#specially dealing with neurodivergent ppl like myself

[monstersflashlight]

Any chance you could add 'ownership' or something of the sort to the kink list of fics that contain it? I get that it's treated as normal because of marriage and monogamy and whatnot, but someone being owned/claimed by someone else, especially in a non-con or dub-con fic, is in fact a kink and should be labelled

Hi anon! I have a few things to say. For me tagging mates already covers that, but after saying that I want to add that I can't add all the kinks in all the stories I write. I can't cover all the possible kinks because, for example, I didn't even know that was a kink till you said it, and I'm sure there's some other which I also don't know. I can't change all my tagging all the time, I try to add the main ones, but sometimes I forgot some, but I can't be sure everything is covered. I try my best and do as much as I can, I'm sorry if that one felt under tagged to you.

All that said, "Don't like, don't read" applies to my whole page. "Don't like, don't read" applies not only to kinks but general +18 content. "Don't like, don't read" applies to monsters you don't find comfortable with. "Don't like, don't read" is a very big thing, and that you added that specifically feels a bit like an attack to me. I don't know if you intended it like that, but it def reads like one to me (might be the autism). But yeah, I don't think it was called for because I'm just a nice person in the internet sharing stories about monsters and reading this first thing in the morning wasn't great.

[yonpote]

another thing is like... under capitalism, business success and wealth begin to alienate you from others who don't have that. and that alienation can feed into greed, like why not keep investing and making business deals and buying expensive stuff? and no one around is really going to call you out because they are either capitalist hacks or maybe people who once struggled who now rely on you.

so like, I don't inherently expect much from creators like dnp who come into money. even though they probably have more financial freedom than many other creators because of all the tours, books, games, etc (because they are good at business!)

so like, as their fans who ultimately are their consumers, I think it's good to call them out, especially because they have shown before that they have good intentions.

am I expecting much from them? no. wealth can be corrupting and speaking out comes with risk to business/career interests. but they have a special relationship with their audience, as we're mostly all fellow queer and neurodivergent people with similar interests. so we can provide feedback and be the ones to try to ground them and be like "hey that wasn't cool please do better." stopping engagement with them and their content entirely doesn't really do anything to help, unless they did something they needed to absolutely be deplatformed for. stopping engagement is a valid personal choice, but when I see stuff that begins to resemble like 'they aren't being activists right now time for everyone to unstan' I'm like... if that makes you feel better, fine, but I would rather parasocially / affectionately be like "hey I expect more from you!" in a way that is constructive. which is something I would want to do with my friends, but the difference is, if my friends didn't change or try to then I probably would distance myself from them. Whereas Dan and Phil are entertainers we don't now irl, we have a different relationship with them. but compared to many other creators, they really do tend to be more sensitive to their audience (which has helped their success).

but so this time the (mostly leftist) phannies calling them out actually got them to do a fundraiser so that's cool! even if it's because of the backlash like, that's what the point of backlash is! we should want people to change behavior. not to just abstractly punish them, for something they could be unlikely to do without pressure. though hopefully it will lead to less instances of having to pressure them.

idk this brings up interesting stuff about parasocial relationships, the transactions between creators and their audience, and capitalism. so of course I had to rant about it for a sec lol.

thats completely true! thank u for the rant lol but yeah i dont want to come across as being like, NEVER EXPECT ANYTHING FROM YOUR FAV CREATORS it was more like, with dnp specifically we know where their heart is i guess so it can be unnecessary to call for whatever. BUT you're absolutely right in that they probably wouldn't have done a charity stream were it not for pressure from fans. and maybe this is ME being parasocial but i'd like to think that this isn't for damage control or performativism (i mean it is a LITTLE cuz any publicity is a little bit abt looking good) but rather like, putting their money where their mouth is basically! and showing to their core audience like hey we care about this thing too and we fully hear you.

