#srry for the long pause that was supposed to last three weeks

[woo-svt]

Figure It Out - [FOUR]

You really don’t understand how you’re supposed to find your soulmate.

  ⤳ Jaebum x Reader (Soulmate!AU)   ⤳ Fluff, Angst

☞   [ONE] [TWO] [THREE] [FIVE]

The next week following your intimate encounter with Jaebum left you feeling anxious, to say the least.

After your abrupt exit that fateful morning, you made your way home feeling extremely thankful Jaebum had no way to contact you other than through BamBam. From the moment you saw BamBam’s name light up on the phone, your own emotions were too much to deal with, but above all, you were confused. 

The very first time you met Jaebum something about him had been off-putting, you, of course, pinning it down to his cold gaze from across the room. Your next encounter with him, at the club along with his friends, was less than ideal for two people who had already found their soulmates. Your excuse? The alcohol, of course. So that leaves your third and last encounter, at Jaebum’s apartment. Your actions there were completely unacceptable and you were left thinking for an excuse. Was it the wine? You would like to think so, but you knew well enough you did not drink enough to fog your brain of thinking. 

Not finding a logical reason for what has happened between you both, you simply tried to move on. Trying to push the thoughts as far away from the boy as you possibly could. Unfortunately, you found it harder than expected. 

With BamBam still doing the bare minimum to talk to you, you found your distractions in your friends. Spending almost all your free time with them, it was a great way to forget your whole predicament- mostly. 

You currently sit with Mark, cozying up on his couch watching a boring sitcom as you waited for Ji Hyun to return from work so you all could go out to meet up with some other friends. 

The show displaying across the tv comes to an intimate scene between the two characters and at the thought, you can’t help but have your mind wander in the sleepy haze you're in. You groggily voice your questions to Mark who sits beside you, lazily scrolling through his phone, “What’s your first time like? With your soulmate, I mean.” At your tired, quiet voice Mark looks at you to make sure you were actually speaking to him, “Like, sleeping with them?” He asks, taking in the scene on the tv to guess what you were referring to. You nod, he looks at you for a second, “Have you...not slept with BamBam yet?” He asks cautiously. “I mean it’s okay if you haven’t,” he rushes, scared he’s made you feel bad, “It’s just most people rush to be with their soulmates by the time they find them.”

You don’t even feel embarrassed or ashamed of his question, you shake your head, “We’ve only hung out twice if you could even call it that. I don’t even talk to him.” Your friend lets out a grunt averting his eyes from you, “So, what is it like?” you ask again. 

Mark laughs, taking a breath before beginning his explanation. “Well, with other people, you know, it’s good...” he chuckles almost bashfully and rubs the back of his neck. “But when it’s with your soulmate,” he pauses licking his lips “It’s amazing.”

He snorts at his own less than satisfactory explanation, “I mean, everything feels good. It feels right. And not just the physical aspect of sex, but it’s everything. Every emotion inside of you is absolutely blissful. The first moment you become one with the soul that was matched for your own, it’s beautiful and more than you could ever imagine. The bond you and your soulmate share is indescribable, so being so intimate with them, especially for the first time is...just mind blowing really.” You both slightly laugh at his lame ending, though during his entire explanation you feel your heart racing more than it should, you ignore the reason why. 

“Also, both people tend not to last long at all during the first time, it’s so overwhelming. But don’t worry, it definitely gets better afterward.” He laughs again.

You feel sick to your stomach.

Only a couple days after your conversation with Mark, you go to your apartment after work only to find a big surprise. 

“Hey,” he says softly, almost awkwardly. 

“BamBam,” you say trying to refrain yourself from sounding too caught off guard, “Hey, come in.” you invite him, moving to unlock your door letting you both inside. 

The two of you remove your shoes and move to the living room in silence, “Do you want anything to drink?” you ask politely. He takes a seat on your couch, politely declining, “I actually can’t stay long, I’m sorry. I just wanted to see you since I got back from Thailand and before I leave again.” You nod at him, moving to sit next to him but making sure to keep a safe distance. “I, um,” BamBam chuckles pulling out a small wrapped package from his jacket pocket, “I told my mom about meeting you when I was home. She insisted on giving this to you.” he hands it over and you cautiously take it. 

Carefully removing the packaging, you’re met with a small, delicate snow globe. It reads “Thailand” and has a cute elephant inside. The small gift leaves a smile on your face as you carefully shake the “snow” around. “I’m sorry it’s not much, but it’s a small something from my home. My mom wanted you to have a piece of Thailand until you can actually come yourself and meet everyone.” He smiles softly, taking in how you observe the globe. 

Your stomach tightens at his comment but you brush it off, “No, it’s perfect. I love it, thank you so much. And your mom” You laugh slightly, BamBam’s own joining yours. 

