#still have a note from a week ago I couldn't finish over a freaking 3-day weekend

[gottagobuycheese]

I swear every year I split the hairs of deadlines worse and worse and I’m SURE someday it’ll kill me and I’ll maybe even learn my lesson but man how much do I have to suffer until then

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

I had a rough week last week. Tuesday my dog gets sick, so I look up her symptoms. And bc I'm a crazy person, my mind automatically latched onto the worst possibility. So I spent three hours crying hysterically and having panic attacks bc I was so scared she would die. Then Wednesday I had to take my dog to vet and was still super stressed out. Thursday and Friday I have to deal with medicaid and disability paperwork. Saturday I had a panic attack so bad that I couldn't stop it and had to text my brother to come help me (he lives with me. we're too poor to live without a roommate, and we've basically lived together our whole lives, so it was whatever). Sunday morning I have a panic attack and can't leave my house to play my weekly dnd game bc the thought of spending hours with other people away from home was...bad. Sunday night, I got completely (and irrationally) terrified of being alone. I was so afraid that I called my mom, and of course she offers to come over. And I'm freaking out so bad I let her, even though it was late and I know she has to get up early for work. (She only stayed until my brother got back around 10:30)

BUT, today is a new day. I managed to get my blood work done today, and talk on the phone to my case worker, and pick up a pair of contacts from my eye doctor to wear until my order comes in. And I didn't have a panic attack. I mean, I still had to have my dad take me, bc leaving home alone isn't something I can do right now. (Mentally or physically. My brother's car broke down, and since he's the one who has a job, he's been using mine. i stg it's like a fucking family curse; every time someone is already in a financial bind, their car will break down.)

So I have decided to take the next few days to just relax. My two besties that I've been friends with since middle school both have kids with autism and they said I'm probably going through autistic burn-out. I'm pretty sure I'm autistic and my doctor thinks I'm somewhere on the spectrum, though on the lower support side. I'm gonna play bg3, and unwind. And try to work on some fic. (bc I have the next chapter of 16 Days damn near finished, and it's the last chapter that ties up the current plot, then there's an epilogue that takes place later that played out like a movie in my head, so writing it will be a breeze.)

Side note, did y'all know that some school systems still use 'high/low functioning'. I've had to say to my coworkers that autistic people would prefer not to use those terms. But it isn't surprising; one of my cousin's kids was literally diagnosed with Asperger's. Which has fallen under the autism spectrum disorder since like, forever ago. And also there was a TA in the autism classroom I worked in once who literally told me that autism was caused by demonic possession. I'm so glad I left the school system. Bc I eventually was going to fucking explode with rage after the way my kids were treated. (My students, not my actual kids. I don't have or want any)

Working in EC has really shown me how little the school system actually cares about helping the disabled; they will cut corners and do shit that 'technically' meets a kid's IEP, but doesn't do a damn thing to help them. And if you say something like, 'i don't think that counts' your coworkers will not be happy. But to a certain degree you can't be too mad, bc there is literally not enough time or resources to meet every child's needs, bc they cram as many kids in one EC classroom as possible, hire the minimum amount of TAs required by law and expect one teacher to be able to magically meet all their needs. My last job had 3 kids in wheelchairs in those tiny ass mobile units schools started using, that literally did not have room to move around, unless the other students stood up to let them get by, and sometimes even move their desk. We had multiple kids with autism. One of them stimmed by screaming, another was triggered by loud noises.

This post kinda went off on a tangent. Anyway, heads up to any parents who have kids starting school, make sure you get a copy of your child's IEP. If you think they aren't being serviced, contact your local Board of Education, and tell them that you have a child with an IEP who isn't receiving adequate services. Then threaten to sue them if they don't start providing your kid their services. It does not matter if you can actually afford to sue them or not, an IEP is a legally binding document. You have the right to sue, and most of the time the threat alone is enough to kick their ass into gear.

[msclaritea]

A very important history lesson and why we have to fight back this time.

A lot of people saw the White Tears Death March at Michigan's capitol & said: "If black people did that..."

