#such brainless little goobers

[dat-lil-shark]

I feel like I absolutely butchered your designs and I feel so bad about it so I am very sorry for that. If allowed I'd love to draw more fanart of these goobers! I hope you like it!

DUUUUUDE MAN THIS IS SOOOOO CUUUUUTTTEEE

THANK YOY SO MUCH YOU ARE ADDING ONTO MY CREATIONS!! YOY ARE VERY CREATIVE!! LETS GOOOO!! I LOVE YOUR BEE AND ELITA EXPECIALLY!!! BEE IS JUST A BRAINLESS LITTLE BUDDY AND ELITA LOOK LIKE HELLO KITTY LETS GOOOOO I LOOOOVE IT!!!!

[lucy-moderatz]

Men in classic novels are the most dramatic, embarrassing people to interact with on page.

They turn into brainless goobers when they've decided they're in love with the heroine. They react to every little thing she does as if it's incontrovertible proof of some kind of deeper meaning and are excessively wounded when their feelings (which are always expressed in the most dramatic language, as if they encompass the whole of the world) either aren't reciprocated or even just when their love interest isn't paying them the special attention they seem to feel they deserve.

I'm begging them to have some shame.

Though I will say, in this book at least (The Tenant of Wildfell Hall by Anne Brontë), this seems to be done very deliberately, as our narrator's mindless, stubborn infatuation is very much mirroring the heroine's own past feelings for a man who, seemingly (I'm not very far in yet), has done very wrong by her.

So we're meant to see them somewhat as equals in their blind affection, though, as is usually the case, I think it'll be much worse for her than the bruised ego this dolt is carrying around.

[neonsix67]

Small little doodle splurt of my favourite doodle goober - Globule.

What initially started as a Digital Circus has now become a brain rot oc that fills up the margins of every note page I have...this brainless goop is my everything, your honor.

[nicegaai]

Ch 5:

Im a little proud of myself for trying to give everyone separate typing quirks. Timo types like a terminally online goober and Ber always ends sentences with a period boomer-style… etc… idk. I thought that was fun. I don’t remember all the details of my texting hcs anymore so I’ll be winging it going forward

Did ao3 break my formatting? Im pretty sure that was supposed to be a “:3” :-( they killed my kitty smile…

Ohhhhh!! This was the ch I finally got a little horny with it, for real. Nice. I think I was like, ‘okay I need to work myself up to actually making this fic nsfw’ … lmao. Im still nervous about actually making them fuck I cannot lie…

WHY DID I CALL EMIL HIS NEXT VICTIM ,,,,,, oh wait I meant like. After touching on Ber he went for Emil next. That ws kind of a fucked up way to say it. I did not like that. But honestly, warranted

Literal actual basic typo. I know exactly what happened there, it was a tense thing and I was clicking thru edits too fast … FUCKK !!!!! 

Cuckold Berwald Real. TO ME. I should have made that exchange funnier. There was squandered opportunity…

THIS S IS SO OOO OO OOOOOO O. OOO OOOOOOOOOOO stupid. I hated that line. Im going to cry. Norgway my delusional insane king . Role model for children around the world. Worlds best brother. i think I have given myself a tension headache

ANOTHER TYPO HELLO?????? Once again I know exactly what happened in the editing process, that was on me for going too quick. Im a dumbass for not noticing until now 

Yeah okayyyyy… I might be a little bit of a bad person for writing this fic. This is so awful, lmao. Cest la vie…

LajglkjsdgjkajksdgjlkalkjdaljKJLkjlsjALKJLGAKSJDGLA I can barely handle this what the ehll man what the hell wha the hell im in distress. I shut my laptop on accident. Yay Emil is being included by his loving considerate older brother figure. This is so evil actually I need to take a walk or SOMETHING.

