#that's a fucked up level of guilt that'd be fun to play with

[the-whispers-of-death]

AHHSGHD pleasantly surprised that the random loosely connected thoughts are well received lmao, considering the way i write is all over the place and very very loosey goosey (esp at 2am... which was the time i sent that ask in)

anyways the thoughts be thoughting right now and. hm. yknow the whole concept of "human ascends into godhood"? what if that happened to mafia!reader? that'd be a cool concept to play around with i think

maybe this happens after criminal!stone has already gotten overly attached to reader and basically worships him as is. and then the reader doesnt show up in the office space of the compound one morning... strange, right?

maybe stone kicks down the door after not getting any response, just barely hearing pained gasps. probably thinks this is like a heart attack, with reader sweating and clutching at his body.

i feel like the transformation is painful. its unnatural, it isnt *supposed* to happen to humans. to *anyone*

maybe reader made like a deal with a demon, maybe it was some other forces. or maybe its a sick type of revenge by the ghosts that haunt him daily. but no matter whats the cause, it *hurts* and it *burns* and its completely changing the body and the mind.

maybe reader is rushed to the medbay on the property. maybe *nothing* is helping, nothing is going the way it should, no painkillers can help, they cant even put him in a medical coma to soothe the pain that way

maybe it last a day, a week. month, maybe? doesnt really matter. but during this time, reader changes so much hes unrecognizable.

im fond of the idea of reader maybe being around 5'9ish, so stone is the taller one. but that suddenly changing after this. what if hes ridiculously tall after this. 7 feet, maybe? i dunno.

how do we feel about hooves? fangs and claws? maybe a tail and horns? just small changes to the body to symbolize the loss of his humanity. reader cant easily hide this now, so he has to face it head on. face that he now stands out *so* much in a crowd. face how the reflection isnt *him* anymore

id love to know how stone would feel, but i struggle to get into his mind in this scenario. guilt, maybe? i mean, yeah, probably guilt. he cant do anything! his dearly beloved is in inhuman amounts of pain and he cant do anything!

the existence of godhood implies magic, and magic implies a LOT of fun stuff. maybe reader uses a cloaking spell to at least *look* human. to look like how he used to. but like all magic, its draining. even gods get tired. it takes a lot more for it to happen, but it still does

in short what im saying is hurt/comfort but taken to the next level. how does our dearly beloved worshiper comfort a *god*? what works? what *helps*? massaging the base of the horns? oh fuck nope thats a growl directed at him, onto the next thing we go.

maybe reader turns the entire compound into his temple, all of the goons his worshipers, but stone at the very forefront of it all? yeah. YEAHHH i like that a lot actually

idk i just think humans becoming inhuman is neat :) esp when its awful and suffering-inducing :3

~ xoxo, rusty (he/him)

These were truly such an amazing, magical thoughts to read. Forget Criminal!Stone worshipping Mafia Boss!Reader, I'm worshipping you.

Criminal!Stone would still worship you, hell he'd be like "Your newly divine form is testament to the fact that you were, are, and will always be a god." It was painful to watch you go through that transformation and not be able to do anything, but now he's working on ways to become an even better worshipper.

Stone figures out how to comfort you in this divine form, he ensures the compound, your temple, is taken care of and is fit for the god you are. He ensures the rest of your followers (your goons) are just as reverent as he is, that they stay in line. No one dares to oppose you now.

And he adores how you're taller than him now.

[zmediaoutlet]

6, 7 and 15 for the ask meme thingy

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeve

6. If you could rewrite one season, which one would it be? Why?

ohoooo another opportunity, this time let’s take on s14 since we both want to kick that season in its tiny undescended nads:

First: We’re ditching that terrible, terrible Peaky Blinders cosplay. Jensen, what were you thinking. Don’t let the talent dress themselves, yikes. It’s more interesting if he’s in either a superslick suit or in pseudomilitary gear. He’s a soldier, after all.

Second: We’re ditching the terrible, terrible teefy monsters, but we can keep supermonsters as a plot. The point is that we’re not going to drop it four seconds into creating it as a storyline because that’s dumb as fuck, why would you do that.

