#soul society sucks and guess whose fault is it

[foremyth]

the seventh division may have lost that function over time but it used to be the armed hand of the C46—the military extension of soul society's judicial organ, in which as its captain nobutsuna acted as the executioner and chief magistrate. he worked in tandem with chika shihouin to build an effective intelligence/prosecution system

[hanawrites404]

Part 2

Noriko stood up from her seat as she locked her eyes with the tall man's emerald ones. Without wasting any more time, she quickly bowed to him.

"It's a great pleasure to meet you, Dr. Kujo" she greets. Her tone sounded like that of a child who is meeting her favourite Marvel superhero but is trying her best to be polite.

"The pleasure is all mine Noriko" he replied.

Noriko then stood up, a pink blush was visible on her cheeks.

"And by the way Dad, she is very, very, very fond of you" Jolyne informed. "Is that so??" He asked back. "Yes. I mean, she has literally read every single text which was written by you, and she is absolutely in love with you".

"J-Jolyne-chan, it's not like that!!" the girl blushed more. Noriko then looked back at Mr. Kujo, whose eyes didn't leave her even for a second.

"I-I-I'm so sorry Mr. Kujo. It's nothing like that at all. Jolyne is just messing with you" Noriko added with an awkward laugh.

"Yeah right" Jolyne smirked and crossed her arms.

"It's alright Noriko. No need to be sorry" Mr. Kujo replied. Noriko then bowed to him again. "Thank you so much professor!!!".

"No need to be so formal. Mr. Kujo is fine". "Yes sir!!! Mr. Kujo sir!!" Noriko replied without getting up.

"Ugh, give me a break" Jolyne then grabs Noriko by her arm and drags her away. Noriko stumbles a bit but then goes with Jolyne to where she was taking her.

"W-Where are we going??". "To my room of course. I cannot let you wear that stinky uniform tonight. You gotta change". "But it's alright Jolyne. I'm not going to stay that long".

"So what?? This uniform sucks. You deserve a break from wearing it. Now come on, get in" she then shoves the red head in the room and closes the door.

Mr. Kujo on the other hand reached for the photo on the table. It was a picture of his younger self and his companions at that time when all of them voyaged to Egypt in order to defeat a powerful vampire.

His lover too was a part of the crusaders. But unfortunately, he had lost his life during the last fight, and Mr. Kujo can never forgive himself for letting him die. He still carries the guilt of letting his loved one die.

It could have been him.....no, it SHOULD have been him. However, it seemed like fate had some other plans for him, because his lover was back now, but in a very different form which was unfortunately a disadvantage to him.

The fact that he returned as a girl and half of Mr. Kujo's age, the relationship was going to look very questionable and inappropriate. People would think that it is some kind of pedophilia or a sugar-daddy relationship instead of a normal couple.

But why was he going to care?? It's not like he is bound by the insecurities of what the society might think. He will do whatever he wants to. He doesn't give a shit to what people would think of him, and that's what he has been doing for the past 22 years.

But the real problem was......what would Jolyne think of it?? She would literally get traumatized to hear that her friend who is as same age as her is dating her father. She would be disgusted to even imagine Noriko and Mr. Kujo holding hands.

Now what can Mr. Kujo do about that?? He had already lost his lover once, now if he has finally come back, then why lose him (or her) again?? Mr. Kujo really wants to mend the things which were left incomplete between both of them.

He hates carrying the guilt of his lover's death for more than a decade and really wants to let it go. Uniting with Noriko is the only way he can do it to finally let his lover's soul rest in peace. But how will Mr. Kujo win Miss Noriko's heart??

"Come on Noriko. It's alright. You look very cute in it" Jolyne had changed her attire from her school uniform and was now trying to pull the red head out of the room but was resisting her.

"I-I don't want to, not in front of Mr. Kujo" the other girl replied.

"Ugh, there you again. Mr. Kujo-this, Mr. Kujo-that. Can you not take his name after every fucking minute??".