Emil my beloved king of reading the room incorrectly. He’s just like me frrrrrr

That line sucks. I hated that. Mads would not talk like that wtf. Im going to leave a mean comment on this fic OP needs to know. its WAYYY too late to change it though im just gonna get over it and move on. Sorry for having bad taste last year im a different person now <3

Oh this is so bad. Thats so BADDDDD. im having a GREAT time!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hav u ever um >< been to a pride parade? Girl im going to kill myself this is so much

Im so mean to Mathias. Brainless senseless manwhore with no moral compass. This AU rules

Damn okay bad writing strikes again. This whole section needed another rewrite. I could still fix this. I could make it funnier. I could even describe something for once

AWWW. AWWWWHHHHHHHHHH. Oh my god I adore these guys. i LOVEEEEEE them. Kicking my feet + cartoon hearts circling my head

OH.

OH . OHH. oH NO. AIIEEEEEEEEUUGHGHNNNNSNDNGDNNSGDNSGNSNDNGNSDGNN STOP IT SOPT IT STOP ITTTT AUUGHGH

I don’t want to read this. I know I wrote this horribly. i did NOT expect to run into full on smut already. Jesus h christ … Save meeeeeeee

Ok no sorry this is exactly the kind of reaction I need to desensitize myself to if Im hoping to write an orgy ending. Which uhhh spoilers ofc I am. Its going to build character , for me personally, because I am so so averse to writing porn. We r going to do it. im gonna do it. And right now i gotta read this <- hyping myself up

Um right so. This is really bad and I don’t want to be here. I am not sure how to enjoy this. I want to be enjoying this but I kind of want to jump into a volcano (not sexually).

And its over SORRY FOR BEING DRAMATIC THAT WAS LIKE 3 PARAGRAPHS TOPS. MY GOD. 

Everything I write is cringe to me and porn is like 10x as bad (this is why i needed the liveblog accountability to stay motivated). im sorry for subjecting anyone reading this to my poor self esteem. I will continue to be like this though<3

EMIL REACTIONS. I LOVE REACTIONS. I love the grappling with wtf is going on in this AU. Thats my favorite. The implications. TEE HEE

“Berwald is an only child with “my mom will never get grandchildren” gay guilt, and Timo, also gay, has two sisters—Sápmi (older) and Åland (younger). I’ll edit the previous lore A/N soon.” <- OHHH ok I did say something. Good. I forgot about Åland tho sorry girl. Maybe add fixing that A/N to the list of things I need to edit bcz uhhhhhh

im attempting my fic reread today. im announcing this bc i will be liveblogging to keep my morale up, NOT THAT anyone cares but i personally need this, like ill only commit to do the thing if theres an imaginary audience holding me accountable. & i like to have fun :3

anyway. captains log, its a beautiful sunny july weekend. i just finished my morning coffee, and, i am dreading this so much. i dont like rereading my own writing but i shall get over it. ok here we go.

Þetta Reddast vagueblogged directors commentary edition

Ch 1:

*opens fic and starts convulsing immediately* god i wish i smoked weed rn. i cannot chill out ever for the life of me

My Mission For Today Is: to remember what plot threads I’ve left hanging so I can resolve this story properly. And also try n remember where the flow is going. I have the end plotted out, I just am a little lost … it’s been a while :-(

------------

Abrupt beginning!!!! I’m not mad because I have . I HAD. Almost no writing experience when I started this. it isn’t ideal but I refuse to be one of those fanfic writers that starts rewriting early chapters without finishing the last ones. Ive never seen one of those types actually finish a longfic. …I’d already rather yap than actually read LMAO AHH

Oh this is worse than I remember. thats cool that s great ok alright *coughs up blood*

"20 somethings" WOW I really did not know where I was going with this when I started huh

LKJSDLKSJDLGKGDJSLDGJK ??? Who authorized this. Who let me cook. What the hell

I could write this better now. I could edit this into something beautiful. <- devil on my shoulder

FORGOT I WAS MAKING RICE BRB

"generously offered nothing to the exchange." wait STOPPPP. I’m so funny

GRAMMAR ERROR DETECTED why is there two periods. I’ll be coming back to fix that …………………. :-(((

Fuck. This is a lot. Marge Simpson Hiding Her Face dot Png

Oh this is stupid this is gayyy this is fukcinnn . Who fucking did t his. What was wrong with me,. This is so good actually. what was i ONNNN. 

