#that's me I'm asexual soft butch

[autumnroses]

I think butches deserved to be loved and cherished outside of sex, and I think butches shouldn't always have to be seen as the "dominant top".

Remember to talk about asexual butches! Talk about bottom butches! Talk about butches who just don't want sex!! Talk about soft butches who don't want to always be the one in charge! Talk about the butches who want to be looked after and cared for!

Butches by existence defy norms, so let's not create new norms for them, yeah? <3

[guarddoggf]

mmg 27, she/they/it.

abrosexual (like how gender fluid exists, so does orientation fluid) nonbinary trans woman who is a plural system. fluctuate between lesbian, omnisexual, pansexual, enbian, demisexual, and asexual.

am hijabi; dont feel comfortable putting explicitly sexual posts on main, this is a safe place to explore desire romance and sexuality. im monog and dreaming of being a wife.

this tumblr is sapphic and/or enbian only. some trans men are sapphic and/or enbian so may be included here. some dykes are fags and some fags are dykes (which is both morally good and sexy asf). if i reblog u and u dont feel comfortable being on sapphic/enbian blog lmk will remove.

kissinghisheart is my duaric desire blog. duaric meaning relationship het(ish) + participants queer.

we are switchy, monog, and single. we can't formulate attract purely based off online chatting so will not play on here - unless ur actually our friend and we've spoken/seen each other. basically no casual shit, it's just not practical. we could maybe meet our partner here but it'd have to be fr and naturally happening outside of dms anyway.

ie asexuality: nakedness, sensuality, intimacy, and love do not inherently contain sexual feeling for us. the root of our desire is often non-sexual. pls be respectful of our choice not to be sexualised by default.

mutuals who are sapphic or enbian can express desire via the ask box, and can ask consent to be sexual.

we follow back from moodymeangirl.

zionists/supremacists/bigots can fuck right off.

18+ only no minors.

as is stated on main: paedos can die in a ditch fr.

Kinks/Limits follow under the cut:

As a domme: I'll do basically anything that involves hurting, causing pain, psychological/physical torture, crying, dominating and controlling them/their life, free use, cnc, giving punishments, dressing them, rulemaking. Praise, caregiving, protection, being adored, being their guard dog (love that one!!), service dommeing, and piss. Also size kink, being called Mommy/Daddy, and lots of casual dommeing outside the bedroom :3 We like both fiery little brats and super melty good girls/people. Our instincts for sadism are an expression of love/affection. I'm not a soft domme by any means, but my actions are intended to be recieved as loving / lovely / affectionate. Masochists to the front, basically.

As a sub: looked after, gently tended to, touched and groped, taken advantage of, praise and degraded, objectified, dominated, and used. We enjoy power imbalances where sapphics who have authority over us in some way abuse their position to fuck, rape (cnc), or sexually touch us. We also have some trauma kinks as a sub. Mainly we like to feel desired, protected, and useful. We like to have done a good job and to worship/adore our domme (esp orally). Sub4sub play is also rlly fun. Our favourite kink as a sub is cnc/abuse of power.

As a system we lean ever so slightly domme, maybe like 70/30.

Soft limits: sex when im ace (ask).

Hard limits: harm or damage (hurt and injury are fine), self harm (including subs giving consent for certain kinds of play bc inwardly they want my behaviour to emphasise self hatred or assist them in self destruction or harm) , raceplay, detrans, misgendering directed at me, any patriarchy other than the butch one, religion or god fetishes, vomit, any degradation that has real hatred or bigotry behind it, and any kind of dynamic lacking cleatr verbal communication (we have a learning disability. to practice safely verbal comms is a Must. non verbal subs r valid but thered have to be significant negotiationand pwrsonal knowledgeof each other to even consider going there ).

[the-church-of-strabismus]

Ah yes, the daily dose of bisexuality erasure for the Arcana fandom, love it thanks

Hi! I actually received this ask last night, but I was way too tired to Google it. As I'm more well rested this morning, I've looked up Asra from the Arcana, and learned that he is canonically a he/him nonbinary bisexual.

Now, no hate to this anon. I'm sure they're sick and tired of bisexual erasure. I don't blame them in the slightest.

But this game is about me guessing. I am not a fan of The Arcana, and I hadn't even heard of Asra until my friend dropped their name in my inbox. I'm fact, I'd guess about 75% of the characters currently in my inbox, I have no clue who they are.