"I-I'm sorry but, the lowers are too small. I cannot come out like this in front of him". "Don't worry Noriko. Dad is not going to bite you or anything". "B-But--". "No buts. Are you coming out or shall I do the hard way??". "........Fine.....".

The red girl steps out of the room, her cheeks dusted pink and her hands trying to hide her exposed thighs. She was wearing a light blue t-shirt which had a star on it and green shorts.

"See?? Not hard at all" Jolyne grinned. "I-I guess" Noriko replied shyly. "Oh come on, are you acting all shy because Dad is here??" Jolyne asked.

Noriko looked at Mr. Kujo who was staring continuously at her too. When he realised that Noriko was looking at him, he pushed his hat down to cover his eyes. Noriko blushed more and looked down at the ground.

"Come on Noriko, you must be hungry. Let's grab a snack and then we will study" Jolyne pushed her forward by her shoulders to the pantry.

"B-But I don't want to trouble you that much Jolyne". "Bullshit!!! You are my guest Noriko. Imagine it like you are in your own house". "I live a hostel Jolyne". "Alright, then imagine this as if you are at your parent's house" Jolyne said.

"I.......I don't have any parents Jolyne".

The taller girl stopped in her tracks, while the shorter girl's eyes got shadowed.

Mr. Kujo was noticing everything what was going on between the girls. When he heard that Noriko had no mother and father, he tensed up.

"Oh I'm so sorry Noriko. I didn't know that" Jolyne apologized. "It's OK.....It's not your fault........"

Noriko rubbed her eyes to stop the tears which threatened to fall from her pretty eyes. But even after her resistance, a stubborn and salty tear slipped from her eye as she closed her eyes to accept the wetness.

But suddenly she felt a calloused yet very gentle thumb wiping the tear from her cheek. Noriko opened her eyes to see whose thumb was it and it was none other than Mr. Kujo himself.

"I'm really sorry for you Noriko......" Mr. Kujo told her.

Noriko then sniffed and wiped the snot which was coming from her nose. She then said "Don't be sorry Mr. Kujo. It's perfectly alright".

"Noriko-chan......Where are your parents?? What happened to them??" Jolyne asked her.

"I-I was away from them at Florida while Mom and Dad were at Japan. Both of my parents were returning from work and they were travelling in a bus. But then a truck came out of nowhere and t-then at the midnight I-I-I got a call saying that--"

"Don't" Mr. Kujo placed his finger on her lips to stop her from continuing the story. He then slowly brushes a strand of her red hair behind her ear.

Noriko gives him a sad smile and then continues calmly.

"Whatever Mom and Dad had earned went to my relatives, so I had nothing to rely on. And that's why I studied hard, got my scholarship and also did numerous part-time jobs to pay the rent of the hostel. The hostel is very shabby and the manager is one big pervert, but that's all I can afford".

"Noriko......why didn't you tell us earlier?? We could have arranged something for you, right Dad??". Mr. Kujo agreed to her daughter.

"No no no, don't do so much for me. I don't want to be a burden to you" Noriko stopped them while shaking her hands as to say 'no'.

"Nonsense!! Just look at your condition Noriko!! You work like an ox daily and all you get is a shitty hostel AND a weirdo manager!!!" Jolyne held her by her shoulders as she explained her face to face.

"Then......what shall I do?? I have nowhere to go". "Stay with us, obviously" Jolyne told her. "B-But--". "No buts. You are officially living with us from now on".

"Jolyne, that's very sweet of you but why are you helping me?? I have done nothing for you, nor I am like a close friend to you. They why??".

"Let's just say that I like you a lot, and I truly think that you deserve a better place. Being without friends and parents and coping with life alone must be very hard for you. Also, studies are a pain in the ass, so why don't I make your life a bit easier??" Jolyne winked at her.

"I.......I don't know how to thank you both.........." Tears welled up in her eyes. "You are already helping me with my studies. I bet if I work hard under your tutelage, I might top the class. Now THAT would be a tight slap on Anderson's face" Jolyne laughed.

Noriko chuckled with her too. She was wondering how she can deserve such generous people.

"So it's settled then. Welcome to your new home Noriko-chan" Jolyne said.

