#thankfully i've got time
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stayed up until 1:30 AM playing chronicles & working on the klapollo t4t fic. checked the fic draft this morning and it’s only about half-coherent. nice.
#saturn.txt#when i tell you that i am INCAPABLE of brevity in my writing#this entire fic was supposed to be hehe transfem klavier hehe transmasc apollo#but somehow it became about abandonment issues and apollo's search for a purpose in life#like hello#I MIGHT HONESTLY. TRY AGAIN W/ A DIFFERENT ANGLE.#it's supposed to be a little pride month fun thing but i might just give up and work on the vera fic honestly#thankfully i've got time
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My brain recently decided that I was going to get into pixel art, and for the past few days I've been stuck at home with covid and nothing to do, so if you send me an ask for something simple (animal, bug, plant, whatever). I'll try to make you a 16x16 sprite of it :))
like one of these flowers:
or this rolly polly (but I'm probably not gonna animate more)
#This is the first time I've got covid EVER😭#thankfully it doesn't feel worse than a cold but still#I tried drawing Simon but it's.... bad#I don't know how to draw people which is something I maybe should work on#corascrap#art#ask game#asks open#pixel art
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yayyyy i drew something holy shi-
spoilers for initial d zine
#i've been procrastinating on these so hardly#but like holy shit i forgot how time consuming the 5/2 job is like wtf#thankfully i got 4/4 rn but like#initial d#shingo shoji#shoji shingo#initial d shingo#nakazato takeshi#takeshi nakazato#initial d nakazato
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My father being like "I gotta stay busy" due to the state of things like undiagnosed mental illness must be a bitch at 70+
#I've told both of my parents to go to therapy or get some form of evaluations since I got issues and they stem from somewhere (them)#multiple times#but they're making me nervous because of their anxiety#and we have fairly simple solutions to our problems from the hurricane thankfully#insurance + FEMA#but being stuck with them through this is gonna be a trip#jackal's journal
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I came across one of those posts that's like "tell me in the tags the HCs for your blorbo's phone/car/device/etc" and started talking about the Knights' Lodge AU boys, only to realise it was getting so long I might as well make my own post about it.
Les aka. Blue
Blue's phone is one of those slabs that's only barely made the transition to touch screen. The screen itself is so cracked it would likely fall apart completely if it wasn't all held in place by a very dubious screen protector. Tiny shards occasionally fall off along the edge.
The brightness is turned down to 0, regardless of the actual brightness of his surroundings; he knows this phone so well he could use it blind. He's had it for years, and if anyone asks he'll shrug and say he's just not gotten around to getting a new one yet, but the truth is that it was a gift from his aunt. The background is of the two of them leaning against her motorcycle. He's in his teens and is wearing her patched leather jacket. They're eating ice cream and grinning from ear to ear.
His lock screen, however, is something really generic — like the most plain thing you can imagine. A solid colour maybe, or one of those stock photos of turquoise water washing up on a beach. His password has been the same 8-digit code since he was twelve. It's the day he came out to his aunt: he had a minor breakdown about it, and she took him out for really greasy fast-food; when they got back to hers, she put on this black-and-white version of Frankenstein that was so bad it was funny. Blue's aunt is long gone, but he still keeps a copy of that movie for when he's feeling rough.
Clancey aka. Red
Red gets a new phone every couple of years. It's not that he's careless with it — he really isn't — it just seems to be a magnet for accidents: it fell off the bathroom shelf, directly into the toilet, during an all-nighter in uni; it slipped out of his backpack when walking home from school once, and a bus drove over it; he accidentally dropped it on concrete and the screen shattered.
At this point it's a bit of a running joke in the family.
His current phone has a lovely maroon leather case with numerous little charms dangling from the top of the spine. Most are from various fan artists, though a couple are little pearl-chains his half-sisters made for him in pre-school. These two pearl-chains have moved from one phone to the next, and he's always made sure the case has somewhere to attach them.
Irvine aka. Green
On the outside, Green's may seem like a little bit of an Apple person. He didn't mean to become one, and he's got a proper gaming laptop, an Xbox, and a Switch, but his phone is an iPhone, he mostly uses a Mac, and he's got an iPad laying about somewhere. He's even got an Apple Watch.
