#straight women & closeted bi women are the worst about it but it's not exclusively them lol

[chimaericalanimal]

This is not relevant to my last post or particularly relevant to the day's experience at all but why does it seem to be a common experience for boyish-looking women & butches etc that feminine women expect us to be fawning over them all the time & like, constantly suspecting us of secretly nursing crushes on them (even if we're just being nice) or whatever, while absolutely never taking our actual feelings seriously or even being nice to us at all

[shelaghdette]

theory: trixie franklin is a lesbian

alright, this one may prove slightly controversial, but please bear with me! i've always taken the view that trixie is bi, but thinking about it more, i've come to a different conclusion.

glossary -

wlw - woman loving women, a blanket term for any woman who is attracted to women.

sapphic - another blanket term for femmes who are attracted to femmes, arguably more inclusive than wlw - here used interchangeably with the above.

lesbian - a woman or femme who is exclusively attracted to other women or femmes.

bisexual - a person who is attracted to two or more genders.

a note on compulsory heterosexuality -

before you read this, if you don't already, it's probably best to understand the concept of compulsory heterosexuality, or comphet.

this is when societies (like most in the world, even in the modern day) enforce the normalisation of heterosexual love and relationships, to the point that lgbt people feel pushed towards straight-passing relationships when they may be happier in a queer relationship.

comphet applies to all genders and queer sexualities, but today i'm going to be discussing it specifically in the context that it impacts lesbian women.

relationships with women -

full disclosure - i am a trixadette shipper (i think i might've even invented the ship). i have analysed quite a number of scenes from the first two seasons where trixie and sister bernadette interact, and there doesn't appear to be much in the way of heterosexual explanation for their behaviour towards each other. that in itself deserves its own post, and will get one in due course.

my theory that trixie is attracted to women mostly stems from her interactions with sister bernadette, and later shelagh. there are a few longing looks, some flirtatious body language and just a general air of gals who are a bit more than pals.

however, aside from this, trixie never appears happier than when she interacts with other women. she seems to gain the most fulfilment from her relationships with her female friends, far more than she does with the men in her life. barbara and valerie are prime examples of this.

prior to realisation of being sapphic, it's very common for wlw to experience intense attachment and deep love for female friends. this can truly be just platonic, or it can be a crush that is so repressed that it presents as overwhelming platonic love.

"attraction" to men -

ever since the first season, trixie has been presented as the "boy crazy" girl. she often talks about men, but if you actually watch her behaviour, she rarely pursues any particular man. additionally, closeted queer people may often overcompensate for their insecure identities by putting forward a highly straight image.

it's extremely common for lesbians who are experiencing comphet to fantasise about an abstract concept of a relationship with a man, but not have much idea of WHO that man might be. in the early seasons, when she DOES pursue a man, it is with an ulterior motive (getting that actor to be a judge for the baby show) and it ends disastrously for her.

when she does eventually get into relationships with men, it is because they pursue her. it happened with all three of her relationships we've seen on the show - tom, christopher and matthew. i do not personally think trixie showed any interest in them prior to them showing interest in her, but YMMV.

image consciousness

it's very telling that, during her AA meetings, trixie speaks at length about her ability to put on a show to please others around her. obviously, she talks about this in the context of placating her mentally ill and alcoholic father, but this skill from childhood has been highly transferable to her adult life too.

trixie is extremely good at putting on a front and looking well put together, even during her worst moments. when she was relapsing, she hid it well until her secret was unwittingly revealed to phyllis by a patient. the girl can lie and lie, but it's all a defense mechanism.

trixie clearly struggles with a view that she must be seen as perfect at all times. it's easy to see how, if she was a lesbian, this would not fit into the image she tries to display to others. i believe that part of her striving for perfection includes wanting a relationship with a man. this leads me into my next point.

