#struggled with this a bit but it's a sketch so oh well had to finish it sometime

[pancharts]

[admirationandromantics]

Going overboard, Prologue

Okay, so 10 hours early, but I've gotten several requests about the start of the story, so here it is! This has been a big project (still not done with the last 3 chapters...), but so worth it. Remining the readers that this story is 18+ cause of alcohol, smut, drugs (?), throwing up (cause of alcohol, not ed) and other darker themes. Remember that Josh is severly mentally ill, so if you struggle with themes like that, I don't recommend this story.

Some chapters will not feature interactions with him, and some will be longer or shorter, but I'll try to make daily updates, so no worries! This blog is purely for my creative expression, and I don't really want tips or tricks about how to do stuff better, thank you. This whole thing is a way for me to relieve stress and just write without thought. Hope you enjoy, and if you do, please consider following and liking <3

The booze was getting empty, and the night darker. The snowstorm outside had worsened, making the inside of the cabin feel like the perfect cozy place. Emily and Jess had been talking all night about some kind of prank. I don’t know what it was about, and I didn’t want to know. Knowing the lengths they’d go, I kept my distance. During the evening they’d been regularly going away together, whether it was in the bathroom or in the kitchen. They were alone, talking, occasionally giving loud snickers. If Emily wasn’t hopelessly in love with Mike, I would’ve thought she had a thing for Jess. 

Josh is slurring around, mixing up words and almost falling over. He’s basically being carried by Matt from place to place when he wants to go somewhere. Hannah is mixing drinks, leaving them on the counter for everyone. I guess it’s tiring being hosts. Well, not for Josh, but the others. I’m sitting on the sofa with Sam, Ashley and Chris. Ashley seems fine, as she doesn’t get very verbal while drunk, while Sam’s not drinking. She’s sketching on her notepad while talking, and I occasionally look over her shoulder to see the products. They’re gorgeous, every line perfectly in place. I’m mesmerised by her talent, her ability to create something so lifelike. She’s almost like Victor Frankenstein, just a little safer with her creations. She’s drawing Chris now, making sure to add that little glisten on his glasses. I look over at him, then the drawing, then him again. It looks so real. 

“I’m in awe” I comment, looking up at her. She gets a slight blush on her cheeks, clearly not used to such positive feedback. 

“Why thank you” she smiles back at me. 

“Ohhh let me see, let me see!” Ashley shouts, reaching out both of her hands for the pad. Sam complies, putting down the pencil and giving it to her. Ashley blushes as she looks at the drawing, biting her lips in an almost invisible manner. 

“Oh look-” she points at the drawing, holding the pat in front of Chris. 

“She even got some of your freckles” she smiles, still blushing as she looks down on him. Chris doesn’t open his eyes. His head’s resting on her shoulder, and when she nudges him, he gives a slight “mmm” in reply. She gives back the drawing pad to Sam, leaning back so Chris’ head falls in her lap. Luckily she manages to catch his head with her hands, slowly putting him down. He nuzzles into her, and she runs her finger though his hair while breathing out. She’s probably scared he’s going to wake up. 

I turn, giving Sam a look before we both turn to her. The motions make her look up at us, confused. 

“Sooooo” Sam begins. 

“When are you going to ask him out?” I finish, smirking. I can’t help it. It takes a couple of seconds before Ashley realises what we asked of her, and when she does, her eyes widen and both hands immediately go to cover Chris’ ears. Sam grabs my thigh, squeezing a bit to release the energy so she doesn’t laugh.

“Shhhh he might hear you!” she whisper-shouts, looking at us. 

“Oh don’t worry, he’s out cold” Sam teases, grabbing a shot glass and filling it to the brim with tequila. 

“Well, the brain can still recognise things while sleeping”

“Nerd”

“They’re a perfect match”

“Stop it!”

We both laugh, while Ashley’s still pouting. 

“Fine, sorry” Sam continues, giving me the shot glass. I look at her, she’s got a funny look on her face. 

“What is this for?” I ask, taking hold of it and bringing it to my mouth. 

“You seem more present than the rest.” She smiles, nodding to the glass. I drink up, give a grimage and start looking for the lime. 

“There’s no more”, Ashley laughs, and Sam joins her. 

“Asshole”. I move to the kitchen, trying to find some kind of drink to make the shot not come up again. Beth joins me. 

“You look awful”

“Thank you Beth”. She gives me a beer, and I drink it as fast as I can, killing the gross aftertaste. As I look over at her, she gives me a concerning look. I finish up, another bad taste covers my insides, and I run to the sink, feeling like throwing up. 

“Fuck fuck fuck”

“Shit sorry, I didn’t think you would drink that so fast!” Beth exclaims, running to the refrigerator and grabbing some orange juice. As she hands me it, I drink like a feral animal once again, determined to not let this ruin my night. Beth stands behind me, rubbing my back and holding my hair. Just in case. Nothing comes up, and after about three minutes I stand up, giving her a bitch look. 

“Karma’s coming for you Beth, that’s not okay.” She’s still smiling softly at me, whispering for me to follow her. I take her hand, and she leads me to the bathroom. We both sit down on the floor, and I begin to feel my whole body pulsing. Every breath is grand, going to the edge of my fingers. Fuck, I’m going to be sick tomorrow. 

“I wanted to tell you something” she starts, not looking at me. 

“What”

“The others were trying to get you blasted tonight”

“You think I’m naive, of course I know that. Sam never offers alcohol to anyone, and you know how I get”

“Well, yeah. I was kind of in on it”

“I know”, I responded, laughing a little. She looks over at me. 

“You’re not mad?”

“Of course not, just fun, I wanted to let a bit loose on this trip”

“You know we have an agenda?” No I didn’t. I look up at her, her face slowly moving to the side, facing me. 

“And what is it?” She looks down in shame, and I get a weird feeling in my stomach. If this has something to do with Jess and Emily, I’m leaving on the spot. 

“Well, notice how Josh is also…”

“A little out of it?”

“Yeah, that”. Something clicks, a switch, a lightbulb, something, and I rapidly stand up. 

“Wait!” I exclaim, suddenly realising. My body is wobbling, and I grab hold of the wall so I don’t fall. Beth follows quickly, hands in the air around me in case I fall. 

“You’re trying to get me with your brother?!” 

“You like him don’t you?”

“Well Yeah"

“And you’re both drunk”

“So?”

“Drinks of bravery?”

“No”

“Yes”

“Absolutely not”, and I turn to leave. I go out in the hall, but she runs past me and corners me. 

“Okay, listen. Maybe this wasn’t the best approach, but don’t let the rest of the night go to waste, we’re having fun. No pressure on that area, okay? You’re just having fun tonight” she explains, a bit panicked. 

I can’t be mad at her, but I roll my eyes and give her a nudge, not feeling if I hit her or not. I grab her hand, and we both go to join the others. I know myself, and no matter how drunk I get, making a move on Josh is NOT something I will do. Ever. 

As we’re walking down the stairs, the people have gathered in the living room. Matt is on his way to the bathroom, walking past us and smiling. Such a sweet guy. We join the others, sitting down with Josh to my left and Emily on my right. Josh leans over. 

“Hey, want to get a smoke” he whispers, probably so Sam doesn’t hear. I look out the window, getting shivers just from seeing the snow. 

“The weather”

“We can do it through a window.” I look at the others, who are clearly busy. Nobody’s watching, and we could probably sneak out. 

“My room” he whispers, before drunkenly getting up, moving like a penguin up the stairs. He walks past Matt, who’s going down. 

“Need help Josh?”

“Do I look like I need help?”

“Yes”

“No I don’t”

Everyone laughs as Josh continues up the stairs. Hannah looks worried, but ultimately starts sipping her drink again. I don’t know how much time has passed before I decide to go. Emily, Jess and Mike went to the kitchen again, but not before drawing a bunch of stuff on Chris’ face. Nobody notices me slipping away, up the stairs and out of reach. 

I walk through the hall. Josh’s room is at the very end. The hall is spinning, doors getting mixed up. I open one of them, walking into a dark room. Makeup is spread throughout every counter, clothes everywhere. This is not Josh’s room. I drunkenly make my way out to the hallway again, noticing a door beside which is slightly ajar. 

As I arrive in Josh's room, his window is open, cold air flying through the room, giving me goosebumps. He turns around when he hears the door close, looking me up and down and smiling. He’s already got a cigarette in his mouth. I smile back, walking towards him. As I reach for the wardrobe to hold for balance, my hand slips. He’s quick to grab my arm, making a grunting sound when pulling me up. He’s got fast reflexes for someone who’s drunk so much. As I get my balance back, he grabs a pack from his pocket, opening it and letting me pull a cigarette out. 

“Got a lighter?” I ask. He smiles, taking the cylinder off my hand and holding it up to my lips. His eyebrows rise, and I take it as a sign to part my lips, leading to him placing cigarette in my mouth. His hand grabs hold of my chin, pulling me closer. He leans over, letting his burning end touch the end of mine. 

“Inhale” he whispers between teeth. I comply, lighting my own through his. I stare up at him, locking eyes. He doesn’t move away. Instead, his thumb shifts from my chin to my lips, caressing lightly. I’m drunk, he’s drunk, we don’t know what we’re doing. I pull away, away from his face and hand. 

“So we didn’t need a lighter” I say, leaning over to the window and blowing the smoke outside. He stands beside me, leaning over so we’re in the same position, arms brushing against each other. 

“You’re cold”, he tells me, looking up worried. His hand moves to my arm, grabbing. He’s warm, too warm. I sigh when he touches me, involuntary. Fuck. I blush, hoping he thinks my redness is due to the cold. 

“I don’t feel it”, I respond. A lie, but it’s okay. I’ll survive. 

“Damn, drank that much?” he says, walking over to the closet. 

“Not my fault”

“Really”, he sounds surprised. Walking back to me, a flannel shirt in hand. 

“The others are plotting” I state, as I put my hands out, letting him put it on me. When he finishes, he doesn’t button it, but leaves it open. 

“Plotting what?”

“Trying to get us together”

“Really? My sisters’ are in it too?”

“At least one of them”

“Shameless people. Trying to get her brother and best friend together”

“Yeah I know” I laugh, turning away and looking out the window once again. I take a few more drags of the cigarette, using too long, making it almost go out. He starts a new conversation. 

“You know, I thought about asking you out once”. I look surprised at him, he has his signature smirk plastered on. It’s my turn to be curious. 

“And?” He turns to me, looking down, I don’t know if he’s looking down my shirt or on my waist. 

“Well, friend group shit. Didn’t want to fuck it up”. My heart falls a bit, a heavy feeling in my chest. 

“Smart choice” I manage to answer. 

“I guess”. He sounds oddly disappointed, and I force myself to be more forward. 

