#the archer expansion
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a four part archer pumpkin comic!! wow!
#bucketsfa#buckets ocs#archer buckets#stuffing#weight gain#butt expansion#stuffing comic#weight gain comic#mage buckets#merc buckets
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me, hyped up about Star Trek Enterprise again after finishing my beloved season 3: I wonder if there are any posts about it on tumblr *searches*
me, twenty minutes later, closing the results: ah. I see. it has suffered from fandomification, where fans threw out canon and replaced it with fanon. one hundred and thirty seven polls asking "what was your first/favorite star trek" and it is at the bottom of every one. this between 14million other posts about every other star trek series. some funny memes thrown in for ~flavor~. great. wonderful. I'll just go back into my happy little corner with my parents who unironically enjoy the show with me then.
#star trek enterprise#I don't know what I expected#I mean I didn't really expect anything I was shocked and excited to see posts... at first#now I'm just sorry I asked#for the purpose of answering every poll I came across: star trek enterprise WAS my first exposure to star trek#and yeah it imprinted on me a little#I was definitely in a space era after watching battlestar galactica (1978)#and I loved it#I still unironically love it#not a single post I saw talked about how amazing season 3 is I must fix that#if I have to see one more post talking about how captain archer is an idiot I will go insane#people can be smart and intuitive and still make stupid decisions sometimes without being 'himbos' internet#the man managed to befriend at least 47 different species of alien INCLUDING establishing an alliance#with the aliens who wanted to DESTROY EARTH#Idk maybe I'm just relating to the show on a subconscious level now#because I'm an adult who has been thrown into situations over her head and been forced to use intuition#because no one trained me or guided me#AND THAT'S LITERALLY THE WHOLE POINT OF STAR TREK ENTERPRISE#IT'S HUMANITY'S FIRST TIME IN SPACE AND THEY HAVE HAD NO TRAINING#OF COURSE THEY'RE GONNA MAKE MISTAKES#'star trek enterprise is funny and stupid uwu' THEY HAD TO STOP THE XINDI DEATH STAR SHUT UP#THEY SURVIVED THE EXPANSE THAT THE *KLINGONS* WERE AFRAID OF#HHHHHHHHHHHH#ugggggggh okay I'm getting worked up I should stop
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gege saying in an interview that he was inspired by nasu for the worldbuilding for jjk and now looking at some story choices and some parts of characters just clicks now plus he's real for his favorite being lancer. now here's an unrelated picture of gen urobuchi
#do yall think he was RUSHING to get junichi suwabe to voice sukuna bc of archer#or losing his shit when jouji nakata (kirei) was voicing naobito#some gj traits just fucking click even more knowing he probably really knows gil#but ik he never played fgo tho bc if we're being real he would have saw arjuna and made kamo so much sicker js#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#fate series#kinoko nasu#man ppl only told me he was asked to draw lancer for their 15th anniversary not that he likes fate this changed stuff#but also where's your saber character gege huh where is she plus more of the other girlies#watch he draws the shirtless lancer look 💀#he also said he took inspiration from fate zero so that's when the picture is here#*took some inspiration#also knew domain expansions would just be reality marbles
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I've been re-cutting the decals for my car over the last six months, and since it's supposed to hit 108F (42 ish?) for the next few days I decided to get up early while it's below 90 and scrape the old ones off, clean the windshield and apply the recuts.
Each of these are hand cut using an xacto knife, each color is cut separately. Then the different vinyls are all lined up and put on the same backing before the transfer tape is laid over it for application.
#hand cut vinyl decal#lemniscate graphics#personal work#unsc infinity#thomas lasky#gordon malloy#the orville#egon spengler#ghost busters#jack oneill#stargate sg1#jonathan archer#star trek enterprise#sluga naroda#slava ukraini bitches#battletech#the expanse#remember the cant#tlok#bolin
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Art fight is COMING, so I'm posting refs here too
Starting with Splatoon 🫶
#poyos art#ocs#splatoon 3#splatoon#splatoon 2#octo expansion#oc: “archer”#oc: cancri#artfight#artfight 2024#team stardust
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Archer and Trip talking about how they appreciate T'Pol and will miss her.... 👀🫣
#Sounds like tripolcher to me#Trip tucker#Jonathan archer#T'pol#Tripolcher#Ent#Malachite liveblogging tv#S2E26 the expanse
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Josephus Miller & @biblichor’s OC Clotho Archer — final colour version.
#i sailed the ship but she created a wonderful character#for an au where someone actually appreciates Miller dammit#my art#oc art#biblichor#joe miller#clotho archer#the expanse
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I did say “last episode of ‘doolallymagpie pours his thoughts on the new episode of The Expanse out’ for now” back when Babylon’s Ashes aired, didn’t I?
Thoughts on Archer’s Paradox, The Expanse: A Telltale Series, Episode One below the cut
First things first, amazing, beautiful, very fun, and my best pals’ first major impression of The Expanse, so that’s fun
Drummer feels in-character and yet still younger and unfinished, she’s not yet the hard-edged badass we know, but the foundation’s there
They didn’t even try to make Cox’s betrayal a twist
Gameplay was pretty solid
Entering that ship was pretty grim, I’m surprised they went there
I’m very intrigued by this MK Drive business and this pirate queen
Seems I was pretty close to most people’s choices, but I picked a few different ones, of which I’m quite proud
I’m 95% sure Maya’s going to be a potential love interest and it’ll end badly
SPACE COX! SPACE HIM! Entirely for the number of times he said “skinnies” while pleading for his life
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tried out picrew. don't ask how a Bajoran ended up in NX-01 era Starfleet. they don't know either.
#they're pretty sure it had something to do with the prophets#they've been here for months though#they feel like the orb experience should've ended by now#t'pol found them in decon while the ship was in the expanse#no one has figured out how they ended up in decon or on the ship at all but the enterprise has a mission so they just gave them a job#they were a code breaker for the resistance which sounds cool but was kind of an office job. mostly finding patterns in data.#archer decided that sounded like a good enough reason as any for hoshi to have an intern now#i should name this oc so i have a tag. idk#star trek oc#enterprise oc#idk name suggestions welcome
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is this not the sickest shit known to man?
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explicit sexual content; fem! reader MDNI
"gods, you're such an asshole, you know that?"
your swearing doesn't deter luke one bit. he chuckles a little under his breath, not even questioning if you mean your words because he's so sure you don't.
he readjusts his grip a little, trailing his hand further down to massage your clothed clit with his thumb and while keeping his other four fingers sprawled out across the expanse of your stomach.
with his other hand, he continues pumping his cock.
"it's not my fault you lost a bet. maybe you should get better luck. or better aim."
the start of your reply is cut short by luke taking his touch a little further down, running the pad of his thumb up and down the bundle of nerves right under your clit before taking it back up.
"you–ngh..."
he raises his eyebrows tauntingly, waiting for you to gather the strength to continue.
