#sure is a bitch when you accept that just suffering for a while won't let you off the hook or fix anything

[an-ruraiocht]

sometimes self compassion is the opposite of letting yourself off easy. sometimes self compassion means holding yourself to account and demanding you do better which is so much more work than just punishing yourself. making yourself feel bad so that you feel better is a lot easier than putting the work in to actually repair harm and be less shit. it doesn't feel like that when you're down in the self punishment instinct hole and your brain is telling you that you don't deserve not to be hurt but. it's true.

[teleit]

show!Rhaenyra is oatmeal with water and tears of book readers

My best friend was there when I wrote my opinion on Rhaenyra the Mother of Tastelessness, and she told me that I sounded like a mean bitch. I thanked her for the compliment, but realized I hadn't been specific enough.

So let me explain with examples why adult Rhaenyra kneels before young Rhaenyra's throne of supremacy, but remember that this is my opinion, which you may not agree with, but you can't convince me otherwise, so don't waste your time, okay?

Let's take two episodes of season one with adult Rhaenyra, one in which she was a morally good, boring piece of cardboard, and the other in which she gained some taste while being a disgusting person.

Episode 6 is dedicated to the suffering of noble and gentle Rhaenyra, a weak but good-natured princess who is mercilessly bullied by her evil stepmother. She meekly accepts every insult Alicent throws at her, and suffers from the weight of her obligations and duties. When Alicent demands to see baby Joffrey, Rhaenyra doesn't tell her to fuck off or to come herself if she wants to see the newborn so much. She gets up with a tragic face and crawls through the castle, leaving rivers of blood in her wake, even though no one asked her to do so. Yes, she may not want to part with the baby, and be afraid of what Alicent might do, but let's be serious, Alicent was standing in a room with the king and several guards, what would she do to Joffrey, even if she wanted to, in front of others? Accidentally-intentionally swing him like a tennis racket and slam his head into the wall?

In the books, Joffrey's birth was a joyous occasion, with everyone adoring mother and child and celebrating the arrival of the new Targaryen-Velaryon. Book Rhaenyra would never allow Alicent to treat her like that. She is the heir to the throne, not a powerless servant, and she does everything to make sure everyone remembers it.

And so it is throughout the episode. Rhaenyra is constantly humiliated, belittled, insulted - and she suffers with the face of the Virgin Mary from the icon. She has no right to snap, to protest, to complain to her father - all this is unworthy of Saint Rhaenyra, whose morality cannot be questioned, otherwise the audience will remember the end of Daenerys' arc and how the prophecy is the second most useless thing in Game of Thrones after the White Walkers themselves.

And then there is episode 7. Rhaenyra, who almost came close to my favorite version of her. She does one stupid thing after another, and become most terrible person in the room every minute of her existence, but she is AMAZING and i'm adore her.

Sleep with her own uncle while her husband tries to drown himself, grieving the loss of his sister, who, by the way, was also the wife of that same uncle? Rhaenyra, what kind of scum are you, did your crotch itch that much? Couldn't you hold it for a couple of days? Your uncle follows you around like a hound in heat, he won't go anywhere until he gets what he wants, but you, not respecting either your husband or your dead sister-in-law, abandoned your own children for a long-awaited dick. Ew.

Demanding to torture your own ten-year-old half-brother, whose eye your son gouged out, and then being a sassy bitch and thanking your father for indifference to his son's injury? Wow, even Emma theirself said that they cannot find an excuse for this level of gaslighting, you have sunk lower than ever, Rhaenyra.

Sucking on a new husband's tonsils while children who have lost three parents in a week or sum stand by and look at you two with disgust? Bottom has been reached, we are in a special circle of hell made just for you, Rhaenyra Targaryen.

But here's the interesting thing, each of these actions has a flip side. The disgusting lust? Yes, but also the yearning love that Daemon and Rhaenyra have cherished for many years, the passion and desperation that burns brighter than dragonfire within them. The indifference and agression to the crippled Aemond? Yes, but also the fierce protection of her own children, the desperation and fear of accusations that could lead to the loss of her rights and freedoms (let's not lie to ourselves, Viserys would never touch a hair on his girl's head, even if she said "well yeah, they're Strong, so what?", their lives and health were safe). The greed and stupidity of a hasty marriage? Yeah, but also the joy of connection, the awe of having your destined mate.

Just like young Rhaenyra. Troubled, ambiguous, morally gray, and existing not just to be pitied and admired, but also as a character with more than two or three personality traits, and not all of them from a list of kids' cartoon episodes about kindness, love, and caterpillars learning to wash their hands or some other dumb shit.

Writers, you need to stop praising and extolling Rhaenyra, please. This is becoming a parody of Game of Thrones, not a prequel. Give the woman a break, let her be vengeful, grieving, wrong, angry - give her something that turns a piece of narrative into someone to empathize with, rather than relying on those who read the book to automatically attribute the book character's qualities to the show!Rhaenyra. Pretend the source material doesn't exist - you'll be fine, you ignore book with the grace of a buffalo in a glassware store.

I've been pissed off for months on end about a dumb show just because the writers think I'm an idiot, my fragile ego can't handle it.

Ps. Still not native speaker and dgaf about mistakes, english can suck my imaginary dick

[never-seen-again]

Redemption and Jägerman: The Half-assed Character Analysis

Hi, yes, this is going to be very long and probably a decently niche thing, so if you don't care about one random person effectively infodumping about how they view Max as a character, I'm not going to make you scroll for too long (aka I'm going to try to put in a break) (this bitch is so fucking long). (Edit: things get serious, so like, if you want things to be light and fluffy just keep scrolling my dude)

So, you've decided to suffer through my madness. Good luck. I'm going to be talking about a few main topics: Disillusionment & Confronting the Problem, Cognitive Dissonance & Rationalization Reinforcing Behavior, and Expectations in Redemption. I'm going to close out with some background info on myself to give context to the POV these ideas are coming from. If only one or two sections seem interesting I'm going to make the sections clearly marked out for better skipping around.

Disillusionment & Confronting the Problem

I don't think Max has heard a single thing he hasn't wanted to hear from someone he wasn't actively dehumanizing in several years. He's been surrounded by yes-men for at least the run of the musical, but almost definitely longer in "reality".

The Jocks we see (Kyle and Jason if I remember correctly) are, from what I've seen, cleansed of most/all culpability based off of their response to Max asked if they should let Richie go unscathed (and their later apologies to Richie and Grace, which are far more important, even if they are a bit half-assed with the 'until max comes back' part). While they do say "ha-ha, Yeah," It reads more as a 'oh, Max asked a question, just immediately agree with him' to me. They don't even stop to think about the content of the question. Blind agreement. I think the fact that neither moves from their position of boxing Richie in says that regardless of what Max asked, the response would've been the same.

These two even follow up with the unprompted commentary on Grace, who prior to Max's intervention in this scene was firmly in the "Loser" category. I bring this up because yes, these two stop the bullying after Max's death. But while Max is undoubtedly the catalyst, I can't be sure he's the cause. We would need to know what Hatchetfield High would look like either a long while before or after Max's influence or an alternate version of it wherein Max was simply never part of the equation to be sure.

(I'm going to go into the Pasqualli's scene and Jason's acceptance of Peter in the next section, so I'm not going to address it here)

While I was in high school, I had conversations, one on one, with people who I would, on large, consider assholes. In these conversations, they were like, decent people. But in their groups, they were still assholes. Could I see myself willingly hanging out with them as they were? No. But were they the people they were when one on one? Maybe. There is something to be said about social pressures to conform, but I won't get into that clusterfuck.

There are very few instances of anyone actually standing up to Max. Peter stands up to him, but he's a "Loser" (A concept I refine in the next section), Jason expresses doubt but doesn't direction challenge Max. The only person who isn't a "Loser" who shows intention of standing up to Max is Steph. Who, on the way to put into motion something that would possibly confront Max, gets pulled into Grace's Bully the Bully plan instead.

Not even adults seem to have put in any amount of work to actually trying to remedy Max's behavior. They just ship him out to an anti-bullying assembly and call it a day. In the Bathroom scene we learn that Max has "cool-kid privilege," in regards to actual disciplinary action, which to be fair likely wouldn't fix anything, but it shows the complacency of adults here if he has literally never been suspended or at least given detention for all the shit he's pulled both within the musical and what we can infer happening before it.

While I doubt Steph alone could break through the yes-men and "Fix" Max with just one conversation, I think she could place a seed of doubt in his mind. And Max isn't dumb. There's only two things that point to poor academics that I can recall: Remedial Algebra, and the tutor. And that doesn't really prove anything. I myself have nearly failed math classes, and I'm really good at math! Knowing this, either Max will either think through enough of the opposition of someone he respects, or he'll dismiss it entirely. Which is our first step toward Redemption.

Cognitive Dissonance & Rationalization Reinforcing Behavior

Max has categorized every student into one of two groups "Loser" and not that. These are somewhat absolutist titles. No one changes groups, ever. Except for Grace. Something I'll touch on later in this section. First I want to talk about this Fundamental Fixedness and how it contributes to my perception of Max. I believe he's constructed a very fragile way of maintaining himself. He's been to enough anti-bullying assemblies to get the gist that hurting people is generally considered bad. Whether that's internalized or not, I don't know. But again, I think he's smart. But he still hurts people. A lot. What if those he brands as "Losers" aren't quite people in his eyes. Still human, still whatever else, but lesser. Able to be abused without consequence. After all, he doesn't get any.

Now, I don't think he was birthed into this world with this conception. I think he trended toward popular crowds in primary education, and became a standard order bully. Emulating the behaviors of those above him in standing at this point, something small at first. Something justifiable. Like beating up a kid who snitched on a friend of Max's. As small actions had to be justified, the gulf between "Loser" and not expanded, to the point of dehumanizing "Losers." Then as he kept rising the ranks of popularity, he reached the top. But then he needed to extend a gulf between himself and the other popular people, to make his position infallible. He became their god (or in "reality" developed a God Complex). He alienated the "Losers" before alienating himself.

Now, what would happen if a "Loser" rose to the rank of not "Loser"? suddenly Max would have to contend with that he's actually hurt someone worth something. And if one person can rise past his labeling, then others could to, and he's hurt way more people than he realized.

But where does this leave Grace? Well, I don't think Max has actually placed her out of the "Loser" category. I think he's giving her special privilege until he gets what he wants out of her. There's a few posts that talk about how Grace's abstinence is a symbol of her faith in the Christian god, and how in sacrificing her chastity to the LiB she also sacrifices her faith to them. What if Max has a similar thought. That in acquiring the 'forbidden fruit' as it were he gains power, or more realistically, a greater sense of control. Max presumably hasn't shown interest before now. He's likely had other games he played for feelings of control.

Now, how could any of this possibly be an argument in favor of Max. Well, the next Step to Redemption would be abandoning the Fundamental Fixedness and taking on the burden of his actions. He has to contend with all the things he's justified under the dichotomy. The only reason I ever considered Max to be redeemable is because he makes it halfway through this step in the Musical. He accepts that maybe these roles can't be Fixed positions, specifically for people he isn't trying to get anything out of. Then he fucking dies. But he does abandon this ideology. Unfortunately the acquisition of supernatural powers and the drunken anger he felt as he died didn't make for a healthy way to handle the resulting dissonance, and instead got him pushed further off of the God Complex Cliff into a 'Yep, I hurt people and that's okay to do, because I'm god and everyone is below me' rather than the arguably healthier 'oh fuck I really fucked up I hurt so many people, shit'.

We see that he has stopped caring who is a "Loser" and who isn't. When Richie stands up to him with the iconic "I'm not a Loser" Max agrees. But it no longer matters. He knows he's going to kill Steph. She hurt him the most. But hurting someone he deemed "Cool" is still something he has trouble with. So Richie and Ruth are his warm up. He needs that time to adjust to hurting people, regardless of their rank. They aren't "Losers" anymore, but he's hurt them before, he can hurt them again with fewer issues. After Ruth, Max just goes wild. He kills Miss Tessburger, the mayor, tries to kill Shapiro, so on and so forth.

Max needs to abandon the dichotomy without going full homicidal maniac. Probably the expected when you don't die and gain supernatural powers that allow you to engage in the one remaining coping mechanism you can actually engage with in death (the coping mechanism is violence, if that wasn't clear).

Expectations in Redemption

Now, even if he does deconstruct the issues he has and how he's exerting control, he still needs to apologize, make efforts to rectify what he's done to those that even want him to continue affecting them, and accept that many will be unwilling to forgive him.

No one has any obligation to forgive him. That is the main thing. The specifics of what would even come close to what Max did being 'rectify' what he's done are beyond me, they'd likely vary character to character. But it is achievable.

Closing Statement

Also, Max is 18. While technically an adult, that brain is so undercooked, and this kid is young. I'm sure most people have done things they regret. Even things they doubled down on at the time. Things that only through hindsight do they realize how poorly they acted. I've acted in ways I don't like that at the time I thought were perfectly justified.

If Max makes efforts to be a better person, he deserves that chance.

Writer Bias and Background

Hi, said I'd do this. I am working with my experiences as my framework. As such, being clear about what those experiences are in a broad framework may help inform you of how much of my opinion you deem valuable.

I've never dealt with bulling to the extent Max inflicted on the students at Hatchetfield. In elementary school I was tripped with an amount of regularity, in middle school some kids poked and prodded me during classes to get a reaction, or to laugh at my lack of reaction despite their actions. In high school I was called a [f-slur] several times and threatened with violence once. My experiences are incredibly mild.

I am presently in college, working towards a psych degree. I have taken very few higher level psychology classes. I am not an expert, I just know some base level stuff about some of the vocab, which I have utilized here. My usage of these terms is based on my present understanding of them. I probably made mistakes.

There may be some confirmation bias occurring, be it from the pretty privilege that max has from being portrayed by an attractive performer, or just a deep seated self-loathing that manifests as a need for characters to have a path to redemption regardless of their failings.

Fuckin' ridiculous that I feel the need to include this but I am a part of the "Michie nation" as it were. It shouldn't really matter, but yeah, this is more about Max Jägerman's ability to become a better person given the opportunity than any romantic entanglements he might engage with.

[warmmilk-n-honey]

I just want to add to this cause it annoys me when people like Ciel for dealing with his trauma in an "acceptable" way, because I'm sorry, becoming hellbent on bloody revenge and acting like a sociopath is not an acceptable way to deal with your trauma.

Also I don't know a lot about Alois but from what op describes, it sounds like some of the stuff Ciel does! Like Ciel is hella sadistic idk who's acting like he's not a little bitch who treats the people who care about him like shit, but they're wrong! Again idk a lot about Alois, but it's annoying that people give Ciel a pass for being sadistic and pushing people away like it's not the same shit, they just do it in different ways, like c'mon don't act like Ciel doesn't delight in the suffering of others lmao!

