#the document wasn't mine btw :)

[solidcarbon]

managed to get some sleep tonight and, beside a nightmare, had a dream about eergh. character developing cutscenes?? of some sort? with hex and drifter????

it was two of them, aoi and arthur. with arthur it was (frame 1) 6 beer pack for him and drifter (they both had pretty happy faces lmao), (frame 2) then, in the dead of night, arthur laying on the floor and grumbling something while asleep, (frame 3) drifter laying on the floor in the same situation AND they were subtitles with narrator (??) speaking. i don't remember exact words but there were clear implications of "you see this pathetic sight?". and somehow i knew the reason was drifter not being used to alcohol. ok, whatever. funny ends.

with aoi it was (frame 1) argument of some sort, then (frame 2) transference attempt with very twisted shades and forms of everything for some reason, then (frame 3) transference happens but it's not drifter who subconsciously dives into aoi's mind, it's the opposite. (frame 4) the room where the argument happened can be seen. there's two seats and the table and there's a person who sits there, their face in the shadow. it's aoi. then the image blinks a few times, it's like a static noise flash, and it shows a kid sitting on the same seat in the same pose, drown in the shadows, and in a different room. clear reference to the drifter's memories of whole "lost their family on zariman" sequence. (frame 5) suddenly image changes, with the same noise flash, environment changing into warm lights and another room. aoi can be seen, sitting on the sofa with the drifter (drifter's face is out of the frame and it implies they DON'T know about the transference thing and that aoi's seen something), having a normal conversation. and they aoi asks, "your little trauma, huh?", showing visible doubting confusion on her face (implies drifter purposely understates whatever happened to them).

all scenes except for the very last one were in deep dark/blue hues and lightning (much alike the one present on the zariman tileset but it's more likely my imagination merging it with the idea of events happening at the "night"). and there were interesting shot's composition choices, tho i have no idea how to describe that

[cher-rei]

pablo gavi smau [ P.G ]

summary: a documentation of your life as the messi family's adoptive daughter leading up to a surprise relationship reveal

masterlist

notes: posting this like this isn't based on my gavi fic that's in planning... the oc's name is sofía btw (translated spanish!!)

fía.pérez

liked by pablogavi and 2 234 563 others

fía.pérez la vida en este momento con mi chica favorita 💌 (life at the moment with my favourite girl) [tagged: aurorapaezg]

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aurorapaezg 😘 [liked by fía.pérez]

pablogavi dejar a mi hermana en paz desafío: ir (leave my sister alone challenge: go)

→ fía.pérez deja de ser celoso desafío: ve (stop being jealous challenge: go)

user guys I just saw two pretty best friends...

user when are gavi and sofía not arguing though, like can we be fr 😭

user they make it so easy to ship them and I'm so here for it

user it's over once when see antonela or messi in the comments 😔

fía.pérez

liked by anotenelarocuzzo and 1 172 111 others

fía.pérez ciro + fía = <3

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antonelarocuzzo mis bebés ❤️‍🩹 (my babies) [liked by fía.paréz)

leomessi mateo dijo que está mejor 😭 (mateo said that he's better)

→ fía.pérez en sus sueños 🙄 (in his dreams)

pablogavi ¿Y por qué no me invitaron??? (and why wasn't I invited???)

→ fía.pérez bueno, tal vez si hubieras respondido a mi llamada habrías (well maybe if you answered my calls you would've)

pedri los amantes se pelean (lovers quarrel)

→ fía.pérez sal de mis comentarios ahora mismo... (get out of my comments right now)

pablogavi @pedri me das asco. (you disgust me.)

pablogavi

liked by pedri and 897 382 others

pablogavi exponiendo mi angel 🤭 (exposing my angel) [tagged: fía.pérez]

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fía.pérez estás muerto gavira. (you're dead gavira) [liked by pablogavi]

pedri ¿¿subtítulo?? (caption??)

ferrantorres ¿¿tu que?? (your what??)

user excuse me 😃

user HELP?? SOFT LAUNCH??