“Especially since I would’ve said yes”

“What?” he asks, taking my cigarette and throwing it out the window. 

“Hey!”

“It was basically out anyway. But are you for real?” he continues, brows furrowed, and hands grabbing my shirt on each side of my waist. My face gets hot, arms wanting to feel him. 

“Yeah-”. Before I’m able to fulfil my answer, he drags me into him, chest to chest, meeting my lips in a sloppy kiss. Shocked, I pull away, walking a few steps back. I still hold onto the counter for balance, looking at him. He’s breathing heavily, a bit surprised by my response, and a little hurt. 

“Sorry, I got the signs wrong” he says, looking down. I take a breath, calming myself. 

“Is this a prank?”

“What”

“Is this a prank?” I say a bit louder, nearly shouting. Probably I am, I just don’t realize it. 

“Why would you think that?” he asks, a bit angry. 

“Because Jess and Emily were talking about some type of prank and people were getting me drunk and-” I ramble, breathing starting to get unsteady. I’m unsure about how to continue. I’m getting dizzy, needing to lay down. Josh notices. As my vision goes blurry, arms take hold of me, quickly moving me to the bed. My head is pounding, but the room doesn’t spin as much anymore. An arm is holding my head up a bit, and I feel a cold glass touch my lips. Instinctively I open my mouth, drinking the whole glass of water. He lays down beside me, and I can feel myself drifting off. 

When I wake up, it’s still dark outside. Josh is sleeping, so I make my way to the bathroom. The nausea is catching up, and I make myself vomit. Several times. Luckily, this means I’ll probably be spared in the morning. My head feels lighter, in a good way. When I’m done, I drink some more water and brush my teeth. I feel refreshed, and a little happy that was it. I don’t need to be stressed about being sick. 

As I walk out in the hallway again, I hear voices downstairs. They’re still up. I look at the clock, and notice I was only out for about half an hour. I decide not to join them. I’ve gotten enough tonight. As I make my way in the hallway, I notice Josh’s door which I didn’t close behind me. I walk over, looking inside. Josh is up, sitting on the side of his bed with his head in his hands. I walk inside, closing the door behind me. He doesn’t turn. 

“Hey” I say, trying to put on a light tone. 

“Hey”. His voice is emotionless, nothing to analyse, nothing to take from it. I walk over, sitting down in front of him on my knees. He still doesn’t look at me, only right down between his legs. 

“Can we talk?” I ask. He finally lifts his face, looking into my eyes. Before I can begin, he starts. 

“Do you really think I would do something like that?”

“What?”

“Toying with your feelings. Being part of Jess’ and Emily’s schemes?” Now it’s my turn to look down, shame filling my chest. 

“I was so drunk Josh, still am, but I panicked, and spiralled…” I feel a tear run down the corner of my eye. I was not planning on crying, but this night had been more eventful and emotional than most. He doesn’t hesitate to dry them, catching each one with his thumbs. 

“I know, now I’m the one spiralling, sorry” he whispers. I lean forward, hugging him around his waist. He hugs me back. 

“I didn’t mean to pull away”, I explain, not being brave enough to look him in the eyes while confessing. He pulls me away, looking at me. I can’t decipher his face, something hopeful maybe, but not too much. It’s now or never, I must tell him. Before he can ask, I get up, lean forward, and kiss him. He doesn’t back away, instead he grabs my thighs, leading me on top of him, still on the edge of the bed. The kiss is sloppy, as we’re still drunk and a bit dizzy. His hands wander to my waist, grabbing hold of the top of my bottoms. I bite his bottom lip, making him grunt in response. 

“Fuck” he mutters. Grabbing harder, making me gasp. He uses the opportunity to put his tongue in my mouth. I let him. He moves his hands, signalling me to grind on him, and I do. I want him. Bad. My body warms up, the window’s still open, but I can’t feel the cold. As I move on him, he pulls off his own flannel, before dragging my shirt off. I do the same to him. Feeling him up from the lower part of his muscular stomach to his shoulders. My breathing quickens, feeling every curve of his body with my fingertips, trying to memorise it all. He's warm, tense but calm, and I melt into his touch. I lean forward to capture his lips again, and he meets me halfway. I can feel myself getting wetter by the minute, and before I know it, he turns us around, laying my back on the bed, hovering over me. He leans down again, kissing my collar and neck. I can’t help the whines that come out of me. I feel needy, hot. I need him. He stops by my breasts, looking up. 

“Do you want this?” he asks. 

“Yes Josh, please. I want you” 

He smiles in response, and I can’t help but mirror it. 

***

Loud bangs are heard on the door. I wake up with a headache, but luckily no nausea. I poke Josh, making him wake up abruptly, grabbing his head, a painful look on his face. His headache seems worse than mine. 

“Someone’s in the hallway” I say, leaning down and kissing his head. 

“Fuck” he whispers. “Let’s get this over with”

“What is it?” he shouts through the door. 

“Josh, we need you!” I hear Mike shout. “Your sisters are missing!”

[quibbs126]

So I was attempting to practice the Cyberverse style Optimus and Megatron, though as you can see, I got a bit distracted at the bottom left, and sort of just had to put something else to fill up space

I actually started practicing yesterday at work, drawing on my cardboard sheets, so it meant I was a bit more practiced when I started here. Though annoyingly, since I elected to not go over my pencil sketches with pen, I could barely make out details in the drawings, and I could barely tell what I was doing on Megatron

It was also going to be more than just their heads, but not only was Optimus’ body taking up most of the canvas already, I wasn’t really sure how to draw it at the time. The stuff at the bottom right may have been for filling up space, but I also did need to try and at least practice their bodies

*sigh* the real struggle is making them 3D things. It’d be so much easier to figure out the shapes if I didn’t have to. But oh well, comes with the territory I suppose

But back to it, I think I did alright with the head sketches? They aren’t bad, but they feel slightly off, like I haven’t quite got them looking right

I probably need more practice, and to actually draw them full body. Also probably wouldn’t hurt to look at more Cyberverse fanart for more exposure to the style

I probably also need to start actually drawing characters more consistently, instead of drawing sketches of characters once and then never doing it again. It means I never fully get the hang of it and I keep not really making much of substance

But yeah, I feel like drawing them again at a later date, possibly even with lineless. I just don’t know what to draw them doing

But anyways, on to the bottom left

So I had finished the sketches, and my brain was like “well since we’re here, and we have helm designs right there, we could try making up fankid designs?” and eventually I gave in and decided to start sketching. I knew it’d end up on the final product anyways, but I had to give in to my impulses

Sorry, I’m sure people are sick of me bringing up this sort of stuff

Then with my first attempt, I ended up with something I actually quite liked. So I was like, might as well fully line and color

I still like the original sketch, so I’m gonna put it here, and also since I feel like the vibes are slightly different from the final

But then a problem arose after lining and going to colors. Namely that I had designed this on a whim and I had no deep thought as to what colors to use

After some tries I ended up with what you see here, but I’m not sure if I want to keep these colors. I’m not sure it fits the vibe the original sketch had

The blue middle piece I’m especially not sure on. I think it looks off, but I don’t know what to color it

Oh also, his purple isn’t exclusive to his helm, it’s his main color for the rest of his body too. At least that’s how it is in my head right now

Also as you may notice between the sketch and final, the eye shadow came later, mostly because I thought he didn’t have enough Megatron in his face. But also because of that, I hadn’t made the eyes and eyebrows with that in mind. So if I draw him again, those’ll get tweaked

I still in general don’t know if he looks enough like Megatron. I suppose I should be wondering more if he should look more like Optimus, since general shape wise he takes far more from Megs, but I’m also aware plenty of his colors stray more towards Optimus anyways

Oh yeah also, he has blue eyes here, but I really don’t know about that. I wanted to give him something other than blue or red, purple being my initial choice, but I was struggling with the colors in general and so right now he has blue. It works but I wonder if it looks too much like a fusion of their eyes

He needs more work, just like Overdrive I think. But he is here

No clue his name. I wasn’t even sure about his gender until drawing made me think “oh yeah that’s a guy”. I do have a name in my brain for a megop kid, that being Starcutter (which the two probably didn’t pick), but I don’t know if that works for him

I do think I’m going with that idea I posed yesterday (well not yesterday, but yesterday I said “what if I put it in Cyberverse?”) of him being the secret megop love child that no one but Megs knows about

I don’t know anything about him other than he’s probably on the Autobot half of Cybertron but was never really involved in the war much. To involve him in any plot, he probably comes over to Iacon after the war to try and make some name for himself

Also another idea is that he and Megatron met again during his multiverse adventures, in some universe where he was actually raised by Megatron, possibly where the Autobots and Decepticons never split because Optimus was able to properly reason with Megatron. They didn’t take him on their multiverse adventures, probably because Megatron knows he exists in his own universe and doesn’t know how to handle two versions, but also possibly because he died, I don’t know. But it was these encounters that led to Megatron attempting to search him out when he returned to his own universe. This also means Dead End and maybe Astrotrain knows about the kid’s existence, but they’re under the assumption they only exist in these wildly different universes, not their own. Which may lead to shenanigans

But yeah I haven’t solidified anything else really I don’t think. Should work on a name

And I think that’s about it for now? Yeah I should draw more Cyberverse I guess

[the-s1lly-corner]

hello! Im one(1) of the anons that requested the jane doe reader and i thought of a funny scenario

So the character of jane doe was basically decapitaded so, imagine if reader's head isnt atached to their body, and can take their head off .

The tadc cast react to the reader taking off their head and then putting It back on like nothing. Tyy!!!

( remember to rest and drink wáter) :)

TADC cast x a reader with a detachable head!

oh hoho this one is going to be fun because my TADC oc can do the same thing, can take their limbs and head off at will and as needed; so i may or may not let my excitement show in this post and use my oc as a placeholder.. i definitely will.. which reminds me, i have a sketch of my ocs human design as well as a messy ref of their digital body... i have got to draw them more.. maybe ill finish the human sketch sometime today after this post... speaking of this post! this is the last request in my inbox ! after this im gonna take a break for a bit then reopen requests! do not send in requests at this time, please! (this goes for everyone regardless of fandom </3)

CAINE:

technically i think you could consider him with a detachable head... because i dont... think he has a neck... so technically.. not phased at all, he has seen things from various different circus members.. but lets say you came before zooble, and you were also the first circus member who could do that... i think he would be really into it and be amused. probably flies right up to you chattering about that little trick of yours

POMNI:

uncomfy by it, i think it would take her a while to get used to it... i think she would be the same with zooble thanks to the "these are people" thing, with the only reason she didnt freak out at zoobles dismemberment in the pilot being because she was preoccupied with her panic and confusion of this new setting

RAGATHA:

mildly uncomfortable anytime it happens but no where near as uncomfortable as pomni, since she has had her time to get used to a bunch of weird stuff in the circus; both from the circus itself as well as the people in it.. will guide your body to your head if theres ever a scenario where the two get separated.. hand holding... smiles

JAX:

probably tries to convince you to leave your head in someones room or in a box and have some poor unsuspecting person open it.. i think that would scare anyone, even if they were used to your headless activities... probably laughs at your body wandering aimlessly trying to find your head if theres an occasion where it was forcefully knocked off.. probably nudges your head away... this only really works if your body has to blindly fumble and you having to telepathically guide it towards you instead of it just going into autopilot and knowing where you are automatically and has zero struggle beelining for the head... but fumbling... funny

KINGER:

owoo!! jumpscare!/ref

honestly i think sometimes he just rolls with it and other times hes bothered by it; really depends on how hes feeling that day... but i think the majority is that hes used to it thanks to zooble... has probably run off with your head on accident when he meant to run off with you as a whole, usually in the face of danger during an IHA...

