#still cant do anything below the shoulders but i think that's my goal this year is to figure out how tf to draw A Body

[cauldronoflove]

jan 5th 2024 | jan 4th 2025

i didn't think i'd actually improved all that much in the last year so i decided to do a new watercolor scully for comparison and turns out i had 😭

[maleficar-writes]

Control

Pairing: The Darkling/Alina Starkov

Fandom: Shadow & Bone | The GrishaVerse

Rating: Explicit

Additional Tags: Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, light bondage, sex magic, dirty talk

Summary: He was power crafted into flesh. But so was she.

Aleksander impresses the importance of control on Alina. She is a quick study.

On AO3: Link

They rode side by side, leaving the Little Palace and Os Alta behind them on a crisp, chilly day in late fall. Since the day at the well, he’d invited her out a handful of times—whenever he was at the Little Palace, he seemed to find an excuse to go riding with her.

Alina turned her eyes to the sky and wished he’d find an excuse to go riding with her. She probably hadn’t made it clear she was interested in him like that. After all, she’d dropped hints to Mal for years, but he never looked twice at her.

“Your lessons are progressing well?” Aleksander asked her, breaking the silence between them.

He rode like he was born for the saddle, all straight lines and confidence. He held the reins in one gloved hand, his other resting loosely in his lap.

With a sigh, Alina slouched in her saddle. She didn’t ride well at all—even without the comparison to him, she felt as uncomfortable on a horse as she did in her classes. She belonged in both places, but she fit wrong.

“Well enough.” She looked away from him, studying the passing trees with more interest than they deserved. “I can summon the light, at least.”

“Mmm.”

The sound of his agreement caressed the length of her spine. Her back arched, her shoulders rolling back, and when she glanced at him, she found him studying her.

“What?”

His brows lifted and he gave her a faint look of amusement. “You’ll need to do more than simply summon light at the Fete.”

Since she couldn’t scowl at the great General Kirigan, she dragged her eyes away from him and back to the trees just in time for them to give way to a broad meadow.

“Sometimes,” he said, “it helps to have a goal to work toward.”

He dismounted at the edge of the meadow, leading his horse toward a nearby post.

Head canted to the side, Alina followed and dismounted as well. “Why’s there a post here?”

“Old training field,” he replied, tying his horse and then hers.

“What’s here that will give me a goal?” She surveyed the field, barely managing to disguise her disbelief.

Aleksander gave her a dry look as he stepped around her, putting the horses at their backs. “Space.” He sounded incredibly amused by this, like he knew something she didn’t.

To be fair, he certainly did.

Frowning, she followed after him. “Why do we need this much space?”

The meadow was easy as big as the massive drive leading up to the Grand Palace. A critical examination of the meadow using all the skills she’d gained as a mapmaker told her they easily had the same area as a city block.

Aleksander stopped walking forward, and she stumbled to a halt half an inch away from his back.

He glanced over his shoulder at her. “You won’t see anything from there, Miss Starkov. Come—” She hoped the heat that washed through her at that word didn’t show on her face. “—and stand at my side.”

She joined him, watching him with curiosity.

He clasped his hands together behind his back.

Their shadows overflowed their boundaries, darkness welling up around their feet, their ankles. The sight of it no longer frightened her. Instead, he awed her as he brought his hands around his body, drawing more shadows from the distant edge of the meadow.

“Do you remember what I told you on our first ride to the Little Palace?”

Frankly, it was a blessing she’d forgotten the bulk of their terrifying flight across Ravka. At first, she’d dreamed of the Drüskelle’s death regularly. Had jolted awake from nightmares of his blood splashing her face all over again or, worse, the hand axe cracking into her skull. Now, the whole thing seemed like a lifetime ago.

Unsure if she should be embarrassed that she didn’t remember, she ducked her head. “No,” she answered honestly.

“The Cut,” he said, and her eyes jumped back to him.

She remembered that.

The Cut was a technique unique to Summoners, a shaping of power that required tremendous skill and concentration.

“I’ve seen the Cut,” she said, her voice low and soft. She didn’t know what might happen to all that power if she disrupted his concentration.

“So you have.” He held his hands before him, creating a crescent of writhing darkness in the air, holding the scythe-like edge.

Her eyes widened. To casually hold the power like that… how much power did Aleksander actually possess? What was the true extent of his abilities? She knew he was old, knew that meant he had considerably more power than the average Grisha, but—

“But we can do more with our power than just kill—than just destroy,” Aleksander said, a strange quality in his voice.

Darkness fell from his fingers in inky pools as he spread his hands wide, creating a plane of shadow. One of his hands slid beneath the darkness, as though supporting a tray, the fingers of his other hand danced over the plane, sculpting it slowly into a panorama.

Alina exhaled heavily with wonder, eyes wide as Aleksander made two forms out of shadow that walked together through a glade ringed by trees.

“We can create.” She felt his eyes on hers, but she couldn’t look away from what he’d crafted. “People think the small science has to be big.” His lips quirked, as if he found a joke in the small contradiction of his description.

Darkness collapsed on itself, folding into a small sphere no larger than a marble, but she felt the tremendous weight of it. Its gravity pulled her, and she stepped closer, enchanted by a kernel of midnight.

Aleksander turned his body toward hers. “The small science is small,” he said, his voice lowering. “It needn’t be a grand thing that overwhelms.” He lifted his hand between them, and she stared at the blackness, the emptiness, the void resting on the tips of his fingers. “Where is there shadow, Miss Starkov?”

Her eyes lifted to his. There was a lesson here, and she tried to divine the answer in the darkness of his eyes.

The corner of her lip quirked up.

Your eyes didn’t seem like an answer she could give him. “The night,” she said aloud.

“Think smaller. Where else is the darkness?” His eyes were fierce.

“Beneath the forest canopy.”

“Smaller still, Miss Starkov.”

She licked her lips. “In the space between you and me.”

Something shifted, an infinitesimally small change in his expression. There was darkness there, she thought. Darkness in his eyes.

“Smaller.”

“The hearts of men.”

“How philosophical.”

Heat flushed her cheeks. “I—”

“You,” he interrupted, “are not wrong.” He spread his fingers wide, and the darkness stretched between them. “You find your piece of the science wherever you can. We are all things, Miss Starkov, that is the truth. And there is power in that.”

Lifting his other hand, he caught the strand of darkness and stretched it into a long, thin rope.

“And underpinning it all is control,” he said, his voice low and rough, his gaze fixed on hers. “The ability to exert your will on the world around you. If your power is everywhere, then you cannot be robbed of it.”

There was something important in that statement, but he gave her no time to pick through the labyrinth of his words.

“And if you can control it, you can never be overwhelmed.”

His hands turned in lazy circles, and she felt a coil of shadow against the inside of her wrist, cool as silk.

With a gasp, she lifted her hands as he drew them together, bound in a cord of darkness. She felt the pressure of another tendril of darkness against her throat, her waist, just below her knee.

Instead of feeling trapped, she felt a strange sort of liberation. If there was darkness in the hearts of men, there was also light, and his shadows were only so dark because her light shone so bright. He bound her in darkness, but she could destabilize his science with her own.

And that was power.

“Could I do this with light?” she asked him, studying her bound hands.

He caught his fingers beneath the knot of darkness, drawing her closer to him. He hadn’t hobbled her feet with his shadowy bindings, but she let herself fall against his chest.

