#started to accept her and move on in the end. thats very ray of him' THEN i slowly realized everything else. like their cooking skills and | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

onyourzeus · 4 years ago

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• stress-free | kwp

ykcyj ➝ arskyh

title: stress-free pairing: kim wonpil (of day6) & you (she/her pronouns) genre: FLUFF, college!au words: 3.4k

author’s note: @pirimiritiddy requested a fic about wonpil, and here it is. it went on for longer than i previously planned, buuuuut. i hope it’s still okay aaaa

(this is the 1st time i’ve written something for wonpil so if i get his personality wrong, i do apologize. i am also a baby myday huhu)

this dot fic (bullet style) is part of the falling asleep on the bus scenario that i intend to write for each day6 member. check out the others: dowoon (currently only 2/5 completed)

any requests? check my pinned post if i’m accepting any at the moment, thanks!

wonpil hates his schedule for this winter term

who assigns a class that is only available at seven in the evening??

3 times a week

during THE WINTER

did he mention it’s a major lecture he’s required to take??

psychology of stress, more like

this class is giving him the kind of stress it is specifically warning its students about

anyway, what can he say. he chose this major, there’s only 1 more term after this one and then finally: graduation

it’ll be fine, he’ll live

thank the heavens they didn’t need to attend the first two meetings, but some reading material was provided

and was expected by the professor to have been read and reflected upon

the class is really living up to its name because when wonpil opened the pdf

it was 30 pages of tiny font sized sentences (for ants!) about the definition of stress and how it affects every part of the body yada yada yada

wonpil tried. he really tried

that is to say he fell asleep on his desk while going over the same 20th page of the document

if it weren’t for jae shaking him awake, he’d miss his first night class

it would’ve been nice… if only the professor didn’t take attendance (something about being generous enough to make the first 2 classes “free,” so everyone has an obligation to come in for the remainder of the semester)

great, he’s stuck freezing his ass off just walking to the bus stop alone

hopefully they turn the heater all the way up in the auditorium or else

the thousands spent in tuition would have literally been for nothing

overdramatic wonpil, can you blame him

he thinks about reading the remaining 10 pages on the bus, even if he knows nothing of value will be absorbed

he wants to tries anyway, he does feel a little bit refreshed from that impromptu nap

the bus has arrived, and it’s packed as usual; a lot of the students riding the shuttle are just yet to take off in the following stops

wonpil squeezes his way inside, 30 pages of stress psychology research gripped in both hands

“excuse me, sorry,” wonpil mumbles, eyeing for a spot to sit to make him comfortable

because once all the people standing up leave, it’s usually a race for the exit

he’ll never understand college students

finally, he sees an empty seat way in the back. there was a girl on one end and two other students who seem to be ready to get off on the right side

wonpil doesn’t mind sitting next to someone, but once those 2 are gone he’ll just scoot over to give the girl on the left some privacy

she seems very much in deep sleep anyway, wonpil wonders if her stop is coming or she’s riding to go to campus?

wonpil doesn’t have time to think about other people, it causes him unnecessary stress

once sat down, his eyes focus on the last page he left off of

the words register as gibberish in his brain, and with the bus moving so much it makes it even more difficult to follow along the paragraphs

wonpil takes in a deep breath, holds it in, and sighs very heavily

his patience is usually the best out of his friends, but this class is turning more and more into the psychology of how to get you stressed tf out instead

the bus nears its next stop, and the two people on his side stand up to leave, yes he can breathe normal air

however

hold on

his shoulder feels heavy

turning his head slightly, for some reason once the bus had stopped its engine the girl’s head had flipped over to lean against wonpil’s shoulder instead

oh no oh no oh no

his shoulders suddenly freeze, as if blasted with a ray gun filled with ice

it’s heavy and he can’t move, it’s numb and this girl’s hair is splayed all over his his sweater

and she

she smells of coffee, and wonpil inhales it in

it’s not foul or anything, but it’s definitely exuding notes of espresso bean and freshly roasted coffee

it makes wonpil feel a little more awake

but he still can’t move his shoulders, and suddenly he’s panicking because the bus started moving again and even though capacity has lessened by 80%

someone decided to sit on the other end of the row he’s at

so if he even attempts to move, he’ll still be seated next to someone

wonpil grumbles, lower lip jutting forward

something shifts

and he realizes he shook his shoulders a little bit with his frustration

“ah…” he exclaims inaudibly, panicking at the possibility that he had woken her up from her nap

wonpil tenses up, shoulders stiff and eyes peering at his side to see what she’s up to

she lifts her head just a few inches off of wonpil’s shoulder, and for a moment he’s relieved that maybe she realizes what’s going on

but wonpil only hears a soft yawn coming from her, and she returns to using his very rigid shoulder as her pillow during this bus ride

let’s just say that the next thirteen minutes was more stress-inducing than wonpil wanted it to be

right when the bus reaches the final stop (main campus), wonpil exerts any and all efforts he has to shake his shoulder, up and down, enough to elicit an awake response from this stranger

the moment he feels her let up, wonpil dashes through that bus door like there’s no tomorrow

he is greeted with the coldest wind hitting his face, and his shoulder feeling numb from all the.. pillow roleplaying it did, if you will

wonpil feels bad, borderline guilty for leaving her like that— what if she’s asleep until now?? he can almost hear soft snores from her end for a minute there, too, and it took so much of wonpil to resist chuckling at it while in panic mode simultaneously

suffice to say, he was not able to read the rest of the document

in wonpil’s defense, he had encountered it first hand — how stress overcomes one’s body and mind

he forces himself to focus on what’s ahead, as boring as it sounds

he enters the lecture hall with a few minutes so spare, deciding to sit in the back

the projector screens are big and wonpil is not about to take his chances of getting called on today

luckily enough, he finds a row with visibly no other student sitting around the area

shoulder feeling more alive, he comes back to his senses as well

he takes off his outer sweater as it had become toastier inside. he still had a couple layers beneath his clothes

as the professor starts talking, wonpil finds himself yawning a few times

he doesn’t know if the video playing on screen is boring him or the girl in the bus affected his sleepiness

suddenly he remembers the smell of coffee, and how that’d sound real good right about now

he slaps both of his cheeks lightly, trying to take him back in the zone of at least writing down important notes

he’s on the fifth bullet point of his note-taking when the door behind him opens abruptly

it wasn’t loud or disrupting to the whole class, virtually no one even batted an eye

but thats because they’re far from the door

and wonpil is literally ten feet away, so when he feels the cold suddenly hit his back he had to know the source of the sudden hit in temperature

the class hadn’t been going on for less than an hour, and there have been students coming in on the other end of the auditorium

so wonpil isn’t that surprised that another student has just arrived

he caught a glimpse of her hair, but that’s about it as wonpil goes back to his tedious notes

until the very same person scoots herself in wonpil’s row

he huffs under his breath, the illusion of some privacy now shattered

with a polite (semi-forced) smile, wonpil turns to the side to greet his classmate

again, wonpil becomes frozen in spot

kind of like when you feel a magnetic pull somewhere, you follow it

and then suddenly you see it from afar, not believing your eyes if it’s actually real; if it’s actually there

in wonpil’s case, he’s one seat away from her

recognizing the flow of her hair, but more importantly

that distinct scent of coffee beans from her clothes��

this time, wonpil has a clear look on her face and he’s… speechless

his polite smile has turned into a look of awe, eyes glued towards her

she senses his gaze, turns to him and quickly bows down as a polite greeting

“sorry, but has the class been going on for a while?”

she speaks

“oh, um, what— what?”

“oh,” she looks confused, but rephrases her question, “what time did the class start? i had a hard time finding this lecture hall.”

she’s talking to him, not just leaning her head on his shoulder

“seven”

was all wonpil could say

“it started at 7? cool, i’m not that late then!” she cheers, grinning shyly. wonpil watches the way she puts a strand of hair tucked beneath her ear. she’s pulling out her laptop from her bag when she notices a pair of wide eyes still on her person

“is… is this seat taken?” she asks, and wonpil hasn’t even taken in the fact that this is the same person from the bus

“yes”

tongue-tied wonpil strikes again, blinking back his own obliviousness to her question

“i mean— no, now it is, by you. you’re sitting there, um, i— feel free to sit wherever you want”

he’s scrambling for his words, flustered cheeks heating up amidst the warmth of the room

she just nods her head in understanding, and wonpil finally realizes he’s been staring at her direction for longer than he should have

“STRESS”

the professor verbalized into her mic which causes wonpil to look to the front all of a sudden

right, right. he’s at a lecture. what’s gotten him so fidgety and embarrassed and now all that he’s pretending to type on his google doc is

sdfjfjdfhshllsghgjghsh

just so he looks busy next to the girl who fell asleep on him on the bus

was there any point in preoccupying his mind with thoughts of her, and her head resting on him? no it’s stupid, wonpil knows this.

people do it all the time, by accident, due to exhaustion, they don’t mean a thing by it

but wonpil is curious, and this is going to kill him. for sure

so he peeks at her again, and like a normal, decent student that she is (compared to wonpil at this point let’s be real) her hands are busy hand writing whatever the professor was saying

meanwhile, wonpil continues to sdfjskgnglddfjs his way to a passing B in this class

even in this large, spacious lecture hall he can still take in her scent

maybe it’s a new perfume that’s up and coming, that’s why it smells so strongly on her

oh! he can ask that? hey, do you mind sharing what line of perfume you’re using? it smells really good

it sounds like a common question, right? i mean if you wear strong fragrances you’re bound to be asked a question about it

he’s about to ask, he really was so ready to ask, what was he gonna lose? his dignity?

over a simple, inquisitive question?

“and now before we go on a twenty minute break, it’s time to introduce yourself to the person sitting close to you”

...

why do college professors have to do this?

wonpil bites his lip, at this point in time he’s a senior who’s fed up with ice breakers like this. if it were any other person sitting next to him, in front of him, behind him— he would just go with his usual introduction

“hi i’m kim wonpil, studying psychology and i graduate in the spring. i’m taking this class for a major requirement”

then go about his merry way.

but with her? she and him have history

sort of, and it’s the kind of history that is recent and wonpil is unsure if she is even aware of the weird string of fate-like connection they have

or, wonpil, hear your consciousness out

it’s not a big deal, and in the scenario she doesn’t remember she fell asleep on the bus on another person

then you can just say hi like usual, and cut the string of fate there and then

(but does wonpil really want that?)

“hi”

oh crap she’s started it

wonpil braces himself for whatever outcome this interaction comes out to. he’ll let her speak, and tailor his response from there

“i’m sorry, this might be really weird but that’s your sweater, right?”

so she didn’t give her name, her major, anything substantial about herself but instead shoots wonpil a question

pointing at the sweater that’s draped on the seat in front of wonpil

wonpil doesn’t even check to look. he gulps, nods his head and squeaks, “yeah… why?”

something in her eyes flash by, almost like a glint of recognition

she puts a hand on her mouth, and wonpil can make out the faintest shade of pink blushing its way to her ears

it’s kinda cute

“did someone happen to… fall asleep on you on the bus coming to campus today?”

“... yes?”

“that was me” she buries her face even further into her hands, almost lowering down to the chair

wonpil thought she was gonna fall for some reason so he had to remedy the situation somewhat

“i.. i, um, did you have a good nap?”

great comeback

wonpil was so ready to leave the auditorium and never come back after the break

but he hears her giggle, and slowly come out of her shyness

and it’s a sweet sight, to finally see the way her cheeks look full of embarrassed laughter

as she twirls around a length of hair nervously

and taps the pen on the surface of her desk repeatedly

it was endearing, and wonpil forgets about why he was panicking in the first place

she then explains that she had work the whole day, and only had an hour to rest up before going to this 7pm class

wonpil listens intently, watching her mannerisms and the lilt in her voice when she continues to apologize for falling asleep on him without realizing it

“i’m not usually a deep sleeper, but work was exceptionally tiring today and i just needed at least a bit of shut eye” wonpil nods understandingly, almost worried about her health

“where do you work if you don’t mind me asking?”

“at the coffee shop a few blocks away from campus,” she answers, head tilting to the side “i’m still wearing my uniform for it… is it too obvious?”

wonpil didn’t even realize her black long sleeves was a cafe uniform

but it did explain her strong coffee smell

“something like that,” wonpil decided to say, curling his lips upward, feeling content and relieved at the turnout of events

for the 20 minute break, wonpil thought they’d reconcile over what transpired between them and mind their own business soon enough— even if he thinks it’s hard to do that now knowing something about her

which intrigues wonpil

and, quite frankly, he’d like to talk to her more

just so he has an excuse to watch her emotions paint her face beautifully

but there was a pause right after their short conversation

and in real Awkward Wonpil Fashion, he shows her the 30 page reading material, in all of its flimsy glory and starts asking questions about it

“so uh did you read the whole thing? i thought it was interesting up until the part that i dozed off”

and wonpil got his wish; he sees her eyes shine in surprise at his sudden attempt of an intellectual discussion

but she doesn’t deter him away

and actually, she’s read the whole damn thing. and wonpil was beyond amazed at the level of detail she explains to him about the parts he didn’t understand

he actually starts typing real notes while she was talking

this made her laugh in between her explanations, and wonpil didn’t understand what was so funny about

the fight or flight response

“it’s just. the way you’re typing this down so seriously, i’m sure the prof can explain it better”

wonpil shakes his head no, shakes it so much it hurt his temples

she laughs again, and he likes hearing that sound

“do you want to see what i’ve typed the past hour and a half of this class?’

“bet :p”

“actually nevermind” flashbacks of dsfkjsdjffdslkg ring true in wonpil’s mind as he quickly backspaces the nonsense in his notes

and the conversation continues from more psychology talks, to figuring out they’re in the same major but she’s a recent transfer student from last year

and had been juggling work and school since the start of her senior year

wonpil wonders why he hasn’t seen her in the coffee shop yet

he would have done a double take the first time meeting her there for sure

“oh you’re too kind,” she suddenly replies???

wonpil had said his thoughts out loud

without further embarrassing him, she says that she had only started working there since it’s more convenient for her; wonpil feels grateful she doesn’t dwell on the compliment any longer

alas, the break finishes and the droll of the professor’s voice reverberates throughout the room

this time, though, wonpil definitely feels more alert (awake enthusiastic) as the two of them exchange little comments about the class material

and before you know it, class is over and wonpil is an excited bunny. since they’re by the door they got to leave before everyone else

wonpil thinks it’s time to part ways… but this time they’re not fully strangers at all. they’re taking the same class, same major, they even know each other’s name.

surely this isn’t the last time, right?

“hey, wonpil…” he didn’t even realize that they have started walking towards the bus stop together

“hm?”

“i think i owe you one,” she starts, stopping her tracks to face him. eyebrows up in hesitation, wonpil waits for her to finish

“you know, for taking over your personal space for my own comfort”

“oh that? haha that’s nothing :)” honestly if wonpil can do it again he’d volunteer in a heartbeat

“no, really. let me make it up to you. coffee? on me? i make a mean cappuccino” she winks

it strikes through wonpil’s heart

no need for resuscitation.. yet

“or a matcha latte? whatever you’d like it’ll be on me”

“anything!” wonpil exclaims, suddenly realizing the offer being given to him, the excitement bubbling up inside him again. “i mean, anything you’d like to have me try. surprise me,” he corrects himself

that manages to have her grin widely, eyes twinkling in excitement similar to wonpil’s and he thinks

they can get along

they can get to know each other better this way

“would you be up to go for one now?”

“oh— oh! now?”

“yeah, that way none of us takes the risk of falling asleep back on the bus hehe”

well, he really wouldn’t mind that happening a second time

“really now, wonpil?”

andddd he exposed himself again

it’s fine, she tugs his hand slightly to lead him to the bus that has arrived and wonpil follows in a daze

it’s a little full, so they have no other choice but to stand and hold onto the railings above

“guess no falling asleep here…” she teases, and now wonpil can’t use his hands to hide his blushing face

but the feeling of her just close by

and the scent of coffee lingering in the air

in between them

just inches away from each other

it’ll do for now

#day6 imagines #day6 scenarios #day6 au #kim wonpil scenarios #kim wonpil imagines #kim wonpil x reader #day6 fic #dot series #by:jiae

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tactyl-ymon · 4 years ago

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DnD session recap - Acceptance and Agony

So we left off after a very emotional moment between Sutha and Eridol where she realised he couldn't be what she needed at the moment and then Veiraen hugged Eridol and Eridol hugged him back for the first time since they’ve known each other

After some light preparations, the group sets off with Eridol's cleric mentor Bradul and they're still very busted carriage towards the holy city of Varildesh, with the carriage all busted it'll take about 4-5 days travel with a quick stop over in a nearby town

The first few hours go smoothly despite everyone being on guard the whole time and them all slam dunking Eridol into the cushions in the back because tiny baby man's been through a lot and he needs a nap. After sunset, he's joined in the back by Septima, Donnatello our new barbarian and Whisky

Not wanting to be rude, Eridol starts a conversation with Whisky in gnomish because he knows she speaks it, he tiredly asks what actually happened with Sutha and after several half truths and abysmal deception checks he realises Donnatello also speaks gnomish and Septima cast comprehend languages so now everyone can hear what's going on. someone just says "Well why don't you just message Sutha if you trust her so much"

And he does.

