#sorry y'all this is just what happens when you give a mentally ill little girl the idea that motherhood is her divine purpose

[penofwildfire]

I need to be restrained I physically cannot stop giving characters children. At the worst possible times too!

[supercharmed-forever-mine]

On the rating of 10, how do you rate the writing of each legacies characters, why and who deserves better? What aspects should be improved?

I updated some of the opinion for clarity and also added Finch because I forgot her originally

I'll just make a list and go down it and I'm sorry in advance I love responding but I'm horrible at grammar/punctuation and also I might tend to ramble but I'll try to be as concise as possible. It should also be noted anything I state that might possibly relate to ships is a personal opinion and I have nothing against any ships/characters gay or straight/Good or Evil. However would it be said that I definitely mean more towards the gay/Badass with a Golden heart side of shipping with any fandom.

Hope Mikaelson- As of now I would rate her writing at about a 6. And I only say that because as we know a majority of her characters personality slightly has always but this season especially related to her relationship with Landon. And I wish we would see the Badass Tribrid Hope we've been promised since season 1 I mean sure there are no lack of examples of her bravery and martyrdom. But I am tired of her always feeling down on herself and like she's a cosmic mistake when it has literally been proven by Lizzie's wish in season 1 that their life would be infinitely shittier without her. What they can do to improve it is have her focus on friendship and herself instead of trying to always focus on Landon. She deserves more than just to be a boy obsessed character I mean she's the daughter of Klaus F****** Mikaelson for Pete sakes she literally descends from the most powerful supernatural family ever to exist and is rightfully the most powerful being on the f****** planet.

Note: I found Handon's relationship cutesy in season 1 but now not so much especially since they use him dying as a plot line way too often it just doesn't have the same effect that used to***

Josie Saltzman-As of now I would rate her writing at about an 8. I like how her character at least for a while had her own storyline going off the mystic falls High School plotline and how she lived with delena because it was a good call back for us TVD fans but I think it could have definitely lasted longer than a few episodes. We all know it was just used as a lot device to introduce Ethan as a series regular and as an introduction for her to Finch's character. But overall I feel throughout the seasons she has experienced at least some personal growth as exhibited even in 3x15 where she admitted she has to stop saying sorry especially to Lizzie for not always jumping to do what she needs / she wants all the time. Whereas before Android AU version aside because she literally had to do what she was programmed to do. She has an exhibited that she's starting to do what she needs to do for Josie before others most of the time or she's trying to. And as far as her relationship to Finch well I don't see them being endgame I have no problem with them and I do see Finch being one of her major loves of the series that teaches her whatever lesson she needs that leads her to whoever her endgame love is. With her relationships I will always miss Posie and I wish they could get Lulu back at least just for one episode. Also I feel these last two episodes of the girls being a trio they have a really Been serving Hosie with the looks but also I feel like in general Josie and Hope have been really in f****** tune. In conclusion I just don't know because Kaylee's acting skills and just turning general I would rate a billion she could choke me and I would literally thank her.

Lizzie Saltzman-as of now I would rate her at about a 7. I feel as if she has had great personal growth over the series and hell even this season. I also like hell despite everything in her life especially her eternal struggle with her mental illness she is always trying to do better and not just for herself but mainly for others and some people would say that's not good but I like it because it truly shows what she stated in 1x03 during the gargoyle incident that she never wants to be the bad or evil one. She has all this s*** thrown at her being called broken, being seen as the lesser than sister, and not to mention the absentee parents. Yet through all this she manages to only get stronger especially once she builds a genuine friendship with hope. However what I will say is that I don't like the regression of her friendship with Hope in correlation to her progress of especially her mental illness. And what I mean by that is it's almost been shown that once she had even the seeds of a true friendship with Hope that Hope would never give up on her hell not but like even an episode or two into their newly formed friendship in S1 Hope went to Josie when she Lizzie was on the verge of a bad episode and "sweet" Josie was basically like fuck her she needs to fall on her ass for once and Hope ass was appalled y'all she was like Lizzie can't control her brain chemistry and was so defensive/protective it's like once they got over that hurdle that mainly Josie gave them everything clicked into place and they were almost instant bff's. So for them to do so good in season 2 and then it seems like it showed especially in these last several episodes black magic incident to bring Landon back aside that Lizzie's old issues of resentment and jealousy towards hope are starting to come back and I don't like that because the more Lizzie had A Friend in Hope it seems like the better she got at coping and doing better mentally.(sorry if this has been a confusing several sentences). And no by that I do not mean that Lizzie is mental progress has solely relied on Hope but I do think it has helped significantly for her to have a true friend. Also let it be noted now out of every ship though I should Hosie too HIZZIE is my #1 ship on Legacies two phenomenally beautiful woman also the enemies to friends to lovers trope *chef's kiss*which might be plausible as I always wondered what they meant in the Hosie crush confession scene of season 1 when Josie said that she always went after everybody josie liked hinting that Lizzie might be at least bisexual or maybe that was just what Josie perceived at like 12/13 years old. Also on the note of relationships Mizzie was a cute concept at the beginning but I do love the fact that MG is finally finding himself and standing up for himself but he did also do it and I kind of a******-ish way towards Lizzie. And that's all I can say for her. Actually I could probably write a novel on this women and also Hizzie but I won't lol.

Alaric Saltzman- As of now I would give him a rating of like a 4 . In the last several episodes I think he's been trying to make progress at being a better person but that's about all I can say I'm not an anti. But he definitely will not be winning the father of the year award anytime soon and like many people have pointed out he was a great guardian to Elena and Jeremy so he has the potential in parenting he obviously just ain't using it or lost it over the decades. I don't hate him but I do believe they're doing a discredit towards the better man he was in The vampire Diaries especially at the beginning.

Landon Kirby-His writing is like a 3. He is just there to be arm candy for hope. Until the last couple episodes where he became this for once realistic not optimistic hardened badass he literally brought nothing to The season other than someone for Hope to obsess over. And to be someone that they repeatedly kill for shock value even though it literally shocks no one anymore. I don't hate his character but he doesn't tickle My Fancy as much anymore. His character has a lot of potentialy especially if they ever bring back in his Phoenix side and truly explore it beyond his almost endless ability to revive and being a "Bird Boy" lol. I mean truthfully they're doing him a disservice Aria is a phenomenal actor who could take his character places if they just let him be more than a basic ass plot device. Also can we talk about how gorgeous of a man Aria is especially in these last few episodes looking love it and fine as f***.

As it has become apparent to me I ramble too much and I just don't have the capacity as it is now almost 1:00 in the morning my time to do anymore characters in depth so I will be doing a simple excerpt for the rest now that I have done the main 5 people.

Kaleb Hawkins- His writing is a 8. I do like how he's coming to himself over the years and is a a right hand man to Alaric now instead of being just a uncontrollable vampire(the only hate on this part not towards Kaleb but Alaric is that it shows he will virtually mentor/uplift almost any teen that ain't his own daughters). Though in my opinion he always kind of had a point on some things especially about the hypocrisy of Alaric in season 1 especially on the bmood drinking thing. Him and Mg's relationship is awesome I'm glad they made up in the last episode and our brothers again. Also I was rooting for him and Cleo I think they would be a cute little couple. Also I need his backstory immediately especially after saying to Cleo the last time he was vulnerable he died I need to know how he turned.

Milton Greasley(MG)- His writing is a 9 the season. I say that because he is really came into his own and stopped being the punching bag. Though I think the idea or used to think at least that him and Lizzie would be cute together I am proud of him for standing up to Lizzie finally even though I liked him always being there for her I was tired of him being a fallback for her when it didn't work with whoever however I do think he could have went about the rejection a little bit gentler especially with how he knows of Lizzie's emotional problems. And don't even get me started on Alyssa that was just a disaster that should have never even been brought to fruition her cheating with Jed was probably the best thing that could have happened. I liked his little side adventure with Ethan though I do think they could have wrote it a little better I was sad when he had to compel the memories away like they still could have been friends he just couldn't have known about the supernatural stuff also I'm still not convinced Ethan won't become supernatural later in the series if he stays on. And that's all I have to say on that one love my baby.

Jed Tien-His writing I can't really give a writing I don't think it's horrible but I do think overall they could give him a better plot line as a series regular other than just being used for the comical relief eye candy/mentioning how he's the alpha. Though it was funny the whole pool tournament to decide who was alpha will Finch was just exactly that so bad it was laughable. However I do respect the fact that he even admitted to her that he knew she threw the game and that he is a genuine man of his word and has become better over the series from like this dumb jock stereotype to this genuine dude the Alyssa incident aside. He is a cinnamon roll and I will protect him at all cost.

Ethan- Again as he just became a series regular this season and barely showed up in his premiere season. I will not be rating him in any traditional sense. His writing is not totally horrible I liked his adventures with mg they could have been written better and they still could have let him be MG's friend without supernatural knowledge instead of compelling the friendship completely away. And I am still not convinced he will not become supernatural in some way depending on how long he stays in the series truthfully it's actually almost inevitable unless they go the whole route of making him the Matt/Token Human of the show which I really hope they don't I mean he can stay human but don't make him a supernatural hater.

Cleo-her writing is 10. I say that because she has been a phenomenal character and I've never seen the actress before but she is obviously phenomenal as well. I like her whole connection to Malivore and how it's a legitimate one that seems to be interwoven with the story that's already been presented and add something new. I also like how she tried and really wanted to genuinely be friends with all the characters especially hope but at the same time she was also very realistic and new probably and truthfully the only way for Malivore to be defeated was for Hope to Go full Tribrid and she wasn't above actually trying to murder hope to save herself and just get rid of Malivore which I can't blame her.

Malivore-after the end of season 3 / the first couple episodes of season 4 which were supposed to be the original ending to season 3 I better never hear the name again I am so tired of it this should have ended like at least a season ago at this point it's dragging on. This was supposed to be a monster of the week type of series which is okay me personally I have always appreciated having one big bad of the season and then a couple of minor baddies that get their characters arcs and take a few episodes to defeat or something as like a B or C plot. Point being is that this character and plot line has gotten stiff as can be. To be honest I think half of us aren't even here for plot line anymore we just want to see which of our ships get together.

Finch-I am loving her character and I do think she's cute with Josie. Also I stan anyone who is a sarcastic b**** Queen. I think it's nice how her will backstory was different than the traditional one but also I hated how sad it was like she literally didn't even know what she was doing. Though I will say calling Lizzie the "evil" twin that she can fight me because you don't talk about my blonde cinnamon roll like that is based on one impression from something that was only meant and done out of a good place and Lizzie's heart trying to find out her backstory. But other than that I have no real qualms with this character and it is too early to have a real in-depth analysis/opinion of her.

