#sorry to my friends!! actually I’m not. I can’t help it that I’m studying Plath and Hughes …...

[langblrwhy]

New Year’s Goals

June

(Yes, june, I'm sorry)

I didn't made a lot of topics this month, but I'm happy because the topics I did are in my routine now, I don't need to put effort to make me doing new stuff, eating variety of food, studying, watching movies, reading, etc. That's one of the reason why I did this list, to improve on my daily life.

Now I just need to put effort to get used to actively study languages and exercise.

1 Try 2 new foods every month (food, beverage, recipe)

I ate beet, Kıbrıs Tatlısı (Cyprus Dessert Cake, but popular on Turkey, I cooked and it's delicious)

I ate açai with fried fish and it's so so, maybe if I had the original açai, it would be better. This is a recipe from Pará, north of Brazil.

Also I'm happy because I've been eating more healthier stuff, more vegetables and leaves in my everyday life (that's one my goals in this topic).

2 Be fluent in esperanto and active in the community

I've been writing in esperanto, I created a twitter to post only in esperanto (follow @raissinha_eo xoxo) and I translated the wiki page about vaporwave into esperanto (I didn't create the page, but I added a lot)

3 Practice having conversations via audio and video

I've been practing almost every week.

4 Write a 10k fiction in french and publish it on Wattpad

I didn’t.

5 Try to study russian again and focus on the basic

I didn’t.

6 Watch a movie every week

1. Surplus: Terrorized Into Being Consumers (Sweden, 2003)

2. Plastic Ocean (UK, Hong Kong 2016) (my favorite one, great doc about the problem of plastic!)

3. Lady Bird (USA, 2017)

4. May Fools/Milou en Mai (France, Italy, 1990)

7 Read 5 books

I finished my second book: The Bell Jar (by Sylvia Plath), I'm in the half of Morangos Mofados (by Caio Fernando Abreu) and I started Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky.

I've been reading almost everyday before sleeping or just after waking up in the morning and I feel great.

8 Finalize 1 art every month (it doesn’t have to be good, just finished)

I've been finalizing almost everyday (and they're good)!

9 Doing some exercise every week

I was rationalizing why I haven't done any exercises in 3 months, 90 days without no exercises.

I learned something about me: when I go for a walk, I do because I relax, I sunbath, it's a means of transport and I can go to the supermarket AND I do to feel pretty.

On the other hand, all the times (since ever) I made exercises at home I did only to feel pretty. I don't care about this right now, since nobody will see me.

So I need to resignificate the "exercises at home".

I rationalized all of this 2 weeks ago, but I didn't found the courage to do something about it yet lmao.

(I can't even hold my cat without panting)

10 Try to make listening podcasts an habit

I’ve been listen to them while I do some art, it’s almost in my routine now, that’s exactly what I wanted 2.0

-Bonus: Learn toki pona

I want to cut this topic. I was all excited at january because I met some "jan pi toki pona" anu "jan mute li toki toki pona" (I don't know how to write because I don't study, SORRY), but I don't care that much anymore. For sure the future me would be grateful to learn when I see others tokiponists, and I love the idea of the language... So I'll leave this topic as a bonus.

11 Write a fiction in esperanto

Almost nothing.

12 Try 1 new thing per month

I started doing digital art on Adobe Illustrator, it's been great and I want to tests other programs in the near future.

13 Interact on virtual groups (telegram, tumblr, whatever)

I've been interacting on twitter, I created a twitter to post only in esperanto, cool, but I need more effort.

(Actually I forgot what is the point here, new webfriends? Esperanto community? Share my art? No idea lol)

14 Be more proactice and publish my stuff somewhere online (draw, fiction, whatever)

I've been posting all my good art on instagram and almost everything on twitter, aka everyweek.

BUT I should publish my FICTIONS, I need to focus on this.

-Finish all duolingo tasks by the end of the year

I was on 107 day streak, doing awful. I didn't care about this anymore, everyday at around 11:52pm I was like doing the lessons ONLY to not lose the streak. I don't feel that duolingo is the best method to learn my target languages right now, I know more than the basic, and I need to actively study.

So I deleted the app and will risk this, I'm RELIEVED.

15 Sketch every week

Skething every other day, practing new stuff, etc 2.0

16 Study spanish, focusing on write, listen and speak

I watch random vlogs on youtube, not enough and I'm sorry.

17 Study french, focusing on write, listen and speak

I DIDN'T.

WHY NOT???

(the answer is: because I don't know french, if I knew, I would watch youtube videos and write a sapphic fiction aka STUDY. But I don't know enough french so I won't study [more])

Again: I need to improve

18 Study whatever theories (such as astronomy, lingustics, ecology, whatever)

I have an anarchprimitivist enthusiast friend and I started reading stuff about it, the first movie I watched this month (Surpus) was about it.