“Sutha, you said you nearly killed my ... companions, I need to know what happened. They're being obtuse.” And after several tense minutes, the magic flares to life and in him mind he hears “They questioned whether or not I would want you to come back for me. They refused to leave me be after 2 warnings. I'm sorry”

so Eridol rightfully furious that they'd say that but also understanding that he was still technically in the wrong for leaving decides to drop the subject. Septima had goodish intentions despite his complete lack of social awareness and Whisky straight up thought she was asking a friendly question because she believes that everyone wants to be her friend all the time

So he moves on and asks whisky about how he noticed she seemed a bit distracted during their last fight with the hydras and she didn't seem to want to go near the water, she mentions a very bad history with water and asks if Eridol remembers the last time they were in the water and because he was very drunk and just got a lifetime of trauma back absolutely doesn't remember

She mentions being on the beach after the dragon fight and having to swim back and her nearly drowning and Eridol saving her. Eridol feels very bad about nearly letting her drown and begins rummaging through his bag for some potions of waterbreathing he's got and gives them to her. All in all a very nice moment between them

It's just then that everyone can begin this very faint buzz in the air, slowly getting closer and closer along with the sound of old rusted carriage wheels, the buzzing whine getting louder and louder every second until it's deafening and not wanting to get caught in whatever this is unaware, Eridol orders everyone out of the cart as a precaution. In their haste, everyone fails dex checks and tumbles into SWARMS OF BEES

like tens of thousands of bees

we see a small procession of carts coming our way, each with several old timey bee keepers and many a swarm

Eridol having a general dislike of bees and knowing that he just got stung a good 70 times in an instant decides thats enough of that and moves off to the side of the road and casts spirit guardians so it'll encompase our cart and horses and still leave enough room for the carts to get by

Weirdly the beekeepers are not exactly happy about Eridol killing thousands upon thousands of bees and begin shouting at him to turn whatever this is off, he refuses because one round in that took of a third of his health and he has people to protect. It's on the third cart that one of them pipes up and politely asks if he can remove the spell, he politely declines because his people are a priority for him and he does apologise. Suddenly the beekeeper casts a spell and everyone gets encompassed in a tight dome of earth and rock.

Eridol drops the spell because hey safety is safety and he isn't cruel

A good 10 minutes later the spell drops and everyone gets back on their way, slightly swollen and pincushiony. a few hours later they see slight firelight up ahead and what sounds like muffled discussions, with Septima's god like perception he can see it's 4 eladrin ladies discussion things and the group all being tired and weary decide to try and see if they could pursuade the eladrin to let them stay at their camp for the night and wanting to make a good first impression decide someone should go talk to them first. But who would be the most innocent and unassuming of them all I wonder?

Eridol gets yeeted out of the cart with veiraen being shadow backup in the woods in case anything happens and Eridol begins walking slowly and unarmedly up the road towards them. Casting light on himself so they can definitely see him coming. After a ... rocky introduction where one of them got spooked and accidentally shot their crossbow at the tiny man. Septima and Whisky do a septima and whisky and begin yelling innapropriate questions from the darkness, with Whisky asking what booze they have and Septima just answering their questions because the man has observant and is a terrible person

Then after confirming that we mean them no harm and could help with securing the camp because of our numbers We get given the ok to come forward and Veiraen just skulks out of the bush behind them which gets Eridol nearly shot again

The eladrin introduce themselves as Summer, Spring, WInter and Fall and say they often travel to the material plane to discuss which season is best and ask the group their opinions. Septima says spring because nature boy go woo, Whisky says winter because she loves just stretching out in front of a cozy fire on cold nights, Eridol says summer because Falthresh being entirely a western hemisphere country tends to have wonderful sunsets and Veiraen was too busy looking for trinkets to answer

Most of the group goes off with the eladrin to drink and swap stories and be merry with Eridol and Septima taking watches in the camp itself and the surrounding forest.

After Eridols shift, nobody really comes to relieve him and he basically just nods off from exhaustion and then the dream happens

Eridol finds himself alone in a grey foggy void, the faint whislte of wind the only thing outside of his breathing and the blood thrumming in his ears. Armor and weapons as new as the day he got them and he begins to feel a burning on his right side, as blindingly painful as when the brand was first applied and tar like ooze begins cascading out of his side. Every beat of his heart causing more and more to flow out into the void

As Eridol is left close to vomiting and doubled over the goo begins to take form and Eridol begins to fear the worst that this is Bane himself and Eridol will never see his friends again

The goo crawls up itself into an imperfect mirror of the gnome, with crazed anger filled eyes and clawed hands balled into fists but otherwise it mirrored every twitch and heave of breath and I have to roll initiative to fight myself

Eridol's first thought is of course violence and both Eridol and Miradol cast spirit guardians at the same time as they rush into melee, each taking blow after shattering blow and Eridol coming out slightly worse each time.

Then he tries to get rid of it, both casting Banishment on their worse half. Then he tries to cast silence on it, his mirror self doing the same and in the silence they each drop their hammers and continue trading blows, Eridol swaying and practically dead on his feet as the pantomime boxers become more and more exhausted.

Eridol stops and breathes. dropping silence and trying to open up his connection to tyr, casting channel divinity, not to fight, not to win, but just to forgive, to understand and to find balance and Tyr responds, not a booming voice or a solitary judgmental eye but a feeling like a calming whisper and Eridol looks at his counterpart, nearly as dead as he is, but still standing defiantly almost goading him into another attack

Eridol breathes and casts healing word on his other self and begins apologising to the embodiment of all his negative emotions. “I have hurt so many people trying to deny what you represent, I let this fester and rot and I can’t let that happen anymore. I have so much to rightly be angry over, but anger alone isn’t what needs to happen anymore. So, together then, hopefully in balance, to serve Tyr and protect those who need it" and it fades away. Eridol is left in the empty expanse. A single blue light flickering in the distance like the first rays of dawn as it grows warmer and brighter until it is almost blinding and Eridol accepts it

He wakes up before dawn, to a very worried Veiraen holding a damp cloth to his forehead, pain everywhere and a small lightness in his chest that wasn't there previously. Like it's almost slightly easier to breathe all of a sudden. He asks Veiraen if he can help him get out of his armor and he checks the brand on his side, still there as it always was unfortunately.

He gets his armor back on and a vaguely worried Whisky comes up and hugs Eridol and after a second, he shrugs and hugs her back. Whispering "Nobody will believe you if you tell them I did this"

Unfortunately, Septima sees all and Eridol forgot how quick whisky can be so she locked him in the hug, shouting to get everyones attention and not letting go until everybody mentions that yes they see Eridol hugging her back and we ended the session

#dnd #DnD Recap #Tactyl Ymon

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supertweetycherry · 5 years ago

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TRAPPED || [Part 1 - The Past]

--Pairings: Jung Hoseok x Reader (You)

--Genre: Mafia au! Childhood Friends au! High school au! — Romance, Angst, Slight Fluff, Friends to Enemies.

--Ratings: Strictly Pg18

--Warnings: Slight Possessiveness, Slight Depression, Lot of Sadness, Mentions of Death, Mentions of Abuse, Mentions of Sexual Harassment and Mentions of School Bullying.

--Summary: Trapping a fish in a hook takes time. You have to wait for hours before the creature takes the bait. But once they are hooked, there is no un-doing it. Isn’t that what happened with you?

--Word Count: 6.2k

Navigations -> Masterlist || MASTERPOST >> Part 1 >> Part 2 >> Part 3

Part 1 - The Past

To catch a fish, the fishermen had to set his trap from the beginning. He had to bait the fish, tempt her to take his sweet offerings and then wait for her to come to him. It’s a long process but he had to be very patient. What happens when that waiting period turns into hours? Will the fish ever take the bait?

For you, it started from the very beginning.

You first met him when you were a toddler. Your mother had placed you into the same sandbox as him. Apparently, you and your family were on a vacation in Jeju Island. Over there, your ever loving mother had found herself an invite to a Mom’s weekly play party. It was held in one of the resorts owned by the island.

Your mother being the party goer herself, instantly accepted the invitation. On that morning, she had woken up early and dressed you up in a pink frock and white sandals before making her way to the resort with you in her arms. Upon reaching there, the women had dropped you off by the play area for kids like you.

At that time, you barely had any sense of direction. Your 15-month-old toddler mind couldn’t filter what’s right and what’s wrong. Not to mention, you had a very strange habit of hugging anything or anyone that comes in your sight. So, when your mother had placed you, next to a crying chubby toddler and a group of giggling female toddlers, you had defied the laws of the society and went after the crying baby.

He had looked so cute to you that day, that you couldn’t help but stare at him for few minutes before making your move. Especially with his little beady eyes and small heart-shaped lips, you had no problem in stretching your arms out and engulfing the little elephant in your supposed hug as a way to sooth his cries. Initially, it didn’t work out but, as you continued to scoot closer to the boy, you had managed to catch his attention.

The little boy had looked at you like you had cooties. But you didn’t care. You just wanted to hug him. Your beaming smile was evident enough that you had no plans of leaving him alone, especially with his eyes puffy and red. You just wanted to shoo away all his worries. And maybe that’s why, you didn’t let go when he tried to shift away from you.

“Geee off... orff!” You remember giggling when he had made those jabs at you to leave him. But being a stubborn baby yourself, you refused to release the little elephant from your grip.

“Huggies.” You whispered the word, burying your head in his chest. It was one of the only few words you knew at that time.

And maybe that’s why, he eventually gave up and let you hug him out.

It was your little stubborn gesture that turned this meeting into a blooming start of your long friendship.

From that day on, as your mother received more and more invitations to ‘Moms Only’ clubs, you kept meeting the boy again and again. And like always, you wouldn’t let him go until he eventually grew fond of you.

“Gu Gu Ga Ga... Yu Yu Ga Ga.” Yeah, that was your toddler language when you couldn’t remember the big words.

Few weeks later, when it was time for your family to return back home in Seoul, you shared a tearful goodbye with the chubby boy. You had grown to care for him. His warming smiles, his shinning eyes, his soft soft skin... you had grown so fond of them.

You still didn’t know his name but, your mother had called him ‘Hopie’ once. Atleast that’s what you thought she said.

“Hopie... cess miss you.” You babbled at him as he hung tightly against your frame. He was a bit reluctant to let you go. After weeks of being together, the boy didn’t want you to be separated from him. Not even for a second.

And so, to calm him down, you had placed a little toddler kiss on his nose before slipping out of his slippery fingers. It was short and cute, but also satisfying.

Time passed, and you missed the toddler dearly. You missed his rare smiles, the occasion shinning glint in his brown beady eyes, and the little touches he made towards you.

And the hugs. Definitely the hugs.

You dearly hoped that you would meet him one day again.

Luckily, that day came when you started your pre-school. You found him in the same way again, sitting to the side and away from everyone else. His features were so recognisable that he stood out from all the normal ones. You had no trouble at all.

That aloof aura was still around him. He was still giving the bad vibes to anyone who came within ten feet of his vicinity. He still looked chubbier than ever, and you had no problem when you jumped at him from behind, latching onto his big back like a monkey.

“Hopie!”

The sound of your loud voice had startled him a bit, and you almost feared that he might drop you. But luckily, he had recognised the familiar vanilla scent wafting off you. And that was enough for the boy to pull you up in his arms and never let you go.

You had been so happy that day, that you ended up ignoring everyone else around you.

You paid attention to no-one except your long lost toddler friend. The two of you seemed so comfortable that most of the time, you were snuggled up against him, just enjoying the warmth from his big arms. Even when the day ended, you hadn’t left your Hopie’s hand. Not even when your father tried to bait you with an ice-cream.

As more days passed, the both of you became closer. You spent most of your time with him, alienating yourself from others just so you could make him feel comfortable. Its not like he hated everyone around him, its just no-one really looked past his chubby body. Every kid in their class would point him out for being ‘fat’ and it enraged you whenever they did.

So, to prevent any fights from happening, you only spent time with your soon-to-be best friend, Hopie.

“It’s Hoseok, Y/n. Not Hopie.” He whined for the tenth time that day as he pronounced his name with correct syllable and right sound.

“Ho-sook.” You tried. But he was nearly 15 months older than you, which means he had more experience. So, when you kept getting his name wrong, he eventually gave up and stayed as ‘Hopie’ for you.

That is until, you guys started your major schooling years and you finally got his name right.

As young teenagers, you both had matured a little. Your friendship has bloomed into an unbreakable bond. Not even the bias views from other kids around your age could deter you anymore.

“Why do you even hangout with him, Y/N? He’s so weird.” One of your elementary school friend mused when she saw you consistently bringing Hoseok into their ‘friends only’ conversations.

You had noticed a strange frown on her face.

“Because he’s my best friend.” You happily replied with a big smile before continuing to put gemstones into the friendship bracelet you had created for Hoseok.

“But I’m your best friend.” The girl had slightly hissed. “He’s just some fat weirdo with no friends.”

Her words had instantly pissed you off. You instantly gave her a heated glare before taking your pencil back from her slimy fingers.

“He’s not a fat weirdo. He’s just a cute chubby boy. And he’s a completely normal guy with a completely normal behaviour.” You retorted before gathering up your supplies. “And FYI, he does have a friend. He has me. I’m his best friend.”

And with that, you stalked off to a another table.

As the elementary schooling passed, you became more and more connected to Hoseok. He became the best friend that you never had. You both equally supported and protected each other.

Even at the high school age, you guys never felt ashamed to be hugging or seeking out each other’s touches.

You still considered him as your little elephant while he still considered you as his spoilt princess.

You both had promised to be with each other forever and to never let go.

He was special to you, because he was a ray of sunshine in your life. He brightened you up like a star.

You had grown so fond of him that when the time came... you fell hard for him.

Few years later, you reached your sophomore year and you had started to develop hard feelings for him. Every touch, every smile, every gesture that he made, became more and more prominent as your feelings heightened.

“What’s this?” You asked, looking up at him in question. He had a gentle smile on his face. His shinning brown eyes were boring into your dark ones as if he was amused.

“It’s for you, princess.”

Your insides quickly warmed up with that little pet name of his. He had started using it just few months ago. It had taken you a moment, but you were able to push down that faint blush that was creeping up on your cheeks. Quickly raising the velvet box to your eye-level, you unwrapped the large ribbon on it and opened the box, to find something you hadn’t expected from him.

“Happy Birthday, Princess.”

You were stunned at the gift. Your mouth hung open as you looked at him and back at the box.

He had given you a pair of simple diamond stud earrings with blue exterior.

And they seemed fucking expensive.

“Do you like them?” He asked with a huge smile on his lips. He had somehow brought his face closer to you.

“I love them.” you whispered, feeling a little dizzy at the stare he was giving you.

“I’m glad you liked it. I had specially ordered them to be custom made for you.” You shyly smiled at him.

Hoseok has always showered you with gifts. Not because he was rich and wealthy, but because he wanted to. Atleast thats what he claimed. You just nodded and believed him every single time, because you knew he would never lie to you.

Usually his gift didn't affected you much, but these days, every one of his presents were becoming more and more important, and meaningful to you.

“May I?” He asked, holding up his fingers for permission.

You nodded and let him fix them in your ears.

“How do I look?”

“You look amazing as always.” This alone made you blush like hell. But you managed to cover it up behind your arm.

The next thing you know, he was hugging you from behind, just sniffing in on your vanilla scent. You let him.

It was a friendly gesture, right?

At the start of your Junior year, Hoseok has changed and morphed into one of the most handsome boys in your school. The sudden body weight drop was so quick that you had failed to recognize him when he came back from his summer holidays that year.

He had to physically twirl you around in his strong arms to make you realize who he was.

Apparently, during that summer, you had stayed behind to work on your extra curriculum activities while your best friend had went out for a family vacation.

It was the only vacation where he didn’t invite you in for. And the only vacation he hadn’t bothered to explain. Whatever happened during that time, it has changed him. His height has increased, his shoulders had broaden, and his features have became more sharp.

There was a new sense of style in him. He seemed more relaxed, lean and on the edge all at the same time. There were also a stack of mini muscles that he has gained. You had felt them when he had hugged you on the day of his return. You also noticed the roughness of his hands and the strong hold he now possessed.

It all seemed so strange to you. But you didn’t question it.

Instead, you used that time to focus on your feelings. They had increased in volume so much that it became hard for you to tune them out. Sooner or later, you came in terms with them. But you refused to say it out loud to anyone. Your rich family of lawyers and policemen didn’t approve of Hoseok anymore. They rejected the boy two years ago when they met his parents. They had labeled him as dangerous and immature, and had concluded that your best friend was unfit to be around you.

He was a bad influence.

And maybe he was. After all, you were ready to defy all your family’s rules for him. Your bond with him was so close that you couldn’t leave him even if you wanted to. You had given him your full trust.