Noriko couldn't hold it on for more and suddenly hugged the taller girl. Jolyne was taken aback for a second, but soon wrapped her arms around the smaller girl.

"Thank you Jolyne. I'm really fortunate to meet you". "You are flattering me now" Jolyne laughed.

"No really.....you don't know how lucky I am to meet such a sweet person like you" Noriko said.

"Yeah yeah whatever. But don't expect me to treat you so nicely like this". "That's fine by me" Noriko chuckled. Jolyne smiles and hugs her tight.

Both of them then let each other go. "So what are you waiting for?? Go get your bags from your hostel, and also don't forget to give a punch on the manager's face" Jolyne punched her hand.

"Sure I will" Noriko smiled. "Wait Noriko, I'll come with you" Mr. Kujo offered. Noriko turned to Mr. Kujo and said.

"It's perfectly alright Mr. Kujo. I'll handle it myself". "It's night, and young girls should not go alone in the dark like this. Let me accompany you" Mr. Kujo suggested.

".....OK sir". "Come on then" he then holds her shoulder and then they both go outside.

"Be back quickly both of you" Jolyne bid them farewell.

Mr. Kujo got his car and Noriko sat beside him. Both of them wore their seatbelts because safety is important and the author wants to promote road safety.

"What's the name of your hostel??" Mr. Kujo asked the girl. "Virgin Donuts" Noriko replied.

Mr. Kujo looked at the girl beside him with cringe written on his face.

"What kind of name is this??" He asked. "I-I know. I-I-I had no choice" she blushed from embarrassment as she hid her face from the man.

The man sighed and he adjusted his hat. "Give me a break" and he then started the engine and were off.

*5 minute time skip, brought to you by Piss Tea*

Mr. Kujo and Noriko were stuck in a traffic which was not going to be cleared in less than 10 minutes. So both of them sat idly wherever they were.

"Ummm....Mr. Kujo??". "Hmm??". "I-I was wondering.....are you going to write another thesis??" Noriko looked at Mr. Kujo who was keeping his eyes on the traffic lights.

"Well yes. I'm still researching but it will be out soon" he replied. "That's great. I can't wait" Noriko smiled as she made herself comfortable in the seat.

Jotaro slightly smiled to himself and he stole a gaze from the red head. He first looked at her bright eyes, then at her perfectly framed nose, and then at her plump lips.

She really reminds me of Noriaki......I still remember how he used to eat his cherries weirdly in front of me.........

Mr. Kujo smiled to himself. Those were some bittersweet memories which he cherished the most.

"By the way Noriko, you have no guardians at all??". "No. I do have relatives but they don't really care about me. They have inherited my parent's house and whatever they had ever possessed. I bet they don't even know that I exist" Noriko said.

Mr. Kujo felt pity on her. He was born in a family with priveledges, so he never had to face such a situation. But it didn't mean that he does not understand Noriko and her struggles.

Mr. Kujo couldn't help himself from holding on any more, and so he reached for Noriko's hand and held it.

Noriko looked at the man in his eyes, and without saying anything, she lightly clenched her hand around his bigger one. Mr. Kujo rubbed his thumb against her knuckles, feeling the soft skin of her hand.

The red head was not sure why, but she felt some sort of connection with the professor.

It felt like magic to her, as if a spell had been casted on her, which was slowly drawing her closer to the man.

Noriko noticed how handsome the professor was from close. His raven black hair and his sea green eyes complimented his face.

Mr. Kujo and Noriko were only inches away from each other, their lips longing to meet and tug at one another. Both of them were waiting for the other person to make a move but it seemed like they were too shy to do so.

The sexual tension was immense in the car. But fortunately, a car horn dissolved it all.

Both of them jerked away from each other and let go of their hands. Noriko was blushing madly while Mr. Kujo pulled his hat down, a small blush on his face.

He also noticed that the traffic has been finally cleared, so he drove his car forward and headed towards the hostel.

*7 minute time skip, brought to you by RaDIOactive*

"That's it. Here is the hostel". Mr. Kujo looked through the window at the small building Noriko mentioned.