ZOOBLE:

completely unphased by it since they can pretty much do the same thing! there isnt really much to be said since zooble neither feels this way or that in regards to your little decapitation trick... if they couldnt mess with their own parts though i think they would find your thing cool, though

GANGLE:

depending on what your digital body is themed around i think this would determine how gangle would feel about it... like zooble is mismatched and is seen taking out their antennae as well as their limbs being snagged off by jax... with zooble, is makes sense, they look like a mismatched mess of different parts.. so if you were something that could reasonably do the same thing i think she can overlook it... now the first time would still be a shock, no doubt about it, regardless of theme.. very careful whenever theres a reason they need to get close to your head, she does not wanna knock it off and potentially upset you

[sonicboomrevisited]

THE WEEKLY CHECK-IN

Issue 2 Updates:

7/22 Pages have been fully inked

I know, I know--only one page in a week? Pick up the slack, Multi! Don't worry; it's because I've been working on something special for Christmas ;)

Page 8 is in the inking phase. My main goal is to get the first half of the comic (pages 1-11) all finished before Christmas. That way I can work on the later half in January to be ready for February!

Issue 1 Page 16 WIPS:

Let's take a step a few pages forward from last week to look at a page that didn't change that much from beginning to end!

The Initial Sketch: The fun thing about this page, I would think, is seeing how ridiculous some of my sketched out faces for intense moments are! Originally Amy was going to yell at Sticks along with Tails. I believe the dialogue she had was a bit repetitive and I had wanted to give Tails some time to shine since he hadn't gotten much in the comic thus far. You can also see Sticks was originally meant to crash face first into something akin to a fruit stand. But then I remembered the ice cream cart and that made it into the final page instead!

Final Ink: Again, I wish I saved the in between sketches, but oh well. You can see here I have the electricity on Sonic colored blue. I do that so its visually distinct from everything else I need to color and so I can get a sense of how it is going to glow. You may also notice there's some extra effects in panel 2 that were removed in the final. I thought I would need them originally to emphasize what was happening, but color made the panel pop enough that it wasn't really needed. Panel 2 is also one of the only times I phoned a friend to help me with the art. I was struggling to visualize how the skin would pull as Sticks yanked on Sonic's ear pieces. I remember him telling me this final design might be a bit too grotesque for a PG comic once colored, but I thought it was too cool to leave out XD

Color: And here we are! I'm sure you guys will appreciate a look at panel 2 without text. Again, it was the hardest panel to get right out of this whole page! Shout out to Sticks, though, for being the easiest. She's such a fun character to draw.

Let me know what WIPS from Issue 1 you'd like to see next and please look forward to Christmas! :)

[crescencestudio]

๋࣭⭑ Devlog #39 | 3.27.24 ๋࣭⭑

Happy March!!

This devlog is going to be a bit shorter, but...... it's for Exciting Reasons that I will share later in the post. heh.....heh.....HEH.....

Let's jump in ^^

This month, writing was mostly dedicated to Etza's route! We have officially entered the Developmental Editing part of Etza's route, which is super exciting!!!

There were parts of Etza's route I wasn't completely satisfied with, so I spent a lot of this month tinkering, adding, fleshing out, editing, etc. for their route. I'm happier with it now compared to where it was when we entered this month, and especially with Wudgey's help, I'm excited for Etza to get the love they deserve!

I had a small, optional goal for myself to start Kuna'a's route, but honestly, I felt like between work with the Enhanced Demo, Etza's edits, and just generally feeling a bit tired after being Super Productive in January and February, I decided to give myself a break. That being said, I'm relatively confident I'll be getting started with Kuna'a's route next month, and I'm excited to dive into their route (and the Fae routes in general, teehee!).

Vui is on the very last of the BGs I need from him..... So I am in mourning.......

Kidding but not kidding. Vui has done an amazing job of putting the backgrounds for Alaris together! They're absolutely stunning, and by the time we get to the next devlog, he will have finished ALL of the BGs for Alaris! It's been about a year and a half in the making, which is kinda crazy to think we have been together for this long (and working on the full game for this long), but it's definitely A Moment.

In celebration of him reaching this milestone, I wanted to highlight some of the BGs he's made for the game! The theme is early morning; some of these BGs are in the demo, and some are in the full game hehe. You'll have to guess the context of the mysterious full game BGs :')

Sneak Peek: BG Showcase, morning strolls around the world of Alaris

I also thought it's been a while since I showcased a CG here. While I don't play on showcasing many of the full game CGs on public devlogs (I do show them on my Patreon!), I wanted to show a little snippet of this specific CG.

Why, you ask? Well, for the OGs, you might remember I showed a sketch of the CG during the Alaris Kickstarter---whenever the hell THAT THING happened.

I finished rendering it now that I got the BG for it, so I wanted to show a peek of that sketch that I showed oh-so-many-years ago.

Sneak Peek: Kayn Full Route CG I want to lick him

Generally for art progress, I've been working on CGs as well as some promotional materials, which I'll be getting to in the next section \o/

Now for the Exciting News!!!!

I have two bits of exciting news. The first is...

Sneak Peek: Selection Screen for Alpha/Beta Access (OUUUUGGGGGHHHHH)

I STARTED CODING KAYN'S ROUTE!!!! The first act is already "done" and ready for beta access. And I'm hoping to finish the other two acts within the next couple of weeks. It is crazy to finally be able to code some of the full game routes. Even if they're not at the "final version" or early access stage, it is Extremely Rewarding to finally experience the scripts I've been writing in the game!!! With the CGs.... Extended Screens..... Just seeing the script with visual assets and not just a Google Doc is SOOOOO FSEIKLFJSEILE

Sneak Peek: Chapter Character Cards (AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)

The second piece of Exciting News is that I have a release date for the Enhanced Demo. YEEEEAAAAAA. It's finally happening!!! Please stay tuned over the next couple of days...... An Exciting Announcement is on its way...................................

I didn't do much market research this month. If I'm being honest, I actually struggled a little bit this month with like...... burnout and workaholism guilt. I wanted to take a break after getting the demo ready for public release, but I just couldn't bring myself to fully rest. It felt like there was so much to do (not just with Alaris, but also with real world/work obligations) and all these looming deadlines was starting to get to me.

I'm hoping next month because I'll actually be Releasing the demo (oops, sneak peek of general release date teehee!), I'll be able to feel like I can take a break. But it also sucks a bit that I feel like I have to Earn It. I think with Alaris being a Kickstarter project, I want to get the game in your hands as soon as possible, but of course it's not to anyone's benefit if I burn myself out in the process and end up with either a worser project or taking even longer to finish it.

I did...... start Stardew Valley again since it is the ultimate dissociation/break game for me. So far it's been working! But we'll see how it continues <3

LOOK AT MY FARM!!!

Should I marry Sebastian or Elliot.

Anyways, hope you all have a great rest of your month, and I'll talk to you Very Soon with an Exciting Announcement! <3

[priintiisor]

uhh kinda forgot to post this for a few days but anyways- for the 2 people who care to read all of this

the struggles of making neglected space

part 2: somehow i didn t die making it

part 1

so, when i make animatics (or in this case a pmv, whatever), i usually have the idea for a while before i have the time and motivation to actually draw all of it, but i also have shit memory, so usually i make a little "storyboard", not really a proper storyboard, mostly just little extremly messy sketches (usually no one else can tell what s meant to be happening in them), not even to work out the composition, just so i won t forget what i wanted to go over which part of the song.

neglected space technically had a storyboard, from all the way back in october 2023 when i originally started working on it. i made it in ms paint one night and it s absolutely wonderful. you can see it but good luck making anything out

the colors mostly don t mean anything. i was losing my mind a little bit. the shots are numbered cuz i tried to count them to see how insane i d go drawing it

as you can probably tell from the previous attempts at making it, the idea for this pmv was always pretty similar to how it ended up looking (my composition ideas are and have always been boring), but a few shots had changed from how i d originally planned them out in that storyboard so i wanted to make a new one. i didn t have the energy for that however, so i made a sort of script instead. much like my so called storyboards, the script was mostly nonsense (it was just meant for me to not forget what idea i had). here s some of my favorite lines from it

(the things written in italics are the song s lyrics)

and my absolute favorite,

saint. just saint. that was the script for the whole part with saint in it (i just had the shots in my head and this was all i needed to remember what goes on this part. but still it s funny)

usually, i draw my animatics in the order in which the shots will actually appear in it (and either i edit everything at the end of edit every few shots as i finish them). however, i knew that i wanted to make this thing beautiful and fully rendered and it is 4 and a half minutes long, and that s a lot of work. in some of my other animatics (for example, i think it s really obvious in the fall) you can kind of tell at which parts i started to get bored of working on it, and i didn t want this to happen with this one. so what i did is i slip it into parts- exactly the way that maps work, each part was between 10 and 20 seconds long, there were 21 of them in total- and i did those in a random order. i don t remember the order i ended up doing them in, all i can tell you is i did the first part (the first 4 shots, up to the one with the title in it) last, because i had drawn those 4 times already and i was TIRED of them lol

you can still kind of tell on which parts i was tired (like, i m so mad, srs is in this thing for ONE SHOT and it turned out so bad, but oh well) but it s not a big section of it, so it s not as obvious

as for actually drawing it. there wasn t a lot of planning for how the style of this was meant to look. in fact it originally wasn t going to be this detailed- the first shot i did is the one with artificer in underhang (the "the air in here ages me ungracefully" bit) and i think you can tell that one is slightly simpler than the rest. i just wanted it to be really pretty and it got out of hand.

