#sorry if theirs lotsa typos! i'm writing on my phone

[slashingdisneypasta]

Oh god... Oh God Slashing, my man, I just got this thought and I NEED to put this here while it's still fresh in my mind.

Ok so you and I both write Wheezy being handsome, yeah? Especially when he cleans himself up and looks like a cologne commercial without trying?

What if Wheezy was like the groups Harper and Smartass would be Buckman pimping him out? Yeah, Greasy is already throwing himself at women, though it's safe to assume that that doesn't make women swoon XD so if for whatever reason, the group needed to seduce somebody, Smarty knows he's gotta send in Wheezy. Oh I imagine Greasy would be miffed XDD

Your thoughts?

Omg! I'm imagining that scene in Atlantis where the team is trynna 'decide' who should go schmooze Kida and Mole (Greasy) keeps popping up like 'I will do it!', 'I am your man!', 'For the good of the team, I will do it!', until Rourke (Smartass) smacks Milo (Wheezy), who could not care less, on the shoulder and goes 'Thanks for volunteering', causing Mole Greasy to start sobbing XDDD

Anyway- I love this. Here's a

Wheezy Weasel x Fem! Reader x Greasy Weasel || Drabble

Plot: Wheezy is instructed to charm Y/N, the recently ex girlfriend of a powerful Mafia toon in town that they have had some trouble with for years, and get information out of her (Like where has he run off to?)- except Greasy has a huge Thing for Y/N and he's very insulted that he wasn't given this job, and now Wheezy has to deal with Manipulative Pervert antics.

Warnings: Greasy bring Oppertunistic (Seeing Y/N's heartbroken drunkenness as an In), and just like... being himself. Also I'm not sure if this is coherent 😅

Greasy Weasel's POV

"Alright, Wheez- "As soon as Smartass glances at the smoker he does a double take, scowling. And I dont blame him, el fumador looks like a disgraceful mess- but what else is knew really?? I roll my eyes, crossing my arms. "Fucken hell, Wheezy. Brush your hair. You're up." Here I set my jaw and repress the angry words I want to spit at them both- why does he get to have all if the fun??? I am right here-

Wheezy heaves the heaviest sigh known to man kind, like an absolute drama queen, smoke slipping out of his mouth, nostrils, and his eyeballs. Honestly you'd think that if smoke started to leak out of your eyeballs you may cut back, but no... and this is the man that the Boss thinks can charm the women. Tch. Imbéciles estúpidos. "Boss, really?... "

"Yeah, really. I'm not talking for my own amusement, am I??? Heck no. Wash your face." It is going to take more then that to make el fumador a member of society, but okay-

"I was really hopin' to like... take a back seat, on this one... "

I cant help the annoyed huff, I make at this. The boss gives me a dangerous side eye and Wheezy looks unsurely at me, as if he is some kind of victim in all this, but I refuse to look at either of them; Just merely whistle and look off to our other two comrads picking at something squishy in the gutter.

Smartass rolls his eyes at me, then returns his attention to Wheezy, his eyes hard and mean. "Wheezy. There is a pathetic, heartbroken woman in there," He points at the bar we're parked next to, where Y/N is, "with information, gettin' drunk- Get your lazy flat ass in there."

Smartass' beautiful description of her almost gets me hard (she's so vulnerable right now- if I could just get close to her- speak to her- aghhhh!) but while I'm standing stiff trying to calm myself down- Wheezy actually groans (Where I can hear him!) and hunches his shoulders (Where I can clearly see him!), before slinking in.

Grrrrrrr, this ungrateful, undeserving, selfish- "And, now, we play the waitin' game. Greasy, go down the road and get us some snacks, will ya?" Smarty suddenly thrusts a few bills in my hands. Qué? Do I look like your server?? "I'm gonna take a nap in the van. And dont forget the red vines this time, will ya?"

With that, the boss slinks into the back of our dodge and slams the doors shut behind him. I make a face after him for a few moments, insulted by his usual brash manner, before... an idea, occurs to me.

As Stupid and Psycho continue to play with gutter garbage nearby, I compose a plan.

Heheh. I can be back before Smartass wakes up.

~

Ahhhh, there's the bastard.

As soon as I walk in, I spot them. Y/N's hunched on her elbows by the bar, her eyes wide with delicious, innocent, vulnerable intrigue as Wheezy (A.K.A the bastard) talks to her.

I taste something terrible watching them, because admittedly el fumador is rather charming when he tries to be (And sometimes when he isn't. I think it has something to do with how relaxed~ he seems to be, all the time. I could never be like that, not even if I, too, smoked 17 packs an hour- ) and he does have nice eyes,.. but goddamnit, that old man is going down. I can do this.