His hand settled on her hip, holding her in place as he chuckled.

“Ah, Miss Starkov, how is it you so often surprise me?”

Since she’d arrived at the Little Palace, she’d thought of him often. At first, she’d been afraid of him. His reputation was as great and terrible as the Fold. He was solitary and given to isolation, they said, whoever they were, with exacting standards and little patience for mistakes. He was power crafted into flesh.

But so was she.

Now, when she thought of him, it wasn’t with fear. It was with respect—more respect than she’d had a moment before. And deeper, buried beneath the respect, was something else. Something hot and hungry, something full of craving.

Full of desire.

Lifting to her toes, her wrists still bound and her eyes on his, she pressed a tentative kiss against his mouth.

His eyes went wide and then drifted half closed, the hand on her hip curling into the heavy fabric of her kefta.

“Twice in as many minutes,” he murmured against her lips.

She shivered, finding the brush of his mouth against hers delicious. “I don’t think that was two minutes.”

“Are you suggesting I possess a poor sense of time?”

“Maybe.” Her lips curved in a faint smile. “Maybe you should release my hands and let me try this on you.”

His other hand found its way around the back of her neck, the tips of his fingers pushing into her hair to hold her close. The hand on her hip gripped her tighter, pulling her against the solid wall of his body.

She inhaled sharply, delighted and somewhat mystified by the sharp ache growing between her legs. She’d felt desire before, but it had always been a muted thing, easily set aside for the more pressing concerns of her own survival. Maybe she should be more concerned with her survival in this moment—he was dangerous, and to suggest he wasn’t was to believe a pretty lie—but all she wanted was to sink deeper into the feeling.

“You are Grisha.” Every word he spoke was like a kiss. Tingles spread from her lips to her jaw, along her scalp and down her spine. “Maybe you should practice your power.”

She hesitated. “Isn’t that dangerous?”

The hand on her hip curved to the small of her back. The heel of it pressed against her, urging her closer, and she was surprised to find there was still space between them, a space she quicky eliminated. Then his hand shifted lower, the tips of his fingers brushing over the swell of her ass.

Dark eyes watched her as his hand eased lower.

“Would you hold any part of yourself back from a lover?” he asked her, his voice low and rich and, Saints, she felt that sound. “Would you not use your hands to touch them?”

“Yes,” she breathed as his hand cupped her ass and tugged her flush against him. His arm kept her close, helped her maintain her balance.

“Would you not use your mouth to kiss them? To taste them?”

She swallowed hard, remembering all those times she’d imagined Aleksander’s mouth on hers. And on other parts of her.

“You’re imagining it now, aren’t you?”

She gasped as liquid darkness slipped over her arms. The bindings around her wrists stayed in place, but cool shadow drifted inside her sleeves and stroked over her skin. Tendrils of it, like so many cool fingers, dipped beneath her tunic and into her breeches.

Skin prickling with heat, she tried to tug her wrists apart.

“Where would you have me kiss you, Miss Starkov?”

“Alina,” she insisted.

“Alina,” he agreed, his voice a rough purr. “Will you dodge my question?”

She wasn’t sure she could answer his question. “I…”

He smiled and brushed his lips against her in the faintest caress.

Somehow, that devastated her more than any other sensation. She felt like she was falling even though he held her secure against his body.

“That wasn’t your original question,” she managed. “That doesn’t answer my question.”

“You worry about control.” Shadow licked along her thighs, following the curve of her ass, and she gasped, arching into him. His eyes darkened, becoming pools of midnight and desire. “That, Alina, is why we practice.”

He drew his mouth along her jaw, urging her head back and into the palm of his hand. A shuddering breath rushed out of her, tinged with a quieted moan. The heat of his breath washed over her skin, along the column of her throat, and his teeth followed.

Gasping, she yanked again at her hands. “You’re distracting me.”

“You’re not trying.”

She sucked in a sharp breath as he nudged aside the collar of her kefta and sucked on her skin. A reedy sound caught in her throat. “I could hurt you.”

“You could.” He licked the hollow of her throat. “I don’t believe you will, Alina.” He drew away from her neck, his nose following the curve of her jaw again. His lips brushed the shell of her ear, and his teeth caught the lobe. He tugged, and pleasure shot through her like lightning, ricocheting through her body.

And lightning was light and light was her power and she summoned it without thinking. Sunlight shattered the bonds on her wrists as she sank her hands into his hair and yanked him back to her mouth.

Hungry little moans spilled from her lips to his as she kissed him. His hand on her ass flexed, and she arched her back to press into his touch, which only served to have him yank her closer to him again—where she felt the beginnings of his desire against her stomach, even though the heavy layer of her kefta.

“Summon again,” he whispered against her mouth, his hand sweeping over her hip and to the front of her kefta. Fingers of flesh and darkness pulled open her belt and buttons.

She shrugged out of the heavy jacket, letting it fall to the ground as her fingers yanked at his silvery buttons. “I don’t want to.”

As he had, she kissed along the length of his jaw and then down the line of his throat, trying to imitate how he’d licked and sucked on her skin.

The sound he made when her teeth raked over his pulse made her shudder—and drew light to the tips of her fingers.

His fingers stroked down her sides, caught the white chemise tucked into her breeches, and pulled it free. Warm, human fingers caressed her over her stays alongside more cool, silky darkness, and she cried out against the skin of his throat.

“Summon for me, Alina. Show me your control.”

Control? She was supposed to be in control? Now?

Aleksander’s hands spread over her ribs, his thumbs brushing over her breasts through the fabric of her stays.

Burning tension drew through her.

Shadow sank beneath fabric. Two cool coils curled against her nipples, and she gasped.

“Banish the darkness, Alina.”

How was she supposed to find control when he purred her name like that? When he touched her like this, like no one else ever had? When she—Saints, the revelation crashed through her like a spring storm come down from Fjerda. “I don’t want to,” she gasped.

He went still against her, drawing back to peer into her face.

Heart pounding in her chest, she met his gaze, keenly aware that she was already half undressed, and if she tilted her head to the side, she’d see the tunic beneath his doublet and his skin behind that.

“What do you want?” he asked softly, quietly, as if the words might break the world.

She freed the final buckle of his doublet, danced her fingers up his chest, and loosened the laces at his throat. She licked her lips.

Beneath the confines of her skin, she burned, and fire, too, was light. She drew on that burn, on her own desire, and spooled a thread of it to the tips of her fingers. They glittered gold as she let them wander over his skin, her eyes lifting slowly to his.

Light spun off her fingers, reflecting in the darkness of his eyes. She felt it like an extension of her body, drifting over his skin.

Against her sides, his hands tightened. His pupils dilated as she watched, as her light twisted against his flesh like his shadows had against hers. One arch of light ran over his nipples beneath his clothes.

He surged against her, capturing her mouth in a devastating kiss.

Burying her fingers in his hair, she held his mouth to hers. Their tongues met, tangled, and delirious heat wound through her. More light spilled from her fingers, spinning around them both like ribbons.

Just as much as his hands, his shadows pulled at her clothes, loosening her stays, the cords of her breeches.

Cognizant that she’d be naked faster than him, her hands dropped to his shoulders and then lower. She pulled at his clothes, too, until he broke away from their kiss.

One hand cupped her jaw. His forehead rested against hers. “Where is your line?” he asked her.