i was thinking about this General concept wrt dnp because i think there have been other moments where dnp were called out about something or criticized for like their more offensive humor and they stopped doing that and educated themselves which is better than most creators who put up fakeass apology videos. ive seen a lot of ppl say they want dan to talk about and apologize for his racist and sexist humor (and honestly only asking dan but not bringing up that phil also had his share of racist jokes) but it's like. at this point what further could he say? he's not a 21 year old shit head anymore (and yeah good for you for being a socially aware 21 y/o in 2024 but that offensive humor literally was just the culture of that time period) and they both have SHOWN that they have grown and even talked about it in like the pinof react video where they talked about "yeah we bullied kristen stewart a lot cuz it was just popular to make fun of her and justin bieber and that really sucks that we did that" like they have changed and shown change! they do not need to make a grand apology statement cuz like if you wanna talk performativism then lets talk about the fakeness of basically every apology video on the internet????

sorry thats unrelated to what u were talking abt but it just made me start thinking BUT YEAH THANK YOU FOR YOUR HOT TAKES!!!!

[cringelordofchaos]

ok thanks @sobeksewerrat now I'm having an existential crisis again lmao,.. (/lh also thanks for making me more self aware again ? )

list of things I do that MAY be associated with ADHD and or autism.

MAY,

I don't know if I have it, in not diagnosed and no one has professionally suggested I might have it.

I made a list to organize all my thoughts and I genuinely hate the fact that I'm oversharing shit online again bc i almost never think of consequences of my actions so idk if ke oversharing is bad or good and shit now I'm anxious.

ANYGAY.

Many of these traits are not exclusive to being neurodivergent at all, I'm aware o just wanted to share my experience

Either way it doesn't really matter. ADHD doesn't really get diagnosed here often. And not many specialize in it. So what do I know

List under the cut (it is probably going to be a bit long)

I possibly stim,

I chew things constantly for example, I used to chew my shirts so much a year or two ago and all my clothes had holes bc of that. It got so bad to the point of my mom buying me a fucking pacifier. I learned how to cope by just biting my tongue or just moving my mouth in general but it sometimes hurts not having anythig to bite. When I was really young, like in elementary school, I would bite and eat my own hair and would of fucking course cough bc of it. It was all an automatic involuntary actions. I also used to bite my arm to the point of it getting red. And would always bite my fingers to the point of them bleeding. I still do this, a lot actually, and it's very visible.,it's automatic and I hate it. It's like, I NEED to bite something right fuckinf now or I can't stay alive no more. It used to be worse, I would chew ANYTHING THAT WAS IN FROMT OF ME. I started a COLLECTION of chewed up pencils. Bc whenever they got near my mouth I would chew them. Which is BADDD IF YOU CAN XONTROL IT PLS DOJT DO THISSSS . I never did this because I was anxious or nervous, I just did it bc... I existed ?? Idk whenever I try to Google it up all the results say it's a sign of anxiety but for me it's just a symptom of existing). Whenever I feel anxious, (for example when I have to pass by a human being when getting to my apartment, and then they greet me and I greet them back but I feel like I did it incorrectly somehow and they hate me and think I'm incompetent/.>.gen), I flap my hands a lot (privately + primarily voluntarily) bc i feel just so much anxiety, I'm sure this is normal though. I also flap my hands a lot when I'm happy too. I do this moreso privately but sometimes it's a bit involuntary. When I'm really happy (usually about a wentoon lmao) I do a little dance and flap my hands and it actually feels pretty involuntary because if I DONT get up instantly and get into action it feels very suffocating. I pace around constantly, when thinking to myself I'll just walk In circle for long, sometimes I will just walk in a circle for literal hours. Usually I will move my hands in a weird motion . I rub my fingers against each other also to the point of visible and obvious injury. I don't know how to stop this. I constantly shake my leg though it's really common in neurotypical ppl so I should probably not be making a big deal out of this. There's probably more. Either way it's ,mostly harming to me lmao. But there's also the good in it ig

