#that magnus doesn't truly believe he's worthy to be loved

[anistarrose]

inverted murder mystery: "who the fuck killed my archnemesis? i need to thank them personally"

[thatpodcastkid]

Magnus Archives Relisten 6, MAG 6 Squirm

Sorry this is late, but hey, Worm Sex Guy! You hate to see it.

Facts: Statement of Timothy Hodge, regarding his sexual encounter with Harriet Lee and her subsequent death. Statement given December 9, 2014.

Statement Notes: Really one of the most destroyed characters in the series. Man works from home, pretty isolated, gets a few days off. Decides to go to a club and hook up with a cute girl. Immediately contracts demon STD and has to burn his house down. Absolutely crushing loss for the weirdo community.

Substances are brought up again in this episode. Hodge states that he does drink and use drugs, but wasn't drunk that night. This was particularly note-worthy in this episode because, while Jon usually cites someone's substance use as a reason to dismiss their statement, he believes Hodge encountered one of Prentiss' victims even though he admits to drinking that night. This proves that Jon was just looking for excuses to dismiss statements, not actually doubting the existence of the supernatural.

"Writhe."

That verb, "writhe." That encompasses so much of the fear in this episode, so much of Jane Prentiss. That's what's always scared me about the worms: the way the crawl, and dig, and writhe. Jonny is such an incredible writer because he puts that image in your head well before you can even fathom Prentiss as a long-term threat. He makes you afraid before you know what to be afraid of.

Another motif that comes up in this episode is the sense of false security. When Lee enters Hodge's apartment, she calms down. Even though she doesn't have a real reason to, she thinks she's safer there. I think this is a really realistic element that Jonny Sims uses often. Real people know they're more likely to be killed by a friend than a stranger, that you're not safer just because the light's on, that the blanket doesn't do anything, but we let these things make us feel safe and secure anyway. It makes sense that a horror character would do the same thing.

Lee mentions that when she woke up after being "mugged" by Prentiss, there was no wound where she was "stabbed." Assuming this is where the worm pierced her, this means that they can burrow into people without scarring them. But they still scar Prentiss herself, as well as Tim and Jon. Is it because Prentiss has repeat exposure? Is it part of her identity as an Avatar? Were Jon and Tim scarred as a means to make them more afraid or just to cause them more pain? Was it because the worms were less developed? Could it have been part of the ritual?

Entity Alignment: Hmm. Hmm I wonder what entity this could be connected to. Such a difficult choice. Hmm.

In all seriousness, I love this episode as an introduction to the Rot. It not only sets up the rest of the season but also how Prentiss functions. Once again, you don't understand why you should be afraid yet, but you know you should be.

Shout out to the Desolation for Hodge burning down his house. Very interesting that most of the Fears can be destroyed through the Desolation. Although I'm sure their ritual was flawed, I do think they were second most likely to succeed, right after the Eye obviously.

Speaking of the Eye, Sims really effectively foreshadows the crux of things through the paranoia motif. While they're in the club, Hodge says that Harriett kept checking the doors and looking at the exits, and she kept nervously glancing around as they walked home. She knows something is coming for her, she knows she should be afraid. The knowledge of what is going to happen is what makes it all the worse. This is why I think it always had to be the Eye who would end the world; people need some level of awareness to be truly afraid of something. Even the horrifying lack of awareness that comes from the Stranger or the Spiral becomes simple confusion without a moment or two of clarity. The Eye makes everyone in the apocalypse keenly aware of what is attacking them, what will happen to them, and that is why they're all so deeply afraid.

Character Notes: Jon explicitly states that he knows Prentiss is an issue. He acknowledges that she has consistently attacked people and caused harm through supernatural means. Yet he still attempts to deny other statements. The fact that he keeps up this facade for so long really shows how it isn't just denial or pretending, but a defense mechanism. If he doesn't look to hard at things, they can't hurt him. But because he was Eye-aligned from the start, he has to keep looking at things. He can't help himself.

(He also established that Prentiss' worms are canonically an STD, do with this what you will)

Sasha's really collected evidence in these last couple of episodes. So much really could have been solved if they had her skills in later seasons. That's probably why the Stranger targeted her. I miss her.

[justthehiddleswrites]

Honey doesn’t move. “No.”

He blinks, looking at her in confusion. He doesn't understand.

“No, Magnus. Just... no. You didn’t spoil anything. You’re not depraved. I know that is your past talking.”

Her voice is low thick with emotion and he's honestly a bit taken aback that she's refusing what had come so easily for others in his past.

“I will not punish you. There is no price to pay. My love does not come with strings. You didn’t make me do anything. If you want to be my precious boy or my little princess, it doesn’t matter to me.” She stands up and offers her hand to him.

