#that's more what i prefer to do than what i really do

[lambilegs]

best friend's older sister!sevika headcanons pt. 2

contains: modern!au, nsfw content (so minors/ageless blogs dni!!), cursing, reader is mentioned to have family issues, hcs + blurbs set pre-confession and post-confession, mention of spanking, strap-on sex (reader receiving), breeding kink, dirty talk, degrading (the word "slut" is used), humiliation kink, sevika physically teasing reader at family dinner, mention of smoking, reader's body is referred to w the terms "pussy" and "clit"

pt. 1

best friend's older sister!sevika who pauses outside her door when she hears the muffled noises of your crying, followed by her sister's voice. her eyebrows immediately draw in concern, stomach turning as possibilities run through her mind. you mentioned having an exam earlier this week -- did you fail it? was someone bothering you? did you need her to do anything?

when her sister's in the shower, she knocks quietly on the door, your call of, "yeah?" pushing her to enter.

once she does, her eyes immediately scan your face, looking for signs of distress. when she finds your eyes pink and glossy, a bolt of nervousness shoots through her, taking her off guard for a second.

once she swallows down the feeling, she tilts her head at you, leaning on the frame. "all okay?" she asks, trying to keep her voice levelled, not wanting to reveal just how much worry is stirring within.

"yeah." your mouth is twisted in something resembling pain, and she eyes you carefully as you sit up in the bed. "it's just, you know, family stuff."

she nods. she understands that, alright. most people would think that being the older of the two, she'd fight with her father less than her little sister, but the truth is that out of everyone in her house, they butt heads more than anyone else. she usually shrugs it off when anyone asks, with her most popular coping mechanism being fuming in her bedroom with a cigar while heavy music blankets over all her thoughts. probably not the healthiest way to react, but it's worked for this long. besides, she doesn't have the patience to sit at a desk and do that journalling bullshit her sister always prattles on about.

"sorry." she contemplates for a few moments on what else she could say to help, rocking on the balls of her sock-clad feet. all she comes up with is, "families suck," silently berating herself for being so incompetent.

but, at least you laugh, the noise a bit breathless, so sevika takes pride in that. "yeah, that's the understatement of the century."

"do you wanna, I don't know, talk about it?" just to ease the weight of the question, she mutters, "you know, I'm pretty good at belting insults at anyone who deserves it."

"oh, yes, I'm sure of it." you nod at the wall where the shower can be heard from. "she's told me how vicious you were in middle school."

she bristles, feeling her stomach tighten in embarrassment. she was a little asshole, alright, and she can't lie, her younger sister bore the brunt of it. something she secretly regrets now -- not that she'd ever admit to it. she probably never would've revealed it you in the first place if not for her sister ratting her out.

"well, I-- that was middle school. I'm not like that now."

your eyebrow raises, lips tilting up. "you know, some people would argue that who you are as a kid shows what kind of person you are at the core of it."

she scoffs. "who, freud? considering the other stuff I've heard about that guy, I think I'll pass on believing that bullshit."

"oh, c'mon, I can tell you all the merits about his theories."

"and while that sounds riveting, I guess, I'd prefer knowing if you... you know, need anything?" she shrugs, her eyes trained on you.

you smile softly, the corners of your lips crinkling. "thank you. I don't feel like talking about it much now, but I appreciate it a lot."

she nods, rasping on the doorframe, unsure as to how to proceed now.

"huh, someone's not really used to this."

she rolls her eyes, sending you a half-hearted glare. "oh, shut up."

best friend's older sister!sevika whose attention towards you is beginning to become obvious, even for you. she's started seeking you out instead of any of your other friends when she's looking for her sister, and when she enters the room, her eyes always flicker to you immediately. it makes you feel like a spotlight is casted upon you, your entire body, your entire being, reserved for sevika.

one day, one of the girls in your group leans over to you, her tone lowered with conspiracy. "you know, I think sevika has a thing for you."

your best friend groans, smacking her arm. "god, please! that's my sister, for god's sake."

"and? she's hot?"

her face morphs into complete disgust, eyes squeezing shut. "please, that's so fucking gross."

while you laugh along with the conversation, you can't help but warily glance to your best friend, mind whirring with thoughts of whether or not she's being earnest. you and sevika aren't, well, anything really -- at least not anything officially declared or acted upon. for months, it's just been tosses and back-and-forths of teasing and flirting. but, there has been no step over the threshold that divides you two between nameless, vague chemistry and the agreement to work towards a real relationship.

but, still, there is something there, and you cradle a hope in your chest that it'll turn into more one day, an actual thing that can be named. but, it's hard to feel positive about that outcome when you're not even certain if your best friend would approve or feel comfortable.

she meets your pondering stare, and you immediately backtrack, turning away so she can't read what's on your face.

a moment later, her palm rests on your knee and she laughs, tone as casual as ever when she says, "honestly, if anyone could tame her, it's you."

your lips part in shock, but she simply squeezes down gently before carrying on with the conversation.

best friend's older sister!sevika who pretty much wants to wring her cousin's neck out when she spots her conversing with you. well, it's not the conversing that's the problem -- she's not that crazy. or at least, she pretends not to be.

it's the fact that she knows her cousin hits on every one of her and her sister's friends, and she's clearly doing that with you right now, eyes half-lidded and voice lowered to what sevika hopes sounds more like darth vader than sexy to you. god, she nearly wants to kill her sister for being stupid enough to leave you alone with her. but, judging from her sister's shit-eating grin from where she stands at the food table, sevika suspects that it was intentional.

she tries not to crush her plastic red cup in her hand and send her vodka-spiked punch spilling everywhere. when her sister had casually mentioned last night that you'd be showing up to this family barbecue, sevika, much to her own embarrassment, had felt an immediate buzz of anticipation at knowing you'd be there. it's stupid, she knows. she's a grown ass woman, not some teenager -- yet, there she was, biting back a smile as she walked up the flight of stairs back to her bedroom. and when she reached her destination, she could barely focus, her thoughts straying to how she'll get a rise out of you rather than remaining on the toy she was meant to be building for the kid she babysits, isha.

she couldn't lie to herself about it. she was goddamn excited.

if only she had known how the day would wind up. it's nearing to late afternoon, and still, she hasn't spoken to you once. as soon as you and her sister had reached, the two of you had met with your usual gaggle of girls. and sevika hadn't been in the mood to entertain their giggles and leering stares upon coming to get you from them. and so, she waited. and then, you were dragged off to talk to her sister's favourite cousins, and then, to the idiot you're currently speaking to. a few minutes into what sevika hopes is a cringe-inducing conversation, her sister had left you to go to the food table.

she knows she has no reason to be jealous of her cousin. after all, look at the dimwit, she barely has game. she's so flashy with it, no subtlety. if you weren't the object of her cousin's attention, she might've actually taken some amusement in watching from afar.

but, no, it just had to be you. she can't even blame her cousin -- after all, you do look damn good, that's for certain. if this wasn't a family event, she'd be dragging you to the nearest corner, pushing you against the wall, and teasing you until you're a squirming little mess. god, she's just throbbing at the idea of it.

but, the feeling gets washed over with ice when her dumb cousin starts stroking her knuckles against your arm. stupid kid. and why are you smiling at her? do you not realize she's flirting? do you like that she's flirting? oh, now that thought leaves a sour taste in her mouth.

her composure snaps when she sees you laugh, and with a firm toss of her cup in the nearest garbage bag, she calmly makes her way to you. she knows she ought to be better than this. she should be the one with sense, with rationality -- the one who keeps her shit together while you become a fumbling mess whose feelings might as well be written on your forehead. that should be you. not her.

but, it's like her mind is working on overdrive, all her instincts honed in on making sure she takes you away and has you all to herself.

when she slides next to you two, your jump in surprise, looking up at her. her eyes rove over your features, drinking you in, wondering momentarily if you even realize how crazy you drive her.

"hey, sev, are you looking for your sister? because she's--"

"no," she cuts in, her palm bracing against the small of your back. "give us a sec."

"wha-- but, I--"

sevika doesn't give her cousin a moment to protest, firmly guiding you away to the front of her house, which has been left secluded now that people are eating in the backyard.

when you stumble into her back from her sudden halt, you blow out a frustrated puff of air. "what the hell was that?"

she feels her thick, dark eyebrows furrow, her gaze casted down on you, unwavering and focused. "I should be asking you that. why were you talking to her?"

"your sister left me with her!" you protest, your voice raising a pitch she'd find cuter if it weren't for the sour taste in her mouth.

"and? that makes you incapable of leaving a conversation afterwards?"

your eye twitches. "and why should I have left the conversation?"

sevika swallows, feeling her throat bob with the movement. if she acts like some jealous girlfriend, it'll be all too clear what it is she feels. and that's a bit too exposing for her. sure, you two flirt and push-and-pull, but it's something she could easily pass as a game if ever needed be. but, jealousy, disliking you talking to someone other than her? that's way too obvious, and there's no way of covering that up.

so, she takes a different route. "you know, if you're gonna be hitting on someone at this thing, it should be--"

"you?"

she nearly splutters, blinking hard at your growing smirk before continuing. "no. it should be someone other than the fuckboy-wanna-be relative who hits on anything with a pair of nice legs and pretty eyes."

your smile only widens and sevika has the sudden urge to bend you over her lap until you're a sobbing mess.

"so, you think I have nice legs and pretty eyes?"

"are you dense? how is that what you focus on?" despite the harsh undertone of her words, she can feel her body stiffening up under your watchful gaze, desperately hoping you don't realize just how badly she wants your attention. it feels pathetic, really, to be putting up a fit like this because just you spoke to someone flirtatious other than her. shit, she needs to save some face.

"yeah, because I think it's weird how you're dictating who I can speak to as though you're my girlfriend or something!"

"that's not how I'm acting--"

"yes, it is!" you scoff, stalking up to her and pointing a finger against her chest, the contact making her jerk back from the spark it leaves. "you wouldn't be this pissed if it was just about concern."

she's silent for a few seconds, her mind running through possible comebacks. the only one she can think of is a hard, "you don't know that."

you tilt your head at her, as though she's some kid in need of a scolding. it only exacerbates her frustration, causing it to flare up low in her gut. "well, if it's just about you being concerned, then let me continue talking to her. you warned me, I took it in stride, and if things go wrong, you can always rub it in my face late, okay?"

she sighs, beginning to regret having ever acted out now that this is the turn the situation is taking. you were supposed to take her words in, and do as she says. instead, you're arguing back, just like you always do. but, she knows that at this point, she'd be a hypocrite to complain about it. she knows it's why she likes you.

"you really want that?"

you cross your arms over your chest, and sevika tries not to let her eyes stray downwards. "is there a reason why I shouldn't?"

stupid mind games. sometimes, she hated being gay because of this.

she likes you, sure, but she doesn't have the patience to beat around the bush. which she's aware is hypocritical and stupid, considering that's what she's been doing this entire conversation. but, still.

so, she shrugs. "beats me."

your eyes flash with something, jaw clenching. sevika can't tell if it's a look of determination or anger.

but, what does it matter if you're spinning around to stomp back into the backyard?

she releases an exasperated breath, fishing for her cigarettes.

best friend's older sister!sevika whose voice makes you jump when you're stirring instant noodles in a frothy pot of water later that night.

"jesus, sevika!" you gasp, your other hand flying to clutch your chest. "what the fuck are you doing here?"

"it's my house, remember?" she dryly remarks, padding over to the fridge and grabbing a carton of milk. pinching the flap open, she drinks straight from it. you'd find it gross if it weren't for the way her lips wrap around the soggy cardboard material, the muscles of her neck protruding as she gulps it down.

when she bends down to put it back, you turn away, your stomach churning from how any bit of laughter is totally drained from her voice, leaving it flat and achingly unfamiliar.

you've felt guilty since the barbecue. sure, it's annoying that she makes demands of you without actually admitting her feelings. but, it's clear that she was upset in that moment. so, maybe you should've been a tad nicer.

"uh, sevika?" you meekly call out right as she's about to exit the kitchen.

she freezes in the entryway, casting you a sidelong glance over her shoulder, which is pinched from the strap of her tight tank top. god, you wanna kiss the indent it leaves.

