#than whatever the fuck this woman author is doing in the book I'm currently reading.

[musicrunsthroughmysoul]

All I'm trying to do is read more adult fiction novels (but my focus is still historical fiction because I am a NERD), but I've discovered recently how fucking BORED I am of the gender essentialism in reading about MCs in cishet relationships - and this is even in novels where the romance is not a focus, like, at all.

[From a cishet female perspective - directly quoted from the novel I'm currently reading]: "I was aware of the strength of his body when he stretched to refill our glasses."

[From a cishet male perspective]: [insert anything super cringey about how small/petite/dainty/delicate a woman is here]

I AM SO! FUCKING BORED! OF THIS SHIT!

And it can't just be that as a reader (and a writer) I'm incompatible with characters who are more physically driven than mentally driven (as in, with action and physical description versus mental/emotional motives). I just can't, or don't want to, believe that, because these stories are generally fine BESIDES the gender essentialism that takes me out of the story every time I come across it because it annoys me so much. I think it's just, as some might say, "lazy writing", if the main concept that the lazy writing revolved around was gender essentialism. LOL Unless it's for satirical (or otherwise political, in that vein) purposes, I don't want to read it again.

[jazzy---j]

CC3... and just my problems with sjm as a whole.

Soooooo, yeah. that was a bit disappointing. I wanna start off that due to the problematic nature of SJM I wanna make it clear I no longer financially support her. When I first began reading her books I was in high school and didn't know much about whose books I was reading. Most of it was just pick up a book, read the summary, if I liked it I bought it. But now as an adult who is on booktok and all the other bullshit (it's a whole mess) I can see all of a book and author's pros and cons and be like, "nah, I'm not doing that." And you know as a black woman, I cannot just be and do what I want and damn whoever it may impact or the consequence. I don't get to live in that world. I feel like I have somewhat of a responsibility to not contribute to the harm that the world already does to marginalized people around the world. That's just me personally, black people are not a monolith and this way of thinking doesn't apply to all of us.

Anyway all that being said, I am a book reader who is invested in whatever story they are reading and want to know what happens. So I read CC3.., but was sailing the high seas while I did it if you know what I mean. And let me just say... yikes. The problematic things that SJM does in real life and all that those issues mean really do shine in this book. I mean I always knew white authors have different experiences than me so I don't expect something that caters to me when I read their books but, idk sjm makes all the problematic things just so apparent. And it's just generally hard to read. There can't be any separation between the art and the artist in this one guys. I'm a political science and history major in real life so I spend my time studying political theory and structures of power in historical contexts. Hopefully, I can work to better understand those structures in our current present and with my intersection of activism (I am very passionate about that in my day-to-day) work to make a better world for marginalized people. So when I read SJM, I see some very troubling themes in her work. Themes that can perpetuate misogyny, racism, and imperialism. And it just makes me queasy reading it. It's not fun for me to read that. The way she used the oppression and discrimination of people as a major plot device, that the heroes have to defeat but in real life be ok with taking a birthright trip is just... a type of cognitive dissonance that I can't even put into words. and don't think I forgot the Breonna Taylor incident that she still has on her Instagram. if you don't know what I'm talking about look it up on TikTok, many black book readers have created multiple videos explaining that whole situation.

Now some people may be like, "What the fuck are you talking about. I don't see any of this." And like that's cool maybe because of what I'm studying I just see it everywhere. But I just have not been able to shake this ickiness in my gut about her work. The most thought-out example of the problematic nature of her work that I have is the description and characterization of the Illyrian people.