cultural context

it probably goes without saying, but the 1960s was not an easy time to be a sapphic woman, especially if you weren't attracted to men. we just need to look at the story of patsy and delia to see how the show acknowledges this. comphet is still a problem we face today, in the year of our lord 2024, but it was absolutely rampant in those days. female lgbt behaviour was never criminalised like male homosexual acts, but it was harshly viewed. wlw faced a lot of the same challenges as mlm, as well as their own unique struggles when homophobia is coupled with misogyny.

marriage to a man and child-bearing were still considered the most important things a woman could do in that era. and by the time trixie gets into a relationship with matthew, she is approaching her mid-30s. in that time, trixie would have already been considered "on the shelf." the show really implies this by her becoming a lot more focused on her search for a husband in later series, like when she joins the marriage bureau.

relationships with men

i won't say much about tom, but trixie makes no bones about it when she told him he and barbara are much better suited. there's a real notion that trixie feels out of place in her relationship with tom, and ultimately she breaks it off when she realises she couldn't be happy with him in the long term.

this continues into her relationship with christopher. i really like christopher, and i think trixie does too. by far, he is the person who treats her the nicest out of the three men she has had major relationships with. however, even then, she doesn't seem entirely comfortable, and breaks it off when she fears how intimate the relationship has become. i think the situation with alexandra is mostly an excuse for her fear of commitment to a man.

i also want to talk about sex (minors, cover your ears) when i mention christopher. he's the first man she is ever implied to have slept with, and she agonised over it for a very long time before she makes the decision to do it. some people read this as her being asexual (which she still could be, even as a lesbian!), or just "proper" for the era, but opinions vary. i view it as her having no sexual attraction to MEN.

finally, matthew. oh, matthew. he makes me so very angry.

matthew and trixie essentially traumabonded over the death of his first wife, and she is a good supportive presence to him raising his son in her capacity as a midwife. i think the convenience of him showing interest in her, coupled with her recent anxiety about find a partner, created the situation where they eventually married.

and she still isn't happy. when the new pupil midwives arrive and trixie hears them having fun with nancy, she looks really sad and lost, and my heart just breaks for her. it's a sign that she regrets leaving the lifestyle she loves for a life of domestic "bliss".

when they had their argument about trixie's work, it's very telling that her immediate response was to retreat back to her safe place of nonnatus house for half the week. trixie feels the most secure when she is among women, this is shown time and time again.

this was super long winded and possibly a ramble, but these are my thoughts on her. if you made it to the end, here's my favourite happy video edit of trixie and shelagh. i'll probably make a whole post about why i ship them next.

[cupidmarwani-archive]

Baby’s First Date

Summary: As Ethan struggles with coming to terms with his sexuality, there’s the matter of Crockett asking him on a date. (Baby’s First: Part Two)

WC: ~3k

After kissing Crockett, Ethan goes home to his apartment, feeds his bird, eats cold leftovers, and goes to bed. He sleeps fitful but long, and doesn’t feel rested when he wakes up and goes back into work. Nothing is different, but everything is. He can still feel the faint ghosts of Crockett’s hands on his cheeks, his chest against his own. The memory is strong and heavy, oppressive across his mind as he tries to go about his shift.

Crockett is there too, and doesn’t do a single thing to indicate remembrance of the moment shared, even when they cross paths working over the same shooting patient. Ethan’s hand in the patient’s body, holding his artery shut to stop the bleeding, Crockett pulling on gloves as he orders his trauma team to scrub in because they don’t have a lot of time, for some reason Ethan feels like this is the perfect moment to bring up the unspoken.

“Are we going to talk about what happened last night?” he asks as he walks along with the bed, still clamping the artery by hand. It’s a bad time. “Because I think we should.”

“Choi, can this wait until after surgery?”

Yes. Of course it can. He nods, and then someone who’s dressed properly for surgery comes and replaces his hand with the tool designed to do it better, and then he’s abandoned outside the glass doors with blood up to his wrist and a sinking feeling in his chest. Maybe Crockett is avoiding him for a reason, like regret. What reason would he have had to kiss him besides an impulse that may be embarrassing now in the morning after? Ethan hates that he even brought it up, and he hates more that  he had welcomed the kiss so easily the night before.