Im gonna throw up and I don’t know if thats like/. A complimentary thing or if im just cringing that hard . Im feeling emotions. I love my OTPs..OT3~5? I love them so so much

Ok as much as im like “eww bad writing” this is .. dare I say, rly good in places. Not to suck my own dick but maybe all hope isnt lost and imposter syndrome is an illusion

Grammar mistake #2. Goddddddd. they should ban me from the archive for this

EMILLLLL EMIL EMIL EMIL HIIIIII BABYYYY EMILLL I LOVE UUUU AWWHUUGHH everyone clap for my bewoved baby bruvver right FUCKING now

Urghhh gritting my teeth… Im fully expecting the flow of events to start not making any gd sense. There’s no way this came together the way I hoped in my head and .... For real I was never able to read this all the way thru. this is my first time, lol. and it was all disjointed on the authorial end to say the least. Im scared T-T

Jlxjvklsdkjfsjlkdkjlsjklkljzsdkjlgaskljdgjklasljkgdljkasljkdgjklasjlkdgljkaskljdgjakl?????????? 

Im not liking the ratio of dialogue to whatever the other stuff is. scene-setting I guess. prose maybe. i could have dragged this out way longer... By which I mean made it a more satisfying read. But WHATEVER !!!! 

TIMO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TIMOOOOOOOOOO NUMERO UNOOOO DO MUNDOOOOOO I really need to utilize him more. As soon as I finish this fic I need to write a Timo POV spinoff where he gets cancelled on furry twitter for proshipping in real life

Hmmmm chapter ending didn’t hit as hard in practice as it did in drafts. Oh well. God damn that was a lot to happen in one chapter LMAOO???

OH SHIT MY RICE IS STILL COOKING —— 

[crayonturtle]

so I've been mildly irritated by the fact that I haven't been churning out quite the volumes of art that I would've liked but i just realized something else has been takin a lot of my time and that's the quite important work gig i got a few weeks ago? I've been so obsessed with my lacking performance that for a moment i forgot that real time exists and you need it for making fanart as much as you do for doing literally anything else

[anexplanationofunfortunateevents]

FIVE MORE DAYS

There are three things you need to do in the next few days.

I. If you haven’t voted yet, you need to do that.

If you still have your absentee ballot lying around somewhere, you need to bring it to a drop box or your local elections offices. If you try to mail it in, the regime’s capture of the Supreme Court and sabotage of the postal service may succeed in stealing your vote. Don’t let them.

If you didn’t request an absentee ballot, that’s totally fine, but you need to make your plan to vote now. If your state has early voting, you need to go TODAY.

Absolutely no bullshit games about “oh I’m in a safe state, I can not vote/vote third party/write in my dog.” Do not let anyone get away with saying that shit in your presence. First of all, no state is safe until it’s certified. Second of all, the margin of the popular vote is REALLY IMPORTANT. Any crap these mobsters might be tempted to pull is going to be more difficult and less appealing if there’s a five point Biden win than a one point win, harder and less worth their while still if there’s a nine or ten point blowout. That’s true in any particular state and it’s true nationally. If they think they’re going to contest or throw out votes, AND THEY DO, then we need to have more votes in the bank than they have time to steal.

II. You need to keep your head.

Their plan is to overwhelm everyone with their bullshit. It probably would’ve been smarter not to spend four years teaching us how to tune them out; lucky for us, they’re brainless jackasses.

Their big confusion play seems to be scaremongering if we don’t have a winner called, like, during prime time on Tuesday night. Ignore them. If it takes a few days, it takes a few days. That’s part of making sure the votes get counted. Even recounts and lawsuits in the days and weeks afterward are part of a sensible process. Don’t let these goobers overwhelm you with their shitty Trump fanfiction.

III. You need to prepare yourself for Wednesday, November 4.

I don’t mean emotionally. I mean that you should expect you will need to take some kind of direct action the day after all the votes are cast. Keep an eye on Protect the Results for events near you. If it’s available in your state, download the ACLU mobile justice app and get familiar with it now; if not, at least get the number of your state or local ACLU into your phone. Pack a little knapsack now:

hand sanitizer and a spare mask;

a tiny bottle of whatever OTC pain medication you use, plus a dose or two of any prescriptions you need;

a bottle of water and some snacks you can eat while you’re out;

an extra flannel or sweatshirt;

a photo ID and some bail money might not be the worst idea in the world.