Now the way she physically described the illryians is as brown-skinned, with dark hair, and brown or dark eyes. This does put them in a very racially ambiguous position but to describe them as brown-skinned makes me picture brown people who in real life are racially recognized as black and brown people. People apart of brown communities are usually Southeast Asian or Arab people. They are marginalized in real life through various forms of oppression displayed in orientalism perpetuated mostly recently by the United States in the last 30 years (the war on terror, but this behavior goes back so much further). The Illyrian people's cultural characterization coupled with their physical description aligns with the negative aspects of Orientalism. Literally, the illryians are described as "backward", "barbaric", "slow to change", and stuck in timeless, old antiquated traditions that encourage the abuse of women and children. Sjm describes an indigenous people (she makes it clear that the illryians are native to the night court and nowhere else) as "savage" culturally, in their interpersonal relationships, and communally. That is just described as inherent to the people (except for a couple of characters who are "the good ones", or "not like that" and lucky enough to get away). Culturally they are described as being constantly in a state of conflict, preparing for and/or enjoying that conflict. I'm so sorry but that is Orientalism, literally the definition of how Orientalism was used to justify the colonization of the Middle East and parts of Asian during the colonization period and again when the western powers and the United States had a vested interest in interfering politically and economically in the region in the last couple of decades. That same language was used to describe the people of the Middle East and justify their oppression in the West. The exact same words. I did not understand the connection until I took a Middle East: politics and society class about two semesters ago and again that same language was used when we were learning about Orientalism. I went back to read some of acotar again and I saw all of that in relation to the illryians and I was like, "oh, oh no." I really don't know what else to say. To me, the relation is very very clear and makes my stomach just drop when reading it.

And the thing about it is it did not have to be this way, SJM did not have to characterize them like that. There is no real narrative function of this characterization, they are not the bad guys of the story or the main antagonist. In fact, the main characters need them to actually defeat the evil. SJM at the base made an interesting indigenous group of people that could have been a unique culture in her narrative landscape and added to her world-building. Instead, she wrote harmful stereotypes about vaguely racialized, marginalized people that directly mirror a marginalized group of people in the real world. Now was that her intention or just the subconscious influence of Orientalism in our society coming out without her awareness? I mean i cannot confirm from the horse's mouth that this is the case right? She has never actually said this. But her stance on current world events that are happening right (Palestine and Gaza strip) does not give me a lot of hope that she is completely unaware. But either way, this can hurt people in the real world. In the book, because the Illyrians are characterized the way that they are, the main characters are put in a moral position of opposition, that is the the dynamic. And to me, that dynamic is hard to read knowing what I know and what actually happens in real life to people that the Illyrians mirror. it begins to be super easy to just live in that moral opposition that can stripe away people's humanity and value. Azriel's contempt for his people and desire to destroy Illyria and the culture is a good example of what happens to these groups in real life. This is just one example of things in her work that can be problematic.

And listen I'm not writing this to tell you to stop reading her, to tell you what to do with your money, or who to like/support. That is not my job. I just wanted to share some of my thoughts and give whoever is reading this food for thought. And hey I might be reading too much into this, and just going way too deep. It is just hard for me to enjoy her work anymore knowing and seeing what I see. I can't really ignore that icky gut feeling.

And hey do I think sjm is a good writer? Eh... that is a whole other blog post. I could go really deep into her world-building, story choices, and what I think might just be lazy writing. But there are some aspects that I do like and are unique. But guess what? The fandom's fanfic writers are the light in the tunnel in this situation. As they often are in other fandoms. they take the actual cool and fun things that SJM created and build on them in a way that does not negatively depict the representation of real people. In a way that is not narratively disappointing. In a way that is just fun for everyone to enjoy. Free of charge they express their talent because they love to do it for however long they want to. Fanfiction is an amazing system that I hope and pray won't get messed up. Like one of my favorite creators @separatist-apologist posted about last week, "I think no matter what happens, we've all spent so much time reading fic and developing headcanons that whatever SJM does isn't going to live up to the fantasy we've created...". And I for real felt that and I just wanna shout out to all the fic writers who make this space fun despite all the fandom fuckery and SJM fuckery.

@separatist-apologist, @thehaemanthus, @the-lonelybarricade, @moodymelanist, @ablogofsapphicpanic, @vidalinav, @vikingmagic33, @c-e-d-dreamer

There are more that I probably missed. So you know thank you guys for making things fun and giving me something to read that doesn't give me an icky feeling when I read.

So yeah, thank you for coming to my ted talk. this turned out to be hella long but you know once I started I couldn't stop. If you have any questions, my ask box is open. Again these are just my thoughts. you don't have to agree and I'm not trying to change your mind. I just needed to share this somewhere.