And maybe, that was your first mistake.

That boy didn't deserve your trust. At all.

Things took a turn when the school year started. See, unlike previous years, Hoseok has risen up the social ladder while you had been toppled off due to your intimate friendship with your handsome best friend.

Everyone envied the bond between you two. The girls could not see their chance of grabbing Hoseok slip away to a nerd, while the boys couldn’t wait to bang the said nerd.

It was a sticky situation for you. The teasing in the halls and the leg trips here and there, has increased for you.

You became so depressed and lonely during that time, not even the three chipmunks could cheer your mood up. The three young boys who had been with Hoseok and you since the beginning. Hoseok had introduced them to you when you guys were in the 5th grade. They latched onto you like little kids, begging to have your attention from time to time.

They were babies. And they needed an older female figure in their life. You became that figure.

You loved them like your little brothers.

“Noona, you should confess to hobi hyung soon. He’s going crazy these day.”

You literally chocked on your water as the youngest chipmunk in your vicinity smirked at your reaction. You were wheezing and coughing as you tried to get the water out of your lungs.

“Ya!” You scolded the middle child, hitting him on the back of his head. “Kim Taehyung, you cheesy sneezer! Who filled your head with this nonsense?”

“Oh please, Noona.” The eldest of them scoffed, shoving his mochi hands in your face. “We’re not blind. We can see everything. You and hobi hyung has the hots for each other.”

“Yeah, just go and kiss it out.” Needless to say, you were not surprised when the younger of them also joined in. “You guys act like little toddlers on their first date.”

At those words, your cheeks were instantly dusted with a pink hue. Sighing, you slumped down your shoulders in defeat. These boys were crazy. Nothing get past them so easily.

“Hoseok and I are just best-friends, kookie. Nothing more than that.” You said quietly, hoping that they wouldn’t pry too much on it.

“Keep thinking that and one day you’ll loose him for good.” It was meant to be a joke but it affected you with a sharp stab to your heart.

“Jungkook shut up!” The other two berated the young kid. You just shrugged, refusing to show anything.

“Don’t go on the makane’s words, noona. Just confess to hobi hyung now before things get ugly.”

You didn’t know what they were talking about, but you sure knew that these three had crazy imaginations. So, you shut them up with a little ‘Shut up’ before slumping down next to them in the grass.

If only, you had taken heed to their warning....

“Listen here tramp, let me make this easy and clear for you.” Park Soo-bin, the typical queen bee of your high school has managed to corner you against the ladies toilets, once again. She was one of the most prettiest girls in the school, but she had a personality of a wicked villain. You have tried to avoid her on so many occasions recently, but that girl is so persistent at getting her message across. “Stay the fuck away from my Hobi. He doesn’t need a gold digger like you coming in his way to greatness. He’s part of the popular gang. And popular people don’t hang out with dirty little rags like you. I’m sure you are aware of the hierarchy, right?”

You didn’t reply. Your eyes were already filling up with tears at her blunt statement. The hierarchy difference between you and your best friend was too big. You had always known that.

“Speak when spoken to, nerd!” The girl hissed, taking your hair into her hand and pulling on them. You heard yourself whimpering at the sudden pain, but you hadn’t replied one word to her.

You refused to.

You maybe helpless in your love life, but you were not the one to take an order so easily. Hoseok didn’t raise you like this. All those years, he had told you to stand up against people, even if its him.

Not to mention your family line of protective lawyers and policemen, you were capable enough to handle these girls.

And that’s how you ended up in the principle’s office with your hair pulled into a mess, various scratch marks covering your arms, a busted lip and bleeding knuckles. The two other girls who joined in the fight were in a similar state while the main one, the typical bitch of this school, was crying over a broken nail and a red cheek.

If you were being honest, it was the two younger girls that were behind most of your injuries, while the queen bee had watched from the sidelines until you had managed to land a hit on her. Needless to say, you felt so satisfied when your palm had come in contact with her smooth, powdery cheek.

“She needs to be expelled! She doesn’t deserve to be here!”

“Look at my child. That girl has no manners.”

“My poor Soo-bin.”

The accusations went flying past your head like baseball. You rolled your eyes and stood leaning against the wall, glaring at the main bitch of the room. She was mouthing the words of your demise, by sliding her thumb across her neck, to show how much trouble you were in. But you didn’t care. You just raised an eye-brow at her attitude.

Maybe, listening to all the words she was saying, you could maybe smack her again, right in front of the principle and her parents. But because of your parent’s disapproval looks, you stepped back.

When all the shouting was over, you had slipped away with a small warning. All thanks to your uncle, who had used his law to corner the parents into an agreement. But even then, your own parents were not happy with you.

You had clearly seen the disappointment flashing in their eyes. It hurted you a bit, but you managed to survive it. You were more worried about Hoseok who still hasn’t returned from his week long vacation to an unknown place that only him and his family knew about.

You were a little dejected by his so called ‘special family plans’, but you had figured, it was some sort of family thing that the Jungs have. Unlike your own parents, Hoseok’s family had no problem with accepting you in the family as one of their own daughters. You were close to them from the beginning, especially to Hoseok’s older sister, Jung Ji-Wo.

“Stay away from him, Y/n. This is my last warning to you.” Those have been your father’s orders when he discovered the reason behind the whole fiasco with the school’s queen bee. As usual, he had grown angry at the revelation and had warned you before walking off.

You just shrugged at his words in return. You can never stay away from Hoseok, whether he likes it or not.

As more days passed with no news from your best friend and Park Soo-bin growing impatient with your aloof behaviour towards her, the eldest chipmunk’s warning started to ring in your head. It was clear that during those two weeks of separation from your best friend, has seemed to alert the whole school of your isolation period and they all ended up using this to their advantages.

Main one being Park Soo-bin—the ultimate dare devil in your high school life.

You wished dearly that Hoseok would come back from his vacation quickly before things gets out of hand. Even though you had successfully handled the three girls that day, fighting off the entire school’s population would definitely be almost next to impossible for you.

Especially when your three helpful chipmunks were also MIA.

It happed just a day before his return. He had finally contacted you from his secret getaway and apologised for his silence. You forgave him the moment he had called you and just relished in hearing his voice again after such a long time, is when it happened.

The fateful incident.

Some students said you slipped off by accident. Others said you had staged the whole thing. And the more older, responsible ones claimed that you were jerking off someone.

But you knew the truth.

You had been cornered and harassed by the popular gang. The males did all the unthinkable things with you while the females watched you squirm, shout and beg for them let you go. You had remembered screaming, kicking, biting—basically doing anything to avoid being touched and tainted by their grubby hands. When you had finally managed to get away from them with parts of your clothes ripped and skin filled with bruises and marks, Park Soo-bin had smirked in your face before completing the deed with a slight push.

“Bye Bye Y/N.” Those were the last words you heard before you were pushed off the edge of the stairs. You had clambered down the long staircase like a rag doll, your screams muffled by the air being knocked out of you and your limbs flying around as they hit each and every pointy edge of the concrete and steel railings they came in contact with.

You didn’t know what happened next, but you remember waking up in a hospital bed, next to your crying best friend who had his face stuffed in the palm of your right hand, producing loud aching sobs as he kissed and stained your skin with his hot tears.

The sight was only there for few seconds before your eyes fluttered shut once again due to the meds being pumped in your veins.

The next time you woke up was to see your family entering your hospital room. Judging by their depressed and downcast expressions, you had already concluded that you were in a pretty bad shape.

There was no denying in that. Even the doctors had concluded you as a lost case when you hadn’t woken up for two weeks straight.

But somehow, you have survived. And thats what mattered.

One by one, they visited you at random times of the day. First came your mother who had littered your face with sweet kisses and promises to cook all your favourite food when you return home. Next, was your father. He had cried and apologised for not taking strict actions towards the first assault that happened to you in the school. You had just waved his apology away and smiled.

Few days later, it was your older brother, Taemin, who had visited you. He was the only brother you cared about, because the rest of your cousin brothers were A-grade assholes. Taemin had taken special leave from his special op training so he could be next to you. He had serenaded you to sleep and promised to make everything better.

The next time you woke up, you found your best friend sleeping on the small couch in front of your bed. He looked disheveled from every angle. His hair were untidy, he had dark bags under his swollen eyes, his skin was pale from the lack of sunlight and he had a slumped, sad posture to his lean body.

The boy truly looked like he had been wrecked over by a bus.

You also noticed six other guys in the room, three of them being your naughty chipmunks and the other three were strangers.

“How are you feeling?” One of them asked with an angelic smile on his face. He was one of the taller ones and one of the strangers in the room. He was dressed casually, but with the way he was hovering over you, checking your vitals and readings, he seemed to know what he was doing.

“Peachy.” You answered, voice cracking at the end. He seemed to be smiling at you before going over to your best friend to wake him up. “No, don’t.” You had barely stopped the boy. He looked at you with puzzled expressions.

“Let him sleep, please. He looks like he needs it.”

He seemed surprised by your caring nature and blinked a large smile at your face.

“I’m glad to see you care about him the way he does for you.” The words were genuine. “You know, he’s been visiting you everyday. But I guess, you were sleeping most of the time.”

“I know.” You replied, looking at Hoseok with affection reflecting in your eyes. “He cares too much for me.”

“I’m glad you think the same way as us. I’m Seokjin by the way, but you can call me ‘Jinnie Oppa’.”

That might have been the mood breaker in the room because you instantly threw him a huge grin. He was sweet and charming.

“I already have an Oppa. And he’s the best one I have.” You retorted playfully, thinking of your older brother, Taemin.

“I make a very good Oppa too, sweetheart.” He winked at you with a pout.

You had giggled and thought the man was charismatic too.

If only you knew that you were talking to a killer...

“Hoseok, I’m fine.” You assured the boy as he snuggled his crying face into your bandaged arms, producing loud sobs for the other boys to hear.

As soon as he saw you awake, your best friend broke down into literal tears, crying his eyes out as he dipped low, head buried into your arms. His sudden weight on your arms increased your pain but you didn’t let it show one bit.

He was hurt and scared at your battered figure. The least you could do was let him cry. And so, you let him as he quickly changed spots and moved onto your stomach, making your skin vibrate.

“Hosoek...” You cooed the boy, running your hand through his chest-nut hair and caressing his wet face. “Please don’t cry. Look, I’m fine.”

He looked at you with a helpless look before diving against your stomach again.

“I-I thought I l-lost you.” He said through his sobs.

You just smiled and kissed the boy’s head in affection.

“I could never leave you, Hoseok. Didn’t I promise you that?”

It took some time but you were able to calm the boy down. With the help of the others in the room, all of you managed to turn Hoseok’s loud sobs into small hiccups.

“Please, just please, don’t ever leave me, Y/N.” He said quietly, still tucking onto your hand like his life is depended on it. “I need you. I-I cant l-live without y-you.”

Something warm erupted in your chest. But you didn’t let it get to you. What if he means this in a best friend way?

“I won’t ever leave you, hoseok. Your whiny ass wouldn’t survive a day without me.” You joked.

It didn’t work.

“I’m serious, Y/N.” He gave you a look you couldn’t decipher. It made you flush.

“Sorry... I-I just meant—never-mind. Just don’t worry please. I won’t leave you.”

He didn’t look satisfied for some reason but none the less, he still nodded. You were about to question him, but the strangers in the room decided to throw a pizza party. A party where you didn't even get a single slice of pizza since you were on the hospital diet.

“Lucky bastards.”

“How long has it been?” You asked Hoseok one day. You were still in the hospital but a bit better than before. Hoseok was peeling off some apples for you.

“Nearly a month.” He said, digging the knife into an apple. You could see how clean and fast he was with a knife. The apple was cut into thin slices within a matter of seconds.

“How’s school going? You’re still attending your classes, right?” You didn’t want to touch the topic, but you didn’t want him to sacrifice his studies for you. He’s been spending too much time here during the day and you were simply worried. “Hoseok?”

He hadn’t replied you yet. Instead, a slice of the apple was shoved in your mouth before your best friend smiled at you.

“Don’t worry about anything, Princess. My studies are going fine. Infact—” This is where he pulled out some books from his bag. “—I brought these for you. I hope you are stable enough to go through them with me.”

Your face instantly brightened at the sight of your books.

“Yes, ofcourse I am!”

You were truly a nerd. That’s never gonna change.

“Yay.” You squealed slightly when he dropped one book into your lap. Your good arm was already onto it, feeling the hard, shiny cover before opening the book to see what you have missed.

Hoseok grinned at your enthusiasm.

“Nerd.” He teased.

“Elephant.” You retorted back, but it wasn’t that strong, because in the next second he bursted out into a fit of loud laughter, making you scowl. “It’s not funny!”

He still didn’t listen. So, with a slight irritated huff, you smacked his shoulder. He retaliated by pinning your limbs down and hovering over you.

You were surprised at how easily he kneeled over you, careful not to hurt you but also smart enough to completely pin you to the hospital bed.

“Don’t be a naughty girl, Y/N.” He teased with a slight smirk. “You don’t want to be punished by me, do you?”

Damn, his voice was seductive to you. He had never behaved this way before.

“As if!” You dryly mocked with a laugh before trying to push him off you. But he didn’t listen. Instead, he dipped lower and engulfed you into a tight hug while he laid over you.

“I’m serious.”

You scowled at him. Great, he going to be plastered to you for the whole night. God forbid, if you can survive his lean muscular body resting on top of you.

You were always a sucker for his touches.

Few days later, things became normal for you. With right medication and right therapy, you were able to walk again. It boosted up your healing process and in no time you were ready to face the hard part of this whole ordeal.

Your culprits.

When you saw them standing in court with tears streaming down their eyes, you felt satisfied. You were in the same place as them when they had touched you in every open spot on your skin. The four young boys who had dared to molest you were jailed the same day. Their actions recorded in a school’s hidden camera in the corridor.

The six girls involved were put to heavy charges, involving; community service, a criminal record for harassing, bullying and attempt to rape, expulsion from the school and for some, being abandoned from their family lines.

Out of all this, the only person you cared about was Park Soo-bin. For some reason, the girl got away with everything. She wasn’t even mentioned as her friends took the blame. And you felt more angry than annoyed.

But that anger turned into shock when you saw the news next day.

“—we’re bringing you live from the Han River. A body has been discovered during the early hours of this morning. It belonged to a school girl, named Park Soo-bin, who had been missing for the past few days from her home and was now recently discovered floating in the river. The body seemed to be tortured, sliced open in many places and its limbs broken in—”

You hadn’t listened to the whole thing. The graphic visual displayed on your TV was enough to hurl your insides in the nearest toilet. Your best friend stood over you, holding back your hair as he patted your back in assurance.

He didn’t seem fazed by the news at all.

“Don’t worry, princess. Everything will be alright now.”

If you were just a little conscious enough to focus on his words, then maybe, you might have noticed the hidden glee lacing his voice...

Life turned back to normal soon enough. You had started school again and this time no-one bothered you anymore. Not even the left over popular girls who would used to do anything to tease you. But this time, they didn’t do anything besides glaring. And when your three chipmunks came in to cheer you up, their glares had turned into fear.

As more days passed, you started to ponder on your classmates strange behaviors. They seemed almost scared of you. You had expected them to be angry and furious with you, but they weren’t. It made you question few aspects of your life, but those though were quickly driven out of your mind when your best friend decided to give you a more interesting topic to think about.

His growing closeness with you.

He seemed more touchy than ever these days, always looking out for you and glaring at any boy who walked passed. At first, you were confused, but as you observed him more, you started to notice the difference. He was growing protective of you. There was a untold affection in his eyes that you always hoped to see in him. It warmed your heart and made you happy.

Was he finally feeling something towards you?

“I’m telling you, noona. Hyung is going to propose to you soon.” The youngest chipmunk said one day, taking your sushi out of your hands. “After all, he can’t let the fish get away.”

“Fish?” You questioned but then shook your head at his stupid comparisons. “Just keep eating you dumb bunny.” You shut him up by thrusting another sushi in his mouth.

It wasn’t long before Jungkook’s words started to come true. Just few weeks after, Hoseok plucked up his courage and proposed to you... with a small condition.

“Do you love me, Y/N?” He asked, holding out a rose to you. Literally everyone in the corridor stared at you both. Hoseok’s eyes were shinning as he brought you slightly closer to him. “I have seen you the way you look at me. It’s the same way I look at you. If you say yes, then remember, there is no going back. You will have to accept me in every shape and size I am. Even if you start to hate me, I will never let you go.”

The words had shocked you. His confession was so sudden that it rendered you a bit stunned. But that didn’t stop you from answering him. You’ve always waited for this moment. You can’t let it get away now.

“Hoseok, why would I ever hate you? I have always loved you.” You said to him, cupping his glowing cheeks. You were so happy in love that you couldn’t see the dark intent in his eyes. “I love your lips, I love your eyes, I love your nose, I love your cheeks, I love everything about you. I have always loved you. You are still my little elephant. And you are still my ray of hope.”