The only thing I half disagree with op on is that Ciel has a good support system, while it's true he has people who care about him and want to help him, I don't think that's the same as having a good support system and I don't think they are really able to support him in the ways he actually needs most of the time. I also think Sebastian as well as Ciel's own stubbornness get in the way of him actually feeling loved/supported. Even if he does deep down care about the people in his life, in his mind he only sees them as his pawns, he won't let himself truly trust anyone, and he sees himself as alone in the world. Not to mention he has a toxic ass demon who's constantly enabling his worst behaviors, retraumatizing him, and making sure he feels he can't rely on anyone but himself.

I feel like people hate on Alois and not Ciel because as op said Alois more outwardly expresses his emotions and Ciel is the king of keeping shit bottled up. But he still does outwardly express his trauma in destructive ways, it's just more subtle and can be seen as not directly linked to his trauma and more so to his job. So it idk, gets a pass? He's still taking out his rage and trauma on people who have wronged him (and the people who care about him let's be honest) through his little sadistic games, it's not dignified, it's not "better", it's simply more subtle and calculated.

And I guess people hate on Alois because he's a slut, not valid. Being hypersexual is a trauma response that should be treated as such just as being sex repulsed is. It feels super victim blamey to disparage a child for acting in uncomfortably sexual ways. Now you can hate the way the anime frames Alois' hypersexuality, that's another thing and is valid. But please also acknowledge how Yana frames Ciel's sex repulsion as a "ha ha funny joke, I'm gonna shove tits in his face and have a girl violate his boundaries because funny anime hijinks," because that is also shitty.

Anyway, I don't even have stake in this because I don't know much about Alois, but I can recognize hypocrisy. Basically don't hate on Alois for being a little shit when Ciel is the littlest shit of them all uwu.

the way everyone fucking hates alois but loves and supports ciel makes my brain explode because i know exactly why

ciel's trauma responses are the socially acceptable ones. he breaks down crying, he freaks out to himself. he curls up in a ball and closes himself off emotionally. his trauma made him grow up quickly, and he's repulsed by anything reminding him of his trauma, but he can still bottle it up and deal with it when needed.

alois became hypersexual and violent. he's a whiny, attention seeking, childish people pleaser. he's sadistic towards people who care about him out of fear. when faced with things that trigger him, he either lashes out or puts himself into a mindset where he can convince himself that he enjoys what is happening. he's like a bee who stung someone knowing that it'll kill him, but still continues to come back to life and sting for no reason. the things he does are minor inconveniences to others, but hurt him more than anything

one is socially acceptable, the "proper" way to deal with your emotions; the mature way. he has a support system, people to help him when he is upset. the other is childish and "scary", unlovable and permanently broken. he rarely receives comfort, and outright refuses it often due to a fear of vulnerability.

why are we faulting the traumatized child with no support system for acting like a traumatized child with no support system?

[goofyhoffy]

known stranger | jjk | Chapter 1

people say your bestfriend's rival is your rival too. But what if you fall for your rival.

✿ Pairing :  Jungkook × female reader, Jimin × best friend reader

✿ Genre : enemies to lovers, stranger au, personal assistant au, manager au, mutual au.

✿ Summary : always seen him around your mutual friend, but one day you  noticed the known face. Everyone find you so interesting that they always want to be your best friend, yet you never find anyone close to your heart. Jimin your so called bestfriend gone through the worse break up but instead of caring him you fall for his rival. You never thought of liking someone who would beat your bestfriend, but you fall for Jungkook there. Unfortunately, Jungkook became your personal assistant who hated you the most for supporting Jimin. What if Jungkook also wants you back?

✿ Warnings : fluff, strong languages, reader is a psychopath, angst, anxiety, anxiousness, double faced, bullying, overthinking, mean people, Jimin here is the meanest, ignoring, explicit, smut, fake friends, manager and personal assistant au, mutual friend, swearing, filled with flirty lines, rival, lovey dovey, break up, makeout, humiliation, oneshot, texting.

✿ Series : a drabble fanfiction of 3 sets

✿ Word Limit : 5 k+

MASTERLIST

✿ Author's note : wishing you many happy returns of the day, kook. I thought of making this fanfic a oneshot but my mind never cooperates with me. So, here I'm again with my drabble series. Read it and let me know if you liked it. To get add on taglist, send an ask.

(๑˙❥˙๑)(๑˙❥˙๑)(๑˙❥˙๑)(๑˙❥˙๑)(๑˙❥˙๑)(๑˙❥˙๑)(๑˙❥˙๑)

"See, I changed your contact name to 'Bestie' , it's looking perfect dude." Jimin rejoiced. You just gladly looked at his phone screen with your two owl eyes. "Now, you also need to change my contact name in your phone to 'bestie'. Do it fast, I'm waiting, piggy."  Jimin said happily.

"Ya, I'll do it later some day." You weirdly smiled at him. It's always been like that. Jimin being too clingy, always said that you're his best friend, his own girl, whom he adores the most. But somewhere you never felt that. You never denied him of being your friend or you can say your best friend but you always hesitated to accept. You never called him sweetly, never even seen him like your bestfriend but something less than that. A vibe just didn't match with him. Yet, he was always the one who texted you, asked for hanging out, call you by pet names, always loved you, always treat you like his bestfriend. You never showed this emotions neither you did denied all that .

"You always do this things. You know, you're always first for me. First priority,____(y/n)." Jimin sighed.

"Ya, always first. But-" you got intreuppted by him.

This Areum gonna kill me one day. This girl already broke up with me but still cling to me." Jimin said while checking his phone. Few weeks ago, Jimin had a worst broke up. More likely, a betrayal kinda thing happened with him. Before that he was so happy, bright and always busy with his girlfriend. And never ever asked you how were you back then. There you got it, how really a toxic person he was. That's why, you never wanted to call him your special person. Cause after every break up he only comes to you. And during his relationship phase he never even asked you nor did he talk to you. A complete stranger basically.

" Why don't you just ignore her. Block her if she's distrubing you so much." You said.

"I did, but still. Well, she's only for fun. She also have fun making out with me and I do the same. So no problem." Jimin chuckled.

"Also fun when she calls his boyfriend and his friends to beat you up as you're assign of molesting her." You rolled your eyes.

"____, you clearly know that. You have seen that. She was the first who directed me to kiss her , touch her and everything. But later that bitch just called her bodyguard boyfriend to help her out. It's only a strategy for breaking up with me." Jimin sighed.

"Then, why did you do the same thing again Jimin? Just leave her. It really feel bad to see your friend suffering." You asked.

"Bestfriend not friend." Jimin corrected.

"Whatever. Do you want to have red stamps on your ass again?" You sighed.

"No, but I can't. That time I was so mad at Areum so I didn't do any harm to her boyfriend. Unless I would have kicked him in nuts." Jimin giggled.

"Everything is not a joke, Jimin." You rolled your eyes as you left for your daily shift.

◉

You got freahen up after a hectic day at your work. After taking good hot shower, you sat on your bed and checked your phone. You glared at how many messages Jimin had sent you to ask about your day, your mood, what's you're doing and stuff like that. You completely ignored it. Sometimes you feel that, the boy put so much of his time on you just to get some friendly love from you. But at the second thought, you imagine all those moments when he ignored you, your texts, your calls for hours and days just because he don't need you.

At last you saw the flooded messages at the new group chat you got added. You don't have enough patience to read what the group chat was about and who were the members. So, you directly called the one who added you.

It's Bora, who added you. Your long lost another best friend. Who also treated you like her best friend but you never like being her friend. But you felt so glad that someone still remembered you. You called her.

"Hello!"  You nervously chuckled.

"____, I missed you bub. Don't you missed me sweets?" Bora excitedly asked.

"Sure. I-I mean I did. A lot. Bora." You weirdly smiled

"Then you're definitely coming to the Mall? Don't you?" Bora asked.

"Mall? About what?" You asked.

"I added you to the gc dude. Checked that. Everyone is coming. Please you also need to come. I have many things to talk about you." Bora pleased.

"I saw that, that's why I called you. Cool idea! Definitely gonna come Bora." You said.

"Call me sunshine. Okayy, tomorrow at eight at evening near the south mall. Don't be late. We all will be there." Bora said happily.

"Sure sunshine. I'll be there promise. Good night. Meet you tomorrow." You said cheerfully.

You're kinda excited to meet your old goldies. Not to lie but you missed them so much. All the shit they talk, crazyness they do and everything about them is all you need right now. You missed Bora in real. Like, in days she was so toxic that gives you anxiety unnecessarily but still she missed you. You always love the person who mentioned you anywhere unless or untill it's Jimin.

At the Mall, you're already late to go their after your hectic schedule. But still you're not late as it's only nine and they asked you to be their till eight. But you always a late lateefa. More like a queen for whom everyone waits. You saw Bora, and ran cheerfully towards her.

"Sunshine!" You sang.

"_____, again late." Bora exclaimed arrogantly.

"Really sorry Bora. Tell me if I missed anything." You asked.

"Everything. Legit everything." Bora said.

"Why? I'll cry dude." You sighed

"Everyone already gone for movie. I'm just here to wait for you girl. Thank me." Bora rolled her eyes

"Then let's go for the movie. We can join the movie." You cheerfully smiled.

"Wait. I didn't call you here to hangout with you. I need to tell you many things." Bora said.

"Then whom we're waiting for. Let's have some goosip coffee, Sunshine." You chuckled as both of you just walked upto the near counter coffee shop. There you sat the same place you used to and have endless laughter.

She explained how she's going to marry the man of her dreams. Tells you everything about what happening in every one's life and their love life. During your old days to, Bora was the one who tells you all the goosip and love life of others. She was so much interested in other life than her own. Unfortunately you were always the one who used to hear all those boring goosips. You were never interested, neither you are now interested.

As the weather is getting happier the dark clouds surrounds the mood. You saw Areum and his Boyfriend Seokjin was also there at the mall. They're strolling down the Mall with grabbing eachother hands. They looked so happy. But you felt so bad for his boyfriend Seokjin. He never knew the actual face of Areum. You have seen after Jimin's break up also, she used to make out with him. Jimin share each and everything about that. How she bite his upper lip so much and how she was acting that everything was good and still were together. Jimin was an actual fool and you knew that. He didn't understand that, the thing which he was telling fun and gain is actually the entire opposite. Areum was all having fun with her new rich boyfriend and having a good physical life with Jimin. But here Jimin was always so sad because of her. She's an actual bitch  and act like an innocent fool.

"Bora, this is the girl I'm talking about." You pointed at Areum indirectly.

"She was Jimin's girlfriend? Ew. I always know he had a bad taste." Bora said.

"See the boy beside her, he's her new boyfriend. A total bitch." You fumed. As both of you sitting at the corner of the coffee cafe looking at them and goosiping.

"That's Seokjin. Lord." Bora yelled.

"You know him?" You asked.

"For sure. He's the friend of Jungkook. That boy is way too flirt." She giggled.

"Jungkook? You mean that boy?" You asked.

"Ya, remember during the high school party I invited him. You met him quite a few time, ____" she said.

"Wait. There's a  Long story about him also dude. Let me finish." You chuckled as you sipped your cold brew.

You explained her how during the break up of Jimin and Areum, she called her new boyfriend. With his new boyfriend there was Jungkook there to threaten Jimin. You had witnessed all the threatening Jungkook given. The way he said 'back off your little ass' , 'fuck another girlfriend, leave Areum' , 'seokjin is like my brother, if anything happens to her girl I won't leave you". All his aggression, confidence in his eyes and a way of firece. Not to mention you liked it.

All this years, you have seen Jungkook. You have seen him in the partis, malls and streets. But after he threatened your bestfriend, you kind of liked him. After that you noticed him in real. How he was flexing his arms while talking to Jimin, how he was rolling his eyes, how he was just standing there looking immensely handsome. With the white t-shirt on and cargo pants, he was looking handsome. That's the first time you actually noticed him.

You really felt bad for Jimin that all the boys get over him. But a certain part of your giggling to recalling all the moment of Jungkook. You never talked to him, neither he took an interest on you. You both were just a known stranger to each other. Known by the faces and stranger by the identity.

At the end of the meet and greet day, you were on your way to outside. Bora was with you. You both were laughing. You met with other old friends too after so long. You took some good memories photo and you felt so good at the end.

"Bora! Hey!" Someone shouted at Bora who was standing beside you at the exit of the mall. She looked back and realized it's Jungkook.

"Hey, Kook. You're here." She giggled.

"Come here with Seokjin. You too here?" Jungkook asked.

"Yeah, with _____(y/n). Meet my bestu." She pointed at you.

"I see." Jungkook just rolled his eyes on you. It's completely like ignoring you. You also completely just looked at your phone to cut off eye contact. It was like ignoring both of their conversation.

You know why he always looked so uninterested on you. After Jimin's broke up, you took Jimin's side and then all those so called cold war started. He absolutely hate you because you opposed him and supported your friend. But you know you were correct. But that never mean that you could not have a crush on him.

His dark hairs falling at his eyes with the little puppy eyes look immensely fierce. His everything is quite recognisable and you remembered each of the detailed about him. But always a guilt that you never spoke to him. You wanted to but his expression kills your inner whore.

"Then spend time with Seokjin. Meet me soon." Bora said.

"Cool. You also spend time with your bestu. I'll meet you soon." Jungkook greeted as he left both of you alone. He gave you a scary look before leaving which you clearly noticed but rolled your eyes.

◉

You entered at your work place. That day you had a lot of work to do. So, you piled up all the papers needed for the work. Basically, you were working as a manager in a hotel as you want to have enough money to publish your book. You work daily so hard to accomplish all your dreams to be a writer. Being a manager you saved enough for your book and have enough to spend the rest on your own. Your work was always way to comfortable for you.

"Good Morning,____." Your boss entered at your work place and greeted you.

"Good morning boss. Do you need something?" You asked.

"I want you to meet someone. Kook! Come in." He shouted to call someone. As he called, a guy entered in the room and it's none other than Jungkook itself.

"Meet Jungkook. From now onwards he will assist you. Your personal assistant." He said.

"Dad! I'm not anyone's assistant here. I'm not doing this thing." Jungkook barked angrily.

"You have to think about that before the car accident. To be more sincere, you have to work as an assistant until or unless I'm sure you can do something on your own." Your boss hissed. You never knew that Jung kook was son of your boss. Your boss looked quite young for a big boy like Jungkook. And never did Jungkook had been in this five star hotel you worked at. You were quite shocked while giggling inside that he had to assist you. That's mean proper supremacy.

"But dad -" Jungkook been cut off by him.

"Meet _____(y/n). I really want you to work with her. She's sincere as well as profound at her work. I think you will be a good Manager -  assistant thing." You boss said. As he mentioned your name , Jungkook looks at you. He was as stun as you.

"Thanks Boss. Hello Mr. Jeon Jungkook." You greeted and try to be as professional as you want to stop him from invading in your personal life.

"Now, you both can start your work. I'm leaving." You boss said as he left your work place leaving you and Jungkook alone.