[sofipitch]

I finished Iron Widow and have too many opinions to put in one storygraph reviews so I'm dumping it all here:

I feel very conflicted upon finishing this one. It honestly haunted me before I read it bc I like the author as a YouTuber and I'd seen such conflicting views. I just had to know. But now that I've read it I get why there was a mixed bag. So the best I can do is is a pro con list

Cons:

-Extremely didactic with a level of unsubtlety heretofore unknown

-This didactic-ness comes from a protagonist where we never learn how she got those beliefs, when even she acknowledges that the patriarchy can also make women misogynistic. She also doesn't interact meaningfully with many women, she is mostly in conflict with them, no actual female friends

-So this is sold as a retelling of irl Wu Zetian 's but she has very little in common with her other than starting off a concubine and rising to power. One interesting thing about irl Zetian is her father paid to have her educated, which is what helped her become empress, she wasn't just naturally smarter, she had a dad who invested more in her than was expected at the time, and likely loved her. While in this book Zetian 's dad is like a charicature of a misogynist. Irl Zetian was also not an ultra feminist, she stepped on a lot of women to get where she did, one common historian belief being she killed her own infant daughter so she could accuse another woman of killing her to get that lady out of her way. The Zetian in this book has been flattened of a lot of the complexity compared to the real deal. This is the second "girlboss historical figure but in sff" I've read very recently and I can't help but wonder why say you are basing your character off these ppl when there is so little of them there? Idk it feels a bit like the further extension of the Greek myth retelling trend, where the girlboss character shares barely little in common with the OG. Like fudging the historical timeline I'm fine with, it's more just the complete remodel that has me wondering why not just let it be an OC. So she's lightly inspired by the first empress of China, it's barely her

-Not very sympathetic to those with alcoholism even though it's clear the author thinks it is. The MC has a paradigm shift and is much nicer to a character after realizing they were forced to drink. Which might be an opioid wars metaphor but either way it's kind of shitty the character has to be the perfect victim to receive sympathy. I feel like the moment it was revealed he wasn't a "self-inflicted alcoholic" it really pulled me out of the story. Like damn what does this imply about people who are?

Pros:

-Extremely self-indulgent in a way I just fuck with. I think more authors should put whatever they want in books regardless of whether they think it'll sell well. This book has a ton of moments or details that are just so over the top it's cringe but also I respect the willingness to not reign it in. For example just one of the two love interests is simultaneously:

1.So dangerous he needs to be muzzled and leashed

2. A poor little helpless guy who struggled to see without his big glasses (Some Like It Hot, anyone?)

3. A sickly boy detoxing from alcohol and needs to be fed soup

4. One of the world's only feminists, he needs to be taught nothing about feminism has internalized none of the toxic culture around him

Like isn't what I just listed insane? I kind of like when I feel like I'm peaking into an author's head. But it amused and compelled me.��

-I really enjoyed the inclusion of Chinese culture into the universe. I feel like a lot of current and queer sff authors are trying to include POC in their universes, but they often do so without any culture added, like you'll have a cast of racially diverse characters but no actual difference in culture or values or even speech patterns they are like fully assimilated in a way that doesn't actually feel diverse (cough cough Murderbot). So this was refreshing and was kind of seamless and not over-explained (Imperial Radch, love this series but there are like 3 cultural details, TEA, and they are repeated sooooo often. And I am not a LOTR/Sanderson give me every detail of your universe kind of reader)

-I did get the feeling while listening that teenage me would have really liked this, especially the over dramatic shit like "Welcome to your nightmare!" What can I say, at the end of the day I love over the top. Since this is a young adult novel some stuff like the didactic nature is part of the genre which I am no longer the target audience, but the younger me would have appreciated it

-I listened to this during finals week because it was an easy read, I was catching up on a lot of procrastinated neurobio textbook reading at the same time, so if you need something entertaining but low cognitive effort, this is for you

Overall 3/5 for being a mixed bag

[sleepy-shutin]

@avianadonis sorry, for whatever reason i can't reblog and reply to your post directly even though i'm fairly sure you don't have me blocked, so i'll just screenshot and put it here. if you DO have me blocked, feel free to ignore. if you don't, here's a fair warning: this is kind of long.

for context: this was avianadonis's reply to my post criticizing two of sophie's biggest talking points in a recent post where an anon in an ask criticized her for moving goalposts on discussion of tulpamancy, and refusing to listen to tibetan people when they spoke out on the discussion of tulpamancy and cultural appropriation. i don't agree with everything anon said because some things were wrong, like the location of tibet, but i like that they actually bothered to criticize her for these things.

and well, i'm pretty sure i clearly outlined all of the problems i have with her arguments in the original post i made, which would qualify as my arguments against hers, but sure, i have the day off so i will elaborate further.