Saints, she didn’t know. She’d never done this before, but she’d also never wanted someone’s mouth on her skin as much as she wanted his.

As if sensing her hesitation, he began to draw back—and she knew she didn’t want that.

So she ran her hands down his sides, his hips, his thighs as she went slowly to her knees.

His breathing turned ragged. The look in his eyes scorched her.

She knew enough about sex to know all the ways people could play with each other. She knew that all the ways she wanted his mouth on her, he could have her mouth on him.

Emboldened by the way he looked at her, she brushed her lips against the hard line of his cock through his breeches before she spread her kefta on the ground and leaned back on it. She pulled the laces on her breeches open, letting the front panel sag low on her belly, and met his gaze with trembling anticipation.

As if mesmerized, he knelt between her legs. When he leaned over her, she felt sheltered by the shadow of his form instead of caged. His hands pressed into her kefta above her shoulders, and he hovered above her.

“I want—I want to feel—what you said earlier,” she managed, feeling her cheeks heat with embarrassment. Not because she didn’t want him to touch her, to taste her, but because this was new, and she didn’t quite know what she was doing, and she worried about disappointing him.

The hot look in his gaze, the ragged cadence of his breath, all told her she probably didn’t need to worry about disappointing him.

“My mouth on you?” he asked.

She nodded.

Slowly, he lowered himself onto his forearms. His fingers threaded into her hair at her temples, and he kissed her slow and long, his mouth lingering on hers as though she were a treat to savor.

With a groan, she arched against the air, seeking the weight and comfort of his body and frustrated when she didn’t find it.

His tongue licked into her lips as he obliged her, settling against her.

She gasped into their kiss to feel him between her legs—she’d never thought too much about how she might feel the line of a man’s cock through his clothes and against her body, but, Saints, she adored it. The weight of him, the feel of him, filled her with a gnawing need.

“Is that all you want?” he asked her, each word its own kiss.

She licked her lips. Licked his lips. Gasped when that made him groan and roll his hips hard against hers.

Oh, but she liked that. Loved that. Sliding her palms down his back, she curved her hands over his ass and urged him to move like that against her again.

With a moan, her head fell back and her body arched in a sinuous line against his. More friction, more pleasure, and she lost his question in the labyrinth of fire his body created against hers.

“Alina.”

Her name on his lips only made her want more, only served to make her burn brighter.

“Alina.” He tipped her face back towards her, and she felt shadows on her legs again. The silky darkness curled around her calves, and she felt them release the buckles of her boots.

That. She needed to learn that.

“Tell me, Alina. Do you want more than my mouth on you?” The mouth in question drifted against her cheek, the whiskers of his beard a delicious rasp against her skin. “Do you want my shadows on your naked skin?”

“Yes,” she gasped, driving her fingers beneath his tunic. Grateful, she was so grateful men didn’t wear stays, because the thought of having to get through more fabric to feel his skin beneath her palms was abhorrent.

“Do you want to feel those shadows inside you?” he asked, his voice a low rumble against her ear. He timed that question with a slow, languid roll of his hips against hers so she couldn’t mistake his meaning.

And she didn’t. Her nails curled into his skin, pulling a hiss that dissolved into a wicked chuckle from him. “Yes. And—and then—”

“And then?” he prompted, when she didn’t finish.

Her teeth caught her lower lip. Talking about this seemed strange, but she liked it. It was difficult to put all these secret desires into words, but when she did, those words made her burn. Made her ache. Speaking her desires aloud only made her want them more.

“And then you.” She turned her head, her mouth stroking lightly against his cheek as he groaned and rocked against her again. “I want to feel you inside me, Aleksander.” He trembled against her, and she ached with pleasure. As much as he could unmake her like this, she had the power to do the same to him. “With your shadows around my wrists.”

She didn’t know what to make of the sound that escaped him, but then he kissed her with such a savage hunger, she realized she didn’t care. He liked the idea, and she burned for it.

Shadows and hands stripped her of her clothes. He held her back in an arch as inky darkness took her shirt; his mouth smoothed over her chest as pale hands pushed her stays off her shoulders.

He didn’t pause to draw back and stare at her. Instead, his tongue traced an ever-tightening circle around her breasts before he reached her nipple. He sucked the little nub between his lips as she cried out his name. His thumb dragged back and forth over the other as shadows pulled off and discarded her boots.

Thinking around the wet heat of his mouth proved nearly impossible, but she did manage to create thin, wavering tendrils of light. The heat from her light kept her from shivering—though she thought the heat from their bodies and desire would work just as well—and made him arch and twist against her body in the most delicious ways. Still, she couldn’t strip him naked as he’d stripped her, and she wanted to. Saints, she wanted to. Wanted to use her power the way he did.

“You’ll learn,” he murmured against her underside of her breast.

“Now you’re content with letting me take my time?”

He grinned at her, and that grin made him seem so much younger than he was. “Never.”

Shifting away from her, he settled on his knees between her legs, both of them shirtless. His gaze drifted over her body, and the heat in his eyes made her squirm.

A muscle in his jaw flexed as he muttered a coarse oath. “Watching you move—” He broke off, running his hands up her thighs. One of those hands curved inward, and now his eyes fixed on hers.

Curled knuckles brushed against her breeches.

She let out a shuddering little sigh and rocked toward his hand. “Please,” she murmured, feeling her cheeks flame.

Aleksander’s knuckles brushed against her cunt through the fabric of her pants.

Alina frowned.

He burst out laughing, leaning over her again. “That’s not the look you want to see on your lover’s face.” He kissed her, and she felt his hand shift, felt his palm cup her. The heel of his hand pressed against her pubic bone, and the frown melted into a wide-eyed look of delight. Of awe.

“That,” she gasped.

“Good?”

Her hips twisted, her body moving to push his hand to the right place. She’d touched herself, she knew what she wanted to feel, knew—

A keening moan fell from her lips, and he devoured the sound with a greedy kiss

His hand rocked against her, finding a rhythm with her, until she burned beneath him and mewls of pleasure became broken pleas for more.

“I promised you my mouth,” he reminded her as she carded her fingers in his hair to hold his lips against hers for more of those kisses.

Torn between two wants, she groaned. “Didn’t think this would be so hard,” she groused.

His brow arched.

“I want everything all at once.”

A thoughtful look crossed his face. “Stay still,” he told her, resting his forehead on hers again. His hand shifted away from her cunt, petting up and down her side as he closed his eyes.

She watched him, curious—and then she felt it. The swell of power, a cresting rise of cool shadow sliding over her belly. It shifted and rolled, shaping with his will into—

Alina jerked when a cool mouth brushed between her legs beneath the fabric of her pants.

Above her, Aleksander’s eyes opened. “Not too strange?” he asked as those cool lips kissed her thighs, her clit. As they kissed her entrance—as a cool tongue flicked against her.

She jerked again, her hips arching against his. She writhed, seeking the weight of his body between her legs and getting only the delicious torment of ephemeral shadow.

“Intoxicating.” His thumbs brushed over her lips as she twisted and arched beneath him, her eyes fluttering shut so she could focus on the feeling, the building pressure and pleasure and heat.

She dug her fingers into his shoulders, clutching him against her body as she sucked one of his thumbs between her lips. She needed something, some kind of action to help alleviate the tension inside her. Instead, grasping him close and sucking on him only made her ache more, only made her burn brighter.

