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starbuckie · 5 years ago

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Some Quarantine Lovin’ Prologue: It’s Corona Time

Marvel Highschool!AU

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Obscene amounts of fluff, kissing, swearing, kinda a lot of angst

Description: Bucky Barnes is absolutely, no doubt about it, in love with Y/N L/N. He’s loved her since the day he laid eyes on her in the third grade. He loved her when he had his own girlfriend, and when he was barely friends with her for a whole summer. And of course, in his freshman year, they are now stuck together. In a house. During a worldwide quarantine. This should be fun.

Words: 2,110 words

A/N: Hey guys! This is my first fanfic, and I’m honest to God absolutely terrified. I hope you like it, because I’ve been wanting to write since the beginning of quarantine. If you like it, like or repost, and I’m so, so, grateful. Stay home and stay safe y’all!

“Buck, can you pass me the vitamin water?” The boy was stuck in his reverie, looking at the girl next to him with unfocused eyes. Bucky had a tendency to daydream during class about different things, however most of them came back to one person. “Bucky!” The girl, frustrated with him, quickly whacked him in the arm.

“Ow, what the hell Y/N?” Bucky rubbed his bicep where she had so rudely whacked him. The girl chuckled briefly and gave him a warm smile. “What are we doing right now,” he asked, “I wasn’t paying attention.”

Y/N’s smile grew wider. “Yeah, I could tell. Can you pass me the vitamin water? I’m thirsty and hungry, and we still have forty minutes of class.” Bucky rolled his eyes at his close friend and slid her the orange bottle across their shared desk. She screwed off the cap and chugged down half the bottle, while Bucky grimaced then snatched the bottle out of her hands.

“Jesus Y/N, share with me too, I’m the one who bought it.” The girl just shot another heart-warming smile at him again, making his heart flutter.

“But I’m the one who snuck you into my room when you couldn’t get back into your own house. I told you that going to creek with Steve at midnight was a fucking dumb idea.” She lightly snorted, and looked back up to the board, where physics problems were scrawled out in blue marker. Bucky thought back to that night two weeks ago.

He had sat with you, Steve Nat, Wanda, and Sam at lunch, talking about the rumors of the COVID-19 breakout. They had overheard from some of the juniors that the school would be shut down, for only one day, but possibly more. Though it had only been barely a rumor, Bucky and Steve had to take extreme measures in case they wouldn’t be able to see each other for the next few weeks. They were going to go down to the creek behind the townhouses at night, and hang out. Y/N and Sam had immediately laughed at their two dumbass friends, and Nat and Wanda had barely cared.

Upset with their friends for being unsupportive, the Barnes and Nobles duo, as the gang liked to call them, decided to go through with their creek plan. They had snuck out at eleven thirty, well after Steve’s ma and Bucky’s parents thought they were in bed, and met outside Steve’s house. They had brought bags of chips, and Bucky had even managed to sneak two cans of beer from his dad’s stash. They stayed there until three in the morning, just talking about high school, and how they were so excited to be sophomores the next year and haze the new freshman. Then the topic of discussion had come to Bucky’s large crush on Y/N, that wasn’t too subtle.

“Buck, are you really going to look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t like Y/N?” Steve asked his friend exasperatedly. Bucky rose his gaze from the gurgling water to Steve’s eyes and opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out and he blushed. “That’s what I thought, you idiot.”

So Bucky may have had a crush on one of his oldest friends. He had been enamored with her the moment he met her in the third grade with Natasha, until he met a pretty girl named Dot in the seventh grade and dated her until the end of eighth grade. Throughout that period of time, Y/N and Bucky’s friendship was distant and strained, but thankfully they reconnected with the crew over the summer going into highschool. He hadn’t seen her much during June, but when she came back from her acting camp up north, she had grown taller and tanner, with curves that he hadn’t noticed before. All his elementary feelings had hit him like a truck again, and he followed Y/N around like a lost puppy again, which Steve took note of and enjoyed teasing him about. By the end of the night with Steve, he had emptied out his soul to his best friend, making him promise to not tell a single soul. Steve agreed, but not before saying, “You’re screwed, punk.”

The boys had started walking back to their street, and when they looked at the time, they saw that it was 3:30, and they needed to get back. They sprinted to their houses, and scrambled back up the pipes on their houses. Steve got in safely, and poked his head out the window to make sure Bucky got in his own house as well. However, the sight he was met with made him laugh instead. Bucky had a panicked look on his face, and a look of realization came over him as he realized that the window was locked from the inside when he closed it earlier when leaving.

“Steve,” he whisper-yelled to his best friend, “can I come over for the night?”

Steve nodded. “Yeah, hurry up!” Bucky scrambled back down to pipes and ran over to the side of Steve’s house, but as soon as he started climbing, Steve exclaimed, “Crap, crap, crap, my ma’s coming up the stairs, I gotta go Buck. I’m sorry!” His window shut quietly, and Bucky groaned. He pulled out his phone, and checked with the one person he both wanted and didn't want to see.

His finger hovered over her contact, her and Bucky’s faces grinning with peace signs held towards the camera. He pressed her number, and her gentle voice picked up. “Hey Buck, what’s up? I thought you were out with Steve.”

“Yeah, about that…” He told Y/N the whole story of how his window was locked and Steve’s ma coming to his room. Her giggle through the phone was melodic, and he smiled just hearing it. “You are the only person I know who stays up at these unholy hours, reading Sebastian Stan fanfictio-”

“Hey, you promised we wouldn’t talk about it!” She hurriedly cut him off. He chuckled quietly, and resumed talking.

“Chill out, doll, no one can hear me. So, can I come over? Just for the night? I can provide cuddles and other services as well.” He jokingly said, wiggling his eyebrows though he knew she couldn’t see him.

“Yes, you can spend the night, you dumbass. But you gotta be quiet as shit, because if my parents find you with me in my bed, they’re gonna get the wrong idea.” His face heated up at the mention of that, but nonetheless, he still ran over to her house, a few blocks away.

The rest of the night had been filled with quiet laughter, cuddling, and finally passing out at around 4:30 am in each other’s arms.

Finally snapping out of his reverie, he just nodded dumbly until their physics teacher stood up. “As you all have probably heard at this point, the rumors about our school shutting down due to the coronavirus breakout are true.” Murmurs and laughs were audible around the classroom, and Y/N turned towards Bucky with a huge smile. Mr. Fury, clearly frustrated with the class, gets their attention again. “Hey, hey! I’m not done yet. Next week we will be testing online classes on the app Zoom. We are going to see how it goes, and though we hope that we will be able to return to school, the likelihood is that we will not be returning for the rest of the school year.”

Mr. Fury continued telling the class about Zoom, and instructed the students on how to use the app. Y/N was absolutely elated. For the rest of the year, she didn’t have to sit in hardass chairs at desks, but rather stay in the comfort of her home. It was part of her introverted nature she assumed, but as she saw the frown on Bucky’s face, she began to sport one as well.

“Hey Buckaroo, what’s the pouting about,” Y/N inquiried. He sighed heavily and looked at her. “James, is everything okay?” To be honest, he was absolutely infuriated and scared of the virus, because it had now taken away his only safe place outside his house. Y/N knew about his family problems, the whole gang did, and they all did their best to support him in any way he needed, whether it was staying over or a homemade meal, but they were always there to help their friend.

Bucky’s breathing got harsher, so Y/N grabbed his hand under the table and squeezed it. He glanced up, his eyes full of gratefulness and adoration. They both turned back to face Mr. Fury. “Tonight, there’ll be emails sent out to you, and your parents. Okay, pack up and leave, I don’t wanna see your faces for longer than I get paid for.” Y/N and Bucky gathered their things, and hustled out of the classroom.

“Hey Buck, hey Y/N,” Steve yelled from across the yard, “Where are you going next?” Y/N saw her blond friend and pulled him into a hug. Where she couldn’t see, Steve shrugged and Bucky glared at him. She released her friend from the hug.

“Buck and I just have a free period next, we’re heading down to the library now though. Wanna come?” She asked. Steve nodded, and the trio walked to the library on the other side of campus. “It’s gonna be so weird when we have classes from home. I actually have to clean up my room, and see people from class. It’s a travesty.” She dramatically draped her forearm over her face, feigning sadness. What a fucking theatre kid, Bucky thinks. He just rolls his eyes and chuckles.

“C’mon, there are tons of things worse than just cleaning up your room. I’m gonna be stuck with my fucking family for a week, and maybe til the end of the year.” Bucky dropped his head at his words, and the three students stopped walking. Y/N pulled him in for a hug, running her hands up and down his back in a soothing manner. She knew he was on the verge of having a panic attack, and she hated it. She hated his father for making him feel worthless, she hated the psychopath who killed his mother, and she hated the fact that he has to take care of his baby sister all by himself, because only God knows where was father is at night. Bucky felt tears prick at his eyes, but he strongly inhaled and let it go. He secretly breathed in the scent of Y/N’s hair, the faint scent of her pineapple perfume calming him. She slowly released him from the hug, and he whispered, “Thank you.” With a small smile and nod of her head, they continued walking down to the library.

