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yuseirra · 1 month ago

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An explanation-interpretation of how things played out in onk ch 159-162

Remember sometime back - how I explained and summarized the full story of this piece and how it went? (I still think this stands REALLY well and that it is an accurate depiction)

You can read the full post (in comic form too!)

the part that's REALLY ambiguous and confusing for me is the chapters 159-162, I bet so many others are as well, only the staff related to this piece would know what that's supposed to mean and how it went;

and I left it open in the summary I wrote as well:

Today I sat down and tried thinking it over, on just what the heck was actually happening in those chapters and how it went.

If that section could be explained, we can figure out what's been going on, right? I think I can do it.

If I'm given proper information, it's not like I can't interpret it, but this manga is really just maliciously twisted. It never shows things clearly, so even the most trivial events get tangled up and confusing—and it never resolves anything. That’s what really gets on my nerves. I mean, this is a story, right? What's the point if only the author understands it?

Let me take another shot at interpreting what took place in those chapters.

From what I’ve grasped of that character’s personality, when Kamiki called Nino, he really wouldn't have said much.

I honestly think it’s far more likely that, by that point, after everything he’d done and all he’d gone through, he finally received Ai’s feelings and was really ready to give up right then and there. This person… he has a soft heart. He’s originally quite kind.

Now here’s what we really need to think about: is what Tsukuyomi said about this person’s goal actually correct? I don’t think it is. Tsukuyomi’s already been wrong before (about who went to the hospital on Ai's delivery day), and the songs are telling a different story.

More than anything, if you look at Kamiki’s thoughts as he’s dying, what he really wished for was:

“I wanted to feel Ai.”

Kamiki’s psychology—his goal—is this:

He wanted to see Ai again.

He wished Ai were still alive.

He couldn’t live without her.

He didn’t feel like he was alive without Ai.

He just wanted to feel her again.

That’s what it boils down to.

At this point, there’s no one left in this story who really understands him. I think even Tsukuyomi jumped to conclusions about his ultimate goal.

The songs, however, are what's written from his perspective and express his point of view. I think that'd be the most accurate clues on figuring out what exactly this guy was and of his motives and thoughts.

Now that whole scene with Nino about not forgiving anyone who surpasses Ai, and was it chapter 164 or 165? That part where Akane says he was a monster, and then there’s that strange line about how Ai’s presence had to be amplified, and he gathered people to do something—Tsukuyomi says this was his twisted purpose.

But I think that was just the public reason Kamiki gave out to others to guide and move them. His true intention was actually something else.

Honestly, what else could his true wish be except wanting to see Ai again? He did all that, whatever he did, to feel Ai. That's what he thinks, too.

Now as for the current situation, his company is EYES, right? So "eyes"—especially the star eyes—must have had special significance to him. Why?

Because Ai, during her life, went around spreading love to everyone. And even now, she, as the white star, is still out there, blessing people with love.

Kamiki was someone who could identify people who had been blessed by Ai, people who had her in their eyes. What are the first lyrics of “Fatal”? Doesn’t it mention something about eyes?

キラキラお星様宿したあなたのeyes

>"your sparkling eyes where stars dwell in"

He wanted to gather the light of those people—the ones with those eyes—and bring it to himself. That way, he could truly feel Ai again.

This man is the god of light. He’s Sarutahiko, the earthly deity and husband of Ame-no-Uzume (who Ai is a reincarnation of). A god of guidance and light.

Even if he told Nino or others that “I want to bring Ai back to life!” or “I want to meet Ai again!” they wouldn’t believe him. There’s nothing in it for them, either.

So instead, Kamiki said publicly, “I want to amplify Ai’s presence.” (Which, by the way, isn’t entirely false—remember that Mephisto lyric? “The sorrowful light that gathers day by day”? That can only be explained with this interpretation. He was collecting that light from people with star eyes, so he could “gather Ai.” So in that sense, he really DID amplify Ai's presence by doing this.)

And maybe… just maybe, as the lyrics of Mephisto say, “If I can’t make all my wishes come true, then I want to become you”—he might have been trying to become a god like Ai.

あらゆる望のぞみの総すべてを叶かなえたら　ああ果はたせたら If all my wishes would come true, ah, if all of it could be, あなたに会あいたい I want to see you again 星ほしに願ねがいをかけて I wish upon a star あなたに命が戻るなら　届くなら If only life could return to you, if I could reach you わたしはどうなろうと構わないのに I don't care about what happens to me どうやら総ては叶わない But not everything can come true, can it 叶わないならばあなたになりたい If so, I want to become you

This is EXACTLY how his mind's been functioning. Mephisto is Hikaru's song and how he feels towards Ai.

this "I want to become you" is implying he wants to collect Ai's light and become a "star-god" like what she's become.

At his core, this person is a god of light who lacks light. And it seems like that void could only be filled through “Ai” or “love.” That’s what you get when you interpret the lyrics of Fatal.

So to summarize, Kamiki’s motivation, short and simple, is:

“I want to see my wife again.”

That’s it. Ai was his wife. She was his wife when they were gods.

That lyric about forgetting who he was? That’s what it means. The line about “Remember who you lived with”—that’s what it’s talking about.

誰と生きたか思い出して< "Remember who I lived with!"

誰を生きたか忘れちゃった！< "I've forgotten who I lived as!"

And his method? It had to be collecting the light of those with white star eyes. Because, as mentioned above, Ai and her love DWELLS there. And he lacks that (lack of Ai).

So, going back to the interpretation—

Let’s start with what happened in Chapter 147.

When Kamiki talked to Ruby and his eyes lit up white and he looked happy—that was because he was sure in that moment that Ai’s blessing, or maybe Ai herself, resided within Ruby. He was glad to feel that. For a brief moment, he received Ai’s love. That's how his eyes turned white.

Ai’s love could’ve been transmitted through Ruby. I think Ai was able to convey her “love” through “the eyes” to someone who needed love—Kamiki(ch 160).

So the answer Kamiki had been searching for all this time was Ruby. That’s why he looked intrigued and smiled.

From what I can tell, what this person had been doing all this time was—

He was searching for Ai’s light. But no matter how much of it he gathered and brought to himself, he could never feel complete. That’s why, just like in the Fatal song lyrics, he kept asking—“It’s still not enough. What do I have to do to be whole?”

あなたの愛がまだ足らない

Your love still isn’t enough

欠けたものは何で埋めたらいい？

What can I fill the emptiness with?

That song is 100% written from this character’s point of view.

Still, he’d been working at this for a full 15 years. (If you look at the lyrics of Mephisto or Fatal, the speaker is continuing to do something. They seem burdened by it, yet unable to give it up. Lyrics like “I can’t leave the stage.” exist. That’s Kamiki. There’s talk of sweat and blood and offering things—this is not Aqua.)

So by the time Ai’s movie was about to be released, I think he was almost there—either he was nearly filled, or he had gathered enough light to nearly bring Ai back. He had nearly reached his goal.

Based on the lyrics and the brief references in Chapter 154 and 161, Kamiki says things like, “I don’t mind if I die for Ai,” or “The one I wished to sacrifice my life for is Ai” or “I could sacrifice my life for Ai”—that sort of thing.

I think he was planning to offer himself as a sacrifice to bring Ai back… or maybe he was just trying to die in order to meet her again.

And so, since it was the end, I think he felt like—just once, it would be okay to indulge a little and go see the kids’ faces. He probably thought, “It’s really over now,” and went to see his son and daughter. That’s what I think.

And when he saw Ruby, he realized—Ah, this is the one closest to Ai. Maybe Ai resides in her.

When he saw the “Ai” residing in those “eyes,” he was overjoyed, and I think his hand just reflexively reached out. He even mentions about her “mother” to Ruby, right?

He felt Ai. (That’s what that thought he has in Chapter 162 is about.)

But still—he let Ruby go. That moment.

He was sure Ai existed there, but he also believed that Ai probably wouldn't love him back the way he did.

So I think he thought, “Okay, then. I’ll just sink down with all the lives I’ve taken (I’ll die), for Ai” and left.

The “plan” Kamiki has that Aqua refers to in 161—what he said would stop, and made Kamiki utterly despair through having said so was probably that. Kamiki might’ve believed that if he did that, Ai would come back to life or something along those lines.

But then, in Chapter 154, he saw a video of Ai.

And from what I can tell, Kamiki’s reaction there… was so gentle.

In mythology, Sarutahiko (Ame-no-Uzume’s husband) ends up being persuaded or seduced by Ame-no-Uzume. Being persuaded by his love is his identity, he gives up a lot of his reign to be with her.

I think Ai’s words had a massive effect on Kamiki, the same way his god counterpart does.

He really does listen to Ai. He follows her words really well and takes it at face-value.

After Kamiki finds out that Ai truly loved him, his expression changes—his eyes become noticeably rounder. His overall impression really shifts. He looks a bit less… devastated, maybe? That’s probably closer to his true nature. It’s quite a stark difference.

Now, when it comes to what Kamiki might do from here, I always consider two possibilities:

1. One is that, because he now knows Ai truly loved him, he ends up going to extreme lengths to try to bring her back no matter what, delaying the moment of letting go and taking things further.

2. The other is that he understands Ai’s feelings and lets go of everything he’s been doing for the past 15 years—his whole project to meet or revive Ai—and finally returns to the right path.

And personally… judging from his behavioral patterns, I think option 2 is more likely. I’d say it’s about 85% chance for option 2, and 15% for option 1.

If it turns out to be option 1, then the story would probably unfold something like this:

Since Kamiki is a god who deals with the future, he might have orchestrated Nino’s actions to push her into killing Ruby. If that happens, then seizing Ruby's light for himself might finally complete the last few percent of the “light” he needed—either to revive Ai, become a god himself, or somehow gain the ability to tangibly feel Ai again. Something along those lines.

I think Aqua believed Kamiki was following option 1, and that’s why he confronted him—accusing him of being selfish and manipulative, dirtying others’ hands while keeping his own clean. So that's how he was all like, “You need to die here, for Ruby’s sake.” That’s probably why he killed him. (I think Aqua might’ve been tipped off by Tsukuyomi about this. Aqua was fully convinced that his father had some sort of godlike ability, and that Kamiki would end up ruining Ruby’s future.)

But the reason I think option 2 is more likely is because:

The situation where Ruby was almost attacked mirrors the way Ai died. To me, this shows that Kamiki doesn’t have full control over his powers. It’s hard to believe that someone who genuinely loves and wants to give everything to someone would intentionally cause another person to die the exact same way.

It’s like the events are unfolding in parallel to what happened with Ai.

It wasn’t like he had bad intentions with Ai either—he was happy he’d finally be able to meet her again and had come to celebrate her Dome performance. But because his powers were breaking down, and because he put his trust in a guy like Ryosuke, things went horribly wrong.

And with Ruby too—if anything, I think after watching Ai’s video, he had a sort of redemption moment. Like, “Okay… if that’s how Ai felt, then I should stop. I’ll stop everything and finally accept it.” He was probably just starting to come to terms with things.

But then this completely useless Ryosuke–Nino couple went off the rails and tried to do the same thing to his daughter. What a life Kamiki has. Befriending them was the worst mistake he ever had in his life...

When Aqua visits Kamiki in chapter 159, Kamiki seems confused.