thing is. i m not actually that great at drawing backgrounds. half of the reason the backgrounds in this pmv are so good is because i VERY heavily refrenced from the game, because fuck it, this game is beautiful and it s my fanart i do what i want. but yeah, all the background were drawn constantly at a screenshot, all the colors in those backgrounds are directly colorpicked from the game. i m pretty sure you could figure out exactly which rooms i refrenced in each shot. you could play rain world geoguessr with this thing if you wanted to- the only exception is the shot with rivulet on "where doorways with no doors stage a ballet of leaves", that shot is meant to be happening in the remains of the gate to outer expanse (idk if you can tell in the final thing, but oh well), i stole the colors from the furthest point of subterannean that rivulet can go to but i just made up what it looked like (it s meant to be bits of broken metal because i m pretty sure it s implied the gate just collapsed into outer expanse?? idk i m not a lore nerd, i thought it looked cool)

i made this thing in clip studio paint and paint tool sai, i used 2 different programs because each one has one brush that i really like so yeah i just changed between them. mostly the characters were drawn in csp, the backgrounds in sai and then i did whatever fancy blurring i wanted to do in csp

and now, this is called the struggles of making this thing, so time for me to complain about very specific things no one cares about

for some reason i decided that i wanted to have the lineart be slightly blurry. how i achieved that is copying the lineart layer (sometimes making it a different color) and blurring it. do you know how annoying it is to do that to EVERY SINGLE DRAWING. especially the shots that were a little bit animated and had like 6 different frames.

the compositions in this are very basic, partially because the game is 2d so i usually imagine shots of it in 2d, mostly because i am incapable of drawing things in perspecitive. the one shot of the underhang gate with survivor and monk fucking tortured me i spent like 3 hours just figuring out how it should work. also i realised that shot doesn t actually make a lot of sense because realistically there would be a wall blocking your view from the angle but shhhh

speaking of my struggles with perspective FUCK iterator puppet rooms. it s literally a box with a grid on it. AND sloped edges, just to make it worse. sometimes you can kinda bullshit perspective but it s LITERALLY JUST  A FUCKING GRID. fuck that. shoutouts to my sibling who did the lines on some of the shots for me cuz i was struggling. but at least i now have the funniest answer to "what is you least favorite room in rain world". the "save me the ache of slow decay" shot turned out really cool tho. idk what possesed me when i drew that one (it s one of my favorite lines of the song when it comes to how well it fits rw so i wanted that shot to look really cool, so i m glad it worked out)

also at some point my sibling asked me if i want them to do some of the backgrounds for me because, and i qoute, "i m pretty sure you are going to die otherwise" (they didn t, btw, i was almost done eith it at that point and just went naaahhh i got this)

i also really like how the shots for the part with saint turned out (if you couldn t tell by the fact i have one of them as my banner thing on tumblr lol). idk, the snow was fun to draw

when i was figuring out which shots go where in the final version i realised that i had every scug in it except gourmand, and i love gourmand, we couldn t not have them, so i put them in the weird black bg white lines flashback sequence

what i did NOT realise however, is that srs is in this for one shot and sos is in this for one shot and nsh isn t. (not counting inv and nightcat cuz they re not real) nsh is the only character that isn t in this. and i just think that s kind of funny. next animatic s gonna be about them to make up for it :] (unless i give up on that animatic. hopefully not. we will see)

i never got so burnt out while making this thing that i gave up on it (again, i was kinda doing it so detailed just because fuck it i can) but after i finished it i was like I AM NEVER DRAWING A BACKGROUND AGAIN.

also. i drew these little guys. so fuckin cute. like i m sorry to be admiring my own drawings but fr i was editing this thing a few months after i d drawn it and looking at my drawing of pebbles like why are you so small. who let you be so small.

and yeah i worked a lot on this thing. as i said i basically spent my entire summer drawing this. the rule was that i need to do 2 shots per day (i did some math at some point that if i did that i d have time to finish it. i m not that bad at math, but still kinda surprising it actually worked), and mostly i stuck to that. i really wanted to make this thing. i think there were like 3 weeks in total where i didn t do anything. i think a shot took me on average about 3 hours, counting breaks? so yeah this is truly what i did this summer

and then there is editing! which i definitely didn t put off for 2 months- ok to be fair in october i was working on the terrible things animatic cuz i wanted to get it done for halloween but still.

i actually quite enjoy editing. i use a free program called kdenlive that sometimes just decides it doesn t want to let you use an effect and sometimes refuses to render things properly but it s mostly pretty good

i recently discovered how to use blur and. the blur abuse in this one was real. the blur abuse shall continue into the future.

also, sometimes i edit entire animatics on a single file. but neglected space is 4 mimutes long and there s a lot of moving parts, and i don t trust either my laptop or my editing program to not crash, so i edited it in parts, rendered those, and then edited them together. it was kind of a pain, but probably less of a pain than if it had crashed like 20 times and messed up the rendering

also!! the subtitles. god the subtitles. so i wanted to have subtitles because this song s words are kinda hard to hear sometimes and they fit rain world so well and i wanted people to appreciate my artistic genius- but also because in my head it was meant to be that some characters are saying some of the lines. and. i can t really make that obvious because these fuckers don t have mouths (insert ihnmaims reference). but they do have canonical colors that they speak in!! so i can use that, that s cool!! (side tangent btw it kinda makes me mad that people sometimes use colors to represent the iterators but they use pink for pebbles and blue for moon, like 

i know that s more obvious and the blue might be confusing otherwise but please!!!! they have canonical colors!!! that they speak in in the broadcasts and it s the color of their overseers and the funny lights come on guys!! use them!!!) (side side tangent fun fact pebbles has like 3 different shades of blue, there s the overseer color, and then the broadcast color is weirdly a lot more greenish, and arguably the rot might also blue cuz that s his color but it s a lot darker for some reason. and then there s also purple rot cuz why not. i just think it s funny)

anyways so subtitles- now, my editing program technically can do subtitles (i used it for the terrible things animatic), but.. it doesn t let me make them fade out and overlap and stuff.. we can t have this, i need my subtitles to be cool.. so what did i do? i wrote them out in csp and i saved each and every line of those subtitles as a png and put it in. there are 111 pngs just for the subtitles.

if there s any typos in the subtitles that s not on me, that s on my 3 friends who got to see it a few days before i posted it for not telling me

i maaaaayyyyy or may not have slightly changed some of the lyrics of the song in the subtitles- listen. from what i ve seen no one can agree on what the words in this song are. maybe there s official lyrics somewhere and i didn t look in the right places but istg there are just some lines where everyone says it s something different. mostly i just went with what i first thought it said

one notable thing however is that there is a line in the song that goes "slithers of wistful window gazes glint in borrowed light". i, for (probably obvious) reasons, first thought it said slivers, and i was like ah, works perfectly, it s sliver of straw. in my defense tho- i looked up what the word slither means in this context and.

so yeah i think i m allowed to change that one

so as i said i have a kind of stupid way of making animatics, i draw everything, then i save the parts as pngs and then i edit them together. there s probably better ways to do it but anyways. here is some numbers for you

unless i am failing at counting (very possible) in total this ended up having 85 shots. and other than the subtitles there are 443 pngs

the name of the folder where i kept all the files for this is called "another attempt at neglected space". obviously i had very high hopes i d actually finish it. other folder names include: "wooo", "kill me", "pngs (kill me p2)", "the wonderful world of pngs", "ruffles your whiskers are killing me", "kill me p3 (wait no saint don t-)", "for the last time, pngs", "yes" and the complementary "no", and "editing (god help me)"

so uhh.. i think that is all. thank you for reading my unhinged ramblings.

also this thing has like 5000 views on youtube now. that s insane. it s gotten recommended to me on my other account which i think is really funny. i was fully prepared for it to get like 20 views. i m so glad the people like it. every comment telling me about how it made them cry brings me indescribable joy, like yeah me too. i m just so happy people see the vision :')

as i said to my friends when they saw it,

also. i recorded almost the entire process of drawing this pmv. why did i do this? idk, i m insane, i thought we d established that. i want to speed it up and make it one giant speedpaint at some point. if i ever actually get around to doing that i might link it here. idk if anyone cares to see but i think it would be cool

[soaps-mohawk]

hey hey hey!! apologies for my disappearance, horses have been difficult since it's suddenly gotten so hot in england ☹️

i am RABID. oh my god, oh my god, i was giggling and kicking my feet and rolling around for that whole chapter.

i could've jumped for joy at reader calling john daddy. i actually rejoiced, felt that need deep in my damn soul. and johnny? the sketching?? i was holding on for dear life. i am definitely not getting this chapter out of my brain!!!

it was so good, i'm foaming at the mouth, and literally have no words. i ate it all up immediately. and the way i could've SCREAMED when johnny dropped the L BOMB!!!! urrrrghh my sweet baby 🙏 and this chapter was (aside from the mild panic) so wholesome!! all the tickles and teasing and everything made me so happy. i love each and every well thought out relationship between reader and the boys. you are a literal genius!! i also did giggle at the ending, that was super good.

anyways pookster, how've you been?? i've missed being on tumblr!! i hope all is well and that your weekly breaks are doing you good 💞

- 🪐

Don't apologize!!! People have their lives and get busy. I completely understand. (I also understand your horses because I also get difficult when it's hot out 😭)

Mhm feral energy continues. I did say it would 🤭

Y'all got me thinking about daddy kinks and then it just slipped out and I had to go with it 😂 Johnny sketching while getting a blow job was original to this chapter lol. I knew I wanted it to happen soon and it was the right time. The daddy kink was not but I was influenced lol.

I originally was going to have the reader drop the L bomb on Johnny but then I was like...nah he'd so say it first lol.

Aww thank you!!!! I just love this story and these characters so much 🥺 they're so fun to play with and explore.

I've been alright. Struggling a bit with my meds, but what's new 🤷‍♀️ the weekly breaks are helping. Gives me time to chill out and (usually) work on finishing the chapter without the distractions on tumblr.

[most-normal-eccles-cake-ignorer]

Darkness Lane by Joan Hassall [ x ] - the piece that most inspired my recent woodcut-style piece.

When I found out I was drawing for @gorgeousundertow's regency AU fic, Half Agony, Half Hope, as part of the @ineffableidiotsbigbang, I started looking up Jane Austen novel illustrations for inspiration and ended up finding some really cool art and websites! I'm posting about some of the images and resources I found because I think it may be interesting to others too (and even if it isn't, I'll have gotten the infodump out of my system haha).

Illustrations from Mansfield Park by Joan Hassall [ x ]

The link above points to a gallery on pemberley.com which has deliciously old-school DIY website HTML and a wealth of Jane Austen illustrations, as well as references for regency clothing. This was where I discovered Joan Hassall's work and decided I wanted to do a woodcut style piece (and then subsequently regretted it many times during the process of making it because I had no idea what I was doing). The detail, visual texture and dramatic lighting in her work is so cool and I just got more obsessed the more I saw.

