#thank you Kickl for being such an asshole that even the ÖVP doesn't want to work with you

[raina-at]

I don't know if anyone knows what's going on in Austria right now except for the, like, three Austrians here, but a) it's objectively hilarious and b) can maybe serve as a lesson to our German neighbouring conservatives how NOT to go about this.

So. We had parliamentary elections on September 29th, 2024. The FPÖ, the far right party led by a guy named Kickl, won with about 28% of the vote. The conservatives had about 26%, and came in second.

What usually happens then is that the Austrian president then nominates someone to form a gouvernment. By law, he can name ANYONE he chooses. He could name some rando from the streets. He could name ME. Traditionally, however, and because gouvernment should have a majority in parliament to be effective, he names the leader of the party that just won a majority in the election. But since nobody has over 50% of the vote, they need to form a coalition to have a majority in parliament.

The thing is, Kickl is a very divisive figure, even for a far-right party leader. His followers love him. But not only does the president despise Kickl, but the entire 72% of the Austrian population who didn't vote for him hate his guts with a fiery passion. This includes most other politicians and definitely the then chancellor and conservative party leader, Nehammer. They all think he's an unreliable, arrogant asshole.

So the president basically says to Kickl, "Look, prove to me that anyone will even consider forming a coalition gouvernment with you, and I'll nominate you to form a gouvernment."

Kickl fails at this because, have I mentioned this, everyone hates his guts. He spent the last five years insulting and degrading everyone and now nobody wants to work with him, surprise Pikachu face.

So the conservatives, who for parliamentary math reasons know they HAVE to be in the next gouvernment, are like, "Yay, now we're up." So they start talks with the socialists and the liberals. Talks drag on. It's Christmas by this time, and they're all, Yeah, we love each other, it's gonna be FINE.

Shortly after the new year, news breaks that they can't agree and negotiaions are off, mostly because the business lobby part of the conservatives were all, "You know what, the FPÖ's economic programm is more to our liking, we should deal with them."

The chancellor, Nehammer, who's also leader of the ÖVP (the conservatives), nopes out at this point, because he hates Kickl's guts and he actually seems to have a conscience (gasp!). So the ÖVP elects a new leader and starts negotiations with the FPÖ.

At this point, Kickl does a victory lap, talks about how he WON (he got 1,5% more votes than the ÖVP, and the vast majority of Austrians, like I said, HATE him), and how he was first and therefore he has a MANDATE and the ÖVP needs to recognise that they're second place and how they should basically bow down, kiss his feet and thank him for the mercy of exisiting.

That's the point where we make popcorn and see how far the ÖVP is wiling to humiliate itself to stay in power (which, btw, they are GUARANTEED to do because, you know, parliamentary math). In the beginning, everything seems rosy. There's harmony because both hate women, the queers, foreigners and poor people, so there's a lot of common ground here. Meanwhile, we all slightly panic because the things that are leaking out are BAD. Like, BAD. Like, 'ignore the European Court of Human Rights' bad. Like, 'Vote against Russian sanctions' bad.

So some people in the ÖVP are like, You know what, this isn't FUN for us. Last time you guys were much nicer, seems Nehammer was right, you guys ARE dicks. And some of the things you want are, yanno, kinda nuts. So dial it back a bit, ok?

FPÖ is like, nope, our way or the highway. ÖVP are like, ok, so let's be serious here, guys. We need an absolute minimum of guarantees that you won't turn completely nuts.

So Kickl does what every seasoned party leader with the unique and once in a lifetime chance to become Austria's first far right chancellor (barf) would do. He takes his ball and goes home.

So now, guess what's happening?

We're back to talks between the ÖVP, the socialists and the liberals.

And this time it seems the ÖVP is actually taking it seriously because they realised that hey, the crazy Nazis are actually, you know, crazy, and, you know, Nazis.

So we might actually have a gouvernment before Easter.

And now our ÖVP probably future chancellor is in the news being all, "So shocking that the far right won big in Germany, but they're all unreliable jerks who can't govern constructively anyway." Which. Like. Surprised nobody. Except him.

I hope for our German siblings that your politicians will spare you this comedy of errors and won't discover the hard way that the far right are *checks notes* bad. Also Nazis, which are also *checks notes* bad.