#sua vc: i'm on my expert leadership shit

[rksuas]

It’s the morning after the information came out. You either saw it yourself or someone else showed it to you—it’s been all over the internet now. Once you arrive for your regular schedule, a staff member is waiting for you outside. He rushes you in and helps you dodge the questions thrown at you by the few paparazzi who had been waiting for any announcements. 

You’re automatically taken upstairs to where only the offices are found. You go inside as soon as you arrive. It’s a small meeting room. Sitting inside is your CEO, Baek Jiyoung, and two men. “Please, take a seat,” Jiyoung says. Once you do so, she stops tapping her finger against the table and shifts on her seat.

“You’ve probably already seen the news. If not, the word is out that you’re dating.” She motions towards one of the men beside her who then slides a cellphone in your direction. The screen shows the original post showing the given information. “We reviewed the proof, and it’s even more than they usually give. It’s usually something ridiculous, or only a few pictures. This is a whole case, Sua.” Jiyoung shakes her head. Her tone isn’t angry but disappointed. “You probably know him, here,” she motions now to the other man between you who gives you a nod. “He’s one of the dance coaches at Sphere, and he has some things to say.”

The coach swallows and pushes his chair closer to the table. “After spending enough time with the trainees, you start noticing when someone’s into each other. Whenever you pass by each other… it’s obvious.” Jiyoung continues from her seat at the end of the table. “Thank you. Getting attracted to someone is easy, right? But to date, in your situation, is both brave and incredibly stupid. Haven’t you worked hard to make your way here? Don’t you think about your future?” Before she can lose herself, Jiyoung stops for a moment and pushes a strand of hair behind her ear.

“First, you’re going on an SNS ban. Don’t post anything for a month, especially not about this. Secondly, you won’t be removed from my company– not yet, anyway. I don’t know what it is like in TRC, but I want to give you a second chance. Don’t leave this room hoping for a third chance, as you won’t get one. We’ll expect more from you. The coaches won’t leave your side, and they’ll make sure that your time spent here is spent training, and not daydreaming about our artists.”

“Lastly, you’ll break up.”

If you’d like to fight about it, she raises a hand to let her proceed. “He’ll be arriving soon, and I’ll tell him to do the same with you. We’ll tell the press it was all a lie, and we’ll move on, but your relationship ends here. This could have been the end of both yours and his career, Sua.” There’s a small pause. “I’m disappointed in you.”

The air is tense in the room, and no one else seems to want to say a thing.

“Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

baek jiyoung sounds more like a disappointed mother than an angry boss, and for that reason, sua accepts the lecture.  the last thing on her mind was ever disappointing her  -  there’s a lot of things that she could say, and there’s a lot of things she’s thinking.  things along the lines of, what a fucking load of shit and i didn’t realize i was working for a bunch of cowards.  but baek jiyoung is a disappointed mother, and sua hasn’t had a mother in a very long time.  how else can she reply but accept the scolding like a child shamed?

she swallows her words with a blank expression  -  because ever since the news came out, sua hasn’t quite been herself.  (  it’s almost like watching a movie play a scene; like sua is someone else.  

but then the bomb drops, and it’s called break up.  )

that’s when sua wakes up.

by the time that baek jiyoung finishes speaking and allows her to, it seems like she’s already decided how this is going to go.  sua isn’t going to take it lying down.  she hears the words do you have anything to say for yourself and in between the child shamed and the angry rebellion, she settles on something in between.  her voice is level when she speaks up, for the first time since she stepped into the office.

she let the ceo lecture her.  she let her nervous dance coach say his anxious piece, but sua is different.  she won’t lecture and she’s not nervous.  she’s not scared of this at all.  “ i do, actually.” i have a lot to say.  sua wonders if it’s clear that they’re going to be here for awhile, because this isn’t going to be an easy conversation.  this isn’t going to be a sob story and i’m so sorry please keep me sajangnim, either.  it’s going to be the truth, and it’s going to be what baek jiyoung needs to hear.

after all, a disappointed mother deserves that much.

“ i want to start off by saying that i’m not someone who wears my heart on my sleeve.  i think that was very clear in the mgas, when people said i wasn’t funny  -  that i wasn’t someone who should be on my team, because i couldn’t make people laugh.  that means i’m not like hyun.  it’s hard for him to hide his emotions on his face.  it’s a lot different for me.” here, she takes a second to throw a glance at her nervous coach, sighs a little, and continues.  “ hyun and i actually broke up once, before i was even signed to trc.  that’s the reason i was actually signed in the first place, so that means i started off my career as a trainee single.”