"you cheated."
he rolls his eyes. you'd been accusing luke of cheating in your one on one archery competition earlier, a stint that came about whenever you boldly claimed to have been a better archer than luke. either that wasn't true, or you were having an off day, because the two of you were engaging in luke's end of the deal.
you'd been upset about it, pouting and complaining while you took your shorts off and spread your legs to show your grey cotton panties. but as soon as luke began to touch you, even though it was above your underwear, you didn't seem all too upset.
your mouth wouldn't stop, though.
"not cheating, angel. just better than you."
you make a noise of frustration, one luke recognizes well, and he knows you would've said something back if he hadn't taken the tip of his cock and rubbed it along your slit. that instantly has you going dumb, lips parting with a satisfied sigh.
luke's attitude melts away too . he'd been setting the parameters, and not giving you his cock was apart of you losing the bet. but he'd been neglected.
in no time he has the corner of your panties lifted and his cock slipped inside. your saliva that he'd added to his fist earlier, his precum, and the arousal coating your cunt all mixes to work well enough as lubrication, providing a nice slick to allow him to slide his cock between your cunt and your panties.
you're back to complaining, begging him to just stick it in. he's not budging, focusing on getting himself closer and closer to an orgasm all while darkening the front of your underwear to a deep grey. you're writhing around, searching for more friction, trying to get luke to nudge against your clit.
he simply holds you down with one hand on your hip, the other paying the attention needed to get himself to an orgasm.
and when it comes, his head hands and he digs his fingernails into your side, letting your unsatisfied whimpers coax him through it. he fucks into your underwear a couple more times, but ultimately decides to pull out and leave his cum behind instead.
he pats the area, using his middle and pointer finger to glide his cum further down your cunt, all while ignoring the sounds you're making.
his cock is stuffed back into his boxers, he has his cargos back on, and then he's sliding your shorts back over your ass and even going as far as to buckle them back up.
he kisses your cheek then your forehead, telling you to "remember to wear them for the rest of the night", only grinning in your face whenever you call him an asshole once more. just for good measure.
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Filthy - Luffy
Summary: Luffy's changed a lot in the past two years. Reader is a Straw Hat who is an archer and has spent the past two years training on Amazon Lily with the Kuja Pirates. Text below the cut.
Pairing: Monkey D. Luffy x Afab!Reader
Genre: smut
CW: oral sex (reader receiving), dirty talk, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, a little bit of a silly ending
Word Count: 2,110
———
Undaunted by the dark of night, you followed the smoke on the horizon to your captain’s camp. You felt eyes on your person the entire way, but by now, you felt confident nothing would attack you. After all, your captain had tamed the entire island, from every hulking beast to each little mouse. And when you had stepped foot on it for the first time in almost two years a month ago, he had tamed you, too, had sucked all that Kuja Pirate independence out of you and fucked an addiction to his sex right into you.
Despite the chilly night, your cheeks flushed with warmth. They only grew hotter as you reached your destination, your heart racing in your chest.
You lingered at the tree line for a moment, your bow in one hand, a large platter of freshly made dorayaki in the other, watching your captain as he laid in front of the blazing fire he’d made, the flames casting a warm glow over his lean figure, illuminating the scar that now stretched the expanse of his chest.
Though his straw hat was over his eyes and he laid perfectly still, you could tell he wasn’t asleep. Not just that, you knew he had sensed you approach, had picked up on your presence the second you landed on the beach. Your time training on Amazon Lily with the Kuja Pirates had made you more agile, more stealthy, than ever, but he picked up on your presence in an instant.
You recalled that first night like it was yesterday. Knowing Rayleigh would be upset if he found out, as would Hancock, but overcome by the desire to see your beloved captain as soon as you heard Rayleigh had returned to Sabaody early, you had snuck out of the village and stolen a small boat. And when you had wandered into the jungle in search of your captain, you had found him. Or rather, you had found someone who looked a bit like him.
Filthy as if he hadn’t bathed in weeks, with stubble on his cheeks- something you’d never seen on Luffy’s face before, and a sort of animalistic gleam in his eye, you had been unsettled.
Then, you had been aroused, the two of you sizing each other up like strangers.
You didn’t know how long it took- a few minutes, maybe just a couple of seconds- for him to have you pinned against a tree with his face between your legs, lapping at your folds like he’d been wandering the desert for months and you were the only thing he had to drink. Once he had his fill, he’d pinned you to the jungle floor and rutted into you like a wild beast. And you had begged him for more, cumming more times than you could count.
The happy go lucky kid you had met was still in there, somewhere, but he’d been forced to make room for a man, a man with a voracious appetite and sexual prowess, a man with rough hands but a soft tongue, a man whose fearsome reputation was known the world over, a man you would risk absolutely anything to be tangled naked with.
“You’re late,” he said in that gruff voice of his, a little raspy, a little husky. And so much deeper than you recalled.
You stepped into the firelight and stood over him, willing your heart to stop fluttering in your chest. “I wasn’t aware we had an appointment, Captain.”
“You always get here just after sunset.”
“It’s only been four weeks since I started coming,” you told him, setting the platter of dorayaki down on a log; you knew Luffy could hunt and cook his own meat, but you also knew he was hopeless at baking, a problem for someone with a sweet tooth like his. And though you knew he needed to train, not be spoiled, you just couldn’t help yourself.
“Only four weeks, huh? Could’ve sworn it’s been longer.” Finally, he sat up, his straw hat falling back off his head and hanging from his neck, a bit thicker than it had been two years ago. His black hair was a complete mess, sticking up in all directions, and while you used to think it made him look like a little boy, you now saw him as a disheveled man who was too busy fighting to worry about his appearance. The muscle he had put on certainly helped, his once-lanky limbs now corded with it, his scarred abdomen thick with it. “I guess I’ve gotten used to having you.”
Having. Luffy never would have used that language in the past.
You tried to swallow the lump in your throat. Just when you got it down, a hand wrapped around your leg, just above your knee. A gasp spilled from your lips at the feel of his calloused palm against your bare skin.
“Missed you,” he muttered, rubbing his cheek against your bare thigh. You had taken to wearing fewer clothes while on Amazon Lily, and that was the first thing he had clocked when you appeared on his little island. The second thing he had noticed was your chest. Had you been hiding your breasts this whole time, or had he simply not noticed? Nearly two years mostly alone in the jungle had opened his eyes to many things, including that he had not been indulging in all that life had to offer, particularly not life as a pirate captain with a beautiful woman on his crew.
“I missed you too, Luffy,” you muttered. You looked down at him and pulled your bottom lip into your mouth. You’d spent the entire journey with a dull ache between your legs that, if you were being honest, had begun building the moment you sailed away last time, but now that you were with him, now that you felt him touching you, you wondered how you had waited a full week to come crawling back.
“Come ‘ere.”
You put up no resistance as he laid back down, bringing you with him. You knew exactly what he wanted, knew exactly how starved he was for the sensitive folds between your legs.
