#sunhee's mixtape era | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

inkkayyy · 2 years ago

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ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴀɴ ᴏᴜᴛꜱɪᴅᴇ ᴘᴇʀꜱᴘᴇᴄᴛɪᴠᴇ >ꜱᴇᴏ ᴄʜᴀɴɢʙɪɴ [ ᴛᴡᴏ ]

It’s a shock, one that makes Changbin freeze briefly before wrapping him in a tight hug.

The pair had been through hard times, but he had never seen her cry. Not once.

[ from an outside perspective] [ sunhee’s masterlist ]

(wk: 2.1k) (format: english in italics)

180207

When Seo Changbin first saw Kang Sunhee cry, it was an anomaly.

Graduation is a sentimental time. It marked the end of an era. Debut was just around the corner- marked for a mere month away. And as he attends his last ever class- the day before grad, he begins to wonder if he’d miss it. Then their mathematics teacher hands out a sheet- a compulsory test (that won’t even be marked) just to ‘see how much they’d really learnt’.

He won’t miss it. Not really. He’ll miss the people. School gave him an excuse to see his friends on a regular basis. And he knows that will be hard once they graduate and he becomes an idol (disregarding the fact he’s halfway there because of the survival show).

He and Sunhee walk back to the dorms, talking about graduation. “I still can’t believe they aren’t coming.”

She frowned, eyebrows creasing. “Who’s not coming?”

“The members- they told us last night, remember?” He paused to look at her.

It takes a few seconds but the conversation seemed to dawn on her as a sad and miserable ‘Oh’ tumbled past her lips.

“Guess it will just be you and me yeah? Maybe I’ll finally get to meet your sister.” It’s a teasing change of subject one so blatantly obvious but he entertained anyway. Forcing Sunhee to talk about something she didn’t want to was never a good idea.

So he thinks that’s it. They moved on talking about the upcoming shoot for their debut trailer- about how he’d been grumpy about the undercut they gave him- irritated by the fringe and how she’d had to do some voice over dubbing.

But that wasn’t it. Because later, into the hours of the night when they’re all in their dorm, cramped and messy as usual, Sunhee crawled into his bunk sobbing.

Her breath came out in quiet hiccups and even in the dark he can see the way light reflects off her tear tracks. The tiny red dot from the smoke alarm, moonlight streaming in from the window, Hyunjin’s night light that he leaves on so none of them trip over in the middle of the night.

It’s a shock, one that makes Changbin freeze briefly before wrapping him in a tight hug. They’re a similar height (she’s actually slightly taller than him- which she never lets him forget) but with how Sunhee's curled herself up next to him, on the tiny single mattress, she felt so small.

The pair had been through hard times, but he had never seen her cry. Not once.

When they’d been in the survival show, he assumed she did- they all did. But Sunhee made an effort to remove herself from the situation. She would steel her nerves and blink away the moisture brimming her eyes.

This was different.

Her breath hitched with every inhale and he could feel the way her hand fisted tight against the sleeves of his hoodie to avoid the tell tale shake they tremmored with. He’s got one leg draped over his, her head curled onto his chest and she tries to stay quiet. He snakes one hand around her waist, rubbing circles onto her back, as his other slowly took her fist away from his hoodie, instead choosing to hold it with his own. Her nails would have dug into his skin if they were any longer but her habit of biting them when stressed prevented that.

“What's wrong?” Changbin murmured.

Sunhee’s breath hitched once more as she forced the words out. “I’m going to be alone. At graduation. No one is coming to see me finish school.”

Oh. He really should have realised that one a bit sooner. Sunhee struggled with Korea- not in the sense of directions of the language (at least not as much any more) but the fact it wasn’t Australia. He’d been told that she used to get really homesick, enough that the company had allowed her to actually travel home the year before, something trainees were rarely offered.

“I’ll be there.” He murmured, holding her a little closer. “And the others wanted to be, you know that.”

“Still, it’s a little pathetic isn’t it? No family coming to my graduation?” She scoffed, a wet sound betrayed by the way her tears lead onto his hoodie. “Aren’t your parents supposed to take you out for jjajangmyeon or something? One of the girls in class asked me where i was going.“

“I’m not sure Mum’s picked out some place for us, I think it’s fancier then you're used to but you’ll manage just fine.”

“Us?”

“Yeah,” his brows furrowed, glancing down at her face. Sunhee’s eyes were shiny with tears. “I told you that we’d eat together after graduation. Did you forget?”

She blinked. “Your parent’s are okay with that?”

He tried not to laugh too loudly, but the rumble of his chest was not lost to Sunhee. “I think they’d skin me if I didn’t- no way they were gonna let you eat alone after graduation.”

And that was true. Sunhee had spent weekends at the Seo family house, come over for dinners and the public holidays that were offered to her, truly Changbin’s mother loved Sunhee. So of course, when talking to Changbin about after graduation lunch, she’d insisted that Sunhee was to come with them- if she didn’t already have plans. He could have sworn he’d asked her, and his mum had already booked a table for five, but maybe it had slipped his mind.

“I just thought I'd go with the others who aren’t at school for the day.” She whispered.

“Nope, you’re coming with me.”

“Okay.“ There’s a smile ghosting her lips as she tucks herself a little tighter against his side, and Changbin messes with his duvet until it’s draped over the both of them.

Sleep comes easily after that.

And the next morning she was still there, and Jeongin who was rousing from his own bunk looked at them curiously, but Changbin just waved him off with one hand. It’s not until they all start to disperse, with Hyunjin and Seungmin off to their own schools, and the others heading to schedules, does Changbin call his mum.

He waits until Sunhee’s in the shower- for the sound of the water running before he steps cautiously out onto the balcony, February chill cutting through his uniform blazer with ease.

“How’s my highschool graduate feeling?” She teases, clearly thrilled that both her kids are now finished school.

“Ah- good.” He replied, a little embarrassed by the eagerness in her voice. “Can I ask you a favour mum?”

“Sure.”

“Could you pick up some flowers for Sunhee? The other members can’t come to our graduation and neither can her family.”

“Oh of course!” His mum sounded thrilled and it made Changbin smile. “What kind does she like, any favourites? Or should I get ones to match her room so they look nice in the dorm?”

“I think any would be fine- but maybe something simple, she’s not one for dramatics.”

And sure enough, when they make it to the hall, once their homeroom teachers had handed over their diplomas with a huge smile (maybe she was glad to be rid of them, maybe she was just thrilled the lot of them made it- who knows) Changbin’s mother holds two bouquets. One was a bunch of baby’s breath, swaddled in brown paper that she extended to him with a grin. “My boy!”

She was hugging him so tight he might’ve passed out, but eventually she relented, running a hand down his hair and onto his cheek. She looks so proud.

Changbin’s dad pulled him forwards for a firm handshake but gave up halfway through and hugged him instead. His sister followed suit, taking time to mess up his hair as well.

But when Changbin turned around, he was met once again, with the sight of Sunhee’s teary eyes.

Her arms were wrapped tightly around Changbin’s mum, who coo’s and hugs her back. In one hand, Sunhee held the second Bouquet, one of white tulips. She sniffled and blinked at him. Changbin smiled.

“Oh, Sunhee dear- stop crying, it’s your graduation day!” His mum exclaimed, pulling back to hold Sunhee’s face in her palms, brushing gentle thumbs across her cheeks to whip away the stray tears. She offered a wet laugh before replying “You bought me flowers.”

“That we did.”

And then Sunhee threw herself at Changbin, an embrace that was so whole, then he stumbled back a step as her arms flew over his shoulders. And it was a different sort of crying, one that was laced with laughter and tipped with unhidden smiles. He liked it more than the tears he’s seen before.

She felt warm against him, and her chest vibrated with the laughs that tumbled from her lips. He squeezed tightly, and knew this would not be a moment he forgot. He would certainly not pretend to understand her, not when the members turned up five minutes later, with a camera man, saying it was a prank that they’d been asked to film.

And when Felix hugged Sunhee so tightly, congratulating her on graduating in Korea of all places she swayed in his arms, and when Minho threw an arm over her shoulder, bringing her close, she was cautious to hold the bouquet gently- she didn’t dare let anyone else touch her flowers, nor did she stray from Changbin’s side.

Their manager informed them that all nine of the members will be having jajangmyeon for dinner and that it would be filmed. The others (those who could attend, Seungmin and Hyunjin sadly at school) headed back for schedules soon after. She’s affected by it, the fact that they did show up after all, and she would have people to celebrate her graduation with, but cried about it anyway- how much it bothered he couldn’t quite tell, she was alway good at hiding that away. But he knows enough, he’s not sure how but he does. So he slipped his hand into hers and tugged her away from his family for a bit, heading over to their classmates.

Changbin’s sister followed the pair around as the designated photographer, taking photos of them with friends, Jihoon shows off the bright pink flowers his brother had picked out as Jaewoo takes great joy in spinning his diploma around on one finger, and Sunhee sends the picture of their friend group, all seven of them, off to her mum.

And when it’s time to leave, she grinned the whole car ride to the restaurant, happily chatting away with Changbin’s mum.

There’s a moment, just one, when her phone pings and it comes back with a picture from her mum; both her brother and Mum seated at the dining room table, a vase full of flowers (he think’s they’re daisies?) between them and plates of jajangmyeon on the table. Sunhee almost cries again, but she blinks them away with a sniffle and sends back a series of emoticon hearts.

He doesn’t understand Kang Sunhee, she’s an anomaly and always will, but he’ll take the pieces she offers, learn about the parts she chooses to show him and hold her close when she needs it- because Changbin knows she would too.

[ <<< ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜꜱ ] [ from an outside perspective] [ ɴᴇxᴛ >>> (coming soon) ]

#sunhee from an outside perspective #sunhee's mixtape era #kpop oc #kpop female addition #kpop addition #skz addition #skz female member #skz female addition #stray kids oc #stray kids female oc #stray kids female addition #stray kids female member #stray kids 9th member #kang sunhee skz

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inkkayyy · 2 years ago

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ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴀɴ ᴏᴜᴛꜱɪᴅᴇ ᴘᴇʀꜱᴘᴇᴄᴛɪᴠᴇ >ꜱᴇᴏ ᴄʜᴀɴɢʙɪɴ [ ᴏɴᴇ ]

When Seo Changbin first met Kang Sunhee he decided she was an anomaly.

See, he would have never expected her to become such a big part of his life.

[ from an outside perspective] [ sunhee’s masterlist ]

(wk: 2.1k) (format: english in italics)

160921

When Seo Changbin first met Kang Sunhee he decided she was an anomaly.

See, he would have never expected her to become such a big part of his life.

Months before he’d even joined JYPE she’d shown up at Bora High School. A downright determined girl who introduced herself as a transfer and was done with it. He’d actually thought she was from Jeolla-Do or somewhere more southwest for a while, her dialect evident and pretty ingrained in her speech. Imagine his shock when he’d learnt she was from Australia.

Rumours buzzed around for a while, she was on the run from the Australian mob or ran away from home. But the conclusion was that she had to be a trainee, which of course peaked his interest. The talent show in her first year was of particular note when some other girls had roped her into performing a Twice song with them. It was clear she’d learnt dance from some kind of professional.

But that was that. Sunhee was (probably) an idol trainee at their school that greeted people in halls but didn’t stick around for conversations. Who’d snagged the top spot in English from the grade’s try-hard (much to the cohort’s delight) and barely showed up for class.

He’d spoken to her once or twice, got stuck as deskmates for a week because their teacher insisted on everyone rotating weekly- ‘to better converse with your peers’ he’d claim.

They’d sat and Sunhee kept a Hangul alphabet chart taped to her desk (which she’d peeled off at the week’s end). It was an odd few days, because Changbin found himself excelling in English, with her muttering the answers under her breath with expert pronunciation but not taking the initiative to raise her hand. He didn’t take credit of course, but with sentences and grammar written in perfect script next to him, it was much easier to understand.

He’d made an effort that week, to perfect the lines of his own hangul and write extra neat rather than his typical scrawl, and to answer whichever questions the teacher posed that seemed to throw her off kilter.

It was odd because they didn’t speak, but for those brief five days- only three of which Sunhee actually appeared for, Changbin found that less time was spent staring at the clock but rather with straight pen strokes and neat notes that he knew Sunhee wouldn’t have gotten from the chalkboard fast enough, taking his arm off the page so she could pretend not to copy his notes and he could pretend not to notice.

He really didn’t understand her, because as far as conversation went, she’d introduced herself when they’d first sat down and simply smiled with a hello and goodbye when the bell marked each period’s start and end. She was an anomaly, one he couldn't care to explore further, simply content to acknowledge and move on from.

But eventually the tide had to shift, and it did. When Changbin was accepted into JYP Entertainment.

Seo Changbin had practically been adopted by Jisung the second he was past orientation, the kid- who was actually a year younger than Changbin, was a bubbling ball of positivity and arrogance. How he managed to mix those two so well would be forever a mystery, but his heart-shaped smile and bunched up cheeks more than made up for the occasional cocky smirk.

The integration to trainee life was a bumpy one. It was all he’d ever wanted but of course his sleep schedule was something he’d had to adjust (sacrifices could be made), and so was his volume when returning home late at night- his mother made that much clear. But something he’d embraced with open arms was the opportunity to share his ideas. Jisung, who’d dragged Changbin around the first two weeks as a ‘promising rapper’ also came with a secondary attachment, Bang Chan.

A trainee of nearly six years and probably the kindest teenager Changbin had ever met, Chan was slowly becoming his favourite part of the company. Admittedly a few of the other new trainees were terrified of him, but Changbin was never one to back down easily.

The pair spoke fondly of other trainees that Chaginbin was less acquainted with (there were so many of them). But the names that seemed to pop up often were: Lilly- who Chan explained was another international trainee, and Jeongin, who was supposedly at school. Jisung always spoke of his ‘noona’ too and each mention came with Chan giving his side a gentle elbow or kick and muttering ‘she said not to call her that’ to which Jisung would always reply ‘Isn’t that the point?’

It was two weeks into his traineeship that Changbin finally met the mysterious ‘noona’.

He hadn’t been to school that day, instead spending it in lessons for some group dance with other trainees that had passed the recent auditions. And as the afternoon trailed on and he was given an hour of reprieve before a vocal lesson, he found himself in the cafe with Chan and Jisung.

Trainees were given cards- well points more specifically, that just so happened to be stored on cards, to use in the JYPE cafeteria. Jisung pays for Chan- who claimed he was ‘saving his’, why Changbin didn’t quite understand- the company was pretty liberal with their alliances and Chan should have had plenty.