"Some mentioned Reagan's gun control law after '67 Panthers protest But there are many historical examples of white people freaking out when blacks protested.

(A thread) 

After the Not-So-Civil War, this happened ALL THE TIME.

Remember, the states that got their asses kicked were not automatically allowed back into the Union. Southern white supremacists were so scared when blacks exercised their new right to vote that they started a race war. 

In 1866, La. reconvened its Constitutional Convention because Democrats were trying to stop blacks from voting. (This was before conservative Southern "states rights" advocates switched became Republican. We'll get to that)

Of course, black people marched (but not like that). 

When the black people showed up, a group of white supremacists (Y'all call them "Confederates now — same thing) was waiting on them and opened fire.

To be fair, the black ppl weren't actually protesting, per se when the racists opened fire. They were doing something much worse: 

They were dancing and playing music.

Y'all, those racist bastards opened fire on a MARCHING BAND.

Then this happened:

Partly because of the New Orleans Massacre, Congress passed the First Reconstruction Act. Black Louisianans were guaranteed the right to vote but the act did something else that would make the racists even madder.

It took away the right to vote for any ex-Confederate. 

If you think this was bad, Georgia was even worse.

Ga. holds the distinction of being the only state that was so racist that we had to kick the ENTIRE STATE out of America.

Seriously, that happened. And it was partly because of the Camilla Massacre. 

First, you gotta remember that blacks damn near outnumbered whites in Georgia. So, after they got the right to vote, 33 black ppl were elected to the state legislature.

Wypipo wasn't having that shit.

So the white legislators called their homeboys up (Y'all call them the KKK) 

The KKK ran the DULY ELECTED "Original 33" out of office.

Then the Ga. Supreme Court ruled that black people were technically citizens, but the Ga. laws were only meant for white people, so... Black ppl, y'all need to go somewhere with that "equality" shit.*

*I'm paraphrasing

A week after they ousted the Original 33, one of the (did I mentioned DULY ELECTED) legislators organized 200-300 blacks & marched from Albany to Camilla to hold a rally in the town square

When they got to Mitchell County, whites waiting in storefronts and on roofs, opened fire 

The Camilla Massacre got Georgia kicked BACK OUT of the Union and the state had to be readmitted for a second time in 1870 after it seated SOME of the Original 33.

Why not all?

Well, 1/4 of the Original 33 were murdered or attacked. 

On October 25, 1870, 2,000 black people gathered at a rally in Eutaw, Ala. right before the Nov. election. The crowd wanted to prove they weren't of white racists.

Why would they be scared?

Well, in March, 30 masked white men had lynched James Martin, a black Republican. 

It happened again in July, but they didn't just kill Gillford Coleman, they cut his body up into pieces. The racists were afraid Eutaw Co. blacks would help elect a Republican Gov. liked they helped Grant win the county by 2000 votes the 1868 election, 

Klansman rode into town and opened fire on adults and children and promised to do it again if Black people voted.

The tactic worked.

Instead of Republicans winning, the county by 2000 votes, the Democrat Governor won by 43 votes. 

That was lame compared to the Battle of Liberty Place.

Remember when this whole "Confederate Statue" thing first started a couple of years ago? It was partly about a monument to the Battle of Liberty Place, when a whole white supremacist army overthrew the Louisiana gvt. 



In 18 months a white supremacist ARMY called the "white league" (racists are notoriously bad for coming up with nicknames) killed hundreds of Black voters in Colfax, New Orleans, Coushatta & Opelousas

This is what led to the passage of the 2nd Ku Klux Klan Act 

(Side note: The Colfax Massacre also resulted in a Supreme Court Case, which was the first time the Supreme Court said the Second Amendment guaranteed individual citizens the right to own guns)

A lot of Black folks weren't having this shit. So they formed their own armies. 

In SC, the KKK and other Dollar Tree brand racist groups were killing Blacks in the lead up to the 1876 election. In Ellenton, over 100 black voters were murdered.