Thank you for reading this long rant hope I answered your question well enough if not PM me on anything specific.

[anonil88]

Euphoria special part 1: Rue

I'm not ready but here is my reaction and it will be long because this is an hour long. Spoilers ahead

My fucking heart man ugh

Omg why is this like my fanfiction I wrote....ummmmm uh

This is literally like the fanfic I wrote so I know this is all in Rue's head. If yall wanna read that I may link it at the end.

Orrrre it is absolutely the future, which is very possible.

Rue you were literally snorting in the bathroom sweetheart. Even if you are over making Jules the center of your world, you are still doing drugs.

Exactly, sobriety is the issue not everything that you think you have a handle on.

I dont have an opioid addiction, but I have a problem with shopping and food. Its called rationalizing your addiction because you feel good in the moment of it. It will all come crashing down in the end though, this is why its okay to fall off as long as you hop back on. It only feels good in the moment but it does not last. It does not last. Not to be preachy this is just why I don't do mental stimulants.

That's because you are depressed sweetheart. Unfortunately manic depressive and that is not something that goes away.

Ayyy Ali drag her

Secret stash (most addicts have a secret stash if they aren't serious about getting sober)

Being sober is hard. Addiction is also hard.

YESSSSSS THIS SPEECH YES!

Lmfao, relapse happens. Some people relapse and go im just medicating its fine im fine. Then two months later you are in a financial hole or emotionally it clicks and you go oh fuck I've relapsed.

Ayyy Philly Philly.

Can I virtually high five Sam?

Religion helps some people.

I too was angry at God for a year after my mom just died one morning. A normal morning and then it wasn't, the nicest person most people ever met and she was just gone.

This conversation about race, addiction, consumerism, radicalization, and god has me like:

Rue is so fucking high.

I hope people are listening to what Ali is saying because its so true. My family instilled this into me very early on before she died, you don't have to believe in God but you have to believe in something. I was extremely apathetic....funny I wrote family but I meant mom, anyways you have to find a purpose that is infallible.

OMG THATS.....

Ugh Moses i love Moses.

Awww Ali, it is very hard to give that trust back to someone in your family who struggles or struggled with addiction. Even if they are clean.

This is the absolute truth. "Trouble don't last always."

Can we get Rue some black friends in season 2, please.

Girl.....blame....she didn't make you snort then drugs, you made that choice your damn self with a whole secret stash.

She broke your little heart? Cheated? Y'all weren't even in a relationship...Kissing is not a relationship.

THANKYOU ALI.

Rue on the same shit a bunch of y'all were on. "We didn't get tattoos." Sweetheart. "Get me to run away." IT WAS YOUR IDEA.

Somebody smack this child, please.

NO ONE LIED TO YOU. I feel like I'm looking in the mirror because I kid you not, high-school me was this dumb.

Here comes the i feel sick and sorry for myself. (Its hard to get out of because I only got out of it 3 years ago.)

Drugs and mental illness change the way you would normally behave when you are in the right state of mind.

Ali please drag her

I wanna smack Rue I love her but her selfish apathetic unmotivated self makes me want to hurt her and hug her.

YES. THIS.

Getting past this point where Rue is, in my struggle with mental illness and maturity has been a struggle. A struggle that I am still dealing with today, Ali is spitting hard cold facts and truths.

I miss all the many people I grew up with and went to school with who lost their battle with addiction. I miss all the people who have lost their battle with depression.

Aw Rue then you need to try sweetheart, you need to try.

My entire friend group did not plan to make it to 24/25 and we are here so anyone who is in Rue's position, please hold on even of reality is so bleak. Please hold on just for a little longer if you can.

(The scratched glass on the diner window framing the lights is a nice touch)

So happy to see Rue and Ali again. This was good and even though I cannot physically cry, this was a very real conversation and I appreciated it. Especially in the shitshow that has been 2020. Here's to hope 2021 will be better.

Wishing you all good health, light, and happiness.

[alexiaugustin]

Since I seem to be in a really positive mood today and even though this show clearly doesn't deserve this post here's my list of favorite skam france s6 clips:

Samedi 07:52 The day after ep1: I really really loved the first clip of the season a lot more than the trailer and I think that it was such a great introduction to Lola's pov. We really saw the world through her eyes in such a special way in that moment n I loved all the hints to the plot (same sex couple walking down the street and being viewed as completely normal> w|w storyline with no internalized homophobia; the raccon tag > foreshadowing for otteli and urbex plot; lola photographing broken things > insight into lola's feelings) The cinematography and use of pov was a masterpiece in this one.

Lundi 7:43 Tiff ep1: This one is just here for the grew being the most supportive and loving friend group, skipping classes together to take care of Daphné and that group hug <33 need I say more?? No. Every clip with the grew is gonna be on this list because the little screen time they had this season needs to be honoured. I'm sorry that they did you so dirty babes:((

Mercredi 13:03 Fuck the planet ep1: my absolute favorite mayla clip this season!! one of my absolute favorite clips in general!! I still remember the day when they dropped that clip and I got so excited for this season again. Maya being a climate activist and such a warm and lovely person I immediately fell in love with her. Maya looking at Lola as if she's a princess walking down the stairs to a ball in some fairy tale. Maya not letting Lola's cold remarks throw her off n replying with equal sass instead, Maya's iconic coming out line and Lola smiling for the first time all season!! That clip was really off the charts

Vendredi 16:43 Someone exceptional ep1: This is my absolute favorite clip of the whole season and the amount of times I've rewatched this is actually unhealthy. Something just clicked and for the first time I felt really connected with Lola and felt and understood her pain (probs to Flavie she was amazing here) I loved the lil details abt this clip: Lucas playing the piano, le grew all hugging Daphné, Daphné's speech and break down (lula was amazing here too I really really felt connected to Daphné in that moment), Eliott and Lola meeting for the first time (their best clip this season, gosh the potential they had to actually develop such a cool and beautiful sibling relationship with them and then they did.... whatever the rest of their storyline was), Lola trying so hard to read Daphné's speech and then holding her own instead because she so desperately needs to get this off her chest and make ppl understand her and last but not least the cinematic shots of her running out of the church and breaking down. Truly my favorite clip.

Mercredi 12:56 You don't know me ep2: my second favorite mayla clip and hell did I love their dynamic and chemistry in this one. The community service clips were so so special and gave them such unique vibes I'm so sad that the rest of their storyline really couldn't live up to that because the beginning really was breathtaking and I was so here for their storyline and really believed that I would get the w|w rep I deserve this season. Rip

Jeudi 19:33 Sorry ep2: Daphné and Lola finally warming up to eachother, both of them apologizing, Lola saying that she can make dinner and they can watch one of Daphné's favorite tv shows together. Baby steps. Also Daphné grieving and smelling her mother's shirt to find comfort. Such an important clip!!

Vendredi 22:22 Otteli ep2: Again the opening shots and cinematography of this clip!! Lola meeting la mif for the first time and I was completely buying their found family dynamic from the start, maya and lola being 👀 the entire time and last but not least Eliott being introduced as urbex legend n royalty,, the wasted potential of that storyline tho...

Samedi 6:43 An awesome party ep3: again maya's and lola's chemistry in this one and their first real and deep conversation, maya opening up about her parents and how she found a home and family in la mif, their smiles and laughs and lola replying to Daphné's text messages because that's growth baby!

Lundi 7:53 The slap ep3: again just here for le grew, the way they all pulled daphné in for a group hug I'm cryinnn. Also Lucas telling the people who were gossiping abt Lola to turn around and mind their own business, dare I say iconic. the way we could have had it all this season and then skamfr decided to make them enemies. Hate it here

Samedi 13:18 Hangover ep4: this clip being a parallel to the beginning of ep2, we all believed that Lola went out and slept with another stranger and would feel lost and overwhelmed again and then! we and she found out that she's at maya's n instead of being lost again she completely openes up to Maya abt her life and Maya just holds her and Lola clings onto her as if her life depends on it and finds comfort in Maya. Still crying about this one

Mardi 21:43 You want to talk about it? ep4: I would be lying if I didn't tell you that I've rewatched this clip countless of times simply because seeing Eliott so happy and excited at his workplace has me feeling some type of way. I liked his and Lola's general dynamic in this one my main problem is just that it was so damn underdeveloped and came out of nowhere. Skam france you're a transmedia show text messages would have really helped you bby!!

Samedi 14:23 Luquette ep5: ohh out of all the clips with Eliott in it this one's definitely my favorite (and also one of the only ones I liked) both Eliott and Lola getting to speak for themself abt their mental health, seeing Eliott's development going from being ashamed and hiding his mental illness to now being so open about it and giving others advice, them talking about Eliott's Lucas and Lola's Luquette (🥺) Eliott being ready to run from Daphné with Lola and Lola saying that she's gonna take responsibility and Eliott looking like a proud big brother > the only clip with sibling vibes of them this season

Samedi 17:36 Just a girl ep5: Daphné and Lola reconciling, Daphné wanting to buy Lola picture frames and not letting that go even tho they have so little money and she sorts other stuff out instead. Please their sister bond this season has my heart. And also Maya and Lola at that supermarket gay panic energy at its finest. I loved that clip and that even after what happened last Friday Maya is still such a warm and loving person in that clip. Ugh why did they had to ruin her character later that season??☹

Mercredi 18:49 I miss you ep5: in case y'all are wondering if I'm just gonna put every single mayla clip on that list- don't worry this one is gonna be the last in a while. Anyway back to the good old days lamifex hanging all out together and being literal children together <33 mayla finally getting to talk and Maya explaining herself, showing Lola her scars and telling her that she misses her when she's not around. My heart combusted watching that clip

Lundi 12:35 We are even ep6: le grew studying together!! especially lucas and imane!!!! screaming. the only time we ever got to see them preparing for the bac but at least we have this one clip. Basile and Lola sibling dynamic and also the clip confirming that Daphné indeed has an eating disorder and Lola beginning to be really worried about her

Mercredi 18:27 I don't know what you're looking for ep6: Lola finding out about Daphné's eating disorder and finding proof in her room, Daphné freaking out and the last shots of her trying so hard not to fall apart, lula's acting in this scene!! It was all so realistic it truly is one of the top ten clips too

Jeudi 21:53 It won't always work ep6: Daphné and Lola talking and Lola opening up abt her addiction problems and telling Daphné that she can really really understand her and that both of them can get better again, Lola and Daphné being completely at peace and cuddling on the couch and watching tv together. One of my favorite clips of them this season I just love their sister bond so much