See more Joan Hassall on tumblr via @uwmspeccoll (a very cool account!) here, here, and here.

The gallery on pemberley.com also had a bunch of Charles Edmund Brock illustrations, which I could not get enough of and so returned to the searchpage and found Molland's Circulating-Library. SO COOL! Jane Austen fans have bought illustrated editions of her novels and uploaded scans of them and oh my gosh they are all so beautiful.

Northanger Abbey watercolour illustrations by C.E. Brock [ x ]

Side note about Henry Tilney (Catherines' love interest in NA), I also came across this old fan page for him from a mostly-broken-links-now site called THE CULT OF DA MAN and um it's great haha, check it out. (reviews of artists representations of him, more delicious HTML, and pixel art (!) of da aforementioned man)

There's also an article on Molland's about Charles and Henry Brock and their Jane Austen works that I found interesting. Charles is better known and did far more JA illustrations, but I do really enjoy Henry's tinted line pieces! (the article also dunks on some bad reproductions of them haha)

Pride & Prejudice tinted line illustrations by H.M. Brock [ x ]

C.E. Brock also did really cool title pages and when I found out that fic banners were a thing I knew what I wanted to do! (with the help of the symmetry tool and undo haha, so much respect for traditional art)

Title pages illustrated by C.E. Brock [ x ] and my banner - the banner design uses elements of both of the Brock images.

So, research in hand/bookmarks folder and banner completed, I decided on a scene from Chapter 10 where our beloveds are standing beside the Thames in the moonlight after walking around London for hours together and talking (CUTE). I wasn't sure what buildings to include in the background, so @gorgeousundertow gave me a few suggestions: Old Southwark Bridge, London Bridge, Southwark Cathedral, and Clink Prison. I realized after a bit of sketching that bridges would be hard to show with the straight-on view I wanted to do, so I decided on the Cathedral, partially because I had also considered drawing a scene that takes place in Salisbury Cathedral in Ch. 7.

OK BUT HOW? I struggled finding reference images for a while until I realized this was LONDON and would be very Google Earth-able. Big ups to Frank Cosgrove, whoever they are, for uploading this haha. This was also where I found out that all the suggestions were from a very small area!

View of Borough High Street, London, 1830, by George Scharf [ x ]

The building in front of the cathedral looked too new, so I went searching for an older image and found the second image. It's a completely different angle but it was enough to get me past the 'oh no idk what do'.

the much brighter concept vs the much darker finished product, featuring a barely-visible Southwark Cathedral

While looking for images of the Thames pre-Google Earth, I also found this website called Dictionary Of Victorian London which has a whole bunch of old images and excerpts from newspapers, etc on a variety of topics. One of the categories, Sex > 'unnatural offences', had this excerpt from The Times (1863), which reads:

Thomas Lane, a coffeehouse keeper, No.9, Love-lane, Eastcheap, city, and James Mortimer, a seaman, were charged with unlawfully meeting each other to commit an unnatural offence. ... The Magistrate committed both prisoners for trial.

Ugh. I hate that so much. Some sexy stuff happens right after the moment I'd chosen, and reading that reminded me that such things would be much more comfortable and safe in darkness (or if ppl just stopped being homophobic, but barring that). I wanted them to feel alone, like the whole world was asleep and it was just them, outside of time.

With that in mind, the iconic Thames Walk Lamp had to go bye bye, and when rendering the background I tried to minimize any light - it's just the suggestion of buildings. I also added tree cover! I tried to imitate how Joan Hassall does trees in some of her artwork, but when she rendered trees like this they were usually farther away/smaller, so my version looks more stylized with how prominent they are.

The ribbon border and book quote presentation is of course more Brock, but by making it black and having the interior image use it as a border instead of a fade-out inside it, I made it a bit of a reference to the very cool foliage edges you see in the very first Hassall image at the top.

I used the procreate brushes from this post on the Procreate Folio forums if anyone wants to try them!

Also fun fact! The font for the quote is called Chanson D'Amour <3 (I initially downloaded it when making the banner before changing the banner font to one called Dark & Black)

------

That's all I have to say about the process for the piece, but here's a comic from Dictionary Of Victorian London, Thames > Sanitary condition that I thought was cute (and gross ig? but also cute):

a Punch comic from 1850, I can't link the page due to how the website URL system works but it's from the Thames > Sanitary condition page

[crappyyuki]

Bryan with lava eyes :DDD

It’s been a while since I fully colored smth :,)

Here’s the Sketch and the one with a background!

I attempted to make lava. I’m not sure if it went well lmao.

I also don’t know how to draw or render muscles but BUFF BRYAN SUPREMACY!

HE IS SLIGHTLY TONED BUT HE CAN FLATTEN A STONE FUCKING COUNTER THATS CANON FIGHT ME

Honestly, I’m not sure if I can write this AU. With confidence I mean. I already got like a 15k word outline going on and it’s still going and it’s been like that for the past 3 years. Yeah. Pretty crazy. But if I can’t write this then I might resort into posting a bulleted list on what I should’ve written in the betterment of those 3 years instead of making a long ass outline to get it out into the world.

I love this AU, you have no idea, but it is so hard to write. So bear with me. I’ll give a bit of insight into it.

• This is a canon divergence of the canon timeline where instead of Bryan taking the hit, it’s Molten taking the hit. (My guy is not having a great time. Both of them.)

• This AU is canon defiant to the actual lore in Bryan’s series. A lot actually. This is a bit more canon compliant to the Fnaf storyline. Focusing more on spirits and souls than portals and portal magic. Soul juice produced from murdered children. All that good stuff. Don’t get me wrong, I love the series but I wish it focused on the souls of the kids and their stories if only a little.

• Let’s say there are a lot of hidden secrets in the old pizzeria that Bryan would carry to his grave. Most of them is guilt. The other is shame borderlining to self loathing.

• “No one would ever believe you.” :)

• This AU’s pov is also on the animatronics side. Mostly Freddy, Helpy (the old one), and maybe probably Foxy (the Rockstar one) I miss them, okay?

• Pat is around too. Watching over the animatronics while getting deathly afraid of them for a definite period of time before making friends with them because wow, those robots aren’t actually gonna force them into a Freddy Fazbear suit. Why did they listen to a pre-recorded message anyway?

• Jon is the one that stumbles onto the secret. But its not complete. He wonders where he should find the other pieces.

• You know OG Freddy? How he was repaired? Yeah. That part wasn’t the only thing that brought him back to life.

• And the monitor Lefty stole from the pizzeria? Maybe Egg Baby? Wonder whats that for?

• The book that Bryan gave to Twisted Bonnie also changed. Still has the blueprints of the animatronics but of different animatronics.

• “Hmmmm, I wonder what I can do for Baby’s birthday? How can I make it her happiest day of her shortlived li—wait, can I even say that?????”

• Also, does anyone know what happened to Twisted Freddy? Did he just become the wind or what? We’ll see.

• Since Lefty didn’t die, let’s say Shadow Freddy had other places to be. And Twisted Wolf? Honestly forgot about that guy hahaha I’ll think of something.

• Oh! EB (Evil Bryan) is there too! Like actually.

• It’s quite funny to have two short humans going on offense while literal monsters go on support and defense lmao. What a bunch of losers.

• “See you on the flipside!”

• Hey. What’s up with Bryan’s eyes?

That’s all for now. Maybe I’ll post another one or work on a chapter? Who knows…

I can’t promise anything. I can only promise that the next will take a whileeeeeeee, a post or a chapter.

I still have not named this AU and marked it as INSERT TITLE HERE.

And to those that recognize that title, I am so sorry. I literally redid the first 5 chapters, finished 4, then dropped it off at chapter 7-8. Chapter 1-4 are finished but 5-8 is a land mine. I don’t know how to keep it going lmao. No really, it’s a struggle writing this dang thing and I want it out of my head too. I can’t promise any chapters or that I’m working on it because I’m so busy but I did not forget it if thats what you’re thinking. It’s just hard to write. Like really hard. That’s why I focused a bit on oneshots.

One things for sure though. It’s either chapter 5, 6, or 7 BUT—

Minigames. Plus Springtrap.

ITH!Bryan: Oh joy.

Feel free to ask questions about this AU! I’d be happy to answer! (Most of them anyway. Can’t reveal everything.)

[pbandjesse]

I am absolutely shattered today. More exhausted then I have been in a while. I am super glad my workshop tomorrow is not happening anymore because I don't think I could handle it. I am just. So tired.

I didn't sleep amazing again. My ears hurt again. I have had go take out all of my piercing. Which seems to have helped a little bit. But I also absolutely slept through my alarm because I was asleep on top of my phone. Thankfully James woke me up at 715.

I was in a horrible mood though. And I was very snippy. I was in my head telling myself to knock it off but I was having a bad time. I was to hot. I would be okay but it did not start well.

James left for work before me. And I took a few extra minutes to sit and watch my new fish because I read that it can help your blood pressure and I do think it helped a little bit. I was out the door by 755.

I got over to creative alliance and loaded up my wagon. As I walked from the corner where I parked t Creative Alliance Parker pulled up and I was like. Oh hi! And I really tried to put on all my energy. But I was for sure more low energy then normal. I tried but I was struggling.

The classroom was 72 degrees. Which was wild. Parker would realize and fix it pretty quick but it did not help how warm I already was. But it would be okay.

I started setting up my program and slowly the kids started coming in. Including some I knew! One from the nursery I subbed at before and one form puhtok. And everyone was really great.

James had given me a bunch of flattened cardboard boxes from soap being sold at the gift shop. So as the kids came in, some went to draw, and some came to help me assemble the boxes. And it was fun. A nice little way to get to know each other and jump right into making stuff.

They were all really excited about the Rubbermaid tubs of stuff I brought. And I gave them plastic bins to start putting things to the side in case they might want to use them for their dioramas. But we would be breaking into two groups later on so it was no rush.

The kids were really funny. And by the end of the day they had developed their own religion, with one of the older boys, Andrew, becoming the cult leader. It was all around an egg that did not shatter with the others. And then at lunch they went to the park and saw a dead bird and I think there is a chicken and the egg conversation to be had but they just kept chanting. And making art about the egg. Children are so wonderfully weird.

Parker took the kids on a tour of the two buildings first. Which gave me a few minutes to eat my breakfast. But soon they were back and we jumped right in.

We started with taking about what a dioramas was. I wrote things in the board and we discussed what it is, what it's made of, why someone might make one. And they had really great answers. Next we filled out the worksheet I made up with information for thinking about how your diorama will function. Who's in it? What's the environment? What are the materials? We then sketched it and then we made paper models of the ideas. Not everyone did all of these steps, and they really didn't have to. But it was good to work through the ideas.

