#sorry. i wanted to caption professionally for a while there and eventually had to give up because it just isn't feasible nowadays

[monimolimnion]

god that one post pisses me off. "if you're captioning something you should always write down what they're actually saying and not [speaks foreign language]". especially now someone added "yeah do all the songs too!!". like ok yes in an ideal world that would be wonderful but it drives me absolutely bananas that most people have no idea where these captions come from. the amount of work it takes to create them. who they're written by. becuase 99% of the time it is someone in the global south, severly underpaid and overworked, who does not know what the characters are saying in the language they don't speak. are you seriously asking these people to just. guess? transliterate as best they can? then people would be pissed off that it's not done properly! they would be (correctly) insulted by that!! and the amount of training and resources required to do it properly is simply not going to happen, because the companies don't give a shit. you are asking for labor, man. be fucking serious for a second.

[storiesforallfandoms]

proud ~ cillian murphy

word count: 2015

request?: yes!

@shady80smusicsingercolor​ “The reader was always tried to get them proud,but nothing,one day the reader remembers their parents how they were never supportive or proud,the reader cried, cillian was passing by their dressing room,he stop cuz he heard the faithful tears,he came in,he ask what's wrong,and the reader explain how their parents never were proud of them but their siblings yeah,and ask him"what's wrong with me"and cillian reassures the reader nothing wrong with them but with their parents yeah,he told the reader he was Damm proud of them”

description: when you’re reminded of your rough childhood, your co-star is there to lift you up when you’re feeling down

pairing: cillian murphy x female!reader

warnings: swearing, angst

masterlist

You were in the middle of taking a picture of yourself in your costume when your phone buzzed. A notification at the top of the screen read that you had you were tagged in a post on Facebook, by your mum.

You cringed, immediately knowing what it would be.

A picture of your mum, dad, and sister sat around a table at a restaurant popped up on your screen. The caption for it read, “A special dinner for our beautiful daughter, who just scored another win on a case!” As per usual, she had tagged your dad, your sister, and you. Not because they wished you were there, but to remind you of your sister’s accomplishments and their pride in them.

Your parents made it very clear at a young age that your sister was the favourite child. They had a vision for the future of their kids, one that included a high paying job and eventually a family, and your sister was the one to follow this vision, in their eyes anyways.

Your sister was a straight A student all throughout her school years, and was accepted into law school with a full scholarship right out of high school. You, on the other hand, found yourself falling in love with acting. You were in drama club all through school and often starred in the school plays and musicals. When you graduated high school you were accepted into one of the biggest art schools, and of course you went.

Your parents were less than enthusiastic about your path, even after your acting career took off. They viewed acting as not being  a “real job” and often ridiculed you, comparing you to your sister or reminding you of your sister’s accomplishments at every opportunity.

You took a deep breath to calm yourself. You had to remind yourself that just because your parents weren’t proud of you didn’t mean you should be so hard on yourself. You had a successful career, you were happy as an actress. You weren’t going to let them bring you down.

You went to the family group chat to send a congratulatory message to your sister, one that your parents would see and realize they weren’t going to get to you this time.

“Congrats on your case win sis!”

Your sister responded a moment later, “Thanks sis! you're fantastic on Peaky Blinders! I can’t wait until the next season!”

The text gave you a brief moment of happiness. You and your sister never had bad blood. You both understood that you took your own paths and there was no reason to give in to your parents patronizing.

The happiness faded when another message came, this time from your mum, “Did your sister tell you she was seeing someone? It’s pretty serious, we might have our first son in law soon.”

You tossed your phone to the floor and buried your head in your hands. Of course they were going to start taking jabs at your love life now. Now that your sister had a serious boyfriend they had something else to belittle you about.

You were trying to hold back your tear when a knock came at your dressing room door. You sighed and swallowed the lump in your throat. “Come in!”

Your co-star, Cillian, opened the door. You looked at him through your vanity mirror. “We’re about to start filming soon, are you ready?”

You nodded. “Yeah, just give me a minute and I’ll be out.”

“Are you okay?”

Being asked if you were okay when you were on the verge of tears was always the worst question. You had to look down so Cillian didn’t see the tears forming in your eyes.

“I’m fine,” you replied. “Tell everyone I’ll be out soon.”

Cillian crossed the room to sit next to you. You kept looking down at the vanity’s desk.

“For an actress, you’re not the best at acting like you’re okay,” he teased, causing you to laugh. “What’s wrong? And don’t say it’s nothing because you know I’ll force you to tell me.”

You knew there was no use in lying. Cillian knew you better than most people, he’d know you weren’t telling the truth.

You picked up your phone and passed it to Cillian, allowing him to read the most recent messages. His eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. “I don’t get it, what does her love life have to do with either of your jobs? And why would your mum make a comment about him being a future son in law? Your sister even told her that she’s only been seeing the guy for six months.”

“Exactly!” you snapped. “It has nothing to do with the conversation, my mum just wants to tell me she has a new reason to ridicule me. I don’t have a real job, I haven’t had a serious relationship, I’m nowhere near having a kid or being married. But my sister, oh she’s the star child - a lawyer, has a boyfriend now, will probably give my parents their first grandchild.”

You buried your head in your hands again, finally allowing the tears to start flowing freely. You knew the makeup artist was going to be pissed, but you could care less at that moment. You couldn’t leave this frustration to build up while you were filming, it would just guarantee that you'd fuck up the scene and feel even worse.

Cillian took you into his arms, resting his head against yours as he ran a hand soothingly over your body.

“It’s alright,” he said. “It’s alright, let it all out.”

You felt comfortable in his arms, like it was the best place to be, and honestly, it was. Cillian was your closest friend on set of Peaky Blinders, probably your closest friend all together. There were many a times when he would hold you like this, whether it was a friendly hug, a scene on set, an idle gesture when the two of you were hanging out together. Being in Cillian’s arms was so soothing, it was exactly what you needed.

You finally pulled away and looked at yourself in the mirror. Luckily enough, since you were filming a show that was taking place in the early 1900s you didn’t have to wear too much makeup, mainly mascara and enough foundation that you didn’t look shiny on screen. The makeup artist on set had given you waterproof mascara, which again was lucky for you, but your foundation, however, was ruined from water streaks running down your cheeks.

You grabbed a makeup wipe from your vanity and began wiping the foundation from your face. You had foundation in your dressing room for moments like this, so that you could fix your makeup before scenes so no one would realize you were so upset.

“I get that they may not have viewed acting as a possible job back when I was in high school,” you said as you fixed your makeup, “but I’ve made an actual career from it. I’ve been in countless shows and movies, I’ve been nominated for awards and even won countless ones, and they can’t accept that. They can’t be proud of me for making a name for myself in my own way. They’ve never been proud of me. What’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing!” Cillian told you. “Nothing is wrong with you. You’re an absolutely amazing person, and you’re so talented and amazing. Just because you chose a different path from your sister and because you’re not following in their footsteps or the path that your parents wanted you to take doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you. There’s something wrong with your parents, they’re the assholes here.”

You sighed and shook your head, putting the foundation away. “This thing with my sister having a boyfriend is what’s really gonna start getting to me, I already know that. Being an actress I don't really have the time for a relationship, and I haven’t found a genuine guy that I want to be with because so many Hollywood guys are fake assholes who want to date you for their own professional gain. By the time I find someone to be with, my sister will probably be engaged with a child along the way and my parents will never let me live that down.”

As you spoke, Cillian was listening intently, until you got to the end of your rant. That’s when he cupped your face in his hands and pulled you towards him, pressing his lips to you. The gesture shocked you at first and you almost jerked your head away, but, just like being in his arms, kissing Cillian just felt so right. You relaxed into the kiss, cupping his face as well to hold him close.

He pulled away after a brief moment, smiling at you as he did so. “Am I one of those asshole famous people do you think?”

You giggled. “Oh God no, you’re the nicest person I’ve ever met.”

“Well then, this nice person thinks you’re the most amazing person he has ever met, and that your parents couldn’t be more wrong in the way that they treat you. And this nice person wants to take you out on a date when we’re finished with filming today.”

You smiled brightly. “I would love to go out after filming today. But to do that, we should get to filming.”

Realization passed Cillian’s face. “Shit, you’re right. Let’s go.”

“I’ll be there in a minute,” you said as Cillian stood. “You go and tell them I’m sorry I’m late but it’s family issues.”

Cillian nodded, leaning down to kiss you once more, before leaving the room.

You took your phone in your hand and checked the family chat to see that the last message was from your sister, explaining to you that her and her boyfriend hadn’t even been together for long and chastising your mother for her message. You took a deep breath and began to type out one final text message.

“I’m really happy for your relationship, sis, and I’d love to meet him, but this is my final message in this groupchat. I’ll be leaving the chat and taking mom and dad off of Facebook. I also probably won’t even tell you guys when I’m visiting home since you’ve made it clear that you don’t even want to see me. I know that I haven’t conformed to your beliefs of “success”, but I love where I’ve gone in life and I’m happy with my career. I’ve been in countless TV shows and movies and I’ve won awards for those things. I love my job, and I wouldn’t change that for the world. As for my love life, if either of you ever cared enough to check in on me instead of flaunting (Y/S/N)’s accomplishments in my face you’d know that I too am seeing someone. Too bad you’ve officially burned all bridges and won’t be meeting him now, but what can you do? Feel free to call if you ever decide to be proud of your youngest daughter for where she is in life and not just for your oldest because she followed the life that you tried to force upon us (I love you sis, don’t take this as an insult)”

After hitting send, you left the chat and promptly blocked both of your parents on Facebook. You took a deep breath and sighed heavily. It felt like a weight had been taken off of your shoulders then.

You inspected your makeup in the mirror to make sure it looked fine before getting up and finally walking to set. The rest of your co-stars were gathered, waiting, when you finally arrived.

“Sorry I’m late,” you told them. “Family stuff. I’m ready to go if you guys are.”

Everyone started getting in place. As the camera was being set up, Cillian looked at you with a little concern on his face. “Everything alright?”

You smiled at him, suddenly feeling more confident than you ever had. “I feel great. Let’s kill this scene.”

[saeyoungs-sunflower]

Hello!! I like your hc so much! So i was wondering can i request the rfa+v, and saeran with an mc who is really insecure with her body so she starve herself on accident? If you’re not comfortable than you don’t have to!! Thank you tho :)

Hey there! Thank you so much, I’m glad you enjoy them😊I hope it’s okay but I mainly left out the eating part/made it brief. I’m really sorry, it’s just a bit of a delicate topic for me to write about but I really hope it’s still okay for you.

Just a reminder that it’s okay to feel insecure, but remember that you are not defined by your insecurities. I also don’t believe that there is one definition of beautiful, nor do I believe that thinking you are beautiful is vain or arrogant. Please be kind to yourselves, and if you are going through a rough patch with your body image or self-love, then I sincerely hope this can be a comfort for you and, if you can, I encourage you to reach out to someone or talk to a professional. My DMs are always open, if you ever need a chat or to rant then I’m here to listen. You are welcome and loved here💛

***

RFA with an insecure MC

Zen:

❤︎ now, if you’ve done his route, then you know that this man understands

❤︎ and we also know that his looks are very important to him, so he completely acknowledges your feelings and in no way invalidates them

❤︎ but that being said, this man worships your body

❤︎ if you guys weren’t together he would be the best wing man because he LOVES to praise you and lift you up, even if you aren’t feeling particularly insecure

❤︎ you got a new outfit? “YES GIRL YOU WORK IT” you do your makeup different? “YOU ARE SO TALENTED AND ARTISTIC YES” you’re in your sweats and your hair’s a mess you feel totally gross? “THAT’S MY GIRL RIGHT THERE WOW YOU ARE GLORIOUS”

❤︎ he’s very vocal about his love for you and his love for your body

❤︎ sometimes it can be a bit embarrassing and usually comments on your appearance can make you feel uncomfortable/self-conscious, but for some reason when he does it it gives you a lil confidence boost <3

❤︎ we’re no stranger to the fact that he is hot as fuck

❤︎ honestly makes a little mad like who gave you the audacity to look like that hMMM?

❤︎ so when you first started going out, your confidence plummeted

❤︎ and it didn’t help that, whilst the majority of his fans loved you and loved the relationship, there were a few that really got to you

❤︎ they would post some not very nice comments about you on the forum

❤︎ they were just jealous fanatics, but you didn’t know that and took what they said to heart

❤︎ you started working out a lot after that, probably a bit too much

❤︎ Zen picked up on this, and he was all for exercising with you but bbygirl you’re over doing it and you really don’t seem to be enjoying it

❤︎ so he decides to teach you how to dance!!!!

❤︎ that way, you still get the endorphins from exercise, but you also learn a great skill which gives you loads of confidence because guess what!!! you’re a natural and you look gorgeous when you dance!!!!

❤︎ teaches you that working out doesn’t necessarily need to be done for aesthetic purposes, and you can have loads of fun with your boo whilst you do it!

Yoosung:

★ bit like Zen, he kinda understands how you feel

★ he often expressed it in the chatroom that he was jealous of Zen’s looks, so I think this boy is also a little insecure

★ poor lil chicken nugget you’re beautiful too

★ but when you chose him over Zen?? oh boy the confidence boost

★ it was then that he got to appreciate that his looks didn’t mean everything, and he was grateful that he got to learn that from you

★ so when he found out you were insecure, it made him sad because??? you’re literally perfect????

★ he noticed that you were always second guessing yourself

★ you would always try on and so many outfits/do your hair over and over until giving up and throwing on whatever, but you always looked so defeated

★ he made a note from then on to always show you off to his friends like yeah bitch this is my hot ass girlfriend who also happens to be the most amazing person on earth what about it?

★ his social media is flooded with candid photos of you and the captions were always about how beautiful you were and how lucky he was to have you

★ however, he was still a little suspicious about your insecurities

★ when you were together and he asked if you want to grab something to eat, you had always “already eaten”, which started to seem unlikely especially in some situations

★ so whenever you came over, he would cook you SUPER delicious food

★ this boy is a cooking GOD

★ he also tried to make sure they were fairly healthy and balanced meals so you wouldn’t feel guilty about eating

★ little by little, your relationship with food became healthier once you discovered how good it could be when you cook properly

★ but also insecurities and bad eating habits don’t go away over night

★ so he always leaves post-it notes around reminding you to eat and take care of yourself, and also one’s that tell you how much he cares and loves everything about you

★ he’s so damn cute somebody hold me

Jaehee:

☞ GIRL SAME

☞ i know i’m repeating myself but this lady gets you

☞ we know that when she started working for Jumin, he made her cut her hair and wear fake glasses, and even though she looked HOT AS HELL (yes baehee work it) she just felt wrong and uncomfortable about her appearance

☞ so she could pick up on the fact that you were insecure from the get go

☞ she noticed how you would shy away from pictures, and you always wore clothes that would hide your body

☞ well that just won’t do

☞ something must be done

☞ you wILL FEEL THE LOVE MC YOU WILL

☞ organises a shopping trip for you to try on some hella cool outfits

☞ invites Zen along because, as stated above, he is very vocal with his praise and is just really good at hyping you up

☞ pretty sure everyone in the shop hates you because Jaehee and Zen do not hold back whenever you come out of the changing room lmao

☞ you may have been kicked out of one shop but let’s not worry about that

☞ you came home with some pretty fire outfits that were really flattering on you and just made you feel great ya know?

☞ Jaehee is usually pretty shy when asking you personal questions

☞ but she wants to help you, so one night over dinner she manages to get you to open up to her

☞ and man Jaehee is a good listener

☞ as a woman, i feel like she is able to understand where you’re coming from more than any of the others, so you’re in good hands :)

Jumin:

♚ this man…

♚ he just doesn’t get it i’m so sorry

♚ it’s not that he doesn’t care about your insecurities or thinks you are ridiculous for feeling that way, not at all actually

♚ looks were just never something he really thought about it in general

♚ he knew he was ‘good-looking’ and he knew what was considered ‘good-looking’, he just never cared about it much

♚ at first he was just like??? but you’re literally MC??? what is there to be insecure about???

♚ you had done pretty well at hiding your insecurities at the beginning of your relationship

♚ which was helped by the fact that Jumin would never assume that you had anything to dislike about yourself, so he never looked out for/noticed the signs

♚ it took a whole year guys damn

♚ it had been a year since you got together, so he wanted to take you out for a lovely meal

♚ but he also bought you a beautiful dress

♚ haha…

♚ this was where it went tits up lmao

♚ you were so grateful for it, it was a really stunning dress and you were actually pretty excited to try it on

♚ and so was he hehehe

♚ but when you came out of the bathroom and looked at yourself in the mirror, he noticed that your eyes were welling up and boi your face did not look happy

♚ Jumin’s like: ??????

♚ Jumin.exe has stopped working

♚ instantly takes you in his arms, shushing and cooing you as he rubbed your back

♚ “My love, what is it?”

♚ after a few sniffles, you knew you just had be honest with him

♚ “I’m sorry, Jumin. It’s the most beautiful dress I’ve ever seen but I just ruin it…it belongs on someone else, not on me.”

♚ holds you so much tighter and even starts to feel tears prick his own eyes

♚ he takes a different approach to compliments

♚ he finds a way to compliment your appearance without sounding superficial or fake

♚ instead of “you’re beautiful”, he goes for “your smile lights up the room” or “you carry so much warmth and kindness in your eyes”

♚ it’s his way of letting you know that he thinks you’re the most gorgeous thing to walk the planet, but while also telling you that you are so much more than what you look like

Saeyoung:

☀︎ hoo hoo boiiiiii

☀︎ i’m just gonna cut to the chase

☀︎ he found out during some ~sexy times~

☀︎ i’m not going into graphic detail it’s not that kind of post ;)

☀︎ things were getting hella heated like damn

☀︎ so he started to ya know like…unbutton your shirt

☀︎ why am i actually getting embarrassed while writing this i need to get a grip

☀︎ spot the virgin lmfao

☀︎ but then you stopped him and he’s like P A N I C

☀︎ terrified that he crossed a line bby chill for a sec

☀︎ but then you ask if you could turn off the light and he starts to suspect that you don’t want him to see your body

☀︎ he’s so gentle about the topic it’s very sweet

☀︎ he wants you to know that he loves every fibre of your being, but he also doesn’t want to push you if you’re uncomfortable

☀︎ “MC, I adore every part of you, including your body. If you want me to turn off the light I absolutely will, but if you let me, I want to show you just how much you mean to me.”