Mercredi 16:52 The break up ep7: both Lula's and Paul's acting was incredibly I was 100% buying that break up, Basile desperately wanting to help Daphné but not really knowing how, Daphné throwing him out and immediately having a break down, feeling so helpless and lost :'(( also Lola seeing her sister breaking down and not knowing how to help her either broke my heart. Protect the Lecomte sisters at all costs

Dimanche 18:32 Freesias ep8: for me this one was the true full cycle moment this season. The Lecomte family visiting their mum on mother's day, Lola revealing that she does know her favorite flowers and that her mum used to sent them to her along with letters she never read, Lola saying that if she could she might read them now but it's too late for that and in some kind of way she was making peace with her mum and everything that happened between them. Daphné taking the umbrella so Thierry can pull Lola close and them just standing in the rain and healing n growing as a family!! This clip was so emotional and important and skamfr had the audacity to destroy all that development with Thierry for useless drama. I'm endlessly bitter

Mardi 18:03 Vital prognosis ep8: just daphné, basile, lola and maya being a happy lil family together. This clip was so peaceful and beautiful to watch every time ep9 ruined my mood I went back to this clip to cheer myself up again. Really wish we could have seen more of them together and maya and lola as a couple

Vendredi 23:04 Emergency ep10: okay so I really didn't like that skamfr switched povs to build up suspense and was actually just triggering for many of us. But I just wanna say Lula's acting!!! The way she said "But how do you know we're going to find her, Lucas? Putain! She has never left a note before this is the first time for all we know" truly her acting!! I rewatched that clip so many times for that line alone (until I realized that the storyline was actually really triggering for me so I haven't watched the clip ever since but still)

Samedi 01:06 Sisters ep10: still hate the storyline and that it was done in episode 10 but I'm sooo glad that Daphné went to talk to Lola alone, that Daphné tells her that she's always loved her and basically everything they said in that clip!! Really moving and emotional one of the only clips that really made me cry this season. Again I live for Flavie's and Lula's acting

Mercredi 16:38 Beep beep beep ep10: even tho the mayla storyline was in context of the season really lacking depth at this point, watching this clip ignoring the context really was a cultural reset. One thing I love abt skam france is just that they let lgbt people live their lives without having homophobia being thrown at them left and right so kissing your gf in the middle of the supermarket like that might not be realistic but I don't care!!!!! let the gays live their life and kiss in the supermarket!!! thanks!! also that song especially the lyrics "darling I won't let you go" thoughts are being thunk💌

And yeah basically that's it. As yall may notice I loved the first half of the season way more than the second half and I feel like there was so much wasted potential and important storylines left unaddressed because they wanted to throw in more drama....

[reeree1500]

The Return- Part 10

Disclaimer: YALL IM SO SO SO SORRY.😭😭 I have been horrible and not updated this story for at least a month.😬 I can explain though... University has been kicking my ass and between that and my co-op placement at a law firm.😅 Ive had absolutely no time to do anything😩 BTW IVE MISSED YALL SO MUCH❤️And Ive read all your messages and asks. And yes my mental health is now better and y'all are so understanding and supportive 💕 honestly could not have asked for a better group of individuals☺️❤️

Part 1 part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 part 8 part 9 Part 11 

Anyways onto the storyyyyy.....

Warnings: ANGSTY AF (kinda figured out that im probably a smut and angst writer at this point🤷🏽‍♀️), sucky ass grammar and spelling like always, my cliche imagination and the fact that Im probably a horrible human being😬😩 Also made it extra long cuz I felt baddd 

PLEASE DONT KILL ME FOR THIS ONE😬

Taglist: @yanii-the-hippie @oceans-daughter-3 @peaceisadirtyword @laketaj24 @camatsuru @youbloodymadgenius @calum-hoodwinked-me @cutegyrl927 @wuxiesalt @readsalot73 @cindy-exo @affection-rabbit @amy8220 @mel0nch0ly @queenofallthyfandoms @limbo-limbo-limbo @ragnarssonsbitch @supernaturalvikingwhore @ifihadwings128 @paintballkid711 @jenny-the-lover @funmadnessandbadassvikings @blonddnamedhandz @hallowed-heathen @pinkrockstar19 @ivarthethiccness

Sorry if I missed any of you💕 Lemme know if you want to be tagged. Also requests are open, and I’ve got a ton of them to do and finish. Hopefully Ill be able to post them soon enough

Arthur’s POV

“Arthur please! Open the door my love, I know what it may seem like to you, but I assure you that its not.” (Y/n) pleaded from the other side. I sat down on the mattress in our chamber contemplating whether or not it was true. Should I believe what my wife so desperately is trying to reassure me off. Or should I stick with my gut feeling and tell her how I have felt for the last 4 years. Her constant pounding on the door finally gets to me and I make my way to open it. “I wish to be left alone at the moment (y/n).” Her arms circle around my waist and I can feel her face wetting by back with tears. “Arthur please, talk to me. Why have you run off. You know that I love you. I do not want him, all he does is bring me pain and you take that away. So please, talk to me!” (y/n) murmurs into my back. As much as it pains me to do so I pry her hands off of me and sit us down on the bed. All I do is long for her touch, but this is not okay. I cannot keep feeling this way and go on pretending that I could have ever stood a chance against him. “(y/n), look at me. I love you and I always will. But its evident that you love him. and I honestly can say that I know I will never stand a chance against him, because the thought of you possibly running back to him has always been on my mind since the day we got married.” 

Her eyes showed so much pain that confessing this felt as if I was driving a knife through her heart. “Arthur, I love you. What can I do to show you that. Yes I confess that I was in love with him, but that was long ago and I have left it in the past in order to build a future with you. Whom I love and who I share and will continue to share beautiful children with. So please don't shut me out, Arthur.” She says leaning our foreheads together and holding my face in her gentle hands. “Ok, however I want to be able to process things by myself. So I have decided to have the guest room across the hall prepared only until I figure things out.” With out giving her a chance to fight back, I place my lips on hers and savour the kiss as if it were our last. Meeting her eyes was something I wanted to avoid as I knew that just looking at her broken expression would make me change my mind. I hastily make my way out of the room, but sneak a quick glance over my shoulder to find my wife staring off into the direction where I once sat. With tears streaming down her eyes...

Your POV

What had I done? Why was I such fool to not see what my husband was clearly going through? Millions of questions rushed into my mind about how to go about this situation. I loved Arthur, I was clear on that. But he spoke the truth, there was something in me that could not let Ivar go and it took hurting my husband and Ivar to figure that out. As I sulked I forgot about the doctor whom I had asked to see me earlier. I was having really bad stomach pains and my breasts were more tender then they had ever been. So I wanted to make sure that I was not sick, as that would have been the last thing I needed on my plate at the moment. “My Queen, are you alright? Do you wish to push back this appointment, I dont mind coming by later when you're better.” The doctor spoke from behind me. “Yes, it seems so. Ill let the servant girl know if I need you doctor. Im sorry for the inconvenience.” “Nonsense your majesty, it is my pleasure to serve you.” With a bow the doctor retreats from the room and Im left to my own thoughts once again...

----------------------------------

“(y/n), wake up... its seems that you fell asleep on the floor. Come on I’ll help you up.” Upon hearing Hvitty’s comforting voice my eyes flutter open and I cant help the tears that song come down my face like a cascade. “(y/n)! are you alright are you hurt anywhere? Why are you crying?” Hvitserk’s eyes scan my face and my body looking for the source of my pain, which is held in my heart, but he’ll never know that. “Arthur... He...” I try to find the words to say. “What! What did he do! Did he hurt you? I swear ill kill him!” With that Hvitserk tries to let me go and run out the door, but somehow I manage to stop him. “Hvitserk, No! He didn't hurt me. I hurt him... He believes that Im in love with Ivar, and I fear that their maybe some truth to it...” I say just above a whisper, with my head held low. “(Y/N), Ive known that since before you were married. It was obvious, but I would never say anything to you because I found that it was best if I kept such observations to myself, before I found out about your father.” Lifting my head and staring directly at him, I move my head to the side with a puzzling look. “What do you mean about my father, Hvitserk?” Hvitserk now mirrors the same lost look that I have on my face. “I thought thats why you and Ivar had gotten together, because Ragnar’s not your father...”

----------------------------------------------

Ivar’s POV

“Aghhhh!”Is the sound that comes out of my gritted teeth when the medicinal herbs are placed on my face. “That hurts like a bitch, get out! Ill do this myself if I have to. GO!” I yell at the servant girl who tried to cleanse and tend to the cuts on my face. “Ivar,  please let the servants tend to you. I still cannot believe that Arthur punched you in the face. Hehehe, you deserved it though, how could you question the paternity of his children and not expect him to want to kill you?” Bjorn laughs as he chugs the rest of his drink down. “Well, if you actually cared about your children and the heir to your throne, you’d also be quite upset to find a Christian King claiming to be their father. Those children are mine! And its pretty evident, just look at Marjorie. She's my spitting image.” I snarl at him as the anger begins to rise in me again. “Ivar, thats your mistake and why you’ll never get (y/n) back. You believe that everything should be yours. And that people are things you can govern over, but they're not. Because those are children. And yes they may be yours, but you cannot take away what they have known because you want to be selfish.” He says with a stern look on his face, whilst getting up from his chair and making his way to the door. “Now get ready and fix yourself we have a intimate dinner to attend to with MY sister and the love of your life.” Unbeknownst to us, there was Freydis on the balcony listening to our whole conversation. And little did I know that it would come to be the thing I regretted the most.

At the dinner I notice (y/n) sit on the opposite side of the table from Arthur. This wouldn't have affected me if it wasn't for the look on both of their faces. They seemed distraught and broken. Arthur masked it well, but (y/n) was an open book for all of us to know exactly how she felt at that moment. Not much talking happened, besides Marjorie and Erik shouting at each other on who was better at riding. They reminded me a lot of myself and all I wanted was to tell them the truth, that they were my children and that they would go back to Kattegat with me to learn about the true gods and not the fable that had been told to them about their so called ‘God’.” “(Y/n) are you alright, you do not seem quite like yourself tonight.” Bjorn states with a concerned look that we all share. Even Arthur looks a bit concerned, but his body language makes it seem as if he is alright and nothing is wrong. “Sarah, could you please put Marjorie and Erik to bed? Its getting late for them and they have their lessons early in the morning.” She says with a stern and cold look in her (e/c) eyes. “Su...sure your majesty. “ At that Bjorn stands up as if to accompany Sarah, but is quickly stopped by (y/n)’s icy glare and venomous words. “Sit your ass down.” At that we all look astonished, but Hvitserk only stares at her with sadness and what seems to be sympathy. He must know why she is like this then. 