Aqua shows up and says something like “You’re trash!” and Kamiki, who was watching Ruby’s performance, goes, “What are you talking about?” That expression—honestly, it looks like he’s in real pain. He smiles but, his smiles aren't to be trusted. He does that as a coping mechanism.

Now, did Kamiki know that Nino was going to stab Ruby? I mean… Nino did hang up on him and act on her own. Sure, he didn’t do anything to stop her, but still… what do we make of that?;;

In the following conversation, Kamiki says things like: “Did I push anyone? Did I stab anyone? I didn’t do anything!”

This is different from how he’s responded in the past. Normally, even if he wasn’t at fault, he would just take the blame and act resigned about it. If he had done something to Ruby, I think his response would’ve been more like:

“Yeah, it was me. I’m the bad guy. I’m going to die now anyway, so what does it matter?”

Because honestly, this character doesn’t seem like he wants to keep living. He’s not the kind of person who lies or makes excuses about the things he’s done.

So I think he really felt wronged here. And when he talks about the situation, what he says makes the most logical sense and matches up with the facts. So I think he’s telling the truth.

But here’s the real issue:

At this point, whether Kamiki wants it or not, he’s already become a walking catastrophe-level being.

Aqua’s accusations may not be entirely right—but they’re not totally wrong, either.

When it comes to Ai and Ruby, I don’t think Kamiki had malicious intentions. But he’s indeed moved people to get what he wanted. To how much of a degree- we just don't know because it's never shown though.

That’s why the conversation about “eyes” keeps coming up. The nature of the black starry eyes = Kamiki’s nature = Kamiki’s power = the divine power passed down to Aqua and Ruby.

He was probably using that power to try to see Ai again. But how far that ability goes… we have no way of knowing.

Would Kamiki really go as far as intentionally killing people just to gather the light needed to reach Ai? I don’t know. There’s no clear evidence of that. But it’s possible he had an attitude of, “It can’t be helped.” lol.

In chapter 162, when he’s dying, he reflects on the weight of his sins—that’s what that whole internal monologue is about.

From the beginning, the god Sarutahiko is supposed to be one who guides people to the right path…

But if that ability is reversed, or flawed,

致命的な欠落をくれたね you have given me a fatal flaw (He's become broken because Ai's gone)

it could amplify people’s malice or lead them to misfortune instead.

Maybe his powers are just naturally like that—so even if he does something small, it ends up causing a butterfly effect and brings ruin to everyone around him. That's how he's the "Fatal".

As for how much of this Kamiki actually wanted or intended… I think it’s really ambiguous.

Like I said earlier, this character has a tendency to blame himself even for situations that aren’t actually his fault. So if he thought, "I want to receive Ai’s light, I want to feel it," then people end up dying because of that. He knows that—and yet still couldn’t stop himself.

→ It might be something like that. We don’t have a lot of details… It could be something more than that too, but—

He probably didn’t actually do anything physically drastic. Even if it was something incredibly small—something that normally shouldn’t ever lead to such horrible consequences—

It still ended up that way because he’s a Fatal, a broken god.. Especially when he speaks—it seems his words carry that kind of effect.

In fact, it’s like things often turn out exactly opposite to what he wants…

Anyway, judging by the flow of the conversation in chapters 160–161,

There’s even a pretty high chance that Kamiki didn’t know Aqua came to see him because of Ruby.

Was it chapter 161? Kamiki kind of mutters, “Is this about Ruby…?” and then his expression completely changes, and he starts saying really strange things—about fading, withering away, stuff like that.

But would this guy really hate Ai just because she was “withering”? Not at all—it doesn't seem that way. He misses Ai’s existence, treasures her more than his own life.

He probably just want to live happily with her until they both grew old and died? He wanted to feel her forever. That aligns with Ai wishing to have lived with him forever, too. He wanted to get married with her and raise their children together.

You have to note: There isn’t a single scene of him being captivated by Ai's performance. What draws him to her is that she cared for him, understood him, loved him—that’s why he wants to see her again.

He likes Ai as a person, not Ai the idol.

And what he says after that—he talks about how cruel the public is, how Ruby could end up as prey for those kinds of people if Aqua does something reckless, so Aqua shouldn’t hurt him and should just go back quietly.

He says something along the lines like, "If you're as smart as I think you are, that’s the choice you’ll make."

But what he’s saying doesn’t really line up with one another. Same as in chapter 154—when you break down his lies, you’ll see he’s saying conflicting things.

"I hated Ai and wanted to scare her" ↔ "Ai was right to leave me, that was completely justified." (← This one actually matches his attitude more.)

"Ruby must be in her peak state" (← an entertainer’s value in the eyes of the public- they have to work in the public's favor) ↔ "The public is cruel to entertainers" (← disillusionment with the public) (Again, this second one feels more aligned with his real feelings. He lost Ai because of this very reason.)

The first parts are lies—he's playing the role of a total villain to match Aqua’s assumptions. He’s an actor, remember? Even his expressions are deliberately strange.

But when Aqua says he wants to see Ruby’s performance, the smile Kamiki gives then—that was real. That was genuinely a warm smile.

He probably intended to let Aqua go back and live, and then either die… or truly turn himself in.

But, what happens here now is- Didn’t I say earlier? He’s a Fatal.

Chapter 153 was a foreshadowing. Remember when he said “Congratulations, your wish to destroy me has come true”?

At that point, the wish hadn’t actually been fulfilled yet—but that line wasn’t there for nothing

That wish Kamiki heard—this is when it really came true.

What is Sarutahiko? He only gains the nature of a “gods of fulfilled wishes” when he is with his wife. Without Ai(Amenouzume), it turns out flawed, like a monkey's paw.

…And that whole mess of him being drowned with Aqua while having his public image completely ruined befalls him. Ai’s probably watching all of this unfold from the skies as the white star.

I wonder how she felt about all this. Guys, Ai's not actually dead. She REALLY is the white star that keeps appearing. That's what Hikaru wanted to become too. He KNEW she became a star, that's why he's kept doing these things and been wishing to one in Mephisto and all. He HAD hopes on reaching her because she still does exist in a sense but not in the way he could actually feel (unless from the "light" she gives out.)

In chapter 162, for almost the first time ever, he shows real rage or intensity in his expression.

That was because, for a moment, he thought—“I can’t die yet.”

After Ai’s death, this man must’ve been doing something all along. Likely what’s referred to as “gathering light” or “offering something” in Mephisto/Fatal—his goal being to revive Ai, or meet Ai again.

But then Aqua says, “You’ll never get what you want.” And kills him.

He had finally made it. After all that struggle, all those years—he was finally reaching the end. And now, he’s going to die. That’s why he thought, “I can’t die yet.”

Aqua completely, thoroughly destroyed everything this man had been doing last minute. That's why Kamiki had that face of despair in 161. Because his son would die with him and ALSO because what he tried all along would never come true.

Honestly, for those readers who want Ai to be brought back in this story… they should be rooting for Kamiki, lol.

I’m not saying what he did was right—but Aqua?

Aqua hurt every single person he cared about, and I doubt he did anything right. (Sorry, I get angry at his life choices, that guy should have lived, it was horrifying to read)

But their dad—at the very least—dedicated his entire life to saving the person he loved.

I can’t root for Aqua, honestly.

If Aqua truly understood everything—Kamiki’s thoughts, feelings, and circumstances—and still made this choice, then maybe.

But as far as I can see, Aqua didn’t really understand either his mother or father at all.

And is his death really something that would help Ruby? Would she have wanted it?

In this manga, the one who loves Ai the most, who cherishes her the most, who can’t live without her, is Kamiki. Truly.

I’ve said it before, but if Ai had lived, things would’ve been so different for him.

He just… lost his mind. That’s what happened.

And now, as he faces death, Kamiki reflects. And he still doesn’t blame Aqua. He's being murdered right now, and he blames himself.

“It only felt like I was truly alive when Ai was there. I wanted to feel that forever. I know I've sinned, but still…”

And finally, that line:

“If I had killed Ruby, I could have felt you. That’s a shame.”

That’s—

Really, like I said earlier, it's actually a fact.

It's a really messed-up and wrong thought he has, but it was also the truth:

If he had done that, he might really have been able to feel Ai.

But in the end, he did absolutely nothing to Ruby.

He knew what it could do—and still chose not to.

He lived for that one purpose for more than a decade.

It was right in front of him—and he didn't.

I think what that line's supposed to mean is that, Hikaru's thinking if this was how it was all going to end for him…then maybe he should have done it.

Because he really had come so far, and he was so sure it would work.

But now he’s dying because he held himself back.

That’s the kind of state of mind I think he was in.

He’s about to die. He’s losing what he’s devoted his entire life to—right before his eyes.

Yeah, he’s definitely gone mad.

But I don’t know if I’d say he’s evil.

He’s just… far too broken.

If Aqua had just left him alone and not tried to stop him at that point, maybe—really—nothing would’ve happened.

I honestly think there's a pretty high chance Kamiki felt genuinely wronged about how things unfolded in that situation.

It’s even possible the two of them could’ve just sat quietly and watched Ruby’s performance together.

And maybe, just maybe, Kamiki could’ve watched Ruby’s performance, felt Ai’s love being passed down through her, and found his light again.

You know, if you think about it, Kamiki keeps bringing Ruby up as Aqua's reasons to go on living! If HE'S going to actually kill Ruby, would he try to stop Aqua by using that sort of reasoning? I say that's pretty low chance!! I don't think he was planning to hurt her!! I don't think he was going to go after her!

But... there was still some risk.

Just the fact that Kamiki was alive—his very existence—seemed like a threat.

I think Aqua didn’t bother to weigh the situation because the risk of taking it was pretty high. So he just decided, “You’re dying here, no matter what.”

He had no time or willingness to consider Kamiki’s circumstances. I doubt he understands his father or what kind of person he is (even though he took on his role in the movie;;) but it could be understandable to a degree. Ruby's much more important to him.

And honestly, I think Tsukuyomi probably planted the idea in him—“You have to kill your father and die with him. That’s your destiny.”

Every time Aqua thinks about that “mission,” he has, he becomes incredibly unstable.

And the character who always brings up that mission, the one who talks about making a bad move and all that, is Tsukuyomi.

I think Tsukuyomi set everything up to make Aqua believe he had to die in order to protect Ruby—like he’s just a pawn being sacrificed.

But then… what about Ai’s wish?

And seriously, Aqua was so dumb—if this was how it was going to end, then why did he let Kamiki go in Chapter 155?

He supposedly “gave him a chance,” but after seeing what nearly happened to Ruby, he probably went,

"Ah... this guy really can’t be left alive. If I let him live, there’ll just be more problems.”

So maybe Aqua made up his mind right then and there,

"Even if it costs me my life, I’ll take him down right here—like defusing a bomb."

That does kinda seem like how it played out.

Still, I genuinely believe Ai really did meet someone who was a good person.

Things just spiraled into this mess because of how horribly twisted the situation got...

From the way I see it, once Ai was gone, the world itself turned into a place that made Kamiki miserable just by existing.

It reached a point where there was no more hope left for him.

So maybe it’s true that he had to die. He became a calamity god.

But still... he really was a kind person, you know?