And it’s only when they’ve been seated for a good fifteen minutes does Changbin startle suddenly aware of the fourth chair at their table- now occupied by a school bag. It’s boxy, made from yellow canvas that’s bright, but was probably a bit brighter a few years ago. A few keychains dangle off it, a set of beads and charms in a striking red- the main feature being a small strawberry, and another that bore the tiniest little raccoon that he’s pretty sure was a dirt cheap novelty found in most gotcha machines. And It confused Changbin because he’d seen it before- he’d heard those annoying red and pink beads clash together, jostled with movement and noted the crappy paint job of the cheap raccoon before. He was so damned sure.

Wordlessly, Chan held up his card, the one for the cafeteria that had his points on it and the little slip of plastic was taken from his outstretched hand with deft fighters. Changbin watched curiously as someone with a school uniform- his school uniform, retrates to the cafe counter.

And as she ordered, sliping the card over for the barcode to scan, he realised that It was Kang Sunhee. Who spent her lunch times sitting with a nice but boring group of girls, not talking to them. Who needed an alphabet chart taped to her desk but achieved a 100 on their last English Exam, who got solid 80’s in maths without batting an eye and only showed up half the time and smiled her way down hallways without putting effort into small talk. Who the cohort had decided must have been a trainee at some small company- because surely she’d make a big deal out of being at a well known company.

“They don’t give the female trainees as many meal points.” Jisung said through a mouthful of noodles, noticing Changbin’s confusion. “Noona’s supposed to be on a diet so they took all hers away. But Chan-hyung saves his up because the company gives him so many.”

And soon enough, Sunhee was back, shrugging off the blazer to drape it across the chair and using one hand to loosen the tie that secured the white dress shirt around the column of her neck It’s only when she nudged her backpack to the ground, not caring as fell down with a dull thud, keychains cluttering as it did, that she noticed him.

“Oh- Changbin-ssi?” Sunhee cocked her head to the side, the same way she did when assessing a question in a textbook that she didn’t quite get. Like he was something out of place, or a line from their poetry unit that she just couldn’t wrap her head around.

“You know each other?” Jisung asked, again muffled by the food in his mouth. Chan’s also looking up from his phone, just with his eyes but the curiosity is evident.

“Yeah.” She replied. Still frowning, but moving to sit anyway. “I got to his school.”

His school. Because it was just that, It wasn’t her school. All Sunhee did was read the passages in English to show off and grace the halls a few days a week, she ate her lunches with little to no interest in those she sat with and hardly cared for the gossip left in her wake.

“Huh.” Chan said, stealing a piece of Tteok-bokki for the small portion on Jisung’s tray- having already finished his own. “Well that’s fun.”

“I didn’t know you were accepted by JYPE.” Sunhee said casually, snapping the wooden chopsticks apart, digging her short nails between one end and pulling apart with a quick tug. They split right down the middle.

“Really- The school filmed a video about it and everything. Most students know.”

‘I guess I don’t really pay much attention, do I.” It’s a cheeky poke, and it makes Jisung huff a laugh over his food- an inside joke maybe.

Changbin’s tray was empty, the chopsticks snapped, ugly and off centre, a chunk of the join attached to the left chopstick. His eyes only flickered away from her once or twice while she spoke. Because his mother had raised him to be polite, to hold eye contact and listen attentively.

But this was probably the longest conversation he’d had with her. And wasn’t that just miserable.

He’d been looking forward to meeting her. It was clear she had some kind of kinship with the other two at the table, and Chan- who eats like a machine (upwards of two rice bowls with every meal) sacrifices his meal points for her. And Jisung speaks of her like she hung the stars, that his ‘noona’ was the most amazing person in the company (short of himself of course, because Jisung came with a sense of cockynes that simply will not disappear).

She doesn't seem off put by his presence, just… impartial. And well, that was it. They ate. Chan asked Sunhee about her day at school and Jisung recounted everything that happened in his. Changbin sits and listens offering his own piece from time to time: little comments about the rap lesson he and Jisung had earlier or off handed complaints about his and Sunhee’s homeroom teacher.

Then he moves on with his day and that was life.

But the next day he saw her at school, the Monday of the following week, Changbin made a decision. He hadn’t even seen her in the classroom but ended up startled by her distinct accent reading out the English passage- it’s some borning diary entry, that is supposed to have four mistakes in it for them to circle.

He finds it easy because when he watches her read it, each mistake- like the use of the clunky phrase ‘less than before’ comes with a head tilt, the same way she peers at textbook questions and Changbin when she spots him in the practice room or company hallways.

After that class, when students make their way out of the classroom, ducking their head to the teacher as they walk past, giving ‘goodbye’s in English as the teacher always asked them to. She’s awkwardly straightening the sides of her blazer under her bag straps, pink beads and charms clicking together with the movements.

“Sunhee-ssi,” She turned to him, pausing her steps. She answered with nothing more than a hum, the same way she did when entertaining Jisung’s rants. “Would you like to sit with me for lunch?”

It’s an odd feeling as they walk together, chatting about nothing more than school or the vending machine snacks at their company. She tells him she moved from Australia but enrolled in school as it was her family’s only condition. He in return told her that his parents were happy he’d made it into JYPE- that his older sister won’t stop teasing him about it.

They’re shallow topics really, but that was okay. And as she sits down, introducing herself to the five other boys Changbin spent his school days with, it’s simple. Nothing really to it.

She melds with them well, contributing to the piss-taking that is their normal and complaining about Literature- her worst subject, with the group.

Seo Changbin doesn’t understand her. Kang Sunhee is an anomaly but he is happy to sit and chat with her at lunch times, conversation flowing with ease- much to the shock of his friends who continue to shoot curious glances.

But he thinks that maybe understanding her could wait for a later date, for now, he was happy to simply exist, adjusting to his new lifestyle and the people that came with it.

[from an outside perspective] [ ɴᴇxᴛ >>> (coming soon) ]

#kang sunhee skz #9th member of stray kids #stray kids 9th member #stray kids female member #stray kids female addition #stray kids female oc #stray kids oc #skz female addition #skz female member #skz addition #kpop addition #kpop female addition #kpop oc #sunhee's mixtape era #sunhee from an outside perspective

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inkkayyy · 2 years ago

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[ ꜱᴋᴢ ꜱᴜʀᴠɪᴠᴀʟ ꜱʜᴏᴡ: ᴇᴘ.ᴏɴᴇ ]

>finding the right path for us; i’m holding out my hand.

The 2017 reality show Stray Kids ( 스트레이 키즈), created by JYP Entertainment and Mnet, follows hopeful trainees on their journey to debut. episode one see a competition between two teams - a female trainees' team named 2team, with members selected by the agency, and a Project Team- created by long-time trainee Bang Chan, as they compete for the chance to debut.

“Who’s my favorite member? Oh that’s an easy one.” Sunhee shifted to sit cross legged on the stool, the cameras blink at her as they record. Maybe she should have been a bit more nervous for her first ever on screen appearance- but whelp, too late for that. “None of them.”

“None of them?” The lady from MNet asked, peaking out from behind the camera.

“They’re all too damn dramatic.”

[ ep. 2 ] [ sunhee’s masterlist ]

( wc; 5.4k) (format; english in italics)

Sunhee’s trainee days were very formative for her. They marked the beginning of independence for her, moving out of home (admittedly in rather dramatic fashion- moving to a whole new country was a bit of a curve ball for her parents), the ending of high school and a realisation of her dream.

Endless memories were formed in the JYP dorms throughout her years there. From friendships formed to scoldings received, Sunhee was ready to embrace the next stage in her life that came with becoming a Kpop idol.

Originally, before the Survival show had been posed and Straykids were on the track for debut, the group was going to be very different- at least on a conceptual level.

See, when Chan was given the opportunity to make his own project team, he of course chose good trainees, but he also chose his friends and people he knew could survive hardships with help from each other.

After seeing the success of SM Entertainment's NCT, the company had requested something more unit based, with thirteen members and the potential for more, Chan had gathered what is considered to be the best, including both female and male trainees.

The case he presented was very compelling and Sunhee could recall late nights spent meticulously planning out how exactly he was going to pitch it and convince the higher-ups that his chosen members could work, writing and memorising refutes for any and all complaints and hesitancies they may have had.

And she remembers the day, waiting nervously in the downstairs cafe, too apprehensive to do anything other than bounce her leg up and down and continuously check the clock. But the board was completely convinced and JYP himself was setting the wheels in motion to have their debut scheduled and start the process of the lot of them becoming idols.

Everything had been great. Until it wasn’t

The survival show had thrown everything into disarray. Apparently, some of the higher up producers had been approached by MNet- who had somehow discovered they were planning to debut a large team. As Sunhee had so kindly described them to Changbin in a rant about the company ruining their dreams “The fucking snakes.”

Changbin: “What does that mean? Sunhee: “It’s an English thing- don’t worry. I was being really rude.” Changbin: “Ah, good. They deserve it.”

It was posed as an opportunity for people to get to know the individual members of the group better before debut and make a bit more of a splash and the uniqueness of the concept

But when it came to signing contracts, they ended up losing four members. Two of them were still legal children and their parents weren't happy for them to participate in such an emotionally distressing experience. The two who were adults, however, just didn’t agree with signing away their dream for the sake of reality tv. The already ‘dubbed’ Stray Kids, ended up losing one male and three female trainees.

A memory that would not be easily forgotten was a mere week after the survival show concept had been presented and she’d had read through her contract and signed it, when- in the midst of a vocal session, Sunhee'd been called into JYP’s office.

Despite his iconic yet questionable music publications, Park Jinyoung was a truly kind man who wanted the best for the trainees under his care. His smile was soft and telling of bad news as he welcomed her into his office.

“Ah, Kang Sunhee- please,” He gestured to the chair opposite him at the large wooden desk, “sit, we have a lot to discuss.”

Her nerves palpable, Sunhee had sat and immediately balled her hands up in the fabric of her grey sweatpants, shoulders drawn back in fear of criticism but muscles strung tight in apprehension.

“Regarding the survival show concept, there had been an issue with contracts and I’m afraid only nine members have agreed to sign and participate.”

‘What- no one said-”

“Most of those who haven’t signed have left the company and terminated their trainee contracts, others were asked to refrain from bringing the topic up with other trainees until a solution could be reached.”

Sunhee nodded, unsure what to say, and curious as to why it was her there, not Chan.

“Of the members who chose not to sign contracts, were the three other female trainees.” Sunhee’s mouth ran dry at his words because now she knew why it was bad news. Co-Ed groups weren’t uncommon, but the split was typically 50-50 or something along those lines. If the three other female trainees dropped the contracts, then Sunhee was the only female member, and that just wouldn’t work.

“Ah, I understand. So this is one of those meetings.”

“No, no. Not at all Sunhee.- please don’t be nervous.” He waved her worries off as she shuffled her seat forwards to be more attentive. It certainly seemed like an important conversation. “I would just like to talk to you privately about how you would be comfortable handling this situation moving forwards.”

He laid out the revised concept for the survival show. Since Chan’s project team had gone through such significant change, it was not the only choice for debut, and the female trainee team had been selected to compete for the opportunity as well. The two groups would compete at the upcoming JYPE showcase for the chance to debut and be the focus of MNet’s survival show.

And her first thought was, ‘he wants me to join the female trainees’. Which there was nothing wrong with at all, Sunhee could manage them just fine, and of course, she’d worked with them over the years she’d been at the company, but it was a bit heart-wrenching after she’d spent so much time in Chan’s project team- which although now down four members, were still the people she’d thought her debut would be alongside.

“Now, I’m discussing this with you first because I feel that it is unfair to offer you a dream and rip it away due to the faults of others.” He flicked through the stack of paper on his desk, that with a bit of a lean forward to peek at the title page, Sunhee realised was the contract she’d signed with MNet. “Joining the girls' team at this stage would not have any major setbacks, and overall I believe you could make a huge impact on their stage presence and performance ability.”

And that felt like a compliment, it really did but with how much her heart felt like it was about to be carved out from her chest, Sunhee couldn’t find the strength to focus on it.

“However, I understand that removing you from the project team would have a very negative effect. You are an essential member in terms of morale and performance, and the manner in which you help the other project team members improve has not gone unnoticed by the staff.”

“So I wanted to ask you which team you would prefer to stay with. Keep in mind that you would be the only female member and that is something that would open you up to significantly more criticism than we had earlier discussed with the larger project team.” With folded hands and a resigned expression, he stayed silent, waiting for Sunhee’s response.

She remembered that meeting, with all the other girls, where the four of them had sat down and talked to regarding the heavy criticism that female Kpop idols faced and that being in a Co-Ed group would only increase that. They had all agreed then- that they would push through the possibilities of hardship and struggles they would face as women in a male-heavy group. Sunhee couldn’t figure out what had changed.

“What would… you recommend?” Ever the approval seeker she was, Sunhee wanted to know what their CEO thought. Because while her friends- at least, whichever ones decided to stay, were there, in a team she was at risk of losing, this very conversation was her future and if her presence could torpedo their success, then she would feel more comfortable joining the female trainees, even if it meant she would have to compete against the people she considered friends.

“I think that you are equipped to deal with the challenges that come with the project team and that your presence would benefit Chan’s team more. However, if you do not feel that you can’t handle those challenges, then I recommend joining the female trainees.”

Even then, the choice was obvious. Sunhee may have been young, but she wasn’t stupid, and she knew where she wanted to be.

“I’ll stay with Chan’s project team.”

“I was hoping you would,” And there it was, Park Jinyoung’s famous smile, the one that charmed first generation Kpop and built an empire. And maybe, Sunhee thought, he might just have her best interests at heart.

She couldn’t help but smile back.

And MNet was hesitant, but why agreed to keep Sunhee on the show at JYP’s insistence. It felt nice having someone fight in her corner, after being in Seoul alone for so long, Sunhee felt the comfort that came with people willing to fight for you.

She would recall for years after, a night spent in the cramped studio, sitting on the floor and relishing in the feeling of acceptance as Chan worked away at a track, unknowing of the heavy conversation she’d had that morning providing silent comfort in a way he wasn't even aware of. And once she did tell them, the boys- her boys, were just as thrilled that she had decided to stay with them.

When the showcase was announced to be themed after ‘homecoming’ they had been eager to start, the nine of them that were left at least. Sunhee was learning to deal with the new energy of the group, it was more compressed and concise than before. While she missed the four that had left, Sunhee found the new energy refreshing, thankful that everyone had an opportunity to show what they could offer as opposed to the manner some members used to outshine others.

