#strawberries and cream pt 1 one of the most episodes that's for sure

[lisbonsteresa]

eating glass licking rust etc etc

[canaryatlaw]

alright. well today was fine. I slept until my 1:15 pm alarm went off, probably because it was like 2:55 by the time I actually got to bed last night, but oh well. I had my PT appointment for 2, so I got ready and was going to catch the bus set for 1:46, but then I had to cross the intersection at an inopportune time to make sure I got two pieces of mail in the mailbox, and ended up missing the bus by about 30 seconds, but it was fine because I had enough time to just walk anyway. I should probably give up on the bus method altogether when it really isn’t very far anyway, probably just like 8 blocks or so. So I got there on time, it was fine, I feel like I’m going to end up disappointing my new PT guy because he seemed super optimistic about making progress at first and like, I was not as optimistic lol and nothing’s really changed yet, so idk what he’s thinking. but it was good, I should still probably say something about the exercises, especially given how weak I’ve been proving myself to be lately when it comes to carrying things, so the exercises I’m doing should really be challenging ones. And I should do better about doing home exercises, because I really suck at those at the moment. So that was fine. Walked back afterwards and spent a while building a grocery list based off what was in the fridge and the pantry, and also on some recipes I’d like to make over the next couple of days since I’ll have free time, just stocking up on good ingredients to have on hand for baking and such. I think I’m gonna make caramels at some point soon, it’s been like, a year since I’ve made them lol and they were getting really good. this probably took about an hour, after which I grabbed my cart and walked down to the store. Shopping was fine, I had been really wanting to make a strawberry milkshake lately but was worried it’d be really unhealthy (being that milkshakes are generally like 700 calories) so I was like oh well what if I get some protein powder and if I mix it with like strawberries and ice cream and milk maybe it won’t suck??? so I got some that looked like it might be bearable. I grabbed a piece of flank steak because I wanted to make a beef and broccoli meal at some point, and the piece I got looked fine but the one next to it was starting to turn bad it was really nasty looking.....so I’m definitely going to use mine soon, probably tomorrow lol. I also wanted to get an extract of some sort to use for meringues, because the recipe I used last time came out really well in terms of crunchy and chewy ness, but pretty much just taste like powdered sugar, and the recipe said you can sub in another extract for the vanilla, so I thought I’d look at some alternatives. lots of interesting flavors of extract and such they sell (they legit had a pumpkin spice flavor, lol) but I ended up going with raspberry because I thought that sounded like a good choice. So I got everything and went to check out. There were two people ahead of me on line, an older lady right in front of me and a middle aged lady in front of her. the one at the front had quite the grocery load, and the older lady was like “you buying for a crowd?” and she was like “yes, I have three boys” and then the older lady started talking about her daughter and they talked about their kids and the older lady was saying she was thinking about moving closer to where her daughter was because she missed her and the front lady was like “you should do it, go be by the people who matter to you, that’s what’s most important” and I was really just watching this unfold while thinking about my family who left yesterday and what I’m thinking or hoping or planning for the future. My parents miss me a lot, that much is very clear, and I can’t really blame them, 3 out of 4 kids have never left the house, then there’s me who moved halfway across the country. And I love my family, of course, but I know living with them (mostly living with my brothers) can be bad for my mental health, and I’m in a fairly good state at this point and would not want to mess that up. And I mean, straight up moving back in with them is not really on the table at this point, if I go for the NY job I’d probably be there for the month of July while I do bar prep, but then after the bar I’d assumedly be moving to NYC because there’s no way I’m commuting every single day, and that much I’ve been very explicit about. But I keep coming back to thinking is that really what I want to do? I thought it was, but I’m not sure anymore.....but I’m also not sure if I want to stay here anymore. My emotions have kind of been in upheaval for the past month or so and it’s left me at a point where if I stay here I can’t really predict what my life would be like, and that worries me. sigh, I feel like I come on here and have the same conversation about all of this every night. still nothing on the email front, of course, as I continue to check each day. Sigh. Anyway. I checked out and managed to fit everything inside my cart (when I’m going shopping I’m always concerned I’m going to not be able to fit it all) besides my eggs, which I just carried which was fine. Got home, put the stuff away, and sat at the computer for a bit, and I think it was at this point where I checked to see if grades were posted, and I had a bit of a feeling it was going to be something this time, and I was right- as expected, my legal drafting grade was posted first since the assignments have all already been graded and there was no exam (and it really should’ve been posted sooner than this, but whatever), so there it was, a beautiful B+ in this class that has caused my so much anxiety and fear that I was going to flunk fucking child advocacy legal drafting, the class I should’ve fucking CALI’ed, but was instead thrown into turmoil because the prof hated my writing. I knew I was able to pull it out in the end, but the final is only half our grade, and since I had been getting like, 50% on the other assignments, I was concerned my grade was going to come out to like 75% (47 out of 50 points from the final, then about half of the remaining 50 points, coming out to like 75) which is still like, a C, and I’d very much like to not have any C’s on my transcript, and I didn’t know how this was going to turn out, so it ending in a B+ made me quite happy. I’ve been trying not to add any more B’s to my transcript because I don’t like them (I have two currently), and then 3 B+’s, and the rest are A’s and A-’s, which of course I’m fine with. So I was pleased with this. I have anxious thoughts in my head about yeah but what if you fucked up your civil rights final because you didn’t