In my opinion – AND THIS IS JUST MY READ ON THE SITUATION, WHICH CAN CHANGE ANY MINUTE – I still think the most likely scenario for next week is pretty similar to the midterms, where Trump goes to bed that night thinking the margins are close enough that he can wriggle his way out of a real loss, but the magnitude of a Democratic landslide gets clear pretty quickly. He doesn’t have the guts for a real fight, and he doesn’t have the psychological ability to absorb a narcissistic injury fast enough to take action. He’s spent years alienating the top brass of the military. He’s spent weeks trying to give his Secret Service detail the ‘rona. (Seriously, what successful coup has included “try but fail to kill a bunch of your armed bodyguards”? I’m genuinely curious.) But that’s the most likely scenario out of a lot of scenarios. It’s not over until it’s over.

People are anxious. They’re disoriented after 2016, when everyone knew Democrats would win a free and fair election but too few people realized that wasn’t what we were having. And they’re discombobulated now, because most Americans don’t have practice waiting for an election that they already know will be unfair. Chances are pretty good that at least a few of these people are in your social media feeds. So you might see a lot of doomporn loser talk about how it’s all rigged and he’s never going to leave anyway and blah blah blah.

Those aren’t misplaced concerns. But there’s a way to talk about them in a way that’s a lot more constructive, and it’s this:

Trump cannot win legitimately. That’s not me reading tea leaves or interpreting polls or whatever. He cut himself off from that possibility with his solicitation of foreign interference, his extortion of foreign leaders and American governors for his own political benefit, his willful destruction of the infrastructure we need in order to have an election, and his incitement of terrorism against journalists, opponents, and voters. He did not want to win an election with any democratic legitimacy and so he won’t.

That doesn’t necessarily mean we’ll win. But I like our chances. Even knowing about so much of his cheating, and being aware that there’s almost certainly more cheating we don’t know about yet, I like our chances.

So let’s do it. Get that ballot in. Use whatever platform you have to remind other people to do the same. Make calls if you can. It’s not too late to chip in to your state party or the DSCC – they’re probably done buying ads, but we should assume they’re going to need money for recounts and lawsuits.

This is it. Crunch time. We can do this. Let’s go.

[meetthetank]

Monstie Shots 1: A2′s New Best Friend

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply Category: Gen Fandoms: NieR: Automata (Video Game), Monster Hunter (Video Games) Characters: A2 (NieR: Automata), Emil (NieR: Automata), Dodogama (Monster Hunter) Additional Tags: Crossover, Humor, Emil the Palico, A2 the Hunter, One Shot Collection, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Monster Hunter: World

Summary:  A small collection of oneshots for a dumb, fun, NieR: Automata and Monster Hunter World. Most of these will be very silly and based around the stupid jokes me and my buddies make while playing MHW or MHGU. This is entirely self indulgent and fun for me to write.

The Elders Recess, although recently discovered, is something that A2 has taken a liking to. It’s secluded, too dangerous to build a new village like Astera, and filled to the brim with dangerous Monsters. Azure Rathalos, Bazelguese, Uragaan, and more Elder Dragons than she could count. It was a hunter’s paradise. Especially when said hunter is one of those melancholic loner types.

Despite preferring solitude, A2’s trusty Palico, Emil, is always by her side. The little grey Feylne pads behind her, his armor of repurposed Deviljho hide (he insisted on having armor that matched his Meowster’s Vangis Mail set) rattling with each step. The pair walk a short route between each of the Research Commission camps. Part of the deal A2 struck with the Commission for being left alone out here was that she take care of their stuff. That’s fine with her, it’s even relaxing in a weird way. It’s like cleaning a Kelbi carcass.

Just as she takes in the twinkling lights of the crystalline caverns, Emil’s thin grey fur stands on end, making him look twice as big. Though A2 immediately goes on the defensive as well, drawing her Greatsword, she can’t help but snicker at her partner. He looks like an angry little Palumu.

“What’s wrong, buddy?” A2 asks. Her scoutflies were green and passive, idly flying between a herb plant and some crystalbursts.

“I smell something…” he hisses.