After the departure of so many members, things had been shuffled around a bit, and each component of the group had been assigned three members. To make up for their main vocalist leaving, Sunhee had been declared one, despite the fact she joined the company as a dancer. Not that she was bad at singing, her tones were stable and her skills as a dancer meant her stamina was good enough to hold notes while performing.

Similarly, Hyunjin was asked to rap rather than sing in their performances as in larger portions his singing was less concise. Chan had been asked to sing more than rap- much to his disappointment, but he was still technically part of the rap team, no amount of micromanaging or board directors could pry that title from him.

They’d decided- under the guide of their instructors, to cover HOT’s Descent of Warriors. Meticulously planned with added parts and an extended playtime to include a Minho-led dance break, everyone had an equal opportunity to showcase what they had to offer.

And sure enough, as the performance date edged closer, camera crews began to sit in on their practices, and individual members were taken aside to film introductions. SUnhee’s was strained, questions loaded about whether she was insecure about being in a group of male trainees or who her favourite was amongst them. It made her want to punch MNet really, but most questions were brushed off with- “Why do you keep asking who the most handsome is- clearly it’s me.”

“Come on Minho- let me flip Felix, really I can!” It had taken a week of whining at him to give her the choreography point opening, he’d been hesitant because Sunhee was their female member and he hadn't really been around that long- she didn’t blame him for not having properly adjusted to their dynamic yet. It didn’t make sense for her not to, otherwise, it would provide further complication in the chorus choreography in terms of member positions.

“Sunhee, I think We'll give you these lines here and this section of the chorus.” Chan held out the highlighted lyric sheet. It’s most of the high notes and stable chorus sections- understandably she does have the highest vocal range and can keep high notes with more ease than the others. She literally has no balls. Makes it a lot easier in her opinion. (Chan had hit her particularly swifty in the shoulder when she tried to explain that English statement to the korean members while Felix died of what may have been laughter or secondhand embarrassment in the corner.)

And the day before their final showcase, when the stage is set up and staff are available to do tech run-throughs and mic-equipped practices it’s a bit of a hiccup in their confidence.

The entire performance for Sunhee is spent screaming-singing into her mic because the volume balance was off and it just wasn’t coming out as loud as the music.

Both Jisung and Changbin drop their mics mid-song, making a mad dash and scramble to pick them back up

Chan absolutely stacked it, grip-less shoes sliding on the smooth stage resulting in him slamming onto the stage- he brushed it of course and kept performing (he would be Chan if he didn’t- ‘stubborn asshole’ Sunhee had cursed after they’d finished and made him sit down for a breather- much to his resistance).

Sunhee frowned at the hand dragging hers down the footpath, the august air stick and hot, the threat of rain dangling over their head. “You know, this would be easier if you asked someone who was already at the company practicing dance.”

“Lix is already asleep. You know that.”

“I wasn’t talking about Felix.”

Jisung scoffed and rolled his eyes. Nudging the door open with his foot. “Why ask that bastard for help with dance when I have a more talented and much nicer option.”

“You can’t keep doing this you know- once we debut .” She scolded, plugging her phone into the speakers as she blinked the tiredness away from her eyes. Sunhee ran a hand down the side of her face, mind lagging with exhaustion. “Shit, I’m tired.”

“I donno- maybe he’ll come to his senses and stop being such an asshole.”

“Maybe you’ll realise that the two of you are far more similar than you think.”

He met her gaze, noting the challenge in there. The two of them had been through this a thousand times. The immature and childish squabbling between Hyunjin and Jisung being the main- if not only, cause of conflict within their group. And Sunhee was getting fucking sick of it- as she had expressed many times to the pair, who often responded with scoffs and bit insults.

This time though, Jisung just sighed, shoulders slumping slightly. “Can you just play the music please?”

And she did. She set up a camera in the corner (because MNet had instructed them to film any and all practices) while Jisung refamiliarises himself with the movements of their choreography.

“So what exactly do you need help with?” Sunhee asked prepared to cover the dance break- it was, objectively, the most difficult section of the performance.

“Not dropping my damn mic.”

“Well, you hardly need me for that.”

“But you never drop your mic- you’re so steady with all your movements and you look so relaxed but I can't even hold my mic without locking it in a death grip.”

“Huh.” Sunhee slumped to the floor, back to the mirror, watching curiously as Jisung stood in the room’s centre, eyes set on her- waiting for something. “Well then here,”

Sunhee threw her water bottle at him- at his head more precisely (if he was going to drag her out of the dorm at 1 am then she would at least be a bit mad about it), he catches it clumsily with two hands right before it crashed into his nose. “There’s your mic. Get practicing.”

The weighted water bottle was plastic, meaning it crumpled under his ‘death grip’ but was heavy enough to slip from his hand if he wasn’t careful enough.

She watched, joined him for a few run-throughs, gently correcting mistakes that she knows he would spit at Hyunjin for even mentioning. But when they come from her mouth he simply nods in determination and fixes the next time round. It’s only after ten run-throughs in a row without dropping the water bottle that Jisung relents and the two of them leave the stuffy basement practice room.

Rain drizzled down outside as they exited the company, caps pulled over their heads and masks pulled up over their noses. Ever since MNet had teased the idea of a JYPE survival show, people had been camping the company, paparazzi trying to get images of trainees and publishing articles about who might be on the show.

And of course, all the showcase posters had all their faces on them, but other than that, Sunheee had gotten pretty lucky and gotten off with very few images of her circling around fansites and entertainment-focused news blogs. There had been a brief stint where a video of her and Felix squabbling about soft drinks in a convince store, with netizens talking about the new Australian JYPE trainees- (disregarding the fact Sunhee had been there for two years longer than Felix at that point).

She and Jisung duck into a tiny little convince store on the corner, its bright LED lights welcoming them from the dripping rain and humid August night. They grab drinks one each- Sunhee stuck with her usual lemon iced tea and Jisung snagged a Fanta. “I’ll never understand how you can drink that crap.”

His challenging smile is there, one that’s indicative of his pleasant mood and joking attitude. “What’s so wrong with Fanta huh?”

“Everything- the colour the taste the stench-”

“Okay okay, I get it. No Fanta for you.” He cut her off, smushing a hand against her face to stop the impending rant. It’s an odd gesture, but it’s them, and sometimes, when Jisung and her have those playful little squabbles and he ends it in a way that the korean public would describe as disrespectful- especially to a noona, it reminds Sunhee of her little brother back home- it made her smile more often them not. Even if she missed him dearly.

There was a pause when they reach the counter, and Jisung gently pried the drink from her hand, placing it on the counter next to his revolting choice of soft drink. “Thank you for your help tonight noona, really. I- I know I can be difficult.”

“We’re all difficult Jisung-ah, that’s part of our charm.” She smiled easily, sliding a KitKat onto the counter with their drinks as Jisung paid with a few crumpled notes.

They split the chocolate on the way home, walking side by side as they gulped down refreshing drinks, soft breeze and gentle rain cooling off their dance-heated skin.

The next day, when Sunhee adorned her stage outfit- designed to mimic Korean school uniforms (custom name badge and all) fitting with the ‘homecoming’ theme, she’d laughed with Felix about how different school uniforms were in Korea than Australia.

Last-minute stylists had tried to change her outfit- namely the black pants, there was an attempt for a skirt but it was quickly dismissed at Chan's insistence. Her black graphic tee that she’d been dragging around since her early underneath the white button up in addition to a pair of beaten-up combat boots she’d liberated from the old JYP fashion storage rooms marked the competition of her outfit.

Boy-Story opened the event, followed by fellow Aussie Lilly (who Sunhee clapped very loudly for and gifted a bone-crushing hug to afterwards).

The girls' dance unit that Sunhee would have led if she’d chosen to leave the project team was next and she gave her dorm mates her sincere congratulations, nerves building as 3RACHA took the stage with their self-produced track ‘Runner’s High’ But they pulled it off without a hitch- as she expected of them, cheek splitting grin welcoming them back off stage.

She watched the girls' team perform in apprehension- it was her competition. They were good, but as someone who spoke fluent English, Sunhee found the song very repetitive- easy to choreograph but something she wasn’t a fan of. Their chair choreography was reminiscent of classroom seating plans with the way they all gravitate back to their original chair and it made her smile.

Yeji’s ease of performance was always something to look out for, her ability to execute sharp movements in such a relaxed manner was always something she’d received praise for. In terms of vocals nothing really stood out, but that again was probably because Sunhee couldn’t push past the repetitive lyrics and focus on the actual tone, as each verse blended together.

The audience loved them- which was warranted because the girls were always a marvel to watch perform, something Sunhee always made a point to compliment them on. Their stage presence was amazing because they looked like they were having fun- because they were having fun.

She smiles at them as they walk off stage, giving Yeji a fist bump and firm nod of congratulations- careful not to talk as there’s a history of Yeji forgetting to switch off her mic- which Sunhee points out with a tap and poked out tongue at the still blinking red light. Yeji was quick to shut it off.

As the project team walks on stage in the darkness, the crowd roars Hyunjin’s name as he is, by this point, a well-known student at Seoul Performing Art. There were a few screams for Seungmin too- fans accumulated after his broadcasted win of the 13th open auditions. It makes Sunhee bite back a smile as their track begins.

She links arms with Felix, whispering a ‘We’ve got this’ to him in their native English, he gives her arms a tug in response.

On the beat, she pulls him forward, and he flips over her back, landing smoothly on the ground, giving her a smile that the audience can’t see. The second beat strikes as the other members who were spread out roll in, Sunhee’s the only one standing- save for Changbin who’s on the raised platform behind them.

He began rapping and then things just sort of went. Sunhee remembered the cheer she received for her high note just before the dance break, and the even louder ones that echoed as she danced in the centre and for the final chorus, ending the performance with a tilted head and eyebrow raised at the audience- maybe not so subtly to Park Jinyoung who‘s glancing up from the paper at his observation desk.

The nerves only built as they waited for the audience to funnel out, sitting in apprehension- scattered through the green room as they contemplate their performance.

Chan bumps his shoulder against Sunhee’s- a familiar gesture at this point. One of those wordless ways they’ve learnt to say, ‘don’t worry. we're both here, aren’t we?’.

And when they did gather onstage and JYP approached from where he’d watched the showcase, Minho slipped his plan into hers where they stayed hidden behind the flared nature of the stage outfits. She gave him a reassuring squeeze. It was his first showcase. Leaning into his side and whispering to him. “Don’t worry Minho-shi, he is more kind than you expect.”

He started out with his obligatory remarks, Sunhee having been to enough showcases by now to know this was how he concluded each one. When he asks who’s been to the most everyone’s head looks to the left, right down to Chan who stands at the end of the long line. He looked sheepishly at the ground from all the attention.

Then JYP moved on to more individualised remarks, complementing specific trainees like Lilly and one of the youngest Boy-Story kids for his dancing. Then came the proper stuff- the comments that had the camera crew zooming in and shooting close-up shots of each debut team.

He gave compliments to Chan on his well-roundedness but mentions that he needs more charisma when performing. Similarly, he called out Changbin for his impressive rapping and individuality on stage.

“Sunhee-ya,” And to her credit, Sunhee managed to stop her heart from leaping into her throat at his words. He’s standing right there in front of her and she meets his eye, posture straightening, hands clasped together like they’d been taught in idol etiquette training. “Your stage presence is unrivalled, and I want you to know this is the right path for you to travel on.”

Maybe to the others, it sounded like a nice compliment and some vague praise, but to those who knew, he was telling her that she’d made the right choice- that it was where she belonged. Sunhee smiled and thanked him with a curt bow, biting her bottom lip to hold in the smile that threatened to split across her face.

The female trainee’s team are given the compliments they deserve, with Yeji and Chareyong getting the compliments they had certainly earnt.

“To those of you who were unaware- today’s showcase was to determine the next debut group.” There had been talk around the company- the word floating around for the past few months, but only those in the running had been given the specifics of it- and of course whoever they complained to. “And after discussing thoroughly with the company staff, we’ve reached a conclusion.”

There was complete silence- Sunhee didn’t think she’d ever seen the stage that quiet over her years at the company. When her hand fell back to pull up the sagging waistline of her plants, Minho’s hand found her’s again.

“The project team.”

Those three words marked the next stage in Sunhee’s life. She claps of course, for her teammates, for the female trainee team, for herself. It’s a big moment, one that’s accompanied by the cheering of others, but can’t be celebrated in the full nature she’d wished- not while they still had to be respectful with their CEO standing in front of them all.

“It feels like the members are moving together- like one organism. It’s amazing to watch and I know you can succeed.” And it made Sunhee want to thank Chan, because it was him that made their team, not a company manager, and he was who they had to thank for bringing them together, for their future together.

Later, when they were back off the stage, it was the first thing she did. Sunhee took a running start and leapt at chan, he catches her of course and the two spun from the momentum before he grounds her feet again. But she doesn't let go, smashing her face against his t-shirt as she drags in heavy breath to hold back tears of happiness. He holds her close. “Thank you Chris- thank you so fucking much.”

They all celebrate with ice cream that most definitely broke their diets- it’s such a momentous occasion that Jisung and Hyunjin even sit next to each other and hold a conversation without insults and bitter jabs. Jeongin convinced Sunhee to give him a piggyback for the walk to the dorm. “You’re so strong noona, debuting in an all-boys team. You should carry me- just to prove how strong you are.’

The next morning was spent- for sunhee at least, karting clothes up a staircase. The JYPE trainee dorms were all one building, split across the levels depending on age and gender. The youngsters were on the bottom floor with the dorm manager- a precaution considering they had nine-year-olds down there. The girls were on the second and third floors and the top two floors had been designated for the male trainees.

All the members who already lived in the dorms were on floor four (CHan, Felix, Jisung and Jeongin). Sunhee would make the trip up to move in with them while the other four who didn’t live in dorms, packed at their homes and made the journey.

Jisung followed her around with the camera as she hauled her belongings up the staircase, not offering to hold anything other than her precious guitar but with the way he was handling it- she began to regret letting him.

She calls Changbin and reminds him sweetly to pack everything- especially underwear. “Yah- Sunhee, don’t talk about my underwear.”

Sunhee: “Why not?” Changbin: “Why would you in the first place?.”

She would later learn that he’d called Seungmin asking the same question in hopes of embarrassing him.

“Please?” Chan whined, hands gripping on the dark blue hoodie she’d slipped on, flapping her arm around as she moved thought the dorm. Sunhee gave him a raised eyebrow. “You're really insistent on this one aren’t you.”