For few minutes it was like a dread silence. Only your computer making the typing sound. You don't know how to start a conversation. The only thing you know was that you should be professional with him. No perosnal talks. Only see him as your assistant or more like your boss's son. Jungkook was there right behind you still astonished and don't know from where to start. He was already feeling so sad about being someone's assistant but it made worse after realising it's you. You were his manager. Internally he hated you, but you liked him. You know he hated so much. But neither you had talked to him nor he talked to you. It was an internal war of friendship. Because both of your mutual friends were rivals. So, you both also knew you have to be each other rivals too.

"You work here?" Jungkook smirked.

"Yes, Mr. Jeon. As you're my assistant now, I'll teach what you have to do." You weirdly smiled.

"I'm not your assistant first of all. It's for my dad sake. Or I would never have to work here." Jungkook arrogantly said.

"It's okay Mr. Jeon. But I have to abide by my boss rules." You said.

"What's with Mr. Jeon? Don't you know me?" Jungkook asked smirkingly.

"Do I?" You asked.

"Dude, you're Bora's as well as Jimin's bestfriend. I clearly have seen you hundreds of times. Don't deny that you never have seen me." Jungkook smirked.

"Sorry, Mr. Jeon. But I'm at my work place. No perosnal talks please." You hesitantly said. You felt like a large piece of stone got off from your heart. You never want to talk to him about your personal matters or it would go real wrong.

"Stop calling me Mr. Jeon for God sake. Call me Jungkook." He ranted.

"Okay, Mr. Jungkook. Anything you like." You said.

" God! You're so annoying dude. No more formalities please. Jungkook only." Jungkook yelled at you. You know how to annoy people. You were just testing his patience and as expected he was way more patienceless than you have thought.

"Okay Jungkook. Call me _____(y/n) then." You smirked.

"Whatever." Jungkook rolled his eyes as he sits at the table.

He was on his phone through out you were working. You thought of giving him some work. But the way he was sitting, getting annoyed by you and those priceless smiles across his face whenever he was playing in his phone. You can't deny but you want to admire him all day long. You and Jungkook was all alone in the room. No one was there. You were working on your files and peeping at him when he was not looking at you.

"Dude, give me some work or something. I'm getting bored." Jungkook sighed as he put his phone aside and looked at you.

"I thought you don't want to work! But sure, being your manager I'll give some work to do." You proudly said.

"Only for my dad. And also I'm bored so thought doing something with you." Jungkook said.

"Something with me?" You asked. Your sarcasm is way too knowledgeable to your friends. How you turn simple things to some random jokes.

"I-I mean some work with you." Jungkook stumbled.

You told him everything he have to do. All the rules and regulations he had to follow. But at all your words he just rolled his eyes. That kind of annoying to you and you want to beat the shit out of him. But you can be a bigger annoyance than him. And you decide to be one. As Jungkook would never find you interesting or beautiful but you would force him to do so.

After the work, when you finished all your daily work and wrote down all the things you have to do tomorrow on your diary. You were ready to go to your home and work in your book and have some delicious coffee.

"Jungkook now you're good to go. See you tomorrow." You greeted him with a smile.

"So, now what are you gonna do?" Jungkook asked.

"We did all the work today so early. So, now you can go home and so do I." You said.

"Go home! Don't you have anywhere to go? Hangout or parties?" Jungkook chuckled devilishly.

"I prefer home Jungkook. Meet you tomorrow." You said and you're on your way to exit.

"Wait ____. I'm trying to start a conversation. And you're only ignoring me." Jungkook yelled.

"I'm not ignoring. It's just I have pile of work to do." You laughed

"So, if your professional life ended can we talk about your personal life?" Jungkook asked jokingly.

"No. I don't want to." You said as you left the venue for your home. Jungkook was standing there all astonished that why you react like that. Thinks if he asked you something wrong.

As soon as you reached home, you got a text from an unknown number.

You're internally giggling and smirking that it was not you who texted first but it was him. You were happy that finally you got his number. But still you don't want to show that you liked him or anything. You just want to be professional with him so that he'll beg you to talk to him. You're way too annoying and you want to show that to him. You now just want to go tomorrow and annoy him more and more.

◉

"You did well today. You should be proud of yourself!" You smiled at him.

"I'm always proud of myself. Well, now home?" Jungkook asked.

"Yeah, let me just get my things and we'll be good to go." You said as you packed your bag up.

There Jungkook standing looking at you and your curves. He was really so rude to you at first but now he was cooperating with you. He does everything you told him and obediently he did that. As you were busy packing your things. He grabbed your diary across the table to hand over to you.

But before that he looked through the pages of the diary. First few pages, you marked all your day to day plan. Yet as he turn the pages over he looked the brief description you have pointed about everyone. This was something you do whenever you find someone interesting. You always note down their physical and behavioural characteristics about them. Because in a thought that maybe it'll help you in the near future on your books. You always make your books character with attachment of the real people existed. It's kind of a thing you really like.

"His deep ocean eyes when he looked at his rival. For me it his dark hairs which he glides with his veiny hands." Jungkook louldy sang. As you didn't noticed that Jungkook already have your diary and you're looking for it. But those lines he sang just clicked your mind.

"Jungkook! What the hell? Give me my diary." You shouted at him and punched his arms.

"Dude, I'm giving. Wait, let me read some more." Jungkook chuckled devilishly.

"Give me or I'll leave." You rolled your eyes. As he gave the diary back to you. You look at the pages he turn over and generously you looked at it. Properly examining if he fold any of the pages.

"It's okay. I didn't eat your pages." He rolled his eyes.

"I'll check that up." You arrogantly said as you pick your bag up and left for home.

The lines Jungkook read loudly was actually about him. You have written everything about him which you find interesting. You don't want to reveal your secret that you liked him. But you just wished that he didn't read his name there.

As soon as you went home, you got Jungkook's text. It's now kind of become a routine for you to get text from him at night. The whole day you just spend with him and at night we wished you 'sleep well' to end the day. You can't thank your boss enough for him. He's rude but kind. You're annoying but sweet.

"Today we don't have many work Jungkook. You can take a leave today. " You said as you pile up the papers.

"It's okay, I'll help you." Jungkook nonchantly said.

"Well, I also don't have work. So, I'm leaving already." You chuckled.

"It's only afternoon dude." Jungkook sighed

"So? You're so enthusiastic to work, huh?" You asked.

"For you." Jungkook sighed under his breath.

"Wait. You're free now? Any plans for evening?" He asked.

"No I guess. Will eat and watch something so far." You excitedly said.

"Let's hangout?" Jungkook smirked

"Huh? With whom?" You dumbly asked.

"With me of course dude. You and me. I never have talked to you in person. You always so professional." Jungkook giggled

"Umm... I might be - " you got intreuppted by him.

"Please don't say no. I also want to know why every one wants you be there bestfriend." Jungkook pleased. You really want to go at the first go but you want him to plead to you. And he did, and you accepted that.

"Okay then but home by night." You smiled. 

He accepted and asked you to wait for him till he take his car at the front. You waited for him at the main door. But you saw he forget his phone at the table. And repeatedly his phone just lights up as there were messages flooded on his phone. You decided to peep into it. Your inner detective rises as you checked his phone. You know it's wrong to check anyone's personal thing but he also did first with your diary. You looked at the top messages, it's filled with many flirty girls texts, some work related texts and lastly Seokjin text which popped up as soon as you open it.

Your inner self was burning right then. You thought Jungkook was not like that but you were wrong. He was like that, a total rude brat. But before you he acts like all sweet and flirty. Yet he was totally the different personality in real. He still thinks of you as a ugly and rival person. You can't process what did he mean by 'I'll fuck a pig than you'. You were keep repeating the lines in your head. The more you imagine it, the more your blood was boiling for him. He was traitor or a chameleon who only knows how to changes colour. You can guess how he thinks about you. He only thinks about you as a ugly, little and fatty bestfriend of his rival. You just want to see him and kick him so hard and want to know why he acts like he actually interested in you.

You were already been worse , you don't want anymore to get worst. You only need to go home and drift in your blanket and sleep till you forget that Jungkook is okay to fuck a pig but not you.

You left for your home without greeting Jungkook a bye. You don't want to hangout with him anymore. You now just want him to beg you to fuck him. You're a total psychopath for this. Your ego is far more bigger than anything in this world. Either he should beg you to fuck him or you never will see his face. You know your ways how to do that. As you think, Jungkook already called you to enquire why did you left after promising for hanging out. But you declined the call. He texted you over hundreds time to know what's wrong with you. But neither you did answer. You were completely ignoring him.

The past days you just ignored him, his texts and calls everything. Everytime he comes to talk to you at interval you just passed him. If comes to ask you something you directed him to the other managers. Even ones he asked you why you were acting so differently and ignoring him. But you straight up rolled your eyes on him. He got so annoyed by your actions. He only wants to know if he made some mistakes. But more than the mistakes you feel that it's a double game. He only wants to insult you and nothing else. You also know it's better to stay away from double faced people.

You were at your workplace constantly ignoring Jungkook. You never pick any personal calls during your work. But as it's lunch time and Jimin was calling you, being a good bestfriend you picked it up.

"Bestie! You're at work?" Jimin asked through the phone.

"Umm.. yeah. Anything?" You said.

"Today, I prepared dinner for you. Specially for you. Please come over at my place." Jimin said.

"Ahhh! Jimin! Tonight I can't. There's a lot of undone work." You ranted.

"You always say this things. Shut up, you have to. Else I will pick you up. Okay?" Jimin asked smiling.

"No need to come here. I'll come, it'll be late." You sighed.

"Great bae. Love you always." Jimin sang.

"Meet you tonight. Bye." You said.

"Say it back, piggy." Jimin shouted.

"Ahhhh love you Jimin! Bye." You also sang the same way he did and declined the call. You were already tired and again you have to go there.

Someone was there to noticed all the things you were doing, it's Jungkook. He heard all the talks with Jimin. Heard the way you have a plan tonight with Jimin, the way you sang love you to Jimin and the way you were giggling all the time talking to Jimin and not him. His inner spirit boiled to know you were again talking to that little brat who was his rival and he got jealous that you never hangout with him but you at once get ready to hangout with Jimin. He couldn't sit with his inner boiling ego. He need to ask you what happened, why did you hangout with Jimin and many other questions which a boyfriend need to ask his girlfriend. Time by time there was some sudden urge which keep him engaged with you. It  could be your personality, your way of showing emotions and everything you do. He also fall for you but still didn't know it.

Jungkook just entered the room where you were working and shut the door arrogantly. You were amazed what he just did but without caring much you did your work.

"Working, huh?" He asked. You just nodded a yes.

"Free tonight? Thinking of taking you to any restaurant." Jungkook smirked.

"Busy tonight. Hope you will understand." You rolled your eyes.

"Busy tonight with your boyfriend Jimin, huh?" Jungkook chuckled devilishly. Your eyes just burned to hear that. You frowned.

"Sry, my mistake. I mean your so called best friend Jimin." Jungkook rolled his eyes.

"Jungkook, mind your own business." You shouted. He walk up to you and stand straight right before your face.

"Now,I understand why Jimin broke up with Areum. Jimin got you." He said as he pinned you at the wall. He thoroughly looked into your eyes leaving no gap. His hot steamy breath could be sensed by your cold skin. Each word he spokes makes your heart pound. His wide chest touches your torso. He was furious and angry that time you could clearly guess. But more he come nearer to you. You felt like hugging him. Instead of asking him to leave you, you just glared into his eyes. Both of you were stolen in each other eyes. No one was taking back.

"Love you Jiminiee." Jungkook mimicked you.

"Jungkook, stop it"

"Tell me that you love Jimin and I'll leave."

"What if we stand like this forever." You winked.

"Don't play with me, ____(y/n)" Jungkook smirked as he come closer to your face.

"What if I kiss you now?" You smirkingly said.

"Then do that! Jimin again got a cheater girlfriend. Poor Jimin." Jungkook giggled.

"I'm glad that he didn't get a girlfriend like Areum." You frowned.

"Mind your business. Dare not to speak anything about them." Jungkook arrogantly said.

"Who started, huh? Who's now pinning me? Who's jealous about Jimin? Who wants to take me to dinner? Hear yourself, baby." You playfully winked as you punched him to get off from him. He took a back from you.

"Seokjin is right my taste is real bad. Live with your Jimin happily." Jungkook said.

"First of all he's right to say that. Having a friend like Seokjin shows your taste. Secondly, Jimin is not my boyfriend. Lastly, don't ever dare to talk to me and fuck off." You ranted as you leave the room.

(✿ ♡‿♡) (✿ ♡‿♡) (✿ ♡‿♡)

TAGS : @mellie1409 @pariyansha @alienatedkitten @chans-baby-girl @mwitsmejk @hello-stranger24 (sry the tags are not working)

[h3l10tr0p3]

MANGA CH. 284 SPOILERS

OF REDEMPTIONS AND ATONEMENTS:

We all been knew, man. We all knew this was coming.

And godDAMN does it fucking HURT. (oh the sweet sweet angstfest this whole chapter is, just *chef's kiss*)

But i legit cannot put into words how deep the choice to 'Atone' cuts on my bleeding bkdk heart. Let's first take a step back and see how Katsuki went from DvK2 to here- that one keystone moment that has given us this beautiful chapter: And I meant ALLLL the way back to Chap. 252

I have already written a whole-ass post based on this panel, which you can check Here.

TL;DR Katsuki was actually paying real close attention to Endeavour in this part. He came to Endeavour to learn exactly what he was missing as a Hero, but he learnt so much more.

This scene in particular left a momentous impact on Kacchan. Here, Natsuo is resistant to the idea of forgiving his father for all his sins just because he is more involved in their lives now. And Endeavour had been dreaming for a while about a Home where he is not present with the rest of the Todoroki's which ultimately gave him the idea of buying a house for the others to live in apart from him. This is HUGE. This is what actually drove Endeavour's Redemption home- the perfect understanding and the perfect compensation, the two elements of a brilliant Redemption Arc. NOT THE FORGIVENESS, just as Enji says it. It is NEVER ABOUT THE FORGIVENESS.

Endeavour understood that it was his presence that caused his family distress, and although he dearly wanted to be a part of his family again, was even making efforts towards it by being cordial and accepting of Shouto's friends, inviting them to a family dinner, etc. etc. Endeavour realized the only way he can compensate/atone was to give up something that would cause him suffering, and them happiness. The idea that your family doesnt want you, when you just started to show some effort and HOPE that they might see you in different light, maybe forgive you and then to just terminate those ties entirely, punting yourself into a void where NO ONE CAN COME IN AND SAVE YOU FROM YOUR SUFFERING, is exactly what Endeavour did. He is actively shutting down the ONE window through which his family could see that he was suffering, and miserable, and wanted to be a part of the family again. Endeavour CHOSE to not be forgiven. To writhe with the knowledge of his sins day in and day out with only the shrine of Dabi Touya to haunt him every waking minute.

I cannot explain just how much determination it takes to do that, man. It's just- WOW.

Excuse me for ranting on Endeavour in a bkdk post, but I swear this has a point. And All Might says this the best:

This is the fanlation, the official release (which I couldnt get my hands on) also mentions that "When I meant you were like Endeavour, I meant the Change"

This here is an important bit that AM has caught onto.