I also watched the documentary about plastic.

I need to do better, I know.

Right now I'm in the vibe to study about politics and economy, I just need to START (maybe with podcasts or easy books!).

19 Study for vestibular (mathematics, physics, geography, philosophy, sociology, biology, chemistry, history, english, portuguese, brazilian literature)

I've been reading books (not the brazilian literature I need, but it helps per se), I've watched a couple videos about sociology and biology, but I need to do BETTER.

13/19 = 68%

(Need to do better)

You know what? I'm the only one who is holding me to get at best version possible, I'm doing great and I'm happy for this. Even though we're living in a pandemic, my country is the second worst in a global scale (greeting from Brazil), I've never been happier and I truly think it's because of this list, because it focus on a health mind, health body, knowledge, hobbies, friends and future source of income (since I want to work selling my art online).

[bisexualklausmikaelson]

mad girl’s love song ;

requested by springeveningsandsubtlethings

“You are my new fav writer on Tumblr I swear! I always believed that if Hayley had shown Klaus a sliver of hope/interest to go romantic, he would be all in. So I’m hoping you could write something with Hayley realizing she indeed has feelings for Klaus (preferably an angsty one as in mid or post fight. I love intense Klayley). Ok that is all. And also, you’re great. Keep at it ☺️”

―

a/n: hayley-centric/klayley - also smut warning because I have not written klayley porn in AGES and that’s tragic

― 

Her life is nothing but a series of almosts.

Hayley Marshall is a fickle girl – silver-tongued, sharp as daylight, and eyes fuller than the moon herself. She can sum up her list of ‘what-ifs’ in threes. The fact that she almost had a family, a nuclear one anyway. The fact that she almost had a happy ending with the man she loves. And the fact that she could’ve become the soccer mom of her dreams.

If her baby daddy hadn’t been cursed by a menacing hollow. You know, the usual clichéd single mother raising her vampire, wolf, witch trybrid of a daughter all alone – all while being hunted by other super natural creatures. Yup, just your average everyday soap opera.

Whoop dee doo.

― 

She spends her weekends trying to convince her daughter that her estranged father is worth talking to.

Hope is only twelve when she decides she wants nothing to do with Klaus Mikaelson. And he can sense that, from the way she stops meeting his gaze during their skype calls, from how quiet she becomes when he reads her bedtimes stories over the phone. From the way she sighs and looks at her mother, impatiently.

“Mom,” Hope quietly whispers. “Can I go play with the twins now?” she whines, tugging on Hayley’s sleeve.

The she-wolf blinks twice, taking a good look at her daughter. “Sure honey,” she hesitates to say, before turning her attention back to Klaus.

She watches his lips turn in to a frown on the computer screen as Hope runs off without even saying goodbye to her father. “Sorry about that, guess she’s just a bit restless,” Hayley smiles, weakly, trying to make him feel better.

“That’s alright sweetheart,” It’s all he says – because it’s all he ever says really…he doesn’t like talking about his feelings. He is Klaus, after all.

She doesn’t know what to tell him (except that she loves him, over and over, again and again).

“Take care of her, and yourself too,” He tells her instead, interrupting her thoughts.

“I always will,” She immediately says. “Forever.”

Her words mean more to him that she’ll ever know. So Klaus is quiet on the other line, waiting, thinking…figuring out what to say.

“Forever,” He promises, before hanging up on her.

― 

They write letters, like old lovers, or something like that.

Although, sometimes, it’s more like, she writes letters and he sends them back.

Hayley tells him everything – about Hope’s first friend at school, the drawings she brings home and that get hung on the fridge, how much she misses him, how she thinks of him every single day. But, sometimes he just doesn’t want to hear about it. It’s selfish. He knows. But it hurts too damn much to know that everything is happening without him.

And there’s nothing he can do about it.

So he takes her letters to the fire, hanging it over the warm flames and giving them a long hard look.

(Her soft smile is bright, burned into his memory, like a scar).

Klaus walks to the mailbox instead.

― 

They Facetime, sometimes.

She’s mad, repeating to him over and over, again and again. That he is a good father – that she believes in him. Trying to stop him from telling her the words she’s always dreaded hearing.

“We should end this,” he whispers, and she’s distraught, panicked. Like she had been gut-punched.

Hayley wants to scream – wants to beg him to stay, wants to give him reason after reason, explanation after explanation. Because he fucking owes her, after all they’ve been through, didn’t it mean anything to him? He couldn’t leave her in this alone, he shouldn’t. Klaus may be an evil monster, but he wasn’t heartless.

Or was he?

“I think I made you up inside my head.”