Steve and Bucky made small talk about the online workouts for their baseball team, but Y/N was deep in her own thoughts. She hated the thought of Bucky staying with his dad for the duration of quarantine. Hell, she hated the thought of his dad in general. Y/N had known Bucky since the third grade, but he had only opened up to her about their family issues in seventh grade. However, she wanted to be there for him, because, well, she loved him. So, so, much.

Before they entered the library, she stopped walking and said, “You guys go on in, I’ll catch up with you.” Both the boys looked at each other, confused.

“Where are you going, doll?” Bucky asked. She tried her best to hide the blush rising at her cheeks, but Bucky saw it and smirked. She rolled her eyes and started walking away.

“I gotta make a quick phone call,” she yelled, “I’ll be back faster than you can say cartesian diver!”

“What?” Steve yelled, confused by everything. He hadn’t had the project yet, but he would learn soon enough.

“I don’t know, it was the first thing that came to mind!” And with that, the excited girl made her way to the office to call her parents. Bucky chuckled at Y/N, though his heart was nearly bursting out of his chest with how adorably strange she was. His eyes stared at her retreating form for a while, until he turned around to meet Steve’s smirk.

“Shut it punk, I don’t wanna hear it.” His cheeks were burning red and his oldest friend just laughed.

“Jesus, you’re absolutely smitten,” Steve said, slinging his arm around Bucky as they walked into the library.

#buckybarnes #fanfic #bucky x you #bucky x reader #quarantine #highschoolau #highschool au #highschool!bucky #reader insert #bucky barns imagine #buckybarnes fanfiction #steve rogers #james buchanan bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #some quarantine lovin’

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scarlettlawyer · 5 years ago

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Part 9 of my reaction/commentary to the Phantoms & Mirages fanfic series by @renegadewangs

(Chasing Phantoms): Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

(Haunted Specters): Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

(Vanquishing Mirages): Part 7 | Part 8

Welp. This is gonna be very painful for me on sooo many levels.

Hooo I kinda feel like I’m playing directly with fire in this post.

Now, it’s worth calling attention to the fact that these reaction/commentary posts are, first and foremost, built on my reactions to the source material. They are recounting the journey I, personally, went through as I read this series – that’s why I focus so much on my feelings and what I thought. There is more objective analysis at times, but it’s not the primary focus. Just in case you’re wondering why I’m focusing on myself so much and might get a little “omg can u shut up about urself and just get back to the story already???” pff. (And besides, more objective analysis is always inevitably filtered through the individual’s thoughts/mindset/perspective/preferences/etc anyway. So I’m basically just not even trying to tune any of that stuff out, as one would inevitably have to for a more proper series of reviews.) Ah… I hope reading in such depth about my personal rollercoaster journey is at least somewhat interesting. And not too boring.

…Yes, at the very least, I hope this post makes for a SOMEWHAT entertaining read.

That was part of my goal. Other than honesty to the point of self-sabotage.

Vanquishing Mirages, Chapter 18

There’s a whole bunch of small things I could comment on in this chapter but I’m going to gloss over them instead. I… can’t bring myself to dwell too much on the “side-things” in this post, really.

So. The image of the phantom, sitting with his head in his hands as Bobby and Palaeno dote over him while the phantom just irritably tries to wave them off is just, everything to me. xDDDD One of my faaaaavourite things. And then the phantom just leaping to his feet like that… The entire scene I could just go on and on about it at length… But I won’t. xDDDD The best game of “how much of an uncomfortable situation and awkwardness can we possibly apply to our dear spy – having other characters dote to the point of it being outright patronising – and how will this near-emotionless man respond to such outside forces?”

Okay actually, I will ramble just a Little. “Bobby and phantom = mother and child” is one of my favourite dynamics in this whole series. Bobby in this scene is just No. 1 Mum and it’s aaaall of my yes. So the phantom is forced to play the role of the child once more at this point in the chapter. The reality is that he’s a convicted criminal and therefore cannot be trusted on his own, hence requiring a bathroom escort. But he might as well be a helpless little child who requires adult supervision, as is the norm with children – this is the other amusing lens through which you can joke about Blackquill needing to lead the way there for him.

With that, Simon turned and led the way towards the door. The Phantom followed, as obedient as could be, and Fulbright looked like he was about to do the same.

The “as obedient as could be” gets me every damn time, ahahaha. Because it really feels to slot him firmly into that “child” role. Being a good little child. For now. His major modes seem to be “obedient child” (e.g. “Sam Specter” doing the dishes in Haunted Specters if you wanted to push it) and of course the classic “petulant child”.

“Am I still meant to thank you for saving my life?” “Would it have even the slightest shred of sincerity to it?” Simon questioned. “Of course not.” “Then, no.”

THIS IS RIGHT UP THERE WITH SOME OF MY FAVOURITE PHANTOM EXCHANGES IN THIS SERIES.

“A fool, but not worthy of the title Fool Bright. Isn’t that right?” The Phantom managed some sort of failed echo of a smile. A smile that wouldn’t convince anyone who saw it. The words struck Simon as odd. Before the Phantom regained his memories, he would choose Fulbright’s side and use an almost defensive attitude to protect the man. Now that the lost year had returned to him, things seemed different.

Just. Shoot me. Please.

So I guess. Maybe he’s still trying to determine if Simon might be hurt the same way he’s sure Bobby will be?? I guess??? Perhaps… his words aren’t so much about how the name “Fool Bright” impacts him personally, but from his perspective… Simon calling him “Fool Bright” could imply that capacity for him to get deeply hurt by the phantom’s death, that Simon might also have some kind of attachment to him like Bobby does but is less obvious about it, and the phantom obviously doesn’t want that. So I guess his goal here… is possibly trying to determine if Simon has any sentimentality towards him that also needs to be stomped out for Simon’s own sake??

“You need to watch your tongue, Phantom. One might almost accuse you of being jealous.”

Me: um dude did he just. Go there? Did Simon really just- nah that can’t be right, I’m just reading things into his words that aren’t there you know-

“Your relationship? You believe I hold romantic or even sexual interest in you?”

Me: OH. OH OKAY. SO I GUESS WE’RE JUST? I GUESS SIMON REALLY WENT THERE HUH AND THE BOTH OF THEM ARE JUST NOT SHYING AWAY FROM THIS TOPIC OF CONVERSATION. THEY’RE JUST MEETING THIS TOPIC HEAD-ON. WELL. OKAY THEN!

The sheer level of whiplash that this turn in their conversation had on me- I had literally only just been joking with my friend about the parent-child dynamics present among the trio from EARLIER ON IN THE SAME CHAPTER as I’d been reading through it.

The scene just. Ends on that line. Wild enough on its own.

And then it. Bobby. The next scene. H. And then the ffffffffffffff

Chapter end.

Me:

“DOES ANYBODY WANNA TELL ME WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED???????”

And on that absolutely wild note, Vanquishing Mirages draws to a firm close. It was a little bit strange that this scene never gets revisited or expanded upon moving forward, but that’s no matter. I’m sure it was an innocent writing oversight. At least this fic managed to go out with a huge bang! Turns out that thanks to Simon, the phantom had been saddled with unnecessary feelings! Hahaha, what do you know! Sooo, that about wraps it up for me and my reaction/commentary/review for this post folks, I wish anyone reading this all the best! So next up, we have Lifting Spirits! Going into Lifting Spirits, the title already has a positive touch to it, and well, we’ll just have to see what else it has in store. Cya!

Ah… I guess this post is a little short to just leave it at that then, isn’t it? Very well. Continuing on with the very next chapter that happens immediately after this one, as we begin the new fic:

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 1

He was just watching a documentary on the Tasmanian masked owl when the doorbell rang.

Hahaha omg that is such a Simon thing to do

A bit irksome, but then again, he was fairly sure he’d already seen this footage before.

Dfkjsfjksdf BIG NERD. BIRD NERD.

THE WHIPPED CREAM AND CHOCOLATE SAUCE COMMENT FROM BOBBY djdjnk GOODNESS ME. I wonder if we’ll get any further allusions to what his relationship with Domestique was, ahem, possibly like in future!

And there’s also th

OKAY FINE.

[sigh] FIIIIINE.

Finishing the Chapter 18 review then.

Well my first incredulous reaction was something like, “Are you… serious. Did we not just spend like… Two entire fics playing around with the notion that “Blackquill is Basically the phantom’s dad”???? And then you turn around and do this? HOW IS THE READER SUPPOSED TO FEEL ABOUT THIS? NARRATIVE CAN YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIIIIND? ARE YA REALLY GONNA MAKE A PLAY AT THIS AFTER ALL THE PARENTAL DYNAMICS THAT WERE INTRODUCED?

It’s… Oh my god.

But then again.