But it wasn't just about politics. White people HATED when blacks told them what to do. 

You gotta remember, most southern whites were Confederates, so during Reconstruction military occupation, a lot of the soldiers were black.

On July 4, 1876, in Hamburg, the town next to Ellenton, SC, a group of black national guardsmen were drilling while black people watched 

A group of these Dollar Tree white soldiers called the "Red Shirts" came through trying to flex and the Black Guardsmen told them to wait to pass until they finished.

Yall know those former whip crackers weren't having that. 

A white judge told the Red Shirts that they could take the black NATIONAL GUARDSMEN's guns, they found the black militia and began opening fire.

94 white men were indicted.

0 were convicted

The leader of the Hamburg Massacre?

He went on to serve 24 years in the US Senate 

Again, it wasn't just about stopping black people from voting.

In 1887, 10,000 black workers went on strike and started forming a union on La sugar plantations.

So the plantation owners hired the KKK to come in and kill the organizers. Then, it became any black person. 

No one knows how many were killed but the official number is "enough"

Louisiana sugar plantations wouldn't organize again for another 50 years. 

On July 3, 1919, a group of black Buffalo Soldiers went to Bisbee, Ari. Now, this may have been before cookouts were invented, because the soldiers had planned to march in the parade the next day. 

Bisbee's white sheriff told the black soldiers that they couldn't walk around with their guns. When the police officers tried to disarm the Buffalo Soldiers, the refused. So they deputized all the white men in town to disarm the negroes 

The soldiers were like: "Fuck y'all lil' parade, then," and were preparing to leave when one of the deputies was like: "You can't talk to a white man like that."

He opened fire.

The other deputies did, too. 

An investigation would later reveal that it was planned.

The Sherriff and others "had planned deliberately to aggravate the negro troopers so that they would furnish an excuse for police and deputy sheriffs to shoot them down."

No word on the cookout. 

Later that same year, black cotton sharecroppers met at a church in Elaine, Ark. They were trying to organize to get better prices but white farmers showed up. After an exchange of gunfire, a white man ended up dead.

The rumor spread that there was a black coup in Elaine 

Whites from all across the South came to Elaine to literally hunt Black ppl. No one still knows how many were killed. Estimates range up to 250. You know how they finally ended it?

Federal troops arrived...

And arrested all the black people who were left alive. 

In 1945, 19 black Air Force fighter pilots were arrested for trying to integrate an all-white officers club at an Indiana Airbase. 17 more showed up. They were arrested. 25 more showed up the next night, and were arrested.

Segregation was technically against military rule 

So the Air Force gathered all 101 black airmen in a room & offered a deal: All they had to do is sign a paper saying they agree to the segregation or,

Face arrest for violating a direct order, which was technically punishable by death.

All 101 refused.

They were all arrested 

Historically, the white "patriots" who love the flag and the troops treated black soldiers like they all took a knee before an NFL game.

In August 1947, Chicago residents grew angry when they realized the gov't was giving homes to Black veterans in the white Fernwood Park area 

The day after the families moved in, on August13, the whites attacked

For 3 days, as many as 5,000 white rioters pulled Black people out of cars and beat them. They threw rocks at the homes and smashed windows. Then they started setting fires.

The police did nothing. 

In 1949, black Chicago union stewards assembled went to a meeting. There were white people at the meeting, too. The meeting was even in the home of a white couple, but a rumor had already been circulating that black people were planning to buy a house in the white neighborhood. 

By the end of the meeting, hundreds of whites were outside.

This one lasted 5 days.

An estimated 10,000 white rioters took part in the Englewood riot.

Police did nothing to stop it. 

Remember when MLK wrote about "white moderates" in the Letter from a Birmingham Jail?" Well, those protests were partially successful.

On May 11, 1963 black protesters were celebrating. The city had decided to desegregate water fountains, lunch counters, retail stores... 

On May 11, 1963, the KKK was also planning a march in Bham because...you know.

Just before 11 am, a uniformed Bham police officer got out of his car and put a package on the porch of a small house.

It was dynamite.

