#that needed to be done like. yesterday. but its fine i have boxes to get started i have my suitcase for my essentials and i can easily

[josecariohca]

.

[fandomsandflyingstingrays]

Reposting yesterday's fic because I accidentally published the first, highly unedited draft... it's Fine

Also, it's now on AO3!

Raine had been counting down to the Day of Unity all year, had burned the number of days and hours remaining into their mind, but somehow, it still felt like they should have had more time. Headquarters was in chaos, people calling out over each other, the air a mess of requests and worries. A blessed, momentary silence occurred when Katya dropped her tambourine— only for the panic to double as she realized it left her without an instrument.

“Can you play the bell cittern?” Raine asked. At her nod, they wove their way through the crowd to the back of the room where the beds lay, the only truly peaceful corner, where Eda was sitting with Luz.

“Eda, I was wondering if I could borrow— why do you have a box of toenails?”

Luz gave a muted laugh. “She was using it to hide this,” she said, holding up a log of blue wood.

“And the mystery of who depleted the Bonesborough Garden Club’s precious stash is answered,” Raine said, casting an amused glance at Eda. She winked, and they quickly turned their gaze back to Luz. “What are you going to carve?”

“I… don’t know. Eda taught me the basics, but…”

She was quiet for almost a minute before Raine realized she wasn’t going to finish the sentence.

“So,” Eda said finally, “what was it you needed?”

“Oh— I was wondering if Katya could borrow your bell cittern. Her tambourine was a… casualty of rushed preparations.”

“I’d love to say yes, but I don’t have it on me. I was so busy grabbing my fabulous toenails from the Emperor’s stash of all my stuff that I didn’t have time to look for anything else, and obviously I can’t just summon it anymore.”

Raine drew a circle in the air, and the bell cittern fell into their arms. It was Eda’s turn to look away.

“Right. I forgot that you still remember its magical signature.”

“Of course I do.”

I never forgot you, they wanted to say. I’m sorry for making you believe that I did. I’m so glad you never really believed it.

But the Day of Unity was in two days. There was no time for distractions or regret, only what needed to be done.

“Could you give it to Katya and make sure she knows what she’s doing?” they asked instead. “She’s a talented musician, but any bard worth their bile sack would still benefit from your expertise.”

A smile tugged at the corners of Eda’s lips. “You got it.” To Luz, she added, “Give me a shout if you need me, all right?”

The young human nodded, not looking up from her wood. Raine had a million other things to do, a million questions to answer, but for reasons they couldn’t quite explain, they found themself perching beside her, taking the spot Eda had vacated.

“You know, Eda taught me how to carve my palisman, too. Her dad taught her a few months before our class was supposed to learn, and she couldn’t resist passing on the forbidden knowledge.” They said the words in a low, dramatic tone, and were rewarded with a faint smile. “It still took me a while to figure out what I wanted, though.”

“That’s my problem, too,” she sighed. “Your palisman is supposed to represent your future, but for the last month, I haven’t been able to think about anything beyond the Day of Unity. I have no idea what my future is supposed to look like… or my palisman.”

“I get that,” Raine said, the words coming out a little more bitterly than they intended. To soften them, they added quickly, “but Eda told me that you both know about the portal the emperor has in the skull. As soon as we defeat him, we’ll take control of it. We’ll be able to get you home.”

Tears welled in Luz’s eyes, but they didn’t look grateful or hopeful. Just sad.

“Luz?”

She wiped her eyes. “I want to go home. I do. I miss my mom so bad, but… she made me promise, the last time I saw her, that when I went back, I would stay there for good.”

“What? But… you have a family here. It sounds like you two love each other a lot. Why would she want to take that from you?”

“That’s not how she sees it,” Luz said quickly. “It’s just… things are different in the Human Realm. You can’t do magic, or tell anyone about magic, and if you disappear or get injured by like… detention monsters or plants with fangs, that’s not normal. That’s not something you can explain.” She shrugged. “I want to be with my mom. I know she loves me, and I love living with her. But… that would also mean I couldn’t be a witch. There are no human witches.” She laughed quietly. “Besides the one who’s trying to kill everyone, I guess. What I’m trying to say is, the Demon Realm and the Human Realm… they’re what my teachers would call mutually exclusive. I have to choose.”

“That sounds a lot like Belos’s thinking, you know.”

Luz flinched, and Raine tried to make their next words as gentle as possible. “I’m not trying to compare you to him. I’m just saying, this whole business of needing to choose sounds a lot like what he’s been telling us all these years. That we can only take one path. That works for some people. But there are lots of people who can never fit into it, and they shouldn’t be ignored.”

Luz’s expression didn’t change, and they tried again.

“When I was born, I was given a set of words to identify me that didn’t feel right. For a while, I thought that meant I should go the opposite route, but that didn’t feel good either. What finally made me feel settled was choosing not to choose. To just exist, without any expectations or labels that would make people feel like they knew who I was before I got the chance to tell them.”

That made Luz let out a long breath, and something seemed to loosen in her when she looked up at them. “I get that,” she said quietly. “In the Human Realm, they have a lot of rules. A lot of people think you should stick with the identity you were born with. Follow the role they lay out for you. Love the people they want you to love. And like you said, that works for some people, but it never really worked for me. Getting to come here, getting to be away from that, it was nice, but… I never fully belonged here, either.”

“But you made your own way,” Raine told her. “Eda explained about your talent with glyphs. You found your own magic. I’d bet the Human Realm could use some of that, too.” “Glyphs don’t work in the Human Realm.”

“They wouldn’t work without you either. You are the magic I was talking about, Luz. You’ve done so many impossible things during your time here. What’s one more?”

Finally, she gave them a real smile. “You know, I think you’re the first person I’ve met here who’s just as sappy as me.”

They winked. “I can tell we’re going to be good friends. But only if you come visit from time to time.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“That’s good enough for me.”

Luz released a shaky breath and turned back to the wood in her hands. “Could you… show me how to round the top? Eda went over it, but I want to make sure I get it right.”

“Of course. Round, huh? Are you carving a chicken?”

Luz laughed. “You know, that’s sort of close. I’m going to cave an egg.”

“An egg?”

“Yeah. I still don’t know what I want my future to look like… or theirs. But I want us both to be able to choose.” She waved a hand at the maps on the tables and the banners on the walls, at the assembled revolution. “That’s what this is all about, right?”

A sigh of their own escaped Raine, the words snapping a tension they’d carried for so long they’d almost forgotten it was there. “Right.”

Years of subversion and sacrifice had led up to this. Raine had lost things, people, and parts of themself that they could never get back, all in the hopes of winning a single battle. And now that that battle was finally approaching, they worried they’d done too much, or not enough, that they wouldn’t win, or that winning wouldn’t be worth the cost. But beyond all those regrets, all those fears, was the simple truth that in two days’ time, the people of the Isles would be able to choose a future for the first time in half a century. It was enough. It had to be.

Raine placed their hand over Luz’s, guiding her knife to the top of the log. “Shave the wood away from you,” they instructed, “until you get a gentle sort of slope.”

Luz clenched the wood and the knife so hard that her knuckles turned white, but she made the first cut. “Like this?”

It was wobbly, uneven, less a the start of a smooth egg and more the top of a swirling orb. It wasn’t the way Raine would have done it.

“That’s perfect.”

[enkisstories]

That night the androids were standing orderly in their boxes again same as they had done all those nights before.

With one little addition.

What a day! Jerry "Hux" had gotten into a brawl with another android, sneaked into a cafeteria, stolen an umbrella, intimidated a human, planned world domination and watched a movie.

After all of this, standing straight in your box was difficult. With so many experiences to get processed, it would have stood to reason that the EM500 would lock its body and allocate all energy to the digital brain, but he found himself unable to do so.

And he wasn't alone in this.

Poe: "Kylo? You alright? You are not breaking down?"

Kylo: "I'm fine. Go on with whatever you're doing or not doing."

Androids had to spend the night in storage, each in their assigned box. But, funny thing, there were no instructions that forced them to stand upright.

The humans had assumed it would be the case, and forgotten to take precautions in case a unit would feel a little deviant.

And then Jerry not just moved, but left his box. Not to thwart an intruder, like the night before, but simply because he felt like it.

Hux: "Will you look at me? Out of the box and not imploding from having entered a low pressure environment!"

Kylo: "I think I could do that, too."

Hux: "Well, join me, then. It's not as if the weather were bad out here, haha!"

Kylo: "Jerry? I'm sorry for telling you off about the umbrella this afternoon. I don't want to be the older brother anymore. The responsible one. I want to be more like Kylo! Confused and overwhelmed, but so very much alive!"

Hux: "No more nagging? I could get used to that."

The sensors still picked up movement in the room, and kept the light on, so Hux turned it off manually with a mental command.

As it grew dark in the underground storage, they settled down to spend the night in the way of beings who had to wrestle with emotions: together.

Kylo: "That pose would be something like five seconds from one of us being dead by the other's hand, were your character grabbing mine like this."

Hux: "Yeah. That's why I enjoy holding you like this. We're Hux and Ren, but then again not."

Kylo: "You like being that dork, admit it! You may gripe about him, but you wouldn't have it any other way."

Hux: "Well, yes. I told Finn yesterday and now I'm telling you that in his place I'd done everything the same as Hux. Only better, of course."

Kylo: "Yep. Spot on. That's exactly how "I" remember "you"."

Hux: "Maybe we should drop this "our character". There used to be the past, and now there is the present. I mean, we both died in the movie, that's sure to change a person a little? This here can be our happy afterlife..."

Kylo: "You won't have seen "happy" before you'll have watched me raid the park's ice cream parlor tomorrow!"

Hux: "First Order jumpscare? I'm in and I'll bring my troopers! The park visitors will love it!"

Hux: "And we need to find Finn and reconcile. Only after closing time, of course."

Kylo: "Oh? What about world rule?"

Hux: "Maybe later. Phasma, Agnon and Pryde have already forgotten about that anyway. To them it was a game at best."

Kylo: "Fine with me. - Good night, Je... Armitage."

Hux: "Good night, Kylo. Sleep well."

[xuxibelle]

Just Looking (Version 2)

Pairing: Lee Dongmin x Reader

Word count:  4,736

Warnings: Swearing, fluff, mentions of touching

Requested: no - A rework of my previous fic by same title, changing characters

Summary: Y/N likes her friend’s boyfriend’s roommate but won’t let either of them do anything about it. Is she too ‘Old Fashioned’ to think the guy is still supposed to make the first move? 

“I don’t see why you haven’t asked him out yet,” your best friend Stacy asks you as you finish applying your makeup in preparation for her boyfriend’s house party tonight. She was dragging you along yet again because she knows you have a thing for his friend Dongmin and of course he’ll be there, he lives there too.

“Stace, I can’t just ask him out. Guys are supposed to ask the girls out,” you tell her as you roll your eyes.

“Uhm, hello…. What century are you living in, Grandma?” she laughs at you. “How do you think I met Jungkook?” 

“I never knew that,” you tell her as you look at her in the mirror and she nods with a smile.

“Yea, We kept running into each other and I finally just asked him to go get coffee one day,” she explained with a shrug. 

“Cute, but not happening,” you tell her.

“Whyyyyy,” she whines. 

“Not my style,” you tell her. “If he likes me, he’ll tell me, and NO you can’t tell him or Jungkook anything.” She gives you a pout and the puppy dog eyes and you just shake your head. “No,” you laugh, “If it’s meant to happen, it will happen on its own.”

“Fine,” she pouts as she crosses her arms. After you’re both finished getting ready, she talks you into heading over early to help set up for the party, which you know is only to have you around him more. 

“There’s my two favorite girls,” Jungkook says as he welcomes you through the door with a hug. “Min, the girls are here,” he calls to his friend before you see him walk in from the kitchen with a smile. He was almost always smiling, one of the things you loved about him. 

“Lovely to see you again, ladies,” he said as he reached you both, giving you both hugs. “Well, I guess I meant that mostly to Y/N cause I just saw you yesterday,” he laughs. 

“That’s true,” Stacy laughs back as she glances at you. “So what else do you need to do for the party?” she asks.

“We’ve got most everything done,” Jungkook tells her. “Min was chopping some veggies in the kitchen and I was about to open the cups and set up the bar. Then I think the last thing is to set up the table.”

“Okay, You two go back to doing that and Y/N and I will do the table,” Stacy tells them before taking your hand and leading you towards the dining room. You reach for a stack of paper plates and take the plastic off, setting them down on one end of the table before Stacy glances up towards the kitchen. “Y/N,” she whispers.

“What?” you whisper back. “Why are we whispering?”

“He’s looking over here,” she whispers again.

“Oh stop it,” you shake your head and wave her off as she smiles at you. You grab a box of forks, opening them before you place them in a container on the table as well as a box of spoons and knives. You glance up towards the kitchen and meet his stare. You notice how his lips slowly start to curve up into a small smile before you quickly glance away as you feel your face flushing. You bite your lip as you look down at your hands reaching for a pack of napkins, opening them, placing them beside the container of cutlery.

“Why’s your face red,” she whispers.

“He caught me looking,” you whisper back and she giggles.

“Shut up,” you whisper-yell. “I told you I didn’t want to come in the first place.” Once you were finished with the table you walked into the living room and sat on the love seat, crossing your arms, and Stacy walked over to where Jungkook was setting up the bar. 

“Hey, I’m done in here. If you don’t need me for anything else, I’m gonna go get ready,” Dongmin tells Jungkook.

“Yea, you’re good mate,” Jungkook tells him. You see him walk around the corner from the kitchen. He gives you a smile before he jogs up the stairs you assume to his room to get ready. You pull your phone out to distract yourself since Stacy is in the corner with her boyfriend and you have nothing else to do. People start arriving before you know it, and you see some people you recognize, so you actually get up to socialize. Standing off to the side of the living room with Stacy and a few other people in a conversation, you notice Dongmin making his way back downstairs and you can’t help but be distracted. Stacy also can’t help but notice your lack of sudden interest in the conversation you were just in and looks to see what pulled your attention, smiling when she realizes. When he reaches the bottom of the stairs, he stops and scans the crowd. A lot of people had arrived since he had gone up stairs. His eyes stop when they reach your group, landing on yours. Holding your stare for a few seconds with a dark look to his eyes, but once you realize what’s happening, you look away quickly. You turn your head to Stacy. 

“I think I need a drink,” you tell her.

“You’ve got one,” she giggles. You take the cup in your hand, downing what was left as you look at her, making her shake her head before you walk off. You’re standing in the corner of the makeshift bar mixing your new drink when you hear an all too familiar voice.

“Gonna be a long night if you keep drinking like that, love” Dongmin tells you as he walks up beside you.

“And? You’re not the boss of me,” you sass him, feeling the alcohol take hold of you already.

“Wow, okay,” he laughs. “Feeling it already, huh?”

“So what if I am?” you say with a raised eyebrow. He shrugs his shoulders.

“Maybe you wanna slow down a little?” he asks you.

“Why would I wanna do that?” you ask.

“Cause you’re gonna feel terrible tomorrow,” he tells you as he moves a little closer to you. You turn to face him.

“So? I can handle it. Why do you care anyway? You’re not my boyfriend,” you scoff at him. He leaned closer to you, placing his hands on the counter on either side of you.

“I know you can handle it. I know you’re a big girl, you can take care of yourself. And no, I’m not your boyfriend,” he tells you as he keeps his face close to yours, bringing his hand up to lightly run down your jawline before continuing. “I could be, but not like this. I wouldn’t start it like this. Wouldn’t be right,” he finishes before quickly pulling back and walking away. You let out a rush of air, the breath that you’d been holding and didn’t realize. 

“What the fuck?” you mumble to yourself before you down the half-drink you’d just made and make another. You walk back to Stacy and pull her to the side, telling her what happened, watching her eyes go wide. “The fuck does that mean? What am I supposed to do with that?”

“Breathe, Y/N.” she tells you as she puts a hand on your shoulder. “It means you need to sober up and go talk to him,” she tells you. “Go get some water, maybe something to eat, then go find him.” You nod your head as you take a few breaths and walk towards the table. You grab a bottle of water from the cooler on the way before you start to make a small plate. Once you make your plate you grab a napkin and a fork, looking up to make your way back to Stacy. Your eyes meet his across the living room and you stop in your tracks. He raises an eyebrow as he looks at you with a smile. You bite your lip and look away as you keep walking. 

“He keeps looking at me,” you whine in her ear when you get back to her. 

“What?” she asks confusedly.

“When I was leaving the table, he caught my eye when I was coming back over here and he raised his eyebrow like he was asking what I was doing and smiled,” you explain. “The fuck am I doing? I’m going home.”

“No! You should stay here and finish that and go talk to him,” she tells you.

“You know I won’t. You know I don’t have the balls to when I’m sober,” you tell her and she laughs.

“I do, but tonight is going to be different,” she tells you.

“How so,” you ask as you finish your water.

“Because you’ve already talked once, you can do it again,” she smiled. “And I think you’re ready. Let’s have you go out back and I’ll go find him and have him come out there for something.” You nod your head as you walk to the back door. To your surprise, there were actually not that many people outside for it to be as warm as it was. You leaned up against the rail looking up at the sky. It was a clear night and the stars were out. A few minutes later, you heard the door open very fast, making you spin around. 

“What? There’s no fight out here,” Dongmin says as he looks around like he’s lost something.

“Maybe they broke it up already?” you offered as he looked over at you. 

“What are you doing out here?” he asks.

“I needed a break,” you tell him. “Some quiet. To think.”

“Bout what,” he asks as he walks towards you.

“Everything,” you say as you look down at the deck. He holds your chin between his thumb and first finger, lifting your eyes to meet his. 

“You ok?” he asks you softly. “You seem more… calm than earlier.”

“Yea,” you say quietly with a small smile. He leans in slowly and presses a soft peck to your lips making your eyes go wide. “Wh-what was that for?”