It wasn’t like these themes hadn’t been introduced before. The first fic in the series felt so far away, out of reach, and from so long ago (and I’ve already gone over how separated it felt from the rest of the story on first readthrough so I needn’t do so again)… But I had some vague recollections you know. The main thing that stood out to me was Blackquill’s confrontation with the phantom before the phantom allowed himself to fall from the apartment window. Where Blackquill basically Trump Cards the phantom with “Ha! You’re totally into me!” and the phantom went “oh god you’re right” and was soooo ruined over the idea that he was apparently ATTRACTED TO SOMEONE that he was like whew! Think I’ll be taking my leave now and never seeing or needing to speak to you or anyone else again, so great is my mortification! And then he went BYE BYE out the window, the end. That’s Totally what happened, right? And even if that’s not exactly how the scene went, I knew, for some reason(s) that I couldn’t quite remember at the time, that the phantom having a Thing for Simon during the first fic was indisputable. (WE WILL GET TO THAT).

And the thing that’s been preventing this being brought up this entire time? The memory loss. And what’s no longer an issue? The memory loss. It was paaaaainfully obvious that things were different once the phantom regained those memories. The entire parental dynamic wherein the phantom was positioned as being Simon’s son was all set up purely in Haunted Specters, during the memory loss phase. But if I looked at it this way, I took it as “fact” that phantom was into Simon in some way or another prior to the memory loss. All of the weird parental projection stuff seemed to only come after that, while the memories of the missing year were gone. And IF THOSE MEMORIES HAD NOW RETURNED… It makes sense that……………………………

There would be some kind of reversion back to…………

So could this fic compartmentalise it like that, then? And we are to leap from the parental realm now that the memories are returned, and straight into… this? Hmm. But this alone was not enough. There were a couple of other things, too.

See, I’ve already alluded to/essentially stated this previously, but… That scene just before the phantom allows himself to fall from the window? On first readthrough, at the time, I didn’t even particularly like it or truly appreciate it. And then, we come full circle, back to when I had all my pesky little “doubts” about how the phantom’s character was handled in the first fic, finally catching up to me for my full re-evaluation.

I hadn’t really bought the one-sided phantomquill during fic 1. It was one of those doubts from back then. It just hadn’t stuck at the time.

Would it stick now?

Let’s talk a bit about phantomquill.

Well, phantomquill has never been my primary focus. My primary focus has always been the phantom (in Dual Destinies content, anyway). If given the choice, I’d prefer to just have content that has the phantom in it. Not really phantomquill stuff, although phantomquill can certainly be interesting to think about, it was never really a priority or a preference for me.

Except… Almost all phantom-focused content usually seems to be inherently phantomquill in nature. Which is fine! It would be nice to just have some neutral phantom stuff, but it looked like phantomquill was the default. The prerequisite, almost, if someone was gonna have a focus on the phantom in their story. And I didn’t mind. But I’d probably equally enjoy said stories regardless of whether the phantomquill was there or not.

So I guess I’m always kinda inclined to just shrug and go “I GUESS?” when phantomquill comes along. But I had, however, become waaay more fond of phantomquill over the years. It still wasn’t much of a preference but I’d certainly gained an appreciation for it and quite enjoyed thinking about it at times.

And obviously, obviously, from how the last two scenes are set-up – the suspiciously sudden jumpcut between them, I knew there had to be more to what was going on. I knew there probably had to be missing lines that got exchanged that the audience hadn’t seen yet, leading up to/into what Bobby walks in on.

But regardless of what those lines were… The outcome would be the same, wouldn’t it? So what difference could the conversation’s direction possibly make? Things, in one way or another, from how their conversation continues, must have gotten out of h- well. Spiralled into what Bobby sees the phantom doing!!

And I was also amused because HMM… THIS WHOLE SCENARIO… WHEREIN A BLOND PHANTOM… KISSES SIMON, COMMITTING A TERRIBLE MISTAKE IN THE PROCESS OF DOING SO… ALMOST SEEMS FAMILIAR, SOMEHOW.

But actually, there’s really no harm in that. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with fanfics containing similar scenarios playing out with their own differences added into the mix. It’s FUN and EXCITING to see different authors handle somewhat similar situations in their own ways. If anything, it should be encouraged.

So could I really accept this scene playing out in THIS fic in all its terrific absurdity? One of the important questions for that was, did it feel “earned” in any way?

I found myself thinking back to previous Vanquishing Mirages chapters, as covered in the last post. About how, back then, I was thinking how this was “peak phantomquill” and how if there’s any way phantomquill should be, it was this. Even back then, I inadvertently found myself glancing at the fic’s tags. “No phantomquill tag? No phantomquill tag? Huh… well okay then. I guess the author doesn’t think it’s phantomquill if it’s not “romantic” in nature and/or only remains subtext. That’s fair enough.” To look at those scenes… To think back to the first fic… And look at it all through a phantomquill lens…… It did feel kinda earned to me.

And you even warned me, in your own way. “Originally planned to have one-sided phantomquill.” ORIGINALLY. That’s essentially what you told me, isn’t it? Aaaand that confused me for the longest time. Honestly. I read through Chasing Phantoms like “???? “Originally” how? This one-sided phantomquill is uh, PRETTY SOLIDLY CANON IMO.” I just figured you meant “one-sided phantomquill that wasn’t just subtext” or “way more obvious”. Figured that in your opinion, if it only ever remained subtext yet still clearly there, well it wasn’t proper phantomquill then was it?

And then when I read this chapter, I was just like… (AND EVEN MESSAGED MY FRIEND BASICALLY SAYING THIS):

“THIS FIC ISN’T EVEN TAGGED AS PHANTOMQUILL W H A T”

(HOOTY HOOO PAST ME THERE’S A REASON FOR THAT).

But it just made me think, “Oh, well. I guess the only reason the author would tag something as “phantomquill” ever is if the pairing becomes canon then? Which it obviously never will here. Therefore there’s no tag for it.”

Now, I’d like to draw your attention to something I wrote in a recent reply of mine to you:

“Not to mention that I loved the courtroom jokes bit so much that, once I decided to let myself enjoy it and accept it, my Willing Suspension of Disbelief was strengthened tenfold and was ready to take just about anything you would throw at it. (And you sure were ready to throw stuff at me and had more up your sleeve!). I gave the story even more leeway to work with willingly, because everything was so perfect and I wanted my suspension of disbelief to have plenty of leeway to fully enjoy EVERYTHING. NO MORE INNER KILLJOY. I knew I could trust in the narrative because it was so strong.”

I guess this was a huge part of my downfall.

I looked at this set-up the chapter left us with – one-sided, inevitably angsty phantomquill, thought back on everything and what it came down to was… couldn’t I just accept it, just like I’d accepted things like the joke-telling? Did I want to? Did I enjoy this scenario?

…Yeah. Yeah, I realised with a bit of surprise that I did. I REALLY, REALLY DID, ACTUALLY. And I wanted to accept it. My inner killjoy was cast aside. It was tiiiime to just enjoy this perfect “angst” or whatever youd call it.

It didn’t matter how ridiculous it may be. When it comes to fanfiction… the sky tends to be the limit. It’s precisely where you can see little fantasies like this one played out. It’s… It’s… If there’s any place this kind of scenario could happen, for sure. This was it. The best thing to do is just… enjoy it for what it is.

Almost everything had primed me to thinking that… This was indisputable one-sided phantomquill, was it not? And if just about every phantom-heavy fic out there seems to have some phantomquill in it, it’s only natural that this one would too, right? There was nothing driving me to question it. And accepting it just made me ridiculously happy and excited. Yeah, it’s “angsty” and one-sided, but it made me so dang happy nonetheless.

And if this wasn’t bad enough.

I went on to make a number of other mistakes that proved to be very, very fatal.

I read this chapter after midnight. And it was sooo much to process, and I wanted to be fully awake to process whatever was coming next… And it was just way too late at night. I figured, I wouldn’t be able to handle whatever was coming next… I needed to sleep. I needed to… save it for tomorrow. And it was too late to read another chapter anyway.

…Oh, if only I had read on… I could have spared myself so much. If I had just gone straight from this chapter into the next one… I would’ve been mostly fine. Nothing would have truly had a chance to sink in and my misconception would have been quickly cleared up. I would’ve been pretty much fine, I’m sure. I would have likely suspended judgement and saved myself…

It really is the kiss itself that was the killing blow, too. If the chapter had only, if it had only ended at the phantom’s last line, and Bobby’s segment saved for the next chapter, I would have EASILY maintained plausible deniability and would have been spared. Even when Blackquill and phantom’s conversation turned in that direction, I had NOT made ANY concrete assumptions.

But what actually happened was.

I turned my computer off,

And went to sleep.

And ohhhhhh boy.

I was very excited to find out how the narrative would continue in the next chapter. Especially how the prose of the text itself would approach it. Naturally, there was going to be immediate fallout.

But the narrative patterns of this series so far also fooled me. One thing was clear: the audience was to find out what happened during the jumpcut from Blackquill’s to Bobby’s POV in the next chapter.