You can really see how much he’s been holding himself back, over and over again...; He's really patient, if you think about it, he never gets angry and he always tried to smile, that; isn't him being manipulative, that's him putting up a front the way he's been as a child-what he shares in common with Ai.

It just feels like—aside from Ai—there’s no one in the world who’s ever truly understood him.

So of course he lost his mind.

Usually, when I write up my thoughts like this, it means I’m about 80 to 90% confident in my interpretation...

For this part? I’d say I’m about 70% sure.

Hope this makes an enjoyable read for some!

#oshi no ko #oshi no ko spoilers #hikaai #hikaru kamiki #ai hoshino #ruby hoshino #aqua hoshino #oshi no theories #long post #with this explained and out of the way- I think things would make a lot more sense #this work doesn't explain anything that's played out you know?#it's all speculation #It's actually pretty fun going over these- I enjoy it a lot but #I feel really bad at the same time;; because the work itself is like pointing fingers at people #spoilers

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galaxydrawsblog · 3 months ago

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W.I.P Wednesday

I was tagged by @rypnami

Which, THANK YOU BTW! ^^ 💕💕💕💕

So for my W.I.P is my fanfiction I'm trying to fucking work on lol 🤣🤣

"The Prodigy and The Special Case"

Chapter ?: ????

Since Valentine's Day is around the corner I'm slapping a RANDOM angsty scene that I randomly wrote, and I have no idea what chapter it'll be on, or whenever I work on this thing or hell it could be completely scrapped, but here you go lol xD

*clears throat*

••••••••••

“Evelyn. Evelyn!” Sebastian's voice crescendo with urgency as he reaches out to her, desperation lacing his tone. “Will you please just talk to me?” He grasped her arm firmly, halting her movement abruptly, an anchor in the storm of tension that surrounded them.

Evelyn's breath hitched, her body rigid as she was forced to face him, her eyes void of their usual light. With an abrupt, frustrated motion, she shrugged him off, having him let go of her arm.

“What?” The words fell from her lips like a lifeless whisper, devoid of warmth and familiarity. Normally, her eyes would twinkle with happiness, and her smile would radiate a bright warmth, but now they were flat and dull, her expression a mask of stone; stoic. At that moment, Sebastian couldn't help but see the resemblance between Evelyn and Harper now with their expressions and posture. It gnawed at him, knowing a painful reminder that he was the one that caused it.

Sebastian inhaled deeply, wrestling with the tempest of emotions inside him as he sought the right words to mend the rift between them. “Please, I didn't mean to say those things. I was just angry.” The words felt hollow, more like an evasion than a heartfelt apology.

Evelyn sighed heavily, the sound laden with hurt as she had to repeat his cruel words, “You called me…..selfish, ignorant, and useless…..”

Each word struck Sebastian like a physical blow, a harsh reminder that his anger had carved deep wounds into her soul. He stared at her, incredulous that he had uttered such venom; he had never believed her to be any of those things. Anger, he realized, truly can warp one’s thoughts.

“You're none of those things….” He finally managed to utter out, but it was just a repeat of what he just said and thought. Evelyn merely let the sentiment wash over her, indifferent. Doubt coiled tightly in her chest-was he being truthful now, or was this just another manipulation, a web woven of his charming lies?

She lowered her gaze, her voice barely rising above a whisper, “Then why did you say them?”

Sebastian's heart sank at her question. He knew he had to convince her of his sincerity, yet the answers eluded him like shadows in the dark. “I don't know why I said that! I was just frustrated! It just came out, and I didn't mean any of those things. You're not selfish, you're not ignorant, and you're definitely not useless-not to me.” He gently reached out to place his hand on her arm, rubbing the fabric on her shirt. He gave a gentle squeeze, his eyes pleading with her to believe him.

Normally, Evelyn would have extended him the grace of understanding, a kindness intrinsic to her nature. But this was Sebastian we are talking about. The man who is dabbling in the Dark Arts in a desperate bid to save Anne, the man who is lost in his own moral ambiguity. She was part of that crossfire, and she understood all too well the perilous dance they were engaged in.

Her eyes fell to the ground, her feet rubbing against each other for comfort as if trying to erase the impact of his words. The hurt clung to her like a shadow, a knife twisting in her heart, amplifying the pain of their once joyous memories. She could still recall the laughter they shared, the adventures they went on, all the poke fun they would do, and his touch. She even forgave him for using Crucio on her, because she asked. But now it all felt like a shackle of lies binding her to a reality she couldn't escape. It was as if an Imperio curse had slipped over her, forcing her to obey his every command, silencing the voices of reason around her. Did he ever care? Does he even want to acknowledge her presence if Anne is cured? Would he throw her away like a piece of trash? Harper was right about Sebastian from the very start and it almost cost her to lose her because of her foolish fantasies. It just hurt her more that she broke the promise she gave to her at Harper's sorting ceremony. She thought to herself how can she be so stupid?

Suddenly, she looked up and became acutely aware of how near he had stepped. One moment, he'd been a few feet away; now, they were almost touching, every breath heavy with unspoken words.

“Please….” He implored, his gaze earnest and vulnerable. “You're nothing of what I said. You're brilliant-absolutely brilliant!” He let out a sigh, as if carrying a heavy weight of unspoken feelings. “I miss……being around you….” His hold on her arm tightened slightly, showing how much he longed to be near her again.

He reflects on the moments of her spending time with Leander and the way their connection started to deepen with each passing day. A wave of frustration and jealousy washed over Sebastian as he recalled her laughing resonance of the air of Leander's stupid jokes, her delicate frame nestled comfortably within the embrace of another man he once thought was annoying but now despised with every fiber of his being. Sebastian longed to take Leander's place, to be the one who wrapped his arms around Evelyn. To whiff her sweet perfume again: a blend of lavender, vanilla, and the comforting scent of old books. He remembered smelling that in Potions with the amortentia. He yearned to bask in the warmth of her enchanting smile, the one that lit up his dark world and filled his heart with hope.

Evelyn's heartbeat quicken, a frantic pulse racing against her ribcage as the walls she had built slowly began to waver. She wanted to believe him, to let the comforting warmth of his words seep into her heart, but no, she couldn’t, not like this. Not when everything is going on in this storm feels precarious.

Nervously, she fidgeted with her tie, rubbing the fabric between her fingers, overwhelmed by the whirlwind of conflicting emotions swirling inside her. The weight of uncertainty pressed down upon her, and she felt utterly lost in the chaos of it all. With a heavy heart and a upward furrowed brow, she shakes her head, her voice trembling as she implores, “Please, don't do this Sebastian….”

Sebastian could feel a tide of frustration wash over him, his brow furrowed deeply as he spoke, “Do what?” His voice tinged with exasperation and he sighed. “I truly am sorry; I let my emotions get the better of me, and I have been for a while.” He struggled to convey his sincerity, but the growing distance between them felt insurmountable, leaving him wondering if his words were reaching her at all.

“I…..I need you…” Sebastian's voice trembled, barely more than a whisper, yet it echoed in the cavern of Evelyn's heart. “I can't do this without you; I care about you, Evelyn.” Each word felt like a sledgehammer, striking at the carefully constructed walls around her emotions. Evelyn fought to silence the voice of her heart, drowning it out with the logic that her mind insisted upon. She replayed Harper's warnings over and over again, as if memorizing them like lines in a script, but each time she tried to confront Sebastian, the words caught in her throat.

She wanted to scream, to tell him she was done with the dark arts and walk away forever, clawing her insides. But deep down, she knew she couldn't do it; Sebastian had etched himself into her very being.

“Sebastian….” She began, her voice wavering under the weight of the moment, desperately searching for the right words that would balance the truth and kindness. “The whole….thing we're doing….is wrong. I don't think…I can be part of this….anymore..”

••••••••••

As said, I can't write for the life of me, BUT I hope you enjoyed lol xD

I had to look up fancy words 🤣🤣🤣

(See, @choccy-milky I took your advice lol! XD)

Tag: ANYONE 😅😅 I don't like to pick and choose lol xD

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memoria-99 · 1 year ago

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Just my thoughts about self inserts

I was wandering around Tumblr and saw something about self inserting... rather, why MC with designated design and personality isn't so good?

I know nobody cares but well I just felt like rambling here

As a person who never self inserts, I prefer someone who has their own design and solid character as an MC.

I mean, even though there are games that MCs are kinda blank or ambiguous, that person still cannot be me, options I could choose are limited.

And I know if I were in that situation I would never be able to think of the majority of those options or make them romantically interested in me in the first place, so...

Whoever they are, however blank or ambiguous they are, they still can't be me. Then why not enjoy the solid character in 3rd person view.

If the MC does something cool, I'm like "Way to go, nice work", I appreciate them. If the MC does something stupid, I'm like "Hey what're you doing", I rant.

Yes along the way I get to like some of the LIs there, and some managed to hold special place in my heart even till now, but it's not like I really feel like being the MC in their stories.

Maybe it's just me cuz I love reading novels(otome isekai) so I'm kinda used to seeing romance in 3rd person view(I know someone self inserts in novels too, but not me)-- and it's much more fun that way, at least for me.

#otome game #self insert #personal thoughts #very personal thoughts #i know there are people who won't think so #i know people don't really care about my thoughts

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queers-gambit · 2 years ago

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Hi Cherry ❣️

Just wanted to let you know that you're a very talented writer, and everyone on here loves your fics, me included of course. Just in case you may doubt yourself honey 🥰🥺

So far I've read every single one of your Billy Hargrove fics and to say that you're one of my favorite Billy writers is an understatement. Up and Out is a personal favorite to be honest, it holds a special place in my heart. 🥺♥️ It's so rare to find Billy writers on here, most people misunderstand him, even fans and many Billy writers. Wether it be a Billy fan or a Billy hater, he is always seen as either :

a) a horrible abusive being who deserved everything that happened to him. Like for real, some people truly have no empathy for abuse victims, Billy isn't abusive, he is a victim who lashes out, there is a huge gap between the two. Of course lashing out at others isn't the way to go, but I strongly believe that Billy doesn't want to do any of that either, he feels deeply guilty for things he isn't responsible for (like his mother leaving him with his abusive dad) or for things that are beyond his control due to his overactive hypervigilence and trauma responses.

or b) the sex symbol. Like seriously, I know he is beautiful and all, but he is still a teenager. He should not be sexualized the way most people do on here. I rarely ever come across a fic that doesn't depict him as a sex icon. Yes, he is gorgeous, we all know that. Yes, he is hypersexual, we know that. But that's not ALL he is. He is SO MUCH MORE than that. And people forget that his hypersexual behavior is probably the result of some trauma. I feel like he secretly really wants affection, love, hugs and cuddles and validation. He is just too afraid to show the slightest ounce of vulnerability.

or c) the repressed gay sex symbol. Like. Okay, to each their own. But seriously. Him not showing affection towards the girls we saw him with (like Vicky and Tina for example) doesn't mean he isn't interested in women. It means he is a scarred traumatized young boy who doesn't know how to express affection in a healthy way. Just like Jim Hopper. They share some many similarities, it's just insane. Anyways, that's a just a thought.