He wants to believe her, desperately so, he looks up at her and he knows that his confusion must show on his face. He can't help it but he flinched as she put her hand out to him.

“When I say ‘I love you’ I mean you. Not what you think I want, but you.”

He swallows thickly as he stares at her hand and then up at her face. He can see the pain and sadness filling her soft green eyes. They're wet with unshed tears. He feels like such a dick for causing this pain.

“I know this is hard for you, but I am not your adoptive father or your mother, or any of your ex-lovers. I am Honey, your Mistress, your good girl. And I’m not leaving.” She starts to sob, her lip trembling and tears brimming in her eyes. “I just found you. And you said you wouldn’t push me away. I can’t punish you, Magnus. Not when you didn’t do anything wrong. Please don’t ask me to do this.”

Seeing Honey falling apart before his very eyes makes his heart ache. He's caused this pain, caused all of this because he's so fucked up in the head. "I'm sorry Mistress." He whimpers, knowing that its probably too little too late as his beautiful Goddess turns her back on him.

Honey collapses onto the bed sobbing, both physically and emotionally spent. “Please, baby, I can’t. I won’t. I won’t hurt you, Magnus. There is nothing shameful about what we did, about who you are.”

He bites his lower lip as he gets to his feet, stepping out of the heels, he quickly strips dropping every scrap of lace to the floor everything that he'd bought without her. He hesitates as he tugs his hair in frustration while he looks at his legs covered in the beautiful stockings that she's bought for him.

He crosses to the bed and crawls up onto it, curling up behind Honey. He feels the tears on his cheek as he slides one arm around her waist while he wraps one of his legs over hers as he surrounds her completely. He presses soft kisses to her shoulders. "I'm sorry Mistress. I'm so, so sorry." He whimpers as he tried to desperately let her know that he was truly repentant. "I'm sorry i asked you to punish me. I'm so sorry. I know that you're not like them. I know that you're different. Mistress please..." his voice catches as tears start to fall once more.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you. I.... I never meant to. Mistress please.... I.. I'm so so, sorry. I love you Mistress. I love you so much. I'm sorry that I pushed you. I'm sorry. Please stay with me. I... I l.. love you Mistress. Please let me be your Good Boy. P... please m...mistress." he begged brokenly as he clung to her tightly, burying his face in her neck as his tears fell freely.

- Magnus Martinsson

"I'm sorry Mistress." He whimpers, knowing that its probably too little too late as his beautiful Goddess turns her back on him.

Honey collapses onto the bed sobbing, both physically and emotionally spent. “Please, baby, I can’t. I won’t. I won’t hurt you, Magnus. There is nothing shameful about what we did, about who you are.”

As she sobs on the bed, she barely recognizes that Magnus has crawled behind her, wrapping her body into his until he presses kisses into her shoulders.

"I'm sorry Mistress. I'm so, so sorry." He whimpers as he tried to desperately let her know that he was truly repentant. "I'm sorry i asked you to punish me. I'm so sorry. I know that you're not like them. I know that you're different. Mistress please..." his voice catches as tears start to fall once more.

“Magnus, You don’t need to apologize to me.  I understand. I don’t need to forgive you, baby.  You need to forgive yourself.”

"I'm sorry if I hurt you. I.... I never meant to. Mistress please.... I.. I'm so so, sorry. I love you Mistress. I love you so much. I'm sorry that I pushed you. I'm sorry. Please stay with me. I... I l.. love you Mistress. Please let me be your Good Boy. P... please m...mistress." he begged brokenly as he clung to her tightly, burying his face in her neck as his tears fell freely.

 She sniffles and takes a deep breath to get herself under control.  “I’m not the one who is hurting, baby.  Honey twists to look at Magnus, her beautiful boy with the golden curls.  She smooths them down.  “I’m crying because I hurt for you.  Because it breaks my heart to see my beautiful, good boy or girl depending on his mood, hate himself so much. And I don’t know what to do to make you understand that I will not leave you, I will not judge you. Because Magnus, my love, my darling, you are worthy of my love. And if I have spend the rest of my life proving that to you I will.”  

She rubs his shoulders and arms.  “We are going to okay, baby.  We are going to get through this.”  She wipes away the tears from his face.  “I love you and I’m staying and we are going to be okay.”  

[bi-leigh-bi]

how fucking pissed off i am rn?? like i fucking get it that its alec's first relationship and all, but doesn't justify him at all? they're telling me that jace- ok whatever - but CLARY was more worthy of knowing than magnus?? he would've kept fucking queit, enough with the bullshit. so i guess everyone deserves to know expect for the people who face an actual threat. im fucking pissed off. and people who say that magnus was "too mad" can fuck off rn, becuse he had EVERY right to be mad and upset

Okay, anon, I feel you. I mean, I don’t agree, I’m not mad, but I can feel how mad you are.