And WHOSE perspective is missing, that is normally left until last? Was it not evident…?

So it seems like my mind couldn’t help brainstorming, and seems my dreams were like, “Oh, what if the prose was like this, starting with this sentence, and then…”

Haah.

So you see, when I woke up the next morning, I had these lines of prose fresh in my mind! And I really liked them, actually! I couldn’t let them go to waste! I had to write them down…!

Yep. It’s terribly embarrassing to admit. But I wrote my own little snippet of a sequel before reading the next chapter. “I can compare, see how the next chapter actually goes…!” I thought to myself naively.

Which brings us to…

Vanquishing Mirages, Chapter 19

Finally, I eagerly open the next chapter to read and it was just…

I don’t think I’ve ever been more thoroughly played by a piece of fiction in my entire life.

There was that time I was reading a book and one of the beloved characters that I was deeply attached to was very clearly dying. Their death had been one of the possibilities I had been DREADING even before starting the book. It’s a little bit hard to stay alive when there’s a sword lodged in you like that, you know? Their consciousness was slipping away by the moment. I couldn’t read on through my tears. I had to pause reading and pull myself together to push on.

…And when I did? The character suddenly, recovered on the next page. And was fine. Because here’s the thing: said character was a zombie. But like, a weird kind of “alive” zombie which could still die I guess. Had the sword remained firmly lodged in him, chances are he would have actually died. But another character – devastated over this character’s impending death, 100% sure it was about to happen, pulled the sword out. And then, what do you know? The character sat up again and was like “lol wait I’m actually feeling a lot better now lol… well I guess that’s being a zombie for you huh.”

Hah. Well. That’s one example that comes to mind and at least, in this case… the bait and switch was actually going from one thing I desperately didn’t want – to something I actually desperately wanted. For the character to live, or “live” as a perfectly conscious zombie.

There is another example that comes to mind, a little bit closer to home, which involves… ship baiting.

I like to think that it is very hard to make me fall for ship baiting. Sure, I ship things that aren’t canon in media. And I do so with the full knowledge that they aren’t canon and will most likely never be canon. I keep those two realms nice and separate and therefore my feelings never get hurt. I never get too invested to the point of becoming upset… And I can tell, usually, what is sheer shipbaiting and what constitutes actual, canon evidence.

So there was one piece of media I was into, where two male characters were shipped with each other from the very start by the fandom, even before they ever interacted with each other. Then they actually started interacting and their dynamic was awesome, they cared for and were looking out for each other. So the shipping of the two characters only heightened dramatically in the fandom, naturally. Now, everyone was getting invested, but I looked at these two characters and went… “yeah, sure, I would love to see them get together, so I ship it.” But I figured, you know, it was never gonna actually happen, so I didn’t get too invested. I thought, yeah… the writers are deeefinitely throwing in some intentional bait with those two that they will never actually follow through on. So I didn’t get invested.

But then something happened that changed everything for me… One of those two characters got 100% confirmed, beyond a shadow of any doubt, to be canonically in love with the other, in the media itself, undeniably. I always usually look for plausible deniability to cover my bases. That’s what ship baiting relies on. But there was no way around the concrete fact that this character was in love with the other.

And in that piece of media, there was no canon reason, absolutely none, why those two characters couldn’t get together. And if Character A’s canonically in love with Character B… there were MOUNTAINS of evidence that Character B felt the same way. If anything, if I had to take a blind guess at who was in love with who, I would have figured it was Character B way more than Character A.

Well, the writers messed up and stuffed around and played with its audience. They wanted to keep baiting this ship, they introduced very transparent & pointless roadblocks as to why they couldn’t be together only after the fact of one of the character’s feelings revealed, and yeah, turns out the other character doesn’t feel the same way back. They employed just plain bad writing to introduce pointless drama and turned the previously inseparable pair against each other.

Nooow that hurt a lot because I was shipping something that, for all intents and purposes canonically speaking, could've been on the verge of becoming a reality. Before the writers decided to add unnecessary complications and reveal that the other character never felt that way. I got really invested and it turned out to be blatant baiting and, yeah.

Well the example in your fic is obviously very different from that one on a number of fronts. The example just provided was baiting the ship becoming canon. The example in your series is merely baiting the notion that a character had a specific type of feeling(s) for another. In some ways that made it all the more crushing.

Suffice it to say, I felt like the BIGGEST, STUPIDEST idiot EVER when I read the next chapter. I still do. The pain never truly went away sdklsd;madl;dfkj

Well, let’s start on the chapter itself, shall we?

With the chapter summary:

The Phantom’s crazy way of thinking turns the situation into a bit of a soap opera. How does he really feel about Simon Blackquill, as far as feeling goes with him?

Stupid, stupid me, leaning into a microphone: um. Do you even have to ask. This chapter summary alone was one of my favourite things in the world… before reading on.

”My actions were Bobby Fulbright’s actions, not a reflection of my own desires.”

Okay so. I had not actually remembered this line until this second readthrough, and I absolutely have to call bull on this. We know that prior to the phantom stealing Bobby’s life, Bobby never acted on his sexuality. FURTHERMORE, EVEN IF HE HAD, I’m calling bull once AGAIN and am gonna say that the real Bobby Fulbright would never have abused his role as parole officer to cross a line that should not have been crossed WITH A PRISONER THAT HE IS PERSONALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR. Unavoidable power balance. The Bobby I know would not, end of story. Even if the real Bobby was attracted to Simon. He wouldn’t have acted on it if he was Simon’s parole officer. AND THIS ENTIRE SPIEL IS MOOT ANYWAY BECAUSE THE PHANTOM WOULD HAVE NO WAY TO TELL WHO BOBBY WOULD BE ATTRACTED TO AND I SOMEHOW DOUBT HE GETS THAT INVESTED IN HIS ROLES TO FOLLOW THROUGH TO THIS EXTENT. I guess what it comes down to is how he later basically says “seeking acknowledgement is one thing, seeking a relationship is entirely another”. So part of the driving force was the seeking acknowledgement…? BUT IN A WEIRD NON-PHANTOMQUILL WAY…? And there’s also the fact that the identity of “Bobby Fulbright” and the nameless spy known as the phantom were blurring together. But IF the identity blurring actually played a role, that would make it phantomquill, so I kind of doubt that’s part of the explanation.

And like, sure, I get it. Pretty sure “Bobby Fulbright” behaved that way immediately after Simon mentioned “the phantom” to him. So his goal was to manipulate Simon, a little bit of that “seeking acknowledgement” in there too (BUT NOT ACTUAL PHANTOMQUILL-STYLE “SEEKING ACKNOWLEDGEMENT” APPARENTLY????) and who knows. Maybe he was searching for the damn profile. Maybe he thought it might be hidden in Simon’s clothes. WHO KNOWS. But like, I get it, it was “not a reflection of his own desires”, APPARENTLY.

fffffffffffffff

”I am what one might call aromantic and asexual,”

So as a quick aside, worth noting that on the first readthrough… Like… I knew the kiss was still coming so at the start when he’s saying this stuff, it felt more like him denying it, only for ya know… the kiss to happen and all. It was only after it fully played out that I came back to this line all like “Oh my god… he was right… he wasn’t kidding…” BUT WE’LL GET TO THERE. WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY THOUGH-

My goodness. Reading this sent me into another realm. It just like? Astral projected me to some other planet because heLLOOOO I WOULD LIKE TO DISSECT THIS A LITTLE BIT:

Firstly, the word “asexual”? Okay, that’s commonly used outside of the context of people being ace. So it would not be too surprising for him to say something about being asexual because, that’s already a commonly-used English word, even if that “common definition” (see: plants and whatever) is not the definition he is using here, he could easily use this word in this context without knowing that plenty of people actually do use it in this context as a label for themselves.

BUT “AROMANTIC” … NOW THAT’S INTERESTING. “Aromantic” is a very specific word with a specific definition! It is not a commonly-known English word in day-to-day life among the average person and it is not used outside of people using it as a label to identify themselves with!

ALL OF THIS TO SAY… FOR HIM TO USE BOTH WORDS? IMPLIES HE KNOWS HIS STUFF.

IF the phantom had been randomly pulling out the word “asexual” because it would be “obvious what it means in this context” without knowing that asexuality is A Fairly Common Thing, he would have just called himself asexual and nothing else. Because for people who aren’t particularly knowledgeable on the subject, they often conflate asexuality and aromanticism together!

With that being said, there is still the possibility that he isn’t aware of the communities that have been formed around those labels. That he was doing a simple equation here and putting “a-“ in front of “sexuality” and “romantic” to demonstrate that he’s “none” in both.

BUT I’M STILL INCLINED TO SAY THAT THE FACT THAT HE SPECIFICALLY SAYS “AROMANTIC” MEANS HE’S KINDA KNOWLEDGEABLE ABT IT…

And I just CANNOT get over this and the implications attached to it. The phantom knows about asexuality and aromanticism and self-identifies as aroace? THE PHANTOM KNOWS ABOUT THE SPLIT ATTRACTION MODEL? DSDFKLMLKDF;LDSL;-

Ohhh my god.