We had approximately 2 and a half hours for each group. And I found that about half of each group spent the entire time making, while the other half finished in about an hour. So I had to push for adding things. And I would find some books and Legos to entertain the littler ones. But overall I think we did great.

I did struggle when I realized I forgot my hot glue sticks at home. So the first group only had 5 sticks. But they really made it work. Like it wasn't perfect but it was still good. Even if I was stressed. And I would cut my finger in my pocket knife when I was helping cut windows out of boxes. Ouch. It was bleeding pretty bad and I was mad at myself.

But the kids did great. Only a few little finger burns on the hot glue guns. No one seriously injured. And they all worked really hard. It was nice to see.

They had a snack break half way through the morning. I would have my little lunch then since I was planning on quickly driving home to get the hot glue during their lunch half hour.

After their snack some of them finished quickly. Some took the rest of the hour. Other started drawing. I had music going. It was a little tough for me to find music without cursing so we ended up listening to Mitski and Julien Baker all day. Which I enjoyed and I think kept the space calm.

We finished the morning session and Parker collected the other class and my class and I headed to the car.

I quickly drove home. Washed my face and tried to shake off the tired feeling. My feet hurt and it would only get worse. But it was okay. I grabbed the hot glue. Pet Sweetp. And quickly drove back. Got the same parking space even!

They were still at the park for lunch so I enjoyed sitting on the stairs outside. I was out there for like ten minutes when I heard the entire group of children chanting "all hail the dead bird!" Over and over. Children are hilarious.

I did have to ban chanting though because half of my second group was getting very frustrated by the boys repeating and being loud about eggs and I was getting frustrated too. You may worship the egg quietly in your head. I just don't want to hear it anymore.

The afternoon felt long. But I know it was mostly because I was very tired. I still had fun. And really enjoyed seeing what everyone was making. Some of the kids really were great at this project and I was so proud of them. This is for sure a 3rd/4th grade project. But what else it new, that's the age I work best with.

Around 330 we started cleaning up. Some were still working. Some were done. I was slowly cleaning up around them. Teaching some how to properly wash paint brushes. Giving others the job of sweeping. And soon parents were showing up.

As they were getting picked up I thanked them all for coming. One of the kids showed me a magic trick. I got to meet the other teachers who were teaching the kids to do magic tricks which was very neat. And after packing my wagon I was ready to go.

I checked in with Parker before I left. And he just said how awesome he thinks I am and how he loves how I know so many things. To be fair I know a little about a lot of things, and it's hurt me in the past. I remember when I applied for Penland to try and get a residency after college and they said I had to many directions in my portfolio. That I needed to focus. But that was never going to be me I guess. I think I like it better that way.

I held it together until I got home. But I was exhausted. My feet hurt so much. I desperately wanted to lay down.

And that's just what I did. I got home and took my shoes off and got on the couch. And that's where James found me not long after. I was very upset and very tired.

I just kept closing my eyes. But James asked me what I wanted for dinner and I wanted brass tap. It took me a while to get to that answer but I did get there. And it was hard to get up. But James pulled me off the couch and we headed to Towson.

James took us a fun back roads way. And I talked to them about some frustrations I am having and that helped me feel a little better.

We parked in the parking garage at the mall and went to the restaurant. And it wasn't amazing and I felt horrible. But I was happy to be with my James. Even if it was to loud. Ah well.

I still appreciated James trying to make me feel better. The food was fine and I saved the salad for tomorrow. We walked through the mall to go to the car because it had started to rain. And it was nice window shopping but I was very much ready to go home.

When we got back here I got changed and got in the couch. James did some painting for the stairwell. And me and Sweetp have just been resting.

And I am very very much ready for bed now. Thankfully the only plans I have this weekend is to have brunch with Callie tomorrow. She's coming to get me in the morning and we have reservations so I'm hoping it's pretty low stress. And I'm just really looking forward to seeing her. Hopefully I will sleep good and be able to feel amazing tomorrow.

I hope you all feel amazing too. I love you all very much. Goodnight everyone.

[admirationandromantics]

Bloody After Care

Ugh, I love specific requests!! This one also! Struggled a bit with the set-up, but I think the finished result was okay, definitely not one of my best works, but okay. Anyways, if you're wondering what it's about, as always, read the request underneath. Hope you guys have a nice day, and enjoy <3

Word count: 1k (Unedited)

plot for a little sketch: during sex you accidentally dig your nails too hard into Chris's back, scratching him, which you only discover much later, when after you're done he gets up to go to the kitchen to get you some water and you see slightly bleeding stripes on his back. he says it's nothing and he didn't even notice, but you get really worried about it and insist on treating the scratches. and just imagine, you gently touch the scratches on his HUGE back with cotton wool and hydrogen peroxide, as he sits with his back to you, hissing every now and then because of the stinging of the wounds, then thanks you and kisses you just so tenderly!! omg i loove it -anon

I’m panting heavily, the high lowering as Chris lays on top of me, chest heaving and small kisses spread over my collar. I run my hand through his hairs, massaging his scalp while he hums in content. 

The night had been amazing, dinner in a fine restaurant, flowers, a small drive and the extreme craving for him satisfied. He’d held me close, not bothering with his usual loving nature, but instead gone way rougher and harder. I could see it took a toll on him, being unsure if I was fine in the end. God, I was going to cuddle this man to death tonight. 

“Want a glass of water?” He asks, mouth pressed into my skin, making his voice muffled. I smile down, lifting his head and placing a sweet kiss on his lips, caressing them ever so gently with my tongue. 

“Sure you’re up for it?” 

He laughs a little, leaning over me deepening the kiss. 

“Well, you’re the one who just got yourself destroyed by your amazing boyfriend” he teases, hand going to my stomach, light touches making my insides flutter. 

“Hmm, not completely” 

“Oh, really?” 

“Wouldn’t mind going for round two in a while” 

“Well, then, guess we better get you hydrated for that” 

We both giggle a little, and I hold his hand until he gets too far away, letting it fall dramatically back down from the lack of him. The whole scene is sweet and funny, but my laughter suddenly stops as I see his back. 

His naked back, covered in red scratches, but not only that. A few stripes of blood are slowly dripping down, making me put my hand over my mouth. Fucking hell, I did that. 

“Chris…” 

“Hmm, two seconds, I’m just gonna get that water” 

“No, you’re not, come here” I insist, my voice trembling a little. I can’t believe I hurt him like this, I didn’t mean to. He notices my urgency, and turns back to the bed, walking over and sitting beside me. I tell him to turn around, letting me see his back. He smiles, still not understanding what I’m worried about. 

“Is it the scratches? I always get them, love when you do that” 

“No, but some of them are bleeding” I mutter out, fingers gracing over his tortured back. 

“Really? I haven’t noticed” 

“I’m so, so sorry, Chris. I didn’t mean to go this far” 

He turns around, grabbing my hands in his, a small smile still on his lips, comforting and attentive. His fingers rub soft circles over my knuckles, dragging them up to his mouth for a kiss. Why is he comforting me, he’s the one who’s hurt. 

“No need to apologise, I feel fine, promise, doesn’t hurt at all” 

I nod, taking a breath and reaching for his t-shirt. If I was going to treat this, maybe the best thing to do first was to get decent. Or maybe not? It’s Chris after all. 

“What are you doing?” 

“Stay there” I command, putting the clothing over my head and walking over to the bathroom. We should have an aid kit here somewhere. 

“I told you, I’m fine!” He shouts from the bedroom, but the only reply I bother to give is shaking my head. He can’t even see it, but it’s okay. The kit is in the back, and I stretch my hand, grabbing the handle and dragging it over towels and toiletries. Just to be sure, I wash my hands with a lot of soap, getting every corner of my fingers. I quickly walk back, hearing a sigh as he sees me with the tools. 

“Again, I’m fine, I don’t even feel it” 

“Chris, honey, do you know how much bacteria is under one's nails?”

“Well, I’m guessing a lot, but I’ve got a great immune system!” He exclaims, arms up and flexing his muscles. I can’t help the smile creeping in, making the situation lighter. 

“Muscles don't equal immunity system” I tease, clapping his cheek and kissing him quickly. I open the kit, taking out a couple of cotton balls and some hydrogen peroxide. I’m working quickly, this not being my first time cleaning wounds. I use a pincher to hold the cotton, wanting to limit contact as much as possible. He sighs, turning his back to me and letting me work. 

I drench the balls, using them to soak up the spilled blood first, figuring out where the wounds are. Two of them are single small penetrations, while one is a long open scratch. I wince just thinking about it, imagining how he feels. 

I reach the open wounds, pressing the soaked pads on the red skin. He winces, fingers gripping the sheets harshly. I bite my lip, trying to be quick as his back twitches. 

“Shhh, almost done” I whisper, keeping my focus on him. 

“Yeah, just got surprised, that’s all” he tries, but I hear the pain in his voice, trying so hard to remain strong. I know it hurts, of course it does. I pat the wounds again, making sure to get every single cut cleaned. His back tenses from each touch, and as a little comfort, I put my hand on his shoulder. Rubbing gently up to his neck. He hums, taking it in before the cold liquid returns to his back. I hear him curse under his breath, a silent prayer, begging me to hurry it up. 

“And there” I soothe him, putting down the cotton and metal. The blood stopped a while ago, the cuts not being deep or serious. They don’t even need bandages. 

“Didn’t hurt at all” he brags, turning around, hand behind my neck and pulling me into a kiss. 

“Then what was all the whining about? Don’t think that I didn’t hear it, because believe me, I did” 

He doesn’t answer, instead meeting my lips again, sweetly and deeper. I hum, hands about to go to his back, but I stop myself, afraid that I’ll touch the scrapes. He notices, and before I can react, he grabs both of my arms, forcing them around his torso and back, letting me feel him. I pull back a bit, but he beats me to say something. 

“See how I’m completely fine? Now put your arms around me, and let me thank you properly”

[tamelee]

Hi hi 👋 I hope you're well.

I love that you draw in different styles, it's like getting different fanarts from different artists but they're all at the same level of talent, if that makes any sense. 😅

Not just talent but you must of poured an insane amount of hardwork to get to the level you're at 💪. Not just that, but you also post on twitter ( I think its because some of your arts get flagged on here?), as well as posting on here AND you are working on your own story.

You're one of my favourite people.

Hiii~! I am fine, no actually, I feel genuinely happy after reading your message ;-;💕 This is now one of my favorites. If it wasn't creepy I would totally print it and hang it on my wall >< seriously, bless your soul Nonee <3

Thankyou so so much for this!!! 🫶🥰

Hope you are also well!

