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btsgotjams27 · 2 years ago

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this is us ~ jjk | 11

you receive an unexpected call.

✨ title: this is us | (sequel to all grown up) ✨ pairing: jungkook x f!reader | ✨ rating: m/18+ | minors dni ✨ genre/au: drama, romance, angst, fluff, smut | est!relationship, age gap, bff's younger brother ✨ playlist ✨ a/n: if you haven’t read the prequel to this, please do so here! :) you can read them here on AO3 & Wattpad

[ SERIES MASTERLIST ] | next ✨ 12 ~ i do

chapter eleven ~ the call | wc: 7.8k warnings: yuna smacks jungkook upside the head, jungkook hates himself, yuna has an accident, hospitals, oc has a heart-wrenching convo with her mom, oc briefly talks to jungkook's mom (who's the complete opposite of her mom), angst and more tears

One week. One week without Jungkook by your side. It felt weird. Like a massive part of your life had disappeared.

No tattooed arm draped over you. No warm body to snuggle you from behind. No 'I-need-you-at-3-am-sex'. No coffee or breakfast ready to go once you woke up. No late-night ramen talks. You were met with nothing but silence. It's like your world suddenly stopped. The routine you came to know and love, the physical presence of Jungkook--gone.

The week had passed by much slower than anticipated because you didn't know what to do with yourself. Hyunie had gone MIA. Yuna was pregnant and tired all the time. And then you realized that pretty much concluded your circle of friends. Once you passed the age of thirty, honestly, out of college, it was so much harder to make friends. Everyone was always busy doing their own thing, and you didn't care about befriending hundreds of people. You preferred having a few close friends that knew you well and that you could confide in. But once Jungkook was out of the picture (for now), you realized how lonely you were.

Saturdays were laundry days and as you stuffed your clothes in the washer, sitting at the bottom was Jungkook's hoodie. You stared at it, debating if you should wash it because it wouldn't smell like him anymore if you did. So, you opted to leave it alone, and you'd figure out what to do with it later.

While waiting for the laundry, you sat on the couch looking around, seeing traces of you and Jungkook throughout your place. You wondered if it was too early to start taking pictures down. The two of you technically weren't broken up, just on a break - figuring out the next steps. But you couldn't lie, it was hard to see his face scattered through your apartment. You weren't sure what you wanted; all you knew was that you wanted Jungkook, but how could you be with someone who kissed and touched someone that wasn't you?

Your phone buzzed on the coffee table, and a notification appeared. A small part of you wanted it to be Jungkook checking up on you because you hadn't heard from him since he left, but you also knew that he was getting ready to go on a trip with Namjoon and Jin, so he probably wouldn't have time.

You picked up your phone and saw it was Yuna, asking how you were doing and if you needed anything. Funny because you should be asking her since she was pregnant, which warranted more concern than a broken heart. This past week, more than usual, she sent you an obscene amount of TikTok videos of silly and funny things, which did help you get your mind off Jungkook for a little bit. You were just happy to laugh again.

You 11:27 AM I'm doing fine. Thanks for checking up on me. I don't need anything, but I know the boys are going on their trip today, so text me if you need ice cream or something lol.

Yuna 11:30 AM We could eat ice cream together if you want. I'll text you whenever they leave so you don't have to see...you know...

You 11:32 AM Thanks for the offer but I might just stay home if that's okay. But please text me if you need anything, 'kay? Love you.

As you set your phone down, another buzz came in. You thought it was Yuna again trying to convince you to hang out, but to your surprise, it was none other than Kenji.

Kenji 11:34 AM Just checking in to see if you've made a decision yet. The clock is ticking. ⌛⌛

Honestly, your show was the last thing on your mind, but you tossed the idea back and forth about working with Kenji. You wondered if you agreed to it if Jungkook would think you were only saying yes to spite him. But in reality, that was hardly the case. Considering what your story was about and Kenji's type of director, he would be the perfect man for the job. He'd be able to push you and the story into something extraordinary. It would be worth it to work with him despite what Jungkook thought.

You 11:40 AM You gonna be on your best behavior if I say yes to you?

Kenji 11:45 AM 😁😁😁 Let's get to work baby!

You 11:47 AM 😑😑😑

Kenji 11:48 AM I promise I'll be good. Don't want your boyfriend to come beat me up.

And there you go again, your eyes beginning to well up at the mention of Jungkook. It didn't take a lot to get you crying these days.