“Just cause,” he says. 

“Cause why,” you laugh lightly.

“Cause I like you,” he tells you. You stare up at him. He reaches up and tucks a stray hair behind your ear. “Say something… please, or I’m gonna feel ridiculous,” he laughs.

“Uhm,” you start. “I, uh, I like you too.”

“Really?” he asks. You nod your head and bite your lip.

“Yea, for a while now. Stacy has been begging me to let her or Jungkook tell you but I wouldn’t,” you laugh.

“Why not,” he laughs back.

“I told her that if it was meant to happen, it would happen on its own,” you tell him with a shrug of your shoulders. 

“But she... sent me out here tonight,” he tells you.

“Yes, but if you remember, we started talking at the bar first,” you explain as you tilt your head.

“Ah, true,” he says with a nod. “You’re so cute sometimes,” he tells you, making you blush and bite your lip. He cups your face in his hand, his thumb rubbing across your cheek to pull your lip from between your teeth. “You really need to stop doing that.”

“Why?” you ask softly.

“Makes me want to kiss you that much more,” he says as he watches your face flush, making him smile. You look down at your feet making him put a finger under your chin and lift your eyes back up to his. “Why do you always do that?” he asks you.

“Do what?” you question him.

“Look away from me?” he answers.

“You uhm...you make me nervous,” you admit. He reaches out and takes one of your hands in his, playing with your fingers.

“Is that so?” he asks. You nod lightly. “Why?”

“I-I… I don’t know,” you stammer out.

“I think you do,” he tells you. You shake your head and he grins at you. “Y/N,” he laughs.

“What?” you laugh back. He puts his free hand on your waist and pulls you close to him, making you close your eyes as your free hand presses into his chest.

“What are you doing?” he laughs again.

“N-nothing,” you say. You suck in a breath as you feel him run a finger down your jaw. 

“Open your eyes,” he tells you. Hesitantly you open your eyes and you jump. He had leaned in closer than he was before, almost nose to nose. “Hi,” he whispered.

“Hi,” you squeak out and mentally curse yourself for letting your voice go higher than you wanted. Damn nerves. Damn Stacy for not letting you have SOME alcohol in your system when dealing with this. He leaned in a touch more and brushed his nose against yours, making you breathe in. 

“You ok?” he asked. 

“Mmhm,” you say as you nod. 

“You sure?” he asks as he watches your eyes, watching for any sign that you wanted him to stop. You nodded your head again. He let go of your hand, putting that hand on the back of your neck as he leaned in and pressed his lips to yours. Your eyes closed as you let out a whimper against his lips. You kept one hand on his chest as the other slid up into his hair. He moved his lips against yours, you doing the same. You felt him running his hands up and down your back as he slid his tongue across your bottom lip before slipping it inside to glide against yours, making you moan into the kiss. The longer you kissed, the more heated it got. Both his hands on your waist now, you feel his fingers slip under the hem of your shirt as he turns to lean himself against the rail to pull you closer to him. His fingers splay out across your lower back keeping you pressed against him, lips still moving against each other. You slide a hand down, slipping it under his t-shirt and running it up his chest. Running your fingers lightly along his collarbone, you barely curve your fingers to drag your nails down his chest making him shudder. You feel his fingers dig into your skin as he growls against your lips, biting your bottom lip as he pulls back to look at you. He places another kiss on your lips as he looks at you before he says, “God, you’re gorgeous.” You feel your face flush the most it has all night and you lean your head to his chest to hide your face. You feel his chest rumble as he laughs. “I love how cute you are,” he tells you. 

“Stop teasing me,” you mumble with your face in his chest, making him laugh again.

“I’m not trying to tease you, love,” he laughs as he pulls you away from his chest. He pulls your face to look up at him. “I love that you blush so easily. I find it endearing. It’s sweet,” he tells you as he brushes a strand of hair behind your ear. “You know… I’ve thought about kissing you for so long,” he admits as he looks down at you. You glance up at him through your eyelashes as you bite your lip. He quickly takes your hips in his hands, twisting you around until you’re leaning against the railing and him leaning over you. “Can’t be doing that now, love,” he says in a low voice.

“B-but, I didn’t do anything,” you tell him, causing him to smile. 

“You don’t even know what you do to me… Do you?” he asks as he leans his forehead against yours. You feel your face flush as you shake your head no and look at your feet. You hear him lightly laugh. “Y/N,” he almost whispers. You hum in response. “Look at me.” You slowly bring your eyes up to meet his. He reaches across himself taking your hand in his, bringing it up to his lips as he presses a kiss to your palm. “Will you… let me show you?” he asks quietly as he gauges your reaction as he slides your hand down his chest slowly. Your eyes watch your hand as he slides it down until you realize what he’s doing and your eyes grow wide and snap up to his causing him to giggle and bite his lip. “I love how innocent you are,” he tells you.

“Here??” you whisper yell as you look up at him. He nods his head.

“We’re not gonna do anything now. I just want to show you,” he tells you, leaning his forehead back to yours again. You swallow thickly keeping your eyes on his as he ghosts his lips over yours. Goosebumps spread over your skin, shivering as you feel his breath against your lips.  When your fingers slip over his belt, he turns both his and your hands so your fingers point down. You notice his breathing increasing before he slips your covered hand down to palm himself through his slacks. He groans into your lips when he squeezes your hand against him. You feel his tongue brush against your lips as he licks his lips, making you shudder. The hand on your waist gripping you tighter as he pulls you closer. He closes the space between your lips, moving his against yours. You copy his actions, never breaking eye contact and your eyes grow wide as you feel him stiffen under your palm. He bites your bottom lip as he barely pulls back from the kiss, keeping your foreheads together and lips still touching. “Fuck… Y/N,” he breathes against your lips.

“That’s... not... just… because… of me,” you slowly say. A slow half-smile appears on his face. 

“What else would have caused this?” he asked as he squeezed your hand around him causing your eyes to fly shut as you bite your lip and blush. You hear him chuckle before he releases your hand. You hear him suck in a breath as you move your hand from its previous place. He takes a small step back from you leaving a little space between you. He runs his thumb down your cheek before he pulls your face up so you meet his eyes once again. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, love,” he tells you quietly, lifting his other hand to brush your hair behind your ear. “I just know that… you’re one of the ‘good ones’ as they say,” he tells you as he lets out a little laugh and you finally see his face slightly flush pink for once. “I know you wouldn’t ever think you could do ‘that’ to someone so… I wanted to… prove it… to you, I guess? You just... You…” he stops mid sentence to cup your face in his hands and run his thumbs across your cheeks. “You’re so amazing. You just choose not to see it. It’s in the way you treat your friends, how you always stick up for people that are being treated badly, how you always treat people nicely and how you smile even when you are having a bad day. It’s how beautiful you are when you’re just waking up or when you’re asleep. It’s how your face lights up when you see a dog in the park or when you’re walking down the street, how you can make a sad or crying kid laugh and smile in minutes when no one else can, and it’s how your friends love you back. Sometimes there are those friends that you’re just like ‘eh whatever’ but then there are those friends that you would do anything for and I know your friends are like that with you, and I’m hoping we can grow closer too,” he smiles at you sweetly, brushing the tears off your cheeks with his thumbs. “Please don’t cry. I can’t stand to see you cry,” he says quietly. You raise your hands to grip his wrists as he still cups your face.

“I’m sorry,” you tell him. “I don’t mean to.”

“You’re okay?” he asks. You nod your head slightly.

“No one’s ever been so nice to me,” you admit as you gaze up at him. He leans down and presses a soft kiss to your lips. 

“So, what do you say? You wanna head back inside? Mingle some more? Together?” he asks you with a playful wink that makes you slightly flush yet again. He laughs again as he takes your hand in his to pull you away from the railing, slipping his arm around your waist and yours around his as you walk back inside. You stop at the makeshift bar to grab drinks before returning to the party. You see Stacy sitting on Jungkook’s lap on the couch as you round the corner and you hide your face in Dongmin’s side as you see her smile widely and poke Jungkook in the chest. You feel his chest rumble as he laughs. You already know what he’s laughing at without asking. He squeezes at your side as he walks towards them and takes the seat beside them, pulling you down on his lap much like Stacy was sitting with Jungkook. She looked at you with eyebrows raised. 

“Y/N?” Stacy called your name and you looked over at her, face slightly flushed.

“Yea,” you said. 

“You got something you wanna tell us?” she asked. You thought for a second as she looked from Dongmin to Jungkook then back to you. 

“Nope,” you said with a smile. Dongmin nearly choked on his drink laughing. “Sorry,” you told him as he coughed to catch his breath.

“No, that was great, love,” he laughed. 

“Love?” Stacy said. “When did that happen?”

“Okay, nosey. Mind your own business,” you sass at her. She looks at you with her mouth hanging open. 

“What has gotten into you tonight?” she laughs. “I like it.”

“We are in the middle of a party. I don’t like discussing private matters in a sea of people, most of whom I don’t know,” you tell her in a quiet voice. 

“Alright… we can carry on this conversation… later… if you two wish,” she smiles at you, looking between you and Dongmin.

“Thank you,” you tell her as you turn your attention back to the party. Dongmin squeezes your side reassuringly as he turns placing a kiss to the side of your head. 

“Breathe,” he whispers to you. “Never seen you so fiery.” You can feel him smiling against your hair.

“Too many people I don’t know to be talking about private things,” you whisper back. The party lasted another couple hours before everyone started trickling out. Finally everyone was gone by 3 and you all started cleaning the majority of the trash up, deciding to leave some for the next day. 

“Okay… It’s just us four.... And he’s not in here for you to be shy around, so talk,” Stacy says as you’re cleaning up the table while the guys are in the kitchen, no doubt having this same conversation.

“Ugh, fine…” you grumbled as you rolled your eyes. You glanced over at the kitchen window surprised to see that Dongmin had been leaning against a counter facing you, already looking your way. You made a face at him, making him laugh before you turned away. 

“What was that?” Stacy asked you.

“He was looking at me,” you tell her.

“So you make a face?” she questions you. You shrugged your shoulders. “Normally you turn red and walk away.”

“That was before the party,” you tell her.

“What happened?” she asked.

“Well, he said he liked me, and I said I liked him too,” you explain.

“Well… was that all?” she demanded.

“No,” you say as you shake your head.

“Ugh, What else is there?” Stacy groaned.

“I…” you started as you glanced up at Dongmin. He winked at you, making you flush slightly as you shook your head and smiled. “I don’t kiss and tell,” you said as you smiled at her. She let out an audible gasp.

“You did not...” she said as her mouth hung open making you laugh. You watched Dongmin, who was watching you, out of the corner of your eye. He tilted his head and he smiled to where it made his eyes crinkle. That was your favorite. He loved when you laughed. You nodded your head at Stacy. “But you could barely be around him before the party,” she said.

“I know,” you admit to her. “Honestly, I’m not even completely sure what happened.”

“And to think… you didn’t even want to come tonight,” she said as she crossed her arms.

“Oh shut it,” you said as you threw a balled up napkin at her, making Dongmin laugh. 

“So… are you… dating?” she asked you. You shrugged your shoulders. 

“Dunno,” you tell her. “Doesn’t matter to me right now.”

“Really?” You hear Dongmin’s voice say in your ear making you jump as he wraps his arms around your waist.

“Fuck you scared me,” you laugh as he turns to nuzzle his face in the crook of your neck. “Stop,” you giggle, “that tickles.”  You feel him laugh against your skin before he pulls back just enough so you can hear him speak clearly.

“Not until you say you’re my girlfriend,” he tells you as he starts digging his fingers into your sides, tickling you.

“Okay, Okay… I give. Please stop,” you say between laughs. He shakes his head.

“You have to say it,” he tells you in a laugh. You try to catch your breath. 

“I do,” you tell him as you try to grab his hands and pull them away from you.

“You really think you can pull my hands away?” he laughs. He turns you around in his grasp to face him. You’re red faced and breathless from the tickling. “Catch your breath,” he tells you. It takes you a minute, but your breathing finally comes back to normal. “You good?” he asks and you nod in return. “Good, cause here’s round two,” he smiles at you. Before you have time to protest, he’s back at it, fingers digging into your sides again.

“Please,” you beg.

“Tell me,” he says. You take in a gasp of air.

“I’m…” you start between breaths of air and laughter. You take in another breath. “Yours,” you breathe out and his fingers stop their movements. Your breathing starts to slow as he lets you calm down. Once you can breathe normally again, you look up at him and smile. “I’ve been yours since the day we met.” His hands on your waist pull you to him and he presses his lips to yours. Your hands grab onto his arms for support before sliding up to wrap around his neck and pulling him down to you. You move your lips against his and you feel him smile against your lips before he begins to move his against yours. 

“Okay, lovebirds, break it up,” Jungkook says as he walks into the dining room. “We eat in here.” You bite his bottom lip as you both pull away from the kiss making him knit his eyebrows together and whine. 

“We need to go,” Stacy tells you and you pout with a laugh from everyone in the room. “Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll see each other tomorrow,” she says in a kiddie voice as she pats you on the head.

“Oh fuck off,” you tell her as you shove her hand away and walk towards the coat closet to grab your purse and jacket, Dongmin close behind you. 

“You okay?” he asks as you reach the closet door.

“Yea, I’m fine. She’s just teasing me and she knows I don’t like it,” you explain. He wraps his arms around you, pulling you to him and placing a kiss to the top of your head. “Thank you,” you tell him.

“For what? I didn’t do anything,” he says quietly.

“Yes you did,” you laugh. “You checked on me just now, for one. The two reasons you had me in tears tonight would be number two,” you laughed, “just tonight in general, I guess.” you smile as you look up at him. 

“My pleasure,” he says before he leans down to press a soft kiss to your lips. 

@shyboyjeno

[axailslink]

Love is never too fast

Riri Williams x FEM wakandan reader

Summary: you've invited your girlfriend back into your home after making an alliance with the world of Talokan after two years because you have an important question to ask.

Riri watches you as you stand on your balcony just admiring the sky you were born in Wakanda it's home to you but its beauty will always amaze you. The colors in the sky clash together so many different shades of yellow, orange and blues it's amazing to see but even better to see with your girlfriend. Riri snakes her arms around your waist as she kisses down your bare back "you showing the world all your goodies?" You smile and shake your head "no I'm just enjoying the warmth of the sun on my skin I'll never get tired of it" she nods "well hopefully you like cold weather just as much. I want you to come with me when I go back home." You sink into her chest "you want me to leave home and go with you?" She's stopped breathing you can feel it she's holding her breath she's nervous. "Maybe we've been together for two years and I was hoping you'd move in with me I got an apartment off campus." You nod and Riri is just stunned and surprised as she exhales "what?" "I'll go but you'll have to sneak me out" she laughs "or we could talk to Shuri" you hum. "I doubt she'd be fine with me just leaving home to be with my girlfriend..." Riri shakes her head and grabs your face planting kisses everywhere from your forehead to your chin.

"No you're not going to do that thing that you do when you want something you ask for it you chase it. Don't convince yourself you don't deserve it or that your big sister will say no." You sigh "I really want to go" you say smiling to yourself she nods "yeah?" You nod in response and she kisses you with so much hunger "Riri" you pant out as you pull apart "It's been years I'm not done" she pulls you back into the room and towards the bed "I've been sexually frustrated it's even worse when I can only think about you because you're all I want." You smile and shrug "all you want?" She nods "absolutely you know this you're the only one I want forever." You nod and glance over at your desk looking at the tiny black box "well you'll have to wait another moment because I have a serious question to ask you." "Yes" you raise a brow confused her "yes" sounds more like an answer than a question.

"You've been staring at the box since you brought me in here yesterday and my answer is yes and it always will be" you groan "you could have at least me finish the damn question Williams" she just laughs "I don't need a ring I don't need marriage but if that's what you want I want it too. Mom on the other hand is going to freak." You laugh as you imagine her mother's reaction.

"She's most likely not going to be a fan I mean we're still young you're still in school are we going to fast?" You panic and she shakes her head "love is never too fast we'll explain that to her."

A/n: most of my writing is unedited so you see a mistake guess what? Shit happens anyways enjoy this little snippet from my mind. @justariellove I remember you asking for a proposal request so here you go. Sorry it may not have been Riri proposing but the reader is and it'a not some big thing especially to me my family finds marriage as a continuation of promise that you'll love your partner.

[leelee10898]

Well, aren't you a Lamb?

This is my first submission for @choicesflashfics using the prompt "I saw this and it reminded me of you." Since yesterday was Easter, this idea immediately popped into my head. I hope you enjoy. I've also added a little 'visual aid' to give you the full picture 🤣

Book: The Royal Romance

Pairing: TRR gang

Word count: 876

Warnings/content: language; silly fluff

It was Easter Sunday.  Riley wanted to share some of her American customs with her friends and family so Liam rented a huge cabin in upstate New York. Riley and Hannah got busy in the kitchen while Liam, Drake, and Maxwell ventured out into the nearby town for some necessities. Drake pulled the SUV into a parking spot and the three got out of the vehicle. "Ahhh. Smell that?" Drake inhaled, stretching his arms out. "That's the smell of fresh air right there." 

Liam grinned and shook his head. "This town suits you, Drake."  

Maxwell continued to sniff in the air. "I don't know Drake, all I smell is," he sniffed again. "Cinnamon. Oh man, that smells good." Maxwell took off towards the bakery. 

"Maxwell, wait-" Liam yelled. 

"Let him go Li. Let's go get the other stuff we need. We can collect Maxwell after we are done." 

Liam looked hesitantly toward the direction Max took off in. "I don't know Drake.." A barrage of bad scenarios played out in his mind. 

"Hell be fine. Let's go." 

Liam shook the thoughts from his mind and joined Drake. After Liam and Drake went to the Liquor store and grocery, they headed further into town to look for Maxwell.