Worst of all, he can’t forget Crockett’s words in the doctor’s lounge, about how liking men and women aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive. But they are. And they aren’t. And he keeps thinking about Crockett’s lips against his own and how they had been so soft, so tender, but it doesn’t mesh with a life spent pursuing women and being happy with that. He hasn’t experienced this before. If he was gay, wouldn’t he have known sooner? Shouldn’t the realization have come in high school or perhaps even earlier? Gay people don’t realize this shit when they’re as old and world-weary as he is. He’s not having this crisis now.

 That’s how he winds up sitting in the cafeteria, slowly eating yogurt, with Natalie sitting beside him and looking amused. She sees right through him, but he can’t help asking. There’s no one else to turn to except for Crockett, which doesn’t feel like a good or fun idea at this point in time, if he’s honest. That surgery’s been going on for at least an hour. If the patient dies because of Ethan’s delay to ask a stupid question, he might as well quit his job right here and now.

“You’re gay,” he says as an opener. “Right?”

Natalie shakes her head. “I’m bi.”

“Bi?”

“Bisexual,” she amends.

He considers that briefly, mind flashing a brief memory of Emily talking about this when they were teenagers. “So you like men and women?”

“Yes and no.” She shrugs. “I guess I’m attracted to any gender or lack thereof. But I have a preference for women.”

Ethan takes another bite of the yogurt, which has no discernable flavor when all he can think about is Crockett and the fact that he’s absolutely made a huge mistake in allowing what happened last night. Bisexual. He could be bisexual. But he isn’t, and he doesn’t know what’s going on in his head right now to have made everything spiral out of control in a matter of hours. 

“I don’t know what I am.”

She rubs his back like a mother might, comforting her child in desperate need of someone to just tell them that it’s okay. Natalie’s always reminded him of maternity, even before Owen. “There’s nothing wrong with that. You have time to figure it out, and even if you never do, it’s okay.”

But he likes labels, neat little boxes to fit himself and his patients into in order to make the world a little less chaotic. Not knowing is going to drive him crazy. He needs answers, but he doesn’t have them and even if he was bisexual, that’s not something he’s necessarily ready to say for himself right now. He’s never thought about it before. He’s never been interested in men before, and he has this fear that it’s a one time thing, blown out of proportion from a moment of weakness and alcohol in a kiss that he can’t stop thinking about. 

Natalie sits with him until he finishes his yogurt, and then he stays by himself until he gets word that his patient is out of surgery. Which means Crockett is also after surgery, and Ethan hates the inopportune time he chose to bring up what happened between them. He was impulsive. He was stupid. The entire walk back to the ED, he berates himself for his impulsivity, and wonders how badly he’s really fucked up when he arrives at his patient’s recovery room. Now the focus is his secondary industries, like the scrapes on his body and a long gash steadily bleeding on his leg. Stable, but not solved. 

“He’s a fighter,” Crockett says as Ethan puts in the call to plastics for his leg. “Heart on us in surgery for a minute, but he pulled through.”

“I can see that, thanks.”

A hand, nearly burning with how warm it is, settles on the small of Ethan’s back as Crockett leans in close beside him under the pretense of observing the vitals closer. “You wanted to talk about last night?”

Yes. No. Maybe. He kind of wants to curl up in a ball and scream for the next ten years. Instead he nods and gets antiseptic on the patient’s slightly bloody cheek. It’s a good thing the anesthesia hasn’t worn off, that would probably hurt. Even the toughest have cried like babies when it comes to borderline road rash like this.

“Was I a good kisser for you, Choi?”

“That’s not the point.”

But yes. It was a good kiss, one that Ethan still craves. 

“Then what’s the question?”

“What did it mean?”

Crockett breathes out slow, pulls his hand away from Ethan’s back, and offers him a smile like the sun. “To me? To me, it meant the first real connection with a person since I got to Chicago. I can’t tell you what it meant to you.”