In the 252 panel, where Endeavour says 'It's not like I want forgiveness' (Because Endeavour understands he cannot be, should not be, forgiven) "I just want to make up for everything I have done" (and to back this up, Endeavour shuts down the one communication link that could have offered him forgiveness, and thus salvation from the weight of his sins and his guilt)

Katsuki understood Endeavour's idea of redemption very well here, although he might not be shown with that light-bulb moment. He may have already known this wayyy before Endeavour said anything, but those words lent a solidity and to the path he must persue to acheive redemption: And it's Not forgiveness.

Let me tell you why I think Atonement is the greater factor here, even greater than Redemption itself. Redemption has an end-point: Forgiveness. But Atonement doesn't. Atonement has no expiry date. Atonement is purely propelled by the understanding of self, and the weight of guilt the self bears, whereas a Redemption is All About The Forgiveness.

Forgiveness is an external force, it may or may not be given to you and that is completely up to the person who has been wronged. Atonement is self-imposed, it is a meditation of the soul to forgive itself against the guilt it carries.

If Redemption is a marathon with a banner at the finish line, Atonement is trying to drag a twenty pounds of rocks through the Sahara desert without water, food or a compass- it's endless, hopeless.

And this is why Atonement is greater than Redemption.

And do you think someone as stubborn as Kastuki will ever find himself atoned of his deeds? No. And That, my friends, is The Point. In 252, when Endeavour says, "I dont want forgiveness" it's not just him saying it- it's also Katsuki. "I just want to make it upto you", is also Katsuki.

And to prove it, Katsuki will never ask for forgiveness. A verbal apology will be nice, sure. Especially since dumb-ass, gay-ass, 'Kacchan-sugoi' ass Izuku Doesn't even See it as Atonement. He is just #Blessed that Kacchan and he can talk almost-naturally again. And that is also Katsuki's intention- because the moment Izuku knows, he won't be able to atone this way anymore.

So, as much as I HATE to say this, the chances of a voluntary verbal apology are slim. If allowed to go on like this, Kacchan with continue to shadow Izuku through his life, worrying about him, LOSING SLEEP OVER HIM :

LOOK AT THOSE BAGS UNDER HIS EYES. /*shoves panels in yo face*/LOOK

Can you believe this bitch-ass gremlin who goes to sleep at 8:30 got bags just from stressing over his Deku??????

LOOK AT HIM DOING A HECCIN' MAJOR KOKORO-STOPPING CONCERN.

(He is flipping his shit because he worries, and he worries so much, and has worried for him for a long LONG time.)

- Katsuki will continue on this path of being Izuku's support.

Forever if it takes.

Forever, he hopes, it takes-

Because the only way he will stop is in death, either his own or Deku's.

This is his Atonement: To undo everything he once did, to support Izuku's dream instead of squashing it; To help him get stronger instead of perpetuating the narrative on his weakness; To protect him from all harm, when he once hurt; To be on his side when the whole world is against him, because once he was all, but, for him; To save Izuku as he wins, to win as he saves.

And, To deny each oppurtunity of forgiveness even as he desperately longs to be unburdened of his guilt.

Because Katsuki knows:

He knows Izuku is that one of a million, he is kind and humble and considerate and loving to a fault.

Katsuki knows that Izuku will forgive him in a heartbeat. That is just the kind of selfless, beautiful person he is.

Unlike Endeavour, who had no guarantee to forgiveness, Katsuki does. And that is what makes Katsuki's Atonement more powerful than Endeavour's. He recognizes it is in his grasp, just an arm's length away...

....Just an arm's length.

And Katsuki will deny himself that. Because he does not believe he deserves it. He hasn't atoned enough for it.

"Keep At Arm's Length"

He says. Because this is the critical distance between them. Not "Stay an arm's length away", because Katsuki doesn't wanna run away from Deku, and he doesn't want to be too far away to protect him, nor does he want to get too close to finally recieve the forgiveness that will give him salvation.

This is the fine balancing act Katsuki must maintain indefintely till he believes he has acheived his idea of atonement. (And when has he ever been happy just the bare minimum?)

I know I said Katsuki will never ask for forgiveness, and a voluntary verbal apology is very unlikely, because in it's very nature, it is inviting a forgiveness from Izuku, which we have established, Katsuki wants to avoid. And if this were any other manga, we would have been doomed to this conclusion. But, there is a scenario when Katsuki might issue a verbal apology and that is when Katsuki knows there isn't enough time to be forgiven in turn, or, hasn't atoned enough and can no longer continue to.

Like when Katsuki launches off, to deliver a final kamikaze blow to a villain, and he has only enough time to tell Deku a short "I am sorry", but not enough time to wait for a reply. Or when Deku is dying and at his final moments, when Katsuki knows however much he has atoned isn't enough and isn't how Deku should leave, without closure.

Whatever the future may hold, my dear readers, Katsuki still has a long, long way to go. And I hope to see him live through everything, to be there -

To survive these wars with Deku, To fight alongside him, To protect him. To win. To save.

To Live.

To hear Deku say "I had forgiven you a long time ago";

and ofcourse,

To forgive himself.

[sly-merlin]

KILLING ME- 14

pairing : law student!reader + yuta

genre : (fluff)  angst , mafia au/ arranged marriage au.

warnings of this chapter : cursing, mention of drugs, character death.

words : ~4k

summary :

“life’s never fair y/n. realise it as soon as you can . it is the only secret for living a regretless life.”                                  

or            

“ curiousity got the cat hitched”

K.M masterlist

K.M 13

TAGLIST : @kpop-choco @moon-yuta @kawaiiayasan @btm-taeyong @exfolitae @lanadreamie @cheersskznct ​​ @hyuckiesgf ​​ @theworld-accordingtocasey ​​@simplybree

@yiyi4657 @sorrywonwoo @sillywinnergladiator   @minejungwoo @leesalts @mal-nakamoto23 @ro2424 @itlittlefangirl @nctzens-world @bl–ankhaeji @jeaneteflo @nuoyii @bralessmermaid @minhoseyeliner @tyongpoetry @swimmingkpopblog @jkjkseo @orphicmoon @floralescapes

A/N : this chapter marks the celebration of this blog surpassing 600 followers! thank you so much for all the support! also for minor readers, the sfw versions of nsfw chapters are given at the end of the masterlist so check those properly before reading.

•••••••••••••

y/n! Are you sleeping?”

Registering his words, you replied in a groggy voice,“What the fuck do you want?”

“Your phone. I left mine in the medical room. I need to call Mark right now.” with some authority, he spoke.

Whining loudly, you fell back on the bed. It was only due but flailing your arms and legs like a kid in a toy store, you let out a screech full of annoyance, cursing your fate.

Were you really going to babysit him now?

"Have you suddenly lost your hearing? Stop with this sick attitude and open the door."

A puff of air left your nose, your chest moved rhythmically with your stomach and you relaxed your arms beneath your head, eyes fixed at the fan above and ears ringing with his voice. He kept calling you and after a number of shouts, you started humming to distract yourself, afraid that you'd end up helping him otherwise. That was something, naturally, you were not interested in. Last time he had ignored your voice and now nature had presented you with an opportunity to return the favour. Just with a bit less flavour.

"Are you dead?"

"Hmmm. To you, yes I am." Mumbling, you yawned and pushed yourself up to reach your side table and fishing out your earphones from the bottom drawer, you untangled them and fixed them comfortably in your ear, hiding yourself underneath the sheets.

Sonata no.14 instantly transported you away from the noise and the stress that was your unwanted husband, yuta. The smile playing on your lips widened as you realised that you were his only mode of communication at the moment.

But You were going for a nap. Until then, he could wait. And thrash. And cry. Or die.

Rubbing the sleep out of your eyes, you rotated the handle of the door to walk outside but your little trip was interrupted when your body collided straight into a wall. No. The obstruction was too soft for a wall.

Opening your eyes properly, you saw yuta standing stiff. Surprised at the sudden appearance, you immediately stumbled back and in hurry, hit your spine on the wooden door. The glare of his eyes, that always spoke more than you could comprehend, coupled with a clenched jaw, was not a very pleasant sight for sure yet you found it harder to dart your own eyes away from him.

"Your phone" he seethed, breathing deeply.

"Huh?" You croaked out.

He raised his brow and in an instant, the previous scenario played like a short movie in your head. Snapping your head down, you regarded his leg with pity. He obviously noticed it immediately but seemed to ignore it and refrained from saying anything. Good for you, you thought.

"Are you deaf?"

Your furrowed brows met his eyes and with a roll of his own, he picked up his finger to force his demand but you managed to walk back inside your room before he could've done that.

Your back faced him as you contemplated your options while slowly stretching your arm to reach for your phone on the other side of the bed.

should you even be giving him your phone?

You had more trust in Taeyong than the man you shared a roof with so there was no way you were doing that.

Unbeknownst to you, yuta was watching your movements intently and the way you bobbed your head, he knew you were scheming something so he decided to be polite for a moment. Only until you were needed. Or your phone was needed.

Once the phone was in your hand, another thought crossed your mind.

"Wait. Where is the house phone?" Crossing your arms, you asked him slyly, already knowing the answer

"You fucking never got it installed. It's still in its stupid package" he seemed rather impatient.

"And you could've called reception through the door telecom. He would have phoned Mark for you. These rich apartments certainly have more hospitality tha-

"I CAN'T GO AROUND DISTRIBUTING AN UNDERGROUND CRIMINAL'S CONTACT NUMBER TO EVERYONE"

He inhaled and exhaled and you just watched until he opened his eyes again, hand reaching out to you.

"Chill. I've every right to be sceptic especially when you are the one asking for it."

Finding Mark's number on your phone, you called him.

Yuta's hand threaded through his rough hair as he noticed what you were trying to do.

"Hey mark!" Your chirpy voice resounded in the room and yuta was sure this was some different spirit speaking. You sounded too bubbly for the way you were investigating him just a second ago.

"Yes yes. His phone exactly.i don't trust him enough to hand over my phone so that's why I'm calling you myself. Just hurry up if you can or you might have to clean up a dead body in the next few hours."

With that you cut the phone. Without meeting yuta's gaze and resting your hand on the handle, you mumbled,

"He'll be here in an hour."

You were about to close the door when he stopped it with the palm of his hand, alerting you with the force.

"Tell him to get some food too."

And limping, he retired back, to the couches.

Sighing, you messaged mark. Had it been for something else, you'd have ignored but your own stomach had signalled you that it needed some good food so you chose not to fight against your own body.

Now, only the taste of the food could decide how many days you were going to tolerate that barbaric human.

"Are you still going to that stupid internship?" Johnny hesitantly murmured from your desk chair while taking big bites from the plate.

"It's not stupid please! I’m just waiting for them to actually pay attention to my awesome capabilities so they can transfer me to the main branch. This is not bad either but”, you stopped to lick your forefinger and tasting the sauce, continued, “but I really wanna go into the criminal unit. That’s where the actual fun is. As long as i’m being paid decently, i’ll suffer with the stupid research work here.”

“With the tongue as sharp as yours, I think you should be getting ready for a demotion instead” he laughed, showing you his fake bunny teeth in the most annoying and childish way.

“Ha ha ha ha. Some well wisher you are! Thank you so much for looking out for me but I'll be fine. Who knows the gatekeeper’s pay package is more than me. So it’d be a win-win in that case too I guess?” when you did a drum roll with your chopsticks to stress upon your point, he laughed harder.

"So being broke is the new black?" Rolling his eyes, he dragged out, "I swear you kids don't know how this world works."

"And you, grandpa of the century, knows?"

"I'm aware of what I need for my survival and from what I've learnt, you can either take risks or look for job security. In your case, " he fake coughed, "where the proportions of risk taking have already exceeded the acceptable limit, a job security is the best and safest option to choose."

"And that would justify my greed and desire to work for the biggest company of this city."

"Kun. The security you need and the independence you seek would be given by kun. Chois are hmm how to say? Cheap? Yeh cheap. They have no work ethics. "

"Have you worked with them, johnny?"

"No. I'm ju-

"Then was your ex a choi?" You saw his eyes comically and cutely widening at your remark.

"No. My ex wasn't a choi and that's not what I'm saying and you know that."

"Oh. So your ex wasn't a choi. Then a lee? Kim? Im? Oh my god! Look at your cheeks seo!" You dragged out. He shook his head as you kept wiggling your brows at him.

"She was a kim but that doesn't mean I would hate all kims dude. That's baseless and stop ignoring the topic. I want you to apply in Kuns. It's the best option. Do it as soon as you-

"Yeah yeah we'll see about that. First take that bitch back. I can't even nap in his presence. "

"Umm. Yeah. You gotta tolerate him. And besides he's injured. Injured yuta is like a gun without a bullet. He's gonna shout for a day or two and then peace out. He'll be sleeping and reading in his room and you won't even know if he's alive or not."

"Now that's bullshit. What is he going to do here anyway? I hope he can hop himself on one leg because even if the sun rises from the north, I am not going to do a single task for him. He can die hungry , for all I care.”

“Do you think you can endure him for some tasty dinners?”

Clicking your tongue, you quipped, “Do you really think you can buy me with a few homemade meals?”

Day 1

Yes. you were sold. The moment the tasty noodles had melted in your mouth, you knew you had no dignity. And you were indeed ashamed of yourself.

Earlier, Renjun had called you to inform you that he had delivered the food and medicines for yuta and had left your dinner box but he had failed to mention the special and endearing note that was pasted on the glass box. In the curvy letters, it read bitchy piglet and you swore the only person you’d be killing before yuta would be jaehyun. But you were going to use jaehyun to build up your tolerance instead.

When you went out to clean your dishes, he was playing some game on his phone, excitement evident from the way he was laughing every other second. Maybe if he remained occupied, he would not be so insufferable.

Day 3

"Oyii! Oyii!"

No. You were wrong. He was very very much insufferable.

At midnight, his voice echoed, disturbing your sleep. You cursed at the cool atmosphere that had prevented you from using the air con which otherwise would have blocked his annoying screeches. But it seemed like bad luck wanted to change its name to y/n instead. With your name being called like a broken record, it was a fight between you and him that you were not going to lose. Shuffling to your side, you covered your ears with the other pillow and tried to drown out the annoyingly demanding and hoarse voice. There was no way you were giving him the satisfaction of having any power over you. He could cry for all he liked!

“What the fuck do you want at this hour?”

Attempting a glare at him through sleepy lids, you spewed with irritation. Unlike you, he was very much awake, breathing with the sole purpose of making you question your whole existence.

“Pillow” scratching his non-existent beard, he mumbled.

Your nostrils flared and jaw clenched at such inconvenient command.

“You summoned me for a pillow? A pillow that can normally be found on a person’s bed? Can you please rectify your demand or did I just simply hear something wrong?”

The opened curtains and the moonlight that drenched the room was the only source that illuminated his face for you and even with drooping eyes, you could see how serious he was and yet you couldn't hold your tongue back because he simply deserved every shit you bestowed him with.