“It’s funny,” he speaks up from beside you again, “My mom always claimed that she thought for sure my soulmate would be from Thailand even when I moved here.” You look at him, “Oh, I’m sorry...” you say not sure what exactly to comment. “No, no,” he laughs “It’s not bad, of course. Your soulmate is your soulmate, you can’t change who you're meant to be with.” 

You nod in silence, drawing your attention to the small gift again. After a moment of silence, BamBam talks, “You should be lucky you got that, my mom made me bring Jaebum a bag of Rod Duan.” he laughs, “Those are cooked bamboo worms.” You can’t help but join his laughter, feeling relieved yourself with your gift. 

“Speaking of Jaebum,” he says and suddenly your stomach drops as your brain fills with the worst thoughts, could Jaebum have told him about the two of you?

“He told me to give you his number, apparently your friends with an old friend of his and he wants you to reconnect them.” You lick your lips relieved at his comment but you knew better than to take his number, it would be too risky. 

“Oh yeah, Jinyoung. I”ll just give you Jinyoung’s number to give to him, he would love to hear from him.” You smile at BamBam.

Just a few nights after your short encounter with BamBam, you found yourself at Do Min’s apartment making dinner and enjoying a night in while Jinyoung was out with his own friends. 

Standing off to the side while your friend cut the vegetables and sang loudly (and rather bad) to the songs playing from the speaker, you were paying more attention to your phone where BamBam was messaging you. He was leaving for Thailand again in a few days and wanted to try to meet up beforehand. You two had originally intended to grab drinks and see a movie after dinner tonight, but not to your surprise at all, he is currently texting you having to cancel. 

Though by now you knew your soulmate to be a busy man who has a hard time making plans due to his work. The reason for his cancellation this time leaves you speechless. 

From Bam:

Srry, have to raincheck  Something came up Jaebum called it off w Seo Jin Trying to talk w him Talk to u later

Reading over the message a few times, the nauseous feeling in your stomach only seems to grow. The voice in the back of your mind is telling you exactly why Jaebum had done this. But like you’ve been doing since the night you spent with him, you ignore it pushing it further away from your thoughts. 

You quickly reply to him, telling him you hope everything is okay and you hope you’re still able to see him before his trip. 

Tonight, sitting with Do Min, the voice in your head was nagging you more than usual. Your head began to hurt with the amount of thinking you were doing about your situation. At this point, you were paying no attention to your friend and her rant about how she wanted a cat but Jinyoung insisted the couple adopt a dog instead. 

“Do Min,” you say interrupting her. She hums in response, looking at your over her cup of tea, “Oh no,” she starts “Please don’t say you want us to get a dog too! You’re supposed to be on my side!” 

Despite your messy thoughts, you chuckle at your friend, “No, no. I just wanted to ask you about something.” The small girl chuckles too, nodding at you to continue. “Have you ever heard of soulmates breaking up?”  

Her eyebrows immediately furrow and you watch as her lips open and close frantically, having a hard time processing what you were saying. “Well, no. Soulmates don’t break up. They’re soulmates...they are literally made to be together forever.” She speaks slowly and suddenly you feel like your seven years old again when your parents tried to answer all your questions about soulmates over dinner. 

At your lack of response, her eyes widen, “BamBam...” she starts and you urgently sit up straighter shaking your head, “No! No, it’s not him.” Your friend's shoulders become more relaxed and she leans back in the couch, seemingly relieved whatever it was your asking didn’t have to do with you. 

Well, she had another thing coming. 

“His roommate, and best friend. He and his soulmate were called into the room with us but they were kind of an item throughout college too. BamBam texted today and canceled our plans because his roommate called it off with her.” 

“There had to have been a mistake then. Soulmates are together forever.” You withhold eye contact with her, “Well, maybe he just is having doubts right now.” But your friend laughs at you, “There are no doubts in soulmates. None at all, your meant to be with someone and you always know it. No doubt about it.” 

It seems suddenly that all of the emotions you’ve been withholding make their way out of you, “Do Min,” you choke out, a soft sob following quickly after. With that, your friend quickly puts her drink down moving closer, ready to comfort you. “I’ve been having nothing but doubts since the left the soulmate room.” You finally say, your chest feeling lighter at finally admitting your feelings to someone. You hadn’t even taken the time to let yourself realize it on your own. 

You confide in your best friend, letting her hug you as she stays silent, letting you cry all the tears and emotions you’ve built up the past couple of weeks. Once the tears ceased, you take your time to voice your thoughts to your friend. You tell her about Seo Jin taking charge and placing you and BamBam together, you explain what happened when you danced with Jaebum on the night when you when out with BamBam. And finally, you tell her about the night you spent in bed with him, feeling all too intimate with someone who wasn’t your soulmate. 