Again, though, no hate to this anon. I understand that it can be tiring to see an identity erased in fiction; hell, I'm aromantic/asexual, of course I know! But this game isn't about trying to be canon. I sincerely have no clues about most of these characters, and simply are making silly little guesses about their orientation, sexuality, and disorders.

Asra from the Arcana is canonically a bisexual nonbinary person that uses he/him pronouns. My sincere guess based on appearence was that he was transneutral, nonbinary, and a soft butch lesbian. I was wrong, I will fully admit that. It was not my intention to hurt anyone who decided to partake in my silly little guessing game!

I truly do hope that you were not too upset by this, anon. I wasn't trying to hurt or erase anything, I was simply trying my best to make an exciting little joke that my friends would enjoy. I fully admit that I got Asra's identity wrong in my guess, and despite my intentions, erased his identity in the process. I promise that with this game, my intention will never be to hurt people, only to make people smile.

Love, Namida/Koshyen

[grokebaby]

@parasite-core

Hmmmmmm my oc of choice uhhh (<- is fatally indecisive)

Let's go with Delilah bc she deserves a bit more spotlight!!

(BTW for any future asks please send the question itself as well, ty!! /nm)

2 = What's your oc's orientation + their thoughts about it?

Delilah is an ace lesbian!! I like to think she'd be very gentle and tender if she were to get into a relationship but it's really hard to get close to her and she has little time anyways to focus on her personal life. She loves being an aunt though! I think nearly all the people close to her are allosexual so by comparison she might feel a bit isolated sometimes and lacking someone to talk and relate with about asexuality. That, and the Pride district demons tend to be really invasive or crass if they feel like throwing nasty comments so it's something Delilah has to keep close to her. She has thick skin yeah and doesn't think of herself as the type to need lots of support but it can definitely frustrate her that her aceness is really invisible in her day to day life. Obviously Deirdre and Lassi for example are very supportive to her but they're both kinda slutty so they wouldn't have common ground with her on that, which I can say from experience can feel really isolating. Obviously not saying aces can't be slutty but Delilah herself is sex neutral to averse, leaning more on the latter usually.

She's not terribly interested in dating though and/or has given up things like that due to her profession but Her identity as a butch lesbian is meaningful to her especially since she's a trans woman, so it's definitely been a journey for her. It's hard to put exactly into words rn but ykno how your orientation still affects your personal life and feelings about other people even if you weren't actively on the dating scene? That's true for Delilah as well. I sometimes think she might also be gray or demiromantic as well but regardless, having a partner isn't relevant to her life situation rn and I don't think she could see herself trying to seek one anyway anytime soon. She's content with having her family and (very very) few friends. She's very introverted.

5 = how did you figure out your oc's identity?

Uhh I think it all came soon after I figured out her being a trans woman? I kinda simultaneously decided both she and Xerxes should be trans bc fuck yeah!!!! Lesbian was just bc. Vibes. And butch women go brrr and she had the perfect vibe to be that but her being ace does have some deeper thought behind it. Since she is a butch transbian I kinda wanted some spot of her character to be subversive and I know there's a bit of a gross stereotype around both trans and butch women that portrays them as inherently more sexual and perverse (glances hatefully at terfs), so I wanted to make her ace. I know and see the infantilism often aimed at ace people and I think we need more hardass cool ace characters. Obviously you don't wanna go too far in the other direction and imply asexuality makes someone cold and jaded but you get the point I'm trying to make with this (Tangent: wow I'm just realizing the dumbass shit ace people have to put up with, simultaneously being portrayed as innocent baby beans and also socially awkward cold jerks. Aphobia is a hell of a thing we just can't win can we)

Anyway.

Since she has an overall air of being strong and intimidating, and people could make assumptions about her sexuality based on that, I wanted to do something different there. I personally think aceness adds more interesting depth to her character as opposed to if she were allosexual. I feel like it all ties into an interesting complexity with her strong exterior and soft interior that I just really like. Queer women by beloved

Besides all that, I tend to lean towards making more aro than ace characters since I'm personally more aro than ace, so ykno, wanted to balance it out

Wanna Send me more?