In his twenty-some years of existence, he's never had to worry about being short of technological devices: Mr Irvine is very pleased to be able to provide his only child with the latest in technological development. All Green has to do is say the word, and it'll be his. Not that Green needs all of these things. He would much rather spend Christmas Day with his dad, instead of opening yet another thing alone in front of the white Christmas tree with glitter and fairy lights pre-installed.
The thing is, Green doesn't really know his dad — and Mr Irvine doesn't really know his son. Mr Irvine wants to make sure Green is provided for, and Green is grateful for the sentiment. He keeps every single thing his dad has ever given him, because he would feel exceedingly guilty throwing any of them away.
Which is why he's never going to tell his dad that his favourite device is a small grey-and-white mini-MP3 player from 2005, that runs on batteries, has no Bluetooth options, and stores some 150–200 songs.
Dunn aka. Shadow
Much like Blue, Shadow's phone is old and cracked. Unlike Blue, Shadow would love to get a new one, he just can't afford it. The SIM-card is one of those cheap top-up ones with ridiculously expensive data. He keeps it in his coat pocket for emergencies (and to take blurry photos of his and Vio's cat), but otherwise uses Vio's phone if he has to make a call.
Not that Shadow has a lot of calls to make, outside of the occasional GP appointment when necessary, or the optician every couple of years to get his eyes checked and get a fresh batch of contact lenses, but he generally prefers dropping by in person.
Does Shadow feel insecure about the state of his phone? He'll laugh the question off, but feel viscerally that yes, he really is. He keeps trying to save up, but for one reason or another he never gets there. Usually it's because of his mum — she barely recognises him these days, but he still likes to get her nice gifts, and if that comes at the cost of a new phone, what is there to do? He just wants her to be happy.
Cor aka. Vio
Vio accepted a long time ago that 'my phone' really meant 'our phone'. If he really wanted to, he could probably make up a reason as to why he would need his job to provide a work phone, but honestly, he spends more than enough time staring at screens as it is, and when he goes home he's off and doesn't want to be pestered with texts or emails that can wait till the morning.
So he has one phone, and he's perfectly happy to share it with Shadow. It's really quite enjoyable to curl up on the sofa with Shadow after dinner, to play yet another iteration of Scrabble, Word Search, or Sudoku together.
It must also be said that the background — their hands intertwined, silver rings glittering in candle light — still makes his insides flutter warmly, especially when he looks up and catches Shadow admiring the ring Vio had spent so long choosing.
#four swords#knights lodge au#i've not written down headcanons for a while but my brain latched onto this like a drowning man to a raft so here we are#editorial notes: (1) red dropping his phone in the toilet is lifted from my own life. thankfully i only needed to change the screen-#-but it was still super embarrassing t-t#(2) green's mp3 player is based on one i've got that my grandma gave me about the time i learned how to download yt songs - still works-#-like a charm!