Okay actually it might take too long to organize everything and explain my whole life story so erm

I get distracted easily, or it's hard for me to pay attention to things I don't really care about, such as school (or moreso it's education system, since I can get actually pretty interested in private lessons) among other things. It's proven to be quite detrimental to me and my grades, to the point of me requiring multiple private classes to not fail a whole class, overall I'm just pretty much incapable of paying attention to stuff like that, but I'm pretty sure it's normal. And deficits in attention has been proven to be a result of modern day technology addiction among many youngsters, myself included, so I do not view this as necessary proof, especially seeing as I am actually capable of paying attention with good teachers in private lessons covering everything slowly enough. So yeah, essays over I am probably neurorypixal

either way

I get really obsessive over the things I'm interested in, I am not sure if they are hyperfixations but many times they get so genuinely intense they are the only thing I can think about. Genuinely. Once while trying to study history, for example, I just couldn't focus on learning history, not because it was uninteresting but because I was thinking of a fictional relationship (Roblox flicker mason x aadiv) and angst and fluff potential. I tried thinking Abt other things but I COULDNT. Also another short example: I once tried reading a book, and even though I could usually read it I just watched the finale of TMF and I literally could not NOT think about drew. just drew. I would try reading a sentence but then my brain would tell me how much I love drew. Goddamn it. This is a regular occurrence and has been proven to be detrimental to my life regarding it's real of my education. Focus on class? No, I can't, I'm trying to draw a symbol for a fictional religion me and my online friend made up. Focus on studying? No, k can't, I have to watch my favorite YouTuber or no, I can't, I have to daydream about being a YouTuber. These obsessions usually last a few weeks or months or so, so not too long, but usually for at least a week, to the point of it merely being mentioned gets me EXTREMELY hyped up. Sonic was probably my longest obsession, consistently lasting for about a year. If not flamingo (YouTube) who I was obsessed with for two years and based my whole personality off of back in the day. Sleep? No, I can't, I have to research neurodivegence. Hang the clothes? No, I can't, I have to pace around the room and think about the whole entire graspable depth of the relationship between Sean and daisy, as well as Sean's character alone and many implications surrounding his existence. I think y'all get the gist. Oh also I was once obsessed with TOH so much I literally knew so much Abt it and was so obsessed with it and if you gave me a line I could instantly tell you from which episode it was and I HUGELY related to Luz who's canonically neurodivergent and implied to have ADHD. This could all just me being passionate or obsessive thoug

Poor memory; I'm pretty sure this is the case buster, I lose things all the goddamn time it's actually traumatized me ti this point, losing a sharpener will get me having a whole breakdown screaming crying for an hour straight. Forgetting tests n stuff too, or forgetting ti check my to-do list Every . Single. Goddamn time.again this could probably stem from overuse of digital devices and electronics. So.

Oversensitivity to surroundings; aka possible sensory issues. I am pretty sensitive to noise, usually light too and smoke, and while I thought my reactions to surroundings were pretty normal (covering my ears, mouth, or squinting my eyes), upon observation I have noticed others do not do the things I do. Which is odd. How are they not suffering?? Anyway, sometimes I get overwhelmed so I etiehr try to ignore it or I escape. Literally. At times, things are louder and messier and more confusing and irritating. Also for food it's to a lesser degree but *lately* there's this food I forgot what it was called in English and chewing on it feels so utterly disgusting to the point where I'll cry bc the texture is just so extremely horrible and I literally spit it out of my window bc i didn't want my parents to see me not eating it. Bit then again I was able to eat the same food but bought from a different place, idk