Somehow, the answer feels evasive, and when Crockett leaves Ethan there, he’s gotten no satisfaction and no reprieve from burning curiosity and self-revelation twenty-odd years too far down the line. But Crockett did say enough to fuel more questions. To him, it was connection. To him, it was something. Which means Ethan can’t pretend it was nothing and move on, and he has to confront the way he feels out of nowhere. 

What did it mean to him? This is a choice for himself to make, not to ask of Crockett because he isn’t going to be getting a solid answer. It had to have meant something if he’s still thinking about it the next day, still pondering its significance in his sudden questioning of something he thought he knew about himself.

Plastics arrives shortly to stitch up the patient, and then he’s off to the ICU, leaving Ethan to finish up some paperwork side by side with Crockett. The man radiates an ungodly amount of heat, enough for Ethan to feel it even with the inch or so between them. He should speak.

“Dr. Manning asked me how I managed to get you, of all people, asking her about bisexuality.”

“It didn’t have anything to do with you,” he says. Defensive. Obvious. “I was just asking her some questions.”

“Should I be jealous?”

Before Ethan gets the chance to answer, Crockett laughs. But it doesn’t feel like he’s laughing at him, just as a joke they’re both supposedly in on. And it has to mean something. Everything needs to mean something. He can’t keep drifting afloat like this with no idea what’s happening or what this stands for in terms of his sexuality.

“I’m not into Natalie.”

“Are you into me?”

Ethan freezes. It’s not as easy as that. And he can’t think straight with Crockett so close, smiling at him like that, their shoulders now brushing. Being put on the spot like this isn’t helpful in figuring himself out, either. Fuck this. Fuck Crockett.

Fuck Crockett?

That’s not a thought he’s even marginally ready to deal with right now, especially as Crockett sets a gentle hand on Ethan’s arm, just above his elbow. He’s so tender with him in every touch. It makes it harder. 

“Hey, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I’m sorry if this is- I’m sorry if-”

“I don’t know,” Ethan admits, and doesn’t pull away from the touch. “I don’t know if I’m… I just don’t know yet.”

Crockett nods and his hand dips down to touch Ethan’s waist. It mirrors the night before, the way Ethan touched him, and it makes him feel small in his own ED. He swallows hard. This is going somewhere. He’s not ready for it. 

“Then how about I take you out for dinner this weekend? Somewhere nicer than Molly’s, and no pressure to figure things out. Take your time. I’m willing to wait.”

Time for Ethan to figure it out, but with the expectation that he’s going to decide he likes Crockett beyond amicable colleagues. No pressure. It’s a useless assurance. He should say no, avoid the trap brewing which Crockett likely didn’t set on purpose. 

Instead, he agrees. Lord knows why, but he agrees, and Crockett promises to take him out on Friday. “I’ll pick you up and everything,” he says, after offering his phone number. “Just text me your address by then.”

Friday, only a handful of days away. Three, not counting today. Then he’ll be on a date with Crockett, and what’s the ettiquette for that, actually? Who pays? Do they split it? What if the date becomes a shared bed that night and regret in the morning. He shouldn’t have said yes, but it’s too late to back out now. Fuck his entire life. Three days to figure this out, or come up with some reason not to go. He’s screwed, isn’t he?

When he goes home that night, he spends two straight hours in front of his closet, trying to make a decision about what to wear for a date that’s days away. He looks good in navy, and Emily gave him a nice button down with white polka dots on it for Christmas a couple years ago. Maybe that one. Should he wear a tie? Should he wear slacks or dark jeans? Fuck. he hasn’t been this worked up about a date since he was a teenager having his first dinner and movie with the girl in his civics class. It’s because he doesn’t know the rules, he tells himself. He doesn’t know how this is supposed to go or what it might turn into, and he isn’t certain yet that he even likes Crockett. And as a rule of thumb, he doesn’t go on dates with people he isn’t sure he likes.