have the cases printed, but I know that’s bullshit because I can tell when I’m killing it on a test, and I very much felt that I was killing it, even if I didn’t have all the information I should’ve. I feel like I’m gonna end up with an A-, which I would have wanted to be an A, but I can obviously live with it. Remedies I’m not at all concerned with, the entire grade is based on the final and I know I killed it, it’s just going to be a matter of where everyone else falls on the curve, and that can be hard to predict when your grade isn’t actually based on the objective number of questions you got right but on how many everyone else got right, but I’m fairly confident I’ll end up with a good grade. That just leaves Secured Transactions of course, which may have been eclipsed by Legal Drafting at some point as my most worried about class, but it’s still been one I’ve been anxious about. I felt like I had a fairly good handle on the final, as least for not knowing any of the material a week before and shoving it all in my mind that week, but of course that’s also hard to judge because curve and such. If I can pull at least a B+ out of the class I’ll be satisfied. If I end up with a B I’ll be disappointed, but not really that upset about it. If I get lower than that I will be straight up pissed, but hopefully that will not happen lol. Anyway. I spent a little while longer on the computer before deciding to make a blueberry dutch baby for dinner again because I’m low key obsessed with them, so I did that and then got ready to watch The Flash. Not terribly impressed with this week’s episode, it very much felt like a filler episode that didn’t do much to advance the plot other than occupy time before the main climax comes in the finale next week. All the flash time stuff I really didn’t find very interesting, and idk what they’re trying to do with Caitlin and her apparently having meta abilities before the particle accelerator?? like that more or less just sounds like psychosis, and I don’t think that’s what they’re going for. So I guess we’ll see what they do next week, hopefully they’ll at least pull out a decent finale. Overall though I was pretty disappointed by this season, I don’t know what happened but they just really missed the mark. After the episode I forgot for about 2 minutes that Rise was on right afterwards, then switched over to them for their season/series finale. It really sucks that they didn’t get picked up for a second season because I think it had a lot of potential and some very strong storylines I would’ve liked to have seen carried into the next season. I very much dislike that it was now left with “we’re shutting down the drama department” and like, that’s just it, there’s no fixing it, the end of the show is them shutting it down, and like.....that is not a happy ending lol, I’m not sure how they felt about whether they’d get renewed or not but it was a peculiar note to end on. Not gonna lie, I loved teacher dude (whatever his M last name is) basically being like fuck it, let’s put on this whole damn production as explicit as it is because art is art and it deserves to be heard, even when it’s offensive (and as someone who’s seen this particular show on broadway, it’s explicitness is incredibly crucial to the powerful message it conveys). I understand of course why they still decided to do “totally eff’d” and just end it with “totally fucked” because there’s only so far you can toe the line lol. I probably have overly strong feelings on this particular subject, but Lilette’s mom is irresponsible and neglectful and you could make the argument she is even being abusive by forcing Lilette into the role of being responsible for parenting her, which is a recognized phenomena among child welfare behaviors. So obviously I was not terribly keen on that. And Maashous (definitely just checked imdb to make sure I spelled it correctly, and I did), which I’m so sad we don’t get to see more of his story, because there was so much there to explore. but with teacher guy’s daughter obviously being so emotionally compromised over this and just seeing him with the family, man, that’s hard hitting stuff. The show did a lot things right that Glee got wrong, but I guess in the end it just didn’t have the wider appeal Glee did. I’m sad for Auli’i (just checked again on the spelling and I did get it right) because she’s obviously so ridiculously talented and it sucks for a project she’s attached to to get chopped, but I’m sure she has many opportunities in her future. So yeah, lots of different feels there. During one of the commercial breaks the upcoming news advertising said something about a story on at 10 regarding Justin Hartley and a bad fan encounter in Chicago, so I wanted to watch that, but had an hour to kill, so I watched some of The Good Place, and decided it was a good time to try out my strawberry milkshake idea, so I got the strawberries, vanilla ice cream and milk in the blender, and added two scoops of protein powder, which was the recommended dosage. Set it to go and tasted it and it was a big NOPE you can totally taste literally all of it, so I added more strawberries and ice cream to try and help but it didn't work so I ended up having to toss the whole thing which was disappointing, and now I wanted a strawberry milkshake, so I just ended up making a normal one.  At ten I tuned back to the news. the preview was basically like “he had a bad encounter at a Chicago restaurant” and then when they did the actual “story” it was like 30 seconds, basically just saying he was “in town for a convention” (so C2E2 obviously) and was at a restaurant when a fan just like, came up to him and started kissing him????? lol, um, that’s cringey, but they didn’t give any other details or like even name the restaurant so that was kind of lame, but whatever. I watched Jimmy Kimmel, then Seth Meyers while I was waiting for my roommate to get out of the shower. Once she did I started getting ready for bed and now I’m here. Trying to think if there was anything else I wanted to say....nothing formal to do tomorrow other than watch the Riverdale season finale I guess (not like I’m terribly interested in that) so I’ll hopefully finish up cleaning my room and maybe sort through my entire wardrobe and divide it into the categories of currently in my dresser, in storage, and for donation, because I have way too much clothing that doesn’t fit me or I don’t like anymore that I could definitely get rid of. So we’ll see how that goes, hopefully it’ll be productive but I’m also able to get some relaxation in, since this is my one week to relax before bar prep starts, and I have to start at the DV clinic on Friday anyway. But yeah, I think that’s for now. Goodnight babes. Sleep peacefully.