#that's so much sodium surely it will Fix Me

[tj-crochets]

I have some good news and some less good news: Good news: I think I'm probably going to make the giant cuddly Toothless, I can probably get by Joanns tomorrow during the fleece sale and pick up some black fleece.

Less good news: I am probably not going to be able to finish the quilt today like I'd intended to, my electrolytes apparently got even more out of whack than my normal, because in addition to regular muscle cramps and spasms I got the smooth muscle cramps again! 0/10 do not recommend, they finally stopped but I am so sore (as my doc explained it to me a while ago, smooth muscles are the ones around your organs, and normally you can't feel them at all. If they cramp or spasm very badly, you can feel them and they hurt real bad because you are not used to feeling them. I am not a doctor that's just what he told me) Good news: Sonic is my go-to Maximum Sodium meal so I'm going to have Sonic for lunch and see if that fixes me lol

[phoenix-art-official]

Stan did things to survive he wasn't proud of. Just now, he was using his teeth to break off the locking mechanism of the car trunk he was tied up in. He felt cracks and jolts of pain, and he kept having to swallow blood, and every moment that passed was another that he had to think about everything that had lead him here.

Betrayal, mostly. Cruelty, definitely. Stupidity, sadly.

Stan knew he was stupid. He thought he had wised up over the years, but it turned out he was just as gullible and hopeful as he had ever been. Even now some small part of him was planning on finding the closest payphone as soon as he got out of here, so he could waste a couple of quarters calling a man who he hadn't spoken to in years and who hadn't cared about him in even longer.

He'd made friends on the road. Or he thought so, anyway, but it turned out those "friends" were actually "enemies," and those "girlfriends" and "wives" were also "enemies." Go figure.

His shoulder cracked from where it lay on the floor and he groaned through his teeth. He thought for sure he'd popped the damn thing back in its socket. Oh well. He liked to brag about being able to pick any lock with his hands tied behind his back and blindfolded, but so far that didn't seem to extend to field medicine. Or maybe that was just because he had already wriggled out of the blindfold.

He was maybe panicking a bit. Which was good, he needed the adrenaline. It helped him keep yanking and tugging and cracking against that stupid latch, no matter how often he had to pause because he felt enamel crunch between his jaws instead of metal. That familiar beating in his chest, in his head, in his soul.

Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum.

Sur-vive. Sur-vive. Sur-vive.

Eventually, the trunk popped open. Eventually, a haggard, sweaty man covered in blood wriggled out and flopped onto the sand. Eventually, he pulled his hands down around his feet and in front of himself, popped his shoulder into its socket again, and broke the zip ties around his wrists and ankles. Eventually, he levered himself upright and shivered in the cold Nevada night air, looking at the miles of stars above and desolate nothing below. Eventually, he saw the light pollution down the road and began stumbling towards it.

Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum.

Well, he hadn't died this time. That was good. And what was more, he currently had a grand total of a dirty dress shirt, some jeans, some loafers, a fleece hoodie, and... oh yeah, absolutely fuck-all else. He was also beat to hell, probably concussed, thirsty, hungry, cold, and...

Huh. How did he feel?

The physical, bodily complaints were always loud and easy to pinpoint. But emotionally, where he expected a white-hot boiling furnace of rage in his chest, he felt instead something icey cold, heavy, and leaden.

Hm.

He made it to a gas station. There was a payphone under flickering sodium lights, a single car being filled with gas- Stan still couldn't say he missed not being able to siphon gas, everyone pumping it themselves made it so much easier- and a young woman doing the filling. He started towards the payphone, not even really thinking about what he would do when he got there, and then someone screamed.

It was the woman. She stared at him. He stared back. The light flickered over her wide eyes. A long moment passed where Stan didn't really know how to fix that.

He lifted a hand to wave reassuringly at her, spin some tall tale, maybe ask for a bit of change.

"Stay back!" she shouted. Then she took off a shoe, screamed, "Scram," threw it at him, and got into her car, driving off into town.

The shoe hit him in the face.

It didn't hurt that much. It was just a shoe. Everything else hurt way more. Especially his jaw.

So why did he feel like he was dying?

Maybe because it was always like this. People shouting at him, throwing things, telling him to "Get off my lawn," or "Stay away from me," or "Keep your mouth shut."

"Stay in line." "Get back in your cage." "Sit down." "Don't ask stupid questions." "Don't come back until you've made millions."

"Go." "Sit." "Stay." "Shut up."

People sucked.

Stan looked off in the direction the woman had driven in.

People were after him. Sooner or later, they'd find out he was still alive, and try to correct that mistake. There were no people who would try to keep him alive. Just him. Always him. Stanley Pines against the world. Alone.

He looked up. The stars looked dimmer from here.

Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum.

Just until the heat died down. Just until it was safe. Just until he could stomach the looks he was going to get. The hate. The disgust. The disappointment.

Stan crept toward the back of the gas station and hid.

[hybridzizi]

You Are Probably Magnesium Deficient

About a year ago, I started supplementing magnesium. It's been literally life changing. I've been working on a lot of issues with my health – asthma, migraines, fibromyalgia – but if I could only keep one fix I think it would be this one. 

(I'm glad I don't have to actually pick. You can pry my migraine medications out of my cold, dead hands.)

I had previously tried supplementing magnesium as a migraine treatment. My doctor suggested I try Preventa, which contains 60mg magnesium. I took it for several months and didn't notice any improvement, so I discontinued it. 

A year ago, my brother reported that he'd been supplementing magnesium and it had improved several issues that I also had. I give my family's health recommendations a lot of extra weight because they're very smart and because I figure their bodies are closer to mine so things that work for them are more likely to work for me. I asked him exactly what he was doing – taking 500mg every day for at least a few weeks – and copied it exactly. 

Nothing happened for about a week and a half. Then, I woke up and discovered that my muscles were capable of relaxing. Exercise became pleasant. I stopped clenching my jaw. My blood pressure monitor stopped warning me that it had detected an arrhythmia that my doctors could never seem to find.

So here's what I've learned since: 

Electrolytes include calcium, sodium, potassium, and magnesium. There are others. I don’t care about them right now. Your body uses calcium, sodium, and potassium to tense your muscles and magnesium to relax them. 

You want 186-2300mg sodium per day. The average American gets about 3300mg. Side effects of insufficient sodium include nausea, headache, fatigue, seizures, muscle spasms, and coma. Side effects of too much sodium include muscle weakness, thirst, irritability, lethargy, and seizures. Table salt is a good source of sodium, containing 2400mg per teaspoon.

You want about 1000mg calcium per day. The average American gets about 1029mg. Side effects of insufficient calcium include osteoporosis, kidney stones, hypertension, stroke, and insulin resistance. Excess calcium is mostly dealt with by the kidneys (pages 2-4). Milk is a good source of calcium, containing 240mg per 400mL.

You want about 3000mg potassium per day. The average American gets about 2668mg. Your kidneys will mostly deal with excess potassium, but if they fail side effects include numbness, tingling, nausea, trouble breathing, chest pain, and heart palpitations. Side effects of insufficient potassium include constipation, fatigue, heart palpitations, muscle spasms, tingling, muscle cramps, low blood pressure, and thirst. I’m not totally sure about good sources of potassium?  Like the best source on this list is dried apricots but you would need to eat like 2 cups of them to get enough potassium and that sounds like so many apricots. Bananas are pretty mediocre sources of potassium with 422mg per. Potassium supplements only provide about 99mg, or 3% of your recommended daily intake. Still, we seem to be getting pretty close somehow? Like add in that banana and you’re golden. I dunno. Moving on. 

You want about 400mg magnesium per day. The average American gets “only approximately 50% of that.” Side effects of insufficient magnesium include hypertension, arrhythmias, heart disease, and diabetes (pages 5-6). Side effects of too much magnesium include diarrhea – which gets framed as a positive (“reduces constipation”) as often as not and is presumably not severe – and that’s about it unless you have kidney problems. Peanut butter and black beans are frequently recommended sources of magnesium, containing 49mg per 2Tbsp and 60mg per half cup, respectively.

To put it another way, you would need to eat about 16Tbsp of peanut butter a day to get enough magnesium. That's a lot of peanut butter.

Your drinking water can provide up to 30% of your magnesium intake – and, historically, often has. When tap water has a lot of minerals, we call it “hard water.” We don’t generally like hard water, so we soften it, which takes out the magnesium (and calcium). 

You're probably magnesium deficient.

If you want to repair this deficiency, you will probably need to supplement steadily for a few weeks before you notice a difference. I recommend magnesium citrate, which dissolves in water and has a pretty subtle taste. Not that you have to dissolve it in water. I've mixed it in smoothies and taken it in capsules and added it to my water bottle – whatever is most convenient for the day I have planned. It all works fine.

[batsplat]

Stoner also revealed that he had found it immensely difficult to miss the races, so much so that he couldn't bear to watch them on TV. "I didn't want to watch the races, I just wanted to find out the results, it was too hard to watch" he said. "Even now, it feels like I've missed out on so much." "We went off lactose, we went off gluten for two or three weeks, to try and get a reaction from that. Unfortunately, medical things take some time to understand them. You need to get things out of your system before you can get other things in your system to see if it works. We've found recently that I've had quite low blood pressure and low sodium levels so we're trying to increase that to see if that helps. We might have found something with lactose, a lactose intolerance to some degree, so I've gone off lactose to see if that helps." Stoner dismissed rumors that a bad diet may have contributed to his illness. "We haven't changed my diet because I already had a good diet before, but we're trying to change it to put things in my diet that will put something in my system to help me pick myself up again." "For the first month there was complete rest, there was no physical exercise at all. After that we started training lightly on the bike again, I was out there with my trainer, and we did a good week or so training. Basically just light stuff, just to keep the muscles working, because after so long off the bike, the muscles are going to be sore and tired. After the exercise, we still found the same problems, I was still running into that wall, and we couldn't fix it." Stoner mocked rumors of his retirement, saying that he had laughed at how quickly they had appeared. "I heard on day 3 of Brno that I was retiring," he said. "It's pretty immature of people to spread these rumors." His intention, he kept repeating, was only ever to take 3 races off. "I am looking forward to my future, especially if we can sort this out. I'm looking forward to this weekend, because it's been too hard to be away from racing. It only takes you a couple of weeks away from racing to realize that this is what you really want to do and what you want to get back to doing."