Bjorn slowly sits back down on the table. A shocked look graces his face, as he cannot comprehend why she is acting this way towards her beloved older brother. “How long.” Is all she grits out through her teeth. “What do you mean, (y/n)?” My eyes meet Hvitserk’s own and the realization dawns upon me. She knows...

--------------------------

Your POV

“Stop with the bullshit! I cannot take anyone else lying to me!” I scream as I bang my hands against the table, stunning everyone in sight. “How long did you know that Ragnar was not my father! How long have you kept the truth from me! How long have you known that Athelstan was my father!” I could careless about everyone staring at me as if I was a mad woman. I had been lied to my whole life. All I had known had been a lie, and the people who I trusted the most in this world had been the ones keeping it a secret from me. “(Y/N)... I..I’ve know since the moment you were born. But father had sworn me into secrecy and I could not break a promise. This doesn't change anything though. You are still my sister and you will always be.” Bjorn says in a haste as tries to come closer to me, but I step back and move as far back as I can. “Did you know? Tell me! Ivar did you know that we were not siblings!” Ivar didn't even have to answer. I knew from the look in his eyes that he too had been lying to me. 

“I knew.” Arthur says staring right at me. “I knew that you weren't his daughter and I knew that Ivar wasn't your brother. But I kept that information from you because all I wanted to do was have you by my side. I’m sorry, for the pain I have caused you (y/n). Im sorry for being selfish and not telling you the truth, but I now see that I was wrong and as of tomorrow you are free to go back to your country. I promise that your title and lands will not be taken from you or from the children. May they be mine or his. But I cannot go on with this facade anymore.” Arthur says in the most calm demeanour as he stands up and comes to me. “You hypocrite! How dare you make me feel like shit for harbouring feelings for Ivar when you knew all along and knew that my whole life was a lie.” I scream as I run at him and slap him across the face. But before I can get another punch in I feel a strong grip holding me from behind. From the shocks and the utter feeling in my stomach I knew it could have only been Ivar. As I try desperately to release from his vice grip, my whole world comes crashing down when Sarah enters the room. With blood all over her.

“Your highnesses...Erik.... he.. he..” She tries to say through her shock. “What! What is wrong with my son!” Ivar, Arthur and I scream at the same time. “He.. he’s dying!”

------------------------------------------------

We all simultaneously run after Sarah towards the doctors quarters. Ivar with his brace on, manages to run faster than all of us and busts the doors wide open. if I wasn't so worried about my son or upset about the fact they all knew Ragnar wasn't my father, I would've been impressed. “What are you doing! Get away from my son!” At that Ivar rushes towards the doctor who is bleeding Erik out. Grabbing him by the collar he slams the doctor on the wall and his sclera go into bluish hue, showing that he is in danger of breaking a bone. “Ivar stop it! Let the man go, he is just trying to help.” “Help my ass! I will not let you harm my son, do you understand me! I will not let you harm him!” At that Ivar lets the doctor go, but not without staring him down. And the doctor looking like he is about to shit himself. Rushing to Erik’s side I notice something strange. The colour of his skin is now fading and his eyes have bags under them. But what hits me the most is the memory of Uncle Rollo teaching me about poison. “He doesn't need to be bled, he needs medicine. He’s been poisoned...” 

“Mama! What is wrong with Erik! He will be okay right? He has to be okay!” Marjorie begins to say as she shakes with fear. Before Arthur or I could say something to console her, Ivar bends down and takes her hands in his. “Marjorie, listen to me. Your brother is a fighter and so are you. After all were related aren't we?” Ivar says as he lifts her chin. “Yes..I suppose that we are. Is it true what they say though? Are you our father?” At that Ivar turns to me looking towards me for permission. At this point I think to myself how hard it was to learn my whole life had been a lie and that I would not want that for my children, so I nod. “Yes, Marjorie I am your father. And no your mother is not my sister. It was something that we had to say because she needed to be kept safe.” He says ever so calmly. “Safe from who?”She questions “From my mother. Your grandmother.”

Cough*Cough* Spurts of blood cover me in seconds. My attention becomes focused in on my son again. “Where is the damn antidote! Please someone hurry!” At that Hvitserk runs into the room with a small green vial. “Here take this it should help him. Lagertha gave it to me before her and father left. Something about it would come in handy some day. Here.” Shoving the vial in my hands I open it quickly and lift Erik’s head. “Drink this Erik. It should help you, my darling. Please be strong, I know you're scared, but you’ll be alright ok. Everything will be ok.” I say through tears. Today had been the worst day by far. “Mira... please help my son. I know you're always with me, but please help me now. Pray for my son and ask God to save him.”

----------------------------------------

A few hours had gone by and nobody had moved from the room. Arthur sat on the chair next to the bed with his elbows on his knees, looking straight and focused in on Erik. Bjorn and Hvitserk sat by the fireplace and were wetting some towels so that we could place them atop Eriks head. I sat on the bed next to my son and caressed his beautiful face hoping for a miracle. I had dismissed Sarah and told her to take Marjorie with her, but she would not budge. Sarah left, but Marjorie stayed and sat in Ivars lap asking him if Erik would pull through. Ivar was sweet to answer as best as he could, and I could tell that he truly cared for his children even if his demeanour wasn't the greatest. I knew that deep in my heart I would have to let him get to know them, but it still hurt especially knowing that he now was married. “Wait, where is Freydis? I haven't seen her since yesterday.” I say looking towards Ivar. “I dont know earthier to be honest, she's probably looking at some damn flowers anyway. Its best if she's far away anyway.” “Why would you say that about your wi-” “she's not my wife, at least not yet. Were not actually married, (y/n). I just said that to piss you off.” Taking a deep breath I go to stand up from the bed in order to fetch a bucket of water and some new cloths. Instead I end up on the floor cradling my belly, with a burning sensation in my chest and blood pouring out from my mouth. “(Y/n)! Mama!” I can hear the shouts around me. “Fetch the doctor! Now hurry!” The voices around me begin to fade and not before long I can feel myself drifting away.

“My baby... Save my baby...” And with that everything turns pitch black...

[a-grounder-from-the-sky]

SKAM España: Long Ass Analyses S02 E10 C3.

Oooh boi! I dont even know how many times I've watched that clip. Guys this two make me feel so much, one clip I'm exited the other I'm confused and then disappointed, mad, sad, happy, sad again, happy again, frustrated, all that at the same time... oof SKAM does that to you. Glad that I discovered this amazing Universe through these two beautiful girls. I wish I could watch this clip for the first time.

Vale ¡ Empezamos !

PARALLEL ! I love parallels. Cris is impatiently waiting for JoJo like "Where's my baby at !" With a beautifully well wrapped little package. One of the first thing that came into my mind was, Cris is waiting Joana the same way Joana waited for her In Perdóname. This time, Cris doesn't wait for Joana to come back she takes matters into her own hands and go to her. We love a confident Cris.

After a little while Joana finally comes into view, and I swear when her eyes locked with Cris, I saw a little rictus form on her lips or I'm wrong and just saw what I wanted to see. But whatevaaah, I know despite the face and the attitude she was giving, Joana was happy to see Cris but she had a role to maintain which was Joana "doesn't love Cris" Bianchi.

My baby Cris politely said Hola with the sweetest voice ever and JoJo was like "Bitch what is you want ?" I wanted to slap her but reminded myself that she was playing a role. But luckily, Cris does not let her tone affect her and gives Jo the pretty package saying "Here love of my life I bought you a gift", I am so proud of how well Cris is handeling the situation, very calm and composed.

Joana roughly unwrap the gift and TADAAAH a book ! Dangerous Liaisons. This book is the centre piece of this season 'cause it's a reflection of Cris and Joana's relationship I mean even the title screams CROANAAA! Dangerous Liaison. As in harsh/complicated/challenging relationship. A bumpy ride don't forget your seatbelt and I feel like it can also be apply for us, the fans, and how their relationship affected us, well at last for me. I mean I haven't had a proper 8 hour sleep in more than a month because of these two, they keep me awake, cause it's or I'm to worry to sleep or I'm to happy. Like... dude ! what is this. I'm having a dangerous liaisons with SKAM España.

Alright carry on.

When Joana sees the book she's like "I already read it, thank you next"

But Cris won't back down and says "Nope, not this one open it"

And BOOOOOOM ! Just like that mi Corazon was hit. I had to pause the video cause I became La Llorona I needed to catch my breathe and to stop my eyes from watering 'cause I couldn't see shit.

I was so not expecting it which made it 100 times better. Funny 'cause it reminded me of when Joana wrote down "Perdóname(I'm sorry)", and did you know that "I'm sorry" and "I love you" are two of the most hard phrases to say to someone ? (-> Needs verification but I'm sure I'm right).

So Cris wrote it down cause you know it's easier then saying it (little advise, when you need to say something to someone but you can't do it cause it's hard, write it down and give it to them. It helps.) And we know that she's not good with saying big and heavy words like I love you.

Cold Joana is still playing hard to get and says "Why now ?" I think she responded like that cause she didn't want to believe it you know ?

Cris answers that because it's the truth, to my surprise Cris says it out loud this time "I love you biiiiish I ain't never gonna stop loving you biiiish", while looking at Joana in the eyes. So proud my baby girl is growing, and being fearless about her feelings. Go girl ! Express yourself. Cris confesses never having said it to anyone but she wanted to tell her at least once even if Joana doesn't love her anymore( rolling my eyes at the biggest lie that I've ever heard but whatevaaah I'll ignore it for now but this needs to be rectify soon). She was so cute and being all shy while saying that. "I know you don't love me anymore but I do love you now and that's all that matters" We love that glow up.

Joana is like "Da fuck girl I told you I didn't love you because I wanted you to stay away from me and you're doing the opposite"

And to scare and push away Cris, Joana tells her that "You don't know what you are getter yourself into, I'm a fucking kinder suprise, I'm very impredictible" which Cris answer by "Reallyyy ! I love Kinder Suprise !" And adds "Please bitch ! like I haven't notice. Since I've met you feels like I'm on a rollercoaster, so tell me something I don't know"

So Joana keeps on going

"I can be really cool in the morning and a dickhead on the afternoon."

Cris: "Okay. Not even scared"

Joana:"Don't want you to have to deal with me."

Cris:"my decision not yours to make."

Frustrated-Joana-cause-Cris-doesn't-back-down:" The reason I was in the hospital is because I got extremely angry at my parents and threaten them to kill myself and almost did it"

Cris: "..............huuum.......... Nope. Still here. Keep 'em coming I won't move"

Joana: "...... Da fuck woman." I loved Joana's face when she realised that no matter what she said Cris wasn't going to Change her mind.