"I..." you trail off, shifting side to side on your feet, the low bubbling of the water the only noise filling the room. you don't know what's too much or too little, so you mull over your words before tentatively saying, "you know, I'm not interested in your cousin. like, at all. I had no intention of flirting back with her, or, like, pursuing something with her."

she's silent for a few seconds, her eyes flicking away as her jaw tenses, which sends her cheeks hollowing out. you stare at her for a few seconds before focusing your attention back to stirring the noodles, needing something to occupy your thoughts other than the thick, stifling tension seizing the air.

finally, she speaks, her voice low but firm with surety. "well, I didn't want you to flirt with her... for reasons other than what I said."

your stomach tightens up in anxious, gut-wrenching excitement, forcing your mouth to remain in a clenched line. you know this isn't exactly a confession, but it's unspoken between you two -- what she means, that is. there could only be one reason other than concern that would explain how protective she was earlier. a reason that, sure, you're not certain about regarding the details or her intentions, but that nonetheless has you feeling like you could jump with the amount of energy surging through you at the mention of it. no matter how vague.

you can sense she won't say anymore, though, her body rigid with tension. so, to try to lighten the mood, your own body sagging in relief now that you two have somewhat made amends, you drawl out, "yeah, that much was clear."

she snickers, turning fully to you and propping her arm on the door frame. you expect her to give her own retort, but instead, she just... watches you. smirk slowly curling on her face, eyes crinkling in amusement, she simply stares at you.

after a few moments of feeling like the side of your head is burning from her razor-sharp gaze, you say, "what?"

the corner of her mouth quirks up further. "for someone who says it was obvious, that was a pretty big grin you had on your face just now."

you huff indignantly, ducking you head down to the noodles in order to avoid getting caught in your flustered state. "well, I'm just grinning because my noodles are almost done."

she peers at the time flashing over the stove before shaking her head and grimacing at the pot. "why are you even eating this crap at 2:00AM? we have actual food in the fridge."

"I was craving this," you defend with a squeak, shooting her what you pray is a convincing glare despite your heart racing from her earlier words. "besides, I didn't know if your family would be having the leftovers."

"don't be stupid," she chides gruffly. after a pause, she adds, "you know you're family."

this time, you can't resist the beam that overtakes your face, eyes squeezing in delight as your cheeks throb pleasantly from the joy embracing you. you've, of course, heard this sentiment from your best friend plenty of times before, but never from sevika.

"thanks," you murmur feebly, sending her a small, bash smile.

she simply nods in return, her lips pressing together as she continues observing you.

part of you basks under it. the attention of her focused grey eyes, the heavy weight of her gaze -- it all sends a thrill to you that's hot and burning, making you feel you're being revived from a lifelong slumber. how did you ever manage without the life-altering feeling which is sevika's gaze directed to you?

"so, I guess I should head up," she says, sticking a thumb behind her.

your body immediately tenses in protest. she can't leave -- not like this, not after this tender moment you two just shared. not when her presence here holds the contrast of warm assurance and ice-cold surprise that you're always craving.

a loud "no!" bursts from your lip as she's just about to turn.

when she sends you an inquisitive stare, forehead wrinkled in confusion, you feel your face heat up in embarrassment over your over-eagerness. but, it's too late to scale back, so you force yourself to proceed with, "I just-- why don't we hang out a bit? maybe watch gilmore girls. and, I don't know, share the noodles and, well, left overs."

her eyes widen, lips parting in surprise, and it almost makes you want to cackle. how could she even be surprised you want to spend time with her? are you just that good at hiding your want for her, or is she that romantically dense?

"um, yeah, okay," she says, a hand curving up along the back of her neck. "but, don't think I'll eat that crap you're making."

your shoulders ease at the joke, laughing as you wag your wooden spoon at her. "it's good, okay? I don't know why you'd deprive yourself of it."

"if I didn't deprive myself, I wouldn't have these." she flexes her bicep, and you try not to let your gaze roam over the toned muscle bulging out. no need to satisfy her that much. "and wouldn't that be a pity for you?"

you bristle, but still find yourself unable to quell the laughter that bubbles up your throat. "fuck off. my life isn't so sad that your muscles are my sanctuary."

"fair point -- maybe 'religion' is a better term."

ugh, her grin is infuriatingly coy as she heads back to the fridge, pulling out a tupperware, her veins bulging out as she grips it.

you want to fuck her so bad. and then, yell at her. and then, fuck her again.

"just, shut up and heat up the leftovers," you grumble, turning your back to her as her laugh, hearty and scratchy in all the right ways, flows from her lips.

honestly, the lack of eye contact is for both of your guys' benefit. god knows how you'll react if you see that cute gap again.

best friend's older sister!sevika who, after you two start dating, places her long fingers on your thigh when you join her family for dinner. she knows it's a bit evil of her, but she can't help it. your body is just so reactive -- a fact that she was delighted to learn upon your first time sleeping together. it just makes it so much fun to toy with you like this.

your leg immediately flinches when her fingernails skim along your skin, and she'd probably smile if she wasn't so well-trained in public play to know exactly how to keep a straight face.

but, you? she knows you're struggling. she can feel it in the way you shift in your seat, shoulders rolling as her warm palm flattens against your skin, her fingers sinking into the plush of your thigh. or how your body suddenly lurches forward when she suddenly pinches her nails into the skin, causing everyone at the table to dart concerned glances your way.

you sheepishly laugh it off, shaking your head and saying, "sorry, I, um-- I just got a weird shiver."

sevika honestly feels impressed that you're able to keep your cool this well, glancing at you with a raised eyebrow. she knows it probably goes against the whole supportive girlfriend thing, but seeing you manage to remain calm only makes her want to test you even more.

and so, she inches her fingers up so that they smooth along the tender skin of your inner thigh. you immediately stiffen up, your back straightening to an almost comedic right angle. sevika's mouth twists, trying to hold in a chuckle at how you writhe when her blunt nails begin to trace shapes into the hot patch of skin. god, she wants to dip her fingers in further, feel the tight heat of your pussy wrap around her digit as she pumps it in and out of you.

she clears her own throat to cut off her breaths from getting too shallow. god, she needs a cold shower or some shit. plus, the entire point was to get you hot and bothered, not her.

trying to gather her bearings, she presses her fingers into the sensitive area, slightly digging in the curves of her nails, trying to replicate she sharp sting you feel when she sinks her teeth into that spot before eating you out.

it seems se's successful, based on the way your legs shift again, pressing together and trapping her hand there. and your cute face is noticeably distracted, expression glazed over, lips hanging open.

when your fingers curl around her wrist, keeping her hand there, she smirks behind the rim of her glass, taking a careful sip before wrenching her hand free from your grip, continuing with her meal.

through the animated conversation her sister and old man are having, she can hear you grunt in frustration.

but, she doesn't even turn to you. after all, what would be the fun if she just gave you what you wanted?

best friend's older sister!sevika who shakes you from your deep sleep when you're curled up on the mattress in her living room, your best friend fast asleep on the couch. before you can mumble incoherently, your eyes barely making out her broad frame through the sleep-tinged blur, she presses a finger to your mouth, quietly shushing you.

you nod, your heavy eyes blinking rapidly to register what's going on. but, you can barely get a whisper in before sevika scoops you up, her strong arms easily carrying you up the stairs to her bedroom. you have to bite back a gasp at the sudden manhandling, though a spike of arousal zips through you from how easily she takes you to her bedroom, dropping you unceremoniously onto her navy blankets.

you frown at her, eyes sharpened into a glare. "sevika, wha--"

she plants her lips on you, crawling on top of you and pinning your body to the bed with hers. she's sloppy and ungraceful with it, shoving her tongue into your mouth and swirling it around yours as a hand slides up to loosely grip your throat.

"you didn't think I'd leave you hanging, did you?" she mumbles against your lips, her hand drifting down your body to start fiddling with the waistband of your pajama shorts.

"well, you already did once, so I wouldn't be surprised if it happened again," you murmur against her prodding mouth, trying to keep your voice dignified in light of all the pants and whines beginning to crawl up your throat.

"awe, c'mon, baby," she snickers, pressing an open-mouthed kiss to your cheek while the rest of you practically combusts from the low, scolding tone she takes when calling you that. "even I have my limits."

and, oh, how fucking good it feels for sevika's limits to be broken, you think as she pounds into you with her dark purple strap-on, her hand over your mouth as she pumps her hips steadily, hissing whenever her bed frame bumps too loudly against the wall.

you wrap your legs around her, nails raking up her back as the toy plunges into you over and over again, stretching your walls taut. it feels good, so good, the dull ache of her nearly-too-big dildo making your entire pussy throb in a way that makes you feel impossibly full.

"listen to that," she whispers against your ear, the hot moist of her breath making you break out into shivers. "your pussy is soaking my new sheets. such a mess you're making."

god, you just leak even more from those words, the mix of your juices and the lube creating deliciously loud squelching noises in her room, only growing more pointed and firm when she begins to drill particularly hard, intentional thrusts into you. the movements have the bulb her of dick pushing against your g-spot with every rock of her body, and it sends a warm tingle through you, wrapping your nerves in pleasure and sparking them to life.

you whine against her hand, eyes rolling back when her cold, mechanical finger begins to flick along your clit. the cool, steel-hard texture of it against your swollen little nub has your body arching up, each brush and flick feeling so heightened through all the other sensations running through you.

"yeah," she chuckles darkly, grazing her teeth along your earlobe. "you like that, don't you? getting this pussy slutted out, having me fucking up your guts and making room for my babies?"

your hips jolt up at those words, a loud whine erupting from your mouth before you can stop it. sevika hisses at it, pressing her mouth to yours, her thighs smacking against yours as she continues drilling you into her mattress.

"be quiet," she rasps, her breaths shattering into uneven little pants. "you want everyone in this house to know what a slut you are? you want everyone to know you couldn't last a night in here without getting dicked down by your best friend's sister?"

you can barely respond, your entire body set aflame with the pleasure of her on top of you, surrounding you with nothing but warm skin, hard muscle and filthy, nasty little noises.

"ah," you moan quietly against her mouth, fingers tracing the indents your nails have left in her back. "feels s'good, I just-- I can't--"

"I know, baby, I know," she grunts, fingers wrapping around your jaw and shaking your face like you're her personal doll. "no need to worry your pretty head with talking, yeah? just be good and let me cream this pussy."

and so, you do. over and over and over again.

best friend's older sister!sevika who tries not to smirk too hard when her sister asks over breakfast why you're wearing a turtleneck in the middle of july.

[salvadordante]

The only ways to really do something every day:

- make it fun and/or

- make it easy and/or

- make it pleasurable and/or

- make it preferable to any alternative

We were not built to suffer. Our bodies and minds obey the laws of nature. We flow downhill and from areas of high concentration to low. We do what is easiest, what is fun, what is aesthetically pleasing, or, failing all else, what is better than other alternatives.

On days that I can’t weight lift, I do the elliptical machine. On days that I can’t do the elliptical machine, I just dance to my favorite music alone until I feel tired and happy. On days I can’t even dance, I just walk. A few blocks, a mile. Whatever I can stomach. But most of the time, I still do something. Because I have been working out for so long, my body feels bad if I don’t. A walk is preferable to wallowing in my bed. This was a habit a decade in the making. And I’m so grateful that I will have the chance to build many more equally as hard-won.

I always refer back to, what is in my opinion, the best TikTok comment of all time:

here's some more unsolicited adult advice as someone in her 30s who knows there are a lot of twenty somethings and teens that follow her: if you're trying to build a new habit you really want, and are struggling, you have to break it down to the smallest building block possible. If you're failing, you haven't thought small enough. I know it's possible to hear stories of people who just snapped into new life mode one day by "just deciding", but truly what's happening there is a confluence of events and experiences that force the brain into some sort of epiphany. You cannot will an epiphany. It'll never work. For most times of your life, you will need to build habits intentionally, and that means not working against yourself and to set micro goals. like laughably tiny goals. because once that easy tiny goal is met, you can build off it, tiny goal after tiny goal until you reach your big goal.

so for example, if you want to be a morning person that gets up at ass crack dawn so that you can work out, eat brekkie, shower, and get to work at a leisurely pace, and you're not that person because you will hit your snooze button 800 times, you have to get the big picture goal out of your head. think smaller. "I want to get up 15 minutes earlier than I normally do." If you can't do that, make it 5 minutes. "I want to cook breakfast every day" hell no too big. "I want to eat something, anything, before I leave the house" hell yeah, fantastic. When you go to the grocery store to make sure there are things in the house for breakfast, if you keep buying bagels and microwave sandwiches that you ignore, you gotta think smaller. SMALLER. What's something so easy to eat that you'll never say no to. Is it a yogurt? Is it a handful of grapes? Is it a hostess ho ho? is it hot cheetos? FORGET the big picture of the fantasy put-together woman preparing a full nutritious meal that you'd be proud to admit to. Think only of the smallest goal you can achieve. If you know you can't say no to an ice cream sandwich, put a ton of ice cream sandwiches in your freezer and have one for breakfast every day until it's so instilled in you that you gotta get up to eat something you can start diversifying.

