#that's not very gender affirming of you. mammary glands. know your place and go back to being barely an a cup

[snobgoblin]

if you've noticed Danny's boobs getting bigger over time that's because mine did recently and I'm really mad about it 😭

[fimflamfilosophy]

I haven’t been keeping up with Steven Universe, but many moons ago, a bunch of girls I knew were inventing “Gemsonas”. If you’re not familiar, a “Gemsona” is one of a multitude of servitors enslaved to an ever-expanding, brightly colored, insect-like society of English-speaking, lesbian aliens who all, for some reason, are named after common Earth minerals.

Each neurotic, homosexual slave is given some sort of magical weapon to represent their personality. For example, Pearl is given a spear so she can constantly poke at people like the annoying trash goblin she is, Amethyst is given a thorny whip because she’s always dragging everyone down, and Garnet has a pair of gauntlets because she’s actually two much tinier lesbians fused together like Station from “Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey”, and the two of them are clingy as all heck.

So these girls, they were coming up with all these sleek, sexy designs with awkward, unusable weapons - like ice skates you wear on your shins because you like to ice skate, but someone also once said you have nice shins. And they asked me, “What’s your Gemsona?”

“It’s okay,” they assured me, “You don’t have to be a lesbian or a woman to have one.”

And apparently this was an important thing to affirm, because on Tumblr there was an unwritten code stating that insane, pastel lesbians from outer space are exclusive and sacred to actual, real-life lesbians who are insane and wear a lot of pastels, and if I had posted a Gemsona at that time without legally changing my gender, I would be signalling to them that I was working for the enemy camp; lonely fat men who like video games. It was quite the Hatfield and McCoy situation and not something you wanted to step into without an emissary.

So with blessings from the proper ambassadors, I quickly sketched what could best be described as a four-foot carrot with tits and a wooden spoon.

“What’s this?” they asked.

“It’s my Gemsona, Dirt,” I replied, as though I thought that should about cover it.

“But it’s supposed to represent your personality!” They protested.

“Well Dirt cleans the gutters,” I explained. “Someone has to.”

And after a few questions about whether or not I was actually trying to call for help, they let it be and went back to their cool, sexy designs. Within months, they’d forgotten everything they’d done with the characters and moved on with their lives, but I still remember Dirt, and I remember Dirt fondly.

First of all, Dirt looks rather manly for a Gem because she has very broad shoulders, but I assure you, Gems are not gendered, and actually just have bizarrely-shaped rib cages that look like boobs. Never in the history of the show has anyone actually had proper mammary glands, as these aliens can not birth new life from their loins without ceasing to exist, and by virtue of not existing after giving birth, can therefore not suckle a child. Don’t get me wrong, they are hard light constructs who can take any form they want and could therefore have tits at a moment’s notice - they just choose to have a weird rib cage instead.

So what I’m saying is, Dirt is a barbie doll down there. Not a thing present. No nipples either. She cleans the damn gutters, because someone has to, and nobody ever cleaned gutters better on account of having their own natural gutters. And not only does Dirt clean the gutters, Dirt always cleans the gutters. It’s what Dirt was made to do, and if the gutters are not clean, Dirt has failed at her only reason for living.

It’s not an easy job. There were a lot of times the gutters were a lot dirtier than you’d imagine. Gems have this thing about conquering planets and killing the living natives so they can make way for important projects, such as a giant, planet-sized ball of flailing, multi-colored arms and legs, and the explosions of gore and viscera pile up and make it really hard for water to properly flow through the dang gutters.

Not only that, but gems have this thing about not wanting the gutters to smell like rotting flesh, so you’ve got to scrub those gutters really hard with some advanced, alien, lesbian cleaning solutions. We’re talking lesbian technology far beyond anyone’s imagination, unless you can imagine a giant, neon hand holding a scrub brush and a bottle of Mr. Sudsy because that’s exactly what it is. Society has not evolved much further than the neon hand, unless you consider the zap rods they used to capture the show’s main characters as a major technology advancement, but let’s be honest that was probably a sex thing.

Speaking of sex things, even when the leadership decides to spare one particular species of living animals that all gems just happen to look like - no, not the monkeys, the humans - there’s still a lot of maintenance to be done. Because humans need water, and where there’s water you’re going to need something to capture the run-off, and what happens when you need the storm drains cleaned? That’s right, you call Dirt, the most dependable gutter-cleaning, gay, space creature the universe have ever known.

And Dirt does not know what an Oompa Loompa is, but the humans sure have a lot of nerve, because once they learned that rhyming song you and the other Dirt gems always sing whenever you come to clean the gutters, they would not shut up about it. How did 20% of humans even learn English in the first place? If you want to sing a song while you unclog one of their dumb asses from the drainage system for the hundredth time, you can bet the song you sing while doing it is going to resemble a didactic poem about not getting your head clogged in the goddamned drainage system. And it isn’t funny, it’s educational!