Luffy’s mouth had started watering the second he sensed your presence. He didn’t think twice about pulling you onto the ground with him and pushing your legs apart. The only thing that gave him pause were the panties you wore, an annoying piece of fabric he was convinced you wore just to inconvenience him.
“Why?” He wanted to ask, but the words were stuck in his throat. He didn’t have time to waste on questions. He was hungry.
He ripped your panties with ease. He thought he heard you gasp; you might have even complained. He barely heard, his ears ringing. The only thing that mattered was the sight of your pussy right in front of him, already leaking cream, glistening with his dessert. After a long week of hard training, he thought, this was exactly what he needed.
“That’s my girl,” he said in a low voice. “Nice and ready.” He grabbed your thighs and pulled you down, burying his face in your needy cunt and inhaling the scent. Some sort of low sound, either a growl or a groan, spilled from his lips.
He lapped at your wet folds, your flavor exploding on his tongue. His efforts earned him more of that wonderful wetness, and the taste of it only made him greedier. He thumbed your clit to draw more out of you and pushed his tongue into your tight little hole, eager to feel you clench around it as you came.
He was vaguely aware of you gasping and saying his name, but he was more focused on the growing bulge between his legs, the rock hard erection that he had every intention of burying inside you- no condom, no protection, not a single layer between you as you fucked like wild animals in the jungle.
He pulled his tongue out of your cunt long enough to say, “Take your clothes off.”
You obliged, pulling your top off and tossing it aside. The chilly air made sure your nipples were nice and erect. You tweaked them as your captain shoved his tongue back into your hole, his thumb still tormenting your clit. It wasn’t a moment later that your first orgasm came over you, a pleasure that had you collapsing forward.
Luffy tightened his grip on your thighs to keep your cunt on his face.
“Sweet pussy,” he muttered, licking up all that cream. “Gonna cum again.”
“Luffy.” You screwed your eyes shut, jarred by the overstimulation.
He didn’t relent, humming in contentment as you gave him more and more sweet liquid to drink up, clenched harder and harder around his greedy tongue. He held you in place despite your body jerking around, and the result was another orgasm. He lapped at your cunt a few more times, savoring the way you bucked your hips against his face.
Luffy’s appetite hadn’t been sated, not in the slightest, but he had no choice but to stop. His balls were aching between his legs, his cock rock hard and in desperate need of you. The way you clenched around his tongue was the way you’d clench around his cock, and he couldn’t hold himself back anymore.
He supposed he could always lick your cunt some more after he fucked you. And then he could fuck you again, if he so desired. You had the entire night.
With that in mind, he pushed you off his face, only to pin you under him, wrapping his strong arms around you and holding you beneath him.
You struggled a little, but it was more out of habit than anything else, unaccustomed to being mounted, particularly not by your captain. But the way he wound his arms around you and pinned you beneath his body made your cunt ache. You needed to feel him inside you, needed to feel that delicious stretch, needed to feel full.
Luffy nuzzled his cheek against yours, relishing the softness of your skin. He placed a few warm kisses against your cheek, and another few in the crook of your neck.
“I’ve got so much cum in these balls,” he groaned. “You’re gonna take all of it. Can you do that for me? Can you take all my cum?”
Pressing your lips together to keep the bottom one from quivering, you nodded your head with a sniffle.
“Need to hear you say it, babe.” He reached between your bodies and undid the zipper of his shorts, pulling out his veiny cock. He pressed it into your ass, exhilarated by the sensation of your soft skin and supple flesh against his erection. He rutted against you a few times, unable to stop himself.
You took a few breaths to find your voice. “I can do it. I can take all of it.”
“That’s my girl.”
God, when did Luffy get like this? You thought you were going to explode. And then, to make matters worse, he pushed the head of his cock into you.
“Oh, fuck.” Tears pricked at your eyes.
“You said you could take it,” he told you, pushing deeper inside you.
You cried out.
“Are you crying?” He gathered a fistful of your hair in his hand and pulled your head back. “After you promised you could take it?”
“It’s just so good.”
“I know it is.” With that, he bottomed out inside you.
You barely had time to grow accustomed to the feel of his cock inside you before he began thrusting into you, dragging his hips against your ass and pounding your weepy little cunt like he owned it. And he did own it.
The lewd clapping sound filtered through the forest, drowning out the crackle of the fire. Your moans followed as Luffy reached beneath you to pinch one of your nipples, his other hand finding your clit and thumbing it.
The feeling of his warm balls slapping against you only made it worse. Soon enough, you felt yourself clenching around him, and it was that clench that drew Luffy’s orgasm out of him.
“Oh, it’s coming. I’m cumming. Fuck.” He grunted and groaned, snapping his his against yours as he pumped you full of hot cum, thrusting a few more times for good measure to be sure it was nice and deep inside you.
“Don’t worry,” he said, pressing a warm kiss into your cheek, covered in dirty and tears. “There’s more where that came from.” With that, he hopped to his feet, a smile stretching across his face. “You brought me dorayaki? Thanks!”
———
Hope you enjoyed it! If you want more, you can check out my masterlist here!
#one piece#one piece smut#luffy smut#one piece luffy#straw hat luffy#monkey d. luffy#luffy#luffy x reader#luffy x reader smut#straw hat pirates
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One with the Wind! | Looking into the Wind, Piercer of Darkness Update Teaser for CRK
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We begin with a familiar silhouette going into what is presumably one of the many pipes that the Cookie Laboratory has. It looks like Wind Archer Cookie made due on his promise WAY BACK in the Sherbet story where he’d investigate Beast Yeast.
The hallway and this shot only confirm that this at least around the same area as the Laboratory. Just how expansive is this place?
And there they are. The big money shot of the teaser with the Beast Cookies’ presumed essence. You may notice in Eternal Sugar’s image that a certain beast is missing…
Just what exactly is the meaning behind this shot here? Is it draining or flowing into this cookie? Is this the creation of the Perfect Cookie? Is the Perfect Cookie the one that will wreak havoc on the laws of nature that Millennial Tree Cookie talked about?
The Giant Enemy Cake Witch has appeared. This is the 4th time we’ve fought this thing.
Wind Archer is not ugly here, don’t be so mean. There’s also some Beast imagery to the right, with their own glowing eyes. Oddly, Shadow Milk’s isn’t glowing despite not being free like Mystic Flour.
I know this is not the update preview, but there was so much significant stuff in this teaser for the update, I had to talk about it.
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#brittle speaks#cookie run#cr kingdom#cookie run kingdom#crk#crk update#wind archer cookie#beast cookies
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the archer | lorenzo berkshire x reader
song; the archer [taylor swift] pairing; lorenzo berkshire x fem!non-slytherin!reader genre; s2l, comedy, fluff word count; 5,8k timeline; half-blood prince warnings; swearing, alcohol, drunkenness, suggestive comments, blood and injury (bc of his cat) summary; lorenzo's cat hates everybody but you
masterlist
"who could ever leave me, darling? but who could stay?"