(He cuts her off in the middle of her pep talk to him).

Tears rush to her eyes – sparkling and shimmering down her rosy pink cheeks.

The are a tragedy written in gold, and that’s all she knows.

― 

They visit each other, sometimes.

Well, it’s more like she takes a plane to see him right after she sees Elijah (because she’s fucking heartbroken – he’s got a girlfriend for god’s sake – and maybe, just maybe, Klaus is the only person in the world who she can talk to about this).

“I should’ve loved a thunderbird instead.”

“What?” She can’t believe this, they haven’t seen or talked to each other in years, and this is the first thing he says to her?

“It’s Sylvia Plath, love,” Klaus nonchalantly tells her, closing the poetry book he was holding as she sat in his study. “Don’t they teach you wolves any classic literature down by the bayou?” He laughs, taking a seat across from her.

He’s staying at one of the many Mikaelson Manors located across the world – this one just so happen to be in Thailand. And Hayley just so happen to know where he is. So yeah, anyway, she’s in his study, surrounded by old books, sitting at his vintage table and he’s right there, wearing a suit.

(Almost as if to mock her about Elijah. Almost as if he knew).

“I’m not just a wolf anymore,” she releases, before she’s silent again.

She observes him and realizes that Klaus has been to see his brother, it’s in his eyes. In fact, he’s probably seen Elijah more than once. More than she has.

“Why did you come to see me?” He asks her.

She bites her lip, breaking their gaze. “I told you, Elijah―” She stops herself because she can’t help the damn tears. Hayley wasn’t who everyone thought she was. She wasn’t this lethal of a thing - she was soft and heart broken.

“Hayley,” He has half a mind to ask her the following question. One part of him is ruthless and just wants to do it because he’s curious about how she would react. The other part of him genuinely cares.

Sometimes, he comes off too harsh.

“Why did you really come to see me?”

She notices how his breath catches, how he can’t keep his eyes off of her. And she doesn’t know if it’s this damn Bangkok heat, but something is driving her quite insane.

“You know why,” Hayley whispers, before standing up to leave.

They share one last look, and this time, she decides that the poets are all wrong about him.

He’s no artist. No romantic.

He’s a con.

― 

They call each other, sometimes. When he feels like answering her, anyway.

And it’s always different. Once she is telling him about Hope’s first painting of a Winter’s day, then she is laughing about a video Rebekah sent her. The next time, she tells him about crying herself to sleep because she’s raising this kid alone, and she wants him there, she really really wants him there.

(He doesn’t tell her this - he wants to be there for them too).

“Klaus,” Hayley says, in a low tone, almost muffled actually. “I need something,” the she-wolf reveals to him, making herself comfortable as she sinks in to her bed. Hayley licks her fingers and makes sure he can hear her suck on her index and release a loud pop when she lets go.

“What is it sweetheart?” He questions, and his set up is similar. Except he’s in a hotel room, surrounded by bloodied and dead bodies, everything is stained with the color of lust. Everything except for the bed, it remained spotless and clean. Klaus knows the scene before him is gore and disgust in every way possible but, he knows part of Hayley is sick and twisted too.

And part of her would be turned on by this scene.

She unbuttons, slipping her fingers passed the waistband of her jeans and bites her lip. “Do you know what I’m doing?”

He pictures her like this: her eyes are dewy, her mascara smudged. there is blood on her lips, she smells like daffodils, sweat on skin, and distant loneliness.

“I can take a wild guess?” the original hybrid takes a gander.

She pauses, as her digits are met with her wetness. “Do you want to know what I’m doing?” the she-wolf rephrases, wondering if his answer would change.

He hesitates, then, he slips. His hand wraps around his hard cock and begins to stroke his member.

“Yes.” Klaus offers, with a low groan.

Hayley slides deeper in to the bed, biting on her bottom lip.

― 

“I’m thinking about your hands, your fingers, your mouth―”

“What about my prick, love?”

“Shut up. I’m getting there.”

“Are you giving the orders now? I thought that was my job,”

“I want you to make me cum.”

“Then, spread your legs for me. Now use your fingers, two of them, on your clit,”

“Yes daddy.”

“You’re going to go in tight and fast circular motions, and I’m not going to tell you stop. I’m going to make you orgasm over and over again, until you can’t take it anymore.”

“Yeah, fuck! I want that so badly, please.”

Then.

It slips out, without him knowing.

“I’m going to ruin you for other men,”

She pauses, wondering if they should stop.

“You already have.”

(Later, she realizes that she’s never come harder. Not even when she was with Elijah).

― 

In the end, she realizes that she loves him but she’s too fucking late.

She looks at him, then at her daughter. The two people she cares about the most.

And then, she takes the enemy and burns them both to the graves.

―