#tbf i've also had this pain for long enough that im not convinced im feeling the whole pain

[beaversatemygrandma]

Apparently my wisdom teeth are clamping my cheek. Like biting. All the time. They’ve gotten to the point where if i even chew food I’m gnawing on the back of my cheek the whole time. And now I’m aware that the only way to fix this is to get them removed. Which would be good bc they are SORE even without the biting.

I haven’t been paying much attention to the cheek biting bc keeping my mouth open in public is Very Covered up by a mask. So I’m not some mouth breather out there. But at home. Trying to eat. Fuck.

I’ve never had surgery before. This is needing surgery. I’m terrified. The simple Idea of having an IV in even if its to put me out during the whole thing is Sending me. The word itself gives me ghost pains. And I’ve gotten my blood drawn while on my anxiety meds and trust me here: it doesn’t work. I still panic with a 50% chance of passing tf out. THEN there’s the fear of blood and during the recovery there’s Blood. ....Tho I’ll likely be on a strong painkiller for a little bit which may help.

......fucking hell. I think i need to do this and just take then $1k hit. Aleve only does so much and I’ve lost use of the right side of my mouth. I got insurance earlier this year only to learn that dental isn’t covered unless i pay like $300 a month. And it wouldn’t even cover orthodontics. Which is what i need. Bc that’s apparently luxury modifications even tho if i keep going like this I’m going to lose my teeth by 40. Like I’ve never had a cavity or any bad things go on yet but i don’t think i can keep being lucky like that with all that crowding. It’s causing problems that i can’t just prevent on a daily basis with regular care. 

Then there’s getting an appointment, all the while internally freaking out bc it’ll be a lot of money and i have no income... and you know. Getting the appointment. Like would i have to go to a dentist first (might cost like $100 just for a checkup....) to get the directions to go to someone to take them out? Or should i just go to a place and be like “Get these things out of my head. They hurt.” and fork over $1k?

AND THEN. I was talking to the partner of sorts. And she offered that i fly down there for the visit we’ve been planning and said to make it a longer trip so they can take me to one and set up the appointment for me and take care of me afterwards. And I Love the offer. So i was like. Okay. Two weeks down in the hometown. First week to send myself into hell and then be cozily comforted and the second to do random bullshit that is catching up with people *now pain-free*. But then comes another worry. I’ve been having ear issues. Like the type that causes me to get insanely dizzy and near passing out if i go on an elevator and I’ve never been on a plane. Like that might cause problems. And here’s the thing: Wisdom teeth can cause ear issues. I didn’t have this problem before the top ones grew in (facing my cheeks mind you) and it’s possible they could be the thing causing my inner ear issues (tinnitus, that elevator thing, etc). So... There’s that doubt. And also the thing where I have my dad here and i bet he’s ready to do some typical dad thing of taking me there. Then comes that fear of him recording anything while I’m coming out of surgery and I’m going to be PISSED if that happens. He’s already the type to pull out snapchat filters out of nowhere and now I have been seen on camera by relatives which i do not want. So. That’s going to be an instant rule going in. Not to mention i have heard that story of someone coming out to their parents while coming down from anesthesia. And uh. No. Yeah. No. I already hold back so much when i hear myself referred to as she and I’m not about to have that whole thing happen while mostly under.

*sighs* i’ve got too many anxieties here and I have zero idea if its rational or not. But holy hell. This needs to happen soon.