So Ethan gives his closet door a nice kick and changes out of his scrubs. Joggers and gloves. He can be productive with his nervous energy. After all, he has a punching bag up in his living room for more than just morning workouts. It’s to burn things like this off, and he can stop thinking so much about Crockett’s smile as he beats the ever-loving shit out of the red cover and makes his hands ache with the force. He should’ve wrapped them under the gloves. Too late now.

On Wednesday, he doesn’t see Crockett, and he wastes another evening on the punching bag.

Thursday, he’s only just taking off his coat when Crockett walks in and grabs his wrist, tender with bruises already, and lifts it up for inspection. “What happened here?” he asks, like it isn’t his fault. To be fair, he doesn’t know. “Get in a back alley fight or something?”

Ethan shrugs and pulls away.

“Okay, fine,” Crockett says, raising his hands defensively. But he’s still smiling like every single memory of him blaring in Ethan’s brain. It’s with that smile on his face that he leans in and smacks a wet kiss onto Ethan’s cheek like a child imitating cartoons. He laughs as Ethan wipes the space with a furrowed brow. “We still on for dinner tomorrow night?”

He almost shrugs again, but instead agrees and they make plans for seven. At seven, after they’ve had time to shower and change, Crockett will pick him up and buy him dinner and it’s actually going to happen. It’s going to happen, he repeats in a mantra all day, and all through the night and the next day as Crockett dances around him. They work. Crockett compliments him time and time again. And Ethan tries to hold himself together and avoid a complete panic. 

Dinner is happening.

Dinner is happening, and come Friday night, he’s ironed his shirt three times before he finally puts it on and smooths it again. His hair is gelled. He’s even put on his nice cologne for the occasion. He just wants it to go well, but all the same, he’s terrified of what this date could turn into. Everything is moving too fast for him.

In fact, he tells his reflection, “This is too fast,” seconds before his door thuds in a heavy knock that he knows comes from Crockett’s fist. 

He doesn’t bother calling out that he’ll be there in a second, just pulls the door open. Crockett cleans up nice. His hair has been styled, a crisp red button down clinging to his frame, cradling a bouquet of roses with the same bright color. 

“For you,” Crockett says, holding them out. They’re beautiful, like Crockett’s smile. Ethan wants to scream. “Thought you deserved something as gorgeous as you.”

Fuck. Fuck. He takes them with a soft thanks and sets them on the table to set in a vase after dinner. Dinner, Crockett is taking him to dinner, and when they leave the house, Crockett wraps an arm around him, pulls him in close. He smells like spice and warmth, as opposed to hospital antiseptic and sterility. 

“Have you ever been to that steakhouse downtown?”

“No.”

Crockett smiles a little. He’s always smiling. It’s always breathtaking. “Me neither. But it’s supposed to be crazy good, apparently it’s where Manning and Nurse Sexton like to go on their date nights.”

“They’re dating?”

“Yeah,” Crockett answers, fishing for his car keys. “Have been for like six months, according to Dr. Manning.”

Maybe Ethan should pay a little more attention to his coworkers who aren’t Crockett. He makes a mental note to talk to April, ask how things are going, and then banishes them from his mind as Crockett opens the passenger door for him. It’s a nice car, but not over-the-top luxurious, and it’s warm against the bitter autumn cold as they pull out of his complex. The entire ride is just Crockett talking mindlessly about how hard it was to find flowers “worthy of someone like you” in that heavy accent, smiling with his eyes as each word spills out. 

Crockett leads him into the restaurant just as he guided him out of the house. Touchy, affectionate. He’s going to start crying. The restaurant is nice. Spacious, classically decorated, romantically lit. It’s nicer than anywhere he’s ever taken anyone on a date, even an anniversary. But this is a first date. And Crockett’s made reservations, so that they’re seated right away and a fancy waiter comes by with a bottle of wine he shows them before pouring into their glasses.