fía.pérez

liked by leomessi and 1 223 311 others

fía.pérez él realmente está aquí firmando las camisetas de todos mientras yo estoy allí 😒 (he's really out there signing everyone's shirt while I'm right there) [tagged: pablogavi]

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pablogavi puedes tener el mío en su lugar 😉 (you can have mine instead)

→ fía.pérez preferiría morir ☺️ (i'd rather die)

pedri los odio tanto a ambos (I hate you both so much) [liked by fía.pérez]

user I don't even know if I'm delusional anymore

→ user girl I'm just here for the vibes, they're too cute to leave

fía.pérez

liked by pablogavi and 1 722 111 others

fía.pérez el chico en la pantalla es algo lindo 👀 (the guy on the screen is kind of cute)

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aurorapaezg estás bromeando ¿no? (you're joking right?) [liked by fía.pérez]

pablogavi conozco a alguien que es al menos diez veces más lindo (I know someone who's at least ten times cuter)

→ fía.pérez ¿ah, de verdad? (oh really?) [liked by pablogavi]

ferminlopez @pedri hermano, ven aquí (bro get over here)

user we're getting closer!!!

user am I supposed to be screaming or crying rn??

pablogavi

liked by fía.pérez and 891 199 499 others

pablogavi mi vista favorita 👀❤️‍🩹 (my favourite view) [tagged: fía.pérez]

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fía.pérez he visto mejores de cerca (I've seen better upclose)

→ pablogavi imposible mi amor (impossible, my love)

pedri ¿puedo finalmente dormir en paz ahora? (can I finally sleep in peace now?)

→ pablogavi nunca (never)

ferminlopez ¡¡vamos!! (let's gooo!!) [liked by pablogavi)

user screaming, crying, throwing up

user YESSSS!! I'M CONVULSING

fía.pérez

liked by leomessi and 2 321 112 others

fía.pérez mi niño bonito ❤️ (my pretty boy) [tagged: pablogavi)

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pablogavi ¡¡no es justo!! no puedes llamarme tu chico bonito tan casualmente (that's not fair!! you can't call me your pretty boy so casually)

→ fía.pérez por supuesto que puedo (of course I can)

antonelarocuzzo te tomo bastante tiempo (took you long enough)

→ fía.pérez fue un proceso ¿vale? 😭 (it was a process okay?)

pedri yo todavía te odio (I still hate you)

→ pablogavi nada nuevo (nothing new)

user is this what heaven feels like?

[causenessus]

HI HI HI HI NESS IM BACKKFJFKSMSOS so first of all tumblr hates me why is that the FOURTH ask of mine u answered that i wasnt notified of should i just die

anyways im eating lunch rn

healthy girl era did not work out i took a 6 hour (?) nap yesterday so!!

trying again today

N E WAYS

today the teacher told us her old students were too non che lent (nonchalant!!) so they failed the exam (wat.)

and my friend wanted to laugh about it w me but i wasnt looking so she yeeted my OTHER friends eraser at me

but it

it hit (near?) the teacher..

she was sooo mad omfg

giggling i hate her

like basically i answer all her questions out of spite now like YEAH BRO I KNOW THIS ALR😕😕

Also i swear i dif this math problem right but the teacher said it was wrong (wat.) and my friend did it too and we got the same answer (wat.)

i wrote fanfiction at school ☝️😎 it has already been digitalised but like i DID write it

and tjen my friend read an original short story (? 1.2k words) i wrote which was basically me projecting and she almost cried so like Uh

slay???

dude i love talking so much u have no idea actually

ALSO THE THING ABOUT THE ENRGY LIKe I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY OMG SO I GET EXCITED YK

n e ways..

i was watching american psycho last night but i got distracted..😭 ALSO IM SO EXCITED ABT ONICS LIKE EUSHEPSHAPSJXOSKAJDKAAKKDKD