Damn, I'm so sorry for my rambling, I got carried away. 😅 Thank you for giving us a more accurate representation of Billy Hargrove. ❣️ We need it. Please don't stop what you're doing. 🤍💕 You're talented, always remember that Cherry.🌷

you know what we're NOT gonna do? apologize to Cherry for sending her a message of ANY length! i adore your guys' messages, so, whether you write me 3 words, 10 words, 30, or 500, i'm really jazzed to read them all. welcome to my heart, poppet, i'm so very happy you're here to share with. thank you so so so much for the compliments and support! you sweetie pie, cutie patootie!

i feel like i rarely get conversations anymore, it's all requests; so this was a nice change of pace 'cause you're looking really deep into a character that had incredible potential, so it's really cool to form your own thoughts, ideas, emotions.

i think you made some interesting points about Billy's character. but in all honesty, he's such an ambiguous character that i like the idea that he's versatile; so there's no "wrong" Billy. but i appreciate you saying i represent him - he's a fun character to write for 'cause, again, he's versatile and anything goes for Billy Boy.

however, i want to remind you and anyone else of something.

YES, victims themselves can ALSO in turn become ABUSERS. it's a righteously toxic cycle. you know the phrase, "monkey see, monkey do?" it's very much similar to that. children see what mommy and daddy do, so they think it's acceptable behavior until someone later in life corrects them. but then there's also that phrase, "you can't teach an old dog new tricks," so even if you were correct them, odds are, the lesson isn't going to stick because they're conditioned to believe, think, act, feel a certain way. the way the abusers programmed them to be.

it's a concept that i, myself, am still trying to learn. let me explain: i have an older sister who was abused by our mother and the first chance she got, she moved out. their relationship is MUCH better now, but it took years of therapy for my sister to cope with all that had been said and done. however, in therapy, she came to terms with the fact that our mother had been abused by her mother - our grandmother - who had been abused by HER mother - our great-grandmother.

my sister had to teach herself that this cycle was not a reflection on her as a person or as a daughter, but rather this was a generational curse that dates back way-back-when. so while it's like, yeah, our mother was abused by our grandmother, that still doesn't excuse 100% of what my mother did or said to my sister. see what i mean? yeah, my mother's a victim, but she didn't just continue the cycle of abuse but fanned the flames - marking her as an abuser, too. it's not her fault, it's not grandma's fault, it's not great-grandma's fault - it's a societal behavior that has never been kind to women in basically any culture, religion, region, tradition. however this doesn't mean we get to excuse abuse; accountability still needs to be held, wounds need to be healed, and justice needs to be shelled out.

Billy is still a kid, he's excused because he truly doesn't know right from wrong, but it's important to me that i reiterate that my writings are MEANT to romanticize toxic men and relationships. you should not entertain things that are not good for you, things that make you sick, things that cause harm - you do not deserve that kind of turmoil. please stay safe.

again, Billy is meant to be romanticized - but your real life situation is NOT to be. you are all so very special to me, i want you all to stay safe and know that should anyone need it, i'm here for any chat.

all of my love and all of my forehead kisses 🖤

( ps if you're wondering how my sister got abused and i didn't, i guess my mother didn't have the time because i was diagnosed at a young age with rare medical conditions that have kept me in and out of the hospital for over a decade. so maybe 'cause God was tryna unalive me, my ma didn't think to abuse me in the way she did my sister, but trust and believe, i had my fair share of bullshit )

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strange-morningstar · 2 years ago

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Personal gifts

From prompt list

Thanks for the prompt It took me a while to think about what to write then it hit me I haven't written anything for Peter Quill and Adam Warlock

(Platonically but can be seen as Adam having a cute Crush or Squish if you want but nothing overtly Romantic...uh Ambiguous if you will)

Disclaimer: I wrote this while half awake so the pacing may be all over the place and there may be spelling mistakes and all that jazz

Yes I will be getting sleep after I post this...

Warning for Guardians of the Galaxy 3 Spoilers (Not alot but yknow..some)

Adam sat in his room he had adjusted well to being a Guardian alongside Rocket and Kragglin. however he couldn't help but think about Peter Quill the man he had saved from dying in space, he had only spoken to him once but he was curious about him.

he had heard of Quill's return and he wanted to do something special for him, he grabbed a blank cassette tape and learned to add some songs to it from Rocket's Zune (don't ask how, he just knew somehow).

Adam had gathered a playlist of songs he had found and enjoyed and wanted to share his joy in music with Peter something personal that he no doubt knew that Peter could relate and appreciate.

Nebula had found a Walkman handing it to Adam "Here It should play the cassette" she said with a small smirk.

"Thank you Nebula" Adam said softly taking the Walkman he raised a brow looking around for a pair of headphones spinning around for a moment before he was stopped by Peter.

"Woah Careful there...you're gonna make yourself dizzy" Peter chuckled gently helping Adam stand upright.

Adam nodded gently "Right, Thank you" he blinked before perking up and smirking "Ah Quill you've returned !" he said cheerfully.

he gave Peter a warm hug surprising Quill but Peter hugged Adam back gently nonetheless "Yeah I'm back …just for a visit I wanted to check on you all, see how you were doing..."

The first thing Peter noticed was the change in outfit for Adam, he smiled warmly "Oh, nice...Those colours actually kinda suit you. Not bad"

"Oh well, Thank you..." Adam said softly he quickly hid the cassette tape and the Walkman in a failed attempt to surprise the Terran.

Peter noticed this and smirked "You're welcome" he raised a brow still smirking "Whatchya got there?" he said gesturing to what's behind Adam's back.

"Um...it's a surprise?" Adam tried his best to sound convincing but he sounded unsure if anything.

"Huh...alrighty then, hey listen I didn't know what you'd like from Earth but uh I picked up a few things..." Peter said as he set his bag down gently digging through it. He pulled out a toy for Adam's Pet a small squeaky toy to be specific, he also pulled out a chocolate bar that he thought Adam could try.

Adam blinked a few times looking at the small yet meaningful gifts he had received from Peter. "Why, That's awfully kind of you Peter, I uh Have a gift for you as well".

He handed Peter the Newfound Walkman and the mixtape he had made for him.

"What's this?" Peter asked as his eyes scanned the Mixtape he smirked at the neat handwriting that read 'Warlock Mix (Made by Adam)'.

"It's a collection of songs I want to share with you...songs I enjoy and hold near to my heart, I've listened to your mix tapes on the stereo tape player but I figured this uh Walkman would better suit your needs; listening to it on the go. While you're out there you can uh think of me" Adam said with a smile kind of rambling happily.

Peter smiled wide as he pulled Adam in for a hug "Thanks Adam, I'll give it a listen when I get the chance...that's pretty thoughtful of you..".

"Do you wanna listen to it together?" He offered.

Adam nodded gently "I-I'd love to!, and uh maybe we could dance together? I've learned a few dance moves and heard you've partaken in a dance off during your first battle with the Guardians..".

Peter chuckled softly "Oh they told you about that huh?...That was a fun time actually...But yeah sure. We can bust a few moves together and dance the night away".

Adam smiled warmly as he held the gifts in his hand they meant a lot to him but his time with Quill building a friendship with him as they shared music together meant so much more to him.

#writing prompts asks #mutuals #ness <3 #marvel brainrot #adam warlock #peter quill #oneshot

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gamebird · 2 years ago

Text

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

259

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

4,888,448 (about 600-700k of that is cowritten by others so in reality what I've written is more like 4.2M)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I tend to write for the same fandom until I stop, so in reverse order by recency:

The Murderbot Diaries

The Old Guard

Star Wars (Sequel Trilogy, or as I like to think of it, the Sequel Duology)

Heroes NBC

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I believe the number of kudos is mainly dictated by number of fans reading that fandom at the time of publication. As such, since I didn't originally publish most of my Heroes stuff on AO3, the high kudos stuff is Star Wars (bigger fandom, more kudos). So instead, I'll give you the highest kudos fic per fandom I've written in:

Rogue Trends (The Murderbot Diaries)

No Arabic (The Old Guard)

Services Rendered (Star Wars: ST)

Bricks in the Wall (Heroes NBC)

Dirty Talk (Star Trek Reboot)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Every time. Unless I miss one accidentally. Because:

I am thrilled to connect with someone who read my fic and enjoyed it enough to say something. At a basic level, we're waving happily at each other from across the world.

I want to thank people for taking the time to say something nice.

Sometimes I want to answer their question or riff off something they said, or there's something in their comment that makes me think they won't mind me info-dumping about the fic or my headcanons.

Once upon a time I was jazzed that it doubled my comment count, but I don't look at my comment counts anymore so that's not it. I just like connecting with people who are into the same things I'm into.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

The original end of Slave Verse was bittersweet and sad. Peter had eventually, finally, sacrificed himself in the course of trying to save the world. Gabriel had to go on without him. I published it and cried about it for days. I was so despondent. I couldn't take it. The ending I'd written was right for the story - I still believe that - but I couldn't leave it there. I wrote another final chapter where Gabriel recreated Peter from his memories and I left it ambiguous as to whether this counted as the 'real' Peter.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

The Grey Order series. A true lasting peace is established in the galaxy, those who have been hurt, brainwashed, neglected, and exploited find love, support, and new homes, the fallen are redeemed, and even the hardest hearts are softened. It was truly a love letter to Star Wars, mostly to The Last Jedi, and the potential I saw in where the story could go after that movie.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Rarely. I would say never, but a month ago I referred someone to a fic of mine with 4-person polyamory and they pointed out the top two comments on the first chapter were people complaining that I'd written polyamory. I'd forgotten about it. I'm not sure if that's even hate.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Lots and lots. Generally it's m/m where one is a villain who had good reason to be a villain and the hero who forgives them and shows them a better way. I have a special place in my heart for taking people who would not normally be partners and finding ways to get them together anyway. Sometimes this is because one of them is a sex/fluids repulsed asexual, or they're enemies, or they're brothers, or one of them killed the other's brother, or they're a power-hungry crone no one likes, etc. I like taking the unloved or unlovable, climbing inside their heads, and finding ways for them to get right with the world. And find a little (or a lot of) love.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I have, but not many. I've written Harry Potter/Heroes, Star Trek/Heroes, Sixth Sense/Heroes. And that's it. I don't know that any of them are 'crazy'. The crackiest, funniest thing I've ever written was Just Another Crack In The Wall, a Heroes fic.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I have been told that various fic ideas I discussed on open forum were made into fics by other people and that I should say something to the authors in question. I did not say anything to the authors in question. I would be honored if what I had discussed had been their inspiration, but it's just as possible that it wasn't.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes. This one, Reminiscences in Russian. I have been asked several other times and said yes, and for them to send me a link to it when they were done. I never heard back from them. So maybe there are more out there?

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Yes. More Between Us Than a Wall is a 1M+ word, nearly 10 year collaboration that's slowed down incredibly, but isn't quite done yet. Me and the partner still talk about it once a month or so. We have another chapter done and waiting for us both to be good with publishing. There's another chapter beyond that in the works.

Aside from that, I wrote one of the early chapters for Enemies, Closer and I collaborated for multiple chapters on Counting Down, a pair of Murderbot Diaries stories.