“ we wanted to try again regardless.  because we love each other, and that’s what people who love each other do.” she pauses, and keeps her eyes locked with baek jiyoung’s.  “ by now, we’ve dated for two years, which means that he broke his contract for me.  of course i would do the same for him.  but because i’m not someone who wears my heart on my sleeve and he is, it was hard at first.  i had to keep reminding him to be more subtle  -  because i haven’t had a problem being subtle.  that’s not a problem for me.”  sua tosses her hair back out of her eyes before she continues, “ i fully suspected that you brought me to sphere because you knew about us, sajangnim.  but the months went by and i never heard a thing from you, or from my coaches saying otherwise.  i’m not sure if you were turning a blind eye to it, or if you actually didn’t know.  but if you didn’t, that means we’ve gotten a lot better at hiding.  it’s true too, if the evidence they provided is anything to go by.”

sua sucks in a breath through her teeth, but her expression is carefully neutral as she speaks.  “ i’m not sure if you think i have the right to negotiate with you, but i do want to point some things out and try.”  she relaxes in her chair, fingers knitting together as she works on how to word the things that she wants to  -  without rudeness, without bitterness.  it’s not as difficult as she thinks it would be.  “ you’ve called this my dream, and i suppose you can say that.  but i wouldn’t be standing here today as a person striving to be an idol without hyun.  in the end, he’s the one that pushes me to be better, and to do better  -  in the end, somewhere along the line, he became a dream, too  -  ever since i met him for the first time when i was fourteen.  it’s a story that he doesn’t remember, but i do because he made that much of an impact on me then, and he still pushes me to do better now.  he’s a dream that i intend to keep.”

“ you said it yourself, sajangnim, but i’ll say it in my own words: i’ve worked my ass off to get here.  clearly you’ve seen it, or else you wouldn’t have said it  -  so why, because of this, am i being accused of daydreaming instead of working? i’ve always came to training on time, every day  -  even on days when i didn’t want to.  even on days especially at trc where i was questioning whether or not i wanted to be in this industry, because i really just don’t like how dirty it can be.  but i’ve persevered anyway, and i’ve worked hard for it.”  here, she pulls her gaze away from the ceo to look at her coach, as if she’s speaking to him:  “ i’ve never heard complaints from the coaches.  not once.”  she pauses, biting the inside of her cheek.  it’s something like betrayal, or tastes like it when she tastes blood on her tongue.

“ if i’ve not been up to your standards, this isn’t all on me.  no one ever told me i wasn’t doing my best because i know i’ve been doing my best, and more.  if i heard a critique, i would have changed it because i’m not the kind of person to swallow it lazily.  i’m someone who works to undo that perception.”  sua sighs, swallows  -  this is the first time she’s talked so much at once in such a long time, but it’s for something important.  it’s for something worth fighting for.  “ i know that i’m lacking, especially in vocals.  but it’s not to the point that any critique i’ve gotten has been because of daydreaming, or laziness.  it’s been because of technique which i’ve still been working to learn.”

“ in sphere, you’ve given us the freedom of time in our schedules; you’ve given us freedom when it comes to our creative interests.  but when it comes to how we choose to use that time, when it comes to the freedom of being happy  -  suddenly it’s as if the company thinks we don’t know how to act.  the industry itself expects us to be robotic creatures, but we’re human.  and i think, of all the companies, sphere has the ability to recognize humanity more than anyone else.  that’s what an industry leader is meant to be.”  sua pauses, pursing her lips as she thinks.  “ sometimes, being a leader means taking risks.  having faith in your artists might be hard, but you won’t ever know unless you let them prove themselves.  as a company, sphere might have happier artists, and more willing artists, if you let them choose happiness.  more people would be willing to work for you.”

“ i know i would.  if you think that i’ll be working harder after a breakup that you’ve forced on me, you’re mistaken.  energy depletes quicker when you’re sad, you have less drive to do anything than you would were you happier, or at the very least, content.  i understand that this is a disappointment to you, sajangnim.”  sua pauses, and a glimmer of apology does cross her features, but it’s back to being carefully neutral in but a moment.  “ but people won’t get anywhere if they’re crushed.”

“ i want to be someone in this industry who tells people to stand up for what they believe in, and that it’s okay to do so.  i think that starts here.  and i want to continue being this person in sphere; i want to be someone people look up to.  i don’t want to bow my head and be afraid  -  i’ve faced a lot of things far more scary than someone telling the world that i love someone else.  it doesn’t scare me, and i want to show you that it shouldn’t scare you either.  i want to change this world.”  there’s no begging in her voice, nothing to say that sua is pleading with her ceo.  instead, she’s simply trying to convey her thoughts  -  as an employee, and hopefully, as an equal.  “ so i’m asking you to let me prove myself.  to let hyun prove himself, and let us prove to you together that we can have two dreams instead of just one.”

sua licks her bottom lip, knowing that this is coming close to the end  -  the worst that baek jiyoung could do is say no, right? but if that’s the case, then sua’s not really sure this is the place she wants to be  -  she’s not sure if anywhere is right for her, anymore, if someone won’t let her play on an even playing field.  “ i don’t mind if you take my sns away.  you can work me until i drop, or until i break.  whatever you see fit, i will prove to you that i am an adult, and can handle two dreams.  i don’t expect you to let me go public with hyun.  i don’t care if it’s in secret, but i won’t be breaking up with him.”  she pauses.  “ it’s his choice if he wants to do so.  but i can’t, and i won’t do that to him again.  but if you give me a chance  -  ”  here, she looks determined, fiery  -  more like herself.  “ whatever it is you expect from me, i’ll achieve it and more.  because i want to be someone who stands up for what they believe in, in this industry and out of it.  and if i don’t, i won’t be me anymore so i  -  .. hope you understand.”