Emotional disregulation; this could really just be me being a teenager, with hormones - you know how either you could have "two modes" you either feel like a GOD and everything is AMAZING or EVERYTHING IS HORRIBLE AND YOU WANT TO DIE?? Those extreme emotions?? Well, at least according to my kom, it's a pretty normal process of puberty, so I should probably not pay it much mind. This goes out to my "possible" rsd (I say possible bc like while I'm unsure for being nd, there's no fucking way I don't have rsd...) I get extremely, extremely sensitive when it comes to any form of treatment k get that I could perceive as rejection, and many times I avoid any form of social interactions just for the sake of not being rejected in the slightest. My friend called me stuojd as a joke without tone indicators? I WILL have a breakdown abt it and I WONT communicate it to my friend bc i don't wanna disappoint them or make them feel like it's their fault. I'm really insecure and probably feel this way due to my childhood. Though, feelings of emberassment guilt or rejection sre in most cases common due to natural instincts, y'know, we couldn't have survived without communities, which practically the modern day brain translates rejection = death. Except there's not a real physical threat. Yada yada y'all know Abt this. So I don't think this proves anything, it's just a natural instinct I suppose, though idk if many ppl experience it as often and strongly as I do or if they just never talk about it. Sometimes I will get the lightest criticism ever and I WILL cry Abt it unless it was absolutely clear it was a joke lmao. And I always feel like things are super targeted at me even when they're not. Ive had so much breakdowns over this it's not funny.

Sleep issues: I am writing this as 1 AM is approaching. Need I say more.

Physical hyperactivity: see "stimming" section. I can't exist without moving unless I am asleep.

Mental hyperactivity??: sometimes my brain will be so loud my ears will genuinely hurt, don't ask how this works I actually don't know, it's in a rarer occasion however.

Resting bitch face: I've had people ask me so, so so often if I was sad or okay or ANGRY when I was feeling completely neutral. And they always say how I look angry. But I don't get it. But whatevs. I guess it just comes naturally, idk why. Maybe everyone else has a resting bitch face too and they just never rest idkk

Fuck I'm doing the finger thing rn it hurts so goddamn much

Anyway

Executive dysfunction?? Sometimes I feel like I literally can't physically do stuff and it takes me a ton of effort to get into a shower and I cry each time for reasons unknown. Though ut could just be me being s teenager and yearning for feelings of independence and control bc it's a normal thing for ppl experiencing puberty. But then again I don't see anyone else being like me except my brother who's in elementary school

I have taken online quizzes, I KNOW ITS NOT A RELIABLE SOURCE AT ALL, I just took them to see the results and also bc i wanted to research neurodivegence more and on literally all the quizzes I took over the years, all the time (except once I think) I got "you probably have ADHD". I know it doesn't prove anything and online quizzes don't take ones life context into account but I feel as if it is a BIT worth noting?

Possible meltdowns ?? Idk. I don't want to make it seem like it's a lesser deal than it is bc it's not. But for example once I accidentally left bread crumbs on my bed and my mom got really anxious and started yelling at me a bit and I was crying and covered my ears and started SCREAMING and did not get over it for a while. I frequently experience (like every day or two) periods of time where I am just on the floor or in my bed extremely anxious sad and yelling over the most genuinely minor experiences

*Possible* intrusive thoughts - (TW VIOLENCE) whenever I think of an embarrassing or cringe memory when I feel like I somehow screwed up a tiny bit my mind instantly makes me think of me peeling off the skin off of my head and it bleeding, or my arm being chopped off into two parts. Many times I will look at the window and get anxious thinking what if I just threw my most prized possession through there. Also happened once when my mom was standing in front of it and my mind made me think "what if I yelled and she fell you would be a horrible person wouldn't you". Also I sometimes think of DISGUSTING sexual thoughts and they pop up randomly and I don't like it. Anyway I'm not sure if these r by definition intrusive thoughts but they're involuntary and annoying and correct me if I'm wrong

Comfort item - dude I used to bring this plushie everywhere with me for years until I stopped and just put him in a special place so he wouldn't accidentally get damaged. I literally could not live without holding him. Like some super emotional attachment. Sometimes I talk to him. I also realized that when I wasn't holding something in my hand my hands felt too empty and suddenly I had to move them in weird ways (see stimming section for reference) so maybe that's why