>tries 2 normal

>fails

OK SO!! HRU AND WHATS GOING ON IN UR LIFE AND IF U EVER NEED TO HIRE A HITMAN IM HERE FOR U ❤️‍🩹 as the hitman btw ❤️‍🩹

U SHOULD NOT DIE!!! TUMBLR SHOULD DIE HOW DARE THEY!!! i am so confused at like what is happening at tumblr hq 😭😭 like there are problems that need to be solved!!!! and i feel like they should be pretty simple to fix!!! but instead they're like "NO LET'S MAKE TAGGING USERS GO BLUE AND COMMENTS UGLY"

but anyway!! i hope your lunch was good!! AND A SIX HOUR NAP SOUNDS AMAZING AND JUST AS PRODUCTIVE AS WORKING OUT!! it's hard to balance everything so definitely don't stress too much about it!! you have your whole life ahead of you to like do something like working out so not doing it one day is totally okay!! (yk?? i hope that made sense and i'm sorry i hope it's okay to say that 😭)

??? nonchalant -> failing exam???? i do not see the correlation??? 😭 YOUR TEACHER IS VV SPECIAL!! IS THIS THE ONE THAT TEACHES ENGLISH BUT ISN'T....ACTUALLY....THAT GREAT....AT ENGLISH??? 😭 OR MAYBE IT'S UR MATH TEACHER BC U ALSO SAID SOMETHING ABOUT THAT BUT THE ERASER ALMOST HITTING YOUR TEACHER IS CRAZY I WOULD'VE DIED ON THE SPOT 😭😭

also math teachers love to like??? tell u ur wrong and then not explain how to correctly do something??? so i think u should just blame them for everything!! that sounds fair <3

I'VE ALSO WRITTEN FANFICTION AT SCHOOL LMAOOO i remember being on my computer during french class and my guy was just so boring i pulled out the doc and started writing but LUCKILY it was like an oc fic so it wasn't as scary to write as a x reader UNLIKE WHEN I WAS MAKING TONIC PFPS AND MY DOCUMENT WAS LITERALLY CALLED LIKE yn & atsumu and for some reason all of my friends wanted to COME UP FROM BEHIND ME AND HUG ME!! OR LOOK AT MY SCREEN!! and i was just 😃😃😃 but i have no shame so oh well

THE ORIGINAL SHORT STORY SOUNDS GOOD!! ESP IF IT ALMOST MADE YOUR FRIEND CRY?? 😭 I HOPE YOU'RE DOING ALRIGHT THOUGH <3 AND I LOVE HEARING YOU TALK!! PLEASE TALK AS MUCH AS YOU WANT I WILL READ EVERYTHING YOU TELL ME <33

I'M SO SO GLAD YOU'RE EXCITED FOR TONICS!! I AM TOO <333 I'M SLOWLY PLANNING IT OUT LIKE ONE CHAPTER AT A TIME AND I'M LITERALLY SHAKING WITH EXCITEMENT OMG OMG OMG <33

THANK U LINA!!! I WOULD LOVE FOR U TO BE MY HITMAN <33 I MAY NEED ONE JUST TO GET THRU SCHOOL BC MY HALLS FR ARE SCARY SOMETIMES YK?? like too many scary girls who look me up and down in their little crop tops and shorts and nike air forces and are like "why are u wearing pants in the summer" BC I CAN?? AND I DON'T LIKE SHOWING THAT MUCH SKIN THANK U?? (sorry this probably makes no sense i think my brain has short circuited today </33) BUT I'M DOING ALR!!! i'm stressed about my theatre duties starting up very very soon 😭😭 but i'll let u know how that goes once they start!!! I HOPE YOU'RE DOING WELL TODAY!!! AND EAT SOMETHING GOOD <33

[todayisafridaynight]

SO! I've wanted to talk about The Clip all day but felt like I should wait until the tumblr "premiere" (even though I think you were literally one of the first people to see it on Twitter lol). Thank you for defending my honor btw even if I am just Someone <3

But. Yes. Yeah. Yokoyama's absolute certainty in saying that??? Without anything to even buffer it? No maybe. No "don't expect too much." Just point-blank in front of a huge fan (whom I believe he's now going to be working with), a staff member, and a massive audience. As if that part isn't the matter of contention. I WILL be injecting those words directly into my veins for some time.

I was on the verge of choking and/or spewing blood and/or crying before posting it though lol, so I really appreciate the vote of confidence regarding the translation and I love your redraw! The reception as a whole has been really nice, although I wish people would keep it to themselves if they'd rather have Nishiki or Ryuji back or whatever. Not like it's a race, but even if it was, Mine's been in last place for ages lol.