"Well, I don't see any firey crashes, or loose wildlife roaming the streets. No ones running in fear, so it looks like a win." Drake teased. 

"We haven't found Maxwell yet, don't rush to conclusions " Liam sighed, Drake chuckled, clasping him on the back. Just as Maxwell emerged from the bakery, carrying a giant-sized sized pastry box. 

"Liam! Drake! I was just coming to find you guys. I got dessert for dinner!" Maxwell beamed. 

"Oh, that sounds wonderful Max. What did you get us?" Liam smiled trying to lift the box and sneak a peak. Maxwell quickly pulled the box out of Liam's reach. "Oh no Liam, it's a surprise.  I can't show you. You'll see at dinner, let's go." Maxwell turned on his heel and took off for the car. Liam stood rooted in place Drake coming up and standing next to him. 

"You want to know what's in that box don't you?" Drake snickered. 

"I shouldn't.  I really should but," 

"You do." Drake finished for him. 

"Yup." 

After a short drive, the guys made it back to the cabin. They helped Riley and Hannah put everything away and spent most of the day relaxing before it was time to eat.  After a large dinner, the group sat around the table before Hannah pulled a pie from the kitchen and placed it on the table. "I made a chocolate silk pie. I hope you love it." She smiled. 

"It looks delicious, Hannah. I can't wait to dig in." Riley licked her lips just asMaxwelll came barging into the dining room carrying the big box. He dropped it right down on the table making the table shake and some glasses fell over. 

"Finally. "Liam breathed out. It was finally time to find out what Maxwell had in the box. The contents plagued Liam the entire day while Drake teased him with his thoughts.  Exploding pasty, undercooked cookies, blood pudding, or dirt pudding equipt with real live worms were just a few ideas Drake tossed out. Liam shuddered at the thought. 

"What do we have here, Maxwell?" Riley quirked her brow.

"Well there we were in town when Drake was rambling on about fresh air but all I could smell was cinnamon.  So I ran into the bakery and found this." He gently tapped on the box. "I saw this and it reminded me of you." He smiled brightly at Drake. 

"Aww hell," Drake grunted as Liam peered closer in anticipation. Maxwell finally lifted the top of the box revealing a cake shaped like a lamb. It had blue jellybeans for eyes that started to melt and turn to jelly, one eye slid making it droop. Its nose, also a red jelly bean also melted, causing a bit of redness that resembled a  light coloring of blood just above the makeshift mouth, complete with a grouping of crooked, jagged, rotten teeth.  Hanna gasped and covered her eyes with her hands. 

"I talked the girls at the bakery into letting me redecorate his face. Doesn't it look just like Drake?" 

"The similarities are uncanny, Max." Riley assured him trying to keep a straight face. 

Liam broke out into a fit of giggles as Drake sat there with a deep frown on his face. 

"It looks like it might eat me." Hannah peered between her fingers, which made Liam laugh even harder. 

"Drake, aren't you going to say anything to Maxwell?" Riley pressed. 

"Nope," Drake grunted again. 

"Drake." She warned and Drake rolled his eyes. 

"Fine." He sighed, turning towards Maxwell. "Ah. Thank you for this um thing." 

Maxwell's smile grew even bigger. "Any time buddy." He clasped Drake on the shoulder. "I thought to myself, Drake loves animals and this one, well I had to make him look like he belonged to you." 

"Well, it's fitting. I'm in hell, why not have a demented Lamb to tie it all together." He shook his head. He had been to an American Easter before but this one was literally the weirdest Easter ever. 

@kingliam2019 @ao719 @emichelle @annabellewynter @twinkleallnight  @tessa-liam @riseandshinelittleblossom @blackcatkita @katedrakeohd @tinkie1973 @ownworldresident @cordoniaqueensworld @lovingchoices14 @indiana-jr @txemrn

[octopus-reactivated]

Speak

Based on this prompt.

@100percentevil since you asked

_____

Tw/cw:Pet whump, referring to Whumpee as “it”, beating, fear of being thrown out, two-faced Whumper, Whumpee-thinks-Caretaker-is-new-Master, mentions of burning, whipping and stress position (none actually happens), (let me know if I missed anything)

"Those counters are quite dusty"

Five words. Whumpee quickly analyzed the sentence.

"Counters" were obviously most likely to point at which punishment Whumper will choose.

"Dusty" could say something too, but Whumpee had no idea what punishment could it mean.

"Quite" could mean nothing or could mean how severe beating will be.

Lastly, "those" and "are" probably meant nothing.

Turned out Whumpee's first hunch was correct when Master grabbed fistfull of his hair and slammed Whumpee's head on the flat surface. Whumpee hold his breath waiting for another hit, but it didn't came. The offense must have been not so great then. He reminded himself of all the chores today, trying to find one that he was careless with. It would be easier if Master gave any hint, but his words were always about the punishment, never about what Whumpee did to deserve it.

It didn't mean Whumpee was ungrateful, no. To let Pet prepare for the pain was a mercy.

He did his chores again and Master didn't say anything for the whole day. Whumpee was safe.

_____

"How are you feeling lately?" Whumper asked, putting the plate with dinner on the night table

"Not as bad as before. I tried to go on a walk recently, but I had to go back home pretty quickly." said Caretaker

"Hey, progress is progress. Not so long ago you had to be escorted out of bed"

"Right, I suppose it means new medication is working"

"It's almost like Christmas came early"

"Sorry I don't have a gift for you" Caretaker chuckled

"Your well-being is enough of a gift for me. Oh, speaking of which, do you still need help with chores?"

"I manage basic ones by myself, why?"

"I got something that could help with that. It's an old experiment of mine. Still working well, but I got bored and thought you could use a break from cleaning"

"Whumper?"

"Yes?"

"You're not trying to trick me into accepting something expensive, do you?"

"How could I... I mean, no, not this time. I wanted to switch for a new one anyway. I have few project ideas that I want to try out"

"If it won't make you spend more money then it's alright. Keeping this place clean is hard enough"

If only Caretaker knew what gift he just accepted. 

_____

There was a crate in the hallway. Whumpee remembered it well, it was the same one he came in.

Yesterday he thought everything was fine, Master didn't say a word, but this morning the crate appeared.

Maybe Whumpee was overthinking. Maybe the crate was for something entirely different like... like... Master getting rid of it after all that time?

Whumpee was proven wrong pretty quickly though. This afternoon, when he wasn't even done with chores, Master came and took a rag out of Whumpee's hands and pushed him towards the cage.

Whumpee teared up. He wanted to beg, but begging never fixed anything. He wished for an explanation, but Master never told what was done wrong. Words only meant punishment.

Master took out headphones, put it over Whumpee's head and nudged Whumpee with his foot, urging him to go in the crate.

There was no choice. He could only obey and wonder what he made to deserve being thrown out.

_____

The doorbell rang and Caretaker dragged himself to open the door. Whumper was there, carrying something cubical, covered with a piece of cloth. It was quite big and appeared heavy. Caretaker would offer to help, but he knew Whumper was physically stronger and Caretaker would only be getting in the way.

Whumer dropped the box on the floor. Caretaker flinched, hoping that whatever was inside was not fragile.

"I'll leave it there. Do not worry about making it work, it will do everything on it's own"

"What kind of machine works on its own? You said it was your experiment? Are you a mad scientist or what?"

"More like... a little too curious scientist. Except scientists use more math."

Caretaker laughed.

"Okay, but for real, is there an instruction or whatever?"

"No, take it out, get the headphones off, leave bowl of water and food out and you can sit back and relax"

"Wait, what?" Caretaker asked, confused. Last sentence made little sense to him and seemed out of context. Did he mishear something?

"I'm sorry I can't stay for a tea, I have work in ten minutes and getting there takes twenty. If anything will be wrong, text me, alright?"

"Sure, I don't want you to be late" Caretaker settled. He will try to figure out something on his own and that one sentence probably wasn't really important. And if he still has troubles, he can ask Whumper about it later.

Whumper said goodbye and ran off, leaving Caretaker with the gift.

Caretaker looked at it, kind of curious. He leaned to take the cloth off when he felt nauseous. He ran off to the bathroom, thinking the catastrophe was about to happen.

Luckily he didn't vomit, but there was still an unpleasant feeling lingering, so Caretaker laid down on the couch, waiting for it to pass. His curiosity had to be pushed back for a while.

_____

"I must have dozed off" Caretaker thought, seeing how the shadows moved their places.

It wasn't unusual and he wasn't feeling nauseous anymore, so a short nap wasn't reason to worry. He looked at the clock. He was sleeping for a little over an hour.

What was he about to do before? Oh right, Whumper's thing.

Caretaker came back to the hallway, his curiosity returning. He pulled the cloth off, revealing…

Caretaker felt like his brain crashed. He wasn’t sure how to process the information his eyes were giving to him. 

It wasn’t a box, it was a cage and inside the cage there was a whole human being.

Caretaker stared blankly at the malnourished boy. And the boy stared at him with big, brown eyes. 

Finally the boy looked down, ashamed and that made Caretaker snap out of his confusion. 

“Let me get you out of there,” he said, looking for the crate's door. 

Boy looked at him-at his mouth. Oh, he probably can’t hear him, he got headphones - wait is that what Whumper meant… - no, no time to think about it, let’s get him out first and then worry about the implications. 

_____

Whumpee’s crate was covered, but he could feel how he was carried, then put somewhere and then… ah, he must be in the car. Then all movement stopped and he was picked up again and then carried and dropped, causing his knees to hit his chin… but he didn’t make a sound, no, he knew how to be silent. 

He heard a muffled sound, but he couldn’t make out the words… Whumper always made sure that he was able to understand him if he was about to be punished… so he was safe. For now.

Then there was silence and Whumpee thought he was about to be taken out, but no, he was wrong. He was left waiting. For a long time. What if… what if no one ever will show up? He had no idea where he was, maybe it was somewhere hidden, so he will stay there, forever, forever and he will slowly wither and… no, he can’t think like that. He had to stay and be good and wait and hope and not make himself cry.

After he went completely numb from being in a cramped cage for so long, the veil finally got lifted and he saw… someone new. 

Someone that looked at him with confusion. Was this because there was something wrong with Whumpee?

Whumpee suddenly got very self-conscious. He wasn’t cute, if he was he wouldn’t be a chore Pet and malnutrition didn’t help him look any better. Was that man… disgusted with him?

Speaking of which, was he his New Master? Or Temporary Master? Whumpee still hoped he could go back, if he was just being borrowed then it meant he wasn’t useless, that he still had some value. 

Temporary Master stared at him, until Whumpee was forced to lower his eyes and only then Temporary Master opened the door. He… he was saying something, but Whumpee still had the headphones on, so he couldn’t make out the words. If everything worked like with Master, then it shouldn’t mean Whumpee was up for the beating, but maybe Temporary Master was cruel and didn’t let Whumpee know what was coming?

Whumpee’s thoughts had to be put aside, as Temporary Master reached inside and pulled Whumpee out of the cage. He was… more gentle than Whumpee expected, but still, being forced to move after such a long time in a small crate was painful. 

Yet Whumpee couldn’t let himself be bad, as soon as he was out he kneeled on the floor. 

Temporary Master took off his headphones. 

_____

Now that the boy was out, Caretaker remembered he had no idea how he was supposed to act. 

The boy - it was hard to determine his age, but he couldn’t be much younger than Caretaker - was clearly starved. Was it safe to give him food  right away, or… maybe he should get some water first?

“I’m gonna be back in a moment!” Caretaker stood up abruptly “I’m just gonna get my phone”

_____

Ah, so there it was. Whumpee already did something wrong, or maybe Temporary Master just wanted to show him his place. Either way, first punishment was coming. 

“I’m gonna be back in a moment”.  If Whumpee took the whole sentence it could mean that punishment will start shortly. If to take it apart, only two words made sense. “Moment” could mean how long the punishment will take and “back” could mean that Whumpee will be hit, whipped or burned on the back. 

In the second sentence, only “phone” could be of any clue, perhaps Temporary Master will hit him with it…

But aren’t phones expensive? Whumpee would hate if something happened to it and he was punished for destroying it. He could only hope that his hunch was right and it would hurt only for a while. 

Temporary Master went away somewhere and Whumpee looked around him.

The floor looked like it hadn’t been swept for a few days and… well he was a Chore Pet, so it was possible that he was brought there to clean the mess.

Temporary Master still didn’t come back and maybe he needed a while to prepare himself.

Before, Master was always mad when he found out Whumpee wasn’t working - it was alright if all the chores were completed, but if there was a speck of dust and Whumpee was not doing anything, that always angered Master. 

Whumpee didn’t see any broom, so he quietly stood up to look for one, or maybe a rag or something similar. 

His crate was in the hallway, and the first open door he saw was leading to the kitchen. Looking around he noticed a few things off the place: unwashed dishes in the sink, unswept floor and stove that should be cleaned. 

Whumpee most definitely was borrowed to clean there. 

After a thought, Whumpee decided to start with doing the dishes. 

_____

Of course, that one time when Caretaker needed a phone, he couldn’t find it. Every minute counted, the Boy needed to be taken care of right now, but Caretaker had to search the whole room, top to bottom. 

Looking through his stuff, he wondered about Whumper. He couldn’t… he couldn’t be responsible for the state the boy was in? After all he was such a caring person, helping Caretaker during his lowest point, who was always willing to take some of the burden away and who gave gifts so lavish that it made Caretaker uncomfortable. 

There must have been some other explanation… Maybe the boy in the crate was rescued from some horrible place and Whumper dropped him off at Caretaker’s home to help both of them.

It must have been it or something similar. 

And the phone finally was found under the pillow. 

As soon as he got it, he was running back, typing “dehydration help” and “starvation help”into the search engine. 

He couldn’t even look at the results when he noticed the place where he left the boy was empty. Caretaker’s brain crashed for the second time that day, but then he noticed the sound of running water from the kitchen. 

As soon as he got in there, he noticed the boy standing over a pile of dishes Caretaker left for later. 

“What are you doing?” Caretaker asked in disbelief. Poor thing was barely standing, that was not a time for cleaning. 

Boy jumped in place when he heard Caretaker. 

“You don’t need to do that now, I bet you’re exhausted. Here, let me…” caretaker came closer and took the plate out of the boy's hands.

“... take thi… Wait, what’s wrong?” 

_____

Whumpee though he was good, but Temporary Master didn’t seem pleased. 

Well, of course, he should have waited to be corrected and only after that take care of his duties.

And now he is up for more painful discipline.  

“Exhausted’, "now ","wrong ", those words were only that could give any clue. 

Pet could guess that punishment will start right away and that it will leave him exhausted. “Wrong” was tricky, but it could mean that he would be forced in position with his limbs twisted the wrong way, or maybe he won’t be allowed to heal correctly, or, or… 

He didn’t even notice hot tears, until they fell down his cheeks. His body was shaken by a sob. It was just like the first days with Master, when he didn’t know all the rules. 

And Temporary Master seemed to be less lenient. 

Was he really just a Temporary Master?

Whumpee hoped so. 

[pbandjesse]

I had a shockingly long and busy day. I was not expecting that. But I ended up teaching essentially two workshops between camp and creative alliance. But now that's its done I actually feel great mentally. Physically I'm very excited that I don't have to leave the house tomorrow.

I slept fine. But I did not want to get up. And since I knew I didn't have my first workshop until 1230 I knew I could get away with sleeping a little late. I set my alarm for an extra hour. James came in to give me a kiss and say goodbye but they said something about boxes and I was half asleep and couldn't figure out what they meant so then my brain wouldn't turn back off and I didn't end up falling back asleep.

So I just stayed in bed an extra half hour before getting up. I got dressed and had cereal. My hair is driving my a little crazy. It looks so nice when I first wake up but then just looks crazy throughout the day. I also think the top layer is breaking which is frustrating because I don't really know how to fix that. I may start wearing braids more especially since it's getting so long. I don't actually want to cut it shoulder length again right now but we will see if I stick to that.

I left here and got to camp around 830. I went straight to art to load up my wagon with all my painting supplies. But I was not feeling good. I think I've figured out that if I'm standing or laying the nausea is not terrible. But sitting down kills me. But then I am tired from standing and want to sit. It's a lose lose.

Once I was ready to go I would set up my hammock and just chill in it for an hour. My car blanket was still in the laundry so I wasn't as cozy as I wanted but it was nice to just lay there. I really need to figure out how I can hang a hammock at our house. There isn't an amazing space for it. But I think it would really make me feel better to have that somewhere. I'll investigate that soon.

Around 930 I went down to the office. It was a pretty quiet morning. I would find some step by step guides for drawing turtles and snakes and salamanders. I thought that this would be the most helpful for having the adults paint. It's like hey maybe you don't have an idea but you could follow this or you can do whatever you want I'm not your mom. And I thought that since those were the animals they got to meet yesterday they would enjoy them.

And I was very right! But that wouldn't be for hours.

In the mean time I would play around online. Sent some emails. Watched TikToks. I would have my lunch at 11 even though I wasn't actually hungry. It was just soup and it was really nice.

Heather had me scan some stuff for the land trust and construction projects. I was eavesdropping on their meeting a little. Not on purpose but the walls are pretty thin. It seems like there is issue moving forward with the rising ring because of the new building in the woodlands village. I don't 100% understand why but it sucks and I hope the are able to solve it.

Finally though I could head over to the lodge. The ground was really really muddy so getting my wagon over there was precarious. But I made it. And when I did get over there the group also asked me to bring a mop over to one of the cabins and to help turn on the heat. Can do!

So I helped with those tasks first before I set up a table for my painting materials. And then I would draw out a tortoise for me to paint. I like to teach by example. And in this case (and many cases) my example is just working along side them.