“This is really nice,” Ethan admits, taking a sniff before a sip. He’s not much of a wine guy. “Thanks.”

“Only the best for you,” Crockett replies. He’s got that smile again. “Baby’s first gay date.”

“I hate you.”

Crockett laughs. It’s going to become some in joke, Ethan already knows, and he’s annoyed but there’s a charm to it, the way there is to everything that he says and does. To the way he flags down a waiter to order, to the twang in his voice as he tells some story about partying in med school, to the warmth of his hand when he holds Ethan’s atop the crisp tabletop.

His chest aches when Crockett asks if he wants dessert. Something sweet to round out the night, fill them both with warmth, and he knows he has to admit that this is a lot for him. This is too much, too fast. He isn’t ready.

“I think the tiramasu is supposed to be good,” he says, pointing at the picture. “What do you think?”

“This is moving too fast.”

Crockett pauses and looks up at him. Eyes crinkling, a smile pulling at his lips. Not a bright one, just sad and a little bittersweet. “I get it.”

Somehow, this is worse than if Crockett was angry. 

“Take all the time you need to figure yourself out,” he says. “If and when you’re ready, I’ll be here. And if you ever do decide you like men, just not me, that’s okay too. Thanks for coming out with me tonight.”

He leans over the table to leave a tender kiss to Ethan’s forehead. 

“I can drive you home or call you an Uber, your choice.”

“I’ll take the ride.”

They don’t share dessert, and when Crockett drives him home, talking inanely about this or that, Ethan can’t stop looking at him. There is no kiss goodbye, kiss goodnight. Only him back in his apartment, the only other things worth notice being his bird and the bouquet of flowers waiting for a vase to support them a little while longer.

[nottskyler]

Dear President Oaks,

We are all one in the body of Christ and it is very clear that your responsibility in guiding the body of Christ is to listen to the pain signals given from other parts of the body of Christ. As a faithful LGBT member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I want to say your words at the press release caused a lot of pain and the LGBT portion of the body of Christ pleads with you to stop and listen.

You say you don’t know why people are LGBT or other queer identities. You speak as if we are dysfunctional parts of the body, but we aren’t. Arms are different from elbows which are different from wrists and fingers, and even fingers differ one from another. Luckily in a Church that relies heavily on personal revelation, you don’t have to figure out our place on your own. You can listen to what the spirit has testified in our hearts and learn how it applies to the running of Christ’s Church. The first thing many of us did when we discovered we weren’t cis or hetero was fall to our knees and ask Gd why, and He responded. Here are the truths that I learned in turning to Gd:

1) Gd loves me and made me this way. There is nothing wrong with me. His purpose is to bring to pass my immortality and eternal life and making me bi and trans was an essential part of my journey to have a change of heart and get to know Gd (which is eternal life according to John 17:3).

2) There are philosophies of men that have snuck into the teachings of the Church when it comes to marriage and gender and Gd has sent more LGBT individuals in our time to helps us root out these lies so we can more fully enjoy the fruits of the Gospel.

3) Gd is not a respecter of persons. As long as someone has faith, Gd will reveal Himself to them and truths that are important to their life. This means there is something we can learn from everyone (Alma 32:23). 

4) The Church is not meant to be perfect. If all we had to do was blindly follow our leaders, we would never learn the traits required to be even as Gd is. Corrections and changes in the Church are necessary to learn repentance and how to get answers on our own.

5) Gender is eternal. Even though there was nothing in my gender expression that was outside what is acceptable for women in our society, there was a dissonance caused by the mismatch of my spirit and body. It testifies to me that I am without beginning or end just like Gd.

6) The reason Gd does anything is “to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man” (Moses 1:39). That means that He allows me and others to believe things that are not true as long as it leads us to Him. Also, mistakes that we make are important because it creates holes that need to be made perfect through Christ’s atonement. Without those mistakes, there would be no space for Him to come in and heal.

