#still doesn't feel like something that was icu worthy

[glimmerlofsea]

Billy Hargrove x Reader

MASTERLIST

I DID IT

Warning : Lots of guilt, mention of scars, and lots of fluff! ;d and platonic relationship, I guess?

WC; 3,0k+

#TALKISSA; okay... before we start, I just want to say thank you for the opportunity you gave me to this Billy Hargrove fanfic that I made! No lie, this is the first time I've uploaded it on Tumblr, I've done it several times on Wattpad, but I want to try something new by writing it on Tumblr! If you don't mind, would you give it a chance by reading this story? I would really appreciate it! Thank you, and happy reading! For those of you who faithfully read my fanfic, I will give you the name 'issea', hihi (sorry I'm bad at giving nicknames). Happy reading, issea!

01:00 AM.

The clock ticking very loudly barged into your ears, people's shouts and shrill sounds almost made you unable to breathe properly.

Your legs couldn't stop shaking since you were waiting in front of the ICU room. You kept putting your thumbnail between your teeth because you were nervous.

You let out a heavy breath, as if you were holding back the tears from coming out, until finally they all came out and you couldn't stop crying in the hospital hallway. Your breath hitched, you were the one who should have stopped breathing forever— Your head should have been on your side, but no, they're convinced you to die.

This all starts with you being trapped between dimensions in Hawkins, just like the Zombie Boy they know but you are strategic enough to make yourself alive.

Of course it brought a lot of heavy trauma, but that incident actually made you enthusiastic about socializing again— even though in the end you were still stuck with Steve and Nancy. Not long after that you met the charming guy who came all the way from California, brought his flashy blue Camaro and made an attractive appearance in his tight jeans. This incident makes you want to enjoy your life even more, who knows you will die at the closest distance and at the wrong time, right?

Your thoughts make the new 'King of Hawkins' interested. If he doesn't make friends with girls, then it's with you that he makes them. Not only because you eliminate his lust, but he feels safe around you.

He is your Chicago. He was.

You were waiting in the hospital in blood-stained clothes, if you hadn't shouted at Joyce to immediately close the gate, maybe Billy would really have died. You felt guilty for yelling at that woman, you could feel Mrs. Byers, but you can't put your friends at risk.

Friends who feel safe around you, who feel like their life depends on your life. You didn't want to lose him, you couldn't.

You kept praying all the time that God would give him another chance, so that you and he could share the time together and the adventures he always wanted while in his hometown, California. You love him, but he doesn't feel worthy of being loved.

You were in your room, tidying up your things, you didn't want Billy to see you when he was fully awake. You were a nightmare for him, you were the one who caused him to have all these nightmares and you hated yourself for it. You did it, I did it, your mind always has images of those 3 sentences.

What would you do? You'll be far away from Hawkins and never come back here, you're too embarrassed and guilt enveloped you and hugged you tightly, not allowing you to let go.

Until Max finally realized what you were doing,

"So what? You're just gonna leave us?!" Max's voice was no less shaking when you first saw Billy's condition, her voice showed that she had been crying, "Y/N, please!"

Without looking at her, you just packed up your clothes to put them in a bag, "I don't want him to see me, Max."

"Exactly, why? Why don't you want him to see you, Y/N? If you leave you'll—"

"—I did it, Max." You said, cutting Max off, looking at Max who was just as puffy as you, "It was my fault."

You sat on the edge of your bed, followed by Max, Max let out a voice, "I don't want to think about it, but you make it sound like murder. Billy bet his life in the hospital, Y/N! You can't just leave like that , you-"

"Let me explain it."

Max was silent when you interrupted her conversation for the second time,

"I never wanted to bring Billy into this interdimensional, supernatural things or whatever you want to call it. And I didn't want him to see me as a crazy psychopath girl who had wandered into another world, Max." You said looking at Max, she watched your words carefully, "That was when I made a stupid condition, he wanted to date me but I said if he could beat any older girl in Hawkins then I would give him a chance. I know I'm fool, but guess what? It's not worth it at all Max, I'm sorry, I'm really sorry."

"Why are you sorry for, Y/N? I still don't understand."

"That night, he said he was going to date Mrs. Wheeler, that's when he fell into the Upside Down, Max. I know that because at that time I didn't see Mrs. Wheeler coming out of her house, and someone called me, it was Billy, but I didn't hear anything but heard..." You stopped for a moment and looked at Max deeply, "Demogorgon's voice?" She suggested.

You nodded, "But that time was different, it was too roaring and fierce. I wanted to tell Hopper but if it was true that Billy was the host I couldn't help but want to protect him, Max."