[rivertigo]

Too bad, I want my soft wlws because I'm a soft wlw

I’m femme and I don’t fuck btw. I’m sex repulsed but that doesn’t stop me from seeing concerning trends in the community at large. Like I’ll be real I love the soft wlw stuff too but the way it has become the main way to view lesbians is misogynistic. To view a group of women as these soft, sexless, domestic beings bc they aren’t attracted to men is so fucking gross. Especially concerning the way masc lesbians are being treated. As a community they have been our protectors for all of our history. Cops and heterosexual men don’t give a shit about us. Butches do. To completely erase them from the wider community is erasing our history (also it’s just plain mean). The straight world’s view of an acceptable woman is narrow, but a sexless, dainty, white, femme lesbian does not disrupt that order. The big movement of white thin wlw culture often excludes fat women, woc, hairy women, etc. This is not a dig at any lesbians who do look straight, you don’t need to dress or present a certain way just because you’re gay. This is also not a dig at any asexual lesbians, once again I am sex repulsed and I do fall under the category of a femme presenting wlw most of the time, but this does not make me ignorant to issues of the wider community. The weird sexless view of soft wlw also goes along with this trend in younger generations to ignore the history of why sex is an important topic in the lgbt community. The heterosexual world finds gay sex to be disgusting and unnatural, its easy to prove just do some digging in the comment sections of lgbt creators. This new image of a lesbian is more appealing to them when they don’t have to imagine us having sex, or god forbid a hairy fat butch having sex. This has already turned rambly so I’m stopping here but I could go on and on and many others have. Look up your history! Learn about the women before you! And seriously I’m a blogger on tumblr I’m not trying to take away your right to bake bread with your gf, like… I’ll be baking bread with my future gf, because I like all that soft shit too!!!

[wazzuppy]

BYF (OLD)

COMMISSIONS

help me afford new clothes

hello!! this is a big masterpost for information about my blog, including DNI list, a list of my triggers and sqicks, my other blogs, and more! PLEASE read this before you follow, or if we're mutuals.

DO NOT INTERACT:

do NOT interact with me if you support or are any of the following things!

if there is an "x" next to it, i've linked something that explains why i don't support it and don't want people who do to interact with me or my blog.

if you have any questions, feel free to ask! i'm happy to elaborate <3

maps/pears/pedos

s*xual agere

terf/tirf/swerf/radfem/super straight

anti-anti/pro ship

if you think fiction doesnt effect reality

truscum/transmed/trumed

abuse

ableist

racist

support pewdiepie

support the dream smp (x)

support the game grumps

anti-abortion

facist

exclusionist

against the lgbtqia+ community at all

incest

support cringe culture

fatphobic

think that "blackwashing" is the same as whitewashing

against anyone using their desired pronouns, regardless of gender (example: lesbians using he/him, nonbinary people using neopronouns or binary pronouns)

fetishize mlm or wlw relationships/fujoshi/fudanshi

use slurs when you cant reclaim them

xenophobic

defend rapists

anti-neopronouns

anti-mogai

anti-kin

anti-self ship

think only lesbians can use butch/femme

think people with psychosis, schizophrenia, DID, ect are "dangerous" or "scary."

think that found family isn't a real family

bi/pan lesbian

support trump

nft/crypto

if you're an nsfw account (i'm a minor)

SOFT DNI

if you romantically self ship with donnie (rottmnt), i'd prefer if you didn't interact. its genuinely nothing personal, its just for my own comfort.

BASIC INFO/ABOUT ME:

hi!! my name is tara, but i also go by the names wazzup, fennie, duck, lolly, and minnie; please feel free to use any and all of them! i use she/her pronouns primarily, but also use they/them and squi/squish-- which pronouns i'm using at the moment will change, so check my bio every once and a while if you wanna be sure (i also have a pronouns page if you wanna check it!!) i'm 16 years old. im asexual and pan-fictoromantic (i consider myself aromantic bc im not attracted to like. actual ppl dhgjdhfj), and i am afab bigenderflux (fem & squishmallowgender). i have anxiety, depression, gerd, and adhd and autism (although i have not been officially diagnosed with adhd or autism due to a lack of resources, i am very certain i am not neurotypical). also, i use tumblr mobile!

