#sorry will delete later I'm just 馃槓馃槓馃槓
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#being me is just. crying every night out of panic bc of work.#the way my whole body is betraying me and causing me to nearly go into panic attacks every day lately.#about mcfucking had it I'm losing my god damn mind#I've got a lot of people supporting me which is nice and they're trying to help but I'm fucking tired and I'm just giving up honestly#this is not worth my health#sorry will delete later I'm just 馃槓馃槓馃槓
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I fucking HATE how the fandom treats m.ine. it's so bad 馃槶
#ash rambles 馃挌#so many shitty takes... too much time on twitter ruins a man#i hear one more person call him a crazy obsessive yandere and i think I'm actually gonna lose it#he's either portrayed like that or as one half of a ship#his actual character is lost on so many people because oOoOOoOOooOoO mInE wAs GaY#i dont doubt that he likes men. it's just that I've seen so many people be weird about it-#also. it's not fucking sexy to wanna kill your partner. a bullet between the eyes isn't an act of love.#I saw a tweet today about how m.ine actually wanted to kill k.iryu because he thought d.aigo liked k.iryu romantically#and m.ine only wants d.aigo to himself. and THAT'S why m.ine wanted to kill k.iryu.#let that sink in. 馃槓.#i hate how the fandom treats him SO MUCH#i will sit in my corner here. and i will kiss m#m.ine. and we will kiss a lot. and things are good. we are happy. we are far away from all of that.#I'm not saying every fan of his is horrible. I've seen a lot of great stuff and content! but holy shit I've seen some horrible stuff too#and it's hard to not feel like I'm doing something wrong by shipping with him. by loving a guy who the world has always hated.#and ofc I'm not! but still! even whenever i rb content of him here I'm always so afraid ajdhajsj#like ah yes this is the day i finally get cancelled on tumblr dot com for (checks notes) ... shipping with y.oshitaka m.ine??#I'm honestly afraid to take him up to being an official f/o ajdhajsb i think he'll stay in crush jail a little while longer..#i hate how the fandom perceives him so much!!!!!!! i also just hate the y.akuza fandom in general lmao#i do also like k.iryu so.. I've seen shit 馃槓#I'll delete this later but oh boy i am in a mood#and i know this isnt the first time I've blogged about this#and for that i do apologize. but i really do love this guy and despite wanting to look for content of him i always end up finding the most#infuriating shit!#i know he's done fucked up things. he's not a great guy. but! our relationship is built on mutual trust and i will NEVER write any of that#creepy obsessive shit that the stupid fandom always portrays him as doing! he's not going to kill someone for getting too close to me-#I'm just... upset- get behind me honey! I'll shield you!#and by kissing him I'm not brushing over any of the shit he does in the game. yes he beheaded that guy. yeah he slapped that orphan.#but i adore him and omg i hit tag limit... oopsie daisy lol sorry guys 馃槶 I'm really sorry for always talking abt this#you were beautiful 馃捀
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when you turn off the lights and get in bed and all the anxiety you've been repressing the whole day hits you all at once and it's like you've been hit with 7 different status effects
#powered through reliving my trauma shaking and on the verge of crying but apparently my mom didn't notice even sitting next to me#but now I'm paying the price for not making a scene in the morning it seems aksjdkfkflj 馃槶馃槶馃槶馃槶#it's less about the actual anxiety now bc i AM done with the triggering part. it's more abt anxiety's effects#ugh i can't even distract myself or sleep 馃槓 just feel awful until it passes/I'm too exhausted to stay awake anymore#vent#sorry. might delete this later
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I wanna write some other stuff and I'm running out of Ideas for Mixed Up, so I'll make another series later but for now I'm working on my wips. Sorry to n e one who was waiting for the next part of Mixed Up bc I'm deleting it from my blog. I really liked it at first but then I started to hate it in the last few parts and my writing style just got irritating for me to read/edit so 馃槓
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