, but let's mention it here). He's too short to reach her cheek so he just kisses her neck fleetingly when they become canon. Also he likes to cuddle up to her and use her as a pillow.

9. Chapter 3:

The tip of his nose is cute, so mismatched for a murderer like him. That’s what piqued her interest when he pinned her against the wall that first night. Maybe when she kills him, she’ll cut off his nose and preserve it in a jar, it’s too nice to let rot.

fun fact, you have @quillsandblades to thank for that because they were the one who made me not scrap that scene and actually use it somewhere.

10. After Levihan becomes canon and assuming everything works out eventually, Levi becomes the Scouts' scary parent and Mikasa their scary sister. Assassin Levi with Connie and Sasha.

"soo what do you do in your free time?"

"I murder people"

"tight"

11. Kenny ships Levihan. Granted, he did send them after eachother, but chemistry is chemistry and Kenny has eyes.

This turned out to be a compilation of deleted scenes, but it's good that I found an opportunity to share them! If anything else occurs to me I'll let you know 😉

[lyrring]

Do you have any tips for a young artist?

okay GOOD QUESTION so I'm gonna just start typing about some things I wish I had known as a young artist and keep adding to the draft of this answer as I think of things. LOL.

Advice I'm definitely qualified to give young artists:

1) If you are primarily an artist that draws humans or humanoid characters, I need you to internalize this very important fact: There is NO race, shape, type of body, etc. that you are 'unable' to draw. Y'all it is 2023 and Twitter is a cesspool of idiots running around INSISTING that they simply "can't draw black people", "can't color dark skin", or that "black people don't fit into my style."

But you, young artist anon, YOU know better now! Go tell all your friends! Spread the good news! There is no fundamental inability to include diversity in the subjects of your art--there is only unwillingness to learn.

Because that's the thing--a lot of people who say these kinds of silly things will also say that the don't want to 'get it wrong' (I typed and deleted a whole other tangent here. lol). The important thing about approaching diversity in your art is that you are earnestly trying, respectful, and open to being corrected. Hard to go wrong that way! There are tutorials abound--research is your friend!

2) Related: encourage yourself to explore and celebrate variety as you cultivate your unique style. and DON'T SKIMP ON THE FUNDAMENTALS! DO NOT!

I'm going to talk a little bit about what it was like for me when I started "really" drawing at like. 9 or 10. (cont'd.)

I got really into drawing because some friends of mine liked to draw anime in their free time in class. I centered my early drawing life around emulating a style that was strictly anime. Drawing realism or semi-realism seemed so ugly to me! I had no interest in it.

In addition, I came away with a message that harmed my self-esteem greatly, even if I didn't know it at the time: black people don't look good in an anime style. You just can't do it!

So I never tried to. I had a narrow focus, and I was reluctant to explore outside of it. If I'm being honest with myself, I hamstrung myself pretty hard by not being open to exploring a variety of styles. I also thought that the fundamentals of art (principles of lighting, color, shape, and the human figure, etc.) were a waste of time for me to study up on. I knew what I wanted my art to look like--pretty anime pictures! Lol.

All of the above is why I don't think I actually started to get "good" at art until September of 2019, roughly a trillion years after I started to draw. I know that because of those art summary memes, lol. Here, for reference:

tumblr compressed the image to shit, so you'll have to take my word for it, but yeah! lol.

Anyways, the point is this:

You will go through many stylistic phases in your life as an artist. This is normal, and honestly, I'd celebrate it! Be open to any number of unlikely stylistic influences. They may take your artistic sensibilities in a direction you'd never expect. All in service of developing your unique artistic voice.

If you want to be good at what you do, you will need to create a strong base of knowledge for yourself. This is what intentional study of the fundamentals does. Get that shit in your brain while you're young!!! You will be planting the seedling of your artistic prowess in much nicer soil, and future you will thank you for it.

3) Developing artistic skill is NOT A RACE! You will hear this advice a lot, but I'd like to talk about a specific nuance that I think is important.

There are a number of reasons why it would make sense for you to think that it is, in fact, a race. For instance, there are roughly a kajillion other artists in your age range. A lot of them are on social media, cultivating a following. A lot of them will be "better" than you.

Do not get attached to the idea of being a brilliant young artist. You will not be young forever. If your idea of skill is entwined with your identity as a young person, what happens as you get older? I'll tell you: You start to see more and more people who are way more talented than you, and at least five years younger, and it can really really hurt you because you have not been set up for success with the right mindset. Your pride and joy was not being a creator--it was being a young creator.

Being an artist, especially in the age of social media (jesus, i sound so old) is an emotional investment as well as a practical, skill-based one. If you do not take care of yourself emotionally, if you do not approach creating art and posting it online with the right mindset, you will destroy yourself. Worst case, you end up bitter and hating art altogether.

If you are able to remain reasonably detached from social media response in general--great! That bodes well for you. But that's a skill, like anything else, so it's much more likely that the way your art is received on social media will affect you.