I think there was another story in Heroes I co-wrote with @lornrocks , but I can't remember the details or title.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

TOS Kirk/Spock, which I have never written - I haven't even written in that fandom whatsoever. As far as that goes, my main sexual fantasies/kinks are also things I have never written, not in any fandom. But as far as what's been put on the page, I'd have to say Peter/Sylar. Their relationship is the most complex and the most ... the most everything.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Integration, for The Old Guard. The fandom got toxic, I got cancer, I don't know if I'll go back to it. I had thought I'd get back when TOG 2 came out, but even though they supposedly have the movie in the can ready to go, Netflix is sitting on it. They haven't even announced the release date.

16. What are your writing strengths?

World-building, dialogue, characterization. Action scenes, plot coherency, very few unfinished fics, reliability in hitting deadlines or promises to my audience/co-writers.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

The beginnings of my stories rarely have the sort of sharp, active hook that a good story needs to be a hit with readers.

Another 'weakness' is that my longer stories sprout backstories and side stories, which I then order chronologically in series, which makes it very difficult for the beginning reader to know where to 'start'.

I don't advertise myself well or often. Which given the degree to which I write for myself, I suppose is only a weakness from a certain point of view.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I might do a very simple word here or there as appropriate ('yes', 'what?', 'please', etc.) where my chances of screwing up are low, but in general I'm not going to use my writing as a language exercise. Mostly it's: Speaking in Arabic, Joe said- Or Whatever Nicolo said was unintelligible, but Yusuf could at least make out that it was X language. If I happened to be fluent in another language, then sure. But I'm not.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Heroes.

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

Look at this poor sad unloved fic! Some day it will get a kudo and then I'll stop coddling it.

But aside from that, Dead Men Tell No Tales is a Star Wars fic that, I thought, is one of the better written that I've put out there, as far as pacing.

I like most of my stories. It's hard to pick a favorite.

Anyone who wants to have a go!

Tagged by @aintgonnatakethis and @judgeverse

Thank you! :)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

802,066

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I'm a serial monogamist as far as fandoms go, concentrating on one at a time until I move on to the next. Over the past 15 years I've written

Star Wars (Prequel trilogy - all about Qui-Gon Jinn)

Tolkien fandom (all about Celeborn)

Pirates of the Caribbean (started off with Commodore Norrington/Jack Sparrow, couldn't make it work for me and jumped sideways into Norrington and Lt. Gillette)

Marvel - (the Thor movies reactivated a nascent fascination with Loki, so I dragged a whole bunch of mythology into the MCU fandom.)

Stargate Universe (all about Colonel Young)

Star Wars (Sequel trilogy - all about General Hux)

The Untamed (all about Jin Guangyao)

I've also done a couple of little shorts for Torchwood, Motive and Talented Mr Ripley

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

A Kindness Repaid - in which Loki and Captain America become friends

Supervillain Honeymoon - someone wrote a fic in response to A Kindness Repaid in which Loki and Steve got married, so I had to write a fic in response to that, in which I figured out how the Asgardians and the Avengers would take the news

The Same Last Name and the Same Coloured Eyes - in which Jin Zixuan decides to be a good big brother to Jin Guangyao, and averts most of the tragedy of The Untamed as a result

Defying His Doom - in which Doctor Doom inspires Loki to improve his public image, and they end up winning a Nobel Peace Prize.

Stepping Stones - an epic Stargate Universe fic I wrote with @seekingidlewild, in which an accident with the communication stones leaves Rush and Young bodyswapped and all communication from Earth cut off

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Of course I do! I've met all my best fandom friends by chatting with them in the comments of fic (mine and theirs.) Also who doesn't love talking to people about their writing?

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I tend to avoid angsty endings if I can. That said, it's probably Battle of the Golden Wood which ends with Galadriel and Celeborn saying goodbye, as she leaves Middle-earth and he refuses to follow.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hard to say - I tend to make them all as happy as possible. If I can save the world at the same time, I'll do that too. Maybe Seeds of Old Trees, which gets Celeborn and Galadriel back together and sets Tolkien's elves on a path towards a future of exploring outer space.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I have had some rude and entitled comments. People trying to convince me that my blorbo is actually a terrible person who should be locked up (SGU) or that my understanding of the lore is faulty (Tolkien) and therefore I should have written a different story from the one I actually wrote. But I wouldn't really call that hate.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Heh, it's funny. I came into fanfic repressed and writing gen. Then I unpacked the repression, had about ten years writing slash, during which I discovered the queer community, wrestled with God and came out as an asexual queer Christian. Then I leaned into the asexuality and ended up writing gen again.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

In general I don't, but the craziest one is also the only one I've written - Strange Meetings in which Qui-Gon crash lands in Middle-earth and meets Legolas. They were going to go to the drowned ruins of Doriath and recover a Silmaril, but I lost interest after a couple of chapters.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

The same last name and the same coloured eyes has been translated into Russian, and I think one of my Tolkien fics was translated into Chinese, but that was on a non-Ao3 site.

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Absolutely! I wrote a number of Elu Thingol/Celeborn fics in the Tolkien fandom with Mirien, and Stepping Stones (where Rush and Young are bodyswapped, and Skipping Stones (where Young is age-regressed into a child) with @seekingidlewild

I loved it! It's a great experience writing with someone whose writing you already enjoy. Lots of bouncing ideas off each other and excitement - and of course it's half as hard and twice as fast as doing it all yourself.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

I don't think I have one. I'm honestly a single blorbo at a time writer, and I will read and write fics in which that blorbo is paired with just about anyone. I'm not particularly bothered which ship they're in.

I do have a soft spot for Rush/Young though, because they have such in-your- face dysfunctional obsessional chemistry on the show. And in contrast I also love Xiyao (Lan Xichen/Jin Guangyao) because they are so obviously in such a gentle, radiant sort of love, that I choose to believe would have survived the revelation of Jin Guangyao's multiple murders.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I would have said Do Not Bear Grudges, which was going to be my JGY resurrection fic, but it fought me so hard that I ended up deleting what I'd already written and I'm glad to have it gone.

I still vaguely wish that I had finished The Stolen Ones however, which was about Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi and was jossed by the Jedi Apprentice books. (I still think mine was better.)

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm pretty good at description/settings/worldbuilding, and I often have an unusual take on things due to my non-neurotypicalness.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm not great at giving each character their own unique voice, so my dialogue can get a bit samey. Also I forget that characters can lie - all my characters pretty much tell the truth all the time, which makes it difficult writing the kind of sneaky characters I so love, like Loki, JGY later movies!Hux and even Rush.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I could not do it. Massive respect and kudos to anyone who writes in a second language. It is beyond me.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, when it first came out. The internet was on dial-up and fandom was on yahoo groups. It was the first time in my life I'd ever been able to speak to other sci-fi geeks like myself. An amazing experience, and good times!

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

I know it's cheating a bit to choose more than one, but these three hang together as a series, telling the story of Celeborn and Galadriel from first meeting, to tragic parting and final reunion Oak and Willow, Battle of the Golden Wood, and Seeds of Old Trees. At about 140,000 words, it's a good size novel. And of all the characters I've stanned over the years I still feel Celeborn needed me the most. (Though Colonel Young comes a close second there.)

tagging @seekingidlewild @darthlenaplant @darthnostra @wyomingnot @gamebird

and anyone else who wants to have a go! :)

#writing #mundane

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hiraya-rawr · 2 years ago

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Okay okay so I have two sagau ideas.

One the creator appears as a child( I'm a sucker for found family stuff so) in the au. The Zhongli and the other know that the creator is young. They created the world because they wanted to prove themselves and wanted friends. So when they decent their just a lil kid exploring the world, petting all the animals and slimes.

And the other one I really really like is that no one is certain what the creator looks like. Yes there are statues build in their honor but their always wearing a cloak... hiding their face. So when creator does decent their in a hiding woodland area where most of the animals suddenly go to, even the naras head there. Just less wildlife besides the occasion where the animals come steal random supplies. I know traveler and some other characters will definitely go try to find out what's happening (kinda wanna write this...dunno))

awee child MC interactions will always have a special place in my heart. sagau is still a pretty ambiguous genre you can explore, so if you want to write and you have the motivation, go for it!

#hira prompt #genshin #sagau #genshin impact

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wolken-himmel · 4 years ago

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In which (Y/n) takes Ruggie to the Mostro Lounge to buy him some donuts after she convinced Azul to put them on the menu.

It's time to treat the hardworking hyena for some donuts. Spoiling the always-hungry boy is something we all want to do, right?

Request by @pompazu.

"(Y/n), I still have a lot of errands to run..."

Ruggie had been whining and crying for you to let him go ever since you had appeared while he had been picking dandelions around the track field and just dragged him off without any further explanation.

You rolled your eyes once you arrived on the other side of the Octavinelle mirror, your fingers still tightly interlaced with his. He tried to half-heartedly pry your fingers off his hand, but he never succeeded with how you always recaptured it whenever he had an ounce of freedom in view. Eventually, he just gave up his struggles and decided to submit to his fate, which couldn't be that bad anyway if you had such an excited smile on your lips.

"All of that can wait!" you chirped, grinning deviously.

"Why?" he cried out, frustrated that you still wouldn't give him an answer; instead, you continued dragging him towards the Mostro Lounge. Furrowing his eyebrows, Ruggie let out an exasperated groan. He still had so many things to do and so many places to be, and here you were, messing up his schedule like you owned him — alright, maybe you did, but he would never openly admit that to you. Grumbling complaints under his breath, he shot you a glare. "Ugh, this better be worth my time!"

"It is~" you cooed, possessing a certain energy and excitement to your steps — you were practically bouncing and beaming. Your giggles managed to calm down his frustration quite a lot, and it even managed to ease that vicious scowl off his face. "I managed to make Azul put a special item on the menu!"

Ruggie immediately grew excited at your ambiguous words, and a thousand possibilities flooded his mind. If you turned around right now, you would be able to see his excited tail wagging and forth in utter excitement. "Oh? Do you think you could convince him to do an all-you-can-eat buffet?" he asked, his eyes wide in happiness.

A chortle escaped your lips; and yet, you shook your head — much to his disappointment. "No, I don't think so," you replied, laughing your heart out. "I'm not a wizard, after all."

Ruggie exhaled, his eyes in dim in utter disappointment. He lowered his gaze to the floor, and his movement became a little bit less excited and more sluggish. "Aw..." he whined, sobbing in utter sadness. His tail even tucked itself between his legs, and his ears pressed themselves flat against his head.

You bit your lip upon seeing how sad he was; yet, you were sure that your surprise was just as good — if not even better — than a buffet. "But what I made them do is just as amazing!" you cried out as you pushed the door to the establishment open and pulled the reluctant hyena inside.

Your eyes darted around the area, in search for the reserved table that Azul had promised you. Business was quite busy this time of the day, and you had a hard time finding the unoccupied table amidst the crowd of students and waiters. The pressure that Ruggie gave you with his constant whining didn't help at all. But alas, you finally found the designated table for two: Ruggie and you.

"Nothing is as good as a buffet," Ruggie kept on complaining while you pulled him towards the table at the far end of the restaurant.

You rolled your eyes and pushed him down into one of the two empty chairs at your table. "Just you see and watch, Ruggie," you cooed arrogantly, grinning from ear to ear. Once he was situated in his seat, you plopped down in the chair across from him, taking his hand that openly lay on the table to prevent him from escaping back to his duties and errands.

