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will-you-are-not · 7 years ago

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Years

So the last couple years have knocked me down. Very hard. ROOMMATES To summarize the apartment living scenario: I was hurt, badly, by both people I lived with at separate times. First was like getting a divorce, second a possible brotherly betrayal. No need to go on, it would just be more whining than this is already. I may have deserved it...karma is quiiiite the bitch. ROBBERY Coming up on three years ago I was robbed midday in my apartment of nearly three years, dumb enough to chase them downstairs to where their vehicle was apparently waiting...I couldn't walk for about 5 months without some kind of crutch or brace. For the first two I didn't walk at all. HOSPITALIZATION The hospital? Meh. Had to have the first ER doctor dismissed. He said I was fine and should leave by days' end. Got angry and very physical with my crippled ass to the point that I (with parts of my feet dangling and skin just gone) got calm. I don't remember what I said, but it terrified the man and he left. Nurses? ASTOUNDING. Administration? Eh, the next guy I'm about to talk about was really nice after I made clear to them his actions. Though, they still kept me much longer than necessary. Pain doctor? Wouldn't prescribe me pain meds out of the hospital because I tested positive for Marijuana. Right wing religious type. I came to know this by two nurses whom were actively trying to get me better care. He yelled at me that he wouldn't give me anything unless I took some other pill he prescribed along with whatever. Legitimately, called me an addict, threw a fit, bursting into the room. To which I responded along the lines of: "Doctor, do I distribute the medication? Do I even know how to properly read that board? Tell the nurses or pharmaceutical staff. Not me." I do remember vividly saying for him to do his job and listen or fuck off. Now this...this changed me a bit as a human. He even refused medication after my back hadn't been treated in 5 days. It was just left, forgotten, until the smell was overbearing. Thought the picture they took would be a reminder...somehow that was left out of the file. I had to be skinned to prevent infection. Dad crying, nurses crying, blood everywhere. No shit y'all, no meds. From my shoulder blade to half my ass in a thick strip. Then I was questioned by detectives. ...it was a Thursday... TAKING IT FOR GRANTED Then I heal, enjoy life, get back in my swing. A year of fuck-all after those 6 months of pills, pain, confusion, and anger. I get lazy and desperate, honestly. Desperate for the freedom of living away from home, but too lazy to work hard enough to go at it alone. Looking to work at a distance to eventually move near wherever due to love interests...duumb. Never thought of the fact that there was no way I could break even with such a drive, tore my reliability apart for future jobs, lost my motivation, blah blah. Skipskipskip Then I finally get focused, even through a rough period for me emotionally. I see the goals, can taste it, after so long, I fuckin got this! HARVEY I told everyone it was gonna be terrible. Seriously. I had an emergency plan for us to go under completely. That's why I'm sitting on this mattress that I was asleep on when the water rushed in. Car? Insurance. House and things? Well... We were woken by the rabbit, well, I, by my father; rabbit by proxy. Desperately thumping the ground in hopes that someone would do something about the water lightly lapping over the lip of our front door. I moved everything onto a table I had ready. Bed boosted onto chairs. The water kept rising. I demanded my parents get a bag and pack 3 days worth of clothing. I had already packed the medical supplies. My mother refused, my father was stunned. I yelled, cursed, demanded reason. The water kept rising. Lightning strikes and the rain gets heavier. We don't know the status of the surrounding area but I try to make crystal that it doesn't matter. High ground. Now. Arguments ensue. The water kept rising. Daybreak. Organization. Elderly and children first. Screams. Electrified water. Fires. Floating colonies. Sudden militia. The water stops. The rain pauses. Everyone moves fast to the highway to family and friends able to assist. My uncle had a clear route and decided to brave the uncertainty to rescue us. I rounded my parents together, though reluctant, and tried to drive home the fact that this was our one chance. We used the sanctioned canoe for the center of Marlin; my father had just used it to save our neighbor from eventually burning to death in the attic... Rain falls again. We pack up, cover electronics, stop