“Turn the lights on and count the pillows on my bed! And when you are done, get me some pillows from your room.” he simply stated.

“Why should i give you my pillow? I need them!”

“Because I don't use a pillow and I need it asap!”

“Then why do you suddenly need one? To disturb my sleep? Oh that makes sense.” and suddenly, your eyes had synced with your body to side with your fight mode.

“I need them for elevating my leg. The bandage is too tight and it’s not comfortable.”

“Then why don't you walk out of the room and get some cushions for yourself!” you raised your volume.

“Because my leg is in pain and i’m unable to get up? What makes you think I'm dying to see your ugly face at this time of the night. I dont wanna have nightmares of you as well but i can't help it ok!”

“you should have kept them near you. And who are you calling ugly hmm? You poop fac-

“Okay scream for all you want! But get me a pillow when your battery dies down!”

“What the fuck d- are you covering your ears? Wow ways to be generous!”

Stomping your foot, you left the room to get the hardest cushion on the couch.

“Here! Next time call Mark if you want anything. Don’t raise your voice ever again to call me because unlike you, i have work in the morning and hence I need some sleep..”

Just when you were about to leave after shoving the cushion in his hand, he spoke up again,

“This is damn hard! I asked for your pillow specifically and not th- AHH!”

A scream left him as you harshly removed the support , leaving his leg to painfully meet the mattress.

“How about you fix your attitude before fixing your leg?” suggesting, you dropped the cushion on the floor and left.

He didn't call you after that. Nor that you cared. However, the sleep in your eyes somehow vanished. Dancing on your sides didn’t help. Neither did drinking a glass of water. So, with a groan, you listened to your conscience and picked up your extra pillow that was sadly too perfect for your enemy.

Padding to his room, you tried your best to scrutinise and hearing his heavy snores, you placed the pillow right under his thigh and the cushion under his calf. Scoffing at his sleeping figure, you internally groaned to remind yourself that you hadn't done it for him. It was just a debt. For the blanket he had once covered you with. Nothing more and nothing less.

Day 5

You just wanted him out of your hair. He was just being a load on your head. At first, only the work was kicking your ass, then jungwoo was kicking you like a punching bag for an hour straight and adding to your distress was yuta.

"I'm not your maid! Stop piling up the dishes for me. I've had enough mercy on you. From today onwards, get a cleaner for yourself or buy disposable cutlery. I'm not going to clean after you!"

With a roll of his eyes, he had ignored you.

And so did you. Pasting a warning note on the sink tap, you had left for the library with a dying hope that maybe the kitchen would be spotless on your arrival or you'd be dialing some numbers in the evening.

For someone who despised the solemn atmosphere of libraries, you had successfully spent 11 hours in the said hellish room. It was 11 p.m and you wanted to sleep, more than anything but here you were, waiting for yugyeom so he'd just pick you up for a good drinking session that you were dying to have.

Fortunately, you weren't the only one who had missed living these past days. Everyone, for different reasons, was suffering so you felt a little less bad for yourself even though you knew your troubles were far more grave than their academic burdens.

"Wake up shorts" someone whispered in your ear. Squirming on your seat, you whipped your head in your sleepy state and found jungkook caressing your head, goofily smiling at you.

"I thought you wanted to hang out till the next morning" air quoting the last words, he picked up your bag.

"Yeah. Let's go. I'm all ready for a night full of vodkas." You yawned out.

"Definitely. No. You are going home. We can have a small get together me and yuggy are done with our final project." He dragged you out into the parking lot.

" I feel like it's been years since we got drunk together. You are never here anymore!" You whined at him, complaining your heart out.

"I will be. Soon. Then we can celebrate your little choi job as well."

"Oh please. Don't even mention it. If I had penny for every time they rolled their eyes at me, I'd be richer than your parents kook." You huffed out and as his gentle laugh surrounded you, you closed your eyes resting your back against the seat, expecting to be up by the time he'd park.

But the next day, you woke up tangled in the sheets of your bed, unaware of the events of the previous night.

When you had warned yuta about the dirty dishes, you hadn't expected him to fill the corners of the kitchen with disposable containers. It looked like you had missed a whole drama while sleeping in the library. The kitchen was shining except for the new utensils. But as long as you were not babysitting him, you were fine with anything. You didn't want to jinx your relief, however, you were glad you would be able to get some work done. finally.

You had spoken too early for your own good. Just when you sat down to write your paper, passionate and enthusiastic howls of that man pierced through your earphones and once again, you opened the window and hopped outside, in the balcony, ready to drown him out. Sipping on your lemonade, you gaped at the scenery the not so distant traffic provided you with and somehow, your thoughts wandered to the only person these horns reminded you of. Johnny.

What are you doing? Your fingers hovered over the text but once again, you deleted the message, declaring it to be too childish for someone as mature as him. Maybe you were just being silly. Maybe you were not. But who was going to put a stamp on your maybe?

Tears pricked your eyes as the harsh words of your senior thundered in the room. He kept shouting and you had no option than to consume each and every word he directed at you. Even if you were being insulted in front of your twenty other co-workers, staying quiet was the best option, you ascertained. so along with your saliva, you gulped your explanations down your throat.

Howsoever unconscious, you were still in the wrong. There was no excuse as to why you had mailed the wrong bills, apart from the headache that was caused by the person possibly lying on the sofa and watching t.v back home. No matter how much you tried to run away from his existence, he had somehow managed to let himself inside your head.

Glaring at the kid who asked for his turn on the park swing, you pushed yourself a little higher, letting the wind greet your stinging eyes as it hit your face in waves. Your phone buzzed in your pocket and you chose to ignore jungwoo for a day as it was the time, you decided, to let all the lessons that the past few months had taught you sink into your mind, to bleed into your soul so you won’t ever be able to deviate from them. Ever.

Only if that was so easy. You knew blaming others for your problems was no solution but trivialising them by not paying heed wasn't a smart move either.

When you reached home, your frustrations had died down. So when yuta simpered and pointed towards your empty container, telling you how he had already finished your supposed dinner, you simply rolled your eyes at him, robbing him of whatever he wanted to achieve by riling you up. Heating up the water, you were about to open the noodles packet when yeong called you.

You stared at the shattered phone screen in disbelief as the endless tears ran down your cheeks. As you verbalised the words to yourself again, your body met the floor with a thud.

Jungkook. Drugs. No more.

Three words had silenced the screeches in your head and your mind busied itself in rejecting what you had heard for it had to be a lie. But what how were you going to ignore the heart wrenching screams that yeong had let out. How were you going to dismiss the truth.

How were you all going to accept it?

••••••••••••••••

next update: Some day between 5-7 June.

[deleteddewewted]

Incel!Shinsou Oneshot: "Why are you acting like that?”

To keep busy I just thought that a oneshot of Shinsou getting self conscious/needy would be cute since we already have his redemption arc rolling in. The next part of the Incel!Shinsou series (Part 3) will have him proving his worth at the Sports Festival. So in thinking of how he will prove himself to you I thought of how will all of those people affect him, especially you. ( This oneshot takes place pre changes, so Shinsou is still his disgusting self but he's figuring out how to woo a woman, especially of your caliber.)

Incel!Shinsou Series:

Part 1: Incel! Shinsou x F!Reader

Part 2: Incel! Shinsou x F!Reader

Incel!Shinsou Headcanons

"I know what you're doin' here. Made your intentions clear. Oh you, you terrible thing, you. Terrible thing, you. Terrible thing, you. Beautiful thing"

TW: Strong Language, Mild Sexism

People were never an obstacle when it came to the things Shinsou wanted. He’s aware that others would do anything for him if he played his cards right. The right words with the right question did wonders for him. So why the fuck couldn’t he have what he wanted when it came to you? You drove him up the wall with the kindness you showed him. He didn’t deserve it and you’re existence almost felt like a punishment from whatever deity that existed out there to make him suffer. You guys were suppose to be studying for your upcoming project that required a poster, a slide show, and one influential person that would help prove your projects point. You left him running circles within his own mind as to how you were so willing to challenge him. He wanted you to obey him not see through his bullshit. It wasn’t like you didn’t listen to him vent, or didn't give him attention, but he wanted to hold you under his control. To be the person you listened to.

In class you where both seated on the extreme ends of the room on opposite sides. You never realized this (you do), but his head would periodically turn towards your direction to look at you, to figure you out (liar). This time, you managed to catch him do it.

“What are you doing?” You asked plainly. You honestly didn’t care that he was staring, everyone does when you dress like you're attending an MCR concert in the middle of autumn.

“You look different....today.”

“Nice.” It was difficult to care. Shinsou was just some guy in your class that you had to deal with. Nothing special really....ok, maybe it wasn’t fully true. You didn’t really know him all that well or anything (Unless it was mocking and belittling everything you did, that was normal behavior for him so it wasn’t surprising to find out he was like that outside of campus.) but he wasn’t all that bad? If he cared for himself a bit more, hygiene wise he would be considered handsome or at least a competent human being (you weren't going to call him a man, men don't act this childish. At least the ones you knew.) Maybe then you would take his opinion seriously, but for now you’ll ignore his...interesting comments he's been throwing towards you today.

“It’s rude to ignore someone when their talking to you, you know?” The neutral face he had now possessed a frown and a furrow to his brows. You still couldn’t process how he took the time to make sure his hair stayed purple but didn’t care for his body odor. (This man dyes his hair purple yet cant bother to shower or use deodorant for once in his life.)

“I’m not ignoring you, I’m just not interested in anything you have to say.” With that you get up and take your things and leave. There was no point in wasting time on someone who couldn’t even look at you directly and had to also sneak glances at you. "Do I really look that unbearable?" you thought to yourself. In the end you didn’t care anymore, everyone was entitled to an opinion and the last thing you need is feeling self conscious because of your out of place classmate.

Shinsou was fuming. How the fuck did you just get up and leave his ass while he was trying to complement you. You should have been more appreciative that he was giving you his attention for once. A bitch like you wasn't even worth it so he doesn't understand why he even tried with you.

He never goes directly home after school but instead to the local theater. It was one of the few places where he could be around others and could genuinely be himself. It was weird, he didn't feel like himself when he was speaking with his "friends", friends that he's never spoken to verbally, never seen, and never would meet. He knew that he didn't deserve this, to have a safe haven when he acts like an ass, yet here he was.

"Good morning Shinsou! How are you? Are you ready for rehearsals? You did remember to read your lines, right?" Shinsou rolls his eyes at his theater mates antics. Monoma never seems to stop but he does know when to tone it down and when it comes to Shinsou he tones it down a bit. (Because Monoma is canonically considerate of others, look back the Sports Festival and the Joint Training Arc.)

"Im good man, yes i did read and memorized the script, dont worry about it." What an odd friendship, the most chaotic gentleman like man out the bunch with the quietist incel in the group. Shinsou should have seen it coming when he was adopted by Monoma but he's running on 2 to 4 hours of sleep so he doesn't really care.

Believe it or not Shinsou does take showers (only for theater) but very quickly and with no care (no shampoo or soap, fucking why man.) Theater means more to him and so making his character look the best they possible can was his first and foremost priority. He puts on his costume, gets to makeup (the minimum, because it's "gay" for him to wear makeup and since the world is unfair and cruel he has perfect skin for a greasy headed asshole.)

"Everyone get a move on! Kodai, Tsuburaba, and Awase! Go to stage left! Light techs, how's it up there?" One of the tech heads shouted out. Shinsou and Monoma got to their positions on the stage and the rehearsals began.

Love, the play was about love. Love that wasn't rejected but also not accepted. He didn't understand the concept fully. Was it romantic? Platonic? Familiar? Admiration? He loved his dad, but he mostly admired him. He worked long hours and middle resents him for not being there for him, yet he realizes that his dad works to give him the world, a home with all the things he wanted. He never had a mother so he never had parental or familiar, again his dad was there but he wanted a parent that would hold him when he came back from school everyday. He didn't have a girlfriend, so he doesn't know romantic. So far all of his characters where villains, or evil in some way. He was starting to get sick of them. Shinsou wanted something more, wanted to play a character that wasn't how everyone saw him as on his day to day life. He wanted a challenge, he wanted....affection. Just to show it. He wanted attraction. Just to abuse it. He wanted...love. To just...maybe...feel...enjoy...understand it.

"You terrible thing you. My love, you're so cold. You've left me hanging on every one of your words. You've made me loose my self, lose my self-control because of you!" He pours everything into his performance, his loneliness, his regrets, his experience. He's been told by his co-performers and directors that he has a great future in the arts, in theater. If he just took care of himself more he would be an amazing actor, not only incredibly talented but also attractive. He would have the world kneeling, bowing to him just from his words alone. He could have anything he wanted just because of his existence.

" You've made me do things i don't want to do...for you." Kodai stands there looking horrified. He's covered in blood, the blood of her lover, the one she left him for.

"No, i-i didn't-"

"YOU MADE ME-MADE DO THIS FOR YOU! You terrible, terrible, terrible thing! You beautiful thing, I've done this for you!...and you still cant and won't love me." He doesn't see Kodai anymore. It's not her face he sees, nor her voice that he hears.

Its you...its your voice. You. You looking back at him while he slowly lowered himself to kneel and crawl towards you. It's you who backs away from him as he starts to cry and hiccup.

"You wreck me, you made me. You leave me in your wake, please let me go!" He sees you and feels you grabbing his wrists back, pushing him into himself.

"Don't you ever let me go...."

You terrible beautiful thing, you.

And here we are again. This was a lot fun to write since it feels more concrete when it comes towards his personality and his full thought process. In many cases people like Shinsou just want attention or some sense of validation, which there is nothing wrong with wanting those things but it's more about the manner you go about it. You shouldn't pressure or force others to spend time with you, but there is always someone out there that will like to give you those things.

Tag list: @blossominglark

[herstarburststories]

I'd die for you, come kill me

Kinktober Day 11: restrained

Pairing: Demon!Dean x Reader

A/N: This one goes for my good friend followers celebration. So happy for your milestone, @msmarvelouswinchester! Divider by @talesmaniac89.

@stillintheimpala said: i have a fic idea. demon!dean stuck in a chair on handcuffed to a bed with those demon proof handcuffs. he's completely at your mercy. you get to dom him. (I put ropes instead of handcuffs because of the gif)

Prompt: Remember how I said I'd die for you.

Warnings: angry sex, p in v, riding, restraints, power play, smangst, angst, kind of hopefully ending (?), demon!dean acts like demon!dean

“Where is he?”

Sam sucked in a breath, moving his shoulder uncomfortably as he straightened his posture. The youngest Winchester's features contorted into a grimace, and you couldn't tell if it was because of the look on your face or him jarring his dislocated arm. “He's in the dungeon, but Y/N-”

“He isn't himself. I know that. Kinda noticed when he threw me against the wall and said he couldn't wait to rip my throat out with his teeth.” You gave Sam a humorless grin before you gestured to the wound on your shoulder. “This is a good reminder as well.”

“We'll cure him.” Sammy nodded at you, wrapping his words with faith and determination; he was always a believer.

You arched your eyebrows. “Then what are you waiting for?”