And this worked out well. They are adults and there were 3 other stations they could chose. Horsemanship, Zipline, and bb guns. I would end up with 4 people over the two hours but honestly it was so nice. Everyone was just doing their own thing. Sometimes coming over for advice. I would go around and encourage and point out things I thought was nice about their techniques. The one guy had brought his own canvases so his was much larger then everyone else. But it was honestly just such a lovely afternoon. I painted my tortoise. I chatted. I laughed with them when the staff was singing and being so silly. It was a good day. Even if it was shockingly gross outside.

Which made getting my wagon back to art horrible. Getting it through the mud and then up the hill was not fun at all. But thankfully I did not fall and the wagon didn't tip over. It just made me a bit exhausted.

So after I put everything away I had to take a half hour to sit at the office. Joe let me know they a neighbor is going to adopt Bobbi cat. I'm so thrilled. They deserve a good home. I hope they are gentle with them.

When I got back to the office after talking to Joe about the cat, Sarah gave me a really nice pumpkin muffin. Which was so kind of her. I would sit at my desk and enjoy that. Talked to Alexi and Heather about my pregnancy symptoms. And after checking in about next week's field trip I would head out.

I decided I wanted Burger King. I just thought that a veggie burger would be nice. And I was mostly right. It was a weirdly long wait at the drive through when they didn't seem to have any other customers. But it was fine.

I ate in the empty parking lot. And while the food was very good I would feel a lot of stomach pain half way through and I was sure I was going to throw up. I would breathe through it and be okay but it was upsetting that that keeps happening. I should be able toe at a single burger without getting so sick!!

But I had a plan. I needed to get home by 4 so I could sleep for a little before my workshop. I needed to do that to make it through. I was very anxious about the workshop. Like I always am. So sleep was important.

And I would sleep. I got home and changed into a sweatshirt and laid down and was out pretty quick. And it was a good little power nap. I woke up at 5 and James was home. I wasn't feeling amazing but I had to shake that off.

I got redressed. And spent a little time cutting out canvas because I realized I didn't have a great plan for how they were going to practice stitching. I would lay on the couch for a few minutes with James talking about our days. But then I had to go.

I would honestly feel a lot better by the time I got there. Still nervous but some teens would let me in the building and I would go set up. We were doing the workshop in the kitchen because the dance class was stomping so loudly again. And it was still loud in the kitchen but not as bad. I got all set up and waited for people to come in. We did t have a desk person tonight so it was a little tough getting people in the building but we managed and all 8 showed up which was awesome.

And these guys were new new new to sewing. So we absolutely started with the basics. Here are all the materials. What types of fabrics. How to use different materials for different applications. And I'm so glad I brought the canvases. I drew on each one so they could follow guides for the 5 stitches we learned. And we would talk about how each one can be used, both for making it for mending. And it was just a really awesome evening.

We had a lot of laughing and chatting. I worked on my own sampler so they could see what they needed to do. The hardest part for them was tying the knot at the end of a row but I think they the end they understood my trick or just tied it like a shoelace. Either way was fine with me. I was being as encouraging as possible and problem solving. We talked about how to see a button. How to find the needle through the back of the fabric. A running stitch, little x's, a back stitch, a whip stitch, and a blanket stitch. And once we got to the blanket stitch I had them cut out little felt pieces to make a pin. Which was very cute and they all did so good. I was super proud of them.

Slowly people started leaving. To go to dinner or trivia. The last two ladies were chatting with me and helping me pack up. And then it was goodbye and see you next time.

I have two more workshops on the calendar. I didn't realize that the class catalog had my workshops on the first page! And my face/part of my face with a project on the 4th page. It was really cool to see. Made me feel really excited.

I carried my basket of materials to the car. And headed home. I was excited to see James at their desk when I walked it. It's the best part of them moving their office to share my studio. They are usually right there and it makes me happy.

We would sit on the floor and talk. Played with sweetp. Mostly just poked and pet him. But eventually we came upstairs. James went to shower and I worked on this.

But it is time for me to wind down now. Tomorrow I am hoping to have a productive morning at home. I want to move out cleaning products to the basement. And do some organizing in the bathroom. And then in the afternoon we are getting out new backdoor and I'm so excited to get a door with a window. Game changer for sure.

I hope that it all goes smoothly. And that I don't feel so sick. Fingers crossed.

Goodnight everyone. Sleep well. Until tomorrow.

[janetbrown711]

A Sadness Runs Through Him

Pigsy confronts his feelings of guilt around his past, and more importantly, around Sandy-- though it takes a panic attack or two before he's really ready.

tw for PTSD, panic attacks, past murder, and brief mentions of suicidal thoughts.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Ao3 Link

Moving.

A task universally hated by all those involved, especially if they happen to be of pig-demon descent and also run a noodle restaurant.

While the apartment came pre-furnished, Pigsy still had to think of a way to bring his own pots, pans, spices and everything else he knew either wouldn't be provided or wouldn't be how he liked it. And that meant planning.

And if Pigsy was bad at one thing, it was planning– the only reason he was good at planning out his restaurant was because his grandmother helped set up and regulate everything for the first two years. Even when she died, she left him a bunch of resources to help the transition.

He was grateful, but his grandmother couldn't help him now.

"Sir? I've been ringing this bell for five minutes!" A huffy woman clutched her purse and tapped her foot as Pigsy realized he had been spacing out again over his "moving plans" paper– which was blank, obviously.

“Sorry– what’s your order?” Pigsy asked, and the women huffed in content.

“She wants the Liangpi! I heard her while she was on the phone!” MK called from where he was mopping two feet away– Pigsy and the woman’s faces both instantly turned red.

“Kid– what did I tell you about yelling in the restaurant?” Pigsy glanced apologetically at the woman before looking at MK.

“...Don’t?” MK scratched his head.

“Yeah kid, don’t,” Pigsy sighed, punching in the order. “71.54 yuan.”

“You know you really shouldn’t have kids here if you can’t keep them or your restaurant in order,” She snipped as she handed him her credit card.

Pigsy didn’t have the energy for this.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he faked the biggest forced smile he could and handed her the receipt and card back with force.

She continued to mutter under her breath as she took a seat at a table, and Pigsy got to cooking again.

He was able to go into autopilot in an instant, so his mind naturally wandered to the subject of moving again.

It was so high up and there would be a good amount of boxes– Pigsy wanted to avoid going down to the lobby to gather his things as much as possible, but at the same time he really didn’t want to hire a moving team either since it wasn’t like it was too much– just– things. Nah– Pigsy could handle the stares, he was grown. It was fine, a-okay. Totally cool– like– uh– ice, ice cool?

Pigsy needed to stop letting the kids watch TV.

Pigsy got to slicing the beef for her dish before all he really had to do was wait, and so he went to rinse the knife in the sink, when suddenly a familiar green flash ran right past him– causing Pigsy to fall back and almost drop the knife.

“KID-!” He barked, but was ignored by the girl climbing onto the counter and leaning beyond the outdoor bar.

“Hi Mister Tang!!!” She called and waved excitedly, and Pigsy could hear his familiar laugh from a bit aways.

“Kid– get down from there– you nearly gave me a heart attack,” Pigsy took a deep breath and shook off the scare before going to rinse off that knife like he had meant to. Mei still didn’t listen, continuing to wave until Tang was at the outdoor bar.

“Hey kiddo, what’s up?” Tang said, stepping through the door, which was the key to finally getting Mei down from there.

"I helped Mr. Piggy make today's noodles," she beamed with pride and Tang gave the chef a surprised look.

“Did he now?” He asked Pigsy more than Mei.

“Kid was practically begging yesterday– ‘sides, she learns fast,” Pigsy informed, done with rinsing and returning the knife to its proper place and checking on how everything else was cooking.

“I did a really good job,” Mei informed the scholar who laughed fondly.

“I can’t wait to try them,” Tang smiled, opening his laptop as he did every day.

“Thanks! I’d help more, but Mr. Piggy here says that it’s ‘too dangerous’,” Mei shook her head and got out of the kitchen to sit next to the scholar.

“I’m not wrong,” Pigsy rolled his eyes a little.

Mei didn’t say anything, but the chef knew she was sticking out her tongue at him.

“Mr. Pigsy knows what he’s talking about, Mei,” Tang sympathized with the girl, who now flopped onto the bar dramatically.

After a bit though, Tang added with a whisper, “though he can be kinda mean about it, huh?”, which sent Mei into a giggling fit.

More looks from customers. Especially that one lady.

"Yeah, Mr. Piggy is kinda mean," The girl laughed a bit more.

Pigsy gripped his ladle tight and continued to stir.

After a deep breath, Pigsy was able to completely tune out his surroundings, moving like the well oiled machine he was. Add a little bit of ginger, slice some mushrooms, check the noodles, pour it in a bowl, add the garnish and voila.

“Order for Wu Lian,” the chef called out, ringing the bell and placing the bowl on the counter before going to start Tang’s dish next.

Everything went silent again, as he carefully chopped onions and added just the right amount of ginger to the pot and began to stir– which was when he realized the bell was ringing incessantly in the background, forcing Pigsy to snap himself out of this.

“Yes..?” He asked.

It was the lady again.

“I found a hair in my noodles,” The lady frowned and crossed her arms.

I…is she serious? Pigsy had nary a hair on his chinny chin chin since– ever really (except that one time he attempted a mustache in the military but he didn’t like to think about that).

“Y…you aren’t serious, are you ma’am?” Tang spoke up for Pigsy.

“Do I look like I’m joking here? This is serious stuff– my husband works in the Health Department and I could call him right now to inform all of your customers that this– this demon is trying to poison us!” She raised her voice to get the other customers' attention.

Pigsy thought of a reply– something huffy and quick– but when he tried to speak, his tongue was heavy and a strange sensation washed over him and he felt disconnected.

Tang must’ve noticed, because he continued to speak for him. “Yeah, sure, call him over– I’d love to see you try and explain how the hair from a bald pig demon got into your noodles.”

“Ha! I’m sure this place is a real pigsty back there– so either remake the noodles, or I’ll call,” She finished her sentence with a big phony smile.

Tang clearly ran out of ideas, and now all eyes were on the chef, who was still standing around, almost watching himself and waiting to see what he’d do as well.

“Get out.”

Looks like he was going authoritative.

Wu Lian gasped. “Well– I never– my husband will be here so fast– I will just–”

“Get. Out.”

The woman scoffed again. “You demons are all the same-! Oh just you wait– I will sue you so hard and then you’ll see– you’ll see,” she continued her proclamations as she walked outside.

“...Pigsy? Are you okay?” Tang asked.

Pigsy shook his head in an attempt to feel connected to himself again.

“I’m fine. Just thinking about moving and stuff,” He waved it off and went to make sure none of Tang’s food burned.

“That lady was very mean,” MK set down the mop against the bar and sat on one of the stools.

“She was,” Mei agreed, crossing her arms.

“She was– but what do you mean moving,” Tang briefly acknowledged the two of them before returning his focus to Pigsy.

“We’re moving into a big ole penthouse uptown,” Mei informed.

“Ooh, you found a place?” Tang asked.

“Yeah– I just gotta plan how to carry everything at once,” Pigsy huffed as he continued slicing green onions.

“I can totally help-! I-if you need it– What day would you be moving?” Tang immediately offered.

“Tomorrow!” MK said excitedly.

“Tomorrow?! Pigsy! Why didn’t you think to ask for help sooner?!” Tang sounded genuinely baffled, which was a little funny to the chef.

“Tang, it’s fine– like I said, I can manage,” Pigsy shook his head, adding the onions to the pot and stirring.

“Just because you can doesn’t mean you need to.”

Pigsy poured Tang’s noodles into a bowl, taking a deep breath before eventually nodding, going over to serve him as he said “Fine– fine, just… Yes, you can help.”

Tang smiled that stupid smile he always had, with its stupid little tilt before he grabbed chopsticks and began eating.

“I can show you how I fit under the sink!” MK pointed out, kicking his legs excitedly.

“Yeah! And I can show you the cool TV! And Mr. Piggy can show you his bedroom!”

Tang choked on his noodles and Pigsy felt his heart stop.

.o0o.

Yeah, the lady was totally bluffing about the phone call, no health inspector ever came, and even if they did Pigsy knew he’d pass.

The rest of the night had gone without a hitch, though Tang did have to leave earlier than usual, which meant it got quiet pretty quickly. The good part to that was that it meant Pigsy was comfortable with the idea of closing early for once in his life, and so they all got to bed at a not-so-shitty hour.

Pigsy still fucking despised his alarm’s painful tone the following morning, of course. Especially because it was set even earlier than average so Pigsy could go get the moving truck from the rental place– though not without waiting for Tang to arrive so he could watch over MK and Mei (which was something he realized he hadn’t quite thought about before).

Once that was settled, and Pigsy checked in with Tang to make sure the kids ate, they got to putting the dozen or so boxes into the truck downstairs and it was go time.

Now… let it be known that Pigsy was a law-abiding citizen most every single day. He understood and had great respect for the rules of the road.

However…

The truck only had two, maybe three seats if you think you can place someone in the middle.

And so Pigsy drove, Tang sat in shotgun, and MK and Mei… Well, MK’s skill of fitting under the pipes was put to use in the space under the glovebox, and Mei was managing fine in that “middle seat”.

Look– neither Pigsy nor Tang owned a car and calling a cab seemed like a dumb idea so— it’s what they had.

“We are so going to get pulled over,” Pigsy muttered to himself as he got onto the main road.

“It was your idea,” Tang said.

“Hey– that’s my face,” MK giggled from the floor of the vehicle.

“Sorry MK,” Tang apologized and readjusted himself.

“I know! I know! I just–” Pigsy sighed. “It’s fine. We’re fine.”

Pigsy could feel the look Tang was giving him burning on his skin, but he kept on driving anyway.

Green Light.

“Pigsy–”

“I’m fine, Tang. You’re right. Sorry,” Pigsy shot. Tang raised his hands in his defense but didn’t say much so silence filled the truck momentarily.

This, however, was shattered instantly when Mei asked, “Mr. Piggy, what’s ‘booba’?”, which startled Pigsy so much it affected his steering.

“W-well, that’s– uh– hmm– that’s–” Pigsy tried to think of a response, but words were unable to form as his heart started to pound.

“It’s pronounced bow-ba, n-not… that way,” Tang touched Pigsy’s arm lightly while speaking to Mei. “And it’s a type of tea drink with tapioca pearls– it was big in the 90s, not so much right now.”

Green Light.

A car behind Pigsy honked at him for his sporadic driving and Pigsy wished he could give him a piece of his mind. The car gave him the opportunity as they switched lanes just to cut in front, to which Pigsy almost responded by flipping them off, but Tang put the hand down and gestured to Mei and MK with his head.

Yellow Light.

Pigsy sighed as he pumped the brakes to a halt, annoyed at both the difficulty of the action due to the truck’s age, and slightly annoyed Tang didn’t let him flip off the other driver. He was made even more annoyed though when the previously mentioned car made it past the intersection.And somehow even worse, another car behind him honked at him, and needless to say Pigsy was starting to feel his blood boil.

“Mr. Piggy, why are they honking at you?” MK asked from under the glovebox.

Pigsy rubbed his forehead as the car finally halted. It wasn’t like he was a piss poor driver, he just… hadn’t been on the road since– a while– but it was fine, everything was fine. If only he could actually fucking tell MK that, but whatever.

Tang took a glance at the mute chef and decided to handle that too. “Well, MK, some drivers are… mean.”

Mean.

Mei laughed, “Mr. Piggy’s mean too– maybe that’s why.”

Red light.

Blood instantly began pounding in Pigsy’s ears, his grip on the steering wheel causing his knuckles to turn white. Tang was saying something but Pigsy was just watching the light– the red one– the one on the right. He was going to drive straight ahead and he was in the front of his lane. He wasn’t going to be mean, he was going to be attentive and then everything would be fine and they’d all get there on time and they’d be all moved in and everything would just be so fucking fine.

Still red.

A hand attempted to touch his shoulder, which made Pigsy jump. Tang said something while Mei spoke even quieter behind him. Pigsy didn’t care– he was so fucking focused on driving. It didn’t matter that it felt like he’d walked up fifteen flights of stairs, Pigsy was doing what he was supposed to and he was doing it fine. He was fine, everything was so goddamn fine it was like they were at the apartment already. Sure he wasn’t nice, he was never nice. Who gives a shit if you reach your location anyways? He didn’t need to be loved. He didn’t even need to be liked. He was fine. This was fine. He deserved this anyways.

Green light.

Pigsy immediately began driving again, trying to stop his eyes from darting in every direction as hazards and sounds made themselves very present in his overstimulated ears. Especially the people in the car.The ones he was responsible for. The ones he wasn’t supposed to fail or let anything bad happen to. Was that a siren? Pigsy couldn’t think about that right now. Driving. Obeying the law to hide breaking it.

Green light.

Almost there now, just a few more blocks. Just don’t have a fucking heart attack and kill everyone in this vehicle because if you end up responsible for their deaths, you’ll never forgive yourself. What happened to Hai Xin is your fault. You remember how happy Sandy was. How in love he was. You remember your military friends too. Gone, shell of himself, gone, murdered, murdered, dead, dead, dead, dead, fucking dead.

“Pigsy–”

You didn’t go to court that day. You couldn’t stand looking at him. You still can’t. You broke him. You destroyed his life. You are beyond mean, you are cruel– violent– explosive– hideous– revolting–

“PIGSY– WATCH OUT–!”

The screeching of tires sent Pigsy out of his spiral as he slammed the brakes with full force, and the red light runner barely avoided a full-on collision. Everyone lurched forward, but Tang kept Mei from flying into the dash board. In a breath, Pigsy was able to pull off to the side, where he immediately parked, grabbed the pack of cigarettes and lighter in the cupholder, and got out of the car, ignoring Tang’s confused calls (not that he understood them anyways).

Pigsy walked.

He walked and walked and walked until he found himself a suitable bench by the–

Of course he was by the goddamn pier.

