#steve said i'm not gonna come out it will be much funnier to watch the curiosity kill this cat

[formosusiniquis]

caught flour handed

For the @steddiemicrofic challenge Prompt: cake | WC: 311 | G | no CW A Dustin POV steddie discovery, everyone's fave

Steve has been up to something for weeks. Dustin knows the only way to find out what he’s been up to: sneak in and go through his shit. He’s calling it sneaking too, because if he knows where the key is he doesn’t think it can be called breaking and entering.

He twists the front knob slowly so it doesn’t click in the latch, even mostly deaf Steve always knows when someone’s at the door. Eddie would say crouching before he’s even through the doorway is a dead giveaway that something’s up. But what does he know?

“There are more helpful places your hands could be.” Dustin freezes in place; his hand still on the front door.

“There are less helpful places my hands could be.” That’s Eddie’s voice responding, but his van hadn’t been in the driveway.

“You’re the one that said you wanted cake.” He’s too far from the kitchen to tell, but Dustin would bet Steve has his hands on his hips.

“What if I said I actually wanted beefcake.” 

Steve can be a bit of a ditz sometimes, but Dustin can’t imagine him getting cake and that confused. What would beefcake even be, meatloaf?

“I would say you should have said something before we got up.”

“I would’ve but y’know how you get when your mind’s made up, Sweetheart.”

“No, I don’t actually. Want to share, Edmund?”

“Only that delicious cake you’re making.” Dustin can hear Eddie’s feet moving on Steve’s tile flooring. He’s creeping up on the doorway now, but has to assume based on the giggling that Eddie was moving out of smacking range.

Moving even closer, Dustin can see Steve facing the oven. Two perfect, white handprints on the ass of his jeans. “Your child is lurking,” Steve says, “do you wanna tell him what you’ve been doing to his babysitter, or should I?”

[broareweabouttoviberightnow]

me n the outsiders show are in like a toxic relationship. the lows are SO low. but the highs are the best thing I've ever seen. (POST WATCH ME NOTE. THIS EP WAS A HIGH. A VERY HIGH HIGH) anyways. the bullshit continues. ep 10 (? I honestly lost track) tequila sunset notes🙂‍↕️

intro continues to fuck next question.

also. this is unrelated to anythin I just realized somethin. Tim n Darry in the show literally have the 'I could fix him but whatever is wrong with him is WAY funnier' except they BOTH thunk that

still on good ol 240p :( I wish someone would make a higher definition version of at LEAST the best intro of all time

is tim buyin a new car?? OH 'I promised I'd come look at this truck for darry' huh. ok. husband behavior but whatever.

tim n his ugly ass fuck ass glasses. if I were darry I'd BURN them things

tim is also cartoonishly short compared to like half the men in this show. I think like soda. is the only one shorter than tim.

FUCK ASS FEDORA??? TWO BIT. WHAT IS THAT HAT.

everytime two doesn't have something funny to say everyone needs to pipe down. that's my kid. n you've upset him. so now I gotta kick your ass.

if pony was an emoji he'd be this one 👁👁 he's just always lookin. nosy ass kid (affectionate)

Two's runnin? a bettin sceme? wait what is it FOR tho? Steves drag race?

the fact that the gang is always askin pony about the books he's readin is so important to me. n he's always makin them recommendations they won't read but he's actually thought about. aough.

guys no captions again n they're MUMBLIN

steve just said somethin to Soda n soda whipped around n just started open palm whackin em. every time these boys giggle n wrestle n whack each other around I gain 5 years on my life.

oh two's doin SPORTS bettin for their school team

wait the show made Steve canonically drop out too? huh I always thought Steve still wait to school. ok wait comin back to this cause I had to check but yeah the book implies Steve still goes to school. but the SHOW had him be a drop out too.

soda is against the school sports gamblin?? why??? this feels like it'd be right up his alley

pony reachin through the car window to fuck up two's hair before he leaves aww

is tim gonna cheat with this married woman. wowww. what about his husband. what about darry.

'you oughtta join. meet a nice girl.' 'I already did. a long time ago.' they really went. ok. we have give no love interest to tim or darry. whatever they got goin on is rapidly leavin subtext. we gotta do somethin about this.

two is so crazy. homie is tryin to get some guy to fix the game everyone is bettin on. also. he needs to lose this hat. now.

OH. two owes these guys money. that's why he's doin the bettin thing. ok.

two bit gettin pissed. ohhhh. this is so important to me. let this man get mad. let him not be funny. let him find his breakin point n walk right over it.

AOUGH. IN THE SHOW TWO DOESNT DRINK. AGHHHHH. APUGH. we'll or rather he doesn't drink that often. pony says as much. aoughhh.