"This is where you live?? Even a cardboard box looks neater than this.........structure" Jotaro commented. Noriko sighed as she took off the seat belt and got out of the car.

She then opened the door and much to her disappointment, the manager was there at his desk. At noticing the red lady, he smiled creepily and stood up and dashed to her like a predator.

"Noriko!! My Rose~!! I thought you won't come tonight" he hugged her and buried his face in her chest.

Noriko had already started to feel very uncomfortable. She tried to push him away from her but he was holding onto her like an octopus.

"Oohh~~ Now would you look at that?? You came to visit me in such short clothes hmmm...." He then started to run his hands on her thighs and hips.

Noriko just stood there trying to resist everything, but the man was like 3 times her size, and it was impossible for her to push such a man away from her.

Mr. Kujo entered the building and the first thing he saw was Noriko getting assaulted. His eyes became shadowed and he tensed up a lot. His whole aura had become menacing and murderous.

"You are such a naughty girl Noriko. Say........wanna have some fun at my room??" The man whispered in her ear.

Noriko was petrified beyond anything. She was praying that someone would come to rescue her from this dire situation. And fortunately, her hero was right behind her.

"Noriko......" Mr. Kujo called. Noriko turned around to him, and then the professor pulled her close to him and shielded her with his huge arms, separating the manager from the red girl.

"Huh?? Who are you?? And how dare you interrupt me??" The manager glared at the taller man's eyes, as that was the biggest mistake he had ever made.

"Noriko.....go and get your things. I want to have a talk with the manager alone" Mr. Kujo then let go of the small girl so that she could get her possessions from her room. Noriko gave a small smile at the professor and caressed his arm and then she left, leaving the perv and Mr. Kujo alone in the hall.

"I-I-I'm s-s-sorry sir. I-I-I didn't k-know that s-she was y-your d-daughter" the manager stammered.

"You fucking idiot, she is not my daughter. She is my lover". "What??? You?? Her lover?? But she is half your age!!" The manager was shocked to hear that from the man.

"How Ironic, coming from a disgusting scum who was just harrassing an innocent, young girl shamelessly" he then cracks his knuckles and stares deathly at him.

"You wanted fun right?....let me give you fun". Then, a spirit-like creature formed behind the taller man, and let's just say that the manager retired tomorrow and would never be able to get back to work, nor he would ever be able to have children, or actually do anything at all.

*2 minute time skip, brought to you by Maid Polpo*

Noriko was done packing her bags and exited her room to meet Mr. Kujo outside. Once she reached the hall, she spotted Mr. Kujo smoking a cigarette, looking outside from the window.

"Mr. Kujo, I'm done" Noriko called to him. The professor as soon as he heard the girl's voice, got his cigarette disposed of and he then went to pick her bags up.

Noriko looked around the hall, but she could not find the one she was looking for, so she asked the taller man.

"Where is the manager Mr. Kujo??". "He had some business to take care of so he left" he replied.

Noriko clicks her tongue from disappointment as she placed her hand on her hip.

"What's the matter??" Mr. Kujo asked. "I wanted to give him a punch on the face like how Jolyne told me to, now I have lost the chance to do that" Noriko whined.

Mr. Kujo sniggered at the sassy girl and then patted her red head. "Jolyne is really turning you into like herself. If she was at your place, she would have cut his balls off and stuff it into his own ass" he said.

"Pfffff-hahahahahahahhaha!!!!"

Noriko started to genuinely laugh at Mr. Kujo's statement as she brushed her bang behind. The man observed how beautiful she looked as she giggled her heart out. Also how her vocals bounced as she expressed her happiness.

It reminded him of that time when his boyfriend was laughing after the battle with The Wheel of Fortune along with the others. That time was also the first time Mr. Kujo witnessed his lover truly laughing joyfully.

He always wanted to hear his laughter one more time, and today his wish came true.

Once Noriko's laughter had started to slow down, she wiped the tears which came out while she was laughing. She then regained her breath and said.

"Oh Mr. Kujo, Jolyne is one badass. I am truly grateful to have a friend like her. And also--".