And yes, in this year 2019 these terms and communities are becoming more and more widespread, but they’re still not particularly mainstream. I know also that this fic is set in 2028, but… I’m more primed to think about when this fic was written – a few years back – when these terms and communities would have been a little bit more obscure. That’s the primary background I think of RE: the phantom actually knowing this stuff.

Also, hah, it’s so many layers because WOW… Talk about absolutely awful aroace representation in a sense right here. You get this character in your canon calling themselves aroace and they’re… the despicable, emotionless murderer & VILLAIN. Feels like it falls directly into the “bad representation” trap, HOWEVER. I do feel that the situation is much more nuanced in this case.

Like yeah, he might be an emotionless murderer, and on the surface that looks bad, BUT! He’s also a major protagonist that we have come to sympathise with at times and feel bad for… The story has followed and focused on him so much. It has shown him in so many different lights, somehow managing to make him such an extremely well-rounded character with depth. Therefore, at least to me… It doesn’t necessarily feel like bad representation at all. He’s not limited to being the bad guy. He’s so much more than that. This is nothing but another aspect to his character. And being aroace is not necessarily directly linked to his villainy. So much about him has been broken down and deconstructed. So somehow… by some miracle… In the context of this fic, the fact that the emotionless murderer is aroace could almost circle back around into being almost good representation, amazingly enough. Or… well, that’s the thing. Whether it’s “good” or “bad” representation most likely ultimately isn’t your primary concern anyway. Neither is “representation”, for that matter. What matters is a good story with good characters that make sense. So there may be no point talking about the representation angle anyway: it’s not necessarily “representation”. It’s just a character with a certain identity that happens to neutrally exist in the plot, whoever that character may be and whatever that character may happen to be.

And I also have happened to see you mention that you yourself are ace!

But I’m merely analysing the text as I would with any piece of fiction – and will continue to do so. Being aware that you’re ace yourself gives me a little bit more perspective on things, but I wouldn’t have necessarily been aware of that in different circumstances and therefore wish to look at the text as its own entity and how it comes across to me as the reader.

As for the rest of what he says…

Ohhh geez. Now it’s time to talk about something else. Another little fatal mistake I made in my approach to reading this series. We must once again return ourselves to when I read Chasing Phantoms.

Now I myself am asexual, of the repulsed kind… xD

So when I came across That phantomquill scene in Chasing Phantoms, my response was basically just, “oh GEEZ that is NOT a mental image I want thankyouverymuch nope nope nope nope.” And just – kept reading on and did my best to forget about that scene. Juuust bury it away and not think about it. :P Ignore it! Pretend it didn’t happen. And this alone created some “distance” between myself and the narrative at the time, that my instinct already was to reject something connected back to that version of the phantom.

Looks like I did a little too good of a job forgetting about it. And with it out of mind, well, I’d become sooo heavily entrenched in the series by this point and really was clinging to everything that was canon.

I read this chapter and it was just like… oh dear. Oh DEAR. That was a thing. That happened in this series!!!

It was just SHOVED in my face undeniably in this chapter, as if I could not have possibly received a nastier slap in the face with the reminder of that incident’s existence. xDDDD

My distance when reading Chasing Phantoms had just come back to bite me in the biggest way… I’d gotten so heavily attached to the canon of this series by this point. But I’d conveniently forgotten the canon that I didn’t want to acknowledge, and hadn’t fully acknowledged back then. Suddenly! I was well and truly being forced to acknowledge EVERYTHING! Ahaha.

The spy pushed away from the sink to take a few steps towards Simon. The look on his face was harder than it’d ever been before. The closest thing to fierce determination the man could muster, perhaps.

THIS must be when he gets the STUPID idea to, I DON’T KNOW, SHIPBAIT ME INTO OBLIVION? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

There was nothing heartfelt or affectionate about it.

NOTHING????? NOTHING?????????

“Awww… Busted.” The Phantom ran a hand past his mouth, but he was still grinning. It was a grin that Simon remembered from those first visits to solitary confinement. A grin that’d been coupled with purposeful jabs below the belt. “Isn’t that a damn shame?”

In spite of everything…………. I love this line. I just love the “aw busted” it’s sdjdfnkljdlnk I LOVE IT. HE IS THE WORRRRRRRST.

“Don’t be like that. I was only attempting to relive that pleasant night we had last year before it’s too late.”

Me: OH MY GOD SOMEONE SHUT HIM UP SOMEONE SHUT HIM UP RIGHT NOW I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR ANY OF THIS SHUT IT DOWN.

Phantom: [opens mouth to speak]

Me:

Oh I can’t. I cannot.

Me: “I am BEGGING you to shut up. For once in your miserable life, in your whole pathetic existence… SHUT UP.”

This narrative had given me so much Suffering & Sympathetic Phantom and a whole manner of like… “Nice” Phantom and this is just…………… W O W. The narrative primed me so much on things like Sympathetic Phantom and “hahahaaaa he’s a child just look at him!” and this is just like! A harsh, merciless jolt! -OH ONE LIKE HE’S ABOUT TO RECEIVE ACTUALLY, WASN’T THINKING OF THAT WHEN I TYPED THAT BUT HAHAA…

BUT HIM SAYING THESE THINGS HAD SUCH ENTERTAINING SHOCK VALUE TOO. THE FLIPPANCY!

The Phantom stirred and pushed himself into a sitting position. He was still trembling, though at the very least that detestable grin had been washed off his face. “You’re welcome.”

Goooo to hell. Go to hell.

He briefly considered retrieving his feather from the ground as well, then thought better of himself. Five second rule aside, the fact that it was lying on the bathroom floor of a hospital instantly rendered it trash for the janitors to do away with.

SDKJBSDKJB SIMON.

“Understood.” The Phantom pushed himself to his feet, though he seemed to be having some trouble keeping his balance. Perhaps the electric currents had left a stronger impact on his body than was evident. To think this incident took place right before a jarring surgery…

HE IS SUCH A MORON. YOU IDIOT.

Perhaps this would be their final conversation, Simon realized with a sudden jolt. …No, the surgery would be harmless. It was an easy procedure. That was what the doctor had claimed.

This I had a small bit of trouble with, because something like brain surgery hardly seems like an “easy” and “harmless” procedure, but the dangers were actually touched on as I pointed out in my previous post… I just guess I would have emphasised the dangers a little more. But perhaps you did research and were able to determine that such a hypothetical procedure… would be “harmless”…?

The Phantom closed his eyes for a few seconds and Simon could see the corners of his mouth twitch. “I am… glad that we got to be partners one last time. Trust or no trust, I think that we make a favorable team.”

Look my soul had already well and truly left my body by this point of the chapter so I did not remember this line at all. I don’t really know what the hell’s it ‘sposed to mean or what’s going on. I guess it doesn’t matter. I have already been DESTROYED.

Dear Phantom,

Yours Sincerely,

-One of your biggest fans.

Sooo I was devastated. And felt deeply humiliated. And then that devastation turned to pure desperation. Even if things turned out this way… There had to still be hidden actual one-sided phantomquill nonetheless, right? I needed this. I needed this so badly, I’d staked everything on one-sided phantomquill’s reality here, something I had never truly done in any other phantom fic I’d ever read – fics that would willingly offer up phantomquill to me on a silver platter.

But every last bit of “phantomquill” that I’d been assuming and hadn’t even cared for prior to this point turned out not to be phantomquill at all…? It faded away, just when I needed it most. At which point, a second wave of devastation hit me. At the fact that not only had the chapter gone horribly, horribly awry from what my fantasies had played out in my mind, but that there had apparently never been any one-sided phantomquill. Heightening my sense of my own idiocy tenfold.

And this second wave was exacerbated by another realisation: Even if there were traces of genuine phantomquill to be found in other parts of the series, it hardly made any difference in the end. My feelings were hurt by chapter 19. Everything had been banked on that. And nothing could change how it actually played out.

And I thought it over countless times, because I usually like to pride myself on understanding and siding with authorial intent, you know? Or at least striving to most of the time. Was I truly just unbelievably stupid? What was I supposed to expect from the chapter? What about the other “phantomquill” scenes and implications that took place, dotted all throughout the series, that can be viewed through different lenses? It was clear that some baiting had been at play, but how much of it had been intentional and how much was me just an idiot reading the text incorrectly? (The fact that you were gunning for it in the beginning makes it seem like such a deep-rooted, ridiculously long-running con-job… my goodness… Even if it wasn’t intended to be a con from the start… That means the audience… Can you really say the audience is not being conned way back in Chasing Phantoms? How else were they supposed to interpret the phantom’s characterisation back then…?! How were they supposed to know…! And if actual phantomquill had been what you intended at the time of writing it…!) Oh I was ruined and driven into doubting myself so much and KICKING myself over this.