the dog's panic seizure, and I race. I pull the canoe far ahead, leaving my mother, then father behind. My uncle had been texting us impatiently before we had to go dark to tread. I knew there wasn't much time, though I didn't want to even pass the thought he'd leave us... The water is rising. I get to the front. No familiar car. My father runs from our civilian staging ground to the now empty military one on the other side of our sinking ship of a neighborhood. Only a few first responders remain to help in case of immediate emergency. No family. No national guard. Just us: Citizens, trying to save each other. It begins to pour. My mother cries. The dog whimpers. The eyes of the rabbit dilate. My father attempts to console... I. I am livid. I left my parents behind to stop an invisible train! I yelled at them! Me! Their son! They trusted me directing them, but I put my trust in a mirage. It never existed. I found, after digging for my phone, that the coward had left 30 minutes prior. Sent, "look for the national guard." that's it. Left us in rising waters, devastated neighborhood, roads disappearing, because he was afraid to get stuck...for even a moment. The water kept rising Complete strangers offer to take us down the highway to where we were headed in the first place. My father stays behind. He has to return the canoe and make sure no one else is trapped. I go with my mother and what remains of our possessions. I make sure no one sees it, but as I'm holding my large German shepherd/lab mix and shielding the rabbit from the torrent, I cry. I sob from my soul. It hurts. Gone. So much. So many. We were left behind. I had looked up to him for so long... then realized at that moment, thinking of the bigger picture... It was never action. All talk. Even helping me through my issues, he'd pass it off "above my pay grade" "I'll see what I can do" he'd say. I told him my darkest secrets, confided in him over my father. I was truly appalled. Crossing the bell tower, a coast guard chopper blazes by us. Low, toward the Bayridge that was. The water kept rising ... BUT NOT NEARLY ENOUGH. The route my uncle took to us, then ran from us by, was still completely passable. We get to the compound safe...but my father... Lightning causes the sky to rumble with anger. We wait. I download walkies that newly formed militias are coordinating with. There's no clear paths. I sit, frozen, as the scale of the situation finally settles in. My uncle, father's brother this time, braves currents, weather, and all odds to retrieve my father from the disaster zone. I can't stand idly. My friends, whom were deeper in the waterlogged zones and in a sedan, came to get me. We went through all of southeast Houston, and I broadcasted through public social media posts the roads passable. I cried once more, but not after, when I saw the Central Business District (one of 5 downtown districts of Houston proper) of my city DARK while radio chatter pleaded in the background... The sky began to darken Both of my friends risking their lives and possessions, I, simply navigating; it seemed so miniscule...but only after did I hear how much we helped. Curfew initiated Martial law in effect... Though... We took care of ourselves down here. It rained for three more days. AFTERMATH Bish, it's Houston, we good. BUT Personally, I just want to give up. Every time I get motivated, something literally cataclysmic happens on a personal level or otherwise. Now I've been caught in limbo, reconnecting with the other side of the family I distanced myself from due to religious and, in my view, character complications. But they took me in. No question, just love. Now we help each other in so many ways and speak philosophy and art. The side of the family I was always close to now pushes me away simply because I'm not letting it go. The man hasn't even apologized yet. Hell no. Y'all gonna cut me off, someone who's been through it, started walkin the walk, just cuz you think my current dreams make me a deadbeat? You know that man lives off ya daughter's paycheck and has for decades, right? Like fuck. Wanna utilize those certificates your wife got ya, pal? I see that car, that jewelry, cigars, his whole fucking lifestyle is a sham. Maybe if he actually closed on sales instead of bitching about them...UGH like...and politics. You know nothing. His politik is all politik. RAWR!!! Sorry y'all. Heated still. I JUST WANT "I'M SORRY". NO REASONS, NOTHIN. Then I'll legit be fine. ANYWAY I'm catching this semester at school, but after nearly having it down before and failing to launch over and over... It all seems so far away. Now, once again, it storms as I reminisce. Scarred and damp

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