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I drew this explanation post for why I was completely inactive for a week, but then felt too anxious and drained to post it, and subsequently disappeared for a second week
Two main blog drawings and one side blog wip later, I remembered I made this and still think it's funny, so even though I stopped being dead (TM) I still wanted to share lol
Brief series of events at work
^^^old, but I'm still taking it easy so posts on both this blog and my alt will continue to be scattered for now
#so for those of you that don't know; i have moderate combined scoliosis#my entire back is always at least a little strained so i have to really watch my physical activity#but i live in Tennessee where we have the lowest federally allowed minimum wage#so in order to pay for college i have to work in a package distribution company because it's the only place that pays well/has a scholarshi#I'm in the small package dept thankfully (bc spine)#but for the last three months one specific manager kept sending me out to a different area with the heaviest packages in the building#when i first disappeared it was because i was having trouble walking and using stairs lmao#I complained to that manager and it seems I'll be in smalls again for the foreseeable future; so I've had time to recover and am better :D#every day i didn't post after that was due to anxiety and a low social battery BUT I'm getting slightly better on that front too#i have been *very* aware of my spine lately though#the last time I got an xray was ten years ago and i wonder if it's changed since then... not that i can afford a new xray lol#also can i just take a space to complain about the US not using the metric system#so many packages have kilograms ONLY and i have NO frame of reference for that since we don't use kilograms anywhere else#''ooh wow 70 is a big number but surely it can't be that baD- HOLY SHIT THAT'S 154 POUNDS'' <- me all the time#at this point I myself will just switch to metric and make life harder for both myself and life around me out of principle
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a lil late night reminder: no matter how you choose to run your blog, or how you may write your muse, you have a place here. as long as you're having fun and finding joy through having a roleplay blog, that's all that matters in the end. <3
#💔 ˚₊ · 𝖔𝖚𝖙 𝖔𝖋 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖆𝖈𝖙𝖊𝖗 ✗ long lost words whisper slowly to me. ❞#this applies to every rpc on tumblr tbh but it's directed at the sonic one;#it sucks seeing people struggle to fit in here for one reason or the other. x__x#if i'm honest i do not enjoy how i've been treated in this rpc in the past...#it's better this time around thankfully (mainly cause i worked on a lot of my anxiety and self-esteem issues lmao)#trying to be the change i want to see now lol... i feel like people stay in their own bubbles a lot here?#i don't rly have the energy for like; extensively plotted 50+ reblog threads. i imagine Most don't because we got jobs and life and shit.#but it's always good to send in inbox memes. gush/infodump about ur muses with each other when the free time aligns.#low stakes plotting + ship/dynamic discussions just to see what sticks vs. what doesn't.#also dash games... i feel like i Barely see ppl tagging their mutuals in dash games anymore. i will bring this trend back 😤#interacting with mutuals both new & old... etc. etc. etc.#do not shy away from the Community part in rpc... otherwise what's the point lmao.#(unless you're specifically rping with friends/a curated group but that's a different topic)#Anywayz... i've mostly been lurking and sending memes this week & now i'm drowsily rambling JFDKKGDJ.#might do stuff this weekend but i've also been wanting to draw so... 2 be determined lol.
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There is not a single homely thing that, looked at from a certain angle, does not become fairy. Think of the Dapple, or the Dawl, when they roll the sunset towards the east. Think of an autumn wood, or a hawthorn in May. A hawthorn in May — there’s a miracle for you! Who would ever have dreamed that that gnarled stumpy old tree had the power to do that? Well, all these things are familiar sights, but what should we think if never having seen them we read a description of them, or saw them for the first time? A golden river! Flaming trees! Trees that suddenly break into flower! For all we know, it may be Dorimare that is Fairyland to the people across the Debatable Hill
-Lud-in-the-Mist, Hope Mirrlees
#lud-in-the-mist#books#i was so upset i couldn't read emily wilde that i racked my brain trying to come up with an acceptable replacement#then i remembered this book has been on my tbr for a long time and gave it a try#excellent excellent choice#i couldn't believe it's as old as they say because the story felt so confident in what it was doing#none of the quaint whimsy or self-parody you tend to see from pre-tolkien fairy stories#gorgeous prose#i've got so many highlights#this is easiest to share independently#thanks to the chestertonian nature#i didn't like everything ('initiation into the mysteries' sets off my freemason alarms though thankfully it didn't go beyond a few mentions#and i'm not sure i understood everything#but i did love it all the same#also looking at goodreads i seem to be the only person who didn't read it because of ne*l ga*man#i can even say i read it in spite of him
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titling a crossword the "world's most ornery crossword" is just asking for me to go ugh 🙄 could be ornerier
#i am in such a bad mood today. thankfully it led to me discovering what a great word ornerier is#say that ten times fast#cruciverbs#my posts#but like i'm sorry am i supposed to be impressed by a crossword that's hard because it's got a hard fill and hard clues?#that's not impressive. that's the easiest kind of crossword to write#and it's not even the hardest crossword i've done like come on. you're setting yourself up to fail with a superlative title like that#the actual conceit of the crossword is interesting: it's got two sets of clues‚ one easy and one hard#that's cool! i like that. but the title is just all wrong#this is like on chopped when the judges dock you for calling something a salad when it's not a salad or whatever#<-guy who's only watched one reality cooking competition show voice#f
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I ran into like, 11 mishaps trying to get to the bus but it's fine now x.x pen convention here I come!!