some important tags are: "#tara says stuff", which is for when i talk about whatever is on my mind; "#vent" which is for when i make vent posts; "#stuff i made" and my old tag, "#tara makes a thing", which is for content that i create myself (such as edits, memes, ect); "#important" which is for things such as donations and carrds and urgent news. some things will also be tagged as "#thing tw" (for example: blood tw, flashing tw, bright colors tw). i also will put "#ask to tag" if i'm worried something will be upsetting but am unsure of how to tag it. so, if you'd like me to tag something, ask me and i will!! 💕

TRIGGERS & SQUICKS

mutuals PLEASE tag posts that contain any of these as "#tara dont look" (with or without a ' sign, both are blocked). 💕

steven universe

truancy

being taken away from your parents (only applies to parents that are good to you or that you actually consider family)

my birthday (i have really bad chronophobia and gerascophbia, so it tends to be extreamely difficult for me to handle)

calling characters that show signs of neurodivergency dumb, stupid, weird, or annoying

animal death or injury, especially pets

high-pitched/shrill sounds

the x files

referring to me as ze/zir

douxie casperan (tales of arcadia), krel tarron (tales of arcadia), katsuki bakugou (my hero academia), mark beaks (ducktales), shadow the hedgehog (sonic), hatsune miku (vocaloid), and especially donnie (rottmnt) and red son (monkie kid) being shipped with anyone.

shipping the any of the triple threat (henry stickmin) together.

shipping kenning flugslys (villainous) with anyone but especially miss heed

comparing red son and donnie to each other

MY FANDOMS/INTERESTS:

note: i'm critical of all of them, although some more so than others.

note #2 (electric boogaloo): if the text is in bold and italics, that means it's my current hyperfixation. if it's pink text, it's my special interest.

101 dalmatian street

ace attorney

animaniacs

animal crossing

barbie

big time rush (the show not the irl band hdgjhdgjhd)

crash bandicoot

darkwing duck (1991)

disney channel/disney xd sitcoms (primarily mighty med and lab rats)

ducktales (2017)

epithet erased

fashion

henry stickmin

ikenfell

kagerou project

kingdom hearts

kirby

legend of zelda

madoka magica

mario

milgram

monkie kid

ninjago

owl house

phineas & ferb/milo murphys law

pokémon

pretty cure

psychonauts

sanrio/san-x

aggretsuko

sonic the hedgehog

studio ghibli

tales of arcadia

teenage mutant ninja turtles (especially rottmnt)

undertale/deltarune

villainous

vocaloid

watcher/buzzfeed unsolved, they r the only youtubers i would ever be in a fandom for

MY OTHER BLOGS:

note that some are much, much more active than others.