"Jotaro".

"Huh??" Noriko looked at the professor. "Call me Jotaro. That's my first name" he told her.

"A-Alright Jotaro" Noriko timidly took his name and blushed pink. Jotaro felt butterflies in his stomach when he heard his name slipping from the sweet-looking lips of the red head.

"It's getting pretty late now. Let's grab some dinner and go home. Jolyne must be waiting".

"Y-Yes si-- I mean, Jotaro-san" Noriko corrected herself.

Noriko's cuteness touched Jotaro's heart as he blushed pink and pulled his hat down to hide it. It's a good thing that Noriko didn't notice him getting flustered.

*20 minute time skip, brought to you by Caesarino*

Jotaro and Noriko had gathered the dinner and were now heading home. Noriko was humming along the song which was playing on the radio. Though he found Noriko's voice to be angelic, Jotaro was praying for the song to end. You know why..........

(Part 3)

[thepinkseat-askthemoonbunny]

Once again, you got people calling JKR and Dumbledore shitty people and ableist for not letting Squibs into Hogwarts because “they’re ableist and don’t think Squibs are good enough, Dumbledore didn’t like them so he didn’t use his influence to help them. He’s a disgusting ableist. And JK is horrible for not doing something about their treatment.”

Alright, listen. This whole keeping Squibs out of Hogwarts thing...Dumbledore didn’t start that shit. But yet once again, he’s the one who’s expected to fix it. I will never get how people can direct all of their anger at ONE man for not somehow magically fixing the discrimination that has been going on in his world for tens of thousands of years before he was even born, and suddenly decide that it was his fault that it happened in the first place (the House system, anyone?) Dumbledore is the only one who gets treated that way. He did SOMETHING though, many people have said this. He did try to improve his society at least somewhat in a way that’s canon confirmed which is more that can be said for most. There have been hundreds if not thousands of headmasters and headmistresses of Hogwarts BEFORE Dumbledore, and there will be tens of thousands after him. But they don’t get the shit he does for not fixing everything. Why’s that?!

Anyway, if somehow Dumbledore DID let the Squibs into Hogwarts...they still wouldn’t be able to do much. Because almost everything requires magic, except maybe Muggle Studies, History and Runes. But that’s about it. This is a school for wizards, that isn’t Dumbledore’s fault. And the way they would be treated by the students, even if Dumbledore was harsher on bullying people still do it when the teachers aren’t looking. They would hardly be able to do anything there...and if any of these Squib children have a complex or mental breakdowns or even go into depression and suicide because of being placed into a setting which they’re entirely unsuited to be in, guess whose lap they’d drop the blame in? That’s right, Dumbledore. For letting them in to begin with. Same thing if Petunia had been let in.

And JK Rowling. Why are you calling HER a terrible person?! Seriously, that’s stupid. Unlike Dumbledore, JK is a living and breathing human. Someone who is immensely talented and a great writer; but still human. Anyway, that doesn’t make any sense! Calling her “ableist and terrible and discriminatory”, attacking her real-life moral character over what she chooses to write in her own fictional setting. Who does that?! Oh I know...fucking Tumblr.

Anyway, JK isn’t stupid. She wrote the wizarding world the way it is ON PURPOSE, it’s not supposed to be this magical happy utopia Funtime world. It’s supposed to suck, it’s supposed to be just like our own world with how dark and nasty and violent it can sometimes be. And she left it that way, she didn’t fix it overnight because change doesn’t fucking happen overnight! Rome wasn’t built in a day. And if everything was magically fixed, they’d be attacking her for lack of realism. Real life JK has done a ton of good in the world. Can I say she’s perfect? No, because nobody is plus I don’t know the woman personally! But neither do any of you...yet you attack her morality over what she chooses to WRITE? Really?! This isn’t some thing about how the Queen is so perfect and angelic and nobody should be mean because she’s perfect, this is about how STUPID it is to attack somebody’s real life character over what words they put on a page in a fictional setting. This goes for anyone.