As if the words that triggered something in him, he jerked you closer and met your lips with his, sealing the deal. You could hear cheering in the background, probably from the three annoying chipmunks.

“You are mine now, Y/N. Remember that. You belong to me. No matter what happens next, you cannot escape me.”

And like a foolish girl, you had nodded along to his conditions.

After all, he was your sunshine and you trusted him.

But you had forgotten one thing. He was not normal like other people. He may be your ray of hope but he was also a force to be reckon with. He may have pledge you to do his sweet biddings and trapped you in his love, but he has also permanently chained you to him.

Which is why you found yourself in this situation, over and over.

Tag List: @breadcaaat

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the-house-of-the-nine · 5 years ago

Text

In Mind of Misery: Reflections, Part 2

[Forward: Since the end of “In Depths Below” the Nine have been busy trying to reclaim Lazarius’ family fortune, rebuilding, and forging new allies. We are current in the WoW Timeline with this entry, NZoth has risen, the world is in chaos, and now, the Council of Nine are at a disadvantage. New Readers, please note each of the roleplayers as the following...

[ L.K ] - Lazarius Kashebahl, Algus Kross, Doctor Whistletorque, Marseille

[ V.D ] Verzatea Duskflame , Pame

[ S.K ] Siida-Ray Kashebahl

[ K.A ] Koltun Ancientveil

[ J ] Jursol (AND JIMBA!)

And as always, thank you so much for continued support, posting, reblogs, likes and friendly messages! Please enjoy! ]

[ S. K ] Siida was Matron for a reason and when Brinys left Tea's side, the woman was ready and more than happy to scoop the little one up. Of course the proper offering of a hug was accepted before Siida picked Brinys up for a hug and offered the little one a kiss to the crown of her head.

"You're getting more and more beautiful every day little one." Siida mused and offered a wave of her fingers to Tea. She was one of the few who knew of her desires, her wants to be a mother, to protect and nurture a child of her own.

"It is always so nice when we can all be gathered in one place."

[ L.K ] Lazarius has all but hidden the massive searching eye on his ribs when Tea had arrived. He would tuck his tunic in on the one side but neglect the other. His attention shifted to his daughter.

In the past he would have been far more distant to interact with the child but these days he was much more active in her life. As he moved closer to his sister and Brinys he would reach for them both. A hand against Siidas shoulder as he moved in to place a kiss upon Brinys head as he tussled her hair.

“Are you behaving for Mama? Or ... have you started using those little void portals to hide snacks like I taught you.”.

He smirked and peered around his heir toward Verza, of course he’d taught the rapidly growing child magic, it was in his nature.

“I take it you’ve noticed the lack of support in the halls... Marseille has been dealing with loose ends for us.”

The shade had stepped away for the moment and made his way over to Jursol and Pame. He would bow his head to the Kaldorei and motion for her to join him.

“You look rested, it would be nice for you to join me on the next outing to ensure secrets are not leaked.” he had said while the others spoke deeper into the Library.

[ V. D ] The casual atmosphere within the library among everyone further eased Verzatea and Pame, although it was the Confessor who'd indulge the silence between Lazarius, Siida and Brinys.

"I knew it!"

She huffs in frustration, giving Laz a nasty glare as she scolds and scolds,

"I just knew you had to be the one to teach her that... Shes been sneaking cakes and sweets, Kashe'bahl," Tea groans, turning to set her journal and writing utensils down.

With a quick twist and pop the maiden removes the cork from her inkwell, her scowling persisting as she sets herself for her writing session. Though as she paused she'd calm significantly from her brief flash of aggravation, sighing heavily before propping her hands atop her hips, turning to better eye the Inquisitor and Matron respectively, a small smile gracing her lips now,

"Though I must confess... It's good to see everyone mingling once more. It's too quiet otherwise," she nods toward Lazarius, as if acknowledging his question regarding the fewer bodies in the Bastille.

The sudden appearance of Jursol would cause Pame to stiffen, the kaldoreis ears twitching with life as she sizes the troll up with great uncertainty. Her full lips press into a tight line whilst she sways atop her boots, shifting her weight from leg to leg before nodding her head forward, her eyes then squinting toward Marsielle in acknowledgement before fixating on Jursol once more.

"I'm... Not gonna hold hands like a child," she quips, frowning mostly out of embarrassment from being caught, her arms folding beneath her bosom while inching forward.

Clearly she'd enter as requested, just not being led like a lost lamb!

"Sleep," Pame suddenly blurts out, her brows furrowing as she explains, "Thats the secret to being well rested, in case you're wondering...," with a clearing of her throat she changes up her tone, feeling stupid for having tried to joke, "How do we intend to protect those leaks?"

All of this whilst Brinys played with Siidas golden locks, her features bright and happy, expressing the child's unrivaled excitement. Often the child peeks back over at Jursol, absolutely enthralled with the womans looks. With Laz's teasing remarks Brinys pouts,

"Mama took away the snacks-- She doesn't think I'll sleep if I have them--," and cue puppy dog eyes toward Aunt Siida.

[ J ] Jursol followed Pame over to the others keeping hold of the little raptor. Her eyes moved to the little girl as she snickers at her snack comment. Reaching to a pocket at her side pulling out a strange fruit. A reddish color pear shaped fruit was held out to Tea. It smelled sweet and looked like a good snack for a growing kid.

“Dis be a favorite of kids back in Zandalar. It won’t even keep her up at night. It not be like da sugar snacks others eat.” It was just a small gesture, but one she hoped was ok. She was still getting used to how others were around here. However she did have a soft spot for kids and animals.

[ V.D ] Tea's brows loft in surprise at the small gesture, though she'd instantly smile and thank the troll for her suggestions, reaching to gather up the fruit. In truth, she didn't want to doubt Jursols generosity. Tea was almost completely certain that the fruit was one hundred percent safe to consume-- but she had some doubts... Panging in the very back of her mind.

After all, she's had enough experiences of immense hallucinations directly after eatting strange fruits before. But how to ask that without coming off as a painfully assholeish overprotective parent? Then again, was it really too much to ask to not get your young child high?

"So... What is it?" Tea inquires, reviewing the fruit from every angle.

In all her hundreds of years she'd garnered up enough knowledge to almost confidently call the fruit a pear, similar to the green delicacies the Sindorei consume with certain types of wines. But... When it came to trolls? There was just no telling sometimes, no matter how simple it looks at face value.

[ J ] Jursol smiles as she answered her question about the fruit.

“We call it a cactus pear. It be from certain cactus dat grow big in da hot deserts. One can make a good many things from it! From drinks ta sweets, ta eating it as is. Peel da skin back and eat it as is, or break it apart and eat the sweet flesh inside.”

She said with confidence that it was definitely a tasty treat.

[ L.K ] "Not to be the cynical barer of bad news. . . but if the Confessor and Shadowhunter are through. . ." Lazarius calmly gave his spawn one final nudge against the back of her shoulder with his mummified fingers before moving closer to the others.

"I have a mysterious blinking eye that has manifested itself on my person the likes of which I would enjoy seeing gone rather quickly." There seemed to be this aura of uncertainty behind the black eyes of the stern Inquisitor; everyone's favorite 'adult' who liked to rain of their parade of snacks and welcome greetings.

Lazarius focused his unshifting pupiless gaze to Verzatea as he inclined his nose and peered at her. "My former Mistress. . . seems to have left me one final gift. And now I fear we are all in jeopardy."

The dark eyes faltered as he turned away in shame. It was obvious from his facial expression that he was not entirely certain how to deal with this situation let alone how to eliminate the threat.

"I don't know what it does. . .or how we remove it. . ."

Marseille would give Pame the LOOK as his straight back and downward glance took her in; he was a rather tall and thin elf. He would crack not even half a smile at her comment but would reply as he always did. Stoic, calm and extremely direct.

"All members of The Nine are carriers of an enzyme that is implanted on their genetics when donating their blood sample to the Pit of Lothia. A countermeasure to ensure that should someone become rogue and leave the order. Their memory can be wiped so they've no knowledge of the location of the Bastille, and our secrets. And as such. . . most have been dealt with, non-violently. Some have found ways to remove the enzyme and cleanse themselves prior to departure from the order. So. . . these ‘agents’ are to be eliminated. Forcefully."

[ S.K ] "Brinys, remember what we talked about, using your powers for good and not manipulation, at least not until you're older." Though despite that soft and gentle dressing down, Siida procured as if from air, a cookie and offered it to the child.

"That said, I'm a weakling when it comes to you." As her brother began to speak, Siida offered her full attention. It seemed that the rising of Nzoth had brought the eye on, perhaps his fall would be the only thing to make it disappear....but who were they to challenge an old one?

[ V.D ] A content Brinys suckled and nibbled at the conjured sweet treat with utmost wonderment, her eyes wide as she seemed to put every ounce of focus into accessing each individual piece of taste the cookie offered. If she wasn't the perfect child for the Confessor (of whom had a passion for baking sweets) than who was? Although currently Verzatea was a far cry away from amused by her luck. The child was a menace when she had a sugar high, why wouldn't anyone listen?!

The Confessor, with an exhausted sigh, shakes her head and straightens her posture at the goading tone of the Inquisitor when he commented on the friendly exchange between Jursol and herself, and momentarily would Tea stiffen in preparation of a rant... Until his following statements explaining the predicament would astonish her into silence, eyes widening bit by bit as her mouth falls open further in her shock. Instantly her eyes move toward Brinys, her previous irritation with the child's bad behavior was replaced with firm devotion.

She'd give her life for her family, and as her eyes drift across the library to inspect everyone in the room she'd come to acknowledge that whatever the Mistress caused with this curse upon Lazarius was a threat until proven otherwise. Instantly her eyes harden with determination whilst she turns to face Lazarius, procuring her wand before gesturing toward Lazarius, her lacking room for argument as she encourages:

"Let me witness it for myself, Lazarius." Though she pauses, glancing toward Brinys again before murmuring toward the others, careful to not stir Brinys from her oblivious state, "Perhaps... Brinys might enjoy spending time with Abbigael while the adults speak?"

Pames lips quirk with amusement, a flicker of brutal manic visible in her silver gaze before she'd blink it away into a more calm and serene expression. Her attention moves to Lazarius before she can reply to Marsielle, catching the information of a supposed eye blemish which leads her to remark smoothly, though she leans toward Mars some to signify to the elf that she understood their task.

"Then we'll swiftly wipe out any threats that could make our situation anymore strained. Then our full attention and full force can be focused on the eye issue. Simply leave the loose ends to the shadows and any worthy willing participant you wish to spare, sire,"

She nods toward Lazarius at the end of her spiel.

[ L.K ] Lazarius made a motion toward Kross. Of which the spirit was able to give a firm snap of his ghostly fingers and Abbigael would be summoned from the back of the library. The eternally youthful girl raced forward; the train of her gown sweeping along the floor as she hurried over to Brinsy and scooped her up.

“Come come come little darling, let us go and visit the cuddliest pups down in the habitat! I hear the puppies have opened their eyes!”.

Worg pups they’d managed to rescue; Lazarius would find a use for them.

After they’d rushed off and the room was clear of the child; Lazarius once again peeled up his shirt and displayed the forbidding menace fused to his skin. It was rolled over white and upon being put on display its slit of a pupil burst to life and began peering around the room. Yellows and reds and deep purples curiously bleeding into the center. It seemed to be cognizant but was aimlessly looking about without focus.

“Id always had the writing on my side where this eye was. I was never aware of what Raelyndia had put there other than what the Shathyar said. It was a runic tattoo of writing that said ‘by cursed gaze my path be lit’.”

Lazarius motioned with his wrapped hand; the free one of course, to the books of the library.

“Everything I have deduced is that it was a fail safe for her to know when Nzoth was risen. And using the eye would allow her to use me to get to it. I knew of her envy of Azshara being the chosen...she was jealous of the sea witch....*”

[ J ] Jursol was listening closely to everyone as she stood fairly relaxed. Jimba nipping at her as she allowed him to play. Her focus was on how to help with this cursed tattoo. She was also fascinated by it, as much as she was worried. “How long ago was dis put there?” She questioned as she looked at it again.

[ L.K ] “I was still young, a bit over two and a half centuries.”. Lazarius responded just to Jursol to answer that question.

[ V.D ] Once the garb was lifted to reveal the abomination beneath had Verzatea drawn closer, the hand which clung to her new wand would twist and gesture toward her book, a gust of conjured wind pushing the hard covered journal from the table along with the inkwell and feather quill. The trio of writing supplies hover a few feet off the ground, drifting lazily in Tea's wake as the furrow browed Confessor caresses every edge and curve of the pupil with her own searching eyes.

The quill dips itself into the inkwell, the enchanted utensil then poising itself above a blank journal page in preparation to write.

"Have you felt any discomforts, between when it formed and now? Or anything unusual?" Filler questions to narrow down a list of thousands of possibilities regarding the unfamiliar and grotesque growth on Laz's torso. Tea would even go as far as to grab the quill and brush the soft feather across Laz's skin if he'd allow her to test the pupil, aiming to test the eyes sensitivity.

[ L.K ] “There are no discomforting side effects, it is not truly an eye growing out of my flesh. Granted I do have crags of bone in my flesh and have been known to take on a parasitic form....this is different.”.

Lazarius remained on display for her.

“It is magically just an illusion that she must have enchanted into the ink she used. I would wager it may be ancient Magic’s.”

Lazarius reacted to the feather as it brushed him and instantly swatted at Verzas hand and the quill. He mouthed ‘stop’ as he shifted and wiggled from the quill.

“In any case...so far nothing but the eye has presented itself...no real shift in my tone or ways. My thoughts are my own...”

To Be Continued: In Mind of Misery: Reflections, Part 3

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ibitchytimemachine · 5 years ago

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Chapters: 53/? Fandom: Dragon Ball Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con Summary:

With Earth destroyed, Bulma and the Z gang find themselves in an outer space guerilla war against a tyrant. The mysterious Vengeance seems to be the only hope to win the war against Frieza, but teaming up with him brings its own set of problems.

AU, ensemble cast but with focus on BV. Several other pairings (m/F and m/m) and non-romantic relationships get significant screen time.

While Vengeance often appears to be a light-hearted, funny story, there are darker elements running through several storylines. Warnings of non-con are for isolated incidents and don't reflect the story as a whole, but explicit descriptions of sex, violence, and general depravity are contained within these chapters.

Of all the Vegebul fics I have read, this one is easily my favorite. It has nuance, gives (almost) every character full and rich motivations and story lines. You find yourself rooting for the oddest pairs and weirdest people. I can not recommend this story enough, and if you wanna read my thoughts on it, lets dive into spoilers below the cut!

So this story has something for everyone. You want thick well thought out and executed plot? DONE! Humor? DONE! Large cast of characters, both canon and OC who are all pretty well flushed out? DONE! Smut? Name your poison, chances are, its in here. There is so much about this story that I love that I am struggling with exactly the best way to organize my thoughts. So instead of agonizing over it, instead I am just gonna throw away all my careful notes that I have taken during my read and just freaking ramble!

I think the first thing that people are a little put off on is the rare pair of RaditzXPuar. I will tell you that I 5,000 percent ship these two and it is all because of reading this fic. I love it so much that I MAY have even taken some time to draw my own fan art for the pair, but lets just leave THAT in the vaults xD When Raditz first encounters Puar, he is NOT a cat. Puar is in a Human form and is shifted to be Bulma. Raditz immediately is attracted to Puar’s scent and when they later encounter each other in a bar and end up ( ͡ᵔ ͜ʖ ͡ᵔ ) Ray is still just enamored by Puar’s scent. Whenever we see Rays POV in-between the time that Ray has fucked Human Puar, and the time that Puar is discovered, Ray keeps catching scents of the cat. And it drives him fucking wild. He later says that he is so crazy for Puar that he was about to fuck a houseplant cause it reminded him of Puar. Beyond that we get the backstory on Bonding and that basically Saiyans bond to a mate kinda at random so Ray has basically taken Puar as his husband. Raditz is really a great lover, there is a relationship imbalance between the two, but Ray doesnt take advantage of it. Its really a pretty healthy relationship. Puar gets jealous of some stuff, Ray gets WAY jealous of stuff but they always seem to talk it over. Shit at one point Ray dreams of having kids with Puar, and he is swiftly reminded that Puar is a MAN and will never be and never wants to be a WOMAN.

A huge part of me feels like this Puarditz pairing is commentary on identity, self acceptance and love. Ray is constantly telling Puar that he doesnt care what his body looks like (except that he is excited to see Puar has a tail), only that it is Puar that he is in love with. It is only Puar Ray wants, no matter if he is a human, cat, plant, screwdriver or anything else. Puar talks about how he feels weird in his cat body, but it is his natural form and he wants to change and be bigger, more menacing, or just different. And I think we can all appreciate that sentiment at some point in our lives, but I can also see this as a low key message about trans acceptance and its fucking beautiful. Hell even Bulma tells Puar that he should take whatever form he is most comfortable in and basically fuck everyone who disagrees. I love that message and I love this pair - fight me.