Stoner also dismissed rumors of problems between himself and Ducati. Stoner told the assembled media that it had been his decision to handle the situation as they did, and concentrate on getting better in Australia without assistance from Ducati. "It's difficult for people over here to understand that being away from the sport meant I had to be away from the sport. I had to sort this out on my own. If I'm not here racing, what reason would there be for me to be in contact with the media and everyone here?" Nor had he been upset by Ducati's approach to Jorge Lorenzo. "It's understandable," Stoner said. "It was no problem for me. There was an opportunity there, I'm sure a lot of riders were speaking to a lot of teams; it was that part of the season." But Stoner was clear on where he wanted to stay: "Ducati know I'm happy here, and they know I'm happy with the work they've been doing." He also explained that part of the lack of communication was down to the remoteness of Stoner's house in Australia. "Mobile phones don't work where I live," he said. "So I was out of contact with everyone until the doctors appointments." When asked whether his problems could have been caused by stress, Stoner replied that he did not believe this was the case. Any stress he may suffer, he said, was solely down to the pressure he puts on himself, one factor which the doctors did identify. "They said over-training, things like this. Maybe pushing myself too hard," Stoner conceded. "My biggest critic is myself. All the pressure comes from me, I don't feel pressure from elsewhere. If I'm not getting results, the biggest problem I have is myself. I'm disappointed in myself. This is what confuses some people; when I'm interviewed after the races, even when I win, when I don't look so happy it's not that I'm not happy, it's that I'm disappointed that I made a mistake or I don't believe I rode the best race I could. This is the only criticism that I could have. It's definitely not a problem of pressure."

Excerpts from Casey Stoner's Estoril 2009 media session (x)

[silent-raven13]

Pregnant Omega

"That's it! The doc told you, you need complete bed rest! I don't to find you cleaning or moving around so much!" The large Punker wore a ripped shirt with a skull and red Anarchy symbol over it, he crosses his muscular arms being annoyed at his Omega, "You will endanger our pups!"

"But, Baby! I'm so lonely and BORED!" His eight month pregnant Omega whines having to wobble around with his large belly being upset, "Your barely around! My nest isn't helping me, and you're not here." He whines with his scent sending distress signals to his Alpha.

"I know. I know, baby!" His Alpha went over to hug him with his protection pheromones to calm his pregnant Omega, "Luv, I promise. I'll finish this mission and come back here ready to make you comfortable."

"But, you promise last time and had to go be Punisher! I need you here and now!" His omega frowns.

"Luv, this mission will have us set! I promise with all my heart that I will come back to be for you," His husband kisses his lips, cupping his face. "Right now, I want you to stay in bed and rest up. I'll be back as soon as possible!"

His Omega still pouting with his cute plump lips popping out like a sad puppy, "Okay..."

"Luv. Sunflower, my beautiful darling, understands this will be good for us. I will be here for you when I'm done." He kisses his Omega a couple of times.

"Love you, papa bear." His omega softly said.

His Alpha's eyes gleam when his hand pressed his Omega's round belly to feel those kicks, "See you soon, mama bear." He winks at him.

"Hahaha!" He giggles as he lays in his bed where his nest is made, a perfect nest that needs his Alpha to sooth him. When his punker put on his Punisher's hockey mask, he left with a bat that has nails on it and put on his spiked leather jacket.

His omega rested on his bed hearing this husband leaving their condo. The whole building is own by his husband who carefully built an underground level where he can leave with his motorcycle out an abandon warehouse, he also owns.

"I'm so bored!" The Black Latino whines being bored, "Ugh, I need to do something." He's so use to being Spider-man or painting with his free time, but he can't do much with his big belly and the risk of endangering his babies. "Ugghhh, I'm bored and hungry!" He's craving for a big juicy burger, his pups are kicking like crazy.

The small Omega wobbles to the fridge to find anything to satisfied his cravings, instead he saw rows of healthy snacks and foods, and water. "I hate this stupid diet! Ughhh!" He whines knowing his loving husband had restock the fridge making sure he would stick to his low sodium and sugar diet for the pups safety. "Blah, vegetables! I want burger and fries!" He groans, then he decided he couldn't handle being by himself.

He grabs his dimensional travel watch to put it on after he got dress in an oversize sweater on top his red and black spider-man suit and fix his hair with a colorful bandana wrap. Before he left the portal, he took his Smartphone just in case his hubby calls him. "Whee!"

On Earth 928, everyone chilling enjoying their time, some Spider-heroes went on about their mission. Some went to lunch, some would hang around catching up with their friends.

Miguel 928 being busy with his work, he looks over at the pregnant Omega, "Is there a reason you're here, Morales? Aren't you on maternity leave?" He saw the Omega's large round belly.

"Hehehe, are you worry about me, Miguel." He giggles having to sit down while slurping a milkshake, "Mmm, I've been craving for these forever!"

"Well, yes. You look like you're ready to have your pups any minute."

"Nah, I got two months left. Turns out I'm having triplets." Miles 2023 giggles, "Mmm, this is so good." The Omega being super happy to be around someone.

"Wouldn't it be better to be at home to rest."

"It's very lonely over there. Is it fine if I stay a bit here. I miss my friends." Miles' stare at his boss with teary eyes, "PLEEEAASSSEEE let me stay!"

"Alright, it's fine. Just don't do any heavy lifting or moving so much. I'm going to contact Miles 2020."

"Oh yay! I miss him!"

The door slid open revealing Pavtri with Hobie 138b, "Hey, Miguel! We're here to give you our reports!" The two locked on the short pregnant Miles, who happily sitting on a hove chair and drinking a milkshake. "Oh my brahma! Miles, you look amazing!"

"Do I? I haven't been feeling well with my body changing..." He pouted looking very upset.

Hobie went over to comfort him, "You look bloody amazing! If only I was me and my Sunflower was born in your world!" Something wash over him seeing this Omega variant of his Sunflower had flourished in him. He wanted to protect him, be there for him.

"Easy, Hobie! You got yourself a Miles." Pavtri giggles as he peeks over, "Can I touch your belly?"

"Sure. Look! They're kicking." The Omega happily lift his sweater then took both Spider-men's hands to place on his round belly, the two eyes gleam and sparkle at the small kicks. "This one likes to hit so much."

"They're? You're having more than one?" The Indian Spider-man happily said out loud with his face overjoy.

Hobie only made a small smile being giddy in the inside, this time both of his hands touching the round belly to fell those kicks. "Oh." His eyes sparkles at the multiple kicks.

Omega Miles went into his sweater pocket, "Huh uh! I'm having triplets! Lookie!" He shows them the ultrasound of his pups. "One is hiding behind this one.

The two look at the photos being super amazed. "Awe, look at this one little hand! Wow, triplets! Looks like Hobie and Miles are meant to have triplets in the Omegaverse!"

"I know! I'm waiting for Miles 2020 to ask how he does it. I wonder if he got a workaholic Alpha!" He pouted, "I'm worried about me raising them."

"Awe, I'm sure your man will be there. Why he's working so much? Pavtri asked.

"Well, since I can't be Spider-man, he had to take on both jobs. I feel terrible that I can't do nothing but sit here and-and!" His big eyes watered like an anime character then tears, "Sorry, I'm very emotional."

Hobie said, "You know, for an Hobie to do all this that means he wants the best for you. To protect you and make sure your family are well off."

"I know, it just sucks! My bae is working so hard and I feel like shit." He cries.

"Awe, it's okay. Your pregnant. You're going through it, he would want you to not worry." Pavtri explains.

The Omega pouts, "I just need my Alpha and I feel so lonely." He wants to snuggle and enjoy his nest, but without his Alpha, he needs to find comfort among his friends. "Without that I need my friends."

"Then, I'll be here to substitute." Hobie said being proud, he went to get a blanket and bottle of water for the Omega.

"Hahaha, thanks guys. But, Miguel is here to be the Alpha substitute, since he's around and help me feel secure." Miles 2023 giggles.

Hobie frowns feeling jealous, "Why him?"

"Man, your acting like your the Alpha! Relax, this is because Miguel have amazing qualities of an Alpha. Since Miles 2023 is pregnant he needs someone secure around." Pav explains.

Miles 2023 nodded, "And Miguel never learns his office."

Miguel sighs, "I had a feeling you were gonna point that out."

Miles 2020 came through the doors, "Hello. Hello! Wow, I didn't expect to find the Spider Band in here." He smiles happily at Miles 2023, "Wow, look at you! Your glowing!"

"Awe, thanks!" Miles 2023 giggles.

"I'm surprised the doctor is allowing you to move around, when I was pregnant I had to be stuck in bed till I went to labor." The older Miles said.

"Well... he did say I have to be bed resting but-But I WAS SO BORED! I ended up scrubbing the floors because they were so dirty and clean my home!" He explains out loud seeing all of their faces fell from shock.

"Are you crazy!" Miguel shouted out loud, "You can't be doing intensive labor!"

"I didn't mean too! I was bored! Then my Alpha came home yelling at me." Miles 2023 sniffles. "I just need attention or the urge to do something."

"I get it. When I was pregnant I felt useless without being Spider-man, I actually started to clean the attic and do a deep clean of my house." Miles 2020 explains, "Our Alphas are only busy because of our responsibilities of Spider-man have to be taken over. It makes sense you need your Alpha!"

"Miles!" Miles 2023 hugs the older Omega being so happy someone gets him. "Finally someone that gets me!"

"Oi, what's going on here?" Hobie 138c came by to find Miles 2020, "There you are! I was wondering if we're planning to have a meeting?"

"Oh right! I completely forgot." Miles 2020 sighs, "Hmm, Miguel is it alright if I have the meeting here?"

Hobie 138c and Hobie 138b smirks at each other, "Hey, man. What's good?" They gave a smack on their hands.

"Nuthin' much. Slowly breaking down the system." Hobie 138b shrugs.

"Hahaha, same but making it louder and bigger!" The other variant chuckles.

Miles 2020 stood, "I'm surprised you're here, Hobs. I thought you hate being on time?" He stood looking so attractive and elegant being so tall and glowing smile.

Pavtri giggles at the two Hobie's crushing hard on Miles 2020, they were flustered by his presences. "Teacher's pet." He teased.

"No!" They pretended to act cool.

Miles 2020 chuckles, "I still got it." He playfully tosses his hair back, being flirty. "My husband is the same way."

Miguel said, "Well, Morales. You have to sign these paper saying you're using this room. Sometimes Jess use this room, too."

"Okay." As he went up to sign them, then playfully flirted, "Aye, Miguel. If you wanted me to be so close to you, you could've said so, hehehe."

"Aye, careful. I know your Alpha is the jealous type. I don't want trouble." He saw two of the Hobies glaring at him, "Aye, relax! He's not even your partners."

"You know, there's a Miles' Omega with a Miguel Alpha somewhere." Omega Miles 2023 giggles, "They got twins."

"Whhhaaaa! NO WAY!" Pavtri said having to take out his notes, "I didn't know that was a thing, then again, last week I saw a Pavtri and Hobie variants dating."

"Anything is possible in the multi-verse." Omega Miles 2023 happily said. "I mean, we have Mariana and Miguel being a thing."