#personal#got up at 6:30 a.m. in the morning for this D:#thankfully I've been on time for basically all of it
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We're not having a fun time right now
#like thankfully I don't have an infection from where they took my wisdom teeth out#but basically it's not healing properly so I am at quite high risk of infection#and they've put this stuff in my mouth to try and get it to heal normally#AND IT TASTES FUCKING DISGUSTING#I was listerally crying while they were doing it because of how bad it tastes#and everything is just so overwhelming right now#like this is the busiest my life has ever been#and realistically I know it's not that busy but as someone who spent a long time just rotting in bed this is a big jump#and I've got work stuff to be doing and I'm going to London next week and I'm also dealing with really bad tooth pain#and I'm very overwhelmed but there isn't really anything I can do but just keep going and maybe cry about it#which is what I'm going to do now
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I know you think you see me but you don't. It's Thanksgiving and that means I've got my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my wife to murder, and Guilder to blame for it. I'm swamped!
#:: ooc ::#Legit only here for coffee time to throw stuff in drafts and lurk for a moment#Translation: I've got potatoes. Sweet potatoes. A Turkey. Stuffing. Waldorf salad. Thankfully i did cranberry sauce yesterday.#Busy busy bee
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I've tried to run BG2 again (I need to finish my modded playthrough) and my laptop is in such a bad state it prectically lags BG2. BG2, which could be run on a determined microwave, on a laptop that has 8GB of RAM! It is heavily used and it has a lot of apps, but I've uninstalled everything I didn't use and cleaned the registry awhile ago. I suspected the antivirus, but the system manager shows it actually doesn't consume a lot of resources. It's not the disk space, since it's got plenty. It turns out it uses 100% of its disk all the time, and the main culprits seems to be.... *drum roll* system and Windows telemetry service! I now have to spend the evening elbows deep in frankly confusing system settings to find a way to turn the telemetry service off, and it may or may not improve the situation.
Once I finish this playthough, I'm definitely switching the laptop to Unix.
#personal#you know I'm annoyed by the number of completely useless apps win10 runs in the background#I don't need 5 processes of edge I really don't!#I don't need windows game overlay#or a separate service to launch office in one-click#also kudos to the designers for splitying settings into 3 different apps!#I've disabled animations and everything and it didn't improve things at all unfortunately#I don't want to reinstall the system just yet bc mods are easily messed up during reinstalls#but I bet. that this dying laptop will suddenly run like gold on unix#my old work pc did and it was two times weaker than this one in every possible aspect#thankfully I have a better computer now but it still annoys me to have a laptop I just can't use bc it effectively boots for 15 minutes#and lags afterwards#I don't know if it's planned obsolence or something#but I put a lot of energy in the maintenance of this laptop and I'm losing patience#if it is planned obsolence#then... well. I'm not going to buy a newer presumably more resource intensive system#for a laptop that wheezes in effort under an older one#oh no#If they make their product unusable I'll just cease to use it#I've got another pc on windows anyway
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#I get tired of people trying to explain what lens I should view the world through; what way I could think that would make everything better#forgive me but I don't care; I do what I do and I do what I can and you don't see the work I do under the hood#I don't want advice on self validation or whatever; I want... I want someone to hold a mirror up so I can actually see myself#by which I mean I want input on how I'm doing; if it's good enough; if it's worth anything; if anything I make is good#everyone things I'm nice; everyone has always thought I'm nice#but given nice leaves me profoundly isolated I don't think I care#not to mention in my opinion what nice in this instance means is that I'm capable of listening#it's mostly that I have manners rather than some quality about me#I'm well behaved and polite and can listen; and that's perceived as nice or even sweet#and it's not like I'm offended by people seeing me that way; but maybe you can get why... I can't do anything with that information#but if I'm doing enough... if I provide any value to the world... I might have heard that less times in my life than years I've lived#that's where I'm totally blind#people don't tend to offer any input; and also people don't tend to let me know what they're thinking#and I in fact am not a mind reader; I can often accurately infer things; but no of that means a thing till it's confirmed#and... well... hopefully no one reads the stupid shit I say and especially not the tags so this is safe and hidden#but truthfully people just like to hear that stuff they're doing is wanted and matters#and I do not#I don't know... gotta go do more cleaning cause I need to#and I have no idea if... I've got a reason for fighting so hard to clean; but I get very little input so... I expect... well...