I don't have a special interest (smth I was UTTERLY OBSESSED W MULTIPLE YEARS) so ig that crosses out the possibility of me being autistic

I also constantly hc my fav characters as neurodiverse and hen proceed to self project onto them and I constantly daydream about making YouTube videos Abt the theories of them being neurodiverse. Idk why I brought this up

Weird (emotional) empathy ? If someone is crying in front of me I'll probably feel genuinely nothing but anxious bc i WANT to help them feel better but idk how to and other times I get super empathetic with fictional characters or people seen on screen. Idk why I feel like a terrible person for this sometimes. I'll also feel bad for Minecraft trees and having to cut them but that's sympathy not empathy. As for cognitive empathy though it's pretty normal and my mom has noted I'm pretty good at it ?

Genetics: my sister is probably questioning it and sorts acts like it and goes to a psychologist, my mom has said she thinks she might have ADHD once out loud, my brother also watches some YouTube videos Abt ADHD and has been to a psychologist once, none are diagnosed but many speculate it, coincidence? Unsure

That's all I can think of for now

Bye

God why did I post this erughhhhh

[twice-as-many-stars]

Something really rubs me the wrong way about how many people including myself can't reflexively deal w the idea of a community including people who have different experiences, and how that means that whenever we hear of another group of people being celebrated/validated/defended, we'll intuitively parse it as "and that is the Only valid group of people within this community and the author doesn't care about anyone else".

Like. I've been actively unlearning that bc it's a Very Bad Look. It's the whole "oh you're making positivity for fat trans ppl? I'll make some for skinny trans ppl so they know they're okay!! Also, very bigoted of you to only speak about fat trans ppl!!" Like. That is not the issue here. Gets even worse w positivity for, for instance, queer poc. Very common these days is positivity for gender conforming people, bc apparently years of some people trying to be supportive of gnc folk is a threat to the poor poor gender conforming people out there. It's also a little silly when there's positivity for aroace people and alloace or alloro people take that as either meaning "and alloace ppl are the only valid ones, so if you aren't that then this community isn't for you", or as meaning "i, personally, don't care for alloros and alloaces and think yall should stfu and the hidden meaning of showing positivity to one group is always to tear down another group" when in reality it's always just "listen, i feel that this particular kind of person could use someone who sticks up for them, so I'll voice my support! So that they feel comfortable"

What I'm trying to say is It's Not Always About You. And that is good and okay. Me posting love for transfeminine butches doesn't mean I dislike transfems of other flavours. Me defending trans men doesn't mean I dislike trans women. Me supporting Black neurodivergent people doesn't mean I think nonblack neurodivergent people (like myself) have it easy.

Learn to get and stay involved in conversations that aren't about yourself. If someone else is getting a special shoutout, they probably need it. And they don't threaten your existence.

[authoratmidnight]

I got on rambling on twitter about Naoki cause I got, maybe a lil introspective on him while writing and the tl;dr is he’s very much defo neurodivergent.

He fairly obviously has depression to some degree, but that aside I rambled myself into a thought.

Autistic Naoki

Hear me out.

-dealing with people is hard, there’s too many unspoken social rules to figure out and it’s very easy to fuck up with people, for example:

--he is rather blunt/straightforward and quick to act (his brain to mouth filter just, doesn’t work sometimes and he jumps to quick conclusions) i.e telling people to heck off or shut up, turns out that’s rude to do, but also how else is he supposed to make it clear he can’t be sociable rn? and being quick to act means he leaps right to getting physical when we probably should not (b/c words are hard but actions get the point across real clear, and no one ever listens to him anyways)

-he already strikes me as introverted and easily drained by being around a lot of people, esp people that want to talk a lot (and about things that just, don’t interest him) the social drain is a lot slower when it’s ppl or things he knows/likes (i.e he can hang and play Vanguard w/ friends for HOURS before needing to recharge, meanwhile school just, saps it all out of him-at least pre-vanguard club stuff) this also ties back to ‘Naoki is depressed/has depression’ too