You two were still standing in the living room as Dean's howl rushed through the air. He sounded more like a beast than a man, yet he was smack dab in the middle of those polarized states. He was human enough to know where to strike and animal enough to relish in the attack.

Sam's gaze softened on yours.

“I know he hurt you. He hurt both of us, but Dean is my brother. I can do it alone. You don't need to-”

“Sam, he ran away once, and you just got your arm yanked out of your socket. You won't be able to fight him. You need backup,” you interrupted him. Despite your conclusion being completely rational, there was more to it than that, but Sam didn't need to know about it yet. “Besides, it's Dean.”

The hunter glanced at you. Gentle eyes watching your jaw harden, he pressed his lips together and nodded. “Okay.”

Dean's demonic self had been throwing insults like a man feeding his dog shattered glass. He was full of them, not caring about hiding his satisfaction when he hits yours and Sam's weak spots.

A couple of seconds ago, he had called you an easy pussy that saved him the job of having to go out and get some. That display rewarded him with a thicker needle that pierced much deeper than it needed to. The pure human blood spread into his veins as a holy wash, like soap over a flesh wound. Dean growled in pain and went quiet for a while.

Your eyes abandoned the demon for once, directed now to his brother. Sam's earthy brown eyes were drawn in concern, mouth sketched into a frown. His healthy arm was onto his shoulder, obviously physically hurting.

“Sam, go. I can do it. It’s just two more needles. He'll probably pass out once it's done,” you pleaded in an attempt to catch Sam's rational side that always saw the order in chaos. His hazel orbs settled on you, and you knew he didn't want to leave his brother. You can't blame him for that. You didn’t either, but if Dean was in his right mind, he'd want that. And you needed some time alone with this demon version of your boyfriend. “Please.”

You didn’t know if it was something in your cracking voice or if the fact his brother regaining control meant he’d have even harsher words to spit, but when the tall man’s eyes swept from you to his brother and back, he sighed. In that moment, you knew he accepted it. 

“If he doesn't pass out…”

“I call you right away. Don't worry, and please take some meds for your pain.” You offered some tenderness to him in the middle of the violence through a lovingly smile. In a matter of seconds, the only traces of Sammy in the room were the boot-clad clamor of his footsteps growing quieter and quieter.

“Now you have me all to yourself, sweetheart. What are you planning to do?”

The lopsided grin was still attached to his face, and those were still his teeth. Still, something about Dean's smile made you want to rip him apart with your nails. How did he let this happen? How did the situation escalate like this? How did everything get so bad so fast?

“Shut up,” you hissed through your teeth, boots clicking on the floor as you approached him. Dean glanced at you shamelessly; the pretty little bruise on your skin proving that he had succeeded in breaking you. It twisted his guts in both good and bad ways — the bittersweet contradiction among lovers. 

“Feisty, huh? I always liked that on you. Who would guess that you were a bottom in bed?” Dean appeared to find your fury entertaining as if he relished any emotion he could instigate inside you.

“I said shut up.”

“Or what? You are gonna sting me with a flimsy syringe needle like I did to you with my cock? Go ahead, sweetheart.”

The idiotic nickname burned your insides. As your and Dean's relationship got more serious, he'd stop calling you that. You weren't just a fling or a woman he'd leave the next day, and the Winchester only called you that either sarcastically or during an argument now. Was this how the demon saw you? Just another sweetheart?

Dean smirked at your quietude, poking the bear once again. “What? Demon got that smart tongue of yours? It's embarrassing, really. You get all worked up, pretending to be that tough gal, but you can't hurt me. You didn't even fight back when I tried to kill you. How weak is that? You’ve always been a liability. Just another woman I had to protect to get inside her.”

You warned him, the words coming out more like a groan than anything else: “Shut up!”

Yet, Dean persisted. He had discovered your weakness, and he couldn't wait to see how much you could take. You'd end up giving in to him, thrashing headfirst into a fight, and he'd escape again. The demon was counting on that. “A waste of time, really. At least you had a nice pussy, but I scratched it open. It's useless now, just like you.”

The dismissal in his words laced with the cynical chuckle that left his mouth made you hit your breaking point. 

“I TOLD YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP!” You grabbed a syringe and stung Dean like a scorpion, right in the jugular. He wanted to set you on fire? Good, you'd make sure he got burnt too. “I said I'd die for you. Remember how I said I'd die for you? And you tried to kill me.” You grunted, throwing the empty needle away. Dean's normally forest green eyes went black as howls of outrage escaped his mouth. The blood of saints that coursed through his body was a good way to either turn the beast into a man again or kill him completely. Knowing this, he screamed and struggled in the chair, as desperate as a rat stuck in a mousetrap. It made you doubt the cure. Perhaps a good thing couldn't save him now, the whispers of sulfur that colored his heart black too intrinsic to eradicate without killing the host. You couldn't bring yourself to care about it now. The demon was suffering, and he deserved it. You wanted your own hurt ricochet back to where it came from: him. “Now you are sitting there talking about me like I'm your bitch or something like that, but I'm not. I can take care of myself, and I don't need you. I chose to stay here.”

Dean blinked, and suddenly everything was in place again. His face softened like it usually did when you two were alone, and an actual smile conquered his features. All the oxygen in your body caught in your throat.

“You're right. You are a strong, independent woman, and I should feel lucky to get myself a keeper like you.” His voice filled the dungeon with light-hearted relief. Your cheeks were hurting as you scooted closer to him. “I missed you so much.”

He was saying all you wanted to tell him the minute he left. Your eyes got glossy, and you threw yourself on his lap, clutching to him like devout patron to her bible. Dean was here. He came back to you.

A quiet gasp of praise left your mouth: “Dean-”

He interrupted whatever you were about to say, replacing your words with a kiss. A sweet one — sweeter than anything you might imagine. It was the kind of kiss shared for two lovers in the dark, recognizing each other’s bodies by touch alone. You, of course, allowed yourself to get lost in the sensation of belonging. You shouldn't have. You should never just jump into someone, or you might drown. It's hard to find corpses in a black river.

Yet, your soul was tied to the righteous sinner, so you kept pressing your lips to his while he devoured your mouth softly.

“Sammy doesn't understand, Y/N,” he said. When he pulled away, you nuzzled into his neck. The heated tang to his murmured sentiments remained there, but his voice, less gruff than usual, fooled you. “I finally don't have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I'm free. I never thought I'd be happy after that night…” Dean wore the façade, even gulping at the thought. He didn't know if it was because the human blood was slowly coursing into the core of his being, but he wouldn't waste time on it. “But I can now. We can run away together, leave Sam behind. Just me and you.”

What did you expect? He was a demon. The blame was on you for expecting repentance from the ashes of hellfire. This isn't a fairytale where the hero suddenly is hit by true love and everything is solved with the ultimate kiss. This is a hunter’s tale, and there's just one ending for those stories: the prey dying.

You lifted your head. “Dean would never leave Sam behind.”

Dean burst into laughter as if your hope was some sort of funny joke. He adjusted his hips in the chair, smirking at you with cruelty.

“Bet it almost got you. I could see your eyes shining with hope. You were ready to get on your knees and suck my cock. You’d be screaming Dean, Dean, Dean, and inevitably fall for some stupid lies.” He shook his head with disappointment. “You're too easy, Y/N.”

“Who do you think you are?” The indignancy in your tone only drew a malicious grin out of Dean. This was too good. He could feel his cock hardened in his pants. He might fuck you before killing you only to make good use of his time.

“I'm a demon. What about you? Oh, wait! I know the answer to that one.” He licked his lips, savoring the moment. “You're a little-”

Smack.

The palm of your hand met Dean's cheek harshly, transferring some of your anger into a red mark on his right cheek. The eldest Winchester's head was tilted to the side from the impact. He clenched his jaw before turning his glare at you, eyes back in black as he spoke: “You shouldn't have done that.”

Every syllable that left his tongue was imbued with a threatening crimson rage, but you didn't care. Not now.

You weren't scared of him.

“You shouldn't be a demon, but here we are,” you remarked, summoning a smarmy leer and wearing it like one of his flannels. “Shut up. I know you're not my Dean. You are just all he hates in himself wrapped with his skin. You're disgusting, cruel, and selfish.” It didn’t make any sense for your body to be as heated up as it was, but it was. And Dean didn’t care. Fuck him. “You’ve spent so long aiming at our Achilles’ heel that you forgot you have yours too. Stupid.” You chortled, grinding your hips on his. At this point, both your panties and emotional stability were ruined. “Look at you, all hard for the girl basically torturing you with poison, huh?”

“You-” He attempted to speak, to put you down so he can climb over you. You stopped him with a hand inside his pants.

“Language, Dean,” you groaned at him. It wasn't unusual for you and Dean to blow off some steam with sex, either after a fight or a hunt, but, this? It’s a whole new level of fucked. Yet somehow, your pussy didn't seem to mind, and neither did his cock. You got his length free, and his stiffened cock slapped his clothed belly. “I don't wanna hear something that makes me angry because if I get mad, then I won't let you come inside my pretty pussy. Understood?”

He groaned in response, trying to move his hands to show you who the real alpha was here, but the rope kept him in place. Silence lanced through the air because you knew you didn't want to waste time on something as exciting as foreplay; he did not deserve that, and you didn't want this. You just lifted your red skirt and slid your panties to the side. Your pussy swallowed his cock painfully slow.

The demon that ate your lover didn't offer mumbled protests at the fact you were still wearing clothes. Your Dean always tried to get any piece of fabric away because he liked to see all of you. This Dean, though, gulped and glared at you. Pleasure flushed his cheeks only he can’t deny the physical pleasure. It’s clear that, even as a demon, he could never reject the carnal appeal of your body and your sweet, soaked pussy. Hands pinned behind his back with the restraints, you two in the middle of a big demon symbols on the ground, he was completely at your mercy. He was helpless.

Dean bucked his hips to get all of his hardness inside you right way, to show both you and himself that he still had the power here. You barely blinked before moving your hips up, restricting him further entrance into your cunt. Dean was always eager when it came to sex, but you knew this wasn't about just fucking you anymore. You were in control.

Placing your hands on his shoulders, you murmured in an increasingly sultry bite: “I'm the one making the rules here. Take it or leave it.”

“Fucking a demon? That's why you told Sammy to go with all the crap about caring for his arm?” the former hunter remarked. You and he both knew Dean wouldn't — couldn’t, not with half his cock being squeezed by your tightness — leave your pussy, but he still very much had the capacity to bite.

“Unlike you, I worry about the people I love.”

“I don't love,” he snarled, watching you swallow the malcontented lump in your throat. “Hear that? I don't love you.”

“Then at least be useful and fuck me,” you groaned, finally resting wholly in his lap with all of his dick inside of you. Dean whimpered, overthrown by the sensation of your heady tightness encompassing his cock. He tried to break free again, starved to grab your thighs, your ass, any part of you he could get his hands on, but the rope limited his range of motion. The raw polyester and nylon mix around his wrists was a contrast to the warmth of his lap. His eyes closed, blinking only back into wakeful blackness because of your promise disguised as a hissed threat: “No, forget it. I'll be the one fucking you.”

There was something delightfully mercurial about the way you rode Dean. The dungeon once filled by his pained screams had now become the perfect studio for your flexing thighs slapping against his, your breathless moans camouflaging the raw hurt of your heart, and the unique sound of Dean's cock sunk to impossible degrees inside your needy cunt. He leaned in for more.

This was no longer about the sexual release for him. It was for the tiny part of Dean that always craved an order to follow. It was the small piece of him that craved carrying the weight of responsibility heavy on his back like the burden Atlas had to bear. It was the liberation of the heavy chains that held him down since he was a child, even if his hands were — appropriately enough — tied behind his back. As a demon, he didn’t have to worry, and neither did he when submissive to you. For you, it was expelling your revenge on this devilish version of the man you loved. He had it coming.

“I hate you. I hate having to save you. I hate caring about you.” You huffed, nails sinking in his clothed shoulder. The ghost of your touch was enough to make his dick twitch inside you. Tears brimmed in your eyes as the goosebumps rose your spine, and every time you sunk on his cock brought you closer to collapse. All Dean did was to praise your name with a moan. “I hate how good you feel inside me.” You sobbed, increasing your rhythmic and going fast and rougher on his cock. Your walls were tightening around his dick. Your untouched clit rubbed against the fabric, but it didn't matter. This wasn't about pleasure. “I hate that it’s you and not him.” That's not my Dean.

That caught his attention. Dean’s shoulders grew rigid. He was ready to catch a glimpse of warring emotions of hatred and disgust on your face, but he wasn't prepared for the crushingly forlorn refraction of loss and dispair he found there. 

The knight of hell should feel satisfied. That was what he wanted, wasn't it? Destroying you, turning the woman the human version of himself loved into a walking catastrophe so you wouldn't dare bring him back.

Apparently, the priorities changed. Maybe the blood was really effective, slowly disintegrating his armor into flesh again. It was the only explanation for all the humanly emotions he was experiencing.

Dean felt the conflict building as if hurting you was physically tearing him apart. His eyes contracted into livid green again, shining like the moon with tears he didn't dare drop. He was still a demon, bratty heart or not.

Yet, there was only so far a man could control himself. His lips were treacherous for your name, echoed more like a plea than anything: “Y/N-”

“Shut up! I don't wanna hear your voice. You said I'm your little bitch, nothing but a whore to you, huh? Guess what, asshole. You are my bitch now, and you’re gonna like it.” The little monster in you hummed happily to your authority, glad to finally punish someone for the incitement of agony inside your guts. You closed your eyes, riding Dean ferociously.

Dean Winchester might have been a cage to your feelings, but at least it was golden.

You said you'd be here. You said you wouldn't leave me. Your thoughts corroded your wearied heart as you tried to fuck them away with Dean's weeping cock. You could feel he was close, and you were constantly hitting your G-spot with eagerness, your sweat and harrowed feelings gushing over. You said I didn't need to leave. You said we'd find a way through this. You lied, you lied, you lied. 

I trusted you, and you destroyed me. You hurt me and Sam, and I can't even blame you for it. He knew all your enemies started out as friends. He knew how much it would hurt you if he got the mark. He knew how it would break you if he said those words, demon or not. And you know you can't put this blame on Dean’s shoulders, but you were suffocating and needed fresh air. The sacrificial game wasn’t always a virtuous act. So, you dropped yourself down hard, appreciating the way his cock hit the right spot over and over again. It forced your body to feel good despite your restless mind. I hate you. You made me go crazy. And I miss you.

What was the saying? Man makes the promise, and the demon makes him break it.

Dean's fixated you. He wanted to get free of his cuffs and cup your cheeks, see you lean into his touch so he could wipe away the tears that started to fall and haven't stopped in minutes. He wanted to tell you he was here, not completely, but he was here. He wanted to apologize and make it better, but he didn't. His white skin was burning red because of how hard he was trying to move his hands, hair moving by your movements and his. The semi-human groaned like the remainder of the beast clutching his strings when he hit his orgasm and spread his seed inside you. You whined like a broken toy as you came all over his cock.