People. Write. Dark. Things. Way darker than JK has ever written. You have people who will reach into the deepest darkest corners of the human imagination and write something so soul-shatteringly dark and terrifying you’re wondering how anything like this can even exist on paper let alone in real life. And they don’t deserve to have their PERSONAL character assaulted because they write those things! What subject matter you choose to write has jack shit to do with your personality. It means you’re a damn good writer. Fiction does not equal reality. Never has, never will. And I don’t get why some people don’t get that.

[fortheloveofcringe]

n e e d y //

I could go and write something where people would look up to me like a success story. That’s always a way to prove you’re something in the society you live in. It’s the easier choice, to make people feel like there is hope and success at the end of the dark tunnel but then people tend to overlook or push-back, the fact that there are things that happen along the road, they happen at the scariest time and moments in your life and never do these “people” who I have dealt with bother to feel it unless it needs to be felt. It’s like emotion these days has to have an on and off button. That’s scares me a lot, but then these days I’ve been thinking, being scared doesn’t do nothing to me, it just make me fight more, even after so much downfall and rejection.

Rejection, I’m going to touch bases with this one. Something I’ve dealt with my entire life. From my paternal grand parents making me feel like an abomination just because I was gay and no one in the bloodline has to be gay, or to the most fresh wound I have, which marks it’s first month today, me being single, after such a wonderful, scary and inspiring relationship with Timothy.

 You know something, perhaps I’m writing this as a formal closure to that chapter in my life because for so long I have been writing about so much sad stuff in the cloud of anger that I just want to get things off my chest differently which is to address this in a way where I’m the monster, and I’m not anymore pointing my fingers to the monsters in my story. I can’t even believe I called myself a monster right just about now.

 Anyway, Timothy, if you would read previous entries you might get the idea of a modern day fairy tale relationship. None of my wildest dreams per say. I adored him so much that it just hurt us both, badly. To cut the long story short. He just never needed me the way I needed him. It sucks. To just throw dreams of having a bright future with someone out of the window just because it hurts your eyes and you want to do a reality check but I guess that’s why we have sunglasses, they say it protects the eyes. I never realized some eyeglasses are fake and just do nothing but leave marks on your nose.

 Needy. I’m needy. I’ve been crying and going crazy for weeks now. This has been such a wild ride with him that looking back now I just feel like everything we had was just from a book. A Novel, a fictional one. I wish him the best however it just makes me feel a certain way knowing I have suffered more than he did. It’s like all the entire time I believe he had some reservations about us and he knew we are not going to work out and a few puzzle pieces come into my mind to support this claim. One, he never formally introduced me to his family because I think he never wanted them involved when it all crashes down unlike mine where my family had known him and are angry and tears knowing I almost tore my relationships with them just to have Timothy by my side. Two, being with him, despite the care and the love, felt like a love prison, for both of us. What I mean is I felt like he was just faking it to make sure he complied with the “ideal boyfriend” persona he describes himself as because there are moments when he had rolled his eyes at me to the back of his skull thinking “Hambert is not really worth it”. Three, and last, in support of number two, He admitted he wanted someone else. Not me. I’m glad I had so much time to make sure I have figure out the science of persuasion that I figured out a way to make him spill the truth to me and I have to say it was fucked up. Imagine being with a person beside you while his mind is off sucking someone else’s dick. That felt like boiling water in my freshly healed heart. Because I think breaking up is fine, sure some relationships need a time-off, but to know who’s replacing you? that’s just fucked up.

 This is where I got really and intensely angry at him that I made sure we really would hate each other after the end because my good side tried to patch things up with him even though it made me look so desperate running through their doors just to give him a movie or something so he wouldn’t be wasting time or whatever, but the bad side of me just wanted to get even so I made sure that I did some stupid things that actually, in the end, bought me peace of mind and of course some insights to process my pain.