-he has a difficult time making friends b/c again, trying to relate to people is hard also the previously mentioned bluntness and introversion means people think he’s rude and don’t want to be around him

tl;dr this boi socially awkward af

-HOWEVER, once he befriends someone he’s basically ride or die (also 100% willing to throw hands for them) and starts becoming more open and friendly

-b/c really he IS actually quite friendly once you get to know him and his quirks and whatnot and get past his cold, standoffish attitude (and his resting bitch face lol his neutral face tends to look a mite grumpy which sure doesn’t help people’s impression of him)

-Vanguard is absolutely a special interest you can’t tell me it isn’t lol He like saw it, got interested and then spent the whole night learning to play just to join the club b/c he was excited about it/got super into his first fight(a learning fight) in the og series

-he strikes me as the sort that, when super excited, will like make excited fist shakes in the air/lil hand/fist flails (and in the og series we actually see him throw his hands in the air and literally run around so, ya boi gotta MOVE!)

-stimming by way of playing w/ the card/deck case. honestly his stims probably involve lots of moving but esp his hands

-also probably tried to force himself to not do those things in front of ppl when he was younger b/c they look at him funny/say it’s weird/whatever so he just ‘oh ig it’s not normal to do that’

-not the case around Aichi and friends tho, esp since there tends to be a lot of moving/flailing from that group when excited anyways. they not gonna judge (also like, lbr it wouldn’t surprise me if some of them were on the spectrum to some degree as well)

[faggotron9000000]

there was a lot of drama around moneycat when she left tumblr and i don't remember any of it well enough to comment on it but i think of her a lot bc she was probably one of the first ppl to point me towards leftist politics (& specifically marx)

she was the first trans lady i saw who did that bit that trans ladies do sometimes where they fantasize that a shitty cis dude would get good if only he became a woman-- which is a funny bit if you don't turn it into like, an ideology lmao.

she was one of the first of many ppl who i saw promoting the radical feminist ethos that 1) gender is defined as a political hierarchy that privileges men and subjugates people who can have babies, referred to as 'women'. the hierarchy is inherent and defining-- you cannot have even the concept of "men" without a counterpoint concept of "women" to contrast them against, and that contrast inevitably plays out via oppression and violence. hierarchy is too entrenched in gender for gender itself to be rehabbed; it needs to be scrapped, evolved-past, into a fully egalitarian future where biology is irrelevant.

this fucked with my head as a freshly-formed trans man because like, i don't think this definition is wrong-- it's an accurate description of how gender has been conceptualized & how it has functioned, at least in my world here in america.

i think it's only recently that i think i've realized that gender is only one of the hierarchies that we live with every day, and its ultimately one of the weakest in terms of producing either solidarity or subjugation, for better and worse. at least ime, i tend to find solidarity among poor/neurodivergent/poc men than i do among non-men who are none of those things.

tl;dr narratives about class struggle cannot be remapped onto gender and still be coherent, bc gender does not change one's prospects for life as strongly as class does-- while women with money do suffer under patriarchy, but the actual punishment for forsaking gender norms is... losing your financial security and class position.

anyway i can't say too much bad about moneycat bc while her takes were awful in 2014-- arguably, she personally was one of the ppl who led me to put off my transition for like, a year and a half; that sucked at the time but tbh wasn't that big of a deal, in the scheme of things-- but being challenged by her led me to figure out some things that have stuck with me since then, in a good way.

the idea that gender is a path to political/ethical purity-- women good, men bad!!!!-- has decades of history in feminist philosophy so moneycat didn't really do anything that her forebears didn't set up, and it kind of makes me uncomfortable that she (a mentally ill trans woman) is still remembered as this unique monster when i see so many of you assholes in the years since implicitly-but-loudly agreeing with her. "men are the bad gender" has been a normie opinion for ~30yrs, she wasn't special. and having reckoned with myc's bad 2014 takes, i think i'm better equipped to own my identity and justify myself to assholes than a lot of the trans men i see coming out today, who are desperately self-conscious about being men at all.