my arguments against hers are the following:

a) she's speaking for tibetan people when she doesn't live in tibet or understand the political climate of tibet and what activists in tibet are doing to try and liberate themselves--it's more than likely there are tibetan activists in and out of tibet fighting against the CCP because where there is oppression and propaganda, there are people fighting back against it with everything they've got, even in small and non-violent ways; such as referring to the chinese takeover of tibet not as "the peaceful liberation of tibet" as the CCP refers to it, but rather as "the chinese invasion of tibet". this shows you plain as day how tibetan diaspora view and understand the situation.

you're telling me that she can't listen to tibetan diaspora, (in this incredibly niche discourse, where it may be difficult to find many tibetan buddhists or tibetan people/diaspora on tumblr getting into this discourse, mind you), on how their culture is treated by westerners? all while she's continuously citing a book written by a white woman in the 19-fucking-30s.

she is speaking as a white person, presumably in the west, and speaking for tibetan people, and saying that she can't even trust them on their own issues because of the CCP propaganda.

and yet she, in spite of all this, believes that she has any authority to be speaking for a group of people currently under chinese control against their will, and their diaspora.

that is white saviorism at its finest.

i'm not going to pretend to be an expert on tibet because i'm not. i did a rough wikipedia page read on a couple of things related to tibet and the chinese takeover and went from there.

but what sophie is doing, and i know this because it takes an ignorant person to know an ignorant person, is outright pretending she has more knowledge and understanding than she actually does on the situation, and has decided that the tibetan people, living in tibet or not, are not reliable on what does and doesn't harm them and their culture because of CCP propaganda and because she disagrees with them, then used a vague quote from the dalai lama to justify taking aspects of tibetan buddhism, where she truly has little understanding of the actual practice it comes from.

at this point, i care less about the discussion of the word tulpa itself and more about the racism and white saviorism and pseudo-intellectualism that sophie uses to justify using the word and what that says about the people that follow and agree with her. because jesus fuck, it's kind of horrifying.

and every time a tibetan buddhist comes in and criticizes her, she ignores them because they're anti-endo, or because she assumes they are and labels them as anti-endo regardless of if they are or not.

and b) she's openly admitting to refusing criticism for citing papers that don't support her arguments. at all. be it because they are assuming tulpas/non-dissociative systems exist in the first place without proving it, because they're clearly about complex dissociative disorders and not endogenic systems (and by clearly, i mean outright referring to trauma an dissociation), because they're outright trying to disprove the existence of complex dissociative disorders with the fantasy model, or because they're about psychotic people hearing voices, and the alternative treatments outside of medications to treat the voices, (not herbal remedies; talk therapy and engaging with the voice(s) with a trained professional).

this is all part of a larger pattern with sophie. she bullshits, she pretends to know more than she actually does on these subjects, and acts like she has any ground on which to stand and call herself an authority, and when people have genuine criticism that she can't bullshit against and twist to make herself look smart to her followers, she ignores it. and people eat it up because she seems nice and polite and seems educated, even when responding to horrific vitriol.

nobody bothers to read the papers she cites, nobody bothers to check her sources, they assume that she will do all those things for them and that she is a trusted source without looking into it themselves. i know this because i have had people cite to me papers that are not valid evidence for endogenics existing, (such as the survey that finds people with tulpas have better mental health than they did before, without proving they exist and even outright stating that this survey can't prove they exist), and a friend recently had someone in a discord server openly admit to citing a paper without reading it first. there are carrds compiling "evidence" that endogenic systems exist where the people openly admit to not reading the papers, and very even if they did, they obviously aren't being critical about it because they're acting like a survey that doesn't attempt to prove the existence of endogenic systems somehow proves the existence of endogenic systems.

i can't remember if she still has this paper on her list or not, but someone emailed the author of it and said that not only was her paper not about endogenic systems, she didn't approve of her work being used in this manner because it was about functional multiplicity as a valid healing option for DID alongside final fusion. not endogenic systems.

look, i don't hate endogenic systems. because of the fact that there's a lack of research into whether or not endogenic systems exist and because i choose to believe in the ideology of live and let live, i mostly don't care what endogenics are doing with themselves as long as they're not actually hurting anyone, and while many people have varying definitions of what that means, i personally don't find the existence of endogenic and nondissociative systems to in and of themselves be harmful. i just hate that so many of them are so desperate to prove themselves against the hate that they're becoming ignorant in the face of how science actually works in order to do it.