TIM IN HIS FUCK ASS SUITTTT

'go on Darry. tell em why I'm wearin your suit n brand new shoes' *the vilest up n down look over from Darry. most jealous ass line delivery ive ever heard from a man* 'church'

'tim shepards goin to CHURCH' pony is CACKLIN biggest cheesiest smile I've EVER seen

darry is actually not beatin the jealous allegations even a little bit. this whole scene is doin NOTHIN to convince me

'hey mathews! Just wanna remind you it's great to be alive man!' tim shoutin at two while he's got the nastiest hangover knocked out on the couch

'is he really going to church?' 'yeah. but not to find god' darry the man you are. he's so funny.

TIM N HIS SQUEAKY ASS SHOES. everyone in that church was givin him the MEANEST side eye

'I gotta run over to the bowlin alley for a while. guy rentin the shoes called in sick' what the HELL does that line mean. either. a. pony works at the bowlin alley n we have literally never heard about this before. or. b. pony just runs around coverin for people's shifts. n I dunno which is funnier.

the way two just. lies. so smoothy. aough. my son. 'hey if you're in some kinda trouble-' 'not to worry ponyboy' aough. they just care abiut each other.

also. off topic. but the way two says ponyboy is so interestin to me. need to study his accent. the y in pony is like. an implication. he doesn't even really pronounce it. he somehow makes ponyboy into a 2 syllable word just by drawin it out all weird. sorry. side tracked. I fuckin love accents man.

two goin to shoot a basket n just. fully missin. apugh. I love that kid.

also this guy two's tryin to convince to fix the game plays basketball right. n two just said. 'you're the lucky one. you got this. you might even get out. go to college'. dare I say. mason mccormick. actually. or even Darry curtis core.

awww two shot again n made it in this time. n he also said 'man I still got it' like he didn't miss so embarrassingly bad 10 seconds ago.

'well everyone loved your shoes n your suit' 'really🥺' tim save those big ass wet eyes for DARRY.

'as we all know. Jesus was just a simple carpenter' 'yeah n look where that got em' god DAMN. every so often they have a line that just goes insanely hard.

'two bit what's goin on?' 'I'm scared ponyboy' YES YES YES LET THEM ADMIT THEIR FEELINS PLEASE GOD BOOM SHAKALAKA YAS LORD

pony shakin his head in disappointment while two tells him about his gamblin problems like literally last episode he didn't say 'I won't bet!' n Darry side eyed the hell out of him n went 'like LAST time' this is clown to clown communication

'pony this is my worry not yours' 'nuh uh I'm gonna go get Darry soda n Steve' pony really said since when has anythin ever been individual round here. were practically the communist party. YOUR worry. try again. yeah. OUR problem

two only pronounces ponys full name when he's upset

'everyone thinks I'm the fun guy yeah. the clown? that ain't me' TWO BIT MATHEWS THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME HATE YOUUU. YOU COULD NEVER BE JUST FUNNY BEER MAN TO ME IN EVERY UNIVERSE

'sometimes I wake up in the mornin I'm so scared my stomach gets all nervous. I thought the alcohol would make me feel less' I'm goin to throw the fuck up. two bit mathews. Jesus. fuck. my god. that's my baby.

'wherever you're goin. lemme go with you' AOUGHHG. THEY CARE SO MUCH ABIUT EACH OTHER. PONYS GONNA HELP TWO LEARN TO READDDDD. IM GONNA BE SICKKKK

two listenin to the game alone in his car. drinkin. I'm sick to my stomach. someone help that poot boy.

why are tim n darry completely full side pressed against each other at the bar top 🤨🏳️‍🌈❓️

sick of seein tim n this girl. go back to your husband tim.

ohh no fuck. two's team lost. oh no. augh. oh no my baby.

SODA TRIED OUT FOR THE BASKETBALL TEAM N GOT ON BUT GOT KICKED OFF FOR SMOKIN

the way. two can just lie so easily. like soda asks where he's been when he was in his car spiralin n two lies so smoothy soda just. swallows it. aough.

aough. uh. two is drivin drunk with Soda n these two girls in the car. mama. I fear there's no way this ends well.

OVER tim n this GIRL. look. I like her. her characters actually real interestin. but tim. go back to Darry please.

