#that's the estonian commentator btw

[mantisanarchy]

marko reikop is being really nice and also lowkey v shady and honestly this is so funny and i’m LIVING

[antialiasing]

Elysium Book Review: A Sacred and Terrible Air

Btw there is an English-language review of A Sacred and Terrible Air/Püha ja õudne lohn. I'm gonna put the synopsis of the book under the cut for convenience but this is a link to the review itself. It describes the plot of the book so there are spoilers. The book seems very surreal (much along the lines of Mieville, an author who greatly influenced Kurvitz) and difficult to describe.

If you're unfamiliar with the book, it's a novel written in Estonian by Robert Kurvitz, a founder of ZA/UM. It's set in the world of Elysium. It was published in 2013 and was set to be translated into English in 2020, but this hasn't happened and we have received no updates. It was a commercial failure but a critical success. It describes events that happen 20 years after the events of Disco Elysium.

If u dont want to read the whole thing, the gist is: there are two parallel narratives, one of children looking for their missing classmates, and one of two men conducting an investigation into it 20 years later. While this happens, the Pale begins to overtake everything and time itself begins to become...weird, until the world finally ends, the pale overtaking everything. The reviewer also states that one person returns from the Pale, but doesn't say who, not wanting to spoil it.

Now, for the synopsis:

On the day before the last of the summer break, four daughters of the education minister Ann-Margret Lund disappear on a public beach. A new ship with one thousand five hundred passengers vanishes on its first trip. Three classmates of the missing girls do not stop their search even after twenty years. The world comes to its end, but the hope to find Lund children is still alive.

The book starts slow, with two alternating realities, one of the crime itself, the girls' disappearance, and the second depicting grown-up men who meet again after twenty years to resume an investigation. The parallel lines go hand-in-hand, and there is not much to speculate about. The interesting thing happens when the story strays aside and multiplies to the level of surreal. Differences in time can be one day or one hundred fifty. Space pulsates, expanding to the whole fictional world and then deflating to a single car. Languages - Estonian, Swedish, Russian, Finnish - are shuffled like colors in Rubik's Cube. The stakes rise higher and higher until the slow, yet unstoppable greyness destroys the whole planet.

The central theme of the book is vanishment. Death means vanishment. To vanish means to die. One of the examples is the missing girls. They disappear and stay exceptionally in the minds of their grieving classmates. Nobody cares about them like they never existed. The greyness (similar to the wave in 'Far Rainbow' by Arkady and Boris Strugatsky) is the epitome of vanishment. Everything that it devours dies, if not instantly physically, then mentally.

The book is constructed as an RPG game. In the game, the main character moves, unaware of the upcoming dangers, thus creating a surrounding area map. Yet, in a sense, the map is still unreal, like the contorted figures in the twilight. Like the past and future compared to the right here and right now. The only reality lies in the eyes of the observer.

Communism vs. capitalism, vanishment vs. dizzy reality, and otherworldly Sweden vs. Estonian language. I'd recommend being patient and wait for the English edition. The book is much more than worth reading time.

The review author also left the following as a comment:

It is very likely that my Greyness will be translated as the Pale :) In the book, it dissolves people into protein chains, and nobody, except for one character (no spoilers!) could temporarily return from it. The theme of forgetting is the same, I think :)

[kyrju]

Estonian commentator be like: 'their parents hated them and spat on them and put out cigarettes on their eyes and even their dog hated them, but then they found music...btw betting offices predict them to end up on the last place. oops"

[doolkat]

overall review of eurovision this year? i can tell you hated moldova and switzerland and said maneskin looks like the type of group to do drugs (which is... weird) but other than that what did you actually like

Good question anon! Also wow people really still read my esc posts from may.. huhu bit embrassing looking back at some of my reactions but I was in the moment ahahah. plus they are justified in my eyes pftt

Maybe I expressed myself too strongly on some things so they came off as very negative.Oops well I got a change to clean that all up now.