It felt good, for a while. It was nice, feeling good.

You stayed there a little more, gaining control over yourself while he softened inside of you. Dean was doing the same in an attempt to stifle his human emotions from surfacing. He wasn't going to be weak anymore. He couldn't be because for once in his life, he hadn’t hated himself. 

You coughed, using the chair to hoist yourself to your feet. His cum dripped from your pussy, dampening his still-clothed thigh. You sniffed, grimacing a little when you noticed that your face wasn't wet with sweat. You’d been crying. 

That only made you madder at yourself.

“Fuck it,” you groaned, putting his dick back into his pants before zipping him up.

Dean smirked in a final attempt to turn the table and get on your nerves again. “That's what we just did.”

You didn't waste more of your heart on him. Taking the last needle, you sunk the devil into his sharp skin and pressed the plunger with all the fervor of pulling a gun's trigger. He screamed like the rush of humanity flowing into him was a shot to the heart.

Your legs were trembling when you threw the object away and hugged yourself, focused on Dean's fragile body in front of you. 

He looked down, eyes shutting a few times as if he was waking up before lifting his head to look at you. 

“Y/N?” His voice was back to its gruff drag, but it was carrying a strand of vulnerability and care that he had only ever directed at you. Dean frowned, confusedly watching you and the place around you both, not to mention himself. “Y/N, what happened?”

He didn't remember anything. He didn't remember the terrible things he’d done. He didn't remember the words said.

You gulped, the back of your hand pressed against your wet cheeks. “I'm going to get Sam.”

The demon may have gotten teary-eyed, but the human Dean was the one letting the tears slide down his cheeks as you turned around and left, almost running to get away from him. He didn't even know why.

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[marchioness-caprina]

Dense

Pairings : Reader x Todoroki Shouto

Writing Style : 3rd Person, 1st Person

Warning : Cursing ( only a few) , OOC Shouto Todoroki

Word Count : 2487

3rd Person's POV

" I feel like I've been watched for the last 2 months and now it's kinda freaking me out " Y/n muttered sitting down on the sofa with a groan as the rest of the girls piled up around her.

" Well maybe you should just You know... Investigate? " Mina suggested staring at her friend.

" Yeah... Maybe it's just someone who LIKES you but is too shy to admit it? " Uraraka added.

" And who do you think it would be? " Y/n asked raising her eyebrows and simultaneously the girls around her groaned.

" Really y/n? For such a sharp person you're really dense.... And he's dense too! But you're even worst! " Hagakure muttered.

" Who's he? And I'm not dense you guys, I know what's happening around me " Y/n said in defense and the girls gave her a look which states ' No bitch, You don't '

" Oh really huh?... Ok then. Didn't Todoroki-kun give you flowers the other day? " Momo questioned and y/n was fast to answer.

" Yeah he did... So? What's up with that? "

" Oh my god! You're so dense it's actually painful! " Mina cried hugging her pillow.

" Ok let me Try " Uraraka volunteered as she scooted closer towards y/n who only gave her a questioning stare.

" Didn't Todoroki-kun.... Ask you to The Amusement Park a few days ago? "

" Uhh... Yeah but I was busy that Day so I said No.... Why? " Y/n muttered trying to recall the memory.

" Oh my god! I can't take it anymore! Didn't Todoroki-kun Say he Liked you !? " Jirou blurted out standing up from her seat and again the dense female nodded her head.

" Yeah he did and I said I like him too because he's a really Nice friend " Y/n answered and the girls didn't know if they should cry or laugh atbyehir friend's hopelessness.

" She's too dense Kero " Tsu muttered.

" Oh Lord Help me! And what happened after that huh? Anything weird happening with Todoroki-kun!? " Hagakure yelled unable to handle her friend's unaware nature when it comes to love.

" Uhh.... Well.... He started avoiding me? And... He was being really gloomy? And cold? A Bit... Mean? " Y/n tried her best to pick up on Todoroki's behavior and it was true. After that day he had been more distant and he actually snapped at her to stay away from him.

" Y/n... You like Todoroki-kun right? " Momo questioned and the girl gave her a nod.

" Yeah why? "

" More than a friend? "

" Yeah why? "

" Will you accept his love if he asks you to be his girlfriend? "

" Yeah why? "

" Then why the hell did You Fucking Reject Icy Hot!? Now everyone's got to suffer his moody ass and your oblivious fuckery! He Fucking Likes you too! And now he's cooped up in his room barely eating because you Fucking rejected him! You hear me!? " Bakugou suddenly stormed in the common room and y/n's eyes widened.

" Really? " She asked unable to believe the new information she had acquired.

" Oh my fucking-- yeah Really! " Bakugou yelled and she just gave an unreadable expression.

" Oh "

Everyone froze staring at her with disbelief.

Was she really that dense?!

" Y/n....if you don't get your ass up to his room... I will Fucking murder you! And blow your body to bits! " Bakugou threatened and immediately y/n made a run for it upstairs.

_____________

Y/n's POV

I'm not dense right!? No I can't be... Wait... Oh shit bitch I think I might be.

I didn't even notice that I was standing infront of Todoroki's Door.

Taking a Deep Breath I knocked on the door , once, twice, thrice, and whatever r the Hell's next.

But on the 9th try he finally opened up .

" Shoto!---" The moment he saw me he slammed the door in front of my face harshly.

" .... "

" Shoto?... Can you please open up? " I pleaded softly knocking on the door.

" Don't call me shoto " He spat out from inside his room.

" Shoto.... I know you Like me--"

" Oh you think y/n? "

' what the?.... Why is he being so sassy? '

" As I was saying... I know you like me--"

" No shit Sherlock "

' did he just curse at me? THE Todoroki Shoto just cursed at me '

" Just let me Fucking finish Shoto Todoroki!, I know you like me , I Like you too but I was too dense to actually notice the signs that you do like me back! I never confessed because I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable with me! I didn't want to ruin our friendship! Because it's the only thing keeping me close to You! I Like--- No.... I Love You! " I finally had the guts to confess but the only reply I was met with was Silence.

Sighing I turned my back against his Door and started walking away.

I didn't get far when his door flew open and arms were wrapped around me from behind.

" It's about Time you finally said something.... I was upset you know?... I thought you didn't like me" He whispered in my ear making my legs wobble.

This guy makes me feel weak.

" Shoto... I'm sorry for noticing a bit too late.... " I apologized in a sincere tone.

" No.... It's better late than Never " He muttered making me smile.

I didn't really expect him to collapse on me like that.

" What the? Shoto?! " I reacted quickly and spun around catching him and when his forehead brushed against my neck I felt how hot he was.

Oh my gosh? Can a person with an icy hot quirk get sick? Well apparently he's living proof of that.

" You're burning! " I began to balance him in my arm before dragging him inside his room.

It took me a lot of will power since he's bigger and heavier than me and I bumped onto ever furniture I passed by.

After a few seconds of bumping myself here and there I finally managed to gently lay him down on the bed which is a futon and by gently I meant falling on his futon with me laying on top of him.

I made sure to use my arm as a pillow for his head so the fall won't be painful for him but for me. It hurts.

I was about to roll off him but his arms wrapped around my waist securely when he felt how I was about to shift my weight.

" Stay...please " He pleaded with his eyes closed a pained expression on his face making my heart clench.

" I'll be back shoto, I need to get you medicine and food ok? Just wait here I'll be back I promise--"

" No! I want you! I need you! If I let go you won't come back! " He whined his voice weak and hoarse as he tughtened his hold around my waist.

" Shh...baby it's fine...i promise I'll come back but you need medicine and food. I'm going to take care of you ok? But you have to let me go--"

" No! No! No! Don't! Please! " He begged, this was a very weird sight to see. A very childish and vulnerable shoto unlike the usual calm and collected shoto.

People say Fevers make people act weird.... I believe it now.

" Shoto Please! " I raised my voice and this time he started sobbing.

' oh my fucking gosh what the fuck have I done!? Is this even shoto right here!? I think the fuck not! Damn it! '

" Don't leave! " He whined between sobs and I honestly didn't know what to do but let my instincts kick in.

Hushing him as I gingerly grabbed onto his cheeks and peppered his face with kisses while humming a comforting tune to calm him down and it worked, he was slowly calming down and when his eyes closed and his arms relaxed I waited for a few minutes before standing up from my position and crawling away from him.

Grabbing his blanket I placed it on top his figure before leaving the room.

I needed to find medicine, a towel and a bucket and maybe I could ask someone to cook chicken soup for shoto? .

I trailed down stairs where everyone was seated.

" Well!? What the fuck happened!? " Bakugou asked making me jump.

" Wow Bakugou... I didn't know you were this Nosy " I teased and the blonde boy growled.

" Ok, ok. Everything is fine now but shoto has a Fever and I need Medicine, a towel and a bucket filled with water, and can someone please make chicken soup?" I asked and everyone looked genuinely concerned for Shoto.

" Me and the girls will cook Chicken soup " Momo volunteered and the girls agreed.

" I'll Look for Medicine! I think I saw some in the Kitchen Cabinet! " Izuku stated.

" Don't worry I got the Towel and bucket of water Covered! " Denki smiled as I walked closer to them but again I felt a powerful and overwhelming air of fire and ice combined. I didn't even get the chance to react when I felt arms wrap around my waist harshly and I was pulled back against a hard chest.

" You said you won't leave! Why did you leave me!? " Shoto growled angrily, his tone was dead serious and cold. It made everyone in the room shiver.

" Shoto, didn't I say I needed to get -"

" Fuck Medicine and shit I needed you... I wanted you and you left---... Why'd you leave? " At the last bit of his sentence his voice broke and he started sobbing again , he dipped his head on my shoulder and I could feel the wetness of his tears as his sobs began to grow louder.

" Oh shit.... Did Todoroki just curse? " Kirishima muttered.

" Forget that.... Is that even Todoroki? " Came another comment from Kaminari.

" I heard from my mother that A fever could change a person's Behavior... As to what I am seeing today I highly believe that it is indeed true " Iida added.

" Y/n...shame on You for making Todoroki-kun cry " Uraraka was guilt tripping me and soon everyone joined in.

" Shame on you y/n "

" Hey! Why the fuck is it my fault!? " I growled and It seems like either Todoroki took it the wrong way or he misheard me.

" S-so you don't care about me? " His voice came out weak and pained and I turned around to place his face on the crook of my neck.

" No I care about you... That's why I came down here to get Food and Medicine for you right? I love you remember?. Why'd you come down here when you're sick? Tell me where it hurts " I softly cooed running my fingers through his hair and he visibly relaxed breathing in my scent as he buried his face further on my neck.

" My head hurts... And my eyes sting " He silently complained.

" Because you were crying, don't cry anymore ok? I won't leave you again and our friends are here to help us... Say thank you " I smiled as he shifted his head taking a peek at our classmates who watched in awe.

" Thank you guys " He muttered with a smile which made everyone's jaw drop.

" Wow.... Who knew the Queen of dense actually has a motherly side " Sero muttered.

" Y/n I think you should take Todoroki-kun back to his room, we'll take care of everything here and we'll deliver everything to his room once we're done! " Izuku suggested and I couldn't be happier.

Shoto was leaning all his weight on me and my legs were slightly shaking. It seems like midoriya noticed.

" Ummm.. A little Help guys? " I asked and some of the boys volunteered to help me carry shoto back to his room.

_________________

" We'll leave now Y/n! And take care of Todoroki-kun for us! " Iida stated as The rest of the boys who helped me carry him waved us goodbye and closed the door.

Shoto was on his futon my hand on his cheek . One of his hand holding onto my hand to keep it in place while he nuzzled his cheek onto my palm.

" Y/n...."

" Yeah? "

" Cuddle with me? "

" Umm.... "

" Please? "

" Fine "

Giving up with a sigh I laid down on his futon , his blanket covering us as I scooted closer to his body.

And to my surprise he pulled me closer only to climbed ontop of me in a very awkward position.

" Uhh... Shoto? " I asked nervously as his intense gaze pierced my own.

" I wanna lay on top of you " He stated with a monotoned voice before laying his head on my chest and his arms wrapping around my waist.

" Warm.... Soft " He mumbled clearly pointing at my chest as he nuzzled he face further.

' ok... Awkward... I'll try to not think about it that much... He's really lucky I love him'

Closing my eyes as my hand came to brush against his head I heard giggles coming from the door.

Opening my eyes I saw the girls standing in the doorway taking pictures of us.

" No! Stop that! It's not what it looks like! " I yelled as Momo came in holding a bowl of soup along with tsu and Uraraka holding a bucket with a towel and medicine.

" Relax y/n we're just here to deliver everything, hope we didn't disturb you guys " Momo chuckled placing everything on the table.

" Yeah right... You guys are here to deliver everything... It kinda looks like you're taking pictures from an exhibition or something " I deadpanned as Momo headed towards the door.

" Well, continue what you're doing Kero " Tsu smiled before shutting the door.

" Y/n? "

" Yeah? "

" I love you "

Looking down at him with a smile I kissed his forehead.

" I love you too Icy Hotty "

" Wait... You Think I'm Hot? "

" Shut up and go to sleep already! "

[halloowqueen]

Steff didn't even open his mouth to say anything at first, because he didn't know what it was he would even say, or attempt to. There had been cases in the past, though few and far between, where he had found himself at the end of someone's fist, but it never had before been a girl. He liked to pride himself on the fact that she would be smacked right back, if anyone of the opposite gender did go swinging for him, but he stilled and contemplated that for a moment. She was dainty, fragile and had tears in her eyes.

The male figured it best to just not even offer any verbal backlash either, but turning a little to walk away from the situation, he found her stepping right in front of him with a look on her face indicating she wasn't done yet. He bristled a little because he couldn't entertain scenarios like this and actually withstand it for long; he wasn't aggressive, in spite of his ability to cause such an emotion in the people around him.

“ —you apologise right now, ” Penny keps her gaze on him, eyes filled with fury as she had witnessed his complete lack of disrespect for the seemingly timid girl who walked down the street alongside where they stood some moments before.

“ I don't know if you noticed, but she's gone, ” he scoffed his response, agitated that it was being prolonged to such a degree and for no good reason given the other girl had since scurried off away from where they were hanging out outside Wendy's. They both had shakes and burgers, yet Steff seemed to make a comment on the girl's weight and her own bag of food, remarking that is was too large a portion.

“ She's right over there in the parking lot, Steff, go apologise, ” she wasn't going to let him get away with it that easy, especially as that was a very poor excuse to get out of it and he had probably never once in his life apologised to anyone for anything. She was very familiar with his bullshit attitude and how he thought he was holier than thou. It enraged her and she never once turned a blind eye to those suffering.

Steff might have befriended her over recent months as she was new to the school and she might appreciate the similarities between them, but that certainly wasn't one of them. Her blood was boiling the longer he stood there acting like nothing was wrong, no matter the look in her eyes telling him he was a piece of shit.

