#sort of but I had dissociative amnesia like El so I can fuck up my perception nice and good and accurate don't you worry

[gayofthefae]

Obviously a person can’t actually rewind time to when they had a different perception but...I am really good at depersonalizing super hard so I can get pretty damn close (this isn’t a good thing but we’re just gonna pretend it is and brush past it mkay?):

And I rewatched a scenepack thinking of how I was thinking while a general audience member and...I would have been bummed about how it was unrequited. Near the entirety of the season. The entirety of volume 1 for sure. Glad Mike was apologizing and treating him well again etc but overall bummed for Will in the longrun. BUT. 

The one thing that stands out from that. The exception. Is the van scene. Because of course it is. This is the scene where it is clear from how intently Mike is listening that he is hanging on every word Will is saying. Every word Will is saying. Not every word passed on from El. Now, we have no idea how much Mike knows. But emotionally, he was hanging onto every word Will was saying here. And this is the first moment to me that makes it explicitly clear that Mike has thus far been acting the way he was out of a lack of knowledge; oblivion. 

And most importantly: that provided the knowledge his behaviour would change. Including the kind, friendship behaviour seen in Will’s room and earlier in this scene itself. This scene being in his POV through his reactions the entire time is really what sealed the deal for me. Because, if I’m not mistaken, this is the only Mike and Will centric scene this entire season that has been from his POV and focusing on his reactions. Which is to say that he has a point of view; opinions, thoughts on the situation. Even if as soon as it’s over he stuffs it back in a box and goes “that was El talking not Will”, we got to see him during the moment so we know the truth. 

We get to see his POV for the first time here and that also implies that this is the first time he’s seen what we’re seeing in these scenes; the first time his point of view has mattered because it was at all different from any other platonic, day to day moment for him. You can see on his face that he is on the edge of absolute epiphany. It’s honestly sort of like a record scratch moment, the complexities of “oh my gosh I never realized to think of him this way he makes me feel so love *scritchrecordscratch* from El. This is from El, he is speaking from El. Ahaha what was I thinking? I sure don’t remember...”. Likely cut off just in time to keep it in that box in his head (or maybe not, who knows). And I know this has been a bit rambly and kind of repetitive the past few paragraphs but the point is:

This scene established that when Mike gets so much as a glimpse of what’s really going on, he is taken aback, he is hanging on every word, the look in his eyes is hopeful. Will’s feelings become more clear to the audience and when that happens, Mike’s reactions are different than they have been in the past. When Will’s feelings become objectively clearer, Mike. is. hopeful. And that is the distinct detail that stands out. The first one to really break through by saying “he only seemed uninterested because he didn’t know. Do you see how he didn’t know?” And even with the I love you scene; even with whatever is seemingly going back on it. It can be contradicted, but it cannot be rescinded. 

The seed has been planted for Mike. He’s opening his eyes. The general audience is seeing that that is the only reason he seemed to not reciprocate before. And I can’t wait to watch it grow next season.

Now, everybody say “thank you, gayofthefae’s dissociative disorder” :).