I didnt hate maneskin tbh I just dont get the hype.

Only one I truely hated was Moldova lmao cuz the song was geniuely so bad it shouldnt been in finale at all.

Switzerland was bad to me cuz of extreme sensory over load and I dont like french language. Idk I guess I dont have romantic ear but I honestly just dont like the language.

Also I enjoyed almost all songs besides the ones u mentioned!

Personal favorite song and unpopular af opinion is that I enjoyed Australias song technicolor. Also I somehow enjoyed Azerbaijan mata hari, idk it was catchy af!

I felt emotinal connection to Australias song and Azerbaijan was just catchy and kinda funny to me. Idk why it reminded me of Floppa lmaoo

Best stage performance with intresting song to me was Ukraine!Really cool visual and dance. SONG SLAPS WITCH ENERGY

Cool movie like performance and touching entry was by Norway to me.

Finland had some good emo rock song imo. I liked it much more than Italy actully maybe I dont like Italy that much cuz Im bitter that Finland didnt get super high place lol.(Im half finnish so I stand by my finnish emo rock boys)

Lithuania my fellow baltics friend did good performance too this year. I enjoyed their funny performance. If u want some thing funny check Germany and Lithuania. Germany seems kinda like troll entry this year. Lithuanias song was good plus it was funny too kinda.

Speaking of funny DENMARK! they didnt do very good but I loved their song and its catchy af and doesnt take itself too seriously plus if u read the lyrics its a NONSENSE. xd

Hosts this year - absolute ass. My least favorite part about esc this year. Nikkitutorials was there.. yeah but I feel like the hosts didnt make any funny comments and I felt like all the songs came on so so fast cuz there werent really any breaks. My ass had Hard time fully focusing on all songs because of that. I think some people can relate to that. I dont know if I didnt understand the jokes but the host imo didnt have any connection with the audience or viewers. Too many of them anyways to me. I missed Jon Olan Sand too.

Visuals and performances-

very cool and OVERWHELMING. I had at least 3 moments where my head hurted a bit. Could be cuz of the visuals itself being so flashy or just how eyes couldnt catch a break cuz the pauses this year were nonexistant or very very short so for my brain and eyes it was hard to progress. Nothing too Crazy happend on stage tho this time. Giant finger and Greece performance.

Greece performance was pretty cool btw. viusally at least. The song imo was alwful. lol

Voting - AS usual with few suprises. Our estonian host told us in begging of esc that fortune tellers say Italy will win.. and then quess what. So that was kinda boring maybe thats also why I cant seem to like their song. I wish the fortune tellers would be wrong sometime or I wouldnt know but our host Marko Reikop literally always tells us who fortune tellers will think will win so yeah. That always comes AS dissapointment if they are right.

Opinion on Italy : Typical rock stars who happen to bisexual so tumblr and other lgbt communities can pump them up but this time the song happens to be good. Thats what I think please dont take this AS offence but the hype is so overrated like yeah their good and HOT but like we get it.I havent seen this much hype over a winner in a while I dont know why they are so different from every other winner. I just feel like some of this is queerbiting.. idk some thing about lgbt community going so Crazy about bisexual performing is Crazy to me. I just dont get it. IT was good song tho ill give them that but not that much better than other songs in contest.

Over all it was good eurovision imo! I dont rember having this much songs that I liked and saved in my playlist in many years.

I liked the songs and performances I feel like lot of them were high quitaly this year with expection of few countries. The crowd was really seemed to enjoy esc and everyone here on tumblr and on esc reaction communities really seemed in the element! Which made me more hyped and excited to watch esc. IT was very enjoyable event to enjoy with other people from all over the world this year and everyone felt connectef after the pandemic! Thats whats best about it this year imo. Every really seemed to. enjoy themselves and I did too. Eurovision is connecting people and everyone was happy to have it back after last year it didnt happen.!

I dont know anon if u wanted me to do review on all the countries performances too. If yes please do let me know. U can be anonmyous. Illl gladly tell and can even make different post about it.