"That's right. I forget Marianas are Miles' female versions since all these variants are their own person."

"Right!" He nodded with agreement, "Like Hobie's female variants are way different, compare to their male versions."

Then the doors slide open revealing Punk Miguel and Mariana 1022 walking in bringing box and trays of drinks.

"Hey guys, we brought pan dulces, hot chocolate and Empanadas!" Marianna happily said. "Oh, hello, Miguel!" She saw the older Spider-man up on the platform.

"Hola, Mariana." He said.

The door slide open revealing Silk, and Ultimate Spider-man walking in. "Ohh, do I smell pastries." Peter said with joy.

"Mmhhmm," Mariana offer them some Pan Dulces as she chew her own sweet bread, "Oh, boss! You can grab some! I got us plenty!"

"I like the chocolate concha." Silk said as she told Peter which ones were her favorite.

"Ohh sweet. I'll get this one."

"Those are called Besos! Kisses." Mariana smiles at him.

"Ohh, nice. I sure do love kisses." Peter chuckles.

Then the door opening showing Deadpool talking to Miles 43 and Alpha 2010b, "No way! There's a cookbook about me!"

"Yeah, I found it in one of the universe I hop with my friends. Apparently half of the cookbook is about chimichangas?"

"I don't even like chimichangas, I like saying it because it's a funny name for food!" Deadpool laughs out loud.

"Ugh, tell me, again why you're on this mission? You're not even a Spider-man!" Alpha grunts.

"Because his boyfriend is a Spider-man." Miles 43 chews on his gummy worms having to share with Deadpool, "Why gotta hate the good vibe of this guy?"

"Yer!" Deadpool chimes in, "And I got the Gizmo to prove it!" He shows his watch off.

Alpha rolled his eyes until he sniffs the area spotting a pregnant Omega, "Why is he here?"

Miles 2023 giggles sniffing the Alpha's scent, "I'm bored! So I am joining in on the fun!"

"Hello, Alpha. Miles 2023 is having trouble staying in his nest while his Alpha is being busy with his work. I thought it would be nice to have him in the meeting-" Then loud arguments ring through the halls as the door slid opening revealing Lupe and Miguel 660 being pissed off.

Gabriel 660 and Billie 1613 follows them. "I told you that's a horrible plan! Why did you advise her to go through with it? That boy is dangerous! He's an OSBORN, dumbass!" Lupe scowling at Miguel 660.

The redhead growls at her, "It's logic! You know like every Spider-hero is to play the game and be secretive until you find a valuable clue! It makes sense for Billie to go back to him and find evidence of Norman Osborn using illegal drugs!"

"That's so stupid for you to think Billie is able to handle a mission like that! She dealt with his son before and gave her bruises! Miguel, sometimes you're the biggest idiot in the world!"

"Me? I'm the idiot? You are coddling her! She needs to practice this!"

"Lupe, I agree to this! It's okay, Miguel 660 had help me through the mission!" Billie nodded.

Gabriel 660 shook his head, "No! I don't think you're ready. It's too dangerous, right Lupe! She's gonna get hurt!"

"Gabriel, por favor! She's a sixteen year old Spider-woman! She can handle anything!"

"Peter Osborn is a psycho! He murdered one of his exs!" Lupe pointed out being frustrated.

Miles 2023 chewing on a sweet bread being glued on the latest drama. "Careful, Miguel. Piss her off and she's gonna throw you across the room." Alpha grunts.

"Ohhh!" Deadpool teased as he chews on an Empanada.

Miles 2020 looks at Miguel 928, "You gonna need to settle this, boss."

"Ugh! Why is it you two always fight each other?" Miguel grunts at his variant and at Lupe. "You two need to learn to not argue like children!"

"I will stop if you agreed with me that this mission is dangerous for Billie!" Lupe crosses her arms at him.

Gabriel nodded, "Yeah, the guy she's dating is fucking crazy! He killed one of his exs!"

"You two need to trust me! I can handle this!" Billie said.

"Miguel, Billie is old enough to go on serious missions. She needs to learn on to handle stealth and play her part as Billie Mariana Morales. Spider-woman needs that." Miguel 660 explains with red eye glasses being fixed.

Miguel 928 took a moment. "What if this was Gabriella, huh? When she's 16 and you're gonna allow her to go on a mission like this!" Lupe quickly pointed out.

"Ohh, she bloody throw his sprog's name." Hobie 138c gasps.

"But it does make sense. Gabriella is a Spider-child... she'll one day have to do missions like that." Miles 2020 pointed out. "Lupe, I understand you don't want Billie to get hurt, but this will be good for her to be on her toes."

"She needs that lesson, being Spider-woman isn't all rainbows and butterflies." Alpha pointed out, "Harsh realities sets in."

"I agree, but don't tell Miles 42. He rather do the mission himself and dress up like a chick." Miles 43 snorted.

"I get that, but I don't think she's ready. I'm her mentor!" Lupe points out and glares at Miguel 660, "and you have no right going behind my back without my approval to this big plan, Oh Mr. I'm-so-smart-even-though-I-use-my-ex-Ai!"

"Ohhhh!" The whole group said.

Miguel 660 scowls, "I am smart, thank you ver much! I see Billie already ready. What are you my mom, now? I have to tell when I get to shit or piss, too?"

Hobie 138b chuckles at the two. "Wow, they are really mad." Miles 2023 smack his lips having powder sugar on his lips. "Mmm, this sweet bread is good!"

"Look, how about we all take a moment!" Miguel 928 said, "Calm down and we'll talk more when we are all in a better mood."

They were glaring at each other still. "You know, if it makes you two better- there's a universe where ya'll are together and have kids." Miles 43 points out.

"ECK, fuck no!" Lupe and Miguel 660 said with disgust in their voice.

"Oh, what if you guys rub my belly! My pups are kicking and I have photos! I'm having triplets!" Miles 2023 pulls out his photos having to surprise everyone in there.

"NO way! Awww! Sweet! Congratulations!" They said out loud.

Lupe and Miguel 660 went by to touch Miles 2023's belly feeling those kicks. Billie gasp with joy, "Oh, that's so cute! I wanna touch the belly."

Miles 2023 giggles, "See my pups makes everything better."

"Having triplets is insane! Does every Hobie and Miles' variant have triplets?" Miles 43 asked.

"Hahaha, as far as we know." Miles 2020 chuckles, "Anyway, we should start the meeting."

Miles 2023 happily listen to his friends talking among one another about their plans for their big missions. He had his Smartphone on silent which was receiving a lot of messages from his Alpha.

Hobie 2023: Luv, have you eaten? Remember doc wants u to eat healthy and drink lots of water.

-few seconds-

Hobie 2023: Luv?

Hobie 2023: Why your not responding me?

Hobie 2023: BAE? Sunflower?

Hobie 2023:Call me, right now!

Hobie 2023: SUNFLOWER!

And it went with so many messages from a panic adult.

Hobie 2023: I'm coming home right now!"

-An hour passed, Miles 2023 hasn't checked his messages. The whole group was dealing with Lupe and Miguel 660 arguing again about Billie's current mission.-

Hobie 2023: Luv, where are you?

Miles 2023's smartphone show incoming call from his Alpha.

-4 miss called by Hubby-

Hobie 2023 sending texts in panic: Luv, WHERE R U? Pick up! r u kidnap? plz respond! MILES!

Miles 2023 happily kicking his feet as he sips his hot chocolate while watching Lupe and Miguel 660 already throwing hands. She flipped the middle age man over, "Oh yeah! Try me, bitch!"

"WHOA!" Deadpool saw Lupe being super pissed off.

"I honestly believe you two should just have angry sex at this point." Miles 43 snorted.

Alpha spits out his coffee from shock. Billie cover her mouth in shock while Gabriel shouted, "MY dad is married!"

"Well, this always happen!" Miles 43 points out.

Miguel 928 pulls Lupe away from Miguel 660, "Enough! You two will have graveyard shift and work with more missions together. Do not test me." The two Spider-heroes huffs being quiet.

"Come on, you two. It's always you guys fighting. Why do you two hate each other?"

"He's a smart ass!"

"And she doesn't shut up!"

They're glaring at each other. Silk said, "Can we just agree Billie should continue the mission? She needs it."

"THANK YOU!" Miguel 660 said out loud of the whole point of their arguments.

"I agree." Miguel 928 finally said once he heard everyone's opinion on the topic. Then he looks at Billie, "Billie, tell us, what do you want to do?"

"I want to continue the mission. I'm learning and I know I can do it." She stood confident in her words.

"Very well. Billie will continue on the mission and that's it. Miguel 660 and Lupe, you two will keep an eye on her. Miguel 660 will mentor her for this mission, Lupe."

"What!" She stares at him with shock.

"It's fair. You need to let her venture out."

"That's crazy, Miguel!"

Hobie 138c pointed out, "To be fair, she needs to think on her own. Miguel 660 is an arse so that will help her."

"Geez, thanks." Miguel 660 snorted.

"You welcome, mate." The spiked bleached hair punker grins widely while making his variant chuckles along.

Deadpool points at Miles 2023's phone seeing the messages, "Hey, your phone is going crazy?" Then he looks at the 4th wall, "Looks like we're gonna get some drama, huh readers?"

"Hm?" Miles 2023 looks at his Smartphone and gasps, "Oh."

"What's wrong?" Miles 2020 asked him.

"I put my phone on silent and my Alpha is panicking..." He gave a weak chuckle. "Heh, I sort of left without telling him where I'm at, heh."

Alpha, Miles 2020 and the Hobies eyes widen in shock. Miguel 928 quickly turns to face the small Omega, "WHAT? You didn't let him know he's here?"

"Ohhh no." Miles 43 gasps, "You know, a Hobie will go berserk without their Miles!"

"And being an Alpha without his pregnant mate- that's double trouble." Alpha groans. "Isn't your alpha a criminal?"

"He's an Anti-hero!" Miles 2023 pouts, he quickly texted his partner saying where he was. "Don't worry, I'll just text him and"- A large portal came through the middle of the room revealing a tall dark skinned male with Spiked mohawk logo dreads wearing his Hockey cracked mask showing his dark purple eye through the crack, and holds a bloody bat with nails. He stood wearing tight black tank top, and distressed jeans with chains and thick red boots with blue laces.

"Well, HEL-LO!" Miles 43 smirks at the handsome alpha, "Now, that's a sexy entrance."

"Mmmhhhmmm." Miles 2020 nodded.

The Hobies eyes at their partner's variants. "I am offended." Hobie 138c said out loud.

Miles 2023 happily said having to use his scent to calm his Alpha, "Bae!"

Hobies 2023 growls having to smell Alpha's scent, "Who are you?" Then glares over at Miguel 928 with his hand gripping his bat being ready to strike.