“You have no idea how beautiful you look right now.” The dark timbre of his voice shook her. The cool touch of the tongue between her legs made her keen.

That shadow tongue curled around her clit and she sobbed his name.

“Fuck, Alina.”

The coarse language should have offended her. Instead, it inflamed her.

“Not enough,” he muttered, and one tongue of shadow became two.

The first continued flicking back and forth over her clit. The other thrust into her entrance, and her back bowed beneath him.

“Still not enough.”

His hand smoothed over her belly as she turned her face against his neck. Her hips worked hard against his shadows, shadows that continued to torment her when his hand slipped beneath her pants and cupped her.

The heat of his touch snapped the tension coiling inside her.

She came with a broken sob, her nails raking down his back. Pleasure overwhelmed her, but it wasn’t enough, wasn’t quite the feeling she craved. There was no weight to the mouths on her, and nothing of him was inside her.

“Please,” she gasped, trembling beneath him. “You promised.”

“I did.”

Aleksander slid down the length of her body, those shadow mouths continuing their sweet torment as more tendrils of darkness pulled her pants down her legs. She kicked them aside, and he slid his hands beneath her ass, lifting her off her kefta.

She thought she should be embarrassed when his eyes landed on her naked cunt, slick with her orgasm, but those mouths never stopped tasting her, never stopped tormenting her. It almost felt like too much.

Then his mouth, his hot, wet, hungry mouth descended on her, and she realized she’d been very fucking wrong.

Alina’s fingers dove into his hair. She heard herself beg for more as his lips closed around her clit and sucked, as shadow mouths wrapped around her nipples and tormented her entrance. One hand yanked away from his hair to drive through her own. She didn’t know what to do with herself, what part of his body or hers to touch, how to alleviate the wicked, demanding ache he created once more inside her.

And then, as his tongue flicked against her clit, painting strange patterns on her flesh that made her keen his name, ephemeral shadow became somehow solid. It pushed into her, parting slick folds to fill her, and she knew without any doubt that otkazat’sya men would never be able to give her what she’d crave with sex because she’d always want this—this slick, wicked science, this combination of magic and flesh.

He must have remembered what she’d said to him, because as her hands wandered through his hair, over his shoulders, over her own breasts, shadow coiled around them. Darkness tethered her wrists, pinning them together over her head.

With no outlet, all she could do was feel. Wet heat. Cool silk. Insistent tugs of his mouth, the hot flick of his tongue. She sobbed his name, and the darkness swirled inside her cunt, filling her with power. It dragged along tender flesh, stroking her as he withdrew it, and filled her with a raging fire when he pushed it back into her.

She came a ragged cry, her hips arching against his mouth, against the shadows that filled her.

He grasped her hips and drew himself up her body. His mouth crashed against hers in a brutal kiss. She drowned in it, in sensation, in wet and wicked heat as his fingers petted between her legs and her cunt rippled and clenched around the darkness still inside her.

“You’re delicious,” he whispered against her mouth as she writhed beneath him, twisting against the shadows tethering her arms and against his body above hers. “You still want me—”

Her eyes snapped open and met his. “If you don’t give me what I want, I will learn the Cut just to use it on you.”

That didn’t motivate him, but it did make him lick at her lips. “What do you want, Alina?”

She groaned, her heels scrabbling over the rough grass, her hips arching into his stroking fingers.

“Do you want me inside you?” The murmured words were decadent against her lips, better than any sweet she’d ever eaten. “Do you want my cock stretching your sweet cunt open?” Two fingers slid inside her, the heat of him replacing the cool darkness, and she cried out with delicious shock. How good his fingers felt, burning hot by comparison to his shadows. “Do you want me to fill you until you can’t take anymore? To grind myself against you until you’re begging for me to move?”

She had no idea how good the fantasy he painted might actually feel, but her body certainly wanted it. She felt her cunt squeeze around his fingers, an involuntary contraction that made her moan.

He shifted over her, drawing his fingers out of her. She dragged her eyes open to watch him pull back and strip off his pants. Had just enough time to see his cock, hard and flushed, before he leaned back over her. The head of it nudged against her entrance, his fingers playing once more against her cunt—as much to torment her, she was sure, as to guide his cock into her.

But he didn’t push inside. Instead, he lingered at her entrance, and the tease was unbearable.

“Please,” she gasped, arching, twisting, yanking hard against the shadows that pinned her arms above her head.

He gave her the most infuriating smile—lopsided, smug. “We came here for a lesson,” he reminded her, bending his lips to her chest. He nipped her skin at the swell of one breast, making her jump beneath him, only to soothe the sting with a long stroke of his tongue. Still his cock nudged her entrance but didn’t push into her. “Call the light, Alina.”

For the first time, summoning was easy. She burned, she ached, her skin stretched tight over the swell of glittering pleasure, and that was all her power. She drew it through her body from her hands, and it sparkled over her arms and down her chest, casting scintillating patterns on his skin.

“Collect it, shape it,” he murmured. “Show me what you’ve learned.”

Show him? The fact that she could summon while he drove her out of her mind should have been enough, but of course he’d expect more from her.

“Come now, Alina.” Fuck him for that phrasing. “Impress me.”

She shuddered beneath him, trying to separate herself from the pleasure he’d coaxed through her so far. She couldn’t, not entirely—she didn’t want to—but she found a quiet place in her mind where the pleasure was warm and soft instead of an inferno, and in that space she urged it into a shape.

Light formed into a tongue, and she ran it from the base of his cock to the tip.

He arched sharp against her with a curse, burying himself in her cunt in a single stroke, and Alina moaned his name as she arched beneath him. Full, she felt so delicious full, and though there was a slight discomfort in the first second, that faded a moment later when her cunt rippled around him.

A different sort of pleasure spread through her, and she purred.

Her eyes opened. He stared down at her, his expression the most delicious combination of aroused and surprised and delighted. A lopsided, smug smile spread across her lips, a mirror of his from earlier.

“Impress me,” she said.

With a ragged chuckle, he bent his mouth to hers. “With pleasure, solnishko.”

He drew back slowly, and she sighed with pleasure. He thrust back into her, her hips arching to meet him, and she moaned. As he found an easy pace with her, she let herself down in the sweet friction.

The bonds around her wrist stretched. Fingers twined around her own, and she held them tight as he fucked her in long, easy strokes. Each time he pushed into her, her back bowed, and her body softened more.

She lost herself in their back and forth, content to float in the warmth of their shared pleasure. But he didn’t let her for long. His lips brushed against her ear. “Once more for me,” he told her.

She recognized the warning in those words a moment later when shadow tongues licked against her clit.

Electric pleasure strung her tight. Now, she clutched at the shadow hands holding her own as silky darkness licked her, as cool fingers stroked the swollen lips of her cunt. He played with her, layering her pleasures until she gasped his name and begged for him. Only then did he replace one shadow hand with his own and the shadows between her legs with his fingers.

The heat of him ruined her, shattered her. She came with his name on her lips, and he followed her mere seconds later, his body shuddering over hers.

They lay together, panting, for a long moment. Then he drew back, the cool shadows retreating as his cock slipped out of her body. Instead of pulling away entirely, he settled at her side, giving her most of the kefta.

She turned toward him, her fingers brushing over his jaw, his lips, his shoulders. “Are all your lessons in control going to turn out like this?” she asked him.

He made a thoughtful expression.