Ruggie huffed in defeat when Jade strode over to your table, a notepad and a pen in his hands. As polite as ever, he smiled down at you, his smile possessing an eerie twinge. "Hello, (Y/n), what can I bring you today?" he asked, his eyes curiously darting back and forth between Ruggie and you; what an interesting combination of land-creatures.

You hummed and turned your gaze to Ruggie, just so you could see his reaction, which you knew would be priceless. "I'd like ten donuts!" you chirped, beginning to laugh when Ruggie's eyes immediately lit up.

"Donuts!?" he screamed out, his tail wagging back and forth in utter excitement at the mentioning of his favourite dessert. His hands shaking, a few whines and desperate cries escaped his dry throat. "Yes, yes, yes! This is an amazing surprise!"

Jade let out a few chuckles, his hair sweeping into his face and covering parts of his eyes. "What's a 'donut'?" he asked while tilting his head to the side innocently. You furrowed your eyebrows in scepticism, knowing he was playing with you — somehow. Staying silent, you watched him with suspicious eyes; eventually, Jade's eyes lit up in feigned realisation. "If you mean those friend round cakes with holes in the middle that we recently out on the menu, I only know them as a 'cake-o-hole'."

A groan escaped your lips and you buried your face in your hands, hissing, "Jade..." The waiter merely chuckled into his fist, grinning at your despair. You narrowed your eyes at him and growled, the stupid and silly name — just how the princess of the sea had named land utensils back then — annoyed you somehow, probably because it was Jade that had corrected you smugly. "Fine, get me ten of those."

"Very well." He scribbled something down onto his notepad before vanishing off into the crowd again, leaving behind an excited hyena boy and a frustrated human girl.

"(Y/n)!" Ruggie cried out, unable to stay in his seat with how much adrenaline pumped through his veins. He had already taken both of your hands into his, squeezing them so tightly that you almost couldn't feel them anymore. An adorable smile had etched itself onto his face, and he was practically beaming. "You're the best!"

"I know~" you cooed, laughing along. "You deserve to be spoiled, Ruggie."

Ruggie seemed taken aback for a little while, his one hand retreating, so that it could hide his blushing face. Letting out an embarrassed yet flattered groan, he shyly whispered, "You're the best girlfriend ever." You giggled at his words and couldn't help but grin. Finally, he removed his hand from his face to flash you a big toothy smile. "I love you, I love you, I love you!"

You gave his hand a reassuring squeeze, your heart beating wildly with how happy he seemed. "Aw, I love you, too," you cooed, your eyes closed in delight. He nodded along vigorously, his tongue almost hanging out a little bit. "Hehe~ I should buy you donuts more often if you're this adorable!"

Ruggie's eyes lit up in utter ecstasy. "Buy me donuts on a daily basis and I'll make sure you'll never have to work again!"

You couldn't help but laugh at his words, how eager he seemed to repay your kindness. Yet, you didn't want him to repay you; this was a gift from you to your hardworking boyfriend, after all! Hand covering your mouth, you laughed your soul out. "Aren't you adorable?" you asked, your eyes soft and warm. "Your tail is wagging—"

A let out a little howl. "I'm just so happy!"

You opened your mouth, about to further tell him about how adorable he was — but you were interrupted by a plate of still warm donuts being slammed onto the middle of the table by none other than another eel waiter. "Here is your order, Mr. Suckerfish Bucchi and Mrs. Shrimpy Bucchi~" Floyd cooed, shooting you two suggestive looks before he walked back to where he came from immediately.

Ruggie immediately let go of your and began working down the treats. "Donuts!"

Meanwhile, you were still thinking hard about what Floyd had called you. Silly laughter spewed from your lips, and you once again repeated to yourself, silent and soft, "Mrs. Shrimpy Bucchi."

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst x reader #twst x you #twisted wonderland x reader #disney twisted wonderland #reader insert #y/n #disney twst #ruggie bucchi #ruggie bucchi x reader #twst ruggie bucchi #twst ruggie #twst ruggie x reader #twisted wonderland ruggie #female reader

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cloudninetonine · 2 years ago

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*walks on in tiredly, offers you coffee, downs my own* Hey there, how is existence treating you? Just passing on by to wish you a good day and a happy new year early as I'm tired plus leave some stuff down.

No need! Irish mythology and mythology from the Isles by itself is really metal, I could go on and on about story about Cú Chulainn and how it fully went down and how some of those stories can apply to Seraph/Fia, Una/Zelda and Dia/Ancient Au Ganon, but we'd be here all day, so I'll just leave this here:

https://youtu.be/XqyEADY_20Y

The song itself is a pretty good summary of his story and feats, there's also a video on OSP that although outdated also explains it pretty well, let's just say that absolute unity of a man's life was absolutely wild XD, I can go more into the Riastrad later if you want in another ask, plus some other bonkers stories. And you're absolutely right on that one, it was like that with Cú Chulainn, he was so strong literally everyone would have wanted to see him fail, so I can see Seraph/Fia being a bit distrustful but perceptive, not outwardly so, but he can probably judge people's characters pretty accurately as a result of always having to be on the watch out for enemies.

Also, uh, writing the Lora thing, when it's done I'll link it here, how do you feel about Irish folk songs? Or Sea Shanty style songs?

Also, since Cú Chulainn had not one but TWO man killer/eating war horses he got from the Fae via right of conquest, I personally headcanon he probably had at least one horse like that and if it's still around it's hostile towards anyone that isn't him, Player, FD, Wild, Twilight and Epona and if it sees Dink it's on Sight, just straight up biting his head off and stomping all over him with their hooves I don't make the rules.

The idea of him eventually sacrificing himself at the end of his life aiabsibsiabai- It honestly fits very well narratively, I am destroyed once more thank you for the food, plus it fits very well, they barely managed it even with some headstart (and likely the death of the Leviathans in Hyrule, I feel like they were the original beasts that fell when the Calamity first struck, and that later on the Sheikah and Zonai were inspired to make the Divine Beasts by them to finish it off), so it makes sense he'd want as much ready or tied up as he could before dying. Specially if he felt he didn't do enough to keep it from happening in the first place, although he'd probably want to leave his arm to fully finish holding down Ganon or he'd give permission to Una to do it, hence why I theorize his body might still be down there and that in an Au it probably got corrupted, while his spirit and maybe Una's once she dies are down there holding it down as much as they can, although it's just a theory and headcanon territory and if Nintendo won't tell us anything then everything goes xD

Honestly if Player threw anything at him he'd just either dodge on instinct or laugh, I think he likes people with spunk to them and it's only common sense to throw stuff at a ghost when startled, if Una is there she probably smacks him over the head with her own ghostly self and probably kicks him into gear into going with Player so he can keep an eye on them and Wild while she watches their shieldbrother to make up for accidentally scaring them, probably acts as a silent companion to Player and does his best to lead them away from danger and probably is there for them a lot in an older brother fashion (in my au he had a physical guide, whom he called Craein {Crane}, and they were basically like a gender ambiguous Anne Bonny and got Isekaied as Ganon's sibling, think of them as a Player who adapted to their situation without the Chain and adapted too well, becoming jaded due to the situation at the time and a warrior even if still a gremlin at heart, trying to prevent things from going wrong even with limited information and knowing it's hopeless, Player probably reminds him of Craein who always missed their home but wouldn't tell where it really was even to the end of their life where they basically cursed him out in the most roundabout "Don't die, I know you're extremely durable but please don't die-" ever, so since he couldn't aid them he'll aid Player as he can tell they're from the same place and he feels it's only fair), there were myths were Cú Chulainn still was seen riding around the country side on his chariot, so maybe some times he shows up when Player is alone and uses what little magic he can use as a ghost to make himself semi-corporeal and tap a bit into the Riastrad, basically scaring off foes with killing intent if needed be? Although there lies the question in who could see him like that and connect the dots. Or, the more comedic option, one of the most effective methods of snapping Cú Chulainn out of the Riastrad was if you basically had a lady show him their breasts, because he'd be too busy trying to look away or cover his eyes you could dunk him on like 8 vats of water and he'd cool down (literally, all of the water in the vats vaporized) or a river and he'd snap out of it because shockingly enough he was a gentleman, so, Seraph/Fia possessing Wild, and Player just threathening to strip down to their socks which gives enough time for Twilight to dunk him into a nearby river, shenanigans ensue that or Seraph just immediately hands control back to Wild so fast the poor guy trips and falls on Player with disorientation or something idk, I can see Seraph/Fia internally screaming after that because on one hand, he drank his respect juice every day and his Aryll would murder him if something like that happened, on the other, brownie points for his descendant?

Seraph/Fia being just limbs on the floor wrestling with Twilight is hilarious and I agree with Wild on that sentiment, sorry Time, you're my favorite and first Link but ya gotta see the comedic value, but also, consider: Cattle Raiding, aka basically herding competitions done in ancient times by Celtic adjacent folk, where you had to both herd your cattle, steal your foes' and put them down in a non lethal manner as preparation to war, the Zonai were most likely sea faring and since they were also warrior folk that's definitely on the table, so just him and Twilight on a herding competion trying to simultaneously herd their own cattle and knock the other out of their horse by any means necessary for mentor rights over Calamity and Wild.

Also, I personally headcanon him with gradient hair, like the roots start gold, but go fully Gerudo red by the end hence why he's depicted as red haired in the tapestry? Something like that, could be fun, also to fully support the fact him and his Ganon/Dia were shieldbrothers: Corpse Ganon has similar clothing not only the Gerudo, but also to Seraph/Fia in the tapestry, so something tells me he gifted the clothes to him after they were gladiator friends in full and earned their freedom, and that he'd probably give Player something like that too over time if he can (like the bracelets around the arm in TOTK), or just straight up give them a tame wolf/wolf-dog or something since it's what they did for people held in high regard back, the total of people he probably would have gone to those lengths for being three (aka Dia/Ganon, Una/Zelda and Aryll/Macha).

Anyway, on a less serious note as my brain power is running low, Tides is my spirit animal, and if we want to add to Time's trauma, Player either showing him this or absentmindedly humming this if they're a bit out of it:

https://youtu.be/GCOBa91Hoz8

https://youtu.be/JgFNf4nLGNk

For the lols, Time is my first Link ever as I played his games first and a lot when I was young and so we both have the same trauma, but I also can't help but poke at it once in a while, apologies to him.

Anyway, hope you're having a good day today! I'm going to procrastinate on sleep some more now.

-A Very Awkward Summertime Musician.

Honestly, Sum, keep feeding me mythology I generally just love the topic in of itself.

Second, I LOVE FOLK SONGS AND PIRATE CHANTIES- If you mention Celtic Women I will scream in pure joy, god I love their music.

Also I fucking love predator horses, like yes, you guys are built like that you've gotta use it. Terrifying but awesome, like Kelpie just ten outta ten- you best believe Player would be shit scared first, until they realised they're chill and now they're besties.

Glad you like my self sacrifice input I very much loved mentioning it, angst is enjoyable only if I'm making it /lh

Honestly loving ghost shenanigans, Player is suffering but its in a funny way that doesn't make me a complete sadist and yeah, that's all I gotta say JXJQJJS (My brain power ain't great, forgive me)

If Seraph/Fia were to give Player a wolf they're running off with it, that's their wolf now, Time can't say shit.