I really want to talk about another pretty complex character in this fic, Zarbon. He struggles with so much shame and negativity in this story. He hides behind his good looks and his hair, and when that shit gets cut off, Zarbon is a completely different man, it is shedding his old evil skin and literally growing into his own as a new man, a better person, and you start to care about him. His time with Frieza has basically ruined his ability to have any sort of healthy relationship - friend or other, because he resorts to sex for just about any close relationship he has. The FIRST person he meets after being rescued from Frieza, he starts bedding. Hell he promises a pity fuck to Burter for rescuing him, and come on.. I have never wanted a Burger sex scene more than when I was reading this fic. No really... Catgirl has a way of making you root for just about everyone... I think that besides the slavers, the only character I HATE is Frieza, and thats pretty cool. AND Speaking of Frieza, shit hes a bad dude in this story. There aren't many POVs of him, and we see a lot of Frieza through Zarbon, Vegeta and Burter, but the POVs after Zarbon escapes and Frieza is trying to replace him is she fucked up shit. You really see his madness when he is sitting in the bloody tub stroking the hair of the dead attendant wishing it was Zarbons. He repeatedly states how much he gave to Zarbon, and how he basically loved him, but then you see him torture the poor man, sexually assault him, and generally just be a complete tyrannical asshole to him.

The way the Nameks are handled is really cool. I love the nod to canon with them living with the Briefs on Red Station, I love watching Dende figure out how to lead, and struggle with his followers. I love how he makes the decision to room with Gohan as a way of bridging the gap between the Namekians and the Saiyans. The decisions Dende makes shows that he is dedicated to moving forward and not being stuck in the past. But you see him still struggling with things in the past, Zarbon for example. it is hella tense for a while when he first comes aboard because Dende feels Zarbon is responsible for the demise of his people, and Dende seeks out others help and advice on how to manage his feelings. He gets several peoples views and chooses what he thinks is the best, just like a good leader would. He even attempts to make Piccolo feel more welcome in the Namekian contingent of beings on Red Station.

Nappa is a super important character for the beginning of the story. He is the voice of Saiyan past and he advises Vegeta, wether he takes the advice or not. Overall he is the Father figure Vegeta needs (a common role for him) but he tells Vegeta and Raditz about bonding and Gohan comments that it sounds like LOVE. Nappa has some really shitty moments with Bulma, but overall I really like the sweet peeks into his head, when he thinks about his dead wife and babies, or when he tears up about the thought of Bulma and Vegeta having “little princes” of their own, is just heartwarming. And the attraction to Momma Briefs is cute and funny and provides so much ammunition for Bulma to hate Nappa (and boy do they hate each other)

I kinda hate how K18 gets treated in this story, and part of that is how long it takes for 18 to come about, and another part of that is the fact that the story isn't finished. I feel like 18′s android qualities are REALLY played up, which isn't a bad thing - great characterization in fact... but poor Krillin deserves so much better than being mounted with no foreplay and then immediately being engaged... Now I will say that I really like both of these characters in this fic, just wish things were finished cause their relationship has so much more to explore.

I have both love and hate the Vegebul relationship dynamics in this story. They obviously care for one another, but the relationship seems super unhealthy... there is really no talking, relationship building going on in story. a LOT of fucking sure, but it almost feels like these two banter, fuck but don't really know one another.. and thats kinda sad.. I like that part of a Vegebul fic. Bulma is legit scared of Vegeta on multiple occasions and even in the last published chapter Vegeta looks at her and thinks that she is a monster just like him. And hell with her improvements to the Ki Circlet, she probably is. I will say that their smut is A++ fantastic, it is real, sometimes it is awkward (when they fuck in her lab it is both hot and funny) and there is always a mention of safe sex.

With all the time spent on, pretty much everyone, including 2 OCs, it is sad that 17, Dr. Briefs and Tien don't get a little more love. They have very very brief scenes peppered throughout the story, and they just seem like after thoughts.. Shit Roshi and Oolong have more impact on the story than any of these three do and thats just a bummer. I am gonna say that maybe they have parts in the unwritten bots of the fic, but who knows if it will ever be updated, much less finished at this point.

This story is fantastic. I can not recommend it enough. The relationship dynamics alone are fantastic, never mind the fact that Catgirl is FUCKING FANTASTIC at showing not telling, but even when she tells it is impactful. She has a wonderful grasp of character voice and each POV feels like it is actually that characters POV, told through them, not through the lens of a narrator. There are some amazing quotes in this story, some are just funny,

Others.. Not so much....

These are a bunch of misfits thrown together, fighting to survive, and ultimately building a home. Hell Zarbon sees it and is shocked by it.. He says he is amazed by Vegeta “Floating around this country cottage of a ship, lord and master of an assortment of weaklings.” And Zarbon is right. Vegeta is the lord and master of this rag tag crew, and Bulma is their Queen. Their relationship is the glue that holds this little family together. This story is a tale of their struggle to defeat Frieza, but thats not what this story is ABOUT. This story is about, family, friends, love, home and ultimately all the wholesome things humanity has to offer. Sometimes we fuck up, and fight and create drama, but we persevere through those trials and (hopefully) become stronger, more well rounded and more human. And that is a really nice message.

As a bonus, @rutbisbe drew this amazing Puar/Raditz fan art for this fic and I love it (AND I LOVE THEM SO MUCH)

If you liked this review, after you check this fic out, head over to my A03 and read some of my stuff!

#BTM Fic Review #vengeance #Vegeta x Bulma #go read this freaking fic #its my absolute favorite #I really need an update #PLZ catgirl

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angclhyunjin · 6 years ago

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of light and verse | jaebum

desc: you literally end up falling for the boy who sits at the back of your uber hard lit class. college!jaebum litmajor!jaebum. all the fluff. just super fluffy

word count: 1.913

requested by: @jaebums-sunshine [Jaebum college au/domestic au fluff!]

note: i wrote this at lit 4am but ummm my love as a lit major was too cute to pass up

oh my god ok COLLEGE JAEBUM

setting my heart on fire at the thought of my lit nerd headcanon for him

lets get into it!

so its freshman year and ur walking into your first lit class, a bit intimidated bc its like,, a course no first year dared to touch but u just wanted a cool sounding course so bad u jumped at the opportunity

its GREEK MYTHOLOGY!! who wud not hello

and ur excited until the professor opens her mouth

and ur blown away by how,,,,,,, interesting and riveting the whole thing is but shit is it going to be this hard throughout??

the first few classes involves you frantically taking notes and trying to keep up w the impossible pace this class is going

but theres this BOY

he sits right at the end while ur in front so u could pass him off as uninterested,,, taking the course for extra creds??? wrong

this BOY quips in between the lecture with the most fascinating comments, connecting the odyssey to so many modern works, to poetry and to music

and ur like,,, who made u,,,, how r u like this

ur kind of annoyed by how smart this boy is

its not like you dont get wtf is happening here, but how can he get it and SO MUCH MORE

and tbh ur kind of jealous but u didnt hear that from me. also he has the softest voice that creeps up behind u and makes ur body stir

wait what

so u work super hard

and like super hard, u finish all ur readings and do ur own research

but u still feel like its not enough

like idk who u think u are, u start living at the library

cup of tea in hand and a book in the other, it sounds optimal but the stress is lowkey making you lose ur mind

ur looking for a book in the aisles, a VERY specific one on sappho’s fragmented poems

and FINALLY u see it............on the top most shelf

ur 5′4″ self is SCREAMING

and u could ask for help but help is for losers

so u make the very intelligent decision to climb the shelves what?? no ones looking

ur almost there when

a hand

reaches at the same time as urs

u almost scream for real this time, shutting ur eyes real tight, letting go of ur meager hold on the shelf and falling back

like u have accepted ur death at this point

until???? wait??? you feel two hands around you and suddenly you’re not falling

“my god, are you okay??” how tf do i know this voice

you open your eyes to be met with the softest brown eyes, framed by these wire glasses

its him

of c o u r s e

u literally dont know what to say until he laughs a little at you (an adorable, light noise that fills you up)

“this is probably not one of your greatest moments” ur cheeks are on FIRE

suddenly he notices his arms are still around u and he hastily places u on ur useless jelly feet

“were you going for the book on sappho? i didn’t know anyone else here knew it existed”

you’re about to stammer out a reply, not really ready to explain to the lit prodigy that ur trying to be at least half as insightful as him but he

squints at u

“wait, aren’t you in my lit class?? you are, aren’t you?”

he REMEMBERS ur invisible ass??? ok??? what doesnt this boy notice?????

u finally find your tongue, stammering out a “y-yeah, i was planning out my paper and needed a second reference”

wow is he lowkey impressed he stares at u for a bit

ur now hyperaware of ur messy bun and glasses, the old t shirt you’d tucked into mom jeans feeling so inadequate in front of him in his stylishly messed up hair n button up,,, how could someone be this pretty at 4pm on a sunday

“honestly, me too. but its okay, you can have this”

he barely needs to reach up to get this book and ur like, looking at his shoulders as he faces away from u for a split second and man is he built

“are you sure???” you let out in an almost whisper “don’t you need this?”

“nah its okay i read it over the summer already” o yes of course

“i’m jaebum by the way” he smiles at you and ur stomach JUMPs

“i’m y/n” you try, and then blurt out “and also really sorry for this i’m like,, dumb as hell-”

“its no issue, y/n” his voice is HONEY as it says your name and you can feel urself turning redder

“i’ll see you in class then” hes gone as quickly as he arrived and ur still in shock because what the fuck

did that really happen or did u doze off after a caffeine crash again???

so the next day in class u walk in, heading towards your seat when ur eye catches jaebum’s

and he gives u the BIGGEST SMILE

WHAT AN ANGEL

ur blushing furiously and manage a quick smile back

and thru/o ur so distracted bc u swear u feel his eyes on the back of ur neck but ur also too scared to look bc WOW WHY IS THIS BEAUTIFUL BOY STARING AT ME

so at the end of the class ur throwing all ur books into ur mess of a backpack when u hear a voice

“so did you end up finishing the book”

its god jaebum, beanie hiding his tousled hair and trademark glasses on his nose

“no i still have some stuff to cover but its fine!! you can have it u want-”

“no, no i was going to suggest we do the paper together?”

is this ,,,, really happening

“i mean, sure” WHY ARE U AGREEING WHY DO U WANT TO DIE

“okay great! i’ll meet you in the library at 4?”

“okay see you then!!” u squeak out and dash

wtf was that

this man did not need ur help, he is a lit GOD

but ur there at 4, a little thankful for the heads up bc u managed to put some semblance of makeup on urself

and he walks in and ur heart is on fire again bc hes so pretty and he’s also so excited to do lit, lit makes this boy

u slowly ease into conversations w him, sappho being taken over by more personal deets

ok first of all, this boy has 5 cats

he shows u pictures of all of them, names and all, like a mom showing off her children

ur heart is so so full of this endearing boy

you keep meeting thru the rest of the week

on tuesday, he asks you ur favorite color

on wednesday, he convinces u to tell him ur favorite memory

on thursday, you tell him how vanilla ice cream is everything to you but u cant stand strawberry

on friday, he asks u for ur number

on saturday, he randomly texts you 6 pictures of his cat sitting on two legs

on saturday, you realize u have fallen for the boy at the back of ur lit class

u dont know what to do

this boy is so so dumb at heart but can also recite all of shakespeare’s sonnets by heart

like hes the cutest idiot u have ever seen

and ur falling super hard for him

ur friendship goes strong for a while

gradually u blush less frequently and get comfortable w him, going over to his place at times

the first time u go (for lit probably) he opens the door and ur greeted w the smell of disaster

like really it smells super bad

and hes frantic and panicky bc “i didn’t know how hard cooking was the tomato sauce is all burnt what did i do”

poor perfect boi is bad at cooking???

even surrounded w smoke and in a dirty apron he looks ADORABLE

and ur laughing and taking the saucepan off the stove for him, throwing his failure out and suggesting u just get some chinese

and he agrees w a sigh and ur like ur so dumb

and no ur definitely not trying to think abt how he wanted to cook for u

when u call him over u make spaghetti

red sauce

“wow so ur really out here triggering me like this”

“is it my fault ur an idiot sandwich”

“w o w”

he probably pouted and u probably made fun of it tho ur heart was crying

so it goes on like this for a while

and ur always wondering ‘does this boy even like me like that’ bc he out here giving u so many signals but never making the move

like ur ass is never sure if he’s into u or just being nice

bc lets face it - im jaebum is the definition of nice

and its honestly getting kind of annoying

like pls tell me if u like me my heart cant take it much longer

u guys are at his, doing ur readings

you glance to the side and see jaebum reading intently, eyes flying over the words, relaxed and so sweet, a ray of light from the window falling on him and making his eyes radiate a dark brown

you dont even notice how long you’ve been staring until u hear his voice

“hello what r u doing”

fuck

“nothing! just,,,, you looked really pretty with the light falling on ur face. no i mean, look!! like, you’re pretty”

WHAT

did u JUST

SAY THAT

"not that that means you’re not pretty at other times!! i mean,,, you’re pretty all the time and its honestly really crazy” WHY ARE U STILL TALKING

hes just.... staring at u in wonder

and ur lik e wow this is it, this is when the ground acc swallows me up and i die

when his face breaks into this beautiful smile

“you think i’m pretty?”

his voice is so soft and pure

u r, on the other hand, about to collapse from embarrassment

and just nod and its like the day in the library all over

and he’s still smiling when he says “y/n, i think you’re the most beautiful person i’ve ever seen”

your stomach SWOOPS

IS THIS REAL LIFE

“i’ve wanted to say that for the longest time” he breathes and you notice just how close he is

“thats just,, i mean wow i didn’t know...” u manage to say

he leans in a little closer and his hands r burning a hole resting on ur thighs

the light is very brilliant as his head dips lower, breath on ur lips until he fills the gap between you

and im jaebum is kissing you

you barely remember to respond, but when you do, he leaves light kisses on ur lower lip, hand coming up to cup ur cheek

ur entire body is on fire as he draws you closer, your hands going into his hair and feeling for the first time how soft it was

wow u had really dreamed about this huh

he draws back a little bit, face incredibly close to yours and asks u “is this okay?”

,,,,,,,boi

“more than okay, this is perfect” you press him closer and all else is forgotten

send in requests!

#got7 #got7 imagine #got7 imagines #got7 bullet au #got7 fluff #got7 scenario #im jaebum #jaebeom #jaebum #im jaebeom #jaebum fluff #jaebum scenario #kpop imagine #kpop fluff #request

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blueplanettrash · 7 years ago

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We’ll Meet Again (Part 7)

To the people that actually wait for this story, I’m sorry that I’m so slow in posting updates for it. I always forget that it actually exists, I hope you guys enjoy though ❤️

“Oh,” Alluran said unlatching from where he was on Shiro’s chest and took a few steps backward. Instead of the frown, he expected from the Altean, he was instead graced with a blinding smile.

“My name is Prince Alluran of Altea,” he introduced himself with a small nod. Shiro repeated the gesture with a confused stare. He repeated the greeting to all of the paladins then turned back to Allura.

“So what are we doing today?” He asked her with his hands on his hips. She thought for a moment then looked at him with a grin.

“How about a hand to hand combat exercise?” She asked. Alluran’s mouth dropped open, then widened in a smile. He turned to looks at the others over his shoulder.

“That sounds like a fantastic idea,” he grinned.

“Well, what are we waiting for then?” She asked turning around and moving to exit the room.

“Yah!” He cheered and rushed forward to put himself under his big sister’s arm. She laughed and flexed it, trapping his head in the crook of her elbow. The others glanced at each other before they followed behind the Altean siblings. As they walked through the halls, Alluran and Allura kept bumping playfully into each other and at one point Alluran was bumped directly into the wall.

“Alright paladins, who wants to go first?” She asked turned to them with her hands on her hips. No one stepped forward, instead, looking around and anything but her face.

“Very well,” she huffed. “Pidge.”

“Aw man,” she groaned stepping forward.

“And…Keith,” she finally decided. He smirked at Pidge as she groaned again before looking over at him.

“Can’t handle this Pidge?” He asked playfully as they got into their positions at either side of the deck.

“Let’s just get this over with, Billy Ray Cyrus,” she grinned running forward with a yell. He yelped offended before he ran forward as well.

“So why did you want to do hand to hand?” Alluran asked his sister, looping his arm through hers. She scoffed and raised an eyebrow at him.

“Really?” She asked.

“Well, no but I kind of want to hear you say it,” he admitted cuddling closer to her and resting his head on her shoulder. She sighed in annoyance but ruffled his hair.

“I wanted everyone to see how skilled you are at combat,” she looked away from him and watched Keith and Pidge’s sparring match again.

“So great to hear that my sister thinks so highly of me!” He boasted with a grin.

“Don’t let it get to your head, the paladins need someone to learn from and since Lance is probably the least skilled in combat because of his role as the sniper, this will most certainly wake them up,” she said with a devious smirk. Alluran shuddered and unlatched himself from her arm and backed away slowly. With a thump on the mat, he looked over and saw Pidge face down on the floor. He went to walk off of the mat but was stopped by Allura.

