#stayed up til 2 am on my parents' living room floor scrolling through all the posts and opening the ones that i needed to reread in new tab

[the-everqueen]

Favorite type of monster?

werewolves. hands down. not enough people love them. curse spn for the whole omegaverse thing because now there are people in other fandoms writing "werewolf" fic that's really just abo-lite. i don't care about the fucking knots if you aren't going to commit to familial pack structures and exaggerated expressions/vocalizations and winter mood swings. we all know wolves don't do alpha hierarchies!!! this is common knowledge!!! stop plastering increasingly complicated forms of misogyny onto wolves, they do not deserve this slander!

close second is mermaids.

[vanessa-0188]

I feel like you make up stuff for attention. Like there's ALWAYS something going on with you to make others feel bad for you.

I wish you'd messaged me with your URL so I could answer this privately, but alas... For clarity, and transparencies sake I'm going to clue you in on a little bit about my life story.I was born at 24 weeks gestation to teenage parents who, frankly, weren't ready to be parents (though I don't know what teens WOULD be). My mom got her shit together pretty rapidly after I was born; my dad was a different story but we'll jump back to him in a second.I, because of premature birth, was born with two underlying conditions that have caused the rest of my health problems. I am not a medical professional, so I am going to google/copy-paste the definition of these conditions here, and then relay to you how they've informed my life.1. Cerebral Palsy: While Cerebral Palsy (pronounced seh-ree-brel pawl-zee) is a blanket term commonly referred to as “CP” and described by loss or impairment of motor function, Cerebral Palsy is actually caused by brain damage. The brain damage is caused by brain injury or abnormal development of the brain that occurs while a child’s brain is still developing — before birth, during birth, or immediately after birth.Cerebral Palsy affects body movement, muscle control, muscle coordination, muscle tone, reflex, posture and balance. It can also impact fine motor skills, gross motor skills and oral motor functioning. (Source: cerebralpalsy.org)2. VATER Syndrome: VACTERL or VATER association is an acronym used to describe a series of characteristics which have been found to occur together... Babies who have been diagnosed as having VACTERL association usually have at least three or more of these individual anomalies. There is a wide range of manifestation of VACTERL association so that the exact incidence within the population is not exactly known, but has been estimated to occur in one in 10,000 to 40,000 newborns. (Source: cincinnatichildrens.org)Cerebral Palsy has left me permanently wheelchair bound (I have 0% walking or standing capabilities), and sometimes causes me motor issues with my hands (I.E. they shake during activities, are never fully non-spastic). As far as VATER I've tried to spare myself a little dignity by omitting the exact definition of the acronym, but google it for your own knowledge if you'd like; I don't have all of the conditions in the acronym, but this syndrome has caused me a lifetime of debilitating gastro-intestinal issues, furthered orthopedic problems, and most damningly- it KILLED my left kidney completely when I was two days old. Suffice it to say my life has never been medically easy.I mentioned before that my dad never really got his shit together to be a dad. My parents never had a formal custody agreement. But my mom did what she thought was right in trying to give my little brother and I opportunity to maintain a relationship with our dad. She'd drop us off with him at our paternal grandmothers house every-other weekend. I could sit here and tell you countless stories of abuse and neglect, but I'll just give you dear-old-dad's greatest-hits:* 1:00a.m. one night when I'm about eight years old (this would make my brother about four). My dad has friends over playing dominoes and drinking. We're awake still. I pipe up, "dad, we're tired, please take us to bed...", He threw a pillow and my head and said "if you're so damn tired make beds for you and [your brother] on the floor. When I protested he came over, knocked me down to a laying position, got inches from my face and screamed "shut the fuck up!"* Again, another friend-gathering. I really REALLY had to pee. He was in the bathroom on the phone. I waited HOURS for him to come out (there was only one bathroom I could use, and I needed his help). When his friends begged him to come help me. I ended up having an accident on the floor. He violently shoved my nose in it like a dog.I never told my mom or teacher or grandparents about any of this because I didn't know any better; I thought that was what all dads did. Until I was 10.