main: @wazzuppy

self ship blog: @blushxblush

kin blog: @madohomu-kins

editing blog: @wazzuppy-edits

kagepro blog: @lets-daze

rottmnt/tmnt blog: @donnies--jacket

monkie kid blog: @funkie-monkie

barbie/childhood blog: @disastersapphicbarbie

epithet erased blog: @mollywollydolly

milgram blog: @mahiruuu

other: @wazzuppy-reblogs

~~~~~

thank u for reading until the end ily 💕💗💝💞💓💘💖

[i-can-be-king-again]

99 gay-ish asks (I’m (mostly) not gay but I wanna see what I’m like anyway)

how tall are you? 5′3″

what is your body type? thin

what is your favorite part about your body? my lips? idk lol

is your current hair color your natural hair color? Yes

are you more outgoing or more shy? More shy

are you more femme or butch? Femme

are you tol or smol? definitely smol lol

wine mom or vodka aunt? Vodka aunt

weird habit? Making graphs and lists

favorite meme? That tiktok where this girl talked about how girls shed their skin like reptiles and the guy was so conflicted whether to believe it or not lmao

do you sing in the shower? Yes

ever used a bow and arrow? no but I want to!

are/were you a theatre kid? I was too socially anxious to be in theatre lol

have you ever seen a broadway musical? Yes

do you think musicals are cheesy? I'm not sure lol, depends on the story

have you ever been a part of a protest or a march? No

favorite Cards Against Humanity Card? I can never remember any of them to have a favorite 

last movie you watched? Soul

behind the camera or in front of it? Behind

favorite tv show? The Good Place

meaning behind your url It was from a song called King by lauren aquilina

reason you joined tumblr It seemed fun

who’s your closest tumblr friend? I have several that are equally close

what’s something most people love that you hate? Tomatoes and beans

have you ever taken narcotics? No

have you had sex? Yes

have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? I never snuck out or did anything bad lol

worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told? Probably something in Among Us

describe your passion without mentioning it.  👑 

describe your best friend. Funny and very witty

give us one thing about you that no one knows. I’m not giving away confidential information lol

how do you feel right now? depressed

what is your biggest fear? I don’t know, having anxiety makes me afraid of everything lol

what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? In

what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far? Probably going to college or something

have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end? Yes

something you fantasize about. Having shapeshifting powers or winning the lottery

last time you cried and why Yesterday from stress

what was the last thing that made you laugh? a meme

do you really, truly miss someone right now? my friends mostly

who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? My mom

the last time you felt broken? today actually

are you starting to realize anything? mostly that I chose the wrong degree cause I can’t find any jobs

are you more dominant or more submissive? more sub

i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank) I think you’re cute, easy to talk to, and funny

do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?  the range is 5 years younger to 5 years older

describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail. no thanks lol

do you have any kinks? Not really

first thing you notice in a person? Their face

how can someone win your heart? Idk

been rejected by a crush? All of them

have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? every person I’ve had feelings for never liked me back lmao

would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? No

is trust a big issue for you? Sort of?

did you hang out with the person you like recently? no :(

is confidence cute? always

what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? I’d avoid talking to them

would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? No

does the person you have feelings for right now know you do? maybe? I don’t know

ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? always

do you want to get married not really

worst thing you’ve ever done? accidentally broke my sister’s arm when we were young while playing

three things that turn you on. I'm not sure lol, depends on the person I guess

who do you hate? myself lmao

favorite term of endearment? depends on the person

who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening? I never had one

intimidating girls or kind girls? Kind

what do you look for in a possible partner? Sense of humor, if I can feel comfortable with them, and trust

do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls? Feminine and androgynous

are you good at flirting? I'm not sure

who was the first person you came out to? I haven’t had to come out

do you have any friends who are wlw? no :/

is your crush wlw? yes

last person to make you reconsider your sexuality? I’m bi so I can like whoever the F I want lmao

write a short love poem to your crush/self? Nah

do you fall in love easily? Not anymore

is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? a lot of things lol

are you good at hiding your feelings? I'm so good that one of my previous crushes thought I was asexual lol

are you a forgiving person? depends on the situation

what is your “type?” Personality: class clown, confident, witty, sciencey. Looks: nothing specific but mostly between average and supermodel attractive

fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours? Fall asleep in his arms

tall girls or short girls? I'm fine with both

hugs or kisses? Hugs

twirl her around or get twirled? Get twirled

tummy kisses or thigh kisses? Thigh

hairline kisses or neck kisses? Neck

play with her hair or stroke her tummy? Hair

making out or soft kisses? Depends on the mood

hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist? Both

how confident are you in your sexuality? not at all lol