Michael has Dean and decides he’s going to go for a spin. He checks out the world and then goes, mmyeah, we’re going to definitely trash this world too, it’s balls and I’m going to trash daddy’s work because I get to, fuck him. He creates his even-worse monsters and lets them loose, and then abandons Dean with a propped door inside as before because why not, that wasn’t that bad--and so Dean’s hollowed-out and shocked and doesn’t know what he did, but it was awful, and then -- and this is key -- there are RAMIFICATIONS FROM THAT and Dean’s iffy and weird and PTSDy in a way which is a Dean-version of how Sam was for a while in s7. Not hallucinations but he’s not steady, leaving Sam off-kilter because if stone number one isn’t rock-solid, then what is?

Nick is a nagging, awful problem at the back of Sam’s head. He’s keeping him in the bunker but he hates that because there’s Lucifer’s face, looking at him all the time. When Nick bails Sam gets mad but he’s honestly relieved---he has Dean to handle, and the refugees to pretend to care about, and if Nick’s gone then at least he doesn’t have yet another problem on his plate. Still, he’s not an idiot and so he has people looking for Nick. Nick *was* the one who killed his family, because that’s more interesting, but let’s say he was tempted into doing it by a demonic agent, who he’s looking for not to punish but to find out more about Lucifer; Nick then becomes the deuteragonist of the season---an empty vessel desperately seeking his archangel, while Dean is empty and trying desperately to fill that empty with anything else.

Aiak is instantly deleted from the universe never to return.

Starting from those better building blocks, you can go a few different ways with the cruise to the ending. I like the Jack’s Soul Issues storyline fine (and I wouldn’t want to miss out on that whole The Accident thing, plus it’s great that he kills Mary). We can definitely smooth out some of the goofier parts (e.g. that awful hunter wake, oh my gawd, what), but it’s the *focus* on the three main things of the season that’s important: Dean and Michael, Lucifer and Nick, Sam and Not Actually Caring About People Who Aren’t Dean Even If He Really Really Tries.

7, already did this one, but I’m gonna answer a different question: If I could watch only one arc for the rest of my life what would it be, and it would be the Sam and Dean’s Epic Divorce Drama Ending In A Marriage stuff from Carver’s run. Not a season except it is in my heart and it is pure [sweat drops emoji]

15. What is the first episode that ever made you cry? (if any)

The one where Jo and Ellen die, because Ellen saying her name knowing there wasn’t going to be an answer was instant, instant waterworks. Sad moms? Can’t do it. :c   I never cried over any of the Sam and Dean deaths (until that last one) because they were always coming back. Ellen’s baby died in her arms. I mean, fuck. I’m getting hot-eyed just thinking about it. </3

[rosemary-is-in-pesterquest]

Terezi seriously deserves so much better... post canon would've been the perfect place to revive her friendship with both Dave and Karkat. but also, her and Vriska's relationship got totally shafted in post canon. for self proclaimed Vriska fans, they don't really seem to be including her? like they basically just replaced her with a bland teen version? what the hell was the point of that? to go off a bit: the most interesting parts of Vriska's story are centered around her traumatic upbringing, which she deals with in ways that make her difficult to love, and Terezi is tied to her through repeated attempts to love her anyway, in spite of how hard it can be.

the trolls actually have a lot of relationships where one person has to decide when to stick by someone, and when to give up. Sollux ends up in a kind of limbo state with Aradia... he still likes who she was, but she's not that anymore when we first meet her as a ghost. Kanaya is interested in Vriska for a bit, but eventually feels unappreciated and used after spending probably longer than she should've trying to become interesting to her. Feferi has to figure out how to give up on Eridan without it resulting in widespread destruction, and that threat is why their relationship is exhausting to her in the first place. and Terezi has probably the most complex conundrum of all with Vriska. the two of them grew up together, and spent a long time killing a lot of their peers. for Vriska, it was essential to her survival and she had no choice, while for Terezi, it was just a recreational activity... and this is why Terezi eventually feels more guilt over it, and is able to realize that she should try to reform herself. meanwhile, Vriska built so much of her identity and self worth around taking pride in her ruthless persona, that it seems inextricable from who she is.