It exploded. 

A few minutes later, another bigger bomb at the AG Gaston motel.

Everyone knows about the 16th St. church bombing in Birmingham, but few people know that there were more than FIFTY bombings in "Bombingham" during the Civil rights era 

One section of town was bombed so often it's still called "Dynamite Hill."

Of course, the KKK marched anyway.

Oh, and that bombed house belonged to A.D. King, Martin Luther King's brother.

King had left town a few hours earlier...

After checking out of the AG Gaston Hotel 

(Fun fact: Angela Davis and Condoleeza Rice grew up around the corner from each other in Dynamite Hill)

On February 5, 1968, black students from SC State tried to integrate a bowling alley. They were kicked out, but this time, the police were waiting to beat protesters. 

But students kept showing up. So the governor called the state troopers and the National Guard.

On Feb. 8, while attempting to put out a bonfire, the Troopers opened fire on 200 protesters, shooting dozens of black students and protesters. 

1 high school student was killed and 2 SCSU students. Police said they thought the students were shooting,

They weren't

One person was arrested, convicted and served time, Cleveland Sellers...

A student.

You might know his son @Bakari_Sellers 

In March, 1970, in Lamar SC, a mob of angry white people attacked black protesters. Well... these protesters were kinda young and they were protesting in a weird way:

They were going to school.

A judge had ordered the school district to integrate

There are so many more examples

Check out "Ax Handle Saturday" in Jacksonville, Fla.

Read about when Fannie Lou Hamer and the Mississippi Freedom Democrats showed up at the '64 convention

The Freedom Riders

Bloody Sunday in Selma

Art Bacon in Talladega 

So when white people show up to protests angry and outspoken, and nothing happens, you don't have to wonder what would happen if black people did that,

Just remember what happened when black people just SHOWED UP

Not if...

WHEN."

[grayson-22]

Shut up.

Based off of what my friend AJ said

Warnings

Drinking, like a lot.

Self doubt mention (like once)

Collage au

Also, Derien is Deceit and he has scars instead of scales (old burn marks)

Pairings: Prinxiety (sexual) dukceit (romantic), and logicality (romantic with sexual tension)

Regrets are made.

I would also like to note that I do not believe all heterosexual people are stupid.

Oh also...there's mention of sex, a few times.

~

Roman was the first to come home from class, waiting on his brother and roommates. He knew everyone was going to be stressed, so he made himself busy, he decorated everything and sent out a text to every friend he had.

Tonight he was throwing a party. He told Virgil so he wouldn't freak out, but let the others be surprised.

Virgil came home next, deciding to help Roman with decorations and finishing off the shitty vodka Roman bought weeks ago. "We need more booze if this is going to be fun..." Virgil groaned out, feeling a bit tipsy.

"Well if someone would stop drinking we'd have booze!" Roman sighed.

"Hey! There wasn't enough for everyone! Not to mention this is shit! Normally I'd be drunk off my ass right now, but you got weak stuff, next time let me buy it." Virgil argues back.

Roman groans, he knew Virgil had a point. "Fine, grab my keys. Make sure to GIVE me them. You're not driving." Roman said, yanking the keys from Virgil. They got in the car and quickly bought cases of beer and a few bottles of Vodka, tequila, and scotch at Virgils request.

They get back to their dorm and finish up their decorating before everyone else gets back.

~

Logan looked at their dorm in shock, he had no idea Roman was going to throw a party. There were people already showing up when he, Patton, Derien, and Remus showed up.

"What the fuck is going on?!" Logan called out, "look Ro...I've had a stressful day. I do not need your idiotic ideas right now..." he said while pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I know you've had a stressful day, that's why I threw you a party. Giving you a chance to let loose, you don't have classes for 3 days! Take advantage of those days to nurse a hangover." Roman smiled and pulled everyone in.

It wasn't long before Remus and Virgil began doing shots, Virgil being the winner.

Derien looked around, drinking lightly, he didn't want to become wasted like his boyfriend. It wasn't until Remus had given him the puppy eyes did he finally take 3 shots of Vodka.