“Keith now you’ll be fighting Hunk,” she said holding her hand up.

“What? But I won,” he complained gesturing to where Pidge was still laying down.

“…It’s a contest,” she suddenly decided on. He groaned but returned to his position.

“Sucks to suck bitch,” Pidge laughed, crawling to the sideline with a smirk in Keith direction.

“I should have ended you when I had the chance,” he scowled. She crawled over and sat beside Alluran’s legs.

“Whats up Prince Charming?” She asked looking up at him. Surprisingly, he dropped to the floor beside her with a smile.

“There’s quite a variety of fighting style on this team,” he commented watching Keith and Hunk fight.

“Well, we never really had proper training so we kind of developed our own fighting when we got out here,” Pidge explained. Alluran hummed watching the exchanging blows that happened between the two of them.

“Interesting, Keith fights like a Galra soldier,” he squinted at the way he nimbly avoids Hunk’s strong strikes.

“Oh, that's because Keith is half Galra,” she said. She froze when she remembered the way that Allura first reacted to the news of Keith’s genes. She hesitantly looked over at him trying to gauge his reaction. At the sudden silence from Pidge, he met her eyes and tilted his head in confusion.

“What?” He asked.

“Sorry, it's just that Allura freaked out when she found out that Keith was half galra,”

“What?!” He repeated this time shocked. He looked over at her with a wide mouth. “Allura, you racist bitch!”

“I’m over it now,” she deadpanned, knowing exactly what he was talking about when she saw Pidge sitting beside him. Pidge shrugged helplessly and Allura sighed looking away.

“OW! Okay, I give!” Hunk’s voice echoed loudly through the room. They looked over and Hunk was on his stomach with Keith’s knee digging into the small of his back and had his arms bent behind his back. Keith immediately jumped up at the pained yell and nervously fluttered around him as he rolled onto his back to rest his arms at his side.

“Hunk, are you okay? I’m sorry,” he asked as Hunk got back to his feet with a groan.

“Hey! How come I didn’t get an apology?” Pidge asked offended from the sidelines.

“I don’t apologize to gremlins,” he said emotionless looking straight into her eyes.

“How dare you,”

“Alright knock it off, I’m up right?” Shiro asked walking forward. He looked back at Allura for confirmation, she nodded and he got in a defensive position while Hunk walked off.

“Wooo! Go, Shiro!” Alluran suddenly yelled. The man blushed and looked over at the prince sitting between Pidge and now Hunk.

“Ooh Shiro, you’ve got a fan,” Keith commented with a playful smirk, sinking once more in preparation to fight.

“Shut up,” he mumbled racing forward.

“We didn’t really get to ask, but are you okay Alluran?” Hunk asked. Alluran blinked at the concern that was in the paladin’s voice and turned to see him with tears in his eyes.

“I mean, we heard about the way you died and it just sounded truly terrible and I worry constantly about my friends, I mean I think of you as a friend already, I mean-” Hunk started flustered trying to get his point across. Alluran let out a tinkling laugh and put his hand on Hunk’s shoulder to get him to stop.

“Thank you but I am completely fine,” he reassured him. He looked over at the fight and watched Shiro for a minute before turning back to Hunk.

“I also know that everything is going to turn out fine, for Sheeva and I but also for Shiro and Lance,” he admitted with a small smile. “I may have experienced a complete heartbreak but I am extremely grateful for the second chance I have been given because of it,”

He looked longingly at the man that shared his beloved’s face. He sighed a smile on his face and rested his chin on his hands.

“Are you excited to talk to him again?” Hunk asked quietly, drawing Alluran’s attention again.

“Of course I am, it has been over ten thousand years after all,” he said excited shaking Hunk’s arm happily, “but, I want Shiro to be comfortable too, so I’ll be able to wait for him, as long as it takes,”

“Come on,” a voice grumbled. Keith was face down on the mat, strikingly similar to how Pidge was not too long ago. This time though, Shiro’s foot was pressing down on his back and she was grinning down at him.

“Ha!” Pidge laughed pointed at him. He wiggled trying to get up from under Shiro but gave up after a few moments of useless struggling. Shiro finally stepped off his back and turned to face Allura.

“Well, what’s next princess?” He asked.

“Not so fast Shiro, you still have one more person to go through,” she smirked. He shivered and backed slightly away from her, she looked dangerous and smug for some reason.

“You?” He asked hesitantly. She snorted but shook her head and gestured her head toward the three resting paladins. Alluran stood up and took Keith’s place while he sat down between Hunk and Pidge and leaned on Hunk’s arm.

“Ready?” Alluran asked with a small smile. Shiro nodded and before he knew it, a punch was coming straight for his face. He dodged and he felt the fist graze his cheek.

“Whoa!” He cried stumbling back slightly before he regained his balance. He blocked the next blow and when he thought he saw an opening, he threw a punch. Before it could connect, Alluran grabbed his wrist and jumped up, winded his legs around the arm and twisted his ankles around Shiro’s neck. They fell to the ground and Shiro desperately tried to pull his arm out of Alluran’s arm but as he tried to pull it to his chest, the ankles around his neck tightened and he began choking. After a few moments of struggling, he tapped on the legs around his arm and he was released. He turned on his hands and knees and gasped in deep breathes as sweat dripped onto the mat.

“I didn’t know you could fight like that,” Shiro gasped looking up at the Altean. He shrugged and smiled at him before offering him his hand, which was gratefully accepted.

“Don’t feel too bad Shiro, Alluran was one of the strongest hand to hand combatants of his time, when you first fought the gladiator that was also the first gladiator he ever fought as well, he’s always been extremely talented,” she explained, pride radiating off of her.

“Allura stop! I’m blushing,” he gushed holding his face in his hands.

“Wow, thats amazing!” Shiro said looking down at the boy beside him, but Alluran was looking blankly ahead with clouded over eyes.

“Alluran?” Shiro asked quietly and touched his shoulder. He gasped and grabbed him when he fell forward. He pulled him to his chest and the others ran over with concern.

“What happened?” Allura asked.

“I don’t know, we just fell over,” Shiro shook his head and felt his forehead for any sort of fever. He brought it away when blue eyes blinked open only a second later. There was a loud sound of relief from everyone as they looked down at him.

“Alluran?” Allura asked cupping his cheeks in her hands.

“Oh...no,” Lance said instead. Her eyes widened in surprise but they still held concern and she didn’t take her hands away from his face.

“Lance, are you okay?” She said instead.

“Yeah, sorry, I’m just tired and dizzy I guess, Alluran did say that this could happen,” he looked around him until his eyes finally landed on Shiro. “Oh, Shiro, thanks for catching me,” he said with a gentle smile. Immediately a blush lit up on Shiro’s face, getting a laugh from Lance at the sight of it.

“My pleasure,” Shiro said ignoring the obvious flush on his face.

“Yeah, I can tell,” Lance giggled.

“Please stop,” Keith groaned. They blinked and Lance scrambled to his feet and stood beside Allura instead.

“You’re ruining their love Keith,” Hunk cried shaking the red paladin by his shoulders.

“Maybe it’s just Alluran and Sheeva in their heads?” Pidge suggested.

“Actually couples that have been reincarnated, often end up together before they fully merge with their past selves,” Allura stated happily. Lance and Shiro glanced at each other and quickly away when their eyes met. A blush flushed across Lance’s face to match Shiro’s.

“That is so cute,” Hunk declared with sparkly eyes. He looked over at the two of them and hugged both of them to his chest. “This is going to be the best few weeks of my life, or you know until you guys merge,”

“You’re going to enjoy seeing your leader and your best friend, as different people, fawn over each other?” Shiro asked in disbelief.

“Not even Keith can shield himself from the cuteness of people falling in love,” Hunk gestured to the boy. Keith nodded and shrugged his shoulders.

“I ship it,” he added.

Part 1/2/3/4/5/6/7

Stories Masterlist

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thoughtfulpaperback · 4 years ago

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Charmed 03x03 Spoiler Review!!!!

What was that? No really. I hope the whole me just complimenting the entertainment value of an episode but not seeing value in its place in lore doesnt become the norm from here on out. Entertainment wise it was a solid 8/10. Its place overall in the series as far as lore building or cannon compliant id say 5/10.

So let's start with the dislikes and just get them out of the way.

DISLIKES

1. Abigael's demon face

Okay so I could be wrong but, my understanding is that abigael's demon side was locked away in that figure. Which is why she hasn't (in the entire season 2) had a full body demon form like Parker and her dad. I actually like the demon face as far as design goes it sort of -but not entirely- reminds me of one of the demons in the OG Charmed. What I dont understand is that, if Abigael was at some point Overlord of the Demon world and before then she was working exclusively with demons, how the hell did she do this without every needing to show her demon face???

I guess maybe they only needed blood (see season 2 episode 2) but come on. Also, if apparently you can lock away your demon form, why the hell didn't Parker find that out? Granted in season 1 his daddy was using the fact his demon side was eating at him as leverage, so not like he was going to tell him about it, but Parker literally left season 1 to find a way to tame that side of him and get away from demons you'd think he would have asked one witch who might have known this between then and when he became overlord.

Also, does Macy then have a demon face? He eyes have gone black (season 1) and she had her demon powers. Apparently demon powers and demon face aren't tied together if Abi can have one without the other, so who knows.

They better at least go hard with Abby as a villian or else I am going to be unsatisfied. Charmed has been lacking in the villian department since season 1. The writing needs improvement.

2. Jimmy's Anti climatic and non sensical death.

Okay, so the fight scene was amazing and RE is like the best actor ever, but this whole thing made zero sense. For like so many reasons:

1. It was sloppy lore wise

So the established (poorly established btw) rule was that thier lives were tied together at a magical and molecular level. Magic could put them together not sever them. They established that a little after mid season. The other rule was that they could not kill each other, but others could kill them. Death by Suicide apparently would kill them both which now that they ended Jimmy like this makes that whole situation in episode 12 totally unnecessary and even more gross than it was (we do not support the indulgence of romanticizing suicide on this blog).

They literally just delt with all the tangling up they did with the Jimmy and Harry connection by having Jimmy say "well now that there is no magic we arent tied together anymore". Which again makes no sense since the before they made a deal about them being molecularlly tied hence the dna helix when macy creates a potion to merge them.

Also why was that a thing if it was never going to be used?

On top of that, they bond is apparently gone but apparently Jimmy and Harry are still missing halves because Jimmy didn't just turn human and die. He vanishes in white smoke. Which is different, but not different since smoke is smoke and Harry didn't vanish in white (to our knowledge) when he was stabbed the first time.

2. It was unnecessary story wise. Especially if by some want they decide to write Jimmy back in.

Why bother sending Jimmy away for an episode if you are going to kill him off in the next?. He was away, safe and happy, was it necessary to bring him back to die?

Yes I get it magic was wearing off so apparently his memories came back. But was it necessary to make it a thing where Jimmy with his memories just wants to come back and kill. Especially when the whole season 2 was about him wanting to be free. Wanting to live and not be a servant.

3. Shallow sisterhood

Okay so I am going to be careful in how I say this, but season 1 (for all its flaws) was the best at writing the sisters bonding. At having them on individual archs but still connected and growing with each other.

Season 2 had them pretty much seperate from each other and that was fine as I understood it to be leading to an eventual come back and uniting.

.... except it really didn't. There is a pattern of seperate jouneys but not the same connected feel of season 1, and then some big declaration of sisterhood, but not true reunion. I assume it is just the writing. So maybe these writer just aren't able to write the same sort of sisterhood which season 1 had. Sad, but if that is the case it's just something to expect here on out. I am curious if the destruction of the sisterhood was that they have to be apart now (convenient physical distancing wise) or if next episode it will be forgotten as a side effect that only lasted the initial moments afterwards.

LIKES

1. Maggie's growth

For my complaints about shallow sisterhood writing and how romances and villians are handled, Maggie's storylines this season have been 100% amazing. And looking at the whole series it feels solid.

Maggie starts off the series very much not into magic unless she can get some personal gain from it whether its a magical glamorous party or some fantasy time with a magic orb. She very much wants a normal party girl life although by the end of season 1 she seems to accept some responsibility to the magical world. Season 2 sort of unraveled that in the beginning as Maggie seemed not accepting of her role in the magical world as she was the last episode of season 1. But she is shown to be the same party girl with a lot of heart. Every episode she grows up until she no longer likes the person she was, and I love how Jordan tells her that growing up isn't about moving on and hating who you used to be but living who you are now (I swoon with him). Thats very Maggie season 2 arch confronting old self and ideas and trying to grow up. She is and she does but not in the ways that she think. When she "tries" to grow up she is actually making bad decisions or pushing down her trauma and pain, when she allows herself to just be, she is at her best. I love it.

2. Hacy

It was all angst and indulgent but still I love anytime a couple can still be going through a tough time but not make unnecessary drama. Macy wasn't being unrealistic or dramatic thinking about her being the one to die, and Harry wasn't being unrealistically bratty about the situation. They were as calm as could possibly be in that situation and he respected her choice although hoping it wouldn't happen. I appreciate it.

3. Mel

So season 2 was so bad for mel writing wise, for some reason the writers have trouble developing Mel outside of other characters considering her most significant and well written character development moments are either in relation to Abby or to Maggie and Ray.

But I liked seeing some of the old mel. The Mel willing to do whatever to save others and her family. Mel as an activist (confident and self assured) is the best Mel. I feel like season 2 didn't have that same Mel and I like the glimpse of her this last episode.

EPISODE HIGHLIGHTS

Sick Abby

Ruby at the grave

The Maggie

Island Dance

Jimmy the florist .... adorable

JimmyxHarry fight scene

Demon Abby

#charmed spoilers #charmed 2018 spoilers #hacy #harry greenwood #harry x macy #macy vaughn #mel vera #maggie vera #jordan chase #abigael caine #charmed season 2 #the cw charmed #charmed reboot #charmed cw #charmed remake #cw charmed

