#subverse: who the fuck knows i'm bad at tagging verses anyway

[eilidhink]

[ it's pre-series AU time ] "I should be back within four months or so." McGraw seems placid at first, as always, too composed to betray even the slightest discontent at having to leave for Nassau in two days' time. But he leans in and kisses Eilidh's forehead, and that is the closest she will get to a 'goodbye' from him. "I imagine Lord and Lady Hamilton will be happy to keep you entertained in my absence." [ listen theyre friends i dont make the rules ]

Eilidh is no fool; she knows that she will never truly be part of the circles she moves in. Doors close before she can even approach them, and those that open to her do so with a sound like whispers circling a ballroom. She is a curiosity, looked at askance by women and with vulgar frankness by men.

Lieutenant McGraw is something else. When he looks at her, on those rare occasions when he holds her gaze, it seems to be in the way men look at other men; that is to say, he sees her before he sees her sex. Perhaps because he, too, lives on the edges of this elevated world, he looks at her and she feels that there is something about them that is the same. That when they speak, that part of her speaks with that part of him, and there is no real threat or domination in it. Even with the Hamiltons, who are decent people despite what the world would have them be, her mind does not feel so free. She will feel his absence while he is away.

“It is not too late to take me with you,” she reminds him, accepting his kiss and enjoying its lack of subtext. “Put me in trousers and call me a secretary. I may even fetch and carry things for you if you ask politely.”