"Easy." Miles 2020 uses his scent. "Your omega came here on his own." Slowly went over to calm the alpha down, "Easy. Your pregnant Omega is fine."

"Yeah, bae!" Miles 2023 got off from his chair to go over to hug his mate spreading his scent all over. "I'm fine. I forgot to text you." He did his cutest pout but his Alpha let out a low growl, he's very upset. This time the alpha became cold towards him, he remove his hockey mask revealing his handsome face, with three vivid scars on his left cheek and heterchromia's eyes.

Miles 43 whistled at the handsome alpha, "Wow, he is FI-uhh-ne!" Miles 2020 quietly cover his mouth with an agreeing nod.

"We need to talk." He said in a serious tone, taking his Omega's hand out of the room. Every Spider-heroes quickly went by the door to find the two in the hallway talking.

"What the hell!" The dark skinned alpha scowls angrily at his mate, "You just left without telling me anything! What is wrong with you?"

"I'm sorry!" Miles 2023 frowns with watery eyes, "I didn't mean to!"

Miguel 928 hisses at the nosy group, "Aye, leave them alone!"

"Shhh, this is the good part." Deadpool shoves gummy bears into his mouth sharing the bag with Miles 43 and Silk.

"Mmmhhhmm, finally some drama." Silk mutters.

Miles 2020 looks at Alpha, "Should we step in?"

"No, this alpha is very dangerous. When he saw me and Miguel already assuming us as alphas, there's no reasoning with him when he glared at us."

"You're right. Luckily, I stepped in, huh?" Miles 2020 chuckles at the two.

"And you're a Miles, you know." Lupe added. "Hobies don't attack Miles."

The two Hobies nodded at this.

Back at the couple, Miles 2023 said, "I was bored and alone! I want to go out, have fun, see my friends!"

"I get that, but you are seven months pregnant with triplets!" Hobie 2023 points out being frustrated, "I text you and text you! No response, I'm thinking the worse! You just left!"

"I'm sorry! You know, I'm forgetful!"

"No, you can't use that on me! I expected you to be an Omega and take care of yourself while dealing with this pregnancy! I'm working my arse for our future- for our pups!" He sounded hurt, "and for you to bloody leave me and not say a word."

"I'm sorry, Hobie! I'm- you don't know how lonely it gets and the constant worries I've been through when I'm not out there being Spider-man! I know, I need to take care of myself, but my fear is you getting hurt!" His omega said to him. "I get so scared and nervous, then start to panic!" He sniffles at his husband, then grab his hands to kiss them, "I know I messed up for not telling you."

His alpha hugs him letting out with a big sigh, "I'm not mad at you, I'm frustrated. I will get over it, but we will continue this when we get home and find ways for you to rest and do something that isn't too much." HIs Omega snuggles him.

"Awe! That's so cute." Miles 43 gawks.

Deadpool nodded having small sniffles. "Are you crying?" Miguel 660 asked.

"No..."

Lupe slaps Miguel 660's shoulder. "Ow! Pinche pendeja! Why did you hit me?"

"Because you need to leave him alone!"

Meanwhile, Miles 1610 and Mimi 1015 walking together holding their bags of lunch, "Yeah, I like to dye my wigs in layers." Mimi 1015 had a wig on with pink to the roots then blond and black tips, her makeup bright and gems glue on.

"Oh, see. I use fabric dye on some wigs, and so far it works for me." Miles 1610 explained. "But I'ma try your way and get better wigs too."

She nodded, "A good wig always makes it easier." She took out her smartphone showing off her two inch long acrylic nails with gems and sparkles in bright pink. "Now, where's our boys!"

"Hobie, did say they were in a meeting at tío's office!" He said.

The two spotted a couple of their Omega variant hugging his alpha. Mimi's eyes gleams at Hobie 2023, "Well, HEL-LO, handsome!" She happily went up to the Hobie variant, "I haven't seen this fine tall drink of water." She playfully flirted.

"Huh!" Miles 2023 gasps at Mimi 1015 and Miles 1610. "Oh, you guys are here!"

"Wow, Miles! You're really showing!" Miles 1610 tries to focus on the pregnant Omega than the fine ass alpha Hobie Brown. Why are all the damn Hobies be so attractive, especially the Alpha ones? His honey-brown eyes landed at the alpha, "Is this your husband?"

"Yes! This my Hobie!" He nodded. "You guys wanna touch my belly, I'm having triplets!" He let the two touch his belly to feel the kicks.

The two variants' eyes widen and smiles brightly. "Awwweee, that's so cute." Mimi 1015 said out loud.

"Huh uh, wow! So triplets are a thing?" Miles 1610 tries not to look at the alpha so much, he gave a small smile at the pregnant Omega, "Congratulations! Heh, I know you two are happy with pups."

"Yeah, we are." The Omega hugs his mate's arm.

Mimi 1015 playfully grins at Hobie 2023, "You haven't say much, huh handsome?"

The Alpha merely looks away at the two variants of his mate. Damn, these Miles are so adorable just like his Omega. He rub his neck, "I'm only being respectful to my mate."

"Awe, bae. it's okay. All of us joke around and flirt." Miles 2023 giggles, "You should've seen the Hobies being protective with me."

"Yeah, HOBIE!" Mimi giggles having to hug the Alpha's other arm being flirty, "I don't bite, unless you want me to!"

"Mimi, leave him alone. He wants to be with his Omega!" Miles 1610 went over to his variant making her stop teasing, "I'm sorry. Sometimes she flirt too much! You got a boyfriend."

Mimi giggles being playfully seeing how worried Miles 1610 was. "Don't worry! They're not here!" She shoves Miles into the alpha's chest making him hug, "Feel those pecks! He's one sexy beast!"

The Hobies came out of the room being super jealous. The small Omega noticed and giggles, "Well... I don't think they'll like that!"

Mimi hugs the alpha wanting to feel those muscles. "Hehe, don't worry! I'm only-WHOA!" She gasps at her boyfriend picking her up.

Miles 1610 being carried by his punker, "Hobie!" His punker coddling him like he was the only jewel. "Wait! It was an accident-" His punker hushes him.

"Oi, bloke! This is our partners!" Hobie 138c said to Hobie 2023.

"Yeah! You have your own!" Hobie 138b huffs.

Omega Miles 2023 giggles as his mate tries to explain the two jealous punkers. "Hey, I didn't expect them to touch me!"

From afar Miles 2020 sighs, "Meeting over. Looks like we had enough drama for today!"

"Hehehe," Mariana laughs, "But you gotta admit Hobie 2023 is super cute." Miles 43 and Billie agreed.

[autumnhobbit]

yeah my mom thinks I'm exaggerating when I say that it's a medically-sanctioned eating disorder. She calls me dramatic. But like I've done the research, I know the truth. Not sure why that's the hill she's chosen to die on but yeah. Esp since my grandmother, when she was alive, did the whole no-sodium, probably disordered eating thing pretty much her whole life. She was in the nursing home and my mom had to insist that the nurses and doctors not tell her her weight because even though my grandma was in her 90s, she'd complain if she was "too heavy" and I think sometimes she'd refuse to ear because she was "getting fat." Like, my grandma, my mom's own mother, till her death, struggled with body image and weight. My mom thought it was ridiculous. Yet she thinks I'm ridiculous for not wanting to follow a medically-sanctioned eating disorder. I don't understand it.

I’d say it’s probably internalized fat phobia. I know for myself the reason I post about this stuff so much is because sometimes I genuinely feel guilty for not being on one of these diets because like, I know it’s on some level my fault I’m fat. And obviously I don’t /enjoy/ being fat/unhealthy. Although to be frank I really don’t feel bad or have excessive problems especially when I hear other people talk about their health. But as someone who does have an eating disorder diets are likely not a great idea for me unless I had a health problem serious enough to warrant it. And as it is, as much as we all want there to be an easy solution—do this and instantly you’ll be healthy and all your problems will be solved—that’s not how health works. Most worthwhile things are not simple or instant fixes. We’ve become so obsessed with weight that we no longer care about health or correlate the two. And everyone is so different that eating is a very personal scenario that needs to be determined by 1. the person eating, and 2. a doctor. And an actually /good/ doctor who’s going to care what’s actually good for your long-term health and willing to think outside the box.

[jeanjauthor]

...My household is awkward, regarding sodium. My sister has a low sodium diet for her heart issues. My mother gets charlie horse cramps from eating low sodium meals. And I get double the cramping issues due to ciprofloxacin destroying my body's ability to retain magnesium, sometimes calcium, a little bit of potassium, and very very much sodium.

I supplement with magnesium citrate for the first one (if you get the right formulation, it uptakes so perfectly, it also manages my neuropathy issues, yay!), eat a fair bit of dairy for the second, just eat more leafy greens & brassicas for the third...and I have literal salt in a shaker at my headboard in case I get a debilitating cramp in the night, a salt shaker at my desk for the same reason, and I carry those little paper packets of salt in case i get a cramp just walking around like a normal human being. (Or at least politely pretending to be one, *shhh*)

When I had my last surgery, I had to fast for a full 12+ hours before hand, so I warned the staff that they'd want to start an i.v. on me with saline right away, because otherwise I'd end up cramping so bad, I couldn't walk. Thankfully they were going to give me some anyway, so I had no issues leaving.

Unfortunately, I can't say the same for what happened when I first went to the E.R. with a too-rapid heartbeat, a couple months before the surgery. They didn't give me any water and didn't give me anything salty, no i.v. fluids...and my legs cramped up so bad when it was time for me to leave, the nurse wanted to know if I needed a wheelchair. I just told her I needed salt and water. She couldn't get me the salt, but she did get me the water, and I got myself a salt packet out of my wallet to consume with said water.

It took about five, ten minutes to fix my issues, then I could walk. (And yes, I made sure I had my magnesium & a multivitamin with the other two electrolytes when I got home, plus NUUN, an electrolyte drink that uses stevia for a sweetener instead of sugar.)

When you are electrolyte deficient, it's important to replenish...but did you know what sodium does, as an electrolyte?

Sodium literally opens and closes the pores in your cell walls. Your cells cannot get water or nutrition without sodium. It is the gatekeepr for cells to function, opening & closing the door for anything being delivered or expelled.

You don't need super much, but it is literally vital for life as we know it to exist.

So when OP & the other commenters talk about feeling like they're "coming back to life"...

They are telling the absolute truth.