Roman was drinking heavily, almost like he didn't want to remember tonight at all.

Patton and Logan were moderately drunk, not as much as the rest of them, but close. Patton was kissing his boyfriend when Logan pulled away, looking sadly at Patton. "I don't deserve you...I don't think I could ever be good enough for you..." he said quietly as Patton started giggling. "Of course you do, and of course you are, silly. If you weren't...I wouldn't be here even now." He said before pulling Logan into another kiss.

Remus was sitting on Deriens lap, talking about every little thought that flooded his mind and Derien just sat there telling him how amazing he was and how creative he was.

Roman was flirting it up with a guy he thought was hot, only to be rejected for a blond chick with a tramp stamp. "Stupid heteros..." he mumbled out. While walking back to the kitchen.

In the kitchen was Virgil, drinking a beer and swaying back and forth on the countertop. "Roman!" He called out before grabbing Romans hand. "Hey storm cloud~" Roman said softly before allowing himself to be pulled into a kiss by Virgil.

As they kissed, more people got annoyed with them. They were in the way if the beers after all. After the third, "get a room!" They finally listened.

Roman carried Virgil into his room before shutting the door and locking it. They went towards the bed before hearing a scream. It was the tramp stamp and the guy! "Hey! This is my room!" Roman yelled at them to get out before realizing that they were in the middle of something.

They quickly put their clothes back on and left, Virgil began laughing, looking at Roman who was laying over him angrily. "Shut up...just kiss me." He said, Virgil nodded and kissed him again.

It wasn't long before loud moans came out of Romans room, nobody seemed to notice except for Patton, who then whispered something into Logan's ear. This caused Logan to blush and follow Patton to his room.

Derien and Remus were the only pair that slept in different rooms that night. Once everyone had left, the dorm was nearly silent. Minus the noises still coming from Romans room.

~

The next morning was an adventure. Virgil woke up slowly, feeling someone under him, someone warm. He couldn't see properly yet, so he thought he was in his own room. He didn't want to move from his spot until he realized he was naked, and so was the stranger he was laying on. He looked up to see a sleeping Roman.

"Shitshitshitshit" Virgil quietly got up and grabbed his clothes, looking at Roman who slowly started stirring at the loss of heat on his chest, "who's there?" He asked starting to look up.

Virgil froze, while buttoning his pants up. Roman stared at him wide eyed. "What...the...fuck?" Roman asked ever so quietly. Virgil blushed, "look...i can't remember anything...for all we know...we could've just went to sleep!" He said trying to be optimistic.

"Sleeping doesn't make my ass hurt though." Roman stated blankly. Virgil blushed before laughing. "Wait. You're a bottom?! I never would've guessed! Well...i guess I did guess then." He laughed more, falling over onto his back.

Roman sat there, blushing the entire time. "Well you don't seem like much of a top so..." he mumbled. "And yet...you're the one with a pain in the ass, makes sense actually." Virgil said while pausing his laughter.

Roman threw a pillow at him. "Virgil...just Shut up...don't tell anyone.. please?" Virgil looked up at Roman, realizing this was really upsetting for him, "what. Ashamed that it was me and not some dumb jock?" Virgil asked.

Roman sighed, "no...just...i don't want people knowing...its complicated." He said quietly. Virgil was mad. "Why should I keep quiet? Give me one reason or I'll tell the whole school." Virgil was tired of people being ashamed of knowing him...of liking him...of being around him. Roman blushed, he grabbed for Virgils hand, but Virgil pulled away.

"Please Virgil...i promise it has nothing to do with you..." Roman pleaded. Virgil ignored him and pulled out his phone.

Roman grabbed his phone away from him, "Hey!" Virgil called out grabbing at his phone. Roman pulled it away, causing Virgil to fall over, catching himself over Roman.