Cris: "I👏🏽AM👏🏽NOT👏🏽GOING👏🏽TO👏🏽RUNAWAY(No voy a salir corriendo). Stick this into your head woman."

And my heart was hit again.

And so was Joana's heart. Look at her face my baby is speechless.

Everything was perfect we got another glimpse at Joana's MI (mental illness). She loves Cris so much that she opened up a bit more to know what was Cris getting herself into, so if she wanted to back down she could even if it meant for Joana to lose Cris. But Cris was like "Nope, you don't get it do you ? I want you. And everything that comes with it. The whole package and if that means having to deal with your MI than so be it, cause it's a part of who you are. And I want ALL OF YOU."

Oh boi so beautiful.

But Joana is stubborn. Bitch stop fighting and accept the love that is giving to you. She says that right now she feels good but tomorrow she doesn't know, same for all the other next days. Which Cris replies with "Alright why the hell is you talking about tomorrow ?? How about we take it slow and think about today. Or better live in the minute. Minuto a minuto"-> OG SKAM fans must have been very happy.

New concept for Joana feels like she never thought about it. This should be known by everyone, live in the moment 'cause you might not be there tomorrow, so live as if there were no tomorrow, cause it's not just another day that you gain but it's also another day that you loose so don't waste time my friends and live minute by minute.

To ease the mood Cris propose Joana if it's possible for her to stand still for 60sec, Joana accepts the challenge and for about 10sec they are looking at eachother with smile on their faces like love birds being all cute and everything, when Cris says "Well look at that 10sec already ! No bombe has exploded that's a good start."

Well that ladies and gents is a rare species called a "Smiling Joana" haven't been seen in ages and need to be protected at all cost enjoy. She's so beautiful.

Cris thinking that she can't help anyone is beyond me cause she can brighten any situation. She's the friend and the Novìa that everyone wants.

Hugs, touching heads, kisses foreheads, staring at eachother, and hug again. And my heart can't take it. While this beautiful song by Bruno Major - Just the same, plays in the back ground. The way SKAM España picks up song is amazing always suits the moment.

I know a lot of you wanted a kiss. Understandable. But in that situation I feel like it was not needed. I've read a comment that says that Cris didn't kissed her cause Joana was so hesitant in even stepping close to her. All the caring look, hug, forehead kisses all that, was better than a kiss. So proud of Cris cause she did exactly with Joana what the girl squad did with her on the previous Clip, she showed how much important to her Joana was.

I'm going to let the lyrics of that part of the clip analyse that last paragraph. Take it as Cris' point of view you saying "Doesnt matter what happen, I'm going to be there for you, love." And you know what ? I'm crying rn 'cause this is beautiful.

🎵So do your worst to me. Test my loyalty. I will pass with distinction of first degree. I lost my mind to you. Somewhere down the line that you drew. But I only have myself to blame. 'Cause I'd still love you just the same🎵

I personally couldn't have ask for a better reunion. And the more clips we get the more I'm having a hard time telling myself that this season and Cris' story will come to an end.

Aaaaaalriiight that was a long ass analysis hope y'all didn't fell asleep in the middle, I won't blame you and if you are still here, thank you for reading everything. I personally didn't think this clip needed an analyses cause everything was pretty clear pero bue. I did it cause it helps me.

Hasta luego amigxs.

[dismalzelenka]

20 Questions

@buttsonthebeach tagged me in the getting to know you meme, but since I did that one recently I took the liberty of breaking the rules and finding another tag meme to answer instead. >:Dc

1. One thing you would change in your personality?

The constant undercurrent of social anxiety that renders me completely unable to speak coherently at the worst possible moments. I would love to have steady employment, social anxiety. Please stop cockblocking my job status. :^)

2. What is your DA rare pair?

MARIAN HAWKE AND RALEIGH SAMSON

GO RAID MY AO3, MY KIRKWALL TRASH HEAPS ARE WAITING

Sweetest Downfall

Arms Around the Past

3. A song that made you cry?

Passage by Vienna Teng. I've never had a song get me completely unglued on the last six words before this.

4. The best movie ever?

Love, Actually.

Fight me.

5. Food you will never eat?

C I L A N T R O >:(

6. Your celebrity crush?

Felicia Day. Mark of the Assassin DESTROYED me. 😅

7. Your favorite DA location and why?

Vigil's Keep. Because like. You're the head dumpster fire, in charge of recruiting more dumpster fires, and also you're apparently running an Arling that you never asked for and you have to deal with all these shitty nobles all the time but YOUR DUMPSTER FIRES are all right there beside you and you have the best papa dumpster fire ever who kicks nobles out of your dumpster fire house when you're tired of partying and basically it's this tiny fucked up little family and you all stumble down to breakfast in the morning in various states of hung over except for that one dwarf guy who's probably still drunk, you eat your eggs and toast in cranky silence, and then you go be big goddamn heroes.

....I really loved Awakening ok. Fite me.

8. You’re a night or a morning person?

I'm like a "night but the part of night where it's technically morning right up til morning" kind of person.

9. You have any tattoos?

Yus.

Nobody sigil from Kingdom Hearts wrapped in a treble clef between my shoulder blades.

A design of Helios on my left upper arm with "Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken" underneath it because House Martell prideeee.

The Arabic word for "cat" on my left forearm, drawn to look like a cat.

I'm saving up for a griffon tattoo and maybe a stylized one of "can I get you a ladder so you can get off my back?" :3

10. How many languages you speak?

Fluent in English. Can understand Korean fairly well, but can't speak it quite as easily. Basic fluency in Italian. I can read it much better that I can speak it.

11. Where would you most like to visit?

The mountains in South Korea. I was born there and I've only ever been back to Seoul and a village on the outskirts where my grandparents lived. I want to spend like a week or so out there under the stars. ❤️

12. What’s the best book you’ve read?

The Poisonwood Bible.

So I was forced to read this in high school. And I went to a Baptist high school, so of course when I saw this summary of it I immediately went "oh fuck no."

"The Poisonwood Bible, by Barbara Kingsolver, is a bestselling novel about a missionary family, the Prices, who in 1959 move from the U.S. state of Georgia to the village of Kilanga in the Belgian Congo, close to the Kwilu River."

Like. I was FULLY prepared to grit my teeth and spark notes another goddamn glorified colonialism story.

And then I read the damn thing.

And y'all this book is FUCKED UP. That missionary family? It's told from the POV of all of the daughters as they watch their father get more and more fanatical and abusive, as they struggle with culture shock, NONE of them wanted to be here, the majority of them slowly start to lose their faith and abandon their religion.

One of the girls is very clearly neurodivergent, but she's not really written as a character you're supposed to feel sorry for, and she's a total badass.

It has its problematic elements, but I think the fact that it's now seared indelibly into my brain is because I was 100% expecting a fucked up pro missionary story and ended up finding a story of the shit that happens to everyone else in the periphery of said pro missionary stories.

Was incredibly surprised to have read this in my AP Lit class at a Baptist high school, but goddamn, it shook me.

13. Who is your favourite BioWare character?

A N D E R S

Anders is my boy. I will ride or die for Anders. Anders was right. Fuck the Chantry. F I T E M E.

Bonus: fine Dwarven crafts, direct from Orzammar

14. Who’s your least preferred BioWare character?

Going to stick to Dragon Age because I'm too tired to rummage through my brain for other fandoms. And there's so many people I hate in Mass Effect. Hah.

Anyway. Livius Erimond kind of grinded my gears a lot, so much so that in my first mage playthrough I pissed off a ton of people and made him Tranquil. Like. My entire inner circle disapproved, it was fucking amazing. I'll never be able to make myself do it again because I felt so dirty after that I literally had to pause the game and take a shower, but man. Erimond is really good at pressing buttons.

15. What’s your favourite game?

Dragon Age Inquisition and Mass Effect 3. And Neverwinter Nights: Hordes of the Underdark. Valen Shadowbreath was my first bioware love.

16. What’s your spirit animal patronus?

According to Pottermore it's a dragonfly but I'm pretty sure it's actually a cat.

Going with patronus instead of spirit animal because I've been asked to avoid appropriating that term as someone who is not of Native ancestry, and so I shall. Respect indigenous cultures. ✌️❤️

17. Cake or ice cream?

Fine Dwarven cakes, direct from Orzammar. Preferably almond or Chantilly. :D

18. Dogs or cats?

🐈 Kitties 🐈

19. What was your favourite DA romance?

3 Way Tie (although this could change since I haven't done all of them myself.)

Anders - because his whole arc is just so FUCK THE CHANTRY and he's such a Good Person who is Struggling and at the end of the day he's a soft feathery boy who loves you and cares about making people not hurt anymore and also is into some wild shit in bed and also loves cats. Let's be mentally ill cuddly softs together, Anders, I will give you my everything always, my soft feathery mage boy. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Leliana - soft but stabby song princess becomes the pope and her devoted girlfriend wife swoons quietly through all of it.

Cullen - weirdly enough, I did not expect to enjoy this romance as much as I did. I kind of hated him in the first two games, like when I ran into him in 2 I still hadn't forgiven him for the "KILL ALL THE MAGES" outburst and was just like. "Ugh it's this motherfucker." And then I saw him again in Inquisition and was like WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHITHEAD DOING HERE? HE'S FIRED. FIRE HIM, CASSANDRA.

But then Cassandra never reciprocated my affections, Blackwall yelled at me on the battlements about propriety and we're at war so I dumped him, and then Vivienne turned me down and I was like FINE FUCK ALL Y'ALL I'M GONNA SMOOCH CULLEN OUT OF SPITE.

And then he's all like. "I went through some shit. I said some really fucked up stuff. Also I'm trying to get clean and it's literally killing me but I don't want anything to do with that old life anymore." And the chess scene, and then me getting really personally enraged at all the Orlesians copping nonconsensual feels at Halamshiral and then I woke up one day and was like wow OK this dude's alright, he's even kind of cute, I guess I can-

"marry me?" "OKAY YES."

*shrug* I'm weak.

20. Do you prefer sunshine or are you a winter person?

Sunshine in winter, ideally, but if I have to choose between one or the other, winter.

Anyway. I broke rules, oops. Gonna tag @sasshole-for-rent @suzumicchi @joufancyhuh @laraslandlockedblues @becauseanders @inner-muse @ladymdc @agentkatie @kawakaeguri @a-shakespearean-in-paris @ekoorb03 @lyrium-lovesong @5ftgarden

[lgbtloudhouse]

The fall of Lgbtloudhouse. A Story based on real events. An au of reality.

