#speaking is like. the barest amount and I've never spoken it outside school
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knock knock it's
time to watch the In The Heights trailer again and fuckin cry my eyes out because it showed me what I'm missing re: my own mixed heritage
#pls pls don//t reblog#for context my lita is peruvian and my mom is 1st generation born in the US#i have.. some memories of when i was little. of dancing to spanish music with lita#if there was anything else i don't remember#but i never learned spanish and it's gonna be easier flying to the moon than becoming fluent in it#i never learned any as a kid and 4 years of spanish in public school was uh. not the best for me#don't ask me to read or write any Spanish but i can kind of hear and understand#speaking is like. the barest amount and I've never spoken it outside school#I JUST#watching the ITH trailer just made me realize how little (how fucking little) i know about/am connected to my spanish heritage#i live outside houston for chrissakes. there are so many chances for me to speak spanish#i feel like I'm trying to grab smoke from the air when i tell people I'm mixed.#as i get older it's not funny anymore hearing 'oh you must look like your dad!' or jokes about me being adopted#when I'm out with my mom (who has darker skin#(who has darker skin and dark hair and eyes. clearly i do not look like her)#it's just another reminder that there's my own personal history I'll never know or learn unless i go to peru myself#anyway this is a really long way of saying ITH makes me cry not just because of the story but because i want what they have:#culture they're proud of#anyway I'm gonna go cry in the bathroom now peace
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