Scooting closer, Alina pressed a kiss to his mouth. “I’ve an idea for another lesson if you don’t.”

His brow arched. “Do you?”

“I want to try binding your wrists with light.” Interest flashed in his eyes, and she smiled. “I want to push you into your chair in the war room and bind your hands to its arms. Then I want to climb onto you and ride you.”

He stared at her, the look on his face equal parts aroused and bewildered. “You—”

“I grew up near farms,” she reminded him. “And then joined the military. Believe me: I have plenty of ideas for lessons.”

“You think you can keep control long enough to keep me bound to that chair?” he asked, a wicked growl in his voice.

Her body responded to that tone with a wash of pleasure, and she found herself hungry for more of him even though they’d just finished. Part of her wondered if that was normal—and she got her answer when he rolled her beneath him.

“The minute your control breaks, solnishko, I’m going to put you on your back on that table and fuck you until your screams summon the guards at a run.”

Wrapping her arms and legs around him, Alina grinned. “Maybe I’ll make you beg for that.”

With his face buried in her neck, he laughed. “I hope you do.”

[futzzzy]

“I cant make you love me..”

I can’t make you love me if you don’t. You can’t make your heart feel something it won’t. Here in the dark, in these final hours. I will lay down my heart and ill feel the power but you won’t.”

Genre/Warning: Angst, Abuse, Smut, Domestic Violence, Unprotected Sex, Oral, Profanity.

Pairing: Fem! Reader/ Hoseok

Word Count: 4623

Recommend Song: Tank – I can’t make you love me

POV: First

Character Ethnicity: Unspecified

Authors Note: This is Fiction and does not characterize Jung Ho-seok.

1

  My bare feet drag across the frigid tile floors, as if they know as well as I know that I don’t want to be in the same vicinity as him. My mind is racing as fast as my heart is throbbing the shorter the distance gets between me and our shared bed. I want to break down right here on this floor, sob dramatically and ask, “why me?” or something else theatrical that would make me feel better, but I’m exhausted from dealing with the emotions that continuously overwhelm me. Maybe I’m telling myself I feel this way so that the tears threatening my waterline don’t escape their barrage. How could he be fast asleep anyway. As if what happened didn’t happen. As if he’s not afraid of the possibilities or consequences to his actions.

  I sink into our mattress on my designated side of the bed.

A lot farther to the edge than either of us are accustomed to. Placing one of my pillows beneath the back of my head and creating a barrier between us with the other. I don’t want to look in his direction. I don’t want to smell his aroma. I used to like how the smell of these sheets swallowed me, his natural scent was like what honey is to bees for me, the sweetest reward at the end of a long day. Those hints of vanilla infused with our amber blossom fabric softer being my good morning and the only comfort that I knew in our lonely bed when he worked late nights. My gut sinks and my airway stings when it invades my nostrils this time.

  There were nights where I would cuddle into his slender frame and he would caress me and grip my waist so tight it stung after a while. Now I want nothing more than for one of us to disappear, maybe both of us. I’m afraid to close my eyes or even look him in his, when did my sunshine get replaced for this cloud of rain. When did he become so intimidating?

  “You’re seeing him again tonight? Are you going to get married next? Be a big happy family with a yorkie and white picket fence? Tuh! Do you even hear yourself” “What we have is real” he mocks. “What the FUCK do you call what me and you have then?”

  I sigh and fold my arms in on each other.

  “Hoseok what me and you HAD was an arrangement that we made forever ago and it hasn’t grown any more than that. In the last five years you never did half the things he’s done in the 6 months he’s known me. “

  He scoffed and looked at me in disgust with the corners of his lips turned down forming his mug into a crescent shaped pout.

  “He brought me my favorite pastry for breakfast three times this week. When’s the last time you even thought abou-“He cut me off.

“DO NOT compare me to him! And now you’re having breakfast together. When did that shit start?”

  My irises meet my brain, deeply rolling my eyes at his pettiness and obvious selective listening. “You’re not entitled to me. I told you I’ve been meeting him for months now.”

  He takes a step closer with his hands intertwined in front of him and eyes trailing the ceiling like the answers to his questions were up there. Releasing a loud sigh through gritted teeth he descends his gaze towards me. 

  “You don’t get it y/n. Throughout our relatio- arrangement we’ve both “met” up with people but you’ve never been stupid enough to take it this far”

  The tips of my ear’s heat up at his insult. 

  “What’s this far Hoseok, Hm? Far enough to find someone who actually claims me outside of a bedroom? Far enough to not be around every time you need a good fuck? Far enough that I can’t feed your man child ego whenever you want me to?

In a breath he closes the gap between us; pressing his chest into mine, practically backing me against the wall. Now so close the warm draft from his nostrils is tickling my cupids bow. I squint my eyes and peer up at him. 

“Or Is it that you’re afraid”

I take a step back and point my manicured fingernail into his chest tapping each word between his pecs.

“I found someone FAR.. better.. than.. yo-“

  Out of instinct my eyes blinked shut before his palm descended across my cheek, fumbling the words that were on the tip of my tongue. When I opened them back up, I felt like my eyes needed to adjust to the light in the room all over again, as if I had just left a dark theater and forgotten it was daytime outside. My knees wobbled as I pressed my palm into my burning cheek; Nothing short of a newborn giraffe trying to learn to walk for the first time. I felt weak. I was weak emotionally, physically everything about me, abruptly became weak.

  2

Sniffling faintly in this pitch-black room where not even the moon wants to visit me. I replay the events repeatedly in my head. I won’t even bother wiping my tears, its not like anyone can see them anyway. I shimmy and get comfortable on my side, planting my face flush against my algid tear stained pillow to allow the congested phlegm formulating in my nostrils to settle; as I bite back the sounds of sorrow that are beginning to choke and suffocate me. Strangled by my own tears with a growing agonizing lump in my esophagus all to avoid waking Hoseok from his slumber.

   I can’t be here.

  I pluck my phone from the bedside charger not willing to risk unplugging it from behind the timbered nightstand. Languidly rising to my feet. I snag my empty gym bag hanging on the bathroom doorknob and sail to the dresser using my phone light on its lowest brightness setting to dimly guide my path. Pulling the drawers out strategically slow I collect a few T-shirts to pair with the three identical black cotton leggings I tossed in prior.

  “grrrm-“Chills race down my spine and my forearms coat in goose bumps at the sound of the mattress squeaking as he mumbles in the bed just feet behind me. I freeze and gnaw on the side of my bottom lip anxiously and swiftly press my phone against my belly hoping to mask its shine in the pit of my stomach. When I don’t hear anymore sound beyond his shallow exhales, I continue my mission of packing. I can’t even think clearly anymore, with the tune of my own heartbeat in my ears encouraging me, I hoist my bag of partial belongings up over my shoulder and begin the journey towards the door.

3

I’m counting down the steps before I’m unconfined to this room when a petite icy callus covered hand restrains my wrist and nearly yanks me off my feet, thwarting my goal of freedom. I shriek and my own grip becomes weak allowing my bag to descend my arm in defeat.

  He walks me backwards towards the bed then clicks on his lamp light. I refuse to turn around and face him. If he’s angry I know what he’s capable of. Now I remember when I said I wanted one of us to “disappear”, but I wasn’t sure who. Its me.

He groans full of exhaustion and then his raspy voice speaks.

“You’re going to leave me?”