It sounds like, from the lack of habit place, that must take forever. But really it doesn't take too long to form the habit once the discipline kicks in. the trick is that you have to give your brain something easy to become disciplined to. If it's too hard, think easier and smaller. No one has to know. Literally no one in the gd world has to know that for 4 weeks when you were 22 you had an ice cream sandwich for breakfast every day. who cares. If it gets you eating oatmeal with fresh fruit in a few months who cares. you did it, yay. smaller, easier. if you can't do it, think smaller and easier. smaller!! EASIER!!! You are not thinking smaller and easier enough. break your brain thinking how small and easy you can go. SMALLER. EVEN SMALLER, SIS.

[acottonsocksims2]

ACottonSock's Sims 2 Mods Masterlist (Part 2)

The second part to my Sims 2 mod masterlist. NOTE: I use Ultimate Collection. Some mods may not work if you use Legacy Edition. Specifically, I know RPC and CJH Community Time DO NOT work (at the moment) on Legacy. Last Updated: 2/1/25 - Creation!

PART 1 | PART 2

Occult (Bigfoot, Werewolf) Mods

Bigfoot Romance: An edited version of the original Bigfoot romance mod that allows Bigfoot to fall in love with regular Sims, as well as have babies. You only need this mod, not the original as well.

Bigfoot Defaults - Eye Love: Default eye replacements for the legend, Bigfoot.

Bigfoot gets sewing/pottery badges: Makes spawned Bigfeet start with gold badges in pottery and sewing, just like naturally made ones.

Familial Bigfoot: Lets you have Bigfeet of all ages and both genders. MAKE SURE TO CHECK YOUR LOAD ORDER LISTED ON THE POST, AS THIS MOD HAS SEVERAL CONFLICTS.

Werewolf Personality: Rather than continuously changing personality forever, giving all werewolves the same personality, this mod changes personality only through the first 20 transformations.

Creature Fixes: Fixes for all of the supernatural and assorted creatures from the base game to AL.

Hereditary Supernaturalism: Occult status can now be inherited from parent to child.

No Alien Sexism: Allows both female and male abductees to get pregnant from alien probing.

New Pollination Technician: Changes what the alien pollination technician replacement looks like.

Bigfoot Semester Changes: Makes Semester Changes (under the 'College Mods' section) work with Bigfoot. MUST load after Cyjon’s mod AND after the Bigfoot mods.

Manipulator "Controller" Mods

Lamare LTW Chooser: Allows you to freely choose a Sim's lifetime wish without being restricted to the ones available just for their aspiration.

FFS Debugger: Provides options to fix several bugs, glitches, and other issues. Tons and tons of debugging options.

Auto Saver: Creates a dialog that pops up asking if you wish to save your game.

Bathroom Uses YOU!: Adds a toilet paper roll (with a hammer and sickle) that helps with bathroom door clogs. Has a nice feature that ejects a Sim immediately once they have done their business. Here's more recolors.

Cyjon's Debugger: A general purpose object, meant to compliment items like Pescado's batbox. Can be found in Buy Mode under Miscellaneous/Miscellaneous as the pizza box.

Sim Blender: The ultimate Sim management “God” mod.

Sim Manipulator: I use it for the ability to instantly change clothes to a different outfit or plan outfits by clicking on a Sim, and to make non-playable Sims easily selectable, but it has MANY more options.

Visitor Controller: Control which Sims are allowed to visit certain lots. Ban Sim from lots based on gender, aspiration, career, gender preference, and many other characteristics. Also allows you to ban Crumplebottom, Unsavory Charlatan and other annoying NPCs.

Sims 2 RPC: A custom Sims 2 Launcher with quality of life changes, firstborn syndrome fix, better graphics and more! NOW COMPATIBLE WITH LEGACY EDITION.

College Mods

No College Time Progression On Community Lots: Prevents the college timer from progressing on community college lots and allows it to progress on all residential lots.

There Can Be Only One (Professor): Game will generate one rather than two professors for each major. Gender will be random.

Stinky Dormie Fix: Will stop dormies from doing an assignment when what they really need is a shower.

Young Adult Walk Fix: Fixes the Young Adult walk style so they walk normally. Fixes the Lazy sim idle animations to remove the gorilla slouch as well as the 'slow spin' clothes changing routine.

Later Classes: Moves all morning university classes later in the day so no class starts before noon.

Semester Changes: Substantially changes how the university works so it is more bearable and closer to being on the same schedule as the rest of the sims in your game.

Revised Majors: All the university majors have been revised so that they are actually relevant to careers.

Young Adults Can Enjoy Maternity (and all that): Umbrella category mod that includes: aging at university, pregnancy at university, alien pregnancy at university, adopting at university, school buses at university, and a fix for the University Greek houses. MUST HAVE MATERNITY CLOTHES FOR YA

Smarter choice of parent for entering college cinematic: Unmodded, the game always chooses the sim with the lowest neighbor ID to be in the cinematic. This fixes it so it's relationship based instead of Sim ID based.

Aging Mods

Custom Age Span: Links to PleasantSims' fantastic video on how to setup a custom agespan. My agespan goes as follows: Baby - 2 Days, Toddler - 4 Days, Child - 8 Days, Teen - 10 Days, Adult - 45 Days. Everything else is left at default.

Age Up at Midnight: Ages Sim up at midnight instead of 6pm. !! DO NOT USE THIS MOD IF YOU USE A CUSTOM AGE SPAN (ABOVE) !! Instead, you can edit the ijAgecons.package according to the description on this MTS post.

NPC Aging: NPC Sims on the active lot will age up one day at 6:00 PM, but only if they are ON the active lot. Does not impact playables.

Smart Age Correct: Corrects ages in 'hood to go along with your own custom agespan.

Career Mods

Jobs in Uni For All: Jobs on campus for Sims and pets.

Choose Career Type: Allows you to choose between part-time work or full-time work.

Young Adults Want and Fear Work: Young adults can have wishes and fears about work: find a job, go to work, get a promotion, etc.

Part & full time careers mutually satisfy wants: Getting a part-time job satisfies a want to get a full-time job in a corresponding career and vice versa.

Business Runs YOU!: Automates a lot of Sims 2 business processes, including: managing the employees, making them take breaks automatically, giving them reasonable wages automatically, so that your sims can spend time actually running their business instead of micromanaging the dumb employees so they don’t ragequit. Here's the invisible recolor for the hammer and sickle.

Professional Blogger: Sims can make money from blogging on the computer.

Job Level Labels: With this mod you can quickly see what level your Sim is in their career. In addition the number shows up when you are job searching.

Fixes

Anti-Redundancy: Eliminates spawning of unnecessary, redundant NPCs. Should only spawn one per type, more only if needed because the first is unavailable.

Child Computer Chat: The computer chat menu displays two submenus: Child (all the children online) and Adult (teens, adults and elders online). Access to the separate chat rooms is no longer restricted by the age of the user.

Coffee Cup Hack: Sims will no longer walk a mile to find a surface to place down their coffee cups. If no surface is nearby, they will just drop it.

Sims 2 Wants Tree Fix: Replaces the vanilla wants to allow Sims to roll for the broken EAxis divorce want. MAKE SURE TO PUT IN TSDATA/RES/WANTS FOLDER!!

Day Setter: Vase to change the day of the week it is. I use to sync rotations between households if something gets out of whack. Found under Misc/Misc.

Seasons and Weather Controller: Allows you to change the length of the seasons, but also has other season and weather-related uses.

Age Transition - Teens Keep Loves: Stops teens from losing their crushes/loves when age transitioning to adult/YA.

Apartment Life Fixes: Fixes a ton of Apartment Life related bugs.

Apartment Life UI Text Fonts Fix: Fixes UI text fonts issues brought on by AL.

Baby Wants Fix: Having a baby will also satisfy the Adopt a child want, if it is present. Vice versa, adopting a child (any age) will also satisfy the have a baby want.

Caged Pets Fixes: Fixed random bird death bug and other annoyances and bugs related to the birds and womrats.

Talk More, Eat Less: This hack will bypass the conversation if the Sim is in desperation for energy, hunger, fun or bladder, or is in a bad mood. Sims with maxed social will talk less.

Apology Fury Fix: Apology will reduce furiousness, as it was originally supposed to. Requires Smarter EP Check.

Call NPCs: Reverts a "fix" made in FreeTime that prevents sims from calling almost all NPCs.

Relationship Decay Fix:  Fixes bug which causes game to error out when calculating the 4 pm relationship decay on very large families.

More Sleep: Players can direct sims to sleep at night, even if the sim is not tired.

Townie Apartment Residents: Apartment neighbors and roommates will be chosen from the townie pool rather than social groups.

Trim Inaccessible Bushes: Allows sims to trim bushes even if they can't reach them.

Community Lot Skilling: Controlled sims, NPCs, and townies may gain skills while visiting community lots, including non-college community lots.

Creativity Gain Enabled For Blogging & Diary: This mod allows sims to gain creativity skill while blogging/writing in their diary.

No Pet Job Wants: Disables the pets job wants.

Water Incessible Flowers: Allows you to water all flowers regardless of their location on the lot, including completely inaccessible or blocked ones.

Don't Wave At Me: Stops the turn, face camera, wave at you obnoxious thing when things go wrong.

Engagement Memory Fix: Fixes a bug that can cause a sim to get the wrong (bad/good) type of engagement memory.

Find A Mate Crystal Ball: Summon the power of the Gypsy's crystal ball, without having to deal with the old bat. Tell the ball what type of sim you are looking for and get a choice of the 5 matching sims in the hood that have the highest chemistry.

Finicky Pet Fix: Fixes a bug which causes finicky pets to refuse to eat from a food bowl until they are near starving to death.

Front Door Hack: Delivery persons should no longer be drawn to the inaccessible door. Garage doors are not considered front doors regardless of level.

Met New Great-Grandchild Memory: Sims will get a custom memory when they have great-grandchildren, similar to the one they get when they have grandchildren

Random Stereo Station: A mod that makes newly bought stereos choose a random station when being turned on for the first time instead of always choosing salsa.

Secondary Aspiration Attraction: Adjusts the attraction score between two Sims by taking into account their secondary aspirations.

Business Having No Customers Fix: Fixes an error concerning Sims 2 businesses and customers not showing up. SCROLL DOWN TO POST #7 TO FIND DOWNLOAD.

Waiter NPC Outfit Fix: If a waiter/waitress has body type #2, their outfit will no longer glitch.

No Mr. Humble: Makes Humble Computer buyable. Gets rid of the actual Rod Humble visitation.

No Stray Respawn: Prevents strays from respawning. Stray animal population will only grow or shrink as a result of your actions.

Sim Shadow Fix: Fixes blocks under Sims feet from outdated graphics.

Watch TV from all chairs: Edits the angle and distance at which a Sim can watch TV.

Woohoo Count Fix: Fixes a problem with woohoo count. If a Sim has woohooed with the same sim multiple times in different types of woohoo, the game will now consider that as having woohooed with only one sim.

Woohoo LTW Fix: Stops the woohoo LTW from disappearing after being achieved.

Date/Outing Stood Up Fix: This mod fixes the broken timer behavior for standing dates/outings up.

Sim Transparency Fix: This mod will prevent Sims from randomly getting broken transparency.

Gardener Invasion Fix: Fixes a serious bug that occurred when a gardener couldn't get out of a car. The game will no longer create an infinite number of gardeners who will invade your house and bloating your game files.

Adult/Elder Tent Woohoo Fix: EAxis messed up and made it so adults could only woohoo with other adults in tents, and elders with other elders. Now adults and elders can woohoo each other in tents if the other requirements are met.

Same Sex Marriage: Replaces 'joined' to be 'married' for sex same couples.

No Corrupt Death: Suppresses the corrupt death memory.

No Sim Loaded: Removes the “Sim Loaded” token and others every time you load a lot, preventing lag, and also prevents and fixes the Super Duper Hug Bug. 

No Unlinkage On Urnstone Delete: Game no longer partially destroys sim file on deletion of tombstone. May resolve potential random tombstone losses when moving tombstones to community lots resulting from shredded character files produced by unlinkage.

Outdoor Lights All Night: Outdoor lights will stay on until 7 am rather than 2 am.

Smarter Chair Selection: Sims are smarter about choosing where to sit during activities like reading and eating pizza.

Smarter EP Check: Creates a new, more robust and accurate Expansion Pack and Stuff Pack check.

Smarter Privacy: Sims are smarter about bathroom and woohoo privacy, ignoring unshooable or irrelevant sims.

Fix subhood selection: These mods will allow you to select from a list of downtowns and shopping districts, by removing the large button which prevents the display of the entire list.

Townie Budget Mod: Townies can no longer buy items they can’t afford at businesses, eat at restaurants if they have no money, etc.

Walkbys Behave: Makes the Sims walking by stop being annoying (ie. stop stealing newspaper, kicking over trash, etc.).