Depression. It wasn’t as bad as it seemed, for a certain young girl… at least not in their eyes… Celeste B was a normal fangirl. She would laugh and cry over things people called “for kids”.. Well, it was for kids! And she still was a kid, so she enjoyed the things she liked to do. Drawing, editing, watching The Loud House and obsessing over the characters. She loved the show and it was one of her favorite things to watch. She would make connections with them and pick out things about them that she would relate to. “Ok, come on, Luan is gay as hell and y'all know it.” She said to no one in particular, but just thinking out loud. She would just browse tumblr looking at some of her favorite blogs and the ones she makes friends with. They were one of the reasons she lift her head up and smiled. Until one day. Let’s just say to summarize it, she was mentally unstable and ill. She took meds for it, but she still had her moments. Her weaknesses. Her downfalls. It turned dark.

Celeste was scrolling through one day and came across something disturbing. People were calling her out. She looked closer, confused and worried. “Its just a drawing, get over it!” “Wow, I can’t believe some little kid is getting triggered over a simple drawing. Jump only drew an oc!” “Lmao damn sjw’s crying again kys”

“W-what.??” Celeste felt something hit her heart. Was this really happening? /oh.. well, it’s nothing. I’m pretty sure it’s just some trolls…/ But she’ll come soon to know that it was more than just trolls she was dealing with.

-some while later- Celeste was doing well. Drawing random lil things here and there. Going on tumblr was hard, but she still loved it. …..

“Oh.. oh my GOD!!!” Celeste put her hand over her mouth in fear. What is this… this… thing she’s looking at? “Did.. they… they… drew PORN of me???” She was shaking, trying not to cry. She needed to talk to someone about this.

Her friends. The safe squad.

She opened up her messages.

Lgbtloudhouse: Queenie! I.. I found something, it’s very very disturbing.. QB: what is it? *lgbtloudhouse sent a link* QB: oh my lord.. These trashies don’t know when yo stop. I can’t believe they’d stoop to such a low level. I’ll handle it. For now, block aval0nx and report it. Lgbtloudhouse: ok..

Celeste was sitting in her room, just trying to ignore everything. Why would someone so such a thing to a mentally ill teenager who only wanted some peace? She sighed, and went to bed.

-some days later-

Celeste had a huge headache. Dealing with internet creeps was not going well for her. She tried to ignore it, but each time she would make it feel bad about herself. She still couldn’t believe what happened. She just wanted a break, but she couldn’t.. She didn’t know why, or what was holding her back, but she knew it wasn’t good.

/time to see what’s going on again../ she thought.

“You are worse than cancer. You are incurable, never go away, and torments people for the rest of there life’s to the point where you want to kill yourself. I don’t think I need to explain why for both points.”

“Let’s see lgbtloudhouse use those insults later when she isn’t some snobby kid whos parents probably buy her everything she wants, she thinks the whole world has to bow to her just because she thinks we should. Lgbtloudhouse is just a spoiled brat. You can practically smell the friendlessness and bitch from that kid.”

“Lgbtloudhouse is a cunt.”

“She must be a real dumbass cunt if she thought she won. I will use the word strongly. Dumbass cunt.”

“Queenie is just using lgbtloudhouse. Like a tool. She doesnt care about her feelings”

“We may like fictional incest but for the love of God act better than lgbtloudhouse and safehouse!”

“New comic. Page 1/10. Chapter one: a "Celestial” being.“

/NO…/

/OH MY.. GOD…/

Celeste could not believe what she was seeing. Her mind felt like it was crumbling apart trying to stay stable.

/leave. I’m gonna leave./ she thought.

Upon finding more chaos.. she decided to take a break.

Until one day.

A fellow friend of hers decided to message her to inform her on what has happened. Something that she’d never seen before. Let’s call this guy, "Lines”. No shade or anything negative to Lines. But Celeste discovered something horrific that shook her to the core. He sent her some photos in warning to her.

“There’s something I found online.. and i think you need to see this..”

“Sure, what is it?”

*Lines sent a photo*

“Do the world a favor, and do the n— jig off the nearest tree.” One photo showed a Celeste glancing at a rope along with a Clyde dangling on a tree, dead, in the background. Sucide baiting. Something inside of Celeste broke. She couldn’t feel anything anymore.

“Also…”

*Lines sent a photo*

This is when the worst happened.

Celeste. Her being violated, drawn pornography of her and Lincoln was showed on her phone. Uncensored. With Lynn and Lars, loud house canon genderbents, watching and getting off in the front.

Celeste dropped her phone. Her family was out. She began to shake. Cry. Scream. Tear at her skin. Sobbing and crying hysterically, couldn’t take it anymore. She ran to the kitchen. Threw open the drawer. Grabbed the biggest knife she could find.

She tearfully ran back into her room. She turned off the lights and closed her curtains.

But grabbed a pencil and some paper and began writing.

Dear family,

Let me just explain why you are in this unfortunate situation. As you know, I love the loud house and I began to go on a site called tumblr. I found many sweet and lovely friends on there. Let me just give out their names because I really want my beautiful friends to thrive through this horrible time. They are: queenbean03, fangirl20, brighteronthesunnyside, adh2d, vanillafrappelatte, transfairycosmo, loud-siblings-against-loudcest, thebigcrunchone9, asknightvaleandgravityfalls, underratedhero, phandomtrashnumerouno, spectrumbunny, skwhy, sourbetes, thecyancat, summeroverdrive, hadenohade, kirby-universe, doctorgalaxy101, wonderingaboutwander, lifeismarvelous, tamamajasper, animatedtrash4, Adrianacartoonfangirl, and many other beautiful souls and friends. I’m so sorry this happned. I was going through tumblr and I started to get bullied. First it was insults, then name calling, then death and suicide threats, then drawn porn of me. Tell Caleb (my brother, 6), Ariel (sis, 5), grandma, and the family and my friends that I love them. I love you guys so much, but I can’t take this anymore. Love, Celeste.

She raised the knife over herself. And.. *thump*.

“Celeste! We’re home!” Celeste’s mother Jennifer called out. They brought home cheese pizza, which they knew she loved. They also noticed that she hasn’t been coming out of her room lately and looked noticeably sad. They got some pizza to make her happy again.

“Hmmm. Why are all the lights off?”

Celeste’s dad, Rich, shrugged.

“Maybe she wanted some dark.”

“Yeah, but all of them?”

“Yeah that’s weird. Caleb, go wake up your sister.”

“Okay!!!” Caleb was Celeste’s little brother. He can be a handful, but he’s still her brother. He, like his sister, has autism, adhh, ocd, and is in general very hyper but still loving.

He ran to her door and opened it.

She was laying on the floor.

Caleb ran out to tell their mom.

“Mom, Celeste is sleeping on the floor!”

Jennifer laughed. “You’re so silly Caleb. I’ll go get her.”

She walked over to her door. And screamed.

Laying on the floor, was her daughter Celeste. Dead.

“What the???!?!

She looked closer.. and gasped.

A knife was in her head.

She then saw, this was self-inflicted. Suicide.

-month later-

It was a dark and depressing day in South Carolina. Raindrops covered the graveyard like grass covering land. Despite it being summer everyone felt a chill inside their hearts.

"We are gathered here today to mourn the loss of daughter Celeste B. She was a wonderful spirit and lovely girl. But then the harsh pain of evil came over her in despair. May we all come together and this heavenly soul rest in peace. And may the world have peace in future cyberbullying to stop. And for acts of hate against this lady and other victims of cyberbullying to decrease quickly. Amen.”

It was a shame. Love will be found in all the right places. May we come together and figure out that what you say can have a impact on someone’s life. I am glad I never killed myself. I am strong but weak. Beautiful yet fragile. Loving yet fearless. Now what would you react if this actually happned and I did commit sucide? Love yourself and choose your ways carefully. Love eachother and find peace. I am strong for staying. Don’t give up for light or life. You are loved, my love.

[ohhhhmyblog]

#StoryTimeWithMy - Me & #HurtBae handle things differently...clearly.

Ok... So I was with him over 3 years at this point. But in recent times, we had had multiple convos about not being together for various reasons...but there was still that lingering love. You know? Where you still speak everyday, still hang out, are still intimate, etc... Still...to the point where one week prior to this "incident" we did a little day trip where we took Teagan out to eat and to Liberty Science Center. You know, regular shit...

So on this day, I spoke with him a couple times throughout the day. I let him know I had made plans in his area later and we agreed to just hang out until my girl got off work. Soooo.... I go.

I get to his house and everything's regular... drinks, music, his friends, their girlfriends...typical weekend night at his place.

Then the bell rings, he goes to open it, and a woman comes in. I don't think anything of it at all...at first. Then I notice all of his friends get weirdly silent (completely out of character for this bunch). The woman is totally comfortable. She goes into the fridge for something, takes a charger out of the wall and heads toward his bedroom. She's out of sight for about a minute and I decide to go follow her.

And there she is...sitting on his bed, phone plugged in the wall, just scrolling through her phone...super comfortable. I do the only thing there is to do... "Oh hi...I'm MyAsia. Who are you? I'm *insert name i dont remember because it didn't matter*. Oh. You're here for *him*? How do you know him...because you clearly KNOW him? I've known him for years." She starts to look worried. She's catching on... (lol, funny now...wasn't funny then)

I go back into the living room. I approach him. I just stare at him. He gives me this look like "Fuck!" but tries to play like he's confused. "What?" he says., I just stare at him...

In that moment, I am trying soooooo hard not to burst into tears because...y'all...she was comfortable there. She wasn't new. She knew where the outlets were in his bedroom. She didn't require an introduction to his friends. She was comfortable enough to go in the fridge.

"Who is she? Why is she here?" He just stares at me with the goofiest "I have fucked up" face. She walks into the living room. It's now awkward af. I. LOSE. IT. I have so many questions and I'm asking them all...in front of everyone...at max volume...without one single fuck to give. Not. One.

His friends start to head to the door. The gf of one his boys stays behind and attempts to get me to relax. Nope. I'm on one. Then something in my head is like "MyAsia, you are making a fool of yourself. You are flipping your shit and he isn't even reacting." He is still in the same spot...looking dumb.

The woman gets her things to leave. I start to leave too. He follows. (I think he thought we would get into something...but no, my issue was never with her.) But in that moment, I interpreted that as him wanting to save her from me. I started swinging. You know when you swing as you talk? Why👊would👊you👊do👊this👊to👊me? Why👊have👊her👊come👊here👊when👊you👊knew👊I'd👊be👊here? He gives me this "I didnt know she was coming" bs...which only pissed me off even more. Now I know she's comfortable just popping up here? Ok.