I know my Italy comment probaly is controversial but I just wanted to get it out.

Thanks for the ask! 💓IT was nice reflecting back on esc!!

[ahntravels]

Postmortem.

So, as you all know, I am no longer in Russia. I really hate the fact that I am writing this blog after I have left, after the events of Russia are a memory and I am now immersed in Estonian culture. When you are moving at such a quick speed with your mind having to adapt to different cultures and languages and various variables, etc., it becomes hard to discern one idea from the other. Additionally, yesterday was my birthday, so things are just chaotic, from an existential standpoint. 

What do I mean by that? Well, as Sartre formulated: l'existence précède l'essence. 

Oh Ashley! No! Don’t go there! No worries, I’ll just tip toe there and back quickly...kind of like when you were younger, and you were told not to cross the line and you stuck your toe over the line and then quickly retracted it. Something like that. 

I’ll come back to you, Sartre.

Yesterday was October 17th, a.k.a. my 63rd birthday. The hotel greeted me in the morning with some orange juice and a bottle of bubbly (with a note written on a curious piece of paper that kind of looks like a ransom note):

Alas, there was no time for day drinking. I had trinkets to buy, museums to visit, and dinner to attend. I decided that I was just going to wander and move at my own pace. 

So, first stop was to buy the trinkets. I had a list of demands (written on the palm of my hand/Saul Williams reference) from people who wanted Putin this and Soviet that. So, I spent a few hours sourcing items as best as I could. It was during this exercise that I realized something quite distinctly:

It is true. Russians don’t smile. At first, anyway. 

I remember, about 2 years or so after I moved to NYC, I went back to my hometown of Yuma, Arizona. I was wearing these Frye boots (my favorite pair of boots to date). They are this reddish tan color, and they are really awesome shoes. Anyway, I went to this small local coffee shop and ordered a coffee from the barista, and instead of her turning right away to make my coffee, she stood and started to comment on my shoes. And I was like...uhhh...coffee, please why are you TALKING TO ME COOFFEEEEEEEE and it was then that I realized that I was turning into an asshole New Yorker. 

Well, that is pretty much all Russians. They just look at you, unsmiling, and you kind of feel uncomfortable until you realize that you can do it back and it’s totally fine. I just started to have unsmiling stare-offs with people and eventually we did smile. It was like smile negation, or the 1+1 =1 theory. Actually, the -(1) + -(1) = 1 theory. 

If you are looking for Southern hospitality or have feelings you are desperate to protect, don’t come to Russia.

Oh, the OTHER THING that was slightly annoying was that EVERYONE assumed I was Chinese (when they weren’t assuming I was Russian). This goes to show that there is still only one type of Asian in this world. The worst thing about being categorized as Chinese was that people just started to say “nǐ hǎo” to me. That’s like if you see a black person, you greet them saying, “Yo WASSUP HOMIE G” as if all black people talk like that. That’s part of the reason I just kept my sunglasses on as often as possible; people were thrown off when they couldn’t see my eyes.

So, after buying trinkets, I began my next journey which was to go to the  Fabergé Museum. On the way, I ran into an old theater, and saw that they were also playing that QUEEN biopic (which actually looks awesome):

BTW, GO TO THIS MUSEUM. Again, I won’t spend time posting photos or going into detail because there are websites you can source to find the nice photos. I will say that my mind was blown. I don’t understand the level of detail and artistry artists had back then to create these pieces. 

Look at those opera glasses!!!!

Anyway, I spent a good hour here just looking at all the pieces and the paintings. Definitely a must-go. 

After the museum, I continued my walk and dropped by a bookstore. Most of the books were in Russian, but they had some French/American translations. 

SIDE NOTE: So, I really don’t know what is going on in America, but I read the transcript of an interview Trump gave. At first, I thought this was satire, but realized quickly that it is real. I think I was at a coffee shop and I laughed but then was like...WHAT! I mean, I shouldn’t be surprised, but...