☀︎ you hesitated, but eventually agreed to leave the light on

☀︎ and JESUS CHRIST HE DID NOT DISAPPOINT

☀︎ Saeyoung has an incredible attention to detail, as well as patience

☀︎ and he took his sweet time with you lemme tell ya

☀︎ you’re pretty sure he kissed every inch on your body whilst also whispering his praise as he did so

☀︎ he honestly made you feel like a Goddess

☀︎ everything he said was sincere and he just treated you with so much care and love and that shit is contagious

☀︎ ever since then, he was more physically affectionate with you until eventually you didn’t even think twice when undressing in front of him

☀︎ hello yes i would like to order one Saeyoung pls thank you

☀︎ actual love of my life

V / Jihyun:

❁ he asked you to be his model for one of his paintings

❁ and you were like ummmm……okay maybe it won’t be too bad????

❁ but this man has no chill

❁ he wanted you to be semi-nude and you were like h e l l  n o

❁ he was also Confused™

❁ you tried to make up some excuse but it was hopeless

❁ so you just told him that being nude in front of him was already difficult for you, but for you body to be on display for others to see was just too much

❁ this sweet man

❁ his heart broke

❁ it hurt him so much to know that someone with such a kind soul ever doubted her worth, especially because of something like your looks

❁ you were absolutely stunning to him, but he wanted you to believe that yourself

❁ he made a deal with you that if you modelled for him and were still uncomfortable with the outcome, then it would only ever be seen by you two

❁ you reluctantly agreed, and he made it his mission to make you see yourself through his eyes

❁ it took him a while to complete, but when he did oh man

❁ you full on started sobbing

❁ OH SHIT HE MADE MC CRY PANIC PANIC

❁ someone help this man

❁ you managed to tell him that you weren’t crying because you were upset, but because you never thought that you would ever see yourself as beautiful

❁ but the way he painted you GOOD G R I E F

❁ he made you look ethereal, and you couldn’t believe that this was how he saw you

❁ you didn’t even focus on the parts of you that you would usually hate because he made them look so heavenly and like,,,they belonged there???

❁ “Jihyun, you made me look so lovely.”

❁ “No, my love, that’s just what I saw. Everything you see here is you, nothing else.”

❁ okay great he made you cry even more goOD jOb jIhYuN

Saeran:

☽ ha ha ha ha ha

☽ you thought Jumin was bad?? oh i am so sorry my guy

☽ he just has no clue

☽ “What do you mean? Why do you care about how you look? You’re not ugly or anything.”

☽ gee thank you Saeran

☽ but also you are not helping in the slightest

☽ he’s REALLY not good at expressing his affection okay pls give him a break

☽ but he’s not heartless come on now

☽ it took him a while to fully understand where you were coming from, and even then he struggled to find a way to help

☽ Saeran is a very quiet supporter

☽ it’s hard to spot to the naked eye, but you know when Saeran cares for you because you feel it

☽ the first thing he notices is your body language

☽ and since he doesn’t really know what to do, he kinda just...adjusts you

☽ for example, if he sees that your body language is very closed off, almost like your trying to hide your body, he’ll silently move your shoulders and fix your posture so you are more open

☽ and if he sees you bow your head or try to block your face, he’ll silently lift your chin up

☽ but the most important part is that when he does this, he always smiles at you

☽ now Saeran is very careful with expressing his emotions. so when he does show his feelings, you know he means it

☽ so you started to hold yourself with more certainty and confidence, because it made him smile to see you not hiding away

☽ ‘fake it til you make it’ is a very real thing, and eventually it became natural to embrace every part of you

☽ when he became more comfortable, he told you that he was proud of how far you’d come and how he loved to see you feel good in your own skin

***

Thank you anon for the request, I hope you’re doing okay. Once again, anyone is welcome to message me if you’re struggling and need a friend to talk to <3 x

[deanwanddamons]

The Best Weekend of your Life - Chapter 6

Summary: You are obsessed with Supernatural and go to a convention with your best friend. You are 100% a Dean girl while your friend is a Sam girl. Both Jensen and Jared are single in this. You both catch the guys attention and things go from there. At the end of Chapter 5, Y/N has spent the night with Jensen, and you have decided to see if you can have some sort of relationship.

Pairing: Jensen x reader, Jared x readers best friend

Word Count: 2463

Warning: Romance, fluff, implied smut

A/N: Y/N texting is in italics. Jensen texting is in bold.Thank you once again to everyone who has helped with this fic. My beta’s @winchest09 and @deans-baby-momma and my girls @mummybear @negans-lucille-tblr and @sweater-daddiesdumbdork @ladywinchester1967​ Love you ❤️

Song Inspiration: https://youtu.be/MyqaDUoEhRM

Kesha - Dirty Picture

The Best Weekend of your Life Masterlist

Saying hi to Jared, who is sitting next to F/N, you slip into the booth next to Jensen. The waitress comes to take your orders and both you and F/N ask for a full English breakfast with coffee.

“I have never had a full English before,” Jared informed you as he looked down at the menu.

“Oh you must! They are the best!” you exclaim before, looking at Jensen who nods. Shrugging he orders one for each of them too.

“So...” you ask Jared, biting back a smirk,“did you have a good night?”

“Yeah, you could say that,” he answered, turning to F/N, smiling as he slips his arm around her.

“I’m gonna stay here with Y/N for a few days,” Jensen suddenly announced. “I’ve cleared it with Sophie, and she’s extended my stay in the hotel until Thursday and rebooked my flights.”

“Wow, really? That sounds awesome.” Jared smiled. “I would love to be able to do the same, but I have an interview in New York, which is scheduled for Tuesday.” He glances at F/N, who has her head bowed looking dejected. “But we have agreed that you’re going to come and visit though,” he added, lifting her chin with his finger and kissing her sweetly.

“Hey, maybe you and Y/N can come out together?” Jensen began, taking your hand. “You can come to Vancouver, and come to the Supernatural set?” He looks at you with hope in his eyes, so you lean in and kiss him.

“I would love that,” you beam back at him.

“That would be perfect!” F/N exclaimed, a smile returning to her face.

The waitress returns to the table with your meals. Quickly realising you’re ravenous, you dig into the food, which looks incredible. You're not surprised though, after all the exercise you had last night.

“God, this is amazing!” chuckles Jared, shovelling the food into his mouth. “I’m starving.”

It doesn’t take long for all your plates to be cleared of food.

‘“So, what’s the plan for today?” you ask as the waitress clears your table.

“I’ll need to go back to my room at the hotel to get ready for the con later,” Jensen says, “it’ll be a busy one today,” he adds with a frown.

“That’s fine, it’s no problem. I’ll go back to my room and freshen up. Meet back up with you after the con?” you inquire.

“Sounds good,” Jensen agrees. “You’ll be there though won’t you?” he confirms as he pays the bill.

“Of course we will, wouldn’t miss it for the world,”

Leaving the cafe, you turn to him as he reaches the car. He pulls you to him, and gives you a long kiss.

“I’ll give you a call later sweetheart,” he says as he gets in the car and Jared drives away.

Making your way up to your room, you and F/N pass a group of girls who are clearly here for the convention, judging by their SPN t-shirts.

If they knew that only last night, you’d had the most intense, amazingly incredible night of sex with Jensen. You can still feel the mark he’d left on your neck, the taste of his kisses still on your lips. The smell of him still lingers on your skin, and you can still feel the slight sting between your legs, from where he had been inside you.

You smile secretly to yourself at the memory.

Going up in the lift you hear your phone pinging in your pocket. It’s an Instagram alert. Checking the notification you see Jensen has just posted an update. It’s a selfie of him with Jared in the car, and the caption:

‘Best one yet. Didn’t expect that 😉 #manchesterspncon’

You wonder what that message could mean. Is it a cryptic message to you? Or is that just wishful thinking?

“Check this out,” you say, passing your phone to F/N.

“Ohhh that’s interesting!” she exclaims, “you reckon that’s aimed at us?”

“Who knows? I guess it could mean anything!”

Suddenly you have an idea. Jensen always feels a little anxious about being on stage at conventions, so you decide to help him relax.

“I’ve just had an idea. You go on up,” you say to F/N. “I’ll meet you in our room in a bit. There’s somewhere I need to go.”

“No way! I’m coming with you,” she laughs.

Pushing the lift button to go back down to the lobby, you check your pockets to make sure you have your credit card. Finding it there, you exit the hotel. As it’s your hometown you know your way around, so you head for Victoria Secret with a cheeky smile on your face.

“I’m loving this idea,” F/N chuckles as you enter the shop.

“I’m only looking for some nice underwear at the moment. Don’t get too excited,” you laugh.

Wandering around you take in all the beautiful lingerie they have on offer. There are so many to choose from, you find it hard to decide on which set you are going to get to surprise Jensen with. Eventually, after constantly changing your mind and asking F/N’s opinion, you agree on which one you're going to buy. Hoping you are doing the right thing, and wondering if you’ll actually have the confidence to go through with your idea, you pay for your choice and make your way back to the hotel.

Returning to your room, you drop your bags on the bed and pull out what you have purchased. It’s a black and red lacy bra with matching panties. Standing facing the mirror, you hold the set against your body. You really hope that Jensen will like it.

"I’m going to take a shower,” F/N says making her way into the bathroom. “I’m aching so much from last night. Besides, you need a little while to yourself I assume?” she says with a wink as she closes the door.

Getting undressed, you slip on the bra, and panties. The material feels divine against your skin and the cut of the material really suits your figure. You're quietly confident that he is going to enjoy your surprise.

Taking your phone from your pocket, you lie back on the bed. Holding the phone above you, you smile, and take a few pictures. Checking the photos, you are shocked how good you actually look. Feeling rather pleased with yourself you get dressed.

Busying yourself with tidying the room, you wait for F/N to finish her shower. You can’t wait for later, not only as you’ll get to see Jensen again, but you want to see his reaction to what you have in mind.

Checking your watch you see it’s almost time to go back down to the convention room.

“F/N, are you ready to go back down?” you shout out, hoping she is almost finished.

“Yep, 2 minutes and I’ll be out,” she shouts back from the bathroom.

As you're waiting for her, you get together your coat and bag. Coming back into the room, F/N picks up her things and you both make your way downstairs.

The convention room is packed, but you manage to find a seat. Settling yourself down, you feel yourself getting excited to see Jensen again. You have really missed him since you have been apart, even though it’s only been for a few hours. Thinking back to how you felt yesterday, you can’t believe what has happened over the last 24 hours.

The Q&A starts, the same as yesterday, but this time the cast who are answering are Alexander Calvert, Mark Pelligrino, Felicia Day and Osric Chau. One of your favourite characters is Charlie so you are very happy Felicia is on the stage.

Finally, Jared and Jensen are introduced and take the stage. You can see Jensen is scanning the audience, and wonder if he is looking for you. At last, his green eyes land on yours. With a wide grin, he winks at you and takes his seat.

Taking your phone from your pocket, before you change your mind and lose your nerve, you fire off the first of your pictures in a text to Jensen with the caption ‘they say to relax, you should picture people in their underwear’

Raising your head from your phone, you look at Jensen, who is taking his phone from his pocket. He looks at it and pauses.

Eagerly watching his face to gage his reaction, you notice his lips turn into a smirk. He looks directly at you, lifts one eyebrow, runs his tongue along his top lip and leans his head to the side.

Seems like he liked the picture.

He starts to type on his phone when Jared nudges him leaning over his shoulder. Jensen turns his phone away from him as Jared whispers something to him. They both smirk as Jensen stands up and turns to leave the stage.

“Sorry folks” Jared announces “Jensen has to take this phone call. He’ll be back shortly, but I can continue answering questions”

As Jensen leaves the stage, you notice he is typing.

A few seconds later you receive a message from him. It’s a selfie of him, eyebrow raised, pouting, taken from the side of the stage, with the caption ‘how am I supposed to stay a professional baby when I know you're wearing this for me. You look fucking amazing. Looks like we are going to have some fun later’

Smiling you look up and see him walk back onto the stage. He looks a little flustered as he takes his seat, so you decide to respond.

Sending another picture, with no caption this time, you sit back. He looks directly at you again, and checks his phone. The picture you sent is a lot more risky than the last one. In this, you have removed your bra.

This time you notice he takes in a deep, shuddering breath, and begins to squirm in his seat. But he doesn’t leave the stage. Instead you get a response.

‘I am so turned on right now. I love the fact that all these people don’t have a clue what you are sending me. And knowing I’m going to fuck you so hard later while you wear that. Actually, I don’t think it’s going to stay on long’

You feel your cheeks redden and heat pools between your legs. Knowing you are turning him on, turns you on so much. You need to get your hands on him and show him how much you need him inside you again.

Realising you are probably distracting him a bit too much, you don’t respond to the last message. Instead you listen to the stories the boys are telling the audience and the reaction they are getting from them.

They are so natural with their fans, answering any questions thrown their way, usually with an anecdote or a funny story.

Another text comes through to your phone. It’s Jensen.

‘We are almost finished here, I want to take you on a date. Let’s go for a meal? Just the two of us’

‘Sounds perfect’

‘Meet me around the back in 10 minutes’

“Jensen wants to take me for a meal shortly. Just the two of us. Do you mind?” you ask F/N.

“Of course not! I’ll be fine. I’ll drop Jared a message see if he wants to hang out.”

“Awesome thank you! I’ll see you later. Don’t wait up,” you tell her, laughing as you gather your things together.

Leaving the convention room you exit the hotel and walk around to the back alley where Jensen disappeared down yesterday. You assumed that’s where he meant when he said around the back.

Leaning against the wall, you see Jensen walking towards you.

“Hey baby. You’re a little minx ain’t ya,” he says as he wraps his arms around you and kisses you hard.

“Did you enjoy them?” you ask, chuckling against his lips.

“Fuck yes,” he whispers in your ear, pushing you back against the wall.

“I thought we were going on a date?” you manage to say through his kisses. “Although, I’m happy to continue doing this if that’s what you want?”

A noise from the top of the alley startles you both, so you stop to see what it was. You notice a figure walking quickly away.

“Let’s get some food,” Jensen says as he moves away from you and takes your hand, leading you out of the alley.

“I know a great little Italian restaurant nearby if you fancy it?” you ask him.

“Sounds perfect,” he answers

As you walk to the restaurant, hand in hand, you chat about the convention.

Suddenly you have the feeling you're being followed. Turning to look behind you, you see a figure quickly duck behind a low wall.

“Jensen, I don't want to worry you, but I think someone is following us,” you whisper. He glances over his shoulder.

“I don’t see anyone,” he says quietly.

“There was someone, but they hid behind a wall. Don’t worry, it’s probably just me being paranoid,” you respond.

Once you reach the restaurant, you go inside and request a table. Thankfully, they have one free so you both take a seat.

The door opens and a young girl walks in, and sits at the bar. She looks straight at you and holds your gaze.

Frowning, you force your gaze away from hers. There is something about her mannerisms that makes you feel uncomfortable. Jensen has his back to her, but he notices the frown on your face.

“Everything ok babe?” he asks

“Yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry.”

As he passes you the menu, you notice the girl is leaving her seat and walking towards you. As she reaches your table, Jensen turns to look at her.

“Oh my god!” she exclaims, “it is you! You’re Dean Winchester!”

Chapter 7

Tagging - @sherlock44  @for-a-brothers-love  @ilovetoread44 @supraveng @jawritter @sandlee44 @prettydeaneyes @moonlessnight126 @adoptdontshoppets @maddiepants @in-deans-arms @mummybear @magssteenkamp@zpandaqueen @thevelvetseries @sonofabringmesomepie @afangirlsbubble @fandom-princess-forevermore @cleighwrites @jensensjaredsandmishaslover @deans-baby-momma @linki-locks11 @dancingalone21 @chocolateheart @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @shademered @woodworthti666 @sycochick @typicalweirdbookworm @kalesrebellion @elizzysnow13 @deangirl7695 @flamencodiva @noobwuvsj2 @hhiggs @starryeyeseunbyul @starryeyeseunbyul@lettersofwrittencollective @wingedcatninja @missafairy @winchest09 @princessmisery666 @cherylricki96 @wxxnks @akshi8278 @sweater-daddiesdumbdork @surprisinglysarah @hillface89 @ladywinchester1967  @spnbaby-67 @mylovelydame21 @thatdreamingdrey @plushpyrate​ @youaremyfiveever @kyjey @compresshischest09 @chloejanedecker1 @foxyjwls007 @mimzy1994 @missscorp @youaremyfiveever @mrswhozeewhatsis 

[idreamtofthereaper]

Huang Renjun As Your Ex (Clarity Oneshot)

NCT 127 // NCT DREAM // WAYV // Clarity Main Masterlist

A series of oneshots for different groups, for each member, wherein instead of them being your boyfriend, how they will be as your ex.

The Situation

one of the advice your seniors keep repeating to the group is

“Never, I mean never, be in a relationship with an idol at your age. No matter how mature you are, you’re still too young to not feel awkward around them when you fight or break up.”

you and your members just laughed it off

well

you’re not laughing now after breaking up with huang renjun

one of your guest co-host in knowing bros

The Co-Hosts

when your manager contacted you to tell that you were going to be the guest for knowing bros

you were ecstatic

over the moon excited 

even before you became a trainee you watched the show religiously

to the point where you caught up with all episodes and was even watching replays

and after your manager offered you the spot to be a temporary guest host

you were already looking online for uniform like outfits

it was only you knew it wasn’t just you when renjun

yes that guy from nct 

came in your dressing room while you were doing a tiktok with heechul

“Oh, sorry. I thought this was the guest dressing room.”

“You’re in the right place! Come in.” Heechul said enthusiastically to the soft-spoken, head bowed Renjun who, just like the Three of you, was already in school uniform.

He briefly greeted his senior before facing you. “Hello, I’m Renjun. I though we would only have me as the temporary host as the guest though.” He said, confused lacing his voice as both of you shook hands.