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Lorenzo Berkshire had no idea why his cat was such a hateful being, but she had always been that way, ever since she was a kitten. He would have understood if she had been a rescue from the streets or something, but, alas, she wasn't. She had always been feisty, and only docile with him, which was why his aunt (who owned the mother) had just sent her his way. Not that he minded, he often joked how his cat, who he had fondly named Midnight, was just like him: very selective with who he let close to him.
He had brought her with him to Hogwarts, naturally, and she had secluded herself exclusively within his dorm room— she hated being at the castle, but he knew that she would hate being at home without him even more. And, when he had graduated into sixth year, he had been blessed with his own dorm room, allowing her to finally settle down.
Only, the current problem was that she was missing. Lorenzo had returned from Saturday breakfast in hopes of a bit of downtime with his feline friend, but he instead found a frown forming on his face as he frantically searched his entire bedroom and then down the corridors and all the other Slytherin dormitories. She was definitely gone, he realised, beginning to feel an itching sense of worry as he loved that cat more than anything. Why would she have left? Did the privacy of a solitary bedroom meant she finally felt comfortable enough to explore the rest of the castle? He didn't know, and it didn't matter, he just knew that he had to find her.
"Have you seen Midnight?" he asked, hurrying up to Mattheo in the common room.
"No."
"She's missing."
"She's a cat, she's probably just wandering," his friend shrugged, "They do that, y'know."
"Not Midnight," he ran his hand through his hair, "Never Midnight."
Mattheo observed his friend carefully, "Relax, mate, she'll come back."
"I can't relax," he cursed under his breath, "I'm going to look for her."
What if she attacked someone who tried to pet her? Dumbledore might ban Midnight from the castle and send her home. Or, even worse, she would get put down. He couldn't bear that thought, but after searching all the rooms down in the dungeons, he quickly realised that he had no idea where to look from there.
***
Meanwhile, you had been enjoying a perfectly pleasant afternoon in the courtyard with a book, the last rays of Summer shining down on you before the chilliness of Autumn struck. You went to turn the page, when you noticed a commotion going on across the expanse of flagstones. With furrowed eyebrows, you let curiosity get the better of you and shut your book.
Upon arriving at the scene, you quickly realised that the centre of attention was a pitch-black cat who was hissing ferociously. Some second year boys were tormenting the poor thing who was clearly terrified— reaching their hands out to get a reaction, and then pulling away before it could swipe them with its claws.
"What are you doing?" you asked disapprovingly, normally willing to let younger years have their mischievous fun, but not at the expense of a poor innocent animal.
"It attacked Gareth out of nowhere," one of the boys gestured towards his friend, who was nursing a bleeding arm, "We're just getting our revenge."
You shook your head, "I can't allow that, I'm afraid, it's obviously terrified."
Crouching down, you placed your book on the floor and delicately held a hand out a safe distance from the cat. You made cooing noises to attract it over, hoping that it wouldn't see you as a threat.
"I wouldn't do that," the boy who had been scratched said, "A seventh year girl tried already, and now she's in the hospital wing."
"I'm not scared of a little blood," you replied, before saying to the cat, "I'm not gonna hurt you, baby, I'll get you away from these scary boys, yeah?"
Maybe it sensed your gentle nature, or maybe you simply seemed like the lesser evil next to the boys, but it ceased its hissing and started cautiously padding towards you. Eventually, its soft face rubbed against your palm, and you began soft pets until you could feel purring.
"There we are, you're safe," you murmured, delicately positioning yourself to pick it up, hoping it wouldn't freak out too much. Thankfully, it didn't, and settled into one of your arms as you picked up your book and stood up. "Your owner is probably looking for you."
A soft mewl came in response. You decided that it would be easier for the owner to find their cat if you stayed in the same place, so you returned to your reading spot and sat the cat down on your lap. It curled up instantly, closing its eyes as it entered a light slumber, while you reopened your book and continued where you left off.
***
Rumours spread like wildfire within the walls of Hogwarts, so it wasn't long before Lorenzo heard that a girl had been attacked so badly by a cat that she had ended up in the hospital wing. He immediately sprinted in that direction, ignoring scoldings from teachers and prefects, until he burst into the polished white room.
"Whatever do you think you're doing, young man?" Madam Pomfrey snapped.
"The girl. Cat attack," he panted out, "Where is she?"
The nurse pointed towards the end bed of the ward, "Just there— although I must ask you to-"
Lorenzo didn't listen to the rest of her words, running over to the girl's bed. She had a bandage on her cheek and right arm, and she didn't seem all that pleased.
"What colour was the cat?" he asked quickly.
The girl frowned, "I'm guessing that beast is yours then."
He nodded.
She rolled her eyes, "Black. You ought to get it put down."
Lorenzo let out a sound that bordered on a growl.
"It scratched me so deep it hit an important artery. There was blood everywhere— my favourite shirt is ruined."
"I don't care," he bit off, "Where did it happen?"
She scowled at him, "The courtyard. Go deal with it before someone else gets hurt."
He didn't even give her a response before he was running off again, praying to all the Hogwarts founders that Midnight was still in the courtyard and completely unharmed.
***
Approximately twenty minutes had passed by with the adorable feline curled up in your lap when the sound of a door bursting open echoed throughout the courtyard. You watched as an angry Lorenzo Berkshire, a Slytherin boy in your year, made a beeline towards the group of second year boys that were still gathered. He must have seen the blood on one of the boys' arms, because he went to him first. You observed curiously as Berkshire spoke angrily, and then the evidently now scared boy pointed in your direction.
Berkshire looked over, and then his eyes locked on to yours. He was storming over to you with a fury that could destroy nations.
You raised an eyebrow at him, "Can I help you?"
He didn't reply, the anger not leaving his face, but he seemed to be contemplating something.
"Hello? Berkshire?"
"That can't be her," you heard him mutter. At the sound of his voice, the cat perked up, and instantly meowed at him. "It is you," he said disbelievingly.
"Your cat, I presume?"
"Uh, yeah," he said, holding out his hand to beckon it over.
"What's its name?" you realised that this was the first conversation that you were having with the boy despite sharing classes for over five years.
"Midnight," he said, his voice sounding oddly strained, "She's called Midnight."
You smiled, scratching her neck in a way that made her mewl. "It's very fitting."
Lorenzo stared at you interacting with his cat, having never before seen Midnight so friendly with anyone except him. "She hates people," he said without thinking.
You hummed, "Yeah, I heard about the girl in the hospital wing."
He grimaced.
"She's quite sweet with me though."
"I've never seen her like that with anyone but me."
"Guess I'm special," you beamed, continuing to stroke Midnight.