[k1mbe3rly]

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO AN NSFW ALPHABET FOR THE SALESMAN PRETTY PLEASE WITH A CHERRY ON TOP IM BEGGING ‼️ 😭💕🙏🧎‍♀️‍➡️

The Salesman NSFW alphabet

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

he probably doesn’t do much, maybe he’ll clean you up but after that he’s fixing himself up mainly because he has to go and get people to join the games

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His favorite body part about you is your shoulder , he bites into it and sometimes leaves small cuts

His favorite body part about himself is his fingers, especially since he uses a gun and very skilled with his hands, he also loves to finger you

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

This man would make you filled with his cum, dirty you everywhere, face, mouth, tits, stomach, and on your pussy lips, seeing you a mess is amazing to him and maybe he snaps a photo of you

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

His dirty secret is wanting to fuck you with his gun

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

I would say he’s not a virgin but he doesn’t have sex often, because of his job he’s focused on that more than sex

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Missionary. All the way, the way you’re tits bounces, your face, just everything

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Not once he is goofy and never would be

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He’s groomed, if he can shave his beard than he definitely shaves down there

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Very hardcore serious, you’ll see him so into it that his eyes go dead

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Not at all

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Gun play, Knife play, slight pain kink, degrading, praising and hair pulling

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

UMM THE BED? or anythjng private

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Dirty talking and revealing clothes

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Carry a loaded gun to you when having sex

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

he’s a giver for sure. He does like when you give him head but most of the time he loves devouring your list and rubbing your clit with the handle of his knife or his gun

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He’s fast and rough mostly, he just loves the way his cock goes in and out fast and the way you squirm

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

not really, he likes to take his time espically since he’s a big fan of teasing

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He’ll take risk but not often

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He can last many rounds, he’s endless

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

no toys

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

very into teasing, he likes to edge you a bit before he shoves his cock into you

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He growls and groans

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Sometimes he likes to act like he’s forcing you to suck him off just to place a gun to your head as you suck on his cock, obviously it’s not loaded

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

7 inches straight, a bit thick

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

not high, but maybe once he met you it goes to like medium high

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He doesn’t really sleep after, he’s just sweaty and likes to keep himself professional

[kohakhearts]

hey so…i get the frustration here. i do. but many people in the tags on this post are saying a lot about how posting a full fic, no readmore, on tumblr is a good way to make fandoms hate you. to make people skip over your fic. to discourage people from reblogging it, etc

most of these fics are like…1k words or less, by the way. which is significantly shorter than the infamous do you love the colour of the sky post. shorter, too, than a lot of the comics i see passed around on here, in fandom spaces or otherwise. and the reality is - no one is reblogging fics whether they have readmores or not

what i’m seeing on this post is something i’ve witnessed more and more of over the years on tumblr, which is a general belief that fanfiction doesn’t really belong on tumblr. post links, sure - but ao3 is “the fanfiction site.” so we engage with fics there. why should we reblog them on tumblr? and if you’re only posting on tumblr, well - that’s your problem, isn’t it? never mind that some people might just prefer to post on tumblr because it’s what they’re comfortable with

the problem with readmores is that if someone’s account is deactivated or terminated, the links break and that fic becomes completely inaccessible for everyone going forward. if that fic was only ever posted on tumblr…well, it’s gone forever now. and that really, really sucks. so yeah, scrolling by a wall of text you’re not interested in can be annoying - but maybe we need to look a little deeper into the implications of our irritation, rather than saying “i love you fic writers…but you really suck and actually i kind of hate you when you do things that inconvenience me”

if you're posting a whole fanfiction to tumblr you've got to put it under a readmore boss

[pinksugarberries]

Random se-mi hcs (no game au)

₊ ⁺ ⊹ ₊ ⁺ ⊹

﹒　૮꒰◞ ◟ ꒱ა　⸝　new upload!　❜

　　　˚　　　　　➺　　　　　❀

　⸝⸝　　◦　　tags: regular gay se-mi glaze, facial piercings, smutty parts, hair pulling, mentions of smoking, fictional death, reader and se-mi are switches during freaky time, female reader intended, brat tamer

　⸝⸝　　◦　　a/n: hey chat i don’t really know what people out here uhhhhh im gay ok yeah let’s get start

₊ ⁺ ⊹ ₊ ⁺ ⊹

SFW

she likes listening to chase alantic to give her a ego boost after something really embarrassing happens or she breaks up with someone

she owns over 30 hoodies and justifies it as “i just run cold…! why are you judging me?”

she owns a nintendo and plays animal crossing (her favorite character is coco or wolfgang) i feel like she has a toxic relationship with fortnite (im NOT projecting..) like she hates it but she just continues to go back. “one more game”

if she’d ever play stardew valley, she would marry abigail (IFYKYK)

she likes plants and flowers and her favorite flower is a hyacinth

whenever some makes her mad secretly, in the middle of the night will boot up sims, make a sim that looks like the person and kill them. (she prefers drowning BUT lighting fires is also a good choice)

she HATES the people who uses the strawberry poundcake body mist excessively. it makes her get a headache and her nose gets all tingly

she likes cooking but she’s impatient and bluntly sucks at it. if she’s cooking at someone’s house they would probably say “what is burning?”

romantic but sucks at being romantic, please help this girl :(

gets her nails painted, or she does them herself. she really likes burgundy and black so she would do those colors :-)

she owns over 10 chokers that look the same but are for different occasions

ok the time you FREAKS have been waiting for

smokes, but only when she’s stressed

NSFW

definitely talks you through it, but more degrading words than anything.

remember that tongue piercing that i said he has in my last blog? yeah, she uses that to arouse you even more whine she’s EATING you out.

slurps ever single drop of cum after she’s done

adores your tits, and also convinced you to get pierced, now they are even more sensitive for her to play and fondle with while you’re fucking her brains out, or the opposite, while she has her strap on, she loves to see them bounce around, usually letting you get on top of her.

when she’s doming, she is mostly gentle, but she will continue to get rougher and rougher. if she hasn’t made you a crying, whimpering, and shaking mess than she hasn’t done her job correctly.

her favorite position is definitely doggystyle or missionary while she’s doming you

she LOVES shower sex. like completely adores it.

she definitely owns a 8 inch black strap and dicks you DOWNNNNN with it. can’t prove me other wise…

now while your doming HER, she could be a blushing, squirming mess,

you’re even more of a brat while your doming her and it pisses her off SO much…

you grab her choker while your rubbing your clit against hers

while you’re eating your DELICIOUS meal (her punani) you occasionally stick a few fingers in, 4 max and it makes her go INSANE. makes her cum instantly all over your face

when she’s giving you the MEANEST most DEEP backshots, she likes to pull your hair and smack your ass. a little too much but it’s ok because it’s se-mi :-)

[trustmypoison]

Ateez finding out that you're pregnant

Requested? Yes!

Request: Hi! <3 I loved your ATEEZ reaction with a low maintenance partner! I was wondering if I could make a request? Either: How each member prefers to sleep with you at night/whether they like to be held or do the holding/etc. I did see the sleeping positions one but I figured this one was different enough. If not that's totally fine!! Otherwise, maybe a pregnancy one, I saw the ones planned for svt and I'd love to see ateez. tysm!! <3’

TW/CW: pregnancy and baby talk. Skip if you aren’t into that. 

Hongjoong

The picture of totally put together. There will be only a split second of shock before he’s holding you tight and telling you how happy he is about the news. If you were nervous about the news (which I think most people are at least a little), he’s putting your mind at ease immediately. No, it’s not too soon. No, he’s not worried about the group or the company. Yes, he can’t wait to start a family. 

Seonghwa

Stunned silence. You actually think you might have broken him. Once he starts talking, it’s one half-finished question only to be interrupted by another half-finished question, but you get the picture so you explain that you realized you were late and took a test. If the shock goes on so long that you feel like this whole thing is going down the drain, he’ll snap out of it to assure you he’s thrilled, he might just need some time to wrap his head around it. 

Yunho

He had a sneaking suspicion when you got a ‘stomach bug’. He doesn’t say anything right away and you’d be too busy being sick to care. So he simply takes you to the doctor. He’s totally silent when you stammer that you don’t need to take a test and the doctor assures you it’s just to eliminate potential causes. When the doctor announces your results, he’s already braced for the shock and handles it far more gracefully than you do. Please, he’d be such a steady partner, change my mind. 

Yeosang

When you tell him, he just smiles and nods. You ask if he has anything to say and he smiles and says no. This sort of questioning goes on until you really aren’t convinced he even heard you. You don’t feel good and this is a tough topic if only because it’s a surprise, and the whole thing makes you impatient. “Are you even listening? I said I’m pregnant!” The frustration will double when he just smiles and says, “I know. At least I suspected.” He pulls you in for a hug as you rage, “Then why didn’t you tell me??? I didn’t know!!!” Irritatingly calm in the face of such news. 

San

The gentlest of guys and you can’t convince me otherwise. After like the third bout of illness in one morning, he puts you back to bed and very carefully brings up the possibility. He hates the panic that flashes across your face at the mere mention of it and he decides now is a great time to tell you that he’d love it if you were expecting. It puts your mind at ease and the conversation is a slow buildup to you finally asking him to get the tests. Super sweet and supportive even before the tests are purchased. 

Mingi

Panic. I could leave it at that but I guess I won’t. He does not know what to do with this information and might not handle it gracefully. He hates that he can see how nervous and upset you are but I envision he’d need to step away. Imagine him going to an older member in crisis mode. Also, imagine Hongjoong blowing up because he just left you like that without any comfort. After some careful coaching, his older members will demand he go and make things right. When he calms down and thinks of the future, he likes it, but a big change like that is scary. 

Wooyoung

He just shows up with a couple of tests and demands that you take it. It’s so perplexing that you’re kind of waiting for the punchline (because he always has one). But he really doesn’t have one now and he’s very serious. Now, that doesn’t mean he’s not a smart ass!! He’ll say something like, “You’ve been biting my head off for weeks, you keep gagging at the food I make, and you missed your period last month. Take it so I know how offended to be.” He’s joking on that last bit because of how pale you get at the implication. He’s thrilled about the news, but he’s equally thrilled to know that you don’t just hate him!! 

Jongho 

Overjoyed. Like there’s not even a moment of shock. The way he holds you close and tells you how happy he is in an instant really smashes any doubts you might have had. Totally doting immediately. I’m serious, do not move, do not pick anything up, do not try to do anything for yourself. I think normally he would not baby his partner quite so much, but he’d do a complete 180 with this news. Prepare to be coddled for at least 9 months, or maybe forever, idk. 

[kaxen]

Like I do like queer people existing being treated like a not particularly unusual sight more than I enjoy "we invented fantasy homophobia" and "let's write another coming out story about a conventionally attractive teenager." As the "nah" orientation of asexual-aromantic-agender, my ideal queer existence is just vibin'

But yeah, some implementations of queerness in speculative fiction could use a bit more meat to it.

I feel like my queerness would manifest in different ways if I was raised in a wildly different society. Hell, I added "wanna be a robot" to my gender goals because I am insane for Armored Core 6. lol

This is why I really never jivved with "born this way"/"I always knew!" stuff. Like I feel like my relationship to gender and sexuality is both preference and a response to society's treatment of gender and sexuality. Like I use "he" in a "are you too damn lazy to learn to use more pronouns?" way at this point, but sometimes I feel like "he" works best for embodying "Most Unremarkable Gender" since femininity is more... Stick A Bow On It You Have To Have Eyelashes You Have To Perform It, but this would obviously be very different if society wasn't Like That about women. And boy, can no one be normal about using "it/its"....... =_= but I prefer it/its

While my setting for Armored Hearts skews a bit "free love future" it doesn't really mean everyone is acting "yes I know exactly what I wanna identify as and we have no friction with others ever." Temir is working through some stuff in regards to his gender and sexuality because he has kind of been denied the ability to develop as a person by his life experiences.

There are a lot of currently unexplained implications in my story setting because Ibarra has a giant polycule

The tax situation has gotta be insane, at the very least.

I feel like a sentiment growing in popularity is that queer people want stories were queerness is incidental, because they're tired of stories about struggling against oppression and want something more escapist. But I've been reading some speculative fiction recently where the queerness of characters is completely unremarked upon, and finding it deeply unsatisfying. It feels less like like escapism to me and more like a gaping hole in the worldbuilding. It's not an issue that the societies depicted are queer-neutral or queer-positive, it's that there is like nothing addressing what those societies think about sexuality, gender, and family systems at all. There's a lot of interesting ways you can write about third genders and same-sex societies/relationships in speculative culture and ignoring all of it entirely to plaster over a surface level modern queer culture veneer is just tragic, in my opinion

[stollengoods]

The Longer the Wait, The Sweeter the Kisses

Requested Nam-gyu Fluff~

Warnings: Cursing, slight smut but not much (they don’t go all the way), mentions of drug use, overdose, and recovery.