“ You go over there right now and tell her you're sorry and mean it, ” Penny is furious with his childlike behaviour and makes it very known, as she steps forward again and notices how he stumbles back ever so slightly. He probably thinks she's going to have another strike at him, but she isn't; she can't believe she did it the first time, but after too many failed attempts at watching the guy treat people like shit, she's done.

“ I'm not apologising for what's true, alright? She shouldn't have bought such a portion if she didn't want at least one of us to say something about it. Go home to your daddy, Penny, I'm done hanging with you for today, ” Steff grimaces in her direction and turns away from her then, wiping his cut lip against his thumb and grunting his displeasure of the way that's going to impact his overall look, at least for a few days.

Her eyes soon fill with tears at the corners and she blinks them away, inhaling deeply to try and smooth over the situation before she, herself, walks over to the other girl and offers a very gentle, apologetic smile. Eyes are still glazed over slightly with upset that her friend had caused, but she does her best to offer the girl kind words and even a friendly gesture of a hug to make up for the unbeliavable insult.

After a few words more and a clasp of the affected girls hand, she smiles and lets her know he won't be bothering her again. They all seemed to go to the same school, but Penny would be ever-watchful of who Steff interacted with in such a vile manner from now on because she was so hurt for the poor girl, so much so she even felt the sting of his words herself and that had sent her into such a volatile spin of emotions, hence the reason she had lashed out and actually punched him in the face.

“ You're a dick, ” she mutters in his direction as she passes him along the street as he had walked a fair distance from Wendy's by now, but in her hurry to get back home so the sky doesn't darken prior to her arrival, she walks at a fast enough pace to pass him by as she goes. Her heels click against the sidewalk in her haste before a hand yanks her right back and forces her frame against a nearby wall.

“ You're a bitch, don't see me complaining. You need a ride home? ” somehow, even in his complete asshole take on his surroundings, he still offers her security. He can see how reluctant she is to accept the invitation, too, but for a moment he says nothing.

Penny shrugs his arm out of her way and tries to continue walking down the street, as though she doesn't need his charity and can very easily find her own way home safely and without needing to dig around in her purse for the pepper spray her father always told her to keep on hand. She fumbles through it a little while longer as she walks in a less than straight line, frightened now and still riled from the incident before. Steff is hot on her heels though as she goes, snapping at her now as he tells her to get in the damn car, as its just a few more feet away from where they are at present.

“ Leave me alone, Steff. I can find my own way back.. I just.. need my spray, ” she's all kinds of frantic now as she picks up the pace a little more and surpasses his porsche, not even glancing up at it to consider the possibility of a ride from such a jerk but tears fill her eyes once again when she realises she clearly did not pack her pepper spray.

Steff is right on her heels again, neglecting his own car in favour of doing a little jog to catch up with the highly frazzled female who no more than ten minutes ago punched him and gave him a bloody lip. He manages to trap her between himself and the wall again before she can walk any further, clanking away in those white heels of hers and tearing up as she rummages through her purse looking worse for wear. He actually gives a shit and that's entirely new to him, so he takes a few fleeting seconds to process it.

“ You haven't got it, sweetheart, don't burden yourself. Just get in the car, alright? ” he seems to say this in a bit of a huff, challenging his usual motive of not giving a damn, which in actuality he should be more annoyed that he is given what she did to him, but somehow he turns a new leaf in that moment, even if it only lasts until she's home.

Penny lifts her gaze to look up at him, doe-eyes searching his for any sign or indication that he is going to give her a hard time just like that girl, but she doesn't see malice. An almost calm washes over her previous fear and panic, replacing her frustration with him as well for a time as she very slightly nods her head to approve. Steff doesn't move right away, though, keeping one of his arms outstretched with his hand on the wall right at her side. She isn't trapped by any means, but she doesn't move away.

“ What? You going to give me some bullshit too cause I'm upset? Honestly, I thought it might be a good thing to befriend you and see if I can impact your lifestyle, but I can't see that happening. You're just not willing to.. ” she's cut off very suddenly, her words swallowed in her throat and her eyes bugging so much she fears they will be removed from their sockets and she fights to catch a breath, but she can't.

Steff is kissing her, his lips cushioning the onslaught of insults she was going to spring on him before he put a stop to it and even he doesn't quite know why. A kiss wasn't the best method of shutting someone up, especially if they annoyed the absolute hell out of you, smacked you in the face, continued to harass you with their bitching and didn't accept the invitation you so kindly offered in making sure they got home in one piece, yet here they were. It crossed his mind to stop, so he did, but he took his time.

“ Get in the car, Penny, ” he simply says, inhaling much needed air as she did the same and simply blinked at him stupidly until he snapped his fingers in front of her and she jumped to life, almost tripping over her heels as she walked back to his car and he was in step right behind her to make sure she didn't take off yet again.

[bellamygateoldblog]

People keep saying that Echo is pulling a Finn but all I see is a parallel with Octavia when she lost Lincoln - which also makes me think it won't end on a good note for her. Octavia not only lost herself but was also cast aside by the people she cared about and I'm afraid Echo will suffer the same fate, only there won't be a chance at 'redemption' for her (that I'm convinced she doesn't need) - most of all because I do think S7 is pandering to the loudest fandom (I mean, Raven's storyline???)

My advice is ignore those people. Just ignore them.

I'll start by saying I firmly believe Blodreina was a different thread to Octavia's dark, lonely turn after Lincoln's death. That baby was wrapped up before Blodreina's rise, even though it is intrinsically linked to it, and the effects of that arc influenced the beginnings of Blodreina's phase and were still felt through it by remaining a weight that permanently altered Octavia as a character. She wasn't just able to revert back to who she used to be before those events, and that, to me, is just good writing lol.

Assuming the parallel between O and E continues beyond 7x02 and 7x05 (which it might not with these writers, but their similarities/connections go way back regardless) I don’t think we need to worry about Echo being abandoned. Octavia turned her back on other people through that whole thing, not the other way around. People were concerned and disapproving, sure, but she rejected their attempts to help and did her own thing, dealing with her grief over Lincoln in unproductive or defensive ways, her traumas and the weight of not knowing who she was or where she belonged anymore, and just generally being lost in life. But it ended with her coming home to herself, accepting parts of herself, closing distance and welcoming people back in, letting herself depend on Bellamy again, and using her violent gifts to save lives rather than merely end them. She starts to let life back in, and begins to feel something after a long time wandering around directionless. She finds her footing again. Sounds a lot like Echo in parts. Maybe we will see Echo shun alliance and closeness for a little while (but not for long, if the 7x07 stills of O and E are anything to go by) but i don’t see Echo suffering long and hard and lonely like Octavia did, because Octavia is right there with her! She’s been through it before and she’s been healing from it all, and there’s a perfect oppurtunity to have her guiding Echo through that, too. From the stills i’m assuming Octavia is the one who reaches out, while Echo looks reluctant and bitter towards her, almost like a cornered animal. Reminds me of Blodreina’s reactions to Echo in season five.

Ultimately, this comes of it (?).

I think she’s going to be okay :)

Of course that’s just what i infer from a few out of context pictures.

I 100% agree with you about Raven's story this season but I realise people who follow me are probably sick of hearing about that now lol. However, how much of that is pandering to fandom or simply the writers’ own bias to character is unclear to me. I actually tend to think the opposite when it comes to Echo. I see the writers addressing and slowly tearing apart the constant hate she recieves and leaning into her character- even giving her new personalities to bounce off of, integrating her into the main story, etc. And i don’t think she’s been ‘framed’ suspiciously at all so far, either, not as evil or unhinged or any other way that might make me resent the fandom for their unending loud whining. If anything it just makes me appreciate their bitterness because no matter what they twist or manifest from thin air or deliberately misunderstand, it doesn’t change the canon of Echo being That bitch.

[dinviataunuitiptrans]

#dinviataunuitiptrans

It's 2020 and my only resolution is to take it easy on me and go walk whenever I feel the sadness circling my soul, so this day I do just that.

I woke up freezing because the heater got broken and I know that if I stay indoors I'm gonna fall into some sort of despair so I go and brew some few cups of tea, purr them in bottles, roll up my last blunt from the stash, eat some pasta left overs from new years eve, dress myself in pretty colors and head out. It's been one hour of walking therapy so I stop by McD. to pee and then head out to the small park to have a smoke and rest my legs.

"- Futu-ți morții mă-tii de adiere băşită" is the best my brain could think of when the wind blowed away the tobacco from my rizla while trying to roll, so I start all over.

"- Futu-ți morții mă-tii...", this is my second attempt, the tobacco is all over my pants so I take a deep breath and keep on trying.

"- Futu-ți morții mă-tiiiii!!!!"

That was my 3d attempt to roll but the wind had other plans for my lungs. But then you came bye amused by the words you didn't understand, holding a pack of cigarettes and inviting me to stop fighting the wind and have a smoke from your pack. So I take one and you take a seat next to me and we lit up the cancer tubes, I say thanks and you say I'm very cute and smile. To scare the shyness away I pretend to flip my hair in the gayest way possible:

- Oh, just cute? and I thought I was beautiful, now you destroyed my dreams to ever be an instagram sensation.

You start laughing and tell me I'm actually beautiful and we start playing this game where we kinda make fun of how dumb we as humans are, I'm cracking up silly jokes and you do the same, I tell you I find you very cute also and I apologise for shattering your dreams of being an insta model, you laugh and you give me another cigarette and then move a bit closer to me.

- You're very smart for such a young guy...are you seeing someone?

- Love, you're sweet but I'm not that young...

Then you touch my hand and tell me you already like me and that I don't have to lie to impress you because you have been with guys younger than my age. That's how I find out that I'm most likely 22 or 23 and that you're just few years older than me, you're 25. I tell you lies are not my sexy kink and that I'm born in 1984, on the 31st of May. You laugh but I see the awe on your face so I tell you the good looks run in my family and that if you see my brothers you'll know what I'm talking about.

- Show me

You say that and then cuddled so close to me that you give me no option but put my arm around you while I start pulling out pictures from the phone.

- Here is Patrick, he's the love of my life and one of the sweetest man the Universe has given us. He's gonna be 35 this year.

You say we look alike but that I'm prettier than him so I turn a bit red and start feeling kind of uncomfortable so I swipe away.

- In this picture he's with Max, they are at a court hearing. Max is the oldest one, he is in his 40s and he lives here in UK but up north. I haven't seen him for ages and I miss him and his signature paranoia very much. This is Andrei, I have tons of pictures with him, we live together and he is so sweet that every time I think of him my heart melts. Probably the reason I take secret pictures of him while sleeping.

I show you more pictures with him and tell you the story when I had to sleep in his room and how he cuddled close to me when we were sleeping and you press yourself against my body and tell me you get it why. This makes me feel even more uncomfortable cuz you kinda took up every cm of my personal space but I don't know what to do so I brush it off.

- He's 22 and he might be one of the sexiest of us but he's not the youngest, Gherman is. See? This is Gabi but I call him Gherman, this is a screenshot from one of our chats, I always do this pictures when we talk so that I have them to look at when I miss them. You would say he's 14 but actually he just turned 18. He's an adorable pain in the ass but with the soul in the right place. And this is Chriss, look how gorgeous this guy is and his heart is pure gold. He's such a talented artist but unfortunately he wasn't discovered yet, he draws nudes and erotic art and it's mind fucking blowing. This is a photo with Chriss, Rami and Teo, I almost cried when I got these pictures of them. Rami represents the whole notion of humanness and he's shy just like me.

- This guy is blonde... is he also your brother?

You pointed out to Teo so I show you more pictures with him and then pull up pictures with Andreas also.

- Yeah, we have few blondes in our family but we decided to love them nonetheless. This is Andreas, not only that he's blond but he's also a very wise man. It's always such a pleasure talking to him. He's in Germany now. Just like Leo.

I'm looking for pictures with Leo so I start scrolling for the screenshots from the last whatsapp conversation and you decide to take a break from your cuddle and have a smoke. Now I feel more comfortable even though you're still resting your body next to mine.

- Here is my adorable Leo.

- He looks alot like the first guy without the beard..

- Like Patrick?

- Yeah

You see the pictures with me and Vlăduț and you like him.

- This is your brother also, I can tell. Is he old like you?

- No, actually he's young like you. And also an amazing musician and sound therapist. He makes sounds with weird instruments and then you feel a bit better. But he's not in London anymore, he returned home, he wasn't feeling very good here.

I feel you're a bit disappointed and probably thinking that you'll have to settle with me but once you get me started with my brothers it's very hard to make me stop.

- And this is Aris, he looks like an artist because he is one, he's a painter and a tattoo artist. And this is Elias, if you're ever looking for a smart conversation then he's the guy to go to. Him or Alexander. The difference is the sarcasm of Alex versus the warmth of Elias.

Then I show you Alexander and you smile and ask me if Elias and Alex are twins but I have no chance to answer because now you're handing me your phone and ask me to pull up my fb and I do just that so you start looking around while I'm getting even more nostalgic going through the pictures in my phone. I'm looking for a picture with Abel but I have no more time to show it to you

- You're transgendered?

- Oh love, there's no such thing as being "transgendered", nobody can transgender me, I am transgender because this is how I am.

- You mean you're not a real man?

- I'm just as a real human as you are love, and for sure am a man. Just that I'm a trans man

- And you're proud of this sickness...

And then you show me my cover photo.

I felt your disgust even since you said "Trasgendered" and I know very well that look in your eyes, I once had a crazy girlfriend who used to look at me just like that and somehow it feels so fucking familiar that I sense what is going to happen next so I try my best to avoid it. I tell you that each of us has its own life to live and that people must learn to accept and embrace diversity if we want to heal this human race. I tell you that body parts are just that, body parts and that gender identity is not defined by sexual anatomy. I want to tell you more but I was right and you snap into rage mode, slap the shit out of me almost poking my eye out with your nails.

- Fucking disgusting predator, man with pussy, you should be burned alive.

You walk away in anger showing the middle finger, shouting "fuck you", so I shout back that you wish to have the luck to get fucked by such a proud trans man but that I don't fuck crazy bitches anymore so you turned around and you were fuming so I told you that if you come back to hit me again I'm gonna punch you in the face. You left. I start rolling one and feel sorry I got angry and yelled back but somehow so relieved that you went away.

Dear L.,

You have my FB now and somehow I hope this message gets to you: please get some medical help you are in desperate need, and you won't get to meet nice guys like me everywhere.

I know you have serious mental issues cuz a healthy mind wouldn't let you go to total strangers looking for their attention and affection on a bench in a park, you don't cuddle with strange men and expose yourself like that.

I lived with a girl like you, extremely violent and unstable that is, for a whole year and I know that you were just looking to meet somebody that looks like a nice guy but actually hoping to get an asshole so you can have an excuse to violently manifest your pain. Been there through that already so I know the drill. The fact that you discovered I'm transgender was just the trigger you were looking for, and I didn't feel you hated me but I did feel that you wanted to make someone suffer and you found me, so it was just a matter of time until something would have triggered you.

PS: I'm sorry I threatened you but I don't like being hit. I wouldn't have hit you back but I would have called the ambulance because I learned that being a sweet person doesn't help when somebody suffers like you do.