#thats called unrealized gender dysphoria

[demonic-alex]

hi again. This is the anon who asked about Coursera post (from this ask demonic-alex tumblr com/post/657974068685996032/hi-again-anon-who-asked-about-coursera-here )

So, could you please share the points you disagree about? 

I personally have to admit, that as hilarious as it sounds, I’m glad I got the definitions of gender identity and gender roles here on tumblr first with a grain of brain sex xD otherwise, if I took the course without this, I’d get really confused about this. Also, as much as I appreciate them talking a lot about stereotypes, double standards, society playing a big and not always good role in all that (I think some people really need to hear of that like 200 times in a row), I think it would be better if they talked more about what it means to be transgender, what the phrase “Innate feeling of a gender” means. Like... they talk a lot about all the stereotypically male/female traits not actually being a characteristic of a certain gender, and that’s great, but I guess I’d like a more specific explanation of what gender dysphoria is and why transitioning is important to transgender people. Otherwise, I’m sorry, maybe I’m dumb, but for me it’s nowhere near obvious what “feeling like a man/woman” means, and it’s easier to imagine it along the lines  “Feeling like a man means being logical, able to make decisions, calm, having masculine interests and liking to dress like a man” (tbh I’ve heard a lot like this...), and I just would assume the same, and would logically think that transgender people are just uncomfortable with stereotypes and transitioning is, indeed, enforcing gender stereotypes, a form of conversion therapy for gay/lesbian people, kids and teens especially, etc. Ehh. I hope that wasn’t rude or insensitive, my apologies if something was. 

So to answer your confusion of what "feeling a gender" and dysphoria are. Dysphoria is a kinda pain or distress that comes from having a body that doesn't match up with what the brain expects. So if I was to say I "feel like a man" I'd really mean that I experience the least pain and discomfort from having a male (or as close as I can get to it) body, over having a female body. Although many trans people do conform to gender roles thats not really necessary for gender identity.

The reason that transitioning is so important isn't to be able to conform to gender roles more or anything like that, but rather to relieve the pain and distress of having body parts our brains just don't expect and can't really handle being there. Some trans people have so bad of dysphoria that trying to take a shower can lead to litteral panic attacks and breakdowns, to the point that they'll rarely shower and/or shower in the dark. Dysphoria varies from person to person though, some can make it half way through their life not even noticing all these different ways its limited and hurt their lifes, some can barely make it to being a teen before they find themselves unable to live their life, and everything inbetween. Beyond just having distress and pain as features of dysphoria, its also possible to disassociate as a symptom of it.

My case is actually kinda a combination between distress and disassociation, so I can describe both a bit. For disassociation my worst case of it was were for a week before a trip I knew I would have to go by birthname and birth pronouns I litterally just felt like it was all not real, just me imagining something as if it'll happen. During it it still felt unreall. Afterwords when it was all over and I could go back to my name and pronouns and just being a guy again I stopped dissacociating, but I was pretty distressed over the fact that I just spent over a week feeling like things weren't real, and now that entire experience is in my memory as this almost dream like thing.

For the distress part, its simpiler to explain, being called birth name or pronouns feels wrong (which is partially the disassociation, I don't feel like your talking to me but I see you saying towards me) and is distressing (like being called something you don't like). If not binding dealing with feeling my chest is just distressing, its uncomfortable, I can't get my mind off how much I hate it. and plenty more examples of that.

And as an example of how gender roles really have no connection to whether someone is or isnt trans, I grew up as a tomboy, and in my household thats normal and perfectly fine. If I wasn't distressed with my body I would have lived my entire life perfectly fine just being a masculine girl. I didn't have a problem with the fact that I didn't fit in, I didn't care that I was different, I was fine just being me. The problems I had was that internally even before I realized it I knew I belonged on the boys side, I was distressed because I was constantly having to be placed with the sex I didn't see myself as. And this is even before I realized I'm trans, before I understood my feelings. I knew i was technically female and thus a girl, so I had to go on the girls side, the womens bathroom ect, I just followed it as a rule I knew applied to me.