You chuckled at this before nodding. “Yeah, I’m also a guest host. I think our agency forgot to mention that. Nice meeting you too, sunbaenim. I’m yn.”

“Ah that sounds weird, just call me Renjun.” He visibly cringed when you called him sunbae.

You laughed at his reaction but nodded. After a few more exchanged conversation, you continued with the tiktok but now with Renjun.

Feedback

after the show aired

everyone was shocked to know that you and renjun were going to host

it was teased that there would be a temporary idol to host

but not Two, let alone Renjun and you

who is part of a just a year old group

but still, everyone had a great feedback with your dynamic

after being teamed up with multiple games

and being in an idol group

you and renjun just clicked

and the run was smooth

heechul then begin teasing the both of you backstage

causing the others to tease you as well

you initially didn’t want to give in

but then ultimately gave up 

First Date

knowing you would get a lot of teasing from your ‘hyungs’

you and renjun went on a date in secret

not letting anyone know that you invited him to your apartment

okay maybe some of your members know

and maybe nct dream knows too

still, the date went well

you agreed you would handle the where

and renjun will handle the what

meaning: food and what to do really

he showed up 10 minutes early

and saw you actually set up a fort at the living room

it was hard to miss really

it occupied the entire space

“I’m sorry if I did too much-”

“I love it! You could’ve waited for me and we would’ve assembled it together.”

What Happened?

you only went on a few dates

because you know, yall were idols

fans and schedules and all

but spending time with him during kb was enough 

and officially became a couple after a month

butttttttt

called it quits 4 months in

the both of you just wanted more

more time with each other

but also more time for each of your own career

you thought breaking up would give you more space to think

and that it’s really the correct choice

but a day after not reading his unusual morning texts

after not hearing him tell about his day all the while he’s yelling at his members (and hearing their voices most of the time asking how you were)

you missed him already

but you couldn’t go back to him 

you would just start thinking about your career again

Awkward

“You guys should date. Like no joke, I’m serious.”

You and Renjun glanced at each other at the same time, but then looked away immediately as he chuckled. “Uhm, hyung, yn and me? Haha, uhm-”

“We were in a relationship for the past 4 months, but we called it off since we need to focus on our careers first.” You said as you stood up from the chair, following your sentence with a laugh as Heechul looked at you wide eye. “Oh, the staff is calling us. We should go.”

And the End

when you and renjun finished off being the guest host

everyone was quite sad

mostly the fans

for your last episode, you, renjun and the hosts were just watching the very first episode the both of you were in

but then said a very grateful goodbye to the fans and the staff

during this time, you and renjun are still awkward with each other

but still very professional on cam

as the episode aired

you posted on instagram some behind the scenes photos with the caption thanked the fans for welcoming them along with the staffs and crew of the show

meanwhile renjun posted on nct dream’s twitter and his bubble

which just made the fans sadder 

that night though, as you were about to call it a night

you received a text

Not Really

it has been 2 months since the last episode filming for kb

and you became the host for Show Champn not long after

along with you were Jaehyun and Naeun

still, you and renjun could just never get away from each other

each interview you would have people would ask if the both of you kept in touch

and how was working with renjun, if not all of the kb host

renjun is dealing with something similar

but since dream would have a comeback

it was just time until you would cross paths again

however, you did have to pay SM a visit since you need to practice an opening number with Jaehyun

you were supposed to be with Naeun but your schedules didn’t aligned

after a brief greeting, the both of you started to practice

which wasn’t really that hard 

so it only took a few hours before the both of you called it a night

with your manager, you were simply lounging at the sm cafe when you received a text from renjun

you chuckled at your own reply, knowing he already knows why you were here but would definitely confuse him.

the last time the both of you talked to each other was at the last day of filming, the rest are just social media interactions and some mentions.

instead of him being confused, it seems like it was you who was more confused.

you fixed your position and pulled your phone closer to you.

you then struck up a conversation with your manager, telling him how renjun invited you and at first, he didn’t allowed it as some fans might see and perceived it differently and you have an early taping tomorrow.

but after more persuading and promising to come back at the dorms in less than an hour, he eventually agreed. giving you a specific instruction to text the company driver once you’re done.

you then texted renjun right after, telling him that your manager agreed. instead of replying through text, he opted to call you instead and told you how he was going to come down to get you and told you to go to the elevators.

as soon as you arrived at the elevators, he was already there and the both of you dropped the call.

after greeting each other briefly, he guided you to their dorms. following him at the elevators as he pressed a number. as the doors closed, he leaned to the side, same as you. “how was working with jaehyun-hyung?”

“he’s amazing, very gentle guy.”

“who is the better sunbae though?”

you pretended to think for a bit, which renjun replied by looking at you with disgust, earning a laugh from you. “of course it’s you.” renjun nodded, satisfied.

silence then followed, just as when he seems like he is about to say something, the elevator doors opened. he let you out first, waiting for him once you get out so the both of you side by side.

before you could even reach their dorms, you could already hear yelling. and once renjun opened the door, you could see the dreamies scattered over the place. the most prominent once was jeno and jisung slapping each other’s hands, even hearing a “let’s wait for yn-”

renjun groaned at the sight and turned to you. “I’m so sorry you have to see them like this, it’s usually not this messy and noisy. Most of the time they’re asleep.”

you only laughed at this, renjun introducing you to each other soon after and was finally able to get a taste of the cupcakes they made. 

admittedly, it wasn’t the best. but it was edible and above average for someone who only started out baking and only did it because the video games were lagging.

you offered to do the dishes but was then denied by almost everyone, telling you that you were the guest and it wasn’t nice to clean up their mess. because of this, you were given some time with renjun, who invited you to his room.

as you entered, you noticed how not a lot changed. you have been here before, but mostly when no one was around beside you and him.

“hey, you still have porkchop!” you exclaimed, grabbing the blue and yellow fish you from renjun’s bedside.

he chuckled while nodding, even if you couldn’t see as you were too busy examining 1/2 of the prize you got from a game you played at kb. 

“of course, do you still have fillet?”

“yeah, just showered her and all yesterday too.” you answered, referring to the small pig stuff toy that has a pajama outfit.

you placed porkchop back at his position before walking to his chair, renjun sitting down at the edge of the bed facing you. “soooo, how have you been?” renjun asked, nervousness lacing his voice.

you just nodded in reply. “the hosting isn’t easy nowadays since we’re about to start preparations for our comeback but yeah, it’s something I could handle.” you leaned back to the chair as you answered, renjun nodding at your answer. “how about you? missing me enough to invite me, huh?” you joked.

“to be honest, I do. I saw how you were having fun with jaehyun-hyung, you really do know how to leave an impression you work with.” his replied caught you off guard.

you were speechless, not knowing what to say. your eyes started looking around the room, but his eyes on you was burning too much for you not to feel. as you are supposed to respond, your phone rang.

you sighed and pulled it out, seeing it was the company driver. after a short acknowledgement, you closed your phone again and look at renjun with frustrations. “I’m sorry, I have to go.”

renjun smiled at this and nodded, standing up from his bed the same time you stood up from the chair as he stretched a bit. “let me walk you to the elevator?”

you nodded at this, renjun opening the door to let you out first. saying your goodbye to the members as you and renjun walked the empty hallways, renjun sprinting out a bit as an elevator was about to close.

you thanked him as you stepped in. “thanks for today, renjun-ah.” 

“no problem, yn.” you were looking at him as the elevators doors was closing in. when there was barely anything of renjun left, you let out a sigh and immediately pressed the open button, startling renjun was about to walk away from the elevator. “did you forgot anything?”

“maybe we should get dinner sometime, just the two of us. soon.”

renjun smiled widely at this, before nodding. “sure, just tell me when you’re available?”

“yeah. okay now I really need to go, bye renjun.”

“text me when you’re home so I know, I’ll see you around yn.”

[pagesofivy]

Dropping In

AO3 link

Square filled: Dom Drop

Ship: Sam Winchester x reader; domme!reader, sub!Sam 

Rating: M-ish.   

Warnings: Emotional issues, domme!reader

Summary: As a professional dominatrix, Sam Winchester is your ideal client. One day you can’t hold up your act, and later, you both get a surprise that leaves you wondering: Can you two still make your relationship work?

Word count: 1369

Created for @spnkinkbingo​

Beta: @ladymidnightt​ and @kalesrebellion​ 

Emotions are turbulent, though you try to be numb, to put everything under a blanket so you can handle daily life. You’re not depressed, you just… have a lot of emotions with no real healthy outlet. That’s why you’d turned to BDSM and the femdomme life.

Being a dominant in a dynamic is a heady experience, and you get to feel truly in control of some part of your life. Bringing a stubborn man into submission is its own kind of high, although most of the time it seems like your uniform does most of the work for you. Who knew a black corset and a tight pencil skirt could do more work than a riding crop ever could! 

Sam Winchester, a surprise but repeat client, submits easily. Sometimes it feels like Sam needs to let go so much more than you need control, but that never stops the sessions, thankfully. Truth be told, Sam’s your favorite client.

He’s rarely afraid to try new things, has even indulged in some of your more dangerous curiosities - knifeplay, for example - but he knows his limits and yours and isn’t afraid to safeword. Sometimes he safewords before the session even starts, and instead of dominating Sam, you two talk like old friends. He’s still a bit cagey when it comes to his job, but you respect his privacy like he respects yours.

Today’s session with Sam wasn’t meant to be anything out of the ordinary, but something about the way he responds - his tone, his body language - has you safewording, gasping out “Leviathan” before sinking to your knees, trying to keep your panic attack at bay, dropping from your dom headspace faster than you’d experienced before. 

Sam wraps your robe round you then sits in front of you, his knees touching yours. “Tell me what to do (Y/N),” he whispers, and it’s all you can do to breathe out a reply:

“Care box, under the bed.” You point weakly, but you’re too out of it to do much more.

Sam’s in motion faster than you register, and he’s not gone from your side long, placing the open box in front of you. 

“I’m here for you (Y/N),” he murmured, “just tell me what I can do.” 

Part of you recognizes that Sam might also be dropping, and you’re still the caretaker here, but you push those thoughts aside, crawling into Sam’s lap, seeking comfort in the large man’s arms.

Sam holds you close and brings the care box to him, pulling out the bottle of Gatorade and the candy. “Need you to eat this stuff, please (Y/N).” Sam’s gentle coaxing brings you enough to your senses that you listen, drinking and eating, the sugar helping to ground you. “You’re doing so good (Y/N), I’m so proud of you.” Sam continues his soft words of comfort, guiding you out of your dom drop and providing you a safe space to come back to yourself. 

After you finish the Gatorade, you turn and give Sam a kiss on the cheek, feeling much steadier. “Thank you, Sam, for taking care of me. I’m sorry we had to cut the session short. How are you doing? I realize you might be experiencing some headspace drop too…” you trail off, looking uncertain, and Sam smiles softly.

“I’m okay (Y/N), helping you through it helped me through it. Don’t feel bad about the session, your health and safety are far more important than me getting my rocks off.” He’s so gentle with you that your heart aches. What you wouldn’t give to be treated like this all the time and have all your clients be like Sam.

“You’re so good to me, Sam. I wish all my clients were like you.” Talking about other clients isn’t something you do, ever, but your thoughts slip out before you can stop them. Sam only looks a little surprised, but also very bashful.

“I’m nothing special, (Y/N). I just treat ya like I was taught to treat someone precious to me. I… I wish, sometimes, I could persuade you to let me be your only client, but I know that’s not fair to ask… Just know it’s always a thought.”

You’re speechless, cycling between happiness and surprise and satisfaction. Sam watches you apprehensively, his guard halfway up, and you realize you haven’t responded in a timely manner.

“Oh Sam, having just you would be great, if…” You trail off, looking at your hands. How can you explain to Sam that it’s easier for you - and safer for everyone - for you to not have any true attachments?

Sam nods while you search for the words. “I know. There’s stuff on my side keeping me from asking you, and there’s stuff in your life too. Don’t feel bad, I just… I wanted you to know you’re appreciated and cared for, and for more than the services you provide.” Sam gives you a wry smile and you chuckle, nodding too. 

“I’m truly sorry Sam. If things were different… If our lives were different, maybe we’d end up together. But we shouldn’t focus on the ifs, just the nows.” 

Sam starts to reply but his phone goes off, startling you two. You crawl out of Sam’s lap and you both stand up, him answering his phone while you clean up, and you two get dressed. He’s talking in hushed tones, so you do your best to ignore him, checking your phone instead. More news articles about the dead cattle and people in nearby towns, the locations getting closer to yours. With a frown, you forward the links to your friend, a hunter of the supernatural who has been teaching you to hunt, with the caption “Now is it a case?” and as you wait for a response, you continue reading the articles, doing what research you can from your phone.

Sam saying “Goodbye, Dean,” at normal volume pulls your attention from your phone to him, and you smile knowingly. 

“Brother giving you trouble?”

“Yeah,” Sam chuckles, rolling his eyes, “he’s got a gig for us and needs my help prepping. I’m sorry I have to leave, but I’m really glad you’re feeling better (Y/N). I’ll try to set up another session before we leave town.” Sam kisses your forehead then stuffs payment in your fingers, hurrying out the door amidst your protests.

When the door clicks shut behind him, you plop on the bed and look at the bills, eyes growing wide as you count. He doubled your usual rate, even though you’d barely done anything! You shoot Sam a text, flustered, “You paid me too much, mister moose!” and when your phone buzzes again not even a minute after you set it down, you expect it to be Sam, but it’s your hunter friend Stacy instead. 

“Yup, it’s a case. I can’t help, on a different hunt, but I’ll get help sent your way. Be careful.”

You’re nervous about doing the case without her, but knowing help is coming, you feel a little relieved. “Send them to the bar so we can plan over food.” You reply, then pack up, knowing you need to get dressed for a hunt and get all your research together. The better prepared you are to brief your backup, the faster the hunt can be finished.

You walk into the bar and scout out a table, organizing your stuff then ordering a drink and food, settling in to wait. Keeping an eye on the door, you try to guess who your backup is, but everyone you think it is doesn’t even look your way. Eventually you give up and go over your research again, and you don’t look up until someone knocks on your table, pulling your attention to a tall, freckle-faced man with a cocky grin. “Are you (Y/N)? Garth said to tell you Stacy sent us.” Hearing Stacy’s name, it clicks, and you smirk at the man.

“So you’re the help?” You ask, one eyebrow raised. As a domme, you can handle cocky men, and you’re ready to sass the man in front of you until the last person you expect to see steps into your sight. 

“Sam Winchester?”

[nonstoplover]

wasn’t expecting that ~ Chris Evans (song drabble)

my masterlist │ my song drabbles

song used as inspiration: jamie lawson ~ wasn't expecting that

words: 4.1K

approximate reading time: about 20-25 mins

warnings: realllly small, not even detailed mentions of a coming death at the very end of it, if you're uncomfortable with reading about deadly illnesses, please don't read after the “many, many years later” caption!! otherwise it's nothing but nonstop fluffiness

a/n: song drabble nUMeRo CuAtRo!!! the ending is a little bit sad, i'm sorry, i just really love this song and wanted to follow the lyrics as perfectly as i could. this song is so beautiful, if you haven’t already, give it a listen. absolutely breathtaking.

anyway, this story here has a couple time jumps, prepare yourself for that lmao. these are mostly just short scenes showing glimpses of reader's life. i hope you enjoy it, the longest song drabble by far that i have written. let me know what you think, feedback is very much appreciated!! and as usual, feel free to request, loves.

The floor was shaking and even the air was vibrating from the loud bass ringing through the speakers of the club (y/n) previously decided to spend the night at. It wasn't typical of her, but as she just finished a huge project at work and actually amused her boss with the professionalism she had shown, she thought she deserved a night out.

It's been a while since she had last stepped inside a club or any party, she had always been too caught up with her work. She joyously glanced around the crowd of people moving to the rhythm on the dancefloor as she was slowly slipping her drink at the bar counter, the side of her body pressing against it, looking for support.

Her moving eyes fell on a particular guy over and over again. An attractive, tall, blondish brown haired young man whose smile seemed to bring sunshine even to the darkness of the club. She felt a strange feeling in her chest and slightly alcohol-clouded mind whenever she accidentally caught sight of him.

One of those times when she turned her head back to watch him, he wasn't there and she felt disappointment pang in her body, a kind of feeling she'd never admit feeling because of a stranger.  

A few moments passed with her standing motionless, eyes watching the liquid dance around in her glass from the loudness of the music, but then a body collided with hers, startling the girl. She raised her head with wide eyes, meeting a beautiful pair of green ones already staring at her.

"Well, this wasn't how I wanted to introduce myself, but I guess I gotta work with what I got," the man she was previously staring at oh so many times chuckled, leaning a little closer so she could hear his words clearly. "I'm Chris."

(y/n) tried to ignore the sudden change of rhythm inside her chest, her pulse rapidly growing. She was almost sure the man in front of her could hear her heart beat in her throat. With a (probably visible) gulp she took the held out hand and shook it.

"I'm (y/n)."

"Beautiful name," Chris grinned and the girl felt relieved the lights were dim as she could feel the blood rush to her cheeks.

"Thank you," she muttered.

"I saw you from over there and you have such a breathtakingly gorgeous smile that I knew it'd be the biggest mistake of my life if I wouldn't come over and introduce myself."

He was such a flirt, and these exaggerated compliments were way too cheesy for her liking, but still, somehow the way he spoke the words, she could feel herself grow weak in the knees.

Meanwhile all Chris was able to think was that even though he probably sounded like a creep, a bold creep, he had to praise her. She had to know just how precious she was. A feeling took over him, filling him up from his toes to the top of his head, something he had never felt before. He knew that if there was one thing he truly wanted in his life, it was to get to know this woman.

"You have pretty eyes," (y/n) replied a moment later, almost immediately mentally cursing herself. Really?! This was the best thing her mind could come up with? Her whole face probably looked brighter red than a tomato by now, and she swiftly raised her glass to drink from it, trying to hide herself and finding something to do as she prayed for the ground to open up under her feet and swallow her as a whole.

Chris just let out an honest, lovely laugh, his eyes sparkling with happiness, showing no sign that he thought the girl was weird or awkward. In fact, he found her answer rather adorable instead.