An hour later, the washer began singing its melodious song, letting you know that your laundry finished. You began to unload your clothes, hanging them over the drying rack. You looked at the bottom of the basket once more, picking up the hoodie at the bottom. You held it tight, bringing it to your nose before taking a small sniff. If someone were you catch you right now, they'd probably think you were weird. But the faintest smell of Jungkook still lingered on it. He always preferred softer scents which you grew to love too.

You found yourself practically hugging the black piece of clothing, then undoubtedly, you slipped it on over your head, cozying into the soft cotton. It felt like a warm hug from him. You wonder if he missed you as much as you missed him, and then the thought of Jungkook overwhelms you again.

The rest of the day dragged on as you mindlessly cleaned your apartment, even though it was already spotless. You didn't want to go out because it reminded you that you had no one to go out with.

You crawled into bed at the night's end with Jungkook's hoodie still on. Pathetic, you know, but you couldn't help it. Laying in bed, you scrolled through your phone, looking at his old text messages and pictures. It became a nightly routine once Jungkook left.

You clicked off your screen, groaning at the fact that you were torturing yourself by scrolling through photos. You pressed the side button to check the time, and your lock screen illuminated a picture of you and Jungkook at Yuna's wedding, dancing and smiling like nothing was wrong with the world. This moment captured in time what seemed felt like a lifetime ago. It was as if you were staring at two completely different people. Those two dancing away were happy, maybe even naïve, full of hope and love. The screen darkened, and now it was only a reflection of you, teary-eyed again like you had been all week. You wiped away the tear pooling in the corner of your eyes.

Setting your phone on the table, you turned away, laying on your side, hugging a pillow. Not a minute later, your phone began to ring. Picking up, you didn't recognize the number but figured you should answer anyway in case it was an necessary.

"Hello?"

Namjoon, Jin, and Jungkook planned a guy's weekend trip to Namjoon's parents' cabin. The same place you and Jungkook went with Hyunie, Jimin, and Taehyung.

The dread on Jungkook's face was apparent when he walked through the threshold to his sister's place. He knew she'd beat him if she could. He was packed and ready to go, just stopping to pick up Namjoon and Jin.

Namjoon immediately greeted Jungkook when he came in, telling him he was almost ready. Yuna was on the couch, watching TV, glaring while he sat beside her.

"Jungkookie, can you get the remote for me? I can't reach it." Yuna reached her hand out, but the protruding belly was in her way.

He reached for the remote, handing it to her. But Yuna gestured for him to come to her.

"There's something in your hair," Yuna squinted, tilting her head. She continued to glare at her brother.

His hands reached up, touching his dark locks. "Where?"

"Nope, still there. Come here. I'll help."

Instead of helping, she lightly smacked him upside of his head, earning an 'ow' from him.

"What the hell, Noona?"

"That's for cheating on my best friend," she scowled, crossing her arms. If only she could say what was on her mind, this was mild compared to the things running through it. She had a lot more up her sleeve, but considering you were both hurting, she'd keep some things to herself. If only Jungkook saw the aftermath of when you told her and then when she blew up after telling Namjoon what happened. She clenched her jaw and curled her fist, and with every fiber of her being, trying not to become violent.

He massaged the spot she hit and didn't bother to argue because he knew he needed a good scolding from his big sister.

Yuna's voice became shaky. "How could you do this to her? To your relationship? You guys were doing well, and I thought you were getting ready to propose. What happened?"

She didn't understand what had gone wrong. She thought he was completely head over heels in love with you. But all it took was one person to come back and ruin everything.

After he had spoken to Namjoon and Jin at the housewarming party, he may or may not have started to shop around, looking for rings. He even secretly measured your finger while you were sleeping, trying to get your ring size. Lucky for him, Jungkook got Yuna's opinion on a few different options he had picked out.

Jungkook sat slumped over on the floor next to Yuna, burying his head in the crook of his arm. Yuna felt guilty for hitting her baby brother, but he deserved it. She softly placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Jungkook-ah..." Yuna mumbled. He hummed back, not turning to her. "Please fight for her. I can't lose her," she said with a shaky voice.

As much as Yuna disliked your and Jungkook's relationship in the beginning because she didn't want to see her brother get hurt. She overlooked the fact that Jungkook could hurt you too. Her brother would always be around, he's family--so she could never get rid of him, but you...you could easily drift away because it would hurt too much to be around Jungkook. And she wouldn't blame you if you never wanted anything to do with their family again. But the thought of losing you and not going through big life events together pained Yuna. The two of you have been through thick and thin, but she wasn't sure if your friendship could survive this one.

Jungkook finally gazed at his big sister, eyes teary, nostrils flaring rapidly, ready to burst into tears. He'd been crying every day since he left your place. "Noona...I don't--I don't know how to fix this."