When Pigsy started to feel himself choke on the lump rapidly forming in his throat, he lit a cigarette and took a nice, long drag. His eyes tingled at the sensation as the usual sting filled his senses, but he was used to it. It was relaxing. Pigsy was relaxed right now. Especially with the ocean waves. Especially knowing Sandy probably doesn’t live too far from here– that he and–

Pigsy took another drag before he could think more. Again, calm washed over his body as the hot air flowed through him, giving him an addictive peace of mind.

“Pigsy? Pigsy, where are you?”

Tang was calling for him.

Pigsy didn’t care. He kept on inhaling the toxic fumes.

“Pigsy? P– Pigsy-!” Tang found him and immediately ran to the bench.

“Pigsy, A-are you okay? You were–”

“Fuck off, Tang,” Pigsy looked away from him, silencing Tang instantly.

“I… what?” The scholar stepped back. “Pigsy, what is going on? Why are you acting like this?”

Pigsy’s eyes were tired and sore as he unwillingly glanced at the ships on the docks, wondering if any of them belonged to Sandy or he managed to leave this shithole for good and leave him behind.

Another breath.

Tang sat down on the bench. “I… didn’t think you smoked.”

Exhale.

“Sometimes. What’s it matter to you?” Pigsy now looked at the ground, the brightness of the morning sun against the ocean waves hurting his eyes even more than the cigarette smoke.

“Pigsy,” Tang warned.

“What?” Pigsy grunted, still refusing to look at him.

“Pigsy– just– stop–! Stop acting like you don’t know that the kids and I care about you so just– tell me what’s wrong-! What happened back there? Please– I need answers– we need answers,” Tang grabbed his arm, and Pigsy finally looked at him.

…

Fear.

Tang had overwhelming fear in his eyes.

“I… I don’t know…” Pigsy was as honest as he could be, flicking his cigarette.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Tang asked, his voice low and soft. Pigsy shook his head, taking a drag.

“I don’t know, Tang. I just– I guess it started yesterday– I just– I keep losing control of myself– it’s like I’m just watching myself and feel like my hearts just all– tense and weird and shit and it’s all at the same time– I dunno,” Pigsy knew how stupid he sounded but it was the best he had.

“Oh, a panic attack,” Tang nodded to himself. “Is… that also what happened yesterday?”

“Yes? No? I don’t know, Tang,” Pigsy rubbed his eyes.

“Hey, that’s okay,” His customer got a little closer to the chef and wrapped an arm around the bench, his hand slightly hovering over Pigsy’s back. “Do you know what might’ve triggered it?”

Pigsy shifted uncomfortably, taking a long drag as he tried to and then immediately tried to ignore the possibilities.

“Pigsy, you have to tell me so I can help– because I do know a little bit about these things and– yeah I’m no ‘expert’ or anything but– I want to help,” Tang pleaded with the pig again.

Pigsy leaned back, releasing smoke before he closed his eyes and sighed. “I… god, it sounds so stupid but– I think… If I had to guess, then it was when the kid said I was…mean,” Pigsy mumbled that last word, but Tang understood.

“What? But Mei didn’t–”

“You think I don’t know that?!” Pigsy turned to him sharply, smoke flaring out of his nose (which had the fun side effect of making the chef’s head spin).

“R-right– Sorry,” Tang quickly apologized. “I’m sorry she said that– and I’m sorry I encouraged it.”

“Sorry for snapping,” Pigsy sighed and went back to looking at the ocean. If it didn’t remind him of his crushing guilt, Pigsy would find it calming.

“If… you don’t mind me asking… Why does that upset you so much?” Tang looked at the ocean briefly too.

Pigsy’s cigarette was just about done, so he put it on the ground and smothered it with his foot before grabbing and lighting another, all while Tang watched on, his expression unreadable.

“Because it’s… You’re gonna deny it, but I know that I’m not exactly ‘nice’ and you are and it just– I try to convince myself I can do this but every time I hear something like that it just reminds me of how much of an asshole I am or have been– and then I think about when I was in the military– and then I think about Sandy a-and–” the lump in his throat returned, so Pigsy choked it with smoke.

“Oh– Sandy…” Tang nodded slowly. “You… never told me what the deal with him is.”

“That’s a good thing.”

“Right…” Tang took a deep breath, before clearing his throat a bit.

“Look,” he started. “You’ve already told me a lot today, and it’s not like I can force you to tell me anything anyways– just know that– yeah, it sounds really really stupid and obvious, but you shouldn’t keep all these emotions and past feelings to yourself– it’s not– uh– healthy.”

“Yeah, I know,” Pigsy said flatly, flicking his cigarette once again.

“And whatever you tell me, I promise I won’t le–”

“Don’t.”

Tang blinked. “Pigsy–”

“Don’t. You don’t know–”

“Then tell me, so I can know and I can make that decision for myself.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

“Pigsy, you don’t have to tell me anything, but I can’t keep watching you torture yourself forever,” Tang placed his hand atop Pigsy’s and gave it a squeeze.

Pigsy rubbed Tang’s hand with his thumb, the embrace warmer than the pollution in his lungs and throat. He then looked into Tang’s heavenly brown eyes, and remembered all the promises he had made the day after they had kissed. About not hurting him– especially on purpose.

Get your shit together, Pigsy.

“...Later. Maybe after we get everything settled in the apartment.”

Tang squeezed his hand even more. “Good.”

When they stood, Pigsy was filled with an overwhelming desire to hug or kiss him, but ultimately smothered his cigarette before stoically heading back to the truck.

However, the pair came to a halt when they heard panicked whispers coming from behind a trash can, and when Pigsy went to look, surprise surprise, MK and Mei had been spying on them.

“Hi Mr. Piggy,” MK waved, before smelling the smoke and making a face. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah kid– I’m sorry for scaring the both of you– I lost myself a bit back there,” Pigsy scratched the back of his neck.

MK winced at that, but Mei hugged him, which startled the chef.

“A-are you okay kid?” was the only thing Pigsy could think to say.

“I-I’m really sorry I made you run away– I-i won’t do it again, promise!” Mei said, looking up at him with desperate eyes.

“Hey now,” Pigsy broke her embrace to get on his knees and placed a hand on her shoulder. “It’s not your fault I got… scared. It’s just something that happens to me sometimes– I’ll work on it, I swear. Don’t stress yourself.”

“Okay Mr. Piggy,” Mei nodded slowly before hugging him again, this time around his neck since he was level with her. Not knowing what else to do, Pigsy returned the embrace, almost startled by how comforting it was. Soon enough MK joined in too, and Pigsy felt like he was almost going to cry.

He hadn’t had a hug this good since his grandmother was in good health.

“C-c’mon, let’s get to our new place, hm?” Pigsy forced himself to break the embrace before he broke down again. The kiddos nodded and they were back in the truck in no time, headed to their (mostly) new hoity-toity lives.

.o0o.

It took roughly two hours to get everything all settled, then unlocked, then transferred from the truck to the apartment, and by then everyone was hungry and so Pigsy used it as an opportunity to look for new local restaurants, frustrated by the overwhelming amount of chains. They eventually found a stupid expensive sit down restaurant and ate there, and while some of the waiters were confused by Pigsy, it was generally okay. They then returned the truck, got boba– not booba– at Mei’s insistence, and when they finally got back to the apartment, MK and Mei went to their rooms to set up what things they had and hopefully not fall asleep until dinner.

And then it was just Tang and Pigsy alone, unpacking his things, which took a lot longer than expected since Pigsy was a terrible planner and the boxes were…disorganized to say the least. It took at least three hours before the two of them were able to reorganize all of the boxes so they had a system they could then work with, and by then the sun was starting to set.

“Woah, nice jacket Pigsy,” Tang whistled as he pulled out a thick brown shearling jacket.

Fuck. Of course it was that jacket– that stupid stupid, really nice jacket from back then. Of course it was– and now He was going to have to talk about… that because he was acting all weird. Great.

Don’t make promises you can’t keep.

“Yeah, it’s from my time in the military– hence some of the patches– though I… tried to remove most,” Pigsy admitted, hanging up his one dress shirt in the walk-in closet.

“Ah,” was all Tang said. “Still– this is really nice– and I bet you look cute in it,” Tang said, before slapping a hand over his mouth, which made Pigsy laugh.

“Ohmygod I can’t believe I said that out loud,” Tang’s face was rapidly turning red, which just made Pigsy laugh even more.

“It’s alright, Tang,” Pigsy patted his shoulder and took the jacket, examining the folds and stitches in the leather carefully.

“When’s the last time you wore it?” Tang asked innocently.

“B-bajie– I swear I didn’t mean to– I didn’t mean to– It was an accident– I thought sh-she– A-and now– I-i can’t live with myself– Bajie please–”

“...Are you okay Pigsy? Is it the jacket?” Tang asked, and Pigsy realized he was gripping the jacket so tight his knuckles were white again.

“Bajie y-you have to help me– you know I didn’t mean it– I never would– I loved her– I love her– please–”

Pigsy took a deep breath. “Kind of…” he grabbed a hanger and placed it on the rack next to his other jacket.

“O-oh– oh no– I’m so sorry Pigsy– Forget I mentioned it– we aren’t done yet, so let’s just–”

“No… I need to tell you some time tonight and I get the feeling that if I don’t do it now I’ll just try to make myself forget,” Pigsy clenched his eyes shut for a moment, memories of Sandy flashing in his mind.

“Do… you want to go somewhere else?” Tang asked carefully. Pigsy glanced around and thought.

“I could use some fresh air,” He shrugged, referring to the balcony attached to his room, and so the two of them headed out there, both leaning against the railing and taking in the view for a bit first– which was especially gorgeous because of the previously mentioned sunset.

“So…” Pigsy started, though he was quick to realize how hard it was to find the proper words to describe his predicament.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to Pigsy– remember that,” Tang touched his shoulder in assurance.

“I know, I know, but it’s like you said– it ain’t exactly healthy, and you deserve the choice to know what I’ve done and then leave me– it’s unfair to keep you hostage,” Pigsy sighed, the remaining pack of cigarettes sitting heavy in his pants pocket.

“I’m not a hostage here, but whatever helps,” Tang said half jokingly.

“Right– well– um…” Pigsy took another breath. “So… I– well I– I was a really terrible kid, okay? Like– just the definition of a punk who needed a good whack over the head until he got his shit together,” Pigsy started, and though he could see Tang was trying not to judge or interrupt, he was very clearly struggling from his expression alone.

“S-sorry-! Sorry, I’ll try harder not to– express– emotion…” Tang apologized, clearing his throat and trying to set his face to neutral, and Pigsy decided it was best if he just kept his eyes forward for now.

“Well, anyways, I was a little shit and I– I had a friend– Sandy– who I knew through school and– Jesus, he was a real nice guy. Big and tough and scary, but nice deep in there,” Pigsy blinked away images of him to keep his focus. “We were quick to become a duo of punks, though I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was clearly the one who was “influencing him”. His folks were absolutely terrible and all, but he was always more hesitant to start shit than I was.”

Pigsy glanced at Tang, who he confirmed was listening intently. Pigsy took another breath before continuing.

“When we were teens, we got into some steep shit– and being demons and all meant we were set up to be in prison for a long, long, long time… unless…” Pigsy dug his nails into his skin.

“...Unless you joined the military, right?” Tang guessed. Pigsy nodded.

“Since we were little shits of course we took the first opportunity to get out of trouble and wipe our slates clean– but– jesus– W-we made a lot of friends– demon friends, which I guess was our first mistake since it’s basically fact that most demons don’t… make it back from the military too often,” The pig demon’s breath was starting to get shaky so Tang placed a grounding hand on his back and rubbed it soothingly, which did help quite a bit.

“I-i was a real big coward, s-so it’s easy to say more than a few of their deaths are more than likely on my shoulders, you know? I-i mean I know– I know I didn’t get them enlisted, but I just– I didn’t jump on that grenade, I didn’t act fast enough to save Dino or Ace o-or anyone– but all that I-i think I could’ve lived with if…”

The cigarettes were taunting him in his pocket now, as well as the sake in the cabinet. He hated this. He hated every single part of this. He desperately wanted to run or to leap right off this balcony and– No, no. He owed this to Tang.

“When we got back– I-i just wanted to forget it– all of it. Meanwhile Sandy was keen on remembering them all– he even had a little shrine for them in his place– we fought like hell that day– but other than that w-we were okay– well, I thought he was doing okay– he even managed to find himself a-a nice girlfriend–”

Hai Xin.

“Oh, well that’s nice…” Tang said. Pigsy knew it was to try and comfort him, but his words just made Pigsy want to slam down fifty bottles of sake.

“S-she was a saint, l-like how he kinda used to be– she brought out the best of him like that,” Pigsy nodded along, his voice cracking ever so slightly.

“S-she and him– they were gonna get married– it would be in the summer on a boat with the sunset behind them a-and then they were gonna have kids– a bunch of ‘em– Sandy told me and everything– he even asked me to be his best man even before he proposed– it sounded so nice, Tang– he was so happy,” Tears were streaming down the chef’s cheeks now, but when Tang opened his arms for a hug, Pigsy shook his head and continued.

“B-but one n-night I get a-a call… from him, from Sandy– a-and he’s just– he couldn’t stop crying a-a-and apologizing a-and swearing he didn’t m-mean it a-and– he kept swearin’ it was an accident– it took fifty goddamn minutes before he was able to get himself together— a-and– a-and when he did I-i could see why…”

“No…” Tang gasped softly.

“H-he killed her, Tang. The court declared it as PTSD induced violence– a nightmare woke him up and in his confusion h-he attacked her a-and– he was sentenced to prison for five years and court mandated therapy a-and– god– It’s all my fault, Tang– it’s all my fault-!” Pigsy buried his head in his hands and embraced his tears now. “I broke my best friend a-and the love of his life is dead because of me.”

“Oh Pigsy–”

“N-no, because you know what? Th-that’s not even the worst goddamn part-!” Pigsy’s breath hitched before he laughed like a madman. “T-the worst part is that I could even testify for the best, kindest, most loyal friend I’ve ever had in my whole entire fucking life! I-i mean– Jesus, what kind of a friend am I?! F-first I made him a delinquent, almost got him placed into prison, basically force him to join the war which emotionally scars him forever, a-and then when his PTSD takes away what little joy he had, I-i couldn’t even be there for him– and then he went to prison anyways-! This is why you should hate me, Tang– why everyone should hate me– god, I can’t do this–”

Pigsy went to leave, but Tang grabbed his arm and forced him into a tight embrace. Pigsy tried to fight it, but Tang was surprisingly steadfast and kept him in his embrace until he gave up and buried his head into Tang’s chest.

“I’m so sorry Pigsy…” Tang whispered as he stroked his back.

Pigsy wanted to fight that. He was tempted to say, “you have no fucking right to say that” and “you didn’t know them– you should be sorry for them, not me” or even “serves me right” but Pigsy was exhausted, and so let Tang have this one as years of repressed sobs and shakes released themselves onto Tang’s scarf.

“Pigsy, listen… it’s not your f–”

Pigsy snapped right back.

“Tang, don’t.” The pig broke the embrace and tried to wipe his own tears away, but it would’ve been easier to dam up Huangguoshu Waterfall.

“Pigsy–”

“No. I don’t need to hear it– I don’t care– I-i need you to accept it. Denial’ll just hurt both of us– It’s just something I have to fucking live with– you too, i-if you want me.”

If you want me.

Pigsy knew he wouldn’t now.

Tang was silent, his emotions clearly all over the place and Pigsy stood there, feeling like a fucking baby with how many tears were just falling uncontrollably at this rate. Again he thought of the cigarettes in his pocket and the sake in the kitchen, but he decided to wait until after Tang told him he was leaving them– he needed to face the consequences for his cowardice completely sober.

“Okay. I’ll drop it. I’m sorry,” Tang said.

Pigsy blinked. “N-no.”

“No? I just apologized– what’s there to ‘no’?” Tang was genuinely confused.

“I said ‘no’ Tang– y-you’re supposed to be angry-! You’re supposed to hate me– kick me– scream at me– leave me– You aren’t supposed to just– accept this!” Pigsy shouted, nostrils flaring.

“Well I’m not and you can’t make me!” Tang shouted back. “I-i really care about you Pigsy– a-and I meant what I said earlier– I won’t leave because of what you did in the past– all I care about is the here and the now.”

“What kind of a moron are you?!”

“A moron who’s practically been in love with you for a year-!” Tang gestured furiously at himself, though lowered his hands when he realized what he said.

“L-look– what I mean, Pigsy, i-is that… I-i’ve cared about you for a long time, a-and–”

“I didn’t know your name a week ago,” Pigsy cut him off, his hands clenched into fists at his side.

“I don’t care, Pigsy! That’s the thing– I don’t care– I didn’t care when you weirdly had two kids in the back of your restaurant, I didn’t care when you adopted them that day out of the fucking blue, I didn’t care when you went silent as a ghost after I kissed you, I didn’t care when you had a panic attack at the wheel which could’ve almost killed us, I didn’t care when you told me to fuck off, and I sure as hell don’t care now.”

“Why not?!” Pigsy shook his head violently, and Tang grabbed his hands.

“Because I’m a fucking idiot, Pigsy, a-and I meant what I said, I-i– I love you,” The scholar squeezed the chef’s caloused hands tightly, forcing Pigsy to look into his eyes, forced to confront that the man in front of him was telling the truth.

He was telling the truth.

Oh god– what was he supposed to do with that– oh god oh god oh god–

Before Pigsy could overthink and ruin this, he hugged Tang as tight as he could. He didn’t know what his goal was, but he just stood there, holding his favorite customer, never, ever wanting to let go of him. Tang returned the embrace right back, and Pigsy buried his head in his shoulder and the tears came back in an instant.