7) Gd wants me to live up to my potential and privilege as a member of His restored Church. President Uchtdorf’s parable about the man on the cruise eating cans of beans in his cabin has always struck an uncomfortable chord with me until I realized it was because I was like that man. Denying my eternal identity and living in the closet was keeping me from being who Gd wants and needs me to be. “Adam fell that men might be and men are that they might have joy” (2 Nephi 2:25). The apostles have always made it clear that the joy is for this life as well as in the next. I have to be true to my eternal identity in order to live up to my mortal potential and privilege.

8) Christ stands with the marginalized. Every minute I spend among LGBT individuals, listening to their stories and feeling their pain, Gd testifies to me that He is with them and that I am more like Christ for being among them as Christ would, helping share their burdens and sharing the hope and love that Gd has given me.

9) Spiritual laws are eternal and unchanging and ignorance will not save me from the natural effects of breaking them. I was in despair that kept growing more and more as time went on. I knew from Moroni 10:22 that meant I was doing something wrong. I did everything to be the perfect Mormon girl and repented of every small act and the despair was never lifted. It wasn’t until I accepted my eternal identity and began living my life as a man that it has begun to go away. I have a long way ahead on my transition, but I trust that the seed will continue to grow as it has so far and continue to dispel the cloud of doom. It taught me that even though I was unaware that I was living contrary to my eternal gender, I was not immune to the temporal consequences of my actions.

I know “to every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:” (Ecclesiastes 3:1), but Gd’s LGB children have been wandering in the spiritual desert for over 40 years since informing you of their pain and inability to come to the same truth as you. In the Temple we learn that anyone who is listening can hear Gd’s words as the command is passed down the line. We heard Gd tell you that the time of excluding His LGB children is up. He told you to treat homosexual relationships the same as you treat heterosexual relationships and we hurt when we heard you added your own exclusions. Gd isn’t telling you to start performing gay marriages in the Temple, He is telling you to stop asking LGB members to live a different law of chastity than the one given in the temple, “which is that the sons and daughters of Adam and Eve only have sexual relations with those to whom they are legally and lawfully married according to Gd’s law”.

Discussion about being trans has not been as prevalent or pervasive as the LGB discussion in the Church because, up until your ill-informed announcement, the Church was more friendly towards trans individuals than LGB individuals. The Church allows members to socially transition and take hormones to help them manage the dissonance from their spirit-body mismatch. In fact, I’ve heard many positive stories where Church leaders allowed trans individuals to attend meetings that best matched their gender identity and how it unified and strengthened the ward. Trans individuals have pointed to the line in the Family: A Proclamation since it was released where it declares that gender is eternal to express their feelings as a trans individual. They testify more vehemently than anyone else that gender is important and that it is eternal. And now you point to the line and declare that those who most strongly support it are wrong and that the flesh is more indicative of a spiritual truth than knowledge that is spiritually obtained? (1 Corinthians 2:14)

I am grateful that Gd led me on this journey before you decided to speak your personal beliefs as if they were from Gd because I am one who does their best to listen and obey the counsel of Gd’s apostles and prophets. It would have made me question the office and authority that Gd gave you, likely leading me to leave the Church like so many others, instead of treating this as a mystery of Gd that hasn’t been revealed that I could discover for myself because He can’t wait to share His truths to those who earnestly seek them. I found the truth and I know it is true as easily as I can tell the day time from the night (Moroni 7:15-17). Living as trans has brought me closer to Christ. It has given me the strength to not deny Him to my fellow man. It has filled me with His love and given me the capacity to share it with others and invite them to Christ.

I invite you to listen to the pain messages from the trans portion of Christ’s body, especially because your careless words are going to make the suffering a lot worse for us. If you wish to stop the worst of the pain, I recommend requiring Church leaders to use living names and pronouns for trans people at Church and in Church associated gatherings, encouraging trans individuals to attend gendered meetings and activities that match their gender identity most closely, when they legally change their name and pronouns their records need to indicate the change (FTM, MTF, MTN, and FTN are acceptable), and there should be no punishment for seeking surgery as treatment for gender dysphoria. These policies would ease the pain of trans members of Christ’s restored Church and increase their capacity to help build up the Kingdom of Gd on earth.