 I met his the girl he dated before me. Which he just ghosted. I did that to catch his attention which ended up me having blocked by him on social media. My point of meeting this girl, besides my petty brain, was to make sure I erase this picture of him that I painted in my head, which was a handsome prince who picked roses for me every morning just to make sure I don’t dance in stems of thorns. Timothy was such a great man that he also made sure I would feel like nobody would care for me the way he cared. Which was debugged when I and Venus, the ex of my ex, had lunch over spaghetti, taco’s and the dick we both had in our mouths (and by dick we mean by attitude or literally, whichever comes first to your mind) When we talked I realized he has a cruel way of making sure you wouldn’t compare him to anyone. And the way he twisted their story to me, because when we spoke I realized Tim was such a liar he had to make her look thirsty for him and no woman should be painted that way, ever. That conversation I believe healed us both in a way were now, we’re friends and shit-talking about a guy full of shit which basically catered to what I want which was to make sure all of the good pictures in my head was crossed check for what is the actuality of who he was. In that moment me and Venus realized we were both used as a gateway for his lust to a guy named Gwen. I can’t call it love because I’m sure Tim has not have the opportunity to connect with Gwen on a deeper level so fuck fake smiles here, people.

 Who I thought was the man, that I’m willing to go through with all the hardships in my life, who would support me, and help me grow, turned to be a complete poser. This was hard for me because I know him in way that not Venus knows and I know very well that he’s a broken soul, but there is no rational reason to justify his pain to be carried over to his present life knowing well that he is old enough to fuck us both, and for him to be running around and break the hearts of people who loves him.

 What also bothered me was the fact tat he was just so ready to move on to the next page of his life which was by trajectory, was Gwen, and that he never muttered a word that would have potentially brought us back together. He was just so “Please I need new dick in my mouth I’m bored of you because you’re  a pain in the ass”.

 Pain in the ass was also one thing that he couldn’t handle. He never wanted anal with me. Now, I don’t know why but I have a strong feeling that would have it been Gwen to offer to top him, I’m sure he’d squat in less than a second. Forgive my bitterness overflowing in each word here, if you’ve been in so much pain, you might understand.

 The world isn’t big enough because this Gwen guy is a close friend of my friend Argie. Now long story short Gwen doesn’t do boys, or so he claims. Tim got dumped and now it’s a double whammy for our pretty boy Tim who thinks everyone is gonna drool for him. I hate him though. That Gwen guy, he haven’t done no shit. I can’t like him because he’s the friend of my friend and I know it’s not his fault, but sometimes disliking people just don’t need to be justified, we just feel the way we feel.

 I hate knowing he was my replacement just in case he was into boys because he’s manly, skinnier and lanky (as Tim admitted he like those kind of boys, one where he could pose as a pedophile) short, and it makes me more bitter going to work everyday passing their 3-story house making it feel like a slap to me for coming from a poor family. It was like “Hambert, your replacement is a handsome, skinny guy whose rich and that’s what our high maintenance Tim boy wants, bye, you deserve to be left, so sorry but not sorry, go ahead and die.”

 Got a chance to talk to him though and I think he’s smart from staying off the dirt because I would drag him in the mud with Tim on top of him so they could finally get to fuck one another for making me and Venus shed tears.

 Let me tell you one thing though. And this is fucked up. I still love him.

 I still feel his kisses on my lips. His face in my chest. The scent of his hair or his subtle way of putting his nose on my shoulders in the jeep. This is what breaks me to tears like right now. Because knowing I can’t have that anymore. It’s feels like death and I’ve had a fair share of losing people and tragedies from living so poor, not eating to being accused of wrong things, to be bullied in work or having my grandmother die while I’m carrying her to the hospital or maybe even growing up without a father, but I think this has been the greatest pain I’ve dealt with. To be in tears because of love.

 And I can go ahead and make stories about how I successfully dodged a bullet. But to be fair, I know that in those nights I spent with with him, the love we shared, I know he’s the love of my life and there could never be anyone. Because now I’m scared to be loved and be in love. I can’t embrace something that broke me.

 I’m now employed ans still studying. Things seem fine. I’m walking on a fire pit but I’m still alive.

 However if there is one more song we can bond over, just one last, I wish I can sing Ariana’s “Needy” to him. Just to make him understand. How good it feels to be needed.