leaving everything up to one person that they uncritically follow.

many of them are buying into the pattern that sophie has consistently been putting out for a couple of years now, and i find it so disgustingly disingenuous because she's giving many endogenic and nondissociative systems a false sense of hope to prove themselves when that's not what's actually happening; from repeating debunked arguments to citing papers that actively go against what she's saying, to consistently, time and time again, showing us that she has not read a lick of literature on complex dissociative disorders. all the while, ignoring any and all criticism that she can't twist to make herself look good.

all this to say that sophie has a long pattern of pseudointellectualism--pretending to know what she's talking about when she doesn't, and bullshitting herself every which way to make herself sound smart and educated. then, most infuriatingly, refusing to respond to valid criticism that actually bothers to bring her claims into question, and referring to all of her critics as anti-endos whether they actually believe in endogenic systems or not.

so, do you actually have an argument as to why she's correct or are you another uncritical follower of everything she says, who never bothers to bring any of her claims into question?

[pinktinselmonstrosity]

everything i read in october!

time for another slightly late monthly reading round-up! this month i tried to read mostly spooky/horror novels, and i was... kind of successful? anyway whatever let's get into it

The Night Manager by John Le Carré

I was really excited to read this one, but I ended up feeling slightly let down. It cuts quite jarringly between a James Bond-esque ridiculous and glamorous espionage plot (private islands, beautiful women, jewels, etc) and a very very boring storyline about bureaucrats having meetings about it back in London. The thing I love about Le Carré is that he usually strikes a good balance between these two vibes, with exciting yet believable plots, but this one just... didn't do that for me. Notably, this was his first novel after the end of the Cold War, and I think that sense of confusion really comes through - everyone, including the author, is really struggling to rationalise the security services continuing to exist post-Cold War. It was interesting but ultimately not my favourite.

Rouge by Mona Awad

This was the first of my spooky books of the month, and it was pretty good. I don't know how to explain it because the plots have nothing in common, but its vibe really reminded me of Twin Peaks - there's this surreal quality to every character that is quite similar. The plot didn't massively hold up for me, but I enjoyed the vibe and the characters, and found the overall message of critiquing the beauty industry and the way it preys on people really interesting. It's worth reading just for mirror demon Tom Cruise!

Carmilla by Sheridan Le Fanu

I can't believe I waited this long to read this! Really a quintessential Gothic novel that introduces a very early version of a vampire. And she's a lesbian! I read this essentially in one sitting, it was a great time.

Brainwrms by Alison Rumfitt

I have mixed feelings about this one, because the horror elements of it are genuinely fantastic (I love horror and thought nothing could shock me anymore, but this. yeah this fucking shocked me) but the plot is really nonsensical. It's about a trans woman, Frankie, whose life is falling apart after surviving a transphobic terrorist attack, but meets and falls in love with a person called Vanya. Over the course of the book it's revealed that Vanya has a fetish for being infested with parasites. Both characters are very complex, and even though they do some shitty things I found myself really invested in them and their relationship.

Oh and also, Vanya is part of a cult of transphobes who are all infested with literal brain worms (which are possibly some kind of interdimensional being?) and participate in orgies while murdering trans women (possibly?). This aspect of the plot is what I'm really unsure about - it just didn't really seem to make sense or add much to the story, and it was much less fleshed out than the relationship between Frankie and Vanya, to the extent that (as you can see from my summary) I wasn't really sure at all what was going on. Overall, it was a good piece of horror media, although I have to stress that it comes with a HUGE content warning that should be respected. Like, really really read at your own risk.

Sheep's Clothing by Celia Dale

I chose this book for October because the other book of Dale's that I've read, A Helping Hand, was definitely a horror novel. This one turned out to be more of a crime novel, so didn't really fulfill the spooky quota, but was still really good.

Currently Reading & On My Radar

It's about two women, Janice and Grace, who meet in prison and plan a money-making scheme for when they're released, following the two women as the scheme starts to fall apart and they go their separate ways. Janice meets a nice man and decides to settle down and start an honest life; Grace meets a nice man and decides to try to steal all of his money. It was really good, and I actually found myself wishing it was longer. I definitely could have spent more time with these characters, and find myself really wondering what happened to them after the book ended.