Why does he sound so delicate? I question. Calmly rotating on my feet in newfound curiosity I attempt to release his grasp on me, it falls short and he holds my wrist hostage. I still scrunch my brows and fidget in his palm to let him know it hurt initially.

  There’s an awkward silence like he expected me to answer him but I didn’t have the words. I mean; I did but I wasn’t brave enough to mutter them. 

“I’m sorry... If you want to leave you ha- “He interrupted my thoughts.

 “-have every right to do that but if you’re willing to give me a chance to plead my case. I just want to do what I should’ve done before.”

  I didn’t expect to be in this position, I mean literally he’ s sitting on the mattress back slumped pitifully and I’m standing above him, with high shoulders making me feel extremely big and him small. Here he is willingly submissive in a way I’ve never seen him before. Suddenly my cowardliness is replaced with cockiness and I wrench myself from his touch. He looks defeated like I did moments ago.

  “So, speak” I sound more gallant than I intended to but I’m proud of myself, nonetheless.

He holds his head down in remorse probably embarrassment too.

“I thought I lost you for good when I caught the way your face beamed when you mentioned his name, it fueled my jealousy and I let it ignite my actions “

He coughs the drowsiness out of his chest then continues

“I know I fucked up and you’re worth much more than I’ve ever shown”

I’m not saying anything or even motioning that I’m listening to him but I am, to every single syllable

His hands and head rise in unison, he glowers into my eyes and his hands take purchase on my bare lower hips, unintentionally sliding my short cut silk night gown up my exterior scrunching it just below my mound. He doesn’t seem to notice that he partially exposed me, so I ignore it. Instinct tells me to jerk away from contact, but he seems determined to touch me.

  “Baby I can’t let you- “this time he pauses and chokes back tears. Pressing the side of his face against my stomach. I plant my hands on top of his head and ruffle his hair in inconsistent circles “Please don’t go. I promise you it won’t happen again just allow me to show and prove it to you”

  4

I realize I haven’t said much and I don’t need to. Somewhere in him there’s still the man I fell in love with & this one action doesn’t define him. Before I can fully process my thoughts, my body is descending towards his and I’m straddling his thighs, holding his blood shot face between my thumbs and kissing his tears away.

  His hands instinctively guide their way lower, one settling on my ass cheek holding a firm grip the opposite palm delicately settled on the small of my back guiding me further into him.

  Migrating my hands down to his chest I feel his palpitating heartbeat against my palms and clutch his wrinkled navy shirt between my nimble fingers. Relocating my moist tear stained lips against his plush cracked ones. My lips taste like the salt of his cries and his like sleep but we kiss passionately. Not waiting for permission his tongue invades the cave of my mouth in exploration for my tongue. When he finds it, they battle and intertwine with nothing but DNA between them. The tongue war is futile with him claiming supremacy he sucks my tongue into his mouth getting his fair share of me and I respond moaning my satisfaction against his taste buds. Guiding my curious hands higher I grip his dark velvety hair, tugging on any strand that’s not bold enough to slip between my fingers.

He vibrates sound into my inviting mouth groaning loudly while moving both of his hands to my ass following the motions of my swaying hips. Grinding helplessly on his covered hardening member. My hips are hypnotized as they move in perfectly timed indistinguishable loops begging for friction to meet my starving clit. He notices my desperation and grips under my thighs prompting me to wrap my legs around his slim waist. Swiftly he lifts me up and spins around placing my frame back on the mattress in between short delicious kisses. He grasps my calves and pins my legs back. The forced position sending shock waves to my core, causing my pelvic bone to instantly become sore but I’m so far gone that anything feels right as long as he’s doing it. He drives his hips to meet mine, humping me like a teenage boy at a house party. The motions he’s making are incredibly adolescent but they fuel my fire. Turning me on even more as the friction provides just enough to hold on to and want more of. He demonstrates forthcoming strokes on me fully clothed before supporting my body up the width of the bed making room for himself then he grips my fleshy thighs splaying them apart. Dipping between my legs, never abandoning eye contact with me. He sticks his sopping wet tongue out and kitten licks at the seat of my panties. The milk of my excitement and the result of his sobbing moments ago, his slime covered tongue presses at my clit with just the lace of my undergarments being a barrier. The need for more overwhelms me and I impatiently yank my panties to the side catching him by surprise. He smirks at my scrunched brows and jaded eyes that warn him I’m not for any antics when my core is aching this awful in anticipation. “That bad?” He says confidently. I blink my eyes into a roll and plunge my head flat against the duvet staring up at the ceiling as he begins to attack my exposed core. He suckles my entire pussy into his mouth like a toothless person gnawing a peach he engulfed me eagerly. He’s not focused on the one spot I need him the most yet so I gather his long locks between my fingers and drive his head deeper forcing him to latch onto my clit, he closes his mouth smaller, popping my clit between his wet lips. Then he sticks his delicate rose toned tongue out and rides it between my sticky inner labia spreading the puffy lips apart then he introduces his tongue to my hard-needy clit. I can feel my nectar coating his chin when he pulls away to repeat his gestures. The stickiness on his face, cold compared to the fresh balmy milk my body is producing adequately. I moan into the atmosphere releasing his hair to push my own out of my face. Tangling it above my head somewhere as I instinctively look where his head is buried between my thighs. I pull the straps of my gown down my shoulder and release my breast. Teasing my taunt nipples, twirling one between my fingers, pinching and releasing the other, then twisting each one separately as if they were Jewish dreidels. My vacant walls are collapsing on themselves, wringing around nothing but self-made secretion, the combination of stimulation is getting me close but I don’t want to come like this.

  “H-Hoseok please come fuck me”

  He reluctantly pulls away from my pussy. Swishing his mouth around and spitting the juices he collected back onto my clit. The glob falls short and splatters on the prickly peach fuzz I haven’t found the time to wax. He uses his finger to help the misguided puddle down to my entrance and allows the wetness to encase his single digit as it enters me, I throw my head back harshly and tremble in satisfaction. “Hose-ok pleaseee” I childishly whine. “You’re gonna make me cum”

  He disregards my gripes with a sly grin and commences twirling his elongated middle finger inside of me diving deeper into my abyss with each twist then motioning his digit up and down like he was flicking through channels inside of me. He doesn’t mind my whining but I squirm frantically away from his touch and he hesitantly retracts from my slippery ridged walls. Sitting up on his knees he swiftly lifts his damp sticky shirt over his head and pulls down his briefs, shimmying them across his thighs and kicking them behind him somewhere. He locks eyes with me and lays between my legs, smooching the sides of my parted lips and craning his neck down slightly to kiss on a single nipple. He readjusts himself lower and gradually twirls the tip of his tongue around the areola then comes from below the nipple and flicks at it briskly. He suctions it delicately, switching in between placid nibbles and light sucking. I bite my lip as he kisses between my breast attacking the opposite boob more aggressively than the other. Taking it between his teeth and vibrating his bottom jaw subtly, tugging at it between his assaulting grinders then he frees the impishly tormented nipple and kisses it. Curling his core, he reaches between us and pumps himself into his palm then taps the head of his dick against my sensitive clit before pressing into my waiting core. The blushed tip slides in gathering lubrication that coaxes the slight amount of foreskin around it inside. He submerges too deep too soon and it practically burns. Abnormally clumsy and amateur for him. When he notices me wincing at the pain of him stretching me too rapidly, he pulls himself out completely sitting back on his knees and grabs hold to the base of his dick with one hand using the other to hold his hovering form above me. He dips himself in and out of me like a sausage to gooey cheese fondue. Coating himself and repeating; Giving me more length with each snap of his hips.