when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach? Oh yes

have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them? Yes, I've never told them because it usually led to rejection

how old were you when you realized you were into girls? I think around my early 20s

most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl? I’ve done anything embarrassing in front of one yet lol

do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon? I haven’t found one yet

what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality? People asked for a threesome.  With women, they said they didn’t like that I can also like men and I'm “unclean” because I've done it with a man 🙄

when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter? in high school

what is love to you? Idk

ask me anything.

[whats-my-newest-obsession]

No one asked but this looks fun so I'm doing it:

1. About two years now

2. She was always super sweet to me. She acted aggressive around everyone else but softened around me. I took it as affection and basically fell in love.

3. No unfortunately I broke up with the same girl I just talked about in April.

4. Nope

5. Don't have one sadly. Saw a cute girl at Wal-Mart though!

6. I tend to like more androgynous style, but it doesn't matter all that much.

7. I dress femininely I would say. I'm not that big a fan of mens clothes to be perfectly honest.

8. Since I'm still a relatively new gay, my gaydar isn't as strong, though I've guessed a few people with a little help. Only time will tell.

9. Short girls. I like being the taller one in a relationship.

10. I don't really know. I am a generally kind person but can be intimidating if I wanted to be. Yah probably kind girls.

11. Oh jesus. I'm such a touchy feely person is the only thing. Probably hugs. I love kisses but hugs are really soft.

12. A type? Not really. Maybe someone who will try to understand who I am. Maybe they'll even care about me 😂

13. Personality wise I think someone who's a little crazy. Likes weird things. You know like me.

14. I don't think it's any different for girls, except maybe a hopeless romantic so they won't get frustrated with my tactics. And someone who can handle clinginess.

15. The best thing about liking them is probably because you can get away with hanging out with cute girls all day and take your time to fall in love without it being obvious.

16. No I actually don't have friends 😂

17. Never been to pride. Wish I can though it looks amazing.

18. I think the lesbian flag is nice, little on the pink side but still it's an honor to even have one.

19. My first kiss was awkward and not all that special. It was fun though!

20. My gay awakening was in real life, but I can say Ariana Grande made me blush a little bit.

21. Love Simon. It was sweet and definitely captured the pure stress of hiding and coming out.

22. Hayley Kiyoko. Great music and a lovely attitude towards life.

23. No make up over here. I hate it it's messy 😂

24. My sister. I act like I don't but I trust her more than anyone.

25. Yah I had my good friend of seven years tell me she's asexual. Another old friend told me shes bi. My ex came out as gender fluid to me. All of them don't talk to me anymore so idk how important it was for them 😂

26. My old school was full of LGBTQ+ but since then I was involved in a Hayley Kiyoko premire full of wlw helping out others. It was great.

27. Besides Hayley herself probably Brendon Urie from Panic! At The Disco, Harry Styles, and the lesbian couple next door 😂

28. No I think butch/femme is being a little much with labels for me. I like labels to a certain extent. I know people need them and that's completely ok but I just don't use it.

29. My favorite fictional wlw has to be a bisexual character from a series called The Arcadia Project. She's the only wlw I can think of and she's hopelessly in love with a man. I still get wlw content here and there though!

30. I'm looking forward to a lot. I've fantasized a lot about it; finding a girl, kissing cuddling pride etc. But I think I'm excited for, more than anything, someone to run around with. Dance with. Just live and be happy.

And there you have it! Sorry for the long post and thanks for reading!

-Andrea xx

soft wlw asks

1. how long have you known you liked girls?

2. talk about the girl who made you realise you liked girls

3. are you in a relationship at the moment?

4. do you have a crush at the moment?

5. describe your crush!

6. do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls?

7. do you look/dress more masculine, feminine, or androgynous?

8. what’s your gaydar like?

9. tall girls or short girls?

10. intimidating girls or kind girls?

11. hugs or kisses?

12. do you have an ideal ‘type’? what would they be like?

13. what’s your favourite personality trait of yours?

14. what’s your favourite personality trait for a girl to have?

15. what’s the best thing about liking girls?

16. do you have any friends who are wlw?

17. have you ever been to pride? if so, what was your first pride like?

18. do you like the lesbian flag?

19. what was your first kiss with a girl like?

20. who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening?

21. what’s your favourite lgbt+ movie?

22. who’s your favourite openly wlw celebrity?

23. do you wear makeup?

24. who was the first person you came out to (if you have)?

25. has anyone ever come out to you?

26. have you found a community of lgbt+ people?

27. do you have any older lgbt+ people you look up to?

28. do you identify with butch/femme labels?

29. who’s your favourite fictional wlw?

30. what experiences are you looking forward to having in the future (kissing a girl, going to pride, etc)?

[dykey-femme]

Hello, I have a question. So everywhere I look, especially here on tumblr, butches are rough and into BDSM and things like that and I'm a soft butch who just wants to love my girl. Am I the only one? This really makes me question my butchness...