And while I enjoy Y3's writing more than most, Mine's death wasn't some Grand Meaningful Statement, it was the decision of a fledgling studio that never knew if it would be able to keep making these games trying to tell a self-contained story. It did have far-reaching consequences for the series, but those consequences are also... not really relevant anymore?

Like, I can and have argued that Mine's death caused the fall of the Tojo Clan, but the clan has already fallen. So I don't see why some people are acting like revisiting his character would be A Spit In The Face to the saga somehow, but I guess I've never really been against characters being brought back...? A quote from the staff that's always stuck with me from the staff is that RGG is always going for RGG-ism, not realism.

Ranting aside... I honestly don't know if I should be saying this, but there's this new guy working the counter at Survive in some LaD8 behind the scenes footage. Now, upfront, I'm 99.8% sure it's not Mine (I happen to have a 100% accuracy rate so far identifying major RGG characters from extremely blurry images and silhouettes lmao), and I have no idea who it is, whether it's a new character or an old one heavily redesigned or Just Some Guy.

But he's not Kashiwagi. And he happens to have slicked-back dark brown hair with what appears to be an ahoge in some angles. And, unless the materials are temporary, he also dresses A Lot Like the celebrity Mine's design was based on. And his features... line up closely enough to piss me off, even though they don't fully match in the end, which is why I don't think it's him.

I'm in argumentative essay mode 100% of the time which is why I'm saying this in a "convincing" tone despite literally not believing it myself, but like... wouldn't that be something? To just have Mine part-timing at Survive or whatever and no one makes a big deal of it because they don't know any better? If nothing else, I really do think he should get The Bartender Treatment.

I dunno, I might post about it with a comparison tomorrow because it's been on my mind lately, especially with The News, but I really don't want people to get the wrong idea either. Or embarrass myself if it was too tenuous of a link to look that deeply into from the start lol

I remember seeing it two minutes after you posted it, so I can imagine I was one of the first to the scene of the crime (so my friends put it LMAO). AND OF COURSE I- and a lot of us- can't be any more grateful for all the work you do than we already are. I'd go insane trying to document and manage everything you do! especially when you have insane people like me ready to pounce on the smallest thing like I know I'd cry FJLKAJ The least I can do is give a proper title/credit to you when I can o7

If Yokoyama had any remaining hesitance about Mine being alive, then he REALLY would have fumbled by sounding so certain. Like in his old tweet, he certainly sounded more ambiguous, but this time he really had no extra notes and sounded more sure of himself. I won't expect RGG to do anything with Mine, but the concept is still very much exciting and the idea that Yokoyama almost seems earnest about the idea of bringing Mine back for whatever reason is very nice to know :] And thank you about enjoying the art I did! I can't lie in the slightest, since the last ask where you alluded to posting the clip, I had that drawing saved in the back of my head ready to make once you had that posted LMAO

But oohh not to touch drama since I generally try to Not touch it, but yeah I can't act like I haven't seen some people be. ""Interesting"" about the idea of Mine being alive. I won't dive too deep into it, but I think my major issue with the few grievances I've seen is that RGG hasn't done anything with Mine's alive status. As of right now, it's just a thing Yokoyama said, so I don't understand the need to be so angry about it (it's especially weird to say Ryuji hasn't been back when he not only got to be a playable protagonist in Dead Souls, but he was also the protagonist of RGGO- though I suppose I can understand wanting him in the mainline series again. Still, it's weird to act as though Mine's back any more than he is and being upset about it just because Yokoyama said he was alive)...