If you are very young, say, in your teens, and your art is exemplary, you will probably receive a lot of comments about this! They might be astonished that you, at so young an age, are so advanced in your skill. It is GREAT to be proud of yourself for accomplishing so much at a young age, don't get me wrong. Feels nice! But just like you will be advised not to let mean comments go to your head, you need to be thoughtful about how you receive comments that praise you for your age specifically. You need to be firm in the understanding that your age is not what makes your art exceptional. Your art is exceptional because YOU made it and because YOU honed your skills!

Beyond that, stuff that you probably already know: comparison to your artistic peers can be very encouraging and motivating; conversely, it can also be stressful and lead to unfortunate emotional spirals. You know yourself best--engage with or steer clear of comparison according to your comfort. You're not on your friend's artistic journey. You're on your own one. This is a very cursory thought on the topic of comparison, but I don't think I could offer you anything you don't already know about it, y'know?

4) This one... I'm gonna try to get across a very specific point. My point is this: Know what success looks like to you, and be honest with yourself.

The definition of 'success' may evolve for you as you develop, but I don't think it's ever too early to have a frank conversation with yourself about what it means for you, specifically, to be a successful artist.

Do you want to develop the skill to draw or create a specific idea in particular? Do you want a kajillion followers on instagram? Do you want to build a portfolio that will get you into a specific creative industry? Do you want to cultivate a steady stream of commissioners? Do you just want to relax and get ideas out of your head? And any other infinite goals.

Obviously I'm saying this without placing a value judgement on anyone's definition of artistic success. This is a highly personal sort of thing.

The reason I encourage this is because it can provide additional direction to a young artist, for whom the world is an oyster. Different enduring goals will require slightly different approaches to art as a field. This goal may inform what you draw, what medium you use, your higher education & career plans, where you choose to post your art (if at all), how much effort you must invest in building a brand for yourself, the role of social media in your life as an artist, the kinds of artists you devote energy to being peers with, etc. Hope that makes sense!

Anyways, I hope this advice is helpful. I'm always happy to answer other questions related to this sort of thing. Go forth, young artiste--I believe in you!

[kalisseo]

clone high season 2 episode 8

this post has been the hardest to make for me, I've made three drafts that were so messy that I'm just making a fourth one but I really wanted to talk about this

I've been meaning for months to make this post I just didn't bc idk I'm #lazy but I'm finally writing it

so yeah, this fucking episode ohmygobbbruhhhhh

// cw for sa , grooming and mentions of sex (basically everything that involves talking about this episode)

i want to start with saying that I'm not against any form of art using heavy topics like sa, not everything needs to be easy to consume, but everything needs to be treated with all due respect, something that clone high didn't

my general opinion is that this episode shouldn't exist in the first place, I can think of a few ways that it can be replaced with another plot/themes/ideas and still work out. and the fact that it was watered down a lot too, and they deleted another weird plot it's just. UGHHH, scary to think that even watered down it's so bad, the storyboards are so much worse

we all know the original show and love it, but it had many inappropriate weird jokes about the clones, and the reboot is supposed to be the modern and respectful (woke, if you will) clone high, so why make something so much worse than those jokes?

saying this about the reboot because I think it's pretty obvious that's kinda the intention, the meta comments in the sleepover ep and random stuff in the show, like the sea-men song in the same fucking episode, but whatever this is just my very personal view so idk

well it's easy just because they hate abe with a burning passion

overall, i feel like the reboot was way more explicit with the sex jokes (joan's dream about abe, the abe anxiety scene where joan and jfk are just doing it but with clothes THE EYE SEX SCENE IN SEASON 3) which is just unnecessary

"oh but teenagers have sex haha!! those are just jokes!!" jokes that are not even FUNNY, and just uncomfortable and totally unnecessary

and the blackmailing plot is just another example of this, the worst one, because this involves a heavy and delicate topic like sa

like I said, I'm not against media talking about these topics, but clone high simply shouldn't talk about it

it's a COMEDY, a PARODY, and even though these genres can deal with these topics, it's only if it's WELL EXECUTED, and with all due respect, something that clone high didn't. Also clone high never got too serious or deep about this kind of stuff, so again, it's just another uncomfortable unnecessary thing

I'd say that it's just a joke, but it doesn't even feel like it, it doesn't even feel like it's supposed to be funny (maybe one of the many failed attempts of this show at being funny) it feels like the clone high writers just think they put abe in an awkward situation, when in reality it was a traumatic event, it wasn't treated with respect, and more like something bad but not traumatic that happened to abe, saying this because it wasn't even acknowledged, just like two times, and again it felt that way

overall the whole episode is weird and sucksass (i guesss kahlopatra is the only normal thing), completely unnecessary and could've been easily replaced with other stuff

want joanfk to get back together? ok but why with sex? why is their whole chemistry just sexual chemistry? Why not make a valentine day episode instead? scudworth can make potions or serums or whatever those liquids were, why not make a love potion so they fall in love again? why not just , you knowww try to make them get back with NO sex involved

and why is abe obsessed with his virginity?