There was… No justice in any of this, it seemed. And I could not even feel “righteous” in any way. I just felt pathetic.

Because I’d only been asking for something one-sided… I’d wanted to see my favourite character suffer even more. It’s not the “normal” “I just want character to be happy” type angle. So it felt like such a weird thing to beg for. But beeeeeg for it I did anyway, huh.

I just! Wanted! To see some more Vulnerable Phantom! Maybe with just a little bit of genuine emotions leaking through! What would have made it so wonderful… Is that it takes place JUST before the surgery! Therefore it would demonstrate that even with his severely limited emotional state! He still…! THAT’S WHAT I WANTED OK IS THAT SO WRONG?!

No it isn’t and meet me out back I’ve got sources come prepared I’ll present my ten page essay on why you wrote your own fic wrong and sjsdjsdkj

^Me, in all-out confrontation & idiot mode, arguing at you over this, well and truly willing to go down with this one-sided ship

And when some of the devastation subsided, I went into Bitter Mode. Ohhhhhhh the saltiness. Ohhhhhhh I got salty, veeeeery salty. STILL not entirely sure if I’m done being salty. Or will ever be done being salty & bitter over this, played up intentionally to my friend to reap all of its comedic potential. :P I’d been burrrrrrrrrned.

So there you have it. Since you like irony so damn much…

I took the “phantomquill” in this series for granted at first. “Phantomquill” that I later practically begged for.

I didn’t care a whole lot for the initial scene where the phantom lets himself fall from that window in Chasing Phantoms (of course, I later realised how good it was on its own). A scene that was directly tied to and paralleled one of the extreme heights of my enjoyment in Vanquishing Mirages, also helping me to gain a far deeper appreciation of said earlier scene.

And the one time where I got super invested in phantomquill and wanted it, really wanted it, was with one of the very few fics that would flatly refuse to provide it.

Oh wait, one more thing too. The aro ace thing. Lol if he was agender too in this, he’d be triple-A hahaha

That was another thing when I came across the phantomquill in Chasing Phantoms initially. I was just like, “mmmm, no, nah. If anything, going by the “canon” of the game, if you absolutely had to put a label on the phantom, he’d be aro ace.”

Well. Turns out…

And, under just about any other circumstance, it would make me pleased to see the phantom call himself aro ace, and yet… The circumstances couldn’t be more… :T

So when it finally sunk in that, yea he is?

I was just like…

“No… no no no no no no… This is not happening… This cannot be happening…! MY OWN LOGIC IS BEING USED AGAINST MEEEEEE……………………”

: (

But yes. The ironies that can be listed of this situation do go on and on.

That was it. The last Simon saw or heard of the entity known as the Phantom.

Me, who in spite of everything, actually does still love the phantom very much and does not want to see him now promptly vanish from this really well-written series in his really well-written form, and has noooo idea how this is gonna go and what the result of this surgery is gonna be and is therefore very nervous about how “the phantom” will transform after this point:

If the doctors were successful, an intangible spirit would take the form of a true human, rather like a phoenix being reborn from its own ashes.

“I’ve literally just been brutally left in the dust I am hardly in any state to appreciate the beauty of sentences like this one. GO AHEAD, SHOW ME YOUR PRETTY PROSE, BUT IT’S A LITTLE LATE NOW ISN’T IT. IT WON’T WORRRRRRK I’M TOO BUSY HAVING BEEN SO THOROUGHLY OWNED BY A BAIT AND SWITCH THAT I’M LYING ON THE GROUND IN TINY PIECES”

To prove once and for all whether or not there was a true identity hidden inside him.

That’s nice but I literally just could not bring myself to care anymore. I was done. The fic ended in the last chapter. It was finished. “My version’s canon to me now.” That’s one way I could try to cope and pretend my heart & dignity can remain intact. Whatever is going on now it’s just an interesting au. My little self-indulgent version is what obviously happened.

This fic could do whatever the hell it wanted because nothing about it mattered anymore, I didn’t care, it’d lost me. I pettily decided at the time that Anything after Chapter 18 is the Wrong Timeline so It’s all meaningless as far as I was concerned!

Fulbright… Was he truly so angry that he would miss the moment of the Phantom’s awakening?

It’s kinda funny because in a sense, I was Bobby at this point of the chapter. Absent : ) Yeah, ok, I was reading on through my pain… But I was very. Emotionally absent, disconnected, or whatever you’d like to call it. In Chasing Phantoms I wasn’t particularly invested because of all the doubts I’d had. And here, my investment in however the series would continue dropped DRAMATICALLY because I’d been too invested in it. It was just like… “Ok. Might as well see whatever the hell happens. But nothing in this series can ever truly make me happy again as it did before. The line’s been crossed. Sayonara.”

…Yeah, rather bold words to utter just prior to Lifting Spirits.

But you baked the most perfect, beautiful and tantalising-looking phantomquill cake to me… and then you just… IMMEDIATELY destroyed it. You took a hammer to that cake. Threw it in the bin, leaving me desperately, brokenly reaching for the icing still smeared messily on the table, and when I did, YOU SLAPPED MY HAND AWAY. No siree I could not even have some of that icing. Ya blew it. I was done. UNFORGIVABLE. Line crossed. Your rights to the work were forfeit as far as I was concerned. It was all mine now.

Was he consulting with his trusted therapist, perhaps?

HOHOOH what if he did though. I can’t remember if that gets confirmed either way. PFFF WELL YOU CAN ADD THIS MESS TO THE LIST OF THINGS BENNY MIGHT KNOW ABOUT THEN???? HOW… INTERESTING!

Ok but also:

I SWEAR TO GOOOOOOOD THIS LINE ACTUALLY MADE ME SO? CONFUSED AND BORDERLINE, IF NOT OUTRIGHT SUSPICIOUS ON FIRST READ BECAUSE LIKE.

Okay, there was another much more direct Benny reference earlier this same fic. He’s actually NAMEDROPPED. I didn’t point it out at the time because I didn’t want to be too tedious about it and waited until the next reference like this, which I figured there would be, so that I could comment on MY THOUGHTS.

So waaay back earlier in the fic, when Benny actually gets namedropped for the first time:

What sort of advice would his therapist offer? He wished he could call the man and explain his situation, because Benny always had just the right answer to any problem.

Me at the time: wow, even the offscreen therapist gets a name? What a series! Is this series fleshed out or what?!

But even back then.

There’d just been. Such a handful of references to this guy.

Like, when the therapist first started being referenced it was all like “oh I’m so glad Bobby’s getting the counselling and help that he needs”.

And then he just

Kept being referenced after that

And with each iteration I just got a tiny bit more and more like

“O-okay…? We know Bobby is getting help… We are aware of it. And that’s great. I’m really glad. Not sure why the therapist matters though… weird focus on the therapist since it’s Bobby’s recovery that is paramount here, not the therapist helping him. Just not relevant.”

Like I was deeply impressed that such an unimportant character got named, yet at the same time it was like. Aaaaalright. He’s really not warranting this much focus. But okay then.

And now it’s Blackquill bringing him up, not Bobby. And SURE I guess the mention KINDA makes sense from him but the focus felt so fishy to me… “TRUSTED therapist”… why the emphasis on how great this guy supposedly is. C’mooon. It REALLY made me go HMMMM. I was just like… who cares though. There’s literally no reason to bring the therapist up he’s not connected to any of this or the plot at ALLL… He serves ONE purpose and that is to be the unseen background force helping Bobby to work through his issues. That’s it!

Vanquishing Mirages, Chapter 20

Oh… This chapter… is so good. Wow… Wow. Not much else I can say rn.

He’d never appreciated her. Now it was too late.

Simon saw no need to keep the truth from him. This plan had been the Phantom’s, not his own. He’d merely been roped into it as an unwilling accomplice, yet he refused to cover the spy’s tracks.

Ffffffffffffff

Yeah I was gonna go off about “idiot spy” again at this point but I’ve tired myself out from all the salt I’ve overloaded into this post so that my past pain can serve at least some kind of fun… But god. God. The phantom’s plan was PAPER thin just, ridiculously flimsy, yeah sure he came up with it on the fly whatever I guess but it like. Depends on Blackquill playing along and ffffffffffffff. Alright I guess maybe he figured Simon would play along if Simon was interested in shielding Bobby from grief as the phantom explained was his intent but god. Ghhhhhh. It just feels like insult to injury too cause he has this Grand Plan to protect Bobby which immediately proceeds to fail.

And it was enough to fuel his loathing further. He shook his head so violently that it made him dizzy, yet he managed to stop himself from raising his voice again. Shouting wouldn’t make his point any clearer. Instead, he stepped forward and crouched down before Fulbright’s chair. He grabbed the man’s nearest hand with both of his own. He was lousy with words and he knew that much, but he needed to at least try to communicate his thoughts- his feelings- before this misunderstanding was allowed to spread any more. “Do you truly not remember what I’ve told you from the day I first met you?” he demanded, his tone of voice more fierce than he’d intended but lacking in volume nonetheless. “You are nothing like the man who played the part of my chaperone. I would sooner take my own life than return to those days. You, on the other hand, give me another reason to live. I can tell the difference between the two of you and that makes all the difference in the world.”