“Yeah- come on, you’re the cleanest, the only one in the house that will remember to do their own laundry- you don’t even smell!”

“I don’t even smell.” Sunhee quoted back at him, steps paused to look at him properly. “It's hard to tell if that a complement or an insult.”

Chan’s face turned the slightest of red, ears burning up with sudden embarrassment. He had the decency to look sheepish. “A compliment- you smell nice. Like strawberry shampoo.”

He draped himself over her from behind. Shoulders on her as he let his arms hand, slumping all of his weight down on her (which admittedly wasn’t much, strict diets and all). Sunhee groaned despite being completely capable of carrying the man. He laughed and buried his face in the crook of her neck. For a short moment, Sunhee revelled in the close contact, affection she didn’t receive as often in the foreign country than she did back home. Then Chan buried his nose in the puffs of dark hair that sat behind her ears and took the most obnoxious, deep inhale. It made her pause.

“Are you smelling me?”

He hummus in response- taking another inhale and relaxing his weight further onto her. “You smell nice.”

“I smell like kids 3-in-1.”

“Strawberry kids 3-in-1.” Chan corrected, moving his arms to squeeze tight around her mid section. For a moment she was about to make a comment about it being too tight, but then he leans back and lifts her feet of the ground with his leverage. She squealed, hands trying to find a decent grip on his to wrench them away.

“Jeongin-ah! Help me!”

He looked up from where he’d been following Jisung around with a camera like a lost puppy. He smiles in the most innocent way as he shifts the camera angel to capture Chan, as he waddles his way through the dorm, a wiggling Sunhee in his grasp. “Sorry noona- content comes first!”

Their similar heights make it difficult but Chan manages by leaning back as Sunhee instinctively curled her legs up a bit while she squirmed. “Christopher, you better put me down!”

“I will.” He mused, shouldering open a door. “Once we make it to our room.”

It’s a marvelous thing, happiness. But she doesn't think there’s a better way to start her newest chapter and travel down her road to debut.

There’s a lightness to her chest and a bubbliness in her laugh now, one that doesn't go unnoticed by her members, who hug her extra tight for the next week once she explains her choice to stay with them, and that she too believed it was the right path for her in life. With them- with her boys.

[ ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ ] [ ɴᴇxᴛ >>> ]

#9th member of stray kids #skz 9th member #skz addition #skz female oc #stray kids 9th member #skz ninth member skz oc #stray kids oc #kpop addition #kpop oc #stray kids female member #skz female member #stray kids female oc #stray kids female addition #skz female addition #kpop female addition #kang sunhee skz #sunhee's mixtape era #sunhee on skz survival

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inkkayyy · 2 years ago

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[ ꜱᴋᴢ ꜱᴜʀᴠɪᴠᴀʟ ꜱʜᴏᴡ: ᴇᴘ.ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ ]

> will i still be here tomorrow to say sorry- because autumn is suffocating me with her cold grip and i am bruising blue with morning frost.

The third episode of JYP Entertainment and Mnet’s, 2017 reality show Stray Kids (스트레이 키즈), shows behind the scenes of the trainees very first music video and the announcement of their next mission; a 3-3-3 unit performance.

"I’m sorry, who kissed you?”

“Changbin! I made him kiss me on the cheek because it was either me or Minho and Minho’s death glare was so fucking scary!” Felix screamed down the phone, switching to English mid sentence.

Sunhee sighed, meeting the gaze of a confused Jisung and Jeongin thought he practice room mirror. “I don’t even wanna know what’s happening on your team bonding trip. Maybe I should fear mine.”

[ ep. 2 ] [ ep. 4 ] [ sunhee’s masterlist ]

( wc; 6.1k) (format; english in italics)

They’re given the location a few days before they started filming- some abandoned buildings in Gimcheon. Pictures of it seem vaguely familiar so she ended up reverse image searching it and falling down an internet black hole about the place.

Apparently it was supposed to be a health university but construction had stopped in the late 90’s. Two big circular atriums sat on either side of a standard rectangular school building. Concrete worn down by time and blackened with neglect, it seemed like a ghost story almost. Or at least that was what Sunhee kept babbling excitedly to the other members.

Set up in a side room of one of the atriums was an elevator set, all spray-painted brass and squeaky grid doors. It still stunk like fresh paint but that hardly mattered, because in Jisung’s words, “We aren’t famous enough to film in 4-D yet.”

Sunhee: Yet? Jisung: Well maybe one day, Sunhee: No one needs to smell your lackluster deodorant. Jisung: Lacklustre? *sniff’s shirt collar* I smell fine.

“Exactly, ‘fine’.” Sunhee bit back with a sweet smile that did not match the undertone of her voice. Jisung just frowned in response. “I don’t get it.”

Explaining that girls liked it when boys smelt ‘nice’ not ‘fine’ wasn’t something she’d ever thought needed explaining. Apparently it was new information to him. She’d sighed and given up after four minutes, heading off for the costume change.

The makeup artists said she was their favourite because she didn’t flinch away when they curled her lashes and applied mascara- unlike Yang Jeongin who kept leaning away with a frown whenever they brought the brushes near his face.

The first set of costumes were basically the same as their performance outfits, with just a few basic changes like no more caps and the removal of a couple jackets. And the next set they filmed in was more fun and bright- something about ‘lost kids trying to find their way’, which she supposed was their whole brand but there were just a few items that were notably ridiculous. At least in her opinion. (That weird half flannel stitched onto the bottom of Chan’s jacket? Yeah that should be burnt).

Her outfit, luckily, was humane- a pair of light acid washed jeans and a long sleeved shirt that sat in the questionable zone between pale red or pink, It hung deep on her frame, hem well past her hips and sleeves almost dipping over her palms. She spent far too much time that day waving her arms around to get the sleeves to slide back above her wrists so she was capable of actually holding objects. It pissed her off.

(And maybe Chan wanted to tell her she looked good with the drooping collar that emphasised the sharp angle of her collarbones and pale expanse of skin- but he wouldn’t dare, not if she’d barely spoken to him for a week.)

Sunhee’s favourite part of the day is when they were given spray paint.

Now it’s private property so they couldn’t actually graffiti, but the set designers put up some fake plaster around so they could go crazy. Of course Chan wrote the band name (and 3RACHA on the opposing wall).

The temptation to draw a penis was far too strong for Sunhee who had restrained herself to simply writing her own name, ‘Sunny’ with little sun streaks coming off the top left of the ‘s’. And of course a few of the other members' names who proved to be hopeless with spray paint (namely Hyunjin who’d flinched when the can hissed and just ended up making a dripping line of black. He whined at Sunhee until she’d taken the can and written his name cleanly beneath her’s).

Rain was unexpected but welcomed and Sunhee stood in the centre of the atrium and held her hand out to either side, head turned skywards as thick droplets of water fell on her cheeks. (this clip would later be shown in the bridge during her harmonisation with Jisung- much to the members delight because the production manager had actually scolded her for getting her outfit wet).

The final scene was odd, with the vague instruction of act like you’re friends- you know, teenage delinquents’.

It was a circle of concrete filled with random furniture, one ugly couch that looked like it was from the sixties in the centre. Jisung was seated on it, then Changbin crashed down next to him. Chan dove in next with a little too much enthusiasm and tipped the entire thing over. Sunhee had admittedly bolted in and squished Jisung’s cheeks between her palms as he laughed, pretending to fuss over him to hide her actual worry. Suenmin had stormed in next and dismissed all her worry as he began bashing them with couch cushions, providing adequate distraction.

The day concluded with one last choreography round, in the dark with red washed lights and a spotlight swiping over them occasionally. The lights made her dizzy and Sunhee ended up doing half the dance with her eyes squinted or closed- but it was a fairly cool shot, she deemed it worth the black spots that spiralled though her vision for the next ten minutes.

Deciding on how to tackle their next mission was difficult- far more than Hellevator had been because it was a 3-3-3 challenge.

Each member at risk of elimination, (Minho, Hyunjin and Jeongin) had to be in a different group. They’d tried to divide before digging though the tracks but it was ultimately decided to just split people as they went, so everyone had a track suited to them.

Sunhee didn’t have any particular needs for a performance, she was pretty versatile, with vocal and dance- and no one could hang around 3RACHA as much as she had and not pick up a few rap techniques. But if she was allowed particular wants for the performance? She really wanted to be paired with Jeongin.

It was where she felt she could help the most, she could assist with Dance and vocal- maybe a bit of confidence boosting too. But if she ended up in a group with either Minho or Hyunjin she wouldn’t really help much, their rapping was what put them on the elimination radar, and Minho was a better dancer than her anyway.

Jeongin tended to get caught up in his nerves and let it bleed through into his performance. If she could assist him with the vocal side of things as well as using a more revision based style of dance instruction- rather than the drilling and repetitive style that Chan and Hyunjin favoured (it worked for them but not so much the maknae) then Sunhee really felt she could help him the most.

And when they started going through the tracks, her confidence wavered just the slightest. The first being the backing for an unreleased 3RACHA song, which would be quite stifling to those who’ve heard the finished song, the beat and melody being rather memorable, and in Sunhee’s opinion, would be particularly hard to ignore when writing new lyrics. Jisung backed her up, and Changbin snorted a laugh from beside her and started rapping his own verse- so it was unanimously decided that it wouldn’t be used.

The second tack was slow, in the grey area between ballad and pop. It would need steady and reliable vocals, like the end of a concert as Seungmin pointed out, there were stars in his eyes at the sound of it- it really would suit him, the performances so far (showcase and hellevator) hadn’t done much in terms of promoting vocals so his excitement was understandable.

Track three was even slower, a piano beat with lingering notes. Minho leant into her side, snagging her attention off the soundwaves display on Chan’s computer. “I think this would be good for me, like a melody rap sort of thing, since PD-nim told me not to sing.”

She jutted her food against Changbin shoe, effectively dragging him into their little huddle and Minho repeated his thoughts. Changbin nodded enthusiastically, taking the idea and announcing it to the group. The decision made was that Minho could do something without a beat, which took a lot of the pressure off for fast verses and spat syllables.

It’s laughable how easily the tension and pressure of their decisions was snapped when Chan hit play on track four, the high-pitched buzzing a gold mine of mosquito jokes for Felix’s highly regarded mozzie impression. They made a few jokes about cutting the noise with a well-timed smack of the imaginary mosquito before MNet told them to move along.

Track five was exactly what she’d been hoping for. It was bright, fun and didn't hold the pressure or stress to be serious like the first four had. And it started with a school bell, so naturally everyone screamed out that it was Jeongin’s song.

But really, it had to be. Something that Jeongin often had trouble with was his facial expressions, he’d do fine with bright and upbeat songs but for more intense performances he often struggled with keeping his smile at bay. It was something easily fixed with time and experience as a performer, but Jeongin hadn’t done many proper performances outside evaluations and the showcases- and hellevator of course. If he did this fun, bright song then it gave him one less thing to worry about.

He seemed to like it, and with the steady recommendation from the other members (particularly 3RACHA because everyone trusted their judgement on track arrangements), the fifth track was officially Jeongin’s- Changbin’s assurances of “You’ll go to a confirmed debut member- I’d bet on it.” did wonders for his confidence about the choice.

Next came the question of everyone else’s preferences. It was widely agreed that each group would have a member of the production team- and if not, Sunhee as the very least, she was perfectly capable of writing lyrics and melodies. Admittedly her last melody had been a point of criticism and she still wasn’t comfortable with Chan taking the blame for that (maybe she’d had barely spoken to him all week and it was petty, but after watching him get scolded for her mistakes Sunhee really didn’t feel like dealing with his self-sacrificing tendencies because it would no doubt lead to an argument).

Seungmin was quick to answer, putting dibs on song two, Hyunjin following suit with his own sappy spiel of how, “we’re both high school students and the same age and it’d be nice to work with someone I can relate to.”

“I go to school too.” Changbin was having none of it, posing his so-called ‘appeal’ to Hyunjin but was having none of it, looking away and poorly hiding the smile on his face. “Hyunjin-ah, look at me in the eyes.”

Ultimately he still chose Seungmin. Changbin offered no other argument other than vague threats. (“Hyunjin have you ever been hit with a coca-cola can?”)

They’re put back on track by Chan making Minho and Changbin sit next to each other (meaning Sunhee swapped with Changbin and was stuck next to Chan) as they both wanted song three.

Everyone has a bit of a laugh about how awkward the two are without Sunhee in the middle acting as a bridge. The pair had never really had a lot of one-on-one time and it was funny to watch Minho silently place a coke bottle between the two of them.

Changbin: Why are you building a wall? *moves coke bottle away* Minho: *moves coke bottle back* Changbin: Put it in front of us. *moves coke bottle* Minho: *moves coke bottle back again*

“Personally I’d like to work with Jeongin.” that earned a surprised glance from Chan which she pointedly ignored.

Jeongin on the other hand, lit up. “Really noona?”

(his single person interview with the MNet staff would later show him gushing in excitement about working with her but she wasn’t supposed to know that)

“Yup.” She stood and made a point of planting herself beside him, nudging Jisung aside with a poke of her shoe against his leg.

“Well then I’d like to work with Sunhee and Jeongin!” Jisung declared and dragged a grumbling but compliant Sunhee back into his embrace, his legs on either side of her and his chest against her back, hooking his chin over her shoulder with a pointed look at Chan that was a bit too much to unpack then and there.

Felix stood and announced his allegiance to Changbin and Minho’s group, dropping beside them. It’s briefly debated that they don't have a vocal, but easily bruised off with compliments to Changbin’s singing (who muttered in denial until Sunhee forced the compliment on him with the throw of a half full bottle of coke at his lap. “Oww! Was that necessary?” “Yes- take the compliment you grump.”) and the last team is completed by default, although, Seungmin and Hyunjin didn’t seem displeased at all with having the leader on their team.

“Woah, the vocals are so strong on that team,” Hyunjin pointed out, gesturing to the magnificent trio that would become Jisung, Jeongin and Sunhee. The compliments were quickly lost in the hilarity that was Changbin and Minho’s awkwardness (the coke bottle was still sitting between them).

Lyric writing had to be a team effort. That much was decided by Sunhee because well, as much as Jisung loved to go hide off in some secluded corner and hiss at anyone who dared approach while he was writing, the song itself was titled school life and he didn’t exactly have the standard experience with that. Then again, neither did she, so Jeongin was dragged along too.