That’s a new one. “It’s California’s fault”. And just like the ghost of Christmas past...

I can’t get away from this guy. It’s like a bad romance.

It was lunch time, so I actually ran into this mall and decided to look around. There was a supermarket in the ground floor, and, as one can imagine, there was a huge smoked fish section:

1633 rubles is like...$24.00 or something. Not sure if that is for the whole fish, but the fish were HUGE. 

For lunch, I went to the food court and they had this buffet where you could choose soups, cold dishes (salads and pickles), warm dishes, and various other foods. I finally tried the borscht (hot soup) and it was tasty.

 There was also pickled cabbage, cabbage patty, fried cabbage and potatoes, and the borscht. After this lunch, I was cabbaged out. 

I wandered around some more, and decided to visit the Oceanarium, because, why not. 

I will say, I did feel sorry for these sea creatures. The best Oceanarium I have been to was the Oceanário  in Lisbon, so I already knew I was going to be disappointed. I kind of got lost when I was trying to navigate the space, and I opened a wrong door and saw this:

It literally looked like a breeding factory for aliens. I was half expecting to see bodies in water tubes being fed radioactive isotopes. It kind of reminds me of Disney World when you see the crack in the seams and are jarringly reminded that everything is fabricated and nothing is real.

That time Usula’s head fell off the Little Mermaid ride

After the Oceanarium, I went back to the hotel to rest up a bit before I went out to dinner. I made these dinner reservations months in advance, and I’m glad I did. When I arrived at the restaurant, they were waiting for me. They had a special menu made for me with wine paring AND brought out a Happy Birthday! dessert.

This is a tomato carpaccio with a green olive sauce, purple basil, and cornbread croutons

Stuffed red pepper with a charred eggplant crust and citrus sauce with chives

Quinoa “fried rice” with a coriander lime dressing

The Happy Birthday dessert - Vanilla bean ice cream with strawberries. 

All of this food + 2 glasses of wine = $40. 

Food prices in general in Russia are pretty cheap compared to America. You can get really good food that is fresh with good service for less than $10. And, it’s all-inclusive. For example, that lunch I had earlier? I also had a drink with that meal and it was $7. No tip, real silverware and bowls, and people bus the table after you leave. A meal at McDonalds or Burger King or Kentucky? $4.00 USD and it’s ALL-INCLUSIVE. You get the burger, the chips, the drink, AND they bus your table. It’s a King’s ransom what they charge us in America.

Last thoughts about Russia: 

1) I’m so glad I came.  2) I want to go back. 3) EVERYTHING is in Russian. If you want to get the full experience, I would learn some Russian (or suggest you learn some Russian) before visiting. Many people don’t speak English, so I suggest getting a translator app if you are going in cold. 4) There are surprisingly a lot of Asians here. (CHINESE, heh heh). No, but really, I saw many ethnic Asians wandering the streets, absent of any tourist groups. 5) The scariest people I have seen here are females with government positions. You know what is colder than ice? Their stares. Their look will literally freeze water.  6) My hotel was fantastic, and I would recommend it.

My time was cut short, but, if I had to sum up my sojourn, it would look like this painting:

So, this painting was in the Faberge museum. I don’t know if you can tell, but the room that this painting is in is actually dark with very little light. Look how bright that sun is!! And the reflection in the water! I’m not sure what kind of paint or how this was painted, but the light against the dark, the sun and the hope against the turbulence and the uncharted unknown was striking to me. 

There is your destiny, there is your path, and then there is your ability to steer the ship. Existence precedes essence. It’s the difference between remaining the same and never being the same. Exploring different cultures and reflecting on oneself is a good way to ensure authenticity and evolution. So, as long as I am able, I’ll continue to traverse and search and seek and learn and grow. 

Боюсь, что мне пора. I’m afraid I should be going. But I’ll return!

Tomorrow, I’ll update you on Tallinn. But, sneak peak!