And anyway, that’s Dirt, my Gemsona from years ago.

[officialnaturalnatures-blog]

The Naked Truth

Why Nudity?

There are a lot of naked people on this website, and I’m one of them. So why all of the nudity? If you have read our About page, you know we do not want to be associated with pornography. Also, if you have read anything on the site, you’ll have seen that our goals for the future do not include nudity. This then could leave a person wondering, why nudity in the first place? Today we will discuss that naked truth.

To truly understand the reason for the nudity, you need to know how the idea started (a nice full account can be found on the About page). You see, we are three guys who love hiking, and we love that liberating feeling that comes from accomplishing a big hike or summit. We noticed that our female friends who were into hiking were doing topless photos when they reached a beautiful vista during their hiking. It seemed to us that this was their way of showing how liberating it is to get deep into nature, and we wanted to express our own feelings of liberation. Of course, half the time we hiked to the destination already topless—because a female nipple is sexual, but a male’s isn’t, somehow that is supposed to make sense—so we had to kick things up a notch and get completely naked.

A simple beginning, but all things begin simply, it is the evolution following that really matters. Strangely enough, pornography does have something to do with that evolution. It is not that we ever thought to turn our art pornographic, but solely the fact that a naked body is so quickly labeled as pornographic. Somehow Western culture (and especially American culture) has managed to make the human body into some sexual object. I don’t know about everyone else out there, but I would say that sex accounts for less than 1% of the activities I do with my body. Why then does the human body get categorized as a sexual thing?

This was our struggle. It was more real for us, because the male psyche is more likely to be drawn in with visible mediums, and so the rampant sexualization of the human body had seeped into our own ability to see the world. We are not the kind of people to stand idly by and allow someone else to shape our perceptions, and so we began to craft an art using naked bodies that were purposefully kept from being sexualized. You’ll also notice that (at least for now) the only nudity in our photos is from behind. Everyone has a butt you see, and sometimes it is even difficult to gender an individual if you are just seeing that person from behind. Still, it is beautiful. We use our asses, legs, backs, arms, necks, and heads to get us up to or in to the places where we take the photographs. We are showcasing that body not as a sexual object, but as a beautiful tool that can transport us to beautiful places.

Another important thing to us is one that I have already dropped hints at earlier. The culture has construed this vast difference between the male and the female, and this enters into how it portrays those bodies as well. Any woman can tell you multiple stories of having her own body sexualized in public without any provocation. This is because our society has decided to portray the female body as a sexual thing, which is inappropriate for reasons already mentioned (that female body is capable of running, yoga, hiking, swimming, relaxing, and even holding life and bringing it into existence along with much much more, why not see it in that light?). The male body is constructed in a much different way by the culture.

In the United States, a man can be labeled as a sexual predator just for having his body naked in public. The strange thing is: that would never happen to a woman. The male body is figured as some malicious object that is abject and horrifying to behold. Personally, I never cringe when I see my naked body in the mirror or while I’m taking NaturalNatures of other guys. Not only that, but humans are one of the least sexually dimorphic land mammals on planet earth. Our bodies look surprisingly alike between the sexes, just so happens that a woman has her reproductive organs inside her body, and carries mammary glands to feed young in her breasts, while males have their reproductive organs on the outside, and don’t have to worry about feeding babies with their bodies.

All of this is to say that we need greater equality in how we view human bodies. A female should not immediately be sexualized, and a male should not be demonized. Instead, we believe that the naked human body should be appreciated, applauded, and admired. For why should it ever be wrong and frowned upon to be natural?

We are natural beings. This Earth is what gave us the material for our genetics and our day to day lives. It is this obsession with the natural and viewing Mother Nature as the preeminent adjudicator of the mortal realm that has led us to want to acquaint others with Her through NaturalNatures Tours and why we want to create a Farm based solely on living in closer harmony with her. The obsession with the natural also happens to be another reason why we like to get naked in nature, and why we would encourage others to do the same. The naked human body is not all that different from nature itself. It is both weak and strong, capable of doing amazing things on its own, but also something that needs help and assistance from time to time. It’s this natural part of ourselves and the world that we love so much, and so we figured we’d showcase both at the same time.

That is why there is the nudity. It is not somehow separate from the ideals we espouse, but rather a very good visual representation. That is not to say that our Tours or Farm will be places of constant nudity, but we also don’t believe that any person has the right to say that the naked body is offensive, so we certainly won’t tell someone to go put clothes on if they decide to be naked. It is a principle that goes for the day to day life as well, and for our pictures. We always encourage others to take NaturalNatures, no matter the shape or size or color of the individual. If you would like to help us diversify our portfolio, contact us on our Help Us page. It’s always nice to see others falling in love with the natural side of themselves and this world.

We'd love for you to share your own body affirmations below in the comments. We’ll see you on the trail!