When he feels I’m prepped properly he relaxes and dives in again gluing my knees to my chest, thrusting patiently. Giving each stroke purpose as he dips his hips downward, driving deeper and allowing me to feel every inch of him.

  “Tell me you won’t leave” he says in a soft susurration.

 I groan in response and that doesn’t please him.

“Say it.. please baby”

With perspiration accumulating on his forehead, he stares anxiously into my amplified pupils searching for contentment in an answer so I choke one out.

“I won’t-ah I won’t leave”

Looking satisfied he resumes giving me adequate strokes. He aggressively picks up his speed and I clutch the bedding beneath me, wailing a war cry of his name. 

“Ooo my gaw- ffffu” I weep as my fingers cramp from how hard I’m crumpling the comforter between them.

I can’t create complete sentences as he fucks so much air into my pulsating orifice from his sloppy strokes that my pussy begins to make bubbles of clear cream tinted foam, causing embarrassing queefs to accompany the squishing sounds of my lactating walls.

 “Yesss give it to me.. ri- right there” I hold my mouth agate and sob louder. He takes the opportunity to spit into my inviting portal. The frothy translucent blob falls onto my tongue and descends toward my tonsils while I catch my breath causing me to accidentally swallow it, to him I’m sure it looks like I eagerly swallowed his saliva. He looks proud of me and draws himself out of me entirely. Only to lean down and like he wanted back what he voluntarily gave me; he begins lapping his precum out of my cunt claiming his leakage all over again. Sopping up our juicy blend before spitting it back into my stretched opening. He sits back again and taps my thigh, demanding me to flip over. When I don’t move fast enough, he smacks the curve of my ass and clutches my hip maneuvering me on to my stomach. I prop up on all fours and arch my back how he likes it. At once he spreads my ass cheeks apart and begins cleaning the cream that compiled there from when he was fucking me into oblivion.  I squeal in pleasure at the wondrous feeling of his hungry tongue polishing my wrinkled anus clean. Biting into my lip, my eyelids force shut and my neck refuses to carry the weight of my head anymore, delving my face into the mattress further, I smother myself. Attentively listening to the pleased humming sounds vibrating from his throat. When he was satisfied with his job, he crouched onto his knees and entered me again. Pushing my disheveled hair to the side he grasps the back of my neck and rams into me harder. My panties begin to slide to their original position and he uses his hanging hand to snag them, yanking so hard the lace snaps leaving limp strings around my hips. By now I can tell he’s close because he can’t hold back his moans any longer and he doesn’t pull completely out before rummaging back in anymore, he’s pumping his entire length inside of me relentlessly.

Taking the opportunity in-between calling out the creator and moaning Hoseoks name I slip my gown over my head and bore my bare chest. The cold air hitting my solid nipples is a awkward contrast to the heat hes making my body feel. He rotates his hips in circles, massaging my ass cheeks apart for more access.

“umf, harder please, fuck me harder Hoseok”

Gripping the meat of my ass, scrunching my stretch marks into zebra print he obliges, forcing into me harder.

  “Say you love me” his shaky voice bellows while wiping the sweat from the sticky hairs that bonded themselves to his forehead.

I comply immediately. “I love you I love you so much Hoseok, please cummm in me”

Vice gripping my walls around his buried shaft. As if he was possessed, he stills inside of me. With his twitching dick becoming even harder he throbs his seeds into my pussy, plugging the thick discharge inside of me with his width. Piling all of his weight on top of me he collapses on my back, forcing me to lay flat on my stomach. His steamy exhales danced on my nape as he kissed his gratitude into my neck. When he finally catches his breath, he sits up and forces my legs together in a planking position. Taking his semi hard dick between my mushed pussy lips. Though over sensitive for him he wants to give me my release before he goes soft. He rocks into me, smacking my ass cheeks like bongos, fucking his warm gooey semen into me making a mess below my mound.

“Cum for me y/n.. cum all over my dick”

As my eyes roll painfully and I scream his name in a trance I begin thrashing like a fish on land, cumming in ecstasy. He presses his palms into my back holding me down while I ride out my orgasm. When my muscles finally relax, he sighs in fatigue and like a rag that had been sitting in bath water too long, he pulls his flaccid dick out from between my folds. Plopping his tired limps beside. I lift a leg over his sticky body too hot and messy to cuddle, and he holds onto my sore thigh, closing his tired eyes. As our breathes calm and heartbeats stabilize, we drift into dreamland.   

5

I wake up before Hoseok with the sun cavorting on the surface of my skin, unpleasantly radiating its shine and heat directly into my bare face. I peer over at him fast asleep noticing we became untangled in our hibernation. As not to wake him I roll my naked dry cum stained body out of bed and start my morning routine in the bathroom, showering the expired evidence of love making down the drain, brushing the morning breath from my tongue and teeth. Forty odd minutes later I emerge from the restroom to a still resting Hoseok. I decide to let him sleep a bit longer since. Tip toeing into the kitchen and closing the door carefully behind me I begin the Keurig. Pulling out a pan to start a bacon, cheddar cheese and green onion omelet, a cutting board to dice strawberries, and a clean coffee mug from the wooden cabinet. I’m smearing strawberry jam onto a slice of buttered toast when a groggy Hoseok appears in the hallway, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, pouting the distance to me, planting his parched morning kisses on my lips.

“Good morning love”

“Good morning baby, did you sleep good?”

He nods his response and hugs my waist, closely pressing my body to his. We share a few more gentle intimate kisses before he struts his lazy limbs to the living room, flopping onto the couch. Within a few minutes I bring him his breakfast and start wiping down the counters while he hastily finishes his meal and scurries to get dressed for work. He breezes past me with a quick goodbye peck and snatches his keys from the steel rack beside the door, before I can blink the door shuts behind him. Alone, I prance over to the living room in my house robe and collect the dish with only a few bites left on it, taking the plate to the kitchen to be cleaned in waiting steamy dish water.

  6

I use his fork to send the scraps of his breakfast into the trash bin, bringing the jelly and grease stained dish over to the sink and rubbing the soap suds into it, smudging the reminisces of breakfast into it before rinsing it clean in the opposite sink. After placing it onto the drying rack. I go to the living room to grab the mug I had forgotten initially that previously homed bitter black coffee, on my way back to the mugs destination I glance out of the window at him just a few floors below, pulling out of his parking spot in the direction of his employer. Exhaling heavily from the suppressed breath I had been holding since I cried myself awake last night. I roll on the balls of my feet with the empty coffee mug in hand and bring it to the kitchen counter placing it down on the marble and begin digging into the drawer just below where the ceramic mug sits, pulling out a thin stack of pink sticky notes and an ink pen I begin to write.

“Hoseok I need to do what’s best for me, I know you’ll understand”

Nervous he won’t comprehend my sincere tone I add a heart in the top right corner for good measure. Pealing the used paper from its stack I trace my finger over the sticky layer, tacking it onto the dry erase grocery list board on the fridge, smearing the word milk beneath my small goodbye note.