"Can I get you another?" He pointed at the now empty glass.

(y/n) glanced down, for a moment unsure what he meant as she was still caught up in her thoughts, but a few seconds later she just shook her head, letting out a laugh.

"No, thanks, I think I had enough." She knew that if she had even just one more sip of alcohol in her body, she would only make an even bigger fool out of herself and the last thing she wanted to do was to embarrass herself in front of such a fine piece of a man.

"Whatever you'd like," Chris smiled back. "Then, would you like to dance or you'd prefer sitting down somewhere a little more quiet and talk?"

He was moving fast and non-stop, and he was a tiny bit scared he might lose everything with it, but the fear of the girl leaving without him having a chance to find out more about her was greater and stopped the little, worrying voice in his head.

"Dancing's fine for now," (y/n) grinned, grabbing the man's hand and pulling him already towards the dancefloor.

All her life, she'd always been shy and incoherent around men, but seeing the straightforwardness of Chris she felt a sudden wave of confidence move through her veins.

They danced through multiple songs, bodies moving close against each other, facing each other or with (y/n) pressing her back against his front, it didn't matter. They changed position multiple times, getting completely lost in the deafening music and each other.

It only took an hour or so before (y/n), now standing face to face with him, lifted her head and at the same time Chris lowered his, right until their lips met in a chaste kiss. It was so short (y/n) couldn't decide if she only dreamt it, but then as their eyes met again, the twinkle in his green ones told her that it was real.

Both of them bursted out giggling as they continued to dance for a few minutes before eventually (y/n) felt too exhausted to move another bone in her body. They managed to collect their jackets before stepping out into the cold early spring night.

Their ears were whizzing from spending hours in the noisy room but it felt great to finally have some fresh oxygen in their lungs. Without a word spoken (y/n) slipped her hand into Chris' much bigger one and started walking home. She felt utterly thankful for living only two streets down from the club, not having to wait for an Uber to arrive.

The ten minutes of walking they spent with flowing conversation, eventually slightly sobering up, but that didn't stop them from starting making out as soon as they reached her building. With a little stumbling on the stairs completed with a couple kisses stolen on the way up, they successfully arrived to her apartment door.

After four resultless attempts Chris took the key from the girl's tipsy, clumsy hands and opened the door himself. Making out immediately continued, with (y/n)'s back pressed against the wall, her body trapped between the man's arms, one that was supporting his weight on the wall and one on her waist whilst his feet were on either side of hers. There was nowhere to go for her, but it's not like she even wanted to leave.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The sunlight crept in through the window, slowly reaching (y/n)'s face, waking her up from the amazing dream she had. She mentally cursed herself for forgetting to close the blinds the night before, and sleepily rolled over to escape the sharp light hitting her eyes.

A moment later her fingers touched warm, soft skin and she was all of a sudden completely awake, eyes open wide. She stared at the man laying in her bed in disbelief.

So it wasn't a dream?  This Greek god truly spent the night with her? A gasp escaped her lips and she swiftly brought her palm up, pressing it against her mouth, hoping she didn't wake him up.

Chris started somewhat moving, his hand that was until then laying between their bodies moving up and around her torso. She subconsciously shuddered under his touch and it was enough to wake him up. His eyes blinked open, a lazy smile splitting his face.

"Good morning, (y/n)."

"Good morning," she answered, his raspy morning voice waking a couple feelings inside of her chest.

"What?" He chuckled when he finally caught glimpse of her still visibly surprised expression.

"I just... well, I wasn't expecting that." Her pointer finger moved back and forth between them, alternately signalling at the man and herself.

"Me too, I never thought I'd ever wake up in such an amazing woman's bed," Chris raised his eyebrow suggestively, a wide grin playing on his lips.

"No, I meant that I never thought that I'd ever wake up beside a real marble statue."

Chris bursted out laughing before repeating her words in amusement.

"Well, okay, not marble statue. But a real life god for sure," (y/n) mumbled.

The man only laughed even harder, pushing himself up on his elbows.

"If I'm a god, then you're a goddess," he replied before leaning down to kiss the girl passionately.

A couple minutes of rolling around in the bed sharing sloppy, dozy kisses later Chris stood up from the bed. (y/n) almost covered her eyes when they took in the sight of the naked man in front of her, but memories of the previous night came to her mind and she just smiled up at him, noticing the tiny smirk taking over his expression as he looked down at her lying form.

"I'll take a shower, you join if you like, and then I'll take you out for breakfast," he announced on his way to the bathroom winking over his shoulder, and before she would have the chance or time to protest, he has already disappeared through the doorway.

- - - - - - - - - - -

"Everyone, this is Chris," (y/n) announced to her small group of friends. "And Chris, this is everyone."

Laughter filled the living room before eventually each person opposing the couple moved to introduce themselves to their friend's boyfriend.

"We've heard so many things about you," Jack grinned at him as they shook hands.

"Only good ones, I hope." Chris chuckled.

"Oh, don't worry, she's talking about you all the time, and somehow they're only good, or what is more, amazing things," Emily joined the conversation, pulling the friend group's new addition into a hug.

"Yeah, I'm quite convinced by now that you're naturally unable to make mistakes," another friend, Daniel added.

Chris shook his head in disbelief, lovingly glaring at the girl standing by his side as he laughed along with her friends.

"What? It's not true, I do tell them your disadvantages too!" (y/n) protested in an exclaim.

"Really? Then I probably missed them all 'cause I can't remember a single thing," Emily giggled.

"I think we all missed that," Jack high-fived her.

"Shut up, guys."

(y/n) rolled her eyes, swiftly moving out of her boyfriend's hold, leaving towards the kitchen.

"Come on, girl, we're only joking!" The last one of her friends, Tessa called out after her.

"Just stop making a fool of me in front of Chris," (y/n) announced when she got back with a plate in her hands. "You're gonna scare him away and I'll hate you for it forever."

"It's impossible, nothing can make me leave." Chris grabbed her arm to pull her into his side, pressing a quick kiss against her temple.

A choir of 'aww's filled the air and (y/n) hid her face in her palms to cover the rising blush.

"Let's just play one of those games," she pointed at the tower of board games on the coffee table to try and divert the subject.

Three hours later Chris placed the last dirty glass in the dishwasher, straightening his back with a sigh. To say he was tired was a misunderstanding. He felt utterly exhausted, the nervousness of meeting (y/n)'s friends for the first time, the countless different games they played throughout the evening had completely worn him out.

He wearily strolled back inside the living room, slumping down on the couch as his girlfriend still moved around, sweeping the floor.

"How are you?" She glanced at him with an understanding smile.

"Dead tired," he groaned. "But it was fun. I like them."

"You do?" (y/n) beamed, pouring the collected dirt inside the trash can before moving to sit down next to him, snuggling into him.

"Did you have fun?" Chris asked back, pressing a kiss against her hair, right on the top of her head.

"Absolutely. Thank you for everything," she sighed in contentment. "And for helping me clean up."

"You're welcome."

They stayed like that, enjoying the peaceful quiet and happiness surrounding them inside and out for about half an hour. Chris couldn't help but think about one thing only, and that one thing was what he was feeling in his chest. It had been there for a while now, but that day it grew even stronger.

(y/n) was thinking about the same thing. How complete this man had made her and her life ever since he came into view. How much he gave her, whether it was words, silence, touches, a kiss or literally anything else that she needed. She wanted him to know it, so in that calmness she took the chance to finally express it.

"I love you," she whispered so quietly she wasn't sure he even heard it, right until she felt Chris' body go tense as he took in the words.

He couldn't believe his ears first. Did the girl hear his thoughts? He wanted to say it out loud, too, but she was faster.

"I love you too," he replied.

(y/n) raised her head and sat up straighter, supporting her weight gripping into his arm. She was grinning wide, and he felt one with a similar width splitting his face as well. They both let out a giggle before leaning in and kissing each other with the most passion ever.

"Wow, I didn't think you could make me smile this big," (y/n) chuckled when they parted.

"Me neither."

They stared at each other in complete adoration for what felt like eternity before the girl let out a yawn, breaking the moment. Chris stood up, gently lifting her up in bridal style to bring her to her bed.

"Are you gonna stay?" Her sleepy voice broke the comfortable silence when her body met the mattress and she snuggled herself into the sheets.

"If you want me to, yeah."

"Of course I want you to, dummy," she giggled and Chris smiled, pulling his shirt off his body before crawling into bed, arms already moving around her torso to pull her into him.

- - - - - - - - - - -

"I'm trying to work!" (y/n) exclaimed when Chris didn't stop tickling her side, standing behind her chair.

"And I'm trying to talk with you," he answered cheekily, but the slight quiver of his voice didn't go unnoticed by the girl. She put the pen down and turned to the side to look at him. Within a moment he was squatting beside her so she didn't have to crane her neck too much to be able to look into his eyes.

"What is it then?" (y/n) asked sweetly, reaching out to lace her fingers with his.

"I was thinking," Chris started, but eventually stopped after these three words, making the girl let out a chuckle.

"Yeah? That was the important thing that couldn't wait?"

"No, shhh, I'm tryna find the best way to say it," he placed a finger against her lips to gently shut her up.

"Okay, now you're scaring me," she stated from behind his touch, slightly muffled as her eyes widened with worry.

"You know, I think... Uh..."

(y/n) had never seen him like that before. Chris was a stuttering mess instead of the always confident man she got to know him to be. She waited patiently for him to continue, intrigued to find out the reason behind his nervosity.

"Let's move in together."

Her lips somewhat parted as she processed his words, taken aback by the sudden announcement.

"I mean, we're technically already living together, there are only a couple nights we spend apart, and I think it'd be nice to officially be able to be together 24/7," the man rambled, trying to explain it.

Now it was (y/n)'s turn to shush him with her finger against his lips. She had already thought about it just like seemingly he did, so her answer was already thought through and ready to be spoken out loud.

"It'd be awesome," she said, grinning widely at Chris. He fistbumped the air in the utter joy he was feeling before pulling the girl in by the back of her neck and smashing their lips together.

- - - - - - - - -

As the celebration of their one year anniversary, Chris arranged a weekend getaway trip to the mountains where he rented a small house away from everything and everyone so they could spend some time actually, truly alone.

He planned everything, even packed a bag for her, putting in all her favourite clothing items, and he only told her about it when he woke her up the day before their anniversary at 6am so they could leave early.

The roadtrip was amazing, filled with lots of laughter, singing (or more like belting out song lyrics), stuffing their stomach with all kinds of snacks (Chris bought at least one pack of literally everything he had found in the shop earlier), and switching position every once in a while so he could rest a bit while she was the one driving.

(y/n) was blown away, to say the least. The house, the view, the whole idea itself was breathtakingly lovely. No one ever did anything like that for her in her whole life. She had never felt so loved.

Being exhausted from the several hours long car ride and getting up so early in the morning, they eventually decided to take a nap. Not much later (y/n) was already sleeping so deep that she didn't notice her boyfriend leave her side. He worked in silence in the bathroom, careful not to make any mistakes as he lit the small candles and scattered the rose petals.

An hour later, when the girl finally woke up, Chris was nowhere to be seen. She walked around the house in search of him, and eventually arrived to the bathroom. Her jaw dropped to the floor as her eyes took in the sight.

Candlelight illuminated dimly the whole room, petals of red roses creating a path towards the bathtub. She slowly approached it, and when she glanced down, she let out a quiet squeal.

With those very petals there were words written out on the bottom of the tub.

          WILL YOU MARRY ME?

Her hand flew up to cover her widely opened lips as tears filled her eyes. The sound of the door closing behind her made her spin around, and there he was, the man she was previously searching for. A simple, white shirt hugged his torso perfectly, the outlines of his toned upper body clearly showing from under it. His choice of clothing was completed with a pair of elegant pants and a single red rose was in his hands.

He slowly knelt down to one knee under her staring eyes and as a sob escaped her, a couple teardrops freeing themselves and rolling down her cheeks, he spoke the words of the question out loud, pulling a ring box out from his pocket.

She was crying unstoppably at this point, but she managed to move her head in several huge nods as an answer. When she was finally able to form words, she started mumbling yes over and over against the skin of her hands.

Chris swiftly stood up and rushed to her side, taking her face in his hands only to stare at her in affection for a couple seconds. He eventually broke out from his trance and pulled her face towards him to kiss her.

"What, you're not even gonna look at the ring?" He joked with their lips still touching when after they parted, she still chased him with her lips.

(y/n) leant further away from him and turned her gaze down, watching as Chris pulled the mentioned ring out of its box and place it onto her fourth finger.

"It's absolutely gorgeous," she gasped, taking in the simple, yet elegant golden ring. She moved her hand around, amused by how beautifully the small gem shined in the candlelight.

"Thank you," the girl lifted her head back up to press yet another kiss against his lips, followed by about a million more.

- - - - - - - - -

Exactly two years after they first met in that club, (y/n) found herself stepping out to the slightly crisp but sunny spring air, her arms linked with her father's, body perfectly hugged by the previously chosen wedding dress.

As they got closer to the front, she noticed the tears shining in Chris' eyes as he watched her come closer and her heart fluttered with utter delight.

She truly was a wonderfully gorgeous creature. Chris knew that he'd never be able to get enough of looking at her.

He truly was a sight for sore eyes, (y/n) thought giddily, almost tripping on her way there. She was sure she would've faceplanted onto the ground if his father wasn't grabbing her arm so tightly.

Chris shook his head in loving disbelief as he noticed her (not surprising) clumsiness and (y/n) shrugged, shooting a grin his way.

Finally tearing her gaze from the man, his fiancé, (in order to avoid actually tripping) she looked to the side to catch a glimpse of her mum. The older woman's eyes were blurry, cheeks staining with wet stripes already, her lips curved into a beaming smile. She held her hand up, forming a thumbs up at her daughter, making her grin even wider before turning back towards Chris, as she was arriving to her final destination.

The ceremony didn't last long, or at least for the couple standing facing each other it didn't seem moer than a couple minutes. In the flicker of an eye they were already at the end of it, leaning in to kiss each other in utter and complete love.

"I love you more than anything, Mrs Evans," the new husband whispered to his wife.

"I love you too, Mr Evans."

- - - - - - many, many years later - - - - - - -

"Don't you cry, you old dumbass," (y/n) scolded her husband, glancing up at him from where she was laying in the hospital bed, her voice raspy from age but the glint in her eyes still the exact same as it was in her twenties, whenever she was looking at him.

"But it's back," Chris whispered in a watery voice as he sat next to her, gripping her hand tightly. He tried hard to fight the urge to cry, it could wait until he got back home where she couldn't see him. It's the least he could do for her now.

"Yeah, and what? You whining about it won't make it go away," the older woman rolled her eyes.

"You're right," he sighed, lifting her hand up to his lips to press a shaky kiss against the back of it.

"I know, I always am," (y/n) laughed. "Otherwise, didn't we have a full life? We had each other through all of it. We made three human beings and raised them amazingly, I mean, just look at them. All successful in what they love to do, respected and surrounded with their own families. We have seven adorable grandchildren. And, you know, we have to face it, we're more than 70 now. Everyone dies someday, and I think we were lucky to stay alive for so long. It could've taken me back then, but it didn't and we had more than thirty years after that. What we had is more than I have ever wished for back when I was a kid or a teenager. All we should be is thankful."

At the end of her speech she was so out of breath that she had to spend a couple seconds leaning her head back and just breathing - panting.

"You're right, again," her husband smiled sadly, and her eyes gleamed happily.

"I love you," she spoke up again when she gained enough strength to do so. "I have loved you all my life, more than anything, never forget that. And I'm thankful for you and all that you've done for me. One thing's for sure, though. On that night in the club, I wasn't expecting that."

A teardrop escaped no matter how hard (y/n) tried to hold it back, and it slowly made its way down the elderly, paper-like skin of her cheek. Chris leaned in and gently kissed it away, both of them letting out a weak giggle from the movie-like cheesiness of it.

"And I love you too, darling."

.::the end::.

my masterlist

[felinememory]

•CHASING MEMORIES•

"Why do you travel alone?" He asked.

"Finding bliss in solitude", then she smiled and take a sip of her coffee.

"Lalim.. Hahahaha..."

"I wanted to travel and enjoy.. Ayan simple na.. Hahahaha"

"You're shots were good. Nakita ko yung mga pinost mo".

"Oh, you're stalking me?" she said with a laugh.

"No. No. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way".

" I'm just kidding". She smiled, "ang seryoso mo eh. Stalker ba talaga kita? Hahaha"

"You're taking too many photos. Why not enjoy the view instead. It's already in front of you. Professional photographer ka?"

"Nope. Travel enthusiast lang. Memories. I wanted to collect memories."

He nods, "but you can instill it in your heart and mind you know. That's what other people do. Masarap ienjoy lang yung view, yung ambiance. "

"I'm enjoying. Masarap yung hangin. Maaliwalas. I've never been here. Atleast i know na ito ang unang beses. And i never went to a place twice. Kaya sinusulit ko".

"Even if the place is as beautiful as this? Masarap bumalik dito. It's my third time and I'm still inlove"

"I wanted to reach different places first while I still can. Kaya hindi ako bumabalik sa lugar na napuntahan ko na."

"Ohhhh, mabilis magmove on.. Hahahaha wag ganun..."

She sipped her coffee.

"Eventually I'll forget that I've been to this place. Those photos will be my memory of it. Yun lang yung pwede kong pang hawakan na nanggaling na ko dito. Na minsan sa buhay ko, hindi ko man maalala. Alam kong totoo pag nakita ko sa mga litrato. " she said with a smile but with the saddest eyes.

While he hide his. His own sadness hearing it from her.

They sipped their coffee in silence. But not an awkward one.

"Wanna try creating a memory with me?"

"Akala ko ba hindi kita stalker? Crush mo ko noh? Ahahahaha"

"No and Yes. No I'm not your stalker and Yes I like you"

" Wow. That's .. That's too straightforward", she felt a bit akward.

"You're asking"

"Yeah , oo nga naman. I asked."

"So is it a yes?"

"I have 3 rules".

"Fire it."

"First, be my photographer during this trip.

Second, let's both cut our connections to everyone outside this travel.

And last, no attachment. When this trip is over. We'll forget everything. Back to strangers. Deal?", she raised her cup.