I start bawling. I am sooo hurt. I felt betrayed. I felt stupid. I had placed him on this pedestal...because in my mind, he would never be "this guy". I attempt to storm out. He stops me. Now he has answers. Now he wants to explain. He wants to tell me that "we broke up already". He wants to tell me "we already decided not to be together". He wants me to believe she just came around in the last couple weeks...this woman who goes in his fridge, knows his friends, comes over unannounced and knows where the outlets are in his bedroom... I. Can. Not. Stop. Crying. I want to...because I feel weak and stupid...but I can't.

I snatch away from him and leave. I can't leave. I have an excruciating headache suddenly. I can't see thru the tears. I was a wreck...smh. I get in the car, drive one block up and park. I call the friend I was suppose to link up with after she got off. I am hysterical. She can't understand me. My phone beeps. There's another call coming in. It's his friend's gf from back at the house. She wants to know where I am. I tell her and click back over. I give a short, prob super inaccurate version of what just happened. At this point, he is Satan to me...so I can only imagine what I said.

Anyway, I tell her where I am and hang up. I am legit hysterical. My head is hurting. I am angry. I am hurt. This woman wasn't new. This woman was comfortable y'all. When he reacted to this whole "incident", he considered her. I saw it. It was too much. I sat in my car just shaking...trying to talk myself out of setting his house on fire. Seriously... The ONLY thing that stopped me was knowing that children lived in the unit above him...the children who stomp around and make so much more on those weekend mornings when he and I just wanted to sleep in. Those loud ass children kept me from making a super irrational decision that night.

I'm startled by a knock on my window. It's his friend's gf. She tells me to unlock the door. She gets in the passenger seat and just sits there, silently. I'm still crying. I can't make it stop. My head is racing. Then the other friend shows up. She gets in the car. We just sit there for a minute. Then my friend who missed the whole thing says "what the hell happened?"... I tell her...and finish with "My head hurts. My stomach hurts. I need a drink."

We all get in her car andride around North Newark looking for a bar. It's dark. It's late. Everything is closed. Then we see this little corner bar that seems to be open. We get out. We go in. There are all Hispanic men over 50 in this bar, y'all. I didn't care. They had liquor...lol I had shots and cocktails with these 2 til the bar was closed. I spilled my little heart out in there...to 2 women who weren't even THAT close to me...but in that moment I appreciated them. They let me vent and talked me down...well kinda... ...Because now, I'm angry AND upset AND still feeling stupid...and I've spent the last hour drinking continuously...

I decide I am going back to his house. They try to talk me out of it...but nah, I'm going back. I call his phone. He answers immediately. I tell him I'm coming back and he needs to be there and alone. I promise you in my head I was going back to that house to hurt him. I considered killing him...in real life. I thought of how I'd do it, how I could get away with it, how it'd make his mom and sister feel, how I'd explain it to Teagan...all that. SMH

We leave the bar and head back to his house. They wont let me go in alone. I ring the bell. He comes to the door. In that moment...something happened to me that I cant and wont ever be able to explain. In that moment, I needed him. So many times before I he had been the ONLY person to see me through bs and tough times. This time was no different. In that moment, I was searching for and anticipating comfort and consolation...from the very person who had just hurt me. SMH Why was I like that?!

I start yelling, crying and carrying on...and he tries to hold me. I'm fighting him...I want him not to touch me and I want him to hold me tighter...at the same... damn...time. Y'all... I was all messed up.

We go inside and he's giving me the same story and I'm so over hearing it. I zone out and I'm just wondering why I'm back at his house...seeking solace in the same man who had upset me in the first place. I got angry. I was back and forth between literally throwing blows and falling into his chest crying asking him why. The whole time my head is KILLING me.

Suddenly it's silent. For a while there's just me doing that "I just finished crying", sniffling thing lol Then he takes my jacket off of me, lays me down in his bed, takes my shoes off and just cuddles up next to me. He says he's sorry and that he never meant to hurt me like this and this isn't how he ever thought this would go. I fell asleep...in the arms of the same mf who I had just thrown jabs at...the same mf I seriously considered killing just hours before. I woke up the next morning and left silently.

I was violently ill for days. I learned then just how real "mind over matter" is. I had literally gotten physically SICK...because of mental and emotional pain. I also learned that you can not ever view someone the same after heartbreak. I learned that anyone is capable of anything and pedestals are for trophies, not people. I learned that everyone is just moments of hurt & anger away from a Snapped episode so I don't judge.

Fast forward to present time...fast forward pass months of personal growth and experience...fast forward pass a bunch of laughs and tough convos between us over the years... This guy is still one of the closest ppl to me. I still love him to death. I currently consider him a friend of mine. I just know I can't ever look at him THAT way again...and that's ok.

That #HurtBae video struck a nerve with me. No one is above being hurt. But when you're in a situation that is emotionally and mentally draining, get the hell out of it!

[rapedbylife206-blog]

Dejavù seems to be the obvious reasoning behind this result/conclusion; Do you not agree? Could it be possibly be from an extremely vivid; realistically life-like; lucid dream, that you had once, long ago?? 🔮 Or even a vivid; lucid; realistic/life-like; subconsciously controlled; very, specially memorable; day-dream; that you had once upon a boring, spaced out glance that lasted a little longer than the 2 second-look. I used to dream about glamour life of celebrities. To elaborate specefically, Mostly famous/well-known; male actors/artists/models/vine-stars/internet or social media virals, filled my dreams of wanting to be with me, "fairytale love" or fairytale life with that famous male star. I guess, basically, any guy that was famous and gave me the perfectly; I'm perfect illusion of perfection and true happiness. Most celebrities are society's version of these1 of 4, judgemental and most of the time, spiteful diagnoses: Psychotic, Manic, Suicudal, or Extremely Unstable/Unstead; now with these being listed there are many more that could have been added to this list but I feel like they all could be evenly distributed underneath these 4 somehow/someway or another. Anyway, I went off track a little bit but I can draw it back in from the mental illnesses. All 4 of these mental challenges, mental disabilities, mental diseases or mental.."obstacles", as some of the more ignorant, less-educated tricks of society might, call it. I call, in the DNA or just human-like chances of receiving the trait and having one or more of these diagnoses on your medically; filled out completely and signed by a licsenced Doctor/Psychiatrist; medically, organized records, you are blessed, completely beyond measures. Don't you see, my lovely "crazies" of this world? You have the undeniable, irreplaceable, most reliable thing in your life, bitter-sweet, superpower-like ability to tap into what few people can even begin to have empathy towards others for. Our world is almost, completely filled and packed like a; distugsting, extra-salty, overly-rested, overly-fed, sourly-musty; can of sardines. In Today's World or "Modern-Day Society", our society, our Status Quo, if you will. It's so much like our High School days/times, living//competing among each other in the "United 50 States of America". It's still a free ass country; just got a couple quirks to work out, focus on the positive though.. If we can. So hypotgetiy speaking, if you end up deciding this decision; here are the things you will gain once you get a passport or a green card. Religious Freedom is gained!! Freedom of Speech!!! Freedom of Dress/To Express Yourself!!! Freedom to be Whoever the hell You Want to be!!!! Freedom To Vote, for your Home and for Your Leader!!!! Freedom to Love Whoever You Want To Love!!!! (LGBT RIGHTS) Freedom to get//not get a Great Education!!!!(::optional after the age of 16!!!!!)) Freedom to Defend Yourselves and be looked up to, as a Hero for it!!!!! Freedom to get more Mental-Health Assistance//help and a Mental-Health. Dissability-Check, Sign-Up!!!!! Freedom to express Yourself in WhatEver and However, You Want!!!!!! Freedom to -almost- ALL RIGHTS have either been passed or process of being Passed//Approved!!!!!! Freedom to Want, Feel, Talk, Express my feelings to WhoEver I want!!!!! (Just don't cause a public disturbance, especially while buzzing off of any Mind-Altering Substances)) We got a little bit of any and every type of Fashion//Style, that you could possibly want??? I designed all the clothes me and my 2, perfectly imperfect, beautiful girls. They can come out and instantly begin to gliw, the combination of their light/happiness and peace inside of them, shinning. Then, that beautiful, glowing spark is getting handled to the front of the yard//house. I needed it way closer than it was, lol. You know I'm a tiny, not so muscular-inclined, little lady, almost qualifies for a female midget.. Lol Awh, That'd be kind of almost cute. Would y'all still fw ya girl, if she found out that she was going to be Medically cleared for STD's and DISEASES; Clinically cleared for NO BABY BUMP ; Spiritually cleared for NO NASTY SPIRITS, got a vibe and a strong feeling for you to come back to check for demonic-like inteties or scars and markings; Physically cleared for my Check-Up, and I made a Physical--Check-Up Appointment, complete results, soon. Results, for everything else back, came clear!!!! You ever thought about which it would be, if you went back to your #1, absolute, favorite memory. Like would it go back to me being a baby-baby? I'm talking, when I could barely wash my hands alone, without making a mess!! When I could barely reach the sink or even the top of the counter. Awhh, 💕💕 ((:I was such a happy, mostly..positively charged, small combination of DNA//Atoms/Particles//Molocules!!)) You know, anytime that I don't have shoes on(Save a Lot Feet) and i'm trying to use my ballerina tricks, all the time wether in my toes, in my brain or in my heart. I gotta take a break and play with some other types ot tricks and stunts, at the age of 19, I will be doing what?? Unfortunately, doing nothing but being homeless, begging to sleep on a couch, always searching for food or my substance... Desperately. I never, ever, ever, in a million years thought I would be where I am today. I had such a good, sheltering, healthy, "normal-loving", how family members should be, you know? Back "in time", to a few months ago, or a few years ago. Wow, I don't even remember how long it's been since before I started fw it.... I don't remember about my life.(before or after, actually.) I remember standing there, trying to remember just a few weeks directly before it happened, then a few weeks. Directly after she began to come around a lot, lot, lot more... It was almost as if me, my heart and my drug, my drug were in the middle of a ceremony. We're going to do it when we can do it in-person... Am I right, Private Hill? I am at the right amount of intoxicatingly, fucked up, that I am, I'm numb(--inside-and-out--) Hell, to be completely honest, Iwouldn't mind being,"Comfortably Numb",you know? Like the "Greatest of All Time", also known as[, "The G.O.A.T.",], the one, the only...****drumroll**** The [G.O.A.T.] award goes to Pink Floyd🌈💦💜 Mmkay, it makes me super happy for a,d unbelievably proud of you!!!! Also, we aren't really doing anything, so maybe some celebration lines or drinks. Just a thought, babe 💁 Thought it might be some-what interesting lol. Music makes me feel feel so throw down and hear to the ground, it knows what to play. Ain't that some other shit, Do you wann lay me down, take your anger and frustration out on my body and let me love the negative vibes all out, make them go away papi💦. As it got darker and darker out side, it seemed as if the people of Henry County got hungrier and hungrier, Zaxby's got more and more packed. Strangely enough, then the memories won't go anywhere, I will figure out for some reason, why this isn't working and then I will prove my point to them, my family. I want to start getting prove of this, what is this, you may ask yourself?? Mhmmm... in life you will begin to realize that only about 4 thibgs, are almost guaranteed, so we can have some money, left over. I always carry very positive,uplifting sayings? Sayings? Lol. That's probably, my mind or my heart, possibly, who knows. Let's just tell me; the exploring, we have a compass or we can make one of those, along with how we can make a toasty asf fire, with S'mores!! Yummy! Toast some chocolate, get my graham crackers, all toasty like they supposed to be, you know?? I could begin to work on and maybe start the process to me finishing me. That blue hat, my blue, ball-cap hat, it looks kinda cute on her but definitely need a fw me, if you tryna fuck w me. Just thinking about, you know, normal,bubbky,19 year old's mind. Of course, racing with normal, awfully sad or just in happy thoughts about death and who some one cares for, will be next. Its scary, when nobody's got taken from you in awhile, I'll just be sitting here thinking to myself, you'll be sitting there, asking yourself, around the same questions. What do you think you'll be doing for either holidays? It would be nice to see her receiving some types of holidays, Give thanks with Christmas Cheer!!! 💕💕 This way I was kinda there for both holidays, just in case some great grandma's and great aunt's and pop's isn't doing too good. I'm sorry, I more than likely won't make it to the family holidays, I will have no ride and will I even be wanted there, probably be wanted there but the old me, not the new me, not her. My meme believes I can bring the old me, she doesn't believe that i just can't pull myself out of this. If not all the way, I fugures, I could keep him away from all that shit. I have to block out veiws of you, so I don't lose my head. I ripped these pictures out, I think I am going to fr am these up, frame to frame to frame, almost touching but it never touches. As long as I'm putting the interior design in, it will stay where frames do not move, they will look nice and neat and organized, no doubt.