The three of them piled into a tiny little studio already half filled by a keyboard. Sunhee was in the corner, back to the door, facing Jeongin who’d sat in the opposite corner. Jisung had taken ownership of the singular chair, hunched over a notebook that was precariously perched atop the keyboard that he’d been using as a desk (every time he put pressure on the paper a crude and ugly set of notes would play through the speakers that he’d forgotten to mute again).

He was wearing that stupid yellow flannel of his again- because all he owned were fucking flannels, which in response to her comment regarding his fashion he’d chose to complain to Sunhee about her ‘stupid combat boots’ She’d frowned. “What’s wrong with my boots?”

“You don't even own any other shoes!”

“Well of course I do. I just choose not to wear them. Back me up Jeongin.” Ever the conflict driving maknae, he hadn't taken her side. It was like he laid eyes on the oldest person in the room and immediately entered fight mode. The argument had quickly been dropped when another mess of piano keys had slammed down, prompting Jeongin to groan in the most aggravated way they’d ever heard from the maknae and just switch the damned instrument off at the power point.

Sunhee had brought some of her notebooks upon special request, ones from her first year in Korea when she’d struggled a lot with school- which of course reflected in her poetry, and the literature notebook she’d used the year prior when they’d done a poetry unit in school.

They were spread out haphazardly around her, pages covered in sticky notes and scrawled over with messy pastels (because of course Jisung didn't use fluorescent highlighters and only kept pale yellow and pink in his pencil case). It truly was a sight to behold and Jeongin had already taken a photo and sent it to the group chat to brag about how great their lyrics would be.

There was an interesting conversation between Seungmin and Hyunjin who were asking if it was ‘too late for a refund’ while actively ignoring Chan’s messages as well as a few declarations of war (in terms of lyric writing at least) from Changbin. Overall, what they should have expected.

But their lyric writing session devolved to an ‘interrogate Jeongin session’ as the youngest had put it.

“What do you think about on the way to school?” Jisung asked, turning to look at Jeongin, who’d sighed in response. “You know you can just ask Sunhee-noona that. She goes to school too.”

“She doesn’t count. All Sunhee thinks about is being a trainee.” He waved a dismissive hand in her direction- she threw her hands up in exasperation because, yes, Sunhee went to school in Korea. Did she pay attention? Not really. And sure she only went a few days a week but that didn’t mean she had no input to offer. Jisung ignored her groan of exasperation though, just continuing with his eyes set on Jeongin. “We’ve done a song about that already. This one's about ‘School life’.”

Jeongin tilted his head back against the wall, staring at the fluorescent white light that occupied the tiny rectangular room with a death glare that probably wasn't great for his eyesight. “I don’t know- I just think about how early it is and that I wanted to sleep not walk to school.”

Jisung nodded thoughtfully and turned back to his notebook. “How about, I wanted to sleep so I tried sleepwalking walking to school? Does that sit right?”

Sunhee hummed in though, face screwed up the slightest while she rolled the line over in her head.

“I think we need to break it up a bit more, try separating it into two likes instead of one big one so it fits better with the flow. Like the first could be “I wanted to sleep so I figured out,” She gave a noticeable pause, snapping the last syllable the way she knew Jisung liked to do, before continuing. “‘How to sleep while walking to school’. I think we want to keep the lines short and snappy, you know, give it that childish and teenage feel.”

“Right, right.” he murmured, scribbling over the top of some of the already written lines.

“Okay, and do you guys actually wear the uniform so lazily? Like I've seen the two of you in proper formal blazers and stuff but in tv shows they always have other clothes underneath.”

“Well SOPA is a bit more strict in their uniform code…” Jeongin mumbled, still having his staring contest with the light fixture.

“At Bora, lots of kids wear coats and jumpers over their uniform or even underneath sometimes too- if they ditch the tie and leave their shirt unbuttoned.“ Sunhee thought back to the friends she’d made at her school- or well, Changbin’s friend group that she’d been adopted into by force. “I donno. School in Australia was really strict about that stuff. Or at least mine was.”

Jisung sighed and let his head tip forwards and drop against the keyboard. The lack of a mash of ugly notes was the best silence she’d ever heard.

Her assigned job (because apparently they needed those- Jisung was head songwriter, Jeongin was in the research department) was ‘assistant lyricist’ which felt like some kind of jab but she’d ignored that in favour of finishing the chorus- which they had established early on, commenting on the monotony of school life and how it feels like the same day over and over. Not that the three of them could relate- school was at the bottom of their priorities.

This left the second verse and pre chorus left, because Jisung was working though his own rap through brute force and incessant interrogation.

Something hard collided against Sunhee and knocked her forward an inch, enough power behind it to have her whining and rubbing at the back of her head where the door slammed into it. She pivoted to scowl at the offender who dared interrupt their lyric writing.

And of course it was Chan, because when wasn't it him, checking in on the members, giving up his own time to help them. What a stupidly idiotic, self-sacrificing man. Maybe her intense displeasure was evident on her face- it definitely was, because Chan was quick to apologise, reaching his hand down to smooth over her hair but Sunhee dogged it, scooting back further away for the half opened door and scowling at him over the top of her notebook.

“Right,” Chan hesitates, glancing between her and the other two who look as if they know it’s not something for them to watch or comment on, but aren’t making an effort to look away regardless. “Never disturb a writing Sunhee. Should have learnt that one by now.”

His laugh is dry and misses the mark, but he continues on in true Bang Chan fashion, not letting anything faze him. “Did you guys manage to shorten the track alright? No points that need adjusting?”

Jisung gave an uneasy look to Sunhee who scribbled away furiously with a pen before he answered. “No hyung, we got it sorted- but I’ll let you know if we need anything.”

“Sure. Right, okay.” Chan gave a look to Sunhee in the corner, like he wanted to say something, but just sighed instead, heading out the door. “I’ll see you guys back at the dorm then.”

As soon as the door shut Jeongin let out one of his dramatic sighs that she was positive he’d learnt from the trashy American tv shows Felix made him watch, and dropped his head into his hands briefly. Then he decided to glare at Sunhee instead of the light fixture. The maknae’s fury was no joke, they let him prance around and boss them around because none of them really cared, but faced with his frustration, Sunhee may have gone as far to say she was scared- only slightly, but still scared. “When are you going to stop fighting with Chan-hyung?”

Sunhee didn't move for a few seconds, blinking at him with wide eyes as he glared at her. “What?”

“God noona,” Jeongin whined, running a frustrated hand down his face with a heavy sigh.

“We’re not fighting!” Sunhee defended. Then she actually thought about it, a frown appearing on her lips. “Just not talking about the issue.”

“Oh my god- can't you see that not talking is fighting?” Jeongin groaned out, like it was the most obvious thing in the world and Sunhee was a special kind of stupid. But how could you fight if you didn't talk? That was her belief because if she had a conversation with Chan then it would no doubt end up in yelling and tears over both her stubbornness to prove herself and his insistence to protect his friends.

Apparently the others had picked up on this stance though- if Jeongin of all people was losing his cool. The maknae was scowling at her from his seat barely a metre and a half way, the cramped room flooded with his frustration. “He looks like a kicked puppy! Take pity on the man and make up or whatever you old folk do.”

“Old folk- I’m not even two years older than you.” Sunhee sputtered in a poor attempt at a subject change. Again, a failed tactic.

“He’s not wrong though.” The small murmur caught her attention, dragging it away from a fuming Jeongin. It’s the volume that gets her, he sounded so small, and it’s a rare occurrence to see him in such a state. His hands are in his lap, fingers twisting together with downcast eyes. He looked nervous. And Sunhee hadn’t seen him nervous when talking to her in a long time.

“Jisung?” Her voice came out softer than intended, but he glanced up to meet her eye anyway.

“Well you and Chan-hyung- it’s just you guys you know? It makes sense to see you walking side by side or do that stupid shoulder thing. So much changed when you joined the company. Having another Australian around it made him… happier.” He mumbled. It was something she’d been told before that their leader used to be scary but her presence reminded him of home and mellowed him out, made him less grumpy and weighed down- but she’d always taken it with a grain of salt. Who could possibly think Chan was scary?

Jisung sighed again, running a hand through his hair before rumbling his palms against the fabric of his jeans. “It’s not a good time to hang onto grudges noona. Not with all the cameras, and the expectations. I don’t like seeing you guys at odds.”

The look he fixed her with was nothing short of world-ending, those big brown eyes of his staring right at her. Jisung, despite his spitfire tendencies to battle everyone who dared oppose him, was fragile- and at that moment, he looked ready to break.

“Look,” Sunhee sighed, something she seemed to be doing a lot of. “I’ll talk to him soon, but can we keep writing for now? We should really get this done.”

“You promise?”

“Yeah Sung-ah.” She held her hand out for him to take with a weak smile, winding their pinkies together and stamping their thumbs together as she'd learnt to do in Korea. “Promise.”

MNet had once again decided that the sombre mood of teenagers fighting for their career in a very stressful environment was too gloomy. More bonding!

The activities were practically shoved in their face, every group being assigned something to do.

And of course the vocal group was given karaoke. Because what else would they do? Go out to the Han river or bowling like the other groups? Why would they waste possible clips of them slaying at karaoke?

Jokes on them, Jisung and Sunhee were having none of it, singing their absolute worst- not to mention Jeongin’s instance on performing trot.

Overall, it’s probably a good thing the reserved room was so tightly packed, it meant the crew had set up cameras and booked it out so there would actually be room to move.

Sunhee navigating the machine controls is unfairly hilarious, the board of buttons, numbers and flashing lights completely foreign in her hands. She kept accidentally playing Twice’s ‘TT’ because apparently there was a button for that???

She ended up with some ballad that was clearly from the early ninties and thus not within her time-period of existence. The melody came out stressed and jumpy, much to the boys’ delight, who found their noona’s struggles with the song hilarious. (Jisung had shoved the mic into her palms, explaining, “Come on, let us have this one victory. You can go back to day6 once you get through this classic”.)

Safe to say, Kang Sunhee’s rendition of Steel Heart’s ‘She’s gone’ was cut from the episode.

They exhausted their hour of rented karaoke time pretty easily and were left to their own devices by the MNet staff- quite irresponsible really, leaving a few high schoolers alone in the big city (they raided a convenience store).

With Sunhee’s visa card in hand, the three of them spent the allocated 15,000 won- it was her snack budget for the week but she figured it was a good cause. Shitty cup noodles- one each of course, and convenience store soft drinks- Jisung’s Fanta an ever-evolving point of contention. Jeongin buys a can of coke as they pull out the camera for ‘product placement’.

Sunhee replied that she was so proud of him for ‘becoming the proper entertainment industry slave she knew he could be’ with the maknae in a headlock as she messed up his hair. He wasn’t pleased.

But the three of them filmed their walk back to the dorms where the others would be- they’d all filmed in turns that day, Minho’s group in the morning at Han river, Hyunjin’s in the afternoon at some bowling alley, and now Jeongin’s group at night.

There was temptation to steal a traffic cone found on a side street but under Jisung’s scolding and reminders that Koreans took traffic and road regulations very seriously, she relented and kept walking.

It was nice to walk and listen to the pair squabble. They wouldn’t be as energetic the next morning when she forced the choreography down their throats but that was an issue for the next day. Yet as she parted with them at the dorms, insisting she head back to the company- (and Jisung made one sideways comment about how she was “just as bad as Chan-hyung” that left an odd feeling to brew in her stomach) she felt determined to have the choreography finished by the next morning so she’d be able to teach them the full song.

Sunhee was in charge of dance on their team, admittedly it felt good to have such creative control again. She used to help the boys with their dance, being the better dancer in the dance line as well as the eldest- a few months ago she’d conceded the role to Minho, who admittedly suited it very well. She wasn’t bitter about it, despite her complaints about being shipped off to the main vocalist position. (When he’d joined the company the pair had actually spent a significant amount of time together, catching up on all their performance choreography- which he’d picked up alarmingly fast).

But it was nice to take the reins for a bit. She’d worked it through with the choreographer of course, and they agreed on some light foot work and fun slow moves so that it wasn’t too exhausting and vocals would still be stable.

She knew some of the others were poking about the company somewhere but with the track texted to her by Jisung, guide recorded and all, (the chorus pilfered from Sunhee’s notebook and the second verse complete by her amongst the cramped practice room) playing on repeat through the speakers, she didn't have much else to channel her energy into.

Her phone rang through the speakers, pausing her music on the tail end of the performance where she was free-styling to try and fill the awkward void before the track cut. She would have been mad, actually, she was mad. Stomping over to the speaker system to unplug her phone and grumble at whoever dared disturb her, expecting Changbin or even some of the friends she’d made at school.

She was pleasantly surprised.

The plain contact name she used, no images because she had always been too lazy to sort through and find appropriate profile pictures for every contact, came as a curious appearance.

Because it was 3:24am korean time, which meant it was 2:24am in her hometown of Australia. So why on earth was her little brother calling?

“Sunwoo-ya, What the hell are you doing awake?” If the sleep deprivation hadn't been getting to her Sunhee probably would have switched seamlessly back to English the way she always did when speaking to him, instead, she had to suffer through his laughter and teasing for it. “Woah Sunny- look at you, a proper little Kpop idol now aren’t you? Too busy to even speak to your lowly brother?”

“You better give me a good reason that you’re awake at two thirty am or else I’m telling mum.” She grumbled back, leaning against the wall beside the aux cord, taking a quick break, panting into the air as her brother laughed on the phone’s other end.

“Geez calm down,” he teased, an edge of seriousness there with the threat of their mother involved. Kang Minyoung was a terrifying woman when she wanted to be. “I have an English assignment due tomorrow.”

A sigh slipped past her lips, blending in with each heavy breath. “Let me guess- you haven’t started?”

“No! I’m actually nearly finished.” He sounded far too proud about that.

She laughed though, knowing that feeling now more than ever- her assignments were done in school lunch hours, other opportunities stolen by her rigorous schedule. “I’m willing to bet you only started when you got off the bus this afternoon though.”

“You know me so well sister-dearest.” His smile was almost audible, and she could picture it on his face the way his cheeks bunched up under his eyes- a trait they’d both inherited from their father.

“Aish- you cause me so much stress you know that?” She mumbled, digging her notebook out of her backpack, flicking to the last two pages and uncapping the peg with her teeth, spitting it into her lap. “What is it you need help with?”

“My conclusion.”

“The conclusion is just your introduction backwards.” She scolded, knowing that had to be the hundredth time she’d told him that. Sunhee placed her phone on the floor next to her notebook, switching it to speaker. “Read it to me.”

“The introduction?”