We had a patient last night who was a textbook case of electrolytes imbalance as a result of nausea and vomiting. And I didn’t say this to the patient because I didn’t think they’d appreciate it, but it’s kinda great when the way you are so so sick is like exactly like the textbooks say it’ll be. Like not good that you’re having sudden new onset muscle weakness and tingling, but buddy this is gonna get sorted out with an efficiency you won’t believe. We fixed like 85% of the stuff wrong with this patient by midnight and we marveled the whole time about how this patient was seemingly concocted in a lab so I could walk my trainee through a highly manageable crisis

[cheswirls]

sigh healthcare rant

i jus saw a post a min ago abt it being impossible to get care when you're overweight bc thats the only issue doctors wanna focus on, and i didnt wanna derail that in the notes so i'm making my own

i've been to a primary physician 3 different times now and had blood drawn 2 times for tests and it's been so impossible to get anything addressed bc everyone i see sees in me a little underweight skinny girl who can't exercise due to chronic back pain and immediately wants to pin me with a 'malnutrition' label and move on

the third time a couple days ago i asked about getting an adrenal panel done bc i have a high sodium diet and when the cbc panel came back last month, my sodium was barely within the low range of normal, which makes me think i'm either not able to store sodium or i'm going through it so much faster than a regular person should, like its unreal how much salt is in my diet and how it never feels like it's enough

anyway. i got results back today and found out just my cortisol was tested, and it was, again, on the low low low side of normal. barely within range. that was it. no aldosterone level, no acth, nothing else. the other tests were measuring my protein intake (a test for malnutrition that, surprise!!!!, came back normal) and autoimmune stuff that i was all negative for. and that's it. i got a note saying these were normal, no request for a follow-up, nothing else. the first time i got blood results back, it took three weeks to be seen again bc mostly everything was normal and the only comment was cutting fat/carbs from my diet to make sure i had a healthy lifestyle :))))) while completely ignoring the problems i came in to be addressed for.

and then this time im like what. so you ordered the bare minimum of tests again, one of which tested something you thought was the problem that's clearly not, and now i have no idea where to go from here. granted there are three other PAs in this clinic and one actual doctor so maybe i need to switch providers. but like?????? the problem is not that i'm skinny and need to eat more. but that's what i've been hit with, over and over, all my life. somehow everything circles back to someone thinking i'm just 'not eating right' and that fixing that will magically solve everything. i'm so fucking tired. my medical problems have a history of dragging out for years (my sij pain actually started may 2018, so its been almost 7y) and i've already been fatigued and dizzy and have had no appetite for going on four months. and i need someone to look past my bmi and come up with a real solution

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

I'm really confident I figured out the problem this time.

For real.

This treatment strategy will fix me.

I know to change my blood ph slowly, or else. [The last time I was really sick about 5 ish years ago I ended up eating a lot of baking soda because of a fucked up batch of cookies and I have had a theory ever since about the ways that it actually might have caused a bunch of problems, raising my body's ph too much at once being just one of them, this experience seems to reinforce it.]

This explains why some foods were helping more than they should have.

That one nap that almost fixed everything? Also had a can of pineapple around that time.

The occasional coke and lemon juice was not hurting as much as it should have even though the phosphorus was probably still bad. But also I haven't stopped craving it and other acidic foods.

Explains why increasing salt helped beyond just addressing an actual sodium deficiency.

Maybe explains why even though the baking soda seemed like it maybe?? helped at first my symptoms seemed to be slowly backsliding over the past day or so. Like in the past 20 odd years of managing my own health as an adult, generally the moment I figure out what my body wants, the improvement has always been pretty immediate and notable, not something you have to wait on and struggle to gauge. Even things that are supposed to take effect over time tend to happen way faster for me than doctors insist is possible, even when I don't know about it and am not looking for the results. That was part of the frustration I have been having, and why I seem to think I should be instantly getting better... because I am 37 and tbh that's usually how it works for me.

And it means that avoiding potassium was actually part of the problem.

All current physical signs point to it already working.

I had only had the amount of baking soda you might find in a partial batch of cookies at a time before, and immediately it was driving my urine ph up. Now, and before I tried that, I can eat all the acids I want and my urine comes out neutral... Which would seem to indicate my body is able to neutralize acids right now but is struggling to neutralize bases? Maybe.

Also back to having to pee 100% as fast after drinking fluids as like 2 years ago in good health. The baking soda had produced a similar result the first time I tried it but it had been slowing down since. This doesn't seem to be slowing down.

And like, all my life I have craved acidic foods and foods that make your body produce acid constantly, and yeah, my skin is a little unusually acidic, but it's never caused me symptoms. For all I know my body wants to be slightly more acidic than average and actually struggles to maintain it's desired ph at all without consistent input in the form of dietary acids.

Whatever, am I just desperate to believe I am recovering and won't have to penguin slide my ass out in a pandemic to a walk in clinic? Maybe. But we'll see. I won't be able to willpower my way in or out of the kind of pain I have been in from this problem, so we'll see if my symptoms improve.

Anyway the new strategy also involves making sure I am not salt or potassium deficient.

And you can bet if I get better you'll hear about it.

I just have to keep in mind I also moved a bunch of heavy fucking cans today like a dumbass to organize the cupboards and get my winter goods out of my entryway for good.

[cugzarui]

even before i read it and oftenly after i read it i thought a lot about that post imagining you find out one day you lacked a vitamin without knowing it and once you're given the vitamin all your problems go away

anyway e535 caught my interest recently

e535 is sodium ferrocyanide and is used as an anti caking agent in every bit of salt i own. and probably in your salt too. as the name implies it is 'mildly' toxic. i put mildly in quotes because according to a quick search it has a lower recommended dose than actual hydrogen cyanide. which kinda seems to me like it means this stuff is more toxic than literal hydrogen cyanide. but what do i know.

(interestingly, it has a recommended dose that's 6 times lower than cyanide while also holding 6 cyano ligands. and chemistry doesn't really work like that just putting 6 of a toxin on something doesn't make it 6 times more toxic by weight but i find it odd that it's the same number here)

now, the amount of it that you're allowed to put in salt is very low. low enough that you would never even approach a dangerous dose. which is really good cuz 0.5% of my salt is anti caking agents, and if all of that was sodium ferrocyanide i'd be way over the recommended dose already and put suffering from kidney damage. i mean i didn't go to a doctor to check or anything and my body is normally dysfunctional in all sorts of ways so there's no way to be sure it's the anti caking agents in my salt of all things that's causing it, but i do sometimes feel intense pinpoint pain in my lower back for a few seconds and my urine might be a bit cloudy so maybe i should check that out.

the amount of sodium ferrocyanide allowed in salt is so low i don't think it does anything. the maximum allowed is something like 20 parts per million. and it's also not the only anti caking agent used. and some salts don't use any anti caking agents so i really wonder why put this toxic stuff in people's food when you literally don't even seem to need to.

i have three theories:

1) i think by far the most likely explanation is that it doesn't do anything (in the amount you find in salt) and its added for some stupid reason like bureaucracy or taxes or shareholders or that's how we've always done it why stop now. i like this theory cuz it means my salt is safe.

2) unlikely i think but still possible. it does actually function as an effective anti caking agent somehow even at such low concentrations. some chemicals can do their magic even in absurdly small quantities.

3) the most sinister. this one's also possible. there's way more sodium ferrocyanide in salt than what's legally allowed. my salt doesn't actually say how much of it is sodium ferrocyanide. it just says how much anti caking agents it has, and that one of those agents is sodium ferrocyanide. i'm hoping it's the legal amount. it may not be.

i will try to get salt that doesn't have this stuff and see if that fixes any of my problems. i'm not an expert on e535 so even though i strongly eluded that i think it's poisoning me i really dont actually know. you might wanna test it yourself but don't just throw out your salt in a panic it genuinely could just be that my body is a piece of shit even when normal salt is given to it.

[casspurrjoybell-33]

Wreckless - The Payment

*Warning Adult Content*

Emmett Locke

I don't wake up until almost eight a.m and Finnegan is still sleeping deeply.

He's so soundly asleep that he doesn't even react when I get up and out of bed.

I check after I hit the bathroom but nope, still out like a light.

He's tired, he's been working too hard even in Michigan with no company so I can't imagine how much worse it'll get.

Luckily I'll be able to keep an eye on him... I still don't know what to do today.

I'm not used to planning out sex... Sex escapades? Sexcapades?

Usually me getting lucky involves being drunk and/or lucky and it just sort of happens.

Back in the army it consisted of finding the guy or guys that it was easiest to get away with for a quick blowjob or rather hasty fuck in the barracks or back of a Humvee.

The problem is that I want to get started right now and also to make it last all day.

Those two things are sort of opposed.

Yes, I could go in there now and he wouldn't mind being woken up.

Heck, a sleepy fuck is a great thing and he could nap later.

I can't help it, I keep thinking back to playing with him on the couch and that's closer to what I need after missing him for so long.

He comes down the stairs with crazy hair, wearing nothing but cute little briefs and his cup dangling from one hand.

"You were gone," he mumbles.

"It's late, sleepy head but I wanted you to sleep as long as you wanted."

I pull him into a hug and he sort of melts against me.

I can't help but notice that he is in full-on little mode.

I'm not sure I've ever seen him so into headspace, even when we play.

I'm going to try not to ruin it and sex gets put on the back burner.

I lead him over to the couch and cover him up with a blanket, then find him some cartoons.

"I'm going to make breakfast, do you need anything?"

He holds his cup up towards me.

"Chocolate milk... if I can't have tummy cummies please."

'Tummy cummies... Dear Lord.' 

I want points for not reacting to that but maybe it's sort of my fault since I guess I started that last night.

I don't mind it, sounds sweeter than choking on my cock.

'Yes, semen does contain actual nutrients including vitamin C, B12, ascorbic acid, calcium, citric acid, fructose, lactic acid, magnesium, zinc, potassium, sodium, fat and protein.'

'But this is no reason to add it into your daily intake just yet as the portion of the same is too tiny to be of any help.'

"Chocolate milk, coming up."

I use his Spiderman cup since he handed it to me and it has a lid so I can shake the crap out of it after putting in the chocolate syrup.

He's practically buried beneath the blanket when I give it to him.

"Would you like eggs?"

He sticks his tongue out and makes an awful face.

So that's a hard no.

"Pancakes? Or waffles? Or french toast?"

"Okay, I'll surprise you."

Pancakes sound good and I debate trying to make him some crazy mickey mouse or a dinosaur shape or something and instead make what my mom always made for me, small ones she called silver dollar pancakes.

I always loved them because there was no cutting needed... I could just shove them into my mouth.

Maybe he'll like them too.

While the batter is resting I make us each a fruit cup and before long we're ready to eat.

"Come and eat, Finnegan."

He takes his time but he's finally walking towards me, completely wrapped in the blanket.

No wonder it took him so long.

"You're gonna get the blanket all syrupy."

"No I won't. I'm cold."

I can fix that.

"Here, give me the blanket and I'll give you my shirt. How about that?"

He takes that deal and I drape it over the empty chair.

I'm plenty warm... I've been up and moving and at the stove.

