#sourced from watching my bil/bff's games

[ramrage]

141 football HCs

inspired by the scrumptious works (x, x) by @horsebra, here are some headcanons that no one asked for but i couldnt help but make

Soap:

Malingers a lot. and dramatically. everyone, himself included, recognizes this but just kinda rolls with it because sometimes it pays off, and to be fair, man does get fouled a ton

if someone is on the ground, 9/10 times it is him

tenacious as hell. will run to balls he won't reach, faces off in aerial duels against könig-height dudes.

somehow always scoring because he'll go for shots others would shy away from and is magically in the right place at the right time (jk he reads the field well)

social captain of the team. is quick with a compliment or consolation no matter what

constantly talking shit and is a nightmare to play against

Alejandro:

shows off a ton which would be a problem if he ever lost possession, but he infrequently does

has fouled out the most and leads the team in cards

just as aggressive a player as Soap, if not more

speaks spanish with rodolfo to covertly talk shit or point out weaknesses in the opposition's defense

his locker room pump up playlist is nasty and excellent and everyone loves it, even ghost (doesn't admit it)

coolest boots on the pitch

obnoxious yet impressive celebration dance, will taunt the fans

Rodolfo:

official idiot wrangler for soap and ale

his passes are clean as hell without fail. no one would score without him.

not a particularly flashy or dramatic player, he's more on the side of efficient, but he'll sometimes pull out the most ridiculous, odee goals you have ever seen in the beautiful game

is great at intercepting the defense's attempts to clear the ball and then proceeds to cross it perfectly and it pisses the other team off severely

big on post-game stretching and gives people shit when they don't. he has saved the team so many injuries.

goes apeshit when ale gets fouled and is actually hurt. if he isn't foaming at the mouth, alejandro is fine. no one can figure out how he tells the difference

Ghost:

effectively a center mid but says he's a defensive mid for reasons unknown

great at assessing the pitch and moving his team around to make saucy plays

scores an awful lot for a "defensive mid"

king of set pieces

surprisingly supportive and kind when his team fucks up

not afraid to play dirty but will immediately own up when the official chews him out for decking a guy

once lifted soap up in a hug after he scored a goal and everyone teased him about it so he never did it ever again

acts pissed but is amused when Soap malingers to win foul against the other team

Price:

is probably way too old to be playing but does anyway

switches between center and l/r-back depending on what the ol knee is telling him

not as fast as he used to be but his judgment and technical skills are impeccable

sometimes pulls out fancy footwork to wow the kids

comfort character on the pitch. when he recovers the ball after shit goes tits up, you know the team is safe

best pump up speeches you have ever heard

Gaz:

quick as hell and loves playing teams that rely on fast breaks because it's a fun challenge and he cuts them off damn well

had one (1) own goal when he was really young and will never forget it

booted the ball to the other side of the pitch and it bounced over the other team's keeper and rolled on in for a goal one (1) time and will never forget it. or stop talking about it. knows better than to try it again.

talks and sings to himself when the other team's offense sucks and the ball generally stays on the far side of the pitch

feels bad when he decks players from the other team and will help them up but also finds it kinda funny

gets beyond hyped for the rare hydration break on hot days

kate:

team coach/manager, Head Idiot Wrangler

has evil conditioning days but no one gets too mad because they trust her judgment

is somehow cool with the owners even tho they're dicks and uses that relationship to advocate for the players

generally keeps her cool during matches but got a red card once for laying into a official for a terrible call

earned many wrinkles and grey hairs from managing the boys

constantly getting shit from people in the league because she's a woman but she shuts that shit down with calm, scary efficiency

not afraid to play politics with the owners and the league but is always honest with the players