“No dummy, your whole thing.” Maybe the interruption was more welcome than she had thought, because Sunhee would never turn down a conversation with her brother, not for the world- not when she missed him as much as she did.

And Sunwoo whined about it but he compiled, Sunhee silently making notes on her paper as he went through, pulling out the relevant points to address and a few mistakes that he could fix.

It only took half an hour, but by the end of it, he’s got a proper conclusion, written mostly by her that probably seemed a bit too advanced for a year seven student so they went through it again and she dumbed down some of the vocabulary. “Send me the document and I’ll proofread it for you tomorrow- When is it due?”

“Three pm, end of the school day.”

She hummed in response, packing up the notebook as Sunwoo spoke up again. “I’m sorry if I woke you up.”

“Nah, I was dancing. We have a big evaluation coming up.” It was easy to dismiss those worries of his, it always had been. The five years between them meant that while he was capable of recognising her stress and worrying about it, without really being able to wrap his head around why she was stressed. It created an odd paradox- one she’s reminded of when he gets like this, worried about her even though she was technically an adult, freshly eighteen.

He perked up a bit though as she talked about what she’d been doing- the way he always did, fascinated by how she spent her days in the bright and bustling country of Korea, wanting to hear all the nuances that differed from their hometown in Australia. “The one mum was talking about- with the groups of three?”

“Yup.”

He paused for a moment, hesitating before he spoke softly. “Sunny, you should go to bed- you sound tired.”

“Says you-” She scoffed playfully in response. “you’re only thirteen and up at three am.”

Sunwoo laughed into the phone. “Touché.”

They bid goodbye under the mutual agreement to not snitch to their mother regarding their horrid sleeping habits and the promise of taking better care in future.

And Sunhee always kept her promises, so as she hung up and shut off the speakers, switching out the lights, she left. Heading back to the dorms huddled up as the chill of changing seasons came to bite through her coat. Mid-September was rolling through and it always seemed strange to her because in her hometown the winter fell from June through August, meaning her birthday in late July was always cold. And, when spring came in, it was with full force, sticky and hot September and beach days spent celebrating her little brother’s birthday that came around at the end of the month.

She wondered how warm it would be back home this year, if the flowers of their pear tree would be in bloom and if he’d spend it at the beach as he usually wished. It wouldn’t be the first one of his birthdays she’d missed- the last one had already gone by without her there to smother him in the affection he pretended to hate.

The first thing she remembered doing when she moved to Korea was buying a coat, a big obnoxious puffer one in power blue, off-put by the cold November that was so different to how it felt back home.

It was that same coat that hung over the end of her bunk that welcomed her home that night, as a strange sense of homesickness pooled in her mind, accompanied by a slow roll of nausea that made her pause in the doorway to chase it away.

Chan wasn’t there to bid her goodnight this time, but she crawled into bed, all the same, breathing deep through her nose and playing the most obnoxious Korean tacks (mainly the trot she’d discovered at karaoke earlier- thank you Jeongin) through her phone that sat stuffed under her pillow. It echoed thought eh cushioning, but thrummed deep in her ears, chasing away the thought of the homely Australian accent she usually sought out at time like those.

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inkkayyy · 2 years ago

Text

[ ꜱᴋᴢ ꜱᴜʀᴠɪᴠᴀʟ ꜱʜᴏᴡ: ᴇᴘ.ᴛᴡᴏ ]

>why is it now they try to stamp out the embers of our passion?

The second episode of JYP Entertainment and Mnet’s, 2017 reality show Stray Kids ( 스트레이 키즈), focuses on the bonding of a team and their first task- to create their own song.

“You’re kidding right?” Sunhee asked, frowning at the boy.

Clearly he took that as a challenge, puffing his chest out and steeling his expression. “What- you don’t think I’m man enough to win you a stuffed animal?”

Sunhee sighed at him, “No Jisung, I think you’re too broke to afford the claw machine more than once. We all are.”

[ ep. 1 ] [ ep. 3 ] [ sunhee’s masterlist ]

( wc; 8.5 (whoops) ) (format; english in italics)

It’s around three when the obnoxious custom ringtone that Changbin had set for himself interrupts the peace- admittedly Sunhee did like ‘p.a.c.e’, but it was a bit egotistical to set his one song, wasn’t it? (she’d changed it to his verse in ‘wow’ once and he’d thrown a shoe at her once he found out). “Yah, Kang Sunhee, we’re downstairs.”

“Well, you know the gate code. Type it in yourself.” She hugged up just as swiftly as she’d answered, dropping her phone on the couch beside the rest of the members, flopping down onto the leather, sticky and uncomfortable with summer heat.

Chan welcomed the newcomers, opening the door for them and ushering them inside. Bags and suitcases were left at the door, and everyone converged at the couch. A few camera people crowd around them, but most of the cameras around the place had been set up a few hours prior while the members who already lived in the dorm had been reorganising.

It was recommended by MNet to reorganise, as a large portion of episode two would revolve around them all ‘bonding’ and picking roommates was a big part of it apparently (but it had to be a game. Because god- they couldn’t just pick who they wanted to room with, now could they- where was the drama in something like that?).

Sunhee had already run around and stuck sticky-notes to each door that explained how many members could occupy each room. So as the five of them who’d already lived there turned their back to the other four, she knew they wouldn’t have to worry about overcrowding at least.

Everyone seemingly wanted to room with Jeongin and Sunhee- at least until Felix mentioned massages and everything else was thrown out the window. It was decided that whoever roomed with Felix would be a lucky man.

And as they closed their eyes- Felix going as far as to shove a pillow in his face to prevent peeking. Sunhee stood next to him with bubbling excitement. Despite her earlier protests, sharing with Chan wouldn’t be bad- and she got along fairly well with the others and wouldn’t mind any of them sharing the room either (thankfully Jisung was out of the equation- his messiness was one to be rivalled).

Sure Changbin and her bickered, but it was fun-natured, a way that they’d been since the day they’d met. And of course, she wouldn’t mind living with any of the Seoul boys either- Seungmin and Hyunjin making wonderful company.

But as fate decided, and the members trickle away behind them until none are left, Sunhee entered her room with gusto, met with an ecstatic Lee Minho in front of her and a cheering Bang Chan behind.

She can’t help but scream as she dived for him, clutching Minho so tight he could have burst. Chan screams in celebration and brings them both into his wide embrace.

“Aish- why am I stuck with the old guys!” Sunhee had complained once they'd finished screaming- until Minho kindly pointed out, “Sunhee I think you’re forgetting that you are the third oldest in the group.”

“You aren’t supposed to remind me of that.” She had whined. Before what they had taken to calling ‘the great purge’, Stray Kids actually had another 97-liner and two more 98-liners. Sunhee wasn’t used to being considered so high in the age rank order.

Nevertheless, the elderly celebrated and headed to check on the kids.

First were Felix and Seungmin, getting along swell in the two-person room as was to be expected.

The thought of Jisung and Hyunjin sharing a room made her feel a tad queasy, but when they pushed open the door to see the two of them sitting side-by-side on one bunk, Sunhee almost forgot they fought so often. It was probably just that post-showcase euphoria that had them acting like best of friends the night before. She really hoped it lasted.

Since dorms had been decided, the MNet staff present suggested that they all share a meal.

Admittedly the kitchen is small- and most of the members had rather poor kitchen skills- so the Aussies were assigned to cooking duty. Sadly the three of them had been instructed to speak as much Korean as possible- and since they began filming before the showcase, every time one of them spoke English it was pointed out by film crews.

It was normally Sunhee who took the brunt of it because while she was fluent in Korean, English still flowed naturally out of her mouth- even after two years away from home. Although it did result in some fun little conversations between the three of them regarding vocabulary- like when Felix asked Chan what they were making and he’d responded “Spaghetti bolognese.”

Felix had leaned in close to sunhee whispering in her ear. “What’s that?” It made her laugh and in the thickest Australian accent she could muster- without sounding detrimentally stereotypical, replied: “Spag bol.”

Predictably, the single-camera person who’d followed them into the cramped, and aptly dubbed ‘Chan’s Kitchen’, spoke up. “Sunhee, please attempt to speak in Korean as much as possible.”

“Yes.” her answer had a barely repressed eye roll behind it because even if he was behind her- there were cameras everywhere and Korean culture didn’t take ‘disrespect’ even in the form of eye rolls, lightly. It made the boys stifle their laughter and give her a knowing look.

Sunhee chopped the onion, as Felix chanted ‘don’t cry’ next to her with tears pooling in his eyes. Complete with carrots, shallots, bacon and tons of pasta- the Aussie special of Spag Bol was complete- split amongst two dishes because there was too much to fit in just one.

The others had been playing some kind of zombie game, and when Sunhee came out bearing utensils, a blindfolded and extremely dizzy Minho nearly tripped over her. She caught him and spun him by the shoulders, directing him to catch Jisung. “Han Jisung is on top of the sofa- dead ahead.”

Screams of a zombified-Jisung echo in the dorm and it’s nice, playful. Sunhee thinks she could get used to it.

The food was enjoyed quickly and in its entirety. Compliments to the chefs of course. Sunhee explained to Hyunjin while they ate that, back home, she used to make it very differently and he was very confused when she described minced beef as cheap- meat was much dearer in Korea than it was back in Australia, but she didn’t think it would be that drastic (Sunhee had been living off of JYPE cafeteria food and cup ramen since she’d moved). She had the feeling that many cultural differences were about to be highlighted now that the lot of them lived together.

Naturally, Changbin is thrown under the bus and left to do the washing up- he whined and complained about it, but made swift work of everything and they were once again instructed by MNet in hurried fashion that they needed to head back to the company.

They were told they had a big meeting- their lives had been so full of those as of late, but one with JYP had her fidgety and jumpy- to a noticeable degree.

One of the MNet staff- the lady who was taping the mic to the line of her stomach and checking it over, commented on it. “Looking nervous won’t get you much screen time if that’s what you’re aiming for.”

“Ah no, it’s not that,” Sunhee dismissed, after years of it at school, she was used to the sort of comments that missed the point, enough that she’d learnt to politely smile and deal with it. “I have ADHD- it can be a bit hard for me to stay still or focus sometimes.”

The lady tutted and rubbed a particularly hard line down the tape, securing it in place. Sunhee managed not to screw her face up. “That’s not a good quality for an idol- have you thought about medication.”

It was blunt really, a bit of a jab that made Sunhee frown but she continued the conversation- not really sure how she would have escaped anyway. “Yes, I have some to help me focus, but I’m not supposed to take it constantly.”

“Have you taken any today?” She smoothed a thick piece of black tape over the branding of Sunhee’s jacket (she didn’t even realise the writing on the back was branding- she’d just picked it up from a second-hand store, drawn in by the nice pale pinks and grey tones).

“No.” The question made her frown, because well- they’d been ‘bonding’ at the dorm, and apparently, they had more light-hearted things coming up later in the day, and while the medication did help her focus, it took the edge off her excessive energy and directed her attention better. But on the other side it also takes the edge off her humour, she has a harder time joking around, instead favoured more towards hyper-focusing on something (more often than not it ends up being choreography or poetry).

So as the MNet lady straightened out Sunhee’s jacket and clipped the mic onto the collar of her black shirt that sat underneath, her words hit like cold water to the face. “I suggest you take some then there’s a big day of filming ahead and you shouldn’t be distracted.”

It came with hesitance but understanding that Sunhee dug through her bag and ducked out to the water cooler, downing a pill of her long-acting methylphenidate. Typically she’d take it in the morning because it lasts the whole day and she didn’t enjoy having to deal with the worn-off effects of a morning, but considering this was an important meeting- with the CEO no less, Sunhee understood the importance.

And it helped really because she’d been able to sit attentively through the whole thing- listening to the hard news that JYP delivered- even if it had been in their contracts for the show’s filming, like how he’d be testing them further with missions- the first being to produce their own song and create a performance stage for it too- all in two and a half weeks. And the prospect of eliminations,, something they had all been made expressly clear on. It was the reason they lost Ilsung and Eunha, the two unwilling to have the rug pulled out from under them on national television. So yes, they knew, but it was still brutal to hear.

“You weren't produced by the company, so if someone is lacking, it’s in our best interest to remove them from the group.” His voice was dull and that smile didn’t feel as friendly as it used to. Sunhee had signed up for that though, so she swallowed the doubts and stress threatening to spill past her lips and set her eyes on the table as he covered some filming information across the next few weeks while they prepared.

They concluded with the information that MNet wanted to film some more fun and lifestyle content that they hadn’t gotten when filming at the dorms, to give a bit of a fun vibe before they really focused in on the mission. And it was decided they would all head to an arcade. Sunhee’s stomach spun in nervousness- because now they knew about the mission, she wondered how the hell they were expected to go and have fun like it hadn’t happened yet?

Sunhee had never really spent much time in arcades- she loved video games, but being a trainee- and a foreign trainee at that, meant she didn’t have much time to get out or friends to get out with. She’d been a few times, once or twice with Chan in his post-BamBam and YoungK sadness slump, and with some of the few friends, she’d managed to make in Korea. But even before coming to be a trainee at JYP, she’d never actually been to an arcade, her rural Australian town not exactly filled with entertainment venues.

So it was safe to say that Sunhee was out of her depth. But nonetheless, she loved winning, and if there was a building filled with games awarded that number for your performance, everyone best believe she was going to get the highest score possible. Sadly- it turned out that having little to no arcade experience made it hard to win.

Admittedly she was appallingly bad at the weird shooter game that Changbin made her play with him. She also bombed at archery- we’re talking arrow straight into the ground type of bad. Hyunjin had looked at her in wonder. “How is it possible to be that awful?”

In a delightful turn of events, she managed to gain a passable score at the basketball hoops- at least better than Minho’s three baskets, so she counted it as a win.

When they reached the baseball cage, and Sunhee was shoved inside, it was a bit of an interesting scene. Baseball wasn't really a thing in Australia. So instead of hefting the metal bat over her shoulder, she swapped it out for a wooden one that felt much more familiar and tapped the head against the ground a few times, crouched and ready to swing. Seungmin chastised her and questioned the credibility of her strategy- but Sunhee had grown up on backyard cricket- it was simply easier to swing like she was batting cricket in front of crappy plastic wickets than attempt a baseball-styled swing.

Something she very much proved by getting the best score, squinting at the projected display with some text flashing too quickly for her to read. “Does that mean I won?”

Seungmin grumbled and walked away as Jeongin poked his side- teasing about wanting to be a pro but getting slammed by an amateur.