He's still half asleep which is why he's chilly but the pancakes should help.

"Is that one mine?"

"Yep, do you like them?"

I didn't make myself little ones... they take forever... so much flipping.

"Yes, very much. Syrup?"

I pass it over and soon they're islands in an ocean of syrup.

This boy and condiments but really... he's like that about lots of things.

More is always better.

It's probably why he's so good at his job and well... I'm not complaining about him wanting lots of other things.

"Would you like to go to church today?"

He wrinkles up his nose.

"I should but I don't wanna adult. No, not going. Is that okay?"

"Of course."

"These are yummy."

He's spearing them two at a time to eat them... See? More.

"Emmett, do you have a Switch or PlayStation or something?"

I can switch... I don't HAVE one. 

"No, sorry."

"Can we get one? Hey, I had a dream about us."

I'm very, very curious.

"Did you? What was it about?"

"All I remember is us riding a dragon. It was red and breathed fire. Oh... I think it burned my factory down. That's not a nice dream."

He laughs when he tries to spear a raspberry but it slides up out of the bowl.

"I'm sure your brain is sorting things out the best way it can. I'm glad I was in it though... that's nice."

"It was. That part was good. I'm stuffed. Well, not stuffed but I ate a very good breakfast. Thank you, Emmett. Now can we go get a PlayStation? I want to play Lego games. There's a Lego Harry Potter and a Batman. A boy on the plane next to me was playing on the Switch. We could get one of those but I think maybe a PlayStation has games you'll like too. I'll put on clothes and buy it but you have to take me. Can we?"

Where did that come from?

Well the kid on the plane obviously but still.

"Please Emmett? I don't wanna wait, wanna play today."

"Hold on, Finnegan... let me think."

Geesh he's hyper.

He needs... well he needs to be fucked properly... that will help but maybe a good fuck and then some games is a good plan.

"Okay, we'll go but if you wanna play games this afternoon you'll have to do something for me first."

"What do I have to do, Emmett?"

"You have to let me do whatever I want, babe and what I want is to play with you. Then I want to stick my cock up your tight little hole and fuck you until you scream. How does that sound?"

"No, no please. I don't want you to hurt me."

Wow, that took some effort for him to say since he's practically salivating and climbing across the table to get to me.

"Well then no Play-station."

"No. That's so mean."

"It's your choice, Finnegan. You know you'll like it a little bit and I know you need it, don't you? You've been bugging me to fuck you since yesterday and today you can get your wish but listen very carefully. A gaming system is a huge present and you're going to have to earn it. Do you understand? You're going to pay."

In more ways than one... I can't help it... it's funny.

I'm not sure we're going to get to the store if we don't leave soon.

"Time to get in the shower, Finnegan. Let's go."

[bigheckinbraindrain]

Food logging apps

As of yesterday, I have been using all 3 food logging apps for 2 full weeks. I have logged each thing I ate as best I can (all food has been logged, but sometimes the app doesn't have exactly what I ate so I do as best I can; like one didn't have Little Greek Fries, so I found other fries that were similar in calorie count).

The overall, I think Lose It is my favorite. I have a lot of 🚫items on it, but the pros outweigh the cons (haha, outweigh). I don't want to have to keep up with each of them daily, but each one has something much better than the others do. With Lose It, it feels like the most complete and useful. With CarbManager, it's food logging is the most user-friendly and the daily page is just more robust and useful. With Chronometer, the breakdowns of macros is way better.

Here's where I am with each of them:

Lose It - Overall there are a lot of 🚫 on this list, but it's not my least favorite.

Food Logging

🚫Visually, it's not appealing. At least on the computer. I actually like it's phone app but the computer app just isn't very nice.

🚫It ingests from Apple Health which is ok, except that because I enter stuff on LI, and then the same stuff on the other apps, I have to go back and find duplicates all the time. This is, I'm sure, an easy setting to fix and it won't matter when I've dropped to just using one app.

✅It seems to have most of my food

🚫While it has most of the food, it doesn't show the brand on the diary page, which I weirdly hate

🚫Zero hotkeys or shortcut buttons/clicks. I also hate that

🚫In the meal search box, if you start typing, it can auto-hover on something and stops letting you type. It's a pain

Reporting and Insights

I really like the Patterns insight. It shows me "On days you eat (...) you tend to keep you (...) lower/higher" which is super helpful already, but I'm sure it will be much more so after I've used the app for a long time

The Food Insights (where it shows what items contributed to the highest calories/sodium/fat/etc) is pretty cool, but it doesn't let you pick the date range so ... meh

Budget shows the days you were over/under on your calories. That's kinda nice but I almost never look at it. It doesn't really lend to any changes in behavior so far

Nutrition insight is useless, because there is an "Unknown" slice in the pie. And it doesn't tell you what contributed to it. How can I take stock in anything it's showing on that chart when there is such a large portion that is unknown?

The weekly summary is kinda nice, I do like this one

The weight chart is pretty clear and easy to see my trends.

CarbManager - Overall, this has the most ✅ marks, but I just don't know that it's my favorite. I think this is 100% because it's focused on carbs and that's not my goal. I feel if they were to let you choose which macro is your focus and display accordingly, this would be my favorite by a lot.

Food Logging

✅Visually, this is my favorite. It's clean and crisp, both on the computer as well as on my phone

🚫It's focus is on Carbs (I mean, it IS called CarbManager) and I don't focus on Carbs. I really really wish it would let you decide to do Carbs OR Calories as your focus.

✅It has most of the foods I'm looking for

✅It tells you the name of the brand/restaurant and even shows pictures

✅It's super easy to copy from one day or meal to another, which is awesome

✅I actually just did a recent call with them for market research. I love knowing that they're that interested in their user base and take time (and spend money) to find out user's preferences and ease of use. They did a portion that was touch-point/pain-point and I LOVE that!

🤔There are a ton of recipes on the site (which is awesome) but they are all carb-focused (again, it's right there in the name) which is not my goal. So yay recipes, boo they are carb-focused. HOWEVER, because I'm not supposed to be eating wheat and select other grains, this is actually pretty good. I'm not Keto, but I share a lot of the same needs.

🚫Your weight isn't listed on your diary page. I want to see all the info I care about in one place

Reporting and Insights

If we're being honest, the reports section is shit. I get way more useful information looking at the day-to-day charts, because the reporting section is 100% lacking

Chronometer - I really like this one, except the lack of items in the database. I think if I had no issue looking stuff up, I'd absolutely love this app. I know that if I used this long enough, and I entered in everything that it didn't have in the db whenever I found something missing, eventually it would even out and I could find everything even if it was because I entered it. But I just don't have that kind of patience or desire to put in the extra work for an app I'm paying for.

Food Logging

✅Visually, this is almost an exact mix between the other two.

🚫🚫I find a lot of the food I'm looking for just isn't here. I have to frequently find "close enough" type foods, which means that the macro summaries that I like so much aren't really accurate.

✅It's very easy to drag and drop, rearrange stuff, etc. That's really nice

🤔I always talk about how much I love the nutrient targets, but if we're being honest, I rarely look at them. It seems the only time I care about this level of depth is when I get bloodwork done and I want to see what contributed to a specific thing (like sodium).

Reporting and Insights

The nutrition report for daily averages is pretty dope. I really like this one for retrospective

[artiststarme]

"A Little Fruity"

It was just an average night for the Munsons. Wayne was taking advantage of a rare night off to catch up on laundry and watch a rerun of one of his favorite Western films. Eddie was fiddling around the kitchen trying to create some sort of semi-edible dessert for the two to eat after they had finished their sodium-filled TV dinners. After creating a symphony of clunks and bangs, Eddie came bursting around the small island with a small plate and thrust it into Wayne’s face. 

“Here, try this. Isn’t it amazing? And it’s healthy!” He said excitedly, pushing the plate into Wayne’s hands and watching him take a small nibble. 

Wayne didn’t know what he made, some sort of berry danish or tart it seemed. It was alright but he wasn’t a huge fan of fruity desserts and much preferred richer flavors such as chocolate or caramel. But still, Eddie had tried his best to make a ‘fancy’ dessert and he deserved praise for that. 

“Pretty good, kid! It’s a little fruity though,” he said and gave his nephew a thumbs up while he shoved the entire tart into his mouth.  

“Hey, like me!” Immediately, Eddie realized what he said and tried to backtrack. “Um, not in a gay way!”

“That’s the only way,” Wayne said after a moment, raising an eyebrow. He maintained a calm composure, the direct opposite of Eddie who was on the verge of a panic attack. Eddie’s heart beat hard against his chest, his hands started to shake, and tears filled the brims of his eyes. 

Eddie couldn’t believe he’d been so careless with his words. He’d grown too comfortable and now he was going to pay the price. His uncle was going to abandon him and never talk to him again. And Eddie couldn’t even blame him. If he were him, he wouldn’t want his eccentric, fag of a nephew living with him either. He didn’t know what he could say to fix this. 

“Um…” Eddie couldn’t even speak through the fear clogging his throat. He hadn’t been this scared of Wayne since he was dropped at the man’s doorstep by the social worker when he was 11. It had taken months of Wayne slowly breaking down his walls and gaining his trust until he stopped being so afraid of him. But now with one small slip of tongue, he felt like he had reverted back to the little bald-headed kid he was back in the day that had feared everything.

Wayne, immediately recognizing the terrified glint in his wide eyes, set the plate of dessert next to him on the couch and raised his hands in comforting surrender. “Relax kid, I don’t care what you’re into as long as you’re happy. And safe. It’s alright, Eds. Calm down.”

He rose from his seat and approached his cowering nephew carefully, making sure his hands remained in Eddie’s point of view. Eddie watched him approach with wide eyes as he shook like a leaf. When Wayne placed his hand on Eddie’s shoulder, the boy immediately launched himself into his uncle’s arms for a comforting hug. His frame shook with the force of his cries and the whole time, Wayne just patted his shoulders and murmured comforting words in his ear. 

“It’s alright, kiddo. You’re still my boy, nothing's gonna change that. It’s alright, you’re okay. I know this isn’t how you wanted to tell me but it's okay.”

Wayne meant what he said. His boy was different in a lot of ways and he’d always accepted him before. He wasn’t going to turn on him just for loving who he loved. Times were hard on people like his nephew. Was he disappointed that Eddie was going to have a harder time finding love than his straight counterparts? Absolutely. But he knew it was beyond Eddie’s control and he would never blame him for that. Not for something he couldn’t control and probably not for some things he did have control over. 

Eddie whispered into his shoulder, “you don’t hate me?”

Wayne shook his head passionately, tightening his grip on his nephew. “Of course not! I’m always gonna love ya no matter what. There ain’t a thing you could do that would make me hate you, Eds.”

Eddie let out a weak chuckle, “even if I didn’t graduate again?”