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nocancer · 4 years ago

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Why It Rains

~~~~ an excerpt from a working novel by Cancer moon. ~~~~~**

Lately I’ve been channeling from a higher source. And it’s not something I have to keep up with. It feels like, natural almost. Like im always at the same level of it, or at least very close. I’m not gonna lie, I was scared at first. Scared that I would fail. Scared that I wouldn’t live up to the expectations I set for myself while meditating. But so far things are looking up. I even got that new computer I wanted. Who knows, for now I’m just gonna keep writing and go from there. I’m not too concerned with the trivial things that life likes to bother us with, seemingly always at the worst times imaginable. I might check out this internet thing too. It’s promoted as this fun happy place and if I didn’t know any better, I’d of taken that for face value, right off the bat like a sucker. Next thing you know the internet turns out to be a cold and lonely place, and I’m left to wallow in my own self-pity, clutching my knees in the fetal position, mad at myself for failing to see the internet for what it is, a stupid marketing scheme. The point is, I have to see for myself. That’s just the type of person I am. You can ask my mom that. She’ll tell you. Ask her about the time I told the guy who was fixing my alternator to shove it when he was trying to charge me a thousand. Mind you, I had the money. But you’re not supposed to be dishonest to me just ‘cause I’m a millenial. The guy pretty much called me that. He said, hey kid, try to be more polite next time. But I never listened. I don’t need advice from a deadbeat greasemonkey. Anyway, apparently everyone’s connected to the cloud via sites like facebook and instagram. And when people log on to jump in on the action, usually the first thing they do is say hi to their friends, and maybe even drop a smile or two to show them they care. And if they drop a heart then you know they already had a chance to settle in, and are just trying to take it to the next level, now that the internet, in all its digital, impermanent page swiping glory, is owned, unabashedly theirs.

Conscious apples of languid rotundity creep along countless borders of a pale grey sky.

The pears are unwavering in the efforts of embassy, initiating calls backs when the time calls for it, and deceit when grape factions step in and intervene.

“What are these meddling affairs, young pear?” asked the grape.

“I don’t know. It’s the apples control our every move. How we live. Our daily lives.”

“Hush with that nonsense. You are nothing but a pear, a young one at that, how could you possibly know who’s behind it all?”

“I don’t know.”

The grape and the young pear sat on a brook and wondered who was behind it all.

-------

You see this all-seeing-eye mural in Atlanta? On the side of Ravine across the street from the federal reserve building? Yeah. I could strip down naked and run to the middle of that intersection there and scream my lungs out until i started coughing up blood and act violent to anyone who approached me and i still wouldnt match the frequency of that demonic shit. People walk by it everyday going to work, going to lunch, going to walk their dog, and nobody bats an eye. An eye for the government, an eye for the media, an eye for world hunger. Not a single raised eyebrow goes towards whats in control of every aspect of their daily lives. Oh the president controls my life. But I voted for him, so its okay. Is what they would say, as they munched on Mcdonalds with vaccines in their arms and got mad at traffic because they were going to miss their favorite show. A show that retroactively fed into a never ending problem and response feedback loop that activates the reptilian part of the brain by broadcasting images of rape and pedophilia via techniques that the producers learned at Harvard’s school of broadcasting, which also used a system of coercion, this time in the blind trust the students had for their professors just because they dressed nice and said big words. You’re going places. This kid’s gonna be a star.

-----

I’m only half of what I am without your other half to complete me. Only kids ask rhetorical questions. But why should I be any different?

I live by the way side. Wherever the wind takes me. I notice things that most don’t. I’m not sure if what I think is valid or not. I don’t believe anything is valid. Likewise I dont believe anything is invalid. One things for sure. If there’s one thing I know to be true. Is that I’m not an adult. No, Definitely not.

-----------

Hiksos lamented blast fully daring the credence of all his undoing. Unjust and bashful forwritten to layers upong layers of drug smitten landscapes.

“Youre good/” Said Jamie.

I see why she likes so much to hate on anyone she can get her hands on. And im not talking about physical hands. No, these are claws of misfortune. --The bad falls into a category still undefined by our human grasp.--

Apples on seminoles. Berries on amazing places we strove for.

The graveyard was pure and unassuming as a place for the dead should very well be. And with that we took our ritual to newer, more fulfilling levels. Levels of which determine our outlook as shades between optimistic and cautiously realistic. With our futures in the balance,

“Whatchu think dawg?” said Jerry. He was on his 2nd beer and 5th shot of vodka sprite. and I was on my mind long enough for nothing to be worth a damn. The vibe was dull, and the smoke gone. I lit a cigarette.

“I feel like shit.”

“You good?” J

“Yeah but I’m just tired like overall.” About life.

“Why not be happy about life? It’s all in your head. Just flip the switch. Like a light. On and off. Boom. No more stress.” J

“If only if it were that easy.”

“It is that easy. That’s the thing.”

Sipping heroically, going farther and phasing out all menial contrivances. Searching for myself like the lost land of atlantis. Humanity will get what it deserves.

“In due time” said Thomas.

I look at orion and wonder if those faint stars below its belt are actually indicative of a warrior kneeling on one knee with his shield raised or if its a flaccid penis that hangs all the way down to his knee. Im a pervert, always have been. Theres no stopping how much i will crash thoughtforms together in a heinous way until they stick together and form a common truth. I’m on the last life cycle of a cat’s 9 lives. Theres really nothing to lose by being a pervert. I had a friend in high school who said we’re all gay. I dont remember when. He said it more than once. I dont know if he was gay. I didnt think like that back then, but I wouldn’t to be anything other than who I am today. But again, there’s no stopping a mind so spiritual that it can hold each and every possibility at once and consider them valid. Then an external force canceling out my infinity. And I’m left to deal with people as if playing some sick little game thats suppose to teach me a lesson or something. So that I can ascend to the next plane of existence. At least thats what I’ve heard. But when the night hits and everyone finally shuts up for once it seems much simpler than that. Like im watching myself through a lens bestowed on me by a god with no intelligence. And during the day he becomes intelligent, and I’m left trying to keep up with, on his terms. “Fuck you bitch” I tell it often. “Youre not real” I’d say over and over. “What the fuck” is the saying that gives closure to it all. The only reason God looks good on paper is because it’s a testament to the author being strong enough to have it in his mind and make sense of it. It’s a mark people wear like aushwitz that make their beliefs somehow something you should pay attention to because I’m physical and God’s not but I speak of God so therefore God’s physical so you should listen to me. But then thatd make the speaker God.

By and by I’ve messed up hastily my dreams and aspirations. Tattooed on a building as ink drips down like an inner angst perceiving things as they are, and not what society says they should be. The happy medium an ephemeral code that could shift and shake into any causality one deems it to. The rulers of the world have taken domain over the one thing every human on earth has in common. I call this desire. They call it money. A body that begets greed and turns hatred to lust. Actions which motivate our inhibitions to phantasmagoria. Until we accept our place as lesser than the pettiness of our common folk. Shy and afraid, contingent upon basement dwelling lab rats who fane logic to reasonable bell curves while sucking nature dry of her own resources. The very nature that sunlight reflects upon his incessant rays which batter and tumble the distance. If only they knew she was her and he was them. But it doesn’t go like that here. Because if it did, then all karmas coming to a head would get their just due, and we’d be in purgatory. While heaven remained for the gods and earth for the mortals. And nothing can be God except authority to mortals when they’ve been tricked into accepting the state and thus have become it..

What a lovely home indeed. No one could bother me here. Except for the only one’s I knew. Because nobody knows I exist except for those who know me. I’d rather keep it that way. For a streak of doubt can enter me at any time and cause worry for my future. A future still so far away because I lack the initiative to care. Maybe that will change now that I have room to breathe. Just when I thought I was going downhill for good, my dad came around for me. And now I have a responsibility to get me up in the morning. No more waiting in line for luck to befall me in my yoga. The truth is, when reality caved in itself, and I could see the dying whispers in the eyes of those around me, I accepted my estrangement from the happy things in life. My avoidance of the dastardly grotesque was keeping me back this whole time. I like darkness and pitiful efforts of circumstance that vibrate low enough to stay hidden from others, but high enough so that it is detectable by my astral receiver. Two of which is an outward expression of another. The extension of material that is necessary for movement to take place. Before this realization I endured through pain of my own doing.

“How are you?” people would say.

And I never had a response.

Telepathic centrifuges would scan my mind. Taking flight off far off reaches of iniquity. All facets calling upon a microverse for an answer. I an I. Then they’d be gone without hesitation.

“Jerry’s calling” said Thomas.

“for what?” This guy wont leave me alone, I thought.

“I don’t know answer it.”

“Why are you bored?” I said.

“Yes, maybe he has weed.” Said Thomas.

“Ay whatsup man. Me and Thomas we’re just talking about you.”

“Oh word?”

“Yeah and then you call its like divine intervention or something?”

“Yeah thomas was tryna find some weed and you the first person he thought of so you must be doing something right.”

“Yo Thomas.”

“Oh hold up let me put you on speaker.” I said quickly.

“Is Thomas there? Yo Thomas.”

“Jerry, whats good?”

“I got the pack man, I heard you was lookin for a come up. I got the pack man.”

“Aight bet cus im bored as a motherfucka right now ya feel me?”

“It aint my fault.”

“Yo he do gotta big ass house tho I aint gone lie but like shit aint got nothin in it.”

“I just moved here a week ago.”

“So for a whole week- Yo is today Friday?”

“Yeah its Friday.” Who cares? I thought.

“So that’s last Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and now Friday, and you still aint got nothin in here but a fridge.”

“You aint even seen the whole house.”

“Nah you know you just in the middle of the carpet with no pillow no blankets or nothin.

And you wake up and go open the fridge and aint nothin in it. Then you go back to sleep.”

“Ay what he dream about?” Jerry said through the phone.

He aint dream about much ‘cept for one occurring dream. Of a fridge, but this time it’s a mini fridge. And its pink and he’s able to move it around, so he takes it up to his room and opens the freezer door just a little so it’s a little crack and he starts beatin it up till he has a wet dream and wakes up.”

“Alright you took it too far. It was kinda funny before but you killed it.”

“Wait, Where’s the fridge now? It’s not in the kitchen?” Jerry said.

“Bruh that’s the thing its just in the middle of the living room not even plugged in or nothin.”

“Jerry I know you so concerned about my god damn fridge but this time dude is lying over here.”

haha

“It’s in my kitchen like a normal person. Like I don’t know I guess you think this shit is funny or something but whatever come through and you can see for yourself.” Don’t talk to him he’s a loser was the attitude I was picking up. I thought they we’re beyond all that and capable of extraneous thought. Oh well, I guess I’m done with these idiots.

No more sitting around all day.

If I can see them for who I want, and not who they really are, it’d make no difference.

It’s a best of both worlds type situation. I just hate that I have to resort to this.

Its a sporadic and unpredictable endeavor that can detach you from life’s depiction. Seemingly framing a purpose in cosmetics among layer-caked mine field of mind clouds. I want to be a positive addition to those around me. And for them to be honest to me in return. Honest because everything around me is a nuisance. And dishonest It’s not necessary to have car insurance, police, governments. This realm is alive. 3 dimensions respective of splashes and 3rd parties. Because of this fact, I must be able to flow freely, grounded in freedom, estranged to control. Last summer when I jumped into the alleghany i felt freer than i have in a long ass time. Jerry asked me if he thought we’d still be here next year. I told him I didn’t want to think about it. That I was enjoying the moment.

“Man fuck that bitch.” T

“What? Who you callin’ a bitch?” J

“You know what I mean.” Thomas smacked his lips.

“I really don’t but whatever.” J

“Yo Jerry did you leave yet?”

“How far away is it? Not too bad right?”

“Nah it’s not too bad you’re like 30 minutes away. You’re in a nice area. Lots of rich people.” J

“Yeah I came up on it. It kinda just happened.”

“Whatchu mean it fell out of the sky?” Jerry asked.

“It’s been in my family for a while and I was lucky enough to be gifted it.” I said.

“That’s dope, you’ll get some good use out of it.”

“Yeah I’ma take advantage of what I got ya know? Make it so anyone can pull up as long as I fuck with them.” I said.

“Thats why I’m comin’ through.

Just say its the spot and I’m there.”

“For sure. But yo, if youre bringing your girl over then bring some pillows and blankets to sleep on cus I only got mine.”

“I need some too.” Thomas joined in.”

“We’ll stop then.” I said reluctantly.

“

“And where are we gonna chill? We can’t just sit on the floor.” Thomas took his eyes off the road.

“Alright, theres a home depot near the chinese place we’ll go their while we wait.” I said.

“Does Home Depot have blankets?” Thomas said like he was so concerned.

“No but they got that outdoor patio section for furniture and shit, So I don’t know we’ll find something.”

“They got mad carhartt jackets for the low low there. You should check them out.”

“Alright I’ll check them out.” The streetlights suspended time in space.

“Yo spicy egg rolls, add it to the list.” Jerry said finally.

“Sounds good.” Thomas replied. There was a pause.

“You headin’ out?” T

“Yeah. I am. Right now.” Jerry responded.

“A’ight I’ll see you when I see you.” T

I interrupted.

“I was gonna get spring rolls instead and we don’t want too many rolls so you want dumplings instead?” The thought popped into my head and I had to get it out.

“I dont really care either way” Jerry said.

“So yes on the dumplings? Pork, Chicken or beef?” I said.

“Dude I really dont give a fuck.”

“A’ight peace.”

“Wait actually get some extra spring rolls. I don’t want my breath to stink.” Jerry was a quick thinker.

“Okay. Peace.”

I ordered the chinese while Thomas turned the radio down.

It was 7:30 on a Friday. Traffic was still out and slow except on the highway. The plaza where Home Depot was sat on an indent so that a perimeter around us denied the sun a chance of bringing light to the inevitable darkness. Highway barricades exalted the east coast away from our position. I closed my eyes and listened to newly formed divinations stemming from a horizontal after-glow. What was AM was now PM. And just as I would prepare for a weekend of contract work, I too was going to do the same for the night. Because Friday was in the air, telling me I was the cause of it.

Thomas pulled into the lot and flicked his cigarette a stop-sign to an array of F150s and pug-faced express vans that sat high enough to deem his reliable, good on gas mileage, crusty seated hand-me-down first-car shit-box a worthy proponent of wu-wei. It was the type of car that doesn’t speak for anything or reflect an image onto its owner other than its being there.

At least this one had a little personality though, fashioned by who was behind the wheel, and the fact that I knew him through drive-ways of careless faces, drive-thrus, and drunken waffle house binges where we kept to ourselves and almost forgot it wouldn’t last. And even though the universe proved its worth to me, I cant help but feel theres in imbalance in my past.

That these were just moments. And days would go by. Blunts would get passed. Pets would die. We’d hope to not hear of our relatives dying, but that would happen to. Cause of death? Old age. It wouldn’t say that on the obituary. It was say something safe like stage 4 cancer or hodgekins lymphona. But everyone knows about the cap put on as at birth. That there’s a limit to how long we get to stay here. Sometimes we’d hear of our friends dying too. But those were rare cases. Few and far between. Unless of course you were the type of kid to attract that sort of stuff. Then you probably deserved it anyway. That pain. Irregardless of the pain it takes to die. You imagine how it must have felt in the body of your friend. Like they we’re on the otherside begging you to come with them. I’m free. They’d say. It only hurts a little. And unlike the old people, their obituary would read suicide. Basically an off-hand way of saying they needed jesus. Because in the end, nobody truly knows what would drive someone to do that to themselves. We can speculate all we want. They we’re bipolar. They wore funny clothes to school and we’re bullied as a result. But only someone with special access could consult them on that. To ask them why they denied life and chose death instead. Only someone who could be objective about the whole thing and not get caught up in their emotions could ask them this. In America that’s Jesus, God of funeral homes, shepherd of lost souls. The frustrating part, at least to me, is that all he can come up with is it was Satan’s fault. But that doesn’t do it for me. No. I need more than that. After all, Jesus, you faked your own death and ran away to the pyrynees. Did you not? You we’re too afraid to commit suicide. You half-assed your commitment. Maybe you knew what awaited you resembled a sleepless dream? Certainly you knew another part of you was fit for ascension. But then wouldn’t be the center of attention like you we’re on earth. You’d be around people who knew a light language and we’re just as smart as you, if not smarter. The applied principles of the sun was common knowledge there. That was like basic shit. Nobody was looking for preachers there. What they we’re looking for was way more advanced than your little yoga techniques. Stop hiding and tell us what’s really going on out here. Something tells me it has something to do with Satan, just not in the way you’re telling us. I have a feeling he holds the keys to a piece of knowledge we never even knew existed. If that’s the case, and I find out we’ve been duped, then I might just take it upon myself and offer you the same fate you offered my friend when he was down bad on that fateful Spring night mad at the world and pissed off at the hypocrisy you created for him. But this time when I get to you I’ll make sure you won’t be down bad. There will be nothing to numb the pain. No. You’re gonna feel this. Then things will come full circle. Order. I like when things happen that way.

“Yo I need paint. “

“ Paint?”

“I just remembered. For the walls.” I said in a descending volume.

We walked through the doors in the purgatory between store and street. I grabbed a cart.

“Is that what we’re gonna do for fun? Man I might regret this whole night if we end up hanging dry-wall and shit.”

“I hear you bro but we can play poker, I got a speaker so we can bump some music, and we’ll just kick it.”

Thomas strayed passed the check-out lines and almost ran into a stack of wood hanging from a guy’s trolley.

“Where are you going?” I said.

“Where’s the paint?” He said turning around.

We looked like we should be in the city rather than the hardware store. Everyone was looking and I know I’m not paranoid when I say that. We we’re foreigners visiting a small scale metropolis under construction. A place for bandits to face their acrophobia and not make it across to the next tower without getting grime on their gats ort hope they liked our style.

"They got krylons?" I said. The aisle opened up where the rafters stretched through the ceiling leaving ground level two by fours in their dust. If I focused I could hear an echo reverberate off my skull, taking its merry time and judging me before I could hold my breath. “We used to be so into this.” Thomas said.

“I don’t know why we stopped.” I said. He took it as a valid question.

“We got older I guess. Fuck.”

“Remember the overpass on Holcomb Bridge? I wonder if our shits still there.”

“We need to go back there.”

Gum soles in an unfinished basement. This was the most people I’ve ever seen. a’ve ever seen. The fire marshall could’ve came knocking any moment. Though I don’t think anybody would hear him. Lil Pump was 3 doors down. To the fire marshall, is that everyone was moving as one. To the fire marshal, this could be a good or bad thing in the lens of a fire marshall. Good because if someone started popping shots off with an uzi or something and everyone tried to run out the house through the basement side-door, the main one through the hall at the back by the bathroom, or if they went up stairs and found the wrong door and had to jump off the balcony or something, if shit really started to pop off like this, of shit really hit the fan, then it’d be good to have 1 body instead of a hundred. There we’re straddlers of course, but all they’d have to do is hide in its belly folds and hope to not get lost while the body was hauling ass down the street resorting to the dreaded question, “Can I get a ride?” And simply put it’d be bad because human flesh burns quite well when laced with alcohol. That was a risk we were willing to take and that brought us that much closer together.