Moving on though, I'm really curious as to this 'mystery figure' you mean. I've been missing out on LaD8 production material, so I haven't seen this bit myself but I'd love to take a stab at it and analyze myself too. I agree though: if Mine does come back- whether he's working at Survive or anywhere else- I would greatly prefer if he had The Bartender status and was just never really called attention to and only existed in the background

[milyonline]

life update #whydoesschoolexist

I feel like I come on here when my life is in shambles and I'm stressin abt smthn. This problem that im stressing about is what uni i wanna transfer to in the fall. I'll get fake names for these uni so i dont give my location 😅

my original uni i thought i was going: pink uni

this new uni I wanna tranfer too since jan of this year: green uni

anyways so pink uni was the uni i decided on when i started community college and i needed to find a uni to transfer to stat, and when my sophomore year started i needed to start the transfer process. There was a deadline in December that i missed due to a missed document that i put in a request to be sent but never was and couldnt due much besides emailing. anyways when i missed that deadline i was under the assumption that i no longer could go to that uni in the fall. so during that missed deadline to jan 25, i looked into green uni cuz they started sending me emails about tranfering over there. I looked cuz i thought i had no school to go to in the fall and i needed one so my dad wouldnt be uspet at cuz, a uni is still a uni that will get me a degree and thats all that matters. Yesterday a representative for green uni came to my community campus and i went up and talked to them about the transfer process there and if im not too late to do so, I wasnt cuz their deadlines are feb. 15, but they said if i missed it i can still enroll for classes cuz they have open enrollment and they dont close till a week before the 1st day of classes. That night i received an email from a professer i met on tour for the pink uni back in the fall, and they said that i can still apply for the uni and go in the fall. BUT my mind already grieved the fact i wasn't going to pink uni anymore and i started getting excited to attend green uni. Now that i got that email im conficted and what to do and which uni to go to...

is this what the female lead feels when having to choose between to males to be her lover. example being the summer i turned pretty...

anyways ill update you when i made the decision cuz i gotta make it by tonight (deadline i put myself) so i can make deadlines by feb 15 if i choose green uni or make the music auditions of the pink uni that start feb 20.

im majoring in music education btw

anyways heres the song of the day/week:

dont question it, I only have happy memories while listening to this song/ watching the movie, and I need it to feel happy or keep myself in a good mood to see the bright side. I feel sad but i dont want to feel sad all the time yk?

life was easy back than when this came out, i miss it ✋🏻😔

have a good day ya'll

hopfully better than mine 😀👍🏻

[goddamnitlopori]

I've been getting updates when my friend gets modmail. The reason the lioness gets a pass is because she is wearing a necklace and has anthro breasts. That's literally it. (Great picture btw, sorry you're getting dragged into this) Mine has no anthro details and the wrong person might see it and get ideas etc

Adding anthro touches would ruin it! Realism is the point! Every detail is designed to convey a particular vibe and set of emotions.

While my intention wasn't to make "furry porn", if someone sees the image and finds it hot that's ok, flattering even! There's room for interpretation. Mods mention the fact the comic is in the context of a sex positive document, as a reason it could embolden zoophiles or something. I don't care! Why wouldn't my comic fit into a sex positive context anyway? It depicts sex, the tone is indeed positive. Quite simple really.

r/TherianAdult mod wants to work for Lockheed Martin and blow up kids but god forbid u see an ape bagina.

[youjustwaitsunshine]

c]:'/

[reinemichele]

Here’s a long long summary but if you want a TLDR summary of my surgery, with no graphic pics or anything, click here

I'll try not to make this Too too long but also this Was a very big deal, smth I've wanted since I was 10, so I do deserve to go on and on about it. None of you are obligated to read it all!

Soooo, surgery! My periods have been making me miserable since I started getting them at 10. I’ve tried a lot of things, at least 10 different oral birth controls, the nexplanon arm implant (supposed to stop your periods for 2 yrs, it stopped mine for six months) My last tweak to what I was doing to help was in March 2021, and it made my symptoms Worse, so I was going to schedule an appointment with my gynecologist anyway.

But I found out what an endometrial ablation is. (There aren't any graphic images in that link). Basically, it has a 99% chance of stopping periods and sterilizes you by burning off your endometrial lining, while less invasive than a hysterectomy. I've wanted a hysterectomy Literally since I was 11 because of how debilitating my periods were, so I was honestly really frustrated to only now hear about this, because it's really difficult to convince a doctor to give someone younger than like, 40 a hysterectomy. So I scheduled an appointment for my gynecologist for Oct 14th.