The pad of Yuna's thumb wiped away a tear from Jungkook's eyes. "It's going to take time. Give her time."

Time. It was the one thing that Jungkook feared. Time apart could either make the heart grow fonder or make you drift from him. It could make you realize that what you wanted was not him but something better, someone better. He had thrown everything out the window, and for what? A moment of weakness struck him at the worst time. It was one thing he'd never forgive himself for.

"You ready?" Namjoon asked, not realizing the serious moment his wife and brother-in-law were having.

Jungkook quickly wiped away his tears, pretending he was okay with a smile. He stood, ready to head out.

"Jungkookie," Yuna called out, and he turned to her, "Everything's going to be okay."

He was thankful that his sister was hopeful but considering all the shit you've been through with previous boyfriends. He could see why you compared him to them, and he wasn't any better as much as he tried to justify it.

The boys' weekend trip would be better if it weren't for this dark, looming cloud over Jungkook. He didn't know how to fill this gaping hole within himself. He was a mess, unsure of what to do with himself or who he was without you by his side. To distract himself, he worked tirelessly on the project he was in charge of at work, and he played games until he was exhausted and ultimately passed out. It helped somewhat to keep his mind off you, but every night he'd wake up in a cold sweat, wondering where you were, and then the cycle of trying to keep you off his mind repeated.

The cabin was exactly like Jungkook remembered, but spring had sprung instead of light snow piles on trees and the patio. Life was evident here and there throughout the fields the cabin was facing - flowers blooming, birds chirping like nothing was wrong with the world. But not in Jungkook's world - his had turned upside down.

Jin immediately claimed the loft bedroom, which Jungkook didn't mind. There were too many memories of you and him - kissing, touching, fucking, and it was too much for him. Barely there for thirty minutes, and the only thing that consumed his mind was you. Honestly, you were the only thing taking up space in every corner of his mind, body, and soul.

Jungkook walked out to the patio, nursing his beer, watching the sunset color the sky, a beautiful palette of apricot and lilac and marshmallow clouds soft enough to sleep on. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before letting out a shaky one. His heart was burdensome as to what the next steps with you were. He didn't know if there would be any future with you - he sure as hell wouldn't want anything to do with himself after his actions. He broke your trust, lost your respect, and he lost his integrity and sense of dignity. Even he wasn't sure how he would redeem himself.

"Jungkook-ah--" Namjoon broke him out of his thoughts, "Dinner's ready."

The three ate silently, and all sensed the elephant in the room.

Jungkook was tired of the lack of words and patronizing stares, so he set down his chopsticks and glared at the two men at the table. "Spit out whatever you want to say," he huffed, not that he was eager to hear them scold him.

They looked at him, going about eating their food, both unwilling to speak what's on their mind.

"Come on, yell at me. Hit me. Please tell me how stupid I am. Tell me how much I fucked this up," Jungkook declared, nervously tapping the table. He deserved it. He deserved being told he's an asshole. He deserved being told that he wasn't worthy of you.

"You're being a bit dramatic, Jungkook-ah," Jin argued. Although he may have disagreed with how his friend handled things, it didn't warrant a punch to the face, even if he wanted to.

"What about you, huh?" Jungkook directed it to Namjoon. "I'm sure Yuna told you everything."

He sighed, setting his chopsticks aside. "Will us telling you off make you feel better about yourself?" he inquired. Namjoon shook his head, returning to pick up his chopsticks to finish his dinner. He understood that Jungkook was in a tough spot, but Namjoon thought the young man was too hard on himself. Namjoon certainly wasn't excusing his actions but thought Jungkook should be gentle with himself too.

Jungkook shrugged. "Maybe." As if Jungkook wasn't already wallowing in self-pity and deprecation since Alex showed up - he needed more, others telling him how worthless he was.

"Have you thought about why you did what you did? Are there underlying feelings for Alex? Is there something you're not happy with in your relationship with Y/n? Something you want but she can't give you, and maybe that's why you did what you did with Alex?" Namjoon asked, wanting the young man to think about his motives.

"No--I don't even like Alex. She's the worst person I've ever come to know.

"O-kay...then why did you kiss her? Touch her?" Jin asked, confused by the contradiction of his words versus actions.

Jungkook rubbed his face and groaned in frustration. "I DON'T KNOW!" The young man cried out, then apologized for getting upset. "I'm not mad at your questions. I'm mad at myself. I fucking hate myself."

A beat passed before he continued.