Virgil blushed before straddling Roman to reach for his phone, which he still wasn't able to reach. Roman grabbed Virgil by the waist with his free hand to keep him from standing up . "Virgil." Virgil looks at Roman, "this has nothing to do with you...i can't remember much of last night...but I do remember one thing very clearly...I...got rejected before going into the kitchen...if people know I slept with you...they would also know I got rejected..." he said softly.

Virgil sighed, "Fine...i won't tell anyone..." he blushed when he realized that he was still straddeling Roman, and that both if them were hard. Roman noticed this too, bringing his other hand down onto Virgils waist. Virgil blushed more as he leaned down slightly, hesitating before kissing Roman.

Roman pulled at Virgils jeans, causing Virgil to slide forward slightly, while on top of Roman.

Virgil took his jeans and boxers off before kissing Romans neck. Roman blushed and let out a small moan.

He lightly pushed Virgil off though. Virgil looked surprised, "sorry...i thou-" he was quieted by a kiss being planted on his lips.

"You thought right, I'm just...adjusting." he said as he sat in Virgils lap. Virgil realized what he was doing and grabbed his waist, pulling him closer. He kissed his lips with a hunger. Roman ran his fingers through Virgils hair as he began kissing Romans neck.

Roman moaned loudly, waking everyone else up. Virgil kissed his lips again to quiet him down. He pulled away whispering into Romans ear, "do you really wanna do this...?" Roman nodded eagerly, "might as well now, so I can actually rememebr it." He replied with a smirk.

By the time breakfast was ready, everyone was making jokes towards Roman and Virgil their only response was, "Shut up..."

[den-xerw-giati-uparxw]