On that day I was really nervous and honestly close to tears because I was afraid he'd say no. But he was honestly so receptive to the idea of the ablation that I was like, "Wait, is a hysterectomy on the table too? Because I'd much rather that than an ablation if I can choose between both."

He said he was hesitant to perform a hysterectomy on someone as young as I am, but that with all of the documented things I've tried to help my periods and nothing working, he was up for it. Can I be annoying? Reader, I CRIED. Not in his office because I have a Thing about crying in public, but at home I cried out of happiness like 3 separate times.

My insurance accepted it by October 28th (I'm on state insurance so it was paid in full) and it as scheduled for November 15th. I had to have a vaginal ultrasound (which really really hurt btw but like whatever, no more uterus. The tech was sweet & apologetic about it.) & provide urine + blood samples and then present a negative covid test by November 9th. I was honestly really anxious about this even though I literally never leave my house outside of grocery trips, and I was completely asymptomatic. They said they'd call if my test came positive but I ended up calling them after the 24 hour mark to confirm that it was a negative. It was negative and they told me not to worry, that they'd take good care of me. I was told I'd have to stay in the hospital for a minimum of 4 days, which I wasn’t happy about but I couldn't really complain bc it was like, abdominal surgery. It would be ridiculous to try to leave the hospital a day after my stomach muscle getting cut into.

I wasn't scared at all but my mom was and... basically had like a very intense week-long panic attack. I felt bad for worrying her but I legit did need it done for my health. My doctor doesn't do laparoscopic hysterectomies and only does the surgery transvaginally if the uterus has prolapsed, because otherwise it's too difficult to see. I was fine with that, I honestly wanted a cool scar to represent my chronic pain finally ending, but my mom really really did not like the idea of me getting cut open. I understood, that's just the instinct of a mother. But we both really like my doctor and didn't want anyone else to perform the surgery on me. He actually delivered a bunch of my mom's friend's babies and then their children too, so he has a wonderful reputation and I was completely comfortable with him cutting me open.

That's the context of getting the surgery scheduled and what not, I made a summary of my stay in the hospital here. There’s no graphic pics in there! Just 2 selfies. I was only allowed 1 visitor per day so my brother couldn't come, but visiting hours were 10AM to 8PM so my mom drove 4 hours roundtrip to the hospital every day to see me. Basically, everything went fine and I was actually able to go home on day 3, Nov 17th. For my follow-up appointment on Dec 1st I got my doctor a card and bought a potted lilac for the entire staff.

Again, that was the only time I left my house after my surgery so either my local grocery store or my gyno office was where I got covid. My symptoms started on Dec 12th, my brother on the 17th, and my mom on Dec 20th. I cancelled my 6 week follow up appointment on Dec 28th to be safe and it's now scheduled for Jan 18th. I don't think I'm contagious anymore but I have a rapid test scheduled for the 16th bc I absolutely do not want to spread it to anyone who might be pregnant or the staff who interact with pregnant folk. My symptoms were just a little nausea, diarrhea, severe congestion headache, fatigue, and muscle aches, but my mom and brother got severe vomiting, fevers, and the respiratory symptoms. We're all vaccinated so I'm not really sure why their symptoms were worse than mine, my brother is 34 and my mom is 59 so their age and health issues must've played a part.

Either way, I was miserable for a solid 2 weeks and then I was taking care of them, making soup, administering zofran (anti-nausea), ibuprofen, cough medicine, making curbside pick-up orders for groceries, etc. I felt guilty that they had covid because of me but I didn't mind taking care of them; I'm the youngest so they've taken care of me many times and I'd always want to return that love and devotion.

My brother started recovering around Jan 2nd, but my mom still wasn't really recovering so she scheduled an appointment with a doctor she knows through work for a telephone appointment, and he prescribed an antibiotic and steroid, plus an inhaler. He also was like "Omg you should've told me sooner, I'm sorry you've been so miserable this whole time :(  Call me any time on any day and I'll pick up!" which was very sweet. She's starting to feel better now but she's still really fatigued and basically had her first full meal since Dec 20th on Jan 8th.