“A monster?”

“Yeah. Smells like a….” Emil puts his little nose in the air, “Dodogama.”

Dodogama. A goober of a monster in comparison to everything else that lives here. It’s the Great Jagras of the Elder’s Recess, with only Lavasioth sharing its place in the hierarchy of large monsters. It’s practically docile, only eats rocks and minerals, and is bullied by every other monster that comes across it. But it’s still a large monster and it’s still a threat to those who aren’t prepared. They throw their weight around with more skill than a Jagras, and their diet of the explosive volcanic rocks allowed them to spit up bombs at will.

So why aren’t her scoutflies acting up?

“Emil...We talked about these kinds of pranks…” A2 growls.

His ears fold flat against his head, “I’m not! I really do smell one!”

“You sure it’s not a dead one?” she snaps, “Because my scoutflies aren’t-”

Sure enough, a rotund, blue reptile trundles around a crystal. It’s beady yellow eyes unfocused and vacant as it scans for a meal across the ground. The light refracting from the crystalline cave makes the monster look more regal than its doofy expression suggests. It bangs the heavy plates of its enlarged jaw against a small section of rocks near a massive crystal spire, using the unique shape of its chin to scoop the broken rock into its mouth and happily gulp it down.

A2 always found the behavior of the Dodogama to be endearing, like that of a child or a particularly stupid Moofa. But that wasn’t why A2 found herself staring at this empty-headed beast as it gleefully swallows rocks. This individual is….incredibly small, no bigger than Emil. In fact, if he wanted to, Emil could sit on its head and ride comfortably on the lumbering idiot.

She approaches the runty Dodogama, making sure to strap the Consummate Blade to her back and quell it’s crackling dragonic energy so as not to spook the little guy. It looks up at her briefly, its eyes locking onto hers. If it were any other monster, A2 might have thought it was assessing her, seeing if she was a threat or not. But there’s something about it that makes it seem like there isn’t a single thought in its little blue head. Maybe it was the pale yellow eyes that veer off in different directions, or the disproportionate size of its fat little body to its head, or its stumpy legs and tail.

It’s all...too much for A2 to resist.

The Dodogama makes an adorable honk as A2 pats it on the head.

“Ah! What are you doing?!” Emil yowls.

A2 shoots her partner a glare, “What? I’m just giving it a pat.”

“Thats-...It could-...” Emil stammers, “It’s a meownster!”

“But it’s…” A2 is fully aware of how dumb this is, but the little Dodogama grunts impatiently when she withdraws her hand, “Oh shut up Emil, it’s just a little guy. He’s not hurting anyone.”

The Dodogama saunters over to Emil, who hisses and bounds behind A2’s legs. He clutches his appropriately sized Savage Deviljho hammer and eyes the Dodogama with suspicion.

A2 chuckles quietly, “Okay, we gotta get moving. See ya, little guy.”

She gives Emil a reassuring pet on the head before starting on the path back to the upper Camp. Emil’s quiet padding across the gravel ground echos through the cavern, as well as A2’s own footsteps and the quiet tinkling of crystals falling from the ceiling. There’s also the sound of something heavy dragging across the ground not too far behind them.

Spinning around, A2 finds the Dodogama runt right on her heels. It stares up at her with those beady, vacant eyes as if expecting something. It’s hard to tell with it since, well...it’s stupid. Maybe it just wants a friend.

“Go on, shoo!” Emil meows, waving his white paws at it. The Dodogama just tilts its fat head to the side. A2 swears she hears something rattle around in its empty skull.

A2 and the little monster stare at each other for a long moment. She wants to think she sees something in its eyes, but just as before, she can’t see any semblance of intelligence. Or thought. Or anything besides hot air. The lights are on, but nobody’s home. There’s nothing but air and love in this runt of a creature’s head. She can’t recall the last time she felt this attached to something. Even her possessions are a means of an end to A2, she can’t claim to be enamored to anything she owns or anyone she knows (except Emil of course). But this brainless beast is just….so stupid. It eats rocks for crying out loud.

“...He’s coming with us.” A2 announces.

“What!?” Emil meows, “You gotta be kidding me!”

“Nope, it’s stupid and I love it.”