Summary: Your friend Mi-na is tired of you third wheeling her and Thanos so she has him set you up on a date with his friend Nam-gyu. Surprisingly you and Nam-gyu really hit it off. So much so you invite him to your place, but what happens when you guys start making out/touching each other and you inform him that you won’t go all the way ?

P.S. This one’s a bit long… I apologize I got carried away haha

————

Thanos and Mi-na were cuddling on the couch while you were sitting in the arm chair beside them. He booped her nose with a blue colored finger nail, “You’re so cute.”

She giggled touching her forehead to his, “You’re so handsome.”

“And I so want to kill myself right now.” You murmured, scrolling through your phone.

In the background you saw Mi-na’s head turn towards you. “I told you it was just gonna be Thanos and I this weekend. You’re the one who invited yourself, remember ?”

You scrolled mindlessly on Instagram, “Yeah, but I didn’t think you guys would be like this.”

“It’s called being in a relationship.” She remarked and you snorted, “Gosh, thats what I have to look forward to ?”

“I used to think that way too until I met my soul mate.” You heard their lips smacking and immediately felt sick.

“Ewww, if I ever get like that shoot me. Please.”

Thanos chuckled and your friend giggled rolling her eyes, “When are you going to get a boyfriend y/n ? You’re old enough to drink why don’t you go to the bar and find one, you’ll get one asap.”

“Yeah… there are several reasons why I would never do that, plus I think what you’re describing is a hook up not a boyfriend.”

She huffed, “Well maybe you need a hookup, you’re like always a negative nancy.”

You looked up from your phone and glared at her for a second before looking back at your screen.

“See ! That’s what I’m talking about.” Mi-na said.

“Oh !” She put a hand on her boyfriend’s shoulder, “Baby, why don’t you set her up with one of your friends ?”

You immediately clicked your phone screen off and shoved it in your pocket, “Fuck no.”

Thanos looked over at you confused and Mi-na furrowed her eyebrows at you and tilted her head towards Thanos basically telling you your being rude.

You awkwardly laughed, “I’m sorry, that came out wrong… it’s just I’ve seen Thanos’s instagram. All him and his friends do is drugs, drink, and party. That’s not my scene, I need someone more-“

You were about to say mature but bit your tongue, “-what’s the word I’m looking for… umm- mellow I guess ?”

Thanos nodded his head in understanding, “Everyone has there preferences.” He shrugged.

“What about Nam-gyu ?” Mi-na asked Thanos with a smile on her face, “Didn’t he just make 3 months sober ?”

Thanos raised his eyebrows, “Oh yeah, I guess I do have a mellow friend.”

“He’s an ex addict ?” You asked, not very surprised since it is Thanos’s friend.

“Yup, he almost died of a heroine overdose a few months back and has been clean from drugs and drinking ever since.” He grinned, “I’m proud of him.”

“I’m sorry did you say- Heroine ??”

Thanos nodded, “Yeah, I’m surprised heroine was the one that got to him. He was on all sorts of things: cocaine, ecstasy-“

Mi-na put both her hands on his shoulders, “Alright babe, he can fill her in, you don’t have to give her his whole backstory.” She raised her eyebrows at him and you knew that look too well, she was basically telling him to stop talking. “You’ll scare her off before she even goes on the date.”

“Yeah because if there’s nothing better than an addict, it’s a recovering one.” You muttered.

She crossed her arms, “Okay, so now he’s too mellow ?”

“No.” You narrowed your eyes at her, “I would love someone who doesn’t drink or do drugs but Mi-na he’s in recovery.”

“And ?”

“And ?! What if he relapses ? I don’t want to be somebody’s mom.” You spat, crossing your arms as well.

Mi-na pulled out her phone, “I think you’ll change your mind once you see a picture of him. He’s really cute.” She glanced over at her boyfriend, “I’m saying in the sense that she would find him cute, I know her type pretty well by now.”

She tossed her phone to you, “He’s the one in the white t-shirt.”

“Oh yeah, I recognize him, he’s the one that’s always holding onto Thanos whenever Thanos posts pictures of him and his friends.”

“He’s not always holding on to me ?”

You turned the phone so they could see the screen, “Dude he’s literally hugging your arm and his head is resting on your shoulder.”

Thanos looked at the phone, “It was cold that day.”

Mi-na laughed grabbing her phone, “Anyways, he’s single, sober, and cute. He’s perfect for you y/n.”

You pursed your lips, you were pretty lonely. You had friends but they all had partners which made it hard for you to hang out unless you wanted to third wheel like you are now.

“I mean… he is kind of cute I guess.”

Mi-na shrieked, “Yay ! Thanos will send him your number.” She kissed her boyfriend on the cheek and clapped her hands in excitement, “If this works out, we could even go on double dates !”

————

You and Nam-gyu had texted back and forth for a few days now, planning to have your first date this weekend. You suggested getting coffee and Nam-gyu loved the idea saying that he knows the perfect spot and sent you the address.

Once there, you spotted him sitting down. “Hey Nam-gyu right ?”

He looked up from his phone and smiled, quickly putting it away. “Yes and you must be y/n.” He stood up and gave you a friendly hug.

You felt yourself blushing from the contact, you knew he was touchy feely with Thanos but figured it was because they were friends.

He smelled of the ocean mixed with amber and you could tell from how healthy the ends of his hair looked he recently got a haircut.

“You’re going to love this place. It has everything: coffee, teas, desserts. It’s amazing.”

When you guys got to the front, the cashier asked what you guys wanted. Nam-gyu answered it fairly quickly, not giving your eyes much time to scan the menu above you.

After the cashier entered his order she looked at you, “umm-“ You made eye contact with Nam-gyu, “What would you recommend ? I’m more of a coffee person but there’s so many options.”

“Hmm… do you like your coffee more on the bitter or sweet side ?”

“Sweet.”

He smiled, “Then I’d suggest their Carmel Macchiato. It’s sounds boring, I know, but for your first time being here I’d start with that, it’s really good.”

You nodded your head and turned your attention back to the cashier, “I’ll get a small Carmel Macchiato please.”

“Okie dokie.” She typed in your order and then smiled while reading out your total.

Nam-gyu pulled out a twenty dollar bill and told her to keep the change, “Thank you.” She said, “We’ll call your order out when it’s ready.”

You guys walked over to a table and sat down across from each other, “Thank you for buying my coffee.” You blushed.

“Oh yeah of course.”

You rubbed your hands together under the table feeling them sweat. You haven’t been on a date in a while and have never had an actual boyfriend before so this was all new to you.

“How did you and Thanos meet ?” You asked, trying to ease your nerves by getting him to talk.

“I used to work at this club downtown and the owner of the club would always let him come in for free because it would attract more people to his club. After a while of being there, Thanos and I got familiar with each other and one day he asked me if I knew anybody who sold drugs. I hooked him up with one of my buddies and we started doing them together, the rest is history.”

You weren’t expecting him to be such an open book but felt yourself slowly becoming more comfortable around him, he seemed like a chill guy.

“One Americano and one Carmel Macchiato.”

“That’s us.” Nam-gyu said, he went over to the counter and grabbed your coffees. When he came back he handed you your drink and you thanked him.

“You wanna go take a walk ?” He asked.

“Sure.” You grinned, following him outside.

You actually preferred this, walking side by side instead of sitting down and looking at each other face to face. It took a lot of the pressure off and you found yourself talking a lot more than you thought you would.

He told you about his battle with addiction and how it nearly killed him. You felt bad for judging him so harshly when Thanos and Mi-na told you about it.

Getting his side of the story made you realize that he wasn’t just a a sleazy guy who drank and did drugs to have fun, he had past trauma that he was dealing with. Now that he’s sober, he told you he’s found better ways to cope like going to therapy and exercising.

He finished his drink first, throwing it away and a few minutes later you finished yours, throwing it in a trash bin as well.

You only knew him for about 30 minutes but already felt safe with him, like he was a long time friend.

“So…” you stopped walking and finally faced him making eye contact, “What now ?” You asked with a smile.

He returned the smile, “I really enjoyed our date and would like to continue it but it’s up to you. We can hang out another time if you’re busy.”

It was weird, you felt special for the first time in a while and that excited you. You didn’t want this date to end anytime soon either.

You bit your lip, “I had fun too.” You said, rocking back and forth a bit. “Would it be odd of me to ask you to hang out at my place ?”

“No, not at all.”

————

When you got to your place, Nam-gyu removed his jacket and you told him he could hang it up on the coat rack. He wore a brown tank top underneath his jacket and, every now and then, you caught yourself stealing glances of his veiny arms; and at the way the material would outline his chest and abdomen.

You guys continued chatting on the couch as you guys tried to find something to watch on Netflix. You ended up settling on a comedy that neither of you have seen yet.

He clicked a button to play the movie, setting the remote down on the arm rest next to him and then threw his other arm over the couch.

A thought popped into your head of scooting over and leaning into his side, but you knew that would be kind of weird. Then again, it seems that Nam-gyu’s love language is physical contact so maybe he wouldn’t mind ?

You casually scooted yourself over and Nam-gyu’s head turned. You looked up to meet his eyes, “Is this okay ?” You asked, scooting into his side and placing a hand on his chest.

He nodded, “Yeah I don’t mind.” His hand dropped to around your shoulders as he went back to watching the movie.

You tried watching the movie as well, you really did but all you could think about was his body against yours. The heat radiating off of him made you want to snuggle into him more like a weighted blanket.

Half way through the movie, you were able to concentrate on the plot a little bit, until Nam-guy’s thumb began rubbing back and forth on your arm. It was a simple gesture and you were pretty sure he was doing it unconsciously but it made the inside of your stomach fill with butterflies.

When the movie was over, Nam-gyu looked over at you. “It was alright, I thought it was kind of funny, how about you ?”

You turned and made eye contact with for a split second before licking your lips and attaching them to his. You were surprised by your hunger for him and you could tell he was shocked as well by the way he didn’t react for a few seconds.

When he reciprocated the kiss, you positioned your body on top of his. Your knees on either side of his legs, as your hands went to his hair.

His hands made their way to your hips pulling you closer into him and you moaned. Pulling away from him, you ripped your shirt off over your head, throwing it to the floor before reattaching your mouths.

His cold fingers snaked up your back, unclipping your bra. Once done, you threw it to the floor as well. One of his hands cupped your breast and you broke the kiss leaning your head against his.

“You okay ?” He whispered.

“Yeah.” You breathed, “But…”

He removed his hand from your breast, waiting for you to finish.

You sighed, “I know I’ve only known you for less than a day and I really like you.” You watched as your hands trialed down his chest, “And don’t get me wrong I really like what we have going on right now.”

You looked him in the eyes, he was smiling listening to you. “But I’m also not the kind of person to hook up with someone after just meeting them. I want to get to know you better before we get to that point.”

His hand cupped your face, caressing it with his thumb. “I respect that. Since my sobriety I’ve made a rule for myself as well, to not hook up with anybody unless we are dating. I’ve been doing good so far but I’ll be honest if you hadn’t stopped, I don’t think I would’ve stuck to it.” He blushed biting his lip.

You giggled, “I like that rule, I think I’ll adopt that as well.”

He smirked, “Does this mean cuddling is off the table too ?”

You rolled your eyes at his silly question, “Off course not.” You smiled before wrapping your arms around his neck and sinking into him. He interlocked his hands behind you while resting his head on your shoulder.

[polarimiufy]

i love neglected reader batfam aus but what if reader was growing up in the Wayne Manor not completely ignored by everyone. instead, they showed their love in little ways.

your family members were often busy. you were not completely oblivious to their nightly activities. often times, you had to attend a gala in your dad's place while he was prowling the night streets in Gotham wearing a bat costume. though, he tried not to make it as a habit or people will notice.

you love your family, really. there was no hesitation on your part. you were not related to Bruce Wayne by blood, like Damian, but you loved him like he was your real father. you just hoped that he would take care of himself more often and not spend so much time in the batcave. not to mention everyone was in on the secret. Dick was already off to Blüdhaven. Jason rarely came to the manor, and preferred to spend time in Crime Alley. Tim, now finally entering college, was busier than ever. Damian was also busy with school and being Robin.

your only hope was Alfred but even he can't be at many places at one time. so, you feel dejected. the manor felt so empty now that they were absent.

and your family noticed this. of course they did. so, they decided to show signs that they care.