#and thankfully I don't think they read my tags so I can say this#but I really expect they won't take me up on my offer to come out here and get away from their parents; so there will be no pay off#not that I blame them in the slightest... it's just the only possible pay off for this cleaning would be helping someone I like out#and a scrap of company#but then again... in many ways anyone coming out to live with me is the worst thing they could probably do#sorry... I have a rather bleak outlook on many things surrounding myself purely cause of what I infer from the past#there is never pay off; only more shit I need to get done#I will never be loved; I will never be wanted; I will always just kinda be an afterthought that's occasionally worth venting to#no one will ever be particularly interested in anything I'm interested while I'll chase their interests or at least try to#certainly let them talk about them when they want#...though I take that over my normal total isolation... better to at least be permitted to follow in someone's shadow than have nothing
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I'm thinking about my dreams again bc I might actually try to finally map things out (this post made me do it) and I'm realizing a trend;
there's too much water
#i remember most of my dreams since childhood either from writing them down somewhere or something but man--#like it took me.... this long to realize my dreams reuse specific locations for a decade now- ofc there's gonna be new places but#it always usually used to go back there before my head just. created a new place??#i don't usually end up in the first location anymore (thankfully) but the others... wrowie#there's a lot of water though and it's usually just. floods or pools? idk?? mainly floods but#honestly there's so muchhh i could ramble about#but so far i think there are 3 areas at *least* that i think i can map out when i got time just for funsies#i'm not really gonna think about them either but i know for a fact i'll end up in one of them when i try to snoozie later#dreams are so interesting tbh i've been so fascinated with them for yeeears now and-- (i yapped too much if you read the whole thing ily)#i might post the map when i can bc :0c#dove.txt#dream stuff
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sorry people are annoying about your chronic illness lou i think you rock and it sucks that you have migraine 😔 you deserve to have so much fun at tit no matter what tho. love you x1000
thank you <3 i am really excited for tit!! i was talking with some friends the other day and i'm trying to convince a friend to visit for the show so we could go together and even if they can't make it it's going to be so fun. i'm for sure going to be meeting up with a friend who i met up with at WAD and there should be a few other tumblr people there who i'm excited to meet :) i'm planning to take a nurtec beforehand to hopefully help prevent a migraine from the lights/general excitement of the experience and i will have my nsaids and triptans with me in case that's not enough!
my real hope though is that whatever we do at my next neurology appointment will actually help this time (which it should... i think i've finally jumped through enough hoops for botox or a cgrp antagonist but i've thought that before and insurance has told me i am wrong) and i will maybe not need to worry so much about all the migraine stuff. summoning circle or whatever
#asks#castrotophic#i am excited for it!! and Right Now that's the only emotion i'm allowing myself to process bc i'm not on anxiety meds and if i am negative#i will spiral :)#look at me being positive. my therapist would be so proud#i'm not pinging ppl but. chicago mutuals/phriends you know who you are <3#i know you didn't ask about the specific drugs i'm planning to take to try to avoid having a bad migraine but i'm sharing with the class#actually i failed to specifically name rizatriptan and diclofenac that's on me#i'm flexible though lmao i have leftover (pill) sumatriptan still and also aleve#i used to also have a bottle of aspirin thankfully i was able to pawn that off bc quite frankly i had too many nsaids in my medicine cabine#even currently i have a lot more migraine rescue meds than anyone should need to have on hand#and the worst part is i actually take most of them frequently enough that i can't get rid of them#i regularly mix and match between- rizatriptan aleve diclofenac nurtec excedrin tylenol#in case anyone was wondering. i have excedrin aleve and diclofenac on me at all times#if you have a headache at tit chicago. hit me up lmao#honestly if you have a headache anywhere in the chicago metropolitan area. i've got you covered#anyways!!#sorry i'm kind of insane i slept like shit last night and my brain is being real weird today
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