"Maybe...maybe it's because I don't have all of Y/n. It's like I do, and I don't at the same time. You know? I feel like I give her all of me, but there are still some parts of her that she's hiding, afraid to share with me. I've been patient in letting her tell me things when she's ready, but sometimes I don't understand why she doesn't trust me with whatever it may be. Am I too young or immature? I've tried to show her that I'm good enough, but...I don't know. Maybe that's why I kissed Alex. Maybe that's why I gave in."

Jin and Namjoon quickly glanced at each other. The two of them discussed this privately in the presence of Yuna after everything went down. They had suspected this was the case. Namjoon knew about your miscarriage and reproductive issues, but he promised his wife he wouldn't tell a soul what he knew.

Jungkook stared at his two friends, probably dismissing him in their heads. "You guys think I'm the scum of the earth, huh?" The younger man implored.

"We didn't say anything," Namjoon said, looking away from Jungkook and at his plate of food.

"You don't have to. Your silence is deafening," Jungkook stated, scooting his chair back, causing a screech against the wooden floors. He stood, walked, and placed his plate in the sink, turning on the water to begin washing his dishes. For some strange reason, Jungkook always found solace in washing dishes. He could mindlessly clean while warm water ran and soapy bubbles on his skin.

Jin and Namjoon cleared their plates and brought them to Jungkook. Jin leaned against the counter, watching the young man beat himself again.

"Hyung, what am I gonna do?" Jungkook asked, hands under the running water, scrubbing away the dirty dishes.

Jin crossed his arms. "Well, what exactly did she say?"

"She said she wanted to take a break. I have no idea what that means or what it entails. Like, can I still call her? See her? Kiss her?"

He shook his head. "You probably shouldn't kiss her no matter how much you want to. You need to give her space to figure things out. She's hurt by the one person she loves, and it will take time to trust you again."

"What if I lose her in the process? What if she never trusts me again?" Jungkook paused, scrubbing the plate to gaze up at Jin. His mind already went to the worst possible scenarios, replaying over and over again this past week - you breaking it off and leaving him, maybe never wanting to speak or see him again. You'd always been a part of his life in some way or another, and a world where the two of you wouldn't collide, made him sick to his stomach.

Jin stood beside his friend, rubbing his shoulders. "Only time will tell."

Again, with 'time.' Jungkook was starting to hate the four-letter word. T-I-M-E. He wishes he could fast forward to when he could be with you again. But he'd wait a lifetime if he had to.

The night had gone by quickly. Jungkook didn't want to spoil the rest of their weekend there, so he figured he should stop pouting and talking about you every chance he got. He was sure everyone was tired of him pouring out his broken heart.

The three of them were heading to bed when Namjoon's phone began buzzing in the pocket of his sweats. He reached in, pulling it out, frowning at the screen. He never answered what looked like spam but picked up anyway.

"Hello?" Namjoon answered. "Yes, this is he." Namjoon's eyes quickly darted to Jin and Jungkook, then to the ground.

The voice on the other line was muffled, and Jin and Jungkook couldn't hear anything.

Namjoon's eyes widened. "What?!" his voice grew louder, "Yes, I'm a few hours away, but I'll have someone come down right now. I'll be there as soon as I can. Thank you."

Jin and Jungkook looked at him with worried eyes. Namjoon hung up and immediately brushed past the two toward the bedroom.

"Hyung, what's going on?" Jungkook asked, chasing after him, and Jin followed closely behind.

"It's Yuna. She fell, and she's going to the hospital. I'm sorry, guys. We gotta go back," Namjoon said, grabbing his bag and franticly searching the room for anything he needed to take.

Jungkook could see Namjoon's hands shaking while holding his duffel bag. "Hyung--Noona's gonna be okay. I promise."

Namjoon nodded at the young man's sentiment.

"I'll get the car," Jin said before taking off.

"Call Y/n. She can get there the fastest," Jungkook stated.

Namjoon agreed, grabbing his phone to call you.

Walking into the dim, cold hallway, you weren't sure what to expect once you passed through the double doors. The low hum of beeps echoed when you walked the hallway, the heel of your boots softly clicking with every step. You stopped to take a deep breath before walking through the threshold. The first bed in the room was empty, and a divider covered the second. You sat on the chair in front of the bed, staring at the one person who despised you but had to call family.

Hello, is this the daughter of _____ ______?

"Yes, this is she."

This was a call you were not expecting when you picked up.

Your mother has been in an accident, and you were listed as the next of kin. If you could please come to the hospital, we need to sort out some paperwork for her.

"Okay, yes, I'll be there."

You never liked hospitals - they always brought bad memories. The first time was your father's sudden heart attack, which led to his death, then all the personal shit you had to deal with.