Aaahh I'm glad you love the different styles because it worries me everyday 😩. I don't know how people learn something new but then are able to keep the same style while implementing 'the new'- how do they do it!!? O.o

Unless you mean sketches, manga-style, painting etc- I do post more art on twt because Tumblr also flags sfw art for whatever reason -.- Maybe because they flagged me a few times, all art that I post here gets screened first- or idk! Sometimes it doesn't even show up at all except on my own account xD It's kinda frustrating but oh well.

Yes!! The script of the story I want to draw is a.... little stagnant at the moment because I wanted to change something and it impacts more than I thought it would >< I even need an entire extra character- meh, short setback. But uhm, I kinda always had two idea's. One for drawing which script is almost finished (blank period) and the other in writing (Adult SNS, I wish I could draw both tbh.. but that's impossible) and I already wrote so much for that one too. I'm struggling a bit with English though so I'm not sure if I'll ever release that one... I have so much respect for fanfic authors ;-;<3

[jellystarsdrops]

― Spider and the Moon // Chapter 1 ₊✩｡🕷˚🕸⋆｡

currently playing: gone, gone / thank you by tyler, the creator

synopsis: Miles wasn’t up to spending the summer with a cousin he didn’t know until now, especially someone who was half his age. This was going to be the lamest summer ever! Yet Miles would soon learn that he and Lunella are a lot more similar than they thought they were.

word count: 2093 words

ao3 link: 🌔🕷

a/n: this took me a whole ass month to write this so hopefully you guys enjoy!! I'm surprised there isn't a lot of fics of the two interacting

Miles didn’t think he was going to spend his summer like this. He should be at home playing video games or working on some sketches in peace. But instead here he was, trapped inside a hot car in New York when the traffic was really bad. 

To make things worse it was only supposed to be a twenty-minute drive, how did it become almost forty minutes? It didn’t make any sense. Miles groaned as he looked out the window, only seeing all the cars beside them, and double the already terrible time he was having, the loud honking sounds were about to give him a headache and even adding the terrible road rage his father had, this was gonna be a minute before they actually get to where they are supposed to be. Miles was about to go insane.

As Miles started to turn his music up, he thought back on how he even got into this situation. They were all at the dinner table, having casual talk like usual, he was telling his parents how he was glad the school year was over and that he passed all his classes. Miles was so ready to do absolutely nothing this summer.

“You know,” Jefferson, Miles’s dad, would begin as he finished his bite of food and looked up at his son, “I was talking to my brother the other day and he suggested planning a family reunion this summer, you remember Uncle James right?”

Miles hummed, trying to paint a picture of what his relative could look like, but nothing was coming up. “Doesn’t ring a bell.”

“Miles was only a toddler when he last saw James so he has no idea who you’re talking about, Mi Vida.” Rio, Miles’s mom, hummed softly as she ate.

“Oh yeah, you right-” Jefferson says with a chuckle, shaking his head. “But yeah, your Uncle James was suggesting that we all come to stay with them in the Lower East Side of Manhattan for the summer to help plan this big reunion. And with him, he’s going to struggle.”

Miles had to pause, looking at his father with an almost agitated expression but he had to keep a neutral expression so he wouldn’t come off as disrespectful. 

“So you’re telling me… That I’m spending my whole summer with people I don’t even know?” He flat-out said, almost in disbelief.

Jefferson gave Miles a look, frowning at his son. “Well it's not people that you don’t know, this is family, plus this would give you a chance to meet all your uncles, aunts, everyone! Plus it's not like you’re gonna be there by yourself, James’s daughter Lunella will be there too! That would give you a chance to know each other!”

So he would have to spend his summer with basically a stranger? Greeeeeaaaaatttttttt.

“How old is she anyway?” Miles asked his dad, praying that she would be around at least the same age as him.

“Last time I heard from him, I thinnnkkk she might be nine or ten,” Jefferson confirmed with Miles, doing a little shrug.

“Dad, I’m not spending my summer break with a little kid!! That’s basically babysitting at that point!” He said frustratedly, raising his voice a bit.

Jefferson was about to say something before Rio stepped in, giving Miles a stern look that made him shrink down in his seat.

“Don’t talk to your father like that,” She would start off, making sure that would stick into his head, “ Secondly, you should take advantage of this baby. You get to meet another side of your family and they get to see you too! They only heard stories of how smart you are and all the accomplishments you achieved. Not to mention family is the most important thing in this world, we have to stick together… You understand baby?”

Miles would sit in silence, listening to his mom as he thinks. She made a good point. Family is important and after what happened to Uncle Aaron in that alley, he couldn’t lose anymore. He sighs quietly, looking up at the both of them. “You’re right, sorry…. I’ll tryyyyy to make the most of it.” He guessed with a smile on his face. He wasn’t going to enjoy it at all but he wasn’t up for an argument right now. 

The both of them would smile, having a relaxed expression. “That’s the spirit kiddo! Now we leave out in two weeks so make sure you pack everything you need.” Jefferson begins to list off all the things that they have to do. 

As Miles would nod with a smile, in the back of his head, he was dreading the day of the trip. This was going to be one long summer…

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

After the almost atrocious hour-long drive, they finally made it to the apartment complex that his uncle stayed in. Speaking of his uncle, as soon as they parked up on the side of the road, he came to greet them with a big smile and hug. 

“Jeff my man! You made it! At first, I thought you got lost, you know how bad your eyes are.” James teased Jefferson, the two pulling each other into a hug before fake wrestling a bit. “Oh har har, you think you’re sooo funny!” Jefferson laughs with him before stopping. “It’s good to see you too man…”

Three more people would come out of the building. James’s wife Adria would come out to help them get their stuff out of the car, along with Mimi and Pops who were technically Miles’s grandparents. 

“Look at you! Boy, I remember when you could hardly hold up your head!” Pops exclaimed, hugging Miles. “Now look at you! Almost as tall as me!” He says as he ruffles Miles’s hair a bit.

Miles smiles, hugging him back as he looks at Pops. “It has been a while. It’s good to see you guys again!” He hummed, fixing his hair.

Mimi chuckles as she walks over to Miles, giving him one of her big hugs and looking up at him while holding his face. “This must be the famous Miles Morales that I hear so much of! Getting into one of the most prestigious schools in Brooklyn!” She praised him with a big smile on her face. “How’s it going over there? I just know you’re making your parents proud!”

Miles bashfully smiles, rubbing the back of his head. “It’s going good, Spanish was kicking my butt but I managed!” 

“That’s good sugar, I know your momma is making sure you pass.” Mimi laughed and Rio chuckled a little as well. Mimi would then take Miles’s bookbag off his shoulders. “Now let's get you inside so I can start dinner, has my son not been feeding you? You look like a walking paper bag!”

“I heard it's supposed to get windy later tonight, don’t want you to fly away and we have to chase you!” Pops laughed, patting him hard on the back before helping with Rio’s bags and carrying them inside. Miles chuckles softly, rubbing where Pops had hit him in the back as he enters the apartment. It was a cozy little apartment but it was big enough room for all of them to stay in. Mimi showed them where they would be sleeping, now getting situated and comfortable. As Miles looked around the guest room that he would be staying in, he sighed softly with a little smile, marking the start of his summer as he saw that this wasn’t so bad. And on the bright side, this could be a good break from all the Spider-man stuff he’s been dealing with recently. He deserved it.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Later that night, they would be all talking during dinner, reminiscing on the past, and overall having a good time. Mimi had cooked them all dinner which was the most delicious meal he had ever had, besides his mom’s of course. Miles had to admit, he was having a good time. The room was filled with laughter and a comforting aura in the house. It was really nice. His uncle was a bit of an oddball like his dad said but he found it really amusing. Pops and Mimi were funny too, plus he found that his Aunt Adria is a DJ at a Rollerink that they owned which was very cool. Even though it’s like them meeting for the first time, Miles feels like he has known them all his life. 

As his dad and uncle continued to discuss the whole plan for the reunion, Rio turned to Adria with a hum. “So where’s Lunella? I haven’t seen or heard from her all day.” She asked her. 

Oh yeah, he completely forgot about her. Come to think of it, Miles didn’t even know if she came out to see them when they first arrived here.

“Honestly I’m not sure, that girl has a mind of her own I swear. This morning she was in such a rush that she didn’t sit down for breakfast!” Adria explained to Rio, ranting a little about her daughter. 

“Well, you know our Lunella, she has a mind of her own!” Mimi chuckled softly, sipping on her cup of coffee. “She’s probably out with her friend Casey or something.”

“But it’s almost 10:30! I understand that it’s summer but it’s too late for her to be out late.” Adria huffed sternly, looking at the time on her phone and about to dial her number.

As if it was almost on cue, the front door opened and there was the person they were just talking about. Lunella had entered into the kitchen, winded as she was out if breath from running all the way there. When she finally caught her breath, she cleared her throat and fixed her clothes. “Sorry I got here late! I uh- Case and I weren’t paying attention to the time!” She explained herself. Lunella would then notice the people in her home, flushing softly in embarrassment. She completely forgot that family was supposed to come over this summer.

“Well next time please pay attention next time baby, you’re too young to be out in the streets this late.” Adria sighed, going over to Lunella to fix some hair that was in her face.

“Mooomm I’ll be fine! I’m not a baby anymore!” Lunella whined, brushing her mom’s hand away as she scoffed.

Adria chuckled at her anger, fixing Lunella’s glasses on her face. “You may not be a baby anymore but you are ten, so don’t make me repeat myself Lunella Lafayette.” She scolded her a bit but in a playful tone. Adria wasn’t really mad at her, just worried. “Now don’t be rude and say hello to your relatives! You remember your Uncle Jeff and Aunt Rio? Don’t forget your cousin Miles too!”

Lunella would say her hellos to the both of them with a bright smile, making slight conversation with her uncle and aunt. As she would talk to them, Miles sat in silence before it was his turn. Lunella was… really short and nerdy. He could just tell by looking at her and the way that she spoke, she was a nerd. Not in a bad way of course! Miles was a nerd in many different things so hopefully they could get along.

When Lunella got done talking to his parents, Miles smiled brightly and waved to her. “It’s nice to meet you Lu! I know you probably don’t know me but I hope we could get along!” He exclaimed, wanting to make a good impression. 

The look on Lunella’s face was almost lethal. It was the most uninterested and annoyed look that Miles would ever see on a person. It was giving him flashbacks from the first time he might Miguel, which wasn’t how he thought meeting the leader of a Spider Society was going to go. She was giving him such death glares that he thought his head was going to explode. They stared at each other in an uncomfortable silence that Miles swore felt like forever before she would flash him a smile. 

“Same! I can’t wait to spend the summer with you!” Lunella says in a cheerful tone but it was clear that both the smile and tone are fake. She would drop the cheerful act before fixing herself a plate of food, everyone else still carrying on with their own conversations while Miles was left speechless in his seat.