I'm in love

It was 9am and Dan was just staring at his bedroom's ceiling. He wasn't thinking of something specific, million thought were drilling his mind trying to make him go crazy at least for a bit today. He didn't want to, but he was certain that today wasn't going to be a good day for him. He had a feeling that he might do something so stupid or accidentally reveal his love to his best friend Phil and destroy their relationship. 4 days ago they were in America doing their first live show called "The Amazing Tour Is Not On Fire" and now they are back in London. Dan took a deep breath and shook his head, he then realised that it was 9am.he got off bed and opened his bedroom's window and when he wore a black plain t-shirt and a pair of jeans and opened his door He went to the kitchen and saw Phil trying to figure out what to eat for breakfast " good morning Dan"said and smiled at him "Oh Good morning to you too Phil" Dan replied " *pause*Are you okay ? You seem like you didn't sleep at all." Said Phil, it was true Dan had barely gotten any sleep the previous night. His mind couldn't 'shut up', he hated when that happen "Yeah I am , I'm just still a little bit tired that's all" said and smiled at Phil "Okay then...what do you want to eat for breakfast?" "Its okay I'll make it on my own, but thanks anyway" "Okay , I'm going to make a cup of coffee and eat a cupcake" said Phil "Well I dont know if I want to eat breakfast ,to be honest I fell like my stomach is going to explode, if I eat something "  said Dan "Yeah but you have to eat something. Last time you ate properly  was 2 days ago when we were having breakfast. You're last proper meal was breakfast and we're eating breakfast now." Said Phil cautious about his friends body's and mental health. "Jeez Phil your not my mother and I'm not a little boy but, okay calm down I'm gonna eat a Apple and brink a cup of coffee." Said Dan and felt bad and strange about what he just said he didn't expect of Phil to react like that "L-look I'm sorry Dan, it's just I care about you and I'm worried. If you don't want to eat don't eat. You're right it's none of my business...either you it or not it would be the same for me." Lied Phil, of course and it was his business, he loved Dan and he wanted him to be healthy ,so even though they would never be together they could be happy and live their lives as friends. "No I'm sorry..." Then both Dan and Phil sat down and ate their breakfast without talking at all. 15 minutes later they finished and Phil washed the two cups. Dan was about to left the room when Phil spoke "Wait Dan, fans have uploaded vlogs when they were on our live show. Do you want to sit and watch their reaction with me?" "Emh...sure? Why not?" "Okay" They then took two small bottles of water and went to their recording room "So we'll watch some vlogs and then record a gameplay or edit something?" Asked Phil "I don't really know to be honest...I don't know if I want to record a gameplay right now." "Okay we'll just edit for half an hour and when we'll just binge watch a anime" said  Phil and smiled at the youngest man "Yeah I think that would be nice" Dan mumbled And so they did, but instead of editing for hald an hour or so they started editing a gameplay from the start ,it took them 4 whole hours and since today they had to upload a video they watched it for 2 or 3 time to be sure it's perfect and the uploaded it into their gaming channel. Dan really enjoyed doing things with Phil but he lately felt like he wasn't enough, he felt like Phil was 'taking care' of him because that was the 'right' thing to do and he actually felt like he was only an obstacle in Phil's life. I mean come one, would Phil even believe him if he said that he was in love with him? No! Their fans forced the ship right into their faces way  too much and Dan was certain that Phil would never believe him. [...] Now it's about 10pm and they just finished watching 2 season of an anime they found the other day "Wow we watched anime for 3 straight hours."said Dan and looked around to focus on something else despite the laptop screen on his lap "Yeah and the and anime  was so great and funny" said Phil and stood up and turned on the  lights "Yeah it was." Admitted Dan "Phil....stop with the light " he said and they both started laughing "Okay so do you want something to eat?" Asked Phil and closed the laptops screen "Not really, I just want to go to sleep. I don't know why I just feel really exhausted for some reason today and I've done nothing" "Okay and I can understand we all have our good and bad days, our ups and downs don't worry and go get some sleep. I'll probably do the same" said Phil and smiled at Dan "Okay that was sweet and cheesy at the same time but thanks. I  really appreciate it" said Dan and smiled back at Phil warmly and went to his bedroom , closed the door behind him and just lied in bed. Phil was really confused, he couldn't really understand his best friend's behaviour but he didn't want Dan to feel more weird and uncomfortable. It was true everyone had their ups and downs but Dan had them too many times. Yeah he had existential crisis but this wasn't Phil's problem, his problem was that Dan had these crisis say too many times per week and he was worried for him. Phil finally made himself fall asleep around 3am. [...] When Dan opened his eyes and saw the alarm clock by the side of his bed it was 7am in the morning. He stood up and walked to the closet. Put on some clothes took his jacket and phone and then silently made his way to the doorway. He felt really bad that he was about to attempt to run away from his apartment and from Phil but he felt even more uncomfortable when Phil was around and when he was trying to take care of him because he pittied him. So he did it , he unlocked the flat's door and c left the house  without saying anytning or without letting a note for Phil and then he left the whole building. It was really early in the morning for him to wake up or to even go outside but he knew that Phil usually wakes up around 9am so it would be easier. As always the weather was bitter, what did he except? It was 7am and he loves in London. "God it's chilling...I should have brought somethingelse with me" For over three hours he did nothing but walking around