"Deal.", and he did the same.

That happened a year ago.

He is still looking for her. Maling mali ang naging decision nyang bitiwan ito pagkatapos ang isang linggo nila sa Siargao.

Every where he went, sa tuwing magtatravel sya. He was still hoping na magkikita sila ulit.

She deleted her social media accounts.

She changed her number again.

Her blog stopped posting travel pictures more than 6 months already.

Nawalan na sya ng mapa para sundan ang dalagang nagpapatibok ng puso nia.

Nagtatanung pa din sya kung anung ibig sabihin ng mga huling salita na binitiwan nito bago sila maghiwalay sa airport. Akala nya ay tulad lang ulit yun ng dati.

"Thank you for making this travel different" like before, her smiles were trying to hide the sadness.

"Malay mo naman magkita tayo ulit sa sunod nating travel"

"Third rule dba?"

"Then we'll start over. Hahahaha.. I'll introduce myself and make you mine again for real." He kidded.

"Hahaha.. puro ka biro. We enjoyed this one. Memories dba?"

"Pero seryoso, sana magkita tayo sa Manila or sa sunod nating travel. I'll be in Batanes next. Baka lang naman".

"Hey." Aniya ng may halong lungkot, "rule 3".

"Oo na.. Oo na.. I'll stop. Fate na ang bahala".

Yumakap ang dalaga sa binata.

"My mind might forget this place and everything we've had. But i know my heart won't. Thank you so much. Kung sakali man na magkita nga ulit tayo. Maaring nabura na lahat ng alaala ko. Pero alam ko, makikilala ka ng puso ko. At kung ito man ang huli, salamat."

Hinigpitan ng binata ang yakap. He felt like if he let go. He won't ever see her again.

This is the first time he felt that way. Hindi tulad ng dati.

"Goodbye Kian." It hurts him hearing those words from her.

"See you again Allen."

And until now, He's searching.

Iba na naman ang numero ng dalaga.

Her Facebook's deleted.

Blogsite lang nito ang tanging paraan para masundan ito and her facebook page.

Pero tila ayaw talaga nitong magpahanap.

This time iba.

Batanes. El Nido. Cebu. Coron. Laguna. Davao. Hongkong. Singapore. Kung saan saan pa. At heto sya. Nasa Siargao ulit.

Kahit na sinabi ng dalaga na hindi sya bumabalik sa lugar na napuntahan na nya.

Umaasang magkikita sila.

He even used all his connections. Bigo syang mahanap ito. He went to her place pero wala na ito doon. No one could answer his questions. They were helping pero bigo pa din.

It already took him a year. A year of searching. A year of regret.

His phone beeps. A notification from a blog site. At halos mabitiwan nia ito ng makita kung anu ang notification na 'yon.

Allen's blogsite just posted an update.

A picture of a man holding his coffee. A silhouette with the sunset. With the caption," I think my heart find its way back".

To his shock, it was him.

Napatayo sya. Inikot ng tingin ang lahat ng direction malapit sa kanya. And there , he saw her. Holding the camera. In her white summer dress and fedora hat on. Smiling at him full of love and longing.

Teary eyed he went near close her. He wanted to know if this isn't just an imagination.

Tangina. Kape ang ininom nya hindi vodka. Kaya imposibleng naghahallucinate sya sa kalasingan.

"Hi." That's all he could say ng makalapit sya. Yun lang ang tanging nasabi nia.

"Hi," she answered.

And there, he pull her close to him into a tight longing hug.

Finally. Finally.

The search is over.

"Sorry it took me long to come back" she sobs on his chest.

"I've searched and waited. I even trusted fate."

"I will never leave you again."

"Hinding hindi na kita bibitawan. Hinding hindi ko na hahayaang mawala ka ulit."

"Hinding hindi na ko aalis. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the selfish decisions I've made. Ayokong masaktan ka".

He hugged her tighter.

"Napakamakasarili ko. Natakot ako. Natakot akong mawala lahat ng alaala ko ng tuluyan . Natakot akong hindi na kita marecognize. Last year.." , she cried even more reminiscing what happened last year there in Siargao.

"Shhhhh.. Tama na. You're here. Andito ka na."

"Sorry Sweetheart. Sorry for not recognizing you that time."

"It's all over now. Andito ka na. Andito ka na", he said in tears.

"Hinding hindi na ko mawawala ulit."

"At hinding hindi na kita bibitawan. Makalimutan mo man lahat, mawala man ang alaala mo dahil sa sakit mo. Hinding hinding na ko papayag na aalis ka sa tabi ko. Ipapaalala ko sayo lahat at gagawa tayo ng mas marami pa.."

"Hindi na mangyayari ulit yun. I'm good now, magaling na ko. And I won't ever forget you. I will never forget how much i love you".

He kissed her. That's the only answer he could give. He's happy. Ecstatic actually. Akala nia nawala na ito ng tuluyan sa kanya.

But no.

She's there.

She's back.

The search is finally over.

[sherlolly-siya]

Magnum P.I. S02xE18-20 spoilers and tidbits

I thought i’ll give a prologue first 😅 Remember i pet project where i was trying to decipher the episode names? yea i didn’t get very far on that.. but i have come to a conclusion, that each title is a convention for what the clients in that episode, and/or our P.I. is going through. Eg. S02xE16 : Farewell To Love

Episode starts with Gladys and Bert who had given up on love but eventually found it in one another. The fact that Gladys narrated this part makes it poetic in a sense that she was the one who had to say bid farewell to Bert.Then TC and Teresa, they found the one that they always loved. The one who made them happier, but TC had to let her go go, he bid farewell to his love, instead of ruining 3 lives.In the beginning of the episode, we see magnum all in for online dating, but after what happened with Dylan, we see him coming to an abrupt conclusion that online dating is just isn’t the thing for him, also adding to the fact, the girl who met through an app (Abby) had just recently broken off with him. So magnum kind of bid a metaphorical farewell to finding love online.

Spoilers for S02x18, S02x19 and S02x20 under the cut if you wish to continue. Warning: My rant got hella long, longer than i planned and there are lots of pics and links below. Thanks @maggiesoa​ and @lizzysfavs​ for providing some food for my thoughts  😊

So.. lets begin with S02x18 : A world of trouble I’m just grouping together the pics that I’ve found so far which seem to be related to episode 18: Perdy and Bobby discussed about having a scene together ignore jay’s comment here, I’m all for #TeamJin and I will riot if they ever kill him. I believe the episode starts with Jin, showing up at Robin’s nest, where he ends up in a situation where he has to change in magnum’s clothes (note the t-shirt magnum is ironing... (Edit: DIDN'T HAPPEN!!?? I MEAN!! This could have been cute.. didn't have to be a total BTS for once!!) Where we get this scene, All i can guess right now is that is a tab in Jin’s had, and he’s being a fair judge for miggy while they prepare for their visa interview, or he could be here with today’s case

Which takes us to to the primary promo for 2x18, where they solve the case at hand. Now my guess is that the case doesnt take up entire 47 minutes, because this promo also exists. What this secondary promo also shows is them at a office(?) guessing visa or may be its a school where the current client works? where magnum/higgy blurts out that they’re marrying and some lady says that they don’t look like a couple. We also see Katsumoto warning Higgy about the consequences of marrying their business partner. (Edit: this did happen and fueled Higgy’s resolve to back out.. nothing wrong there..but as Jin said.. may it be with Magnum or TC, u’re still breaking the law Mrs. I can figure out how pretending with TC is going to get good results? if anything.. it only comes out of nowhere) I’m sensing a connection here again with the title of the episode: A world of trouble:  - The current client, the case was definitely given to them by some one else because they approach the lady coz Higgy says “You’re in trouble, we just want to help you.”, which means she might have refused help at one point. - Literally 2 people in a 2 min worth promo have commented on their wedding, does this not sound like trouble to you?

When magnum is possibly heading out to go to La Mariana, (Edit: DING! DING! DING! This was indeed before the bar scene.. which kinda broke my heart.. but we’ll talk about that in detail later) she tells him that she’s reconsidered her decision that she will be marrying TC instead (which is weird, but for the sake of it, OK). Which also implies that she’s going to have a heart to heart with TC how she had one with Rick before in 2x13. (Edit: Umm.. i would have liked to hear the entire convo here.. but i guess its going to come back a flashback some day?) Magnum than heads to the bar, with Jin where he meets up with his friends and we get this, going by past experiences, this is going to be the last scene where he’s with his friends. Now what leaves me confused is this guy below, the one that magnum rescued and now has a food truck (Rem S1x01, they got him all the way from there now). He’s not listed for 2x18, but the actors caption says 2x18? So is he like the caterer for the wedding? (i thought kamekona was doing that?) or he’s there for entirely other reason?

Now this all leads up to S02x19 :  May The Best One Win Again the title is the synopsis here,

Magnum and Higgins are each hired by a different spouse who are in the middle of a contentious divorce to dig up dirt on the other, and Thomas and Higgins soon find themselves competing over resources. 

But i don’t think them competing again each other is the only thing here, remember this gem from TV guide magazine? - Jay mentions there being an odd jealousy there, and there is something percolating between the duo which magnum doesn’t want to address just yet. I think the competition is not just between Magnum and Higgy, for magnum it is also between him and TC. May be he’ll be still trying to show her that he is the one she should be marrying, even if that’s fake.  - And for the implied element we also have this garage fight, where they’re up against “just one guy, but a very big guy”. This again i don’t think takes forever to solve since, there’s an upcoming wedding everyone has to attend, we’ve all seen the famous pics, but this:

Him again!! And looks like he is in fact catering the event. Now since S02x19 and S02x20 are to be merged into one mega episode, lets slip into: S02x20 :  A Leopard on the Prowl 

Magnum and Higgins help Rick when his father figure, Icepick , just out of prison and battling terminal cancer, gets double crossed on one last score. Also, Magnum makes one last bold move to help Higgins stay in the country.

This is the rick centric episode the viewers were promised, Adding pics of Zac coz he looks great here:

But do you see anything missing here? My sleep deprived brain does. Icepick seems to be have fallen pray to something on the run, nothing pre-planned, the guy has terminal cancer, he’s dying any day now, why would someone spend any time to plan something against him? (He’s probably going to die in this epi..he only had few months.. the article says “reluctantly try to help him” seriously guys why do you have to be reluctant? And below pic is probably of the same related fight scene Jay talked about in the TV guide snippet:

And if the video Jay uploaded is even close to the actual scene, it could be because the guy hit Rick/Higgy and Magnum picked up another fight with him.. or that’s just for insta.. I’ll leave it open. There’s a fight scene with TC as well i suppose. Now what does the title have to do with the episode? Here’s my theory: - Remember Dr. Kim i already mentioned twice above. He’s gotta be here for more than just “catering the wedding”, magnum said he was a code breaker, he was mentioned in one of Robin’s books, he instantly identified the co-ordinates which Nuzzo left for Magnum, (which is duh!  u’re telling me that magnum was a navy SEAL and can read waves but cant piece together actual co-ordinates?!!). Magnum was kidnapped by Ivan’s people coz he needed something from him which was in the books, later Ivan had magnum delivered to himself on a secret mission of retrieving Hayek, who was a weapons dealer but he got away with drones instead.. I think this is all related somehow, there has to be something in this episode that points to this.. I thought may be its in Robin’s books.. but they have never mentioned the same book twice.. I’m still looking for answers though.. But going ahead, see this ,

“ Magnum makes one last bold move to help Higgins stay in the country.” “You see Higgins in a unexpected position, which magnum is very uncomfortable with and where he is not sure about his place”

Soo.. the wedding didn’t happen? So that’s not helping her stay in the country? 

It didn’t bother me much before.. but think about this, what if since the wedding plan backfired, she has to go back to London until her visa is renewed/reapplied for : an unexpected position since she has found something in Hawaii she doesn’t want to loose. Which leaves magnum as the in-charge of Robin’s nest and Zeus and Apollo and part of the deal [I can almost see my HC at the horizon]. An uncomfortable position where he has to manage the estate and the hounds of hell without his “professional better half”. I think there is a beach good-bye scene on this day, may be an actual hug between miggy? Supporting evidence as follows:

Now the last attempt Magnum makes, does he offer her a job? Does he confess? But that wouldn’t automatically land her in an unexpected situation , that would be magnum putting her in that situation while being full aware of his position. I bet lenkov has got pretty good plan for this to play out. Now this doesn’t back up my crack where Higgins leaves, because

This story was posted along with the one where magnum is boating.. so they’re probably from the same episode.. where the last ditch effort has paid off but Magnum and Higgins roles have now been shifted a little and lenkov’s quote makes sense “Nothing really changes”.. has anyone ne noticed that there are no Juliet pics from 2x20 yet? 

I cant wait to see that though.. and for a 100% i know there is a season 3, its a gut feeling i have. Thank you for stopping by.. sorry it was too long  😘

[lightsburnbrite]

Things We Do for Love: Part 2

(Third part to Such a Thrill and The Devil is in the Details)

As the months passed, Leon slowly started to form normalcy. His apartment resembled more of a bachelor’s pad as Karina’s personal items were removed. In an effort to get his mind off of things, it wasn’t uncommon for two or three of Leon’s friends to come and stay for weeks at a time and he genuinely appreciated the company but it didn’t replace the fact that Karina was gone. Mathea, never one to miss an opportunity, soon moved herself in and resumed her role as the doting girlfriend.

“Ha! I’ve found her.”

Leon let the basketball rebound off the floor before holding it still. Putting the net up in the living room seemed like both his best and worst idea to date. “What? Found who?”

“Karina.” Sebastian called back out. He wasn’t Leon’s official agent, but he acted in a managerial capacity in addition to being Leon’s close friend. “She’s listed on the website as the Associate Curator of European Art.”

Leon put the ball down and walked over to the sofa where Sebastian was lounging. He stopped short, trying to decide if he would feel better knowing where Karina was or if he would feel worse. “What website?”

“AGO.” Sebastian looked up from the screen at Leon. “Does Marius really not know where she is?”

Leon shook his head. “No. Their parents haven’t come out and said it but he figured they’d cut him off too if he tried to get in touch with her. What does AGO stand for?”

“Art Gallery of Ontario.” He turned his laptop towards Leon. “As in Ca-na-da, eh?”

Leon smirked at Sebastian’s over pronunciation but he couldn’t help but smile at Karina’s picture placed alongside her bio. She looked essentially the same, her hair might have been a bit longer and she had it straightened in this picture, but she looked genuinely happy. Leon knew that Karina had a “professional smile” that she used to counteract her natural inclination to frown but the smile she wore in her picture proved her to be happy and proud of this new position.

“Oh damn,”

Leon turned back to Sebastian who was on his phone now. “What now?”

“Looks like she’s got a new…” Sebastian hesitated. “Well, have a look.”

Sebastian had pulled facebook up on his phone but he didn’t know the person who’s profile it was. It was a picture of a group of six people at what looked to be an outdoor wedding reception, the bride and groom were placed in the middle with two people on either side. Karina stood to the very right, tucked neatly against the side of man who looked to be about the same age, her hand resting on his chest while his was placed low on her hip. Again, Karina smiled brightly while the man had more of a smirk and that instantly put Leon off him. He had been hoping maybe she was just the man’s plus one as a favor but then he read the caption and his heart sank.

Happy Siblings Day to these two weirdos. Loved having everyone together again at my wedding. Loved it even more that we finally got to meet baby brother’s new girlfriend who is the sweetest!

“What’s his name?” Leon looked over to Sebastian again. “Can you tell?”

Sebastian took his phone back and shrugged. “Look at the tagged names. Obviously we know Karina’s and if they are siblings then look for last names that are the same. Here we go…Cosmo is your guy. Or, I guess it’s more like her guy. Heh. What the fuck kind of name is Cosmo.”

Leon groaned but curiosity eventually got the better of him. At various points throughout the day, he was looking through multiple forms of social media belonging to a floppy haired hipster that had somehow caught Karina’s eye. He was mainly active on instagram, posting random landscapes and other seemingly artistic compositions. Leon was relieved that he didn’t see any pictures of Karina on there but when he came across a few pictures of Elsa, that was somehow worse. It had now become a serious relationship in his mind because Karina had allowed her beloved dog around this man.

Karina had effectively vanished from the face of the Earth in the 14 months since she left Leon. At first, Leon thought she had just blocked him but when she ‘liked’ one of his posts about a charity endeavor he and Joshua were working on, Leon realized she had just been silent. That initial ‘like’ broke the seal, it seemed, and just like that, she became active again. There were a few selfies and a few more pictures of Elsa but then came the pictures of Elsa and the new boyfriend. It wasn’t a blatantly obvious picture of the two of them, but he recognized the fragment of a roman numeral tattoo he had on his arm from other pictures.

While laying in bed one night, Leon was scrolling through pictures. Mathea moved closer and rested her head on his shoulder. “Who’s that?”

“Oh, um..” Leon cleared his throat and thought of how he could explain that he was essentially stalking the new love interest of his estranged wife. “Karina has a new boyfriend.”

Mathea took his phone and looked at pictures of the two of them and sneered. “He’s got a big nose. Whatever, you’re hotter.”

It made Leon feel at least a bit better to hear her say that, but there was now way Mathea could be objective. He had decided to give Karina a call and see if she would actually answer. Karina had donated a sizable amount to his charity and calling to say thank you seemed to be a good reason. To his surprise, she answered.

“Hi Leon, what’s up?”

He instantly smiled. “Hey, Maus. I, uh, wanted to say thank you for your donation. That was really generous of you.”

“Of course.” She held the phone away and coughed. “You and Joshua are doing great things, I’m happy to help.”

“Right…” He nodded even though she wouldn’t be able to see him. He wanted to say it was good to hear her voice, that he was happy she was ok and hoped she was doing well but all of a sudden, the words came before he had the chance to stop himself. “Mathea found your wedding dress the other day. I guess I could ship it to you?”

“Oh, um, honestly, I don’t want it back. You can do what you want with it.” She hesitated. “Listen, Leon, I was thinking it’s time that we finalize things. We’re kinda in limbo right now and I think we both just need to move on. I’m going to be in Munich next week, would you be able to meet with our lawyers?”