I am currently reading Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood, and am really enjoying it! I bought it about a year ago because I was doing a module on using science fiction as a historical source, and it wasn't on our curriculum but our professor talked about it all the time. Just now getting around to it and I can totally see how it fits in with that module - very prescient.

It might just be a reactive backswing after a month of frankly quite depressing books, but I'm really in the mood for romance in November. I have Bridget Jones's Diary on my shelf, which will hit the spot I think! I'm also thinking of rereading (gasp) The Improbability of Love, which is one of my all-time favourites and might be what I need right now. I might also try to find a Nancy Mitford or something when I'm next at home.

As always, if you made it this far then pls reply with a book you've liked recently!! or one you've disliked, or something you're looking forward to reading, or anything! ok ily bye ❤️

[just-a-honey-badger]

I posted 417 times in 2022

That's 417 more posts than 2021!

102 posts created (24%)

315 posts reblogged (76%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@an-ungraceful-swan

@frayro-called-frey

@fromthemouthofkings

@shipsgaysfordays

@bitch-is-ace

I tagged 245 of my posts in 2022

Only 41% of my posts had no tags

#bel rants about random shit - 60 posts

#ask bel - 25 posts

#bel gays homosexually - 24 posts

#bel rants about hp - 19 posts

#bel rants about marauders - 19 posts

#bel procrastinates - 18 posts

#asks - 15 posts

#marauders era - 14 posts

#important - 13 posts

#bel writes - 13 posts

Longest Tag: 124 characters

#like 'i don't want to be a woman but i don't want to be not a woman' and assumed i was just. a woman who kinda had to settle

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

✨the queue✨: a guide

the queue is great! it's helpful if you want to post regularly or if you have lots of posts you want to reblog but don't want to do all at once.

you can queue posts by either a) clicking the reblog button > clicking the arrow next to it once it opens the page where you can add comments > selecting 'add to queue'; or

b) going into settings > clicking on the part that says 'labs' (where tumblr has new features they're working on) > turning on 'fast queue' (this adds a new icon next to the 'reply' and 'reblog' icons where you basically reblog a post but 'add to queue' is the default).

and why would i want to post regularly, you ask? well, the more you post (and the more diverse posts you have), the more likely it is for your posts to reach more people. accurate tags help with this, too. it also helps if you need to post at a consistent schedule for whatever reason, but can't always log on at the same time every day.

if you want to queue your posts at more random times, go into labs and turn on 'queue 2.0'. this enables a more detailed way to schedule your queued posts. i had to play around with it before i found something i liked, and i suggest you do too.

that's it

17 notes - Posted November 30, 2022

#4

15 questions 15 tags

ty @shipsgaysfordays for the tag <33

Nickname: tortilla (from @fruutcake)

Height: fucking short lmao under 5 ft even though i'm fully grown

Last thing I googled: 'chapbook publishers' bc i'm trying to figure out if that's something i want to do

Song stuck in my head currently: line without a hook (she's a, she's a lady, and i am just a boy) <3

Number of followers: with the excessive amounts of porn bots? 47

Amount of sleep: ah. um it's inconsistent but on average 9-ish hours?

Dream job: university professor, author, maybe architect? or artist, i want that gay literature major kinda vibe. probably gonna be a ux researcher or sum tho

Wearing: pjs

Movie/book that summarizes me: anne with an e <3

Favorite song currently: r u mine? by arctic monkeys or dandelions by ruth b

Aesthetic: solarpunk/goblincore/light academia

Favorite authors: rick riordan? i don't read enough

Random fact: when a pig gets a cold or cough they shoot their intestines out of their anus and the farmer has to stuff it back in

no pressure y'all: @fruutcake @bitch-is-ace @frey-the-they @4remus @presidentroarie @too-many-fandoms-to-explore @an-ungraceful-swan @whooshsoohw @kara-night-light @that-bitch-kat3 @ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm @fromthemouthofkings @adharastarlight @linh-song @xanadaus

(ik i don't interact with half of u sorry i wanted to hit 15)

20 notes - Posted December 18, 2022

#3

writing a new marauders fic where all the marauders in the afterlife react to harry's daily life (not his war stuff but like his cringe everyday stuff)

21 notes - Posted November 8, 2022

#2

new tag game!