Dick can't be at the manor all the time, so he often texted you messages. he sent you good morning texts, asking how you were doing and leaving reminders like "don't skip breakfast!" and "don't sleep too late, you don't want to be like Tim :)"

one of the few rare days when Jason did go to the manor, he took you riding around the city with his bike, going to the bookstore and grabbing lunch at that restaurant you liked. before he left, he would ruffle your hair and tell you "don't bring trouble" to which you scoffed because hello? look at you? and asked you if he needed to threaten someone, which was unnecessary. you were tempted.

as for Tim, since you both were almost the same age, you often spend time talking about the woes of living a college life. "ugh, Tim. i can't believe this but one of my groupmates hasn't answered my texts yet- the deadline is TOMORROW!" and cue the venting session. Tim always listened to your problems. he felt that sometimes you don't need a solution, you just need a good listener.

and Damian, given his upbringing, he wasn't good at expressing things like affection. he found you crying one time, stressed from doing assignments. it only took him one look at you before he grabbed his sketchbook and his art supplies then sitting next to you and started drawing. the sound of his pencil moving on the paper soothed your mind. you didn't need words to express yourself. just by being side by side, eased you both.

Alfred often made tea and cookies for you when you immersed yourself with work. he knew about your sweet tooth, and he liked to take advantage of it.

while Bruce was often absent from your life before, he tried to involve himself more. breakfast and dinner was spent with him asking about you. if you were doing okay, if someone was bothering you, if he had to bribe them to leave you alone, etc.

your family never said it out loud, but you knew.

you were loved.

[kxtsukixoxo]

pro!hero dynamight is known for his explosive nature, fans second guessing if they should really approach the hothead. is it really surprising when you aren’t scared of him?

𝗦𝗘𝗥𝗜𝗘𝗦 ᥫ᭡ 𝗣𝗥𝗘𝗩 ᥫ᭡ 𝗡𝗘𝗫𝗧

𝗣𝗔𝗥𝗧 𝗧𝗪𝗢 -

“did you even listen to what i just said?!”

Sero slapped him on his arm, trying to get his attention off his phone. “SOMEBODY TAKE HIS PHONE AWAY” Mina screamed “HEY WATCH IT PINK STUFF” Katsuki screamed back at Mina. “WE FINALLY GET TO SIT DOWN TOGETHER AFTER MONTHS OF ENDLESS HERO WORK AND YOURE ON YOUR PHONE??” he had nothing to excuse that. the blonde huffed and crossed his arms, as Sero spoke on end about a UA reunion, he’d prefer talking to you more than this.

“aw Mina you’ve got the guy all bummed out now” Kirishima called out from the other end of the table, paying attention to Katsuki’s sulking face “you pulled him away from his girlfriend!!” Denki dragged on the word ‘girlfriend’ teasingly, Katsuki picked up his hand threateningly, about to smack the daylight out of Denki, causing Denki to grab Mina as a shield “HEY!!”

“CUT IT OUT YOU TWO!!” Sero facepalmed himself, “can we take this reunion seriously? we’re finally seeing everyone outside of our hero work for the first time in ages”

“i agree with Sero! we’ve only seen each other while teaming up against villains, we need to make this fun!” the pink haired girl squealed

Katsuki, wasn’t paying attention, one arm hoisted onto the table to rest his head on his hand while the other held his phone underneath the table to text you. the man had a soft spot for you, it was undeniable. his friends knew it the second he’d smile the moment his phone lit up, questioning if their eyes were decieving them as the man grinned while he replied to you. you two were already on first name basis, talking whenever you could despite his busy schedule. Katsuki told his friends you two were just friends

“are you trying to convince us or yourself bro?”

he glared at Denki, forcing the boy to retreat out of pure fear, before he’d get shot into another oblivion. everybody soon picked up that you were a sensitive topic, choosing to just watch in awe at this newfound nature of their normally violent friend. he tried to prioritise his work over you, but he found himself replying to you inbetween patrols. it was a bad habit, but he couldn’t help himself. he felt like he couldn’t get enough of you. Katsuki felt the acid in his stomach bubble up everytime you took too long to reply, or mentioned a guy at your workplace. 

your friend gawked as you told her about your little friendship with the pro hero, aware about how disgustingly educated you were about him, and figured you’d knocked your head and had a dream that you somehow believed was reality. but to her dismay, no. you were very much seriously experiencing this, the pro hero Dynamight, in THE flesh couldn’t stop texting you. 

 “if things get serious, you do realise you’re gonna have to tell him about…ya’know?”

 you watched as she swirled her drink around, before taking a sip. you bit the inside of your cheek, 

“right…”

𝗧𝗔𝗚𝗟𝗜𝗦𝗧 -

@rinkomei

[swirly-strawz]

This AU actually sounds hella cool. I couldn’t think of a reason why MK would be the fourth ring other than Wukong getting a piece of the fire sealed in him but that doesn’t really make any sense considering what we know now. This one makes a lot of sense and I can see Wukong doing this.

Wukong would still blame himself because his recklessness led to MK being the fourth ring and his successor is incredibly stressed out in the Samadhi Fire! AU. No one should ever have to carry a power that’s so strong that it’s uncontrollable and destructible of even the fabric of reality. MK would still forgive him and prefers to forget about the incident but the both of them knew that memory will be stuck in everyone’s minds.

MK is heavily traumatized and overworked himself while he was being trained by Red Son. Red Son kept telling him that he has to rest but MK just can’t. He has the weapon to defeat the LBD, and he is unable to fully wield it. The fact that he lost control is enough to scare him into overworking himself, but of course he’s just hurting himself.

Oh boy, Season 4 pushes MK to the edge. In this AU, MK is less cheerful and tired after LBD’s defeat. Things were going peaceful until the Brotherhood and the Scroll of Memory stuff happens. He’s more impulsive, angry, and brash like Mei acted in canon. He’s so pissed off that he uses the Samadhi Fire more, though not for combat, just like how Red Son’s fire powers act out when he gets mad. Bro’s a fuzz ball of chaos and an eternal flame (SU reference lol).

Sorry for my ramblings, I’m still a fan of the concept being MK having the Samadhi Fire to this day 😭

Samadhi Fire MK are one of the things that have been stuck in my mind for some time, some of this artworks are already posted in Twitter btw

The angst there can be if MK were to be the fourth ring instead somehow

[favefandomimagines]

Peter (a.b)

Summary: the past has a funny way of ruining the greatest things

AN: I really hope this made sense 😂 I was all over the place

Request: @talkativecarnation hi! omg i looove ur Anthony Bridgerton fics SO MUCH! can i request 10, 9, 13, 12 from your angst prompt list. preferably in that sequence in an arranged courtship/marriage scenario but it's all up to you if you have a better vision for it 🤍 can't wait for this!! TYSM!!!

The estate of Aubrey Hall shimmered in the soft light of dawn, the golden hues of sunrise spilling across the sprawling grounds. The chirping of birds and the faint rustle of leaves in the breeze brought a sense of serenity to the outside world, but within the grand manor, an air of tension lingered.

Anthony Bridgerton sat at the edge of his massive mahogany desk, his head bowed and his hands gripping the edges as though they might anchor him. His study, a room that had always served as his sanctuary, now felt oppressive.

The neatly organized stacks of correspondence and ledgers stood as a testament to the responsibilities he carried as Viscount, yet today, those duties paled in comparison to the turmoil in his heart.

His gaze lingered on the letter before him, the ink slightly smudged from the number of times his fingers had traced its words. Y/N had written it weeks ago, with no intention of it seeing the light of day. A heartfelt plea for understanding, for connection, for something more than the strained coexistence they had settled into since their wedding.

Anthony found the letter in between two large books he had never opened until that day.

Her words were full of vulnerability, and that was what made them so unbearable. She deserved better than the coldness he had offered her.

A marriage born of duty was nothing unusual among the ton. Anthony had entered the arrangement with the pragmatic mindset he applied to all aspects of his life—an advantageous match, one that would bolster both families and secure his legacy.

Y/N was everything he could have hoped for in a wife: poised, intelligent, and well-matched to the demands of her new station. Yet for all her perfection, he felt the weight of failure pressing down on him, a failure to be the husband she deserved.

The truth gnawed at him, an ache he couldn’t ignore. His heart, traitorous and stubborn, remained tethered to a past he could not undo. A past named Siena Russo.

He had loved Siena with a passion he had not known he was capable of. The fiery opera singer had consumed his every thought, her voice and presence filling every corner of his being.

But their love, as wild and all-encompassing as it had been, was doomed from the start. Siena could never fit into his world, and Anthony’s duty to his family had forced him to end it.

Or so he told himself.

The reality was far less simple. The end of his relationship with Siena had not been entirely his decision, and the bitterness of that unresolved goodbye haunted him.

He told himself he had done the right thing, the only thing he could do, but the weight of her absence still lingered, like a ghost he could not exorcise. And now, it threatened to destroy the fragile bond he might have had with Y/N.

He ran a hand through his hair, his frustration mounting. How could he move forward with Y/N when Siena’s shadow still loomed so large? How could he pretend to be the devoted husband she longed for when his heart was so fractured?

Every time he thought he had steeled himself to let the past go, a memory of Siena would creep in—a laugh, a touch, the sound of her voice. It was as if she were etched into his soul, an indelible mark he could not erase.

The creak of the study door startled him, and he quickly folded the letter, tucking it into the drawer as though hiding it could also conceal his guilt. Turning, he saw Benedict standing in the doorway, a cup of tea in hand and a knowing look in his eyes.

“You look as though you’ve seen a ghost, brother,” Benedict said, stepping into the room and setting the cup down on the desk.

Anthony forced a tight smile. “Just tired. The estate requires more attention than usual this time of year.”

Benedict snorted, crossing his arms. “You might fool the rest of the family with that excuse, but not me. What’s troubling you?”

Anthony hesitated. He and Benedict had always shared an unspoken bond, a willingness to confide in one another when the burdens of their respective roles became too much. But this—this was a vulnerability he wasn’t sure he could voice.

“Nothing of importance,” Anthony said finally, turning away.

Benedict studied him for a moment before shaking his head. “You know, Anthony, ignoring a problem doesn’t make it disappear. Whatever it is, you should deal with it before it festers. For your sake. And hers.”

Anthony stiffened at the mention of Y/N, but he said nothing. Benedict left without another word, his parting advice hanging in the air like a challenge Anthony wasn’t ready to face.

Alone again, Anthony let out a long sigh. His brother was right, of course. Avoidance would solve nothing. But how could he face Y/N when he couldn’t even face himself? How could he explain the tangled mess of emotions inside him when he barely understood them?

Anthony leaned back in his chair, staring up at the high ceiling of his study as if searching for answers in its ornate design. He had married Y/N with the intention of fulfilling his duty, of honoring his family’s expectations.

But somewhere along the way, he had begun to see her as more than just his wife in name. She was kind, perceptive, and endlessly patient with him—a patience he knew he had done nothing to deserve.

And that only made it worse.

Because the more he came to admire her, the more he realized how much he was failing her. And every time he looked at her, he couldn’t help but wonder if she already knew. If she could sense the part of him that still belonged to someone else.

He clenched his fists, the guilt and frustration bubbling to the surface. He couldn’t keep living like this, caught between the woman he had lost and the woman he was supposed to love. But no matter how much he tried to convince himself to move forward, Siena’s voice echoed in his mind, whispering reminders of what they had shared and what he had given up.

Anthony closed his eyes, a single thought running through his mind.

How can I give Y/N my heart when it still belongs to someone else?

And in that moment, he realized the answer was one he wasn’t ready to face.

||

The glow of twilight bathed the grounds of Aubrey Hall in hues of amber and rose, casting long, soft shadows across the manicured gardens. Inside the grand estate, Y/N stood by the window of the bedroom she and Anthony now shared, her hands loosely clasped before her.

Her gaze wandered over the sprawling fields and dense woods beyond, but her thoughts were far from the picturesque view.

She had spent much of the afternoon in quiet solitude, walking the gardens to clear her mind and steady her heart. The beauty of the estate, though breathtaking, did little to soothe the ache that had grown within her since her marriage to Anthony Bridgerton.

Theirs had been a union forged not by love, but by expectation. Duty. Obligation. At the time, she had told herself it would be enough. She would fulfill her role as Viscountess, and in time, affection would blossom between them, as it often did in such arrangements.

But now, months into their marriage, Y/N found herself yearning for more—more than the polite exchanges and careful civility that defined their interactions. She had entered this union willing to give her heart, yet Anthony seemed unwilling—or perhaps unable—to meet her halfway.

The truth of it cut deeply. Anthony was a good man, of that she had no doubt. He was protective, devoted to his family, and carried the weight of his responsibilities with a strength that few could rival. But there was a distance in him, a wall he had built around himself that she couldn’t seem to breach. And worse still, she knew why.

Siena Russo.

The name was never spoken between them, but it lingered in the spaces where silence stretched too long. Y/N had heard whispers of Anthony’s past with the opera singer before their engagement, though she had dismissed them at the time. After all, many men of Anthony’s station had dalliances before settling into respectable marriages. It was a truth of their world, one she had prepared herself to accept.