Leon let out a sigh. She was right, but it still hurt him to hear it. “Um, yeah. We can do that.”

They sat in a meeting room around a circular table and had an unsurprisingly civil conversation.

“I see that you maintained separate accounts so that makes the division of assets somewhat more straightforward.” Leon’s lawyer shuffled some papers before addressing Karina specifically. “Will you be petitioning for spousal support, Ms. Müller?”

Karina shook her head. “No. I’m not asking for anything, I just want this to be finalized so we can move on.”

His lawyer nodded. “And you are fine with returning the ring and vacating the residence?”

“My client has already returned the ring and has maintained a residence in Toronto for the past year.” Karina’s lawyer interjected now. “We are mainly concerned with making sure that your client will not be trying to get anything from Ms. Müller.”

“I see there is a dog, was the animal obtained together-”

“Elsa belongs to Karina. I’m not contesting that.” Leon spoke up. “Any piece of artwork too, it’s all hers.”

“Ok,” Karina’s lawyer responded. “Both parties agree to part with what they entered the marriage with. Is this correct?”

“I don’t know…I guess i just feel like…” Leon sighed heavily as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “I feel like we’re rushing things along.”

Karina sat perfectly still in the chair next to him, straight as a pin. “Leon, we’ve been separated for over a year, it’s time for us to move on.”

Leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees, Leon sighed again and tried to wrap his mind around how their relationship had progressed to this point. “Alright. What do you need me to sign?”

Once the papers were signed and notarized, their lawyers shook hands and departed leaving Leon and Karina to sit in silence.

“Do, um…” Leon was getting frustrated with how hesitant he was feeling. “Would you want to get dinner tonight?”

Karina opened her mouth before frowning slightly. “Leon, that sounds very nice but I’m not sure if that’s the best idea.”

“Yeah, I get that. It’s just this feels like a shitty way to close things.” He shrugged. “I thought this would be an ok way to make it up to you.”

She started to say that there was no need to make anything up to her, she held no ill will towards him but ultimately she thought better of it and simply nodded. Karina would have rather done anything else than to sit down to dinner with him but considered it one last good faith effort before moving on completely.

Leon set the reservations at the restaurant of the Charles hotel where Karina was staying. He had done so out of convenience for Karina, she knew that, but she also knew he had probably forgotten the time when they sat in the same restaurant and she confessed that she was hopelessly in love with him.

With a sigh, she pulled a simple black shirt dress from the closet and made sure it hadn’t gotten too wrinkled in travel. After deciding that her hair and makeup were fine, Karina checked at the front desk but was shown to the table despite Leon having not arrived yet.

She glanced over the menu but didn’t see anything that really jumped out at her so she let her eyes wander around the restaurant. Karina looked up towards the entrance just in time to see Leon holding the door open for Mathea who was wearing the same dress Karina wore to their wedding. Seeing the two of them walk in together caused Karina’s stomach to plummet to the floor. She saw a server pass and she held up one finger to flag him down. “I’m sorry, could I get a double vodka soda with a slice of lemon, please? Thanks.”

She stood as they were ushered to the table, avoiding any sort of eye contact as they sat down.

Leon smiled and placed a hand on her forearm. “You look great, Mausi.”

Karina smiled but more out of a desire to be polite. Mathea being there to begin with put her on edge, but the display of affection from Leon only made it worse.

Mathea didn’t pass up the opportunity to look her over from head to toe, ending her gaze with a smirk. “Do you ever wear anything with color?”

“Rarely.” Leon had to stop himself from laughing as Karina delivered the line deadpan.

Her expression turning to a sneer, Mathea would not let Karina get away with besting her. “You look like a nun only there’s the problem of your devil worship-”

“Mathea, enough.” Leon cut in now, attempting to keep a somewhat civil conversation.

“It’s nice to see you as well, Mathea.” Karina offered a kind but entirely forced smile. “A bit unexpected if I do say so, especially in that dress.”

Mathea grinned. “It’s lovely, isn’t it? I needed to have it taken in, I was practically swimming in it before!”

Leon immediately ducked his head. “Sorry, I thought you’d be bringing…sorry.”

“Bringing who?” She pressed him, curious as to who Leon would have had in mind.

He inhaled deeply. “I thought your boyfriend would have come with you.”

“Nope. Just me.” Karina forced a smile. “No boyfriend.”

“Hmm.” Mathea smiled more smugly now. “That’s a shame. Leon and I just got back from Ibiza, we had a great time together with Marius.”

“Lovely.” Karina nodded slightly, attempting not to bristle at the mention of her brother. “Glad you had fun.”

Leon went on about various events and goings on, seemingly oblivious to Mathea’s desire to agitate Karina and Karina’s subsequent distress.

“You know,” Mathea looked over to Leon and smiled fondly. “I’ve always wanted to see what you call ‘the big house’. I’ve always wondered of it really was that big.”

Leon hesitated, knowing that would be a sore spot. “No, that’s not really-”

“It's being rented, actually,” Karina hadn’t intended it to be a jab but the shocked look plastered on Mathea’s face was incredible satisfying. “About eight months ago.”

Mathea shook her head. “No, you had no right to do that without consulting us. What if we wanted to use it? I thought it would make a nice setting for a wedding.”

“A wedding…” She spoke softly and did her best not to show her irritation that Mathea was even part of this discussion. “It's my house, my estate. I discussed my thoughts with Olga and she was ready to move on as well. Apparently Marwin told her that he didn’t want me to feel weighed down by the house and should sell it if I wanted to. I thought about that but I didn't want to part with it because of my memories with Marwin there.”

It wasn't intentional, but Karina enjoyed watching Leon flinch when she mentioned wanting to hold on to her memories of Strohmann.    

“But you were married. Leon should have gotten half.” Mathea was practically scowling now. “Or spousal support.”

Leon held his hands up. “No. There is no reason for me to ask anything of Karina just because she’s worth more than I am. I’m not going to be petty or vindictive because you want a bigger place to live.”

The waiter had arrived with Karina’s drink and prepared to take their orders as well when she stopped him. “Thank you, but I think I’m actually just going to take this to my room. If you could charge their meal to my room as well?”

Slightly dumbfounded, the waiter nodded as Karina stood and raised her glass to Mathea and Leon. “Enjoy.”

Back in her room, Karina drained her glass quickly. The alcohol hit her hard on an empty stomach but it wasn’t enough to numb her yet. She grabbed the room service menu and ordered a dinner she would appreciate much more than anything at Sofia’s and a bottle of Prosecco to wash it down with.

Leon was visibly sullen for the rest of the evening which only frustrated Mathea.

“What are you so pissed about?” Mathea sat in the passenger seat and sulked.

It took Leon a minute to respond. “You could have pretended to be nice.”

“Sorry? I just figured we’re never going to like each other and we’re never going to see her again so why bother?” She reached over and rested her hand on his thigh. “Besides, we can actually talk about getting married now.”

Leon didn’t respond. He figured it would be better to wait to tell her that he wasn’t sure he ever wanted to get married again.

[choupichoups]

Press F (Instagram/College AU) Ch.10

Lucas swears he’s the absolute master of undetected stalking. Or: Eliott is instagram famous and Lucas is the disaster gay who accidentally likes his post.

"You’re sure you're okay with this?”

Lucas pauses, croissant halfway shoved in his mouth as he regards Eliott with an inquisitive brow. “With what?” 

“Me announcing to… uh… all my followers who I’m dating.”

Lucas resumes eating, rolling his eyes as he brushes the crumbs off his fingers. “I already told you it’s okay,” he says, partly muffled due to the food in his mouth. “What can they do anyway?” 

Eliott chokes on a laugh, “What can they do? Lucas, have you seen the shit people do on social media?” He runs a fork over the leftover avocado on his plate. “You know what, I should probably delete that story, it’s only been half an hour anyway—”

“There’s no point, someone’s already saved that by now. It’ll just be up somewhere else.” He shrugs, feeling not an ounce of worry on this subject. “You posted about me before and if you haven’t noticed, some of your fans already found my account too.” He takes a sip of his coffee, smiling as he nibbles on the straw. “And your face is all over that one.” 

Eliott reaches over the table for Lucas’ hand, entangling their fingers together before bringing their hands up to his lips. He brushes a light kiss over the back of Lucas’ hand before pressing a smile into the same spot. “I just don’t want you feeling bad over any of this.” 

“No stranger on the internet can get to me, Eliott,” Lucas says, rolling his eyes again despite the fact that his voice might sound a tad too fond for eight in the morning. “Here.” He detaches their hands to get to his phone, pulling up that adorable photo he took of his boyfriend before leaving the apartment earlier. Tagging Eliott on the post is barely an afterthought and he cackles over the caption before placing his phone back down. “There, now if your admirers attack me it’s gonna be equally my fault.” 

Lucas hands Eliott’s phone over, laughing to himself when his boyfriend’s expression morphs into outright affront after seeing the comments. 

He goes back to eating his food, noticing that his own phone is now buzzing with a phone call. He’s been getting calls from an unknown number for the past week but no voicemails are ever left. Lucas makes a point not to answer until an actual human voice leaves a message, convinced that it’s some marketing company trying to sell him their life insurance or some shit. The buzzing stops eventually but it goes straight to into ringing again immediately after. 

Lucas wipes his hands down and turns the phone over, almost choking in his haste to swallow down the food in his mouth when he sees the caller. 

“Hello?”

“Hi, I’m looking for Lucas Lallemant?” 

“Yeah, that’s me,” he responds in a rush. “Is something wrong?”

“I’m so sorry for calling in so early, but Mrs. Lallemant has been asking for you all morning and we’re having trouble having her cooperate--”

Lucas doesn't let the nurse finish. “I’ll be there, I’ll be there soon. Can you let her know that?”

“Of course, we will, thank you--”

He’s already digging around his wallet before he ends the call, looking up to his boyfriend’s worried eyes when Lucas leaves money on the table that is very likely much more than what they owe. 

“I need to go,” he says, stumbling out of his chair in his hurry.

“Whoa, hey, slow down, what’s going on?” Eliott follows after him, catching his arm in a strong grip before Lucas can dash out to the streets without him. 

“My mom--” Shit, he doesn’t have the time nor the brain power to give Eliott the entire tragic backstory so he settles for an agitated, “It’s complicated. I have to go see her.” 

“Can I take you there?” Eliott asks carefully, holding Lucas’ face in between his hands so that the latter’s eyes would quit darting around and just focus on him. “I won’t go in with you, I’ll just drop you off. Is that okay?”

And Lucas does focus on him, worry increasing as he thinks of what Eliott’s reaction would be. But explaining to his boyfriend why he can’t accompany Lucas to a task as menial as dropping one’s significant other off to their parent’s house sounds more taxing than simply agreeing, so he nods. If Eliott notices the reluctance in the act, he doesn’t question it. 

But the closer their bus gets to the clinic, the more Lucas is starting to regret that decision. 

He can feel Eliott’s confused glances when Lucas gets off at a stop nowhere near the residential areas. The clinic is a lengthy building that takes up the entire acre beside the road— there are no other buildings beside it and the giant sign by the gated entrance gives it away without Lucas needing to explain where they are. 

Chancing a glance up at his boyfriend, Lucas can’t tell what’s going through his mind. Eliott’s face is blank, the confusion and worry from earlier have disappeared. It makes Lucas nervous.

However, that’s something he’ll have to deal with later. 

“Hey, I’m Lucas Lallemant, I got a call earlier for…”

“Ah, yes. I’ll get the nurse for you right away.” The receptionist busies herself with the phone and Lucas turns to Eliott, fiddling with the sleeves of his shirt. 

“Um, you don’t… have to stay if you don’t want to.”

Eliott’s eyes are trained on something over Lucas’ shoulder. “I’ll wait for you out here.” 

“Lucas?” A frazzled looking nurse addresses him and Lucas follows after her, trying not to think too much about Eliott being present for this. “Thank you so much for coming so quickly, we had notes on her file to call you if something like this happens but with Marie gone, we weren’t quite sure how to proceed.” 

“That’s fine, thanks.” To be fair, his mother hasn’t had any terrible meltdowns since moving into this clinic. 

“She’s in her room, not acknowledging anyone, just keeps saying your name.” 

Lucas thanks her again with a small, apologetic smile. The nurse looks young— she’s probably new, judging from the many emotions flitting across her features for every word she speaks. Lucas hasn’t seen a professional in this field who feels so much. Not even Marie. 

“Mama?” No response, but he’s figured that would happen. “I’m here now,” he continues, sitting by the bed and fixing the sheets around her shoulders. She’s situated to face the window, back towards him. “Did you need me for something?”

Still nothing. He sees the untouched glass of water placed beside her pills and Lucas runs a finger over the condensation forming on the side as he thinks of what to say next. 

She’s told him once before that hearing his voice helps her a lot. Especially on days like this, when she’s unresponsive and away from the reality she doesn’t quite want to face. 

“Do you hear it?”

Or maybe not as unresponsive as he’d thought.

Lucas straightens up, leaning on the edge of the bed to hear her soft voice better. “Hear what?”

“The trumpet.” 

There’s only silence around them. “No, mama, where is it?” 

“It’s been playing since this morning.” She turns on the bed, facing towards the ceiling. Lucas can see the pooling tears in her eyes. “The rapture’s here and I’ve been left behind. It’s because I’m such a bad mother is it? A terrible wife?”

“No—” He shuffles forward to take one of her hands in both of his. 

“Ephesians 5:22; wives, submit to your husbands,” she quotes absently, hand limp inside Lucas’ hold. “Is it because of the fight?”

A frown etches its way onto Lucas’ features. “What fight?” 

Tears escape from their fragile perch in her eyes. “He’s right.” She turns her head, looking at him this time. “Your life would be so much better if I just go.” 

Lucas doesn’t know where all of this is coming from but there’s dread forming in his chest, his mind picking up on everything that goes unsaid. “Where are you going, mama?” He shakes his head, the sight of her delicate tears triggering his own. “That’s not true, I don’t want you to go.” 

“So much better without me,” she whispers, head shifting back to resume gazing out the window. Her hand remains small and slack in his grip. It’s evident that she’s not listening to a word he says. 

Lucas gets up, scrubbing at his face as he closes the door to her room. He needs to tell Eliott to leave without him as he’s probably going to take a while— he doesn’t feel right, leaving his mama right away when she’s in this terrible of a state. 

Eliott’s standing by the walls only a few steps from the room and he gently takes Lucas’ face in his hands, wiping at the tears that stubbornly make their way down his cheeks despite his best efforts to stop fucking crying already. 

“Sorry, sorry I’m— this is so sudden I—” He tries to speak through the hitches in his breath. 

“Shh, don’t apologize,” Eliott says, pulling Lucas closer to place a sweet kiss on his forehead. 

This only serves to make him cry harder for whatever reason and Lucas has to take a deep breath, fists balled at his sides as he tries to reign over his emotions. “I’m gonna stay here for a bit, you should go.” His hands raise to hold onto Eliott’s forearms, thumbs tracing soft lines from back of the palm to wrist. “I don’t know how long I’ll be.” 

Eliott nods but doesn’t make a move to pull away. 

They only do so when a pair of footsteps echo in the hallway and Lucas does a double take when he sees the man walking beside his mama’s temporary nurse. “What the hell are you doing here?” 

Both his father and the nurse pause and Lucas is starting to really feel bad for the poor nurse, getting caught up in their family drama all in less than a day’s worth. 

“Please excuse us,” his dad says to her and she takes the golden opportunity to scramble the hell away from them. Eliott doesn’t take the same cue, moving back to give them space but staying within Lucas’ reach. “Hello, Lucas.”

“Why are you here?” Lucas brushes off the niceties. If there’s one thing he can’t stand it’s his father pretending to be a decent human being in front of others. “Have you been talking to her?”

“Yes.”

“Who says you can do that?”

“She’s my wife, I can talk to her.”

“She’s not!” Lucas steps closer, raising his voice as if he’d done the opposite. This man has lost the right to call them his family. “You don’t get to talk to her whenever it’s convenient for you! Did you see what you’ve done? She was doing so fucking well without you!” 

“Mind your language, Lucas,” his father grits out. The sound of crumpling papers makes Lucas look down to where the man’s hands are clenched around a file folder. “I’m still your father and I won’t tolerate—”

“Oh shut the fuck up,” Lucas scoffs, shaking his head at the audacity. “You’re so full of it.” 

Lucas sees the man’s fisted hand move— he sees it, but he does nothing to stop it. Maybe if the hospital cameras catch the bastard acting with violence then Lucas would have a real reason to want to throw him into jail. Or at least to have him stop stirring shit in their lives. Legally. 

But no pain reaches him even as he braces for it and when he tunes back in, it’s to Eliott’s back in front of him, one hand gripping Lucas’ father’s wrist in a firm hold. 

“That’s enough, sir,” Eliott says, mock polite. 

All hands drop back down to their respective sides but the tension remains high up in the air. 

His father’s eyes switch from Eliott to Lucas, face impassive. The thick silence only lasts a for few moments, however, because Lucas’ father is as shameless as one can get. He thrusts the file folder under Lucas’ nose, sidestepping the entire wall that is Eliott standing in between the two of them.

“Sign these and mail them back to me, pronto,” the man says, pocketing his hands once Lucas has taken the papers. “Don’t give me a hard time about this, it’s for your own good.” 

Lucas spares him the coldest glance he can manage as he reads through the file. Insurance claims? Transfer permission? To Marseille? Taking a sharp breath through his nose, Lucas simmers in silent rage. So this sad excuse of a man finds a new job that provides extra allowance to employees caring for disabled family members and suddenly he’s husband of the year? Fuck that, fuck him. 

Fuck everything and his fucked up life. 

“Fuck you,” he says, throwing the papers back at his father. He doesn’t give a shit that they land scattered on the ground— maybe the man would pick up some of his dignity along with those papers that way. 

Lucas turns around before his father gets over the shock of his reaction, gazes at his mama’s door but he can’t. He can’t deal right now, not after this. There’s a chance that he’d actually lose whatever’s left of his sanity if he goes in and is faced with the hopeless look in her eyes. His mother, who’s supposed to take care of him, hasn’t been able to care for herself for years and years. His father, who’s supposed to provide for him, has abandoned him for longer. Now, he’s stuck dealing with their escalating issues again, an unwilling tether to a breakable thread. He doesn’t know why his mother’s holding on so tight to the delusion of a complete family, he doesn’t know why his father’s holding on so tight to the farce of being a good man. 