Vriska can't give up her kill-or-be-killed ways, even when she doesn't need to appease her lusus anymore, because this is the metric by which she judges people, and she can't stand to see herself as a victim. to her, weakness makes you killable... the way her lusus threatened her taught her that. failure results in death. and that's what bothers her so much about Tavros. by the standards she grew up under, he shouldn't have even made it as far as he did. but he also didn't even grow up by the same standards as Vriska to begin with. his lusus is tiny and cute, and he's clearly never even been asked to do anything violent before. even the fact that he had a choice is a novel concept. he didn't earn the right to live... not the way Vriska had to. to her, that's not fair. he even wanders into a game called "fatal live action roleplaying" like... the word "fatal" is in the name, looking for a fun adventure. as if Vriska hadn't been using this game to hunt her peers all this time. and she's probably killed a ton of more capable trolls than Tavros. what gives him a pass compared to them? the basic existence of someone like Tavros is like a wound that Vriska can't stop picking at, even while she's too prideful to admit she would've wanted a better life than what she got. instead, she has to hold others to this ruthless standard. if she doesn't, she might have to admit that her struggle was optional, or that it might not have made any sense to demand that much murder from a child. she didn't have to be raised like that. but like hell she's gonna play the victim. and it's alienating to be hated because of the one thing you feel like you've really accomplished. nobody could ever stomach being proud of Vriska, so she does it herself. she only has herself to rely on anyway.

all of this signifies a person who is damaged. she's in survival mode all the time, and it prevents her from forming connections with people. and Terezi sees this. Vriska's connection to Tavros is unhealthy, not just because Tavros is being bullied, but because Vriska isn't moving on. she's still all wrapped up in the idealized superiority of power, and won't admit that she even needs anyone or anything, even though she's genuinely not okay with losing so many of her friends over the Scourge/Charge debacle. so many of them consider this a step too far, but Vriska has genuine trouble discerning what the difference is between this, and her whole lifetime's worth of behavior. this is what she's had to do, and they're all more horrified at her, than they are at the things that made it necessary for her to turn out this way. and they don't have any solutions either. none of her friends can say "oh, well you should've handled it this way. then we could accept you" because the morally responsible thing to do would've been to die. Vriska not existing could've technically saved a lot of lives... if Vriska isn't proud of her strength, she might have to actually start feeling guilty for what she's done. and if Vriska felt a level of guilt that others think is appropriate for what she's done, she'd basically be ruined. people consider her unsalvageable, and she knows they see her that way. it breeds mistrust, and leads to her making all her decisions on her own, without asking anyone's advice or permission. they won't forgive her for even being alive, so screw them anyway. it drives a deeper wedge.

and Terezi is the one who actually understands all of this. she gets it... she was there. but she also knows that it would be healthier for Vriska to admit that she doesn't have to, or want to, live that way anymore. pride be damned, the things they did were awful, and their behavior should change. Terezi always had less riding on her adherence to these standards, so she was able to discard them easier. and now that she's on the other side of it, she knows that the longer you spend acting like that, the more the shame stacks up in hindsight. Vriska is digging herself a hole, and it's painful to watch, because Vriska is still basically Terezi's best friend. it's a hard position... if Vriska is never held accountable for anything, and never suffers consequences, then she may never change. but Terezi also irrationally wants to forgive her. because Terezi also wants to forgive herself. she doesn't want to believe that either of them are irredeemable, but when she kills Vriska, it seems as though they both were. it feels like they were both ruined. from the very beginning, as kids growing up in a fucked up environment, they never stood a chance. it's why they needed each other.

I just really wish post canon could focus on these two healing. they're both so well written, and so complex and interesting... and I was even really liking the hints of John and Terezi picking on each other. let Terezi have low stakes contention with someone! shenanigans that don't result in death would be good for both her and Vriska tbh. and it'd be so funny cuz like, Vriska is fond of John, and Terezi is so peeved by him. I think Vriska really started healing by knowing John, cuz as a human, she has a blank slate with him, and he couldn't have been raised ruthless, even if he would've been adept at being that way. to Vriska, John is an alien and doesn't work on the same scale as her. it leaves the point of survivability pretty moot, so Vriska isn't viewing everything in terms of that with him. and it's nice. she has fun. she gets to feel like a kid in a way that she never got to, because everything really is so simple. what I wouldn't give for the three of them to be able to pal around on earth C, that'd be so interesting!

(I’m not gonna add anything bc this is just, so good)