‘What the hell was her problem??’

[a-heart-like-a-sparrow]

February 5th, 2024 - Swings

────────────────────────────── Woke up at 2-3 PM ... I finished these ugly sketches ──────────────────────────────

•••┊┊🌙┊┊•••┊┊🌙┊┊•••┊┊🌙┊┊•••┊┊🌙┊┊•••

I didn't start well again. But let's not talk about that.

I finished these little sketches. Side profile, front, and something in between. The feet don't fit in the picture, but they're basically triangles. I struggled a lot with that.

Yes, I know. All of them even look to different directions. We should focus on the rest of the body tho. Remember that this was made without any references. In my humble opinion, it looks pretty good, since I rarely draw like this.

Anyway, the journey through Kate Bush's discography has begun. I calculated the songs, which are 102, and I decided that I'll listen to 6 songs every day until February 21st. Today I listened to...

Running Up That Hill (A Deal with God) - from Hounds of Love, 1985

Babooshka - from Never for Ever, 1980

Wuthering Heights - from The Kick Inside, 1978

Pull Out the Pin - from The Dreaming, 1982

Joanni - from Aerial, 2005

Lily - from The Red Shoes, 1993

My favourite one was Babooshka. I'm obsessed.

Hey, I could write down all the songs I listen to everyday! I know nobody cares, but meh, let's do it.

I'm planning to finish a chapter of the book I was reading and calculate how many chapters I can read every day. To finish it before classes begin. Yeah, everything needs to be calculated for me.

Oh, and I finished the first season of Steven Universe. It turns out that math wasn't mathing and I had 15 episodes left, not 10... I watched all of them in one night. Now, the idea is watching 4 episodes from Monday to Thursday, and watch the other 6 on Friday, so I can finish the second season in one week.

I'm loving it! It brings so much memories...

I consider this day a good one. I drew a bit and I'll go back to reading and do those things I used to do. I'm better than this.

I hope so.

So anyway, rest well. I'll try to.

•••┊┊🌙┊┊•••┊┊🌙┊┊•••┊┊🌙┊┊•••┊┊🌙┊┊•••

[starsoforionwrites]

So, I'm finally back to writing Nature of Purity after.... fuck me, 7 months without an update. And I thought I'd take a moment to talk a little bit about why I stopped updating it.

The Setup

When I started posting NoP it was, I thought, mostly done. I'd originally intended it to be about 20k words. I had a sketch for the the overall plan, and I'd written what at the time felt like about 75% of it. In fact, I'd been sitting on those chapters for a few months already, working on them here and there as the whim took me.

One of the reasons I started posting it on AO3 was to try and push myself to complete it. I'd never finished a fic before. NoP was actually the first thing I'd written in years.

So I jumped in and started posting, knowing that if I stuck to a weekly update schedule I had a twelve week buffer to finish it off. That's ages! So much time! And I only had a few more chapters to write really!

Things went fine for a while, although I was still really struggling to stick to a schedule. I mostly managed though. I know some of you sit down and write in huge swathes, working steadily for hours and churning out 20k words at a time. That ain't me. I flit in and out of my fics, working for 20 minutes here, adding 150 words there. I'll get tired of the section I'm writing and move down a few pages, adding a section title with a couple of bulletpoints of things that will happen.

If I work at it, I can hit 1500 words in an hour-ish. I'm quite lucky in that once I start writing, I don't get stuck. Staring at an empty page means sometimes I never start, but if I put words to paper then I can keep going, flow of consciousness, pretty easily.

But usually, 2 hours is about my absolute maximum for a session, and I pretty much max out at 2 sessions a week.

Anyway, around June of '21, THINGS started to happen in my life. Here's a fun list.

I got a promotion at work

My mortgage came up for renewal

I ended up buying a new house instead

I had to buy a new car

I had a trivial argument with some close friends that got blown out of all proportion

This literally all took place in a period of about two months, which is right about the time I stopped writing. I kept posting chapters, but I couldn't bring myself to write any more. I ran out of chapters to post in August '22 (although I had been checked out mentally for a long time beforehand), and then I fucked off into the darkness never to be seen again.

So yes this is obviously a mental health post

I've always really struggled with depression. It's been a constant in my life ever since I can remember. I was sent home from school several times when I was around 10-12 because I was inconsolable over nothing. Or had been laughing hysterically for hours. Or I'd been staring at a wall for hours.

Eventually they sent me to counselling, which I did not handle well either.

Things got really bad for me around 16-20, and then slowly I started to level out a bit. Eventually I mostly got a handle on it as I learned to live with myself.

That said, I still find it really, really easy to fall into depression. Days when I wake up and just think "no" and go back to bed are still not uncommon.

This is all a precursor to say that, that bullet-point list above? Yeah, I didn't handle it too well.

The promotion at work came with huge amounts of new stress. I was now a client-facing, team-leading, systems-architecting badass, and my workload roughly quadrupled.

Buying a new house is also, it turns out, ridiculously stressful. This is the second time I've been through the process, although the first time round I had a partner to do it with. This time, it was just me, and on top of that I was having to deal with the transfer of assets due to my prior mortgage being in both our names, along with a wildly fluctuating market value of property. I'm aware this is not a particularly relatable thing to bitch about (oh no, poor me, my hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of material assets), but at several points in the process it genuinely looked like it would all fall through and I would be left homeless in one way or another.

The new car was a fucking ridiculous situation. I previously had a company car, as a perk because they didn't want to give me a raise. This meant I could sell my car and was very cool! Then covid. The company decided to cancel the car policy, and I no longer had one at all. Then the chip shortage! Remember that? The price of second hand cars skyrocketed. Again, very stressful.

And then the nail in the cake, my friends situation. I'm not gonna go into it, but it was ridiculous. Like, a genuinely stupid argument over absolutely nothing important. These are people I've known IRL for fifteen years. But the upshot was, I didn't feel welcome around them anymore, so I just stopped showing up on discord.

I haven't spoken to any of them since.

Sooooo, all this shit combined together to leave me a barely functioning person. I just about held things together enough to get moved in. I unpacked. And then I more or less fell apart.

Don't call it a comeback

Eventually I crawled my way back out of my pit.

This is, genuinely, in no small part thanks to the wonderful comments I received while still posting NoP. I have saved many of these comments. The fact that people were engaging with the stuff I was writing brought me so much happiness, I actually don't know how to describe it.

Reading the comments from you guys, who are out there reading my work, literally makes me cry almost every time. I get weepy over it. I have to go and have a little sit down. I can't stop smiling. It uplifts me, even if the comment is something small and throw-away for you. And Christ, some of you write such beautiful things. My God. Are you for real? I want to hug you so fucking badly.

But I was left in a bit of a pickle. I couldn't face going back to NoP. I'd sit in front of it, and I just couldn't find the voice anymore. The exact state of mind I'd been in when I was writing Hermione and Draco bitching away at each other in the library was eluding me. I'd sit staring at an empty chapter, which just had headers in it like "Talking to Luna" and "Nott a problem" and I was like who the fuck wrote this what does it mean??

But I wanted to write again.

And I had so many WIPs. Like no lie I have about thirty, that range from one-sentence descriptions of a vibe, to heres-a-complete-first-chapter-and-nothing-else-lol-figure-it-out.

And one of those WIP's was actually fun, and breezy, and easy to write. Epistolaries are so fucking easy my guy. Like they're so easy. You don't have to worry about any of that other shit! You don't need a plot, or to set the scene! You don't need to force yourself to describe what people are doing as they talk. They aren't doing anything! They're just writing letters! So easy!

For reference, I find dialogue absolutely trivial to write. It's everything else that fucks me up. So heck yeah epistolaries.

And it was a LOT of fun. Especially those first few easy-breezy chapters. Especially when you can leverage the fact that everyone reading knows EXACTLY what's happening in the background, so you can just drop allusions to it here and there in dialogue.

So I began posting The Penpal Program. And, because it was mostly canon-compliant, it got heavier and darker towards the end, but still stayed pretty light and fluffy. I had a few hiccups here and there where I (as I am wont to do) did no writing at all for three weeks and then had to have a massive catch-up session in the 11th hour, BUT I completed it.

And again, the comments throughout the whole process kept me going. It's actually crazy how much it makes my day to read a comment.

And, throughout all of this, I've been conscious of not updating NoP. I've had a couple of comments here and there asking for updates, and they've made me feel guilty. I've looked back at one specific comment made on the last chapter I wrote, letting me know they had faith in my storytelling. That they couldn't wait to see what happened.

And I feel like I let them down personally. Like I've just been the most useless, selfish, worthless asshole for seven fucking months. And I know that's crazy and depression and etc. etc. (I do know that), but still. I want to finish the fic. For them. And for the rest of you, who have commented, or not. Who hit the kudos or the like button or the bookmark or who didn't do any of these things and just kept the tab open and refresh it once every month or so. And also, for me. So it's done. Because it's not the longest fic ever written, or the fluffiest, or the darkest or the most realistic. But it's mine, and I'm proud of it. I've loved writing it. I love reading it back, because I'm a slut for reading my own stories. I love the way I feel every time I see someone else like it. I love sharing it with you guys.

And so, I'm writing it again. And I'm going to finish it. As I write this I have two chapters left to go and then it will be complete. I'm going to complete it before I start posting it again. I don't want to throw a single chapter up and then lose control again and disappear.

I said there would be four chapters to go, but there will actually be five. Three of them are written.

I also have a couple of "scenes from the cutting room floor", which I think I'll just chuck on here for you pack of reprobates to read. Or maybe I'll put them on AO3 as part of a series, loosely affiliated.

Either way, The Nature of Purity will be complete, and should be updating on AO3 within the next few weeks.

Sorry for wasting almost 10k words (fuck me) on this explanation of why I've not been writing, but I figured fuck it, you might wanna know.

Anyway as a little treat for reading so far have a little snippet form the next chapter of NoP.

"Merlin Hermione," George said, interrupting her. "I don't give a shit about your exams! Tell me about Draco dearest. I mean, when he stormed in here at Christmas and read Harry the riot act... Honestly, he got me all hot and bothered!"

"George!"

"Oh come on babe, I'm only human! Besides, I was only looking at him."

"Well keep your bloody eyes to yourself you git!" she snarled, as George and Ginny both giggled and exchanged significant looks.

"Relax love, he's not really my type you know? He was just all... I dunno. Commanding!"

"Oooh yeah," Ginny cut in. "I know what you mean. He's a bit... angular for me really, but he looked very.... stern didn't he Georgie?"

Hermione resumed drinking her tea, tuning out the background of Weasleys singing the praises of her betrothed. For Merlin's sake, Draco was right. They had no bloody decorum.