The big movement game quickly became her favourite though- just like Minho. With the aim to contort into odd shapes in order to pass through gaps in the walls projected on the screen, the pair dominated. Them being the groups’ lead dancers (even if technically they’d made Sunhee’s main position vocal- which she totally wasn’t still cranky about), meant they were quick on their feet and flexible. Hyunjin joined them but his long limbs ended up losing them more points than he’d gained.

The film crew prompted them to have a competition or something- ‘put something on the line’ they said - ‘make a bet, give the viewers something to laugh about and root for’. Which immediately meant Sunhee was at full attention- a competition?

Naturally, they bet on snacks and split into teams. Chan led the first team and the boys decided Sunhee would lead the other. Her inability to cope with losing ensured that the fire in her eyes made Chan play hesitant and tell the cameras “She’s scary when she gets like this- no one is allowed to beat her.”

Rock, paper, Scissors was played when picking out teammates. Sunhee stole Felix first, then Seungmin and Jeongin until Changbin was left standing and trying to decide what team to join, sadly Sunhee won the final rock, paper, scissors match and he joined her team- she pretended to be upset about it but everyone could tell she was glad to have him. He pounced on her instead of taking her whining seriously and she instinctively dragged him into a piggyback to stop them both from toppling to the ground. “What is with you boys and treating me like a mode of transport?”

Soccer was deemed as the first round- Sunhee was fine with that, she’d played soccer during her school days, amongst every other bloody hobby her parents had thrown her into.

Much to everyone’s delight- even his own teammates, Chan misses his shot. It’s hilarious because they all know he’s the best at sports- especially soccer, out of all of them. They all jeered and teased as he sunk to the ground in shame, poorly hiding the smile on his face as Sunhee dragged him out of the doorway so Jisung could have his attempt.

Jisung and Hyunjin succeed- cheering for themselves and pushing Sunhee into the room for her turn.

Miraculously all three of them managed to score a goal, meaning Sunhees’ team had officially won round one- much to Chan’s dismay, they were playing for snacks after all and well, maybe just a bit of pride.

The second round came back to the movement game in a battle of team leaders, there’s no kind way to say it, but Sunhee got so damn into the game and focused on winning that she dominated. A lesser man would blame his loss on random game generation, Chan instead blamed her ‘unfair flexibility’- a point that was much supported by her split-drop in the middle of the game. Jisung had muttered something in the background about her ‘try harding’

Herded outside by staff members who wanted nothing more than to head back into cooled JYPE air conditioning, the members were set off towards a few food vans- armed with go-pros attached to selfie sticks and the knowledge that they no longer had to pay for their own food. The boys- particularly Jeongin voted for hot dogs, and how could anyone ever say no to him?

Naturally, they got hotdogs.

But the smell of spam and processed meats had always made her screw up her nose, not to mention the excessive cheese would certainly disagree with her stomach, so Sunhee instead ducked to the next van over and bought a bottle of sprite , using her own card of course. The others were a bit overexcited with hot dog toppings and Chan- who already paid for their food at least once a week looked as if he would crumple if another receipt was handed to him.

Sunhee trailed behind the group, still wrapping her head around the fact it was her debut group. Sure it had changed from the original plan, they’d lost Minju and Hana to their parents' whims, Eunha and Ilsung too, the four of them gone from the company, living on in the photos of the original Stray Kids in crowded practice rooms.

They hadn’t really spoken since Sunhee had messaged them. But only received a brief response from Minju who’d said she was auditioning for smaller companies and that her parents hadn’t wanted her to work for such a strict and time-consuming company like JYPE while she was still in school.

Somewhere in their brief text chain, there had been a promise to meet up again soon, when they had a free day- Sunhee promised to pick her up from school one afternoon and they could go out for ice cream or something. Under joking threats, she’d teased Minju about the consequences if she failed English- that there was always a tutor on call for her. She’d replied saying that high school teachers wouldn’t accept Sunhee’s accent- that ‘naur wasn’t correct in the school marking guides’.

It was telling of how much she had only spoken to people because they were right in front of her- and how much they did the same. And there, at that moment as she watched the boys her debut would be alongside, Sunhee promised herself that an effort would be made, that even if they weren't beside her, they would always be her boys- that they would always be Stray Kids.

Seungmin snatched the sprite from her hand and took a mouthful, wiping the rim on his jacket sleeve when she’d glared at him- all in good nature, of course. It felt right standing there, drifting towards the comfort of each other’s calm as everyone celebrated the death of Chan’s wallet- sharing food and playful jabs about particularly bad performances in the arcade.

“How are you so good at baseball?” Seungmin questioned standing alongside her as she gazed over the group, they poked fun and teased Chan, joking about how often he shouts them food. “I remember when I met you and you said you’d never even played.”

“In Australia, cricket is really popular. And on holidays like Australia day or Christmas, people often play cricket in their backyard or on the beach.” She smiled at the memories that flooded in after the words, and Seungmin looked at her curiously. “It’s fun. I’ll ask mum to post our cricket set down so we can play sometime before the summer ends.”

“The nine of us?” He tentatively asked. She hummed in response, holding her sprite out silently to him. Seungmin smiled, taking a sip. “I think that would be fun.”

The two of them stood together until an MNet staff member told them to join the rest of the group as they headed back to the company building, walking the short distance. The contagious energy of excitement made Sunhee smile, pointed canines peeking out lower than the rest of her teeth- not by much, but enough that people had commented on it before, casting managers asking her if she’d consider getting them shaped to be more subtle.

Chan slid into place beside her, naturally as they do. People assumed that they must have been at the company just as long as each other, but that wasn’t quite true. When Sunhee had rolled in at age sixteen bearing that same Australian accent- if not thicker in some places from her rural upbringing, it had simply created a bond faster than expected.

And when the homesickness had left Sunhee crying in production studios and puking her guts out in company bathrooms he was there to hold her hand and simply talk in that safe, homely accent of his, Chan was there to bump shoulders together when he’d spotted her brimming tears.

So as they watched the boys poke fun amongst each other, like a real friend group- which she supposed at that point they were, Sunhee bumped their shoulders together, feeling particularly sentimental, and leant into his side as she whispered a secret just for the two of them. “If you keep the receipts, I reckon we can bill Mnet- make some cash.”

There are no staff members to scold her for speaking English, just Chan to laugh and nudge his shoulder against hers in return. It felt like home.

They’d met in a practice room to decide on a track for their mission- a task made significantly easier by the archives of Chan’s laptop.

A bit of product placement (apparently they were sponsored by Coca-Cola now?) had been scattered around their semi-circle in the form of cans and bottles.

Staff had asked them all to keep drinking the coke- something much forgotten in their focus on the gargantuan task of song-making. Sunhee was asked specifically, and while she wasn’t really supposed to have caffeine while on medication. She had a bottle, not a can so it was very obvious she’d been faking her sips.

Granted sunhee had drunk caffeine on her meds before and it hadn’t really killed her (but that had been a whole can of monster and she had thrown up) She bit the bullet and took a mouthful so they would stop bothering her about it and she could properly focus on the mission.

The first three tracks are a bit hard to work around, being very hard and deep in beat. Choreography would be amazing as Hyunjin pointed out, but the singers were quick to establish it wouldn’t have much room for vocals. Jisung chimed in with his poor timing as usual by mentioning how they should find something more sentimental and lyrical to show off their song-making. Luckily the two didn’t start a squabble as she’d expected.

They settled on track four, and Changbin threw out the idea to change the title from ‘elevator’ to ‘Hellevator’. Everyone had been very enamoured by the idea.

They made their way hastily through conceptualization, everyone enthused by the idea of making her own song. It was decided that ‘Hellevator’ would be a song about rising from hell that was traineeship and up to debut- it would be about their journey and struggles.

But after everything that they wanted to be the song to become had been spoken about as a group the production crew tell them that the filming day is over. They were rude about it, calling a slate while a lot of them discuss topics and ideas in split groups. The members all bowed nonetheless and thanked them for all the hard work.

It stunted their progress in a way, and as the clock ticked closer towards midnight, they just couldn’t seem to push further with things like choreography without the more essential lyrics and melody.

Most of them decided to head back to the dorm shortly afterwards, the kids having school the next morning and those who didn’t know that at this stage, there wasn't much to do until the production-based members flushed out the track.

So Sunhee stayed behind with 3RACHA.

Sunhee’s songbooks, as they had been dubbed by Chan, had in a way become infamous amongst trainees. There were so many of them all filled with messy pen scribbles and spelling mistakes. Her earlier ones had been mostly in English, as her writing ability in Korean had been very poor (the one downside to growing up speaking Korean with your parents is that you only learn how to speak it), but she’d since moved further into bilingual writing.

Poetry had been one of the passions Sunhee had found by herself, not like gymnastics and dance that spawned from the excessive hobbies her mother had piled into a young Sunhee’s schedule. It had run through most of her life since that wonderful literature teacher in year eight had recommended it. And now, when the boys needed help with their lyrics or concepts, they sought out her notebooks.

So as Changbin and Jisung lamented over lyrics, Sunhee wrenched the latest book from her backpack that had been pushed into the corner and out of camera shot. It was nearly full and the spine had seen so much stress that it no longer sat flat, the mess of sticky notes and re-written lines making the pages bulge.

“Here.” She slid it across the smooth polished floors and in between the two where they sat huddled together. “There should be some stuff near the beginning- maybe the first ten pages?”

“Woah, thank you noona,” Jisung murmured, already flicking open the cover that had been marred with little drawings and sketches from her friends.

She wasn’t really in a lyric-writing mood- her fingers too twitchy and active for that, so instead she decided that she would take on the melody. “I’m just gonna grab a guitar.”

They gave hums or grunts of acknowledgement as she pushed open the practice room door (shoving her shoulder and whole weight into the immovable object- soundproofing is heavy).

And her chest felt a little tight and her breath a little shallow as she climbed the stairs but she quickly chalked that up to the effects of caffeine combined with her medication- there had been a pamphlet or something. She hadn’t really read it, she was fourteen, but like, there was something about higher heart rate and shallow breathing. It didn’t really slow her down though, as she pillaged a guitar from the band department- longing to hold her own, in its pink glory, one she carted around since age twelve and coated in hello kitty stickers so faded they hardly held colour anymore, but she would settle for the high-quality ones JYPE kept.

And when she made it back downstairs to the basement practice room, Chan had dragged out his headphones and MIDI keyboard. Jisung and Changbin were sharing a pair of earphones plugged into one of their phones, assumedly listening to the track.

She plated herself on the other side of the room, guitar in her lap as she plucked at chores and notes to prick a melody. It probably would have been better to do it with a piano but she could navigate guitar easier. There was a minute where she simply flicked between the G and D string, contemplating but her finger slipped and hit one note higher. She thumbed the strings again, letting them vibrate beneath her fingertips. D? No, E.

For a while Sunhee stayed in her corner, plotting out a nice chord progression. Eventually, though, the guitar just didn’t cut it. But there was no piano so Suhnee does what she did best, make it work.

Guitar clutched by the neck she barged across the room and dumped herself next to Chan on the floor. He hardly even looked up, patting his hand out a few times without looking away from his screen until it landed on her knee, curling around it and drawing little patterns onto the fabric of her dark jeans. Sunhee whined impatiently tapping her fingers on the edge of Chan’s MIDI Keybarod to let him know she needed it.

“Yeah, yeah- just a second.” He mumbled, imputing a few final notes or kick drums- he still had his headphones on so she wasn’t exactly sure what he was doing. But eventually, he slid the keyboard over lightly and Sunhee assessed it for a second, righting her fingers and planting them onto the correct keys as Chan unplugged his headphones.

It was just a few jumbled notes at first, ones that sounded nice but had no real structure, but once she had located the ones she wanted, Sunhee paced it through slowly. B-flat, C, D, E flat and back down to D and up to E flat again before dipping back down to F, then D and finally C.

She frowned. Maybe a bit higher? She tried B-flat, A, F, G, F an octave higher but she wasn’t too sure.

“What if we,” Chan trailed off, nudging her fingers aside as he played his own melody. It used her notes, just a bit more rearranged, flowing from C to D and up to E-flat, trailing back down the same notes but lingering on each one for a tad longer.

“Wait wait, play that first one again,” Jisung asked, straightening out a piece of paper. Sunhee’s brow creased as she did, struggling to recall exactly what it was, but she thought it was pretty much the same the second time around.

“‘My life's at a rock bottom's cliff’” He followed the notes, singing off the lyrics he’d scribbled out. “‘I'm walking in a dark tunnel’ Woah, hyung, I think that’s pretty good.”

“Was it necessary to elbow me?” Changbin bemoaned rubbing the side of his ribs where Jisung (who lacks knowledge of his own strength on occasion) had nudged him a tad too hard. Jisung sat beside him practically buzzing with excitement, grin unchanging as he sang out what Sunhee assumed to be the intro if the way he skipped back to the beginning of the track was in indicator, twice more. “I think this could really work!”

Sunhee cracked a smile.

The next ten minutes considered of the four of them each taking a stab at the melody, using the nice notes she’d pierced together to plot out the chorus that Jisung and Changbin had pretty much finalised. And an hour later though, they were stuck, progress could be made the next day with the others to act as fresh ears, but for the time being, they had decided to head back to the dorm.

Sunhee almost left the staircase on the second floor out of instinct, but Jisung caught her arm and gently directed her back up the steps instead.

The first night in a dorm together was weird. Because it felt so different but exactly the same. Sunhee went through her night as usual, she filled up a water bottle to keep next to her bed, changed into pajamas that consisted of a pair of low-hanging pants that pooled around her feet and a thin cropped shirt that she probably need to wash. (The sports bra stayed on though- she practically lived in them at this point, her life a mix of dancing and a lack of privacy).

She slotted the plastic retainer that she was religious about wearing in, and almost thought nothing of it until she bid good night to Changbin and he had a bit of a giggle about the lisp she’d gained, unable to push out the sharp ‘s’ sounds.

And the meds were wearing off after a good ten hours so Sunhee didn’t have to worry about struggling to sleep like she had initially worried.

Much to her surprise, the bunk was exactly the same as the ones she’d slept in just two floors below. Laws of preservation dictated that the lightest person sleeps on the top bunk, and Minho who looked queasy at the prospect of sleeping atop the wobbly frame had taken the single bed. So earlier they’d reached the conclusion that Chan would take the bottom bunk and Sunhee the top. Felix had made a bottom joke and Jeongin had, not quite understanding the mix of English and Korean the Aussies spoke in, had stated proudly that he’d always prefer the bottom bunk.