featuring: questions i never really see

1. a time period you feel you'd do well in: the 1970s

2. a mythical animal you wish you could be: a dragon

3. your favourite time of day: sunset

4. the main character that's the most like you: anne shirley-cuthbert

5. your favourite flower: sunflowers

6. a universe you would love to be in: the potterverse (without the terf part)

7. the aesthetic you wish you had: downtown girl/skater girl

8. a character you would love to be: beth harmon

9. a character you would be best friends with: anne shirley-cuthbert

10. your favourite outfit to wear: my band outfit; aka a dress shirt and wide-leg linen pants

tags: @fruutcake @shipsgaysfordays @bitch-is-ace @an-ungraceful-swan @too-many-fandoms-to-explore @frayro-called-frey @fromthemouthofkings @4remus @presidentroarie @kara-night-light and anyone who wants to do it!

25 notes - Posted December 24, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

okay, but what if peter didn't exist and regulus was in his place and james and remus took sirius and regulus's last name and the marauders were all the blacks and they went to see walburga and were like 'hey mom!' and walburga fucking flips

173 notes - Posted September 23, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[surpriserose]

okay lol it took like 5 stories but i found something that reminded me why i dont go on nosleep anymore lol

And a quick content warning/context is that the premise of nosleep is that as readers you have to accept that every story is real, and that as writer you have to have a reason why your narrator is posting on reddit lol and not be too unbelievable or outlandish. So a content warning for unreality is probably safe.

anyways some more context is that nosleep tends to recycle the same five ideas which fair whatever redditors know what they like i guess but on top of that nosleep authors love to take inspiration from current events. like for example another story i just read was inspired by the james webb telescope news and then was also just hellstar remina lol

anyway i think you can see why this is a bad combination when you see a story titled "Hello from Beijing, I believe I'm patient 0 of a future 'zombie' outbreak" by twophonesonepager which is just well....where do you start? content warning if you do read the story there is: sinophobia, viruses, cannibalism/gore, violence against children (nothing too bad happens but still), and self harm/suicide

I think its a pretty accepted idea that oftentimes horror media, because it plays on fear, often reflects our biases and politics as well. I really think its overdue for people to examine online horror media in the same way where its even more apparent. Online horror media has a low barrier of entry, literally anyone can post to nosleep or...is the creepypasta wiki still a thing? And not only is there a low barrier of entry, the approval process is often just well literal approval. If people like your story it becomes popular and entrenched in the culture of the community. thats kind of obvious im not sure im explaining it well, like its the same thing horror movies and books go through but theres no editors or directors in power, its a very democratic process online. So while one story may be written with one author's biases the community can immediately absorb and approve of them in a way that movies can't, you know? Or like... you can't say its as one to one with movies? like paying for a movie doesnt automatically mean you enjoyed it, whereas an upvote on reddit does, you know? hi hello for the love of god okay ill actually talk about the damn thing just keep all this in mind because this shit is sinophobic as hell

so this author is very obviously an NFT bro redditor trying to write as a chinese woman to a non chinese audience. And because of the rules of nosleep you just have to kind of ignore hes really an NFT bro. While this rule makes sense for most stories it more than kind of sucks in stories like these, where while everyone knows the author isnt really a chinese woman everyone has to keep up the facade and no one can push back on the sinophobia because of that facade. Its like...hold on does anyone remember this tweet?

Its like this but because its in nosleep no one can be like hey this is kind of weird that youre writing as a chinese woman and then specifically making points about how she doesnt eat "strange food" and "most people of [her] generation know" that "China is flawed from a political standpoint." and these are things that are way more indicative of how americans and other imperial countries view china than how chinese people might view themselves and also really have no place in this story? same with the author...randomly pointing out this narrator enjoys bondage? which is a lesser problem but. But remember, you can't really say hey what the fuck because then you are being "out of character." And the mods cant really step in because this story got really popular, even having a bunch of paid reddit awards and winning a best story contest in the subreddit.

speaking of rules, since the narrator needs a reason to post on reddit of all places, the reason here is obviously nebulous chinese censorship. im not really going to get into all that except for the fact that this story is paralleling the hysteria about chinese censorship of how bad covid was at the beginning of the pandemic. which just sucks man like that the problem with being like ooooohhhh the scary thing in this story is a mysterious zombie virus from china. like it just ends up reinforcing sinophobic ideas that came from the spread of covid. especially because the other scary thing is that this scary problem isnt being contained, oh no!

also the writing is just bad lol theres no logic (why the fuck are you working? why the fuck would you be allowed to work if you had flu like symptoms even if it wasnt covid in the middle of the pandemic in CHINA??? where they actually care about covid lol) and the writer seems to think shanghai and beijing are the same city? and also they just copied the last of us lol

[marksollinger]

(holds out my hands) 18, please ?