And Lucas is so tired of this bullshit. 

His phone rings with the same unknown number and Lucas wants to throw it to the fucking floor.

He runs for the back exit, not wanting to run into his father when the man leaves the clinic as well. There’s a dire need inside him to breathe in some air, one that doesn’t linger with antiseptic, that clean, fabricated hospital smell that drives him up the wall. 

Eliott’s there to hold him when his knees threaten to buckle under him. Lucas turns into his arms immediately, clinging onto the hood of his sweater as he takes in unsteady breaths.

“I’m so sorry you had to see that,” he says into Eliott’s shoulder, tears making their unwelcome comeback in his tired eyes. 

“Don’t be sorry,” Eliott assures him, hands running back and forth over Lucas’ back. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay,” Lucas retorts. “It’s not.”

“Hey.” Eliott tilts his chin up with a thumb and smiles fondly when Lucas sniffs miserably up at him. Eliott brushes a hand through his hair and kisses him on the forehead again. Lucas’ heart melts, settling calmer with the knowledge that even if his world feels like it’s going for another ride in hell, at least Eliott’s here with him this time, the angel that brings light to his life. “Don’t worry, I get it.”

More tears spill over the corners of his eyes. Eliott deserves happiness all the time, not Saturdays with strange clinics and witnessing shouting matches with horrid fathers. 

“I’m so tired,” Lucas whispers, closing his eyes when Eliott’s thumbs come up to brush away his tears. He doesn’t know what he’ll do without them now-- doesn’t ever want to go back to a time without Eliott’s warm, gentle touches. “I just wish that everything’s normal for once.” 

“Normal how?” 

Lucas gestures to the clinic where he and his father held that unpleasant confrontation. The clinic has started to become his mama’s safe space but now that man’s just gone and ruined it. “I’m tired of that bullshit. Why can’t I just have a normal family?” He shakes his head, feels his phone ringing in his pocket for the thousandth fucking time and he doesn’t even want to think about what’s brewing on that front. Telemarketers aren’t that persistent. “Why can’t I just have normal people around me? A normal life? Fuck, I hate this. I don’t wanna deal with any more of this.” 

Eliott’s quiet above him but he holds Lucas tight in his arms, very tight. Lucas buries his face in Eliott’s neck and locks his own arms around Eliott’s torso, deflating after finally getting those thoughts out in the open. 

“You don’t have to.” Eliott whispers into Lucas’ temple, cheek nuzzling into his hair. 

“Hm?”

“You won’t have to deal with it.” 

“How?” 

“Let’s get you home, okay?” 

Yann is still there when Eliott drops him off at the apartment. Lucas must look as shitty as he feels because Yann doesn’t tease when he opens the door for them, Lucas being too out of it to bring out his keys. He can feel his best friend and his boyfriend exchange glances above his head and in a better state, he’d probably coo at how they’re able to hold silent conversations already. 

But as it is, Lucas just wants to take a goddamn nap.

Lucas turns to ask if Eliott would like to stay with them but his boyfriend brings him in for a rather abrupt embrace, so quick and inexplicably strong that Lucas loses his breath for a moment. His hands fly up to Eliott’s shoulders, fingers digging into the fabric of his hoodie as he presses his nose to Eliott’s chest. Eliott has his face buried in his neck and Lucas feels him take a deep, lingering inhale before pulling away with a soft touch to Lucas’ hair. 

“Take care of yourself, hm?” 

Lucas nods dumbly, watching Eliott walk away. 

lucallemant thank you for coming with me earlier do you have any plans tomorrow?

srodulv me and idris actually have to start another project so I'm gonna be busy for a while

lucallemant oh ok airplane mode type of busy?

srodulv yeah

lucallemant okay, take care of yourself this time lol don’t forget to eat and sleep  good night eliott ♥️

[avengerofyourheart]

Flour Girl {14} (Bucky x reader AU)

Characters: reader, Bucky.

Summary: Discovering the cute guy you just flirted with is the heir of a rival bakery, you suddenly find yourself running into him all over the city. Can your small boutique bakery compete? And how do you deal with the guy who seems determined to make your life a living hell? Luckily you’re distracted by a secret admirer…But who is he? (Inspired by “You’ve Got Mail”, Enemies to Lovers)

Warnings: none! Mild swearing?

Word Count:  3.3k

A/N: Heyooooo. Let’s go to the Farmer’s Market!!! :D Honestly, Central Park in the Autumn is something I’ve actually experienced and I loved it, so even just writing about it and imagining a Farmer’s Market there.... *swoon* :) Add in Bucky, and I would probably die. ha! I hope you’re ready for this! I’m excited to hear your thoughts, any feedback is appreciated! <3

<<Part 13    Part 14     Part 15>>  

Flour Girl Series Masterlist

Full Masterlist

____________________________________________________

Sunday morning broke with clear skies and unusually high temperatures predicted; the makings of a gorgeous day. Since Thursday when Bucky proposed joining you at the Farmer’s Market, you’d continued to find each encounter you had with him more pleasant than the last. After the grocery store, you, of course, saw him at the Nest each morning, but he also happened to be at the bookstore where you went to browse and unwind Friday evening.

It turned out that you shared similar tastes in books and even had a lively discussion about who your favorite authors were. You each challenged the other to read something they normally wouldn’t and then planned to report back with thoughts on the books. That night as you tucked into bed with the book, you found yourself excited about the prospect of more time spent together. It all seemed to come out of nowhere, but you couldn’t deny the light flutterings of butterflies in your stomach at the thought of Bucky.

During those few days, you continued to hear from B, you both still maintaining that air of mystery. He was still as sweet as ever, confusing your heart and head along with the added newness of whatever was happening with Bucky. Both were mostly pushed out of your head on Saturday, since it was your busiest day of the week. You spent the early hours baking double what you did during the week so you could spend more time helping Wanda with customers.

That night after work, you were exhausted, so catching up on some TV followed by some reading before bed was all that was in the plans.

Sunday, you woke up surprisingly early, for a day that you actually had the option to sleep in. You made some breakfast and drank your coffee, then changing your outfit three times before you were satisfied. There really wasn’t any need for you to dress up, since Bucky had already seen you in your worst, sickest state, but part of you just wanted to gussy up a little, even more for yourself than for him.

Just before 9am, you decided to head out early and enjoy a leisurely walk to the park to spend time there until Bucky arrived. The weather was perfect as predicted, sun shining with a light breeze, and your sweater was just perfect for warmth. Settling on a bench, you pulled out your phone and replied to a ‘Good morning’ text you had received from B earlier.

FG: Good morning, Bernard! Happy Sunday. Plans for today? I’m enjoying a leisurely morning out in the sunshine.

B: I’m happy you’re taking the morning off! You work too hard. I’m enjoying  quiet Sunday morning as well.

He followed that message shortly with a picture of a Belgian waffle with strawberries and whipped cream, probably purchased from a food truck that traveled around to different locations in the city. “Mmmm waffles” was his caption and you replied in turn with heart eyes and drooling emojis. Minutes later, he sent a link to a youtube video with the caption “Made me think of you.:)”, which caused your heart to skip a beat.

Plugging in your headphones, you slipped a bud in one ear and pressed play. The video was a clip of a stand-up comedian you had heard about, John Mulaney. He opened his monologue with a mention of how he ‘zones out’ often, which you had to admit was relatable, but he then shared an anecdote about the Beatles, how none of them had mustaches and then suddenly they all had mustaches. At that point, you were laughing near the point of hysterics. For the sake of strangers nearby, you tried your best to laugh quietly with a hand over your mouth.

Eventually, you began to calm down and the video ended, so you returned to the message and typed out a reply.

FG: Oh my god, I should not have watched that in public. I think I hurt myself from holding in the laughter.

You hit send with a crying/laughing emoji. Those three dots popped up and you waited for a reply, but when you saw it arrive, your breath caught in your throat.

B: I’d give anything to hear you laugh.

Frozen in shock, you blinked, noticing the three bouncing dots as he continued to type. What the hell did that mean? He wanted to hear you laugh…as in…what? The anticipation was fraying your nerves so when the message popped up, you read it eagerly.

B: FG…could we meet? I know what happened last time was awful and I had no intention of hurting you, then or now. I swear to you that if you give me another chance, I will move mountains to be there. I’d like to explain everything and I would prefer to do it in person. What do you say?

Staring at the open message, you read it over and over again until the words began to blur before your vision. Was he serious? After all this time, suddenly he was making promises again? Part of you wanted to instantly say yes and take the leap, but reason and previous rejection held you back. Why now? What had changed? You had believed him last time when he said he wanted to meet, so you weren’t so quick to trust this time.

Unsure of how long you had been staring at the message, you must have been lost in your thoughts because suddenly a hand was waving in front of your face to gain your attention.

“Y/N?”

Jolting to the present, you followed the hand and looked up to see Bucky standing before you with a mildly concerned smile upon his face. He looked really good, you noticed right away. Dressed casually in well-fitting jeans and boots matched with a t-shirt and button-up plaid, then topped with a leather jacket, you gawked for a moment too long before answering.

“Hi! Sorry, I, uh…sorry,” you apologized profusely while locking your phone, shaking off the message still imprinted behind your eyes. “Just got caught up in something. How are you?”

Bucky laughed lightly as you stood up from the bench. “I’m good, how’ve you been?”

“Not bad,” you replied reflexively. “It’s a gorgeous day to be in the park. Shall we?”

“Absolutely,” he said, gesturing for you to lead the way. “This weather is insane. It almost feels like Spring in October.”

“Right?” you exclaimed, smiling brightly. “I’m not complaining.”

Small talk continued for a few minutes as you walked, then touching on work and how both bakeries were busy and doing well. Bucky then asked about how and why you decided to open City Sweets. You opened up more about baking with your mom before she passed and you feeling at home and closer to her in the kitchen. You went to college for a few semesters, but couldn’t settle on a major that interested you. Always returning to the idea of baking, you ended up taking a culinary course for some professional lessons and then worked wherever you could to gain experience.

The wish of opening your own bakery kept drifting to the forefront of your mind, so after taking a few business classes and coming up with a business plan, you made the leap using the money your mom had gifted you upon her death. It was one of the hardest, most stressful things you had ever done, but also the most rewarding. City Sweets was almost a year old. You were finally starting to make a profit and you hoped that it would continue to grow and blossom in the future.

Realizing how long you had been talking, you shifted the subject to Bucky. “What about you? What made you want to major in business?” you asked as you kept walking, the Farmer’s Market a few hundred yards ahead.

Bucky was silent a moment, rubbing a hand across the back of his neck. “Um…I don’t know, really. I mean, I grew up helping my dad at the bakery and he always wished he’d had more business experience before he started. Most of the time it was just trial and error for him. So, I kind of just fell into it. I didn’t have a strong desire to major in something, so business seemed as good as any. I think that might be why I was so jealous of you when we first met,” he admitted, catching your eye.

Reeling toward him in shock, your jaw dropped. “What? You were jealous of…me? Why?”

He smiled sheepishly. “Because…you found your passion and you went after it. I think you’re doing an amazing job, too. Even from a business perspective, I mean, you’re in a good location with foot traffic, the bakery is cozy but not too small, you’ve branched out to wholesale deliveries, and from what I can tell, your ingredients quality to food cost ratio seems ideal. All within the first year, that’s impressive,” Bucky beamed at you, his gaze then moving toward the market as you two approached.

You took in his words, nearly speechless a moment from his kindness and positive overview of the bakery. “I, um….thank you. That means a lot to me, Bucky,” you quietly replied, almost overcome with emotion.

He just nodded. “Well deserved. I’m just sorry that I made you doubt that because of my own insecurities. I can’t apologize enough, Y/N,” Bucky said sincerely, pausing just before you reached the displays of fresh vegetables.

Pausing as well, you turned toward him and held his gaze a moment longer than usual. “I forgive you, Bucky,” you told him, knowing in your heart that you meant it.

Hearing the explanation of his previous behavior and seeing how much your interactions together had changed over the past few weeks, you held no more resentment for him. It took too much energy to hold a grudge, anyway.

“Thank you, Y/N,” he replied gently, feeling a spark of something between you as you held his gaze.

The moment passed, though, as he glanced at the first produce stand, breaking eye contact. You finally took a look around as the gentle breeze rustled through the treetops. The sound mixed with music that you previously hadn’t noticed and as it registered, you thought back at the video that B had sent the other day. He hadn’t been far from where you currently stood that day. Lost in your thoughts, Bucky’s voice broke through them.

“Y/N?” he prompted, apparently not for the first time because he had an amused, patient smile on his face. “Are you okay?” Bucky asked, noticing your distracted nature.

“Yeah!” you replied, a little too loudly. “Um…yeah, I’m good. Sorry.”

Shaking your head, you walked to the table of produce and marveled at the colors and freshness.

“Oooh, beets,” you cooed, picking up a bunch of the red root vegetable with green stalks still attached. “I’ve been thinking about using more natural forms of food coloring at the bakery and I’ve heard beets are good for that. What do you think?” you asked in anticipation, glancing Bucky’s way.

He smiled at your enthusiasm. “Yeah, I’ve heard that too. I think it’s a great idea,” Bucky agreed, picking up a head of lettuce.

The morning passed, finding yourself enjoying Bucky’s company as you perused the table of each vendor selling their wares. You felt the happiest you had in a long time, finding a lightness and comfort as you talked and laughed with Bucky. Sometime later, you turned down the street toward the area where crafts were sold when you spotted a familiar food truck. Stopping mid sentence, you wandered forward and confirmed that yes, this was indeed where he had been according to the sign.

B had been here in this very spot, holding a waffle. It had been over an hour since his message, but you couldn’t stop yourself from glancing around at the people, wondering if perhaps he was still there. You had no way of knowing, but still…

“Y/N? Did you hear me?”

“Hm?” you quickly replied, blinking.

“I asked if you wanted a waffle. Where did you go just then?” he asked with more concern this time. “What’s going on with you? If you want to cut the morning short, that’s okay, but—“

“No!” you nearly shouted, then feeling terrible about your behavior. You didn’t want to say goodbye, but your attention seemed to be split despite efforts to remain in the moment. “I mean… it’s not that. It’s not you, I’m so—“

“Don’t apologize again,” Bucky kindly interrupted. “You don’t have to, it’s just…you can talk to me if you want to,” he offered sweetly.

You felt your resolve crumbling, wondering if Bucky would mind if you mentioned another guy or if he would just find it odd for you to be corresponding with a stranger. Biting your lip, you rolled it around in your head and came to the conclusion that you might as well get a second opinion on this mess. If he wasn’t as understanding as you expected, then at least you would know his character a little better. Taking a few steps, you settled in a chair at a small table outside the Belgian waffle food truck and gestured for Bucky to do the same.

Taking a deep breath, you began. “It’s kind of a long, weird story…”

_________

You sat in silence a moment, allowing Bucky to process what you had just finished sharing. It sounded crazy, even to your own ears, but Bucky had become a friend somehow over the past few weeks and it seemed like he truly wanted to know what was on your mind. Fiddling with the bag of vegetables resting on the table, you waited until he was ready to respond.

“Wow,” Bucky finally spoke, his gaze off in the distance. “That’s quite a unique way to meet someone.”

You scoffed at that with a shrug. No point in denying it.

“So…you like this guy? Even though you don’t know anything about him?” he asked gingerly, brow furrowed.

Letting out a sigh, you thought about it for the hundredth time and came up with the same answer. “Yeah. I think I do. Is that crazy?”

He shrugged this time. “I don’t know. Crazier things have happened. I can’t think of any at the moment, but…”

You chuckled at that and gave him a playful shove.

“Sorry, sorry,” he replied with a laugh. “But you’re willing to give him another chance, even after he stood you up? No wonder you blew up at me that day at the Nest, by the way. I’m sure I just made a bad situation worse.”

Feeling a warmth in your face, you spoke up. “I really shouldn’t have, I—“

“No, no,” he gently interrupted. “No need to apologize, I needed that wakeup call.”

Smiling gratefully, you thought about his previous question. “I know it might seem naive of me, but…I don’t know. I guess I just want to find out for sure if he is who I imagine him to be. If somehow I’m disappointed once again, then at least I’m not left wondering. I just don’t want to go through life with regrets, you know?”

Bucky was silent again, the corners of his mouth curving upward. “Yeah. That’s a good point. I don’t think it’s naive of you to think the best in other people. It’s a great quality, actually,” he complimented as he placed a hand on top of yours resting on the table.

You felt that electricity again, meeting his gaze for a lingering moment. Opening your mouth to speak, you were interrupted by an alert from your phone. Reluctantly, you retrieved your hand and searched through your bag for the device. A previously set alarm had gone off and suddenly you noticed the time.

“Oh, no. I have to get back to the bakery,” you told him regretfully as you stood and gathered your bags.

“Of course,” Bucky replied, getting to his feet. “I’ll walk with you.”

Grateful that your revelation hadn’t ruined your morning outing or time with Bucky, you nodded with a smile.

“Okay.”

__________________

Stepping off the subway at your intended stop, you climbed the stairs up to street level. This wasn’t a part of the city that you visited often, but it was a nice change of scenery. Nervously wiping damp hands on your jeans, you crossed the street and headed for your destination.

After your lovely and unexpected morning with Bucky in the park on Sunday, he walked you home and you unlocked the bakery after saying goodbye. Your mind was a mess of thoughts as you went about your usual tasks of setting up chairs, brewing coffee, and baking fresh pastries to sell for the day. No deliveries on Sundays, so it was less of a rush to get everything ready. By 11am, you turned over the sign to read “Open” and the work day officially began.

You didn’t mind manning the shop on your own on Sundays. The atmosphere was much more relaxed and the weekend crowd seemed to enjoy lingering with their coffees and croissants. There was a lull in business for half an hour and during that time, you nearly drove yourself crazy trying to decide how to respond to B. Your talk with Bucky had helped, but there was still a lot to consider.

Finally, you pecked out a reply and quickly hit send before you could rethink it.