Do Min doesn’t say anything the whole time, letting you tell your story as she rubs your arms in a comforting manner, a quiet hum leaving her lips once in awhile telling you she was still paying attention. 

Sometime after you finish, she speaks in a whisper, “You know now, don’t you?” 

Your lip begins to wobble again at her words, you definitely were not ready to admit what she was hinting at, but at the same time, you knew she was right. When you fail to acknowledge her, she laughs softly, “I remember in high school when you were so stressed about finding your soulmate. You were terrified that you didn’t know what it would be like.” You wanted to speak up and say it wasn’t just in high school you had that dear, but that fear was still in your mind to the very day. 

She speaks up again, “When I see Jinyoung, it’s as if no matter what mood I was in before, I’m suddenly as happy as could be. When I look at him, all I want to do is smile. There's a strong feeling, a pull in my chest that when being with him I feel such an overwhelming sense of happiness and love that I don’t know what to do with myself.” You can hear the smile in her voice, “And that feeling is always there, it always will be. Even when we have an argument, the feeling allows us to talk and work things out. We give each other strength, undying love, and happiness. And this sensation only grows the longer you’re together. When we met in high school, the feeling was faint, but there. And as time goes on our bond only grows stronger, the bond that connects us together. Everything about being with your soulmate is pure bliss, physically and emotionally. If you let yourself feel it, that is.” 

Now it’s time for you to stay silent, carefully taking in every word and description she has to offer. You find yourself wishing she would have given this explanation to you years ago. 

“Now, let me ask you something,” she says, “Who were you thinking about when I described the feeling?”

On Monday, you sluggishly make your way to your apartment after a long day of work. Your eyes tired and puffy from all the crying you did over the weekend, a faint headache still bothering you from the amount of thinking you had been doing. 

Making your way out of the elevator you heart rate begins to pick up, glancing up towards your door you notice him leaning against it. 

Jaebum immediately stands up straight, hands in the pockets of his black jeans as he watches you approach him. You whine quietly, just seeing him there was overwhelming enough, you didn’t even want to think about why he may be here. 

You move to unlock your door, a raspy, “How did you get my address?” leaving your lips. Jaebum clears his throat, “Jinyoung gave it to me.” You wonder if Do Min had anything to do with the matter. You don’t say anything, but leave the door open behind you giving him the chance to follow you inside. 

“I think you know why I’m here,” he says as you place your stuff on the table beside you. Your head pounds at his question and you sigh, “No Jaebum, why are you here.” you finally turn towards him, taking in the slight panic in his eyes.  He chuckles, “What do you mean you don’t know? How could you not know?” you heart is now pounding as much as your head, “Jaebum, stop. Just, what-what are you doing here? What are you doing?” You ask and your voice is weak, feeling so overwhelmed that you grab onto the chair to keep yourself steady. 

His face looks almost angry now, but the hurt is evident in his eyes, “Don’t pretend you have no idea what I’m talking about. You know just as much as I do that we’re soulmates.” His voice cracks at the end of the sentence, and you feel the sudden urge to throw up at his sudden confrontation. When you don’t answer he speaks louder, “How could you not know?!” 

You bring your hands up to cover your temples, “I don’t know! How was I supposed to know!” He takes a step closer, “How could you not have! I knew from the second you walked through that door that you were mine! The second I laid eyes on you I had no doubt I was yours! And what do you do?! Go with BamBam?!” You start to cry, “Stop! Stop yelling at me! This is not my fault you already had someone! And she told me he was mine! How would I ever even consider it was you?!” 

You know notice the tears welling up in his own eyes and the crack in his voice when he raises his voice again, “You didn’t feel it?” 

You look at him, a soft sob escaping your lips, “All my life I’ve been going crazy trying to figure out what I was supposed to feel when I met my soulmate. No one could ever explain to me what to expect and I was always so frightened, so worried that I would never know what the feeling was. And I didn’t. I had no idea what to expect when I entered that room and I wasn’t even given the chance to experience or figure it out for myself before I was being pushed onto someone and having them slap a soulmate label on us!” 

Jaebum stays quiet, studying you, tears still in his eyes. His eyes show so much hurt that you swear you could feel their pain. He finally breaks eye contact, looking towards the door.

“I’ll just leave you to think about what that could mean then.” he turns, walking to the exit. 

“Jaebum!” you whine going to follow him. Your feelings were all over the place but if you knew one thing, it was that you didn’t want him to leave like this. But you don’t have much say in the matter as he closes the door loudly behind him. 

You’re left alone with your messy thoughts, an urge to throw up and a strong pull in your chest. You wonder if this is what it’s like to be heartbroken. 

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☞ [feedback is appreciated]