"Uh, can I have her back now?" he asked, seeming almost unsure of himself. While Lorenzo was generally considered one of the nicer Slytherin boys, he still held himself with a terrifying confidence, and didn't have a completely scot-free track record either— refer to his behaviour when it comes to his cat going missing. However, now, stood before you as said cat had elected you as the second likeable person she had met, the confidence had been knocked out of him.
"Oh, of course," you said easily, picking Midnight up and handing her over. "Bye, cutie," you cooed, as the black cat reluctantly accepted her fate in Lorenzo's arms.
"Thanks," he said stiffly, turning on his heel and walking away. You couldn't help but watch his behaviour with an air of amusement.
***
"Fuckin' Azkaban," Lorenzo cursed, so loudly that Mattheo popped his head through the door.
"What are you shouting about?"
"Midnight's missing. Again."
Mattheo chuckled, "Maybe that girl who took a liking to your cat took her."
Lorenzo looked at him disbelievingly, "I highly doubt that. L/N isn't the type to sneak into another house."
With a shrug, his friend fully entered the room. "I'd say maybe don't freak out as much this time. We lost a lot of points for you being a dick to that girl in the hospital."
Lorenzo scowled, "You're one to talk. You've lost ten times as many points as me."
"Do you want to go look for her? It's almost curfew."
"I have to. Can't have another hospital case."
"Put a tracking charm on her when you find her."
Lorenzo agreed that it was a good idea.
***
Whenever there was a cacophony of meows coming from outside a common room door, it was customary to open it. Often times a cat would be returning to its owner, and it wouldn't do to leave it stranded out there. Today was no exception.
You were, as usual, curled up on a sofa doing some homework when you heard faint meows from the other side. Perking your head up, you watched as the boy nearest to the door went to open it, letting in a black cat. It didn't seem like anything strange: you knew a couple black cats who belonged to your house members. Only, they were sweet and friendly, and you watched as the cat tried to scratch the poor boy. Thankfully, he dodged it, and you quickly ran over as you suspected whose cat it might be.
Immediately, it meowed softly at you and went to rub against your legs— and that's when you knew that it was definitely Midnight.
"Get your cat under control," the boy said.
"Oh, she's not mi-" but he had already walked away.
With a sigh, you picked up the feline and moved back to the sofa, knowing that it was just past curfew so you couldn't return her right at that second. Unless she elected to leave herself, she would have to stay with you for the night. Not that you were complaining, but you could only imagine how worried Lorenzo must be. Those thoughts quickly slipped away, however, when she curled up in your lap and began purring.
***
Walking down the darkened corridor with nothing but his wand as light, Lorenzo found his feet leading in one particular direction. He had already checked the Great Hall, and the kitchens, and peeked out the window into the courtyard, but to no avail. Only one more idea of where she might have wandered off to lingered in his mind: he knew what house you were in, and that was where he was headed. He just hoped to Salazar that he wouldn't run into a professor.
"Mr Berkshire."
Fuck.
"Yes, professor?" he said slowly, turning around to face Professor Snape.
"It's past curfew."
"I know, professor."
"How disappointing to see one of my own Slytherins disregarding the rules of Hogwarts."
"It's my cat," he said, hoping Snape would show some amount of heart, "She's missing."
Snape quirked an eyebrow, "Cats are prone to wandering. This is hardly a cause for concern."
"Yes, but not Midnight."
"Regardless of the nature of your cat, do you really think you will find her considering the size of this castle?"
Lorenzo said nothing.
"I understand she was responsible for the attack the other day. However, that is hardly a risk as it is night time, when students should be in bed," he drawled the last part, his arms firmly crossed.
"Yes, professor."
"Five points from Slytherin." Lorenzo knew the punishment would have been harsher if he wasn't of the house he was.
"I know where she is, though."
"How is she considered missing, then?"
Lorenzo didn't have an answer for that.
"If you know where she is, you will have no trouble finding her in the morning. I will escort you back to the dungeons."
The boy let out a sigh.
***
Having not slept a wink that night, Lorenzo was up bright and early just after sunrise, ready to resume his journey to your house. He walked up to where he had heard that the door was— having never seen it in person— and thought about how he was going to enter. To his luck, it swung open, to reveal a prefect from your house. She immediately gave him a sceptical look.
"What do you want, Berkshire?"
"I need to see L/N."
"At this hour?" she sighed.
"She has my cat. I think."
"The black one?"
He nodded.
"Okay, fine— you can go in," she said, stepping out the way, "But don't tell anyone I let you in."
"Of course, thank you."
Mattheo had always told him that she was one of the softer prefects, having had a lot of experience with them on his late night antics.
He entered the common room to find that it was empty, and he didn't waste anytime heading up the girls' dormitory stairs. Thankfully, the layout was quite simple: each year had their own floor, and it went upwards chronologically. The first few floors had rooms that were shared, but when he reached the sixth floor, he found a number of doors that seemed to align with the number of sixth year girls in your house.
Only, which one was yours? He couldn't very well walk in on an unsuspecting sleeping girl: Salazar knows how she would react.
So, he decided to knock on the first door, waiting patiently as he heard a groggy, "What?" in response. He felt a little bad for waking someone up, but Midnight was more important to him than anything.
"Uh, which room is L/N's?"
"Berkshire?" the voice replied. He was surprised at how calm she seemed to be taking the news that a Slytherin boy had invaded the girls' dormitories.
"Uh, yes."
"Last room on the left. Your cat is fine."
He concluded that you must be friends with her, and informed her that the cat you were in possession of belonged to him.
"Thank you," he said, adding a, "Sorry for waking you," to which he heard no response.
Choosing to leave her be, he made his way to your room and once again knocked. Only, this time, he didn't get a response. He knocked again, and he still received no human response, but he did hear a familiar meow sound out. Praying that you would forgive him, he opened the door and peeked in carefully, to see that you were curled up within your pillows with Midnight lying down beside your head.
He entered the room fully and quietly closed the door behind him. His cat meowed again, louder this time, which caused you to stir in your sleep. When your eyes finally peeled open and caught sight of Lorenzo through your blurry vision, you jumped out of bed.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" you whisper-yelled.
"My cat," he said simply.
"Is perfectly safe and healthy as you can see— that's no reason to break into girls' dormitories!"
Once again, Lorenzo found himself speechless. All you were wearing was a skimpy pair of shorts and a cropped top which had your nipples peeking through. Not much was left to the imagination.
"Berkshire! What if I'd been naked?"
That's when a smirk crept on to his face, as he felt his usual level of confidence oozing through his veins. "What if, hm?"
"Keep it in your pants," you grumbled, grabbing a jumper from the floor and pulling it over your head. You tried to ignore the way his gaze made you feel.
He shrugged, changing the subject, "I had to make sure Midnight was safe."
"Well, you clearly knew where she was."
He couldn't argue that point, causing an awkward silence to fall upon the room. Awkward until he involuntarily let out a yawn.
"That's what you get for being up so early," you mumbled, climbing back into your bed and under the sheets. Midnight immediately began cosying up to you.
"I couldn't sleep."