THANKS FOR DROPPING IN AGAIN SUM

#cloud answers

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andtheyweresiblings · 3 years ago

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Hey! I'm very new in the BruMira ⏳🦋 Fandom and I have a lot of questions! At first, they reminded me a lot of another incest ship I really like (SharpeCest), and it was your post explaining their couple-coding that clicked a lot of things to me. I'm really scared of openly interacting with proshippers.

I was wondering if you could give me few headcanons or ideas about how the family would actually react on 🦋⏳'s relationship. I see a lot of shippers talking about how supportive is the family or they'll eventually grow on them - I personally think Mariano'll be the one to prevent Dolores from exposing them. It's hard for me to see all the fluffiness in the revelation. Actually I think it's nearly impossible.

A twitter user named miramaripOsa created a fanart of Bruno with a black eye after being confronted by Augustín while trying to assure a sobbing Mira who feels guilty about his condition. And it made so much sense to me so much more than anything else I've read about what will happen in this pair's being reveal.

I, personally, headcanon Julieta talking to Bruno about it in a closed room hoping he'll tell her she misunderstood his relationship with his sobrina but he accepts all the accusations and they both sob and cry while she repeats him that they talk about her baby daughter that she is his own blood too, and he asks for her forgiveness that he didn't want it to happen, but when he tries to lean his cheek on her knee but she pushes him away, Pepa enters and while seeing both crying she casts a cloud and they are all crying and soaking up to the bone.

Sorry, for ranting but this ship has so much potential and it has entered a special place in my heart!!!

could you please do those headcanons when you have time? thank you so much!!!

First of all, my sincerest apologies for taking over a month to respond to you. If you are still in the fandom and are wanting to talk to someone about it, my DMs are open! I know how scary it can feel to interact with proshippers publicly.

I'm not familiar with Sharpecest, but I looked up the synopsis for Crimson Peak (that's where they're from, right?), and it looks very interesting. I would be curious to hear your thoughts on the parallels between Brumira and Sharpecest!

Truthfully, before this ask, I hadn't thought a lot about the family's reaction to Mirabruno. Most of my love for the pairing has centered on the liminal space between platonic and romantic their relationship could exist in, and I’ve been hiding in the emotional safety of that ambiguity, so to speak. Of course, this is mostly because I am in the opinion that if the family did find out about them, it would end in tragedy. Especially if there are no other existing Madrigalcest pairings because that would decrease the potential understanding between Brumira and the rest of the family.

I was able to come up with some headcanons once I started thinking about it but because they ended up getting really long, I will be putting them in a separate post shortly. (Edit: link to post)

Thank you for letting my know about the art on twitter. I was able to find it, and I agree with you that it does feel realistic. I'm not going to link the tweet or the twitter account to this post just because I have personally been noticing a spike in an-ti activity around here, so I don't want to make it easier for hate to find this artist, but for those Brumira lovers out there who haven't encountered this artist's art yet, I highly recommend checking them out!

Also, I like your headcanon for the triplets. It would be very emotional and complex for them because it is clear that they all love each other so much. I tried to translate that into my headcanon list, so hopefully you like it!

Thank you for this lovely ask, anon! I love hearing other people's rants and thoughts about these two!

#mirabruno #madrigalcest #brumira #bruno x mirabel #brunomira #family weirdos #family weirdos headcanons #asks #anon #atws #c

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essencering · 3 years ago

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↳ summary: it's still so odd how all three of you fell into step with one another, how everything just fell into place and felt right. but neither ace nor deuce could allow themselves to forget that one day, maybe even tomorrow you wouldn't be here anymore and so, as selfish as it is... they wish you would stay.

↳ Tags: Gender Neutral Reader, Ace Trappola, Deuce Spade, Grim (Twisted Wonderland), SFW, Ambiguous Relationship(s), Between The Reader & Ace/Deuce, Admit That You Like The Reader You Dorks.

writer's blurp: gotta love our two dorks. these boys try so hard.

— [ wish upon a star ] ;

if anyone had to ask the four of you together are perfect. your antics, sense of humor, and teasing all happen to land on a similar wavelength.

heads would turn, and eyes would follow.

the rowdy first years who get into all sorts of trouble. if something was wrong the four of you are often not too far from the trouble, but it was undeniable that while that is true often your funny trio would solve it.

from overblot incidents to silly little things that would happen and to events taking place in the school. the magicless wonder, the heartsabyul boys and grim together will be a sight to behold.

so when the conversation drifts to the possibility of what would be the first thing you do when you return to your home and you respond with "possibly contact my friends and see if time has passed or not. if time has passed... then i'll apologize if not then i'll just say that i missed them."

the topic results in a gloom hanging over the table for the rest of lunch. grim being unable to read the room or mood asks what bits you remember of your world. you smile and speak so fondly of it when grim ask specific things.

it stings.

of course, you would miss your world. your home and those who are important to you that are in it, but.... it's selfish, but the squeezing that happens around ace and deuce's hearts when you neither confirm nor deny that anyone special is waiting for you sting even more.

and ace is the one to ask the question that's on everyone's and grim's mind.

"will you remember us when you go back?" ace bites the inside of his mouth to avoid tacking on anything too extra, anything too revealing that would bear his heart so openly to you.

you sit there, picking at your food, pushing it around and then you sigh.

"i don't know, but chances of me remembering anything from here are slim to none."

it hurts.

the blow is enough to make ace get up and leave, with deuce apologizing and trailing after him after asking if you would be willing to do a voice call or even do a sleepover if riddle or trey would allow it.

deuce follows after ace, watching how his dorm mate and friend refuse to turn around and look at him. watch how his hands turn into fists then relax, his jaw is clenched and his shoulders tremble.

ace refused to let you see it, but now deuce has been given a front-row seat to see just how upset ace is at the thought of you one day no longer being here. and just how upset the thought of you not remembering them stings.

"hey, duce. if we wish on a star... do you think it'll make them stay?"

duce doesn't answer him, but he entertains the thought as well. if he and ace wished upon a star, and everyone else did so as well... would it be powerful enough to keep you here?

neither of them would know.

keeping you here to share so many more moments with you would be absolutely wonderful, but... knowing that they could be keeping you away from others that you love and moments you could spend with them-- would hurt just as much as seeing you leave.

"i'm not sure ace, but... let's wish on a star to make more memories with them so they'll remember us."

#twisted wonderland memories #SFW #reader is gender neutral #gender neutral reader #ace trappola x reader #deuce spade x reader #honestly whenever and if the mc get's to go home i can imagine that the boys would be happy but just very sad

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ibroughtyoumybullets-ningy · 3 years ago

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which is better? dr who, torchwood, or ace attorney?

i have no idea who asked this, but now we're gonna break some shit down.

doctor who

is it good?

eh, sometimes. it depends on your definition of 'good'. the show is problematic in a million different ways (especially if you're watching Classic) but it's also campy as ALL hell and yes that's a good thing.

doctor who will always hold a special place in my heart for a variety of reasons. Rose was a very important character to me growing up, and the show was where i saw my first queer character. alongside all that, the show's themes of how anyone has the power to stand up and be the hero, how everyone has that one thing that seems completely useless but is the key to saving the day, and to never stop exploring and asking "why?".

the show is more than just a mixed bag. it's thirty different mixed bags all tied together with some rainbow yarn masquerading as the same bag. there are very few people who will enjoy everything the show has to offer (heck, i don't enjoy everything the show has to offer) but there are very few people who won't enjoy at least some of it.

torchwood

is it good?

hahahahahahaha no. 💚. i say this with so much love for this stupid franchise. it's shit 💚. but, at the same time, it drew me in. beyond the first season and it's bizarre, dated nonsense, there's a surprising level of depth to be found here. torchwood connected with me in ways i really never expected it to, especially given its first season. it's deeply 2000s for better or for worse, but it managed to craft several character arcs and even just individual scenes that are going to stay with me for a long time.

on a different note, i also really appreciate (most of) how they handled the show's queer representation. having an all bisexual main cast is something unheard of from that era of entertainment. and, adding onto that, they don't make a big deal out of it. until the third season, there are no big coming out scenes or drama over characters being in same sex relationships. everyone's bi and it's treated as a normal thing.

don't get me wrong, this whole franchise is hit or miss. the episodes themselves range wildly in quality, the novels are (for the most part) pure garbage, but a lot of the audio dramas have ended up redeeming the franchise and helping it capitalize on that idea of 'doctor who but for Grown Ups™️' not with pointless sex and gore but with darker storylines and ambiguous moral implications the original series couldn't or wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. is it for everyone? no. but it is for 2000s kids who like rtd doctor who.

ace attorney

is it good?

well. as a game, the gameplay loop can become very repetitive and exhausting after going at it for 10 hours straight (and yes, i've been there). and as a story it has a tendency to not only jump sharks, but organize an annual shark jumping and feeding festival. of course, no murders will happen at the shark jumping and feeding festival. why, such a thing would be completely unheard of! and i, Shar K. Bait, can guarantee no one has ever been fed to our sharks.

in all seriousness, i went into these games expecting complete bullshit. we've all seen the memes. so then i started Turnabout Goodbyes and it ruined my life.

i don't know how long the series will be able to hold my attention when i'm done with all the games (i still need to finish aa3, i have the Chronicles, aai should be here in a few days, and when all those are done i can play Apollo Justice, no clue yet where i'll play aa5/6 since i don't have a 3ds), but so far i'm interested. the writing and gameplay being intertwined the way they are is a nice balance, neither feels like it's overtaking the other and by shifting back and forth between courtroom battles and visual novel content neither outstays its welcome.

as far as this series of me rambling is concerned, ace attorney is probably the best constructed overall. but, it's a different medium (video game) so its production works much differently than that of television.

i didn't expect to get as invested into the series as i did. particularly, i really enjoy miles edgeworth's arc (part of the reason i was willing to fork over so much for aai cough cough) and i'm curious to see how his character is handled in later installments, since i've heard some of the writing goes downhill in the later games.

so which of these is better?

well, my dear anon, not to be a wishy washy bitch, but none of them. i can appreciate them all for different reasons and recognize that some have strengths the others don't. yes, doctor who is technically one of my oldest hyperfixations, but also i dropped the franchise for almost a decade because of a certain writer (who will not be named) completely killing my interest. i've only had torchwood for just over a year and ace attorney for a couple months, so it's hard to say if they'll slot themselves into a permanent hyperfixation slot in my mind.

but i can't truly call one 'better' than the other, as i go to them for different reasons and expect different things from them. i hope you enjoyed my breakdown on why. 💚💚

tl;dr - you're comparing apples to bobbins, they serve different functions in my life though i love them both

#ask #my dear anon. i know this isn't what you expected. but Everything™️ is shutting down due to snow.#which means i had time to sit here and spend like twenty minutes of my life composing this essay just for you

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starring-movies · 5 years ago

Text

Killing Eve: Episode Analysis

*SPOILERS*

Season 3, Episode 5 - Are You from Pinner? [Part 1]

This episode, like S3E4, follows a comletely different format to all the other episodes, as it focuses solely on Villanelle’s time with her family in Grizmet and doesn’t include any other storylines from any of the other characters in the series.

