#thatd imply we're on any terms at all

[imthewokerbaby]

because I'm apparently freed from my shackles after making a new blog I might as well just say all the crap I've been Not Talking about for a while.

My mom and I are Weird. So weird even my relationship-blind sibling noticed and they even pointed it out to me q_q.

Uhg and it's not like I can even blame it entirely on her not being "present" growing up (though, granted, she wasn't but that's besides the point) because she's been available to talk to for years after she finally quit. I just.. don't reach out. And she does the same.

Every time I'm home for breaks she's down the hall. And yet it feels like I'm hiking every time I try and cross that distance.

Maybe it's because she's unintentionally hurt me quite a few times in the past.. but it's my MOM. I should be able to move past that, right? It's bullshit to let that get in the way of actually forming a bond with her.

I hate those damn "relatable" videos about shit moms do. It's such a silly thing to get upset about but it hits me where it hurts. No, she never made me lunch. She didn't teach me how to shower or wash my face and hair. No she didn't drive me to or from school. No she wasn't there.

But FUCK she is NOW god damnit. Just feels impossible. Whateverrrr