You regarded him carefully: it was strange to see a Slytherin boy so evidently worried about another living being.
"Here she is, then," you said, gesturing towards the feline, "Take her and go sleep before people see you were here."
"Embarrassed of me?" he chuckled, moving to pick up Midnight.
"I'd rather not get called a slut," you snapped.
He didn't reply to that comment, wrapping his hands around his cat who did not take kindly to the action: not that she tried to scratch him or anything, but she immediately wriggled out of his arms to return to you.
"Midnight, you're my cat, you can't stay here," he grumbled, trying to pick her up again. You watched the scene play out through half-shut eyes, feeling quite amused by the whole ordeal.
Once again, she escaped his grasp.
"This is unbelievable."
"What? Unbelievable that she likes me so much?" you chuckled sleepily.
Lorenzo scowled, "I'm not leaving until she comes with me."
You sighed, realising that you may not be able to escape any slut rumours at this rate. "Fine. But I'm going back to sleep."
Lorenzo watched as your breathing became slower and more laboured, unable to process the absurdity of the situation that he was in. However, he could process how peaceful and adorable you looked while sleeping, all while his furry feline cuddled up next to you with deep purrs. Eventually, he felt his lack of sleep catch up to him, his body finally allowing itself to relax now that he knew Midnight was definitely safe and sound. He sat down on your bed, reaching his hand out to stroke his cat. She mewled at the action, making him feel relieved that she hadn't started to hate him all of a sudden.
"Am I not enough for you, hm?" he murmured softly, sitting up against the headboard. His head began to lull back as he felt sleep overcome him.
***
You woke up properly at around nine o'clock, safe in the knowledge that you didn't have a lesson until eleven that day. With a soft yawn and a stretch of your limbs, you only remembered the events of earlier when you rolled over to see a sleeping Lorenzo slouched against your headboard, and Midnight sprawled across his lap.
Merlin, your usually mundane and repetitive life had really taken a turn. Unfortunately, despite the insanity of everything he had done, you didn't have the heart to wake him. You couldn't help but think that you would have done the same if Midnight was your cat. Plus, Lorenzo was very physically attractive— you knew that, everyone knew that. Yet, it was your bed that he was asleep on.
Sighing, you sat up, reaching over to scratch Midnight's head affectionally, causing her to wake up and start stretching. The action made Lorenzo stir in his sleep, and once his cat let out a soft mewl, he finally woke up fully. Immediately, you quirked an eyebrow at him, and he looked like a deer caught in headlights.
"Comfortable?"
He grumbled, "No."
You chuckled softly, "Your friends will be wondering where you are."
The proximity between the two of you was quite close: you were sat cross-legged with a mere inch between your limbs. It didn't feel strange, though, in fact it felt quite natural.
"Anyway," you tried to ignore the closeness, "As much as this has been fun, you can't come in here every time Midnight does."
"Why not?"
"I told you earlier. I don't need people making assumptions about me."
His eyes met yours, and you felt your stomach flip. "What if we made the assumptions true?"
You froze, then relaxed, "You don't mean that."
He shrugged.
***
Despite your hopes and dreams, people saw Lorenzo Berkshire leaving your dormitory, and the rumours spread throughout Hogwarts at a rapid speed. And, of course, as he was one of the Slytherin boys who were notorious for sleeping around— albeit less so than the others— you had been dubbed as his next conquest. It was a nuisance, but you weren't insecure, and knew that it would pass before long.
"If you didn't fuck, why was he in your dorm?" Iris, your friend from another house, asked. You were sat at a table in the library together, doing homework. Well, you were doing homework, Iris was borderline interrogating you instead.
"I had his cat," you replied simply.
"You stole his cat?"
You rolled your eyes, "No, Iris, his cat came to me."
"Isn't his cat the really vicious one who hates everyone?"
You hummed absent-mindedly, running your finger down the contents page of a book you were using for your essay.
"Why did it go to you then?"
"She likes me," you murmured, finding the page that you wanted and turning to it.
"That doesn't explain why he was in your dorm so long though."
"No, it doesn't."
Iris huffed, clearly irritated that you were giving her little to no information. You loved her dearly, but she was a bit of a gossip. Suddenly, she gasped. "Are you courting?"
"Who even uses that word anymore?" you scrunched up your nose, "And, no, we're not." Although, you couldn't help but think back to his suggestive comments.
"I don't believe you."
"Believe what you want to believe."
"You're no fun," she pouted.
"Meow."
You looked down to your side in surprise, to see that the familiar black feline was stood by your chair with her tail raised indignantly. "Speak of the devil," you muttered, leaning down to pick her up.
"Midnight!" you heard a yell as the library doors swung upon. You watched as Lorenzo was quickly shushed by the librarian. He apologised to her whilst scanning the room, soon spotting you with his cat sat on your lap. He hurried over.
"You need to stop freaking out whenever she goes wandering," you chastised when he was within a few feet of your table.
He scoffed, "You try not to freak out when you have an incredibly hostile cat who could be banned from Hogwarts."
"I think I do, in a way," you raised Midnight up into the air above you, examining her carefully.
"She's still my cat."
"Relax," you said, "I was just joking."
He glared at you, but there was no real threat in it.
"At least this means you get to see me so much," you grinned cheekily, making him shake his head with a sigh.
"How unfortunate for me."
"Wow, that hurts, Lorenzo." Since when did you feel like you could call him by his first name?"
"Well, Y/N, sorry for not enjoying running like a madman after my little terror."
"Then start thinking of it as running like a madman straight towards me."
He seemed surprised at that comment, and went silent for a few moments. These few moments were when Iris decided to cut in, having been observing silently until then.
"Seems like flirting to me."
You scowled at her.
"I'm just saying, would it not make sense to date the one other person who your cat likes?" she said this more towards Lorenzo than you.
He stared blankly at your friend, a finger on his right hand twitching ever so slightly. You didn't know what to make of that reaction, but decided that you wanted to learn more about what Lorenzo's body language said.
"Can I have my cat back?" he finally spoke.
"Can I please just keep her for a little bit?" you pleaded, "I can't have a cat because my mum's allergic."
Lorenzo surveyed you carefully: your half-hearted attempt at puppy dog eyes and the way Midnight nuzzled her head into your chest. He felt a pang of jealousy: strange and twisting. Weirdly, he didn't think he felt that envious of his cat's affections for you, so he didn't know why he felt jealous. A flashback of the skimpy pyjamas you had been wearing the other night crossed through his mind.
Shit.
"Yeah, uh, sure," he said all too quickly, "Only an hour though."
You hadn't expected him to agree so easily. Nonetheless, you beamed, and said, "Thank you, Enzo."
Enzo. He only let his friends use that nickname. Scratch that: he generally only tolerated when his friends used that nickname. But from you, it sounded sweet, and soft. He knew that he was a more civil and selfless person than the rest of the Slytherin boys, but he doubted many people would go as far as to say his name with such gentleness.