Max hugged you, you buried your chin in the little girl's shoulder, she stroked your back, "You're just trying to protect him, that's the point, okay? Don't leave him, Y/N, please. He needs you, we need you."

"You're not gonna change?" Max asked as you sat near Billy's body, which was still on the verge of death and life.

You sighed, "No. I want to contain this blood trail even if it makes me look like a murderer."

The door creaked, you stood up to see who it was, it turned out to be Susan and Neil. Susan with her expression of pity immediately hugged her daughter while Neil didn't even show any emotion at all, sometimes you think why did Billy have to go through this? Why didn't Neil, who fell, deserve more punishment?

"Damn it, I knew he would be very troublesome. Should have finished him off first."

Even though the sound he made was very small, your ears were sharp enough to catch it. You don't know why, but you felt really hurt, like someone was trying to split your heart into several parts.

You stepped towards Neil, "Your son is in a coma, and all you can say is 'he's a troublesome''? For fucks sake, why should God give you a heart to live if you can't use it well?"

You could feel Max holding your arm tightly by the collar, begging you to stop.

Neil chuckled, "Watch your damn mouth, young girl."

"No, watch your damn mouth, Neil. My friend here is trying desperately to survive and you? You're his father hoping he dies? Unbelievable. I can just—"

Neil slapped you, you could feel Max's grip getting tighter.

The door banging sounded very loud,

"Mr. Hargrove, you will be detained for investigation as a result of a domestic violence case, you have the right to speak if you have a lawyer."

Officer Powell forcefully handcuffed Neil's hands. Neil couldn't stop cursing your name but you were happy that Billy could finally live without violence.

You looked at Max, Max hugged you, "Thank you."

Billy hasn't opened his eyes for almost a week, you decide to clean yourself up, the kids visit Billy twice a week to accompany Max.

Sometimes Steve, Robin and Nancy also join in to visit Billy, and also make sure you're okay.

Max is at school, you keep convincing her to focus on school and you will take care of Billy. You were cleaning up some leftover food on the patient's table, tying your hair back and leaving some strands of hair on your right side because Billy loved it.

"I told you it's better on the right side, right?"

The familiar voice that dives into your eardrums makes you flinch, startled, remember a thousand languages and your feelings are mixed and you can't explain how.

You turned your head and saw Billy who was smiling, you quickly hugged Billy very tightly, "Be careful, there are holes in my body." His words made you chuckle in between your tears.

You broke away, "I'll call the doctor." But he held your hand and buried you against his body, for a moment you felt comfortable, but you were afraid of making him hurt, so you made a little distance from him, "Doesn't it hurt?"

"It does. But you're my medicine, aren't you?"

You smiled, “I really missed your voice.”

He was the first to realize that you were crying, tears came out of your eyes, he wiped them with his fingers, while you were still looking at him with your sobs, "I fucking hate seeing you cry. Why are you crying?"

You choked on your sobs, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, if I hadn't told you to do the terms of that stupid sentence maybe you wouldn't..." You couldn't even finish your sentence.

Billy tucked a piece of your hair behind your ear, while you took a deep breath, "What if you don't make it? If the monster does—"

Billy stroked your back, he was so calm, "Sshh.. It's okay, I'm fine, you're fine. That's what's important now, understand? Look at me, do I look like I didn't make it through that maniac incident?"

Your crying began to calm down, you sighed, holding the wound on his stomach carefully, "Yes, a little."

Billy chuckled, he kissed your hair, “I missed you.”

You shook your head, "No. I missed you, asshole."

There he is. The hug he gave seemed to say that you would be safe from whatever would happen to that cursed town, you really hoped that Billy was still Billy after this incident. Just hearing his heartbeat makes you calm, and you don't feel guilty anymore.

Author's Note : Thank you to all the issea who have read it to the end! I really appreciate it and sorry if this sucks because I can't get straight to the romantic story— but I'll try it! ♡

[bts-reacts]

Where I've Been the Past Couple Days

Hello guys! Now I don't post too many personal things here, but this is something I didn't know and it almost cost my life

As a young woman, I thought UTIs were something that was very common among girls my age because we don't quite know how to take care of our "down there" hygiene, don't know how to clean up after sex, etc. Well turns out I was wrong. If you let a UTI go on for too long it can make the infection spread to higher places like your bladder or your kidneys. Fun fact: the infection can spread to other places like your lungs 🙃

Because I didn't think a uti was a big deal, I let it go on for 2 weeks, had the infection spread, spent the past 3 days in the ICU, and during my initial visit to the er I actually passed out and was unresponsive enough for them to call a code on me.