[psychotic-and-delusional]

Christian Feminism vs Secular feminism

This is from my devotional today. Sorry its so long y'all 🤣 Its pretty cool though or I wouldn't have shared it! The scriptures that go with this are : James 4: 7-10 John 5:19-20 Deuteronomy 33:26;29-30 Psalm 146:5 Gain heart focus by praying Scripture out loud: I submit myself to You, God. I am resisting the devil. Please cause him to flee. I choose to draw near to You today with the promise that You will draw near to me. Clean my hands because I am sinful. Purify my heart because I can be so double-minded. You have permission to make me mourn and weep, and to turn foolish laughter into mourning. I want to humble myself before You, trusting that You’ll lift my heart back up. (Adapted from James 4:7–10) So Jesus said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of his own accord, but only what he sees the Father doing. For whatever the Father does, that the Son does likewise. For the Father loves the Son and shows him all that he himself is doing. And greater works than these he will show him, so that you may marvel.” John 5:19–20 God wants you to join in His story by being at work beside Him. More than that, He wants you to be so committed to the work He is accomplishing that you do nothing unless it is initiated by Him. That was Jesus’s work ethic. He revealed it to His followers as recorded in John 5:19–20. God is always at work around you. Joining in this work is a part of the great romance you can have with Him. When He shows you where He is at work, it is an invitation to join Him. To ignore His offer would be like ignoring a love note from a guy who makes your heart spin. To see it from that perspective, let’s turn again to the love story in Song of Songs. From the very beginning, the Maiden is eager to know where Solomon is at work. Early in the story, she pleads, “Tell me, you whom I love, where you graze your flock and where you rest your sheep at midday. Why should I be like a veiled woman beside the flocks of your friends” (Song of Songs 1:7, NIV). She seems to know that working side by side will be a vital part of their intimacy, so she yearns to know where he is at work. She doesn’t want to have foggy vision—as if wearing a veil—about what he’s up to. And she doesn’t want to work alongside his friends. She wants to be his helper. A helpmate. Does that word make you bristle? I have to admit, I struggle with it. All too much of my mind has been programmed by the feminist movement, which has accomplished some good but sadly fuels my self-sufficiency and self-power as a woman. This tends to make me self-focused. The idea of women being helpers has been a point of contention for several generations. Our culture programs us to be strong and independent. (Translation: in charge of our own lives!) But God encourages us to let Him be in charge. And that means we have to get over ourselves. Let me show you something I discovered that helped me embrace the idea of being a helper. Genesis 2:18 reads: “Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone: I will make him a helper fit for him.’” God chose to call Eve a helper. In the original Hebrew language He called her an ezer kenedgo for Adam. The word ezer means “helper” and the word kenedgo means “to accompany.” We see that God created the first woman with the intention that she would accompany man in order to help him. Ready for the beauty? Only two references in the Bible point to a woman’s being an ezer, a helper. All the rest describe Someone else in that role. God is called our ezer multiple times in the Old Testament. Here’s just a sweet taste: There is none like God…who rides through the heavens to your help [ezer]. Deuteronomy 33:26 * Happy are you, O Israel! Who is like you, a people saved by the Lord, the shield of your help [ezer], and the sword of your triumph! Deuteronomy 33:29 * Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help [ezer] and our shield. Psalm 33:20 * Blessed is he whose help [ezer] is the God of Jacob. Psalm 146:5 Being a helper is no second-class position. What a privilege we have as females to reflect the concerned helping quality of God our Maker. He certainly does not walk subserviently behind us, but comes tenderly alongside us in a position of strength. That’s what it means to be a helpmate. Yet this beautiful privilege of being a helper within marriage has met with the firm resistance from hearts molded by the feminist mentality. Mine included. The irony of our resistance is that helping is deeply rooted into the hearts of women. It comes out readily in our friendships, for example. Girlfriends are eager to help plan parties or study for an exam. We’ll help a girlfriend run for class president or paint her bedroom. We’re more than willing to help each other get ready for a date or make a big decision about a relationship. We find it satisfying to help one another move to a new apartment or to make a batch of noodle soup when a friend falls ill. (Guys don’t make noodle soup for each other, no matter how much they might believe in its ability to cure all ills.) Women are wired to be helpful. So why do we resist the idea of a woman helping her husband? I’m praying my silly head off right this moment that you’ll get this. Honestly, I’m praying that I’ll get it too. I struggle continually to be less self-centered and to be helpful in marriage. I am burdened with the heavy armor of defense so that no man can hurt me or take advantage of me, which makes no sense because I have a husband who gives himself to me readily in service and sacrifice. He always wins the tally on picking up the kids, outdoing me with caring for our home, and surprising me by meeting needs when I’m overloaded with life. Why on earth do I sometimes struggle to give myself back to him? The Curse rises up if I am not hidden in the secure agape of Christ, and I seek to control myself, him, and everything about our relationship. My head spins at how this will look in your life when we fast-forward a few years with the third wave of feminism sweeping so many into me-centered philosophies and me-driven purpose. I see it in the young women I counsel who lead and control every aspect of their dating relationships. We can’t experience mutual self-giving while we’re hiding behind the armor of self-control and self-protection! If we are to embody God’s self-sacrificing agape, we will have to take that armor off and pick up the task of being helpers. And to be clear, being God’s helper doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll become the next Mother Teresa or marry a pastor. He might send you to Wall Street as a single woman. You see, helping is really defined by something much simpler than full-time Christian service or grand dreams. It’s the little things that count. I’m often asked by young women how to start a ministry or write a book. Please don’t ever ask me that question. I loathe it. My answer is always the same: “Find one heart. Minister. Then let God show you another.” God’s story does not unfold solely in big things—like finding yourself in a ministry to heal the sexually broken hearts of teen girls or going to India to rescue little girls. Let me show you how He most often calls us to work alongside Him. In The Message James 1:27 reads, Anyone who sets himself up as “religious” by talking a good game is self-deceived. (I interrupt this passage to simply note that terrible four-letter word rearing its ugly head once again: self!) This kind of religion is hot air and only hot air. Real religion, the kind that passes muster before God the Father, is this: Reach out to the homeless and the loveless in their plight, and guard against corruption from the godless world. Genuine expressions of your love for Christ are often quite small, simple even. ~ Join the girl no one ever sits with at lunch. ~ Baby-sit for a single mom. ~ Take a meal to a sick family. ~ Rake the leaves in the yard of the grouchy old man next door. ~ Take a walk with the little girl down the street whose parents are never home. ~ Clean the house of a family in which the financially struggling parents are both working two jobs and never have time to catch up. ~ Sit on the street with a homeless person and listen to her story. Your opportunities to work alongside God will be revealed through your friendship with Him. He will invite you into His story in ways that uniquely fit you—but He may also lead you to do things that are not in your comfort zone. Last year Lexi and my other daughter, Autumn, and their friend, Caleb, noticed that a single mom with cancer was struggling to make Christmas special for her fourteen-year-old daughter. They would tell you that they felt ill-equipped to help, but knew they were supposed to do something for this small, fragile family. Their friendship with God prompted their hearts to take action. Before I knew what was happening, those three had a Christmas tree strapped to the top of Lexi’s RAV4 and were raiding my garage for “all those Christmas ornaments you never use.” Later, while filling that family’s living room with all things that glitter, they noticed that the cupboards were bare. A trip to the grocery store fixed that. I’m fairly sure that the only people who knew about their efforts were me, the mom, and her daughter, but I’m convinced those three teenagers passed God’s test for pure religion that day. We often dismiss these simple acts of kindness as domestic tasks better suited for a middle-aged women with kids, but putting the gospel into action is a worthwhile task for any male or female of any age. Getting lost in His story, you see, is all about bending to Him moment by moment. Just as a compelling novel unfolds scene by scene, God’s plan for your life will most likely be revealed one glimpse at a time, with the next word blossoming beautifully from the previous step of obedience. The fact is, starting a ministry is a woefully small ambition. You’d do much better to reach for something bigger: the role of being God’s helper. Write Your Story I’d like you to get honest about your emotions concerning the idea of being a helper. Purge your heart. You might answer these questions in your journal. Do you need to repent of resistance to the role of helper in your future marriage? Do you need to repent of resistance to helping now by baby-sitting, cleaning, or other things that require practical labor? What insights has God brought to your heart about helping through today’s love feast? After you’ve taken some time to get it down on paper or in the comments below (I’ll be able to counsel and answer any questions), ask God to show you a practical place where you can help someone today. And then do it.