FG: One more chance. I’m trusting you. Please don’t make me regret it.

He replied quickly, which you were grateful for. The wait was always the worst.

B: I won’t, I promise. I hope I can make it up to you. Tell me when. But would you mind if I chose the where?

Puzzled, you thought it over and settled on Tuesday afternoon. The bakery usually wasn’t terribly busy and it gave you some time to prepare to be gone later that day. When B told you where he wanted to meet, you were surprised, but also intrigued. As far as recognizing one another, the same rule applied, so you dug out the crumpled Beatles t-shirt you had thrown in the closet after the previous incident and put it in the wash.

Now, as you wore the shirt with jeans and a jacket, you felt the butterflies in your stomach with each step. Approaching the notable area where B had asked you to meet him, your eyes grew wide at the beautiful buildings that housed some of the greatest artists and performers in the city. The Square was enclosed on three sides by beautiful, glass-covered and columned buildings that offered an air of sophistication. Per his instructions, you headed for the center of the square where a fountain resided.

Lincoln Center for the Performing Arts was the home to the New York Philharmonic, the Metropolitan Opera, the New York City Ballet, and the New York City Opera. It was also adjacent to the Juilliard School where many of the greatest musicians and artists were taught. This area of the city was incredible and awe-inspiring, especially if one was lucky enough to get tickets to such an event. However, in the afternoon, it was mostly filled with tourists, which is why you were all the more curious about why B chose this spot.

People were milling about and taking pictures as you heard a string quartet playing a classical music piece. The group of young musicians were loosely surrounded by a crowd and a cello case was open with bills and coins dropped inside. Starving artists and all that. Just as you were about to sit down beside the fountain, the song changed and you froze. You knew that tune. You’d know it anywhere.

Ah, look at all the lonely people…

You heard the lyrics in your head, recognizing it as “Eleanor Rigby” by The Beatles. Stunned, you turned toward the sound and slowly began to approach the quartet. You watched them, mesmerized, until you heard your name being called. It was the last thing you expected to hear, so it took a moment for it to register. Turning around, you followed the voice and saw…him.

Confused, you took a step forward and opened your mouth to speak before you looked down and saw the t-shirt he was wearing. The Rolling Stones.

In that moment, it all came together in your head and the blood drained from your face.

“You?”

_____________________

Part 15>> 

________________________________________________________

Ahhh!!! Cliffhanger!!! I know, I know, I’m sorry. I think we all know who B is, but a little more waiting until we find out her reaction. What would you think if he brought you all the way out to Lincoln Square with a stringed quartet and everything?? Hmmm. It’s about to go down, you guys. :D Wasn’t that walk through the Farmer’s Market lovely? That conversation about “B” was kinda meta, though. heh. At least Bucky didn’t confirm or deny anything! I think he really did want to hear straight from her mouth that she was falling for him. Kinda. ;) Please let me know your thoughts!! Any and all feedback is appreciated! I adore you guys. Thank you. <3

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[sammyhale]

Hi! I don´t wanna read it right now, cause i think it may trigger me, but i have heard a lot of people talking about the chapter that Jared wrote. Could you tell me the main points and relevant things that he talks about in there? please? thanks :) Love you and sorry for my English

Sorry for the late reply on this, hun. I think that Jared’s chapter is incredibly important, not just in understanding him but the topics he discusses. But you should absolutely take care of yourself first. I don’t mind going over the chapter, and I’ll even give page numbers so if there’s a section you want to skip you can read the rest that you want to check out. 

The first part of Jared’s chapter is him explaining that he has been in fandoms himself and that he understands what it is to be a fan obsessed or passionate about something they love. He includes personal pics of him as a little boy and other photos showcasing his love for Star Wars, TMNT, James Bond, etc. He says he is “committed in my support” of being a fan and being passionate about something. He gets it (p.217-224). 

In the next part he talks about Supernatural, specifically his first experience at a convention. He talks about how Jensen wasn’t with him because he had “other obligations that weekend” and it was a multi-show convention, so not everyone there was for SPN. Jared was very nervous at that convention, especially since he was by himself. He says that it was almost his last one because of his anxiety and he felt judged. But he did go to another convention in November 2007, this time with Jensen and other members of SPN since it was based around SPN this time. He talks about how he and Jensen loved getting to meet the fans and discuss the same love and passion for the show and their work, essentially. He talks about continuing to go to conventions, Supernatural’s first few seasons, and the incredible support of the fans. In this section he also includes a photo of him and Jensen at a convention where Jared is wearing his Pearl Jam scarf and has his arm around Jensen and he captioned it: “ Still a fan! In my Pearl Jam scarf and “Love Yourself First” shirt, with Jensen” (p.224-230). 

This is where Jared first mentions his depression as well as how AKF started. Stephen Amell introduced him to Represent, told him about selling shirts to raise money for causes, and suggested Jared do it as well, find something he wanted to raise awareness and money for. Jared says he wasn’t sure which cause to pick at first, because so many were near and dear to his heart, like St. Jude’s, the Down Syndrome Connection, Wounded Warrior Project, etc. Then Jared says: “But as the days progressed, I began to realize exactly what I wanted to do…and it was scaring the shit out of me.” Jared talks about how he has struggled with anxiety and depression for most of his adult life, and how he felt it was “under control” because he was “surrounded by friends and family” and doing what he loved. He talks about a few battles along the way, such as in s3 when he was diagnosed with clinical depression for the first time. It’s when they were filming “A Very Supernatural Christmas” and he felt something was eating at him. He walked into his trailer, sat down, couldn’t get up. There were knocks on the door, and then eventually Jensen came in and to see what was going on, and Jared says “he knew I was not okay.” Jensen had the assistant director call for a doctor and that’s when Jared was diagnosed. But, he felt he couldn’t stop filming, even when the doctor suggested time off. He says he couldn’t put the crew out of work for a day, week, or month. So, he just went home for the day and came back the next (p.230-232).

Jared talks about launching the AKF campaign and the amazing amount of love and support he and the campaign got in response. This is the section where Jared talks about what happened in Geneva in 2015, aka, his breakdown and the reason why he missed those conventions, and it is a very heavy part of his story. Jared knew for a while that he wasn’t okay. He was functioning, but felt he was sinking, but he kept his mouth “shut” and “kept moving forward.” It’s important to note that Jared talks about how he loves his job, he loves the cast and crew, loves Sam Winchester. But along with that, he feels a constant pressure “every hour of every day” that if he messes up or doesn’t “perform properly,” 150 people “will lose their jobs…150 families will be out of their primary source of income” and that “intense awareness” is overwhelming for him sometimes. Jared explains that when he reached a boiling point, it was after weeks of things building up to that. A lot of us can relate; once you get to that point it can take even the smallest thing to just make you lose it. Gen had traveled with Jared to Belgium, but before JIBCon in Rome she went back to Austin. He had a few days off, and since he is a HUGE fan of mechanical Swiss watches, he decided he wanted to visit Geneva before heading off to Rome. Basically something made him reach that boiling point and it triggered his breakdown. In his words: “I. Broke.” He cried for hours and he makes it very clear that he was considering killing himself. But a “sign” happened (he talks a lot about signs and coincidences throughout the chapter) and a friend, Brian (who had lost a friend to suicide) called him in the middle of the breakdown. He asked Jared how he was, they talked. Jared mentions lots of tears and lots of phone calls (besides Brian he doesn’t specifically list who he called but he says there were lots of calls). He even fell to the ground a couple times and strangers helped him back up. There’s a moment where Jared tells his friend that they (aka the cast and the fans in Rome for JIBCon) would be better off without him, and that’s when the phone goes dead because the battery died. He was alone in Geneva, and had a choice to make on his own. To live or not. And he chose to live. Initially, he explains that he chose it because he didn’t want to burden his friends or wife with being the last people to talk with him, to have them think whatever was wrong with him was their fault. So he chose to live, to get himself on a plane home to Austin. Jared also brings up that he felt “there would be hell to pay” because he was canceling those conventions and felt he was letting fans who had “spent their hard-earned money and valuable time off” to meet him and the cast. He hated himself for leaving - but we all know he made the right choice (p.232-237). 

The flight home was difficult because he was alone, but he got help from his friend Paul that called him and told him that it’s “not weakness to need help sometimes.” Also, at one point Jared was repeating “Always Keep Fighting” to himself on the plane over and over, and he even started writing AKF all over his left arm. He says by the time he got off the plane it looked like he had a full-sleeve tattoo. Gen, his manager, and “my friend Danneel” were all waiting at the airport for him to offer support and love. Jared says: “I will never be able to tell the three of them how much that meant to me.” (p.237-238). 

In this next section he talks about taking those two weeks off and then going to the Gilmore Girls reunion. He then spent time focusing on himself, on family, and working hard to take a proactive approach to his mental and physical health, which included seeking out professionals. He also felt he learned so much about human nature and that the things he learned and the help he got helped to give a positive impact on his life, relationships, and the relationship with himself. He then brings up Comic-Con, and he was nervous because he knew there would be tons of SPN fans there and he wasn’t sure if people were upset with him, if they would be judging him or disappointed in him for how he had canceled the conventions, etc. He felt he would be in a place where there would be “no quiet corner to excuse myself to in case of a panic attack.” And then he tells the story of the tea light candles during the SDCC panel, the letter the fan wrote to him that included Always Keep Fighting and how much the fans loved and supported him. He still has the little tea light in his office. He includes in the chapter the thank you message he wrote on Facebook that night. He said: “It helps put to rest one of my greatest fears: that I’ve let the fans down.” That he feels like he has an “entire family out there that wants” him to know that “just me is ‘just’ fine.” (p.239-244).

The Supernatural fandom taught Jared acceptance. That it’s “okay to fall.” And it’s taught him strength, forgiveness, to Always Keep Fighting, and to Love Myself First. He gives a beautiful closing paragraph on how he tried to create different Jared’s but learned that “me” is okay and what the fandom means to him (p.244-245). The last picture included in the chapter is another one of him and Jensen. 

I’m sorry it’s so long, but you said to mention highlights and honestly, every word Jared speaks in the chapter is important so it was hard being even this selective. If you’re able to, or when you’re ready, again, I encourage everyone to read it if they feel they can. There are parts that are heart-wrenching, absolutely, and relatable to many, but at the end there is so much love, warmth, understanding and I have never felt more proud of Jared than I did when I read his story. 

[rueur]

Morning Pages #9 (13.01.2017)

Friday 13th Jan - 9:13 a.m.

So typing out the date just made me realise that it’s Friday the 13th, and I definitely have to go to the Laundry Bar tonight just because of that. I got drunk last night, and watched Girls, and was kind of outraged at how many attractive guys Lena Dunham gets to make out with. I should get into television writing, eh, and write a character just for me. Like Mindy Kaling as well.

Vacuuming yesterday went very very well, I should mention. No vomit, but Romy did hide under the bed for the next two hours or so, long after I’d switched the vacuum off. And I woke up to Bruno’s vomit this morning, for no reason. He just felt like vomiting, I guess. I emptied the rest of the pretzels into a big bowl and waited for Marcus but he never showed up. The bus came by and he just didn’t get on it, he said. It was an off day for him. I understood and I sympathised, but it didn’t stop me from having an off day myself for the rest of the day. Really. I sent some explicit photos to Ikaros out of pure boredom, and then went out and bought under twenty dollars worth of food, and then made myself a sandwich for dinner. After dinner, I knew I wanted a drink. So I used the lemon I found on the way down to the apartment, and some ice, and drank some otherwise straight white rum. I ended up passing out on the couch at around 9, and waking up at 4 a.m., realising that it was very cold outside and that the balcony door was still open. One cat had pissed on the rug again and I just couldn’t deal with anything at that point, I just went straight to bed. My legs feel really weird right now, like my muscles feel tense. I have to go to rehearsals again today too. I really don’t want to. I don’t like this show we’re working on, and I have a very minor part in it anyway. I don’t like Paul. I don’t think he’s a great person to work with on creative projects. He’s taken control over our latest one, picked the theme himself before doing any real work with us and seeing what concerns we hold, what kind of ideas we would want expressed in a show. He’s also not as physical and interactive as Emily or Martin were. First Impressions is supposed to be a very tactile group, very hands-on. Paul does everything from a distance and I don’t love that. Kat has also said some things about him, like this one time we had a girl with learning disabilities come and join our group for a few sessions after Paul began his reign. This girl, I forget her name now, was obsessed with anime (namely Pokemon and Dragon Ball Z) and kept offering inane suggestions along the lines of monologues taken straight out of those TV shows being used in our original productions. It was very disruptive and everyone kind of acknowledged that amongst themselves non-verbally, but we also kept in mind the fact that First Impressions is supposed to be a very inclusive group. It was also obvious that her knowledge and interest in those shows acted as a connection for her to the real world. I don’t doubt that she used those shows to talk to people, have something in common with them and make real friends. I felt a little bad for her; I also knew it would be impossible to develop a show with her. Martin would usually talk to the parents of children like this and see if they could figure out some kind of inclusive but still productive path. To be quite honest, I don’t know how Paul dealt with this issue. All I know is that after one session, he spoke to all of us when that girl and her mother weren’t there, asking how we felt about her. That placed us all in a very awkward position where we were forced to complain about how her learning disability affected us. It was a horrendous experience. The next week’s session, she wasn’t there. She never came back. I have no idea who spoke to her mother and what they said, but I know it was way too abrupt for it to have been good. Since that incident, I’ve been wary of Paul.

Another reason why I don’t want to do the show is because rehearsals are scheduled every Monday, Wednesday and Friday from 1-5 p.m., which would’ve been fine for me if I was still living in South Morang but I’m not right now, so it’s just an abominable pain. It’s inconvenient as anything, especially if I’m really doing nothing for four hours. My role in this thing is so tiny that I have no idea why I need to be there so long at all.

I’m just complaining at this point, I’m sorry. My legs still feel really really weird. Still complaining. I had been typing this lying down, so I just moved to the living room to try writing someplace else and in a different position. I feel light-headed, not light-headed because I’m hungry though. I think I took care of myself enough yesterday, foodwise. Today it’s probably just a slight hangover: a bit of a headache, tired joints, a little fatigue. I bought greek style frozen yoghurt with figs and raspberries for when Ikaros comes over on Sunday. He was supposed to come over on Saturday, but because we’re meeting up with Lauren and Jacob on Monday, he said he’d come over on Sunday. I was a little sad about this at first, but then realised it’s probably a good thing, no definitely a good thing. It means that I am free to go out on Saturday night, I guess. I don’t know with who. Maybe just on my own again. Maybe this time, I’ll actually get to dance with some girls. Selwyn is still talking to me on Snapchat. I might ask him what he’s doing on Saturday, I don’t know. He seems like a douche, though.

Malith said he might come out tonight. I don’t know if he will though. I hope that he does. I want him to. We haven’t gone out, just him and me, in a long long time. I think the last thing we did together, just us two, was go and see Adam Hills? Or it was that time we walked from Thornbury station to my house on a whim. Either time was incredible fun and I miss having that fun with him. I’ve recently realised though, that he has that fun with everybody. He seems to have a lot of people who care about him, more people than I’ve got, I feel. That’s just because everyone is very busy all the time now. Toni and Sam are always working, Ikaros is working, and I used to be always working and if I wasn’t always working, I was always studying. This is a very rare period of inactivity for me. If anything, it’s kind of sweet that I get to at least spend it away from home, in Northcote. Being here on my own actually feels like I am doing something, gathering new experiences before the new semester starts and I go on my way to fulfilling the learning requirements of my degree. I can’t wait to graduate, but at the same time I am terrified of what life outside of school will be like. It’s taking everything in me to stop myself going straight through to my masters. I know I’ll do that eventually, but I just want a year or so to myself, to see what I can do. I want to see what adult life is like. I want to move out properly, hopefully with Ikaros. I want to write professionally, and I will see what steps I have to take to get there.

I’ve just been trudging through these morning pages for the past few days, and thinking about how they’re going to work when I’m back at uni and facing 6 a.m. starts. Would I be typing on the train? I think it would be a good idea if I kept my data plan for the year, maybe a smaller plan like 3 GB a month rather than 7. It’s been a godsend having internet on my phone, and having a phone that can actually access the internet. I do miss the simplicity of my old Nokia brick though, and taking photos on it was something else. The picture quality was so low it was actually interesting. The camera on my new phone is horrendous. The front-facing camera has a knack of distorting anything that’s at the edge of the screen, and the landscape setting is completely skewed and stretched out. It takes a minute to focus after you press the capture button, so you’re holding the phone there weirdly, wondering if it’s taken the photo or not. I told my brother I might lend him my iPod so that he can keep using the internet while he waits for a new phone, but I don’t know if I can give up my iPod because otherwise I wouldn’t be able to take any decent photos at all, and I’m the kind of person who takes photos very liberally out in public. Not selfies, but things that I see that I want to share with people. Once, I saw a spider hanging onto the outside of the window on my train, and I posted a photo of it on Facebook and captioned it ‘fare-evading scum’ and it was a big hit. PTV (Public Transport Victoria) has always made such a huge deal about persecuting fare-evaders and at the time of the post, there were a whole bunch of new ads showing fare-evaders as blurred out, or fuzzy non-humans, basically dehumanising them like there was going to be a new genocide. Death to fare-evaders! It’s ludicrous (great rapper) how extreme they got with it. It was reminiscent of those piracy warning ads they run at the beginnings of DVDs, with that dangerously upbeat music. ‘You wouldn’t steal a car’, so on and so forth. The extremism of those ads just makes the message you’re sending sound really comical rather than serious. It was the same deal with PTV. Back when they were still called Metro, they had another ad campaign that gained global recognition for being equal parts adorable and informative: Dumb Ways To Die. It’s a song, and now two apps and I feel like everyone is on the way to forgetting that it was coined by a transportation service and it’s original message was that you have to be safe around trams and trains. Don’t you just love it when that happens? When something fantastic comes out of the mundane. I think that’s why everyone’s in love with memes right now, because they usually take something like stock photos and road signs and people cooking, and they find something obscure in all this mundanity and they turn it into something flexibly hilarious. By flexibly hilarious, I mean that thousands of other people can play around with this one image and somehow make it even more hilarious than that first original isolated image. Modern comedy.