You hadn't spoken to her in months. The last conversation took a turn for the worst, and she revealed secrets she'd been keeping for all of your life - a conversation you've been keeping to yourself because you didn't have the heart to tell Yuna or Jungkook. You weren't sure what to do with this secret, so it had become a secret you had buried.

This was the only time you ever saw your mother peaceful when she was sleeping. You watched her, trying to shift into a comfortable position, but her arm sling didn't allow her. She tossed and turned from side to side, finally peering her eyes open to see you sitting in front of her. She didn't say anything but groaned at your presence.

"It's nice to see you too, mother," you said sarcastically.

She tried her best to turn away from you, but the pillow behind her was obstructing her arm, so she could not move it back. You knew she wouldn't ask for help, and she was always stubborn and had to do everything herself. But she needed assistance, so out of the goodness of your heart, you stood by her bedside, removing the second pillow and placing it under her arm to keep it elevated.

"What are you doing here?" your mother asked with malice, turning away from you to peer outside the darkened window.

"The hospital called asking me to come down," you replied. This was the last place you'd expect to see your mother, but given that she was your only "family," you figured you should at least check to see if she was alright, it was the least you could do.

"Well, I'm fine, so you can go. I don't need you."

"Suit yourself. Good luck getting home," you huffed at her comment and shook your head, letting go of the railing on the bed. You spun around, ready to leave her to her demise. If she was going to be a heinous bitch, when you were the product of something you had no control over, then you wanted no part of her life. You'd been fine figuring out everything on your own, so you didn't need her.

You had no problem walking away. She didn't deserve your kindness or sympathy. If she wanted to blame you for everything that happened between her and your father, that was on her, not you. You had no control over the actions of your father or what kind of relationship they had. So you didn't need to put up with any more of her bullshit.

You entered the hallway, ready to never see your mother again, but you stopped in your tracks, fists, and jaws clenched, retracing your steps back towards her room. Your phone buzzed in your bag, breaking you out of your moment of anger. You knitted your brows when you looked at Namjoon's name lighting up on your phone screen. "Namjoon?"

"Hey, Y/n, not sure if you got my texts, but I decided to call you too. Are you at the hospital?"

"I'm here. Why?" You were confused. You didn't tell anyone you were there. Not even Yuna knew.

"Oh, you are! Good. How's Yuna doing?" Namjoon asked with relief in his voice.

Your eyes suddenly widened. "Yuna? What do you mean? Is she okay?"

"You're...not with her?"

You cleared your throat, hesitant to say why you were at the hospital. You paused briefly before answering, "I'm with my mom..."

"Oh, um, Yuna fell, and we're trying to get back to the city, but we can't because some big tree fell, and they're trying to clear it, but I don't know when they'll be done. When you have a chance, can you check up on her?"

"Yes! Of course, I'll finish up with my mom and find out where Yuna is."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you! You're such a lifesaver. I don't know what I'd do without you. I'll call you later to give you our ETA."

There was a weird twinge in your heart when Namjoon said that - don't know what I'd do without you. With everything going on with Jungkook, you realize that if you slowly drift apart from Yuna, you could also lose your friendship with Namjoon and maybe even Jin. You could potentially lose Jungkook, but you could also lose your friends.

"Bye, Joon," you said before ending the call.

You peered at your phone and then at your mother's room. You didn't want to deal with her and would do it later.

"Yuna--babe!" you cried out, rushing to her side, your eyes raking over her, seeing her ankle bandaged up. "What happened?"

"I was clumsy because, hello," she pointed to her belly, "pregnancy has somehow turned me into my clumsy husband. I rolled on my ankle and fell, but I'm fine. Baby's fine too."

You leaned over, pulling her close against your chest. "Geez, you scared me. Us," you emphasized the last part because you were sure Namjoon was losing his mind not being here, which reminded you to call him back before he went ballistic.

"I'm fine," Yuna said, shifting to her previous position. She caressed her baby bump, then tilted her head at you. "How did you get here so fast?"

You flashed her a thin smile, then drew in the chair behind you. "I, uh, my mom is here. She also had an accident."

"Oh my gosh. Is your mom okay?"

"Yeah, she's fine."

"You should go be with her. You must be so worried."

Was this the right time to tell Yuna everything your mom had spilled to you a few months ago? About who your 'real' mother was? Now was as good a time as any. You're not sure why you'd need to keep this from your best friend.

