#that's not gonna have a big readership I'm not delusional

[datamodel-of-disaster]

CW: personal, about writing, being demoralized by lack of audience response

It's not uncommon for me to really love my first project in a new fandom, and have it be a relatively lengthy thing that I did research for, something focused more on character and setting exploration and not so much on smut scenes.

It's also not uncommon for those projects to fall flat on their face when I start posting them because... well, no one gives a shit.

I'm not meant to be self-deprecating about my writing, and to be honest I don't think it's bad, but... yeah. I'm no author. I'm an amateur. That's not shameful, but it does mean that more ambitious projects are inevitably beyond my skillset, and so... my longform work doesn't quite manage the threshold from "passable" and "decent" into "good enough that people will read a story of that length".

It's a good reminder of all those things I'm not meant to say out loud about my own work and myself. I don't have to name that demon to call upon it; all it needs is for the audience to remain silent.

It just... breaks my heart a bit, I guess.

(Ok, I'm not gonna lie. A lot. It breaks it a lot.)