When I came in with Katie I noticed the crystalline qualities of blonde hair captivated the vibe and were on display in the trim lining. When you looked across it was like some secret edition of the yearbook where everyone didn’t have to pretend they liked each other.

Only this time there were no profiles, only shadows. And instead of signatures there were tattoos on skin that said things like “im too good for you” and “the sky is watching.”

What collected at the corners were pushed outside to observe that ways a part equidistant to the cups on the table to the enthusiasm among them. This was inside. Everyone needed to make sense and not be meta. You couldn’t point out how we were all here by chance like Tommy did, “xxxxxxx” What an idiot. You couldn’t speculate as to why Rhea spent the whole month showing out for sympathy on twitter and crying at school over her breakup with Nick but is now falling on top of him, grabbing his arm and shit and Nick’s just going with it like he doesn’t care his best friend got sucked off by yours truly in front of everyone at last weeks party and he was there and she was there and it was all fine like nothing happened. “Well Nick got with Mercedes, and her and Rhea ignore each other now. It’s really awkward.” Despite the fakeness, there was an heir of trust unlike any ive ever seen here unlike back at school where we’d be leaning into our cheeks thinking about how to score more brownie points with the cliques we were in.

At least that’s what others were thinking about. The teacher’d be talking about solving for y for the millionth time, you know, moving things around by reverse operations to make sure they maintained the same relationship with one another. I never had to study because when it came time to test it’d be like the answers’d just come to me and I’d end up acing the damn thing. I became known as a smart person who didn’t care so everything canceled out and I was able to stay neutral and move between the punks to get drugs, the nerds to get power, and the popular kids to get access to parties like the one I was at now. I know this all sounds vain, but I guess that’s how it works when you’re a teenager still trying to find yourself when everyone else was doing the same but would rather die then admit it. Now that I look back I realize the whole thing was meaningless. There was no substance, no fulfillment. High School was mostly waiting with small pockets of being thrust into the limelight. Just a series of empty promises leading nowhere. You could of met your better half completely in the midst of knowing each other at a soul level but all indications were that it wouldn’t last so you made excuses and broke it off before it was too late so that your future could be at least bearable when you we’re laying in your cheeks mad at the world wondering why you were the only thing you could think about. You could rest your heart on your decision. The sex flashbacks at the most random times like talking to your grandma or waiting in line at the grocery store didn’t matter anymore. You could put it all on that. Your decision.

“Daniel, I’m so glad you could make it.”

“Likewise Sharlene, I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“Oh how sweet of you to say that to me.”

“Wait, why are you guys being so formal?” Katie said like she overheard.

“We should stop.” Sharlene said. Daniel was taller than all of them.

“How was your day?” His eyes got bigger. Crazy.

“Did you have a good day?” Leaning forward with his back against the counter.

“I did have a good day.” Sharlene said. “Did you?” She put her hand up and when she realized this she snapped them across her face and into his.

“Mr. Sassy?”

“Mr. Sassy!” Some dude in a hat with lettuce coming out said.

These we’re the types of exchanges that went on inside. Loud but cold. All in the vain of attention seeking like some sort of competition or test of brilliance. Only that this time unlike in normal society, where everyone’s trying to get their point across as clear and concise as possible because focus is king over style, this time brilliance was a stage of show. And whoever could hold onto it the longest was most certainly king or queen and surely the apple of their eye. Their being the cult that was the inside.

The 5 of us ended up by an air conditioning unit. We were staring at the moon thinking about what do next because we were already exhausted. Not because we weren’t faded enough. It was quite the opposite. There was too much judgment. And that was as bad of a high you could get when you were on the other end of it. We were over it. We were desperately passing a blunt I’d been eager to light since I rolled it in the car.

“I needed this.” Jerry said.

“Yeah? Me too.” I looked at Katie. She’s the one I rolled it with earlier in the day when 4 different people we’re blowing up my phone asking if I was coming and telling me who I could bring or not.

“I don’t know it’s just like the vibe or something. Like something’s off.” Tom said.

Katie was mostly quiet and sipping the blunt with her cute little hands and was gravitating towards Miranda in a nonverbal display of boredom.

“We don’t need to talk about it.” Jerry said.

“We really don’t.” I agreed.

“Talk about what?” I’m just saying.” Thomas said after a pause.

“Yeah I know but I’m not about to go behind their backs and gossip like we’re not fuckin’ with it thats cool we can do our own shit.”

“So what are we gonna do?”

“Is there anything close?”

“You tryna go to waffle house?”

Katie and Miranda laughed. First Katie snorted then Miranda bent over and held her knees.

“What are y’all tryna do?”

“Uhh can we just get out of here?” Katie said towards the street.

“Yeah. Let’s walk.” I said.

You left your memories with me.

So you could live without you.

You left your past in the dark, and

it was something you did for the hell of it because life

was too easy for you.

"What's wrong?" I said.

"Leave with me." You said.

"Is something bothering you?" I said.

"No." You were always in the dark.

"Where?"

"I don't know. Anywhere but here."

"I can't tell if you're being serious." You threw a rock

down the train tracks, and pointed where I was looking.

"That way's North to Chattanooga." You turned around.

I leaned to the side as if I was peeking down a narrow

hallway.

"South to Miami. Hmm. It depends." You said rubbing your chin.

"It depends on you finding a girlfriend so you can get back to reality is what it depends on." I said.

I dont think a single car

drove by since we got here. Moving trucks could be seen on the overpass where the crossing signals were, but were inaudible. The only thing audible was the large-scale kithen across the street which would hiss occasionally over its constant hum. It also had steam coming out of it. We walked towards the red-light on stones half the size of our trainers and went to balancing on the rail half to avoid twisting our ankles and half to ammuse ourselves.

"I was gonna say it depends on what's better, a good ol' country bitch who'll cook you catfish till you cant eat no more, or a bad spanish mommy who may or may not be there for you when you really need it."

"Oh, si senorita Hot like tamales. Muy bueno.

Como te amos rapido rapido mucho Miami me gusto."

"Bro we're hopping trains not borders

you fucking wetback."

"Whoa, hold up ese, you're hopping trains, not me.

Besides, we'll be hopping on a lot more than trains

if we keep this up." I said.

"Trains not borders, puto."

"Man watch your mouth."

"Here comes one now."

ijijiijjiiji

We hid in the bushes. It seemed like the right thing to do.

Me fist then the girls and Jerry while Thomas was last in..

"We should of put a coin on their,:

*End graveyard party and go into chapter about family* BONES laden arrows

----

Just say its the spot and I’m there.

“Jerry just texted me.” I said to Thomas.

“What’d he say?”

“He’s bringing Erica.”

“Why was it even a question?” Thomas said. He was flipping his head back and forth at me. Zig-zagging from hinges to nails to glue guns and floor tiles, biding his time, sulking like i was gonna feel sorry for him.

“I don’t know man. I’m sure it had something to do with his roommates not being out.” I said.

“Well if his initial reaction was him being scared then what that tell you about what he think of us?”

“Nah. You’re thinking too far into it. He’s tryna get her to let him hit.”

So much was out of context. There was disharmony. I continued.

“Maybe there’s something about two dudes without girlfriends that isn’t exactly the most potent

“

Smoke stacks comply and hesitate partaking in sport. Indulging in an aptitude that continues to see how it feels when you say such simple words as “hello, and, thats cool.” That continues to touch a nonverbal membrane when you move in such a way that broke the color barrier between black and white. So I’ll appreciate you like all the others do. Because I, completely and utterly, should know to carry you with me into infinity. And I should know, for a fact, that distance is dependant on its terminal velocity at the moment of impact. Gorgeous you are when tulips gather around cow pastures only to wither away upon the changing of the guard. Tip toes, necromancy, ice skates, all these make sense to me now, that ever since the day of my christening, good beings struck witherto my intelligence and rendered them useless. These knots, the qualities of which we’re twisted, utterly finagled to a degree that crystallized under pressure. I feel like I was born so I could come into people’s live when they needed someone to blame their problems on. That’s why I always get those stupid looks. Sometimes I just wanna ask them like “what the fuck are you on?” I guess all those diamonds couldnt teleport you out of here huh? Too bad. I ain’t judgin’.

knotted in purpose.

Oh how I looked on in brevity the callus threads that stretched for miles upon miles into causeways of blindness which overtook me in haste. Very painstaken I was in the trials before then. But now I see the reason for them. For nothing could have felt better than to be relieved of all that built up stress which churned and churned until a mechanism of ventricles let go in common translation. Like ruminating gats and dust swipers caged so discreetly so as to fixate on unto sizzling barge-heads. Almost as if silly esquires of desperately manifold doldrums exist solely to highlight the difference of deceit and merry. the difference of you, a you, and I, an I.

“Man I need blankets.” Thomas said.

“Pillows too.” I said tracing the outer perimeter of Home Depot.

Them Carharrts nice too. Our eyes met at the rack.

“I bet you could fit a gun inside this.” Thomas said feeling the durability of a canvas hoodie in brown.

“No I don’t have a gun.”

“You should get one.”

“They got em here?”

We fell out of the portal.

____________

Vicious bar flies and scarcities falsify the other-half.

“It is settled” said Chief Wallitzer

“Then buy more plankton from the Chief” A creature said. Decrepit. Monsteral. Lectivicious. The creature continued.

“And as soon as I stray a lochness is when the fortifications manifest wholly and without contempt.” I must ignore him.

“What am I to do?” I said on the levy.

“Take a boat from the garter over thine gully there.” Said the Chief.

And I summoned a boat from his power.

“I’m crossing.” I said under my breathe. I said aloud.

“Bless you Chief! Aye. May good fortune amass in your possession!” Because realization finally hit me, that I was to join my comrades in battle, once and for all.

“Aye, and to not flee as well.” This was the last I ever heard of the Chief.

--------

Today I’m going to buy a car.

Anxiety is a MK Ultra Mind Control Tactic (designed to keep humans subordinate to the matrix) ((which is ran by the 10%))

(((who answer to archonic entities from the 4th dimension)))

Logical reasoning is when an internal problem is identified as separate from the self so that it may not be subject to the whims of ego, which is fleeting and irregular, and stems from an evolutionary need for man to keep desiring more and more mates to reproduce offspring with so that his tribe grows strong in number as opposed to getting complacent with having one or few mates, retiring from the world, and letting him and/or his offspring die without a big enough tribe to defend them from bigger tribes with more man-power. Humans have advanced beyond the need to reproduce. In fact, Over-population is an existential threat to the continuation of humans on Earth. Because of this there should be no desire to reproduce. However, there is still a desire to reproduce. This is because the consequences of over-population like famine, disease, and global warming have yet to be internalized by most humans. Once it does, there will be no desire to reproduce, and all remaining sub-strata will go too. These remaining sub-strata include love, greed, and status all begotten from the main desire of humans, which is to reproduce. The reason that is

The main desire of humans is that humans want to survive. If humans didn’t want to survive they’d be dead. If humans we’re dead they wouldn’t be living. And if humans weren’t living they wouldn’t exist. Additionally, If humans didn’t exist they’d be nothing. And If humans were nothing they wouldn’t be something. Finally, if humans wouldn’t be something, as in, they we’re in a state of denial towards the very notion of being something

with the very notion of that word and all the associations it comes with,

Finally, if humans wouldn’t be something, as in, they we’re in a state of denial towards being something,

knowing full-well the associations it comes with, then humans would be refusing their ego, which is fleeting and irregular.

Once this desire (to reproduce) is gone, then allser forms of this desire like

and not get his needs are met

be processed in an objective manner, and not subject to whims of ego

solutions can be formulated in an objective context, and the solutions necessary to overcoming that problem, may not be weighed against emotion, which is fleeting and irregular.

and it’s existential

consequences, both good and bad, can be weighed objectively against

solutions that are based in reality

The distinction between needs and desires is a matter of time. Needs are immediate. Desires are built up over time.

The distinction between needs and desires is, in fact, only a matter of time

Anxiety needs to be alleviated when there’s not enough time, but it should anxiety will be alleviated because their is time. .

^^^^^^^^^cap*********

*********************

Anxiety is when an internal problem needs to be alleviated. Its just that the actions required to alleviate said problem seem far off and distant. So much that you begin doubting your abilities as a measly human and turn to a god instead. When this god doesnt fix your problems your anxiety is compounded heavily. Because you have one more problem than you started with. If you couldnt hold a candle to your first problem, being as their solutions were so far out and demanded too much in a short amount of time, then now you got a doozy on your hands. All we can ask for is perfection, and hope we come up short.

********************

************

//All God can ask for is perfection. That’s why he doesn’t relate to us.// If you had a bag that led to another bag you wouldn’t keep the first bag cus it’d already be in the second one. These are the ancestors working behind the scenes.

then what makes you think

Our teachers taught us proper sentence structure in the third grade. A subject followed by a predicate. The subject is invoked and the predicate carries the burden like a hag witch carries it and thus justifying the subject so that it is not floating in space, susceptible to being bothered by minds whose job it is to question things that float in space for no other reason other than to not have a purpose, and stand as a monument against all these grammar nazis stand for. So viciously chaotic, free in its lightness, completely unencumbered by menial contrivances of formality, it seems, are these subjects without predicates stand unapologetically in the vast concourses of space as monuments against all they stand for. The problem is that words can only do so much when describing a subject. Whether it is a noun or pronoun, abstract or not, a person, place, thing, or idea, it could even be an interjection, the problem is words can only do so much for describing the essence of a thing, the unseen force which discerns certain vibrations as unalike from one another and neatly packages them into a frequency at which the brain can perceive.

certain things as unalike from one another and neatly packages them into a frequency that vibrates at a rate at which the human brain can process through its hypothalamus and perceive them as things in the 3rd dimension.

apart from the rest is limitless when not bound by words, which can only be deduced as a lesser form of magic.

Thomas and I see the same things. Ever since our childhoods we were never separated. And even if we we’re, or it appeared as if we we’re, we always had the same eyes. Not just the same view, but the same eyes. I don’t mean that these eyes were like detachable lenses, that could be passed around to and fro like a can on a string, I mean that we’ve had the same experiences, just in different forms. And if we ever shared a difference of opinion, which happened a lot, like with this Erica thing, I never had to worry about things getting heated. Because no matter what, I could always fall back on us letting things calm down for a while, alone in our rooms leaning into our cheeks trying not to think about it. until both of us realized we were coming.from the same place, and that where, and to what degree we took it to, was ultimately meaningless.

I must be going now. It’s getting late. What time is it? 2:30? Jesus. Fuck. That’s later than I thought. Already? Oh well. It’s not like I can do anything about it. Anyway. What I wanna talk about is how fucked up you look to me, and I don’t know if you see that. I mean, if you can see what I see. Dread, angst, all of mine and your miseries seem to have burdened you. I want you to know that I’m here. I’m a man. I can fix my own problems. Really. I can. I may not look it but I’m grown. You don’t have to worry about them. Here, look at this picture I took last year. It’s of you and me. Don’t we look so happy? Happy. Is that the right word? Or maybe we’re crumbing for our last breathe of smile in us. Fuck. I’m beginning to think that’s true the more and more I think about it. Because you we’re never happy. Neither was I. But that wasn’t the goal for us like it is for so many others. No. We just wanted to get by. And that’s all we could ever ask for.

--jgcjgcjgcjgcgjc

I wanted to keep this sacred so it’d come across a more genuine when the right person came across it. but now the urge is too strong and the resonance too concentrated for me to dismiss the trailblazing force of circular momentum. And its nice out too. The grass is still damp from yesterday’s rain but not so you couldn’t lie in it. That’s what I did today. That along with thinking. Moving on. I won’t talk about personal experience in this article. The truth is I’m not important. What matters is my guidance. So from now on take my “I’s” as placeholders for something greater. Make it what you want. A parakeet, a landing pad, veganism, law and order, anything. It could even be the universe itself with you and me included. Whatever it is just don’t miss the point that follows this inconspicuous “i” because there is no truth, only different paths to getting there.

The truth is I haven’t been out the house in a few years. Sure there were gaps in between like parties here and there. But even then I was inside myself, leaving people to wonder if I was as social as I looked. Sometimes I was normal, others I was a wallflower. Only rarely did I meet their expectations and become the center of attention. I still remember those moments because I’m preparing for the next time it happens so I can maintain a sense of self better so that I can let it go and channel what comes out of me more freely. Some call this going into the world. I call it getting out the house. Leaving the nest. All those times i was still at home within myself. I never left my shell. There’s no point when that shell is filled with angels.

Language can be tricky. It can be used for yin and yang. It can be used for contuation or stagnation when concerning the path of self and how one wants to judge said self through language so that it may have something ethereal to manifest from. Before I continue I must say that there is a self because any indication of there not being a self relies on the suppusition there there is a self. Perception plays a role too, as in, agreeing or not to accept the definitions of the words you lay on yourself as true or not. The pessimist sees the world as signs and symbols and interprets stimuli af a higher level then the optimist, who is often naieve to the hidden world where everything comes from. This is why pessimists are often dualists. To the optimist it appears they are one-sided because they take them at face-value. Again, they are unable to see the hidden world where everything comes from. Those who fly under the radar appear that way because they are in direct contact with this world so as to filter their thoughts before speaking them. This world is a place pessimists visit often within themselves and rarely show out of. They show out only in dire situations, and that makes their actions that much stronger because they have kept sacred the hidden world where everything comes from so that it is pure and cutting-edge when it comes time to release it upon the known world. Like an endless stream does their wrath come out of them because they’ve been holding it in so long.

Anytime you insert the I into a situation is when a princible of measurement can be applied to you as infinite potential to fail or succeed relative to the third party as the perfect amount of what you needed to be faced with.

with chakra wheels that exist so we can find ourselves in a better light.

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