18. what is a line/scene you’re really proud of? give us the dvd commentary for that scene.

it's hard to choose one, especially since most the scenes i'm currently proud of have yet to be published 😅 i've also deleted a lot of my past fics (literally all of them from pre-2020) which i feel a little bad about. but i also didn't want to share them anymore due to Lots of insecurities about the quality of my writing and my tastes in general 😔 and some of them were permanently deleted 🥴 i constantly have to stop indulging the temptation to burn everything down and start over lol...

as promised, though, i will provide a scene... i will actually provide two, just because the stuff i currently have posted is quite old and needs updating because i take so fucking long to finish new chapters 🙃 i can also use this as an opportunity to leak some things, heehe...

(excerpts and commentary below the cut because it's long and i want to save as many of my followers’ dashboards as possible lmao)

questions for fic writers

Before she came to rationalize the things he’d done as violently untenable acts of misplaced protection, the best hope she once had to separate herself from her father’s blood-stained legacy was to outshine her schoolmates as much and as often as possible. Julia Montag would give her foster mother something else to talk about with the neighbors and the bridge-players and the parents of her peers; she’d get fantastic grades, run cross-country, read the most books, and do all of her chores without even needing to be asked. Yes, that Julia Montag. She’d go see the therapists and counselors and she’d show every adult in her life how marvelously well-adjusted she’d become. — For Future Reference (The Magnus Archives)

so, just as a little disclaimer, i changed julia and robert's family name from "montauk" to "montag" because it's german & plenty of british people share this name, it has strong ties to a pre-existing famous work of genre-fiction (fahrenheit 451), sounds virtually fucking identical to their original surname, and is not the literal name of an indigenous tribe. it may not be the name of an author, in line with the conventions jonny followed for melanie, tim, martin, sasha, etc... and it may be from speculative fiction rather than horror but. close enough.

i have been working on this oneshot for almost a year, now, only because i am extremely unmotivated and was honestly waiting for the end of tma to come for... whatever reason... i'm nervous about diverging from canon when i write for things with large fandoms, especially ones with fans as opinionated as tma's 💀 but i loved julia. i loved her so much. i wanted to give her something. anything. and i wanted to write a conversation that was kinda-sorta hinted at in-canon, in mag 111, inspired by lines that got tangled in my mind each time i relistened to it:

julia: it’s not a… trevor doesn’t like using the book. i don’t either. makes me feel off. dead should stay dead. archivist: s-so… i mean, why keep it around? trevor: ‘cause sometimes talking to the dead can stop you joining ‘em. come on, julia...

and i simply could not stop thinking about the history of them using the book? gerry's possible conversations with julia? there's a lot that was implied that i can't help but dive into. and so i decided i'd do that with this fic. i share a lot with julia and i'm still trying to find a proper balance between canon and self-projection that i can live with but i'm getting there. slowly, but. still getting there. that said, i promise i will actually be publishing this at some point soon...

alright. next one:

“Don’t think I’m not wise to your tricks,” one of them, a woman whose profile Caroline could narrowly see over the ridge of her broad shoulders, said with a playful tone in her voice that made the grin on her lips nearly impossible not to hear. “I won that wager. You’re paying the tab.” — The Seven States of Matter, Ch. 2, "Confluent Forces" (Archive 81)

so these are vic's first words in tssom 🥰 i have more or less created an oc and slapped the name 'vic' onto her, because that's how much i love the idea of her, and how i could make her a really fun character. i am... unfortunately Not going to be writing a whole ass character meta here because i seriously have 4 chapters that outline the backstory i have assigned to her? and i don't want to spoil anything too prematurely. but i love her so much and she is a joy to write so far.

in conclusion, i am noticing that i tend to enjoy & be the most proud of writing characterization moments? which makes sense, i think. these two in particular are canon characters i'd always wanted to know more about. because i love them. writing vic has given me the chance to project a bunch and manufacture an entire character from just a name and a handful of facts (both explicit and implied). i fucking love doing that kind of thing.