We begin with Villanelle’s arrival at Grizmet, where we get a scene of a huge logging truck beeping it’s horn at a completely oblivious Villanelle, as she’s walking along listening to music. This lack of awareness in her surroundings is highly unusual for Villanelle, who’s success in her profession hinges on her being constantly alert and highly astute. Previously the only other instance where we have seen Villanelle not being on top form; is in S2E4, when she takes drugs and almost kills a girl for no reason, after she thought Eve had lost interest in her. Making the point of showing us how she’s not as alert as usual, displays how Villanelle is distracted and not able to focus at the thought (and pressure) of being reunited with her family.

Villanelle also has her hair out, illustrating how she’s willing to open, and immerse herself, into her family that she’s going to be reunited with.

On arriving at the family home, Villanelle enters the house and examines the kitchen. She looks at all the little mundane objects like the sugar bowl, the food cooking on the stove and some knitting supplies. As Villanelle’s looking at these things, we can see that she’s considering what her life could have looked like, and how different it would have looked, if she hadn’t been left at the orphanage.

After Villanelle has met most of the members of her family (she’s yet to meet her mother, Tatiana), we see her sitting in Bor’ka’s bedroom as she talks to him about the best foods to eat in the various countries that Elton John has visited. When asked about Vienna, Villanelle tells Bor’ka that there is “great ice cream in Vienna”, which is a nice little reference to the very first scene of the whole series, when we first meet Villanelle eating ice cream in Vienna after a kill.

During her conversation with Bor’ka, Villanelle puts on some red heart glasses with pink-ish coloured lenses in them, an accessory that Elton John is famous for wearing. We get a shot of her looking at her family with the glasses on, as well as a shot of her view of her family through the pink lenses of the glasses. In the first shot of Villanelle as she looks at her family with the glasses on; through the imagery of this shot we are shown how Villanelle is watching her family with literal ‘heart eyes’ - just like the apron she wears at the end of the episode, she is putting her whole heart out and offering it to her family to try and find the place of belonging she has been looking for.

Similarly in the shot of Villanelle’s point of view through the tinted lenses, we are shown how Villanelle is watching her family through literal ‘rose-coloured glasses’, the definition of this idiom is “a happy or positive attitude that fails to notice negative things”). In this way, through the chosen imagery in both of these shots, we are being shown how Villanelle is letting herself be carried away by her heart, now she thinks she’s found her family and finally found a place where she feels that she belongs - she is looking at her family unrealistically and putting an impossible optimism them for what she hopes to gain from her visit home.

As soon as Villanelle finds out that her mother, Tatiana, has arrived home, we see one of the only times Villanelle has been in pure terror and distress. Villanelle fully panics when she finds out Tatiana is back and she frantically runs around the living room, trying to find a way out. The only other time we have seen Villanelle display this level of anxiety was in S1E2 when she being held prisoner by Julian and was incredibly weak after being stabbed by Eve.

As Villanelle is running around trying to escape, ‘Bumble Bee’ by LaVern Baker is played over the scene. The lyrics that can be heard are:

“I'm gonna have to put you down,

You been treating me like a clown,

You know you've hurt me once before,

You'll never hurt me anymore,

Shoo-ee, you hurt me like a bee,

A bumble bee, a evil bumble bee”

Although we haven’t been told yet what happened between Villanelle and her mother, the lyrics of the song accurately reflect what is soon revealed to us. The lyrics of the song, together with the information that we are later given - that Tatiana was a terrible mother to Villanelle, who she thought had “a darkness” - is the reason for the frantic panic that Villanelle reacts with, when she realises that she has to confront her mother again after all this time. When Bor’ka says that “mum” is home, Villanelle suddenly remembers how her mother “hurt [her] once before”, and most likely how she doesn’t want her to “hurt [her] anymore”.

When Tatiana enters the house she drops her shopping bags, she walks over to Villanelle to hug her and then starts crying, calling Villanelle “my Oksana”. It’s left fairly ambiguously as to whether this emotional reaction from Tatiana was genuine. However, the three separate close-up shots that follow the hug, suggest that Tatiana was not being genuine.

We are shown two shots of Knick-Knacks on bookcases and one shot of some family pictures on the wall. Interestingly, within these three shots, there are a total of four framed photos of Tatiana on her own, with no-one else in the pictures with her. The choice to show shots of the Knick-Knacks suggest that Tatiana is not being sincere, as we are being shown how she attempts to hide her “darkness” by putting on this facade of being a good wife and mother, which we (and Villanelle) later see starts to slip.

The individual photos of Tatiana also suggest that she is not reacting genuinely to seeing Villanelle, as we can see that she’s clearly a narcissist and so makes as effort to put out a particular image of herself - in this case she’s putting on a show for the other members of her family, so that she can maintain the image that she’s spent so long building up: the loving mother who was forced to give up her child and is finally being reunited with her, after thinking she was dead for all thee years.

It’s further shown how Tatiana tried to bury her old life and start a fresh one (she started again by getting a new husband, a new house and new children), when Pyotr brings the photo album with the childhood pictures of Villanelle. He brings out the album and says that he found it “in back of loft”. Tatiana has plenty of family photos in the house, and a great number of them are of herself; so to not have any pictures up of Villanelle, and the fact that the album was found pushed away in the back of the loft, shows how she tried to hide away any remnants of Villanelle after she left her at the orphanage.

Even more notable is that there is no pictures of Tatiana’s husband, Villanelle’s father, anywhere. As Villanelle is looking through the photo album she says “where is Dad? There has to be one of him before he died”. Again it’s been heavily emphasised that there’s a lot of photos in the house, and there’s even quite a few pictures of Villanelle even though they were hidden away. So for there so be absolutely no pictures at all of the father, it’s insinuated that Tatiana and the father’s relationship wasn’t good before he died, or it wouldn’t be out of the realms of possibility to assume she’s lying and the father left her - or perhaps even, given that Tatiana has a darkness akin to Villanelle’s own darkness, that she killed her husband.

Following Tatiana’s arrival back home and her reunion with Villanelle, she says to Villanelle, “I used to like dressing up and you always wanted my clothes, so I would make costume from old curtains for you”. By Tatiana saying this, it is implying that this is where Villanelle began her love of clothes and dressing up in different disguises.

The next scene we get, is of the whole family playing a card came, called Mafia/Werewolf, together. Fyodor accuses Villanelle of being Bor’ka’s ‘killer’ in the game, but he gets it wrong and Tatiana reveals that she was in fact the ‘killer’. Villanelle is the literal ‘killer’, however in the game it’s Tatiana, which signifies how Tatiana actually has more darkness than Villanelle, but she tries to conceal it.

The card Tatiana holds up is also the Queen of clubs, which further emphasises how she is the queen/matriarch of the household.

In this scene, we also get our first glimpse at Tatiana’s cruelty. Bor’ka says “mum you murdered me”, and Tatiana replied that “I had no choice Bor’ka” and he says that “you could have murdered the others”. He’s right, why would she choose to ‘murder’ Bor’ka when he’s the youngest one playing and is still only a child; she picks on him unnecessarily, just like how she picks on him at the Harvest Festival by telling him that he was “stupid and embarrassed her”.

We are also shown the complete control and power that Tatiana, being a narcissist and as the matriarch, has over the family - she only needs to say “eh” and tap on the table while Pyotr and Fyodor are arguing, to get them to stop.

Tatiana’s narcissism is additionally shown, when she makes her speech to the rest of the family. She says “I like to make speech. This night is very, very special for me. My girl, my little girl”. Tatiana’s repeated use of the personal pronouns “I” and “me”, demonstrate how her focus is all on herself, not on Villanelle or the rest of the family, but on how important and special this is for herself.

The scene continues to give us another instance of dancing, which Villanelle is uncomfortable with, just like in S3E1 with Maria. However unlike with Maria, where Villanelle just sort of stands and looks at Maria, while she’s trying to dance with her, Villanelle actually makes an attempt to partake in the dancing with her family.

She gets up with them and bobs up and down a bit, and we even see her start to sing the chorus of ‘Crocodile Rock’ by Elton John, with them before the scene cuts. Although she’s clearly uncomfortable, the fact that Villanelle makes a conscious effort to dance with her family, shows us how much effort and how desperately she wants to belong in the family. However, the fact that she’s still uncomfortable and it’s still not coming naturally foretells how although she is trying, this still isn’t the right fit for her or what she’s looking for.

Going onto the next scene, we see Pyotr taking his anger out on an old sofa and Villanelle comes to visit him. She’s wearing a mostly black outfit and has her hair up now, unlike the day before when she arrived; her appearance is reflecting how she’s closed herself off more now, and to show that she’s focused (like when she’s on a job). Villanelle is focused because she uses the day to speak to each of the members of the family, to find more information about what happened in the time while she wasn’t there and also to find out more information about her mother.

While Villanelle is speaking to Pyotr she says “you always wanted to be a firefighter, right?” and Pyotr says to her “you remember”. As Tatiana said earlier, that “the orphanage phone me and say you burn place down”, it’s most likely that Villanelle burned down the orphanage in the hope that her brother (who she knew wanted to be a firefighter) would come with the fire brigade to the orphanage to put out the fire; and in turn, come and find her there as well and rescue her.

The description that Villanelle’s gives to Pyotr of her father, that he was “funny, strong, taught me how to fight”; just like Tatiana and the clothes, we can see that Villanelle has taken these characteristics from her father: Villanelle tells Gabriel in S2E1 “yes, I am funny”, later on in this episode Yula’s friend says “she’s funny” and it’s clear that she’s strong and can fight.

Pyotr goes on to ask Villanelle “how they say we die”, and she replies only by saying “car crash” - another foreshadowing for the end of the episode. Villanelle’s family may not have died from an actual “car crash” when the orphanage told her they did, but they do end up dying at the end of the episode because her visit to her family was a metaphorical “car crash”.

In the next scene, when Pyotr and Villanelle are eating golubtsy, Pyotr says that “she’s [Tatiana] not a bad woman, people here say she is saint” and Villanelle says that “people here don’t know her”. This confirms what had up until this point just been alluded to, that Tatiana got a new husband, a new family and a new house (presumably in a different town) to try and hide her previous life and create a new image for herself.

*TO BE CONTINUED IN PART 2 OF ‘ARE YOU FROM PINNER? Episode Analysis’*

You can read my previous Killing Eve posts here:-

First Introduction to Villanelle

First Introduction to Eve

S1, E1 - Nice Face

S1, E2 - I’ll Deal With Him Later

S1, E3 - Don’t I Know You?

S1, E4 - Sorry Baby

S1, E5 - I Have a Thing about Bathrooms

S1, E6 - Take Me to the Hole!

S1, E7 - I Don’t Want to Be Free

S1, E8 - God, I’m Tired

S2, E1 - Do You Know How to Dispose of a Body?

S2, E2 - Nice and Neat

S2, E3 - The Hungry Caterpillar

S2, E4 - Desperate Times

S2, E5 - Smell Ya Later

S2, E6 - I Hope You Like Missionary!

S2, E7 - Wide Awake

S2, E8 - You’re Mine

S3, E1 - Slowly Slowly Catchy Monkey

S3, E2 - Management Sucks

S3, E3 - Meetings Have Biscuits

S3, E4 - Still Got It

S3, E5 - Are You From Pinner? [Part 2]

S3, E6 - End of Game

S3, E7 - Beautiful Monster

S3, E8 - Are You Leading or Am I? [Part 1]

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