But this was different. Siena wasn’t merely a part of Anthony’s past—she was still a part of his heart. Y/N could feel it in the way his gaze sometimes drifted when he thought she wasn’t watching, the way his smile never quite reached his eyes when they were alone. She could see it in the way his body tensed whenever a mention of the opera or a familiar tune from the stage drifted through a drawing room.

It wasn’t the existence of Siena that hurt Y/N; it was the hold the other woman still had over Anthony. A hold that no amount of duty or propriety could seem to sever.

Y/N’s thoughts were interrupted by the soft creak of the door opening behind her. She didn’t need to turn to know it was Anthony—she had memorized the rhythm of his footsteps, the sound of his breath when he was near. He hesitated in the doorway for a moment before stepping fully inside, the tension in his posture palpable.

“Y/N,” he said softly, his voice tentative.

She turned to face him, her expression carefully composed, though the effort of keeping her emotions at bay felt exhausting. “Anthony.”

He lingered by the door, as if debating whether to stay or retreat. Finally, he crossed the room, stopping a few paces away from her. His dark eyes met hers, and for a fleeting moment, she thought she saw something vulnerable in his gaze. But it was gone as quickly as it appeared.

“I owe you an apology,” he began, his voice low. “For how I’ve been—how I’ve treated you.”

Y/N’s heart ached at his words, at the sincerity she could hear beneath the surface. But apologies, however genuine, wouldn’t erase the months of loneliness and doubt. “You’ve been distant,” she said quietly, her tone steady despite the emotions swirling inside her. “I’ve tried to understand, to give you time, but it feels as though no matter what I do, you keep me at arm’s length.”

Anthony’s jaw tightened, and he looked away, unable to hold her gaze. “I’m sorry,” he said again, his voice breaking slightly. “I wish I could be the person you want me to be. But I’m not. And I don’t think I ever will be.”

The words hit her like a physical blow, stealing the breath from her lungs. She had suspected as much, had felt it in the coldness of his touch and the distance in his eyes, but hearing him admit it was a pain she hadn’t prepared for.

“Why?” she asked, her voice trembling. “Why won’t you let me in?”

He hesitated, the battle within him playing out across his features. When he finally spoke, his words came in a rush, raw and unfiltered. “You think I don’t notice? You think I don’t see how much I’m hurting you by staying? But I don’t know how to let go.”

“Let go of what?” Y/N pressed, her frustration bubbling to the surface. “Your past? Siena?”

Her words hung in the air like a challenge, and the way Anthony flinched told her all she needed to know. She had tried to avoid speaking Siena’s name, tried to be patient and understanding, but she could no longer ignore the truth.

“You loved her,” Y/N said, her voice soft but steady. “I know you did. And I know that love doesn’t simply vanish. But Anthony, you’re married now. To me. I cannot be a shadow in my own marriage.”

Anthony’s shoulders slumped, and he raked a hand through his hair, his composure unraveling before her eyes. “Every time I think I’ve moved on, you pull me back in,” he admitted, his voice thick with emotion. “But every time, you leave again. I can’t keep doing this.”

Y/N felt tears pricking at her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. She had cried enough in the solitude of her room, in the quiet hours of the night when Anthony lay beside her but felt a thousand miles away. Now, she needed answers.

“Do you think it’s fair to punish me for what you lost with her?” she asked, her voice rising slightly. “Do you think I don’t feel it every day, the way your heart isn’t truly here? The way it belongs to someone else?”

Anthony didn’t respond, his silence speaking volumes. And as Y/N stared at him, her heart breaking anew, she realized she was at a crossroads. She could continue to fight for a man who seemed determined to hold onto his past, or she could let him go and preserve what little of herself remained.

But deep down, she knew she wasn’t ready to give up. Not yet..

||

The Bridgerton family was known for its lively breakfasts, a time when the entire household gathered to share stories, tease one another, and strategize for the day ahead. But this morning, Y/N had no desire to face the endless chatter of the Bridgerton siblings, nor the weight of Anthony’s brooding presence. She lingered in the garden instead, letting the cool morning air soothe her frayed nerves.

She hadn’t slept. The argument with Anthony had replayed in her mind endlessly, his words like daggers carving into her chest. The rawness of it left her feeling unsteady, as though the ground beneath her feet might crumble at any moment.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t hear the soft footsteps approaching until Eloise’s voice broke through the stillness.

“There you are. I was starting to think you’d run away.”

Y/N turned to find Eloise standing a few feet away, her arms crossed and an eyebrow quirked in that familiar, no-nonsense way of hers. Dressed in a casual morning frock with her hair only half-pinned, Eloise looked as though she’d just rolled out of bed—but her sharp eyes and quick tongue betrayed that she was, as always, entirely alert.

“Good morning, Eloise,” Y/N said, her voice betraying none of the turmoil she felt inside.

Eloise tilted her head, studying Y/N with a perceptiveness that was both comforting and unsettling. “Don’t ‘good morning’ me. You look as though you’ve been crying, which is entirely out of character for you. What’s he done this time?”

Y/N’s lips parted in surprise, and Eloise smirked. “Oh, don’t look so shocked. I may not spend my days gossiping like the rest of the ton, but I have eyes. And I’ve known Anthony far too long to be fooled by his brooding act.”

Y/N hesitated, unsure how to respond. She and Eloise had grown close in the months since the wedding, their shared disdain for the more superficial aspects of high society fostering an easy camaraderie. But there were certain things Y/N had never discussed with her sister-in-law, and the state of her marriage was at the top of that list.

“It’s nothing,” Y/N said finally, attempting a weak smile. “Really.”

Eloise scoffed, stepping closer and plopping unceremoniously onto the stone bench beside her. “That’s the worst lie I’ve ever heard, and I’ve heard plenty. Come on, then. Out with it. I promise not to repeat a word, unless it’s to berate my dear brother for being an insufferable idiot.”

Despite herself, Y/N let out a soft laugh, the sound surprising her as much as it seemed to please Eloise.

“That’s better,” Eloise said, giving her a small smile. “You don’t have to tell me everything, but you do realize you’re allowed to be angry with him, don’t you? Anthony has a way of making everyone believe he knows best, but trust me—he’s as clueless as the rest of us, especially when it comes to feelings.”

Y/N sighed, running a hand over the folds of her skirt. “It’s not just that. I… I knew what I was getting into when I married him. Or at least I thought I did. But he’s so—he’s so closed off, Eloise. It’s like he’s locked himself away, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t reach him.”

Eloise frowned, her expression softening. “And let me guess—he’s too busy wallowing in his own guilt to notice how much it’s hurting you.”

Y/N looked at her, startled by the accuracy of the statement. “How do you know?”

“Because I’ve seen him do it before,” Eloise said simply. “With our family, with himself, with anyone who gets too close. Anthony carries the weight of the world on his shoulders, but he refuses to ask for help because he thinks it’s his job to handle everything alone. It’s infuriating, really.”

Y/N’s throat tightened, and she looked down at her lap. “I don’t know how much longer I can keep trying, Eloise. I want to love him, but I don’t know if he’ll ever let me.”

Eloise was quiet for a moment, her gaze thoughtful. Then she reached over and placed a hand over Y/N’s. “You don’t have to do it alone, you know. Loving someone like Anthony is exhausting—believe me, I’ve tried for years as his sister. But you’re not the only one who can knock some sense into him. If you need help, I’m more than happy to remind him that he’s being a complete fool.”

Y/N let out another laugh, this one tinged with relief. “Thank you, Eloise. Truly.”

“Of course,” Eloise said with a grin. “Now, let’s go inside before breakfast is over. If we’re lucky, we might catch Anthony before he disappears into his study to brood. And if he looks even slightly smug, I’ll spill tea on him.”

Y/N smiled, the tension in her chest easing slightly. For the first time in days, she felt a glimmer of hope. Eloise was right—she didn’t have to face this alone. And perhaps, with a little help, she could find a way to reach Anthony after all.

||

The parlor was dimly lit, the fire in the hearth reduced to glowing embers. The air felt thick, heavy with the weight of unspoken words and lingering tension. Anthony sat on the edge of a high-backed chair, elbows resting on his knees, his head in his hands. Across the room, Y/N stood by the fireplace, her arms wrapped tightly around herself as if warding off a chill that wasn’t there.

Neither of them spoke for what felt like an eternity. The silence was oppressive, broken only by the faint crackle of the fire and the distant ticking of the clock. Y/N’s mind raced with fragments of their earlier argument, the pain of Anthony’s words still fresh and raw.

"I wish I could be the person you want me to be."

"But I’m not. And I don’t think I ever will be."

How was she supposed to move forward after hearing that? How was she supposed to reconcile the man she had vowed to love and honor with the man who now admitted he might never be able to give her his heart?

“I can’t do this anymore,” Y/N said finally, her voice trembling but firm. “I can’t keep pretending everything is fine when it’s not.”

Anthony’s head snapped up at her words, his dark eyes locking onto hers. For a moment, he looked almost startled, as though her declaration had caught him off guard. But then his expression softened, and he let out a long, weary sigh.

“I know,” he said quietly. “I’ve been selfish, Y/N. I’ve been holding onto something I shouldn’t, and in doing so, I’ve hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you.”

Y/N’s lips pressed into a thin line as she fought to keep her composure. “You say that, Anthony, but do you realize what it feels like? To share a life with someone who won’t share themselves in return? I’ve tried to be patient. I’ve tried to understand. But every time I think we’re moving forward, you pull away again.”

Anthony rose from his chair, crossing the room in a few long strides. He stopped a few paces away from her, his hands hanging limply at his sides as if unsure whether he had the right to reach out. “It’s not because of you,” he said, his voice rough with emotion. “It’s because of me. I don’t know how to let go of the past, Y/N. I don’t know how to let go of her.”

There it was. The truth they had danced around for months, laid bare in the dim light of the fire. Her name wasn’t spoken, but it didn’t need to be. Y/N had always known she was competing with a ghost, but hearing Anthony admit it aloud was a different kind of pain—a sharp, searing ache that stole her breath.

“Then why did you marry me?” she asked, her voice breaking. “If you’re still in love with her, why didn’t you fight to be with her?”

Anthony’s jaw tightened, and he looked away, his gaze fixed on the flickering flames. “Because I couldn’t,” he said after a long pause. “She made her choice, and I made mine. I thought… I thought I could move on. That I could be the man my family needed me to be. The man you deserved.”

“But you can’t,” Y/N said bitterly. “Can you?”

His silence was answer enough.

Y/N turned away, tears stinging her eyes as she stared into the fire. “Do you think I don’t see how much this is hurting me? How much it’s breaking me to stay in a marriage where I’ll never be enough for you?”

Anthony’s head snapped up at her words, and he took a step closer, desperation etched into every line of his face. “You are enough,” he said fiercely. “You’re more than enough, Y/N. This isn’t about you.”

“Isn’t it?” she demanded, turning to face him. “I’ve given you everything I have, Anthony. My love, my trust, my patience. And what have you given me in return? A shadow of a husband who’s still in love with someone else.”

His shoulders slumped, and he raked a hand through his hair, his composure unraveling before her eyes. “I don’t know how to fix this,” he said, his voice breaking. “I need to fix this.”

Y/N stared at him, her heart aching at the vulnerability in his voice. She wanted to believe him, wanted to believe that he truly wanted to make things work. But how could she, when he hadn’t yet let go of the woman who still held his heart?

“I don’t know if you can,” she said softly, her voice trembling. “Not until you decide what you really want. Do you want to stay in the past, clinging to something that’s already gone? Or do you want to build a future with me?”

Anthony opened his mouth to speak, but no words came. For the first time in his life, he was truly lost, torn between the ghost of what once was and the promise of what could be. And as Y/N turned and walked away, leaving him alone in the flickering light of the fire, he realized he might not have much time to decide

||

The door closed softly behind her, but to Anthony, the sound was deafening. It echoed in the empty room, a final punctuation to her words that left him rooted in place. His chest felt tight, constricted, as though the air had been sucked out of the room. For the first time in years, Anthony Bridgerton—the Viscount, the eldest son, the steadfast leader—felt utterly powerless.

He sank back into the chair by the fireplace, his head falling into his hands. The warmth of the embers did little to thaw the chill settling deep in his bones. Y/N’s words replayed in his mind, each one sharp and piercing, cutting deeper than any wound he had ever endured.

"Do you want to stay in the past, clinging to something that’s already gone? Or do you want to build a future with me?"

It was a question he didn’t know how to answer. He had spent so long building walls around himself, convincing everyone—including himself—that he was fine, that he had moved on from Siena, that his marriage to Y/N was enough. But tonight, those walls had come crashing down, and he was left exposed, vulnerable, and unmoored.