  -        Z

(Possible Pt2)

READ: If you post my content in any form; (video, translation, inspiration etc.) without PROPER credit, I’ll consider that plagiarism. All I ask is that you link or tag my Tumblr.

Example: * Written by: Futzzzy @ Tumblr.com*

Re-posted by: (your user name)

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

Declan basically do to Annabelle what Dan does

It is that simple

Pass the buck kid

What feels good and comfortable and safe to you?

"Yeah but that's my dad"

But that's your soulmate.

Alex and i modify what we do to each other for the general public. We're always rubbing or touching each other if we are busy and just pass by each other when hes not alien lies filled and drug riddled.

Its loving and not perverse. Its comforting. Saying im still here and love you but I'm busy.

Cause yoh know what lovers do... So no time for loving but baby you know what I look forward to! Its like a promise and shows loyalty. So it's banned.

Like snoop. I'd put my arm/hand on his shoulder and lean against him. But not my full arm around his back unless he was emotional or needed help standing or walking. And I don't run my hand up his arm or back. I'll pat his shoulder then run my hand down the rest to his love handle which is just below the rib but ij the middle of his back. But no further down. Or i would pat his back.

Cause i would make fun of Snoops for being so skinny. And would put my arm around his waist. Because all the little girls would hug Alex's neck and I would tease him that all them little girls were hussies being nice and respectful to my face and then when my back was turned to talk to snoop there they were hanging off his neck trying to learn how to hide them hickies they planned to give him

So, i told him "well I'll show you. Just you wait"

So i did inventory in the Sugar Shack so I told Alex nah I'll just do it tomorrow, let you do some school alone. Cause he never got to and he was sober. Except pot.

So I did it 3 times... Waited till Snoop said Alex was coming and I'd trash my hair, slap on lip gloss and smear it. Wipe my hand on Snoops face then throw my arm around his waist.

"Girl what you doing?!? Clean yourself up!! Your man is coming!!" Don Prudhome was shocked to see me in such disarray. I just giggled outta control.

Alex stopped dead. Took a breath. Then two. "Hey. You. What the fuck are you two doing?"

"Oh we're just at work! Come here babe!"

I think that was a mistake. We were all smiling and he wasn't. "Okay Snoop be prepared to move" my eyes looked worried and Alex thought it was guilt.

Don Prudhome jumped up "hey hey now! None of that here. No no. None. It's all good remain calm"

"Okay then what's THIS?" he grabbed a napkin and wiped Snoops face

"Move yet? Yeah?"

"No, Snoop not yet."

"I'll be getting the broom."

"No snoop don't worry. Here babe you wanna see it on my lips? Here wipe it on the napkin. See if it match"

Snoop let me pull his skinny ass all over that cardboard interior. To Alex we only in a flammable card board box already doused in lighter fluid. That's what snoop has always said. But I knew to get him confused. If I said it was me... I could buy time... And we would just see what would happen. Snoop knew the joke. But he didn't know how much of our lives we were risking. I didn't realize until that moment. I saw the flash. But he didn't move. I knew. It was the eye of the tiger he possessed. It would be 6 breaths.

"Okay now move!!! I pushed snoop then he pushed me and i pushed him and we both ended in this tiny tiny corner between two fridges. We peeked out and Alex was laying face down on the counter. So i locked snoop between both fridges. He was all "cant you just open the door?" So I did that too and he put a mopping cone on his head.

So its the only way i got snoop in on it.. I fixed my hair and cleaned my face. Locked the kitchen and went out to the window ledge Alex was now perched on very un-birdlike. "Sweetie? Are you okay? Did you get one of those side effects that are really bad? Maybe like hallucinations? Babe. Baby? Are you high?"

He jumped up. "What?!? Hell no! I SAW YOU JUST --what are you doing? Weren't you Just wearing one of Snoopy's shirts? The yellow one? With no pants or panty hose??? Why are you wearing that pretty white dress i asked you to wear this morning?"

"Hey baby you need to eat. Good thing it's lunch time already. Sit on the stool and Miss Shawntae will get you some food." I Said real patient and kind. "Hey! Shortie!!!" I yelled real loud and vulgar.

My man's eyes went like O.O

"Will you get him some food, baby honey and please?" I said real sweet. "AND HURRY IT UP!!" i yelled real loud and rude.

"Im so glad i think I'm not on drugs. I think." Said Mr O.O "man what you mean Snoop ain't here. I saw you talking to him all morning. Baby what's going on?"

"What you mean baby? Snoop is sitting right next to you"

"I ain't ever seen that man in my life" i didn't think his eyes could get any bigger but they Did. But then they got even bigger. He was breathing so rapid i was worried we went into over kill.

"Oh uh. Shawmtae!" At that second she closed both the freezer and fridge door. And Snoop stood still as a statue. With a clown face on. A red orange traffic cone. Holding a basketball. He slowly lifted his right hand into a US military salute. Then beat his chest. Once. Twice. Real slow and rhythmic on the fifth beat in slow motion he extended his long left arm the basketball to Alex

Don Prudhome grabbed one he had hidden and held it with two hands and said "go ahead and take it son" and Alex with shuddering horrified tears and shaking hands reached out real slow to take it. And as soon as his hands reached the goal Don Pudhome snatched it all dramatic "NO ITS MINE!!"

Alex dry sobbed 3 times. Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation began on the stereo full blast through the entire park.

"I can't take it!! Babe get the food!!"

"Alex! This is real! You can't just leave me here!!"

"Okay y'all i gotta go. I'll cook him some food in the school. Y'all deserve to laugh for all that hard work you put into it!!"

"Miss??? Is it time for school?" Asked Miss Aubrey

"Yes. Miss Aubrey."

"See i told y'all" said Erica.

"Erica said shes always right. Can't she be wrong just this once?"

"Actually yes she can. Why don't you all wait and listen to this song? Im sure there's more to come."

"Its too loud! Miss! Its too loud!"

"Then bring your lunches and eat in the classroom."

I went up...

Alex was past near panic. He was in panic is this over mode. Shivering and crying. "Babe you act like you have the flu"

"I pissed my pants babe. They're in the washer. Don't just stand there. Say something. Suck my Dick if you want to" he stood up butt naked. "You got a dress i can wear or something?"

"Shh shit. Run to the bathroom in a hurry!! Oh my God the kids are coming! Alex!!"

I found him huddled in the corner of the bathroom shaking and shivering and crying. "This is the worst high I've never not gotten!"

"Well I'll see if i can get yoh some pot. Its gonna be okay baby. Its okay... The kids are here but they're used to free time" But not used to hearing a man cry for the first time in 13 years from the bathroom while wearing a skirt.

Tree posted a 9 hour and 45 minute video in y'alls DVR and I'll let it finish there.

But it was the first anniversary of Claytons adoption day. So here They came. All 3 of them in clown masks and balloons.

And that yellow jersey of Snoops I was wearing with a touch of lip gloss on the neck... And when i distracted Alex they swept a child up and put on that yellow jersey and took a picture with one of us adults.

Then Clayton got that jersey and all the poloroids as a gift for his "birthday"

Since the kids hadn't made anything. They made hearts with their hands. And gave Clayton all their love and support for his life time.

It was size adult 2x so he could wear it for the rest of his life and always think of us.

So enjoy the Torture we did to Alex Laughlin. It was really bad. And be glad we are celebrating life with Coronoas for the next month.

Thank you Wendy for scaring the shit out of people.