"I have something I need to tell you," you looked up at Yuna, and she had nothing but concern in her eyes, waiting for you to continue. "So, you know how my mom has never shown me any kind of love throughout my life?" Yuna nodded and hummed. "Well, it turns out I'm actually not her daughter, and that's why she hates me so much."

Yuna gasped and covered her mouth. "What? What do you mean?"

"It turns out my dad had an affair with someone early on in their marriage, and it resulted in me," you sighed, "Long story short, my birth mom died, and my dad and mom were stuck with me." You looked at Yuna and could already see the pity in her eyes, which was probably one reason you avoided telling her. Your life was a shit show, so growing up, you preferred being at Yuna and Jungkook's. It was a nice escape from your crappy life.

"Good god--" Yuna huffed. She clenched her jaw, her heart racing. "That doesn't give her the right to treat you like she has. I'm sorry, but she's a despicable human being."

You agreed. Your mother was something alright...she wasn't the best, but what you hated most about yourself because you always tried to put yourself in the other person's shoes - to see their viewpoint. Though you weren't trying to excuse your mother for how she's treated you, you understood to an extent what she must have felt while raising you - having to see the result of her husband's infidelity every single day of her life.

"Don't you dare try to excuse her shitty job as a mom," Yuna cried out. She definitely knew you too well.

"I'm not."

"...how long have you known?"

"For a while now," you said, nervously biting your lip.

"Does Jungkook know?" Yuna probably shouldn't have brought up her baby brother, but she couldn't fathom you bearing this secret all on your own.

You shook your head. There were still plenty of things you needed to tell Jungkook but wondered if there was any need to now.

"Thank you for telling me. I'm sorry you had to go through this by yourself."

"It's fine," you said, feeling bad about how this somehow turned into a show about you when it was Yuna in the hospital.

"No, it's not," Yuna asserted. "I love you, Y/n. You're like a sister to me, and you're family. You've been with me through thick and thin, and I will not forget that. But I need you to promise me something," she said, waiting for you to acknowledge her, which you hummed in response. "I need you to stop holding things back from me, no matter how hard it is. I know you don't like sharing your burdens, but I'll always bear them with you. You never have to walk through it alone."

Your chest began to swell at your best friend's words. You've never wanted to dump your problems on someone else for fear of them being annoyed with you whining and pouting. Maybe it was the lack of parents that made you feel unsafe enough to share yourself with others - fully share yourself.

You could feel your eyes glistening once more. You couldn't help but be such an emotional wreck. As much as you hated crying, you always felt better after doing it.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. After Jungkook and I started seeing each other, maybe even before then, like during your wedding planning, I felt I had lost your trust because I wasn't upfront about liking Jungkook. You probably noticed me not coming to you as much when I had something on my mind. I didn't feel right because I knew I hurt you and didn't know if we could go back to the way things were."

Your sudden confession felt like a weight had been lifted off your shoulders, and as you got older, you understood that not all friendships would look like they used to. Did you miss the times you had with Yuna before Jungkook? Yes, but you had good moments with her after Jungkook too.

"I don't want to go back to the way things were," Yuna stated, holding out her hand for yours, "I know I don't say this as much as I should, but Y/n...you don't realize how strong you are. I've never known anyone like you through all the years I've known you. You've been dealt a shitty hand in life, but you always overcome them. You're level-headed, think about your choices very carefully, and are slow to anger, and I know you always have that little voice in your head making you second-guess yourself. Know that your choice will always be the right one for you."

"Are you trying to make me cry right now?" you chuckled, patting the tears running down your cheeks. "Thanks, I needed to hear that."

Yuna laughed. "I love you," she said, squeezing your hand.

You stood beside her bed, leaning over to hug her. "Love you too friend."

The two of you talked for a while longer before Yuna fell asleep. You told her you'd stay until Namjoon came so that he could switch places with you. The TV quietly played in the background, and you mindlessly watched whatever was on - an old episode of a variety show. You softly chuckled at the game they were playing.

"Hi, sweetheart," said a voice from behind.

You looked up to see Yuna and Jungkook's mom. It's been a while since you last saw her, but you always loved their mother, and she felt more like a mother to you than your own. You stood up to bow, but she pulled you in for a hug.

"It's so good to see you, honey," she said before pulling away, getting a good look at you. She cupped your cheeks, and her hands were a bit icy from the cold night. "You get more beautiful every time I see you," she said with a big smile, gently patting your cheek. You mumbled, thanks flashing a thin smile. "How's my baby girl and grandchild?"

"They're both doing good. Just a few bumps, but the doctor said it was nothing to worry about. They'll keep her here for observation for precaution."