like he was a lost tourist that couldn't  go to Big Ben even if they could see it was like 4-5miles away. Then he just sat to a bunch to a park and just started listening to music. It's was 10am and Phil had just woke up . . He went to the kitchen and made a cup of coffee, then he cleaned the mess he made with the sugar and went to the lounge and just started scrolling down his social media and then the YouTube comments on his channel and their gaming channel. At first Phil didn't find it weird that Dan hadn't walked out of his bedroom because it was 10am and then 11am. He started worrying when it was around 2pm and Dan wasn't awake or showing and signs of being alive. He went outside Dan's door and knocked "Dan? Are you alright? *pause* are you sleeping? *sigh* it's almost 2pm , look I know yesterday was a bad way for you and I totally understand really but you have to live with  some seemingly unbearable things just like I have to do the same" said Phil and a sad expression replaced his happy one. "Okay I'm sorry but I'm coming in" said and opened the door to see an empty room, Dan wasn't anywhere. Phil rushed out of Dan's bedroom and went to the lounge, he picked his phone up and rang Dan's number. Dan didn't pick up the phone instead he rejected Phil's call "Come on Dan....where the hell are you?" Said Phil and say on the sofa Dan put his on mute and put in on his jacket pocket and started walking down the road without knowing where exactly to go Fastforword to 3 hour later when Phil is still in the apartment totally freaking out "I've called Dan 6 times, I've left him quite a lot of messages ( they were 20) okay I get that this might annoy him but why isn't he answering to his phone? It's not like he said he'd be off or something like that. He just disappeared without letting me know with at least a sticky note" said Phil kinda desperate. Dan felt really bad that he hadn't answer to any of Phil's calls or messages 6 hours later. *voice message* "Hey Dan, its 11pm and look I'm sorry if I did something  yesterday or in general, you know that I don't think too much when I do things around you. I'm sorry if I'm annoying you right now.....*pause* but you know what? No I'm not sorry at all. I care about you Dan, more than you think I do and if you don't want to talk to me just send a message or something. If you hate me just let me know okay? So I can know that your alive, I won't get over it easily but it would be nice to know why you run off without saying anything" Dan wanted to call Phil and let him know that he was alright but he thought that Phil would be extremely angry with him. It was 2am when he continued to walk and walk but this time he knew exactly where to go, back to the apartment and face an angry Phil that will scream at him. It took him an hour and a half to get back to their building. He took the elevator and opened the apartment door slowly. He silently made his way to the 3rd floor and saw the lounge's door open, we stepped inside and what he saw was Phil covered with a blanket and laying down on the sofa and staring at the celieng without any specific expression. "Hey....." Dan whispered at looked down "Oh my god you're alive! Thanks God. Dan!" Said Phil  Dan's voice put him back to reality because it was what he expected to hear for the last 7 hours "Phil I'm so so sorry..." said Dan because he couldn't think of anything else to say "look I know yesterday was a bad way for you and I totally understand really "Phil couldn't finish his sentence because he  started to tear down "Phil don't cry please, this is all my fault, I know and I feel awful aboit it. My mind want blank and I didn't know what else to do. But I really Am sorry I did something like that"said Dan and sat on the sofa right next to Phil. He really didn't know what to say, he knew it was entirely his fault that Phil was crying, it was his fault that he let his mind take over him, he was the one that wasn't answering his phone calls , he was the one that run away for 14 hours and made Phil feel sick,extremely worried and helpless. But after all he always was a disappointment and he would always be one. " *sniff*Dan, I care about you, more than you think I do but if you really hate me that much you can just say it. We said from the start that we would be honest when something bother us, of course you wouldn't tell me all your secrets and I wouldn't tell you all mine but if you hate me please tell me that right into my face" said Phil and wipped his tears "Phil, are you serious of course and I don't hate you. How would I hate my *pause* best friend?" ""Dan, you have to live with  some seemingly unbearable things just like I have to do the same. Okay? It might seem that you can't do it but eventually you'll learn how to live with him-it. Now I know I will sound like a parent but you have to face your problems and fear and not run away from them"said Phil and looked Dan right into the eyes "What do you mean "just like I have to do the same"?..." "Well uhm.... I wnat to say something actually..." said Phil and started looking around "I want to say something to you too..." said Dan and Phil stopped looking around "Do you want to say it together?" Asked Phil trying to make the atmosphere less awkward "Actually no...I don't think we want to say the same...can I start at least?" Said Dan "Sure" replied Phil and he would feel his heart because he didn't know what Can was about to say "Phil Lester we are friends for over 7 years now and I don't know how to thank you enough for being by my side to every stupid existential crisis I had in the past, I can't thank you enough for the moment that you made me laugh, I can't thank you enough for the joy that your bringing into my life by simply talking to me about games or anime everyday, I chat thank you enough for just listening me to me rant and mumbling all day" said Dan and a tiny laughter escaped his lips "Well I do t know what to say. Just thanks for being my friend, thanks for never letting me down,thanks for never stop believing in me and thanks for never turning your back on me" D&P:I'm in love with you When these small but really powerful words escaped their lips and immediately just hugged and smiled at one another "Thanks for everything Phil" "Thanks for everything Dan" ~THE END~