#tat:non-con

[tellmeallaboutit]

the infamous non-con fantasy aka Why Am I So Fucked Up?

I've been meaning to write down my thoughts on the psychosexual origins of non-con fantasy for some time, as I write about it a lot. A lot of dissertations have been written on the subject, a lot people way smarter than me have spoken. I will share the reasons that apply to me personally.

Disclaimer: a commonly cited reason for engaging in this fantasy is to process sexual trauma and regain agency. I have no history of sexual trauma, so I won't comment on this particular reason.

Disclaimer 2: post in this series would be #tat:non-con , feel free to block. It will be very controversial, personal and amateurish.

Reason Number One: Don’t Hold Me Responsible, It Was Never My Choice!

We are generally judged harshly for our mating choices (and women are held to a much higher standard and are generally considered the 'gatekeepers' of sex).

So what do you do when your attraction to someone can be seen as a reflection of your character? How do you excuse yourself if the object of your desire is morally reprehensible in every way?

That's right, there is a solution!

Non-con fantasy: your (self-insert) is not responsible for anything and able to have sex with the object of their desire without any moral responsibility. No judgement for laying with a torturer, slaver, dictator, fascist, you name it, just pity and sympathy.

Non-con fantasy: You cannot hold me responsible because I never made the choice! I never wanted to fuck this immoral asshole, I swear to God!

Reason Number Two: The Special Victim Aka The Power Is Actually Mine 

While there are certainly such works, no one wants to be the victim number 1000 in the 15 minute window between the victims 999 and 1001.

They want to be THE victim. THE one who forced the perpetrator to do the unspeakable. Preferably, your irresistible sexual appeal has forced someone to lose all control. This, baby, is pure power. Power to turn the perpetrator into a raging beast, a criminal all while remaining a victim.

Even if the antagonist is prone to such behavior, you are definitely their favorite victim. The one they like to hunt down best.

Because that's your fantasy. Your power fantasy, in fact.

Reason Number Three: The Controversy That Is Sex

Somewhere around adolescent years, there is this weird entirtwinement of what everybody is fascinated about, and what you should be mortally afraid of - sex.

Sex is fun, pleasure, love // Sex is danger, death and violence.

Assault is the worst thing that can happen to a woman, and then you hear girls in the high school locker room whispering about how "this one hot guy pinned me in the dark corner and oh god oh god can you imagine?! lifted his hand up my skirt. Oh, the horror, the horror! Tell me all the details!".

The rape culture's dark twin, the "playing hard to get", the faking disinterest, the competition and rivalry between sexes and within them - who is the most desirable of them all - feeds into reasons number (1) and (2).

In general, sex is such a controversial topic; the most controversial of them all, perhaps. Sex in human society is a walking paradox. It's connected to fear, fascination, love, violence, it's omnipresent, over-consuming, animalistic and chaotic. It's easy to have your neurons a bit fried and confused about different sort of stimuli. Fear, lust, violence, anxiety all make our blood rush.

Reason Number Four: Masculinity on Steroids

What are the traits that are considered masculine / hypermasculine in society? Arrogance, power, determination, aggression, dominance, risk-taking, emotional callousness, addiction to danger. Now combine that all and what kind of sexual behavior do we get it? Exactly.

And now enter the dichotomy: all these traits are both condemned and glorified in the society.

We say it’s bad but we don’t act like it’s bad. If anything, this hypermasculine behavior is encouraged. The nice guys finish last vibe is still alive and strong in society.

Non-con fantasy is a lot about rationally hating these traits but physically still being attracted to them. You'd never fuck a man like that IRL because everything he stands for disgusts you, but hey, no judges in the world of fantasy.