"Ah, that's good to hear," she said as she sat in the empty chair next to Yuna's bed. She took Yuna's hand in hers before flicking her eyes to yours. "How are you and Jungkookie?"

Jungkook's mom never opposed your relationship. It was quite the opposite which was a surprise. She supported the two of you one hundred percent. She even told you she would tease Jungkook about his crush on you when he was younger, asking him when he would finally confess his feelings for you. But of course, she wouldn't know about the current state of your relationship because who would've told her? Certainly not Jungkook himself.

You cleared your throat, debating whether to lie or tell her the truth. "We're um...taking a small break from each other right now," you explained, shuffling over to the other side of Yuna's beside.

"Oh, sweetheart," she looked at you with sorrowful eyes. "Do you need me to beat him for you?" she teased with a light chuckle, making you snort.

"I think Yuna already did," you said, staring at your best friend, sleeping peacefully.

"Ah, good, I'm glad someone did it."

"I'll leave you here with her. I have to go see someone."

"Your mother?"

Your eyes perked up, and you nodded. "How did you know?"

"I heard her yelling at a nurse while coming up to see Yuna, and I stopped to see the commotion."

Oh god. Not Jungkook's mother talking to your mother. "I'm sorry if she said anything to you about Jungkook and me."

She shook her head. "You have nothing to worry about, sweetheart."

Your lips thinned, wondering what they could have talked about. Was your mother completely vile like she usually was? You hoped it wasn't the case and your mother would have some respect for Jungkook's mother. They were, in fact, friends once before.

"I'll be back," you smiled at her. You were thankful that you had someone like her who loved you even though you weren't hers.

You took time walking to your mother's room, thinking about what you wanted to say. Honestly, you had a lot you wanted to say, but if she were determined not to be a part of your life, you wouldn't stop her.

You could hear the light chatter and laughter from the TV show resounding as you approached the room. Your mother was watching one of her favorite variety shows. When you were younger, you'd often find yourself sitting next to her, laughing along - it was the only time she'd bear your presence. You walked in, and your mother was sitting, smiling, laughing away at the show until she saw you standing. She acknowledged your presence for a moment before returning to her show.

You took it upon yourself to sit in the chair beside her bed. Nervously, you licked your lips and shuffled in your seat until you found a comfortable position. Your mother stared at you, wondering why you were there.

"I would like it if you took a moment to listen to what I have to say, and then you'll never have to hear from me again, okay?"

She didn't respond, but her eyes returned to the screen in front of her. You sighed, annoyed at her lack of response.

"My whole life, all I ever wanted to do was make you proud," you chuckled, realizing how silly it sounded because it was an impossible feat, "I'm sorry I wasn't the daughter you wanted but the one you were stuck with. If I could go back and change things, I would." She glanced at you briefly. "I'm sorry that you weren't happy in your marriage, and what dad did to you was unfair. If there's one thing I learned from you, it's that you're strong, and I'd like to think that I got that from you," your voice started to become shaky. "I don't know what your life was like before, dad, and I don't know what your life will look like now, but I do hope that you find happiness because you deserve it. You were robbed of a beautiful marriage. You were robbed of having your own child."

A flood of tears began to flush down your cheeks, your hands patting and wiping away at the streams coming down, sniffles growing louder as you continued, "You were robbed of so many things, mother...so, now I understand why it was so hard for you to love me or even like me - it was because I wasn't yours."

You stopped to take a deep breath. Your thoughts overwhelm you and your mother. You could see that she was, in fact, human because of the tears she began wiping away. You'd always known she had a heart. She just built her walls so high and so thick that no one was able to penetrate them.

"Even though you never saw me as yours, you'll always be my mom. You're the only one I've ever known," you cleared your throat and continued through your shaky voice, "I hope life treats you well and that somehow you'll find happiness."

The twinge in your heart grew ten times more prominent by the end of your monologue. You hoped you were able to get everything off your chest. It's certainly been a long time coming. You've spent countless nights reflecting on your life and your mother's and concluded that you had lived your life long enough without her, so her not being involved in it wouldn't make a difference either way. She chose a path of destruction and displeasure, and you sure weren't going to go down the same direction. You wanted a life filled with love, joy, and hope - everything she wasn't.

You rose from your seat, gazing at her once more before heading out the door. You stopped to look back again; she had already turned away from you. You held onto the door entrance, lightly tapping, debating if you should say goodbye, but opted out. You didn't have anything else to say to her. You had made your peace.

You sat in the hospital lobby, thinking about how much you disliked them. They were so dull and sad, and the contrast of hospitals made your stomach twist- filled with sad and happy life events. Someone could give life to a brand new baby on one floor, and then on another floor, someone could be saying goodbye to a loved one.