want topher to get in the way of joanabe? ok but why like that? the blackmailing plot could've even been funny if only the material was different. why not Topher took an ugly photo of abe instead? or why can't he just be there and ruin the moment for joan and abe? the whole virginity thing and convincing him to have sex with the teacher it's just unnecessary

and I get it, Topher's a freak and an asshole, and many people say this is ooc, but if it's ooc or not it's rather irrelevant. to me, the important thing is that the idea could've been executed in a different and better way if they wanted to portray topher like an asshole

the writers just wanted something to get in the way of joanabe, and topher was the most viable option, and I like the idea of him just being there ruining everything but again, using sa was completely unnecessary and weird

might make another post about this, but I want to say first that when posting about canon, I've always imagined that topher did blackmail abe, but with something like an stupid ugly photo of him picking his nose

whatever, if you hate this episode bc it's weird you're totally right and if you hate topher for this I totally understand you

this version ended up being a mess too but I don't feel like making a fifth one ❤️ might make a pt 2 who knows feel free to add your own points in the comments or reblogs

[0creativity0]

Since the year is coming to an end and I'm not posting anything until January, I thought it'd be fun to do a little recap of the fics I've written and go through whatever I've managed to do this year. So, let's go!

Here's my 2024 on AO3:

This year, I've published 94,779 words. This number does not include any drafts or anything, but I know I wrote a lot of words in unpublished works too, because I've been working on some long projects. In my notes I have literal dozens of nearly finished one shots, and the plans for a work that's proving to be much harder and longer to write than Rot, which is my second longest published work right now and will be my longest published work as soon as 2025 comes, since it's less than 3k words shorter than Umbrella as of right now (wow). In my AO3 drafts alone I have a four parts work that's 24,856 words long and not yet finished, so that gives an idea.

To recap my interactions, I've gotten 31 subscription, 28 of which are on my user and not works (which is weird), 350 kudos, 109 bookmarks and 6,042 hits. And way too many comment threads because I respond to everybody because it's the best part of actually sharing what you write in my opinion. I'm pretty cool with those numbers. They're great!

Anyway, now for the 2024 podium:

My most kudo-ed work this year is:

This one might actually not be true anymore in a few hours. It has just two kudos more than my second most kudo-ed work, so this could change at any moment. I really hope this one stays first though, because I actually really like it. It's not revolutionary but it's fun, and I liked writing it a lot too. I like knowing it was appreciated, and I like knowing it's technically the most renowned thing I wrote this year.

My most read work this year is:

Makes sense that it'd be this one that garnered the most hits, since it's sort of long and finished. I don't mind it too, I liked writing The Sixth Stage. All the way through I was like "wow I'm actually kind of nailing this". It felt nice, principally after finishing Umbrella which I felt like shit about, and what feels even better is I still like it. The pacing is great, I think! Which is insane because I usually, notoriously suck at pacing. I definitely was on something though, killing off so many characters. Fun fact on this one, actually. I recently got a commenter on Wattpad (kindly) cursing me out for murdering them all, just being like "no fucking way", and that was very fun.

My favorite work I've written this year is:

I had so much fun with this character study-ish one shot, even though it sort of flopped lmao. I don't care, it was great. I really love writing Killua, he's so fun. It's a challenge but one I'm willing to take, simply because the answers come to me with difficulty, but they come naturally. Which maybe explains why they're such weird takes. Anyhow, I'd been cooking this up for so long before I shared it, and there are some cheesy things and mess ups I'd rewrite to fix, but I like keeping things as my past self had intended for them to be, so that I can admire my evolution in the future. It's gonna suck anyway, I know nothing about what I'm doing.

And, last but not least, the longest work I've written this year (and I have yet to finish it) is:

I don't know how to feel about Rot. 35,304 published words, dozens of deleted chapters, pages and pages of my school notebooks engraved with fanfiction and 49 samsung notes with thousands of words each. Pure devotion. Some chapters I love, some chapters I hate. Chapter ten is amazing and I'm so excited to share it yet chapter nine makes me want to fall asleep and never wake up. Sometimes it's the easiest thing to write, sometimes it's a genuine nightmare. Again, chapters nine and ten. I will finish it, there's no doubting that, but my plans keep changing and it's messing up my sleep schedule.

Overall, statistics always make me feel like shit. They make me feel like I haven't done enough. Take last year, for example. I made nearly 1.3K kudos last year, even though I started posting last year, which means I hadn't built an "audience" at all yet.

What taking a look back through my biggest successes of the year made me realize is that, even though I sort of suck, I'm still prouf of myself. Most of what I've mentioned here, I like. I tend to forget that and focus on the part of me that regrets numbers, and that's why this little post feels so necessary for me to make.

Of course these numbers (hit numbers and stuff) will change slightly before the end of the year, but I feel this is close enough.

Anyway. Happy new year to everyone. It's coming quick quick quick, and I need to get back to studying if I actually want a job in the future!

I might do a 2023 resume some day, just to take me back in time.