Gd has a place in His plan for His LGBT children. We ask that you take a step of faith and love and let us participate without restrictions that you wouldn’t place on a cis and straight member of the Church. We want to marry and not be punished for it, we want to be recognized by our living name and pronouns as any individual wishes to be, we want to seek treatment to mental illness without judgment and punishment, we want to be treated as equal members without restrictions because being LGBT is not a choice. The choice we have is whether we will be who Gd created us to be or suffer the depression and despair that comes from breaking eternal laws. We can wait for revelation for understanding our place in the eternities and priesthood and temple ordinances, but don’t ask us to suffer not being treated as equals, not being treated with common decency, facing judgment instead of love from family members and ward members who justify their behavior by saying they are simply doing what the prophets tell them. Please stop feeding the hate and encouraging them to persecute us. Please love us the way the Savior would.

Sincerely,

Skyler

[tcfkag]

squidiosyncrasies replied to your post: Bisexual women married to men face zero homophobia...

Studies have shown bi women face the most domestic abuse of people for any gender+orientation (including lesbians) and yet somehow it’s their fault because they can choose to date men. And passing isn’t a privilege, and it’s something that even happens to lesbians and gay men who are single. There is nothing to be gained from being biphobic

I didn’t know the first part, but it doesn’t necessarily surprise me. Honestly, knowing how so many men react when they find out a woman is bisexual, it wouldn’t surprise me if there are men who seek out bisexual women because of what they think they can get out of us (cough thresomes cough). Or, on the flip side of the coin, I saw all to often in my domestic violence work how jealously can be used as a weapon in emotional and physical abuse, especially since they can now gaslight their intimate partners about their female friends as well as male friends (and one of the most common tools used by abusers is socially isolating their victims.)  SIDE NOTE: This is the PSA I add to most posts about DV and abuse in general. If you have a friend in an abusive relationship, whether emotional, physical, or both, the worst thing you can do is to cut them out of your life. Or take it personally if they cut you out, even if they totally ghost you. When you get frustrated about a friend in a relationship that you know is toxic, the best thing you can do is be a friend, be an ear, and respect their decisions about their life even if you think they are making terrible decisions. Explaining all the reasons this is true is a post for another day (and posts I’ve made before) but by being a friend, being on HER side, and by making sure she knows that you’ll be there whenever she needs you. [SIDE NOTE TWO: I’m using “her” and “him” pronouns here bc we are talking about bisexual women in abusive relationships with men; I am not implying that dometic violence is exclusively the province of cis males in relationships with women alone.] I will margianally disagree on one issue, that I think that being straight passing is a privilege (not least of all because simply mentioning my spouse doesn’t “out” me to everyone I meet). But as with everything, there is a flip side to the coin, never having to out myself means that I basically never actually come out. And being in the closet is difficult no matter who you are.  But at the end of the day, I think your last sentence is the real issue here. The status of the queer community socially and politically has improved remarkably just during my lifetime alone. And some of that is because of there being more and more openly gay, lesbian, and trans people living outloud (so to speak) and with increased numbers has come increased social acceptance of gay, lesbian, and trans people. Without the brave souls who attended the first Prides, we would never be where we are - Ogberfell would never have happened. Our parent’s generations said “We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it” and more and more, society is listening. BUT, THE FIGHT FOR EQUALITY ISN’T CLOSE TO FINISHED! Workplace discrimination, discrimination based on “religious” reaons, bathroom laws, violence against trans people, especially black trans women, and the list goes on. As a community, we can DO MORE to change society with more member than with fewers. Our tent being big because it needs to be. Kicking bisexual women (or any straight-passing) people from your tent does nothing but excluding people who are on.your.fucking.side. SMH

FRIENDLY REMINDER, THE B IN LGBTQ DOESN’T STAND FOR BITCH!