So let’s talk about this, maybe chill you out a little, make you feel a little better. First let’s take a deep breath. 

Let’s talk about Alec’s decision to not tell Magnus. I wanna remind you that his immediate reaction was to refuse Robert when he tried to make him promise he wouldn’t tell Magnus the secret. His immediate reaction is pretty much always honesty when it comes to Magnus. It’s part of why all of this is a hurtful mess. 

But you have to remember a few important things: 

1) Imogen technically gave the Institute to Jace and Jace in turn made Alec Head. Now obviously the Clave decided to let this happen. But it means Alec’s leadership is already a little shaky. And then, on his watch, Valentine escaped. Alec has amazing intentions. He wants to be honest and open with the downworld. He wants to open communication and he wants to force the Clave to do better. He does. But he’s literally one Head of one Institute. And at the moment, he’s already got the Clave sending his father to look over his shoulder. Now, it’s pretty important he keeps this position because he knows and we all know how much keeping peace and bettering relations between the downworlders and the shadowhunters means to him on a personal level. 

2) He’s still a white boy shadowhunter. And for all his good intentions, he’s still unlearning some harmful behaviors and thought processes. And one of those is thinking he knows what’s good for the downworld. Because all shadowhunters are literally brought up to think they know better than the downworlders how to protect and police the downworld. Even those with the best intentions do this. Alec, Izzy, Jace. One of the first behaviors Clary learned as a shadowhunter was exactly this, hence keeping Luke out of the loop about the angel and then fucking tazering him. All because she thought she knew better. And she’s only been a shadowhunter for like… two months… Alec was indoctrinated into this. It’s not easy to shove that away. It’s not right, and I’m not excusing it. I’m saying it’s important to remember because it’s important to his growth. It’s exactly why he thinks he’s doing the right and good thing by not telling Magnus so Magnus doesn’t have to worry. Which brings us to…

3) I genuinely believe that Alec meant it when he said he didn’t want to put the decision on Magnus’ shoulders. This is two fold. One is that deep seated belief that downworlders need to be protected from themselves because shadowhunters know better. But with Magnus the bigger part comes from a place of love and care. He knows Magnus is fragile at the moment. He knows that he’s recovering from a severe trauma. The last thing he wants to do is make Magnus worry more. The last thing he wants is for Magnus to come into any more conflict because of him, or because of shadowhunters, or because of the Clave. He truly is trying to protect Magnus. He’s just doing it the wrong way. To be honest I actually think that before Magnus’ trauma Alec would have been more inclined to tell him. But again, he’s got two mind sets working against him and his natural setting Honesty All The Time. 

4) I still think Alec is a little… I don’t know how to say it but because of what happened with her mother I think Alec has developed a sort of blind spot for Clary. They aren’t really friends, but he’s more inclined to shove her into the mental group of To Be Trusted than he was before. I don’t think he thought oh I’ll tell Clary she’s more trustworthy than Magnus. I think he thought he would tell Jace because Jace is one of their best and maybe they can find Valentine and Jonathan and the damned sword before anyone has to tell anyone anything and he just accepted that Clary would be a part of what Jace did, because Jace and Clary don’t give a shit about following actual orders. So. 

All in all, I see both sides. And I see the points where both sides are right and both are wrong. Alec should have trusted Magnus, he should have trusted that if he’d asked Magnus to stay quiet on this or to even help finding the sword that Magnus would have done that. Would have stayed quiet and helped. Or maybe Magnus could have shown him why the Clave was wrong and it would be best to be honest with the downworld in it’s entirety.. But Alec didn’t give him that change. 

And Magnus, who has seriously been carrying around a lot of trauma and a lot of loss- warlocks were already dying in s1, he lost Ragnor, Dot was taken and tortured and experimented on by Valentine, he nearly lost Alec, his body was taken over, he was shoved into Valentine’s body and then tortured and nearly killed, he hasn’t been able to sleep, he’s reliving his absolute worst memories- and he was bound to reach a breaking point. He has a right to be angry. He even is allowed to lash out. But a lot of what he said to Alec was actually a low blow. He said it because he knew it would hurt Alec. And that’s not okay. Understandable, yes. We all reach this point sometimes. But not okay. The truth is that Alec is different from the Clave and his parents. And Magnus knows this. He’s just rightfully hurt and angry and feeling betrayed.

So my point, anon, after all this rambling is that it’s a very difficult situation. And the writing for 2b leading up to this has- mostly, not totally- been nuanced and well done. It was all leading up to this blow up. And from here I really think we’ll see Magnus and Alec find a way back from it and be stronger because of it. Because while fandom will pick sides and flip out and refuse to see both perspectives, Alec and Magnus have shown themselves to be very good at doing exactly that. They’re going to come out so much stronger for all of this. 

Sometimes you have to drain the wound.