Gulping, he turned and walked away without another word.
***
A little over an hour later, you found Lorenzo in the Great Hall with his friends. They appeared to be enjoying a late lunch, as the tables were sparsely populated and only a few dishes remained. Just the sight of food made your stomach grumble, so you made your way over to him with Midnight curled up in your arms.
"Hello," you smiled, standing next to Lorenzo.
"Hi," he replied, before cooing at his cat who mewled happily.
Your stomach grumbled again, louder this time, and you shrugged sheepishly. "Haven't eaten yet."
"Then eat," Mattheo Riddle said from across the table, gesturing to the food.
You handed the cat over to her owner, and questioned, "Here?" You had never sat at the Slytherin table before.
Riddle shrugged, "Why not?"
You couldn't argue with that, and took a seat beside Lorenzo, dishing food on to your plate in a hurry.
"Where's Arachwood?" Enzo asked, referring to Iris.
"Got distracted by the boy she likes."
"Who does she like?" Riddle asked, clearly a lover of gossip and rumours— much like Iris.
You quirked an eyebrow, "Why should I divulge my friend's secrets?"
"She doesn't seem to have much regard for yours," Lorenzo piped in.
"Yeah, she does run her mouth a bit, but she's my friend," you scooped a large mouthful on to your fork, "I just take care not to tell her my most personal secrets." You then finally allowed yourself to taste the mouth-watering nourishment.
"So? Who does she like?" Riddle asked.
You stared at him incredulously as your mouth was full.
"I think the bigger question is who does L/N like," Theodore Nott added, smirking as he watched the eyes of you and Enzo widen.
Swallowing your food, you turned the topic back to Iris, "She likes Boot."
"Terry Boot?" Riddle clarified, and you nodded.
"I'm only saying that because she makes no effort to keep it private."
"But what about you?" Nott pushed again.
You paused, as in truth, you hadn't really fancied anyone for a while— that was, until, you remembered how gorgeous Lorenzo had looked sleeping on your bed. You felt your face burn.
"No one," you murmured, but your tone was anything but believable. You scooped more food into your mouth so you couldn't answer any further questions, but none were asked.
"We're having a party tonight," Riddle said, "You should come."
You were unable to reply as you chewed.
"It's really just Slytherins," he continued, "But we're all allowed a plus one. You can be Enzo's."
Cautiously, you looked at Lorenzo to gauge his reaction to that suggestion, but he didn't seem to have one as he mindlessly stroked Midnight.
"Yeah, if you want," he said, clearing his throat.
Finally, you swallowed, "That sounds fun. Should I bring alcohol?"
"I would recommend it," Riddle replied.
You were a mix of nervous and excited.
***
When you arrived at the Slytherin dungeons that evening, you were greeted by two fourth years at the door who seemed to be taking the job of security guard very seriously.
"Name?" one of them asked.
"Y/N L/N."
"And who are you here with?"
"Lorenzo Berkshire."
One of them wandered off into the party as the other turned to you, "We just have to validate this. Standard procedure."
You suppressed a giggle.
Not too long later, the other fourth year returned with Lorenzo by his side. With a nod to his friend, you were beckoned in and went over to Enzo.
"Very formal," you finally let out the giggle as the two of you began walking into the main party.
He shrugged, "Riddle insists on it. Salazar knows why."
You gazed around the Slytherin common room, taking in the green and black decor that you had never had the chance to lay eyes on before. There was music playing quite loudly, but you hadn't been able to hear it from outside— likely thanks to a sound-proofing charm.
"Have you started drinking yet?" he asked you.
"I had one while I was getting ready, you?"
"I've had a couple," he shrugged, stopping in his tracks for a few moments to properly look at you, "You look very pretty."
A blush crept on to your cheeks, "Thank you."
You could have sworn a small smirk graced his lips.
"L/N! You made it," the booming voice of Riddle thundered from nearby, and you turned to see him approaching with a bottle in his hand.
"Yeah," you chuckled, "Don't know how I'm gonna make it back without getting caught though."
"Just stay in Enzo's room," he said, clearly already too drunk to think over his words.
Before you could respond to his statement, he had spotted someone else and hurried over to them.
"You can if you want," Lorenzo said quietly, "I've crashed your room before."
You chuckled at the strangely fond memory, "Scared the shit out of me."
He grimaced, "Sorry about that."
"It's okay, just give me a little more warning next time."
"Next time?" he repeated, a suggestive lilt to his tone.
"Where's Midnight?" you changed the subject.
"Up in my room, probably."
You hummed, "Right, I need to get more alcohol in me." And with that comment, you wandered off, not wanting Lorenzo to feel like you were following him around like a lost puppy��� despite how much you had realised you wanted to be around him. It was a strange realisation: it was the first time a crush had snuck up on you rather than you more or less picking someone you found attractive to fancy.
And with that thought lingering, you poured yourself a shot, downed it, and then made a mixed drink to join the party with.
***
The increasing amount of alcohol danced through your bloodstream as the night went on and you found yourself dancing with some Slytherin girls, and having a full blown debate with a Ravenclaw guy who was there with his Slytherin girlfriend. You were having a lot of fun, but you found your drunken self wanting to go search for Lorenzo. So, you did just that, scanning the large room for any sight of him. Finally, your eyes locked on to the familiar tuft of brown hair sat on a sofa, with his friends all sat around him.
You walked over, somewhat clumsily, and immediately beamed widely, "Hi, Enzo," you said.
His gaze flicked to you and a small smile crept on to his face, "How are you doing?"
"I missed you," you said without thinking, sitting down next to him and bringing your legs up on to the sofa to curl into his side. His arm was spread out, resting behind you on the back of the settee.
"Did you?" he chuckled, taking a sip of his drink, which he held in his other hand.
You nodded, "Did you miss me? Wait, don't answer that."
His lips stretched into a full grin, "I might have missed you."
You narrowed your eyes at him, "Don't play with my feelings, Berkshire. I know you're not as much of a player as the others, but I'm still suspicious."
"Never," he said, leaning closer to you so he could say in a husky quiet voice, "Call me Berkshire."
You raised an eyebrow, "Don't think I won't leave if you show signs of leading me on." How had this turned into a full blown confession? Wasn't it a bit premature for that?
"Who could ever leave me, darling?" The alcohol had clearly inflated his already radiant confidence.
"But who could stay?" you whispered in his ear, before stumbling to your feet, only to feel his hand grasp around your wrist. You turned back, to see that he was looking at you with his mouth folded in a thin line.
"You could," he eventually muttered, "Midnight would miss you too much."
"Just Midnight?" you teased, finding that your drunkenness was filling you with reckless abandon.
He sighed, "I would, too."
You grinned, sitting back down next to him.
"Do you want to go to Hogsmeade next weekend?" he asked.
"I thought you'd never ask."