So yeah kids. If something seems minor and like you can take care of it at home, go to the doctor in case because it could be a major infection that will cause you hell 🙃🙃

This has been my public service announcement

~Admin Red

***EDIT

I was discharged this morning so I'm perfectly fine now! I just figured I should get that out there because no one ever told me that a UTI could result in things like that, so I figured I would try to help anyone else who gets them regularly like I do to realize the dangers of them. Part of my condition was an allergic reaction to some medicine I was taking as well so it was just two "minor" things that resulted in me almost... Well ya know. I didn't know how serious my situation was until I was discharged and my mom told me what happened the first night I was there because all I remember about that night was arriving in the hospital and passing out after about an hour. The rest is a blur, I don't even remember the pain of getting three IVs injected into my arms and one into my neck.

I am kind of grateful for this situation happening because it will help me improve as a writer for certain experiences because I went through it.

BONUS: I sassed the doctors the whole fucking time tho. I might have been dying but I do remember sassing the doctor when she said she had to put an IV in my neck, when I literally filled an entire vomit bag, and when I was getting transferred to ICU. I don't remember the pain of being stuck but I remember a nurse tilting my bed upside down and wiping my neck off. When I asked if she was putting an IV in and she said yes I go "oh yaaaaaaaaay." Even on death's door ya girl still jokes✌️

***EDIT 2

They found a 1-1.5 cm cyst on my left ovary while I was in the hospital and they asked me to get it checked up on. For those of you who don’t know, many young women get one during their “time of the month” due to the weird up and down hormones young women get. Anyway, because I was on my time atm when they first found it, they scheduled an ultrasound to see if it was still there when I wasn’t during that time. I still have it. I’ve been told it’s not something extremely serious to be worried about, but it could be the reason for my sudden weight gain last year. I kept a steady weight for most of my life, only losing 3 lbs when I tried to lose weight, and suddenly I gained 30 lbs within 6 months without majorly changing my diet or workout routine. Initially I thought it was from my hypothyroidism, but ovarian cysts can also cause that. I’ll try to keep y’all updated on my health because damn has it gone downhill over the past couple years.

***EDIT 3

I have had two different appointments with a gynecologist since then and the cyst is still on my ovary. They had a hard time finding the right one to check if there was one there, but we still know that it’s on my left. My first appointment, I got the ultrasound because apparently we need to test something 3 different times to see if it’s there even though it’s been there every time we’ve tested but was unable to talk to the doctor because some lady started having her baby. During the next appointment he said that it’s still there so I am now going to be on two birth controls, one for birth control purposes and one for fixing cyst purposes. I was told to call him if the pain from the cyst ever gets any worse. I’ve only been on medicine for almost two months, but I feel like I should call the doctor. I’ve gotten my period, including what started today AFTER IT ENDED LAST WEEK, 4 times since I started my medicine. It happens every other week for about 5 days and the pain on my left side is slowly getting worse every time.

On a bright note I haven’t had a single hint of a uti since I went into the hospital and actually take care of myself now.

[party-gilmore]

I'm glad you live in a part of the country where the 9/11 anniversary weekend isn't still absolutely terrifying.

This isn't about saying "who cares about those guys, these other things were bigger death tolls."

This is about saying the nationalist parody equivalent of trotting out a show pony to remind The People how Terrible being attacked by Them was and how Strong we are when we pull together as an Us and strike back has NOTHING to actually do with caring about the toll it took, in terms of both life and remaining trauma.

This is about saying "our nations government (and specifically those in power who can benefit from sensationalizing the eventand manipulating those emotions of grieving communities) doesn't ACTUALLY give a damn about 9/11, it just works in their favor to keep it fresh in people's minds because of the Us vs Them mentality it stoked against their enemies.

This is made evident by the fact that their response to other devasting events with even higher death tolls has been NOTHING like the response to this one, even to the point of actively trying to sweep them under the rug."

No one's trying to insult the local community grieving the event. But to say 9/11 had a higher traumatic/psychological impact due to it being a high visibility attack on a community...

Well to be honest that kinda feels more insulting, implying hundreds of thousands of people losing their lives over a drawn out illness, all the family and communities affected by their passing, all the tight-knit industries it swept through like food service and education, saying that that wasn't as highly visible? That that wasn't an active attack by a government who knew the threat and chose to do nothing because it was decimating the Right People?

"mostly unseen in ICUs across the country" well first of all, it WASNT, second of all the fact they tried to MAKE it unseen was very intentional, and third of all that's part of the EXACT PROBLEM. The fact that this high number of deaths is considered less traumatic and/or worthy of remembrance just because it wasnt as "visible."