[…]

“I love you, Bobby Fulbright, not the fallacy that pretended to be you. However, if you dare to call my feelings into question again, I will not hesitate to tear you to shreds myself.”

This is a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming for Blackbright right here. This is SOO good. I really admired and appreciated this shining Blackbright moment even amidst the whirl of everything else I was busy reacting to.

And… On that uplifting note, I’ll finish this otherwise ridiculously salty mess of a post. XD I’ll tackle the rest of this chapter & more beyond next time. This is already waaaaay too long anyway. But I knew that this post would inevitably be a massive one, and I had to essentially say Stuff You to the very notion of any self-imposed word-limits.

#riskiest post yet?#I've been kinda dreading this #AND Y E T #Oh I forgot to add 'long post' to help avoid clogging peoples dashboards if the readmore fails so:#long post

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ravenhilarious · 6 years ago

Text

Harry Potter character personal headcanons - Golden & Silver Trio

Harry

Race: White mother, Asian father (common headcanon is that he’s Indian, and really, I like that headcanon) Sexuality: Bi bi bi bi bi (and that’s pretty much canon, given his reaction to meeting Bill and Charlie, as well as the amount of detail he keeps describing Sirius’ hair and Cedric’s face, and of course we know how much he fancied Cho and Ginny) Ship(s): There’s Ginny, of course. They’re pretty much soulmates. I also like him with Luna, since they understand each other in a way many people don’t. I also like the idea of them in a poly relationship, where they all love each other equally. In an AU where Ginny and Luna are married and not into polyamory, I’d probably ship him with Neville, but I don’t think Neville is into guys, so... Nope ship(s): Draco, Snape, Voldemort... you name it. I’ve also seen fanart for Harry and Hagrid... and McGonagall... and even Buckbeak. Yeah, ma boi deserves way better than that... Platonic ship(s): Ron and Hermione. He’s like a brother to both of them, but they’re definitely not siblings to each other... And Ginny, Luna and Neville will all be his platonic soulmates if they aren’t dating. Oh, and I love the relationship he has with Fred and George. He’s basically their adopted lil bro, and that’s really cute. Disability/ies: It’s basically canon that he has depression and PTSD in the fifth book, and I don’t think any of that completely disappears like, ever. In order to reach the “all was well” ending, he must have gone to some kind of therapy, and I hope he did so after the war. I don’t know whether his “saving people thing” is an actual mental illness, but I’ve read on tumblr that it often appears in abuse/neglect victims.

Ron

Race: White as a toilet paper roll Sexuality: Straight, but bi-curious. He had a huge obsession with Viktor Krum, and he did wonder for awhile whether that was “a gay crush”. Eventually, he figured out that it was “just” an idolization. Big ally tho. Ship(s): Hermione! They were like made for each other, and I have a really hard time imagining them with anyone else, and I can’t see any of them being into polyamory either. That being said, I could definitely see him with Luna, if I have to pick someone else. They both saw potential in each other that no one else really saw, and I think they’d definitely entertain each other. But I think he needs someone mature and serious, like Hermione; they balance each other out more. Nope ship(s): Like with Harry, anyone who was mean to him. Draco, Voldemort... and any of the Weasleys! I’ve also seen him paired up with McGonagall and Dumbledore, and that was... strange, to put it mildly. Platonic ship(s): Harry. Definitely Harry. And Luna (if he doesn’t date her). Neville, too (I wish we had seen more of their friendship in canon, especially in the movies, where Ron was often a bit condescending to Neville, which he really wasn’t in the books... oh well, I’m going off topic) Disability/ies: Canonically arachnophobia. I also think he has some kind of anxiety or depression, a bit milder that Harry’s obvious trauma, but he is SO insecure during the series that he can’t be classified as neurotypical.

Hermione

Race: Black father, white mother (that white mother is Jewish, btw. You can’t have a Nazi-coded villain without making at least some Jewish characters, especially if said characters are part of in-universely oppressed groups) Sexuality: Token Straight Girl™. I like to picture her as demisexual/demiromantic, but judging by the instant crush she had on Lockhart, that seems pretty unlikely. Definitely an ally, tho. Ship(s): Ron, Ron, Ron Weasley. Like I mentioned above, I just can’t picture them with other people. But if I have to, I could see her with Neville. They were very close friends, and if she never befriended Ron, I could definitely see them growing to love each other. However, in canon, they seem more like brother/sister-ish. Nope Ship(s): So, so many. Like Harry; Snape, Voldy and Draco are no-go. But Bellatrix, Pansy Parkinson and (for some very weird reason) Greyback (yes, I’ve seen it...) are all wrong in their own ways. Platonic ship(s): Harry and Neville. Sort of McGonagall too, in a way. Disability/ies: Ocd, social anxiety of some kind. Could be on the autism spectrum as well. Screw that, I’m autistic and I like her, so therefore, she is autistic too.

Neville

Race: I think he’s white. Pretty sure he’s described as pink-faced and blue-eyed at some point (but if people wanna headcanon him as poc, then let them) Sexuality: Asexual. As I mentioned above, I don’t think he’s into guys, so a heteroromantic ace? Also, I don’t think he is comepletely cis, either. But whether he’s a binary trans dude, intersex, non-binary... I could see it all. Ship(s): While we never really saw their romance in the book, I think he and Hannah Abbot would be really cute together. There’d be lots of fluff. Probably gonna write some fanfic of their relationship someday. In an AU where Hermione didn’t date Ron, I could see Neville/Hermione, for aforementioned reasons. Nope ship(s): Fortunately, I have yet to see ma smol bean Nevy in problematic ships (a bit weird, considering he’s played by Mathew Lewis, whom lots of straight girls find hot – I’m surprised I haven’t seen fanart of him with Draco, Bellatrix etc.) I hope I’ll never do! But yeah, Draco and Bellatrix are definitely nopes. Platonic ship(s): All of the Core Six™ characters. Harry, Hermione, Ron, Ginny and Luna... he has a great relationship with all of them in canon. Disability/ies: Probably some kind of anxiety.

Ginny

Race: Just like Ron, super duper white. Sexuality: She gives me a queer vibe. It’s common to headcanon her as bi, and well, so do I. Ship(s): Harry, of course. And Luna. Luna as the soft flower gal, Ginny as the smol energy bomb, both wanting to protecc each other... I love it! Like I mentioned above, I mostly ship them in a polyamorous relationship. If we say that Harry and Luna were together and not into polyamory, I would ship her with an oc; a butch lesbian quidditch player she met while playing professional Quidditch. (I do think she dated that “oc” for awhile before marrying Harry, but idk) Nope ship(s): First of all, Voldemort. That ship is creepy af, okay? And any of her siblings is no-no, too. Platonic ship(s): If she didn’t date Harry or Luna, then they’d both be platonic soulmates for her. I like her protectiveness of Neville, too. And I love her friendship with Tonks! I know we didn’t really see them interact in canon, but I’d love to see her befriend Colin Creevey. Disability/ies: None that I can think of... she could have some mild ADHD, but I don’t know enough details about ADHD to argue for my case.

Luna

Race: Pretty sure she’s white. However, I’ve seen some gorgeous fanart of a Latina!Luna. Sexuality: Pan pan pan. Falls in love very easily, but respects it when people don’t like her back. I once read a post about her being a trans girl, and honestly? I could see it. I especially like the idea of a very tall and lean Luna Lovegood, but extremely soft and girly fairy princess on the inside. Ship(s): She did marry some dude called Rolf in canon and had kids with him. However, I don’t know enough about him to ship them, tho he’s probably pretty cool. But I do think they broke up at some point, but remained friends. I also ship her with Harry and Ginny, like I mentioned above. And Ron, if he didn’t date Hermione, also like mentioned above. Nope ship(s): Any ships where she has to be some Manic Pixie Dream Girl to some evil guy, especially if he’s much older than her. She deserves so much better than that! Platonic ship(s): Harry and Ginny, if she doesn’t date any of them. Ron and Neville. In an AU, I like the idea of her befriending Snape, as long as he isn’t mean to her or anything (and she has to call him out for the way he treats Neville, too, bc I don’t think she’d be okay with that) but if they start dating, then I quit Disability/ies: Autistic af. I’m Autistic, I identify with Luna, therefore, Luna is Autistic. No, but seriously; the way she speaks directly about her thoughts and feelings, doesn’t mind being alone (even enjoys it sometimes) and seems very passionate whenever she does something are very clear signs.

#Harry Potter #Ron Weasley #Hermione Granger #Ginny Weasley #Luna Lovegood #Neville Longbottom

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mysticdelphox97 · 8 years ago

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MarissonShipping Week 2017: Day 2, “Protecting One Another”

Welp, here’s another last-minute posting of my second fanfic for MarissonShipping Week! I enjoyed writing this one as well, and hopefully it’s as well-received as my other fanfic was!