Hello!! - firstly I love when butches come to me for advice because I have so much love to give y’all 😭😭.

Anyways, rough sex has nothing to do with being butch. Being butch is an expression of gender and sexuality, but it doesn’t necessarily correlate with types of sex acts. Some butches are asexual, some are dominant daddy types and that part of their identity is important to them and their butchness. I think non-dominant types of sex (like BDSM) tend to be publicised a lot on this website. There’s obviously nothing wrong with rough sex but in my experience it’s not as common as tumblr would portray (maybe I’m wrong here but I’ve never met a lesbian couple IRL who are seriously into BDSM 🤷‍♀️). Either way - there’s no wrong or right way to have sex as a butch lesbian!

Personally, as a lover of butches, I don’t like any type of rough sex, the sex I have would be considered very vanilla. I don’t even really use toys, just good old fashioned fingers and tongues. There’s definitely a top/bottom dynamic but nothing too kinky (most lesbian relationships don’t even have top/bottom they’re really 50/50 tbh, but I’m not into that). Sorry if that’s TMI but I’m just trying to let you know that you are not “the only one” - there are women who like it rough and there are women who genuinely don’t! Some of us just like to get some tender lovin from a butch 😘

[soft-butch-cassidy]

Yo, I really hope this doesn't come over as rude (since it's just me trying to learn about the experiences of my fellow lgbt peeps) but I was wondering why lesbians have a flag separate from the rainbow homosexual flag, and why it's such a bug problem for it to not be included? I assume it has something to do with the sexualization of lesbians but I'm not sure, could you explain?

Anonymous said: whats that post saying like “why include an ace flag but not a lesbian flag”, like whats wrong with the ace flag? and theres a gay flag

I’m going to answer these together, because they are related asks. 

The lesbian flag started out as a flag especially for high femme lesbians– for lipstick lesbians. Eventually the lipstick kiss was dropped and the flag was adopted as the flag for lesbians as a whole. This is as far as I know– I could be wrong, but the research into LGBTQ histroy and symbolism is vague and poorly documented.

The lesbian flag is important to lesbians because we have a separate gay identity. We are still gay, but lesbianism is a culture in and of itself. No one else can use terms like “femme” and “butch” for example. We’ve always been about breaking the gender binary. Our history in LGBTQ history is important. We’re the L, after all. 

Of course we use the rainbow flag. It’s a bit of a blanket flag for people who experience attraction to people of the same gender, just like the term “gay.” Lesbians are gay. But lesbianism is a culture. The attraction of feminine aligned people to other feminine aligned people has always been unique. But outside of our own community, lesbians have been erased, dismissed, and punished.

Lesbian is a porn category designed with straight men in mind. The existence of a relationship between two women, where no men are involved, is sexualized for the consumption of men. Outside of porn, lesbians are thought to have more frivolous relationships; that they don’t last, that it’s not sexual at all, that it’s friends with benefits, etc. Even butch-femme is thought by many to be “mimicking” heterosexuality. It isn’t; it’s breaking the gender binary. A butch woman is a woman. She’s not a man. She’s butch. She’s not “copying” men or “performing masculinity” or whatever. It’s a unique aspect of gender in lesbian culture. 

(for the record, I’d describe myself as soft butch)

Everything about lesbians is constantly forgotten or dismissed. We’re murdered on TV, we’re used as fanservice, we’re ~palatable~ to a straight male audience (side-eyeing game devs on this one) to sell entertainment. We don’t get happy endings in movies or shows. We get killed. Bury Your Gays trope, anyone? We get told we’re not really gay, we’re actually bisexual, we need to be open minded, we need to not exclude men from people we would date. 

The exclusion of lesbians from pride, from tumblr’s gif to photosets and shit from users… how many of those “pride x for everyone!” posts do you see that have the red, the pink, the white? There’s always gay, bi, pan, trans, nonbinary, genderfluid, asexual, aromantic. We get left out, or lumped in with gay. We’re gay, yes, but we’ve got our own flag. 

As for aro/ace flags in the gif… I used to ID as asexual. Even today I’m not a terribly sexual person. But the ace community is a goddamn nightmare. It’s horrendously homophobic and bizarrely attracted to the desire to be oppressed. Cis, straight ace people are still straight. Cis straight aro people are still straight. Asexuality is a fairly newer term, coined in the last…. thirty years? I believe? Aromantism is even newer. Neither are terribly well-known outside of the internet or liberal areas. Which, sure, is pretty lame for aro and ace people, but…

I’m terrified of how society views me for being gay. When I ID’d as ace I was never scared that someone might literally murder me for it. There’s no ~~sin~~ in not experiencing attraction. I don’t hear the same awful, horrible things about asexuality that are said about being gay. I’ve never seen anyone say anything like “you’re going to hell” for being asexual. Children don’t get kicked out of their homes for being ace.

Ace people aren’t murdered at a nightclub for being asexual like gay people have been.

I like who I am. I am happy with who I love, with how I love. The lesbian community is, in my experience, lovely. TERFs aside, because they aren’t allowed in the lesbian community, of course. 

But we have been left out of everything. We’ve had to carve ourselves out, scream about our love from the side, and still, we’re ignored, forgotten, dismissed.

This is all my personal perspective on it. Take it with a grain of salt, but don’t dismiss my view.