Peering up from the ground to the commotion echoing before you, you saw Jungkook, Jin, and Namjoon rushing through the sliding double doors. Namjoon hurried in your direction, asking what room Yuna was in. As you told him, he and Jin went together, leaving you and Jungkook alone.

"Hey...." Jungkook softly called to you, making you gaze up at him, "Are you okay?" He searched your face for an answer. He could tell you had been crying, your eyes were puffy, and the tip of your nose was ruby red.

You swiped your finger underneath your runny rose, looking away from Jungkook. "Yeah...'m fine." You were always bad at lying, and Jungkook could always tell.

He sat next to you, his familial warmth filling up the space, and it was a warmth you had missed so much this past week.

"It's good to see you. It just sucks it's under these circumstances," Jungkook said as his hand struggled to see if he should hold yours. He shifted his hand a few times before settling it on his thigh. He wasn't sure if you'd be comfortable with him touching you.

But you helped him, placing your hand on top of his, curling your fingers between his. You could've easily not held his hand, but you were tired of going against the current. Right now, you need to be in the comfort of Jungkook's presence, and you'd sort out your feelings later.

He was taken aback by your gesture, but he didn't resist it. He had missed you so much this week. Jungkook wanted to keep this moment frozen as long as he could.

You glanced at him; your heart was racing a million miles a minute. "Can you do something for me?" He looked back at you, agreeing to your ask. "Can you stand up?"

He was confused by your request but wouldn't refuse you. He stood to his feet, as did you. Jungkook towered over you, which you loved so much. You always felt safe in his arms. The pair of you faced each other, his hand still entangled with yours.

"Can you...hold me?"

Your little chat with your mother shook you to the core. Sitting in the lobby, you realized that you were now truly alone.

Your father - gone.

Your birth mother - gone.

Your 'mother' - practically non-existent.

Jungkook scanned your face again, trying to figure out if this was a test. You looked up, eyes starting to pool with tears.

"Just for a little bit..." you expressed with such sadness.

In all the years that Jungkook has known you, he'd never seen you look so heartbroken - not even when he told you about Alex. This was different, and whatever was going on was more painful than he could ever imagine, something he could probably never fix.

He brought his other hand to cup your cheek, the pad of his thumb gently caressing your cheek. You closed your eyes and leaned in without hesitation, a tear streaming down your face. And then, he finally embraced you, holding you as tight as he could - a part of him never wanting to let go because he didn't want to lose you. He wanted to be your person. He wanted to be your everything, be there for you through the good and the bad, and champion and support you for the rest of his life. That's what he wanted. So, he was scared to let go because he didn't know if he'd get to become that for you. He knew whatever the reason for you giving in to him right now, the feeling would eventually pass, and you'd come back to your senses, remembering that the two of you were on a break.

You softly sobbed into his hoodie, letting everything you were holding in go. These past few weeks had been such a rollercoaster of emotions; honestly, you were just so tired of life continuing to shit on you. You weren't sure how much more you could take.

Jungkook quietly shushed you, telling you it'd be okay. "I'll always be here if you need anything, okay?"

His remark made you sob even more, chest heaving, short breaths leaving your mouth, continual snot running from your nose, slowly dripping down to the top of your lip. You turned your head, pressing it against his chest, hearing his heart thump rapidly, and your hands gripped tightly onto the back of his hoodie.

The two of you stood like this in the lobby for a while until you finally settled. Jungkook didn't say anything and didn't ask what was on your mind even though he desperately wanted to. You breathed a big sigh, slightly pulling away, taking his scent along with you.

You nibbled your bottom lip, quickly exploring Jungkook's eyes before landing on his lips. It would be a complete lie to say you weren't tempted to reach up and kiss them. You admit you almost gave into a moment of weakness, but it was time to return to reality and remember that you initiated a break from him.

"I'm--gonna head home."

"I can take you home," Jungkook immediately responded. He was hoping you'd accept his offer but was leaving room in his heart if you denied it.

"I'll just grab a taxi," you flashed a thin smile, "Thanks, Kook," you said, reaching up to kiss his cheek. You quickly pulled away in case you decided to give in and kiss him.

You walked out of the hospital and into the cab, wondering what your future would look like without your mother, you and Jungkook on the rocks, your best friend about to be a mom, and Hyunie nowhere to be found. You felt as though you were aimlessly wandering through life - just surviving, not living. Life around you moves a million miles a minute, but you are frozen in time, watching life pass you. You wondered when it would be your time to shine.

✨ next ~ i do

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