“Even then.” 

“What if I murdered someone?” Eddie asked, words coming out more steadily with his worries assuaged. 

Wayne scoffed, “you can’t even kill the bugs, kid. You couldn’t murder anybody.”

Eddie pulled away enough to look him in the eyes. There was a smile on his face now but it was dimmed by the tears stuck on his pale face. “But if I did?”

“I’d be a little mad but I’d still help you hide the body. You’d probably have a reason. Now, stop yammering and get that guitar of yers. Show me that new tune you were working on.” Wayne said, swatting at his nephew’s tangled hair and pushing him away. 

He listened to his cackling as he went down the hall and shook his head. His boy was too good for this world and he could only hope that when he got hurt, he’d be able to pick up the pieces. 

~*~*~*~

Months later, Wayne remembered their conversation as he sat atop a picnic table outside his trailer smoking a cigarette. As soon as he’d seen the broken body of that young girl in the living room of his trailer, he knew it couldn’t have been Eddie. No, there was no world in which his sweet nephew would ever hurt another human being. It wasn’t in his nature. Eddie was theatrical and extravagant but he was also sensitive and tenderhearted. 

This horrific deed couldn’t have been his Eddie. Not when just a few months ago, he had come out to him with a joke about a goddamn fruit tart. Not when he’d nearly had a panic attack about being hated by the one person that was always in his corner. No, there was no way regardless of what these piece of shit cops said. He just hoped that he could convince them before things got any worse for his boy.

[thebibliosphere]

Hey Bibliomom. So I've had CFS/ME for the past 13 years or so, and I've only just been diagnosed. My feelings on being confirmed to have an incurable disorder rather than something that is in my head(and a personal deficit that I am therefore theoretically capable of overcoming) are... Complicated. Can you recommend any support groups/groups for people trying out and reporting on the effects of various treatments? I have been taking LDN for a few months, and I've recently started on bi-weekly b12 shots. I know it's to be expected but I always feel so gutted when a new treatment doesn't just... Fix Me. I'm looking into mestonin, stellate ganglion blocks, and getting my microbiome mapped and altering my diet based on that. It's all so much money and spoons for a complete crap shoot every time. Have any particular treatments worked well for you?

Unfortunately, there is no Fix Me cure for Me/CFS, there’s just things that help and maybe increase your baseline of wellness. Chief among them, resting while in an active flare to avoid PEM (Post Exertion Malaise.). You can do all the fanciest most expensive treatments, but if you’re not resting enough to avoid PEM, you’re just throwing money away.

The jury is still out between my doctors on whether I have ME/CFS. Some say no because I got substantially better after pernicious anemia treatment and that fatigue is a symptom of Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, and what I have is chronic fatigue, not chronic fatigue syndrome.

Some of my other doctors say that’s just splitting hairs. Especially when we now know I have multiple genetic disorders that were made infinitely worse following viral infections and other physical injuries.

Either way they all agree that avoiding PEM is vital at all costs. This means tailoring my physical rehab to very specifically to not push beyond my limits. If I wake up more tired than usual, I cancel physical therapy that day because going through with it can set me back days, sometimes even weeks.

We’ve also found that stabilizing my neck through physical therapy has been beneficial, as cervical instability and things like tethered cord syndrome have also been linked to ME/CFS (Jennifer Brea is a famous example.)

I’m also being assessed this week by a neuro-eye specialist to see if there’s something wrong with my eyes that a regular eye doctor might miss, just on the off chance that a misalignment is the cause of my chronic migraines, and potentially a lot of fatigue as well.

Other than that I take a crap ton of methylated micronutrients under doctor’s orders because my body struggles with the methylation process, and also I just don’t absorb food properly thanks to the EDS and MCAS, so I’m pretty much always deficient in something. Also making sure I’m properly hydrated at all times helps. It’s amazing how crummy low electrolytes can make you feel, even when you think you are adequately hydrated.

As for groups, I find the r/cfs subreddit helpful. The r/CFSplusADHD has also been helpful, though less active. Other than that I recommend following along with the ME Action Network. They post a lot of research and can be a good way to find other people in similar situations.

And to answer your other question about mast cell stabilizers: I rotate between Cetirizine and Levocetirizine at the moment (both h1 blockers), and also Famotidine (h2) when needed. I don’t find Famotidine as effect as Ranitidine, but unfortunately, Ranitidine is still off the market due to a recall concerning product instability.

I’ve also found Ketotifen (h1 blocker) helps to reduce my fibromyalgia type pain, but unfortunately I don’t tolerate it very well and it makes my migraines worse. Same with Cromolyn Sodium. That one actually brought me out in hives when I tried the oral route, but I suspect the dosage was too high. I tolerate the eye drops though.

I also take a high dose of Vitamin D3 every day under doctor’s orders. That has really helped my mast cell symptoms over the last year. It’s amazing what being low on Vit D can cause to fuck up in your body.

Other than that it’s avoid triggers, avoid stress and get plenty of rest.

I hope that helps.

[milliedazzledust]

I'll Come Back for You (Bucky Barnes imagine)

REQUEST: ANON - something where he is in winter soldier mode and protecting the scientist (y/n) where she is the only one who can sort of calm him down after a mission

ANON - winter soldier!bucky being protective over his scientist who’s forced to be take care of his health and she’s being kept there against his will too

ANON - Bucky Barnes request about how both reader and Bucky are each other support systems? It could be like a headcanon, how would the reader comfort him while how he comforts her so forth and so on

WORDS: 3506

A/N: So I don't know if I was inspired or if I just wrote too much, but I'm not sure this story's good. Anyway, feedback is really appreciated and I hope you'll like it :) (also don't forget to tell me if you want to be on my taglist ^^)

“What happened this time ?”

Her voice was only a whisper in the quiet room. The broken man silently sat on the examination table while she stuck a needle in his functioning arm. He didn’t speak, didn’t even flinch. This masquerade had started the moment she had set foot inside Hydra secret base. They had brought her against her will to take care of their most valuable soldier. It was always the same dance, rehearsed a million times since she had met him. After each mission, each murder, he’d come to her. She’d fix his physical wounds, take care of his arm and let him go.

More than often, she found herself feeling sorry for him. She knew what Hydra was doing to him, she’d heard the screams echoing in the distance. It would keep ringing in her ears for hours. Sometimes, the simple thought of picturing what he was going through was enough to bring her to tears. No one deserved to suffer this way.

The Winter Soldier was a cruel man, an assassin. She had seen him in action, had even been attacked the first time they were introduced. But despite being the necessary tool to take care of their valuable killer, she liked him. This wasn’t a place anyone could handle, not even him. And while she was aware of the danger Hydra represented, he was a different story. The man he once was had been trapped in a small corner of his mind, disconnected. His hands were his own, but his actions were dictated by an army that had invaded his head long ago. He was a machine turned on and off at will by the power of ten simple words.

“I was stabbed” Was his only answer. He didn’t give any detail, simply raised his shirt so she could inspect the injury.

“Do you feel any pain ?”

He blankly stared at an invisible point on the wall, avoiding looking at her. He was aware anyone could be listening.

“Soldier ?” She called him, stopping her movement and waiting for his response.

“I don’t feel anything” His voice was emotionless and a chill ran down her spine when he spoke. He was detached, impassive, a statue unaware he was capable of sentiment.

She cleared her throat, trying to stay focused on her task. She cleaned the wound, took his vitals, wrote down the conclusion of her examination and prepared what she needed to sew him up.

When she was about to administer the anesthetic, he suddenly grabbed her wrist. She caught her breath, frightened, but made no movement. For the first time that day, he turned his head to look at her. Whatever she saw in his eyes was enough to ease the tension in her shoulders and she relaxed.

“It’s okay” She whispered, a kind smile on her face. “This is propofol”

She knew he would recognize the name. She had spent countless hours explaining everything she was doing to him in detail so he wouldn’t be uncomfortable or scared. He was a super soldier that required extreme measures of treatment.

“No drugs,” He told her.

“You might regret that decision once I start to put the stitches in”

“I need to stay conscious,” He explicated, almost begging her. “Please”

She didn’t argue, only glanced at a camera behind her recording their interaction.

“Alright” She conceded. “I’ll switch to saline”

He nodded, grateful she wasn’t pushing. She turned her back carefully so her table was no longer in the camera’s field of view and he watched her emptying the needle and filling it with a harmless mixture of water and sodium chloride. Nothing that would put him to sleep.

“Have you ever been to Greece ?” She asked him out of the blue. He stared at her curiously. “I’ve always dreamed of visiting. It has the longest coastline in Europe, with so many islands between the blue Aegean Sea to the east, the Mediterranean Sea to the south, and the Ionian Sea to the west. Can you imagine how beautiful it must be ?”

She kept talking for a while about the country, the books she had read and the films she had seen about it. His eyes stayed on her the whole time, his head tilted to the side, wondering why she was telling him all this. Not that he minded, he loved listening to her. She had the power to calm him down. He was constantly on high alert, ready to fight whomever he was told to kill, prepared to endure whatever torture they had prepared, but this room and the woman inside were his only small moments of peace. Her voice was the music he desperately needed to sooth his soul.

“Why are you telling me this ?” He wondered out loud.

She smirked. “To take your mind somewhere else than here. Seems like it worked”

He glanced at his stomach and realized the stitches were already there. Too engrossed in her story, he hadn’t noticed or felt anything.

“How…”

“Funny how magical words can turn out to be, isn’t it ?”

She could swear she saw the flicker of an emotion on his face looking back between his wound and the woman, but just as quickly as it came, it was gone.

“Thank you, doc”

She hesitated a moment before gently taking his hand on her own.

“Be careful” She muttered. “There’s only so much I can fix”

“I will” He promised. “Are they … are they treating you right ?”

She shrugged. “If threatening to kill me is what you consider right, then I guess I’m a real princess in a castle”

He ran a jerky hand through his hair and seemed to be looking for the right words to say but never spoke.

“Can I ask …” She began, curiosity getting the best out of her. “What is your real name ?”

When his gaze fell on her, all she saw was pure panic. Her question, as simple as it may have been, had surprised him. He didn’t remember, didn’t even question anyone, because it hadn’t mattered. He didn’t need to be more than a ghost to be able to kill.

“I’m sorry” She apologized. “I shouldn’t have asked. I didn’t mean to…”

“I don’t know” He admitted.

She gulped and looked away. His eyes held too much confusion and despair. Coming face to face with the enormity that was this man’s fate was sometimes undeniably heartbreaking.

“Can I call you Winter, then ?” She suggested.