If you're upset that we're upset that the attack twenty years ago on a few thousand that was used to justify both a financially motivated war and a nationalist fervor of islamophobia and hatred against anyone even remotely resembling Middle Eastern is STILL getting more attention and remembrance and people standing up to exclaim how terrible it was and that they'll never forget the huge loss and how we're doing everything in our power not to ever let something like that happen again, then those SAME people turn right around and continue trying to sweep COVID under the rug, down play the numbers, keep insisting everyone get back to normal go back to work why aren't you all refilling the slots your dead friends and family left behind in restaurants and schools smh nobody wants to work these days... because you aren't counting that as an Attack That People In The Communtiy And Living In These Areas Were Affected By?

...i think the AIDs crisis would like a word.

"a highly visible attack has a different psychological effect than people dying of a viral illness mostly unseen in ICUs across the country" smh

You know what actually I will give you that one it sure was a "different" effect. 9/11 may have been a deeply traumatic tragedy for thousands of people (not counting on all the Muslims facing the backlash of the nationalism or all the people killed in the wars, multiple, that it brought on - just the people Never Forget is supposedly "for"), but the lack of firm response and outright COVID denial from our government was goddamn directly devastating for entire generations of low and middle income Americans, with the added bonus of never even being sure, not really, if they weren't the one who killed their loved one, and not even TOUCHING the psychologically scarring of our medical personnel.

Yeah I'd say thats a "different" effect for sure.

And the fact that that's not considered As Big Of A Tragedy by this nation is fucking unacceptable.

Legit if govt couldn't use it as an excuse to invade countries they knew weren't involved due to the general uneducated state of the American populace we would have shrugged and moved on from 9/11 by the end of the decade.

[pooma-unvolunteers]

We live in a world......

Group Discussion.

🍁

Participants: Mr. Suraj, Dr. Parvathi, Mrs. Rekha Kumbar, Mrs. Sweta srinivasta, Leader. Ms. Leena Rai, Mrs. Pooja Hanji, Mrs. Vijayalakshmi Menon,

🍁

We live in a world where simple kindness is a revolutionary act.

A kind person is either treated as a mentally challenged or he is isolated from the society for being real.

Are we so cruel?

Let's know about our world we live in.

• Pooma: A teacher once said, the future of my world is in my classroom today.

How many of us agree to that.

We were once in that same classroom.

How far have we benefitted our world through the years.

We have grown up in so many areas of life and fields were our excellence is reaching the skies.

But have we found the solution for our quenching thirst of craving happiness.

Nothing else brings happiness more than sharing the surplus you hold in all aspects.

Which means, your tumbler is overflowing and you paid in full and in return you are paid in full.

• Dr Parvathi: For a teacher whole world or the surrounding is like a classroom only. Because some or the other way she teaches,learns , implements and delivers knowledge

• Mrs. Sweta Srivastava: Look at a person's life and you can fairly estimate their personality, their beliefs and their mindset.

Nothing is a 'chance' phenomena.

It is all rooted in our choices, in our decisions and in our truest and deepest desires.

Kindness is a virtue . In all relegion kindness is considered as an important value.

• Dr Parvathi: We are still in learning phase so I think excellence is still a Question mark??

• Mr. Suraj: Very nice topic! And it's truly is.

"Children are the mirror in which a teacher sees himself." isn't it?

When he laughs, they laugh, when he cries, they cry. You know love begets love and hatred begets hatred. When an teacher shares his launch to an empty stomach or wipe out tears of sobbing face , he doesn't express his love , his care but go straight through their heart.

Nothing please an teacher when he sees his children are happy and motivated.

And you know when his happiness get doubles ,twenty five years from now when he looks back and says, "You were very important person in my life ." This shows how the children used to enjoy your company. You were not just a teacher for him but an inspiration.

• Mrs. Vijayalakshmi Menon: I totally agree that the happiness a teacher gets is when his/her students come back to them and tells that whatever I have achieved is only because of you .

A classroom is definitely a place where transfer of knowledge, values, emotional bondage takes place.

• Pooma: On one side technology has done things which has even made us forget God in some cases and forget ourselves in many cases.

We do appreciate ourselves that the deeo rooted implications in all walks of our life, specially in education, the technology.

But have we ever realised that the technology came with a bane on us we are yet to realise it.

Of course I agree everything comes with both advantages and disadvantages but what if we are unable to see some disadvantages which plays a blindspot for many advantages it boasts???

• Mrs. Rekha Kumbar UNV: It's always the students or the disciples who revealed their teachers or Guru's to the world respectively.