And, when you woke up the next morning cuddled up with Lorenzo and Midnight in his bed, you smiled despite your pounding headache— and slight urge to throw up. Scratch that: huge urge to throw up. But when you stumbled to the bathroom, waking up Lorenzo in the process, he followed you and held back your hair, talking you through it.
It was peculiar, really, how everything was still so new, but you didn't feel the least bit embarrassed about him seeing you in such an ugly state.
—————————————————
masterlist
written; 26/04/2024 —> 09/05/2024 published; 12/05/2024 edited; —/—/——
#harry potter#hp oneshot#hp#hp fanfic#harry potter oneshot#harry potter fanfic#fluff#comedy#lorenzo berkshire#lorenzo berkshire x reader#lorenzo berkshire x you#lorenzo berkshire x y/n#slytherin boys#feminine pronouns#strangers to lovers#half blood prince#cat#swearing#fluff and humor#lorenzo berkshire oneshot#lorenzo berkshire fic
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HI, CAN I TELL YOU ABOUT THE AKKALA CITADEL?????
Yes? Wonderful. Come, friend, have a seat. I have...a lot to say lol
Eight years later and I am STILL not over how absolutely genius this fortress is, like are you kidding me????? Everything from location to design to its inside defenses is just *chef's kiss* PHENOMINAL, and so because I have no filter, I am going to barf all my thoughts I've had on it in the past many many years.
Before we begin, shoutout to the WONDERFUL video by Zeltik that touches on this a bit and gave me a wonderful basis for my brainrot in the first place. Definitely go and watch it it's fabulous NOW! Let's get into the madness shall we? First let's talk about the location cos OHHHH MY GOSH. This was, hands down, THE best place they could have possibly put a fortress of this magnitude in Hyrule and I am going to tell you why. First of all, allllllll along the northern and northwestern border of Hyrule, there's those massive canyons
Passing over that in a way that would be effective military-wise is kind of impossible, so it provides a natural defense from invaders from those directions.
If you were to come from the South, you would hit the Gerudo desert and not only have to face the might of the Gerudo military, but also cross this EXPANSIVE, scorching desert before you can even make it to Hyrule field, and by that time, the royal leader could have very easily sent an army to intercept anyone trying to attack, so that's right out.
Which leaves coming from the Faron region next which is okay??? I guess??? but that's a LOT of swamp and forest you have to cross through, AND you go right past the Great Plateau where any army would have been seen and intercepted eventually. This takes us closer to the eastern coast of Hyrule, and you would be hard pressed to try and travel through Necluda, cos just l o o k at all these mountains you'd have to cross:
Horrible. And you probably don't want to go through Zora's Domain cos that's yet another heavily fortified and well prepared city in and of itself (please ask me about this one too I beg of you I love talking about Zora's Domain)
Any military leader with a brain isn't going to go through Death Mountain for obvious reasons, so really, all that leaves is this tiiiiiinnnyyy vulnerable spot in Akkala
And where did they put the citadel??? Right at the heart of that vulnerable spot >:D Like a boss.
AND SO! if invaders came in from that coastline, they have three options: They can take the path through the Akkala Highlands, they can go through the Torin Wetlands and up to the pass it connects to, or they can take the trail up to the Sokkala Bridges. All of these are TERRIBLE OPTIONS Akkala Highlands path: If they come up this way at the start
this will work allll the way until they get about here:
once they get here though, you are now not only bottlenecking an entire army meant to invade a kingdom (so probably roughly 1,000-1,300 people), but you're also directly under the shadow of the Akkala Citadel. There are archers there to fire on you, and they had a canon post on that side to potentially fire either at the incoming soldiers or fire at the opposite canyon wall to rain debris and rocks on them.
TERRIBLE for the other army.
And even if some did manage to survive, it would be painfully easy for the infantry at Akkala Citadel to send foot soldiers down below to cut them off.
SO THERE GOES THAT OPTION (and admittedly, I think it's probably the worst of the three)
Next option is to go through the Torin Wetlands and up into that same pass by the Citadel
this is ALSO a bad idea because the Torin Wetlands are a DELIGHTFUL tactical advantage for Hyrule. Once you get to that pass, you have the same problems as option one, but now you first have to pass through this wide marshland to get there. This will immediately slow down your army, and if that wasn't bad enough it's also in clear freakin view of the citadel and so they would be able to send their entire militia of archers and potentially even cannoneers to fire on the advancing army and take a bunch of them out before they could even make it to that pass.
So a smart general may say the best option is to go around the long way.
now this eliminates the pass and also slowing down at the marsh, and you could even make it almost all the way to the citadel without hardly any losses probably BUT! The first hurdle is those bridges. Wonderful for Hyrule, terrible for the opposing army. The three Sokkala bridges are SMALL, even smaller than the pass an army would have to go through with the other two options. This military leader would basically have to send their soldiers single file unless they have a way to expand the bridges to make them wider (which, admittedly, could be possible with a bit of foresight, but for now for simplicity's sake let's just assume they didn't think that far ahead).
This brings in an EXTREMELY slowly advancing army right to the heart of the Akkala Citadel's battery.
There are three locations with canons we see in BOTW that cover pretty much the entire open area the opposing army would come in on. And when you look at the amount of space each post covered
There is not a SINGLE spot in that valley a cannoneer couldn't easily reach. And, of course they would continue to have archers to pick off individual soldiers as well.
And if SOMEHOW
BY SOME MIRACLE
enough soldiers make it through that hell to be enough of a problem, there are plenty more soldiers in the citadel to cut them off as they come up the hill AND IF THAT'S NOT ENOUGH! there was this:
by the time we get to botw, it has been destroyed, but that is ANOTHER smaller stronghold that was probably pretty well manned in and of itself.
AND WHAT'S MORE
There's even this long cliff road with very little room to operate, so it would be extremely easy for the citadel to send over some soldiers to post up there and cut off anyone who tried to make it past. And with so little room to operate, it would not go well.
Ain't NOTHING getting past the Akkala Citadel, guys.
And that isn't even touching on the fact that the whole thing is build of solid stone??? And carved into a mountain??? The entire reason it fell in the first place was because the Guardians had enough of fire power to destroy the citadel that they had never seen before (also they could climb walls but that's a side note). This implies that no one in Hyrule or the neighbouring kingdoms had even CLOSE to that level of destructive power, so to try and raze it to the ground would have been impossible.
AND!! it was the most heavily fortified fortress in Hyrule second to the castle itself, and to most likely their military personnel would have been equal too, if not slightly more than even Hyrule Castle. That's A LOT of people!! With most likely endless support and resources from the castle and villages nearby as well.
It was placed geniously, it had impenetrable defense, it had a potentially endless supply of resources and people to use said resources, it was just
argjfbdkjgbks You guys don't understand how much I THINK about this place aghhhhhhhhhh
#akkala#akkala citadel#rant post#loz botw#breath of the wild#botw lore#legend of zelda: breath of the wild#legend of zelda#Nico's Zelda Location Analysis
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