* At age 10, on my dads birthday, we wanted to have a dinner for him. My mom obliged, inviting him to our apartment. It was also Super Bowl Sunday... he agreed to come over after he watched the game with his friends. My brother and I were so excited- we made cards and helped my mom bake a cake. That night we picked my dad up from a friends house, drove through and got dinner, and on the way home he and my mom started arguing. We got inside, they served us dinner, my mom set me up on a dining chair to eat, and they went to her room to "talk". Sometime later I heard violent screaming, and instructed my brother to go investigate. I'm sparing my own-psyche and the dignity of the other victims by withholding too-many details but that ended in holes in walls, my mom almost dying in front of me, injuries to my brother,a grade-three concussion for myself, and threats of death for us all by gun violence.I didn't talk to my dad again til I was 22. At that time I was struggling emotionally, longing for a relationship with him, and there were growing-pains at home as I was a young-adult who wanted to live a certain way that didn't conform with my moms house-rules. My dad and I had been in contact again for a short time. After a heated argument with my mother and stepfather (she married when I was 13), my father offered to let me stay with him. Things were great living there, until* One night he decided to push my boundaries, taking a trivial disagreement over taxes and house payments of all things, and bringing my mother into it. My anxiety flaired, and I tried to flee to my room. He followed me, grabbed me by the wheelchair, and held me in place, grabbing my hands and imploring me to hit him. He continued antagonizing me for hours, at one point when I called my mother terrified for my life, he taunted her as well. Through ingenious planning by Sheriffs and family, I was saved with only a split bottom lip and chipped-tooth.(And I guess I should note here that my sperm-donor of a biological father has spent time in jail for abusing us.)I spent time after that trying to heal my soul. Got to a good place in life where I was happy. Moved to my own assisted-living apartment. Then my bladder failed, resulting in me needing a permanent catheter. A month later my remaining kidney failed, resulting in my need for dialysis (for your reference, "The main purpose of dialysis is to help impaired renal function. When your kidneys are damaged, they are no longer able to remove wastes and excess fluid from your bloodstream efficiently. Wastes such as nitrogen and creatinine build up in the bloodstream. If you have been diagnosed with chronic kidney disease (CKD), your doctor will have these levels carefully monitored. Before dialysis, patients often felt weak and ill. Dialysis brings relief from these symptoms. This is the primary benefit of dialysis.Dialysis is done by using a special fluid called dialysate. Dialysate, a mixture of pure water and chemicals, is carefully controlled to pull wastes out of your blood without removing substances your body needs. A semipermeable membrane (one with microscopic holes that allow only certain types of particles to pass through) keeps the blood apart from the dialysate. This membrane lets the wastes and fluid in your blood flow through into the dialysate. Your blood cells and larger molecules, like protein that you need, cannot fit through the holes. There are two main types of kidney dialysis: hemodialysis (HD) and peritoneal dialysis (PD). [Source: DaVita]). I do hemodialysis: three days a week, four hours each time, I go to my dialysis clinic where they hook me up to my dialysis machine. My blood is filtered through a catheter that has been surgically connected to my heart. As I mentioned in my concert post, this process makes me vomit, and can sometimes induce symptoms that make me feel like I'm having a heart-attack. I'm on the transplant list, but due to my various GI surgeries I may not be a viable candidate. Time will tell. If not, I will have to do dialysis for the rest of my life.I had a best friend who, due to things that were my own fault, I've now lost my friendship with. In areas where I lacked support, she was my number one. This loss has been so hard in conjunction with my health issues; I'm grieving it right now.So yes, I'm aware it seems there's always something; that's because unfortunately there is. My life is messy, and complicated as hell. I'm very emotional, and I require a lot of support- something I'm not afraid to reach out for here on tumblr (even if it's in the form of fic distractions). If that bothers you, please scroll by- and if you feel the need to say something on anon, it's probably best left unsaid.Oh, and because we're at this point where you've got me airing dirty laundry, I'll be posting picture proof of some medical problems in my next post (I'm on mobile so I can't do it here 😉)Love Always,Vanessa