The truth was, Anthony didn’t know how to let go of Siena. He had loved her once with a reckless passion that consumed him entirely. But it wasn’t just the loss of Siena that haunted him—it was the idea of love itself. He had seen what it could do, how it could destroy a person. He had watched his mother fall apart after his father’s death, her grief so overwhelming it had nearly crushed her. Anthony had sworn he would never allow himself to feel that kind of pain.

And yet, here he was, on the brink of losing the one person who had dared to love him despite all his flaws, his scars, his mistakes. Y/N had given him her heart, and he had squandered it, too afraid to truly let her in.

His jaw clenched as he stared into the dying fire, frustration and guilt warring within him. He had married Y/N because it was the logical choice, the responsible choice. She was everything a viscountess should be—graceful, intelligent, kind. But somewhere along the way, she had become more than just his wife. She had become his anchor, his light in the darkness he had long resigned himself to. And he was losing her.

The sound of the clock striking midnight jolted him from his thoughts. He couldn’t sit here any longer, wallowing in self-pity and indecision. He had to do something, to find a way to fix the mess he had made. Rising to his feet, he left the parlor and made his way to Y/N’s room, his footsteps echoing in the quiet halls.

When he reached her door, he hesitated, his hand hovering over the doorknob. What could he possibly say to her? How could he make her believe that she was enough, that she was everything, when he hadn’t even been able to admit it to himself until now?

Steeling himself, Anthony knocked softly. “Y/N,” he called, his voice low but steady. “It’s me.”

There was no response. For a moment, he considered walking away, giving her the space she clearly needed. But then the door creaked open, and Y/N stood before him, her expression guarded. She was still in the same dress she had worn earlier, though her hair was loose now, cascading over her shoulders in soft waves. Her eyes, red-rimmed from crying, met his, and the sight of her broke something inside him.

“What do you want, Anthony?” she asked, her voice tired.

He swallowed hard, struggling to find the right words. “I don’t know how to fix this,” he admitted, his voice raw. “But I can’t lose you. Please… tell me how to make it right.”

Her lips parted in surprise, but she quickly schooled her expression, crossing her arms over her chest. “It’s not that simple,” she said. “You can’t just say you don’t want to lose me and expect everything to change. You have to mean it, Anthony. You have to show me.”

“I do mean it,” he said, taking a step closer. “I’ve been a coward, Y/N. I’ve been so afraid of opening myself up, of losing someone I care about, that I didn’t realize I was pushing you away. But I see it now. I see how much I’ve hurt you, and I hate myself for it. I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I’m begging you—give me a chance to prove that I can be the man you deserve.”

Her eyes searched his, as though trying to determine if his words were genuine. “And what about her?” she asked quietly. “What about Siena?”

Anthony’s heart clenched at the mention of her name. He had spent so long holding onto the memory of Siena, convincing himself that he could never feel that kind of love again. But standing here, looking at Y/N, he realized how wrong he had been. His feelings for Siena had been fleeting, intense but ultimately unsustainable. What he felt for Y/N was different—it was steady, grounding, and terrifying in its depth.

“Siena was my past,” he said, his voice steady. “You’re my future, Y/N. If you’ll let me, I want to build that future with you.”

Tears welled in her eyes, and for a moment, Anthony feared he had said too little, too late. But then she stepped aside, opening the door wider, and he knew she was giving him a chance—a chance to prove that he could be the husband she needed, the man she deserved.

And Anthony vowed to himself that he would not squander it.

[wowgrim]

It's coming to the point where a post or reblog asking "Where are the Democrats? Why don't i see them doing more?" is an automatic unfollow for me.

Because what it really means is "I'm not getting a constant flow of angry elected Democrats in my social media feed" and "I glanced at some news websites and did not see an article praising the Democrats for standing up to Trump on the front page" or worse "I drew this conclusion from my algorithmically curated news feed."

And it gets my blood boiling. It's not good for my health. It's extremely distressing to see people who should know better spreading apathy and misinformation about the Democrats WHEN THAT'S WHAT GOT US INTO THIS SITUATION IN THE FIRST PLACE.

I don't know how to tell you that none of the above sources will give you an accurate understanding of where the Democrats are or what the Democrats are doing.

Social media still prefers and promotes inflammatory right-wing content, along with some left wing content that serves right wing purposes (basically vote discouragement and attacks on Democrats)--probably even more so than it did before the election, now that Zuckerberg, et al are openly embracing Trump is addition to Musk .

Newspapers don't think stories about "Democratic superintendent writes detailed instructions for school staff to keep ICE out of schools" and "Democrats cooperate on a legal strategy for fighting Trump's executive orders" and "Jasmine Crockett campaigns to reinstate civil rights committee" aren't as exciting or clickbaity as "politicos panic" or "no one is standing up to Daddy Trump life is over."

If you really want to know where the Democrats are and what they are doing, look it up. Go directly to their social media accounts and websites. Read websites that exclusively cover politics, like The Hill, and look specifically for articles about what Democrats are doing (news articles, not commentary).

Then get on your social media and tell people what the Democrats are doing. If you don't think the Democrats are loud enough about the good things they're doing, then you be the megaphone.

[jamieroyjamieroy]

Bucktommyfluffebruary Day 2 - The secret ingredient

@bucktommyfluffebruary

“I thought we were cooking this together” Tommy laughs as Evan kisses the back of his neck and runs his hands down his sides. 

“We’re together. You’re cooking. It counts.” Evan replies placing more open mouthed kisses to Tommy’s neck, his hands firmly gripping Tommy’s hips and pulling their bodies together.

“I thought you wanted to learn so you could impress Bobby on your next shift.” Tommy smiles at the contact, he’s not really complaining at the attention he is receiving. He loves being close to Evan no matter what they are doing.

“Hmm, you put the ingredients in. You stir. I got it” Evan murmurs distracted by the skin under Tommy’s shirt. That little bit of extra padding on Tommy’s stomach is exciting to Evan. While they were apart Tommy had lost too much weight and stopped taking care of himself. Once they got back together Evan made it his job to cook and bake for Tommy so he would regain what he lost. He doesn’t even miss the definition of his abs like he thought he might. Tommy has always been attractive to him and he had spent many hours kissing and licking those abs but he much prefers Tommy like this. The evidence of his ability to care for and provide for his boyfriend is even more arousing than the sacrifices Tommy needed to make so he could look good without a shirt.

“Missing a few steps baby but if you aren’t interested in my family recipes we can stop and you will never know the secret ingredient.” Tommy sighs pretending to be disappointed. He hopes the mention of a secret ingredient might just be enough to get Evan to pay attention. Not that he wants the attention that is being paid to him to stop, he was just excited to share another part of himself with Evan.

“Secret ingredient?” Evan asks head popping up to look at what Tommy’s hands are doing. It reminds Tommy of the meerkat documentary they watched last night the way Evan is looking over his shoulder and around the counter, trying to work out which one is the secret to pulling this dish together.

“Well my secret ingredient. My mother’s mother made this one a little differently. My mother changed it again slightly when she would make it for me. And I make it different again, not much but I’ve put my own little spin on the recipe.” Tommy explains measuring out each ingredient carefully. His mother was a more of an ‘add until you think it looks right’ type of cook. He has always been more precise, more controlled just like with his flying. With his life really. He is learning to be more flexible especially now that Evan has given him another chance.

“So if I teach it to our children would I get to put my own spin on it or do I have to teach them your way?” Evan asks resting his chin on Tommy’s shoulder to watch him work. He feels the moment his words register with Tommy, both their bodies tense up. Likely for different reasons, Evan didn’t mean to say that out loud so he is bracing for Tommy to reject him. He breathes deeply when he feels Tommy relax. 

“You, you think about us having children?” Tommy asks trying to look back at Evan, his arms had clenched tight around him. He can feel the worry emanating from Evan.

“I, uh, well. I know. It’s uh” Evan struggles to find the words, burying his head into Tommy’s back to hide the emotions written all over his face. 

 “I think we would have to try your version before I let you teach our children.” Tommy says rubbing a hand over Evan’s arm. Trying to comfort and reassure Evan he isn’t running away from this.

 “Yeah?” Evan asks hope filling his voice. “You, you want kids? With me?” He replaces his chin back on Tommy’s shoulder to watch him prepare their meal.

 “It’s definitely something I’ve thought about. It may be a little early to think seriously about that for us but I would be lying if I said it didn’t make me happy knowing you are thinking about it too.” Tommy answers as honestly as he can. He has a lot of concerns about being a dad especially given his shitty relationship with his own father. It’s something he hasn’t closed the door on now that Evan is back in his life.

 “I know it’s early I didn’t mean to bring it up, I’m not even certain if I want that. My parents weren’t the best role models so I don’t know if I want to pass on that generational trauma. But I’ve never really thought about even the possibility of having my own family before you. Maybe we can just be the fun uncles for Maddie and Chim’s kids. You can be their favourite Guncle, I’ll be their favourite Buncle.” Evan laughs at the thought.

 “What are you even talking about? What is a Guncle? Or a Buncle?” Tommy asks confused. His mind completely off his task of cooking, sometimes he feels every single one of his 40 years.

 “Gay uncle and Bi uncle” Evan grins ridiculously as Tommy shakes his head.

 “You are such a dork. Now pay attention so you can teach our children or our niblings how to make this.” Tommy chides pulling Evan’s arms around him tighter enjoying the feel of Evan’s lips against his cheek as he peers over to watch.

 Future Tommy and future Evan can worry about children, all he wants to do right now is enjoy the feel of his boyfriend against his back. To share with him some of his history and then maybe reassure Evan that he isn’t running away from the scary topics they both seemingly want to talk about. The way Evan is moving his hands over Tommy’s body suggests the order of those wants might be reversed. Tommy makes the wise decision to turn off the stove, cooking together can wait a little while.

Read on Ao3

[discourselover3000]

With gential surgery, typically referred to as bottom surgery in the trans community, there are a lot of options out there. And it's not really any riskier than any other major surgery. The cost also varies significantly by region. For example, I live in the UK, where bottom surgery is covered by the NHS as long as you have the patience to wait for it. Other forms of gender affirming surgery, such as facial feminisation surgery, are actually more expensive here since you have to get those privately. So it's more common for trans people here to get bottom surgery eventually. Especially if the NHS route is the only viable gender affirming care option for them.

Personally I wouldn't say genitals are the only thing that factor into sexuality. For example, there are a lot of trans men that "pass" very well, but don't get bottom surgery for a variety of reasons. Would you say the average lesbian would be attracted to some trans dude who happens to have a vulva but looks like a cis man in every other way just because he has a vulva? While genitals can be an important factor in sexuality for a lot of people, they aren't for everyone.

This topic is a way more nuanced than "if you wouldn't date a trans woman you're transphobic", and I feel like a lot of the nuance gets lost in translation. It can be very difficult to articulate a point clearly when you feel like your existence is under threat, and it results in trans people lashing out. That's how you end up with some of the wild takes seen on this site and others.

I'd say the actual truth is more "there's nothing inherently transphobic about not wanting to date a trans woman." This is the most common take within the trans community as well, though it is often phrased closer to "if you wouldn't date a trans woman you might have some transphobia to unpack."

There are hundreds of reasons people give as to why they wouldn't date or sleep with a trans person. And some of them are absolutely transphobic. Here are a few examples:

"I wouldn't date a trans woman because I want my partner to have a similar life experience to me"

Not transphobic, it's a simple compatibility thing. Plenty of trans people are t4t for the same reason.

"I wouldn't date a trans woman because I'm a lesbian."

Uh oh, there could be some transphobia here. This statement does imply you see trans women as a subsection of men, which is a transphobic belief.

"I wouldn't date a trans woman because I'm a lesbian and am uncomfortable with dick."

Probably not transphobic, though if you'd still rule out a trans woman who'd had bottom surgery based purely on the fact she used to have a penis then we're heading in transphobic territory.

The main point of the trans community isn't that you have to be willing to date or sleep with a trans woman. It's more that it's worth unpacking why you wouldn't. It could be for a any number of perfectly valid reasons. But it could also be because you still see trans women as men on some level, which is an aspect of transphobia. This point isn't always articulated very clearly, but it is the fundamental meaning of what trans people are saying.

I do get how the frustration at being called transphobic for a genital preference could result in you lashing out and failing to articulate your point clearly and respectfully. But the fact still remains that saying "if, as a woman, you're attracted to transwomen too, you're not a lesbian you're bisexual" is both a homophobic statement and a transphobic one.

If you're a transwomen and you're attracted to women, you're not a lesbian. You're straight. You're a heterosexual male. Being transgender doesn't change your sex. Males who're attracted to the opposite sex are called heteroSEXuals.

Lesbians are women who're attracted to other women, the same sex. Lesbians are homoSEXual females. If as a women you're attracted to transwomen (biological males) too, you're not a lesbian, you're bisexual.

Why is this so hard to understand???

If you call a lesbian transphobic for not wanting to date trangender women, you're a homophobe.