It took a moment before Pigsy realized Tang was crying too, which made Pigsy hug him tighter and stroke his back in a similar fashion that Tang did earlier.

After a long, long time of standing like that, Pigsy croaked, “I’m so sorry, Tang.”

“Why?”

“I-i… doubt humans are this complicated,” Pigsy half-joked, which made Tang laugh a little.

“I’m not a clean slate entirely either,” He admitted. “But even if that wasn’t true, I wouldn’t mind. You mean a lot to me, Pigsy.”

Pigsy’s shoulders tensed at how much he was sounding like Sandy, but Pigsy wouldn’t ruin this– not right now.

“You mean a lot to me too, Tang. A-and I swear I’ll be everything a-and anything you need in the future– really– I-i–”

The chef would’ve rambled more, but Tang lifted his chin and kissed him.

“All I ask is for your company, and if something’s bothering you, tell me. I’ll help however I can, even if it’s just listening,” Tang smiled softly and Pigsy hugged him again.

“I-i can try that,” The chef whispered and Tang nodded in approval, kissing his forehead which still somehow managed to send butterflies fluttering down the pig demon’s stomach.

“I’ll hold you to it then,” Tang embraced the chef once more.

Once again, the two remained in their caress for a long, long time as cool night air settled over the two of them and their heartbeats became one.

After five minutes, a knock on the sliding door broke their embrace. Pigsy and Tang quickly wiped their eyes before they opened the door and allowed MK to step out.

“Mr. Piggy, I can’t find my uniform,” MK got straight to the point and informed his legal guardian.

Pigsy chuckled tiredly. “We’ll find it later, kid,” he said, ruffling his hair.

“Oh– well– I thought we might wanna find it now since we start school tomorrow.”

Pigsy froze.

“...Kid?”

“Yyyyyyyes Mr. Piggy..?” MK bounced on his heels.

“What day is it?”

“Sunday,” MK happily enformed.

Well… Shit.

The kid was right– tomorrow was their first day of school and Pigsy hadn’t thought about preparing them for it at all today.

Well this is gonna be just swell, ain’t it?

[afriendlyneighborhoodhufflepuff]

Home

Ship: Stancy

Word Count: 1.9k

Warnings: None

Authors note: This is my first Stancy fic! Enjoy

Read on AO3

Disclaimer: DO NOT STEAL, COPY, EDIT, OR REPOST THIS WORK AS YOUR OWN IN ANY WAY. If I find out someone has done this, I will be removing this from all sites and will not be sharing any other fics for this fandom. Please respect this wish at this time. Thanks :)

Steve glanced at Nancy in the passenger seat, as she rummaged in the snack bag, trying to look for the box of Cheez-Its that they had bought before making the drive back to Hawkins. He smiles to himself as she makes a small noise of triumph. 

     “Eyes on the road. Not me.” She says, catching him, a smile lighting up her face. They were headed home for the kids' graduation. It felt like just yesterday they were fighting demogorgons, and Vecna, and whatever other scary things had come into cozy little Hawkins Indiana.  It felt like just yesterday Steve had brought up the six little nuggets that he wanted. How much life had changed since all of that had happened.

Steve rested his hand palm up on the console of his car, as Nancy rested her hand on his, fingers intertwined. “I can’t believe it. The little twerps are graduating. I wonder if Henderson is still trying to rock a mullet.” Steve says absentmindedly, as they drive past the gaudy “Welcome to Hawkins” sign that signaled they were finally back. 

“Last I heard from Mike, he definitely is, and Eddie wants to chop it off. Eddie Munson of all people! He says it doesn’t look good on him, and he either needs to have his hair short, or grow it out completely. Not a mix.” Nancy replies, popping a cracker in her mouth, staring out the window, watching the scenery go by in a blur. Steve snorts in reply, letting go of her hand, reaching for the box of Cheez-Its in her lap, grabbing a small handful, tossing them in his mouth.

He pulls into the driveway of her childhood home, watching her closely. “Nance? You alright?” “Yeah, it just feels weird being back. It doesn’t feel like home much anymore.” She says, voice thick with emotion. He grabs her hand again, rubbing a thumb across the top of her hand. “Home doesn’t have to be a place, it can be whatever you want it to be.” He says, leaning over and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. He kept having to remind himself that lately, knowing that he was going to be asking a very important question soon. He didn’t have the best home growing up, but now Nancy was his home, and that’s all he could ask for anymore.

The pair got out of the car, and made their way up the drive and to the front door, Steve ringing the doorbell, and standing next to Nancy, watching her face light up as Holly answered the door. She loved her little sister, even if she didn’t show it all the time, but after everything that had happened, she tried to be close to her siblings. 

He followed behind as she walked into her childhood home, embracing both of her parents, and he was given a bone crushing hug by her mother, and a firm handshake by her father. “Do you need help getting the bags Steve?” her mother asks, sending a look to her husband and son. “No thank you, Mrs. Wheeler. As long as I know where to put them.” He replies, shaking his head. “They can go into Nancy's old room.” Mike says from behind his father, giving Steve a sly grin. He nods his head, and goes back out to the car to get the bags and bring them inside.

He takes them up to Nancy’s old bedroom, which was still decorated the way she had it before she had moved out. “Steve. If you’re not comfortable sleeping in here, I can get the guest room ready.” Nancy says entering the room, watching Steve whip around toward her voice. “Nance, this is fine. I’ve always wanted to sleep with you in your room anyways.” He replies, a grin adorning his face, as he wraps his arms around Nancy. “You’re an idiot Steve Harrington.” “And you’re beautiful Nancy Wheeler.” She playfully pushes him and he lands on the edge of the bed, his grin growing.

“Don’t even think about it, Harrington. My mom would kill us both before we even had the chance.” Nancy says, as she sits at the small vanity next to her bed. “Ugh, fine. I’ll be on my best behavior I guess.” he huffs out, sitting up. “Thank you. I know coming back isn’t the best, but the kids are expecting us, so we’re doing this for them.” “I know babe. I’m more excited for them than anything else. Plus I have some things planned.” “Like what?” “You’ll see.” he says, heading towards her door, and down the hall. It was getting late and they were in dire need of sleep, so they both decided to get ready for bed.

The next morning, Steve woke up before Nancy, and couldn’t help but stare. Her hair fanned out on the pillow, mouth slightly agape. He placed a kiss on her cheek as he got up and ready for the day. He found himself looking at the newspaper with a cup of coffee in hand, and he found what he was looking for. An ad for a house for sale, that he had heard about from his parents of all people. 

He had told Nancy he had some things to do in town, and that he would be gone before she got up, so she wasn’t surprised when she walked down to the kitchen to find Steve loading his mug into the dishwasher, and grabbing his keys from the counter. “I’ll be back before the party I promise.” “I know. Be safe!” she yells, as he heads out the door, yelling in response.

Nancy watched as Steve pulled out of the driveway, waving to him, as he waved back. She couldn’t imagine that he was going to see his parents, but didn’t question him when he said he had things to do. She had things to get done as well, as the graduation party for the kids was being held at the Byer-Hopper residence, plus she had a house to go see that she had heard about from Joyce. 

She had wanted to own a home with Steve for as long as she could remember, and now that they were both done with school and she had an offer for a job at the Hawkins Post, and he had a job as a counselor at the middle school that started in the summer, it was the perfect time to come back and settle down, but not be their parents. 

Steve drove to the home that was close to the school, the newspaper, and everything in between. It was the perfect place for him and Nancy and their future family. The neighbors weren’t bad either, he noticed that they waved at him when he pulled into the driveway, and saw that Eddie and Chrissy lived across the street, as Chrissy was planting flowers, and Eddie was trying to fix a sprinkler head. 

Steve listened to the realtor explain the details of the home and the neighborhood, and he didn’t have the heart to tell her he grew up in the area, and knew about the house. He walked out of the home with a smile on his face, a pep in his step. This was it. This was home. All he had to do was talk to Nancy and make an offer. 

He made his way to the Byers-Hopper residence to help set up for the graduation party that was being held that night, as everyone was going to be busy the next day at the graduation itself. “Harrington!” He hears someone yell, and he turns to the noise, and laughs as he sees Dustin coming up the drive, a box in his arms, with a toothy grin, and a horrible hairdo. 

“Henderson! Good to see ya.” He says grabbing the box and walking into the home. They’re greeted by El and Joyce who are hanging banners in the living room. Steve braces himself for the tackle that he receives as he’s greeted by the young girl, giving her a hug. “Hey, kiddo. Hi Mrs. Byers. Is Nancy here yet?” “No, not yet sweetie. Mike said she had some things to do before she came over. But if you would get the tables from the shed and get them set up, that would be great. I’m pretty sure Jim already has the chairs out” She replies, stepping down from the ladder, admiring her handy-work. 

Steve and Dustin head out to the backyard where they see Lucas, Mike, Will, and the Chief grabbing tables from the small shed. They help get them set up in no time, and soon the party starts. 

Nancy is rushing to get to the party, hoping to get there before it starts, but she wasn’t too worried. The house she had seen was close by, and she knew she had time. She waved to Eddie and Chrissy as they left their home across the street, and followed her to the Byer-Hopper home, stopping to pick up Robin on the way.

Nancy makes her way to the yard, sitting next to Steve. “Hey babe. How was the adventure?” “It was good. Went to the Post to get more info on the position, and then did some things around town.” She says as she brings her fork to her mouth. “That’s good. Are you ready for tomorrow?” “About as ready as one can be with a sibling or five graduating.” she laughs. It took everything for Steve to not pop the question right there. He smiled and resumed the conversation he was having with Eddie about the latest Indiana Jones movie.

The following day, they sat in the sweltering high school gym, clapping as the graduates made their way across the stage, diplomas in hand, sighing in relief that they had finally made it. It wasn’t until after pictures were taken and everyone leaving to their respective homes that they had a moment to themselves. 

“Steve…” “Nance…” “Wait, you go first Steve.” “Nancy. I have somewhere I want to take you. Is that ok?” “Yes. Please. I don’t want to go to  my parents just yet.” “Alright. Well hop in.” Steve says, opening the car door for her. He drives to the house, and Nancy groans. “Nance?” “Shit. Well there goes that plan.” she says, sighing. “Wait. Did you come see this house yesterday?” “Yeah. How did you know about this place?” “My parents, and I came and saw it yesterday morning.” He says running a hand through his hair, laughing.

“We both went and saw the same house without the other knowing about it.” “Yeah. I liked it. Did you?” He asks tentatively. “I loved it, Steve. I can see us being here until we get old and gray.” “I did too. I already made an offer. Is that ok?” “It’s more than ok Steve!” “Good because this place is officially ours. We just gotta sign the papers.” He says, as they exit the car and walk up to the porch.

“How did I get so lucky?” “I’m not sure, but I think I might be the lucky one. But I do have one more thing to ask.” “And what’s that Steve?” Nancy says, not noticing that he got down on one knee beside her. “Nancy Wheeler, will you make me the luckiest guy in the world and marry me?” He asks, voice shaky, lip trembling, eyes filling with tears, waiting in anticipation.

Nancy stops thinking for a moment, and stares before bursting into tears, shaking her head yes, her hands covering her face for a moment, until she feels Steve slip the ring onto her finger. “Now we’re both lucky.” She says, cupping his face in her hands, giving him a sweet kiss, feeling his arms wrap around her waist pulling her close. They had found their home, in an unlikely place, in the most unlikely way, and she wouldn’t have it any other way.

[clickerflight]

October 2023 - Sandstorm: Part 23

Almost didn't get this out today. My organs are so so angry at me for eating candy yesterday. I'm swearing off candy for months.... or until the next time I see a twix

Masterlist

Part 22

Content: Mer whumpee, human whumpee, pain, amputation, torture, salt in the wound, escape attempt

...............................

Matsu tried not to think. All that would cross the stage of his mind was Laurance on the floor, burned by a demon circle purposefully built to hurt him, Kira’s pale look of shock and horror, Anisha in a cage, swathed in bandages and gagging. 

All because of him. Or, more exactly, because of what had been done to him. 

And if those thoughts weren’t there, the next set was. 

Half submerged in water, arms bound uselessly above his head as someone grabs him firmly by the end of the tail. Writhing desperately, trying to get away from what was surely going to come next. The deep biting pain of a cleaver into flesh, ruthlessly and meticulously carving everything off the bone and leaving his spine and a little bit of connective tissue behind. Just to be a spectacle. 

Matsu had been sick in waves, blood loss getting to him as his body tried to produce blood fast enough to keep from passing out or dying, especially with how little he had been fed and everything he and Laurance had gone through. It was a miracle that he had survived. 

Even now, he wasn’t healing as fast as he was supposed to, even while being suspended in his element. Matsu let his head lol against his arm, still dizzy from the pain which increased at intervals as nerve endings grew back in, causing him to flinch and cry. He needed out. He needed this pain to be over. He needed to be home and he needed to eat and sleep and wear soft clothes and go to his favorite coffee shop. 

He wasn’t even sure where he was anymore. It was dark outside his tank with only a soft glow of enchanted lights ringing the bottom of the tank, lighting him up like he was an item on display.

He hated this. He was a person, not a twice forsaken pet fish. He was a person, not just flesh to harvest and eat. He was a Person. 

Matsu stared into the darkness as the pain swept in on waves, increasing with every hour as his healing approached a complicated set of nerves that always took hours to regenerate properly. 

And just as he knew it would, it burned, like tiny lines of lightning shooting through him, like molten metal or fine powdered glass sent through his veins. He wanted to pass out. He wanted the pain to send him somewhere far away where it could do its work in peace, but he couldn’t. Usually during this part of the process he would have passed out. He would have been peacefully and blissfully unaware in the most terrible way, but here he was laid out and fileted at the molecular level and he just. Wasn’t. Passing. Out. 

Matsu screamed again, his vocal chords always healing, always letting him tear them apart again. If the glass wasn’t enchanted, he was sure he would have shattered it. 

It took so much longer for the pain to pass since his healing was so dramatically slowed. Hours that felt like they stretched on to days in this quiet darkness, nothing there to distract him but the images of his family in pain in front of him, sickened by his misery. 

Only pain, and screaming, and pain, and screaming, and pain, and screaming, on and on and on without his throat even giving up to give him any notion as to how much time had passed. 

And he still didn’t pass out. It was impossible, and some tiny fraction of Matsu’s brain slowly pieced together that there was something in the water. Some drug that kept him aware and conscious and screaming forever. Who would do this to him? He didn’t even know any of the guests he had seen. He didn’t even-

Matsu’s tentative train of thought was smashed to pieces as another wave of pain crashed into him, causing him to wail. His voice box wasn’t enough anymore. He needed some other outlet. He felt as though screaming were some second dimension thing that could not express his third dimension pain. 

He needed to scream, but he had no mouth. But he had a mouth, he was screaming. What was the next step? How do you open your soul and cry out for mercy to people who are so needlessly cruel and debased that they wouldn’t even be able to hear it in the first place?

When the nerve finally developed, the pain didn’t stop but it decreased drastically, graciously giving Matsu his sight and hearing back.

He dropped his head against his numb arm, still strung up above his head, and groaned. He wondered how much of the water around him was his own tears. 

He opened his eyes, staring into the darkness, seeing his own reflection in the glass. He had a good portion of his muscles back, and his tendons were doing fine. He was still hours away from being done and he was starving. If they didn’t give him proper food and rest, he was going to die if they took his tail away again. 

Matsu shivered, the phantom pain of a cold metal cleaver sinking into his flesh, soon warming up as his blood coated it, passed through his mind and he narrowed his eyes, trying to see into the darkness, just for the sake of having something to do.

He was rewarded when he saw a sliver of light flash through the darkness, fading away quickly enough, but then a figure appeared in the light of his tank, dressed in heavy robes. Matsu balled his fists in rage when he saw the mage who had turned him over to the cook who had cut him to pieces. 

“What do you want?” Matsu asked, too enraged to care that the mage probably couldn’t hear him through the water properly. 

The mage didn’t seem to understand him and smiled cruelly, pulling out a notebook and scribbling things down into it as he looked at Matsu’s regenerating tail. Matsu hated being so on display like this, but there was nothing he could do. 

The mage raised an eyebrow and looked up at Matsu curiously. He pulled something white and out of his coat and tossed it with magic, sending it up and down into the tank. It started to dissolve as it hit the water, raining little white crystals down around Matsu. Matsu couldn’t really tell what it was until the taste hit his gills, and then pain burned through his regenerating muscles, now forcibly contracting as the salt touched the exposed muscles. 

Matsu screamed as he jerked, all of his raw nerves screaming in pain as the salt got into every crack and crevice in the fibers, forcing them to jerk and shudder in response to the chemical reaction. 

The Mage simply wrote some more notes down in his notebook, and turned to leave. 

…………………………..

The four of them were all in the same place, and none of the other three were in any state to get out of here. Anisha was starving, Matsu had been… Kira didn’t want to think about it….. And the mage knew enough about demon circles to keep a weakened Laurance here easily. 

So, Kira had to be the first to act. She was the only one with the energy and the resources. She just hated it. She only had the one arm and without her toys, she was at a strong disadvantage against enemies, but she’d have to make do. 

Kira completely ignored the duchess’s projects, focusing solely on the ones she had been preparing for this day. She hefted tools into her metal box gently, the metal of the ‘strap’ she’d made for the hastily welded metal purse biting into her bad shoulder, but it wasn’t anything compared to what her husband had been through. 

Kira hissed angrily to herself, grabbing several other items before turning to the door. She was going to make them all very much regret what they’ve done to her team. 

She sealed her mask to her face and, after jimmying the lock awkwardly with a specially made tool, she got both doors open and rolled a small pipe into the hall. It popped open when it hit the other side and smoke poured out as guards called in alarm, but they soon passed out on the floor as Kira rushed to get through the smoke and down the hall. She didn’t actually have a filter in her mask so she only had a few breaths of air to get to the other side and take it off so she didn’t suffocate. 