With tiredness pulling at her limbs and a phone that was just about flat, she dragged herself up the ladder, wishing a goodnight to Chan who’d made himself at home on the bunk below, laptop out with headphones half on. He reached a hand up and patted her side through the bunk rails. “Good night sunshine.”

She woould grumble in response, shoving her phone on the charging cable that snaked up the metal frame and under her pillow, weary of the challenges ahead.

The next two days saw the finalization of lyrics, as the dancers worked on choreography for the chorus they’d finalized and the allocated dance break while they finished up the rest of the song.

Sunhee and Jisung worked on the guide, spending far too long with Armadillo, one of the JYPE producers, ironing out the kinks in their melody and fixing the tone. Chan sat in as well, far too paranoid about the song to let it go unmonitored.

There was one high note that seemed like a punch to the gut and in order to get the pitch right Sunhee has to take eleven cracks at it. Armadillo suggested to maybe reorganise it and pitch it down but Sunhee had been too damn insistent and just kept going. “No, no I’ve got this.”

And when they’d finally finished, The MNet crew had insisted it be filmed when revealed to the other members - to film their reactions, something that was apparently essential. It was the same lady who miced Sunhee up, rubbing another harsh line of tape down her back and across the branding of her T-shirt.

They met in the dance room where the dance boys were working away, calling the others in to huddle around Chan’s laptop that held the finished guide. She sat next to him, Hyunjin draped himself over her shoulders in a way she’d grown used to with the group of them. Head perched next to hers, eyes fixed on the computer as he let out mutters and comments of praise to the production team.

Seungmin is quick to swipe the intro part, a smile on his face as they go though the track again. Jeongin on the other side looks very anxious about the high pitch of the chorus, worried about hitting the notes.

The hook is passed off for Jisung and Sunhee to decide amongst themselves the two of them having a pretty similar vocal range. But given that she performed it in the guide and Jisung had rap too account for, she was pretty sure she’d end up with the burden. (Later, in a vocal practice room the two would decide to do a harmony for it, to split the load and worry of performing by themselves- she is singing the highest part but with him alongside her it didn’t seem as daunting).

With parts divided, they allocated a week to sort out choreography and the final week to memorise everything and just run though, practice again and again to really drill it into their heads.

And practice it they do. Minho oversees most of their choreography alongside the company choreographer, the most experienced dancer despite being the most recent trainee. Chan and he swap in and out through their practices, Sunhee hopping in to assist sometimes, and the three of them focus on picking up on mistakes and smoothing out formations.

MNet sat into film one dance practice and poor Jeongin was so nervous he kept making mistakes and Chan, stressed out of his mind, kept pointing them out, making the maknae dance alone until he got it right. Minho stepped in and went through the moves with him pointing out the few mistakes and demonstrating how they should be corrected. The two stayed behind after that practice, Sunhee was tempted to join them but promised vocal practice with Jisung stopped her.

Once again sitting in a semi-circle, each armed with product placement MNet asked them to toast to the success- with coke. Chan took a sip and lied through his teeth about how refreshing it was and Sunhee spotted Seungmin holding back a laugh at the obvious lie. Sunhee, not on her meds for the day had no qualms drinking the coke this time round and made her way through the can as they chatted idly about the performance, waiting for the film crew to call it for the day.

The hours of 10-2 were spent belted high notes and desperate harmonies. Frustrated sighs and tired complaints whispered throughout the small room.

After 2:30 ticked by they headed back to the dorm, and just as she had the night before, Sunhee pulled on her pajamas that she’d washed that morning and left to dry out on the hangers tucked into the corner of their balcony. She filled a water bottle to keep by her bed and clicked the plastic retainer into place as she climbed atop her bunk wishing a good night to Chan who sits awake with his laptop and headphones. He felt his hand along the rail to find where her leg pressed against it and gave two soft pats before wishing her good night in return.

It’s just like that how the routine started. Where the members would practice the choreography, committing it to memory. The vocalists repeated lines until the notes were seamless. Rappers mutter lines like a mantra in every spare moment, keeping their pronunciation on point.

And though all of it, the young members would stumble though their allocated school days- the rule being ‘at least three times a week’ for most of them, including Sunhee (SOPA was more accepting for Hyunjin, much to everyone’s annoyance).

Granted her school was inconvenience to reach- a whole hour from the dorms by train, but given that the other option was online schooling from some sketchy institution her mum had found, it was an obvious choice.

After suffering through school classes- the literature teacher made her read a passage out loud- that was hell, the lot of them were sent in pairs to meet with the JYPE stylists to sort out their outfits for the ‘Hellevator’ performance they had to present.

Sunhee headed down with Minho while the others continued the dance practice. Thankfully, no MNet sharks followed them, and according to Minho, her ‘ease’ was back. She looked at him curiously waiting for him to explain.

“I guess it’s because Australia isn’t as formal as Korea, but there’s just this casualness you carry yourself that doesn't hang around on camera. Shame really, I think it’s part of your charm.” He said it so normally, like it was something she knew about. But in a way, she kind of did, she just hadn’t thought others noticed it as much, but Minho wasn’t finished. “It comes out in performances though, the way you can just own the whole stage. I think that’s one thing I could learn from you.”

“That and how to say no to Jisung.” He laughed, at that. Everyone knew that Minho and Jisung had sort of mellowed each other out, Minho’s stiffness balanced out by Jisung’s, well childhood arrogance for lack of a better term (he was getting in less trouble that was for sure).

The stylists were nice- they’d spoken before of course, for showcase concepts and fittings in the past. Which meant they had known Sunhee for nearly two years now, that they knew she fit seamlessly with the boys and wasn’t attention seeking, and therefore had no snarky comments to make. It was a breath of fresh air after spending extended periods of time with the MNet staff.

A pair of baggy black cargo pants and a smooth black cap with a few red crosses stitched across the edge- because the concept was focusing on the dark days of traineeship, and a softer style of grunge fashion fitted well.

They asked her to put on a graphic T-Shirt too (some band that clashed in greys and white’s across the chest) but when she walked out they tutted and grabbed a pair of scissors. They cropped it so that skin of her stomach just barely showed, but the high waist band of the pants did- which was apparently the reason they hadn’t liked the shirt pre-scissors. A black denim jacket was thrown over the top, one weathered and greyed along the elbows and frayed around the hem.

Minho commented about their matching jackets, pulling out his best impression of an stupid model face, with eyebrows raised slightly and lips puckered. The stylists laughed and giggled, asking to get a photo of the two just to make sure the outfits don’t get mixed up. Sunhee and Minho pull matching expressions back to back in the most dramatic fashion they could muster: one leg popped, hand on hip and Minho’s other arm extended up in the air while Sunhee’s slung over his shoulder.

Eventually they had to ditch the outfits though, and they were back in their daggy dance clothes, long sweats and baggy shirts that stunk slightly of sweat despite their aggressive deodorant tactics before meeting the stylists.

The other members filtered out throughout the day, visiting stylists for their outfits and etcetera as dance practice continued. They’ve progressed into doing full performances every few runs, singing and rapping rather than just dancing. It was pointing out a lot of mistakes, like the difficulty Felix is having with his pronunciation and the instability with Jeongin’s vocals.

And just as their routine dictated, when the night tapered out to a point where they weren’t making progress on their dancing as a group, they would split off into groups and focus on their individual roles.

And so went the final three days before their performance, when Sunhee would work on vocals with either Jisung or Seingmin and Jeongin. Maybe even sit patiently with Felix for an hour or so, gently correcting the pronunciation of his rap.

Then end up back at the dorm building, almost level the stairwell on the second floor before reminding herself that was where she lived anymore and continue up to the fourth level. She’d fill her water bottle up, slip her plastic retainer in and bid goodnight to anyone who was up with her slight lisp and crawl into the top bunk.

When Chan would stumble in a few hours afterwards, he’d whisper apologies for waking her, knowing how lightly she slept and pat her side in the darkness before hunkering down for the night himself.

Performance day was nerve wracking to say the least, and even though she was thoroughly prepared for it, Sunhee couldn’t help the way her mind spiraled with the worries of the performance, foot tapping nervously at every spare moment, her combat boots scuffing the floor.

Right though the time spent with stylist perfecting their outfits and the mic checks it the cramped evaluation room, one of the basement practice rooms that’s been darkened for more ‘atmosphere’, Sunhee was sweating buckets. She became very thankful for the jacket that hid the sweat stains that had most definitely made their way through her shirt.

JYP entered the room and they all bowed and welcomed him before he made some obligatory remarks about their song that Chnagbin answered to. There were some compliments about the title, and of course they introduced themselves as Stray Kids despite the fact they had been going by that for some time. Chan delicately explained the meaning, that it meant ‘kids who have lost their way’ taking on board the criticism that it’s too long of a name and Sunhee piped up to remind everyone they had made a shortened version too: ‘SKZ’.

The inevitable however, could only be delayed so much and they were asked to perform the song they created.. Sunhee wasn’t quite in the centre, just to Chan’s left and she sent a reassuring smile to Jisung behind her with a nod of encouragement. One that told him not to worry, that they could do it.

And as the performance kicked into action, Sunhee found herself zoning out, executing the moves with precision. The slight shake of Minho’s voice was concerning but her own lines were up next so she ran her fingers down his arm as he passed though the arches other members made with their arms, before pushing out her own lines with powerful and stable notes.

When the dreaded high note comes, her and Jisung stood at the front, a gap between them that showed Chan in the centre behind them. Shunee gripped her mic tighter and bent forwards slightly to hit the note, exerting everything in her lungs, while Jisung arched his back and turned his head skyward. Her head fellt fuzzy and throat bare, but they pulled it off perfectly and when he met her gaze as they spun into position for the chorus, she raised her eyebrows at him. Jisung sent a wink back as his cocky smirk took over for just a second. He was proud of himself, and he deserved it- because that was a note not even many girl groups sung in.

The pair seamlessly fell back into the performance as Chan sung the next chorus that bled into the final rap verse and eventually, the dance break.

A breath of relief bubbled past her lips when they concluded with no major mistakes, no one off beat in the choreography or missed notes and after Sunhee drove the final line home, standing centre and holding her breath for a few seconds so her chest didn’t heave from the effort, she couldn’t stop the brief smile from breaking out as they fell out of formation.

And as all nine of them bowed in thanks and stood in a single line, she could feel the nerves present but also the pride beaming from Changbin who stood beside her. They had done well.

But the lot of them clamped their smiles between teeth and awaited the criticism they were bound to receive. No matter how to plan things may have gone it was still and evaluation and no performance was truly perfect.

However, when JYP asked for a phone with a keyboard, Sunhee's heart sank. She’d expected something about the simple choreography of their chorus or the lack of diverity in vocal range. Instead he keyed out the notes of their chorus, with an unpleasant expression on his face. “Who made this song?”

But it isn’t the track he’s talking about, it’s the melody. Sunhee moved to raise her hand, but another beat her to it. Chan’s arm is in the air, a knowing grimace present. She still moved to interject but Changbin clamped her wrist down with his own palm curled tightly around her wrist, subtly shaking his head.

Then JYP spoke. “How could you make a song in the female key? No wonder you guys sang so badly- this range makes no sense. I know you have one female member but you have to cater your songs to the majority.”

it’s criticism meant for her, not Chan. She made the melody not him, she didn’t think properly when plotting it out and centered it around her own vocal range without thinking. It was her that insisted they keep the high note when recording the guide where as the experienced producer helping them had suggested pitching it down. And under all of that still lies the hidden jab- they all sang so badly. Sure he gave them an excuse, under the guise of it being in a female key, but that didn’t mean it didn’t sting. They’d tried so hard. She thought they did well.

He went on about how singers who have debuted struggled with that note, that it was foolish to think they could execute something like that as trainees. ”But you still managed to hit the note. It’s surprising.”

“But there were still only two people who I liked.” and there was jab two because there were none of them, sure certain aspects would be lacking- they made the performance and song in under three weeks, but only two people?

“First of all, Jisung-ah, you did better than I expected.” king of backhanded commitments of course, JYP pointed out the fact Jisung was a rapper and managed to pull off the high note, saying he sung extremely well and that the flow of his rap was refreshing. Jisung looked proud of himself as he smiled and thanked their CEO, but the pressure on his shoulders from being singled out was clear, and with how his mind world, Sunhee knew he wouldn’t be satisfied until they all received a good evaluation.

“The other person, Sunhee- ya, you fit very well into the group despite being the only female. It suits you well.” He complimented her high note and charisma- mentioning how she owns the stage when she sings, ‘something that the other could learn from’. She bowed with a bitter taste on her tongue, wondering if he’d compliment her all the same if he knew she helped write the melody

He singled out Chan next, with the same criticism that he had at the showcase- that he needed to be more selfish during his parts.

Then came the hardest blow- talk of elimination.

Jeongin, Hyunjin and Minho were under the gun. With Hyunjin’s rap unclear in his pronunciation, while Minho and Jeongin’s vocals were ‘amateurish’.

He rearranged the parts on the spot and asked them to sing again, minimising Jeongin’s lines and asking Minho to rap Hyunjin’s second verse rap

It felt bitter to sing the lines Jeongin had worked so diligently on but Sunhee bit back her complaints and followed along. A small amount of pride swelled in her chest upon hearing Minho execute the rap, Changbin quietly doing backing for him “This is better. Keep it like this.” JYP announced when the finished, Sunhee’s throat felt raw from the high note and stolen lines but she thanked him anyway, as they all did.

“The reason we had to change your parts is because MNet has decided to film and release a music video with the song, and rather than risk imperfections I’d prefer to do it this way, with less room for mistakes.” That was new information, and all of them just sort of stood there, blinking in confusion. “Anyway, you all worked hard, and I look forward to your next evaluation.”

And he was gone, waltzing his way out of the room as if he hadn’t just crushed the souls of nine trainees.

Sunhee sank to the floor with a heavy exhale. Everyone else seemed to pause too, unsure of what was next. Felix scooted his way over, asking for clarification on a few of the things and Sunhee diligently answered his questions. “He said that he changed the parts for a music video and that Jeongin, Minho or Hyunjin might get eliminated if they don’t improve.”

“Oh.”

Yeah, that was the right response, because Sunhee had been so sure they would perform well, she was proud of them- they’d made a track and designed most of the choreography themselves- something that most idol groups never managed, and JYP didn’t even acknowledge that. It didn’t feel like he was in her corner anymore, he’d taken the promised dream and begun tearing parts away. Now he felt like someone to be cautious of, an enemy almost.

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