I would say I'm apologetic for what I must do- but I am not.

"Y/N!" Her body jumps when I appear on her other side, turning around to look at me with pretty rounded eyes; A definite haze of intoxication behind them. A smirk slithers across my face looking down at her. "Funny to see you here!- I had no idea. And- with el fumador!.. of all people... How nice. Mind if I join you?"

Wheezy gives me a raised-eyebrow look from Y/N's other side, but I ignore him! ^^ "Grease, what're you doin'?"

My attention is only for Y/N- pathetic, pregnable, easy Y/N. She glances at Wheezy, before settling her attention on me again. "Um- sure! What are- what are you doing here?"

"Ohh, nothing much~ Gracias for allowing me to crash your night, hermosa. Very sweet of you."

Nervously, she gives a faint smile; Shrugging. "Ohh, its n- nothing... I wasn't doing much... " Oh, the adorable, heartbroken thing she is. She doesn't know we are perfectly aware of her break up from that dumb asshole she's been with, today. Or that we kind of caused it. Afterall, he didnt leave town for no reason... Of course she doesn't- I should play this subtly.

"Mmm... and where is your boyfriend, Y/N? Surely he wouldn't leave you alone in a bar looking so beautiful~... Unsavoury types may approach." At this, I do finally look at Wheezy, and he gives me a very unamused look in return. Oh, he has no sense of humour-

"More unsavoury than you?" Y/N suddenly snaps, eyes flashing knowingly at mean- oh. She's more clever than I thought. Okay. I see.

"... can I buy you another drink, Hermosa?" She's not nearly drunk enough.

"Greasy." Wheezy warns, again. But Y/N takes a deep breath and nods, and then he's looking surprised at her. "Are you sure, about that?"

She shrugs back at him as I order her another of what she was drinking. "... yeah. I um- Brick broke up with me, today. I could use a few hundred... thousand, drinks."

Aww... pathetic little thing. Just perfect. Wheezy catches me smirking as I finger through the bills Smartass gave me for red vines, having heard that delicious admition, and gives a sigh; Rolling his eyes.

"Sorry to hear that... " He lies, because he knew very well what happened with Brick today, just like I did. Looking tired as ever, though especially by me right now (I'd know that tone in his broken voice anywhere. That tone is alllllll my fault. And I'm honoured), Wheezy gestures to the bartender fetching me Y/N's drink. "I could use a drink, too."

"Don't worry Y/N," I nudge her with my elbow, settling in close to her, and give a wink. "I will be the designated driver for us. Feel free to drink all the booze you like~ "

Wheezy taps the bar. "Make that two, will ya? 'Nd put it on his tab."

~

2 hours later, Y/N's completely drunk and Wheezy may have dragged her bar stool ever-so-subtly further from me and closer to him, but I am the one with all of her attention. I have her exactly~ where I want her.

I just need to get rid of el fumador, somehow, then-

"YOU," That voice is unmistakably familiar, and I immediately go stiff as a plank. "GODDAMN MORONS."

Oh, infierno. This is not good.

Y/N's eyebrow raises, turning in her seat and almost slipping off of it- if it weren't for Wheezy jumping forward and steadying her. I'm busy stringing a good excuse together in my head... but nothing is coming to me... "Is that Smartass?"

"Yep, looks like the jigs up," Wheezy tells her, turning to me meaningfully. He knows she won't remember anything he says, now. "Eh, Greasy?"

I dont say a word, avoiding his eye. I'm still desperately raking my brain for a good excuse-

"The- the jig?? What- "

They sell red vines in here?? I just stepped in to go to the bathroom?? I needed a glass of water?? No, no, no-

"Eh, don't worry about it doll. How about we get you a cab and send ya home? Where are yer shoes?"

By the time Smartass reaches us Wheezy has helped Y/N to get herself together (His arm around her waist to keep her from tripping and her shoes in his other hand), my chances with her tonight are successfully diminished, he's ready to take her to the door, and I've still got nothing. Smartass looks sharply at him, and he gives a solemn shake of his head. "I got nothin' after all that. Talk to lover boy."

As Wheezy takes Y/N away, Smartass slowly does turn to 'lover boy', me; A very violent look in his eyes, and I hold up a finger. As if to 'pause' him.

... Absolutely no excuse has come to mind. My head is completely blank. Smooth, in fact, like a leaf. And that look in the bosses eye is making my bladder feel weak. "... I plead the fifth- "

"YOU PLEA- You're gonna plead for the use of your legs back when I'm done with ya!! Get in the van. Get- Go- I'm not gonna tell ya twice!"