Hanuman revealed Rama

Swami Vivekananda revealed his teacher,Sri Ramakrishna Paramhamsa

Chandragupta Maurya revealed Chanakya.

Aristotle revealed Plato...

When students achieve success,and reveal their teachers..it's the most valuable gift.

Pooma: For example: Cell phones bring you closer to the person far from you, but takes you away from the ones sitting next to you. Have we ever realised that?. Never, not even once.

All we do is try to keep in touch with every single person through social media sometimes we even text our siblings sitting in the next room.

Immersed in technology we are lacking humanity.

We started thinking that spending time with the person next to you or our loved ones is a waste of time.

Rather think that a text through the phone is more than sufficient to keep in touch.

Technology connects farthest distant relationship closer, whereas nearest relationship farthest.

Back to our question - What kind of world do we live in?

We live in a world where Wealth is more important than Happiness.

We live in a world where Love is hidden and Violence is practiced in light.

We live in a world where there is more information and less meaning.

We live in a world where we have very long contact list and a very short friend list.

We live in a world where emotions are symbol of weekness and impassioned is symbol of strongness.

We live in a world where people are always in hurry but never reach on time.

We live in a world where quantity matters over quality.

We live in a world where poor walks to miles to get food and rich walks to digest.

We live in a world where Honesty, Peace, Equality and Love are just bookish words.

We live in a world where pizza arrive faster than police.

We live in a world where truth offend people and lie comfort them.

We live in a world people have reached Moon but still hesitate to go at neighbor's house.

We live in a world where people have thousands friends on Facebook and still waiting someone to stand outside the ICU.

We live in world where our goodness is consider fake and our help called selfishness.

We live in a world Love is always sacrificed and Hatred is always continue.

We live in a world where people install more security features in their phones than their homes.

We live in a world where taking selfies is more important than helping someone.

We live on the same world where a person, exactly Einstein stated at him as: days are near to relaise that such a man with flesh and blood walked on this earth with us. Who was that: Gandhiji.

We live in a world where if you say the wrong answer in class, you get laughed at.

We live in the world

Where if you dress a certain way, you get looked at.

We live in the world

Where if your grades aren't as good as others, you're stupid.

Where people say “You need to eat more” or “You need to lose weight”.

We live in a world where people don't know the things that others are going through.

We live in the world Where if you don't know what you want to do with your life, you won't have one.

We live in the world Where if you aren't part of the “in-crowd”, you are a loser.

We live in a world where we all expect to live up to other people's expectations.

We live in the world

Where one word can make someone and their life.

We live in the world

Where we constantly judge people.

We live in a world, where being yourself, isn't accepted.

• Mrs. Pooja Hanji: We live in the world where everything is pointed out or criticized, whether it's wrong or right.

We need to go on . Exeptional ones will lead us and others will follow them.

Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.

• Leader. Leena UNV: Kindness is which is the habit to show empathy and always ready to be supportive instead of personality who is famous for that cruel face.

That can be true that a very earthy person is taken into the category of fool or an ignorant individual by some but as there are basically two kinds of personalities in common like coconut personality and mango personality so if we behave and be the mango fruit we can earn true respect may be at later stages but children learn and follow the same

The classroom and the students to be considered our own home and family and to be treated in such manner but alas ! these days teachers are worried for their kids and families (most of them) but consider only their job or the responsibility to teach.

Experiences play role lifetime achievements to sort out other issues and be the winner with flying colours at later stage

• Mrs. Rekha Kumbar UNV: Self Awareness and realisation on why we are here ..and working on our thoughts which gives rise to feelings,actions, attitude ,behaviour and finally destination

• Mrs Suraj: It's true that we are living in a world that has seen transformation in last fifty years where

Chairty is blurred by egotism and hunger is overturned by greed.

In total the fight is Spirituality Vs Materialism. But again if children can't feel pain , can't understand the meaning of.

Similarly if they do wrong can't realize how it feels when you are right.

So experiencing both is necessary to motivate other.

Yet , what is the correct? so what I feel give them freedom to do the wrong and guide them to do the self introspection in decision making.

Even though one try, one can't control children these days.

So here the formula of Content Vs Concept implies

If we want to teach them for life long.

Give them pen in right and mobile in left. Keep a tab. Let, they should not be imoosed but give them choice to experience good and bad themselves. See we just not have to teach but we have to develop skill that sustain lifelong to choice something worthy. Appreciate positively where there is a growth and respond critically where there is fall

And Leve the rest, one will see positive changes oneself.

See there are teachers who complain and there are teachers who make dedicated efforts to experience the changes.