'I'm just as good as she is!' 'yeah. we're both as good as anybody' two I fear yall are not talkin about the same thing even a little

NOOO THEYRE JUMPIN MY BABY TWO CALLIN OUT FOR SODA BEFORE HE COLLAPSES?? just SHOOT me already AOUGH

the cops show up n sodas like layin on the ground n the cops got a flashlight on him n he is like?? servin insanely hard. comes by that shit naturally I guess. somethin about the curtis brothers the second the cops try to talk to them they pull out the most lethal face cards know to man

one. darry lecturin soda n two while they're both absolutely poutin on the couch. two. two bits got darrys shit on. three. pony is also just there. I fear these boys are incapable of stayin out of each other's business.

'I've known you a long time two bit. what's with the drinkin?' AOUGH. AGH. OUGH. OUCH.

OH PONYS GONNA TELL SODA N DARRY WHATS GOIN ON WITH TWO

'pony told me n darry about the gamblin. wanna talk about it?' THEY CARE SO MUCH ABOUT EACH OTHER🗣 THEY ARE SO GENTLE WISH EACH OTHER🗣 AOUGH

two bits whole monolouge about. gamblin. n his mom. n school. n not belongin. n lettin soda hold him while he cries ohhhh. yeah. uh. um. excuse me. I'm gonna be sick. I'm gonna lose my mind actually. like. ah. ok. hmm

DARRY N PONY WENT TO A DRAG RACE TOGETHER AWWW

'I'm better off with you outta my life.' 'yeah ok I deserved that' n then soda poutily stompin up the stairs

there ain't NO way they're gonna make me watch two get jumped for a THIRD TIME. Jesus he looks so SCARED. my BABY.

youre gonna jump THIS FACE?? my fuckin SON??

oh his homes rollin up nevermind. he brought the posse. if i was gonna jump someone n then the whole curtis gang n tim rolled up?? yeah hard pass. nevermind!!

TIM SODA N DARRY SPEAKIN UP FOR TWO APUGHHHH THE WHOLE GANG HUGGIN HIM. APUGHHHH. MY BABY.

'two swears he will never drink or gamble again. so far we're takin his good ambitions. one day at a time' GUYS I FEAR I GIGGLED

PONY HELPIN TWO LEARN TO READ DEAR GOD IM GONNA BE SICK THEM CURLED UP ON THE COUCH TOGETHER IM WAILIN

'darry never did trade in the truck. he said dad did always want me to learn to drive on old red so we'll be keepin it. at least til then' GUYS GIMME A SINGLE BREAK IM GONNA LOSE IT

[slithyt0ves]

i just watched Con Air for the first time and basically live texted my reactions to my husband so here are some highlights from that

John Cusack is a mess in this movie

no really why is he like a soggy kitten

Colm Meany's accent really came on strong in the first scene he's in and then pretty much disappeared entirely which tbh im thankful for

Nick Cage's has been a nightmare all the way through

BUT HERE'S MY BABY STEVE BUSCEMI TO SAVE THE WHOLE FILM!!!!

like why the fuck is John Cusack wearing socks and fucking sandals and a nice linen suit

John Malkovich is great though as usual

Was not expecting Dave Chappelle, but then was not surprised when he was playing a crack head

96% of the things coming out of Cage's mouth are pure memes(tm)

also apparently im watching the edited for tv version which is making it even funnier

literally every person in this movie is in a billion other things

its like a smorgasboard of awesome b-list actors and i am feasting happily

"i SAID put the bunny back in the box!"

"Now you're talking semantics. What if I told you insane was working fifty hours a week in some office for fifty years at the end of which they tell you to fuck off? Ending up in some retirement village, hoping to die before suffering the indignity of trying to make it to the toilet in time?"

now they're in an airplane graveyard

literally why are some of these old planes that have clearly been sitting here dead for years smoking?

here we have a fight sequence between John Cusack and a plane

"Of course we're having trouble finding him! He's off saving the rainforest, or recycling his sandals or some shit!"

thank you for that Chief O'Brien

recycling his sandals

that's the worst insult he can come up with for a guy who he hates simply because he dares to think that prisoners are human beings and its valuable to try to understand them psychologically

lord they found the ugliest little girl that was currently living in 1997 to play the girl that Steve is gonna try to eat or whatever

(my husband replied 'he's not gonna eat her, they're friends" XD)

"Whaddaya think I'm gonna do? I'm gonna save the friggin day."

the little girl looks like handsome squidward

Guy to Cyrus: "Please, Cy--" Cyrus: "Anora." **tosses cigarette*

I AM FUCKING CACKLING

god damn John Cusack in his sandals and fine linen suit hotwiring a truck

dont-SLAM-treat-SLAM-women-SLAM-like that-SLAM!

omgomgomgomg the whole last like, twenty minutes of the movie i was going "is it bad that i kind of want Steve to escape" and then he DOES

just livin his best serial killer life in vegas, as he should

that was a fuckin ROMP