imho moneycat was a worthy ideological challenge for me & i'm disappointed in how i now, ~8yrs later, live in a landscape where people agree with her but don't think about it-- i would wayyyyy rather argue with a radfem trans woman about why men deserve dignity and humanity than spend an hour in the same room with any of the little bratty trans queers i run into who just think men are gross and refuse to even try to justify it. at least she cared about knowing why she thought what she thought, at least that gave me something real to chew on.

between her & jobhaver (sex-negative radical feminist trans woman SWer) i feel like i got an early crash course on reckoning with radical feminism in an environment where the well was not completely poisoned bc all the ppl bringing it up were trans women-- which didn't tell me that radical feminism is right, only that i am capable of hearing from radicals & empathizing with them even if their opinions hurt my feelings. because of this, i don't think radical feminism is inherently transphobic-- its entirely possible for radical feminist action & political theory to be trans-inclusive, hypothetically, someday. i don't think its worth it to shy away from all self-proclaimed radical feminism any time it shows its face, when our contemporary feminist scene is so lacking in materialist critique & so easily co-opted by corporations and government.

i dont think the ultimate goal of radical feminism-- an egalitarian future where biology is irrelevant-- is a bad one. i think their failure comes in the assumption that binary gender will disappear if only we socially condemn it enough-- an opinion that is invariably transphobic against binary trans people but is also shared between radical feminists and the majority of nonbinary people i have met, so do with that what you will i guess. hopefully this attitude leaves me open to solidarity with radical feminists (and gender abolitionists in general) at a time when like, i really would like their help + would also like to see them evolve past the ongoing plague of TERFs and general transphobia

i realized that i prefer a materialist analysis of gender over things that validate me personally, and i've tried to find a balance between those things since, which-- like, it's hard, but the journey's been good imo. now when i log on instead of seeing moneycat's radfem marxist blogging, i feel like i kind of just get a firehose of regurgitated decade-old shit-talk without anything to actually think on or build on or learn from, and like. if i'm going to be the constant subject of debate in my social circles could i at least not die of boredom while i'm here

does anyone remember....... monetizeyourcat

[shaibtheherbanlegend777]

I understand this I too realized the whole neurodivergent wave I'm considered autistic got evaluated went to speech therapy the special classes the short bus but now I'm what they considered high functioning autistic I never thought too much of my autism only cuz how I precieved it and that I didnt want people to see me as less because of how I operate and see the world or to take pity on me because what I go through so i never speak on it but I've come to accept this aspect of me and to realize that I do have tendencies and needs required and meet that I must respect and do for myself and I'm glad theres ppl like you with stories on your experience I always wondered if I can tell ppl about it cuz not many can understand or emphasize with the experience that neurodivergents go through or people on the spectrum deal with or experience on a day to day basis

Getting to know me

I am a neurodivergent, self diagnosed adult autistic who is cleaning up my emotional life by going narcissist free. I realize most of my friendships are with people who see me as some source of constant supply for their egos while also marginalizing me and devaluing me. I’ve stopped using any social media except tumblr. 

I am done with almost everyone except family because they know me and I can share exactly what I am thinking without having to worry that I am threatening someone else. I particularly hate how people I know all of a sudden label themselves neurodivergent now that I have because they think it gives me some sort of status or clout. Sure, being bullied, marginalized, made fun of, put down, abused, and unloved for an entire life is a lot of clout. I can’t believe people sometimes. They don’t want to hear my experience but want to co-opt it if they think it is the flavor of the week. That is why I think being socially isolated is actually a good thing for me. 

Just thoughts. I will not respond to anyone who is rude, mean, or who wants to define my experience for me, but anyone who resonates with my words, please feel free to comment and I will definitely read and maybe respond. Thank you.