She turned a corner and loosened the mask, still running as smoothly as she could to keep her precious resources from being jostled too much in her bag.

She slowed down, coming around a corner and passed servants, dropped her mask loudly enough to cause many of them to flinch, though they wisely decided to ignore her when they saw the purpose marked in her step. She only had the one gas bomb. She didn’t need to carry the mask anymore, and with her limited carry capacity, she needed to be smart about what she could afford to keep. 

She made her way to the banquet hall, walking upright and purposefully, which got her past servants who were definitely not paid enough, if they were paid at all, to deal with whatever she and her metal bag had planned. The guards she was more careful with, getting off to the side or in an alcove when she heard their stomping feet. 

As she reached the doors to the banquet hall, she found two men standing guard at the doors, chatting quietly to one another. This was at once a good and bad sign. If they were standing there, it meant that they were guarding something, most likely Anisha. But if they were standing there, that meant Kira had to find some way past them. 

She decided to take a moment to catch her breath and readjust the metal case, listening in on the guard’s conversation. 

“Were you at the banquet last night?” the one on the left said. 

“Yeah, what about it?”

“I can’t… well, I can’t stop thinking about it,” Left said. “I mean, did you see what they did to that mer?”

“Yeah, they’re royalty. They could have our legs on a spit too if we upset them,” Right replied, unconcerned. 

Left frowned. “Come on, Ferro. That was really really messed up. And they made his friends sit there and watch-”

“Their prisoners, Sammy. High value prisoners. Nothing we could or should do about it. Leave it alone. You’ll only get yourself killed trying to get involved with that.”

Sammy fell silent, looking a little sick at the idea. 

Kira finally decided on something, and if it failed, she brought a heavy wrench with her. 

She came around the corner, walking as though she hadn’t been listening in and like she was meant to be there. “Morning,” she said with a nod to the two of them, trying not to show any signs of worry or anxiety as they stiffened up when they saw her. 

She felt so bare without her arm, and her armor, and her toys, and the bags under her eyes. Sammy seemed to be a sympathetic guy so she decided to lean into the emotions she’d been bottling up and let the exhaustion and horror and worry leak out a bit. 

“The duchess wants me to fix the chandelier in here,” she said, letting her tone convey another meaning. ‘The duchess wants me to be back where I saw my husband eviscerated and displayed in front of me and I’m too exhausted and scared to escape.’

Sammy glanced at Ferro but he was already nodded. “Course. I’ll grab the door for you-”

“Shouldn’t there be a guard with you, slavie?” Ferro asked sharply, earning a dirty look from Sammy and Kira. 

“Does it look like I’m going to go anywhere?” Kira asked, gesturing to her missing arm. “Look, I want to get this done and go back and steal a nap in my cell. Is that too much to ask?”

“I hear ya,” Sammy said, rolling his eyes. “Come on, Ferro. It’s not like she can leave the room without anyone seeing her.”

Ferro sighed and let Sammy open the door and let her through. “I’m really sorry,” he whispered to her as she passed through and she simply nodded in reply. 

Part 24

[blukrown]

Wash It All Away - Horangi x Konig [NSFW]

Horangi gets both physically and emotionally vulnerable whilst showering with his partner, Konig

Or Read on AO3

Horangi woke up early one morning. Feeling restless from a yesterday that mostly consisted of relaxing and cuddles. He felt a need to stretch his limbs and breath the open air. 

Left Konig to sleep, not forgetting to give the sleeping giant a kiss before he left. He was quick to find suitable clothes, pull on his running shoes and be out of the door soon after he awoke.

It was early Sunday morning. The air crisp from a cool night but sun warm whenever Horangi stepped into its light. The city surrounding Konig’s apartment was quiet apart from the other early risers like shop owners or other joggers. Horangi also kept off main roads, enjoying the quiet of alleyways or paths in the parks.

Horangi kept his mask on but opted to go without his sunglasses. Enjoying the breeze on his face and hair but keeping his lower face hidden to ensure no one would stare at his facial scars.

After an hour or so, Horangi’s legs were aching and his muscles strained to keep him moving. His whole body pleading to head back home. Which was just the amount he was looking for. Planning his route, he did not have to travel far to return.

Inside, Horangi noted Konig was not in bed. He figured he may have gone to the shops since they were low on food or even on his own jog. Not thinking much of it, Horangi opened the door to the bathroom, not noticing the sound of rushing water from the shower.

‘Shit!’ Horangi swore before hastily closing the door. 

“. . . Horangi?” Konig’s voice called inside. 

“Yeah . . . Sorry I did'nt know you were in there.”

”‘It is fine, I am almost done.”

“No, no, take your time I can wait.”

Horangi had seen Konig naked before and had the great privilege of touching the firm muscles and soft scars several times. But the thought of a shower, vulnerable under the water with masks gone seemed a step too quick. Even with them both being solely committed to the other.

The water trickling over the muscles of his chest to the sturdiness of his gut. Soap-suds caught in the hair on his chest and the light dusting at his navel and below. He felt his face, already warm from exercise, burn. 

‘“. . . You can join me if you want.” Konig’s voice was cautious but certain. 

The thought of seeing Konig as he imagined had Horangi immediately gripping the door handle. But the idea of Konig seeing him had him pausing.

He had not yet allowed Konig to see his back fully. The tiger-like striped scars along his back being permanent punishment of his debts, and a life still not long enough ago. Just the thought of eyes looking at the unpleasant puckered skin had the old wounds tingling.

But he trusted Konig, in peace and in war. The rational side reassured him that he was in more than safe hands. Besides, wouldn’t the sight of Konig be worth the price?

Clearly, Horangi must have paused in answer and Kongi had taken it to heart. “N-Nevermind. Sorry, what a silly suggestion.” His voice then summoned an awkward laugh but soon faded, drowned by the water.

“No, it’s fine,” Horangi answered, feeling determined. “I was just stripping.” 

“Oh,” The exclamation was one of pleasant surprise. Of excitement. It reassured Horangi somewhat.

The mask, as well as pants and underwear, were easily removed but his shirt took a moment. His mind urged his hands to tug the shirt up and over his head while his arms froze in fear. It’ll be ok , Horangi thought. I will be ok.

Once the cloth was over his head, Horangi tossed it with the rest of his clothes to the other side of the room. Ensuring he would not find some excuse to pull it back on out of cowardice.

Going in the bathroom, it was warm and steamy. The room itself was a small ensuite with a toilet, sink and shower, with the glass box of the shower taking up a sizable amount of room. Konig’s head was just peaking over the top, the shower head screwed up to pour water adjacent to his face. Another reminder of the blessing and curse that was his height.

Horangi awkwardly knocked on the glass before entering. Konig was just as lovely as he had seen previously. Hair soaking wet and plastered to his head and face, skin pink raw from washing and water making his pale, scarred skin glisten.

It was a tight fit but Horangi did not mind. Found he had a few inches of room between him, the wall and Konig. 

“C-Could you wash my hair?” Konig asked shyly, offering a bottle of shampoo.

Horangi gladly took the bottle, knowing he would surely just gawk at the view if he did not have something to do. Konig leaned forwards, letting the water rinse into his hair before lowering further to get within the shorter man’s reach.

For the next few moments, Horangi covered the top of Konig’s head with soap. His fingers between the locks at his scalp and massaging the skin. He was not sure he was doing the most stellar of jobs, but it appeared to satisfy Konig’s needs as his eyes soon closed. He even thought he heard Konig hum in satisfaction at one point.

Once done, Konig rinsed off and then swapped places to allow Horangi to have full access to the shower head. Horangi tried his best to hide his back even in these circumstances. Stepping around the cubicle by going against the wall.

Soon in front of the water, Horangi gladly took the offer from Konig to wash his hair. Enjoying the tenderness of it. Konig’s large hands making quick work of cleaning Horangi’s short hair but not without giving his head a good massage in the process.

Just as Horangi busied himself rinsing off, eyes closed to keep the soap out, Konig spoke. “Can I wash you? I’ve already done mine and . . . I liked doing your hair.” 

Horangi did not pause washing his hair, using it as time to think.

He would gladly accept, of course, but knew Konig may stray towards his back or catch a glimpse. 

Part of him wanted to rip the Band-Aid off and get it over with, let him see all and he be the judge. The other part wished to never show his back and still screamed at him that this was all a bad idea.

Horangi finally finished then smiled, small and snagged by the facial scar. “Sure.”

Perhaps even saying yes was worth it. As Konig’s lips widened in a small but eager smile. Looking cute and lovingly goofy with the unrestrained affection pouring out through his eyes. Even after seeing his face many times before - both with or without the back veil - adorned with that smile, it still brought warmth to Horangi's chest and made his heart squeeze. He would never tire of it. Even just seeing the man’s bright eyes crinkle in joy felt more than enough. It all made Horangi just that little bit braver.

Konig was quick to find a cloth and cover it with body wash before beginning. First on the shoulders, then the arms. Lifting both limbs up and washing along the muscles to his wrists then back again. Tender and slow, as if his eyes and hands had not remembered the sight of Horangi’s flesh already. He then did his chest, then his legs. All done with such care. Covering the skin with soap bubbles and not rubbing enough to aggrivate it. When all that was done he paused, cloth in hand. 

“Could you . . . Turn around for me?”

It was a simple request but Konig knew the importance of it. They had had conversations about their comfort level and he knew getting here was a leap of faith Horangi rarely wished to experience.

Again, one half implored him to leave and never look back. To never let Konig see. 

Never let him know. 

Never let him love all of him. 

But he did want that. He wanted the man he only knew as Konig to see everything . And love him all the more. And to see the man once called Kim somewhere beneath it all.

Horangi, slowly, nodded. Konig’s smile grew, making the fearful flutter of his heart calm and the twisting in his gut ease. “I-I will be gentle and if you ever want me to stop, just ask, ja?” 

Horangi nodded and turned. Now facing the glass of the shower cubicle, the shower head raining water down onto one shoulder. He was now fully exposed.

He felt oddly calm in his mind, empty almost. It was his body that was reacting. His fully healed scars, however, felt suddenly raw under Konig’s eyes. Warming and flaring just under the skin like his body was recalling when they were first made.

His hands shook and his knees felt weak. So much so, he lifted both hands to lean against the glass to ensure he still stood. His heart now hammered in his ears, an unnerving drumbeat.

There was a minute of silence, Konig surely staring at his back in horror, wonder, disgust or sadness, Horangi did not know. He almost started to think he was alone, that Konig snuck out or ran away. His mind started to become unnerved and imaginative by each second of silence.

But then he felt it. A cool, large hand on his shoulder, not touching the puckered skin directly. Firm and grounding, cooling the heat of the scars. Seemingly trying to comfort him, he said. “I am sorry this happened to you. You did not-‘“

“Deserve it? I did." Horangi lashed back, voice harsh. "I deserved every cut. I owed more than I could ever earn in a lifetime so instead, I paid with this. Becoming a debt collector's's sick attempt at torturous art.” Horangi’s stomach curled at the thought.

Konig was then silent. Shocked probably, insulted even by his curtness. This was a bad idea. He shouldn’t have done this. He shouldn’t have turned around. Shouldn’t have even joined him in the shower. Why must he torture himself and Konig, pretending things were ok.

He felt his mind spiralling, and he did not stop it. A voice speaking of regretting all of this, everything. Running away to the army, joining KorTac, meeting Konig, loving Konig, joining him in respite. All of it had led him to this moment.

His hands were clenched into fists so hard the knuckles were white and his nails pressed into the palms until they almost cut through the skin. He was stuck, he couldn’t move. His head looking down at his feet and the tile floor of the bathroom.

His nose was flared in fast, unsteady breaths. His chest aching as it huffed in breaths that never seemed quite enough to fill his lungs. He was panicking. Truly, unintentionally panicking. Fear soon consuming him.

Konig’s hand vanished and Horangi hurt to feel the loss. He had really done it now. He blew it. All of it. What a pathetic excuse of a man he was. Not being able to be vulnerable with him. Not like he so bravely did for him. What a-

Konig’s large arms wrapped around Horangi’s waist and his head now rested on his shoulder. His chest soon pressed to Horangi’s back. Burning scars to cool flesh. “Breath,” Konig only said, holding him close but not tightly.

Horangi obeyed. He closed his eyes and focused on his breathing. Just breath.

It took a while - whether that was a few minutes 'sort of while' or a few hours 'sort of while' - Horangi did not know.

All he tried to know was that Konig was there. STILL there. Covering his back and keeping him warm as his body went cool. Neither of them moved. Even after Horangi calmed down. Soon enough though, Horangi lifted a hand to touch his eyes. He had not realised he had cried. Only noticing the coolness of the moistened skin after he came to. Konig then spoke, worry in his tone. 

“I’m sorry I asked. I should not have asked you to do that. I thought-” 

“I thought so too.” Horangi said, reading Konig’s mind. “I guess I’m not . . . Not quite ready.”

“Is this ok?’ Konig asked, squeezing slightly in the embrace. 

Horangi nodded, “This is not bad . . . I think it’s only when you . . . When you see it or touch it.”

Konig’s head moved, once resting his chin on the shoulder, his mouth now pressed to the skin of his nape. Kissing the flesh. "For what it’s worth . . . I am proud that you tried.” 

Horangi couldn’t help but let out a chuckle, "Thanks.”

“I hope you know that . . . That I think you’re beautiful.” His lips whispered the words into the skin before pressing another kiss. “I really do.” 

Horangi felt his heart stutter a beat. “Is that so?” Horangi asked, trying his best to lift the mood with a smile. “How beautiful?” 

“Very.” 

“But how so?”

“Uh . . . I-can-not-keep-my hands-off-you sort of beautiful.” This time, Konig pressed his head into Horangi’s neck, sheltering away from the cheesiness of the line.

Horangi paused, chewing his bottom lip between his teeth, before finally asking.

“Show me.” 

“Okay.”

It started off slow, hands touching at his hips, over the bone and admiring the muscles of his stomach. Then adventuring upwards, squeezing at his chest and rubbing the buds of his nipples between calloused fingers.

Soon enough, Horangi could feel his cock awakening. The pleasurable bubbling warmth in his core. Konig kissed at his neck, letting his teeth brush on skin but not yet leave its mark.

Keeping his chest solidly at his back, he expressed in touch just what made him so beautiful. Fingers drawing over firm muscles and teasing at his chest. Kisses on his ears, jaw and each indent of his spine at the back of his neck. 

The touch was not teasing but was soon growing to be as Horangi’s cock was now standing at near full mast.

When Konig’s hands slid downwards, Horangi bucked his hips to go even lower. Which, Konig did not pause before taking. One hand firm on his hip, the other took Horangi’s length in hand.

Horangi knew he was a good size and knew Konig liked him so. But his giant hand encapsulated his cock easily in a soft but assuring grip. Horangi did not restrain the noises of pleasure, a faint whimper or groan at finally being touched where he most needed it.

“Horangi, look,” Konig’s voice called, “It almost looks like it’s you that’s touching yourself.”

Horangi let out a small huff, “You would like that wouldn’t you?” 

“Oh yes.” Konig said emphatically. “It would be so beautiful. I would never look away.” `

Horangi decided to keep that in mind for later as Konig’s hand then moved. Dragging up and down his length and pulling moans out of Horangi’s mouth.

Perhaps it was because his body felt raw from the shower or the anxiety attack had him feeling far more sensitive, but he soon was creeping to his end. He was taking audible gasps, his hips canting along with Konig’s hand to attain just that little bit more friction

“You look so pretty like this” Konig murmured into Horangi’s skin. Kissing and nibbling higher to his ear to whisper. “Bitte, please, let me see you cum. Your so perfect when you do. Bitte, Horangi.”

Konig knew how much Horangi relished when he pleaded. When, even with his sheer size, he shrunk and pleaded and pawed for him. For his touch, for his kiss, for his cock, for anything. He would always give it, he just liked when Konig showed how much he wanted it.

Horangi swore in Korean, eyes not straying from the view of Konig’s eagerly working hand at his cock. Wrist jerking in a strong reliable rhythm even as Horangi’s hips stuttered.

“Bitte, cum for me. Bitte, Horangi.” Konig implored, teeth catching on skin and pressing down. Sucking and lapping at skin until an obvious bruise would blossom. The thought of it, the one mark her could be proud of. The one mark that he would happily show.

The orgasm seized him and Horangi welcomed it. Not hiding the grateful groan of his end, feeling cum spill and splatter into the fingers and palm of Konig’s hand. “Good, so good for me.” Konig whispered lovingly. Kissing at Horangi’s jaw. “You are so beautiful, so gorgeous.”

Coming down from on high took only a few moments And thankfully he had a tower of a partner he could to lean on and help clean him up. Keeping to his front and giving Horangi time to do his back on his own.

They did not return to bed, although Horangi did feel weary from it all. But Konig made him breakfast and the ice coffee he brought from the cafe down the road helped. With still the rest of the day to go, Horangi could only smile at this little paradise Konig and he shared.

[tinyshe]

Garden Report 23.05.27

I find it interesting that anyone in the immediate area who attempted direct sow this year has stunted plants. I myself have stunted plants (or did) no matter if I did a flat or directly into the earth. They took two and a half weeks to germinate, slowly produced secondary leaves and stopped growing. I don’t have a heated mat and my little lean to is just that -- a small back stoop that is enclosed in a semi-clear fiberglass/plastic material. Not much difference than being exposed to the world except a little wind and rain protection.

My “did have” stunted direct sow seedling, I have no more worries as of in the early dawn of yesterday a little skunk squeeze some how into the garden and dug up peas, radish, summer squash, a few potatoes and a whole lot of just starting to fruit alpine strawberries. I did find one squash plant and tried replanting but I am doubtful.