I tried my absolute best to get some food in her, yogurt toast protein drinks bananas ice cream bars soup mashed potatoes etc etc, but she would vomit it back up every time. She coughed so hard she had a muscle spasm in her back, which to be fair usually happens every time she gets sick like this. Once she popped a rib out of place. Like I said, I did my absolute best to prevent things from getting worse, and thankfully none of us had trouble breathing so we didn't need hospitalization. (It kinda goes without saying but I would absolutely die if I couldn't see my mom for months bc she was in the hospital for covid, or if I was in the hospital and she couldn't visit me.)

So... that was awful. And now I maybe have a sinus infection. But I no longer have a uterus! My beloathed organ is gone! I was wanting my ovaries to be taken too but my doctor was really against it. I wanted them gone bc I was concerned I'd still have intense emotional mood swings & migraines, but honestly I'm more mentally stable than I have EVER been and have only had 3 migraines since Nov 17th. So I think they're a non-issue now but I still think of them with resentment for providing my uterus with the eggs.

Anywho, my last ever period was October 5th 2021. I suppressed my cycle with birth control until my surgery (which didn't alleviate my symptoms, for me it was always worse if I took continuous birth control & my body felt worse to not have a period once a month, but I just didn't want to have another period . I was running low on pads and didn't want to buy more). I'm obviously like, not magically all the way better, but it's so wonderful to not have cramps every single day. For the first time since I was TEN I'm not having menstrual pain.

I've thought and thought about the idea of having kids, and even younger than 10 I was pretty sure I didn't want to. My family is full of a lot of fucked up people who I'll never speak to again, who made my childhood hell, and there are a lot of things in my genetics that would get passed down, like being predisposed to severe mental illness and addiction, not to mention these periods. On my mom and dad's side of the family PMDD and endometriosis is very prevalent; I have a cousin who had a hysterectomy at 21. I have a great-aunt whose periods were so bad that her doctor tried radiation (?) on her uterus bc he didn't know what else to try. Which left her sterilized, obviously. I could never, ever forgive myself if I had a baby and that child grew up to be in the same amount of menstrual pain. When I was 10, I would think about that and cry. I'd hold my stomach and cry at the thought of raising a kid and seeing them in as much pain as I was. It was hard to think about those things at such a young age, but it was necessary for me to do it.

And by the time that I was around 12 or 13, the idea of never having children stopped being painful. I made peace with it. A lot of people tried the "you'll change your mind" song and dance, and I would just smile and let them talk at me. No one was going to change my mind. I decided that if I ever started dating I would tell people upfront that I would never have biological children, and if that was a deal-breaker they needed to find a different partner. I still haven't attempted dating lmao, but that tween decision I made still stands, I'd be transparent from the get-go if I was ever in that situation. If I had a partner who wanted to adopt, that would be okay because it's not the "motherhood" I have an issue with, it's my genetics being passed on. But a lot of people want specifically biological children. So, anyone who was considering me as a partner needed to know that right away.

So, that's what I told my doctor. I also told him I'm a lesbian so if I were ever pregnant it would be due to rape, and that I have nightmares about being pregnant. That paired with my chronic period issues that haven't been solved by anything I tried before convinced him. And I'm so very very grateful, he truly changed my life for the better. Obviously between healing from the surgery, having covid, and getting sick again, I haven't been feeling well per se but I definitely feel the effects of no longer menstruating already. I can't even put it into words how amazing my body feels, not having my uterus causing constant pain anymore.

Hiiii besties. Long time no see. This will probably become a readmore later but uh TLDR I had surgery & then I got cov/id at my 2 week follow-up appointment (lit the only time I left my house between Nov 17-Dec 12th, the day my symptoms started.) Then I took care of my mom and brother who had like a week delay in symptoms so when I started feeling better they were feeling Bad.  And now I have a sinus infection 😭. All of us are vaxxed our immune systems just suck (& my mom and brother have some health conditions that made it worse, but that's neither here nor there.) We're all fine now. And that aside I've gotten into suc/cession and sh/adow & b/one so, sorry. As usual, you're all always free to unfollow me whenever.

I'll rebonk this tomorrow with more info but yeah hopefully I can post again soon 💀🤙🏻