This fic is about 1,632 words long and took up about 8 pages, so it’s a bit shorter than the first one lol.

Anyways, hope you guys enjoy! ^.^

Day 2: “Protecting One Another”

Mairin is 12, Alain is 17.

Summary: Mairin is challenging the Pokémon League in Hoenn, and Alain decided to accompany her to further Professor Sycamore’s research in Mega Stones. She’s already acquired the Stone Badge, the Knuckle Badge, and the Dynamo Badge. They are currently making their way through the Fiery Path, where they plan to make their next stop at Lavaridge Town.

“Phew, it’s no wonder they call it the Fiery Path—I’m practically melting here!”

Alain rolled his eyes. “I’m fairly certain it’s named after the resident Fire-types that make their home here,” he corrected.

“Well that’s no surprise, since they like the heat,” Mairin moped. Her shawl was long discarded, stuffed haphazardly into her backpack, and she had rolled up her sleeves in an attempt to cool down. She looked down at her Quilladin, Chespie, who was walking alongside her. “You sure you don’t wanna go back in your Pokeball, Chespie? I’m sure it’s a lot cooler in there.”

“Din, quilla!” Chespie refused, shaking his head adamantly.

“Okay, but if you change your mind, just let me know,” she informed her loyal partner.

As they continued their trek through the Fiery Path, Alain pulled up the Hoenn map from his Holocaster. “Looks like we’re not that far from the exit,” he noted.

“Oh thank Arceus,” Mairin exclaimed, Chespie mimicking her with a cry of his own.

“That’ll bring us closer towards Lavaridge Town,” Alain said. “There’s a Pokémon Gym there too, so if you want to get your next badge there-”

“Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s go!” With that, Mairin and Chespie ran full speed ahead, more than happy to leave the Fiery Path way behind them.

Alain shook his head and was about to call after them, but the sound of rumbling caught him off guard. Realizing what that rumbling meant, Alain panicked and ran after his companions. Once they were back in his sight, he was horrified to find Mairin had fallen to the ground, using her arms to shield herself from the falling rocks. Chespie was using Pin Missle to shatter the larger rocks, but it wasn’t stopping or slowing their descent.

“Mairin, get up!” He yelled, but it didn’t seem that she could hear him—the rocks crumbling to the ground was too loud for his voice to reach her. He pushed his body into overdrive, and once he reached her, he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her up. With Chespie in tow, they bolted madly down the path, trying to put some distance between them and the rocks.

“The exit! I see it!” Mairin shouted. Alain saw that she was right—just up ahead, there was a bright light, and the closer they ran to it, the larger it got. That had to be it!

“We’re almost there-!”

Just as the words left his mouth, the ceiling of the tunnel collapsed, and enormous chunks of rock began to rain down on them. It stopped the trio in their tracks as the rubble blocked off their path. Knowing they couldn’t escape this, Alain wrapped his arms around Mairin and dropped to the ground, putting as much of his body on top of her to shield her. He squeezed his eyes shut, preparing for the pain that was about to come…

“QUILLADIIIIINNNNNNNNN!!!”

Chespie’s cry caused Alain’s eyes to snap back open. He was met with a blinding light that encircled him and Mairin, protecting them from the rocks. For a moment, he thought they had somehow made it to the exit.

But once the light dissipated, it was clear that wasn’t the case at all.

Now a newly evolved Chesnaught, Chespie effortlessly deflected the rocks from hurting Alain and Mairin. His fists formed together, creating a Spikey Shield, and any rocks that made contact with it shattered instantly. Mairin watched her valiant partner in awe, her eyes brimming with tears of joy.

Soon, the tremors stopped, and so did the falling rocks. Chespie deactivated his shield and backed up, letting Alain and Mairin sit up.

“I can’t believe it… Chespie, you saved us!” Mairin cheered, immediately getting up to hug Chespie.

“Naught chesnaught!” Chespie cried happily, returning his beloved trainer’s embrace.

“Looks like his wish to protect us was strong enough to activate his final evolution,” Alain commented. Chespie grinned and puffed out his chest, obviously enjoying the praise he was receiving.

As Alain began to look at their surroundings, a sense of dread knotted in his stomach. All he could see was piles of rust-colored stone completely encircling them. He couldn’t tell which way they had come from.

“Well, this doesn’t look good for us.”

Mairin turned her head towards Alain, staring at him questionably. “Why’re you saying that?” she asked.

“Try looking around. I’m sure it’ll come to you,” Alain suggested.

Mairin complied, and proceeded to look at her surroundings like Alain had done earlier. Realization of their situation came to her quickly, and a frustrated groan escaped from her mouth.

“Oh, sweet mother of Mew,” Mairin complained, her hand reaching up to her forehead. “Of course, being nearly crushed by rocks wasn’t nearly bad enough. Nope, now we’re doomed to die here, slowly suffocating and sweating like Tepigs.”

“I don’t think Tepigs can actually-”

“It’s an expression Alain.”

Alain scrunched his eyebrows confusedly, then shook his head. He stood up and walked towards the wall of rocks in front of him. He used his hands to test the rubble, searching for any loose stones. As he looked about, a small speck of light caught his eye. He shifted his position so that he was directly in front of it, and where he saw the light was a little gap between the rocks. Alain squinted and analyzed it longer before being satisfied with his conclusion.

“Right… looks like the exit is this way. I can see a bit of light through a gap here,” Alain informed. Mairin walked towards him and squeezed her small frame in front of him, taking a look through the gap as well.

“Hey, I think you’re right! And this wall doesn’t look too thick to break through, either!” Mairin noted. She turned to face Alain and beamed brightly. “We might just live through this yet!”

Alain nodded in agreement. “I don’t think we’re at risk for another tremor, so it should be fine to break down this wall.” He opened up his waist pack and grabbed Charizard’s pokeball. “If we combine Chespie and Charizard’s power, we should be able to bring that wall down with ease.”

“I’m all for it!” Mairin agreed, holding her fists up confidently. Chespie copied her pose with an exuberant grin.

With that, Alain let his trusted Pokémon partner out of her pokeball. It got a little bit more cramped with the additional body, but that problem wouldn’t last for very long.

“Alright, let’s do this!” Mairin exclaimed. “Chespie, give that wall a good ol’ punch with Needle Arm!” she commanded.

“Charizard, use Dragon Claw!” Alain instructed.

Together, Charizard and Chespie launched their powerful attacks into the stones. On impact, the stones blasted apart, leaving just enough room for the four them to crawl out.

“Yes! It worked!!!” Mairin shouted triumphantly. “Take that, you stupid pile of rocks!”

Alain chuckled at his companion’s behavior, though he too was relieved that their plan worked without any repercussions.

“Great job, Charizard. Here, take a rest-” Alain brought back out Charizard’s pokeball to return her into, but stopped when he noticed her head bent down towards a specific area on the floor.

“What is it, girl?” Alain asked as he approached her. Charizard grunted and pushed around some of the rocks with her snout, as if trying to get at something that sparked her interest. Alain bent down and helped move the rocks away until a sparkle caught his eye.

A sparkle he was all too familiar with.

His eyes widened as he grasped the object with his hand and lifted it from the rubble. He brought it up to his face, and his breath caught in his throat when he realized what this object was.

A Mega Stone. More specifically…

“It’s… a Charizardite X,” Alain said aloud. Charizard stared at the Mega Stone before they both looked up to meet each other’s gaze. Two years had gone by since Alain gave up the Mega Ring and Mega Stone entrusted to him by Lysandre. He’d been offered a Keystone from Professor Sycamore a while ago, which Alain gratefully accepted. The Mega Stone, though, was something he had to find for himself. He needed to earn that right back without resorting to handouts.

After two long years… the Charizardite he’d been searching for was finally his.

“We did it, girl,” Alain beamed. “We finally found it.”

Charizard let out a soft rumble, and pressed her head against Alain’s cheek. Alain closed his eyes and leaned his head against hers, rubbing his free hand under her chin. They stayed like that for a little bit, savoring the moment they’d been waiting for.

“Hulloooooo? You two coming or what?”

Charizard and Alain picked up their heads, turning towards the direction where the voice had come from. Mairin and Chespie had walked quite a ways away from them, and the petite trainer was waving her hand high to catch their attention.

“Let’s go, Slowpokes! Unless you want another rock slide to happen!” Mairin called to them, her voice echoing across the passage.

Alain sighed and stood up, pocketing the Mega Stone in his jeans. “Guess we shouldn’t keep them waiting,” he told Charizard.

The Flame Pokémon growled in agreement. Together, the two of them made their way to regroup with Mairin and Chespie, the light of the exit now brighter than before.

#my fanfics #marissonshipping week 2017 #alain #mairin #chespie #charizard #it's 12:01 AM here but imma post it anyways #mystic's fanfics

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