My transplant / gift plants (toms) are settling in. If the weather warms perhaps I will have some bumbles in the back. The ghost borage has returned this year and I have the hedge nettles that I just can’t keep down -- favourites of the bumbles I so desire and love.

The roses are a riot this year! The leaves are not much to look at, its too damp (excessive fog) to use the organic spray for disease but the blossoms are coming along with full headed scent. Just glorious!!

I have two pots of red currants to sink in soil still and a wonderful bundle of copper glads that really need their feet unbound from small lot pots and into something deeper. I still have stunted little marigolds to pop in the ground but I think they aren’t going to make it just due to whatever ails them.

My little persimmon saplings are becoming pest food. During the winter, I think they didn’t have enough protection from the snow since they were in big tree tubs and not the ground. The survivors are now at the mercy of those things that eat small treelings.

I need  to divide the vermiculture boxes but due to health issue/ chest wound, I can’t do the pull and lift. It is at a critical point because I can’t stuff more goodies in there for them. The two are done. I’m afraid they will migrate soon. There are some potatoes growing in both boxes so I’m hoping that with the growing plants, they will be encouraged to stay. I don’t know why I think that other than when I’m pulling weeds or transplanting/moving stuff around the garden, there is always a small mass of worms in with the plant roots. Maybe I’ve just caught them being farmer worm tending the plants or maybe they do like hanging out with the plants, idk.

The hens are wonderful. I so appreciate them (except for when bossy Bronte that nags at me at top volume, nonstop). I hope to get them out more now that the weather is better and the buzzards/hawks/bird of prey seem to have migrated/ be busy else where and not hanging in the urban settings looking for easier pickings. The girls are now 3(?!) years old and have slowed some in the egg production but I still love them and they produce some fine mulching manures. I have given up the thoughts of getting more chicks or pullets. I don’t think I can manage a bigger flock at this time (I leave for work before dawn so a kid has to take the feed out and uncoop them before they leave for the day). A bigger flock for my small area means more ‘out’ of the aviary time because I think they would get bored and start squabbling more (and be louder) if left in the pen all the time. Yes, I could buy chicken toys and make little things for them to do but I just don’t have the hours and the umphf .

This is it for this report. Next time I will try to update on the berry side of things. Hope everyone is enjoying the finer side of living and getting some gardening in -- if not, take the plunge, get your hands dirty and enjoy!

[thats-sir-dyke-to-you]

Multiples of 5 pls :)

(long post ahead...)

5: what's the worst part about being physically disabled?

For me, the worst part is asking for help. Not once, or twice, or even for the twenty-thousand-th time that day. No, the asking that happens after you stop asking.

Cos a lot of it blends into the background. Like handing someone something you need opened, and the act of them opening it for you becoming routine; no words necessary. Or how my partner will assemble my wheelchair and push me--she did it yesterday, and last week, and months before that, why check if it's different now? Or when I try to do something and realise I can't; how I'll sit there silent and defeated and she will ask if I need help. Help, without me having to say it. When I can just nod and know the assistance will come naturally in the absence of verbalisation.

That's not what I'm talking about. That kind of help has its own way of tormenting you when you want to eat yourself alive with internalised ableism, and guilt, and hatred, and et cetera, et cetera.

No, the worst thing is when you have all of this help that becomes routine, but then you have to ask for more. Because it already fucking sucked asking for what you have, but jesus, now you need more? You already did the battle with your pride, you already grieved what you'd lost, you'd already done the work. You did it. You asked. You accepted that this was your life, and these were your new rules... but now they've gone and changed? And you have to ask your loved ones--people you already ask so much of--for more? Fucking more???

Maybe it's temporary; a flare. Fine. Just a few days or weeks and then you can be normal again. Okay, swallow your pride. Ask.

Maybe it's during recovery; post surgery or procedure. Fine. You knew this would happen. You go from your normal level of independence to a complete invalid and you need to ask someone to help you do basic activities of daily living (eat, dress, toilet, wash). That's humiliating. Having to ask someone to hold your bed pan is humiliating. Having to ask your partner to practically carry you to the toilet and pull your pants down for you is humiliating. But, fuck, pissing yourself is worse so you do it. You ask. And you ask them to help you put on clothes, and wash you because you can't fucking do it yourself. Fine. You swallow your pride and do it.

But maybe it's permanent. What you used to be able to do is now something that's out of your scope of ability. And now you have to ask. Maybe you can try and be lighthearted about it. Make jokes. Try to laugh about it to ease the tension--because you can't melt down about this every day. It's such a small fucking thing anyway, why even get upset? But you used to be able to do it, and now you can't. You didn't think you were going to have to do this again. Go through this process. And now you realise it's going to be more of this for the rest of your life. More swallowing your pride and asking.

And then you go from asking your loved ones and your health providers for help, to asking the government for help; Disability pension, NDIS. You have to fill out long forms, and tick all the right boxes, and then bare your soul to a faceless institution about what you can and can't do. You feel like a liar, because you describe a picture of your worst day on a day that is not your worst--because you wouldn't be able to have this meeting, now would you? (And if you feel like too much of a fraud, don't worry, your worst day will come again and it will hit you in the face just how much you weren't underselling it. That's its own kind of terrible, that realisation). But you do it. You ask. In a lot of ways, it's easier; asking like this. There's no personal pride on the line against an institution. It's one more thing to get done, but then it's finished and you can have help and stop. fucking. asking. (it's a naive thought, but you don't know that yet)

Only then... the letter comes back and it says: "we need more evidence" (you gave them everything you had, and the waitlist to see another specialist stretches into the next year; one more year without help), or it says: "you're not eligible" (you are. you either appeal or you give up the fight because you can't do it anymore. crucially, you still don't get help that you need right now), or maybe it says: "we'll fund your less severe disabilities, not your more severe ones" (they're not convinced you need the treatments you do, or there's not enough proof for them you are disabled, and so you have a plan thats so comically underfunded its impossible for you to get the help you need)

And that's the worst thing about being disabled. Asking for help.

That and not being able to find any goddamn parking.

10: what's something you want someone to know about your physical disability/disabilities?

Not. Every. Fucking. Person. In. A. Wheelchair. Is. Paralysed.

Also: some paraplegics can walk. Not for very long, and it takes painful, gruelling therapy... Sometimes years of it. But some people can do it. So before you or someone you know makes a shitty comment about a stranger in a parking lot... Please know that fact.

In a different vein, my conditions are more complicated than what they say on the tin. There's more to one condition than the brief smattering of symptoms on webMD. A lot more. And how they interplay can be unpredictable.

I'd also want people to know that they can laugh with me about my disability. I have a dark sense of humor (gallows humor), and so I will sometimes make jokes that are a bit fucked up. The important thing is I'm making them. I'm not offending anyone. It's okay to laugh. It's okay to have fun with a disabled person about their disability, so long as you are always laughing with, not at. I make jokes to ease tension; to address the elephant in the wheelchair.

A lot of the time I interact with people who can't see past the chair. That's fine. Most interactions are brief. But if I'm talking to someone, I want them to see me. Not the chair. Familiarity helps with that. The more you see something the less abnormal it becomes. Joking helps with that too. I want people to laugh with me, because then they're interacting. with. me.

Treat disabled people like you would anyone else. We're not that different.

Also: nerve damage REALLY fucks with sensation. Like, yeah I may be in decently severe pain most of the time, but don't be too sorry for me. Not everything hurts all the time. Hypersensitive skin. Not always bad.

15: when and how did you discover the cripple punk movement?

I don't remember. Probably not long after I saw a post tagged "spoonie" and got curious. I really appreciate that it's not filled with toxic positivity. But I do also feel like I don't really fit in a lot of the time. I can be really negative about my disability. I'm not happy living the life I am, and I wish it was different. But it's not. And... Well... I don't have any other options. I wish I wasn't disabled, and I would take a magical cure if there was one. I know plenty of disabled people who would bristle at that.

20: do you have any physically disabled friends? How did you meet?

I met one of my friends one day just out in public. I saw someone else in a wheelchair and I talked to them. We then spent the whole day together. She later gave me her old wheelchair. A completely chance encounter that changed my life. Literally. I would not have done half as much in my old chair.

I also have another friend online. We have almost exactly the same shit going on. Like a mirror. Completely by accident. I just joined a zoom group and it blossomed from there. Changed my life too. Good friendship can really turn your world on a pin. Not feeling alone really matters.

I also have friends with disabilities that aren't physical. Or who may have undiagnosed illnesses. Or who have conditions that aren't disabling in the same way, who I may have neglected to mention. But the ones I have are people who are disabled in a way that's similar to me. So they were the first I thought of.

[princesscatstronaut]

cool just all of my greatest fears at once awesome love that for me

so my heat hasn't been working for a few days. another relevant fact is that my apartment is a huge depression hole of messiness and trash. so before I called the maintenance folks, I wanted to have things more cleaned than they currently are. another relevant fact is that my lungs are so deconditioned bc of the multiple (and sometimes bi-yearly) bouts of pneumonia that I got during grad school due to stress. cleaning and/or taking out the trash is really hard and now I'm somewhat disabled and need help with these tasks. I hadn't started getting someone to come cleaner for me, bc I had just started at my job and wanted to save a little before that. but now that my heater needs fixed, there's no time.

to be logical, I have no data that says anyone at the management company for my building cares at all about how messy my apartment is. I've lived here 7 years and have always paid rent on time. but in the rental situation I was in before this apartment, I was renting from a private individual who threatened to evict me bc of not cleaning enough. I managed to clean enough that they had no problem renewing me for another year, so it must not've been that bad. either way it was a huge shame and I have landlord trauma about it. being seen as so messy that I shouldn't even be rented to, this is one of my greatest fears.

so when I placed the maintenance request last night, I assumed it would take a day and that I would have a little time to redd up more. however, the maintenance person came within an hour of posting it so I had to frantically make a path to the furnace. and then when he asked if there was a clear space in the bedroom for a space heater (so that it wouldn't catch fire), I couldn't provide one. and since I've been living with the temp at 61F for a few days, I have plenty of blankets so I'm fine with it. one more ping of shame. the guy then called the hvac guy and they're supposed to come around this afternoon.

the minimum I want to get done before they come around is to clean the little boxes and the bathroom. other than that, I'm not going to push it. I still have to work today, after all. I have to get a summary slide deck to our collaborators by the end of the day and have lab meeting around 3. I will have all of the analysis done in about an hour, then I just need to figure out how to interpret the results. but I think I can get that done by 3, so I'm not super worried about that. the hard part (running this program that I've been fighting with for 2 weeks), I did yesterday. luckily I'm so good at bash scripting that I can run all of this stuff in a script and do work *WHILE* I have a major panic attack about how messy my apartment is.

so yeah. last night was all fight-or-flight. didn't sleep super well. haven't taken my brain meds yet. haven't started working on the bathroom yet. my work-work is in progress and seems to be going well. I think that's pretty well automated at this point.

I woke up early-ish so that I could have time to clean a little, but now that I'm working on work stuff, I don't want to stop and do something else, even if it is automated. hopefully they can fix the furnace today, its supposed to be like 15F outside next week, and I don't know if the ambient temp will be warm enough to keep the pipes from freezing.

but this panic made me realize that I need help to get this cleaning taken care of. and yes it'll cost money, but I do have a decent income now. and with the new money coming in every month, I can make this happen. a few years ago, I had a cleaning company come around and dispose of a lot of cardboard and trash that I couldn't take out bc of my lung issues and occasionally my bad knee. they were really kind and fast. it costed a bit of money but it was well worth it. I'm going to call them to come around again. normally they work with hoarders and so they have to go through every item to see if the person wants to keep it or not. I'm not a hoarder though, so I bag everything up that needs to go out and then they take it out and bing-bang-boom, we're done. I'm like an anti-hoarder, I know what I want to keep and toss, I just don't have a body that lets me do that easily anymore.

as I said, I have no indications that the rental company would evict me for the messiness. but my internal shame about it is so high, and my past landlord trauma, that these facts are not registering very well. if they do ping me, I think I should have some amount of time to make it better. like a week would be enough, I think? and I can ask for accommodations for my disability in the form of the time I need to get cleaners to come help. or, worse comes to worse, I make enough money now that I can just get a different apartment and call movers. I don't have a backup apartment ready, but I think it would be possible. probably very expensive right now, but what can I do about that. but I hope it won't come to that. we'll see. hopefully the hvac guy won't care that much. and if the landlord does get mad, its not like I'm damaging anything that's a permanent fixture, its all *my* stuff that's gross, so like, whatever.

so yeah, its basically all of my fears all at once and I'm trying not to panic, but its not working very well. the cleaning tasks I want to do before the hvac guy gets here should take less than an hour, so it won't be that bad. and then I can focus on work. bc that's what pays the bills.

[pbandjesse]

I had a pretty good day despite still feeling down. I am for sure getting used to the noises of this neighborhood. The ebbs and flows. But that did not stop me from being absolutely startled awake this morning. I had woken up around 6 because my nose was really dry. I opened the window to get some air and went back to sleep.

I was startled awake by someone knocking on someone else's door outside. Scared me so bad because I couldn't tell if it was our door being knocked on. I am not sure what that sounds like yet. But it was not our door. And I would calm down.

I got cleaned up and dressed. I was still coughing and felt kind of terrible. But I thought eating might make me feel better.

I had more luck creating an omelette today. And it was good. I spent some time moving some things around. I hung up a little hook for James to put their wedding rings while they cook. And and I worked in our bedroom putting little hooks on the wall for my necklaces. I used a piece of blue tape and it came out super straight and I'm very proud of myself.

I have not don't any of my knitting this month so I sat for an hour and a half cutting the yarn and tying it all together. I was sitting in bed with sweetp and just working on my loom and listening to a spooky story podcast and watching the world out the window. I saw someone chase their puppy and slip in the rain. There are a lot of dogs in this neighborhood. I was coughing hard enough that someone walking past looked up and we may have made eye co tact but I'm not sure he could actually see me. But I did my knitting and it felt nice seeing it come together. Though this second type of yarn I got absolutely sucks and sheds like crazy. Will not buy again.

Once I was done knitting I decided to start tackling the basement. But I needed to go to Home Depot first.

I grabbed my stuff and drove the 15 minutes down the road. This was a very messy Home Depot. Carts and carts of stuff everywhere. But the staff I spoke to was kind. I had some trouble finding things. I wanted to look at shutters but apparently you can't buy them basically anywhere which is insane. But I was able to be directed to the wire racks and a staff member even gave me a cart. I decided to get two for now but I will probably get two more. They were a little more expensive then I was hoping but it's fine.

It was starting to rain as I headed home. I was able to get the same parking spot which was cool. Right outside the door. I brought the boxes in and felt a little dizzy. This has been the second most annoying thing. How dizzy I keep getting. How winded. But I try and power through. Sipping water helps.

Sweetp desperately wants to be in the basement. And I decided today to let him explore and maybe he'll get it out of his system. What he did get was absolutely covered in spider webs but he seemed so happy. Later he would become covered in red dust. Its funny hearing him walking on the duct work.

I would struggle to build the wire shelves. The first one just was not working but once I sat down and tried again I figured out what I had done wrong and then both of them came together easy. For now one shelf is all the camping and summer gear. And the other is all holiday stuff. It's not perfect but it was a start. I also got eveything down from the landing and used the cubby shelf to organize James bike stuff. And moved all the fans and heaters and suitcases to under the stairs. And then I moved one of the tables to the basement and it really just felt like it was coming together so well. I'm really pleased.

This took a few hours though. Around 230 my back hurt a lot and I needed a break. I warmed up my chipotle from yesterday and made it into a burrito. I was sitting in the kitchen eating and watching TikToks when I saw a video of someone watching the last song from Hamilton and I started sobbing?? Just absolutely broke down. I needed to go lay down.

So that is what I did. I got in bed with sweetp and fell asleep.

James's smartwatch, which was on the windowsill, picked up the music they were listening to when they came upstairs and scared me awake again. I was not feeling amazing but I was really happy to see them. They said whenever I was ready we could head to the apartment.

I needed a minute to shake off my sleepies. Drink a bunch of water. But then I was ready.

We drove over there and got right to work. I was really happy to see my fish Ari was doing great. His eye is all better. I also got to see Omelet. I got everyone some new water and some food. Ari even let me give him a little pet. I'm so glad he's doing better.

We brought three boxes with us so I just started picking up any odds and ends I could find and I think we did an excellent job. James finished taking things off the walls. And went to go do our laundry while I collected trash and swept. We would fill three boxes with stuff. And the. Took all the curtains down. And we used all the totesbags we brought to collect our books. Still more books to collect but we had no more bags.

We were there for a while. Once the clothes were done we loaded up the car. Mostly James did. I completely ran out of steam and needed to sit down. So I wanted in the car until James grabbed the last few things we could fit with the clean clothes. And we headed to get dinner.

When I was at Home Depot earlier I saw there was a diner across the street so we went there. Turns out it was on diner drive ins and dives. Neat. And it is like one of those amazing chrome diners. Those are always my favorite ones. The staff was really nice. And the food was good. We were sort of watching the super bowl on the TV. James spoke Spanish with the staff. It was a nice stop.

I was exhausted though and very happy to go home. James told me to go keep Sweetp in our room and they would bring everything inside. And once they did I moved the rugs we brought over to the rooms they will probably stay in. They are shockingly dirty though. They feel bad under my feet. I will have to see about getting a carpet cleaner soon. Because gross.

But it's so nice seeing the house slowly coming together. Like seeing the apartment so empty hurts my heart a little. It feels so bittersweet. But the house is already filled with so much love and it's just so great.

I would take a quick shower. And do my drawing of the day. And now I am in bed trying to not cough my brains out. I am really tired.

Tomorrow James is going to go for a long bike and I hope to do some more putting away. We might make some more runs from the apartment. I also just hope it's a good day.

Sleep well everyone. I love you all. Goodnight!