He seemed to ponder for a while before offering her a small smile. “Yes, yes I’d like that”

It hurt to see a glimpse of happiness on his face for something as simple as a name and the woman didn’t realize that what she had just given him was the shred of an identity. A tiny piece he would hold onto. He was living inside a nightmare he had no idea he was trapped into, and if she dared to help, she would pay it with her life. So all she had the power to do was give him a name. Make him feel alive again.

The next time she saw him was only a couple of days after, carried by two agents, head hanging low and barely conscious. His clothes were stained in blood and his metal arm seemed dislocated.

“Patch him up” One of the men coldly ordered. They dropped the injured soldier on the ground like he was nothing more than an object, not even human.

She rushed to his side, checking his pupils first with a flashlight to rule out any intracranial damage to his brain. She did the same on his chest with a stethoscope, searching for any potential life threatening injury. When she moved to his shoulder to inspect the metal bones, he regained consciousness. Maybe it was the sight of yet another scientist above him or the touch of her fingers on his skin, but the man was quick to react and got on his feet in no time. His human hand wrapped around her neck tightly and he pushed her body with force against a wall, choking her. She tried to speak, but the action had been so sudden and violent that she was unable to move a muscle. He was in a trance, eyes filled with hatred that she knew was not directed toward her. Whatever he was picturing in his mind had awakened the assassin. She was the threat and he was in a game of survival.

She whispered his name several times but it was only after a minute, when she was on the verge of passing out, that he seemed to realize what he was doing. He stared at her with wide open eyes and released her from his grip. Her body fell on the floor before she started coughing, struggling to catch her breath.

“I’m…” He tried to speak, looking down at his hands in horror.

“Water” She managed to whisper.

He brought the woman a bottle and tried to help her on her feet. When he reached for her, she involuntarily flinched. A pure reflex. She didn’t miss the sadness on his face as he recoiled from her.

“I didn’t mean…”

“I know. It’s alright”

“I could’ve killed you” He said it more to himself than to her.

“But you didn’t” She laid a hand on her chest, taking a deep breath to try and calm her heart rate. “What happened ?”

“You touched me,” He explained.

“I touch you all the time” When he smirked, she realized the double meaning behind what she had just said. “Hm … why would it be any different today ?” She immediately changed the subject.

“Usually, when I’m unconscious I can … sense them around me. Working on me. And I can’t move but I still feel the pain”

Once again she was at a loss of words against the heaviness that was the burden of his life.

“Are you sure you’re alright ?” He repeated almost in a childish voice.

“I’ll get over it, don’t worry” She tried to reassure him. It didn’t seem to work. He took a temptative step, making sure she wasn’t uncomfortable. He moved his hand toward her neck, deliberately going as slow as he could. His eyes stayed on hers, watching out for any sign of fear. “What are you doing ?” She said in a breath, a different kind of shiver rolling down her spine.

“I need to make sure I didn’t hurt you” The sincerity and concern she heard in his voice were unsettling. She stared back in disbelief, but didn’t move. This was the closest they had ever been and it almost felt unreal for both of them. Too good to be true, especially in a place of nightmare like this.

He tilted her head to the back, still looking at her, and softly brushed his thumb over her skin. A bruise was already starting to appear. She saw the change in his eyes, the regret and sadness when he lowered his gaze. He kept inspecting her from all angles possible, making her chuckle in the process.

“Are you done, doctor ?” She joked.

He tried not to smile but miserably failed. “Almost. Haven’t found a diagnosis yet”

This time she laughed.

“C’mon, I’m not the real patient here. I need to take a look at you” She glanced at his metal arm, still dislocated. He was avoiding using it and she had noticed.

He sighed but didn’t remove his hand from her neck. Instead, his thumb slowly reached her cheek and he gently stroked her skin.

“I wish I could get you out of here” He whispered. “You don’t deserve any of this”

“Neither do you”

He clenched his jaw and plastered a tight smile, refusing to acknowledge what she had just said. He lowered his arm and sat on the examination table without saying anything.

“I’m gonna … hm … I’m gonna need to cut your shirt open” She gulped, trying to keep her cheeks from getting any warmer.

The man smirked and grabbed a pair of scissors nearby that he handed to her. She took it but didn’t dare to look at him, too uncomfortable by the situation. As she cut his shirt higher and higher, her hands started to shake. He could see her shifting her weight from side to side and desperately avoiding any eye contact. She was embarrassed and he was enjoying every second of it.

When finally she had taken it carefully off his body, she huffed in frustration. There was no denying that he had beyond toned muscle structure, verged into defined and well built curves.

“Is it… is it alright if I touch you ?” She allowed herself to take a glance at him, and rolled her eyes when she saw the smirk on his face.

“More than alright, doc” He teased her.

The moment her hands came in contact with his skin, he involuntarily flexed his muscles. She took a sharp breath, trying not to lose focus when she cleaned his wounds. She looked up at him to make sure he wasn’t in any pain, only to realize he was already staring. What should have been a quick glance turned into something more, a moment that lasted a little too long. When he leaned in toward her, she suddenly seemed to notice the lack of space between them. She cleared her throat and took a step back.

“Quit flirting, Winter” She reprimanded him with a playful grin.

He laughed. It was the first time she heard that sound and she couldn’t help the giggle that escaped her mouth. He looked so carefree and alive, so human. She was finally meeting the man behind the assassin, and he troubled her even more than the silent killer.

“I kinda like to see you flustered, doc”

She ran a hand through her hair, trying to hide her obvious nervousness.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” She pursed her lips to keep from smiling.

“Sure you don’t” He sniggered.

She rolled her eyes. “I’m gonna need to put that shoulder into place”

Instead of talking, he grabbed her hips and considerably shortened the distance she had put between them. Her eyes widened from both the sudden gesture and the feeling of his fingers on her body.

“Go right ahead, doc”

She leaned in toward him to have a better access to the injury, ignoring the unexpected shudder. She was practically over him, a hand on his shoulder, the other on his broad back. If he felt any pain when she pushed the bones back into place, he didn’t show.

“All good ?” He muttered, heavily breathing. She was about to ask if he was okay but the words stayed stuck when she realized how close their faces were. He wasn’t hurt, no, he was perturbed by her presence. He could smell her perfume and see the hair raising on her neck. Whatever he was feeling, she felt it too.

“Do I make you nervous, soldier ?” She said, a smile building on her full lips.

“You have no idea, doctor”

She turned to face him. They locked eyes and, for a moment, none of them moved. The atmosphere instantly changed when he bit his lips. He bent closer and closer, and this time she didn’t push back. When finally he kissed her, she froze in place. He was about to draw back when she grabbed his neck, deepening the kiss. A sensation she couldn’t comprehend took over her whole body. He didn’t rush, took his sweet time lingering his lips over hers. She could swore her knees would have given out if he wasn’t holding her in place. Her chest was fluttering and she lost all sense of time. He pulled back from the lack of oxygen, but not before caressing her mouth one last time.

“Too much?” He inquired quietly.

She shook her head, laughing. “No. Just enough”

“I’ve been dreaming of doing that for a while” He admitted.

“Quite the change of attitude. I could’ve sworn you wanted me dead only ten minutes ago” She joked.

He pouted, not particularly happy she was reminding him of his previous outburst.

“You’re all set up, Winter” She announced after one last look over his chest. “No major damage”

“Have you checked my heart ?” He joked with a smirk. “I think it’s beating a little fast”

She coughed to try and hide her laugh.

“I’m afraid that’s not fixable” She started to write her report, ignoring his lingering gaze on her. Her brain was still fuzzy from the kiss they shared. “Unless I stay away, which would probably ease your … discomfort”

“Who said anything about discomfort ? That’s a kind of pain I’d rather enjoy”

She raised an eyebrow, not missing the way her own heart palpitated.

“Don’t play with fire, soldier”

He smirked. “Between us, I’m trying to delay the moment I’ll have to go through that door again”

This time she lost all joy and raised her head from what she was writing on her report to look at him.

“You’re strong enough to leave this place, you know”

“Leave where ?” He asked.

“Somewhere you’ll find who you really are”

“Does that somewhere include you ? ‘Cause you should know I won’t go without you”

She walked up to him and took his hands.

“Save yourself while you still can, Winter” She sadly replied.

“What about you ?”

“I’m just … collateral damage” She exhaled.

He gently pressed his forehead to hers.

“I promise I’ll come back for you after that last mission”

“I’ll hold you onto that”

He planted a soft kiss on her lips, making her forget once again where they were and what their reality was.

“I’ll take you to Greece” He whispered. “Just the two of us. Wouldn’t that be great ?”

“It’s a date” She grinned, making him laugh.

“You’ve got yourself a deal. We’ll get out of here” He swore. “And I’ll take you dancing under the stars of Mykonos”

He didn’t know then that he would never have the occasion to keep that promise. They would have more moments, stolen from the chaos of this place, but nothing more. Weeks later, he would hear rumors about treason and compromising positions. He would understand too late they meant her. She was his weak point, and the Winter Soldier couldn’t have any weaknesses. She was disposable, he was an assassin with superpowers. All the recordings they had proved he no longer could be operational so long as she was still breathing.

“Buck, you alright ?” A voice suddenly spoke in the agonizing silence.

He turned around to his friend, brushing the tears he didn’t realize had started to fall. Standing in the empty room, he couldn’t move away from the dried patch of blood on the floor.

“Yeah, I just need a minute” He shook his head, trying to make the painful memories disappear.

The man behind him began to inspect the place, searching through scattered papers around a desk.

“Dr. Y/N Y/L/N” He read.

Bucky closed his eyes, clenching his jaw. The simple sound of her name was enough to widen the open wound inside his chest. He sat on the examination table one last time, without her. Forgetting he wasn’t alone, he let himself wander into his most precious memories. He remembered the taste of her lips, the smell of her perfume and the touch of her skin. Every detail engraved in his head forever.

“Did you know her ?” The person asked.

“Yeah”

The man stopped what he was doing and observed the former assassin for a solid minute. He looked heartbroken.

“Bad memories ?” He inquired.

“Not in this room” Bucky sadly smiled.

“What happened ?”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Steve”

The Captain hesitated for a moment but didn’t push. He was aware his friend was still healing and whatever the place was, it was part of his pain.

“Is she dead ?” He only questioned.

He gulped and tilted his head backward to keep the tears at bay. “They took her away from me” His voice cracked when he spoke. He was not able to stop the violent sob that escaped his mouth. He wanted to say so much more but the lump in his throat was far too heavy.

“I was too late,” He whispered. “I promised I’d come back for her but I was … too …”

His shoulders started to shake as tears ran down his bloodshot eyes. Steve rapidly closed the distance between them and hugged his friend, letting him express his sadness. They stayed there until he was calm enough to take a deep breath.

“You ready ?” The Captain inquired.

The broken soldier silently nodded.

“Where to now ?” Steve asked him. “You’re free to go anywhere you'd like”

“Greece. I have a date in Greece”

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